A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
01:40:37 Share

Hey, everyone. We just announced my fall 2025 come together tour dates and you can get pre-sale tickets starting today at 10 a.m. local time in each city with the code word Tommy. Go get your tickets now before the general on sale this Friday at TomSagura.com slash tour. We added a whole bunch of cities, including Allentown, PA, West Lafayette, Indiana and Colorado Springs and so many more. I'll see you guys out there. Thank you so much.

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. What's everybody? What's everybody? Dude, this is a... Governor. Governor, I'm so excited. Governor, I'm pumped. I'm ripped. Man, I've been like just on pins and needles, just excited to come in here and do this show. Me too, bro. So many things to go over. We've lived quite our lives in the last couple weeks. Yes.

We got back from the UK. Okay, mate. So much fun. And then we got stuck in the UK for three additional days because of the Heathrow fire. Yeah. There was a fire at a power plant that supplies power to Heathrow Airport.

And they shut that shit down. I don't know if you know this. Heathrow is not a small airport. It's basically the hub of Europe. Yeah. Crazy. So it kind of fucked up about 800,000 people's day. Yeah. Like for real. We were going to leave. The kids and I were going to leave that morning. You were leaving to go back to the States? Yeah.

I was leaving to go to Glasgow with my tour crew. So we ended up going on a four and a half hour train ride and you guys ended up staying a few extra days, but it fucked up everybody's day there. Everybody in Europe.

europe well the good thing is though it kind of took the pressure off the trip you know when you're a tourist and you're like hey we gotta go to london eye then we gotta go see big ben we gotta we didn't we relaxed and then we we went to um the tower of london because the kids wanted to see murder killing swords swords the rack torture yeah and i was like that's definitely your kid those are your children and they loved it of course they did um

They're cool. Yeah, and then we flew back 10 hours to Houston. Yeah. And our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight. So every time I could sit down and relax, they're like, Mom, I got to go pee. I was telling Shane last night because we were talking about video games. I was like, oh, yeah, you know, we got a PS5.

and how the boys you know they play their games and then they they they like to watch me play games so they go you're gonna play basketball I go yeah I'll put on like 2k and I'll play and how if I'm beating the out of somebody they're like yeah but if I'm down by one point they're like you suck man and and he's like yeah you made for like you created friends oh they're like

I just made a couple of friends who are like, they got your back when you're good and they make fun of you. Shit on you? Yeah, I was like, yeah, that's true. They're like my little buddies. That's so fun. Yeah, and your littlest buddy, Juju...

decided to take a horrendous dump on the flight back from London. Dude, like it was a multi-wiper. Like he had to wipe about 500 times and he's one who really loves a bidet and loves getting clean. Yeah, he loves it. Privacy please, you know, please shut the door.

So I was standing and they won't go to the bathroom alone on an airplane. I had to stand there, watch him. Yeah. And then he's like, it's not clean enough. It's not clean enough. And I'm like, it's fine. He's like, well, how do I clean it? I'm like, just get the toilet paper wet, dude. He just kept wiping. And meanwhile, there's a line of people. Of course. I can't shit on an airplane. I get so much anxiety because what if they, you know, there's people waiting. Yeah.

Anyway. I've been shitting on flights now for a while. No, I know. Basically, I never shit on an airplane. And then I turned 40. And then I was like, oh, yeah, if I feel anything, I'm going to shit here. But you don't feel the pressure of the people? Other people? No. No. I mean. How do you block that out? I don't know. I just own it, dude. And I also go, I do these things where.

I realize it's going to be a multi-flusher, you know? Yeah. Because I'll do a courtesy flush when the first wave comes out. Yeah. And then, you know, you're wiping, cleaning and wiping. Those are multiple flushes too. I just go like, yeah, I'm shitting up here. There's no secrets. I'll just let the people know. That's really cool. And then I always, usually what I do is when I,

come out of that restroom and you're facing everybody, I make eye contact and I see if they'll break 'cause I go, I'm not gonna break. So I look at them like, yeah, I know I just shit. You know it too and I watch them go down. - Yeah, oh, that's cool.

Yeah, you badger them into submission. But I feel like that's the position you have to take if you're going to be so bold as to shit on a flight. Yeah, well, the thing is you can't manufacture the confidence. This is something that I've gotten to with age. 25-year-old me couldn't have done that. 45-year-old me is like, you guys want to hear about some shit I just did? I just took a shit up here.

You deal with it. It's your fucking problem. It's your problem now. But that only comes with being a dad. I think you've really come into your dadhood. You were always meant to be a middle-aged dad because that was who you were at 23 when I met you. Yeah. Dad energy. Big dad energy. Yeah. This is the fulfillment. This is perfect for you. This is your time. This is your stride. Yeah.

Yeah. Feels good. Yeah. I think I was meant to be like a 50 year old lady because I like that time. Feels good. It does feel good because the. The pressure's off. The pressure's off. I've done a lot already. I'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me, you know, because I already got the dudes thing. You got a dude. You already got a dude. Yeah. As long as I stay thin enough, I'm happy with stuff, you know. Yeah.

I know exactly what you mean. Well, just also, I should say, big shout out to all the people in the UK and Ireland that came out to the shows. Thank you very much. I had a great time doing the shows. Also, big surprise, but you just got to be honest. You got to be honest. Too many Muslims in London? That's not where I was going. I was talking about the shows. Oh.

You just kind of give all, you always got to go like, man, people go, what was the best show? You know where the best show was? Where? Cardiff, Wales. The Welsh. I'd never done a show there. You know, we did it. All the shows were fun. We did shows in, in Dublin, in Belfast, in London, in Manchester, in Nottingham. Where am I forgetting? Where the sheriff lives. Where the sheriff lives. Robin Hood lives. Um,

But, man, we get to Cardiff. It's our last gig. We're like, oh, we hope it's a good one. Fucking electric crowd. That's amazing. And then a week later, come back and do MSG, a sold-out show at MSG. Bananas. And I had big secrets. I never announced it, but I had Redman open the show, which was just...

fucking wild um absolute one of my all-time favorites I mean I've grown up listening to this guy reached out had him open the show surprise open the show which was just it was so amazing and then I surprised the audience I had Chris DiStefano do a set so funny and then had him bring up Joey Diaz which was another surprise

And then I got up there and I'll, I'll say this because sometimes, you know, you do, I would say here in the States when you do New York and LA, you know, you can get big crowds, but you can also get a crowd in either of those cities. That's like, you know, who the fuck are you? Like we're, we're the biggest market. Like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know you bitch. Yeah. And you just don't know. Even though it was, it was packed. It was, there was 13,000 people at the show. Um,

We were like, well, you know, you go, I don't know what they'll be like, dude, this crowd was unbelievable. Like literally one of the best crowds of ever. They were so hot and they never faded for the entire show. Like they had peak energy and it was just like, it was so fucking fun, man. Well, I think cause I, I got to go to that and I was so pumped to see you do MSG. I mean, it was, it was,

First of all, New York City to me is the center of the universe. It's fantastic. And to see the crowd was so hyped because I think they get it. They're like, if you're at Madison Square Garden, you did it, man. And they're rooting for you. They want you to do well. And it was so big. Oh, there's Joey. Oh my gosh. So funny.

Chrissy D. Joey, so funny. Chrissy D. and I were talking about, we were like, look at this fucking guy. He's wearing sweatpants. Yeah. He's got a bandaid on his ear. He looks like he's walking to his gate at the airport. That's okay.

And he just walks up on stage and demolishes. Meanwhile, like the rest of us are like, hey, you know, is this shirt steamed? Like you're just trying to like make sure you look presentable. Joey's like, what? Like he's just went down to the market to grab a sandwich. Yeah. And he just goes up there and just kills. It was so fun to watch. He is so amazing. I used to rob people around here. That's what he said. That's awesome, dude. Chrissy D and I were backstage.

And in his green room, there was an event from 1984, a poster that said cat ranking assembly or cat ranking, whatever. And he's like, my, you know how he talks like that. My uncle Irvin was a cat ranking judge. And I'm like, no, he wasn't. He's like, no, look, there's videos on TikTok. He's ranking cats. You're so fucking crazy. So insane. These guys are nuts, dude.

New Yorkers are different. They're good. It was the best. It was so much fun. Thank God. It's like this will always be a crazy memory for me is doing MSG. Oh, my gosh. There's Redman. He was so nice, too. His whole crew was so cool. And also so high. Just how I...

wanted him to be he was so god damn high how high well so high he could touch the sky like it was it was very very there was so much I was like which green room is Redman in and then you just follow the smell and you're like it's definitely this one yeah glad the kids didn't come to this and Primo came out DJ Premiere bunch of friends family it was just it was an awesome night yeah Sean took that he's framing that for me I thought that was a really cool photo

I wonder if Bauhaus will open for me if I ever do MSG. You have to reach out. Yeah.

All right, listen up, you beautiful, high-functioning party animals. Light Strike Hard Refresher is here, and it's unlike anything the alcohol industry has seen. This isn't just a drink. It's a goddamn survival tool. Why choose between fun and function? With a blend of coconut water, sea salt, and 5% alcohol, Light Strike is non-carbonated, gluten-free, and the perfect alternative to sugary cocktails and fizzy seltzers. Light Strike comes in...

in a resealable sports drink bottle, giving you control over how hard you go. Want half now, half later? No problem. Want a little more alcohol? Try it with a splash of Porosos, mixed with your favorite tropical cocktail. Launching nationally this month in two flavors, lemon-lime and orange-mango, Light Strike is best enjoyed cold or over ice. It disappears fast.

And by the way, Lightstrike is a proud sponsor of the Two Bears 5K in Tampa, Florida on May 4th. Don't forget to come out there and run around with us and we'll be pounding porosos and Lightstrike. Learn more about Lightstrike at drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram at lightstrike.

Drink Light Strike. Light Strike hard refresher, an excellent source of 5% alcohol. It's 2025. Are your blinds still from 2005? What are you, crazy? There's a better way to buy blinds, shades, shutters, and drapery. 3-Day Blinds. They're the leading U.S. manufacturer of custom window treatments. Right now, use our link 3dayblinds.com slash YMH for a buy one, get one half off deal. Why not shop for blinds

From home, 3 Day Blinds expert consultants with over 10 years of experience help you pick the perfect fit. Book an appointment and get a free same-day quote. Not handy? Measuring and installing can be tough. Let the pros at 3 Day Blinds handle it all while you relax. Our very own Chad came in here one day and goes, you know, I'm a big goofball, but I'm feeling rested because these blinds are blacking out my room and I can sleep well. Oh, yeah. His whole life has changed because of 3 Day Blinds. All because of the blinds.

Right now, get quality window treatments that fit your budget with 3-Day Blinds. Head to 3dayblinds.com slash YMH for their buy one, get one 50% off deal on custom blinds, shades, shutters, and drapery for a free no charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to 3dayblinds.com slash YMH. One last time, that's buy one, get one 50% off when you head to the number three, dayblinds.com slash YMH.

One thing before we leave the topic, I just want to give a shout out to London. Yeah.

A number one food. I don't know what happened to us a couple years back. I told you. We got jacked. Yeah, we went to bad places. I don't know how that happened. I just want to give a shout out to London. Your food crushed. However, I will say, I don't know what Europe has against public toilets. It feels like they want you to eat the food, but not shit anywhere in public. They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home. There's a lot of things I like more.

in Europe, but toilets is not one of them. - They just don't do public, and oh, you wanna use our toilet? That's like five pounds.

Yeah. You got five pounds on you and then you have to stand in line. I'm like, this is insanity. I don't like it either. So eventually I would pop into a pub. I learned what to do with the kid. Pubs let you shit, yeah. And with the kids, oh, my kids have to pee. Or we just pee in the car. You want to shit somewhere in public? You go to Tokyo. It's the number one toilet system on earth. Is that right? 7-Eleven has a Toto washlet. I mean, what's going on here? 7-Eleven. I went purposely to 7-Eleven to take a shit.

See, so this tells me that London, England, UK, Europe, they have something against people going to the bathroom in public. I don't know what it is. They got a problem with it. I don't know. Not in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam, remember, they're like, oh, you want to pee? Just piss here. Amsterdam set up to pee outside. They're like, we know you're going to be ready to pee at any moment as a dog. So here's this outdoor stall. Just a concrete thing. And you see the...

Feet. You see people. You're like, oh, that guy's taking a piss right now. Yeah. Yeah. Because they started doing this, I guess, in the 1500s because there's the first public toilet. It was the first outdoor urinal. Yeah. And now they're like, well, you're getting drunk. By the way. Just pee outside. Once you get past kind of the surprise of this, you're like, well, this is brilliant. I always have to pee. I'm always looking for a place to piss. Me too.

So the point is, if you're a tourist that likes to pee, go to Amsterdam. The point is, if you gotta pee, you go to Amsterdam. If you think you're gonna need to shit, you go to Tokyo. Those are the two places that care about your pee and your poop. Alright, let's get into this show. You ready? Let's start the show. This is gonna be insane.

I really hate when they eat it and then they realize that my garfield is gripping their tongue. And so now they just want to feel it. They need to feel it. I don't have time for that. They're going to eat me out. I got it. My garfield's great. It's grand. I'm telling you right now. So if you want to eat me out, fine. But if you want to go past that, just don't even start because when it grip your tongue, you don't damn sure want to penetrate it.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Hell yeah. Welcome to your mom's house. What's wrong with her? Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Man, she's got a tight little snatch on her, huh? Yeah.

Well, you know, you always ask this of me whenever there's a cool guy. Yeah. This being a cool girl. Yeah. Well, do you want to hit it? Knowing, hold on, knowing that our Garfield is pretty tight and snug. As great as grand and snug, it'll grip my tongue. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. Be honest. Pretend we're not married. You get carte blanche. This is your one. Yeah, there's a lot going on. You're right. This is a kind of reverse psychology thing you're doing here. Well, you know what? Okay. Okay.

You mean you're always telling me, like, you don't think that guy's really good at doing the thing? Yeah.

You don't think you'll eat your box out? Okay, I'll start with this. I am curious at what the Garfield does. I'm not going to deny that I'm not curious. In my mind, as she told the story, I was like, hmm, I wonder if I have my tongue. I was like, is it going to pull my tongue out? So I did think that. I mean, she's, you know, she's attractive. She's not an unattractive woman. I'm

I don't love the ceiling of her car. I don't love the headboard there. By the way, I had this exact ceiling. It is cool guy, lighting and angle. She's driving, talking about her pussy. It's a lot. She's got some questionable judgment things going on. But that probably makes it even better, babe. Yeah, here's the thing. Like you said, it's fine to just go, you know, would I have intercourse with this woman if...

I think I would. Wow. I think I would. The honesty there. Yeah, I think I would. I think I would. See, this is where you and I agree to disagree. Yeah. I can't look past the externals. I can't look past the teeth. I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down. Yeah, I would definitely... Here's the thing. Would I... Is this one that I would...

tell everyone about. Like, you know, if it was a single guy, you'd tell your friend. I might keep it. Secret. You know, I might not tell them, hey, I fucked our Uber driver. But yeah, I mean, I'm so curious that her description is appealing. But here's the real question I always wonder is, do you take her to your place? Do you go to her place? Do you go? Is that her place? Is the car her place? It might be her place. That's what I'm thinking.

That has I live in here vibes. Yeah. Also, what is that? Like a stopwatch around her neck? What's going on? It's a heart monitor. Oh, okay. It's a pacemaker. I don't know, dude. She's like, I time my drives. Okay. She's got a lot of shit around her neck for sure. There's a lot going on. You're right. She's kind of like, it's kind of, but here's the only way you make this video as a lady is if you're kind of chaotic, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, this isn't... Where do you take her? I mean, do you go to a shed? Because you want to keep it a secret. You can't... No, yeah, no. This is a secret. This lady's a secret. So then do you check into like a scummy motel? Maybe. I don't know. I mean, you definitely are like...

No, no, not here. That's the first thing I would say to her. Whatever. She was like, all right. I'd be like, well, not here. That's the first thing I would say to her. Let's go somewhere else. She's like, well, there's a... I go, how about on the outskirts of town? You know, like another town over. Yeah, she's kind of...

This lady, you don't want her to know where you live, right? No, of course not. Yeah, so that's why that's number one. Do you know what I just, yeah, sorry. No, no, go ahead. I just had a flash of, you know when you just know two people and you're like, I wish I could set them up on a date? Uh-huh.

Don't tell me that you don't think she and Unkshine would be a perfect match. Yeah, because he's like, I want to lick your booty. He's always talking about eating girls out. He loves eating girls out. She loves having her. Here's the thing, though. She is 150 IQ points above him.

That's true. I don't think she would be like, oh, you're cool. No. She's, you know, I think she's had some attractive partners before. Of course. And like put together people. Not like he has, he'll just be like, I saw a woman asleep on the floor. He's a fucking mess, dude. He is a mess. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Well, I wonder which gentlemen are with her though. I don't know. But,

By the way, this ceiling thing that's falling in her car, I had the exact thing happen in my 87 Chevy Nova. And I can tell there's, I had cigarette burns in mine too, which I think I see up there as well. Very hard. Once it starts falling, that one is almost impossible to repair. And also. It's very tough. The fact, like, I don't have a problem with that being the ceiling in your car. You just don't have to show it in the video. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can angle it. She could have just made this video parked.

This way. Maybe not while you're driving. And that's really a safety thing. I don't think you should make these videos while driving. It's not necessary. Guys in the booth, are you curious as to what her Garfield's like? Hell yeah. Oh, wow. Surprise answer from any. Hell yeah. That bitch got like a thousand bodies that would never admit that they fucked. Exactly. 100%. Zolo? I mean, yeah. The confidence really is intriguing. I want that.

Men are different creatures, I'll tell you. I want to know. And she specifically was like, she's talking about her Garfield grabbing tongues, not because it happened once. There's a bunch of guys who are like, holy shit. They're always... I feel sick. I don't want you doing that sound and acting. Stop. I'm hanging my tongue out. And then she's right. Then everyone's like, I want to put my dick in there. Okie dokie.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know, apropos an earlier discussion on this show, I mentioned obese flight attendant that I had on a flight. And so I was on another flight and a fan of the show, this flight attendant, was kind enough and she goes, I heard what you said.

about the overweight flight attendant. And I was like, yeah, tell me, why is this happening? She goes, they haven't weighed us since 1994. They used to weigh them in 94? Absolutely. I figured they thought they weighed them in the 60s. Nope.

And she says, you know, they stopped weighing us because she said apparently it's a form of discrimination and it's protected to be a great big fat person. Now, here's the deal, man. I mean, I don't know. The lawyers didn't argue this case well enough.

Because that's a controllable thing, your weight, correct? And what if it's a qualification of said job that you need to be a certain... Well, you know, that's why you see fat cops too, right? Terrible. They got to take this stuff out. Because they only have to take the fitness test once, which is like in the academy, which is why you'll see these guys who are literally 330 pounds. And you're like, you're going to chase a guy? No. No.

But it makes no sense. Like, let's say a qualification to be a physicist is a PhD in physics.

Physicistics, right? There's a qualification. There's a thing that needs to happen. So why can't maintaining a baseline... There's probably... It's all unionized. That's why cops... They're all bald and shit. They're all bald and shit. And why they don't have a requirement to stay fit is because of the strength of the union. So I imagine flight attendants have... Is there a flight attendants union? There must be. Is there something like that? I don't know. Look, a little...

I'm saying that this guy was so obese that it was like he was bumping into us and stuff as he was walking by. I'm like, he can't even do his job. Yeah, there's the Association of Flight Attendants. Oh, gosh. Yeah. It is the flight attendant. It represents 50,000 flight attendants. And 100%, one of the things in there is we can be as fat as we want. Yeah.

But it's cost prohibitive for the airline because you're taking up someone's suitcase space, let's say. They are. Weight is important on an airplane. It's a safety issue. You're also giving up the happiness of the people that look at you. That's the best.

the biggest problem. You're supposed to look at them and be like, oh. Pretty. Yeah. Consider this your official notice that Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday, the 11th of May, is the day for all the moms in our lives, so let's show them how much we care. This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile and maybe even triggers a few tears.

with a special piece of jewelry from BlueNile.com. As the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase, thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Compliment mom's classic taste by designing a one-of-a-kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? Blue Nile's jewelry experts are waiting 24-7 via phone or chat.

From tech specs to budget recs, they'll help you find a piece your mom will love. Our very own Eni loves his mother so much.

And boy, did he get her a beautiful piece from Blue Nile. He showed all of us and she is going to be thrilled. Treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease and convenience of shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to BlueNile.com today. That's BlueNile.com. Remember when they were pretty and stuff? You know where they still are? Only pretty women. Yeah.

In Asia, if you look at Cathay Pacific, Cathay Pacific Airlines, they're just like, hey, if you're 125, you get fucked. Get off of this plane. They do not fuck around there. Same thing with like, all like those top to your international ones. Yeah, yeah. They all are, look at that. They're all attractive and put together. Singapore Air, Emirates. Emirates is great. Etihad. Yeah.

Dude. Oh, I know. Look at them. Gorgeous. Dimes. Yeah, dimes. And guess what? Everybody on that fucking flight is like this. This is nice. Happy. This is nice. Even, shout out to Richard Branson on the Virgin line, Virgin Atlantic. I loved flying Virgin because they were all cool and pretty and they had cool outfits. What's wrong with that? It matters, dude. Can you not? Yeah, there's restaurants that also only hire attractive women. The hostess, of course. The waitress. Oh, no. That's deliberate. Pfft.

Jesus Christ, man. No, dude. It's a safety issue. How is this person going to assist me off? And also, when you fly, as you know, Tom, there's a weight allotment for aircraft. Of course. It affects the safety, the balance. And here's the thing. It's not just... A big fatty, because I've had big barb.

You know, she comes down like this and her hips are hitting the seat. And guess what? She's grumpy. Yes. She's kind of sweaty. Yep. She's not pleasant. Not happy. She's got a shit. She's a big, big broad. Big broad. And she's not even providing good service. They don't, no. Because she's trying to digest food. Yeah. She's all logy from the carbs. Right.

I do. However, the obese guy that served, he was gay too. He was gay. And he was polite. He was fun because he was gay. By the way, I prefer a gay flight attendant. I love the gay male ones. Describe yourself. Fat, gay.

I love a gay flight attendant. Yeah, they're fun. They're great. And I will say, shout out to the gays in New York City. Boy, can they dress. They looked fantastic. The gays came with their fashion. We were also talking about... In the U.S., they have fat flight attendants.

That's hilarious, dude. Yeah. And how cool would it be to be the person pictured in that article? You're like, oh my God. Someone's like, hey, you're in the press. And they're like, what? They can picture me? Yeah. It's an article about how there's fat people here. That's cool. That is so sad. So embarrassing. You would be like, oh my God. They can't use that picture, can they?

But I will say in London, you don't see as many great big fat people because I think they don't have as much food on the go that we do. Like you can't just grab a pizza slice and walk through London. We're the fattest. That's no question. By far. Also, another thing you notice is...

How many attractive people? Obviously, this is a numbers game. How many attractive people do you see in New York walking around? So pretty. Everyone's so good looking. So pretty. So many good looking people. The modeling capital of, wait, one of the modeling capitals. Stunning people. Yeah. No. A fucking, New York 6 is in Austin 10. Oh, yeah. Listen, I love Austin. I love Austin. Yeah.

I got to say, a lot of the ladies walking around here, garbage dumps. They're not taking care of them. They're not looking good. I mean, you guys see them in the bars. We're getting a lot of these, hey, how do, like these, you know. That's Dallas and Houston. You see them here, too. But Austin is more like just the young girls that should be cute. They dress like garbage bags. And I'm like, you guys better. If you're looking like that, I hope you use your Garfield grips because you're going to have to bring something to the table, you know.

Gotta bring something to the table. Here, you wanted to show me this. What? Oh my god, you're distracting me right now. Like, now you're just doing that. Why? Why are you distracting me? I'm just capturing what you're doing. Yeah, you're just distracting me. No, but... Oh my god, stop. You're annoying me. Stop. It's not cute. No, he's distracting me. So...

There's more. There's more. There's more. I'm going to see how it feels to have it be out there. It's going to be great. You're a winner. Oh my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why, yes, we'll have to like just cut him out of the show. No, I mean, I think this is a really,

Raw show and it's very real and we took a lot of chances Did you see that his face was like bitch I will hit you and I will say in this instance Yeah, he should have hit her. I think this is the time you hit a bitch is this that is a fucking lack of respect Yeah big she don't respect him at all

Well, that's, yeah, I think this went pretty viral. Yes, it did. And they even made a joke about it. Did you see it? No. On one of their, maybe it was his Instagram or hers. Like they kind of replayed it in bed. Oh, yeah, because she's like, a lot of people are saying that like, I disrespect you, but I love you. And I was like, dude. He's like, I know, I know, I know you do. I still learning English.

How do you say disrespect? Yeah. Wait, can you find that? I'll have to watch. Cause I, I saw the first few seconds and I clicked off cause I'm so disinterested in these two as people. But I mean, could you, babe, if I talk to you like that, first of all, privately negative, but publicly. Yeah. Publicly. Bruh. First of all, the guy's old. Like he doesn't want seven kids. He's letting you have seven kids. Let's be clear about something too in this situation. Just straight up of the two of them.

why is there a camera anywhere? 100%. So right then when she goes, when I'm talking, you're not talking, he should have been like, do you know why they're even fucking doing this? 100%. It's not because of you. No, babe. It's because of me. 100%. So how about whenever I feel like talking, you shut the fuck up. And then a fucking, just a little slap. Yeah, and then a little. Yeah, a little Sean Connery. Ay, que lastima. How do you say it? What do you say when you get hit in Spanish? Ay, no me gusta.

Let me pee. Let me pee. It's insane. That was insane. But she has a great rack for fucking seven kids. How is she able to rack like that? I think she's a yoga instructor. Of course. She's always working out on the ground. You know how there's always reality shows about yoga instructors? No. It's because you married a movie star. All right. Let's see this horse shit where she's... Winner. Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. Oh, this is... No. When I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why, yes, we'll have to just cut him out of the show. And that is called... What's the word of the day?

Man-interrupting. Man-interrupting, which could be a positive. It could be a negative. Or it could be a? Correctile dysfunction. Yes, correctile dysfunction. I think that's one of our children trying to get into the room. But, you know, the whole point is, because our children are about to come in, the whole point is...

That we interrupt each other all the time. Why are they laughing? What's the... It's a great apartment in New York City. Okay, so now that we cleared all of that up... Yeah, it's all those yoga classes she taught. I just know that I'm not...

That's a gorgeous place. Big room. Yeah, I like that. The guy goes, the word of the day is rude. You were rude to your husband. Well, and then she doubles down on it. This is a double down. This is, listen. Everybody knows what's going on here. What is going on here? Does she have the grip in her Garfield? Oh, yeah. I'm sure she's got a real grippy Garfield.

Is that this is? I mean, not after seven, but I'm sure it started pretty grippy. Yeah, it's not anymore. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't know. It's pretty obvious, right? He's like 30 years older than her or something. Babe, this is Alec Baldwin. I know, but he met her. He was already like in his 50s. Sure. And she was like, whatever, 28. Yeah, but he's Alec Baldwin.

He can get... He was with Kim Basinger at one point. Like, Bru, he don't need her? Well, this is, you know, the train's left the state. You have seven kids with someone. Maybe that's why she... Is that why she's cranking somebody out to, like, lock it down, lock it down, lock it down. And also, like, it's funny because... Wild, dude. You can tell who's a real performer and entertainer in this dynamic. I mean, you're still, like, you're just still... There's a reason...

Why this wasn't your life before him. It's because you're not that entertaining. Well, she's not. There's no talent. There's not a talent. You're still a yoga instructor. You just married a movie star. She's gorgeous. She's very pretty. Good body, good fate. I don't think she's very interesting to listen to or there's not many ideas and stuff. But wow, I'm surprised. Did you see the rage? Hold on. Can you back it up in that interview where he kind of goes, he goes...

Oh yeah, that was awesome. Yeah. It's gonna be great. You're a winner. Oh my God, when I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. I'm sorry. So that's funny. Now he's still funny. And now he thinks about that. I mean, I think this is a really raw show and it's very real. You know what happened right here? When he went, he was just like, you can't hit her. You can't hit a woman. Yeah, yeah.

He's thinking of the Garfield. He was thinking for Garfield. Yeah. This fucking bitch had seven kids. Yeah. He's trapped, dude. It's wild. Yeah, it's insane. This is why we say it all the time. How old is he now? 98. No, he's got to be like. Poor guy. I mean, he was so gorgeous. He's 66. This man's almost 70 years old. Yeah. Yeah.

But man, I had the biggest crush on him when he was a little girl. He's turning 67. When he did that movie, The Marrying Man with Kim Basinger, I was like, God, if I grow up to look like Basinger and I could get bald. Oh, he's a stud, dude. Oh my God. I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen. He's so handsome. And when he was Jack Ryan. What? When he played Jack Ryan. In what? In whatever it's called. Oh yeah, look at that.

That's what he's like. That's his James Bond era. Gorgeous. Yeah.

He's fantastic in that. Fuck. All the Baldwins. I think one or two are kind of goofy looking. Yeah. But mostly. That genetic lottery just is what it is. But he definitely got all the good stuff. Yeah. No, he's a fantastic actor. That voice. That gravelly voice. Yeah. He's really good. Gosh, I really like him. But this is also part of what putting your whole family on display. Nope. Like reality shows. I cannot believe any of these people sign up. I hope they're paying him a fucking lot.

a fucking fortune for this. But it's always a marriage killer because everybody that's ever done one, they end up divorced except for Ozzy and what's her name? Sharon Osbourne. But other than that, they didn't divorce her together. But they were ironclad before. I mean, Ozzy was doing crazy shit for years before they had a reality show. The reality show probably calmed him down. But they always end up divorced. Broken. No good. No bueno. Yeah.

Government of Canada, get your target program off my family now. They're in uniform to help them. I mean, no one will fucking stop them. Bastards.

They do the most hated thing to my belly button. My lips and everything I burp, skin falling out of my mouth. Abrasions from their energy boys. Stop choking me. I'm trying to be strong here. I'm having a breakdown today. Oh, God.

Do you hear me? This is what it feels like to take the subway in New York City. I sent a video of hers to Sickler. He goes, the funniest part is that I see that you follow her.

I was like, yeah, every day she's just like, ah, look at my tongue. They're sending radioactive waves into my apartment. Yeah. Yeah, my mom got into that later in life. Really? There's waves and the telephone's got sound waves. I can't use the telephone. I can't send emails. Yeah. This is a little bit of schizophrenia, Tom. Yeah, she's schizophrenic. It's pretty cool. She's really mad at the Canadian government. I know her whole story. Yeah.

What's she mad at? The Canadian government is attacking her and they're trying to like send these penetrative waves into her place and they're...

They're abusing her and she just wants somebody to come in and stop them. Yeah. They even follow her outside and stuff. That's, that's, you got to put tinfoil on the windows. Everybody knows that. And yeah, don't go outside. This is when you become a shut up. This is not where my mom decided to call it. But man, there's a lot.

A lot of tears. There's a lot going on. A lot of, yeah. Yet she still knows how to post a video on social media. And she writes. And she writes the captions, yeah. She does? Yeah. Oh, wow. So she's still there a little bit. Something's still there. It's not all there. Something's there. Looking forward to her creative development. Yeah. How is this going to go? We'll have a follow-up pretty soon. You know, the Baldwin's, I don't think they're doing it right as a family, but I think this is a great move for our family. Yeah.

Using a family cloth instead of toilet paper. Everyone learns responsibility, cleaning the family cloth. You don't have to waste all that fucking money on toilet paper. You know what I mean? Think about how much you would save in a year. I agree. Hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars. I'm into this. And the waste. Just the ecological stuff. So imagine I just shit. Yeah. I wipe my ass with the family cloth. Yeah.

Rinse it off. Put it there for you. How are you rinsing it, though? You're using soap, right? I don't think you need to go that far. Just a little run under the sink. Have all the shit go down in the sink and then hang it back up. Now it's your turn. The problem, though, is that I got to wipe my genie. That's fine. Do I get my own cloth? No, no, no. It's a family cloth. We share it as a family.

I can't use the shit cloth on my vagina. Sure you can. You can just flip over the cloth. Oh, I didn't even think about that. And then the boys, they get to wipe it. They wipe. You know how they're so meticulous with all the things they do. They perfectly use and perfectly clean it. This is such a great idea. We got to get into the family cloth. I thought you'd like that. Family cloth. She's cute. She's got a great hiney. She's got a great ass.

Pretty face. I could do these videos so well. I'm going to get into this. Yeah. 50-year-old mom farts. That's a lot of farts. Like, she's doing makeup. You see she's got her eyeliner brush in her left hand there. No, I could do this. Every time I worry if you're going to drop dead and I have to support the kids, I remember I can do these. Farts, yeah. I know Annie's turned on right now.

She's got to do this, man. She's got to shit is what she's got to do. She's ready to shit. She's got to do this because guys get hard. They pay for it. She's better than this, man. She could do other things. Yeah. She doesn't want to. The other things are nasty. This is easy. This is money on the table. It is the easy. Of all the kinks you can get into, farting is like, some people are like, I fart whatever 20 times a day. They're like, yeah, just roll it. Roll camera. Roll camera. You don't hear her breathing heavy like, oh, fuck.

That's just the theatrics. She doesn't feel like she's really exposing herself. Nope. I don't even see her face. Could be anybody. Her tits are put away. Her clothes is on. Her clothes are on? Her clothes are on, yeah. What's everybody? I think that

I could do this lickety split. Yeah. I think I got a new painting coming. I finished one. I would be honest. I did finish my next one, but I'm not sure it's good enough. All right. Well, listen. I've got some artistic stuff. I don't know. I'm feeling insecure. Reed, I need a rogue. Reed, I need a rogue. I need a rogue. God, you have to start...

creating a rogue pocket in your pants and stuff you're so bad idea no it's not a bad idea don't forget by the way his name is breed he likes breed breed yeah i didn't know breed why breed oh nice that's that's good yeah do you like to go by breed no that's just what fucking any oh yeah yeah black guys love cool nicknames i know he's a buying breed mc breed um

That was so silly. Reed, can I say something about Reed, though? Yeah. He's pushing back now. Is he? Yeah. He's getting some sass. He's getting his feathers ruffled. That's what you want, man. He's pushing back. Yeah, you want people. He came in a little more docile, and now he's like, fuck you, dude. Yeah, well, he's gotten... He's getting good. He's getting, yeah, he's comfortable. Yeah, he's getting strong. I like it. I like it. Yeah, I like it, too. I like it. Okay. Honestly... Honestly? This entire episode, I have just been...

holding on to get to this um and that is i'm scared that our buddy no tony johns if you have not been following this on instagram because we've been traveling touring and i've been watching every day i see something of tony john and i

At first I was like, oh, this one thing just happened to him. It has been, if there was a reality show on this right now, it's the most dramatic two weeks that could possibly happen in somebody's life. So let me just recap what has happened in two to three weeks since this guy. Can we set it up? What part of the world is he in? This is in Auburn, New York. Okay. Upstate New York. Okay. And.

you know, the only thing we knew, we knew, we knew when he came on just to like kind of set all this up, we knew he had been working at Lowe's and that that was like a stable thing for him. And then he'd gotten let go. And you're like, well, you know, that does happen, right? People have jobs, they lose their job. It's just a reality of life. And you're like, okay, you lost your job. And he's like, well, now I got a job at Walmart. And you're like, yeah, cool. You were at Lowe's. Now you're at Walmart, stock and shelves. You're doing your thing. You're making a living. Um,

you know hopefully you can do that for a while in the three week three weeks since he we last kind of spoke to him he lost his job at walmart he's being evicted he started and only fans charging 20 a month he has about 10 fans right now okay he was kicked out of a library the public library because he was filming inappropriate content with panties in his mouth

He got kicked out of Cayuga Community College Library because he was asking for money. He got kicked out of Planet Fitness, which was his favorite judge-free zone, where he would go every fucking day he was at Planet Fitness. He got kicked out because he was recording in the bathroom, and they reported him for that.

He got in trouble at the tanning salon for leaving a mess and hitting on staff. And by mess, I'm assuming there's some fluid. He's seeking a new job. He's taking legal action against the landlord with an attorney for being kicked out of his apartment and for being a prostitute or something there. He believes this is all about jealousy. People don't like him. Social discrimination. So here's just like, let's see, like kind of a,

few of these put together, okay? How's it going everybody? So there was a little situation here at Walmart. A co-worker has now threatened me with my life. A co-worker has now told me that he is going to snap my fucking neck. I am very, very scared right now. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going to happen. But a co-worker has now threatened me with my life, saying that he is going to snap my neck.

I'm very, very nervous. Very, very scared for my safety. I don't know. It's very, very scary. And this is a big boy. This is a big man. He's out there making threats towards me. Wow. Crazy. Crazy man. So one of the things about Tony John's... I like Tony John's a lot. I really like him. Yes, of course. But one of the patterns that you see in all these is he's like, here's some shit happening to me. I don't know where it happened from. And it's like...

Did a co-worker just be like, I'm going to break your fucking neck for no reason? Right. Because he's like, crazy. Shit's just wild. Fucking insane that this is happening. You're like, well, something happened, right? He's not taking responsibility. There's no accountability, yeah. I don't know if it's a plumbing issue or pipes might be clogged. There's another bathroom down here. It's pretty wild out here.

Yeah, right.

So that's his other favorite new expression. Judge freeze. No, worker. He's a worker. I'm a worker. He says it a fucking million times a video, okay? So me and a couple coworkers got into a little scuffle at Walmart nighttime stocking crew.

I don't know if that whole story adds up. Hmm.

This is his landlord. Okay, I make money fucking women and...

On OnlyFans. You're going to wind up turning into a damn... And then eventually you'll be a murderer. And then you'll be in prison for the rest of your life. No, sir. And I'm going to make sure that somebody's watching you for the rest of your life. Okay? No, sir. I'm a ladies' man. I'm a performer. I'm a performer. You're a perverted fuck. I'll be up all night doing solo videos. Jerking off. Yes, sir. Yep, yep. You got it, partner. I'll be up all night doing solos, baby. Jerking off the message.

Yes, sir. Have a good night, partner. Never get laid back. A bag's a bag, baby. Yeah, you're a sick fuck. Oh, yeah. That's his landlord. Yikes. That's his landlord. I'm a worker. He's a worker. He's a worker. I mean, have you ever spoken to anybody...

Like that in your life? No. Especially the landlord. That's not all of it, dude. I really haven't. I've done nothing wrong, man. Tell them you're a worker. Membership's been canceled at Planet Fitness. You want me to leave or what? Yeah. Okay, I'm out of here. Have a good night. Perfect.

So, uh, they'll be hearing from my lawyer too. Judge Free Zone here. Worker, Judge Free Zone, they'll be hearing from my lawyer. These guys are wild in here, man. It's a Judge Free Zone. That guy's judging me. That worker's judging me. Seriously, that guy is judging me. From my social media accounts,

Because I'm a performer and I'm a worker. He's very tan in this one. I don't see. And I've just been like putting together his obsession with being a worker. Right. Because he also walked into multiple car dealerships with wraparound shades, a backwards hat, a chain. He's like, you guys hired. I can sell the fuck out of these cars on live Instagram live. And there are, you know, the dealerships are like,

yeah, why don't you fill out some paperwork? Like, they're like, who's this fucking lunatic? And he's like, I'm a worker. I'm a worker. And, you know, just out here, I'm a worker, man. I don't know if he's like, I thought he was using it as the, like,

I'm just somebody who works hard. Yeah. But now I think he just uses it as I'm a sex worker. Like, I think he heard... I think so. I think he heard the term and he adopted it like, oh yeah, that's me. I'm a sex worker. Yeah, he shouldn't really tell people. Yeah. He opened his interview. He's like, I got a couple DUIs. And the guy was like, that's cool. You know, can I tell you what he's giving me though? Mm-hmm.

Kind of giving me Fed Smoker vibes. That's the thing. Some people think Fed Smoker has been reincarnated. Oh, for sure. And I am not against that. Yeah, me either. I'm liking this evolution. You know, we started as a ladies' man, just get your D-Wop, big B, woo! But now we're getting aggressive. We're starting to get into Fed Smoker territory.

You're fired, bud. You sure are. We're getting there. This is turning. This is turning. Changing my lock. They're changing the locks on his apartment. Where's the other screw? I don't know. What'd you do with the screws? Right down there, probably. Scott. Working. Working. Oh, yeah. Working. Oh, yeah. You got it, boss. Working. You got my sweetheart right there on the left of you. There's Scott. You got it, sweetie. Yes, sir. 100%. Yep. Perfect.

No, sir. Perfect. I'll see you boys in court. Oh, yeah, 100%. I'll see you boys in court. We got workers, thongs. Let's get it. I'll see you boys in court. Yep. That's fine with me, partner. That's totally cool with me. I've been homeless before. I'm not scared. I'm a big boy. I got my big boy pants on. Let's go. Woo-hoo. Let's go. So one of the things he's doing... Oh, shit. ...is he's saying... They're like, are you going to pay any more rent? He's like, fuck no. I'll see you guys in court. It's like, yeah, that's not a good...

for court. They try to throw me out for not paying rent. I want to sue them. He doesn't have a case. I don't know, man. Then he goes to the community college. This is how he showed up to apply for jobs like this. He walked into a car dealership like, you guys hiring? Yeah.

But he had a hat on, chains on, too. You know, the local community college library? Because the other library I can't go to, but this community college I can go to, your boy is going to school. Nice. Boy, what's going on? What's going on? This is crazy. This is crazy. Wow. Oh, no, he's getting kicked out. What are you talking about? That's craziness, man. They're asking me to leave now? What?

This is crazy. Written in the letter, sir. I've done nothing wrong. Again, I'm an innocent man. He says this a lot, too. He says, this is crazy. I've done nothing wrong. And I'm an innocent man. And then usually I'm a worker right after that. At least in 15 videos that I've seen. I wish I could see what he's doing that's ramping these folks up. I think we're going to get to that in a moment. Oh, thank God. I will leave. I'm going to walk out. I'm just wondering why. I've done nothing wrong. It's all in the letter. This is craziness. Before you have to call me.

This is crazy. This is wild. This is crazy. Tony.

So this is the second library that's asked him to leave. I know, and he loves the library. That's his favorite place. We were like, you like the library? And you told him, what's your favorite book? He goes, I like magazines. And then we said, what's your favorite magazine? He goes, I can't lie. I love my hustlers. We're like, at the library? At the library? I don't think they carry that. Well, you can bring them in. You're like, oh, cool. Maybe that's why he's getting kicked out. Yeah.

Here's another. This is, by the way, this isn't taking place over six months. Right. This is just literally like 14 days. Tony, Tony. Uh-oh. Out here working, baby. Trying to make an honest dollar. Out here working. Doing crazy social media videos. It's craziness, man. You know, just trying to, you know, make an honest dollar. His phone's ringing. What else do you hear? Yeah, I got it.

This is classic Tony, though. This one came down. We grabbed it before it came down. This is the essence of TJ, though. This is the Tony Jones I know and love. A little porn in the background. Then the tanning salon sent him some text messages that he posted.

I don't know if you want to take that one. I can't read it. Sorry. Anthony, this is a message from Zoom Tan. It has come to our attention that you left your room in an unsanitary condition multiple times and have been inappropriate with the staff. If this happens again, your account will be terminated. You will be permanently banned from Zoom Tan. He wrote, what are you talking about? Interesting. Let's look at some camera footage. I will be down later around 7. No.

Our salon does not have access to the cameras to review. You're more than welcome to email customer service to speak further. Then he goes, bet. No worries. Thanks.

I will be down at stuff I had no idea. I love Zoom tan. I can't get kicked out because I need to look good for my line of work. So please understand I will focus on myself. I won't hit on any of the front desk ladies anymore. Yes, they are all beautiful, but yes, I will focus on myself and I'll be a good boy. I'm sorry it won't happen again. I'm sorry. A little accountability there. Yeah. Then Scott the Landlord's back. What's going on, Scott? What's going on here, partner?

No, no. What's going on, boss? Yo, you're the one who... I just got home. What you doing, boss? I said... What you doing? I'm cleaning your shit! What? I'm cleaning your fucking shit! Okay?

Why don't you sign a waiver and get in the ring with me? Perfect. Let's go. Let's go. 100%. Let's go. Let's go. So this is one Lord Scott will hop in the ring with me. You'll sign a waiver? You'll sign a waiver? I'll sign a waiver. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. You know what? Let's go. 100%. No, no. We need waivers. Waivers. Waivers. No, waivers. Waivers. 100%. 100%. Look at this guy. Look at this crazy man. He's lost his mind. Office meds. Office meds.

Just a Tuesday. I thought they changed the locks. How is he getting back into the place? I'm curious about that, too. This is his landing. Perhaps my favorite of all these is when he did YMH Live, we were like, would you fuck a guy for a million dollars? And he was like, fuck.

I don't think so. Maybe. Yeah. And then we were like, what about like 500,000? He was like, that's a shitload of money. Yeah. It was still like a lot of money, you know? And then now he's like, everybody, the ladies, man, here, hear me out. I got my swig. Got my bag here.

What is he drinking? Usually Fanta. Only fans money right here. So hear me out. And I know this may sound totally wild, totally out of this world, but hear me out. Me being a poor boy growing up, and this may sound wild to a lot of people, but me personally, dude, I'm loving this Only Fans money. I would do some crazy stuff.

Nah, we knew. We knew. Yeah. See? See, you know what he figured out? With OnlyFans?

Is that the only people paying for sexual content on OnlyFans is dudes. It's men. Women are not paying for that stuff. Well, the other thing you realize if you are doing that kind of stuff. I'm a worker. You're a worker. You're a worker. You're just working, bro. Do you think he has a bank account, though? I'm a ladies' man. I'm a performer. No. There's no way he's paid yet. How are they paying? Well, he has a very, very...

Bad relationship with money. Right. It's extremely bad. I can tell. I mean, look at, look, he's got money for the tanning salon, for the fitness membership. His perspective is, if I have money, immediately spend it because it's just money and more money will come in later. And you're like, what are you talking about? He spent his money that we gave him in a day. He had trouble getting that check cashed.

Like he couldn't get it cashed and then he got it cashed and he was like, now I'm going to spend it all. That's what I mean. Like, it's insane. How is he? I don't know. I wish he would just stay at a Walmart. Like he needs that structure. He needs a paycheck. Let's find out what's going on. Can we call Tony? All right. Let's call Tony. All right. Can I finish first? I got it. Oh, she wants to pee first. Can I get a beer? Tony. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Yo, bro. How's it going, man?

Yo, dude, it's... Yo, dog, is this fucking Tom? Yeah, it's Tom and Christina, man. Oh, dude, yo. Tony. Yo, yo, no, no, no, you guys. Yo, no, no.

Like, I'm like spazzing out right now because, yo, dude, check me out. No, no, ever since I got back from Texas, no, hear me out. Yeah. My life was legit changed 100% because of you crazy guys. Now, I love you guys, man. Yo, Tom. Yeah, man. If I ever get back down to Texas, partner, I want to suck your big toe. Is that okay? Yeah.

That's an awesome offer, man. Thanks. Yes, sir. Dog, dude, you cannot do it. Everywhere I go out here in New York, all through upstate, everywhere, dog.

Like, dude, cute girls are checking me out, dog. It's just... Tony, I got to ask you. It's a dream come true. I got to ask you something, man. I have been following, like, really in detail everything going on on Instagram for the last few weeks. It's been a wild, wild few weeks for you. And so... Yes, sir. I want to ask something. So...

Initially, I was perplexed that the public library tossed you out that day. It was crazy. It was crazy. And you were like, this is wild. This is crazy. But they had to have had some reason. What was the reason that they kicked you out of the library? Yes, sir. So, Tom, check me out, dude. It's a wild story. A girl, she was a co-worker at Lowe's.

And I know it's not right, brother, but, you know, beautiful girl. She, you know, we had some fun on Christmas, and that was the last time I ever saw her. Right. I was taking some explicit photos, sir. Mm-hmm. And I posted them on Instagram, and it was, I think, yeah, it was, I don't know, dude, it was some explicit photos and fucking...

Yeah, dude, it's just fucking craziness, brother. Wait, what were the photos, Tony? But you posted photos of you or of her? No, no, of me, of me, 100% of me. I had, you know, her thong in my mouth. Oh, you had her thong in your mouth. That makes sense. And then why did you choose to take those photos at the library? It's a cool setting, but why? I don't know. It's kind of wild, to be honest with you. Yeah, it's kind of wild. I mean, you're a worker.

Oh, 100%. Yes, sir. Dude, to be honest with you, dude, I don't know, man. I was just in the moment. In the moment. And so what? Somebody then saw you taking a photo with a thong in your mouth at the public library, and then they go, hey, get out of here. Yeah, well, because, dude, I tagged the OnlyFans dog because I've been trying to promote my OnlyFans. Yeah, let's promote it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, sir. But yeah, dude, to be honest, it was really, really weird photo. But, you know, I was just trying to make promotions on my OnlyFans. What can people see on your OnlyFans? Yeah, what are they seeing? Let's talk about OnlyFans. Oh, I'm loving the OnlyFans. You guys do. Like, I'm getting my bills paid because of adult content. Okay, so hold on here. Make that bigger for me, guys, a little bit. So for people who want to follow Tony's OnlyFans, it's at Tony's OnlyFans.

Tony Michael Johns 96. Yes, ma'am, worker. We got people yelling out here on the drive, driving, Tom. People yelling worker. Worker. 100, Tom. I made it 100% because of you guys. Well, I'm so happy for you. He had some, yo, yo, Tom, some crazy ladies yelling out the window, worker. Did you hear that? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. That's craziness. Yo, this is what I'm saying, dude. Like,

dog i shoot this is crazy it's all just craziness and i'm loving every minute of it brother so um can people see explicit content on your only fans oh 100 it's all 18 plus yes sir tight and as a yes sir 100 dropping loads yep yeah yeah shots cool are you have you done any um

So, we'll get to this in a second. First of all, very excited for your OnlyFans. Ladies, gentlemen, sign up and subscribe. You can see some awesome adult content on Tony's OnlyFans. What happened at Planet Fitness? I thought they were a judge-free zone. Why did they kick you out? Oh, yeah. So, I...

I didn't read through the contract, the whole contract when I signed the thing. That is another crazy story out here, Tom. Oh, geez, partner. So, dude, I didn't read through the whole paperwork. And there's no allowed, like, photos taken. So I was taking a few, you know, a few shirts, you know, a few photos of my tank top. And, you know, on the massage chair, you know, trying to relax, you know. Yeah. And, you know.

I was in closed doors, to be honest, Tom. I took a little OnlyFans video in the...

One of the red light therapy rooms there. So they took it offensive and they said, hey, we don't want your business no more. I said, no problemo. It's like, I thought you were a judge-free zone kind of thing, though, too. I was all confused. Dude, I even did a live, Tom. I was like, I went in there because I was all shocked. I was like, whoa, what's going on here, guys? You know, like...

Judge Rezon, you know what I'm saying? Like, why am I getting judged for doing, you know, making films in the tanning rooms, you know? But, Tony, do you have somewhere private you can make these films? Just somewhere private? See, that's another thing, too. See, my...

See, my landlord. Oh, Scott. Yeah, him and James Chappell. These guys are nuts. Fucking slumlords. 100% fucking total slum. Can I swear right now, Tom? Yeah, for sure. 100%. God, holy fuck. So, yeah, these guys fucking hate me because I'm doing some adult content up in my room. So where do you stand with them? Are you not paying rent?

Oh, no, no, hell no. I'm not a walking ATM. Tom's like, yo, hear me out. I paid rent. I paid rent. Yeah. The whole time I've lived there. That's how it works. And both of these crazy slumlords spazzed out on me a few weeks ago. Totally spazzed out. I got it all on film. It's all on Instagram. Check it out. These guys are fucking scumbags. So, yo, Tom, fucking...

Still here. Dude, and I've been all spooked up, all shaken up and shit lately, and they just spazzed out. Where does it stand? We don't promote OnlyFans here. I said, hey, fuck you, motherfuckers. Yeah. You know, I love doing adult content. You know, I love showing off for the ladies. Yeah. You know, I'm a worker. Yeah.

Performer. 100%. Yes, sir. So where does it stand with them? Because I saw you put a – it looked like a petition, a court filing online. Are you guys going to be going to court, the two of you? Oh, yeah. 100%. I got a jailhouse lawyer. Oh, yeah. 100%, Tom. And I'm squatting right now. I'll be honest with you, man. I try to be as honest as I can. Yo, Tom, can I tell you another crazy story, bro? Please. Please.

Dude, so when I got back from Texas, dog, fucking everything's just been so wild and crazy because it's a small town. You know, there's like 28,000 people in Auburn, maybe 30. I think it's like the craziest fucking thing ever, dude. I was hopping on the bus, dude, because I usually take the bus. I usually go for walks. Yeah.

And the girl, you know, there was my... You know that blonde girl I was telling you about several months ago, dude? A co-worker at Lowe's? Yeah, sure. Dog, dude, I love that girl so fucking much, Tom. To a point to where, dude, I would have done anything for this chick. And, dog, fucking dude, I saw her on the bus, man. And, dude, I haven't seen this chick since fucking... Since Christmas, dog. That was my Christmas present. I got, you know, I got lucky. But anyways...

On the bus? Yeah.

Oh, it was nuts, dog. She threatened to spray me. Took out the can of mace and everything, dog. Whoa, what the fuck, man? Dude, I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Like, I really fucking liked her, dude. I'm like, what the fuck? Hey, Tony. Sorry, Ben. Sweetie, do you have a bank account that you can link the OnlyFans to? Are you getting paid?

Yes, ma'am. I do on the, uh, yes, ma'am. Okay. So you're getting your money from OnlyFans. Um, that's good. That's good. Doing that. And then can you find a new place to live? Uh, yeah, I just, uh, I'm on a looking on a Craigslist and, uh, and other places right now, but right now I,

I don't know. It's up in the air. It may be a week and maybe a month. I don't know. I'm just kind of trying to figure it out. Let me ask you this. I noticed that you posted screenshots from Zoom Tan. And they had said in the screenshots that you had left the tanning room you were in in an unsanitary condition. What did you do in there?

Um, so I like my lotion, Tom. Yeah. And I mean, it might have looked bad for the for the for the worker, the lady workers perspective. But I know, dude, I was in a rush, Tom, to catch the bus to go back home. And I don't know, dude, there was quite a bit of lotion all over my body, man. And yeah.

You know, so I did make a mistake there. I did kind of trash the room before I left. That's not good. Now, you know, are you on good terms with them now? Did you go down there and work it out? Yes. Yes. So what I did is I actually went down there and I actually did apologize, Tom. Good. You know, and I'm a sincere dude. I said, hey, I made a mistake. Yes, ma'am. You know, it was it was one of the lady workers.

I'm very respectful towards women. I said, hey, you know, I made a mistake. You know, and I asked them nicely, can I get my membership back? They said no. But we, you know, we appreciate, you know, we appreciate your honesty, you know, and just saying sorry. So that's what I did. I also noticed, because it was very compelling to watch, that you went to a few car dealerships to try to get hired to sell cars. Yeah. Did any of them kind of make an offer?

Uh, no, no, no. I wish, man. I don't have a license yet, Tom, so I... Man, I would love to get back in the selling car industry. Yeah. Because I am a really good salesman. True. I believe it, yeah. I bet you would be a really good car salesman. You love people. You love talking to people. Yeah. That's a great gig. Meeting new customers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. How you been, Christina? I'm good, sweetie. I'm...

I'm just glad to hear how happy you are. Oh, fuck, I'm loving all this. Good. I like that OnlyFans is working out for you. And you mentioned in your stories that maybe you would consider doing some videos for the guys. Because I think guys actually pay quite a lot more than women on OnlyFans. Yes, ma'am. So tell me about that. What's that? Hey, you know, if there is a big performer out there that's willing to...

You know, you know, put me out. You know, I'd love to, you know, like straight up, like blow my back out. You know, I mean, if the money's good. Hey, I'm gay for pay. A hole's a hole, partner. That's awesome. I think what you should do. But it's right. You know, I need some cash and a hole's a hole. That's right. I think what you should do, because, you know, we've been in touch with Alexis and we're working on getting this scene going with her as your debut. You're still down to do that, right?

Oh, 100%. I'm ready. Let's go. Yeah, so that's going to happen pretty soon. I think what you should do is debut with Alexis and then maybe have your next scene be with a male star. And we actually know one. We know one. Oh, nice. Fuck yeah. No, for real, Tom. Like, let's go. Let's do this. I think we should reach out to him. I think so. Yeah. Because that would be a great back-to-back debut. I love this.

Because I think this is actually your lane. I think you may have found your talent, Tony. Yeah. Yes. No, no. Keep going. Keep going. Yes, ma'am. But try to find somewhere more private. Maybe I don't want you to end up in jail. Don't get kicked out of another place. Film film film in in your place for now or a place that allows that kind of thing.

but like libraries and stores and stuff. It's just like, it's just asking for problems. Yeah. I don't want you to get in trouble. Yes, sir. Yeah. Thanks Tom. I really appreciate you guys always looking out for me. So let's, yeah, let's keep, um, uh, the guys are going to reach out to you because I think we're going to have a schedule for you to go see Alexis here pretty soon. And, um, hopefully after that, you know, we'll do our next, our next series. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all. Dude. Fuck man. Yo dude.

Yeah, and we'll fly you out there. We're going to fly you out to Vegas to do it. Oh, my God, Tom. I love you guys, bro. So hopefully... I think he's going to stay in Vegas. Vegas might be where you love to live. I think he might like Vegas a lot, Tom. Yeah, I think maybe you should pack all your shit for the Vegas trip. Yeah, I think you should, dude. Perfect. I'll grab the pocket. Let's go.

I'll grab fucking a couple's suitcases and fucking fuck it. Let's go. I think you should. Yes, ma'am. I think it's time to leave Auburn. I am all fired up, man. Like, straight up, Tom. Like, this is amazing. Christina, like, life-changing what you guys have done for me. Listen, it's time to leave Auburn. I think you're right. It's time to change and level up. You're ready.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a worker. You're a worker now, dude. Yes, ma'am. Yes, yes, ma'am. And guess what? Vegas is a very judgment-free zone. Yeah. What you want to do. It's like the city of Vegas is like a Planet Fitness, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. You got to go. That's where you got to be. Yeah. Yes, ma'am. Guys, can Zolo, can you guys get him a schedule soon here so we can kind of lay this out? Yeah, we'll set it up. Okay. 100%. Cool.

All right, Tony. Thanks for the follow-up. Stay out of trouble. Don't get arrested. Don't get arrested. And, you know, just... No, I won't. Yes, I will stay out of trouble, and I will not get arrested. Thank you for everything. You guys talk, Christina, like this really has been life-changing. Cougar, Josh, I love you all, man. I'll suck all your toes. There you go. There you go. That's a spirit. Don't forget Enny. He's big on that. No, no, no, no. I'm good. He don't know me. All right.

All right, Tony. We'll talk to you soon, man. Take care of yourself. Thanks, you guys. Yep, yep. Bye, sweetie. Wow. Well, I tell you, if we aren't making dreams come true. That's just unreal. You guys ready to get your toes sucked?

That's a new thing. I haven't heard that before. He's just like, I need to suck your toes now. Yeah. But what a great lane for him. I think sucking on dude's toes, like that's easy money too. There's so much, many people willing to pay for that. Of course there is. And I think he's, you know, here's the thing. He's kind of like a savant secret smart businessman. He doesn't realize that he is smart.

I think finding his lane, which is in gay performing. Of course. That is where the money is for a male. Of course. For a male performer, that's where the money is. And I think sending him to Vegas is going to change his life. Now, we saw a couple quick screenshots and we don't have to see them again.

But Cougar, did you have a chance to review Tony's OnlyFans? Yes, I did. Could you give us a review? Well, if you're into solo work, if you're into oiled up cocks that are slightly askew and are the perfect size for a performer...

Tony's page is the page for you. What's your review of his dong? Is it like a nice-sized dong? Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah? Definitely. And he goes to completion? Yes, he does. Because he's a worker. How's that load? Good size? Perfect. Yeah? I wish Robert Paul Champagne were into skinny white guys. Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be the perfect matching? Right? I see the look in your eyes. Like, that would have been the best. Do you think Robert would go for a Tony John's?

He's meat. It's fresh meat. I know the look in your eyes. I saw it. I know you just planted a seed. Best idea ever. Right? Maybe we can get him to do a cameo in the scene. Why not? I'm very busy right now. I've got a lot of things going on. You know how hard he has to nail down though. He's so busy. He's got his Coney Island karaoke thing and he's doing Lucifer's lair.

He's always busy. What if? Yeah. What if? Yeah, bro. I feel like I'm sitting here like as Walt Disney in the 1930s being like, what if we built a place where people could just lose themselves? Yes. And have fun all day. I mean, essentially, he's doing what Robert Paul Champagne does too. Yeah. But Robert doesn't do OnlyFans. I know. Maybe he should. What if Robert makes a cameo in the scene? I think so. Dude. Dude.

can we get on this? Can we reach out? Maybe our PC will. He's always advertised himself as an adult actor. Of course. This is insane. This is insane. Wow. Oh my God.

Yeah, that was a lot, man. That was a lot. I really do think that once Tony gets to Vegas, he's going to see that that's where he's meant to be. Don't you feel like that? Yes. Auburn, New York is not the right place for him. He's got to get out of there. It's too small of a community. He's menacing the community. He needs to go to Vegas where there's a lot of weird shit going on. Where he's just like another guy. He just fades into the background. Yeah, because...

This idea for the scene. Yeah. The Lexus being Officer Alexis and maybe Officer Cumdump, which is RPC's alter ego. I mean, this is a whole new line we're doing here. I think they're going to sell a lot of those fucking scenes, man. Of course.

But man, his life has been insane. I mean, the irony with Tony Johns is that this whole I'm a ladies man thing and this and that, he kind of does have the dong for porn. Yeah. I mean, God gave him a talent. Yeah. Like, go with it, kid. Do it. Sometimes you're just given one thing. Can't wait. He is the Dirk Diggler. Like, what the fuck?

Yeah. When Dan Soder said that? Dan Soder was like, he's like Dirk Diggler. I'm like, I think he might be. Yeah. You don't get it all in this life. You don't get it all, but when you get it, boy, you got one thing. You got to use what you got. Yeah. There he is, dude. Tony. I mean, he kind of is Dirk Diggler. He is. Yeah. Wild, dude. Okay.

Just real quick before let's just, we kind of got to cleanse the power. I'm like blown away. Are you blown away? Yeah. This whole thing is just, it's unbelievable. This story is one of the, it's the greatest storyline of all time. It is the greatest. I can't believe we're in Tony John's life now. Yeah. It's amazing. Here you go. Okay. Doing donuts. Oh, do you see it? No. Slow-mo. Okay. The guy drifting hits a cone. Watch the cone. Oh.

The cone just knocks that guy out. That's bad luck. Here's full speed. That's bad luck. That cone hits him so hard, so fast. That's such bad luck. I don't think that was funny, guys. No. He's just trying to watch some fucking guy do some shit. Push-ups. So that one got out, yeah.

That was just stupid. That was stupid. Dudes will do anything to impress. That was fucking dumb. Push-ups over cinder blocks on a bottle with plastic plates. Oh, plastic plates. Or whatever. You guys really put some cool music to it. That was really cool. That was terrible. You got it. Cougar liked it. That guy's fucked. Yeah, of course.

I don't like that. You got it. No, thanks. Dude. Some of the handlebars. I don't like that at all. You got it. You don't. Oh, man. Okay. That was terrible. Yeah, I'm just... You got excited about RPC and Tony Johnston. Yeah, it's really exciting. I saw the creative wheels turning when I said it. Your eyes lit up in a way. Well, I mean, I'm just thinking of the possibilities. Yeah. Oh, I know. It's 15 years of work. I know. I think this is like...

This is how you retire this show. Right. There's nothing else we can do. Now, the only other thing I would say is Norm Somerton, Tick Cups. Oh, my God. There's two cool guys that got away. Yeah. King Ass Ripper. King Ass Ripper, yeah. Never wanted to do the show. We reached out to him for years and years and years. Yep. And Norm Somerton. Those are the only two cool guys that got away from the show. I need to be fucked a lot. But RPC. Now, here's the thing. Tony John's.

said he would get his back blown out, meaning he would be on the receiving end. RPC likes to be on the receiving end. I wonder if we could get Tony to make sweet love to RPC. Wow. Yeah? Wow. Whoa, hold on. I would check it out. I mean, a cool... It's a mile, it's a while, it's a kink. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think that Tony's his type. That's the only problem. Well, yeah. Oh, get off! Well, it's pay. He's like, I'll do things for money.

I think the two of them would J their D's. To each other? Together. Just look at each other. Because they love to do that on camera anyway. Yeah, yeah. Here's the deal, man. Well, here's the deal. We need to get through this Alexis shoot first. I think we're getting a little too far ahead of ourselves. Yeah, I know. It's just exciting when inspiration strikes. Okay. God dang, dude. This is the last thing we'll do. Okay. I have not been able to finish this video.

Because it makes me so uncomfortable. Oh, okay. You understand that a few times I've been alone just with my phone, tried to watch this, and turned it off. Okay. So I'm making myself finish it with you guys today. This is a lady giving a speech at her friend's wedding. Okay.

Fuck, and if you don't like it, I'm not going to like it either. Like, if you can't watch it, there's no way I can watch it. It's just so, it feels so, it's like your inner... Is it too emotional? It's just embarrassing. I hate emotional shit. Hi, I'm Shannon. I've known Tracy for... Oh, God. I think so. Just to stop this for a second, if you're listening...

She's at a wedding of her friend Shannon. Shannon, just for reference, is white. And she's marrying a black guy. So they're showing their image just so you know the context of this. And then the lady giving the speech is also white. So I don't quite know Anthony that well. But Tracy talked about you like non-stop. Seriously. And she's like, I mean...

I hate when people do that. They do that every wedding. So far you're just like, it's just a fucking basic bitch speech. Yeah.

Just kidding. But yeah, you guys are so cute. Like, you're part of the family. I'm not going to be racist, you guys. I'm just saying, okay? I'm going to be racist, okay? No, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Oh my God.

She didn't have to say it. She could've just thought it and not said it. I'm not gonna say it. You're black.

And it's cool. I know. I'm just kidding. It's you guys are like, I'm not going to be racist, but like, it's fine that you're like, every time this thing starts, I'd like, I'm like, God, I can't finish this. Terrible. Yeah. She didn't have to talk. Yeah. You don't have to talk. She's clearly nervous. She doesn't know what to say. And she's like, God, I can't not address the fact that he's black.

yeah, but you can. It's 2021. Of course you can. No one cares. This isn't 1960. It's so weird. It's so weird. Where the fuck do these people live that it's a big deal? I don't know. Well, I love that you hear the commentary of the person in the film who's like, oh my God, what? Like, she's pointing it out.

No, it's horrible. Yeah. It's horrible. Remember that one wedding you and I went to where the dad gave kind of a backhanded speech? Yeah. He's like, we didn't think much of him when we met him. Oh, my God. And we were like, oh. That was so weird. Yeah. And that guy was South Pacific, right? Like he was like Samoan or something. Yeah. And yeah, the guy was like, I met him. I was like, I don't know. Fuck. This guy looks different. Yeah.

Yeah. Totally. And we were like, what the fuck, dude? What are you doing, man? I just don't think... I don't even know why people have to give speeches at weddings, honestly. It's the worst. What the fuck do you need to say? I hate giving speeches. I hate giving speeches at things like this. Maybe the father of the bride or the parents say something, but your dumb, dumb friend has to get up drunk. It's the worst. And not only that, you know how...

Like, they're not used to giving speeches, so they're very banal and boring and basic bitchy. Yeah. Oh, my God. When Stacey and I met in college, I was like, Stacey, you're such a whore. You're never going to get married. Like, they're always the same formula. Because they're just not equipped to do it. It's not interesting. I mean, and you can see that there's black people in the room. Yeah. So it's like, what are you doing? I'm not going to be racist. Like, well, thanks. I didn't think you were supposed to. Then don't come to the wedding.

She's like, I know this is a great opportunity to be racist, but I'm not going to for the sake of the setting. I know. And if she didn't approve of the groom, then why are you, don't go to the wedding. Don't be a part of the wedding party or whatever. It's insane. It's a totally insane thing. You guys are the best. My own daughter's great aunt is like the best one. To the black people, you guys are amazing. Bless you. Thank you.

Okay, so that is her speech. She doesn't know black people. Are the comments cool? Because there's 9,000 of them. I physically can't watch. Yeah, see, I felt embarrassment just watching. I'm hiding in the comments. Yeah, this is how I felt. I just got so goddamn uncomfortable. Yeah. The clapping to let her know you're finished. Yeah. The mic would have been gone. Yeah.

Imagine having to live with the memory of doing... Oh, my God. The whole thing is just... And not everybody has to talk. Yeah, the secondhand embarrassment is just... It's pretty gnarly, dude. It's gnarly. It's gnarly. But what's really gnarly is that this could have just been a memory without a video. Also, is that... I mean, I'm not an expert on this. Is that a good wedding attire she's wearing? No, I was just going to say that she's dressed like a whore for the wedding. For a wedding.

To me, can I tell you what this subconsciously tells me is that she doesn't, she doesn't want to be a part of it. She doesn't like the guy. That's the subconscious thing, right? Because she's not, she's dressed kind of slutty. It,

It means also, every time she's talked about Shannon to somebody else, she'd be like, you know this, she's with a black guy, right? Yeah. And she's like, you know how fucking crazy that is, right? Yeah. And then the other person goes like, no, it's not a big deal. I don't know. And then she's like, I mean, no, I don't have a problem with it. Yeah. I don't have a problem. I'm just saying, I'm just saying like, do you know he's black? And they're like,

Yeah, I didn't know. Well, her dress is so short. She's going to marry him. She's going to fucking marry this guy. It's too low cut and it's too short. She looks like she's going out for a night out. She wants the attention. She's all over the map. This chick's messed up. Here's something I've been holding on to for a while. I guess I'm just going to let it out here at the wedding. It is crazy that Anthony is black and...

And no, I'm not going to be racist. I'm just saying it is fucking, it's kind of crazy.

Well, you guys are an awesome couple. It's like, what the fuck? But then it's, I like black people. You guys are amazing. I love your videos. I love your songs. I love Dave Chappelle. Anyway, so Obama was cool. Guys, have a great life together. I'm sure I'll see you guys down the road. I love the way you guys dance. It's fucking amazing.

My great, my nephew's great aunt is black. She's nice. You guys always have so much fucking flair, your style. I'm like, look at her hair. I wish I could do that with my hair. Anyway. It's making me uncomfortable already. Yeah. It's the, it's so, yeah, it was like she couldn't hold on to her inner self.

Like her repressed inner thoughts had to come out. Or, okay, or if you're going to do it, just make one funny joke and be done. One comment, but not even, like, actually has to be genuinely funny, which is kind of hard to do in today's day and age, like we've all heard. Yeah. The interracial couple jokes. I'm trying to, you know what I mean? What are you going to say? Well, here's the thing. She'll have to live with this for the rest of her life. Oh, yeah. She's fucked. Yeah, this went viral. Stacy's fucked.

All right. I think that's, I'm just so emotional still about the Tony Johns of it all. I know you are, babe.

I don't know what to do. I'm here for you. Oh, hey, buy my lipstick, guys. ChristinaP.com. You can get the perfect for all four of my new shades. ChristinaP.com. Check it out. Try it out. Get them all. They're fantastic. I'm wearing the perfect red right now today. And let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. Can you kick? Can I talk to you for a second? Nice. We released some new dates. So they are on sale. Do your dates, James.

Pre-sales today, if you're watching the show, if you're listening, code word is Tommy. The on sale is Friday the 4th. We are hitting Greenville, Evans, Windsor, Dayton, Akron, Daytona Beach, West Palm Beach, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie,

Mashantucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Westbury, Hanover, Gary, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Amarillo, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Las Vegas, Long Beach, Friant, Tacoma, Oakland, Huntsville, Birmingham, Columbia. And there is one or two more secret places.

Huge ones coming up that we will announce soon. All the tickets are at tomscorer.com slash tour. And I always try to tell people, do not do third-party sites. For any artist you want to see live, go to their website. Do not pay the scalpers. Just buy it for the reasonable price on the artist's site.

Okay, that's it. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. I cannot wait to see how this unfolds. And we will see you guys next week. My jeans. My jeans.

Fart Simpson and Grass Kingdom.

I'm gonna be having girls the whole weekend. They're gonna be squirting. They're gonna be squirting. Squirting. Squirting. Squirting. Squirting. Squirting. Baby, these skinny hoes are just cutting away.

♪♪

It's a beautiful day, baby. It's a beautiful day, baby.

Adios, baby.