America's Favorite Pig Rachel Feinstein | Your Mom's House Ep. 766
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See Mint Mobile for details. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Lay a fish. McDonald's. Chicken nuggets. McDonald's. Fries. Free McDonald's all the time. Free McDonald's all the time. You got a McDonald's, nigga?

Burger. Burger. Burger. Play a fish. Burger. Burger. Burger. Chicken nuggets. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Play a fish. It's so good. It's so good. Thanks, McDonald's. Thank you, McDonald's. It's a happy meal for a boy or a girl. Yeah, what's up with that? Why don't you pick your own pronoun? And the nuggets. I love the nuggets. When's the last time you had a burger? French fries.

Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger.

Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. Filet-O-Fish. Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. I like these fries. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Filet-O-Fish. Thanks, McDonald's. It's delicious. I can't remember the last time I had a Filet-O-Fish, but it's fantastic. Oh, fuck yeah.

Amazing. Who made that? Fart Simpson. Fart Simpson. Legendary. Man, many, many French fries. Now, two questions. Do they still have a Filet-O-Fish? Because I go there a lot. I don't know. And we only get the French fries. I haven't heard anyone talk about a Filet-O-Fish in a while. And the McRib is a seasonal item, and I haven't seen it. Seasonal, and I don't know why they just didn't commit to making it a permanent item. McDonald's has such great McRibs.

My father would get so excited for McRib. So would I. I think he had like eight a week when it was McRib time. That's so good. It's such a great sandwich. It really is. But I feel like you can't call it a sandwich. I always feel like that's a misnomer, a sandwich. It's also probably not rib meat. Of course not. It's just stuff. It's compressed stuff with some killer sauce. You ever find stuff and put barbecue sauce on it? That's our sandwich this week.

And the bread is so preserved. Why would they limit something so popular? I don't understand. I have no idea. Because the nuggets were originally a test market thing. You know that? I did not. Yeah, so nuggets were like, just like, hey, we want to see if this works, you know, and they test something out. And global demand was so...

like insane for it that they made it a permanent thing. It worked. But I would think that the McRib was the same kind of thing. I don't understand why he wouldn't make it. You know... We want answers, McDonald's. And I know they're not going to reach out because we have our history with them, but... A very, very rich history with them. Yeah, but...

Same thing as Morton's. Oh, that was a disaster as well. That was really scary that time. And we got contacted by their CFO was like, who the hell gave you guys this money? They were so mad. Well, it wasn't even as much as McDonald's gave us. McDonald's gave us 2.3 million. Morton's only gave us a couple thousand. Yeah. And they were just like, paint the set. And we're like, okay.

And they were real heated. But then McDonald's made it up to me, remember? And I got to do a McDonald's event. Sponsored you. The only paid spot, well, maybe one or two that I've ever done. One from McDonald's because I felt so passionately about them as a company and still do. Yeah. And still do. Do you know that there's a pickle on the McRib?

That's the one little onions. And I feel like it adds just a little. I remember a little onion. There's pickles? There's onions and just, I think, one or two pickles. God, I'm really into pickles now. Really? I want them on everything, yeah. Dude, you're finally Eastern European. I mean, I've always, I haven't said always. As an adult, I really grew into liking it, but now I'm like...

If you make a sandwich or a burger, there's no pickles. I say, I don't play with you anymore. Give me the beef. Yeah. What kind though? Do you like, cause I like the real sour, sour. Yeah. I like, I like them to have some flavor to them. Yeah. The tiny gherkins, the cornichons. Cornichons are good. Cornichons when you're doing a charcuterie are necessary. Yeah. I go through, I pound a jar of cornichons a week, a week.

Do you like, well, what's the brand? Are you a Vlasic? I don't even, I don't know brands. I'm not there. Oh, wow. Well, we'll get you there. Give me some fucking pickles, man. You know what pickle really slaps? Yehoshua, your tribe. Israeli pickle.

Oh. I ordered them on Amazon because I used to get them in the valley. I used to grow up to a, I used to grow up to, I'm retarded. I used to live next door to a Jewish mart or whatever, Israeli mart. And you buy them in, it was a huge Jewish store. I don't know. It was Anouk, Asselin, Bentour, Burad. So many there, you know? So many Jews. Yeah. Yeah. And they come in a tin and they look like little dicks, like little dog dicks. And they're so good and just sour. You get them on Amazon. Dog dicks are. They're sour.

They're sour. Have you tried a dog dick? Yeah, I've had them before. Of course. You're kidding. Of course I've had them. Remember dog dick afternoon. Do I remember? I remember pitching that to every network in Los Angeles. You know, now you've got the power to make dog dick afternoon. Yeah. I think they would listen to the pitch more instead of cutting me off right away and being like, get the fuck out of our office. Do you know that you really could pitch that now? Like people would probably take you very seriously if you went to Netflix. You're like, Ted, listen, I've got this idea. Yeah.

Wait, what was the pitch? I forget. I just like the title a lot. Dog Take Afternoon. I mean, it was that our host takes different dogs on walks and then jerks them off. And you get to see what it's like for each different type of dog. Yeah, how they behave and whether they let it happen. That's a strange pitch. It's a strange pitch. It never went well. I don't know that my current status as a

Comedian would really change that I think the pitch might go the same maybe worse maybe worse. Yeah, well, well Let's let's get the show started. Why yeah, I was just thinking about dog dick after yeah, that's a pitch We created before we had kids clearly. Okay. Here we go. That was a dark one. Yeah. Well It's time to go to church to church meet new people and then off to the Silver Fox and

for booze, partying, dancing, good music, and the stripper. Who is Ryan? Don't bring anyone loving to this. That's a cool send-off. Welcome to your mom's house. That is a cool send-off. Church first. Church first. And Christina Pagitsky. Christina Pagitsky. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, man.

Mommy goes to church on Sunday night, goes with strippers. It's time to go to church. That's cool. It is cool, but a lot of people are like that. That's why they go to church, so they can do awful stuff. And they feel better about themselves. Yeah. That's why there's always these preachers that hate gays, and then they're blowing dudes and stuff. This is a little different, though. This is like, I do the right thing. I go to church.

Good for my soul, but I have my vices. Most people don't make videos about it. No. That's what makes it cool. I wouldn't. Yeah. I wouldn't. I would keep that a secret. I would keep it, especially like strippers and stuff. Yeah. Like. Yeah. I would be ashamed of it. Yeah. It's like going to Hooters. I don't think you want to tell people you go. You just kind of go. Right. Right. Well, he's past the shame age, I think. You know, he's just like, fuck it.

It's not going to be real different from here. Yeah. Well, he bleaches his hair. His hair looks really good. You got to embrace who you are at a certain age. Oh, of course. So I respect it. Of course. Honest guy. He's honest. He's a good guy. Yeah. I like him. Yeah. I like him. Dog dick afternoon. I like a guy who tells it how it is. Tells it how it is. Yeah. So you and I, uh-oh. Sorry, I got to take this. This is my kid. So you've had quite a whirlwind, as they say, period.

like 36 hours. Why don't you tell the audience what you've been up to? So I went to Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, um, for their comedy festival. I think it's their first one. Yeah. They don't allow comedy in the Middle East. They do. They, the, what they did was they, they did a week, they did one week and they did about a show a night, um,

There was, Aziz did it. Schultz did it. Chappelle, um, Mazda Brani was there. Um, not a lot of women on that lineup. I don't think they're allowed to speak in public. They didn't want any broads there, but like, so they, they wore, they, they, they had the week I think for, for the festival. Okay. So it came in and they were, you know, it was like, it was a good offer. And then I, I remember that, um,

It included my airfare and hotel, but like not airfare for the rest of whoever you want to bring. Right. So I was like, okay, I accepted it. And I thought I was in business on Etihad, which is a really nice airline and business is like phenomenal.

So I bought business class tickets for my whole crew to travel because, you know, you're like, this is a long ass flight. But they had actually got, the festival got me a first class ticket. And if you look at first class on Etihad, it's fucking crazy. It is crazy. So,

We get on this, I mean, it's like for such a quick trip, that flight is a huge chunk of what you're doing. You're just flying. - Yeah, oh my God, dude, look at that. - Yeah, it's, yeah, the eighth, you see that second photo there? - Yeah. - Yeah, so like that's like the, it's like a little apartment basically. - Dude, that was like my first apartment in San Francisco. - Where the guy's sitting, if he reaches down to the right there, that's a refrigerator that's stocked. It has like drinks.

uh there's a vanity cabinet there there's storage and then the the beige part you see in the bottom there they press a button and that turns into a bed and then they come and and do it and does a lady come and yeah yeah but touch your stuff they also provide you know crazy menu i mean there's a chef on board what yeah yeah what did you eat oh my god so and then so i'm i'm up there so

And what's funny is at the end, it's a double decker. It's an A380. So we're up top. And as I'm going to the bathroom the first time, I look down the stairs and all these like pores are like boarding. And they look up and they're like, oh, they're like. And then we all just looked down. We're like, oh. So I go to the bathroom and the bathroom is huge, right?

and they given us this like leather attache that had armani pajamas jesus slippers um a little uh pouch that had like skin care products you know sleep mask um all kinds of stuff so you're like holy cow

So I change right away because I've done these international flights and I know that the pajamas are the move. If you can do it. Get out of your clothes and get into pajamas. Absolutely. You can even, you just change in the bathroom. Yeah, right away. I've done it. Before we even, like, well, we're still boarding the flight. You just change right away. They have a closet. So I put my stuff in a closet there. Jesus. And then I sit down and I'm waiting and then I see a Chris Tucker board. Right.

Right? Because, oh yeah, he's another one who's on the festival. He had the, in that first class, there's another thing called the residence. So if you put in Etihad first class, the residence. Yeah. So it has a bedroom in it. What? And so I walked over to his and I go, what the fuck? And he goes, I paid more, man. Wow. So he had a full fucking room.

He had the same setup as we do. Private bathroom, private shower, private bedroom. Shower. I was going to ask you about the toilet. I feel like you deserved your own toilet. Well, there's two huge ones up there for the, I think there's only 10 people in the first class and there's two full bathrooms in there. So we're on the flight and as the lady is doing, you know, what would you like to drink? Have you thought about what you want to eat?

She says, can I book you a shower while you're on here? And I go, no, I'm good. And then I kind of stop and I go, I go, should I? And she goes, have you ever showered on a plane before? And I go, no. She goes, maybe you should try the experience. And I go, oh, okay. I go, I guess book me. So what we do is you book your slot and then you have half an hour dedicated for that bathroom and

And so what I did was I booked it for closer to arrival. So I was like, I'll sleep, eat. So then by the way, I have to tell you, I have to make sure I tell you about the shower in a little bit. So I'm really tired. This is like three or four days where I know I'm not getting enough sleep. Like at home, I'm going to things. Then I have to get on a flight to go to New York so that I'm not as my insurance for this flight. And I get to, I arrive late. I get up early. I just, I know I'm dragging.

And the more exhausted I am, the more I'm going to fall into like a super deep slumber and I know I'm going to snore in any time. So this plane has a lounge between first and business class where it's a round leather seats with a table and then the attendants will serve you there.

So at one point. It's wild. I can't even imagine how many can they, sorry to interrupt, but how many units can they have like this? It takes up a ton of space. Well, so there's 11, I think, first class seats. There's 70 business class seats. 70. Wow. That's full beds too. Yeah. Wow. And then downstairs there's 405 seats. What? Yeah. And that's basic and basic plus.

So there's a lounge. Sorry. So you guys meet in the lounge. Oh, yeah. You see that circular. Yes. I've never even seen anything like this in my life. So I get up and I can tell I've fallen. I knew I was sleeping real crazy. Okay. Like I wake up and I've been asleep for three hours, but I feel like I get up. I'm like, I could feel it in my throat and my head that it was like it wasn't nice sleep. It was crazy.

exhaustion sleep. Yeah. You know, I kind of gather myself. I walk over to that lounge and my friends are there and they're like, Hey, did you sleep? And I go, yeah. And the flight attendant goes, she goes, I think they heard you in the back of the plane. And I was like, what? I was like, I didn't snore. And she goes,

So I must have ripped so hard that everybody in that section was like... You ruined first class. Yeah, I ruined it. You ruined Chris Tucker's... It's not covered, you know? You ruined Chris Tucker's suite. I was just like...

What's up, guys? Friday, August 9th, I will be in Ottawa. Saturday, August 10th, in Halifax. Friday, August 23rd, in Spokane, Washington. And Saturday, August 24th, in Calgary for two shows on that night. Jessica Curzon and Bobby Lee will be coming with me. Woo!

Tickets and all info are at tomsegura.com slash tour. What's up, guys? The store is full of some hot, new, fresh products. Go to store.ymhstudios.com to see what we've got.

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You've been ruined in my life, too. I mean, I've had to go sleep in the kids' room. I sleep with Julian because I'm just so miserable. They brought us drinks. They brought us snacks. I had lamb shank. Ugh, I hate lamb. It was amazing. You like lamb shank? It was amazing. It was amazing. Burrata. Burrata salad with fresh tomatoes. That's from Italy. That's not Middle Eastern. Caviar. Oh.

I had Bordeaux, this great Bordeaux. Oh my gosh. I had an omelet when it was breakfast. It was all incredible. It was really incredible. The service was impeccable. Everything was just amazing. And we get there. We get off and this airport's also like state of the art. Like gold. Yeah, and there was hardly any people there. We were like, what is happening? Wow.

No, it's just time of year. It's the fact that we're getting in summer now. So in summer, people start leaving the desert, you know? Sure, sure. So, and then if you go next month, it'll be even less people. So then we go hotel, relax. You know, it's kind of an acclimate day because it's, we arrive at 1130 in the morning. Everybody's kind of dragging. Don't do much. And then

You know, we have a meal, whatever. The next day at 945, they pick us up and they take us to Yas Marina Circuit, which is the F1 track in Abu Dhabi. That's where they do the F1 there. And I was like, oh, we're going to drive. First, he told us we're going to drive like sports cars, like exotic cars. I was like, oh, great. So fun. I'd love to do this. And then we get there and they're like, oh, no, we pulled out Formula 3 cars for you.

So that's like basically a dialed down F1 car, right? So like F1 is like the top, top formula three is the same kind of structure of the car, less power, obviously, but the same type of experience. It was so much fun. So we all, and they were like, okay, here's the tutorial. Here's how you start the car. Here's how you do it. Obviously it's a single seater. So, you know, just don't try to push your limits.

And yeah, you know, if you feel scared, just slow down. Everybody's like, okay. They're like, yeah. So they don't care. No, they were just like, don't, you know, don't crash. That would real suck if you crash. Yeah. These are expensive and that would suck. Anyway, any questions? Everybody was like, no. Yeah. So we were in those, you know, like it was really, really so much fun. Did you lay down?

Like, do you lean back kind of? Yeah, you kind of lean back and your legs are straight forward. Yeah. So how fast did you go? I got that thing up to my the fastest I hit in that was 206 kilometers. So I think that's around 130 miles an hour.

Not that crazy, but for your first time out in something like that, it was very, very fun. It's crazy how much money they have. They have so much money. In Babu Dabulina. They have so... Now, I was there so fast. So that was... That day that I'm in the race car is the same day of my show.

So we do that. Then we went to the mall to walk around. The malls are rad there. Yeah, it was an incredible mall actually. We didn't have time to do like more excursions because our show was also early. And then we went to the airport and flew back. Right after. No, your airplane took off at three in the morning. Yeah, but like the show was at six. Crazy. We are done at like, I don't know, eight something. We go to the hotel, which is right there.

Uh, we changed, I took a, I took a shower, changed clothes and then we went to the airport. It's amazing. You basically spend like 12 hours. Yeah. So like if I were to do that again, I would want to do more days just so that I can see Dubai just so I can do a desert excursion. But I mean, the people there were so nice. Um,

Royals came to my show also. Oh, Sheikh. I was so intimidated. I've never. Yeah. How do you meet a Sheikh? Is it a Sheikh, right? That's what they call them? The men are, I think, Sheikh. I don't think the females are. They want to present you with a plaque for performing here. And I said, okay, you ready to do it? I go, yeah. So we walked down the hallway. This is like in the back tunnels. And they have that, you know, they have like the backdrop that you do photos in front of.

And so it was like, oh, here's this person, that person. You hold the plaque photo. And then I was like, okay. And then I do see like a few women in the traditional, I don't know what it's called. Hijab. Hijab. But it's very colorful. Oh, that's nice. You see the whole time we were there, women were always in black and the men were the white ones. And these women had like

like a pink one, a purple one. And I was like, but I just kind of, I just noticed it from over there. Cause there's a bunch of people over here and this guy comes up and he goes, um, some of the Royal family would like to meet you. And I go, okay. And by the way, one of our restrictions was you're not allowed to talk about the Royal families on stage. So you can't talk about the Royals and you can't talk about religion. And I was like, okay, like that was fine. But then they're like, they'd like to meet you. And I was like, I don't know. You just, uh,

Kind of go, oh, okay. Like, am I in trouble? And there were three young women, beautiful women. And I was just like, I go, hello. And you could tell that I was nervous. I was like, I was just like, I go, I'm sorry for anything that I said. It wasn't nice. And they're like, no, we love. And so we took photos. Normally you take photos like this. Yeah. Right here. And I just went like.

And then they walked away and I was like, who was that? And they're like, those are some of the king's daughters. I was like, oh my God.

Yeah, it was so intimidating. Is there any protocol when you meet? No one gave me anything. So I just did, I'll just be extra polite. Were you allowed to shake hands or is rude in there? We didn't shake hands. Yeah, you just say hello. Yeah, I just was like, hello. Yeah, of course. I don't think you're allowed to. I've enjoyed your country very much. Thank you for letting me stay here. Yeah, yeah. You probably can't touch them. That's really cool. Very cool. Yeah, you came home. You were wrecked.

That was a crazy trip for you, mommy. Yeah, that family, the family that runs shit there, they're worth like $350 billion. $350 billion.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. The amount of wealth. It's really extraordinary. It is extraordinary. And they're building that. Apparently the. Right? Aren't they doing that? And that's in Saudi. That's Saudi, yeah. Not UAE. The Lion City? Yeah, that's Saudi. Wow. But like, they have a, I guess the palace, we didn't see it, is the palace is supposed to be bigger than the Pentagon? Wow. That's fucking crazy.

I know. Yeah, I can't imagine what their day-to-day life is like. No. It's really... I can't either. It's so crazy. It's so opulent. I know. That's their palace. But even the malls are like ridiculously nice when you go shopping in the UAE. Yeah, but you need like an aerial shot, right? It's gorgeous. Holy shit. A lot of scratch. That's really crazy. Yeah, very pretty. They are nice people. And the food's delish. Very, very tasty. Mm-hmm.

Wow. I'm glad you, that was a quick trip. Yeah, it was cool. It was cool to see that part of the world and learn a little bit about, I guess it's six families that are the Emirates, you know, that have, they each have like ruling areas. Oh, that's cool. I didn't realize that.

I know when I was there, they have pictures of the guys. Yeah, they have pictures of them. In the hotels. And you're like, who's that guy? And you're like, he runs this place. Yeah, those are the Royals. I'm like, oh, dude. Just so you know. Did you get to watch their TV? That's my favorite when I go to foreign countries. Never turned on the TV. Oh, I liked why. I remember liking their soap operas. I have no idea what's happening. Yeah. And in Korea, too, I liked watching their TV. They did have a huge Ikea. Well, that's important. But most importantly, did you visit McDonald's while you were there?

Did not. There was a Texas Roadhouse in the mall too and we were all very excited about that. I hope you ate there every day. There was a Texas Roadhouse here? Texas Roadhouse. Yeah. Oh my goodness. That was very exciting. It's cool. The mall was such a flex too. Like we were just killing an hour and the Apple store had 50 foot windows, 50 feet high. Wow.

You know what I mean? Like from floor to ceiling, just glass. And you're like, Jesus, like everything was, oh my God, like level. Did the bidets, you use the old school bidet. They do old school. They don't do washlet. I did. Yeah. You wash out the cacao when you're done. Yeah. I like that. That's what I liked about the Middle East is there's bidets everywhere. It's hot too.

Hot water, yeah. Hot water. Yeah. That's how you wash caca off. Yeah, you can't do a cold. No. Are you kidding me? No, it was very impressive. Well, very exciting, Tommy. Yeah, it was great. And you got to shower on an airplane, which I can't even fathom how they carry the water, the weight of water on a plane. Also. It's crazy, man. It's a lot. The shower, I mean, it was a remarkable experience. Because I was laughing because I was like,

You're on an airliner. You're like, I'm taking a shower right now. It's surreal. It's not even possible. Yeah. A huge. How are you doing this? Huge, amazing props to Etihad for just that experience. It's an amazing experience. Yeah, man. That's awesome, dude. All right. Let's see here. You was a nigger. And what you didn't know, I am a sand nigger. Makes sense, right? Oh, he's Christian. Oh, that's cool. He's got a cross around his neck.

It says cool sand guy. That's the name of this folder. Yeah. Okay. He works as a cashier at Taco Bell. Oh, I love Taco Bell. And he's in Minnesota and he posts reels on Instagram. Nice. Shout out to, is it Cameron? Cameron. Thanks for that, sir.

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Surprising heists, forbidden love, and massive explosions are just a little taste of what's in store. Scam Town is an Apple original podcast produced by Fun Meter. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts.

ABC Wednesdays. Y'all complain all day. We want books. We want paper towels in the classroom. Bet you want razors, too. I'm still waiting on the paper towels. Abbott Elementary returns with a new season. We asked the district for more after-school programs. They gave us $50 for class beds instead. Critics cheer. Abbott Elementary continues to be one of the funniest and most beloved shows on TV. What y'all doing out there? Taking bribes. Proud of y'all.

Abbott Elementary, Wednesdays, 930, 830 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. That was really nice. Thank you for sharing that. Hey, I have a dental update I've been dying to share with you guys. It's been a minute. Yeah, play the music. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah, of course. Everybody's on. Yeah, tenderhooks, I know. So listen, dude. I'm going to be honest with you.

I've been eating a lot of Sour Belts in the last six months. I was not six months with my cleaning. I let it lapse because I just had a root canal and I was over it. I don't want to go to the dentist for a minute. So I go to our dentist. I get a cleaning. And the same woman who does me does you. So I asked her, I was like, hey, just let me know who's got cleaner teeth. Who does a better job of flossing and brushing, my husband or me?

And she goes, actually, your husband is like really good. He's really, really good. And I go, oh, bullshit. You're just saying that to be nice. Give me, I want scores like A plus A. And she's like, nope, he's an A. And I'm like, what about me? Am I an A plus? And she's like, well, I say you're an A, except are you ready for this? I'm so upset. You have three cavities.

I'm so disappointed in myself as a per it does feel like a personal failure. I'm so fucking mad. Yeah. But she said it was because I have old feelings. These are like old ass Russian feelings that my doctor in LA did when I was like, you know what I mean? 20 and broke and they do it for fucking cash money and there's no air conditioning in Santa Monica. Like that's how I had these done.

And so she had to replace them. But here's the good news is she's like, do you want to do nitrous oxide? And I'd never done it before. Yeah, you texted me. Because I'm always so, I'm such a tough guy. You know, I'm like, this is for pussies. Why do I need any kind of nothing? I can handle it. And then I says to myself, I says, self, why not enjoy the nitrous? Give yourself a fucking break. When are you going to start enjoying your life, Pajitsky? You're almost 50. Yeah.

Relax. Yeah. Get high. Try it. So I got fucking, I got super weird on this nitrous and I had so many downloads. Like no one tells you this, but you really get some important information when you're on nitrous. So if you, if you're at the dentist and you're getting nitrous,

your fillings done, get the nitrous, but bring a pen and a paper because you're going to have all kinds of realizations and stuff. It was pretty deep, bro. It was good. That's awesome. But yeah, I'm definitely, I'm going to get high every time now. You should always do it. There's no reason. Or just even take a Xanax before you have these things done to you. Yeah. It's just like, why suffer? I've been suffering. Did you know that, Annie, that you can make yourself comfortable while you do awful things? Like, you can be nice to yourself. You can? Yeah.

Like when you do what? Like when you get fillings, you can get the nitrous instead of being a tough guy and like white knuckling stuff. Yeah, but like, are you going to feel good about yourself after? That's my problem too. You're going to what? Flog yourself for having done it? Yes. Why would you do that?

It's just like you could have manned up. Do you need that? Do you need the nitrous? What? Really? It's not as cool of an experience. It's way cooler if you have nitrous. I know, but there's videos of Hungarians, if you Google it, pulling out their teeth with pliers. Yeah, after they did vodka though. They drank a bunch of vodka. Right, you just drink some vodka and you pull your teeth out. That's the norm for me. So I was like...

That's real man shit. Right. That's real man shit. I don't like that. It's gay and it's retarded. But I had a really good time. But the problem with the nitrous is, I mean, I don't know if you've done it in college where you used to get it and you put it in crackers. Did you do nitrous in college? I did it a long time ago, yeah. It kills so many brain cells. I was brain dead for like the next day or two, but well worth it because I was high for like an hour and a half on that stuff. It was really cool. Anyway, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like a fucking failure that I got three cavities.

And, um, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, well, can you give me some words of encouragement? Like you're not a failure. This happens in life. Um, you can also be somebody who has great dental care and you have, you know, enamel naturally strips away or it kind of fades away with life and,

products you drink and eat and everybody's teeth rot. Every single person's teeth. Everybody rots. Yeah. And also she told me, cause I, she's like, what kind of toothpaste are you using? And I'm like, I like the peroxide, like strip it, like really burns. And she's like, you gotta stop doing that. Yeah. That's why I have that prescription one. Cause it strips shit. That shit strips it away. Yeah. She's like, you're stripping, you're like ripping, you're burning your enamel. I'm like, it feels good. It feels clean. That's why I like it. Yeah.

By the way, so I've been wanting to show you this. So Pauly, Pauly Shore was on First Date. Yeah. And he's a big, you know what I meaner. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we have a super cut to him. Oh, fantastic. It's so great.

So here we go. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Right. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I do. You know what I'm saying? Lauren. She's like, I do. I do. She's so sweet. Yeah. Sweet Lauren Compton. Yeah. Great Lauren Compton. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? No, the hell we don't. You ain't say anything.

anything yet. Man, he really drops those a lot. I didn't realize it. You know what I mean? You know what I mean, man? And it's interesting. We don't really have white people. You know what I mean? Crowd. Yeah. But he's a leader in that field. Yeah. Because you know what I'm saying was insane clown posse. They were the first white guys really to drop. Well, I mean, other people say it. Yeah. No, no. Other people say it, but I'm saying this is a lane. It's like the beach. This is a whole thing.

LA vibe dude who's like you know what I mean man like that's him it's different than you know what I'm saying you know what I mean it's just it's a different right he's speaking Cali vibes it's Cali you know what I mean you know what I mean that's a totally different one hey I've got this great email I got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban you know what I'm saying I got this email that came in for you oh okay hey Hitlers I'm a 27 year old dude and I've been eating boogers my whole life fuck

If a bathroom or napkins are around, I'll use those instead. But in private and without those options, I just put them in my mouth. It's quick, convenient, mess-free, and it really doesn't taste bad. Do you want to know what it tastes like, Tom? No. It kind of tastes like those tiny crumbs at the end of a bag of chips.

He's not wrong. Now that I think about it, when I used to eat my boogers as a kid. Shut up. It can be crunchy at the end. All right, we got to take a break. I'm well-groomed. We're good.

We're going to go take a dump. We'll be back in a little bit to talk about it.

We're back and you can see her new special Big Guy. It's on Netflix. Give it up for Rachel Feinstein, everybody. Thanks, you guys. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. You're so funny. I'm so impressed. You know what I've really been getting into is your Uber rides. Were you over Cher? I did.

I did a lot of that this weekend. So funny. We were in Charlotte with my husband. I just kept making him tape me doing that. And he's like, sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable during these. And I'm like, yeah, you're supposed to. Everyone does. You overshare in front of the driver or to the driver? I get into an Uber and I just tell them,

I just work through my childhood trauma. It's so good. And it is nothing, like, it is nothing infuriates my husband more than when I do it. He's holding the camera just, I can feel his love for me fading as I'm doing this, but it's just, it makes me laugh so much. But I'll just be like, I guess I've never felt seen by my father. You know?

And sometimes they answer like a little bit. Oh, they do? And I've done some role play with them too. I'll be like, can you play my dad in this situation which was really crucial, where I really needed him? This has got to be, this is the new place to go. It's like people aren't doing enough bits.

on social media. You know what I mean? It makes me so fun. That's so funny. There's a real supply demand issue for my Uber oversharing. Like the views are pretty, they speak for themselves, but I can't stop doing it. I do it with Jessica sometimes and she really makes me laugh. We'll just go into businesses and like, we'll be like in a 7-Eleven, like about to go on at the cellar and she'll be like,

I think like what was hard for when my dad had his second marriage was that I just walked into the room and I was like, he's got this other family and they were kind of comfortable in a way that I could never feel with him. And it would just be some guy selling her gum, just looking at her like, you dumb bitch. And it's so fun. Nothing makes me happier. I wish I lived in New York so I could hang out with you and Jessica Kirsh on. You guys make me laugh. Nobody makes me laugh as much as you do. She's hilarious.

- She'll be like, whenever we talk to each other about being on the road forever, she'll be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm 70 years old. Like should we always get older every time we talk to each other? I'm like, I am in the winter of my life. How long can I keep up this sham anymore? - The way that she's like, oh, I'm like, yeah, I feel tired too. She's like, oh, do you want to die like I want to die?

I guess. I like when she's like, I don't masturbate because I don't deserve pleasure. When she talks to the wall, nothing makes me laugh. That's my favorite. Get the fuck out. Yeah, you're so great because you have great impressions. You do your mother. Oh, and your husband's like a firefighter. He's a normal person, which is so endearing and so nice because you have like...

You know what I mean? And it's so important, I think, as a comic to have a life so that you can report to the audience. Yeah. He is like, and it's a whole world, like the FDNY, like all of it. So he is an emotional desert, but...

Are all of them? Of course. Come on. Yeah. But he's entertaining. Yeah. And he... And strangely enough, like, he just gets this life and he doesn't give a shit because he likes his job. Yeah. So of all the guys, I used to do this when I was, like, dating. I'd be like, I, like, have some list in my head. I'm like, I need a guy that's, like, a producer. But he can't do it. Just some dumb twat, like, grocery list. Meanwhile, speaking of supply and demand, it's like, there's not...

Not everybody's like swimming around looking for a female comic. I should be happy with what I get. Like that's not the top of most men's lists. But I'd be like, I want to get another, but I can't do that. And then it just turned out to be a fireman in terms of my job because I used to date guys that, and like, you know, they think it was cute for a month and then they'd be like, this is infuriating and you're not available on Christmas. And he's not, you know, he's working on Christmas and they love their jobs. Oh, I didn't even think about that connection. Because that's what we've all done is you give up

this normal schedule. You're like, you just said, you don't do New Year's Eve with your family. You do travel over Thanksgiving. It's a lot of sacrifices to be made. You get so used to it though, too. Yeah. It doesn't bother us anymore. After a while, you're like, yeah, of course I'm not going to be around. Yeah. Why would I be? Well, like for, like even saying like family of origin, like they'd be like, are you coming? I'm like, no, I'm working. No. Yes, they do get used to it. Like my parents, my mom's very like, you know, liberal and just kind of, she just likes it all, you know, like.

But they, his family, they're definitely pretty, they're pretty disgusted with me. A lot of them. Is he a New Yorker too? He's a New Yorker. You know, my mother-in-law, like,

She is like frantic often if I'm on the road for like two days. By the way, he's at the firehouse like half the week. Like I'm home much more than he is. But I go away for like two days and she'll be like, what will he eat? Like what will Peter have when he comes home? Like my mother-in-law thinks my husband is at home right now just banging a sweet potato on his forehead. Like he's too dumb to feed himself.

- So she's pretty disgusting. She thinks I'm a godless whore. My mother-in-law's Colombian. - Your mother-in-law's Colombian, okay. - Yeah. And she like, for my daughter's birthday, she just was cleaning the entire time, like during the birthday party. And there was a comic over, this guy named John Scout, and he just started asking her to clean certain things. He's like, "Just wanna get behind the couch "and just hit the corner there."

Because whenever she's over, she's just sort of cleaning and just muttering about what a deep pig I am. Yeah. I'm a pig. Yeah, I'm a pig too. But I think most female comics are. You kind of have to be. I actually, when I was editing the special, I was screaming, you pig, so much at myself. Yes.

because when I watch myself on stage, I'm like, for the love of God, shut up. Like no one needs this really. So I just kept screaming, you pig, you're a little piglet, you know? And I was sitting with the editor and he was like a lovely guy, Jason Katz, really sweet guy. And I call myself pig so much. I don't even realize how much I do it.

And I was like making pig noises and stuff that at a certain point I thought like, oh, I'll call this special vile pig because I call myself. That's so great. That's a great title. I do. But you mostly say deep pig, which I think is so funny. Deep pig, vile pig. Even if you just called it pig.

- Pig is great. - Pig is terrific actually. I definitely want to make my next special called Pig or America's Favorite Pig, which I really think would be fun.

At least that's got to be a show, America's Favorite Pig. That's so good. Just in next week on America's Favorite Pig. And it's just like me with like a you do the math expression, like right, just being caught mid-pigging, just doing something foul. God, that's so true. I was listening to music this morning and the lyrics were so eloquent and not vulgar. And I was like, what's that like to not be vulgar? Yes. To be elegant.

to be a lady. It's just not for me in this lifetime. And I've accepted that. And thank God my husband's, I think, accepted it. I don't know. Are you okay? Yeah, yeah. I'm here. No, it took me a while. I used to try to be a

like a woman or whatever cocktail of things that I believed men wanted on my list. And then you just give up and you're like, eh, the jig is up. Everybody knows you're a foul beast. Like we used to do, we used to do boxing with, it was like Keith Robinson, me, like Marina Franklin, a bunch of comedians. And we would go to this boxing coach. I know I love Maria. She's so funny. So we would go to this boxing coach together. And while we boxed, we would just say, you know, unspeakable things to each other.

And Keith, whenever I was boxing, he would just sit there and insult me. He's like, you know what the thing is with Rachel? She's dumb. She's just plain dumb. Rachel runs dumb. He would just like trash me. And,

And so we would scream stuff. And then at a certain point, Keith would pretend to sort of jerk off and like curl it over to me. And I would kind of lap it up and be like, thanks. You know, I'm all better now. Yeah. Thanks. I'll give some to the rest of the team. And then one time the boxing coach came in with his.

brother who was like from his country I can't remember where he was from, Guyana or something anyway the brother was like calmly observing the course and you could tell like he was just watching me like he went home and like he hugged his wife a little tighter that day like he was like I have a lady at home like I don't rub her knee enough like he watched me just like and I totally forgot I was like mid laughing imagining hypothetical calm I was like yeah thanks for the last loan and he was just like I could see him

Yeah. Like, I feel like I make couples closer together. That's what I feel like. It's beautiful. Yeah. You guys are donkeys, you know, female comics. Donkeys. Donkeys is a great word. That's mine. You're a pig and I'm a donkey. Why donkey? Donkey is a fun word. It's a fun word. I don't know. Donkey is a fun word. It's such a good word. They're just, you know. Yeah.

Making noise. Well, you know, it's funny. So we had Duncan trussel over this weekend with his lovely wife and children. And I was like, you know...

It's so important to have comics be your friends and have babies. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Because like I was like Duncan was you guys were so fun with the kids yesterday. And I'm like, that's so that's such a good influence to have comics around your kids. I still feel like that even when I became a mom, I was like,

you know, I realized, first of all, that this bond my brothers had had when they were become parents that I, I didn't know idea that I was like outside of this thing, but I really feel like I really need to be around comic moms and comic parents because I just say stuff that people would find is just jarring. And I, there's such a, it's very satisfying to just be around

other comic yes and have our kids play and it's such a delightful like feeling when that actually can happen yes like literally our sons were sliding i constructed a white trash water slide in our backyard i just bought a big ass tarp on amazon and we put it on the hill and we baby oiled it and put the hose and just invited the trestles over like hey kids it was awesome and that's an awesome

awesome idea. Oh my God. How did you think to do that? I saw it on TikTok. All her ideas are from TikTok. Everything in the world is from TikTok. I had a question in the lobby about something and they were like, no, that's whatever's telling. Oh, that's right. That's true. Yeah. I was like, how did she know that guy? And they're like, no, it's TikTok. That's great that you came up with that. It was fun and Duncan did it and we all did it. And I was like, oh, it's just so liberating to, like you said, to be able to say things.

And, you know, and to be able to discipline your children, like you're going to die. Stop doing that. This will make dying happen. This will make dying happen. It's a perfect thing to say. And no one flinches. Guys don't. Boys especially don't fucking think about it. Oh my God. Yeah, and I went to Frankie's like school to do like open centers that are like preschool. It's torture, isn't it? The boys were just, yeah, yeah. They think I, they can, they can also tell him I'm such a mess when I go there. I always like leave a passport and like a fucking USB cord or something. And they're always like, what?

I'm always, they can just, again, they can tell like you're kind of gross. Yeah. But, uh,

I was at our school and the boys just kept slamming into us. Like the girls were playing these lovely creative games in the kitchen and the boys were just slamming. I was like, is this the whole game? We just slam and that's a wrap. They're so violent. They're violent by nature. Yeah. It's fascinating to me. They just hit each other with foam tubes. That's the fun. That's all it is. And putting holes in our walls. Now, do you like wrestling? Because like,

I'm not a wrestler. I have to wrestle the boys because they demand it. They call it torture time. They go, it's torture time. They call it torture time? Torture time, yeah. That's very funny that they call it torture time. And then they're just like, we're going to fuck you up. Yeah.

And they jump on me like knees, elbows. And they start to like, they get close to breaking, you know, fingers and things. And then as soon as I grab them and like pin them down, they're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, easy, easy, easy. You almost broke my fucking finger, man. Are they funny? Are their kids both really funny? They're very funny. Yeah. Who was it? Johnny Pemberton.

left our house the other night and Ellis goes, rest in peace. He says rest in peace. That's really, I'm, she's at four. So she's just starting to say funny shit. It's very satisfying. I can't wait. He came in the other day. Does he have regular bits? No, they have bits, but like, you know, they love their iPad. Like any kid that has access to an iPad. So, but we regulate it, you know? And so he had told her and she was like, that's it. You know, you're done for the day. And he's like, come on. I can hear him in the other room. Come on.

And she was like, no. So he walks, he goes, Hey dad, he goes, can you talk to your woman? Yeah. And I was like, what? He goes, talk to your woman. Tell her to give me a few more minutes. And I was like, no, buddy. My woman. That is fucking hilarious. He said, can you talk to your woman? Now when he says something like that, can you ask him like where the origin? Like you do, but you never get really. Yeah. They don't know. They just pick up stuff and yeah.

Yeah, it's very interesting with Frankie now. She also says a lot of things. She reveals already just my bad habits. She says whenever... I give people an out because I just over-apologize and I'm like a people pleaser. And now she goes around and whenever she talks to her friends, like when I visited school, she's like, do you want to come to my birthday party or no? And I'm like, oh, she always offers them or no. She'd be like, oh, you should come over sometime or no. Yeah.

here's your absolute opposite thing i want to infuse i'm like a little girl and she's like or just you know block me whatever yeah if you don't think i'm cool i understand yeah i get it i'm like oh i gotta work harder than that but yeah she definitely reveals my like for sure nonsense already like i definitely like see i'm like oh i just see my own like foul impulses oh of course yeah it's gonna happen our five-year-old drops f-bombs and i'm like uh it's definitely our fault like

At least we teach them how to have fun. I do feel like that's a very, very crucial skill. Yes. Yeah. And the other day she didn't want to, she doesn't want to brush her hair and she doesn't want to walk to school lately. So that's kind of like, it's a tough, it's a tough 20 minutes. And I told her, look, you can go, you can go to school. You can hate it. You can do all these different things during the day. They're infuriate you. I was just like, I told her, just make fun of it in your head or,

Oh, that's a good one. I was like, or just be silly with it. Like, just, just like joke around about it. You know, that's really good. That's a good one. I heard her say to herself and it was like the first time I was like, okay, I'm doing something. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, oh, you know what? I'm just going to be funny about it. I'll just make fun of it. Like in my head. Like I heard her kind of say the phrase I used. It was very satisfying. That's very cute. Yeah. The one thing I like to do is let like when they're like school sucks and I'm like, you're right. It does. It sucks. It sucks.

like to like instead of our parents being like no it doesn't you're like i yeah like yeah it does but just do it anyway like yeah it's like but that's a lot apropos what you're saying of like yeah just tell the truth to them just do it and then let's make it not so terrible that's a huge lesson gosh i feel like i like i just learned how to do that like a decade i think that way that you talk like um i've heard you talk about how you talk to your kids like

and don't bullshit them. I do really want to do that because I watch some of these parenting things like on Instagram and they don't fucking work. Like this is weird long-winded paragraphs. Like one of the tips I saw on Instagram was like, oh, if your kid is throwing a wild tantrum, you just want to tell her you really wish and like mirror back what she wants. So I tried that with Frankie. I was like, you really wish you could go. And she's just like, yes, bitch. Like that's what I want and you have it.

It's actually rude. Like, she's just like, yeah, yeah, I do. It made it 10 times worse. All those long-winded, like, it's just complete horse shit. It is. It is because they're not processing what you're saying because their brain is in a storm. You literally just have to wait. Yeah. And be like, all right, what's up? We're not going to do it. Fucking moron. Yeah. Quit crying, you pussy. Yeah.

You fucking moron. You're like, dude, come on, man. You can't say that. You fucking nervous bitch. He called Tom a nervous bitch. Nervous bitch is so funny, though. It's hard to not appreciate the writing immediately. I grabbed my mouth. I didn't want to laugh too hard because I knew he would lock it in. I was like, oh, that's a good one. So I just was like, that's not a nice way to talk. He's like, you fucking shithead. Yeah.

- Five years old. - Well, the problem, so the dichotomy of this kid is that he's like the sweetest. - Yeah, it is. - Mommy, I love you. I just want to snuggle and I love you fucking

I'll show you. And the next minute he's, you know, he's that guy. Yeah. And I'm like, is this a borderline? Like, what is he? Is he okay? Is he going to be okay? He's fine. He's a sensitive, sweet kid. That's Frankie. Absolutely the same. I think it's pretty common because they don't have as much gray area or like language, but she's the same. Any frustration, he just vocalizes and like, he doesn't...

he doesn't regulate his way through a frustration. It's just, he's frustrated. And right away he's like, the fuck is this? And you're like, okay. The fuck is this? This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is

She also kind of works me. Like she comes into my room in the middle of the night. Every night she comes in and we let her in the bed. It's like this weird thing. Of course. Switch beds. Do you guys do this? It's like a lot of, and I go to her bed. And no one's, yeah, there's no, it's just, she knows she's coming and she cries all the way down the hallway. And then right before she stops, cause she's just like, she's like,

And then she comes in, she's like cocky at that point. And then she kind of like works me as she's getting in the bed. She'll be like, oh, that's cute. I'm like, it's like a black scrunchie on my wrist. Like, don't try to, but she tries to kind of compliment her way in. And she gets on. Yeah. She'll be like, where'd you get that? I'm like, don't you know what stores are which? Like, yeah.

- See that's what I-- - They're master manipulators, they learn. - Yeah, yes. - And especially girls, 'cause they can get into your soul immediately. They're very clever because we don't have the power of physicality the way boys do. And I see it in our nieces and people, they just dial in and they get inside. But the boys are not that clever. They just like, they'll elbow your tit or they'll punch you or they'll use brute force more.

which, yeah, I can kind of control more. But that element of a girl would make me nuts. It's not easy. She's very emotionally manipulative, my daughter, already. Yeah, they're so smart. We had the, because Duncan was there, so we got to do, like, he'll just, you know, with another comic, they just pick up the bit right away. You don't have to explain it. So I was saying stuff to both of my boys, and I was like, hey, and they weren't responding. So I was like, oh, okay, so we're going to do the, we're going to get you that cochlear implant.

And they're like, what? And then Duncan, he'd be like, oh yeah, it's in your brain. It's like brain surgery. And this way, it just never leaves and you can hear everything. And they're like, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, we can set you guys to all go together. You have the surgery at the same time. And they're like, we don't want brain surgery.

And I was like, but this way you'll hear. And they're like, my hearing's excellent. I go, oh, it doesn't feel like it is because I keep talking to you and you're not responding. He goes, I'm ignoring you. And I go, oh, you're ignoring me. Oh, okay. Well, do you want the surgery? He's like, no, I don't want a surgery. I'm like, okay, well then respond to me when I talk to you.

Those kinds of skits with comics are my favorite thing in the whole world. Yeah, it's really fun. Keith used to do a thing where he would call somebody and then you ask him a bunch of questions about like a big night in their life. Like, you call like Billy, like Billy would be like, so how was that? The garden? Like, that's gotta be crazy feeling, right? You know, he waits for the comic to start talking about it and get comfortable, you know, like, you know,

It's like a room like that. And then they just all hang up. It's just such deep dicks. And I always fall for it. Like, I always start opening up my body language. And Keith will call me. It'll be like, he'll have three people on the phone. Like, him and dumb DeRosa will be on the phone or something. And he'll call me and I'll be like, so having an hour on Netflix. Like, that's, is that like, do you think it's like a game changer or something? And I'm like, and they're already gone. And I'm just there with my dumb fucking...

I'm like, as a woman, you know? I'm like, my influences, I guess the Marx Brothers. I'm always in the middle of the dumbest sentences, so they're just gone. And you know they're so happy. They're so happy. We got her to be sincere. It's so funny, though. Have you seen this guy, by the way, who's at Red Lobster? No. He goes to Red Lobster. And he just gets head at Red Lobster. Isn't that cool?

Oh my, oh my stars. Isn't that cool? Why the red lobster? His expression is ludicrous. Sneaking into the mall. Wait, is he giving? Yeah, that's not the time to give a middle finger. Yeah. It's time for gratefulness. Gratefulness.

He's just like, he's just flecked on all of us, letting us know, you know, that's really cool. Thanks, Tom. Yeah. Thanks. That was a really cool subject change from our children to a guy getting public blowjobs at Red Lobster in the mall. Perfect. Where did your brain go, dude? I just thought I was just so excited to show it.

God. Oh, my God. Look how moist. Are you getting attacked by incubus and succubus spirits in the night? Sure am. They're demonic spirits that come to defile you in the night. That's true. How do you get rid of them?

Break agreement with them. Put up a hedge of protection around your bedroom. Get out your anointing oil and anoint your bed and say, in the name of Jesus, I command there will be no demonic visitation, no unclean, foul evil spirits, and I bind every incubus and succubus demon from attacking me whatsoever.

the night. Friends, speak out scriptures of peace. Say, I'm going to lie down and my sleep is going to be sweet. Bind the demonic realm, wake up refreshed and renewed. Amen.

So this woman does all these for anything, for any ailments. She's terrific. If you have gum pain, I banish gum pain from your life. Jesus, take away your knee pain. Take away your rheumatoid arthritis. She does a different one every day. She is tremendous. That is marvelous. These kind of women I do love. And I'm kind of halfway in. I'll get a reading. I kind of love all of it.

I had a friend that used to always be like, you're in the middle of a miracle, you know, but then I'd catch her saying it to other people. Yeah. He kind of believes they're in the middle of it. It kind of worked for me. And then we started doing a drunk thing where we just go to party. You're in the middle. You don't see it. Everybody else is a racist. You don't see it. You're in the middle of a miracle right now.

Just the guy that just goes from one person to the next. But I kind of like this. Like I'm kind of, I like, I like this kind of insanity. I do. It's like what people like tarot card readers or palm readers. I'll pay for that stuff too. Even though I kind of know it's complete horseshit. Do you go to anything like that? No, I don't. But I enjoy it when it happens. I've done it before. I've done it a couple of times. I like it. Do you believe it? The thing is you go into it as like, this is some bullshit. And then as soon as they say something that you want to hear, you're like, this is pretty cool.

Yeah, it's true. It takes one cobble of air for me to be like... Exactly. She's like, you're going to get a lot of phone calls. I'm like... I'm such a fucking dumb bitch. That's all it takes for me. Yeah, of course. I like her reading. Any flattery. Anything. Yeah. I had a reading with my friend and she... I just burped. And she...

she does some sort of like wanding over the body and she does like a clearing and Pete came back from the firehouse and I was just like laying on the couch and he was just like, oh for Christ's sake. Like he got angry at both of us. He's like, not now. It's fucking ridiculous. Like he was so disgusted. She did a clearing and then she kind of stopped over my vag area. And then she was like, oh, it's a little clogged here. And I'm, I,

I was like clogged is such a disgusting word. I was like, oh wow, why? And she said that in a past life when I was a surf that I was... Jesus. Surf. Yeah, but she cleared it right out for me and I was good to go. Oh good. All I had to do was bet more like 60 bucks and then it cleared out. Oh thank God. Would you be into like a group activity like this? Go in for the cue. It's primal play. Aggression at four.

- Because I think this setting would make me very uncomfortable. - That's too many people for me. I need to go, I need to hide out too much. Like they're all going to linger around. They're going to stay in. - And they're going to be like, let it go, let it go. Whatever, you're not letting go enough. You know, you got to really roar. - And I also think I'm very in touch with my rage. This would make me angry.

You know what I mean? Like, don't force me to get in touch with my rage. I'm there, dude. It's always there. You don't need to put me in a fucking room full of idiots. Yeah. Do you have any background information about this? Yeah, this is, what is it? It's a tantric teacher who wrote the book Beyond the Cuddle, Beyond the Cuddle Party. Disgusting. One-on-one sex relationship coach. Is it a man?

Well, Monique Darling and Thomas Daly II. Monique is the tantric teacher. Thomas Daly or Major Tom. He is a one-on-one sex and relationship coach. He is also a facilitator who helps lead in retreats. Facilitator is disgusting. How dare he? That's such a gross word, a facilitator. He's one of the leading voices in group primal play. How many are there? Six. Yeah. Yeah.

I also hate the word tantric. I think that's disgusting. It's gross too. I feel like I love it when my beast or my primal gets to come out of the one play. I especially love it when it gets to play with majors. Come get primal with me on our next temple play party. Play party. That's gross too. That word play is disgusting. I hate it. Tantric play.

I also feel like those men like that, either they just either to just like wild. This is obviously I'm not speaking about this very particular, but either they're just like wild or they're just as gay as the day is long. Like their worst nightmare would be to be inside a woman. Any man is like planned cuddling. Oh, yeah. You don't want to be. What was that word with cuddling? What did they say? Cuddle. What did he say? Something cuddle therapy. What is it? Cuddle party.

- It was especially disgusting and I feel like it's worth looping backwards. - Beyond the cuddle party. - Beyond the cuddle. Like that is not a story.

I don't feel like that's a collection of words that a straight guy reaches for. - Or you get a guy there who's like, he's like beyond, so he's like, oh, do I get to hit them? This seems pretty cool. - I had a friend that did that. He was really into spanking and he would go to like conferences to spank and just, they lay across your lap, these girls, and he would just go right to town on them. And I like, when I was like living with this guy years ago,

I had a friend come over and she taught me how to look at a man's like Internet history. Like this was like I was in my 20s. I was like, she's like, here's what you do. She's very organized. Like she was like, how you spy on a man? She went and she explained it to me. And I looked through my my boyfriend's Internet history. That's what we called it at the time.

And it was like all spanking, spanking, spanking. Right. And I was like, oh, no, she's never spanked me. So I just kept like whenever we were hanging out, like just leaning over and making jokes about it. But I couldn't tell him how I knew. I'm like, oh, you want to punish me? You think it's my fucking naughty little idea to be a woman? And like he was like, no, not at all. So he never. He wouldn't do it. He was like, no, not into it. Not it's not my. And I just kept going.

just re-looping around it and I'm just like come on what it's not also of all the compulsions it's weird to travel to spank but that's yeah but just that's like pretty normal and then I found out years later that it was my friend who had been spending the night at our apartment and just googling like spank porn so it wasn't your boyfriend at all yeah

And he was probably like, what the fuck? So you're like, why do you feel so much shame about this? Just let it go. And I just kept putting my dumb butt in his face. Like, come on. Just get it over with. And he was just like, yeah. I didn't realize until years after we broke up. My friend was like, I have something to tell you. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Also, how badly do you want to spank? Do you go over to your friend's house and crash on her couch a lot and just...

Yeah. And just, you need to see a woman be brutalized that bad. Where is he jerking off in your house? I believe he was jerking off at home, Christy. Yeah. Like where? On your couch? When he was crashing? I guess because it was all of his- That's the most disturbing part of the story. It is the most disturbing part. I jerked off on a friend's couch before. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Isn't that dicey territory? It kind of was because I was staying at their place. It was a couple. And I would stay in the living room. Oh, Jesus. And I would watch porn on the television. Oh, my God. And then one time she definitely was like coming out of the bedroom and I was like, oh, shit. And I could hear her stop like, oh, God, she must be like mortified right now. Wait, you were watching porn on the television? Yeah.

That's reckless as shit. And I was using the keyboard to like pull it up and everything, you know? And what was your thought process that they wouldn't come out? Or like you were just kind of banking on them? It was just too late in that, yeah. And when they did, were you like mortified? He never did. Any discussion? She did. No, she didn't. I was like, I think I brought it up to him and he was like, oh yeah, yeah. Brought it up. It was great. How did that conversation go? Like she wasn't thrilled or whatever. I don't know how much longer you can stay here.

brought it up is great how do you two men bring up that conversation it's the dumbest like that's it was so dumb it was dumb and dumber for sure i was like hey uh did you say anything oh yeah not happy

I wasn't jerking it. He's like, I don't know. I think she thought you were. Could you imagine a woman doing that? I would never pull up on somebody's living room television. I will say, whenever you find out about anything a guy does, and I'm always like, oh, sometimes I'm a little more lenient with certain things. But then if you imagine a woman doing any of it, it's completely insane. It's so weird. Crazy. Yeah, like a woman just blasting herself.

- To me, the blasting, putting the pornography on the family television's really amazing to me. - Yeah, no, I mean, it wasn't well thought out for sure. - No, no. - I mean, just even the visual of like on the train, like I've had just so many guys just beat off on the train to the point that I barely blink at it now.

But just even imagining just one time, just some broad pulling her dumb pants and underwear down and just fingering herself and glaring. It's ludicrous. Like if you tell any of these stories, it's just so true. It's insane. That means she's so mentally gone. Well, yeah. Cause also even you describing that it's a, it's you as a guy go, this is a crazy bitch. You're not like, this is sexy. Yeah. Yeah.

I should be institutionalized. Just eyeing, looking at you. Ha! And you're like... It's so strange. Right, you would assume she's homeless and deranged. Yeah, well, that's who does that. Yeah. A mentally ill, like, high woman. Yes, homeless at best. Like, that's a Grey Garden situation. It is not just, like, some sexual insane shit. It's also, like, yeah, you're...

Yeah, you're so much crazier than the guy. So much crazier. I'm not saying the guy beating off a train. You see guys just sitting there beating off? Just sitting? One time I saw a guy take his dick out on the train. It was like...

It was like two in the morning. I was exhausted. I was just exhausted by it, you know, but there was a few other people on the train and he took a stick off and just, yeah, it started. Yeah. And then I said to him loudly, I was like, stop doing that. Or like, that's gross or whatever. And other people in the train just kind of looked over, didn't care. Yeah. Then he gets off.

I get off after him because it's my stop. And everybody looked at me like this was this weird sexual game the two of us play every night. It looks like I wanted it. And I'm following him, you know?

But I've had that happen a couple of times. I've had that happen where it's my stop. I've had a guy glaring at me once, kind of like drunk and glaring, trying to sort of swipe at me. See, in L.A., it's cars. So when we were in L.A., a guy would jerk off in his car. But a subway, it's like you're right there. That person's right in front of you. Yeah. I mean, you can get... The trains are kind of long, so you can kind of get...

you know, I scooted away, but it's, it's, uh, it's not good. I've seen it on buses a lot too. And again, Hungary and Budapest, there's a guy jerking off there. And then one time in LA, he's still there. He's still there. He's still jerking off. Yeah. And then in LA, the buses, there's always some guy jerking off on the bus. What the fuck, dude? Even if you think of like,

like, you know, like a comic that'll like, you'll hear about a comic just like hitting on grossly young girls or whatever. If you even one time, like, what if I came here today and there was just like some kid with like a trapper keeper with me or something, just some like fucking guy named Jeremy with like a shoulder bag, like some, even a 20 year old. That's so alarming. A 20 year old boy. Yeah. I had a 20 year old boy with me when I came today. That would be, everyone would know immediately. Like I was insane. Yeah. You have real problems. Like,

Real problems. Like throbbing with mental illness. Yeah. To the point we'd probably be like, you know, we should probably reschedule this for another time. Yeah. I would think so. Yeah. Yeah. Any language, this is funny. And this is what I wanted to show you this. Yeah.

That's fun, though. Wait, is anybody, can I ask the dumbest question? I'm always the last at the party with these kind of things. Like, I never know what's going on. And they're really farting. Yeah, I think it's really farting. It's really farting. I think it's the bald guy. Yeah, the bald guy I think is farting, yeah. Like ripping big, beefy farts. And his co-workers are dying. Holy shit. Yeah.

But it just, it translates everywhere. Yeah. That was serious beef. Yeah. That was a meaty fart. He had beer, probably brats. Yeah.

So many bad decisions. So many bad food decisions. What was he holding? I don't know. Let's see it again. This is the least important part of this video. It's a calculator's phone. He's delighted immediately. Do you think he was holding it for them? Yeah. I've done that, sure, yeah. Every morning. Really? This is how we wake up. Yeah.

He's so happy. He's so happy that he got them. Yeah, I'm happy that he got them. Yeah, it's fun. People fart and say a phrase that makes no sense. Just the most rancid fart. That was because of before. Every morning he'll do that. So you still want to do that? Do you think it should be a large party or just the four of us? And it's like...

That'll like gun me. Fucking. I think you and I are married to the same dude. Yeah. We're both married to dudes. I like to do the leg pump. So I lay on my back and I take my leg and I go like this. That's so awful. Kick one straight up and do it. Rachel. She's like, please don't leg pump. Rachel. Wait, I can't even picture what you're talking about. Like a bicycle on your back? Yeah, almost like a bike. He kicks his leg. Like he kicks. I go, like I feel like I'll do it. Like I'm stretching it out and then I go.

And she's like, please don't do the leg extension. I don't like the leg kicks. Yeah. No, he beefs every morning. No. It's 6 a.m. No. It wakes us up. Yeah. It's not every morning. The kids are in the bed and everybody's like, ugh. Did you start out with all that or did you come in pretty early with all of it? No, Rachel, one month into dating, we're sitting on my couch and he puts my hand in his crotch and farts and he's in boxer shorts and that was that. Yeah.

That was it. Was that before or after you said I love you? Oh, that was after, yeah. Had to have been. Got a locker in first. Yeah. What about you? It wasn't one month. It was like three months. Yeah, maybe a few more months. He was pretty foul very soon. He just never cared. Like he was never trying to court me, never trying to get me. Same? Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah.

Like when we go back to the beginning of a relationship and I'm like, when I was doing this, are you thinking that? Like, he's not thinking anything and he could give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like, I think he thought I was a good hang, but there was no second thing running in his head. You know, like he's never thinking. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how, that's how it is. Not as many thoughts going on. No, he's just like, you know, like the first time we, we hung out or the second or third time we hung out, um,

like he showed up a half an hour late, you know, like 30 minutes late, you know, and didn't really think he had to say much about it. Oh yeah. Tom's not that bad. No, no. Tom would never do that. Shit. No. Yeah. My favorite though, that she, cause we are, me men and women are obviously like so different with this, but she's like, Oh, I hung out with one of my friends and she's like, Oh, how's his wife? And I'm like, I don't know. She's like, you didn't ask. And I'm like,

No. That's fascinating to me. And I came home the other day from the road. Pete was with another fireman that he's very close with that lives in our neighborhood. They'd been together probably all day doing God knows what. I can't imagine how dumb their conversations were. These two fucking men sitting at my fucking table. Like just hours of talking. Yeah. I talked to him for one minute. I was like, we should have your wife over for dinner. You know, they live right near us in Queens. He goes, oh, we got divorced. Asked Pete about it later.

Never told him, never mentioned it. By the way, he was standing in the kitchen and didn't say anything. I go, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Like, like come over for dinner. Like I was, how are you feeling about it? He's like, oh, doing too well actually. You know, it was like, I'm just like starting to go to therapy. Just kind of let go of some of the feelings I had. Pete was bored by the way, at that point, he just zooms out the, he just zooms out the back door. And I was like, did you ever follow up with him? Did you ever like check in? And he's like, yeah, probably should though. Huh? But like, won't do it. Won't do it. Yeah.

Yeah, like he doesn't know how to soothe my husband. Anything could happen in my life and he doesn't know what his line is supposed to do, to be. I just had to tell him earlier. I was like, I got these cavities. I feel really bad about myself. And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, well, tell me, like, help me. That's exactly what I've had to do with my husband my whole life. Like I've had to put his hand where it should go. I'm like, your hand should be my lower back right now. Like I am puking. Right. Yeah, I had a miscarriage and he got me a donut. Right. A donut. Right.

Well, I get it. I get it. I get it. No, Tom barbecued when I had a miscarriage. I was like, could you sit down with me? Why? Okay. Yeah. He barbecued.

Yeah, when I was going in to give birth, I was like, you're going to have to try to soothe. But barbecuing after a miscarriage is... No, during. During the carriage? Mid-carriage? Yeah, I was on the toilet and you're barbecuing. I was like, you're in the bathroom. I want to leave you in privacy. Yeah. No, no, no. And then when I was delivering the first kid, he was eating a breakfast burrito.

- In the delivery room. - From Fanny's in Redondo Beach. - Please tell me that you did it, that restaurant is not helpful to the story at all. You're like, oh, but I'll put it in perspective for you. But he really thinks about this burrito a lot. Like that's what he remembers about that day. - You did that to be funny, right? - No, no, not at all. - You don't think that Koreans would have the best breakfast burrito, but they really do. - I went to Korea, they do have very good breakfast burritos. - They have really good breakfast burritos, yeah.

Yeah, I'm in labor and he's eating. I'm like, put the fucking burrito down. I was so mad at him. So that was in no way you weren't trying to make her laugh. No. To bring a breakfast burrito to a delivery room? You pig. Yeah. You pig. As I'm in labor. Yeah.

He was hungry. You know why, Rachel? He needs breakfast. Like he wakes up so hungry and I went into labor at like two in the morning. Yeah. I was like, dude, you're fucking my clock up here. Yeah. So he was really, really hungry. I get that. Right. So yeah, he left, got his burrito, came back, ate the burrito. Well, to be fair, I ate half the burrito because somebody was fucking bitching about it. I didn't finish the burrito. Yeah. Some rag was on your case. Jesus Christ. I was like, I guess I'll eat this later.

Anyway, you want to give her a taste of what you got? - Oh, you ready for my talks? - Yes. - Okay. - All right, these are my curations. - Here we go. - I heard you bitches looking for me. - These are Christina's curations. - Yeah, the outliers of TikTok. - You might feel different feelings throughout and that's normal. - Okay. - Okay. - Yeah, they're meant to be different. Oh, these are Disney adults. This is the first time she's seeing the princess castle.

She's not 11. I don't know if she is Downs. She looks a little. She's not. She doesn't have Downs. She's seen the castle for the first time. So she got really emotional. That's apparently a thing now is adults seeing the Disney. We went to Disney. Did you break down crying?

It brought up a lot of stuff for me. Yeah. That's also, I think, an enormous red flag. If I were with a woman and she was like, there's the fucking... I'd be like... Well, I mean, she's dumb. I mean, she's just as dumb as the day is long. Dumb as rocks, for sure. Fucking box of sand. Yeah. You're walking around with. Idiot. Good evening, TikTok. Happy Taco Tuesday. All right. Hope you had your tacos today. I did. No tacos for me. Oh, man.

So, hey, hope you had a super day at work, school, play, whatever you did. Thank you. Hope you were awesome. Well, it's time you got here to do some cardio. Okay. I'm going to try to do that two and a half miles I do, 30, 45 minutes. Okay. I'm going to hit the trail. I'm going to walk to the school back. Okay. Oh, to the school and back. A lot of information. Hey.

Have a great evening. Stay positive. Smile. Wherever you do, just have a great evening this evening. He doesn't know when to end it. I'm not sure how to sign off. Have a super day. Keep having a good day. You just don't know what to say. Love you, honey. Bye-bye.

Wait a minute. Because here's the deal. I've been tracking his progress. He's actually lost quite a bit of weight. He started posting his cardio, his weightlifting. It's leg day. It's a back day. And he works out in his garage and he tells you, you hope you have a good day. So he's doing really well. But I don't know. Is he under the impression that these are private videos? So that's one of my favorite lanes of social media is the person who posts a video and you're like, I think this was supposed to be sent to somebody and they just upload it.

They just, they're like, how are you doing? And you're like, who? Yeah. Because he's like, I love you. One for one person. And they're like, okay, have a great day. Are you talking to all of us or is this just for Sharon? Because...

He does look better. He's, he's, he's a great evening. This evening is the dumbest color. How can you be finished with that? You're not finished with that video that he, something in him was like all set. Got what I needed here. Then you, you realize like somebody like that, you realize when you watch things like this, you're like, Oh, a savvy broadcasting personnel is a skill because this is like most people, most people are like, I'm going to walk and they're like, hope you have a good day. And it's a,

I go to the school and back. You're like, what the fuck are you saying right now? Yeah, like if I made that, like, I mean, yeah, that's not, yeah, you're not finished. But he was like, I'll say here, get it out.

And then love you. Love you. Who is that? That's so true, Tom, because like radio people and morning talk show people. You think you can do it, right? It's all nothing. They talk about nothing for an hour. But like the skill, it's a real skill because most people who listen go, I could do that, are actually this guy. And you go, no, you can't do that. Yeah, this is a disaster. Great evening. Take care. Bye.

Sign up. Love you, honey. Bye-bye. Love you, honey. It's for one person. This whole fucking video is for one person. Love you, honey. And he uploaded it. You could survive the L.A. County Jail. You could survive any fucking prison in the United States. Do you agree with that? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, bro. It's, it's, there's, yeah, bro. It's dark. The dungeon.

Now, sure. I have heard this before from other people that have been in county jail. Especially Twin Towers. He's talking about downtown. That's right. Twin Towers. This is a notorious LA. Really? Oh, LA County Jail? It's really grimy. Downtown, it's called Twin Towers. You pass it on the 110. Okay.

And there's little slots. You can sometimes see people standing in there. It's completely overrun. So they had to, like the gym is now all bunks. It's just like, it's jam packed and it is really, really rough. Yeah. Like what happens? People get killed there and stuff? Yeah, there's fights. So I had a friend who one time got a DUI

He's a Mexican dude and he had made the silly choice to not just get tattoos but to get like kind of gang style tattoos even though he was not a gang member.

So I was so done because he just was like, these are cool. Just like a typical dude is like, these are cool. So he gets them. He gets a DUI. He gets taken to Twin Towers downtown. They immediately are like, all right, are you what? What set are you in? And instead of like explaining himself, he's like, I'm so Daniel. So then they throw him in with hardcore gangbangers. And he's supposed to he's thinking he's getting to get drunk tank like thrown out two weeks. He has two weeks. Oh, my God. Every time he tries to.

Talk to a CEO. They're like, shut the fuck up. And he's just like, and he goes the first day, the first day he's there, he's in the gym because there's no room in cells.

He gets walked to a bunk and another inmate punches a female guard in the face. So there's a full riot. So he's there for a riot, like lockdown, face on the floor. He didn't shit for the full two weeks. Yeah, that's another big problem. Not one shit in two weeks. Wait, what do you mean the problem with?

So there's a toilet in the middle of the room of all the inmates, from what I've heard. Well, he was in the bathroom. He was in the bathroom. But he said, you know, there's no privacy. So when you sit down, you can see out. And anytime somebody would walk in, he would just pull his pants up because he was so scared. Yeah.

So then he goes, then they transferred him. They transferred him from downtown to there's a county jail in the valley that they call the Hyatt because it's supposed to be how much nicer it is. Like you're going to the Hyatt. That's so funny that it's called the Hyatt. I wonder if there's like a mid-range one, like the Howard Johnson's.

He said they were just like, he's like, he's like, we're playing cards. He's like, I take a huge shit. Like everything's soup. And then they're like, they're like, are you getting, they're like, why, what are you doing here? You should have gotten out two weeks ago. He's like, yeah, I know. But you guys just kind of kept me in. So, but he said it was the most terrifying. And he was probably never the same. No, I think he was definitely traumatized by that. He's unwell forever, kind of. Forever. Yeah. Yeah.

The Hyatt is terrific. Let's go to the Hyatt. Well, my friend got a DUI and got put in LA County for like a night or two. And he said that he couldn't take a shit because they put like, you know, a bunch of guys in a cell and there's a toilet in the cell. And Nick, you're just terrified. Who's going to take a shit? That in itself is just insanity. Like in this day and age, at the Hyatt, they got to have some doors around the shitter. The Hyatt's way better. The Hyatt's better. Yeah, at the very least, like there shouldn't even have

Even if you, I don't care what you've done to someone. You deserve just four small, you deserve some kind of barrier between you and where you're shitting. Yeah, something. Yeah, that's private time. Can you answer these hard Disney trivia questions? Part 35. After winning tons of Disney trivia, I'm here to share my knowledge every day. Here's the question and comment with your answer. What is the name of the family dog in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? Who the fuck cares?

If you're confident with your answer, hit that like button after commenting. I like all of the right answers. Share this with a friend to challenge them and follow for more Disney trivia. That's a grown man. Imagine if that was the best thing that was going to happen in your day. And he said, I'll like all of your answers. Like, I wrote it and he liked it. Just take your own life. Like it's over.

That's what he's like, and I got the like and I did it. Somebody's gifted by that. That's Keith's fucking whole life right there is Disney trivia. Right on the inside looking out, a little shout out to Dangerous Beauty and Gizmo for the suggestion on the Snow White Dopey. So stay tuned. It's pretty tight, right? He made that in jail. Yeah, so I found this account where this guy is making art in prison and selling it on the talk.

And so dopey, I don't know if you know this, but amongst the Latino gangbangers, there's a lot of dopies. Do you know that? There's a lot of dopey. So this one's really popular.

I thought it was really, I mean, shit, to pull that off in prison? I don't know how he's doing it. He's a savvy guy. Yeah, I've seen a lot of very good prison art work. Hold on, watch this one. You're going to shit. Watch this. This is terrible. ...realized a second after takeoff from a 4,000-foot mountaintop that he was not attached to the hang glider.

The pilot apparently forgot to hook him up. The tourist from Florida hangs on to the bar with one hand and the pilot with his other hand. The pilot does his best to steer with one arm while grasping onto his passenger with the other. I was just trying to stay calm, just trying to hold on for dear life. The danger was real. Imagine falling from this height. Yeah, he wouldn't have been okay. And I thought to myself, this is it. I'm going to fall to my death. I'm a goner.

Both men are struggling. The tourist, Chris Gursky, goes from clinging to the pilot around his shoulders to barely hanging on to his leg. Oh my God. I didn't have much grip left to me at all. My hand was opening. I was slipping. I had his pant leg. That was about it. That was about it.

After two minutes and 14 seconds, they got close enough to earth that Gursky let go. He hit the ground hard and broke his wrist. He also tore his bicep from holding on with such a tight grip for all that time. An eternity when you think you're going to plummet to your death. The auto parts manager is now back home near Tampa, but he will never forget that terrifying ride.

Yeah, of course not. What a dumb way to wrap up the story. And he'll never forget the day he almost died. I know. You're writing someone's yearbook. Fucking A. Never forget. This is not the right collection of words about almost dying. I mean, it's almost like he should have been like, and he'll probably forget the day that he almost did this. He'll never forget. It's the laziest writing. So lazy. But it also seems like isn't to hold on to something like that. Like that's like,

That's almost impossible, right? Like you have to be extremely strong to do that. Yeah. I mean, his grip must've just, like you say, tore his bicep from the grip. Imagine the panic, the adrenaline. It's all adrenaline. Right away too. Right away. And you know, if you're the pilot, you're like, fuck, I didn't strap him in. Like he's in a, in a different type of panic, you know? Cause he's, he's thinking like, I just, I'm going to,

be culpable in killing somebody right here what happens to that other dude i wonder yeah like that's crazy he gets back so it's his fault for for not yeah i mean like yeah he should have yeah the pilot i'm sure is like you know here's where you he just he had a brain lapse and then all of a sudden he's like oh yeah this guy's definitely gonna fall like do you even need a license to hang glide or can any idiot i think you can probably just do it yeah

This is why I don't do this shit. Like I don't do anything like that in other countries when they're like or anywhere really like hey strap yourself to another dude. Fuck you. Have you guys ever done a skydive? No. I have like very many physical risks. What? I did on a television show once but it was a TV show so I oddly felt safe doing anything even though I'm no. But I skydived once. But that was it. But tandem. So I was on somebody's back. Weird.

Were you scared? I was shitting my brains out. Yeah. Was it satisfying? No, I hate it. And I hate that I did it. And I wish I didn't get pressured into doing it. I'll never do it again. We were just, I was just in Abu Dhabi and we got to drive formula three cars on the track and it was very fun. And then one of my friends, Jeff Tate was like, he sits through the, they give you like a, you know, briefing before. And he's like, I'm not doing this. And we're like, no, he's like zero desire. Yeah.

So we're like, okay. So the rest of us are doing it. And then I see him like putting on the helmet and everything. We're like, what are you doing? One of the drivers is going to take him for a ride in a two seater. And so I'm standing back. I just, I'd see them pull away. And I'm like, he wanted to do that. And they're like, I think so. I'm like, you think so?

So I see the pro driver driving him. I mean, he's just like mobbing down this track and he gets back. And I'm like, how was it? He goes, I hated it. That was the worst thing I've ever fucking. It was horrible. Yeah. I hated it so much. But I'm an idiot. I also got a tattoo that I didn't want to get because of peer pressure on that same show on Road Rules. They're like, we're all getting tattoos. I'm like, guess I'll get one. What did you get? It says dumb pig. It says snout on the back. Fuck.

Now it's really funny. It's a cum splat. No, it's a fucking dumb dragon. I'm having it lasered off, as I knew I would when I turned 40. Yeah, you keep saying that, but I don't think you're having it lasered off. I did. I did it once already. Yeah, but you got to go like nine more times. I don't want to go back. It's so painful. It's really painful. It feels like hot bacon grease. Like somebody poured on you and no, it sucks, dude. It sucks. Get the cover up. Can't you take something? Can't you take...

Like, get drunk? Or can't you take, like... I don't know. I know you're saying... This is, like, the dumbest thing I'm saying. I'm like, you're not going to add anything to it. Well, why can't they numb... I'm like, numb... Yeah, there's got to be a way around pain in this day and age. Like, you shouldn't be in violent pain to have a tattoo removed. You are, though. You can, like, buy, like, a brand new face now. They should figure that shit out. Rachel, believe me. And until they've mastered that technology, I will just have a dumb gay dragon on my back. Because I don't fucking care. Anyway...

I got to wrap. You got to take a shit. You can see Big Guy, Rachel's special out on Netflix. You also get tickets to see her at rachelfeinstein.com. Rachel, thank you for coming today. Thank you, Rachel. Thank you for having me. That was so fun. Thanks so much. Bye, guys. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi. You are so beautiful. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. I hope this video doesn't scare you. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning.

Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. I will love you like you've never been loved before. It's been sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend. After you experienced me, you won't even know who your ex-boyfriend is. Break them from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. Let's go full throttle. Full, full throttle.

Ciao, baby.