Dissed By George Lopez w/ Ralph Barbosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 736
01:33:31 Share

- This week on YMH. - Have you ever been with a goth chick? - Yeah. We got along really well. Like this girl's cool and her clothes was just so weird. She looked like a pirate. - You know how many motherfuckers call me Christine for 20 years? Like people that I'm really good friends with call me Christine. - Some of the Latin comics were like, just so you know man, in Mexico,

Me too. No vale mierda. They don't fucking give a shit about that. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. Eh.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, small more. Oh my gosh. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. She lives in my spirit. The oh my gosh lady. It's so layered because on the one hand it's just a great fart and on the other hand it's her like oh my gosh did I do that? It's coy. Was that me? Yeah. And that's some dude's like

That's what gets them going, you know? That's the best part about it. I wish you would start to get into my farts sexually. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Like the way the breath. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's like, you know, a titty slipped out. Oh, my gosh. Is that...

Oh, I didn't cover up. That's the way she just said that. You know what's fun is that, well, sometimes when I fart around the house, I do that for you. I go, oh my gosh. But you don't seem to be aroused. Yeah, that's different. I really wish you would. Okay. Yep. Do you think you can work on that? I will work on it. Can I say something? I've been eating so much Korean food and the sodium is just blowed in my face. I made sundubu from TikTok. I've been eating it every day for like two weeks now. Very exciting. Just so much sodium. Yeah.

Very exciting. Happy Thanksgiving, mate. Oh, I. I unfortunately had to spend it with family. I hope you guys had a good one. I am excited to I'm getting real bricked up. Oh, that's that's the term I use. Interesting. What's the term you use? Bricked up. That's what Depeche Mode gets me going.

Are you trying to say that you coined that phrase? I said it on the show first. You definitely did not. It's been said way before you said it. Not on your mom's house. Yes, it has. Who says bricked up? Bro, you want to look it up? Look it up. Okay. Okay, what are you saying though? So what are you talking about?

That 69 Minutes is coming to... Oh, that's exciting. 69 Minutes is coming to YMH Studios, and the pre-sale starts... Does it start next week? December 1st. Okay, in a couple days. This has Stavis in it, Stavros, Matteo Lane, Ryan Sickler, Joe List. Yes. Are You Garbage Boys, H. Foley, J.

From Kevin Ryan, Kersan, Jessica Kersan, Denny Brown. Yeah, it's loaded. It's fully, fully packed up with unbelievable talent. It's super fun. We've never put anything out like this. And it's going to be going on pre-sale in a couple of days. So look out for it. And we're super jazzed. That being said, let's play the opening clip. Let's get the show started. Ready? I saw the title. I like it. Okay, here we go.

Please, let's give a big round of applause and welcome back a time Grand Prix winner and one of the friendliest drivers in the F1 grid, Daniel Richardo to Oracle Red Bull Racing. Who is Randy? No way. No way, dude. No way. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Mom Segura. And Christina.

Welcome to your mom's house. Daniel, retardo, Daniel. Retardo, Daniel. My face is too puffy. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I don't want to drink that. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Daniel Retardo. It's amazing. I'm not retarded. She knew what she was doing. Can I tell you something? The irony is that she sounds like she has an Italian accent and his last name is Italian. Oh. You know? She's like, welcome to the Oracle, Daniel Retardo. But she should know how to say it, Ricardo, because it's Italian. Yeah. Daniel Retardo. He's so sweet, too. He's a teen.

He didn't even react. He was just socially like I was saying. He's a pro. He's just like, mm-hmm. He's like, thanks. That's me, old Danny. Danny, our word. We should sell jerseys for him. Do they have driver Formula One jerseys you can sell? Yeah, there's shirts like the ones. With Retardo? With Retardo on it, yeah. YMH supports Daniel Retardo. Yeah.

Formula One. Or a Colt Red Bull Racing. Fully retarded. Yeah. Fully retarded. It's pretty great. That's a great clip, man. Look at him. So sweet. I can't wait to send that to him and be like, I didn't know how to say your last name. Ricardo. Most retarded on this grand circuit. Yeah. Edgenold. Yes, sir.

We were discussing, why don't you have dreads? Aren't you supposed to have dreads by now? Yeah, that was kind of a whole process, right? Yeah, I mean, really what happened, as soon as it came up, you know, we were looking at the right venues and...

The whole process. Yeah, I don't know. I just, again, when I came up with it, it was more of like a funny thing. Like, oh, what if? But again, I kind of went into that assuming that I was not going to win that game. So it still kind of blew my mind that that happened. But once I was faced with the reality of it, I mean...

Yeah, I just, I don't want dreads. I don't want hair. It's fine. You're rocking the dome right now like me. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think 10 years ago me, I probably would have really, really been into this. You're not even tempted by looking to your right and seeing Zolo's full, sweet head of hair? I mean, listen, I want the curls, bro. The curls are tight. I want the curls back. That is what my hair would look like, too. That's the craziest thing. Really? The curls, that's where it gets to.

Join me.

But now, yeah, I don't, um, it was fun to have as, as an accessory, you know, growing up and whatever, but I just don't, I actually don't. I hear you. So that's fair to say you just, you don't want the thing that you thought you wanted and that happens. Yeah. That's normal. I think that's normal. Yeah. So, but I was thinking, I don't know if this is something you'd be interested in, but, uh, you know, you, you told me how much that was going to be spent on that, which was a lot. Um,

My thought was, what if we put that money instead into something that could be a little more fun and a little more, I don't know, including everybody here, which is, I mean, you mess with me with that hot sauce for a long time. What if we put that money in as some seed money?

And we actually tried to make a hot sauce together. Like a YMH exclusive hot sauce? Like an actual the best hot sauce is the best hot sauce. Hot sauce is the best. Yeah. That one. Sex is the best. Yeah. Do that one next.

Okay. So you're saying, yeah, we develop our own hot sauce. I mean, yeah, like I've, I've looked into the, you know, uh, kind of the logistics of how it can work and it's actually not a huge barrier to end. The biggest thing would be money to invest. Um, and I don't have that, but if I was given that money for that hair transplant instead, I mean, that's probably where I would put it. Okay. That sounds pretty cool. We could develop, uh,

What do you think of Nate? We have to come up with a name. I mean, the name, I mean, it has to be the best. The best. It's got to be the best. Oh, yeah, that's pretty funny. The best hot sauce? The best. Just the best. Just the best. Not Ennie's Black Hot Sauce? You know, I was, that was one of the potentials, but yeah, it didn't make it. I think the best. I'm just trying to think of marketing. You don't think that's a good idea? How about Black Ennie's Hot Sauce?

But he's mixed. And he's mixed hot sauce. Mixed. The mix. How about black and white hot sauce? Black and white? He's Filipino. Yeah, I got some Filipino in there. Black and white. It's too convoluted. It's too big. Okay. The best. The best. I like the best. But I don't know. I'm floating it. I'm floating it. I don't know if that's something you guys would be interested in doing. No, I like the idea. I do like it. Okay. And it's also like taking what would have just been, I mean, it's, you know,

what's it, a cosmetic thing and now instead changing it into like a business idea, which is kind of cool. I think it's fun. Yeah, I mean, I would just hate to have it end there, you know, because I do. It's like, you know, no hair. It's kind of not really the thing, but to

To have it in there is kind of, I don't know, it's kind of boring, you know? I like it. I'd love to keep it going. Okay. That sounds exciting. Let's take the next steps then. I'm down. And also, Annie, you are a connoisseur of hot sauce. That's true. So I'd be very interested to see. I would like to see what you determine is the best. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm down to go through it. You're going to have to go to a huge tasting thing, right? Oh, that would be fun to watch. Yeah, we work with a co-packer, and I imagine they'll give us kind of different... I'll probably lead them in terms of the taste of it, but yeah, then we kind of keep picking and getting to the right one. I'm down, dude. I'm down. Let's do it. Very cool. I mean, that's cool. Very cool. And eat.

You really need to take a shit. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit. Hey, when's the last time you took a shit? I'm pretty sure this morning. I took one this morning, yeah. Are you...

Are you regular now? I mean, pretty much. Like, after the basketball thing, that really, like... It changed you? Yeah, because I was eating... I mean, I'm not going to say I was eating right, but I was definitely eating, you know, something other than pizza and fucking chicken wings every single day. Sure. So it was... It kind of forced it, you know? I wasn't going to be able to do my usual thing. Yeah. Yeah.

So I kind of just, I don't know, came to terms with that. I mean, I just realized it was just a habit growing up. It's a habit. For so long, I just kind of needed to. Can I tell you, I thought of you because I was very constipated and I didn't shit for like two weeks. I've heard this. And the amount of caca...

It was like a basketball in me. And then I took two laxatives. I went to sleep and it didn't do shit, bro. So I woke up in the morning and I took two more laxatives. That's four laxatives in the span of like 10 hours. And then my dumb ass, I was like, fuck it. Nothing's happening. I'm just going to walk around Madison. I was in Madison, Wisconsin.

And then the fury hit me and I was like, fuck. And of course, like none of these fools let you just shit. You have to like buy something. Of course. I'll buy the fucking store. Yeah. It was wild how much came out of me. So you must be like, that was your constant. That was pretty normal. Yeah. Like, I mean, I'm actually surprised that you're saying four laxatives. It took a day for that to happen. That's how backed up I was. But then, but don't you, but don't you get constipated when you weren't shitting?

Like, I feel like, cause I was holding it in. Yeah. Isn't that kind of the definition? Yeah. Then how did you make a brown? Yeah. What you,

How did I make it happen? Yeah. I mean... Your body just told you, we really have to do it now? Basically, yeah. It would just be a big stall until I was like, all right, I guess it's time. We'll go in there and make this shit happen. But it was annoying. That's really what it was. It was just annoying. It was an annoyance to me. And it's so heavy. I was trying to exercise. I was like, ugh, I just want to die. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't move. Yeah. I mean, well, I'm all skin and bones, so I can handle it. Yeah, I got more fat on my bones.

That was the biggest one. I took a shit like, what was that? I think it was like six months ago. I weighed it. It was like six pounds. Dude. I'm not playing. I'm not playing. Six pounds. Dude. Yeah, that's significant. I feel like your shit could beat that though. Like your daily. No. No six pounders. Do you weigh yourself before and after? I'm trying to do a challenge.

I have, but it's never that significant. What is it? Two or three? No, nothing like that. Like fractions of a pound. Yeah. Workouts, sweat. Yeah, water. Lots of pounds. You get dehydrated. Yeah, you can lose like eight, nine pounds in a workout. Definitely. Or just when you sleep overnight, you wake up dehydrated. You do. And you sway yourself. It's true. It's true. Yeah.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.

Thank you.

Here, I got an update for you. Sure.

Wow. It's such a great life. Yeah, you can get hookers. Look at those teeth. Those teeth are something. It's like he doesn't know that prostitutes exist in America. No, you don't have to leave. You can go to Vegas.

Man up. So hot. He's so cool, Tom. Did he think he had his teeth done in Colombia, too? I got them down here the first week, baby. Such a great price. And I met so many señoritas that week. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

So hot, Tom? I never want to go back to the States.

Can you see yourself doing this? Yeah, this is awesome. The only thing that I wouldn't do is start a fucking TikTok channel about it. No. Just go do your thing, man. Yeah. You don't have to broadcast it. I know. That's why you're getting lit up. It's because why are you broadcasting it? I know. If you like hookers, it's fine. Anybody can do drugs, do hoes, do whatever you want. Why are you announcing it? I don't know. I'm just trying to let guys know you don't have to be sad back home. Come down to Columbia. Yeah.

It's for educational purposes. He's helping other guys get laid. That's what he thinks he's doing. It's really weird. It's strange. Yeah, it's a clout thing. He's doing it like somebody who has a car collection page. He's like, oh, check out what I got. I got this new 1968 fucking, you know, Beamer I've always wanted. That's how he's talking about hoes in Columbia. It's like, you don't have to share your collection. You can keep it to yourself, man.

Oh my God.

The minute you submit and give in to her, she wants more. Yeah. So this is why I don't give a shit. And I never will. I care about me, myself, and my money.

and my daughter and my grandkids. Makes sense. Yeah, so this is really the root of all this. When I go, why are you broadcasting it? It's because of this. Yeah. This guy's really... Somebody fucked him up. Fucked him up, yeah. He's got an ex-wife that took half his shit. He's really hurt. He's really upset about it. He got those teeth and he went to Columbia. Yeah.

Got on the T, got the teeth, worked out, and went to Columbia. Especially when people sell that line, the minute you treat them well. Yeah. Just ask for more. Take advantage of you. Yeah, it's the Tom Lakers thing. It's the dump that bitch. I don't spend a dime on these pigs. Yeah, how's it going?

But there's such a solid audience for that. Like, there's a whole crop of hurt men out there that are like, just die and eat this. Just dying for this. Well, yeah, this is reinforcing. Because there's this whole thing. If you ever read, like, comments...

Where it'll be like, this is what happens, guys. Like, I put her through school. I supported her. And then she left me for the... And then that guy stays that hurt guy forever. That's how he lives the rest of his life. We've known a few of those poor gents. They get...

People are so fragile. Yeah. They are so fragile. It's normal to be fragile. No, that's what I'm saying is that, but that's why it's like you, it's so gosh, you just think how lucky you are. If you do meet the right person that doesn't absolutely destroy you in your twenties or your thirties, you know? Goddamn dude. Yeah. I mean this guy, he's really beat up over this. This is all about like one woman. Definitely. This is all about one woman, man. Fucking Debbie. Yeah.

Could be a Debbie. It could be. She fucked him up. She's the reason he is tearing up fucking Bogota. Debbie. That's seriously it. He's getting AIDS in Bogota. And maybe like she got a good chunk of change and he was like, that probably is also the reason, honestly, why you, if you worked, I'm assuming this guy probably had a pretty good job, had a chunk of change, and then you part with half of it and you go, well, my lifestyle that I was used to is going to suck.

for him now, especially because you're already like 50. He's like, I don't want to go down to that lifestyle. What I'll do is I'll just change the location. Smart. You know? It's not a bad idea. Yeah. It's really not. I mean, the only thing that I would worry about is healthcare. The older you get, if you go to focus. Good pussy cures everything, baby.

platanitos and a little puss on your lips makes you feel better in the morning. But he's so jizzed up at his age. He's still so horny. He's teed up like your boy. Yeah, he's 20 years older than me. He's so horny. Do you think that is a real... Is that part of it? What is the hurt? Both. It's everything. Some of it's his wiring. Some of it's

compensating for how the hole that's left by the emptiness from being hurt by fucking Debbie, that cunt. Yeah. And then some of it is because he's got tea coursing through his veins, baby. You gotta put it somewhere. Here, let's laugh. Let's have something funny play. It's dark. Oh my gosh. It's the Muslim edition.

And he's like, stay there. Oh, fuck. That's not... Oh, my child. Oh, my child. He's like, watch this shit. Oh, fuck. Stop crying. That is not how to do that. Well, he's definitely going to be different. He's going to be changed. Oh, that's not how to do that for sure. Oh, shut up.

He's like shut up bitch. Look at him. He's like shut up. Shut up. Inshallah. Inshallah. Stop. Put your head down. Like that. And he lets him continue. Just beat the pain away.

Inshallah. Inshallah. Did you hear him fucking say that shit? Yeah. He's like, it's fine. This is what God wants. God wants this. That's what you want your doctor to say. Yeah, he definitely wanted me to be like. Inshallah, it's what God wants. It's what God asks. God is protecting your spinal cord right now. Oh, dude. That's gnarly. That's pretty cool. Oh, my God. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I had this thing happen to me.

Do you ever have like you're in a car like with an Uber driver and then like the minute I got into the car. Yeah. This man, I could tell he was lonely and sad. And so he was telling me about an open wound on his body. And he decided to go bathe in a lake. And the wound, surprise, got infected. No, really? In the lake? Yeah.

And he was in the hospital. With an infection? Yeah, for a long time. And then I was like, okay, well, I listened to that. He regaled me. Thank you. And I had just been on two different planes. Like, I was kind of ready to go check into my hotel. Yeah. And then I was like, okay, well, we're done with that. And then he keeps regaling me with more tales of woe. And then he gives me, like, the tour. And that's where the...

the farmer's market's going to be. And I got to tell you, I never get excited about a farmer's market. I could give two fucks about buying cucumbers on a Saturday. I don't fucking care. So, and then are you listening? Yeah, I'm listening. It gets way worse. So then he's chitty chatting so much that I start, I think I call you or I'm texting you.

And then he's chitty chatting so much, he misses the hotel. And that's when I lost my shit. You did? Inside. Oh, okay. No, inside. I was like, this guy, this fucking cunt just robbed me of my mental space. You have an infection in your eyes? You missed a fucking turn? Fucking... Stupid? Fatso. And then...

I got so angry though. But is that normal that I got so angry? Of course. Like I felt so robbed. Like he took my time and then he took my hotel time. Yeah. And you can think it and feel it and even tweet it, but you just can't yell at the guy. Don't tweet that. Yeah.

You can tweet it, cunt, stupid fucking driver. Oh, and then the worst part is I got him again on the way to the airport. And that's why I called you from the car. I was like, hey, babe. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk. Because I can't tell the guy, hey, I don't want to talk to you. You can't do that, right? Well, I just always... I get picked up with headphones on. You don't do that? I do that with over ear. Shit, man. I forgot. Yeah, I have them on. So when they're like, good morning, I'm like, what's that? Oh, good morning. And then I'm like...

I forgot about that. I just sit there with my. Fuck. And sometimes I'll go, yeah, yeah. But it felt like I was assaulted, you know? Yeah, it's horrible. Like it's an assault. Like they took something from me. Some people's personality is an assault. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're vampires. They drain you of your life force. They're not givers. They're takers. It's true. It's an emotional vampire. He's Colin Robinson from what we do in the shadows. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Hey, it's Kaylee Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price? Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels. So whether it's Cousin Kevin's kazoo concert in Kansas City, go Kevin! Or Becky's bachelorette bash in Bermuda, you never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the Priceline app today. Your savings are waiting. Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.

Same thing. Same thing. Dear Missouri, an Indigo Sky Casino, a Hellcat is coming your way. Just know that. I'll eat your heart. Cool. That's a lot of personality. That's a lot. I thought she was like a comic advertising that she's going to be. I actually thought it looked like somebody I... You've worked with. Yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't be surprised if she's got stage time under her wings. So she's just announcing that she's going to fuck up your time at the casino with you? That feels like it. She's going to be the drunk person? Unless she's a Dodge rep who's saying the new Hellcat's coming to the casino and I'm going to deliver it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. She's a lot. That's so lame, dude. Totally terrible. So lame. Terrible. What was Rob's, what am I seeing here with the jizz question? What is it?

Can you phrase the question properly? Oh, I have it in the text. So this is Rob Eiler. This is what Rob and I text to each other. And here's the thing. At first when I read it, I dismissed it. And then, of course, it fucking stuck with me. And I was like, now I have to figure this shit out philosophically. Okay? I don't know if you've ever discussed this before, but if you jerk someone off, who made the cunt?

Now, I think what he's trying to say is who caused the cum? Is it the one who jerks the person off? Or does it originate in the person who's being jerked off? Meaning like who's, right? Who's the cause, the causer of the cum? Yeah. Is it you or the source from which? It's usually the person touching the dick that is causing cum. They're causing, they made the cum. Did they make the cum? Well, they didn't make the cum. They made the cum come out.

So they're the cause of the come. Yeah. What is this? Exactly. They made the, well, it's like, I mean, think about it, but if you weren't there, it had, it would never have been made. It's like pizza. The ingredients don't make the pizza. The person making it does. This is what Rob was saying to me.

If not, and then I wrote back, I see what you're saying. If not for the stimulator, there would be no cum. Wow, that's deep, bro. I mean, don't you think about it? It's a very thought-provoking question. I don't think it is. I'm still, I mean... Who makes the cum? Whoever touches the dick is causing... I think you're wrong. So if a person blows a guy, a woman blows a guy, and the guy cums, you're like, no, the guy who's receiving...

He made it come. That's your thought. Well, it all depends on does where, what's the origin of the come? What are you? The origin is always in the balls and the prostate. Okay. So that's where come lives. So what, but, but the, those are two different questions. There's a causal relationship. This is, this is what I wrote back to him.

Now, this is a few minutes later. I'm like, wow. Now I'm thinking about your question. It would hinge on when a man produces jizz. Is it produced on demand or is it produced then stored for later? If it's the former, then indeed one giving the handjob can cause the come. If it's the latter, then the handjob giver is merely the usher of said come. Is come produced on demand? You have a philosophy degree. This is what I'm using it for.

But that's what I'm saying. Is jizz produced on demand? So then, therefore, the person giving the handjob is just the usher of the come out. Yeah, they're ushering the come out. That is true. It's a thought-provoking question. It is not a thought-provoking question. If someone jizzes in the forest and nobody sees it, does it even count? Well, you asked. You wanted to know. Yeah, I was. I was really thinking I would be hearing something a little more thoughtful than that. Listen, what Rob and I like to talk about. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

I thought about this for days. Days after he texted me, I was like, this is a very thought-provoking question. Have you and Diesel had sex? Yes, we did. And we both enjoyed it for sure. It is life-changing. I don't like it, I know. And this is very entertaining. I was a bit nervous for the first time, but not anymore. We both love it.

But some things in the bedroom have taken Brayden and Liesel by surprise. Yeah, just like my mom comes in and almost see us having sex in my room. First of all, is it legal for two? Legal? Hear me out. They're both of diminished mental capacity. They're childlike in nature.

Is it responsible as a society if we're late? What are you supposed to do, arrest them? No. Way worse. What? Snips. Sterilization. What? I mean, what? They're not so close. Yeah, that's why they do that in private, not in public. That's what? Tip of the day. Don't let the parents come in the bedroom.

Everyone's exploring us together. It's like a love intimacy as well. And also it's really changing of my heart. And it's really, really good with my guy here. And they have Australian accents on top of... Yeah. Which is really kind of different, right? You don't get to hear that. I didn't like that clip. I prefer not to...

Yeah. Yeah. Can I, can I, can I be honest with you? Can, can you look at me? Yeah. I watch a show called sex education. Leave that up. Yeah. With, um, uh, Connor Swindells is in it. He's a huge fan of the show. Hello, Connor. Yeah.

And we met him in London. Hello. Yeah, he's the best. He's on the show and he's also in the Barman, but he's a very, very famous actor. Any totals? There's the show Sex Education. And in season three, I'm watching Maeve, who's my favorite. She's the goth queen of the show. She's having an intimate physical relationship with a guy who's paralyzed from like the chest down. Different. That's okay. And it's so hard for me as a normie to like...

What? To wrap my head around an intimate scene between... Hold on, let me say it the way white people do, like normal people do. It makes me very uncomfortable to watch...

a scene like that. It made me uncomfortable, but I also like to think why, why did it make me uncomfortable? Well, I'm all for watching, uh, paralyzed people, um, discuss and have sex. I get it. Have you watched it though? Have you tried seeing it? No, I mean, I've, I saw that documentary that had, um, all the paralyzed athletes and they talked about their sex life and you're like, Oh wow. Cause you, you don't consider it. And then you're like, Oh, this makes sense. And you know,

I'm always for the bros getting laid. I mean, I definitely am cheering on all of them. But I just feel like, yeah, I think when I see people with diminished capacities discuss their sex life, I'm like, ugh. Because you feel like...

almost like this isn't right even though it makes sense like when you fully discuss it and you're like yeah of course they're adults and they're in a relationship I understand that intellectually it just is like it feels like you're supposed to intervene and go like guys no

I know. It's the same sentiment. I know. Because they're not, because I'll tell you why. Because you look at them and you're like, they cannot handle the repercussions of sex. Well, here's an interesting note. It says that if a Down syndrome couple were to fall pregnant, they have a 50-50 chance of a child, of having a child with Down syndrome.

The doctor said on the data on the number of Down syndrome children born from parents who have the condition was slim. But that means, doesn't that mean 50-50 that not having Down syndrome? Yeah. So that's 50 that they won't have, because it's a chromosomal anomaly. It's an imitation. Yeah, but that's kind of be fascinating to have two parents with Down syndrome and you're just like, guys,

Fucking get it together. Like you're, you know, like you're the kid. Just like, can I tell you something? I smell. Enough with the treats. We got to have some fucking, you know. You know what I smell? Protein. How about some vegetables in the house? A YMH Studios sitcom in the making. My silly parents. My silly parents. My goofy, my goofy folks. Somebody's laughing in the booth. Yeah. Smart Chad. He likes it. He's an intellectual. I wouldn't say like it, but it's funny. Yeah.

That's a really good premise for a film or a sitcom. Could you call it 21 minus one? No? I heard a laugh. Right? That's a good movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good show. Try and some Me 21? Or like a play on? No? Could you imagine, though, if your parents... I think mine were. I'm not convinced I'm not. I'm not convinced that... I mean, my mom's still here. There's no full report on her yet.

By the way, I felt this way when I did it. And we have, just so you know, 69 Minutes has a thing with my mom that I think is even funnier than the helicopter video. But for those of you that haven't seen it, there's a video on my YouTube page where I took her up in a helicopter on her 79th birthday and

And I planned with the instructor to do like wild stunts and just surprise her with it. And it went exactly as planned. And I don't think I've laughed harder until we did the thing for 69 minutes. But I've had so many people tell me that they're like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Like,

Because we had GoPros, so you have her screaming and praying, and she was hitting the pilot. And then I can't even see her, but I can hear her screaming, and I'm laughing so hard. I have tears coming down my face. It really was exactly what I dreamed of. Yeah. It was very funny. Her reactions were just so... It's so scary. Yeah. I'm just glad I'm not her. She was terrified. Terrified. Terrified. I'm surprised she lived through it. She's very frail, too. I mean, you have to understand, we took it to like...

we're at like 1200 feet and when i and then when i look at him and he's just like i'll take over he just puts us into a straight nose dive like just right and then pulls up at the last second then flies sideways in a ravine she's like she's like she was praying to jesus she i heard her at one point she goes think about your father

Like he would say if you did this. He'd probably laugh. Love it. Yeah. He probably would laugh. This is the stuff. He would, in front of her, he'd be like, tell me. But like, if I was like, isn't this funny to watch? He'd be like, yeah, it's pretty funny. It's pretty good. It is pretty funny. Pretty great. She's very, very, very freaked out. Yeah, she's very scared. It's funny to watch someone that scared. It's amazing to watch. Okay. Very excited for our guest. Why don't we take a quick break and we'll be right back.

And we are back and welcoming for the first time our guest who has a new special streaming right now on Netflix. You can see it. It's called Cowabunga. Give it up for Ralph Barbosa, everybody. Let him hear it. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam. Ba, ba, ba, ba.

Dude, congratulations. Thank you. Where did you shoot? Dallas, Texas. Oh, that's like, that's home. Yeah, that's home. That's rad. I wanted to shoot in like Chicago or Denver or something, but there's so much family that wanted to go out. I was just like, man, I'll just do this first one in Dallas. Yeah. And then I'll never do it in Dallas ever again. Yeah. Too much drama. Yeah, it's too much. It's too much. Family, people in your family don't understand.

that like it is a stress to have you guys at the show. It is. And then they go, how? And you're like, because it's just your presence is a stress. I've told them since the beginning, I do this for the strangers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Also, I don't need your support. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like,

I don't need your support. I don't need anybody's support. I wish I had it. Sorry, I should start by saying it. But like, I know that I was never going to get it. So I was like, that's cool. Like, I just want to be alone. I can do this by myself. Yeah. Because I think to be successful, you do have to be like, I'm self-motivated. I'm a self-driven engine. Yeah. I don't need my mommy and daddy. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, you know, stop texting me about what time the show starts and parking. Get the fuck out of here. And if there's food and blah, blah, blah. Or I'll even have this thing now where I'm like, if there's like insisting, right? Insisting that we, I'm like, fine, fine. And I try to put the, you know, coordinating on somebody. I'm like, talk to this guy. Like he'll sort you out.

And then I have to go like, by the way, I don't want to see you before the show. Oh, my God. Like, come see me after the show. Yeah. After is always better. And somehow I'll still find somebody back. I'm like, what are you doing here? Oh, we just wanted to come back. And I'm like, I just want, like, calm. Yeah, peace. Yeah. Netflix had this, like, photographer guy out there. He was, like, super nice and stuff. But it was kind of like...

Maybe because I was just so nervous. Yeah. And we're all sitting in the back in the green room. All I could hear was just like the clicking of the camera. And I was just like, hey, man, you think you could just like time out for a sec? Like, no pictures. Oh, just give me a break. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I like it when he's like. Yeah. And then that's the only thing you can hear. Yeah. I don't even know if I said the jokes right. I was just on stage like. Yeah, because they also drain your energy. Yeah.

These people before shows in your green room are talking to you. Yeah. I was also getting drunk a lot that week in that journey. Sure. Did you get faded before you shot? No. No, you had to go into that sober, right? Yeah, for sure. Did you tape two? Tape two in one night. And was it like the usual thing is...

You get the first one done and then the second one is what you mostly use. Did you have that or no? No, man. The first one was pretty good. That was the bones of it. The second one was bad. Really? I did two shows a night for four nights leading up to the taping night. And every show was awesome up until taping night. Those were the worst two shows. Yeah, it's always like that. It's always how it goes. My first one...

It was such a bummer. It was such a bummer, dude. My first, like no one recognizes it that much, but when we went to Minneapolis and I mean, I didn't have a name that could sell any tickets. So they're just like,

going up to people like, do you want to go see a comedy show? Like they're, they're, they're like barking on the street, offering people free tickets to a comedy specials. And then it's, it's at, we taped it at a place where they normally the symphony plays. So there you get like a more, I had like a more sophisticated, like, Oh, this will be like, um, you know, I guess a high brow thinker. And then I'm up there like, and I'm coming off of, um,

A hundred shows where I'm like, this thing is just like hitting. And you could, I mean, I think if you watch it through that lens, you go like, oh, this crowd's not like a hot crowd. It's just, they're just like kind of going along with it. But I remember getting off. I was like, that's fucking.

It was such a letdown of a reaction. I was used to like pop by that. Yeah. I get you, man. Yeah, it sucked. I don't know. I've been getting some pretty good positive feedback. Yeah, it's great. A lot of Illuminati comments. What? What? What do you mean? I don't know. I didn't think about it like this, but...

once they told me I could like design the stage I was like man I want checkerboard flooring because the it's like a really small theater where we taped it at and it's right across the street from the barber shop that I like grew up getting my hair cut set and I worked there for like a long time I was a barber

And so, I don't know, checkerboard floors remind me of like old school barbershops. Yeah, totally. So I put checkerboard flooring to kind of like pay homage to the shop. And then I did the red lights on the curtain because, I don't know, it just popped. You know what I mean? Yeah. Also kind of reminded me of like Super Mario.

It's a cool stage design. Yeah. It looks good. And apparently checkerboard flooring and like red is associated with like the devil and like the Illuminati. Oh, cool. Even better. But I don't know why people are like, like, I see the signals. You can't hide it from me. I've never hit it. I've always told people I am the Illuminati. Yeah, dude. This is, it's super solid. How long did you like, did you tour with this before you shot? Just like a year. A year? Yeah. Yeah.

About a year, something like that. Maybe 10 minutes of it. Maybe not even...

was like pretty new I kind of regret putting it in there that's always how it goes but you gotta have you gotta have a regret when you do a special you have to but like other comics that I talked to were like nah just put it in just whatever whatever is like the funniest stuff that you think is the funniest just throw it in there it's like this dude if you didn't put that in you'd be like man I should have put that in there because it's going to be dated by whatever by the next time so you just always having regret means you actually care about it it's a good thing nice you're 27 so

So how long did you, when did you start doing standup? I think I did my first mic when I was like 18 or just to 19. That's awesome. Something like that. Fuck, I wish I would add that kind of forethought. And then you go all in pretty much or? Nah, nah, nah, nah. I did it like a, can I cuss on here? Yeah. Oh, I did it like a pussy. Like I did a mic where they gave me three minutes. I did like a minute and a half. Yeah. I got yelled at. So I got scared. I was just like, all right, my time fucking took off and.

I didn't go back to it until like, I don't know, five months later. Okay, yeah. That's kind of a normal way to start. Yeah. Then I did another mic. Then I did it like another four months after that. And then I just kind of kept going back. And eventually, I just kept doing it. I stopped doing the like. So I remember seeing clips of you. I think it was, I want to say, either one to two years ago.

Where it was produced. It was a production, right? Like an HBO thing? Yeah, it was HBO. Yeah. Yeah, and that was really funny. That was great. Oh, thank you. I thought that was really good. And then I remember I saw you out with Burt on the Fully Loaded stuff. Yeah, shout out to Burt. Shout out to Burt. And then this. I mean, things couldn't be going better. This is fantastic. Yeah. Burt's tour was like the pinnacle of like...

Like, holy shit. Like, things are happening now. Yeah. Because we were on a tour bus. I, like, man, I've had trouble sleeping, but on that tour bus, I slept like a baby. Right. And then there was, like, you know, snacks, drinks. I didn't drink too much. There was mushrooms. Yeah, he has those, too. Yeah. It's part of his diet. Can I ask you, because I heard this thing, but I don't know, I really don't know anything about it. Okay. Did you have, like, a beef or get?

Dogged by George Lopez? George Lopez. He just... He just... On this podcast... On his podcast, he had that dude Steve Trevino on. Yeah, I remember Steve. And something about like... I guess Steve kept bringing me up and... Just like, hey, here's a funny dude? Nah, Steve was saying something like... I don't know. He was like, we gotta help. We gotta help the young guys. You know, like... We gotta help the Ralph Barboses of the world. Which, by the way, I've never met Steve in my life. But...

But it sounds like he was still waiting on that help. But it sounds like he was trying to say, like, let's lift somebody up. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I've always heard the stories with George is like he's very anti lift people. That's cool. Very nice. But yeah, he was just like, nah, he's like, fuck that. And every time he said my name, I guess George was getting mad and George was like, who the fuck is that guy? Like, don't say his name on here. Fuck that guy. And and then that kind of. Yeah, man. Mexicans were pissed.

Yeah. And a lot of people just started blowing up his comments. There's like 30-year-old Mexican dudes who sounded like 12-year-olds. They're just like, fuck you, titty bitch. Like, damn. Really? Yeah. But it wasn't like personal animosity, right? Because he didn't know you. I think he could have brought up anybody's name and he would have been like, fuck that guy, whatever his name. I got you. I'm stoked. The Latin comedy world, it's time for new blood. I love you. I love Frankie Quinones.

That's cool. This is great. What about fucking Tom Segura? You know, your comedy set in Spanish was the first Spanish set I've ever seen. Really? Yeah, at the Addison Improv. It was like a few years ago. No shit. It was fucking hilarious. Oh, thanks, man. Me and my buddy Jesus. Oh, Jesus Trejo? Oh, that guy's funny, too. He's great. That guy's amazing.

You guys went to that show? No, not that Jesus. Another Jesus. I know quite a few Jesuses. You and your buddy went to that Spanish show. Yeah, at the Asian Improv. You had other comics from Puerto Rico and stuff there. Yeah, it was cool as hell, man. A couple of the Puerto Ricans I couldn't really understand. It's so different, right? The accents and the slang. And you'll be like, I speak Spanish. Then you'll meet someone and you're like, oh, fuck, I guess I don't speak Spanish. And then like...

Well, the good thing about that tour, because I was supposed to be gearing up to shoot one in Spanish. And I had Richard Villa with me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Richard was there, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And Richard's, I mean, he's a really good comic. He's also incredibly proficient. But he's also really good at performing. Like, he can perform, obviously, in English. But he really knows, like, the Latin crowd. And he was the one who early on was like,

Just know that like when we're touring, because we were doing, we did some Cali shows, Arizona and Texas tour. It was supposed to go on from there, but he's like, dude, 90% of these crowds are Mexican. So you're going to perform for Mexican people? Just like...

And then starting to tweak little things, whether it's an expression. He would tell me, he's like, oh, yeah, when you say that, it's going to make sense to you, but people are going to be like, they're not used to that expression. So you should do a joke about your expression. You know what I mean? Because I was saying things that are so specifically Peruvian, because that's just what I know. He's like, you've got to explain that. So that was a huge help, knowing that the audience, yeah, they speak Spanish, but they're not used to saying that. Yeah.

Yeah. There's different types of Spanish. That's cool. He was like molding you like a Kung Fu master. Yeah, he was. He was, dude. Of Mexican anecdotes. Of Mexican anecdotes and like,

He would give me a tag. I'd be like, what? He goes, trust me. Mexicans will be like, trust me. Say taco. I was like, okay. And then I would do it and he would be like, what I told you, man. I was like, okay. It was hilarious, man. I honestly think it's way funnier to see somebody perform in Spanish who's

who doesn't usually speak Spanish. That's not their first language. I mean, part of what makes something funny is like vulnerability. Totally. And when you're speaking in a whole other language, it's like, I don't know, twice as vulnerable, twice as funny. You're so much more vulnerable. Also, I was telling those guys that, you know how when you're working a weekend at the improv studio

and you're the middle act for a huge name, right? Like a big name is in town, and you're middling. And there's a certain type of nerves that comes from that. It's packed. All the shows are sold out, and you're like, you have a little bit, right? And the longer you do it, like 10 years from now, some of those nerves, they just start to fade. You still have butterflies about new bits and will this work, and oh, this crowd is enormous now.

But when I was doing those Spanish shows, I felt like I was a first year comic opening for a huge, like I would be, I mean, with my notebook, you know what I mean? It was like bringing me back to that very vulnerable state of like, oh my God. And then you inevitably fuck up what you're saying on stage. Yeah. You know, and, but like the crowd was so supportive because they were like, you don't normally do this.

And they had that thing where they were like almost cheering you on. Yeah, hell yeah. They wanted you to win. Yeah. You inspired me that show. Not to like do Spanish comedy, but you went up there in a Nike hoodie. And before that, I was really self-conscious about what I want on stage. Yeah. I was like, oh man, you're wearing a Nike hoodie. I can do whatever up there. Okay.

Cool. You got it on today. I wore this last night. I haven't even showered. I'm inspiring, man. Yeah. I performed in front of a bunch of Mexicans last night in a Nike hoodie. Where'd you go? Check me out. I'm the new Tom. Where'd you go? I was in Irvine, California. Oh, last night. Last night. Oh, wow. So you flew in super early? Yeah, I got here. I got my rental and I came right here. Nice, man. How was Irvine? That's always a blast. That's a good crowd.

good crowd for you maybe yeah it was like it was like 50 50 nah um it would just be like one really good show like just i don't know and then and then the other show i just man i don't i'm trying out new materials yeah that's how it is yeah um so yeah one show i mean the crowd would just be one but your special just keeps to me the the worst feeling but also you know that it's going to be

good later is in the first couple of months when a special comes out because it can't be all great and it sucks but you know you have to go it's like you're training you're like yeah you're like fuck and you leave shows like bummed out i'm like damn the the first set of shows i mean it would have been cool if the special came out and we're doing like maybe like a smaller club but that room is big like 490 it's like a small theater yeah i'm like damn man it's like that's a lot of people to

They're like, yeah. Because they gave me good feedback on the special. They're like, yo, we saw your special. Awesome. I'm like, cool. I'll see you in there. Yeah. And I just have to. I always start when my shows, my first shows back are like in hundred seaters.

When, like, to start new, new. Because I just feel like it's... New, new. You know? I'm still learning the ropes here. Yeah, well, I mean, try it. Try it. Some of the shows would be awesome, though, but then other shows, like, not so much. Yeah, I like hearing that. You know what I like to do is, like, the B rooms in, like, whatever, like, in Cap City, I'll do, like, the small room, the red room, and then at Joe's Club, I'll do the side room. Yeah, I like that, too. The little boy. Just, like, 100 people, like you said. Just, like, so if I fucking bomb it...

You know, you're here. He saw me make the sausage. It failed. Sorry. Yeah. Who cares about those hundred people? Yeah. They'll sink on the cruise one day or something. Yeah. Nobody will know. Okay. So here's a really fun thing we're going to do. We found these videos that people record in prison for basically like it's like their dating site. So they get to post these videos and ask questions.

you know, for people to like, Hey, do you want to reach out? Hit me up, hit me up. Um, but what we do is we play the video for you and then you guys guess what this person is in for. Okay. Yeah. Okay. It's, it's a trip though. I'm going to warn you because sometimes you'll think like this person's really sweet and that's the guy that murdered his whole family.

Yeah, but sometimes, you know, yeah, sometimes it's somebody who's like, this motherfucker looks tough, and he just like, he forgot to make a payment or something. Yeah, it's a pretty fun game. But yeah, sometimes it does line up with what you think. It's all about, you know, where you think it's at. Face the name and put a face it is. You might recognize it from the one you fantasize about cheating on your boyfriend with. But yeah.

Yeah, I figured I'd say what's up. Hopefully I hear from you soon and you're having a good day and all that shit. Oh boy. That's all I got. Ew, ew, ew. I mean, I'm not even looking. I sense very psychopathic traits in this person, you know. I think the first word you said was meth. I agree. I'm smelling drugs. But maybe he had drugs on him, but while he was committing another crime. This dude was probably like, you know, robbing a car.

or something that he could coupon. Yeah, I'm going to agree. I think it's like, he was a junkie and he, he fucked, he stole and he got caught stealing for drug money or something. You guys are starting off real warm. Oh no. Uh,

He has been arrested for robbing a coffee shop at gunpoint, fighting a police officer, and forging a fake check. Yeah, that's pussy shit. Fighting a cop. He'd do a mess to fight the cop. I like how he robbed the coffee shop and forged the fake check. Oh, yeah.

Because one of those is really like meth head robbery gun to somebody's face. But the other one, I just imagine like some catch me if you can. He's in a hotel room, like very strategically cutting a check together. It's so strange to have. Well, it's just so strange also to have both charges. Like I got a fake check. Yeah. Oh, okay. And I robbed.

The place at gunpoint? Yeah, that's right. It's usually one or the other. You're either trying to be sly and slide that check in where nobody notices, or you're putting a gun in someone's face. That's what happens. It's usually not both. You're trying to slide the check in. You take this? No? Okay. Here we go. Maybe while he's robbing them, he's like, give me your checkbook. And then he's like,

I'm writing fake shit on here. I think he has his tongue split, too. Oh, cool. He's one of those guys. Yeah, those are cool. That's Andrew. Here's... Andrew Bryant. Here's Branson. Let's see what Branson's up to. Oh, shit. Oh. No eyebrows. No words, either. Is that the video, bro? He's just like, check me out. He's not going to talk? Bro, he's not very bright. Well, he's looking at people. You know what? He doesn't like... Oh. Ooh. Oh.

He wanted to be vulnerable. Yeah. But at first he was waiting for the people to clear and then he's just like, no one's clearing out. Matrix plug in the back. Yeah, it's a really interesting cut. All right, now we guess? Now you can guess. That's the whole clip? That's the clip. He doesn't say a word. By the way, this is unprecedented. Yeah, we've never had somebody like this. All right, that's murder. That's straight murder. People who are that much in their head have done, they see blood. Yeah. Hold on.

The teardrop, that's a gang. So he's definitely gang shit. So he's killed people, yeah, in gang stuff. Okay. He's a psycho, though. So here's a what and a why. Okay. So what happened was he was arrested for stealing a car, running from the police at over 100 miles an hour, then running on foot,

He was also arrested on drug charges. He had one pound of meth, a bunch of fentanyl, and nine grams of heroin. And he's locked up until 2030. But he is eligible for parole next year. Oh, that's not too bad. Yeah, it's definitely not murder. But see how the look definitely says murder. I mean, I believe that, too, but it's just drugs. That's crazy that the judge looked at this guy and was like, he'll be all right. Right?

He's eligible for parole tomorrow. Yeah, he's all right. He'll definitely fit right back into society nicely. Nine pounds of heroin and how many pounds of meth? A pound of meth. A pound of meth. Yeah, it was here. It's...

It's one pound of meth, nine grams of heroin. Nine grams of heroin. And fentanyl. He had some fentanyl. And some fentanyl. The fentanyl is really scary stuff. That's the scary shit now, yeah. I feel like if it had just been meth and heroin, they were like probation. Yeah, yeah, right. Fentanyl is what gets you locked up. Look at this friendly face. This guy's all right, man. When those eyebrows go back, you can reenter society. Bro, look at how elaborate those tats are, too. It's the package.

But then again, the guys that have the elaborate package, they don't do a whole lot of shit. It's the guys that look like Mr. Rogers that have murdered people. Typically, we found that quite a bit. Yeah. Like the real clean cut guy who's like, hey, I'm just...

I like rainbows. I like drawing. Those are the guys that don't express themselves enough. It's like triple homicide. That's why sometimes you got to get that crazy tattoo before you end up murdering people. You got to express yourself. You got to express yourself. Yep. And that's drugs. Hey, my name's Ty. I'm from Boise. I'm 6'3", 250. Whoa. Shit. I love language, domestic violence.

Now I'm just playing. But if you like to struggle snuggle, hit me up. Struggle snuggle. He's not playing at all. Clayton. Yeah, he's killed. He's killed a bitch. This guy. He's killed a girlfriend. Assaulted a female in his family. Probably his mom. This guy hit his mom. That's why he's in jail. I love this game. Guys. Yeah.

trafficking heroin oh wow no tattoos I feel bad that's a little more respectable than hitting your mom than beating his mom he's a businessman my love language is domestic violence that's what he says that's wild that's adorable I guess when you are guilty of one thing you're pretty honest with the other things you know oh yeah I shouldn't have went for punching moms it's too obvious

Right. He's not who you think he is. That's what they say about Clayton. And what's curious about this guy is that he's not with Jen Pop. He's in a hidden... He's like in a rec room right now. A communal area. He's a snitch. Could be. Why is he in this suite room? Yeah, he's got the television on. This is the fucking presidential suite. Yeah. That looks better than my room at my dad's house. Right? Look at that TV. They hung it up. Yeah, it looks nice, man.

This guy scammed somebody. He's got a beautiful voice. He tricks you. There's clues in this one. Yeah. This guy knows how to scam. He knows how to make you look over here so he can really, you know, poke you over here for doodling you.

All right. Yeah, yeah, I agree. He's the Nigerian guy that calls you, right? And takes your fucking money? Yeah. That guy sent me emails. Bro. Yeah. I'll tell you, you fucking nailed it. Yeah? You nailed it. In 2015, he stole credit cards and was caught. Then in 2016, he stole jewelry from his girlfriend's grandma and pawned them and was caught. Then he got arrested for a final time for being on drugs and stealing. Yeah.

It's all scam related stuff. Yeah, he's just a piece of shit. He's not like a real criminal. He's just kind of a piece of shit. As soon as I saw him singing, I'm like, don't go near my grandma. Yeah, exactly. She will fall for this guy. The charmer. Yeah.

One last guy. Hopefully we land on a sweetheart. I'm 28 years old from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. I'm 6'1", 210 pounds. I love tattoos. Hanging out with family and friends and working out a lot. I'm looking for some people to get to know and to talk to. So if you're interested, get a hold of me.

he's he's an absolute murderer he's killed us i gotta say jacob that's a nice video i like the like friends and family let me see like what you're oh interesting okay yeah so he's out of his mind that guy's so nice he's so nice he's so nice don't fall for it i i guess if i have to guess this guy like got really mad and maybe killed his best friend or something like that hmm

Maybe a relative just out of anger. I think he's so... Okay, Jacob, this is in Idaho. He's a kind of a crackery white guy. He comes from a crackery family where they suppress all their feelings. He grew up like a Christian or something like that, right? This is getting deep. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I know this kind of, this is like a bullshit artist, this guy. So he's going to pretend like he's together, but the darkness is so dark and so deep. Probably hates his dad because he always wanted to buy like Froot Loops, but his dad was really like big on like Kellogg's and Special K or something. Didn't let him slice any bananas into there. Right. Drive him mad, you know? That's right.

That's right. No name brand cereals. No nothing. No Pop-Tarts with the frosting. I believe you said nice guy who like popped off one time and did something crazy. Yeah. This guy has like a temper. Yeah. Well, he was arrested for attempted strangulation.

And then violating his probation. So he tried to strangle the- Doesn't say. I wish we knew. That's where the real juice is at, is in the who. In the who, yeah. For sure. Tracy. Who's a girl, who's a bitch. Yeah. So, but isn't that a fun game? They met in church group. I like that, yeah. I mean, I don't like that he strangled the bitch, but again, this is a fun game. It is fun, yeah. I hope, I don't know, man. But I don't be afraid that all of these people are going to see this and then form like a sinister six against me. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, remember when you judged us? No, they all show up at the same time. I'll let the front roll of my neck show. Peace and love. Peace and love. You said I was a piece of shit, dog. You thought I had men?

Have you ever done that? Every heterosexual man should experience anal penetration. Full stop. Just to understand the vulnerability of it. Just to understand what it's like to have a pussy or if you're going to penetrate a woman's asshole. Like, to really get what that feels like, it changes the game of how you approach it. I get it.

If that's the rules, then you got to get a dick attached to you. I'm going to experience you. You got to experience me. There you go. Yeah. Get your dick on. Yeah. That's not fair. Get your dick on. Get a real dick, not a strap on. Get a dick. Have a dick attached. I would love to have a dick attached. So not. It's French.

Why not? But I don't think getting stuff in your butt is the same as getting it in your pussy. Those are two different feelings altogether. Yeah, I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure butts and pussies are two different... Different feels. You know, actually, doctors agree with you. They say that...

pussies and assholes are quite different quite different look at those tiny little tits look how they fit into those tits I also like that she's actually making this really impassioned plea yeah and it sounds almost sophisticated but then she's just like she's like in their asshole this

understand what a pussy feels like so like the language choices kind of diminish what she's saying and she went British she was like full stop and like first of all bitch is that like a British term order they go full stop it's all absolutely but

But she's not, you know. She's like this porn star ambassador. Yeah. She's like, I speak for the pussies and assholes of a lot of women. Speaking of pussies and assholes, this is actually something I'm so excited to share. So there's been this thing. It's been going on for the last, I would say the highest point has been the last year about censorship of books. Like what kind of books should be in libraries for kids? And, you know, people are like pushing back on,

the drag Queens. And, and so I guess the, um, this is Senator, uh, Kennedy, uh,

He's reciting sections of All Boys Aren't Blue and Gender Queer. And this is like in D.C. at a hearing. This is amazing. And yeah, it's really fucking, it's just hilarious to see him. And then you can see the face of some of the people who are listening to him read it. I put some lube on and got him on his knees. And I began to slide into him from behind.

Yeah.

It was the worst pain I think I have ever felt in my life. Eventually, I felt a mix of pleasure with the pain.

Don't you feel like he's done this in his life? I've never been hilarious. He was just like, oh, shit, this is the script. This is my notebook. I like that he performs it, though. Yeah. He performs it. That's the difference. There's a lot of soul in my ass. My ass. I want that to be. I got a new strap on harness today. Oh. I can't wait to put it on. I can't wait.

It will fit my favorite dildo perfectly. You're going to look so hot. I can't wait to have your cock in my mouth. I'm going to give you the blowjob of your life, and I want you inside out.

I love this. I could watch him all day. I got that last look. Y'all want that in the school? Huh? Hell yeah. Only if this guy reads it, though. This guy should do a tour, like, one of the children's libraries. Hell yeah. The dry your pussies up tour. Can you imagine this guy trying to get you all turned on? Turned on, yeah. This was my ass.

I wish you would do all pornography. You should do it all for sure. I can't wait to have your cock in my mouth. The best part is the lady who's laughing. The only one. Dude, if you were in that room, if I were in that room, they'd have to kick me out. I'd be fucking hyperventilating. 100% escorted out. I'd be like. This guy needs to do audio books. Yeah, that was incredible. Unbelievable. You have to write in your next book a pornography scene and hire this guy to write that excerpt.

He'd be like, I'm not for your amusement, young man. This asshole is not for your amusement. I should put this on my outgoing voicemail and just have it say, I'm going to give you the blowjob of your life. Did you guys read this stuff in high school? I don't remember anything like this in high school. I keep hearing that a lot of these books that are getting banned are like,

in schools or for like kids books supposedly yeah but I don't remember I would have remembered that I remember that too I would remember that so much but no they I read the Odyssey not enough sex in that one if you ask me what was um my god what's the fate was it Mark Twain

Oh, and I. The N-word one. N-word Jim. N-word Jim was in there. That was a biggie. Yeah, that's why you read it. You were like, I want to see this. Yeah, you're like, I want to see the N-word 400 times in a book. No, I didn't read his ad. That didn't catch her in the rye. He said fuckers, I think, in there. Then you see that. That's kind of rad. That's cool. Yeah, it's like exciting. But I think we would have all been like, yeah, get strap-ons and dildos, blowjobs. I would have been like,

I would have given a presentation. I'd like to present to you. I'm petitioning to read this. I read this three times last night. A thousand words essay? I'll give you 3,000 words. There you go. Easy. A++. It's actually smart to get kids reading stuff like this. This is how we motivate teenagers to read, dude. What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with y'all? I think you got to expose people and, you know, makes them wiser, more mature. Yeah. Sometimes you got to talk about

It's looking cocked. Dicks and pussies and dildos and assholes. Yeah, you don't want a kid graduating high school not even knowing how to give or receive a blowjob. That's so true. Yeah. And I do want drag queens reading to my kindergartners. Yeah. You do, pay attention. You find yourself quicker. You know what you like or don't like. That's true if they're into that. I don't know. There's a thing that happens though. Drag queens, sometimes they get mislabeled. Have you ever seen? Please tell me we have this. Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about this for a week.

Looks like he's having a nice feast. She, she, she, her. It's okay. It's all good. But it was not all good. I use she, her pronouns. I'm not sir. Yeah. Like it, it's like a knife in the heart. Yeah. I also, I did specifically ask ahead of time not to be called sir. Yeah. I'm just going to go.

I have so many thoughts. The sweet water starts at... Okay. Not... I'm so sorry. I apologize. He's just always like a knife. It always hurts. Every single time. I was wondering if there's a manager I could talk to about something that happened. Yeah, I was called sir. Oh, okay. It just really sucks every time it happens. I don't need to be called ma'am. Like, here's the deal. I understand you have your preferred pronouns. I get it. But he's like...

He's like shitting. Sorry. She is like shitting on busboys. Yeah. Like bus, like people that are just fucking working. Like if you've worked in a restaurant, you know that the staff is not worried about the motherfuckers gender identity. Can I point something else out? Not only does she set up a camera, but she has a microphone clip. This is all set up for this. For outrage. If I'm the busboy, I'm like, like,

lady, bro. I barely even know English. Right. Let alone your pronouns. Fuck your pronouns. Sorry, señor. But also too, like, okay, she has a pretty decent receding hairline. The hair is not

for a lady. First, I think if you're going to, you know, make the change, transition, first part of the operation, jawline. Yeah. You got to look at yourself and know like, I'm a handsome fucking dude, but if I'm not going to be a dude anymore, well, I got to like chip away at this. I don't know. I don't really have much of a jawline. I could be a chick. Yeah.

You have a slender frame. Yeah. I bet if I was at a restaurant, I would not have that problem. They'd be like, here you go, ma'am. I'd be like, thanks. I'd be like, can you call your manager? You are amazing. I couldn't compliment you. And they're like, the lady, the beautiful lady over there wants to talk to the manager. I feel like when somebody like that also causes issues and makes videos, it makes it really hard for the entire team

trans community, I guess. Because whenever I'd go stay with some friends in New York, we'd go a lot to the whole Brooklyn comedy scene, which is very different. And it was my first time being around a lot of that kind of stuff. And I'd mess up people's pronouns. And not once did anybody was like, ah, what the fuck? You called me the wrong thing. They're just like, nah, I get it. It's all right.

They're like, you're just some guy, not that important anyway. Yeah, sure. That's the thing. This is outrage content, though. It's outrage. This individual goes to a restaurant. Imagine going to a restaurant and the first thing you do is you set up your camera and you turn your mic on and then you're like,

It's going to wait for someone to say one wrong word and then make content about it. This lady has like her fifth order of oysters. They're like, man, you've been here six hours. Also, dude. Okay. I get that you want to be called a certain thing. Guess what? I want people to call me the right name. You know how many motherfuckers call me Christine for 20 years? Like people,

that I'm really good friends with call me Christine and I've never corrected them. It's true. You're just like, I guess I'm fucking Christine, bro. My name is Raphael. I've never once told people call me Ralph. It just happened. It just happened. It just happened. It's her name. My favorite thing is before I went down

to Mexico to do a show they were some of the Latin comics were like just so you know man in Mexico me too no vale mierda like they don't fucking give a shit about I was like okay cool yeah and neither do the fucking and then she's complaining to like the Chinese owner of the Chinese restaurant she's like what your pronoun I don't give a fuck about your pronoun dude no one gives a fuck about you you pay you pay just pay dude I'm offended about my pronouns

The dude's like, lady, I'm in a fucking... I'm about to get deported tomorrow if I want to go to court. I'm trying to get my citizenship. No one needs to talk about your pronouns, baby. Please chill on me. Yeah, exactly. I'm just... I'm offended. All right, you want to tell Rafael what you're going to watch now? Oh, Rafael. See, see. I'm so pumped. TikToks? Yeah. Oh, man. Do you like TikTok? Man, I hate TikTok. Really? But...

I'm down to watch whatever people say to me. But it's because you're on the wrong side of TikTok. That's probably it. I haven't put in the time to let the algorithm get to know me. She's got a very specific lane. You might leave here really sad or really amused. But I like the outliers. I don't like normal people. So it's not cute stuff. It's dark shit. Here we go. Here we go. This is all... Just remember, however you feel, it's on Christina. Okay.

There you go. Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy. Christmas time is here. That guy killed that dog and stuff. Happiness in a chair. Fun for all the children call the favorite time of year. Okay, this is like a two and a half minute. You don't like the Charlie Brown Christmas music? You know how...

scary this guy is. Yes, that's why I like him. And here's what I like too is that he really gets the sadness of the song Christmas Time. Yeah, he does. Some people miss the undertones of depression to this number. He nails it. Look at that guy's boobs. I'd call him a she. I would not mistake him for a she-her. That's a she-her for sure. He's so sad. Maybe he needs to go to Columbia. Snowflakes in the air.

Carols everywhere. Okay. Why the dog? Why is he putting the hat? Oh my God, that is a stuffed bulldog. I thought you were joking. That's not a real bulldog. Oh, I thought I saw emojis now. You still fucked up from last night. Nah, that guy killed his dog and stuffed it for sure. For sure. Yeah. He probably talks to it. He's like, I'm sorry. This tingles.

I told you to stop barking. I just wouldn't listen that day, and I took it too far. Here I am, Buckingham Palace, home of Queen. Freddie Mercury House is here. Freddie Mercury, very good homosexual man. He has mustache like Joseph Stalin. He is my favorite. This is my uncle. That is definitely a good reason to like... That's funny you say that's my uncle, because I'm getting uncle vibes from him. That's like stuff...

I have uncles that say stuff like they're very good homosexual man. Very decent person. They have to qualify it. Like he's gay, but he's not. All right. He's all right. Yep. America needs to know that these these blonde girls are not where it's at. It's it's the goth girls that we're looking for. You see a girl in fishnets who doesn't talk to anybody. That's the one for you.

That's how I met you. Thoughts? Literally how I met you. I literally met you. Yeah, I know. I met you in fishnets. Yeah. 100% certain you were a working girl sitting on sunset. And I was like, man, I wish I had another 60 bucks on me. Thanks, babe. So special. Have you ever been with a goth chick? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Look at the smile on his face. Look at that. Reminiscing. It's just not my cup of tea. Dang. I feel like sometimes the goth girls are the ones that go after me a little more because I think I got this goth look to me sometimes. Yeah. I look like I do a lot of drugs, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I remember we got along really well. Like this girl was cool and we went like on this first date and

Her clothes was just so weird. She looked like a pirate. Making my dicks off. Yeah. A pirate. So she was like, I know you're talking about that kind of goth. It's like. Man, that was good. That was her trying to not be goth too. She was kind of like going for like some colors, I think. Like pirate. I wouldn't go pirate goth. Pirate goth. Yeah. No, it's super lame. And there's the Ichabod Crane goth too. It's like the flowery kind of billowing.

Was she like super layered up? Yeah, she was a little layered up. Was she thick? Nah, she's not thick. Bracelets, tons, like 50 bracelets. She was almost looking like Prince. Yeah.

Yeah, too many ruffles. Did you go out again? Victorian. So we did. So we hung out the second time. And I think she knew that maybe that other stuff kind of threw me off. So the second time we hung out, she just wore like jeans and a t-shirt. But now she's not being herself. Right. Which is hot. So yeah, we got it on. Yeah.

yeah we hung out a few times but they didn't look at it you're not goth enough I'm not but neither am I bro please

Please, Tom. You love it. But you like the dark side of the Force, though. I do. But you don't like bimbo-y looking broads. That's true. What does that mean, like the dark side of the Force? Do you guys literally go to the Force and when you're in the dark side, Tom's like, hell yeah, this is cool. No, the dark side of the Force. The Force. Oh, the Force. Like the Jedi Force. Like energy. Dark energy. I like dark energy. But I don't like goth.

subculture I can definitely tell you like dark energy when you came out when I was out in the lobby of the studio you came out I was like this guy is the corporations this guy gave out the vaccines like I was a big proponent for sure yeah yeah I liked making people sick all right let's see this is gnarly oh shit watch this listen to that sound

He's not even slightly flustered by this. No, he should be. No panic at all. None. Look at him. He's just accepting the pneumonia. Dude, the sound is crazy of the ice breaking. Yeah. When it's like, can we hear it again? Yeah, sure. I kind of trip out on the sound more than the actual falling. Look at him. He's fucking wearing just underwear, dude.

This feels crazy. Go. Ooh. Fuck. I mean, I would think actually that worst part is like the face fall, the chest face into the ice. Yeah, it's like a belly flop onto thin ice. Oof. I think he's keeping it cool. What's he say here? Oh, face plant. Face plant. Yeah. Oh.

I think because the audience is there and he's being watched. He's trying to be cool, you know? Yeah. He saw that shit coming. I'm all good. Yeah, everyone's done that. Nuts are up in his stomach. He's like, nah, my nuts are fine. It's fine.

Fuck ice skating, dude. I don't know why people do this. I went ice skating once and I got a blister. I was like, never again. You got a blister? Yeah. Oh, and I was like, yeah. He's fucking in his underwear. He's a crazy person. He's totally out of his mind. So I'm in London trying to figure out what to eat out here. Everything's all different. Different. People on the other side of the road. My plugs don't fit into the outlets and shit. Now I'm trying to figure out what to eat. How is this real? What?

Is that what the fuck I think it is? Oh, boy. Yeah. I'm gonna have to go get a double quarter pounder with cheese. This is a horrible talk. Nah, bro. I fuck with this guy. Yeah, I do too. Especially in England. His food sucks there. I'm gonna believe that he didn't even decide to go to London. He just got dropped off there with his plugs. He's just like, what the fuck, man?

How do you not know, man? Like, you don't know? You don't know that things are going to be different? I mean, there's on the other side of the road. Yeah. They have these weird accents. Yeah, you're in another fucking country, man. Yeah, that part's a little annoying. I feel at home with that guy. Maybe it's because I'm here from Texas. Yeah. And Mickey D's abroad? You would go to Mickey D's? I'll go to Mickey D's all the time. I ate Mickey D's. That was my last meal. Really? Mickey D's. What did you get? I don't know.

I got chicken nuggets and a McDouble and some French fries. That's cool. Yeah, I mean. Really loosens up the old intestines. Yeah, it gets things going for sure. It has the opposite effect on me. It backs you up. It stays in. It stays there. Yeah. Your body loves McDonald's. I think it does. Your body's loving it. Yeah. Oh.

But in his defense, the food in England and Britain rather is so bad that I too would opt for McDonald's. Like that would be my beacon of life. I gotta go check it out. I've never been there. It's cool, but the food is fucking dog shit. I went to Canada and I feel like the food was really, really good. Yeah, I like Canada. But the snacks suck.

No. It's like they love themselves or something. Did you try the all-dressing chips? Those are the fucking best. Your snacks got all fucked up, bro. What were you eating? I don't know. I was just trying to bite chips. And even their Cheetos taste less chemically or something, but I like the chemicals. Yeah. I like it's not enough sugar over there. Sure. It's not enough toxins. I understand. I don't like how much they respect their bodies. I understand. It's not as fun. It's not as fun. What do you prefer?

Well, I do like Parmesan cheese that's out of the shaky, like processed Parmesan cheese over fresh cheese any day. I love orange macaroni and cheese out of the box, like the shitty kind that uses the bad dye. Like the one that's not even allowed to be called mac and cheese? Yeah. It's just like Kraft Singles. Kraft Dinner is what they call it in Canada. I like that. I like shitty hot dogs. I like everything shittier, actually. Yeah. All right. Here we go.

You have brought me about 20 something, 23, I want to say. Hold on. Okay. So this is the woman on TikTok. Oh, yeah. She's always doing those videos. She's always like...

If you're not bringing your husband multiple women to have sex with, why are you even married? It makes him so happy to have sex with other women. I find my husband's partner. So for a year, this bitch has been telling us that she does it. And I was like, who the fuck is this woman married to? He must be like an Adonis. There he is. That's the guy that she brings chicks home to fuck. I got to talk to that guy. Right? That's pretty cool, man. Right? Either I got to find out how his mind works or I got to see his dick. Right. Right.

So this is the guy, this is the mystery man we've all been waiting for. That he's seen and he was interested in on his own. So sometimes he's out and about. His expression, by the way, is completely disinterested. Yeah. That's how he does it. Doesn't care. One that he's like, oh.

I'm interested in exploring the idea of knowing her. And he'll tell me and he'll bring me to meet the girl before he even talks to the girl or, you know, takes any type of step, which is nice because it's respectful. I'm included from the beginning. And in return, I do the same. I find people that I think, oh, I like her. I like her dean. I like how she is. I think she can make my husband a better man.

And I'll present her to him. She's someone I saw on Instagram, a close friend dead behind the idea. And if he's interested and thinks they're attractive, then he can pursue it. If not, then he has to tell the lady. Yeah. A lot of men want to have more than one wife, but they do it sneakily. Like they lie to their wives. What do you say to that? Don't be a boy. Be a man. A man is honest.

man, this guy is flexing on the rest of us, man. Stay staring too. Especially if you're single. Stay staring. Stay staring. And this way the woman will know what you want, who you are, and she won't feel like she's betrayed or lied to. It's not nice to hurt people. And when you're honest, you get everything you want. Allah rewards you for being honest. I love that. It is not nice to hurt people.

We're still working on our first blank. Go to collectivelymarried.com. We wrote some great books that can help you. Check them out. Share this video and follow for more. Bro, that dude's straight up.

But that's what turns around. This guy makes me feel like such a coward for hiding my cheating. I should have been the man. I told her to bring you someone. Yeah. Go bring me someone you find attractive. I'll tell you what, the girl I'm dating right now, I think is like...

open to somewhat of like having another partner yeah that's the first time i've ever been with somebody like that i've always known i'm into it i just never thought i'd actually like achieve it like obtain it no do you mean having a third person in your relationship a thruple or not not in the relationship but maybe just like uh like in bed or something wow yeah she's a keeper man yeah hasn't happened yet but we're out we're out one night and

Some stuff got crazy. No, I'm not going to really. Yeah, sure. Don't talk about it. Don't jinx it. Don't jinx it. I'll tell you guys when the mics are off. Okay. And you guys are going to be like, oh man, this fucking Ralph guy's cool as fuck. Stop it.

But so apparently this chick likes the strong silent type. Yeah. Yeah. Strong, unblinking, disinterested, aloof. I'm jumping just because we're on this topic. I'm jumping to another video because I think this is actually really appropriate to wrap things up on. Okey dokey.

How to keep a bitch from getting too comfortable. Gosh, a wise man once said, bitch don't get too comfortable. And this man going to tell you how to keep they ass uncomfortable. So listen up. Whenever you fucking with these bitches who got pets, every time you go over to her crib, I want you to kick the shit out of that motherfucker. And if she ask you why you did it, say, bitch, you want to be next?

This right here will show that you're a dominant man and you're a dangerous man. Women love that shit. Yeah, they love it. Another thing you can do is whenever you out in public and you flirt with other bitches, I want you to look your girl straight in her eye and say, fuck you. This will show her that she got to compete for you.

Also, whenever you introduce her to like your friends or your family and shit, introduce her as some chick. This will make her want to prove herself to you. So in the future, she can get a better title. Also, if you love this bitch, don't ever show it. It's a reason why men who marry this bitch don't ever get no pussy. If you want her to be a hoe, treat her like a hoe. And hoes don't get married. Game is game.

There you go. Pose never got married. We haven't visited him in a while. Yeah, I know. Yo, you guys, someone's got to send me that. I don't want to see you talking about it. Bro, this guy has hundreds. He puts out just masterpieces. He's very informative. I mean, the problem is he's not wrong. Yeah. Like, this will definitely get a woman to fall in love. Yeah, I don't know about kicking the pet. I wouldn't do that. I do like being out in public and being like, fuck you. And then that's really cool, baby.

Did you guys ever see those videos of the Turets guy? We've seen a few Turets guys. Oh, yeah. Which one? There's one, man, like over 10 years ago. We used to watch their video. I think it's like his sons or like his stepkids or something that would like record him. It's a dude in a neck brace. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's the one where like his like wife or ex-wife or something threw like a bowl of cereal at him. And he's like picking it up. And he's just like, bitch. Yeah.

I love you. Yeah. That's a bit, but we've had like some real, real ones that are crazy. Like,

people out in public saying wild shit that you cannot say in public. And, uh, it's, it's some of the best stuff. Tourette's is a, is a blessing for sure. Um, so for people that don't know if they have not yet, please watch Cowabunga on, uh, Netflix right now. You have dates coming up. I'm, uh, uh, tickets at, um, tickets at Barbosa comedy.com. Follow me on Instagram at Ralph Barbosa, zero three. Um,

Not to brag, but a lot of the shows for the rest of this year pretty sold out, I think. Congrats, man. Not Austin. Plenty of tickets left for Austin. So if you're in Texas, you know. Go see your boy. Come to my shows. Absolutely. Congrats on everything. Congrats on all your success, man. Thank you, guys. Yeah, thanks for coming in. We'll see you guys next week. Peace. Remember the poop pile? Everybody wanted to poop. It's poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop.

Everybody wanted to poop. Everybody wanted to poop. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile.

You guys had a pile of human feces in your backyard. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. A poop pile. We like this poop pile. A poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop in a pile. This is a poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop in a pile. This is a poop pile. We shit on that thing for a hundred days in a row. People from all over that apartment complex would shit there.

It was like a thousand shits in one day. The neighborhood kids were like, I want to take a shit there. And we'd let them. We would announce. We would go, poop pile. Like that. Everybody wanted to poop. Poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop. Poop pile. Everybody wanted to poop. Poop pile. Poop pile. Poop pile.