Merry JEANS-mas! w/ Jeff Dye | YMH Ep. 790
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- This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. What's up, everybody? It's Tom Segura. We're almost into the new year, and I'll be bringing my come-together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. The 25th of January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. Okay.

February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities. Get your tickets now at TomSaguro.com slash tour and I will see you there. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

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Buongiorno. Welcome to your mom's house. This is very exciting. This is actually going to count as our Christmas episode because we don't have an episode Christmas day. We're taking the day off. Everybody's having the day off. So this is our Merry Christmas episode. Baby Yezushka's birthday. He was born. Baby Yezushka was born and then he takes over the world real soon. That's right. And then he dies and then you push a rock away. And then 2,000 years later, everyone's like, that was the guy. That was our homie.

He was the best. Yeah. We have so much fun stuff planned for today. Number one, I'll let me just tell you, you've noticed that my facial hair is different yet again. So everyone's going to be like, what's going on? Why do you look like a Latin mechanic? And the reason is that I just finished finally wrapping up that television show. It's the reason I had a shaved face and it's the reason I have this goddamn goatee. It looks so good on you. Uh-huh.

I like it. It reminds me of the 90s, guys. The 90s, yeah. The 90s were a good era. You look good with it. Yeah, I'm just letting everything else come back. If it were in fashion right now, I'd say keep it because I do enjoy it on your face. And the cool thing is, it is not in fashion. It's not in fashion right now. You can't do it. It's not. You can bring it back. I think I'll just let the rest of the face come together. Yeah.

So much to mention. I don't even know where to start. I guess we should start by pointing out that we have finally, after a lot of back and forth, a lot of really emotional chats, we have welcomed back our original booth crew. That's right. So they're here today, but they said that they wanted to say something before we moved on. Yeah, you know, we all just wanted to extend our apologies. I wanted to say I...

Very well.

Are you happy? I just wanted to hear the rest before I commented. Thank you for your understanding, if you have any left for me, and for considering my request to return. If nothing else, I hope this apology serves as proof that I do, in fact, take you and your life very seriously. That's a good apology. Thank you, Josh. That's ridiculous, Tom. Your ego is just gone. Okay, I wrote a letter to... Oh, my God. Thank you, Chad. To Mr. Tom Segura.

First, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of my actions the other day when you nearly choked to death on the show. In the moment, I unwisely believed that I was laughing at Christina's reaction to your convulsion, but I see now that that may be interpreted as me laughing at you, and I should have known better.

Um, you know, while cartel videos are something to laugh at, my boss choking definitely is not, especially with all you've been through with Invisalign this year. Oh my God. It was a rough year for me. And, uh, you know, many people don't know the risks associated with Invisalign. So I did some research to educate myself and, and,

Some of those include tooth decay, allergic reactions, and gum disease, which can lead to life-threatening situations. I was trying to tell everybody, thank you for digging out those details.

So all this is to say that I feel, you know, dumber than a Chris, and I will certainly learn from my mistakes. And, you know, I appreciate you letting me back in the booth, and thank you for your service. Thank you. This is pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself, Tom, for enjoying these. I don't think so. Is there anyone else in there? Oh, yeah. I'm in here. Yeah, so I wrote a little something. So, I mean...

I wrote that. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I didn't really do shit, to be honest. But at the same time, like, I ain't trying to put my man down. You know what I'm saying? So, like, if an apology is going to be what you need to feel right, like, we could go there. Okay. But, like, at the same time, like, I straight up, you know, I didn't really do shit like that. Like, I already told you what it was. So, like, you know, we could talk, but.

Yeah, that's, I stopped writing. Thank you. I appreciate your choice of words and I feel what you're saying. It's a very unique way of doing it and it's very Eni. Well, yeah, I don't think that was an apology. Well, it was Eni's, it was, I know where he's coming from. I said the word apology, you didn't hear it? No, I heard it. You said, yeah, you said, if you need one, I will be there. Yeah.

there. Yeah, right. So I get it. I get it. No, I get it. I've been around you enough to know exactly how it works. What was that? What was that noise? It was a phlegmy cough. That was disgusting. It was what's called a productive cloth. Should you be in the office with that? Yeah, that was terrible. And might I add, you know, in lieu of, in addition to this lackluster apology that Annie just gave, I kind of enjoyed the other crew better. Can I tell you something?

I know what you mean because it was a young, fresh... It felt so fresh and young and vibrant. I don't know if they're experienced, though. I think after a couple weeks, you'd be like, oh, fuck, what's going on? Because these guys, this is like the varsity team. But it is fun when you bring your kids to school. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Bring your kids to work day. Is that what you think they were? They were cute. It was a much younger vibe. It was much younger, much hipper. The Googling was a lot slower, let's be honest. They didn't really know. But I enjoyed it. But I have to pivot away from this because I actually feel like after a lot of thought, these guys weren't the worst when I nearly choked to death. The worst person was definitely you. And...

And it's been it's not lost on me and it's not lost on anybody that watched me basically hang on for my life and have my spouse mock me as I was on death's door. It's so funny. It's really crazy. And then you know what? I wasn't really remembering this, but then somebody pointed something out.

That's Jor. Yeah, I was. So we got this email. I recently introduced my husband to the full YMH experience. Episode 788 where Tom nearly dies choking. Right after finishing this episode, I wanted to show him more. And I clicked on the episode with Charo and Blanca. In this episode, we noticed a moment where Christina chokes on water and Tom shows genuine love and concern.

Not laughter. I felt like I needed to have Tom's back here and wanted to provide the evidence to help redeem him after the way he was treated. I tune in weekly and have never wanted to write into the show more until this evidence presented itself. However I do, you'd ask Tom, please forgive the staff and your beautiful co-host. Everyone deserves another chance.

Keep them high and tight. Love, Keely from Oregon. Well, let's talk about it. Let's see what she was talking about. Let's see the difference. I doubt that. If he even noticed my choking. Here's the difference. Here's me hanging on for dear life. He doesn't even notice. Okay. Here's me just trying to live. Hey, guys. I was listening to the Adrienne Appaloochee episode. By the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. You guys are, of course, what? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you. It was just scary.

I got scared. I thought you were dying. Everyone's fired. Okay, first of all, I'm being re-traumatized. Just trying to show you something. I don't like this at all. I don't like where this is going. Do you want me to hold your hand? No, it's just about to be, seriously, I'm about to shut the studio down. Okay, so that's how you react to your spouse

Literally having a life-threatening moment. And then here's how this is the other way. This is the only thing I want to tell you. It's the most annoying thing in the world. That if you don't prove to Blanca... I'm already coughing like 20 minutes. It can be three days with the same topic. But I tell you what, every message, anything I ever send to Maria, I send it to Maria. So why... I am the mother. Don't you see I know what I'm doing with my daughter? You're right. I'm just joking.

Hold on. You keep moving your chair, by the way. This is ginger tea. Sorry, go ahead. Wait, so people who don't know... You guys are sisters. Did we clarify that at the beginning? Just look at us. You have to look at us and you'll know where sister is. I mean, here's what I saw, Your Honor.

A woman coughing and choking for 20 whole minutes before her spouse even hears or acknowledges. Well, okay. First of all, it was annoying to listen to. Of course it's annoying. Nobody wanted to hear that. I don't want to cough. My thing was just like, you're about to die. And then I was like, you're good. And you told me you're good. I did not mock you. Oh my God. The look of a disdain, disdain and annoyance at my coughing. Everybody hated it. Everybody hated it.

Because it was prolonged. If you're going to choke, make it quick. Don't fucking make it a whole show. That was really long. It was really horrible. Do you think I wanted to choke like that? Sounds like you were looking for attention. It didn't seem like you were actually choking. Wow. Yeah, it was like, oh, is this moment not about me? What?

That's what it felt like. Bold. That is unbelievable. You think I deliberately choked so that you could ignore me for 20 minutes? I think you put on a bit of a show. I think you put on a bit of a show. But I just want to thank Keely for pointing that out. There's two different types of people. Fucking Keely. Good people. And that. Keely's a gender traitor. Unbelievable. I know. Let's put choking past us, hopefully, for the rest of the day. Yeah, and watch your NetFleece specials.

Okay. You've been a little mush mouth lately. Let's get into the show. Ready for the show? I'm ready. Let's do it. Hey, everyone. James Niggemeyer here. A lot of people have been hitting me up on Instagram and texting me. Where's the merch?

And I appreciate everyone's patience through this entire process. Finally got it sourced out to DeVilleOriginals.com. I'll post that information in the link below. But here it is. James Niggemeier merch. Ready to go. They are live on the website now and available in medium all the way to triple, extra large. Available in gray and black. Check them out at DeVilleOriginals.com. Appreciate your patience. Get your James Niggemeier merch now.

He's a great fisherman. Yeah. Yeah. I love fishing. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Perzic. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow. Meow, meow. Meow, meow. Meow, meow.

Hey everyone, James Niggemeier here. So if you're into Bass Pro Shop, fish style fishing, all that, he's one of the big stars. He is. Is he legitimately? He's super legit, yeah. He's got some new merch. I'm just trying to help him plug his merch. That's why he's selling the merch for his skills? Yeah. He's a pro, man. I didn't know that. That guy can really fish. Yeah. Yeah, if you like fishing, watching fishing, that's your guy. I got a feeling his audience likes a lot of the XLs.

It goes up to triple X, he said. And it's still the holiday season. If you want to rush, you can get your James Nigel Murray merch. Oh, my God. Get your merch. Yeah. Anyway, Merry Christmas, Jeans. Merry Jeansmas. Merry Jeansmas to you. It's my favorite time of year. It's not mine. It's not my favorite time. I love Christmas. It's my favorite one. But anyway, I thought I would bring some cheer to the world, joy. And I noticed that you don't have any holiday cheer on. That's why I brought you.

A little something to wear. I don't want to do this. You always look like a sad dog. Thanks. When you put like a costume on a dog. Yeah. That's exactly what you are. Every time I dress you up for Halloween or Christmas cute. Yeah. You look so happy. You always look like a sad basset hound. You're like. Okay. Well, thanks for that. You got it. There's a. Yeah, there's Tom with his little Christmas cheer. Yeah.

That's totally what you look like. A sad dog. I'm a sad dog, everybody. Yeah, but you look much more happy. There's a new controversy. I don't know if you're aware of this. Sure, what's that? I guess I did a bumper that played on a bunch of episodes. Yeah, yeah. And everybody is saying that I misspoke in this. And they're really coming down on me hard. Would you like to see it? Of course. What's up, everybody? Hey.

What the fuck, dude? What's everybody? No. What's everybody? No. Yeah. It's what's everybody? What's everybody? What's everybody? What's everybody? Why are you saying what's everybody? It's what's up, everybody. What's up, everybody? It's not what I heard. If you're retarded.

What's up, everybody? What's up, everybody? No. What's up, everybody? Your brain said, what's up, everybody? Yeah. But your dumb, retarded mouth said, what's everybody? No. Yeah, your basset hound mouth. What's up, everybody? Can I tell you something? What's up, everybody? You need to be checked out. I think you're going to have a stroke. You're going to have a stroke pretty soon. First, you're choking on a Netflix special. And now, what's everybody? Your brain and your mouth aren't working together anymore. Okay. Well, everybody is saying this.

Okay. Forgot the up. What an RTD. Yeah. I agree. It makes you sound very retard. I may be a poor, but I know words real good. And that's not how you say that, Tom. This is so... What's up, everybody? No, it's not what's up, everybody. It is what's up. It's clear. What's up, everybody? It's Charles. What's... Up, everybody. That's maybe closer to what it was. What's up, everybody? What's everybody? What's up, everybody?

What's up, everybody? I didn't even hear the up, though. I did. You said it in your dumb brain. The ghost of Larry King. See? You need to go to a doctor. You're getting old. Yeah. What's everybody? It is what's everybody. I hear what's everybody. Suck a souffle. Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that's where this is headed. What's everybody? Hey!

That's where this is at. You're choking when you're talking. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You got it. You know, it's the greatest part about the soccer. Do it again. What's everybody. Yeah. What's everybody. No, I hear clearly. Guys, what do you hear in the booth? Um,

I personally like my job and therefore I refuse to speak on this. He clearly says, what's up everybody? No, shut up. Okay, now we need to take an anonymous vote because these people are scared of you. Oh, bullshit. What's everybody? It's Charles. That's what it sounds like to me. Hey everybody, it's Charles. What's everybody?

Yeah, that's terrible. It's What's Everybody. What's going on? It's Charles. There he is. Oh, Charles. Oh, say around 8 o'clock. Oh, it's the greatest. So I'm going to start going, what's up, everybody? Yeah, enunciate. Oh, shush. You're an actor. You're doing stuff in showbiz. Yeah. You've got to enunciate.

And I just, for the record, you waited a long time before you intervened with my choking episode. And I'm getting angry thinking about it even. Yeah, good. I was already. Good. I wish you'd. Wish what, Tom? I wish you'd never choked. I was really worried about you. I was super concerned. You know what? What? I think it's a perfect time to give you my Christmas gift.

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I have one for you too. Ready? Oh, shut up. It's a video. It's a puke video. Why are you always trying to fight somebody, bro? I don't care. I am from the streets and gang gang, bitch. Yeah. Because I am from the same streets. You are not from the streets. Yes, I am. Because I ain't about to lie, bro. Shut the fuck up.

It's like you and the kids playing PlayStation. I hear you guys downstairs. Merry Christmas. I loved it. I know. I love, I love. So funny. You hit a bat. Yeah. And you know, someone like that, you keep saying, Oh no, you're not. That battle comes swinging at you. Oh, for sure. That's the danger of playing with, you know, you know, not a lot of impulse control. No, in any direction, sexual eating, um,

Fighting. Fighting. Swinging a bat. Swinging a bat. Look what you fucking did. And they go, yeah, sorry. But that's why I like, I mean, I've said this before publicly. There is a chain of stores here in Austin, Texas. And they, I think, exclusively employ people.

Downs. And people who are challenged. And I take our kids there just to experience that, just to be like, hey, there's different types of people. And I love that they employ those folks, you know, because that's what we used to do in the 80s. You would go and you would at Gelson's, the bagger would be special needs or something. And it was way more normal. It felt way more normal.

To be like, here's Mikey. Mikey. And then they always want to help you to your car. It's really sweet. At the store. It's very sweet. No, Mikey's my favorite. Yeah. And I tip him. I give him like $10. And it's the most amount of money. That's great. For him. And he loves it. Okay. That's good. That's good. That's really nice of you. I'm serious. You ever give Down syndrome kids $10? I've never done that. It's like giving them a million dollars. Okay. They loved it. So what's the gift that you have? Oh.

I forgot. I got so excited thinking about Mike. Yes, I know. Okay. It's in the folder there, right, Josh? No, hold on. Hold on. I really want you to prepare yourself and ground yourself. Oh, shit. Take your shoes off. Go outside. Walk in the grass. Really feel the earth. Okay. Feel my love for you. Okay. There you go. Happy Merry Christmas. Coffee time. Strong black coffee. Best drink of the day. Okay.

And today is a special coffee time, Tom. It's coffee time just for you. And I've got it on good authority. I have. Christina tells me you like a little bit of milk in your coffee. Well, I think I could do that for you, Tom. I'm sure I've got some milk somewhere for your coffee. A little splash. Oh, Mickey. Yeah, Mickey just right for you.

A hot, strong, black coffee with a splash of milk. You'll enjoy it, I'm sure. I'm turning red. I love it. Hey, Tom, enjoy your coffee. And Christina sends a love. And so do I. Have a great day. Thank you.

I love how you're blushing. Well, for people that don't know, every morning Christina sends me a video of this lady. Catherine Cann. Her name is Catherine. She's not just a lady. She's at CatherineCann69 on Instagram. Every morning I open my phone and it's this lady going, coffee time, strong, black, best drink of the day. And then it's just that. And there's a thousand variations of it. And every day I'm like, right, good morning. Yeah.

It's every day. But I love CatherineCann69 on Instagram. She also has an Etsy store, Catherine's Chest, on Etsy where she sells her coffee time mug. So thank you so much, Catherine. Yeah, that's very, very nice of you, Catherine. And this is a perfect segue. Perfect segue. We actually have to tell everybody. This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.

Coffee time. This is as fucking big as it gets. What? Chips in a bowl? Chips in a bowl. Yeah. It doesn't get any bigger than this. No. In just a few days, there's going to be a new resident of Austin, Texas. Oh, that's right. I don't think the audience knows. I don't think we've told them. Well, I guess it's official. Charo is moving to Austin. Yeah. So...

Now, we have been talking to her, of course, about coming in here more and getting involved in podcasts and whatnot. But, you know, she's 80 years old. She is a retiree. And she's always telling me, she's like, you know, I don't have your income. I need help. Like, she's always just like, can you pay for my gas today? Like, it's just insane. So I'm like, look, why don't you fucking do something?

Like, do something to generate a little extra revenue in your life. And she's like, what? And so over Thanksgiving, we introduced the idea of her getting an OnlyFans going. It was the best conversation we've ever had. I laughed so hard. Because everybody at the table was like, yeah, you should. And she's like, what? And so anyways, we...

We told her that this lady, is her name Catherine? Catherine Can. I go, look, these are the things I told her. I go, people will pay. What is it? $5.99, $6.99? What's the monthly? It's whatever you want it to be. Okay. So I was like, yeah. I said something like $5. Yeah. And people, I go, we'll subscribe to you. And then you put out things like this where you say, like, good morning. Yeah. And I say, you have a great day. Yeah.

I said, people will watch you just... Like, if you just want to set up a camera and go about your morning routine in the kitchen. Yeah. And I go, and then maybe every once in a while, you let a little fart go, you know? Oopsie. And she goes, I don't want to do it. I go, no, no, you don't have to make like very... I go, just like, yeah, just like, oh, there's one there. Yeah. And you don't even have to look at the camera. You just let it go and you go about your morning. And she's like, what? What?

And then I was like, you know, and the people will like message you and you can message people like, you know, you don't have to be like, it doesn't have to be like super graphic. It doesn't have to be sexual. No. Which, by the way, was how that platform started. It was just supposed to be for people that just wanted to engage with fans. And it morphed into this thing. And then they did this, I guess, second play where they've

as a platform, they've been like, no, this is, you know, DJ Khaled has one of these of like, hey, I'm grilling in my, it's supposed to be access to people, right? And they just had allowed for the sexually graphic stuff to happen. Point being, I've been encouraging her to do this. What's money on the table? And what I would love to ask you, the viewers and the listeners of this show, please, please, please record a short video

five, 10 second video tag at YMH studios on Instagram or on Twitter, or you can email in your mom's podcast at gmail.com and just say like all masks. Cause we want to put together a montage for her of like showing her the potential of doing this.

just a video being like hey I'm so and so I'm Jim I'm James I'm Melissa and uh Charo I heard you're considering OnlyFans I would love to sign up for um a monthly OnlyFans I would pay account with you and say how much you would pay yeah and then be like I would say I would pay five ten dollars a month for that you know and I'd love to see a good morning from Charo and like let us build

This mega montage where it becomes undeniable where she goes, she's like, shit, is that like a hundred people saying that they want to sign up for it? And then we'll get her to, to say her good mornings and to greet you and have a little, and then we'll gradually just try to ease in some fart content in there. But I need your help. I need your help. So please, this is what YMH is all about.

Please, let's work together on making this happen. Just a short, just has to be a few seconds. Say your name and say, Charo, I'd love to sign up for your OnlyFans and spend $10, $5 a month and tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or send it in Twitter or even email it, yourmomspodcast at gmail.com.

Thank you so much. I'm really looking forward to this. And I must say that CatherineCann69 brings me so much joy. She does. She does. Because I can tell how sincerely she wants me to have some strong black coffee. And it is the best drink of the day. And it's so simple. Yeah. And it's so inviting. And, you know, there's a lot of people out there would love to have a good morning. Speaking of Christmas. Why? I have been...

Pretty relentless, I would say, without overdoing it.

speaking of my love of rogues you know and i made a call i told them i was like i love these fucking things i i introduce them to people all the time wherever i go i'm like if you had a rope i just do it and it's a genuine thing there's rogues on your nightstand there's rogues on the floor there's rogues in the bathroom i get people in i get people into rogues everywhere i go and so i said on this podcast i love it i love it they sent me a present no oh my gosh

I don't think you deserve any presents because you watched me choke. Check it out. Thanks, Rogue. I got the present. It says flavors that pack a punch. Wow. Let's see. It's a cool little box. Oh, shit. Hey there. Thank you. Take a punch of spearmint. I love spearmint. It's a really nice box, Tommy. Oh, shit. Wow. It's flavors that pack a punch. Which flavors are there? They came with gloves. Oh. Fuck yeah.

I like when companies do cool shit for their promotion. That's a terrible sound to do in the microphone. I think people listening in earbuds were not happy about that.

Nobody liked that. Oh my God. Nobody likes that shit, dude. That's what your mom's house is all about. Doing shit nobody likes. It's showing stuff you don't want to see and hearing things you don't want to hear. That's so true. Welcome to your mom's house. That's so true. That's our slogan. All things terrible. Oh man, this is awesome. Wait, what flavors did you get? Okay, so they sent me Spearmint, which I've had. That's awesome. Mango. I've never had mango. Okay, mango. I'm going to try that.

Peppermint, I've definitely had. I have peppermint in my pocket. What else do I have? Citrus. This looks like a new bold citrus. What else? Wintergreen. I've had those. They're delicious. I love wintergreen flavors. And apple. Shit. Wow. This is super exciting. Thank you, Rogue. These are flavors that indeed pack a punch. Wow. So let me get this off. Jesus. That was...

And the slamming of the box. Nobody wanted that. Okay, what should I start? I've never tried citrus. Try citrus. Would you like to try one? No, because I've got this beautiful lipstick on that I sell. It's called Berlin. You mind if I try one? Hell yeah. Which one do you want to try? Which one do you want? What are you doing, the mango? Well, I just tried citrus. Oh, citrus. Do you want to try citrus? I'll try citrus. All right, come try it. This is awesome.

Wow. Rogies all day. All the boys in Austin are into their rogies. Yeah. Rogues are the way to go. You guys are all into this. Tom, is it okay if any grabs me one? Yeah, of course. Thank you. And there's other flavors if you want to try. All the boys in Texas. That's really nice of them. What a nice company. That's very nice of them. By the way, thank you. I tried not to overdo my desire for more rogies, but...

This is very, very appreciated. I really do enjoy it. Okay. I feel like Catherine can is like the ghost of my Christmas future. Like maybe that's why I like her so much. I feel like she and I look alike. And if I had my real tits, that's exactly like, this is you in the future. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, I identify with her. Yeah. You should identify. I identify with her too. Coffee time.

Coffee time. Strong black coffee. That's drinking the day. Well, this is, I don't even know where to go. There's so many fucking crazy updates. There's so many places to be. Okay. I think because. There's so much happening in our YMH crazy world. There's so much happening. I'm going to put these here so I can grab rogues whenever I want.

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Last week, we all fucking lost our goddamn minds when for the first time in, I don't know, whatever, but in years we actually heard something from Tony John, right? And we got this crazy update from him. And what we learned, Gene, is that this guy has completely...

Changed his life. Tommy, I have to tell you that since we spoke with Tony Johns, I've been thinking about him and just really happy for him and really blown away by his ability to work himself off the list of cool guys. It's never happened in YMH history. And I just hope that we can continue to encourage him to stay off the cool guy list.

It's never happened. I don't think we've ever taken a guy, right, off the list. Once you're cool, it's pretty much for life. You're cool for life, bro. So I'm so proud of him that he's cleaned up and that he has a job and that he has a girlfriend and he's reunited with his family. And it sounds like things are going really, really well for him. Yeah. And? And that being said, I was wondering if it's okay with you if we could take his portrait off the cool guy wall because he's not a cool guy anymore.

He's not a cool guy anymore. It's the first time we've taken a cool guy off the wall. I think he's earned it. Wow. Should we take Tony Johns off the wall? Go ahead. Take him off. Take him off. Let's see. See you later, Tony Johns. Wow. Off the wall. But also, we don't want to put him completely away. Do you know what I mean? I think you should. Really? You think he's got it? Okay. He's done. Yeah, he's off. He's off. And I also have a Tony John update here. Okay. Okay.

Here it is. This is the update that we got. This came in later in the day after we recorded. So here you go. Just want to let everybody know, you know, I've got a lot of anxiety tonight. My balls are smoking.

Fuck, man. Lost my job, dude. There's just a lot going on, man. Fuck. You know what? It's just wild, man. Because you know what? When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny. And I get very, very anxious. And I get a lot of anxiety. And I'm just being straight up. My balls, they are smoking tonight. Fuck. Man. No, he lost his job? He lost his job the day that we talked to him. Yeah.

don't do it it's bad all right and then um he talked to uh josh potter on behind oh he did yeah you mentioned you're working at lowe's now and i saw some of your instagram that's cool i mean hey dude what are you what uh what are you doing out at lowe's ah man do they can me friday no why did they do that what happened

Breaking news here on Behind the Jeans. What happened? Tell us. They claimed it was for attendance, but, like, it's iffy, man. I don't think, you know, I just, I don't know, man. It's just real iffy. Heather wants to know, should we start beef with Lowe's? Do we got to get on the anti-Lowe's train?

No, man. We'll make Lowe's regret this. We can do that. There you go. We stand with Tony Johns. Always. Yeah, what a bummer, though, man. I think it's... Yeah, I know what to do. Yeah, I think it's time. It's probably best.

You can't even get a girl to fucking hang something up, right? Well, now that he's back, I think it deserves another, you know. Well, I hope Tony finds another gig. I think it's important, you know. I think it's really important. He needs a job ASAP. He's in upstate New York, is that right?

I think Rochester area. Oh, okay. Well, there's plenty of places there you can get a job. Please. Yeah. He needs to get a job to get his life together, to have somewhere to go every day. And his balls are full right now. Yeah.

That's dangerous. Yeah, they're smoking. He said his balls are smoking. He said my balls are smoking right now. Well, did he lose his girlfriend too? They didn't mention anything about that. My balls are smoking. His balls are smoking. I've never heard that before. When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny.

It's good to see him back, though. Why am I happy to have the old Tony Jones? Well, it's familiar. Yeah. You know, it's a trauma, you know. Yeah. Doesn't feel good, but it feels familiar. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Fucking Lowe's. Binge of fucking Lowe's, eh? Yeah. How could they let Tony Jones go? Don't they know who they have? That's a celebrity. I know.

For attendance, he said? Yeah, well, he said it's very iffy. Yeah. He's like, they said it's a tardiness or attendance, but it's real iffy right now. Like, I'm not really sure what that means. It sounds like a fucking, you know, something that, you know, somebody cool would say. What happened to your job? I asked him iffy shit. I'm not quite sure. Fuck. Okay. Yeah, well, I hope it gets...

Yeah. So, by the way, we haven't really discussed it, but, you know, it's really crazy the way the UnitedHealthcare shooter story has evolved and how a lot of the Internet isn't just, you know, ideologically kind of siding with this guy, like the man that he is.

murdered, you know, represented the healthcare industry, which is obviously, it's a horrific reality in this country that healthcare is just,

It's so set up seemingly to not take care of people. Oh, yeah. People get denied coverage and they're spending so much money. It's a shit show, right? That stuff aside, saying let's just take out his reason on that side, the internet has flipped for this guy as being a hottie. I know.

I know. Have you done a dive on this? Not really. I don't want to. Well, I just wanted your opinion on his level of attractiveness. Oh, are we doing this now? Well, why not? I mean, it's the story. It's the big story. I mean, look at those abs in that photo. Yeah, and I'm trying to think, has there been a hot killer like this in the past? And also a hot killer who people, it's interesting because it's kind of doubled up. If he was objectively unattractive, he would still have people going,

you know, cheering for him because of they hate the healthcare industry and they're like, this had to happen. But the fact that it happened

And he's viewed as an attractive person. It's just, everything kind of morphs and changes where they go, yeah, I side with you. Also, I like you even more because they find him attractive. The gays lost their mind for him. Is that right? Oh yeah. Gay, gay Twitter was on fire when they caught this guy. And,

A lot of women, a lot of young women are just being like, yeah, this guy's he's it, you know, which has always been a thing. Killers always get the chicks. We know that. Sure. Now, does he have an OnlyFans?

He doesn't. I heard rumors, and I don't know if this is true, that he was openly bi. Oh, even better. So maybe that got people even more fired up. Yeah, because that's, you know what, in the rock and roll world, that's what you want. To be bi? You want guys and girls to want to bang you. It's that David Bowie thing. Does it say anything? Okay. Oh, this is great about the internet. You just right away. One of the, like rib. Can you make that bigger?

One of the related terms that comes up in Google when searching the name of the UHC shooter is, is Luigi Mangione bisexual? It might seem like a pretty strange thing to focus on, but obviously things went viral. 26-year-old was arrested last week. It's been a wild seven days that he was killed in a premeditated, preplanned, targeted attack outside an NYC hotel.

He was on his way to speak, blah, blah, blah. Where does it get to that part? Ex-users in particular were positively tripping over each other to see who could post the horniest response to the photos. It was at its core an outlet for people's intense frustration about the U.S. health care crisis as well as a distraction. I like his smile there, I have to admit. He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. This is basically why he got caught.

This is like, well, I'm sure there was other physical evidence that could have led to him being caught. He did have prints there, you know, the, the shell casings, uh, footage elsewhere, but this was the first, he lowered his mask. Um, it was reported to flirt with like to smile at one of the, like the, like the sales lady at Starbucks or something. He was like, Hey, we're like at the hostel. So that's what gave, you know, the image of his face. Um,

So we're still not seeing where this came from, the bi stuff. I don't know. This is still not it. A small but vocal minority of LGBTQ plus people started at that point to claim him as one of their own. Despite any evidence other than his love of artists beloved by the queer community, at that point, several users began to call Mangione gay and shared unconfirmed photos of his, quote, boyfriends.

However, the Luigi Mangione is bisexual rumor really took flight at 745 UK time when the ex-account, which covers University of Pennsylvania campus culture, treated breaking by confirmed, along with unverified screenshot of what it looked like a text message that read, a friend of mine made out with him when he was a student. For those curious, he is bi. Thank God that's confirmed. I know. So fun. That's just somebody's tweet, right? Yeah.

And then it led to an immediate spike in Google searches. Anyway, I don't know if it goes on from there.

There's no evidence that he is bisexual. Yeah, I don't... Do you read him as bisexual? Well, I don't... I mean, I don't have really much to read on other than like the case and like a mugshot. I don't really know. I know that he was valedictorian of his extremely elite prep school. I saw the clip of him... Those guys are bi? No, I'm saying I saw him speak briefly in that. Nothing in that would...

prompt that. The fact that he has great abs is pretty gay. I know. Or just young. The fact that you're young is gay. No, 26, it's easier to have a great physique, but I mean, nothing about that, obviously. Now, then, there was a photo of him holding his dick. Hmm.

but when that came out, I was on set when that was like being passed around. And one of our directors was like, that's a Photoshop. Like he was like, here's the blur line or whatever. I don't know if that's true or not. I would say I saw a pose of him with like hand over like this. I was like, that's a gay pose. That's a gay pose. If you see that pose, you'd be like, I don't know that straight. Like, can you pull up his nude photo?

And tell me if you think a straight guy does this pose. Because I think it's the only thing where I go, that's kind of gay. This one? Yeah, that pose. Okay. Does a straight guy ever? Would you guys ever pose like that? No. I feel like that's the gayest evidence I've ever seen. And he's wearing those tighty-whitey types and he's American.

I think that's more of a gay bi. Well, the pose and the tightness of the panties. Yeah. That leans more gay guy stuff. I also don't like how bro kept the underwear on. That's kind of crazy. Yeah. If you're going to do all that, just wise it half way. That's what was considered the, I don't know if that's him. That's more hetero. That feels gay.

It feels very gay. Because even as a woman, I'm like, yeah, but I'm not. I don't know. Women don't. I don't want that. I'd like our gays and straights to weigh in. Is that pose gay?

That arm behind the shoulder. It feels to me very gay. It's so gay. What's everybody writing? Wait, does the booth agree or no? It's super gay. Pretty gay. It's pretty gay. I would kind of wonder what women think about it. I think it's gay. Is he doing it for women? What are their thoughts? Yeah. No. Like if you ask the guy for a photo and he sent you that. No. Let me tell you something. The only thing I'm wondering though is if the fact that he's holding, because it's always weird.

when you're holding a phone to make a pose, so maybe that's making it weird. Right. No, that's a good point. Listen, but in today's world, you can put the phone, you can set the timer, and you can go pose. You know what women like in terms of naked bros? Can you listen to me? I'm trying to tell you something. Yes. I was like, that's... Okay, go ahead. I just got violated. There might be one pose in the history of dick pics

pick poses that is somewhat alluring to me as a woman and that's the Burt Reynolds lying on his side because you knew that Burt was slaying and dick to women here's the thing if you didn't know who Burt Reynolds was

That doesn't scream necessarily masculine. That's a famous pose. Can we look at it? It's more masculine than, okay, the panties are- I know, but I'm saying that- I know, if you don't know it. It's a hardcore masculine guy, and you know that that's Burt Reynolds. Yeah. But that pose itself is not- It could be hardcore gay too. Totally. But hold on. The thing that makes that pose gay, standing in the doorway, is that his panties are halfway down. As if to say, hold on, as if to say-

I'm going to bend over and a guy's going to fuck me from behind. That's what I read into that story. Yeah, there's the wider one if you scroll up. And he's laying on a bare skin rug and he's got a cigarette. But see, you know that's Bert who was slaying in dick into ladies forever. That's true. But if you were just like, this is some guy. Could be a gay guy. Yeah. Could be a gay man. But this might be the only nude photo of a man that I'm like, that's tasteful. I like that.

Just men are not great nude. And you don't even see his dong there, which is like, thank God. Oh. You don't really, you know, unless it's the Lakers, you want to see all those dogs running, but you don't want to see them like that. But anyway, I think the panties down under the knees. Yeah. Is a submissive come fuck me in the ass. Yeah. And then this is, this is totally feminine. Yeah. It's a feminine pose. Well, here's the thing. I've always said this. We,

tackle the real issues on this show. And I was dying to get your take on this. Well, hold on. Let's go see the back. What kind of products does he have in his bathroom? Maybe those are clues to his level of heterosexuality. Could be. Gotta see if we could zoom in there. Could be. Straight guys don't wash their face, right? There shouldn't be any facial wash. I don't know what all that stuff is. Nope. He's fucking jacked, though. Yeah.

Which, like, you know, it's important to say, also pretty gay. Pretty gay. I think he's gay, too. Oh, well. We cracked the case. We cracked the case. It's confirmed. We did it. We did the research. He did really. Oh, wait. There's another woman in the booth now. Oh, Diana's a woman. Is that a gay pose? Yes. Very gay. It feels like, right? Yeah. Is your take that he is gay or are you undecided? Yeah, I'd say he's pretty gay. I'd say so.

The pose, this alone, first of all, straight guys just send you their dicks, right? Like a straight guy, I don't know either, but from what I've heard, from what I've heard, when girls get sent dick pics, right, Neona? Isn't it just the dick? And you're like, thanks for this dick. Guys don't have the wherewithal to like pose. Oh, that's a good angle. I look good here. It's not, guys are not like that. They're just not as, like straight guys, I mean.

You know, we also have never had a... Hold on. I've cracked the case entirely. Okay. Go back to all the photos. He's got curly hair. Yeah. Hold on. See how he styled it and gelled it? Click on that. Well, that's got him got arrested. That's his arrest photo. Doesn't matter. He looks really good. And you know how hard it is to manage curly hair like that? Josh Zolo knows.

Josh Zolo's hair doesn't look as good as his arrest photo. Yeah, it's a nightmare. But look how good he styles it. No, but that's not style is my point. That's his natural thing. He looks good, but he still looks good. That's years of maintenance and proper product, conditioners, all that shit. Yeah. And what does that tell you? Gay. Damn, that's a good shot.

All right, sorry. What were you going to say? No, I just, it was just, you know, we're really. Oh, also the fact that this is, here's another thing that's pretty gay. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. He's very smart. Oh, super homos. Yeah. Yeah. They are the smartest. But I mean, when you have somebody who's really fit, really well read, I mean, this valedictorian, he got, he went to an Ivy league. So he went to a university, Pennsylvania. He got a, I think a degree in mechanical engineering. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, these are some of the gayest things I've ever listed. So gay, yeah. Loves Britney Spears and Sabrina fucking whatever, Carpenter. Yeah. These are, I mean, these are just gay building blocks. So true. And Happy Meals, super gay too. He 3D printed his gun. I mean, that's a thought. Oh, he did? Yeah. That's okay. So I was going to ask you, how did he learn to shoot if he's so gay? Hold on, because shooting is a straight guy activity. Pretty much. How did he learn to shoot then?

I don't know. Pew, pew, pew. Like that? Pew, pew, pew. Yeah. These are just so many little gay details. But then, yeah, you throw in a curveball, like why are you shooting? I don't know. How are you shooting? It's all very fascinating. Anyway. It's so funny. Hot and evil. We will revisit this topic, obviously, as we learn more. But looks really do help you in life across the board. Of course. My goodness. I think more people are sympathetic to...

to this guy, then a lot of people would be sympathetic because of the healthcare world, but it brings even more people over when they find the person attractive. And, hello, I'm into murders now. Yeah. And also realizing how like, oh, we go look for the white, the white blonde girl the most. Yes. Right? Like if it's a white blonde lady who goes missing, uh-oh, you better look out. Send the troops. They're on the case. Yeah. Anyone else, they're like a shoe brunette. Mm. Yeah.

Forget about it. You finally watched American Nightmare. Buddy, I've watched the Madeline McCann story. I'm back. I'm into JonBenet Ramsey, and I just finished American Nightmare. And? American Nightmare, a lot of details I feel are not really present in the story. I don't mean spoiler alert for anybody that hasn't seen it. Can I tell you my true opinion, or you want like...

Tell me your true opinion. I'm trying another flavor. The FBI investigator who's dating Andrea, his ex-girlfriend. Yeah. I think he ordered the hit. Maybe he was jealous of the ex-guy fucking his girlfriend. Yes. Andrea. Yeah.

And he ordered that creepy guy, Mueller, to go kidnap Andre. You think an FBI guy? Yes, because he was so quick to be like, no, no, no, no, those two did it. Those two did it. Remember, he steered the investigation away from even looking for potential suspects. So I think there's something there that the FBI guy is corrupt and they didn't even investigate him or anybody. I don't know about that. I mean, it's an interesting, what I really thought,

was the real lesson here is there are tells in behavior that we all register as normal. Normal is a term that people think of as relative, but the reality is there are objective normals. So like, in other words, you know, something horrible happens to a family member. There's a, there's a, a normal way that people react. Yeah. When they pulled, when you watch this doc, um, and we are spoiling it if you want to skip ahead, but,

The first episode focuses on the boyfriend at the time. The way he is in the interrogation room is so peculiar. It's so outside of the range of normal behavior for an interrogation that you're like, this is not, something's up with this dude, right? And it ends, and then episode two ends

focuses on the woman that was kidnapped and her behavior in the interrogation is also outside of the norm, normal behavior, which again, you go, oh, now we're going to get to how this is like what really happened. And to learn that they were actually telling the truth and that their behavior was in fact genuine was to me the biggest surprise of the entire story. The way that they behaved was

in their interrogations after going through something traumatic was so outside of the realm and the spectrum of normal behavior that I couldn't believe. I was like, I would have bet... I mean, I know, obviously, when you make a documentary, you can produce moments, but you're not producing the moment of them answering the questions in the interrogation room. He's like, yeah, came in, put goggles on us, and then was like, drink this, and then they... You're like, this is...

There's no like panic. Agreed. I agree. So strange. He's calm and he's collected. And I think that might be because...

In his interview, he says, I trusted the police. I went to them looking for help. So imagine if you assume that you're being assisted, but then the interrogator already has it in his mind that this is guilty. Well, he has that in his mind because that is how police investigators are trained. They're trained to go into a crime like that. And if there's somebody there who is present

that is close to the person that is missing. 99% of the time it's the boyfriend. They have to do that. Of course. But they really let those people down, especially when they pivot to like fucking burn that bitch to the ground. I know. So why would, but I'm saying, why would that police department not look for her? Well, they ended up having to pay them quite a sum of money for being shitty, but it's a fascinating story. And we just ruin it for everybody. But just fast forward.

All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. And once again, Merry Christmas. Ready in five, four, three, four, three, two, one. And we are back. And joining us is a comedian whose latest special, The Last Cowboy in L.A., is available now on YouTube. You can get tickets now.

at jeffdye.com. It's Jeff Dye, everybody. What's up, you guys? Thanks for having me. Welcome to Texas. Love what you've done with the place. Thank you. Congratulations on the special. Thank you very much. Where'd you shoot? In Nashville at a place called The Electric Jane, which is like a music venue. Nashville's a great comedy town. It was awesome, yeah. I...

I don't know a lot about Nashville. And every time I go there, I kind of have a different experience. And I'm like, I like this place. People always have it as the sister city to this city. Oh, really? Yeah. I think there's some similarities to it. But yeah. It's a big city, but it's got that country thing. It's got a country feel to it. Accessible city. There's more people there than the city is built for, just like Austin. Yeah, for sure. It's cool. It's cool.

It's growing. If you have a cool town, we will ruin it. We will all move there and ruin it. And a lot of bachelorettes, they have that thing where you ride on the golf cart and you guys get to get drunk as you pedal. I would hate to start the podcast on a negative note, but I don't hate anything more than that. You'll see it here. It's popular here. I hate it so much. So much. Because also, if you want to drink and have fun, just go do it. I know. Why do we have to be part of it? Ah.

Yeah, like why is a guy working after you shouting fallout boy? And they're like, the guy's working. Why did the bar come to me out here? It is a bummer. And I always, every time I'm down, because you always see it downtown, when you see that, I always think about a truck hitting them. I would love that. Yeah. I know it sounds terrible, but I hate it so much. Well, I just don't like the idea of getting drunk and exercising at the same time.

Well, it's hard. You don't even have to pedal. That's the big coup about it is they're not even part of the system. Really pedaling?

Oh, really? Yeah, there's a main guy who's in charge. He's the one. That's the whole thing. Well, he's got gray legs. Yeah. Those other people pedaling, it's like paying taxes. They're doing a lot of work, but it ain't going. It's not doing anything. Yeah, that's good. It's like the same people that get drunk and play tennis. Like my dad, I mean. Yeah. For years. He sounds like he's having a good time, though. Why are you doing that? That's the last thing I want to do when I'm drinking. I don't want to drink and do any exercise. Do anything. I don't do it. That's ridiculous.

Right? No, I wanted to sit down. Saw the greatest thing ever with one of those pedal carts in Detroit. One of the black Israelites were out on a Saturday. You know these guys? Yes. You don't know who they are. Look them up. They just yell at people. Yeah. They're just trying to invoke any sort of thing. They usually stand at a corner and they just like...

preach but it was Detroit so it's really cold so they're wearing their Muslim garb but then he had like a Detroit Lions like starter jacket like over it because it's cold but they're like you white devil bitch like just yelling at people right and I'm just kind of got my headphones in and kind of like I'm scared if I'm honest and I'm waiting to cross the light or the street and

But then coming down the same street is one of these pedal carts full of just bachelorettes singing to music. And I was like, wait, they might have to be on the same street. Yeah. So I waded through my walk sign to just see if those two worlds would collide. Collide, yeah. And it did. Yeah. And I

I thought it would be this masterpiece of whatever, but instead just both groups were uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. So they both just silently stopped their bullshit. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of it. It is such a thing, too, because I would have done the same thing. Like, I'm going to stand here and look like I'm doing something while I watch this. I had to wait like a few minutes, too. I was like, okay, they're coming. The cart's coming. Oh, I forgot to check something on my phone. Yeah, exactly. My favorite is when Tom does Drunk Girl. I love it when you're like, I love that. Oh.

Yeah. They're the same everywhere. They're the same everywhere. A drunk girl in her 20s is the same in every city. Oh, for sure. I'm terrified of drunk women now. Sass lie. Sass lie. And they always have the dress with the cowboy boots, which is adorable. It's a look I've never been able to pull off, but I like seeing it in the South. You're like, this is adorable. You'd be lucky if she talked to you. Like, they're always...

defending their ugly friends. Oh yeah, for sure. We've got to go. You're like, she's talking to me. What do you mean you have to go? There it is. There's the look. It looks great. I think it looks, but I only, a southern girl can, no, I'm too LA vibes. It is. That is a very, but I like it on other people. I mean, that's an Austin look and a Nashville look for sure. Yeah, it's adorable.

I like it. It's always the white boots. You see it a lot, obviously, on game day here, like when UT's playing. You just see 80,000 chicks like this. It seems like women copy these looks. Yeah. Like, what is the playbook? Do you guys go, is it a celebrity, or is it just a thing you see, and you go, I want to dress like this? It's usually, it could be celebrity-based. I think a lot of people-

Yeah, do her. Do her. She's just awful, though. It's awful because she's drunk. She's drunk, and then she's just like... Mean. Yeah, she's just mean. And entitled. But I like that she thinks she's a rugged individualist. She's like, I don't know what the fuck I want. Tonight's our night, girls. Woo! Yeah, yeah, do it, do it. Well, they always... I swear, you can be passing by...

Minding your own business. And that girl somehow goes like, fuck are you looking at? Yeah, they'll reject you from like six feet. Yeah, you're like, I'm not talking to you. I'm not looking at you. Well, you should be looking at us. We did talk to you. And then you notice her like 230 pound friend. And then they're like, what was that? I just saw the fucking starting linebacker for the horns here.

Yeah, they're just so entitled. And it's so embarrassing because I was a 20-year-old girl, obviously a million years ago, and I had a friend like that. Yeah, every girl does. That was the instigator. Yeah, that's right. Why do they think they're so tough? It's booze, babe. It's just like booze. But still. It's booze riddled with insecurity, which is like what usually fuels a booze.

like binge is like you're insecure and you do it for a different reason but I get sad when I'm drunk and insecure I don't get like overly confident but this is what you see is like booze affects people right like yeah I was I've never been a confrontational drunk me neither it's just not but that's just why it's not in me I have a I had a friend I'm not a confrontational in high school college who like

super cool guy and then you get a few and he would come and headbutt you oh my god fuck man but then what happens is you're like yeah I don't want to be around yeah it's not fun in this situation you know like I was I'm like a nice drunk I was with a bunch of comics at a nice dinner recently and we were they were describing one of their celebrity friends that I was like I'd love to meet that guy I'm not gonna say his name just because it's not my story to tell but they were like oh he's real fun till he's not

And they go, what does that mean? They go, he's the best, the best, the best. And then at a certain point with the drugs and drinking, like it's just a nightmare. And I was like, oh, that sounds not as exciting as I'd hoped. I don't want that in my life. That's true. You know what though, Tom? You are the best drunk. Like you don't get drunk very often, but you're a party. You're still a party. And I...

I always remember the story, or please tell the story. You've said it before on the podcast, but do it again. When you were younger, was it at the Saddle Ranch or the Sushi Place? Please tell the story. It's already a good setting for this. It's one of my favorite. Saddle Ranch. I was an intern at Copelson Entertainment. What is it, for the record? Like a management or like an agency? No, Copelson was a production company. They made the Fugitive.

you know the harrison ford oh yeah yeah murder at 1600 arnold copelson so big time producer and because i was like i'm going to la and i want to make movies so that i started interning there and i ended up doing script coverage and i moved on to do more coverage for other producers but

When I was interning there, some of the assistants, so I'm an unpaid intern. Yeah, of course. And the assistants are like, do you want to come out with us tonight? And I was like, sure. And I know I want to be performing, so I don't even know if I'd done stand-up. If I'd done stand-up, I'd done it like once before.

and we go out and like what age were you 21 okay so um start at one bar and i have a few and i just just keep drinking yeah to the point where i i mean i definitely black out so i only remember bits and pieces but it was retold to me that we we made it to was it saddle ranch or was it miyagi yeah yeah remember that place sunset boulevard like i think it's still there bar

whatever sushi is bad sushi you know it's like a party for the bar yeah so where we now this is like our second or third location and i am completely faced and i am holding court i'm telling the story work yeah and there's like and we're all standing in the circle and there's like six assistants from work and i'm just like telling this story

And then I only learned this later because I don't recall it much. But they told me, they're like, you're telling the story and, you know, people are laughing, but they're also looking at you because you're so clearly completely fucked up. And they go, and then you just start throwing up, right? Mid-story. Mid-story. Yeah, dude, that rules. And you puke everywhere. You know, like post-puke, you spit. So you're like, it's like, they're like, you're spitting. You're like...

And then you stand up and you just go right back in your story. That's the best. And they're all like...

And the only reason I blacked out when I got home, and I had a friend who I was living with at the time. He was like, yeah, you were fucking... That's the king of storytelling, though. Like, you're the storytelling guy. Storyteller. And they're like, where was I? Where was I? That's amazing. But I remember that I got into... Like, he told me he was like, you were fucking... And I still was like, eh. And then I get into work on Monday, and all of them were like...

Changed your rep. Oh, yeah. They were like, this guy. You're a fucking mess, dude. Like...

puking in front of people it's cool though yeah I mean especially at 21 at 21 you're not 55 no but the fact that he committed to finishing the bit I love that yeah that's great you were meant to be a stand up comedian you committed to the bit and I respect that and I wish I knew the story you were telling like what could have been that I don't know I'm sure oh any story could have been that good when you're in it when you're in it you know and you don't lose focus too you're like hold on like I was saying yeah

So I come around the corner and they're like, uh-huh. It could make you a legend at a workplace too. They carried me home. They carried me home. Charlie and Jack carried me back to my place. And then in the morning, I had no clothes and there was a towel on the ground because I had also puked when I got back to the place. I don't fucking know.

They took it off of me? I don't know. I don't know if this is interesting or not, but I'm always fascinated when people are surprised when people get drunk.

Like I said, I don't know if this is interesting, but so many times we'd go to a bar in San Diego, me and my buddy Josh Nelson, great comedian, and we would just get hammered. The bartenders were our friends. They would get us hammered. We would flirt with them. Obviously, it's never going to happen. We'd try to do whatever. We'd look at girls too young for us, and then we would go home. And then the next day, we'd get lunch at the same bar, and they'd be like, you guys were drunk last night. You're like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you got us drunk. Yeah, we were at a bar. What are you talking about? And I go, did I do anything embarrassing? They go, no. I go, did I like try to fight someone or get on the bar or puke? They go, no. I go, then why are you telling me that I was drunk last night? Like it drives me crazy. Just to hold something over you. Just to shame you. Yeah. Or like streakers will run on a baseball field and they'd be like, that fucking drunk guy. You're like, yeah, dude. You've been selling him $30 Bud Lights all night. Like he's going to do drunk guy shit. And also it's awesome and it's fun and it's funny. Yeah.

It's okay. Why are you shaming people about it? Yeah, it makes no sense to me. I know. Someone shamed me on our vacation. I'm not going to say who because I had day drink. Oh, we want names. This is a podcast. I'll tell you guys later. And I was day drunk and I was so drunk that I was like, I got to take a nap. And I left you with the kids. It was on Thanksgiving. Yeah. I was like, I got to go. And then somebody in our group was like, well, mom, got a little drunk, huh? And I was like, yeah, bitch. Yeah. I've had cancer this year.

Yeah, I get to drink a few. Yeah, you can also do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever I want. I mean, it's not a crime to get hammered. On your vacation. Well, so anytime. It's not a crime to get hammered at all. I mean, when you drive, you can get in a little bit of trouble, but the point is, if you do it in a pool or something. Everybody who drinks has had at least...

10 incidents in their life where they were like I should have gotten a DUI yeah you reflect the next day going oh but I've had two that are so traumatizing that it it mean like you need them if you don't get one you need the incidents to scare the fuck out of you one time where I was uh

in LA and I got pulled over on sunset I'd been drinking my buddy's in the passenger seat and I was like I just go what do I do and he just goes I don't know because he knows we've been drinking yeah he knows the deal yeah and the guy comes up and he's like you're driving kind of erratically and I go it's a rental that was I was like I just oh that makes sense because that part was true I was like I don't even know how it all works it is a PT cruiser maybe that's why it's and he was like

you know license and I was you know your heart rate is just and then it's like a movie a fucking call comes out and he's like

He goes, it's your lucky day. I got to go. It is your lucky day. I just got out of the car. I was like, let's just fucking walk. Yes. Seriously. Oh, that's so traumatizing. And then another time where I was annihilated. Yeah. Like fully fucking. Well, to be driving erratic is, you know. Which I was doing. I really was doing because he was right. It was a rental. And I was like, this is fun. I'm like fucking with the gears. Yeah.

And, but the one time I was in college and I had drank a bunch and then smoked and I was, so I was like blasted. Oh yeah. And I, you know, insisted in getting in my car and driving back to my place. And as I pulled onto like this main street to go to my place, uh,

cop comes and what he does is he rides my blind spot for probably you know i don't know half a mile but when you're that up yeah it feels like 10 miles and you're just all in the mirror just kind of you're just like all i was doing was like i go the speed was like 35 and like stay in the lines and i was just like you just turn your brain on to focus so hard and i was like just don't do anything like just stay in these lines stay going 35 stay and like

I was just waiting and then he just broke off but it was like it was another scary one yeah it was one of those where I was like I pulled over I was like oh my god like it was you see your life like because if that one he wouldn't have been like it's your lucky day he'd be like we need to call extra units over here what is this guy yeah this guy's fucking here a funny drinking thing I think of with you is you know when you do college gigs the kid for whatever reason I don't know why this was a thing maybe it's not anymore but there was a thing where they're like all right it's gonna be this amount of money

You're going to get picked up at this time. Do 60 minutes. And then the students want to take you out to dinner. And for whatever reason, you're like, why is this part of it? And they're all younger than me and stuff. And then sometimes I say, I don't want to do the dinner or whatever. But then I'm so lonely and I'm in whatever town that they'll be like, we're going to go to a bar if you want. But you know it's a college bar and you're still like, I don't know. And I was also like, last time I did college was like 10 years ago. But yeah.

I remember one time they were like, Tom Segura came with us once and he drank with us. And I remember being like, are you sure? And I felt like I should do it. Cause I was like, well, if Tom did it, he's a better comic than me. If he's drinking with these fucking young kids. He had so much fun with us. Like, no, he didn't.

It was in Colorado somewhere. Oh, I know where that was. Really? Was that the School of Mining? Yeah, Golden, the town of Golden. That was in the School of Mining. I remember doing that. You know what the craziest thing was at that show? I remember that it was Obama was...

either president or being elected. That's how long ago that was. And the reason I'll never forget, first of all, they had me perform in the cafeteria. Yeah, I did this exact show. So it was in the cafeteria. Outside of Lance Armstrong and I. Why is it always in the cafeteria? They don't have anywhere else. They don't care. So there's like, let's say 200 people in there.

And I'm getting into like, I have, you know, a bit about either. I just can't remember whether it's he's being, he's running or he's elected, but something in that joke is my Obama bit. And I go, and I say something like, what do you think? And some guy goes, Oh, he's a N word. Oh my God. And, and I, and I just go, what? Like, what did you say? And then he repeats it. And I look around the room and everyone's like, so what's your bit? Like, do you have a, and I'm like,

I was like, this is insane. Corey told you, do your bit. Is your bit similar to that? No. That's wild. It was wild. And I just went back and I walked off and I remember, I forget who I had with me, but I was like, did you? And they were like, yeah. That happened to me too. I feel like you took my story and just made it yours.

That happened here? Shreveport, Louisiana. It's another place that that could happen. It's at the old Funny Bowl. It doesn't exist anymore. And it was the same year Obama was getting elected. And I know Obama a bit. It's interesting how parallel our stories are. Like, you choke, I choke. I had a story of the gold... No N-word story, but at the School of Mines in Colorado...

I was doing my liberal bullshit. I'm from Seattle. I'm a pretty liberal guy. Not by today's standards. And I was doing some bit about... That was like an anti-oil bit.

Because I was like, you know, like if we have a problem with oil and gas, you know, the Bush administration is always talking about that. Like then let's cancel NASCAR. Like they're wasting. They're just going in circles. And I was doing well until this bit. And then they all just got weird on me. And I was like, no. And then afterwards they're like, oh, you know why? This is like a big oil place. People work on that. It's a school of minds. I don't know why I didn't think of that.

I did my dumb liberal anti-oil bit. We're going to shift gears on how we like you. Exactly. And it happened right away. So fast. But I got them back with some frivolous cats and Mario Brothers bullshit. I just went back to the classics. But you know, in my mind, since that time that someone screamed out the N-word too when I brought up my Obama bit, I cannot think of a good comeback for that.

And I've been thinking about it for 20 years. A good comeback? You don't have a good comeback? I go, hey guys, we're going to have Obama as a president. N-word. Fuck should I... What's a good... Well, you just shame them. That's the one I'm talking about. The one running for president. Yeah, same guy. You got it. Or I would just shame them. I'd be like, Jesus Christ, what is my Uncle Al here? You know, like play it like just...

playfully shame them as like, that's not how we speak. Or double down and agree with them. Like say, yeah, that's the guy. Wait, why are you interrupting? You know who I'm talking about. The crazier thing to me when this happened was A, there's the nerve, right? Sure. But the fact that the whole room was like... Same as Shreveport. Well, this isn't a popular take. I'm risking something to say this. I think a lot of that kind of thing...

Is this... Aren't I being naughty? Yeah, yeah. Sure. Like, they don't really...

I mean, some people really do think that, obviously. But I'm saying, like, I think a lot of times it's very, like, aren't I... I'm being a shocking guy. Sure. I mean, there's a lot of comedians that live in that world of, like, what's taboo? I'll say it. Right. Howard Stern made a whole career off of it. If you say the thing, but it's also a good joke. Correct. Then it's like, that's art. Right. But if you're just like...

here's something that I shouldn't say and I'll say it. Yeah. Then you're just, but I did it when I was a kid. Right. I'll admit that I used to like, cause you know, I grew up in like this white bread area of Washington. That's like South of Seattle. Right. Yeah. And me and all my friends, we'd play video games. We're smelly little boys, you know, it's very classic kind of whatever.

We had like two black kids at our school. And I remember like the bad kids, the rebellious, the naughty kids, they got to get in, like they would get in fights or they would steal or they would blow up mailboxes or they would do these things. Well, that all has risks. Yeah. You know, like you can get arrested or you can get suspended or in trouble. You can get in a fight, hurts.

Whereas if I just said the N-word while we're playing video games, everyone would be like, Jeff is nuts. Yeah, yeah. And so I learned like, oh, you're just saying a forbidden word. We have a shirt for you. What's that? We should show them the merch. What merch? We played at the top of the show. The opening clip guy. Oh, oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What is the thing? Yeah, this is a real thing here.

Oh, wow. It's a fisherman. Inappropriate. Where's the merch? Everyone. Oh, no. I can't wait. Oh, my God.

They are live on the website. Now, the question is, does it fall into the same category that we're discussing, which I think it does. The person who really buys this isn't like, God, this is my favorite fisherman. Yes, they think it's naughty and hilarious. It's fun to be naughty. It's fun to be... And in this instance, you get away with it. Yes. Somebody goes, what the fuck? You go, this is a fucking fisherman. 100%. Well...

Well, my favorite way to phrase it is Beth Stelling. And we'll talk about how it's sometimes fun, and I'm very guilty of it in my act all the time, to be a little piggy in the mud. Yeah, of course. It's fun to be naughty. And that's all it is. That's what every comedian loves. There's no hatred in our hearts. It's just kind of fun to be the mischievous. Or there's a college football player named Noah Kaniga. Yep. Yeah. Can you pull him up? This one's not even spelled well.

too aggressive that fisherman yeah like it's not spelled that aggressive what we're about to see is spelled pretty aggressive and it's his name yeah this is a linebacker oh jeez it's in the K is not silent it is oh no it's not silent the K is silent for sure it's um yeah he's gotten famous just cause of his name but he's also pretty good I think yeah I think you changed that last name there he is

And it's like, do you need a linebacker? When also you got a Noah, like it's kind of good too. Well, yeah, it's like, I think the recruiting thing was like, we need a linebacker. I think a Noah. Right. It's perfect. Yeah. And that has no K for that. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. You know that, what is it called? Like the broadcasters are always like, whoa. Oh, dude, I wouldn't do it. There's a guy named, look up Seattle Mariners, Mitch Han, H-A-N-H-A-N.

H-A-N. And the rest will come up. And when I cheer for him in Seattle, I call him Mitch H.,

And sometimes people will look back because I'm going, come on, Mitch H. And they'll turn around and I'll go, well, I'm not going to say his whole name. And I'll get a little laugh from the person like, oh, I see what you did there. There was a, I remember because I always followed FSU football, that they had a wide receiver named Dakota. And there's just no way around that. There's no way around that. They would just be like, the guys calling the game would be like, you know, first down by five. What do you do? Yeah, you got to do it. Yeah.

Also, is he straight or gay? Oh. This guy. Because it would be great if he was also gay. What a treat. There he is. You know what I mean? There he is. There's Dakota Fagg. Oh, yeah. He looks pretty straight, actually. If I had to profile, I think that's a straight guy. There is no doubt that what fueled this guy to be a Division I football player was being called a fag his entire life. This is the pro athlete version of Boy Named Sue, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

But I got it. Also, at this point, don't you think if you're in this family, you're like, I think we can petition to do the name change? Yeah, for sure. Or you're like, no, we're devoted fags. No. We love. It's so...

It's so easy. We love our back. Like, come on. You go to the social security office and you apply for a name change. It's really not that hard. For my podcast, we basically play a game where it's like, how much? We just ask you a thing and then we crowdsource the money. So you actually have to do whatever the thing is you said you'll do. Oh, that's cool.

And one of them was how much to change your name for a year. Yeah. And so to change my name to Jeff Farts for a whole year. And I've got to commit to it. I've got to like all... Everywhere you go. We put a caveat for comedy because you spend so long building your brand as far as tour posters and stuff. Sure. So you can... Whatever. But for your everyday life, your mail, your ID... I'm Jeff Farts. I'd do it for five grand. Five grand, yeah. That's it? And I think it's kind of funny also. It's very funny. Jeff Farts.

So hold on. So if you go to a restaurant, you put your name down for a table. It's Jeff Farts. Which is kind of fun. That one is a good example. And they'll never believe you. So you'd have to do like a P-H-A-R-T-Z or something, you know? Or if they... Because I feel like it's F-A-R-T-S. It's like, what? Well, if they don't believe me, I can just show them my ID. Oh, your ID will say it. And be like, gosh, it's my real name. I'm not trying to be silly here. Table for farts is ready. Yeah. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah. See, I think this guy's name fuels either if you're an athlete, you become a high-level athlete, or this would be the perfect fuel to make a comedian. Yes. Somebody who's just ridiculed. Do you know if he was non-athletic? 100%. Or what about you just do your Starbucks name for a year as farts?

Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, I always do a fake name at Starbucks anyway. You do? I do, but it's not for humor. I just can't believe they're going to take any name I tell them. What names have you gone with? I usually do Mortal Kombat names, but the most preposterous ones I can think of, like Cyrax. And they'll be like, Cyrax? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, they don't push back much. They just write it on the cup. But they never spell it right, because they don't spell Christina correctly. I can't imagine Cyrax. In their defense, they're doing a lot of writing and names.

By the way, I've been a barista at Starbucks summer of 97 and I just spelled the fuck out of some names. Okay? You can do it. In their defense, they are, you know. I've done it. Teenagers who hate their jobs. I've done it. Wait, just a second ago you said that makes a good comedian. Yes. You're a therapy person. Have you guys kind of gotten to the thing that makes you believe why you're a comedian? Why?

I mean, I've definitely thought about it. I think the most simple, broad thing for me is, well, two things. One, I think moving a lot as a kid plays a role in the fact that you're just...

always new and wanting to be accepted by a new group. So yeah, that's how you get friends, by just being humorous. Yeah, so that was a huge, I went to like eight or nine different schools. That's a lot. So that's a lot of being new. And I think I have a good bit of like middle child syndrome of where you just are kind of ignored because you have like your first kid who's like, you know, taking like all the attention and then your baby. And so like, they're just like, well, we're glad that you don't need anything.

So I think those things play into the psyche of how you become a comedian. Plus you're full of hate and anger. Full of rage, too. Well, that helps for comedy. Yeah. It's a great one. What about you, Jephthah? It's very simple, short and sweet. My parents just were like, I was not a victim of abuse, but we were victims, me and my sisters, of neglect.

And neglect makes you go, like, you know, I'll get in trouble. I'll draw something. Look what I drew. You know, like that family guy thing where he's like, mom, mom, mom. That's a version of, like, middle kid, right? You just feel lost. They're never around. And when they were around, they weren't around. So it was just like...

Constantly needing validation, which is a comic. Were they just overworking? Were they not around emotionally? Were they alcoholics? No, I've never been able to really... No people are like my parents. I've never met any people like my parents. Were they Mormon? Now, what I'm about to tell you, you won't believe. Okay.

They have no friends. They have no hobbies. They have no favorite movies. They don't have a favorite food. There's no interests. They don't connect with anyone else in the family. They're just these two people that work. And then when they get done with work, they just sit home. They don't want to be parents. They don't want to be married, I don't think. They don't want to cheat. There's no interests.

So the reason I want to do everything and I want everyone to be my friend and I need so much is because they did nothing. I want to do everything. They don't even like each other, you're saying. Barely. So they're uninspiring people. They don't want to do anything. Really? I'll go watch the show and they'll say, yeah, put it on. I'll put a show on, I'll look over and they're getting up and then go into their room and nap. I think this is my least thing. I had a good relationship with my father and...

one thing that always made me crazy is I'd be like, I know you like this topic. So like, check this out. And I'd put on like a movie or a show about something that I know interests him. And I'd be like, what do you think? He'd be like, what's that? Are you, are you watching this? I just showed you this for you. No, I already know this. I'm like, no, you don't. You don't know this. And he's like,

I gave him a book one time and I was like, this book is like exactly what we were discussing. And I, you know, it's, it's aliens. And then he would be like, Oh, thanks buddy. And then the next day I was like, you're reading that. But he goes, yeah, I finished it. I go, it was 600 pages. And he goes, well, I knew most of it. So what'd you, you just kind of like skim through it. He's like, yeah, yeah. Interesting. I'm like, it makes me crazy. It drives me nuts. I'm actually the worst. This is like, whoever my future partner will end up being is going to be

so annoyed with how much I need someone to see what I'm seeing or watch what I'm watching. Like, I mean, I'm the best consumer because if you like gave me a product and I liked it, I wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. Right. I'm the best for like, you know, everything I have. I got to share and tell. Yeah. But, you know, I'll show my buddy like a movie or something or like a YouTube clip.

And if I look over and they're texting or like, look at like, I go crazy. Like I'm like, dude, I'm showing you something. Yes. I want you to. It also makes me crazy when somebody goes, this is really funny. And they send it to me and I go,

This made you laugh? Oh, no. Yeah, that would drive me crazy. Stop being my friend. But you're honest. I think that's the good part of that. You know what, Jeff? I'm the opposite with Tom. Whenever I'm really into a show or something, I want to hide it and conceal it from him. Is this real? Yes. Okay. Because I fear his mockery and derision.

He hates every... He'll be like, what kind of fucking gay shit are you watching now? Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not accurate. It's an 18th century period piece. Can I tell you something? A lot of this is in your head. You think so? I don't think so. I know so. You've said it before. You're like, what fucking gay shit are you watching now? If I said something... Give him an example of something that... Here's my point. Jeff Dye. Your Honor, let's go through my Netflix history. If you say something once for her, she goes, that is...

That's an always thing. You're like, no, I said something one time. What was the one thing he said that he hated that was on Netflix? Some gay shit she was watching. I don't know.

Well, do you watch like some girls, like girls like shows that men don't like. She loves period pieces. And it's tough for us to understand. But Jeff, I understand that some of it sucks. For instance, I love Bridgerton. I'm aware how gay that is and how much it sucks. I'm aware. And I let him know, hey, I'm watching something stupid. Don't shame me for this right now. I'm enjoying something stupid.

Right. I love that she finds a show that she loves because I think it's a great feeling when you find... But sometimes he'll like my dumb girl stuff. She got me into Downton Abbey and I think it's one of the best... It's a period piece. Never saw it. It looks like some gay shit. Here's the thing. It does. It's the best. It is phenomenal. It's excellent. It'll make you want to butt fight. The writing is top tier. The acting's incredible. I'm out then. It's great. It's so gay. It's really gay. Well, me and Burt were talking about this recently on his thing. It was like,

I am pretty easy to convince, too. I'm like, I'm not watching this shit. And then they just go, just watch an episode. And then I'm like, all right, I'm in. And then I'll watch the whole thing. That one's fantastic. But I'm like, I'm a judge at first, and then I'm an easy sellout. And you probably, look, if I sat down and watched it, I don't know if I'd like it. But if it's good, if it's quality, the thing about television and movies is there can be

genres that you're drawn to and ones that you're not. But if something actually is great, it's the same with sports, right? There's sports that I'm like, yeah, I'm not really into this. If you show me, I don't know, a World Cup game, the drama, the stakes, the best players, I'm like, oh, I'm into this because it's the highest level. So, yeah, it's just, you know. Yeah, that's true. You still hate my music, I think. I don't hate your music. Really? I thought you hate goth music. Goth music? What is that? Bauhaus.

What is goth music? Bauhaus. It's really incredible. I've never heard of any of this. I've never met somebody quite like her, too, where it's like, you know, people have a favorite band sometimes, and you're like, okay. I just learned about a genre of music. I didn't even know goth. I thought goth was like some teenagers I picked on in school. It's so funny to me how devoted she is. It's kind of amusing because, like I said, you know, I like some different genres of music. I don't think I have a favorite, like, one group that's

But I'll listen to different things. With her, she's like, oh, I love Bauhaus. Yeah, I've never heard of that either. I can't tell you how many times I walk by her closet and I just hear her go, hey, Siri, or hey, Alexa, whatever, play Bauhaus. It's like hundreds of times. I'm like, god damn, you really want to hear this every day. Is that a band? Or is it a genre? That's them. Oh, Bauhaus is the band. That's the band. Interesting. Look at these guys. After Tom says he never...

You told Siri to play it. That's not Bauhaus. That is not fucking Bauhaus. It's not mine.

That's my phone. Yeah, Tom, it's yours because you said, hey, Siri. Oh, you said, hey, Siri. Oh. But Ed Sheeran came on. Yeah, that's definitely not Bell House. What's the song name? Maybe it's that. No. Nothing close. Stop the Rain? That's super gay. But I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I like Ed Sheeran. Stop. I like Ed Sheeran. But do you see how he criticized my band just now? I know. After he was like, oh, don't criticize anything. And that's like my favorite thing. Well, I don't think he said he doesn't criticize anything. It's not even.

I am. I was seeing what the hell happened. What happened was it brought up the gay ass shit you were listening to on the way in. I do feel like women watch and like things that are... And it always is a great balance when a man likes sports. Do you like sports? Yeah. Endless sports. Because then...

Then you go, see how you don't like this and I'm really into this? I get that that's what your shit is. That's what I'm saying. He's Downton Abbey. That's her football. I go, that's great. Yeah, 100%. For her, football, she's like, is it still on? I'm like, yeah, it's the fucking second quarter. Fucking four hours. Yeah, they're long. And then the ESPN show. Shorter than Marvel movies, I'll tell you that. What happens on the show? And then I got to talk about the guys, the guy...

old retired fat athletes sit around the table and then they talk about the shit they just saw. And then it's, well, no, my favorite's the press conference where the dejected, sad coach is like, we should have tried harder. I know. We didn't try as hard as we should have tried. We're going to do better next time. This always amuses me because I've never...

heard it through this lens and it actually is very funny the funniest one is like you know the shows where they recap games she's like are they talking about the game you just watched and I'm like yeah and it's just like five guys who are like they should have held on to the bulb and they laugh at their dumb I was like until you pointed that out I just thought this was totally normal

normal. It is normal to us. I was like, no, it's super lame. But what is it you guys like reliving? You like reliving the highlights, the moments? You cared about the game, right? So you have to have an emotional investment, some, to otherwise, if you don't give a shit. It also reminds me what happened

Yeah, it reminds you what happened. This sounds really lazy, but I'm like, oh yeah, that happened in the first quarter. Because there's a lot going on. It's a four-hour game. And then if you lost, you're like, why did we fucking lose? And then these guys are talking about why you lost. And we like to believe that they know more than us. Like, oh, he played for the Steelers in the 70s. Sure. He must...

have a better idea of what happened. Also, Tom might not admit this. I don't know if I really will admit it, but I think maybe some people like to then regurgitate what those old athletes said.

Like the next day at work. It becomes your point of view. Right. Because I agree with that. I will now absorb that. And then I will say that like I thought of it. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't know a lot about sports as much as I love sports. My heart for sports is bigger than my brain for sports. Right. But why the game of... Because you can't convert third downs. I mean, how are we going to fucking win? Exactly. I'll say stuff like...

That was more of a great defensive play than it was a bad interception. Someone's like, that's your thought? You're like, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. But why the press conference to shame the losing coach? And they never say anything remotely. First of all, they're contractually obligated.

Which I think is dog shit. Let's stop. I agree with you on this one. Let's stop interviewing athletes and coaches who have had media training. They give them training to teach them to not say anything. Then we interview them. And I'm like friends with some journalists who won't like this take, but like the only time an athlete...

is interesting and it goes like viral is if the player screws up and then the player gets fined for saying something he shouldn't it's the best they're like capitalizing on like look he screwed up he said a thing he shouldn't have it's why the UFC is amazing because oh I love that they're allowed to say anything they say anything and Dana White is amazing he encourages it yeah and he also is like fuck that shit right and you're like

That's great. Because all the other commissioners are like, you own this league? You run this. The other guys are terrible. They're literally like talking to the... Roger Goodell is like the CEO of Coca-Cola. You know what I mean? He's not going to say anything interesting ever. It's just like, and as an organization, we are committed to making their communities better. And you're like, okay, like...

Dana is just like, you want to see that fucking fight? I want to see that shit. Cool. Well, that's why I used to say before Donald Trump, I used to always talk about how like, why would you even want a politician on your podcast? Because like when Obama did WTF, I was like,

Barack Obama went into Marc Maron's cat-infested garage in Silver Lake or wherever. I couldn't believe it. And then you listen to the episode, you're like, oh yeah, he's the president. He can't just get on there and be like, you know, Shlobodan Milosevic is a psycho. Listen to this story. He can't. He's the president. Now he does better interviews. I've seen clips of him, like he did...

what is it like ryan clark and channing crowder's podcast and those the way he was speaking you're like oh this is a guy who's not in office right and those that's great and he was funny on that and and interesting and engaged because he's an ex-president right so yeah most of the time no one's like trump where well that's why he kind of broke the mold of that for sure which i don't even think we'll see people fat i don't think we'll see that again

I don't think the next few presidents will be like that. If Barack Obama would have called a woman fat, it would have been the worst thing for his life ever. He would have tailspin. But if I told you, Donald Trump called some lady fat, you guys would go, yeah, yeah. He does that all the time. And it's Tuesday. That's just who he is. That's what he does, dude. I think we're going to see more of it, not less. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't think...

I think people will try. There's something that he has like a, it's just like a mix of qualities that allows him. Look, you can find a hundred things he's said that would have ended people's careers. Anyone else. I think part of it is the source. People are just like, this is who this guy is. I think the only reason Trump won and like won the popular vote and all this stuff is because he wasn't a politician. Now, if any other person was running that wasn't a politician, they would have won instead. Yeah.

That's why I think we'll see more of it. Maybe if it's another non-politician. That's what we need. Because you can't get into politics with that. You have to come from the outside. And politics used to be, they'd come to your town, right? Before the internet. They'd come to your town and go, you guys like guns? Oh, hey, guns are good. We're going to help you. And they'd go to the next town and they'd say, what do you got? They'd go, we hate guns. They'd go, we're going to get rid of guns. But now with the internet, you can see that a politician will say a thing

And then you'll go, but they just said a different thing. And now we can compare it. We have reels. We have social media. And so the age of being a politician where you just kind of say what works is it's over. That's a good point. You've got to be authentic. Yeah. Authentically yourself. That's the other thing is that he's not... I don't think he's putting one on when he does that. That's who he is. No, I think so too. And I think that not to confuse that with being honest, but he's not telling...

different stories in different places is all. Yeah. He's coming with his flaws and his things right there and you go, all right. At least we know what we're getting, I guess. I like that he lost weight and I like that he's not as orange and I like... You're like my crazy neighbor. Oh, yeah. You want to talk politics? I like that he lost weight and he's orange.

Hey, that's what we care about at your mom's house, okay? We don't talk politics around here. He did. He did. He did. He looks much better. He does. And I think he's actually toned it down a bit, it seems to me, since the last... I think he's calmed down a bit. After they tried to murder him? After the FBI tried to kill him? Yeah. And now he's like, all right, I'll lay low a little ways. I think he did the Ozempies. Think so? Of course. He's 78.

Of course. Good for him. He looks great. He eats McDonald's like three times a day. So yeah, maybe he did take some Ozempic. He likes KFC. I don't know much about Ozempic. Everyone talks about it. It's in everyone's act. Oh, it's great. I'm on it. I know nothing about it. You're on it? Back on it.

Are you? Oh, yeah. Are there any negatives? Yeah, it's harder to shit. If you take too much, it'll back up your poop shit. She OD'd once. I OD'd once. I like her honesty. I like this girl. I OD'd once, but it just made me lose a lot more weight that week, so it was kind of a win-win. Big whoop, yeah. Yeah, big whoop. What are we, splitting hairs here? You want to lose the weight, right? I mean, if you're healthy, that's the only drawback, is that you can't poop as easily. Take some fucking stool softener. Oh, Xampic. Yeah, and it's easy to get?

Yeah, you just have to have one of those fancy doctors. Okay. Get a fancy doc. I don't want those. Because I don't know if it's covered by insurance, so I think you have to pay out of pocket, you know? Okay.

You don't need it, though. I'm just curious about it. Everyone talks about it. Oh, yeah. I'll be with someone, and they'll say, I think your friend took Ozempic. I said, I don't even know what that means. But most people don't take that. Really? Yeah, he was pre-diabetic. He was like 285, and he took it and lost some weight. Interesting. But they don't just take Ozempic. There's different types that you can get on. But it's all called, people just call it Ozempic. Huh.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking great, especially for us middle-aged. I want to show you something. You tell me whether this is horrible or hilarious to you. Okay, it's probably going to be both. Those overlap. But sometimes. Here we go. I've got an interesting humor. Yeah? Oh, shit. That's a good one.

Idiot. Is his hand missing? Yeah. That's his fault. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I really like it. That's pretty good. Yeah. I like these kind of Darwinistic, like, well, what'd you expect kind of stuff. Like, did you guys see Chimp Crazy on HBO? No. No.

It's the guy who made Tiger King made a doc series about the same kind of thing. Instead of cat people, it's people that have monkeys and chimps. Wow. You'll love it. What's it called? It's called Chimp Crazy. Oh, wow. It's just as good as Tiger King, but now we're not in a pandemic, so everyone's not. Chimps, when they feel the need to be aggressive...

will do almost always the same things first to a male because they identify that you're male. They'll bite your fingers off because they know that these are your kind of weapons. Superpower, yeah. And they'll rip your testicles off. Yeah. And then they usually will pull your jaw out and they can pull strips of skin off of your back like it's just pieces of paper. The only reason I know all this is because of Chimp Crazy. They go through everything. Travis the Chimp who fucked up that lady. They go through all this stuff. It made me hate monkeys too. They're kind of gross to me now.

Or, hey, made me hate chimps. But I'm trying to think why I brought that up. Oh, because of the guy that bombed his hand off right there. Yeah, yeah. So for this, it's like, listen, if this dumb lady needs to keep a bunch of gross chimps locked up to be happy, good for her. I don't give a shit. Lock up these ugly, non-working Hollywood monkeys, right? But...

If those monkeys rip her fucking face off and she looks like some ghoul on the Oprah Winfrey show, I'm fine with that, too. I don't care about either. I don't give a fuck about these monkeys or this dumb lady. And so I feel like that's kind of like the bomb in the hand. You want to go shoot a bomb off at the lake? Then go for it. Do it. But also when your hand blows off, I go, that's hilarious to me. That's what you get, stupid. You set this up.

That was 200 grams of ammonium nitrate and nitro, is it methane? It has a

detonation velocity of what is it 58 kilometers a second the person basically made a bomb leading to his hand being blown straight off the ammonium nitrate was used in World War I to make low cost explosive dynamite his hand is gone and it took seven weeks to recover also go back to the beginning of the video yeah

Look how happy he is. And when he's looking back, like he's like, look at him looking back. Like he's really trying to impress everybody. Like, check this out. Oh God. I like the scream.

Screams are always good. Very guttural. You got to know how to light an explosive. I mean, don't they teach you that? Like you don't hold it in the hand. Also, maybe just try to get like a super long wick on something. Yeah, like Looney Tunes, right? Like we all learned how to. Or put the thing down and then, you know, I just. That's the kind of thing though, part of me, like I go, that's hilarious. And then I always just think about our boys and I'm like, I don't think I'll do shit like this. They're going to have a thing.

We gotta show them this I've learned that with my sisters

sisters will have like bickering between mom like they'll go through these wars yeah where like one girl will be mean to mom will be mean back it's this weird female battle but with boys it's always some big one thing yeah they get arrested or they knock up a girl or they beat up a kid in school who's gay and there's you know some weird thing some big thing just for just for being alive and gay yeah tie him to a fence and now you can't go to Colorado anymore or Wyoming or whatever

What was I going to say about that? What country was this in? It feels Russian. Yes. Yeah, it does. Let's see if it says. Because it says normal if it's Russian. Yeah. To get your hands on that shit, too. It was Slovakia. Of course. So on the way. Nearby. Here's another one. Let's see if this makes you laugh. I don't like these. Oh, God. I didn't even know that was possible. A new fear unlocked. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen pectairs?

That made me... I didn't like that. He didn't ask for that. That counts as horrible. He didn't ask for that. He's just weightlifting. He's not some jackass. He's just a cute guy trying to... Just some super hot guy. I don't know. He's got four plates on there. Maybe he was exceeding... Barking up the wrong tree. Hey, dude. If you try to...

Flex for the camera. Maybe that could be it. I don't like that. Okay. Let's go check it out. Oh, I've seen that. I love that one. Oh, you don't have the aftermath? Classic. Oh, the aftermath video is great. I like that one. You got to have the aftermath.

I loved that. This one's a mix of the two. She wasn't asking for it, but I still like it. I know. She had a great sense of humor because she put out the aftermath video, I think, in the same exact area. What could be the aftermath? How bad could it be? Oh, it's bad, dude. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her face hit that platform really fucking hard. It seems like it'd be kind of a...

Just an embarrassing one. Was she trying to... A couple bruises or something. But she was trying to be like an influencer and say something. Come to Fiji. Like, hey, check this out. And she hit that shit so hard. Face first. Yeah. You know, that wasn't... It's a tough one. Let's go check it out. Oh! That's pretty good. You guys don't have it? I'm looking for it. Bad work. Something about beautiful women getting hurt makes me happier. Oh, I was going to say the opposite. No, it makes me happy because like... Because it happens to them too? They're so like...

We're so beautiful. Yeah. And so to like see it makes it that much more funny to me. But don't you feel sadder when attractive people get hurt versus unattractive people? I feel like what a waste. She's like this cute little blonde girl. What a waste. What if we messed up her teeth or something, you know?

I don't know what it is about it. Because there used to be an Instagram account that I followed. It got banned, but it was called Girls Getting Hurt. And I'd send it to my buddy. He'd get so mad at me. Because he'd be like, stop. Do you hate women? Why are you sending me this? I was like, it's just funny. It's funny. It's just funny to me. It's funny. I think it's amusing, too, because you know that somebody has an easier life just by being attractive. Right. Well, and they're protected. We protect women. Yeah, we protect them, yes. And there are like these, you know, like...

I don't know. It's like squishing a flower or something. There's something kind of rebellious about it. Yeah, there is. There is. All right. Well, here's the next one. Sorry. I keep talking too much during these. Oh, that's a drunk. That's a good one. The good thing is she won't feel that. Yeah.

Oh, shit. She's not going to. She had to check her ring camera and go, that's why my butt hurts. Oh, God. That sucks so bad. Everything that she owns, though, made it on the patio. Like, made it on the porch. Look up. But she's not like. Cigarettes, keys, wallet. It all fell perfectly. Perfectly, yeah. But her tailbone is shattered. Although she's got some cushion. She does have a cushion. Yeah, big butt.

That is, yeah. That's a good one. Fuck, I could see myself doing that. That was hilarious. That's all we got today. That's it? That's it, man. Those are the four of the day. Sometimes they're great. Do you ever show like deaths?

I mean, it's happened. Try not to go like, here's 10 people dying. Your guest is like, what the fuck? I feel like the face plant stuff is kind of this lady. Harmless fun. Sometimes we're like, hey, here's a workplace accident. Here's a shooting at a volleyball game. You're like, what the fuck? The workplace injuries are the worst because those people don't want to fucking be there anyway. Yeah.

Like what, like a forklift dropped in like nine million bottles of Coke? Or just like some kind of spinning machine that someone's sweet people get caught in and you're like, oh, dude, that poor guy. Yeah, those are brutal too. I always wonder about those. Like how do we know which ones are alive still? Especially when they're like the China ones and the Russia ones. They're just always like... That machinery. Yeah, they're just posting the video like, look at this. They don't have the fucking OSHA like...

It's like when a robot dies here. They just go, that's one of our employees. We've seen some China workplace ones where there's a pressure valve and a guy just explodes. His body just explodes.

And in China, they're just like... Yeah, they put it out. They go, did this person live? They go, what do you think, dude? Yeah, that's it. Just fucking go to work tomorrow. Do you want to see the video or what? Yeah. You want to show them your... Yes. I know you don't like TikTok, but I like to curate... I like TikTok. Oh, okay. I curate the marginal people, the underrepresented people, the people without voices on TikTok. I like that. What a hero. Yes, I am. This is for you.

When a woman dies, do I pull out their tampons? So, yes, as an autopsy tech. He answered it so... I'll remove that if you have one in. Because I got to remove all the stuff from the inside. All that comes out. Don't do that with your hands. So, there's a tampon in there. That comes out too. I'll remove it. You're welcome. I don't want you to spend eternity with one of those in there.

We don't want that to happen! Got it. Oh, God.

We'll get rid of it. Something tells me he's over explaining. I'd do that for you. Yeah, he's got him. He keeps them. Jesus. He keeps the tablets. But I like that he has a sense of humor about this. I know. He's the best. So he does, what are you saying? He's the autopsy or the coroner. Whatever the fuck it is. Who takes the body parts out and prepares the...

He does that and he answers all people's questions on TikTok. Interesting. It is interesting, actually. Is there any sort of, because you said you like to talk about the underrepresented on these things. Yeah, marginalized. Is there like a channel that you watch or anything on YouTube where you're like, I wish more people knew about this? Do you? Yeah.

No. Because I watch some stuff where people come over and they go, you watch this? And I go, yeah, this guy rules or this person. Oh, no, what are you into? Like there's a channel called Decoy Voice, which is like a great political channel. But then there's one called Mukbang Mermaid. Oh, well, those are on the talk. You know Mukbang? Of course I know Mukbang. Do you know Mukbang Mermaid? I do not.

This is a person doing mukbang, which I just learned what that is. I thought this was just the name of this character, Mukbang Mermaid. I thought that was like a funny name she put before mermaid. But she wears like this terrifying mask and eats foods. But she's doing this great character. And the mask is so, that's her, Mukbang Mermaid. But she's comedically brilliant. Whoever's in that costume is crushing it.

That's awesome. Because it's very funny. I love that this is ruining television. It is scary. I love it. This is more interesting to me than most sitcoms. Oh, nice. See, this is my shit right here. Look at this guy. Oh, my God. You're POV when dating a 6'5", 300-pound caveman like me. So this is just like the hornier side of talk. Right. Why an index finger for that? I think he just can't show you what he wants to show you. But just an index finger and he's bragging about being a 300-pound caveman? Well, he's giving you the POV for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That is terrifying. Maybe the index finger is the perfect... Yeah, maybe that is. Yeah. He's being honest. Yeah. If you are a COVID-conscious queer... Okay, I should say a COVID-conscious person, like someone who wears a mask, don't scroll. Because this is like literally life-saving advice. Because if you've just been like opening up your bifold, popping it on, squeezing it on your nose and going...

Oh, okay. Wow. Okay.

Great. And you'll notice you get a way better seal. This is huge for me. Like, I didn't know I'd been wearing a rock. This is huge for me. This is also supposed to be really helpful for fogging your glasses. Does everyone on the internet live in their car? We're both COVID-conscious. We're both COVID-conscious.

You look at you guys. You got this great, you know, you shoot a thing. If you want to shoot an opinion about something, you might walk around. Why is everyone in their goddamn car? Most people don't have, really don't have a space. Anywhere they could do this. I think that a lot of people are like, where can I go that I can sit and talk and they can be quiet. That's true. It's good for sound. It's my car.

Really? I think so. It drives me nuts. I can't hear to anyone's opinion if you're sitting in a toilet. No, you're totally right. It's always a car. Yeah. It drives me nuts. I saw like, because now my algorithm is insane. I got the best curated algorithm for what I like. But you'll see like a girl being like, I'm going to eat this whole pizza. And you're like, in your car? Yeah, you have to do that in the car. Yeah. Maybe a picnic table. You do? You film ones in your car? I film, yes. Because sometimes like I'm in cars. I didn't know I was criticizing you. No, not at all.

I don't mind. I'll be in carpool lane, like waiting to pick up the kid or something. And I'll be like, oh, I should do this now because I only have this much free time. I also like to eat in my car a lot. I do everything in my car. Well, also, as a COVID-conscious queer. Yeah, exactly. COVID-conscious.

queer. Can you believe that's not an insult? That sounds like something I'd yell at her. COVID conscious queer. But now it's her identity. At least she was like, well, anybody really. She went back if you're a conscious human. She's inclusive, but I do appreciate the lengthy obnoxious explanation. She thinks it's really informative. She's letting us know. She thinks she's helping. I just said myself that

So can you not get in my ass? Thank you. We're definitely filming the ass. Pan down. Oh, and the person didn't? Yeah, that's cool. She's a world-class marathon runner. I saw this story. She's like, yeah, top tier. She finished in the top three on this one. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, that's a common thing to shit yourself in the face. Especially if you're the best in the world, right? Yeah, I think, yeah. But you think the best in the world would evacuate their bowels before the race? I think they have to. I think it's still...

It still can happen. Because don't forget, she's running at least 26 miles. Do you know why it's called a marathon? I just learned this. No. No. Um...

When the Greeks slaughtered all the Persians, you know that movie 300, that really happened. Not as cool, but it happened. A guy ran back to let everyone know that Greek was victorious. And he ran an estimated 26 miles to let everyone know. And he died from fatigue from that run to let everyone know that the Greeks were victorious. And that was the Battle of Marathon.

No idea. Very cool. That's very cool, actually. Thank you. That's the smartest thing anybody's ever said on the show. Yeah. That was like the most useful thing. That's a good one to know. I love learning stuff like that. I think that history is the best thing to know for comedy. It is. Whatever.

would help it helps a lot it wasn't funny right now but you know I liked it no I think it actually does inform yeah it gives you knowing things people like you'll reference a war and they go what are you talking about you go you don't know this yeah makes you look smart makes you feel smart yeah and then you can weave in the dumbest shit because you said something yeah yeah yeah that's true oh who knew that was in there so good huh this is like a oh shit this is like a DIY talk

Well, yeah, it's kind of on the coattails of horrible or hilarious. What do you think? It's very funny. It's hilarious. Yeah, that's great. Also, why is he doing his own demo? Save a few bucks. He's like, I can do this myself. That sucks so bad. Don't do this. Hopefully I just got his pants. I wish women knew the feeling of getting nut tapped. There's no way you can never explain it. You really can't. All right.

that yeah you're like you'd feel that and there's a delay i mean of course you'd feel it it would hurt you is what i'm saying like that that fragile yeah would hurt you i believe it those are fragile bits yeah those are carrying also when i was young i got hit in the nuts a lot

Sir Alex Ferguson said once, he plays 4-4-2, but that was 4-4-2 Reuter or that was 4-3-3.

I'll give you a million bucks. Wacking off the press. Can you understand what's happening here? Do you have any idea what you just heard? No. German? It's German spoken by an Irishman.

So he's got that accent, which German's hard enough. Yeah. Yeah, he's got the Irish. Yeah. Isn't that great? That's great. I thought that was pretty amazing. It's a good talk. Good pool. Right? Do we know what he was talking about? Sports. I should have won, but I didn't win. Yeah, exactly. We're going to try harder. Oh, shit. Look at that drop. This is a water sliding creek. Oh, fuck off, dude. Never. Never. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's insane. Oh, fuck that, right? Yeah, that's why we got the tube at the top part for like at Wild Wings. That would never pass here. Okay.

That's scary. That would be like week one. Somebody would fly off of that. Yeah. And I'd be like, it's shut down. They've seen us. So I know Bert would do this bullshit, but would you do this? No. This? A slide like that? No, I don't think so. I mean... I couldn't do it. Well, actually, I could if you had me... Oh, my God. I just feel like my luck, too, I would go right off of it. What? I would go right to the right. What, too? Yeah. Vicky had such a good career, you know? I died. Ruined it all with a stupid water slide. With a stupid Greek slide. That is insane, though. Um...

Getting work done. I don't think he's working. I think he's playing video games. You up for it? What does that mean? Who wants to suck me off? I know what it means, but I mean like why would he think that's going to help him work or whatever? I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. Again, is this for gays? Yes, of course. Yeah, no woman's going to be like, let me jump under the deck. If this guy's straight, he has never interacted with a woman. Right, and it's not going to work. But gay guy for sure. But he's got his pilot.

headgear on he's playing a video game no and you can't be entirely sure until working remote this shot lets you know that he's gay because the armpit you're right and this babe apropos the earlier discussion armpit is like you guys like that really guys like yeah fucking love smelling armpits gross oh what the fuck yeah it's such a gay pose

Isn't that a gay? There you go. We're talking about Luigi Mangione. There's no way that's him, right? Is it him? That's him. I think that's him. No wonder everyone's so into this guy. Yeah. But also, isn't that pose? The arm up to me. And the panties down. Also, this is a strong move by whoever censored the cock. Yeah. Because they make the bar super long. Yeah. Yeah.

It's smart. It is smart. Wait, what were you guys... Oh, the arm thing. Well, and the panties down under his knees. That's such kind of a gay guy thing, no? This episode's been so gay heavy. We're so into gay guys today. Well, we're just talking about they're a community that deserves representation. That's right. They're marginalized. Yeah, we're trying to show everybody. I love the gay stuff.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

It is. It is. It's amazing. Chicken. Fuck.

party room where you begin to celebrate making it before being buried above the head deep in balls i wasn't the only one that made it out though as i found this little guy in my pocket way after finishing that is an experience i can see how this could be some people's favorite fucking thing you know the people that just love i love horror nights and halloween things they've made a great documentary about these type of places yeah do you like haunted houses i love haunted house i don't like this kind of stuff but also the reason like um mcmanny manor i think it's called

It was one of the most extreme haunted houses. I think it's still going. Is that right? Did I say the name right? McManny Manor? McCamey Manor. Yeah. Anyways, the reason his was so controversial is because there's no safe word. Like this one, at any point they can leave. He said, I made it out, meaning like some people were able to go, ah, let me out.

That's the most extreme one. And they waterboard you. And there's no out. There's no safe word. That's why they think this guy should be locked up. He also films it, which is because he's a creep and he wants to watch all these people. Yeah, that guy in the middle is the guy who runs it. And also to get in, you have to do this waiting list. It takes years. It's a huge contract. Two dog food cans you have to donate, which is strange.

Really? That's part of it. Cool. I don't know why. I mean, it's cool that like you're totally crazy. Yeah, you have to be a psycho. The person doing that is completely insane. Sexual kinks for sure. Fuck. I also, this is a TikTok thing when he was doing, when he was explaining it.

I don't like the cadence in which he's... Why is it so... Some of those narration voices. I went into the things and then once you go through the 13 chickens, then you have to go to the electric thing that's being those. And then, like, why is that how he's explaining it? That's a TikTok cadence. The girls do too. I woke up this morning and had my matcha tea latte and then that was very delicious. And then I went into the... Yeah, I don't like that. It's just like a cadence that TikTokers... It's autistic-y. Yeah. It's very weird. Which was very tasty. Very yummy. Thank you. And you're like, shut up. Yeah, I hate the way he was explaining that haunted house. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, I saw this. New Zealand's youngest MP started though. Look at his face. This is so silly. It's like... It's so ridiculous. In Parliament? Doing their battle song? It's ridiculous. And we're all supposed to think, isn't it great? Yeah, it's close. So we look virtuous. It's ridiculous. Look at that. It's like, come on, man. He's fucking bullshit. Yeah. I hope you beat the USC.

It's fine on a football field. What are we doing it in Parliament for? The white guy faces are the best part. Oh yeah, terrifying. I kind of like the chant itself. I think it's pretty hard. Like, I like it. The chant goes hard. He's like, alright, cut the shit. The gallery is to be cleared.

All right. You guys did your little song. It's so ridiculous. And I know people are going to hear like, oh, he's being a dickhead about it. No, it's like, knock it off. Yeah, that's what you do like before the rugby game. We've also evolved. It is. I don't bring my gun into that parliament to go, it's my culture. This is what we used to do. We're all cowboys. This form of protest. We've evolved past you shouting some tribal thing. But have we, Jeff Dye? What are we doing? Have we?

The point is... And you go, hey, we got to all sit here terrified. The first time I saw it, I hated it. And now I've been watching it more and I like the actual chant more.

It's become funnier to you, right? No, now I see how tough it is because I watched a video about how they do those crazy eyes to scare the opponent. Well, they would do that. I've seen it a million times. In real battle, that's where that comes from. Yeah, I like that. I like it. It's pretty tough. But it's fun to see it against that guy. That guy is...

face on the bottom. That's why I'm against it. I'm not against them doing the haka. Is that what it's called? I'm just against them doing it in Parliament. The guy was dressed like Papa Shango and it's supposed to be like this civilized thing. I would love to hear this guy on the bottom summary when he got home. Telling his wife. Hey man.

And they started screaming, hollering, doing their dance. That's perfect. You know. Yeah. They did the whole thing. She goes, did they do the eyes thing? Oh, yeah, that was part of it. The handshaking. I tried to get order, and they kept popping in with some new ones. What'd you do? Oh, I just said, we're just calling it a day. We're just not going to do this. You should have seen Gary. He was fucking terrified. But you're right. That's what he did. He just called it a day. He was like, all right, we're done. This needs to be cleared. We're just done, y'all. Come on. The next day, he's like, are we going to do a fucking show again today? Yeah, I know. We're going to actually talk.

I hated it. I saw that video like four times and every time I was like, this is ridiculous. And read the comments. The comments are like so supportive. Like, isn't this beautiful? It's not beautiful. It's ridiculous. Also, if they were going to stick to the tradition, they wouldn't be wearing female pantsuits. Yeah. That's so disruptive. Yeah, that's not part of it. But I do enjoy the disruption. Disruption, yeah. I do think it's funny. It's funny. It was funny. I miss, but yeah, just seeing the white guy faces. It went worldwide, like globally viral. I'm sure. Well, she's making a good name for herself and that's good.

Pretty cool. Yeah. All right. Jeff, the podcast, excuse me, the special, The Last Cowboy in L.A. Yes. Is available on YouTube right now. Please check it out. And people can get tickets at jeffdye.com. Yeah.

I'm going to be all over. And welcome to Texas soon. Yeah, I'm moving here. Yeah, dog. I'm very excited. It's very exciting. I love it here. Awesome. I love you guys' show. We'll come back. Thanks for having me on. My mom's moving here too, so maybe you guys can become good friends. I'd like that. Yeah, is she cool? Very cool. She's fast. You'll love it. You'll be into it then. Yeah.

All right. Thank you for coming. Thank you guys for watching. We'll see you next week. Bye, Mommy. See this shit? Black fucking lighter.

Black Light

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