A Message From Our New President w/ Special Appearance by Donnell Rawlings | YMH Ep. 784
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This week, I will be in San Diego at the Pechanga Arena on November 8th, and I'll be in Phoenix at the Footprint Center on November 9th. Next month, I'll be in New Orleans, Louisiana at the Lakefront Arena on December 7th, and I'll be in Pensacola, Florida at the Pensacola Bay Center on December 8th. All the tickets are at TomSegura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

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Offer valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. It is great to be back in studio. We have been working hard outside of here. It's always fun to come back. This is my most favorite thing that we do. It is so much fun. Yes, we raise family. Yes, we make marital love way better than all the stuff we do together. Yeah, than having a family. This is so much more fun. So boring. So boring.

That's so much more work. So much and so tiring. Yeah. So tiring all the time. If you were like, we want to swap out family for more podcasts, I'd be like, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I can kill her, man. Yeah, dog. Congratulations to the new president of the United States. Good luck. Anyway. Anyway.

So much going on. So much has happened since we've been in here. There's a lot to cover. We've just been very busy. I've been working on my series. I know. So I've been in production. It's been nice having you home, I have to say. It's been very nice. I've been thrilled. I haven't had a time off the road like this, like where I'm still working, but not in that capacity.

In a long time. I know you're a traveling salesman for a living. I travel all the time. And this is really nice to be shooting in Austin. Oh my gosh. You know, and like getting to go to work, like slacking.

sleep in your own bed get up in the morning go to work come back take a shit yeah I always shit and I will say and I've said this to agent jeans and to the executives that came to visit your set the day I was there that I have never seen you this happy ever truly and I really hope you continue to make television or film or whatever it is because I you work these 12 hour days 14 hour days 6-7 days a week and you come home and you're thrilled and you're never complaining

And you're never like upset. And, and I have to say, I don't want to, I'm not going to talk about what the show is, but I think this is the culmination of 20 years of you in comedy. I think it is by far the greatest thing you've done creatively. Cause it's all the things you wanted to put into a project.

And I'm so stoked for people to see it. And I think it's going to be huge. I think people are really going to love it. Well, that remains to be seen. But I will say that I am having a really good time. And I do find it really fulfilling. Like it really is creatively fulfilling. It's so much fun to have been a part of

developing this thing, writing it, and now producing and acting. And then I got to direct some too, which I'd never been able to do. You know what's great is you're an actor, director, writer, producer. You know what I'm saying? I'm a choreographer. You know what I'm saying? I dance and shit. I DJ. You know what I mean? And just like I'm a multi-hyphenate. You know what I'm saying? You are that guy now. Yeah. But you legit are. And I will say that I got to watch you direct. I came to set. Yep. And I was like, this is where my genes should have always been.

This is the perfect pair of jeans for you. - It is pretty nice. - I'm thrilled that you found it. - It was fun and I know, you know, I took advantage of the fact that it's my show and I was like, I've always wanted to direct. 'Cause I knew if I was like, hey, can you get me a directing job? Everyone would be like, no.

So on this one, I was like, hey, I want to direct something. And they were like, okay. So I just took advantage of it. And that's how you do it. Yeah. And that's how you do it, kids. You build the opportunity for yourself. I think that was brilliant of you. It was exciting. You're a brilliant man, Sam Segura. I'm glad I married you. You're the one. You're the winner. I'm glad I married you too, Jean. Really? Thanks.

Of course. There's so much. We really have a lot to cover today. So much, dude. That I feel like we should just get into it. Can we get into it? I'd love to. Let's start the show. I've got a lot to share. Let's keep it presidential for the opening. Here we go. Yeah. Mr. Hager? Yes, Joe Hager. You all made me some real lightweight slacks. And they're real lightweight. Now, I need about six pairs for some of wear. Now, the pockets, when you sit down in the chair...

the knife and your money comes out. So I needed at least another inch in the pocket. Now, another thing, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. It's just like riding a wire fence. When I gained a little weight, they cut me under there. So, let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper is.

Welcome to your mom's house.

President Johnson. I didn't know I liked him so much. Yeah. You know what I like when he's like... Back to my bunghole. Yeah. But I know what he's talking about. That line that goes... It cuts under my cooch sometimes, too, and I hate it. Imagine if you had a pair of nuts down there. Dude. Well, you might soon. Dude.

Right? Aren't you considering it? I am considering it. Now that I've had the double mastectomy, I do have implants, but I could go flat and I could go through with the hormones and everything and be the man I've always wanted to be. Could be. It's just a matter of who you are and who you want to be. I can't wait. The cool thing about Johnson, first of all, proud Texan. We're happy to have you, sir. Hi.

Yeah, he was known to like, he called his penis jumbo and he would show it to people. And he also, I think he had a shower head installed in the White House for his asshole. He was like, I need something to wash my asshole out. That's what we believe in. Yeah, pretty cool guy. I'd be voting for him today. Pretty cool. I like that he belched on that call. So do I. He is a man of your mom's house. I would sure be grateful. Where do you want to send him? White House?

It sounds like the guy that maintains the yard calling for it. You're like, who is that? Oh, that's the president of the United States. The belch was a tad disrespectful. I mean, yes, I make phone calls on the toilet as I'm peeing and shitting, but I don't burp into the phone with Brandon, our March guy. Pretty crazy, man. Speaking of presidents, we actually got a message from our president.

So why don't we just go ahead and take a look at that before we go any further. Welcome back, Christine. I'm glad you're feeling better. I love you and Tom together. You guys are so...

So hot. Thank you guys so, so much for making me the president. I had so much fun with you guys, like watching the special needs chefs and then fat people at Disney. Oh, and then what was that guy's name? Duncan. Duncan with the P. I'm already so hard at work, you guys, being the president. I think what the podcast needs and the office is sexy. Those little clips that you guys do,

It's way sexier. And then why don't you guys just play videos of like cactus? We need it. I think that's what's going to make it thrive. I think that's what the viewers want. So yeah. Anyway, new Christine, new president signing off. That's fucking crazy. I never thought of that. What does she want? Videos of sexy, sexier stuff. Most, first of all, which makes sense. We should have sexier content.

And then cactus stuff, which we've never discussed. What do you mean cactus stuff? Like the plant? Like cactus? I think so. Is that what she's saying? I don't even understand what that is. There's videos here for us to play, I guess, that she flagged.

This is for all the cactus loving content people out there. This is my newest cactus I picked up for $7 the other day. I believe this is the blue candle cactus and I just realized I've said cactus like three times already. Actually I like this thing. It is super cool. Like look at that. It's just yeah, it's pretty sweet. Has all these little thorns or spines. They're pretty pokey. Gotta watch out for them.

I just repotted it in this terracotta pot. The soil that it came in was really not good. It wasn't a well draining soil so I put it in a new cactus mix that's got lots of perlite

And it's just a well-draining mix. Now, I want this to be in my self-fixing window, but I can't just put it right there in full sun. Otherwise, it's probably going to get a little bit of burn. So I'm going to put it off to the corner here. Oh, very smart. A little bit of morning direct sunlight, but I think it'll do well in the spot. And then once it acclimates to this location, then I'll put it in full sun. But otherwise, I think that's me it. Thanks for watching. See ya.

That's fucking cool, man. First of all, I never knew that if you put it in direct sun, you could burn it. It was a cactus. Doesn't it live in direct sun? Why are you being like this? I mean, it's so stupid. This is stupid. We're not going to put cacti in the office. Is that what she wants us to do? And inform the audience about it, yeah. Oh, my God. This is such a dummy idea. No, it's not. She's a dummy, Tom. Do you guys think it's dumb? No, definitely not.

Not really, no. Okay. I'm pretty engaged, I'm not going to lie. That was a pretty cool fact. It's not cool. It is cool. I've always wanted to know more about cactuses. It's pretty cool. Today I'm going to show you how to water a cactus. This is my blue candle cactus and it's just soaking up all that extra spring sunlight. Down here is a pincushion cactus. Oh, wow. It's got these beautiful pink blooms right now. Look at that. It looks absolutely beautiful.

gorgeous gorgeous first thing you want to look for is to make sure that the soil is absolutely bone dry and sometimes you might even see a little bit of wrinkling on the plant like this one that just means it's dehydrated and it needs a good thorough watering don't be scared to give these plants a lot of water as long as they're in an appropriate soil as well as a terracotta pot with a drain hole then you shouldn't be able to overwater these you can see there's a little bit of kind of bubbling here it's just dry air pockets so i'm gonna keep giving it water until

the that's how you do it so much that's how you do it until it comes thoroughly saturated i do have another one here as well same thing it's in a cactus what's it gonna do it's in a plastic pot but it does have drain holes so i'm just gonna let that drain through until it comes out the bottom sometimes you might even have to let it soak in a container just so it can get saturated otherwise that's all you do thanks for watching well well i could tell you right now speaking for the audience they're gonna want a lot more of this

So I would... This is so dumb. It is not dumb. Nobody wants more cactus content. He's not even sharing actual information about the cactuses. He just showed us, first of all, how to manage sunlight and how to water it. Like five times the same information over and over. It's very cool. I think the audience gets it, guys. I don't think they get it. Oh my God. So pull a lot more cactus videos. Will do. And also a huge thank, obviously, to our president, New Christine. President Stupid Tits. Yeah.

You know, her tits are big and fake, too. I can make tits like that, too. Big fucking deal. I can buy them. When you get like this, it's so unattractive. What are you talking about? Just let her fucking guide us. Oh, my God. Thank you, New Christine. And thank you for your guidance. You know, it's really rude. This is rude. It's not rude. You know what? This brings me to my first topic I would like to discuss, Tom. I watched a Megan Fox movie, Subservience. Subservient?

It's a spoiler alert what I'm about to say. Okay, guys? But see if you can tell where this is headed. It's Megan Fox, who's a big, fat dog. Ugly, yucky. Is it a good movie?

I'll tell you that in a minute. But here's the deal, man, is that it's a Megan Fox robot that you can hire to live in your house and take care of your kids and do your laundry and cook and clean. What do you think is going to happen to the alone guy, single dad, who has the Megan Fox robot in the house? What do you think is going to happen? I think his pee-pee is going to grow at some point. Does it? Spoiler alert, he fucks her. And his wife's in the hospital and he's lonely. Yeah.

Why is she in the hospital? It's a fantasy. She needs a heart transplant. Oh, boy. I know. So it's heavy, right? Yeah. And he's all sad because he's super horny. And his fucking wife's being all lazy in the hospital with her heart stuff. Well, he's probably grieving, too. I mean, cut him a little fucking slack. Yeah, he's grieving and he's horny. Yeah, of course. He doesn't know how to deal with the emotions of the trauma. Oh. And so. Sometimes they channel through you differently, you know? Through your peener? Sure. And then you're like, oh, fuck. There's a robot here?

Exactly. Not only that, a Megan Fox robot. And she's like, she's all like Tom. She's all like, I want what you want. Whatever you want makes me happy. I serve you. And so his boner grows and grows. And then one day, dude, he fucking bust nuts in her. And then what do you think happens? There's a baby robot grow inside of her?

I wish. No, the wife finds out. How? Is she getting her heart fucking transplanted? She did. She gets a dumb baboon heart or whatever. She comes home. She's like, ugh. And then the robot overrides her.

programming and becomes kind of a she's all that's my family now bitch like come on we saw that coming anyways so fucking wife finds out and she's all put that fucking robot in the basement so then now Megan Fox is downstairs in the basement and the husband comes home and he's like what's up babe she's like you tell me fuck the Megan Fox robot so I was kind of like big deal big diff it's basically like a dildo with a personality and a hot face is it cheating

I mean, it's a robot. Is it? I mean, that's okay. Do you think the what's it called? What's those like fuck sleeves that people? That's what I was thinking about. What are they called? Fleshlights. If your fleshlight had a personality and like a hot face on it, does that change the nature of the masturbation? I mean, I guess it changes it in that it's you're upping the game, right? It's like it's becoming more.

real to your brain. Right. Right. Then does it become cheating if you fuck a sex robot? And then I started thinking, cause it's, it's got serious philosophical implications. It does. It does. Yeah. Would it be cheating if I had like, you know, those life size robots,

um flesh dolls that these pervert guys get and they're heavy as shit she's this one's 200 pounds and she he just like lays it on the couch and fucks it and then puts her vagina in the dishwasher to clean it out what if i had a fuck robot carl and he's in the closet yeah and i was like all right tom i'm just gonna go fuck carl i'll be right back yeah like it's first of all what would that do to you i know well a couple of things is like any woman that has bought a

a fucking doll robot. You're like, this woman, she's like, she's real fucked up, I think. Um,

Well, yeah, we've had female comics on here that would probably do that. Probably. I mean, I think it would like fill the role for a lot of people. Yeah. You know, who don't have someone. Sure. But it's still not a human being. It's a robot. It's not. But it sounds like what this is about is how convincing is the robot. Exactly. Because right now, if you were like, I'll get the best version available, it's still going to be, yeah, it's like.

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It just goes... It's just like a... It's a gun, you know? That's what the women look like currently. Yeah. The fuck dolls. I mean, would you be mad if I fucked that doll? Okay, but if it looked like Megan Fox in this movie... No, no, no. Stop saying... No, the doll... I'd be seriously worried for you. It's kind of worrying. But here's the thing. I guess if it looked human, more human...

Then you're like, well, what are you doing this for? I'm like, what? It's a doll. I'm just fucking a doll. Right. But then the more human it gets, because Megan Fox is programmed to be more human, then you're like, but you're banging a human. Yeah.

You know, it's, it's human like it's, so it's better to keep them creepy and inanimate is what I'm saying. Well, here's the thing though, the appeal to the, the amount of people, like the people who see the creepy dolls and go like, yeah, I'm not interested. Like myself, I'd be like, I don't want to fuck that thing. Right. You go, who, what would appeal to you? A more human one.

But then it's still not human though. I know, but I'm telling you, watch this movie. So what's your verdict on it? Because at first I was like, why is this bitch crying? Like, it's just a fuck robot. Like, it's just a robot. But then it's the role that the robot takes in the family and then the emotional support that she provides. And then you're like, oh, like she's taking the place of a woman. Yeah.

She's taking my place and then I want to fucking kill her. You know what I mean? I got you. I'll be like, you fucking bitch. Well, it sounds like there will not be a Megan Fox doll in our house. No way. Oh, the problem too is that the Megan Fox is his type. That's his type. So the woman, the wife, she's in the hospital. Megan Fox walks in, the robot, and she's like, the fuck, dude? I know that's your type. Do you know what I mean? And that would upset me if it was like a blonde. Oh, it's big tits like our new president.

What are you talking about? That's just fucking, we're lucky to have somebody like that running this place. That's all business. You're confusing business with, okay. So I want to check out the movie now. I just watched a movie last night. You did? Woman of the Year. Is that good? What is that? It's really good. Anna Kendrick stars in it and she directed it. Oh. She did a really good job. I have to say, she did a really good job. Isn't that what it's called? 2024, yeah.

Let's see. Yeah. Oh, Woman of the Hour. Did I say year? It's Woman of the Hour. My bad. Woman of the Hour. It's on Netflix. So it's based on a real story. And the real story is that in sometime in, I think in the 70s,

that the dating game, which was where a woman would sit normally as the featured person of the show. And she would ask questions to three men behind a partition. And if we were to go out on a date, where would you take me? That kind of stuff. And then the three guys would give their answers. And at the end of the show, the woman would be like, I choose Bachelor No. 2. It was that kind of show. And this really happened.

Where in whatever year this was, sometime in the 70s, I think, one of the participants was a guy who was eventually discovered to be a serial killer. And he won. Oh, my God. He was the one. She was charmed by him? Well, I think, you know, they take some liberties in how it goes. But like of the three, you know, the way it's portrayed, I don't know if it's actually this way.

One guy was a dum-dum. The other guy was kind of a douchebag. And then this guy was sort of the, of the three, the one who gave the most, I guess, charming or answers that just kind of made her go like, yeah, that's a good answer. You know, like that kind of thing. It was just like inoffensive. Like he just kind of played it right.

In reality, I know that in looking it up, what's the guy's name? I think it's Rodney. Rodney Alcala. Rodney Alcala. So in reality, the woman who chose the guy said that the date that was then, because they give you a prize. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's cute. Yeah. She lucked out. Yeah. It looks like they could have killed up as many as 130 women. Yeah.

But Alcala, she met him, obviously, on the show and said that he was so off-putting that she just didn't go on the date. Wow. She sensed it straight away. She sensed something was off about the guy. Well, I like how casting wasn't put off by him. So they never went out on their date? They never went out on their date. So that's the whole movie? Well, the movie, I don't want to give away the movie,

The movie depicts them meeting and then kind of her spending a little time with him that night. And then her being, but first of all, her portrayal, her directing of like how this story is told was phenomenal. The violence in the movie of him being the serial killer was so well done, like in a terrifying way. She really nailed it.

I thought it was just, it was really good. Well, this sounds like a movie right up your alley. A serial killer, lots of violence, love. You also love love stories. I do. You and I love The Millionaire Matchmaker. This movie apparently has all Tom Segura's favorite elements. Yeah. This guy was a real goofball, this Rodney Alcala guy. But she really, she did a great job. She's great. She's talented. And she was great as the actress as well. She really portrayed it well.

So I highly recommend it. I also saw Lake George. I went to a screening of Lake George, which is a new movie starring Shea Whigham and Carrie Coons. And it was really, really good. Like a neo-noir take about these two who are both kind of midlife fuck-ups who are basically thrown into a situation where they have to do

participate in some criminal activity. I love it. It's a really cool movie. I highly recommend checking it out. Shea Whigham is in the Mission Impossible movies, if you guys don't know who he is. And he's such a talented actor. It's ridiculous. Very cool. Wow, look at us. Watching stuff, making stuff happen. Really good, man. Now, some other things have happened. I think we should get into some of them. Oh, my God. In the time that we have not been here. First of all, to...

infamous goofballs, the Menendez brothers. In the time that a couple of things have come out, there's the Menendez brothers narrative scripted story, like an eight, nine part thing. I think Ryan Murphy did that's on Netflix, which is really good. He does,

That's his wheelhouse. He did the Dahmer one. He did the Versace one. He did the OJ one. It was like monster. All your favorite stuff, yeah. So it depicts that. And then a week or two later, they released the documentary, which is Jesus Christ. There's this thing about when you watch documentaries online,

about things that happened in your life, but that are 20, 30 years earlier, you forget. Like even when I watched The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan thing, I was like, oh yeah, I remember this era. And then you're watching it and you're like, I don't remember all these details. I just watched the Lance Armstrong story. And I was like, yeah, I remember the Lance Armstrong story. But when you get the insight into the story, it's really fascinating. I did not recall so much about the Menendez brothers story

And it is fucking cool. It is so difficult to get through that doc because that's why we got to release these guys back out in the world. We feel bad for now that the stuff that I'm talking about is the child abuse. Like here's something that's very telling.

When you watch the documentary about the Menendez, for those that are unaware, the Menendez brothers quite famously were convicted of murdering their parents. They were Beverly Hills rich kids that their father was a very, very successful businessman.

movie producer. He ran Hertz at one point. He was a very, very high-level executive. They murdered their parents in 1989 and were convicted of it in 96, so many years later. It was a crazy, crazy thing in our culture if you weren't alive at the time or don't recall it.

And then, you know, it's one of those things that they've always been a reference in our lifetime of like rich kids entitled and obviously for eliminating your family. And so the story came back and you're like, oh, I remember the Menendez brothers story. And then you watch it and you're like, oh my God, like I don't remember all this shit.

You watch the doc and you realize how abused these guys were. But this is my point. There's this one part in the documentary where they're interviewing the prosecutor, the prosecutor who's like, these guys are fucking psychos. Like it was a pleasure to put them behind bars at one point in the, in that interview with the prosecutor, she says, well, I will say this about their father.

their father, who was murdered by them. She goes, the day he died, the world became a better place. Oh, wow. They couldn't find, that woman right there on the left, they couldn't find one person to be a character witness about the father during the trial. Not one person was willing to say a nice thing about him. She's like, he was a horrible piece of shit. About the victim of a murder, it's pretty telling that,

that she actually says that. She was like, yeah, he was a fucking horrific human being. That being said, here's the update for those that don't know. LA District Attorney George Gascon recently announced a recommendation to re-sentence Eric and Lyle Menendez who were convicted of the 1989 murders of their parents. The decision could allow the brothers who have spent 34 years in prison a chance at parole. Wow.

Gascon cited recent findings that under today's understanding of trauma and abuse, their claims of enduring years of sexual abuse by their father would have been taken more seriously. A new sentencing proposal set at 50 years to life would make them eligible for immediate parole due to their age at the time of the crime.

Potential resentencing has sparked mixed emotions. Many family members and advocates, including attorney Mark Garagos, support the recommendation, highlighting the brothers' efforts toward rehabilitation. However, some family members, like Kitty Menendez's brother, still believe the original life sentence is justified. So that's in the news. And of course, Kim Kardashian's involved.

Is she? She is. She's become an advocate for their release. There's so many. I mean, look, this isn't a black and white issue, obviously. There's so much gray zone. How old were they at the time they committed these crimes? 19 and 21. Yeah. But look, my initial instinct is like so many people are molested and abused by their parents. That doesn't mean you take shotguns and blow away your mom and dad. There's other things to do, like contact the police.

The police, child services. There's a million other things they could have done. So I do worry about their lack of proper judgment. I mean, that is a pretty gnarly thing to do. It was really gnarly and extensive. Yeah, and I get they were abused. I know. I had to stop watching the Netflix series as much as I love Chloe Savini-Nene and the guy that plays the dad is Javier Bardem. I love him. But I couldn't. I couldn't. I can't take child abuse. I'm like, ugh.

Anyway, well, thanks for sharing that story. You like that? Any other murder or serial killing we can talk about before we move on? I'm sure there's plenty. Oh, there is one special someone. Yeah, there's some other big stories that have come about since we've been doing our thing and stuff like that. One of them is that the one and only Garth Brooks, some of you know him as a very famous country music singer. He has come under serious pressure

scrutiny because of very serious allegations. And here is what is going on. Let the conversation begin. At this time of year, maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you're in love.

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Garth Brooks is facing serious allegations from a former makeup artist. She worked for them for over 15 years, claims that

he subjected her to multiple instances of sexual assault. Jesus. 2019, the accuser details disturbing incidents, including an alleged assault where Brooks held her upside down by her ankles. Other accusations include inappropriate advances and explicit comments that reportedly continued despite her objections. In response, by the way, she also claimed that he...

assaulted her at the Beverly Hills Hotel and then went to the Grammys. Like right after that. That's wild. Yeah. Like I gotta go now. Yeah. That is a nice hotel. In response, Brooks has firmly denied the claims, labeling them as fabricated attempts at extortion. He claims the accuser demanded hush money

and the allegations are aimed at harming his reputation. As part of his defense, he released the accuser's name in court documents, a move that has drawn public criticism. He asserts this disclosure was necessary to fully defend himself.

Additionally, Brooks had recently listed one of his properties for sale, a decision some sources speculate could be related to the ongoing legal battle. I really like that. His legal team maintains the allegations are opportunistic. She goes into great detail, probably more detail than we'd want to read on this show. But if you are up for it,

Up for it, you can Google the makeup artist's accusations. And they are in real detail in the court documents. And you can see exactly what she is accusing him of. And I leave it up to you.

if you want to weigh in on what happened. Excited, scared, nervous, all the good things. What about the deposition? Can you talk about that a bit? No, I can't talk about that. Not even a little bit? No. What I feel like I should say is that you really should, in this case, just let this take its course. That's the right thing to do, honestly.

G is G and he, you know, this is obviously a very serious thing. I feel like the right thing to do, because I don't really know, is to let the courts do their thing and let this take its natural course. And we will hopefully have much more to say after it plays out. So special. So rare. Yeah.

I mean, I just, it is wild that. It's pretty wild. We've been, you know, calling it for a minute, guys. This is not news to us. Yeah. Wow. Wowzers. I really like that. So, CP. Yeah. You have been in your treatment. I'm almost done, guys. Almost done. Next Wednesday. My last round of radiation. Clap, God damn it, in there. I don't hear anybody.

Thank you. I didn't hear it. It's been terrible. So I have 35 rounds and then that'll be my last one. And then I can be done with this shit for a minute. Yeah, but you're not the only one that's been dealing with a lot of shit. What are you suffering with now? First Invisalign? Dude, my closet flooded. I know. Just as bad as cancer.

It kind of is when you think about it. It is. It was horrible. It was horrible. A thing burst and then the water came gushing down your closet. The guys were, so they're up there fixing because we had like a hot water issue. And then the next day there's a leak from the exact spot. That's what it is. They fuck it up. And so the guys came back. I was like, oh, what's going on? They were like, oh, there's like a gasket. It wasn't.

placed right or maybe it melted or something and I'm like that's where you guys were and they're like I don't know I wasn't the guy that did it I'm like yeah but it was your company they never know I gotta talk to Bob I'm like okay

Do you think it was your guy's fault? He's like, I have no idea. Of course it's their fault. Of course. We've been taking cold showers for a long, long time and they can't seem to fix it. So your closet flooded at 730 Saturday night. Thank God it was 730. Oh, I know. Cause the kids were freaking. Taking a piss at midnight and being like, what is that? And then you're like,

Well, I was terrified because I didn't know if it was going to start an electrical fire. Of course. I'm like, fuck, and the kids are all jacked and freaking out. And then we had to get your clothes out. I thought it was the most exciting thing in the world. They loved it. I called the house. First thing, I'm just like, oh, I'm on my way home. And Julian's like, there's an emergency at the house. I was like, there's an emergency? He's like, is that why you're calling for the emergency? And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's like, there's rain in your closet. And I'm like, what?

It was raining. Let me talk to your mom. He goes, talk to me. And I go, no, not you. Let me talk to the adult. Yeah, he wouldn't let me talk to you. He ran away. Ellis was like so fired. He's like, I'm going to manage the situation. I'll keep an eye on it. And he had like a flashlight pointed there. He's like, I'm watching it. Yeah. Good. Thank you.

It was crazy. So I had the boys help me carry your clothes out so that they didn't get ruined. And it was just a sea of beige. It was so crazy. We just kept carrying out boring clothes, more boring than the ship before it. Okay. Put it down. Wait, can I give you my full radiation update? Yeah, of course. Okay. So I'm almost done with this fucking terrible treatment. And then. Tell me about your plans, like what you did there though. Oh yeah. Your first thing that you noticed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot about this. So I sent this to Zolo. I have it.

when I started treatment, it's a lot of old people and some of them are like, some of them are up to talking. Some of them are just so sick and they can't talk. And I feel like they only had like one issue of better housekeeping in the waiting room. And I was like, this will not do. So I've decided to

to seed the waiting room with different magazines. And I'm- Because you said they had poor magazines. It was literally one episode, one episode, one- Issue. Issue of Better Housekeeping. And I've been thumbing through it. It's all warped and wilted. And like, these are old people. They're not dead yet. They deserve quality magazines. Absolutely. So I'm starting out, I started out light magazines.

I brought in like the National Enquirer with like P Diddy on the cover of Vogue magazine. And so then there was one with Reagan on the cover and surprise, surprise, the old folks love the Reagan issue. So that's a picture of the, it was open like that the other day. And then, yes, there's a video. There's Reagan. There's the Vogue I left. And then there's the Diddy. Now I'm going to ramp it up because this is my last week of radiation and

To somewhat soft pornography. Should I do like the swimsuit edition? I've got an issue of men's health with like a shirtless light-skinned black dude. I think I'm going to leave that. But what do you think should be my final magazine? Hustler. They don't know it's me. Should I drop full up? Playboy? Playboy. Because there's a few old dudes. I don't know if you've got the image of the old guy. Playboy is going to get picked up right away.

You don't think that's, is there, are there like. If you were really, if you really want to do something, I would go wherever. It's so hard to find like a good magazine stand. Maybe in some grocery stores now. It's hard. I think some grocery stores still have them.

Maybe HEB. Yeah. And I would get like a couple of gun magazines. Yeah, guns. Get some travel magazines. Then get some gossip stuff, like people or whatever. Get some car magazines for the dudes. They always love that. But it's mostly women for breast cancer. Well, then get, you know, you're abroad. You know what they like. And then get some, yeah, get some like male physiques in there for them. Yeah, I'm going to drop the men's fitness. And one porn would be nice.

nice and then one soft core what about like lad mags do those exist anymore like maxim i don't know if that stuck around because here's the thing these are older folks they're going to be offended i don't want them to be like appalled i do want them to enjoy when i'm dropping girl would be a fucking bro oh yeah like maxim yeah i could drop that and it's still a thing that's still out i don't think it is i don't know or something like that

Yes. Okay. Let's get into subscription. Print versions delivered every two months. They do six a year. Oh gosh. That was such a huge magazine. Yeah. They don't print as much anymore. But yeah, so I'm super pumped about that. I'll be dropping again. Next week is the last week of treatment. So I think on Monday I can drop one and then my last day is Wednesday and I'm going to drop like the hardcore one and then just bounce. You got to do one porn. Yeah. One porn. But here's the thing. And I wanted to ask you this.

Maybe this is too dark of a subject. You can cut this out if you don't like this. So when you're done with your treatment, you ring the bell. There's like a bell. Ding, ding, ding. You know, like that piece of shit restaurant you guys like in Bureau Beach. Oh my God. Anyway, some of those folks are not going to make it out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And so I feel kind of guilty. Like, is it smug of me? Because I am the younger, healthier to be like, nanny, nanny, I'm done with my treatment. If you're going to do it like that, it's kind of shitty. Yeah.

And if you go, are you guys done or are you almost done? No. Maybe one day. Or maybe you're just going to hear God ring his bell and you're going home. I'm going to ring your radiation bell. Yeah, because like, I mean, look, granted, I got one of the longer courses. So I guess what it is is like I have to know that I've got cred to do. I do have cred. I've been through a lot of the treatment. You can definitely ring your bell. But yeah, I don't want to be like a cunt about it and have them hate me. Maybe then don't do it. Ugh.

I don't think you would. I know, I know. But I worry that it comes off as like, you get to ring your bell, right? Yeah. I haven't seen anybody do it yet, but I'm excited to do it. Okay. And then, so this was the craziest thing that happened to radiation by far. This is so rad. And I can't believe I got a photo of it to share with you guys. So I'm sitting in treatment and whatever in the waiting room, that one I just showed you with the magazines. Okay. Yeah.

And you're supposed to go into the changing rooms, you change into a gown, and then you sit down and you wait for them to come get you to go back to the machines. So I'm fucking sitting there.

And in the woman comes out of the changing room, she's wearing the gown and she's fucking barefoot. This is crazy, bro. Barefoot. Now keep in mind, you've got immunocompromised people like women in chemotherapy, like they can't be exposed to fill. And then like they, you should not be barefoot in this facility. If it were just a, let's say has nothing to do with immunocompromised, just the basic etiquette of you're in a waiting room for anything, a medical facility. It's like,

Like if you were going to get your physical, it'd be crazy. Like why don't you wear shoes? Well, so my stepsister's Indian. Hold on. Don't show it yet. And I texted it to Cindy, my sister. And she's like, dude, you just hate feet. Like in our culture, it's fine to have your feet everywhere. I'm like, no, no, no, no. You don't get it. This isn't me being feet phobic and people will accuse me of that. It's that this is a medical place. Oh, there's my buddy Sue. She graduated last week.

and you should not have your feet out where people can get sicker from your feet, your filth. And not only that, this fucking bitch right here, there's a picture of her. She's walking into change, this hippie chick. She fucking sat down next to me in the waiting room, and she had bandages around her big toe and around her feet, so she fucking had like open wounds. Why can't she just wear like slippers or something? Bro, sucks. Sandals, something. Yeah. I was...

I was shocked and appalled. And I was like, oh my God, like I, to the staff, I was like, did you guys see the barefoot lady? And they're like, no, we've seen crazier things than that. I'm like, like, well, they radiate people's buttholes. You know that like if you get asshole cancer, could you imagine getting your asshole radiated? I think about it every time when I'm in there and I feel bad for myself. I'm like, at least it's not. Yeah, exactly. It's all perspective or your head. Cause I see the cast that, you know, it's just terrible. Yeah.

But yeah, this fucking bitch came in barefoot. I cannot believe it. By the way, I know Christina has been fired up about this lady for six weeks. Every time she's a fucking barefoot lady walking out. Barefoot lady. I was blown away. I sent out a group text. I do think it's a very strange choice. It's disrespectful to sick people, dude. I was very blown away by this. I sent it to so many people. You don't have shoes? You have fucking shoes on, dude?

She clearly does. She was like a hippie, Austin weird. Did she walk in with shoes? I don't know. Because there's two waiting rooms, right? Like the outer one and the inner sanctum. And she's in the inner sanctum. And I'm saying like, guys, some days there are comatose people who are so sick from chemo in the hallways. Like people that are just on death's door. Like you have to, you can't go in there and be disgusting. It blew my mind, dude. It fucking blew my mind, bro. I get it.

Anyway, yeah, fire me up. Fire me up. Oh, my God. I love it. So that is Lara. She does... I guess she does OnlyFans content. I don't know if she does regular...

Porn stuff, but she does fart and poop stuff a lot. Good for her. And she farts constantly in her Instagram posts. Good for her. Look, that's the best way to make a living. I've always felt if you're going to do an OnlyFans or pornography, this is an easy lane. It kind of brings us to... You're going to drop it right now? What?

Go ahead. No, you go ahead. No, no, you share it with the world, your new gift. Well, you're the one that observes it, so why don't you drop it? All right. You guys, this is the inventor right here sitting across from me of the double pipe classic. You may remember it. Was it 2010 you invented this? It's in Wikipedia, guys. There's an actual Wikipedia devoted to my husband. Not Wikipedia, but like

Like Urban Dictionary. Urban Dictionary of a double pipe classic. My husband invented it. It's when you burp and fart at the same time. It's very rare. Very rare. And I had one this year, which was pretty crazy. Which was really cool. We haven't had it in a few years. Something incredible happened two weeks ago and we can't stop talking about it, thinking about it.

go ahead well i've been doing you're talking about fart walking of course i'm talking about yeah i've been fart walking more in the mornings and i've fart walked i think we all have in life you know no not like you but the i'm saying it's hap like you've walked somewhere and farted as you walked and you're like oh this is happening whatever you're on the street you're going somewhere and you're like i'm farting as i walk and it's it's usually a i think a pretty joyful experience

But what's happened lately is I think because of my protein intake in the evenings is that when I wake up for like my sort of the pee before it's time to like, you know, the last one, it's like 630 or so. Yeah. I as I'm walking from the bed to the restroom, I fart walk.

the whole way. But what, you know, I don't know if you're conveying this properly though, is that you are able to fart on each step. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you got about, I would say five or six farts and steps in, which is, I think very difficult, very rare. And if you're out there fart walking, like it's no big deal, go ahead and share. Well, the best part is that as I do it,

I'm like, I'm always, I'm pretty pleased with myself as I do it. I'm like, this is pretty cool. And then you go, that's a real nice way to wake up. Cause I'll, it'll be like your alarm basically. It is my, every, every morning you fucking fart and wake me up. Yeah. I'm like, this is cool, huh? Guys, hashtag, hashtag fart walk.

But it's not like that. It's, it matches your walk. So if you can fart walk, go ahead and tag us. Hashtag fart walk. Yeah. I want to see that.

That's pretty strange. It doesn't happen very often. It was cool. It was very cool. I was actually quite pleased with it. And you haven't really been able to replicate it since. That's the trouble. I had a few days of it. Yeah, days, yeah. Really, I think it's very much related to your consumption the night before. I think you're right. Whatever's happening in your digestive tract the night before. I think it's related to protein powder, especially for you. Hmm.

Because I've noticed your farts smell a certain way when you've been drinking those shakes that you drink, those protein shakes. Had one today. Oh, okay. Well, maybe we'll get a fart walk. But I don't feel anything in my system right now. But if your fart is hot and tangy, I know that's a fish fart. You had some of those the other day, hot and tangy. I had bad fish the other day too. Yeah, I know. You were shitting all day. Horrible. It's the worst. Horrible.

It gives you PTSD in that, like, I remember when I got food poisoning from salmon in Las Vegas 10 plus years ago. Oh, I remember it. I didn't, that time I avoided salmon for six, nine months. I was so just like, I just didn't trust it anymore. It's disgusting. Yeah.

No, I know. It's like the time I puked up spaghetti bolognese in 2006. It took me years to get back to it. To have that again, right? Yeah. I remember every time I vomited. Yeah, this one fucked me up. It was sea bass, which I love. I know. But it definitely fucked me up. You know what, too? It's so buttery and oily. It's pretty rich. It could have been that, too. When's the last time you puked? I puked, I think, earlier this year, but it wasn't not related to... Mine was October 30th, 2019. That was your last vomit?

You had that ready to go. You want to see some cool shit? Yeah. Check this out. This shirt is so tight. So tight. Oh my God. Stop. He's so Canadian. Yeah.

This two bedroom, two bath condo has all the modern luxuries. Courts, countertops, stainless steel appliances, nine foot ceilings built in 2020. It feels brand new. It feels brand new. Um, the shirt is, is too tight and the jewelry is great. Look, I think he's got a great personality. He's got swag for sure. I mean, I like him. I don't know if he is doing the shirt as a bit. Um,

Or if he's just like, yeah, this shirt looks good. I think he thinks it looks good. Cause I'm going to go. We even have two car tandem parking below. Please have a look around. Okay. Nice place. Yeah.

With this bright balcony and mountain view, you'll be doing tons of relaxing. Ask for me, Clayton Albers, your favorite realtor. We'll see you at the open house. All right. Take care, eh? Clayton Albers. I like Clayton Albers. Yeah. No, I'm going to go. Are those tats on his chest? Bro, zoom in. They are, right? I think that's part of his look, the chain. I think so, yeah. Those are tats? Yeah, chain.

Chest hats. That's why he wears it unbuttoned so you see them. It's quite open. I mean, that's three or four buttons open. Yeah. Because he wants you to. Can we tell what they are? Are those like Rihanna paw prints? Is that an animal that I'm seeing on the right? Yeah, it looks like a tiger. We're doing some research. Okay. Oh, my God. That's unbelievable. I like him. I mean, he's definitely, you know, like I said, a charismatic dude. Yeah, chain is definitely on point.

Oh, he's all-tiger. It is tigers. Oh, yeah. He's a tiger and a lion. Oh, shit. Oh, he's the best. That's what he looks like, dude. Oh, wow. Oh, this guy rules. He's a Maui. He's enjoying Maui. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Clayton. That's your realtor? That's why he dresses like that. Holy shit. He's trying to hide his freak, dude. If he walked up to me, though, at the beach, he'd be like, I heard you're trying to sell your house. I'd be like, I'm actually all right. Yeah, he'd be like, what's your address? I'm not telling you where I live. Yeah, that's how you want your realtor to look. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Or do you? He's got a family. Yeah, he's cool. He's doing his thing. See, but I kind of, like, you know how here in Austin, there's the lawyer that's got the dreads and he's on all the billboards and he's got the tats. Like, what if he's the first realtor to be tatted and fucking gnarly? Like, I might go for him. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, he might be really good. I mean, he definitely, he's definitely on top of the social media. How big is his following on social? That's this fucking guy. No, that's, he's everywhere. I would not hire that lawyer. You're out of your goddamn mind.

He's got to be personal injury. No, the attorney that rocks, fuck off, dude. I don't want an attorney that rocks. I want an attorney that's a fucking dork. He's an attorney that burns, bro. He fucking burns. He's faded right now, homie. No.

But personal injury? I want a non-Christian attorney that takes no shit. Non-Christian? He has 10K followers. Hell yeah, dude. That's a good following. I'm telling you, he needs to lean into who he really is. Oh, he also does jewelry. Oh, gross. It says licensed realtor, business owner, custom jewelry. Yeah.

There's like a tattoo. He might own a tattoo shop. Yeah, dude. He's selling grills, tats. Gold teeth. He's doing... Oh, yeah. He's doing grills. Yeah. This guy's everywhere. He's got... Man, he's a hyphen of two. You know what I'm saying? I got...

I'm a writer, actor, producer. Tattoo artist, real estate. Yeah, he's doing it all. He's doing it. That shirt fits him. He's a hustler though. Yeah, he's good. I like him. The shirt's way too fucking tight, Clayton. That shirt is insane. Yeah, Clayton, we're on your side, bro. Yeah, that's a better fitting shirt. That's good, yeah. Everyone's worn a too tight of a shirt. Of course. We all know the feeling. Of course. But yours is very tight in that one.

I also know that feeling too when you're like, you know what? I'm not going up a size. Fuck that. I do it all the time. Yeah. You're like, I'm not adding an X to the fucking shirt. Can't do it on principle. You're like, I am not a double XL. And you're just like...

See? I do it too. I do it too. I've ordered things too small and then had to have like panels put in so that I could fit. Because I'm like, I'm not ordering a size up. I am not a size 10, damn it. No. Buy it all and then have it all tailored. I do. Just make these bigger. I'm such an idiot. I know. I can't do it as a woman, my self-esteem. I fucking get it. By the way, can we please fucking talk, speaking of ridiculous, about Al Pacino? Yeah. Yeah.

I've been obsessed about this one for days. Al Pacino, one of the great actors of our generation. Is that his stupid sound? Hoorah! Hoorah! She's got a great ass! He does that thing and you're like,

It was a scent of a woman. That was like the biggest movie. He plays a blind guy who's foul mouthed. Everybody loved that fire movie. And then they did this thing in heat, you know, in heat where he's, he's great in that. We're like years later, they're like, yeah, he's, he's supposed to be on cocaine the whole time. Like that's the character. Yeah. But then they cut out,

um the stuff they shot that were references and seeing it so you just see this guy who's like yeah and they're like and you're like what the fuck is going on like yeah he's on coke yeah why don't you show it dude that makes so much sense implied and they're like yeah i thought you'd know i'm like yeah we we know he's out of his fucking mind i didn't know that now i've got to watch heat over again heat's incredible yeah but he's just like and this guy walking you're like jesus christ yeah

Yeah, they should tell you that information. That's kind of valuable. Fucking cokehead. Oh, but anyway, back to that. So, great Al Pacino, phenomenal talent, is a new dad. He is also... Yay, guys, clap for him. Clap in the booth. There's a lot of cool guys that do this. They're usually very successful. And the strangest thing, he found this sweet, sweet girl. She is 29. She's 29, yeah. He, there's a little age gap,

He is 84. 84 years young. That's a good way of looking at it. So I think that age gap would be 55 years. Did I get that right? I think it's a 55 year age gap.

Yeah, there it is. But here's a nice thing about... I'm with the love of my life! Here's a nice thing about this sweet girl, this 29-year-old sweet, sweet lady, is that she's got a penchant for older actors or older dudes. Like she was dating Mick Jagger, who was about that age too. And then wasn't she with Nicholson, I want to say?

What other? I can't find the Nicholson one. People were saying she was dating Clint Eastwood for a while. Can you hit the thing? Because it probably would. Okay. What a nice girl. Just dating all these cool, nice older gents. He became the new dad at 83. He's now 84. His now ex-girlfriend. They already are. They split already. The baby's three months old and they split. Nor Alfala welcomed their first child together. Pacino's already a dad to three adult children. Mm-hmm.

In March of 2024, Al Fala spoke publicly for the first time about her relationship. Al lives down the street from my house. We started spending every day together playing chess, watching movies. It was like film school with Al Pacino. I bet that was fucking amazing. I guess it just became something more.

They are no longer romantically involved. Here's everything to know about her. Okay, she's a producer. I'm a producer. You know what I'm saying? She is a producer, graduated from the University of Southern California Cinematic School for the Arts. It's a great program, by the way. It is. Continuing her studies at the University of California, Los Angeles, where she obtained a master's degree in film and television producing.

In 2018, she produced a short film called Brosa Nostra about a fraternity president trying to get his house to return to the Greek row at Southern California College. After graduating, she produced another short film. She executive produced the forthcoming feature, Billy Knight, which stars Pacino, Charlie Heaton, Diana Silvers, and Patrick Schwarzenegger, as well as The Apprentice, a film about the rise of Donald Trump starring Sebastian Stan. Okay. You can scroll down.

So let's see. She welcomed their first son. We got that. Let's see if it has any backstory. They're just friends. Okay. She's been linked to other big names. That's what we're getting to. Let's see who she dated before. There she is snuggling Mick Jagger. I know.

prior to welcoming Pacino or welcoming child Pacino she made headlines when she dated Mick Jagger when he was 74 and she was 22 at the time our ages didn't matter to me no of course the heart doesn't know what it sees it only knows what it feels that's a fine that's a better sign I guess

And you're right. In 2019, I'll follow sparked romance rumors with Clint Eastwood after they were photographed leaving Craig's. There is no relationship. We're family friends. My family is there and that's that is what she said about that. She has three siblings.

I don't know if there's any more there, but yeah, that's pretty cool. She definitely likes older men, which is fine. You can like older men. It's so cool, but the coolest part is to have children with them, you know what I mean? And then break up. The baby's three months old. Well, the neat thing for that kid is that there's a lot of footage of his dad because he's going to need it. He's not really going to grow up with them because I can't imagine...

That he will live that much longer? No. Wait, where's that video where he's talking about how much fun he has with a kid? Do we have that, Zolo, where he's like, what he does with him? He's this little guy. Treats him like a dachshund or something. His connection with his wife. That is the thing. He likes pudding. I like pudding. Maybe it's on the TikTok. It'll be there. So, yeah, I mean, it is like...

I don't know. If he's 84, that means there's a good chance that, I don't know, when he's in kindergarten or first grade, his dad will be dead. And they'll be like, he was a really good actor. I wish he would have gotten a vasectomy. Oh, yeah. And so does De Niro's an old ass dad, too. He's got a young girlfriend. There's a couple of guys like that. See, that's the problem, Tom, with getting the young hot girlfriend. Yeah. Listen to me. Look at me. Yeah.

If I die before you. Okay. All right. Yeah. How dare you? And hold on. If you bang some 29 year old, they all want the baby. There's no way some woman who's 20 is not going to want the baby. But I'd have to get a reverse snip. Yeah, you can do that. That's not hard to do. I don't want to do that. That's not hard to do. I don't want to do that. I'm just warning you. These young chicks, they all want babies. That's the whole point. So what are you telling me? You got to support them. You know what I'll tell them? Yeah, let's just keep trying.

I don't know what's wrong with them. I'm not getting pregnant. I'm like, because we're not fucking enough. That's so weird.

That's great. And then you just keep doing that until she gets sick of you. It's that one. Oh. There you go. It's fun. Being a new dad is fun. It's the least fun is when you're a new dad. Well, he's not doing that much. Let's hear what he's doing. You know, I have this little person. Everything he does is interesting to me. So we talk. I play the harmonica with him. Harmonica.

And we have made this kind of contact, so it's fun. At 83, did you have any reservations about the age? Well, now I'd want to be around for this child. Of course I did. But things happen. And I wanted to be, and I hope I am, I hope I stay healthy. And he know who his dad is, of course. It's neat. It is neat, and it's a lot of fun. This little guy does that.

And I'm like, look at all the stuff he's doing. And stuff happens, Tom. He doesn't know how pregnancy happens at 84 or 83. Can I tell you the most annoying part for me personally is like that, that the British tend to be a little more ruthless in their question. I can like, he didn't,

You didn't think 83 was kind of old, but that the media has to treat it like it's an awesome thing. Like if you look at, I think People Magazine covered the story and he's like, this is awesome. Like it's always from the, isn't this great? It's like, no, it's not great, guys. I don't think it's so great. He's like, I hope I live. You're not gonna. You're 84, dude. This is the end of the road, bro. Yeah, it's not going to last much longer. It's not going to last much longer. And also, let's say it does last longer. Yeah. It's not a good thing.

It's not a good time. It's not the best time. You know, you're not like, if you're alive at 92 and you see him now, you think it's going to be like, he's like, ah, I'm just like, you're gonna be able to pick up your kid. You've seen old people with babies. They go like, yeah.

Can't even hold the cat, let alone the baby. Do you think when they were, you know how things happen? Yeah. Do you think? Stuff happens. For sure. She was like, just go inside. Of course. He was like, oh. Yeah. And then, oh, fucking, oh. Yeah. That was great. Yeah. And then she was like, thank you. Yeah. Lock it up. Yeah, because she had to climb on top of his carcass. And the cool thing now is that.

she knows he's going to leave a fucking pretty cool trust. I know. It's so gross because you know she can't marry him, right? Because he's got prenups to the gills. She knew she wasn't going to get that pre- That marriage money. But now that the kid's there, it's going to be a good steady 18 years. They're like, hey, let's talk about your plans for a second, man.

Exactly how are you planning on divvying this shit up, Pops? Yep. Well, you know. Yep. I got a baby. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. This bitch, she's going to get at least whatever monthly stipend. Yeah, yeah. Child support. Right. If the kids don't fuck her out. I don't have to work for 18 years. And then what, though? Dumbass.

Dumbass. I got to piss real quick. Hey, same. Let's go pee. Oh, pee pee twins. And we peed. My pee was so powerful. Did you smell like coffee? No. Really? No, not really. Yours often do. If I have too much, it does. I don't think I overdid it today.

I've had a good bit of water. I had a double workout today already. Double? Yeah, I did the bike, and then I went to the gym, and I lifted at the gym. You're crazy right now with the fitness jeans. I know. It's because I'm going to be nude that I'm, you know, you have like a panic setting. Are you allowed to say this? I think I've talked about it, that it's coming up. Dude, I don't know. What I didn't realize until a meeting the other day is that I'm nude in four scenes now.

Like, I think they all were like, yeah, this is pretty funny. Just keep doing it. I'm like, okay. That's pretty scary. Yeah. And like, I have a horrible flat ass. And they're like, yeah, show that.

Funny. Yeah. Yeah. I like the way that you were honest. You just went. Yeah. Well, both of us, we, look, I think full disclosure, you and I have both admitted to having flat asses to each other. We both agreed. The tailor on the show. She was like, you know, getting a costume ready. So she was like tracing. She was doing this tracing thing. And she was like, very defined calves. And I was like, nice. I was like, everybody hear that? She was like, very defined. I was like,

That's what's up. And then she goes up and does like the hamstrings. And then she goes, yeah, a lot of men have flat butts. Yeah, that is a Segura family trait. I will say I feel like everyone flat ass family. Me too, though. Look, I didn't I got I got the tits. I didn't get the ass. That's for fucking sure.

Oddly enough, Top Dog didn't have a flat ass. Maybe in his later years, but he was a weightlifter. Then it's the other side. Oh, yeah. It's definitely her. It's definitely her. It's her side, yeah. God. No one has an ass.

I don't have an ass either. Mine is so bad. No, mine sucks too. No, mine's worse than yours. And I've tried Pilates. I've tried the weightlifting. And also, yours isn't going to be broadcast. Mine's going to be broadcast. You chose to dipshit. I didn't kind of, I really didn't kind of. What do you mean you didn't? It's your show. But I still was like, they're just, you know, you just don't want to be the guy to like negate. They're just much better if you just show your ass. And I'm like, okay. Can you do like a stunt ass? Can you do a stand in? No.

Come on. That's for the weaklings. Why don't you do what Tom Cruise does in the movies where they do like the lens, the glossy lens? Because that's what they do in the Mission Impossible movies. They just, they treat the film. They treat the film. Yeah. So he looks much better. You could. What about full frontal? What do I do there? Are you gonna? Yeah. Holy shit. For real? Yeah. You're going to show your dong, dude? Yeah. Dude. I'm going to fluff like everybody else does. Yeah. I know what you're doing. Yeah.

I can't believe you're going to do that. I'm going to be like, give me 30 seconds to smack it around. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Are you really showing your dick? Yeah, it's just the way life goes. Here we go. That's cool. I love this. Isn't it crazy that I have a lion at the house? Nothing bad will happen. Look at him. Look at his pants. Never in English. Look at this guy just laughing. They're laughing, dude. The lion. Yeah. The lioness.

So fucking stupid. That could have gone so, so poorly. I do love these talks though. I love these videos. It's fucking great. All right. I've been dying to show you this. So,

Frankie Valli, who is a beloved singer, Frankie Valli in the Four Seasons, this man has been performing for like 60 plus years, right? And this was like from, you know, Grease, the incredible John Travolta, what's her name? Olivia Newton-John. Like that's Frankie Valli singing in some of the big songs. And some of the big songs, yeah. What? Grease is the, you know. Grease is the word. That's him.

That's him? Now, this is him. I think during the pandemic, he did what even we were doing in stand-up, which is putting on an online concert for people. So check him out here. Is that really him singing? Yeah, that's him. That's okay. Yeah. He can still sing, for sure. Yeah, that's good. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. I don't like his background singing. I mean, he's still really doing it here.

Okay. Yeah, I got it. So you got it, right? Yeah. I mean, he's still nailing it here. Yes. Now, he has to be 85 or 86 here, okay, in that video. It's 2020. It's a pandemic performance that people could watch online. So, yeah. So that's four years ago. So he's probably 86 because he's 90 now. So...

He has been continuing to perform and people have noticed that it is not the same. Oh, okay. It is not the same. And I have multiple examples. No, no, no. Oh, no.

So what they're doing now is they're playing the audio of the original track. Right. And then he's just supposed to lip sync. That, by the way, what I just showed you is by far the best version of it. It's by far the best version of it. But the lip syncing, he's barely putting, he can't open his mouth at this point. He's barely doing it. Yeah. Why are they doing this to this man?

Whom does he owe money to? Who is forcing him to do this? This doesn't seem like... Tom? This seems like, you know, when somebody reaches a certain age and you go, you know what? You just don't have to do it anymore. You've been performing for... Can I say something? I'm so stoked about cancer because now I'm like, I'm done touring. I'm fucking done. Not for a while. I just meant you can reach an age where you can go, I no longer perform. But babe, I don't think he's there. I think...

You think he's making this happen? He wants to do this shit. It's the same reason crazy-ass Madonna is still doing it. But what if you bought your ticket? Oh, my God. And you saw this. And this is what you saw. I mean... But how old is his audience? He's talking here. So that's his voice. The eyes. Oh, my God. He's practically dead. Poor guy. Oh, no. Okay. Okay.

It's not a good look, though. He's actually singing here, I think. He's singing, yeah. This is also, I hadn't seen this one. This one's okay. This one's all right. But he can barely move. He's comatose. He also hasn't blinked once. No. And it's been like three minutes. No. But he looks okay. That one's okay. So I apologize. That was actually a better one. Okay, here's Grease. All right. He's not singing. Okay. No, he's not singing. He missed the cues there.

Oh dear. Oh dear. You know those background guys have stories. Of course. Can somebody please have one of these backgrounds? Reach out. Please. He's like, when I say Greece is the word. Oh no. Oh no. This is the way we were being. You can, you know. This is a life of illusion. Wrapped up in trouble. Troubles.

I think there's somebody else driving this. I don't think it's him being like, I have to perform. You think he's got the wife like Ozzy Osbourne's wife? Ozzy is on his last leg. Well, here's the thing. Joan? Because he was so obviously highly proficient into his 80s, that means he probably was touring all the time. And that...

He basically gives you a certain lifestyle. He's probably spending more... Most people would say, let's say they're performers, they would retire most. With the exception of Tony Bennett. Most would be like, yeah, I'm done. I'm 70-something. And then you kind of get into...

you get into a certain change in lifestyle. But if you are into your 80s still performing, it may be that like,

They're just like living it up. And when it's like, hey, it's time to retire. Someone's like, no, don't do that. Because you've got too many expenses. Yeah. And you're used to like earning a certain amount and spending a certain amount. But I will note the decline is significant from 86 to 90. Yeah, but still. He was fine four years ago. But that's a normal thing to decline at 90. Here's the thing I'm learning though, Tom. Yeah.

You're going to be touring well into your 90s. Because mama likes this life. I'm staying home. I'm relaxing. I ain't working. You love being a comic. You got to tell jokes until you're dead. Hey, guys. You ever wipe cum on the drapes? Bye. Bye.

I wrote your audience as old as shit, Tim. Yeah, and they're telling their kids, and their kids are like, what the fuck is this? And they're like, yeah, you got to hear the whole story. And my son, that flushed it down the toilet. I'll play the audio of a Netflix special. I think you should. Okay, here's what's going on. Frankie has told People Magazine the accusations crack him up.

reiterating on his own terms, nobody has ever made me do anything I didn't want to do. Frankie's all about that four seasons magic, saying as long as the fans keep showing up, he's in it for the long haul. Promising to be like that bunny on TV that just keeps going and going and going. Oh, you mean the advertising ad that hasn't aired in 35 years? For the Energizer bunny? That's awesome. That's a real current reference. Okay. Okay.

Chasing the music. But it's the ego. He can't say, I'm 90, I'm done. There's been a huge concern for Frankie. Yeah. Some videos showing him appearing to be lip syncing his own music on stage. Of course. And have fans commenting about how exhausted he looks. He hasn't blinked in any video. Oh, yeah.

But he's made it clear he's not backing down. Full steam ahead with his tour running all the way through April of 25. No, he's not going to make it to April. Poor guy. He's one of those guys who's going to die on tour. I know, but he's happy doing it. And you know what? If people are paying. He's going to die. Of course he's going to die. He's going to die in the middle of a song and the song will keep playing. He'll just go. And they'll be like, this is the word, it's the word. And then he'll be there. This is the word.

Of course. Yeah. But that's why I'm going to pay to see every... But now don't you want to go see him? 100%. To watch him die on stage? Bring up his tour schedule. Yeah, let's go. Guys, someone needs to go watch every single one until he dies on stage. Yeah, let's do it, guys. Indio, Temecula. Who's doing the casinos? Those are big money gigs. Yeah. Oh, he's doing a good run. A lot of casinos. That's good.

That's where the oldies go. Let's go see him in Texas. Is he coming to Texas? I've done some of these places. Yeah, I know. Doesn't look like it. Oh, he's not traveling too much. No, he's going everywhere. How's he getting on planes and shit? Arizona's pretty close. November 10th. That's the day after. Guess where I'm at November 9th. Where? Phoenix. Okay. Okay. Wouldn't mind spending an extra night. Yeah. He looks good there. Girls, don't cry. He's like,

We just boosted his ticket sales. You know people are going to go just to see if he dies during the big and sherry baby. It's the eyes that freak me out the most. Yeah, the vacant. Because the eyes were like... Yeah, he can't even smile. So something's cooking. Oh, poor guy.

Oh, shit. That was bad. You want to see something sadder? I will... I see your Frankie Valli and I will one-up you a Phil Collins. You seen what that guy's up to? He's in the office chair. Yeah. Yeah, they put him in an office chair. This guy, by the way, is so... If you don't know, this man is so exceptionally talented. Of course. No, it is...

Outrageous. This guy's songwriting ability, instrument, his voice, that's him in an office chair doing a show. They wheel him out. He's like at Madison Square Garden. They're like, sit in this chair. We got it from the back. It's one of the accountant's chairs here. Look at that. Yeah. Guys, at least give him like a king's throne. Yeah. Make it part of the show. Give him a better seat. Something happened with his spine, right? I think he has, what is his health issue? Life is terrible. I think it's back-related.

Suffering. The amount of suffering. Oh, yeah. I used to fucking just crush it on the drums, of course. Yeah. You know how many hits this guy had? Okay, look. Spinal injury. Oh, no. Upper neck vertebrae, which damaged nerves and affected his hands. He's unable to play the drums. Has performed while sitting in a chair using a cane. Foot drop. Hit that. Show more.

Developed foot drop after back surgery, which requires him to wear orthopedic shoes. Diabetic abscess. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Acute pancreatitis. That's why. That's why he's got all the other shit going on, the alcoholism. How many hits did he have? It's really crazy. Genesis. Genesis.

I know. This is bad. I hate when I see them in the office chair, though. I know. It's so disrespectful. It's like from Staples. Literally. They were like, you just go grab a writing chair. And if he's got spinal stuff, maybe get him a chair that's good for him to sit for a long time. It should be a throne, like you're saying. Yeah, like make it theatrical. Yeah. Part of the- Put him out in a throne because he's like the king. Yeah. And don't make him hold, you know, make the mic stand, come to him. Like, why aren't they-

That's crazy. She seems to have an invisible touch. So depressing. Well, you know, this is just what they do. This is what Madonna's doing, and it's appalling that she is still trying to be hot and sexy and do the same thing she was doing. Her face got real crazy. She's so jacked up, and it's more and more embarrassing every year. Unless you can maintain it, like Mick Jagger, for some reason...

Why does Mick Jagger pull this off? Is it because he's physically and his singing voice is still, ay, yay, yay, look at this face. Well, here's the thing about, it's kind of unfair to women, which is like the standard for a woman and her face is very different for men. Like as you start to age, everybody goes, fucks up with your face, do something, right? And then men, we can just like,

get wrinkled and just age and everybody goes that's fine you look great like they just let it go so like the standards are different but then how you react to that standard is where that's the key that's really it because there have been female stars over the years that have crushed it like Cher she still looks I think fairly amazing Tina Turner was great she passed away unfortunately but Tina Turner

was crushing it at 72 and she looked amazing look Cher still looks like fucking Cher yeah I mean she's 77th yeah but when she was touring and doing her shtick yeah

Look at her boyfriend. She's got a youngin' right there. She likes the young ones. She and Madonna both like young, hot black dudes. That's what they're into. It's so funny. I don't know what that, do black guys like older white ladies any? Is that what it is? Because she's saying because like Cher and Madonna and some other well-known...

Or you think that's like are these guys actually attracted to them you think uh I mean, I think we like money I think we're big fans of that. That's that's all I could say. I'm not sure I mean, yeah, I fuck with sure you know I'm saying would you would you get with a 77 year old woman? Yeah, but like how long? Yeah, the baby would you go down on her? No problem Wow

Look, is Cher perfect? No. But when she was touring, she was doing the turn back time, that shit on the boat. Remember that? Her fucking turn back time. Her body was still good when she was touring. She was 78, actually. Yeah. And she stopped doing it, right? She's not fucking Frankie Vallying us to death.

Exactly. It's where you pull the plug at a certain point. Tina Turner as well. She wasn't doing it. Gene Hackman. He looks like shit right now too. Poor son of a bitch. Did you see the- Of course, but I hate that people are saying that. He's just an older guy. What's going on? Why?

Why don't you have any black people on your show? Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. This is an honest question. Yeah. Why don't you have more African Americans on your show? You know how you guys are. No, no, no. You're making an excuse. I'm not making an excuse. You're making an excuse. You know why? You know who you sound like? Who? Your good friend, Bert Schitzchreisker. Yes, yes. You sound like him. Man, I resent that. I'm going to tell you why this is unfair. Somebody's probably going to get fired from your team, and I do apologize. It's probably the black guy who's in there. There's only one black guy in here. I know. All right? I always feel like one's enough, but go ahead. This is what you do.

This is what you do to me. Tell me. Whenever there's an issue in the streets over black people, you call me like Ghostbusters. Because you're the representative of them. How am I that person? You don't have any other black friends. Brian Simpson? Brian Simpson? Another one. Brian Simpson? There's two of the same motherfuckers. There's two Brians. David Lucas.

David Lucas. Manny Fresh. David Lucas don't count. Manny Fresh. He's of the Joe Rogan family, so he's like that borderline white guy. He's a borderline white guy. And he does racist jokes and double down on his heat. DJ Premier. He's worse than Tony Hinchcliffe. DJ Premier.

Okay, that's a good one. He's a good one. Too short? But you don't ask him questions like, so why do black people like Pepsi Cola so much? First of all... Second of all... Second of all, that was a great question, and you gave a great answer. So it was like... You cut around my answer, though. I didn't cut around the answer. You cut around my answer. You did a voiceover, and somebody just said, Watermelon, right? No. That is absolutely offensive. I don't know if you play tricks. Don't play games. I'm not playing games. So can I ask a question? Sure. Can I ask a question? You know...

I'm not trying to be like you. Not that I can't look up to a white person, but you know, I'm trying to get passive income through this podcast. Sure, sure. You know I started a new podcast called The Donnell Rawlings Show. It's called the what? The Donnell Rawlings Show? Donnell Rawlings. After your name. Okay. Okay.

After my name. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And you don't call me to say, hey, Donnell. Hey, Donnell. That's not, you never, you don't call me for that. But something, you know what? If I had, if I knew it, I'd be like, oh, this is a cool new black thing. I'm going to call you up. And I would have called you and be like. Okay, let's be clear. You call me for cool new black things. Or questions about black things. Yeah. Well, can we, first of all, his beard is very similar to yours. I think he is cropping you. It is. Copy. Copy.

I mean, look at my beard. See, look, the white woman is down with this whole theory. Yo, she just told, said the black man stole the fucking hairstyle. Who's that on his shirt, by the way? On his shirt? Yeah. That's Muhammad Ali. Who's that? The greatest. Muhammad Ali is the greatest. Greatest what? Black man sports figure of all time. Never heard of him. I know people are used to this, and I know they're like, oh, watch you walk off. I know you was...

I know they was counting down. When can I see him? I know these motherfuckers. When, I'd love to see him. When is he fighting next? You know what? My therapist told me, he said, Donnell is going to be very challenging, but stay focused. And that's what I'm going to do. Stay focused. Stay focused. Stay focused. First of all, can I congratulate you on the Donnell Rawlings show? I didn't know that. Very good. I'm very excited for you. No bullshit. No bullshit. I'm also, listen, I'm going to keep, I'm going to keep going with this. Okay.

First of all, I remember, you probably don't remember, I remember meeting you at this UCLA show. This was in like 2005 or 6. Right.

And I couldn't believe you were there because you were on the Chappelle show and I was asking you all the questions about writing and performing and I was really nerding out on how funny you are on the show. And we call it a hook. What we say, you was on my dick. And it's not a home-focused thing. You was on my dick. Say that. Go ahead. Okay, no ditty. No ditty. I was on your dick. And then I was like, oh, let me see your dick. And you're like, it's not like that. No, come on. See, I'm not on your fucking right-wing shit, man. No, dude. Y'all play too many

Man, I was like, just let me see it. We don't do that shit, man. All right. I'm trying to navigate how to do it. All right. And then we've done, first of all, you helped me out when I was doing that show in Cancun, and you came and you killed it on that. And then we've done shows together when Joe and Dave have done their co-shows. We've done those, and we have a great time. And I always have fun with you, and I think you're very, very funny. I don't give a fuck about

We're going to make some money, man. Well, I mean, aren't you going to? I thought you were booked to do the podcast. Aren't you coming on the podcast? Oh, let me tell you about that podcast. What? That started off. It's a black guy behind his camera. Looks just like me, right? I see him. Yeah. And she came in. This is so fucking racist. Who came in?

Lauren is her name, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Lauren. I'm doing a podcast. And she came in. And I'm not trying to say we all look alike, right? Yeah. She walked right past me. Yeah. And said, thanks for being on the show, Ashley Larry, to this black guy over here. After the show? No, before. Oh, before. Oh, yeah. Well, she probably looked like, I mean. Your security is shit. I mean, like, you know. Don't say that out loud. Your security sucks. I mean. Yo, they worse than Donald Trump's security right now. Man, look at. I'm going to shot your ear off. Look at his necklace. I'm going to shot your ear off.

He looks like a star. I would buy it. Yeah, but the more, and again, I am so sorry I crashed it. And in a way, I'm happy I crashed it because America needs to know. America does need to know. America needs to know that you have a black friend that you call on in desperate situations. You know what you- You called me during George Floyd too. What did I say? Just like, what can I do?

You said. Yeah, I remember. You said. Yeah, yeah. Money, opportunity. Yeah, yeah. I was like, anything. Internship. Anything to help. That's what the fuck you said. Yeah. You said, what can I do for your people? What can I do? I would love to know. You know what you can do? What's that? You can continue to do what you haven't been doing.

and be better. You can be better. Be better. And continue to use the platform higher. Raise black voices. Raise black voices. Continue to support the NBA. I love the NBA. Why the fuck do I have to be NBA?

It's a 90% black league. Yes, they do. There's like six. So why do you say hockey? I just feel like the NBA is your guy's league. Oh, your guy's. And I feel like the All-Star weekend is definitely Black Thanksgiving. It's a fun fucking weekend. That's true. It's really a good time. Black Thanksgiving is much tastier than Black Thanksgiving. Don't you like Black Thanksgiving? I don't see color at Thanksgiving. I don't see color at Thanksgiving.

And the reason why I've dated too many white chicks is they really put color into their skin. Oh, really? There's a white chick that you want to thank. Oh, you're a good black guy to ask. Yeah. No, wait a minute. Don't get excited about that. That's so exciting. Okay, so Madonna and Cher. She's been ran through as the streets were set. But Madonna and Cher have both been, their thing is both young, like good looking black guys. So do young...

Do you find these women attractive? Are they into older white ladies? Are they into older white ladies? Look at this guy. He's 50 years younger. Some of them are into opportunities. Wow. That was what Annie said. He said, we like money. If you're going to toss the dick around, it's good to have some benefits from it. That's so true. I don't see anything wrong with that.

I'm not asking Asia to even excite Madonna, but I understand on both sides. She gets what she wants, and they get what they want. Now, I know you've been close with Puff a long time. Do you feel like he is going to get out of this shit, or what's going to happen there? Because I remember you were always like, hold on, my man Puff's on the phone, and then you would take calls. Get him off the floor, D. You need to be strong about this. Be strong. Have you been to Rikers yet to say hello? Have you stopped by? What I'll say is this.

As much as me being black and I understand how the white man always try to come down on us and like just fuck with us because there's... It's fun. I get it. There's been people that Caucasians that have done worse. And the black community, our biggest issue with

Sean Puffy Combs was a thousand bottles of baby oil and that's a lot of separation because you cannot explain that to the black community yes that's the hardest thing to do the dildos in the oil he's not my boy he's not your boy okay so how did you feel when your boy got shot in the ear wow my guy I mean I was fucking I was I took it deep I was like and then I was like he's okay I was like he's okay

I was so scared for a second. I was like, did they get him? We lit candles and everything. A vigil. I would have to say this, Tom. When I came here, I didn't know you were actually going to be here. Yeah. And I saw you in the monitors and I was like, oh, it's the fucking ego. So much...

You did a... No, I thought you had just a loop of you. Oh, Jesus. No. Oh, my God. But I do like... I do like that you did a very black thing, which is just walk in. You know what I mean? Like, that was like, you're like, this is my place. No, that voice was the worst. Hey, man. No, nah. Hey, yeah. Okay, all right. Okay, like, seriously? Like, literally? Literally?

Like figuratively, like contextually, like metaphorically. Hey, watch this shit, man. Like who does that? Hey, roll the camera. Watch this shit, man. Pow! Hey, yo, talk! Like, yeah, that's it. Officer! And I'm telling you, true to who I am, and I've been coined as the interrupter. I like those sunglasses. I like those glasses. Thank you. They make me feel good. I will tell you this. Yeah. We just joke around, but I do appreciate you. I appreciate you too, man. Because, you know, this is some real shit.

there's a thing going around like when i perform i bring heat to the stage yeah you know what i'm saying yes true right a lot of people be quite honest a lot of people won't me you know how this comedy game is yeah sometimes

People will not share their platform with you if there's any case that you could fucking just go crazy Yeah, and I'm telling you when you said yo D you gonna be in Cancun Do you mind doing my show? I was excited about that, but I didn't know in the contract There was like you had to have certain amount of black people to perform on your show. That's right Yeah, so I don't know if it was for you to get the check or

Or it was for you respecting me as a stand-up? First of all, I couldn't believe there was a black person in Mexico. I didn't know you guys go there. And then... And then... I do actually very much admire... I've seen you on these shows and there's this thing where it's a real skill set. Like, I knew you could...

Obviously, you can do whatever as a comic, but there is always something. I think everybody who does stand-up respects it. Not for the white people. No, I was going to say just eat a bullet, meaning go out first to a cold crowd and get them going. It is a skill set. Not everybody can do it, and so I was actually very grateful that you would do it. Oh, so you mean you gave me the shitty part of the show? There was no other part of the show. What are you talking about? You're right about that.

That was just that. Just true to what you said. True to what you said. It was like that. It was weird. It was weird as shit. It was a weird rumor. But you know what? It's so funny you said take the bullet because I knew I had a certain amount of time, right? Yeah. And at the end of the day, I knew I had to set it up for you. Yeah, and also the reference... I just think the reference to bullets is something you'd probably be familiar with. Keep going. What, dude? I thought...

I thought that was just like a way. I mean, oh wow. I thought that's like, anyway, back to me giving a fuck about your show.

I said, you know what? You got a certain amount of time. You're going to eat 10 minutes of that time just getting these people to order. And with that, I knew what the job was. I got on stage. I messed with the audience. So it was only like 10 minutes of real time before I got it, but I got it for you. You did. And I did that for one of your boys one time, too. You did? Joe Rogan. I was with Dave. I don't know if it was Canada or wherever we was. It was supposed to be.

Tony hit Tony, Joe Rogan, then me and Dave. Right? And it was one of those amphitheaters, and it was daytime. That's how we normally roll. Right? So the thing was, Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle, they are stars of the show. Yeah. If you give them the best time to perform, that's what you have to do. Sure. So I was supposed to perform at a certain time, and I was ready, because I knew we was going to get the show at the nighttime. It was going to get to the top. Right? And then Jeff from Live Nation, he came up to me. You know how he walks like a penguin, right? Yeah, yeah.

That's very good. He was like this. Donnell, listen. I said, motherfucker, I already know. You want to switch the lineup up, right? You want to switch it. I could have been a bitch and be like, no, I'm open for Dave. But I already knew. I knew Joe wanted the room at the best part. So this is one of the better sets I've had in my career. I had to switch my spot, suck up my ego, and take that audience from daytime to

Yeah. For when the sun is setting. And when I did it, it was like, it got dark and next thing you know, motherfucking Joe Rogan came out there. Joe Rogan came out there and ate the room up. Yeah. I mean, that is a gracious thing of you to do. It really is. And I mean, I'll tell you this. No, you're very, very capable. You're very talented. The other thing I'll say, and I mean this in the gayest way possible. No, listen, you smell really nice today. I know I smell nice. Did I tell you these white boys were going to love me?

We love your smell, son. You smell good, bro. I know. We love you, Donnell. We love you, Donnell. I mean it in a gay way. I love you. What a nice drop-in. That was really unexpected and a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. No, that was great. That was great. That was amazing. He's a sweetheart. Okay.

Yes, my love. I have to wrap up because I have to go to the other studio. The studio. The production office. The PO. The studio. And next time we'll do my TikToks because I miss doing those. We will. Next time. Thank you to everybody for listening and watching. Thank you to Donnell Rawlings for giving us the latest in black news. And we will see you guys next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

LinkedIn is helpful. You know, this shit is big time. Shout out to everybody and stuff like that. LinkedIn harasses me every fucking day. Pender, pender, pender. They call me on Patreon. Walking through your mind's eye with my shoes on.

♪♪ ♪♪

My spokes crawl

My bar's crowned My ring is crowned You know that we are My pedal's nice I'm wearing ice

I'm throwing dice. You feel me? You know what I'm talking about. I'm saying bye. Now everywhere I go, the people want to know. LinkedIn is helpful. Yeah. How you ride a bike with your jeans so tight, yo? I give them harassers every fucking day. I tell them this will never give you a tip. If you pull them up hard, that'll do the trick. Are you feeling this shit, gentlemen? My asshole's harder than it's ever been. Trying to fuck with me, man. Throat's into the killer. I'm riding it high while I'm popping the wheeler. Next stop, brown tar. Gotta pull the bike over just to pop a squad. Man.

Mike Brown feel it dripping down. Top dog, pity pat it to the bathroom now. Drop them jaws, about to get it on. Boom, pow, surprise, it's a cherry bomb. Hit him with the blasters, blast, blast, blast. He just painted the bowl and all that. Burt Chrysler, so damn fat. Make a motherfucking tire run flat. All I know is bikes. All I see is bikes. I be riding bikes. I be stealing bikes.

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