[Patreon Preview] Ep 14.5 Margarita & Negroni: Last Round
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One more drink, one more drink, and for sure we gon' stink 5am you pricks, the barkeep frowned This is what we do, catch up for a few We'll riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2 Talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2 Hey hey Patreon, the real fans, the real drunks, the real...

Real deal in on the ground floor This is what it's all about, buddy Oh yeah, we're buzzed You're catching us after the episode, so the drinking continues Oh, it's continuing And I gotta say, man, like, every once in a while, I'm like, this shit's I dread the hangover I'm good at double fisting with, like, a wad or two and throwing a seltzer in there Yeah I can't be hungover I wanna get shit done during the day I wanna do shit

Same, same. The coffee helps. I find that the Advil before bed helps, but that hangover, even if you're not hurting, you're cloudy. True, but the hurting is really... When I get nauseous, when you get a real bad hangover, you're like, I'll get a two-day hangover every now and then. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're up there. I'm pushing. I'm 37, so that two-day is...

It happens a lot. And then when you're on the road, you got two shows that night, and you're staring down the barrel of...

Of 45 minute sets Back to back It weighs on you Yeah, fuck that Nothing worse The two show hangover You gotta do a coffee and a drink I think Yeah Maybe do a soft drink Do like a screwdriver or some shit If you wanna be Right, right

So true. The hair of the dog. I mean, I hate to say it, but it fucking works. Well, it works in a way where it's delaying the problem. Right, right. Yeah, it's a Band-Aid on that fucker. Because if you keep going, that next day hangover, then you cut to two weeks later and you're like, ah, I took a break from comedy. I don't do this like I used to. Full bender. Remember those days where you'd get shit-faced?

You're hung over as balls the next day and you start drinking again, shower and go back out. Yeah. Oh, man. Those are the days, man. All right. All right. I got I got I got to read the Shane Jacek email. I hope I said that right. I just love the heading. It says rate this joke on the hack scale one to ten. Got it.

White husbands are the real progressives Women boss them around the house Always call their wives beautiful No matter how plus size she get And love to see their spouses with black men Love the pod and the specials Shane I don't know if it works It's a funny turn I don't know if it's factual enough to actually hit Yeah, yeah I don't think it's hacky I just don't know if the joke works

Yeah, especially because there's also MAGA guys who hate, their wives are all anorexic and they hate black men. So not saying all MAGA guys hate black men, but you know what I mean. But enough about Kellyanne Conway. Anyway. By the way, I find her weirdly attractive. Am I crazy? No, I get it. She's like fit. She's got like kind of like a skeletor thing. I like a supervillain. I think she's kind of like, she's got like that kind of like scary vibe that kind of is kind of hot.

Right, she's got good bones. You can tell the house is haunted and got some cobwebs, but the structure is there. Oh, I love a haunted house. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. This joke's a little nutty. But yeah, I get what he's saying, but I wonder if there's another way to go about it. White husbands, I don't know if that is the line.

Yeah, you can't just make the joke that every husband wants their wife fucked Right, right, I'm a white, I mean, I'm not a husband, but I'm a white guy You should say, you should make the joke about him I'm the real progressive That's good I always think, like, Joe Mackey always says, like, why are you generalizing with jokes? Because you're weakening the joke Even if you say, like, most instead of all with a joke You're strengthening the joke, and I think it's a good point

He's got that great joke about white people and black people are the same. You know, my friend said, hey, never touch a black man's ribs. He's like, I'm white. I don't want anyone touching my ribs either. Great bit. So good. That's so good. All right. What do you got on email there? Clint Myers. This peeve has been said to death, but I really agree with it.

People that don't understand that not every aspect of a joke is true. We will say something knowing that it'll get a laugh or a specific reaction without being how we really feel. It's like the beginning of a movie being based on a true story in quotations. It's base because we do this more to make the premise enjoyable. Movie wreck. Yeah, well, okay. That's...

I think that's a fair point. I agree completely. For example, I want women I date to fuck black guys.

And, you know, no, I think I get what he's saying. It's definitely it's definitely a valid point, though. Yeah. We use hyperbole to sell a joke. Who the fuck doesn't know? Yeah. Come on. I mean, I have that joke where I go homophobia can actually be kind of dangerous. You know, my friend, he's homophobic. We went skydiving and the instructor tried to help him and he wouldn't take the help.

Because he's like I'm not gay And then he died Like none of that is true but I'm just making a joke About you know that the guy died Skydiving Yeah you should have been scared of other shit That's a good point And also it's like Is anyone in the crowd going to be like Your friend died and you're joking about it We get it We get the joke

That's the weird thing about comedy Is if you joke like hey black people Do this People are like oh my god But I'm like I just murdered six people in the last joke You're fine with that? Isn't that weird? Our priorities are out of whack But it's only people that are like If you came here to take the joke seriously What are you doing? Who's like keeping track Of the consequences In made up material

People do it It's crazy It's insanity I took some notes, Mark This many people were harmed in your imaginary premises Right And you want to be like, this is the biggest issue in your life That you got to tackle this Like, do you have a mortgage or kids or a hobby Or a fucking hemorrhoid Something Work on that That's a great heckler comeback Get a mortgage, bitch I mean it Pay your bills

Alright, Dale and Tucker versus evil Hold on one sec, before you get there At the end of his email he wrote Movie wreck, death to Smoochie It was a flop, it's one of my favorites Robin Williams, Catherine Keener and Ed Norton Dark comedy, I've seen it, I like it a lot I like it too It's got bad reviews, it's another Ed Norton And Catherine Keener, huge crush on her She was so hot

So hot in Being John Malcolm Oh my god I think that's one of the top hot characters Because she's evil too She's mean And she's hot Yes She's fun Alright I got Dominic Cheery Dale and Tucker vs. Evil Hey guys I heard Sam mention Dale and Tucker vs. Evil Fucking great movie I've never seen that Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

Oh, okay. I kind of thought the genre died for a minute, although those lines... What are your thoughts on scary movies? Charlie Sheen destroys in the later one. Stay drunk. Dominic, New Mexico. P.S. I'm drinking a rum and lime with cherry garnish. Wow. Diploma Tico Montuano Venezuelan heavy plum and spices. Peace!

Yeah, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a great horror comedy It's basically, you know how they have all these horror movies From the perspective of these teenagers Who are being ravaged by these fucked up townspeople This one is from the perspective of the townspeople And the rich teenagers are visiting And they're like the bad guys It's great, it's really funny Who's in that? Geez, Alan...

to duke or whatever they say his name he's the pirate and dodgeball he's in a lot of shit you know he's in like knocked up he's great in it another act a lot of actors who man that really some really hot blonde actress who's in a ton of shit the cast is really good everyone in it is great um yeah all right i'll check it out it's a lot greer barnes one of his favorite movies our buddy really it's really funny

Alright Yeah, yeah, highly recommend Yeah, I don't The Charlie Sheen flicks, like Yeah, I didn't love the later scary movies, but No, no You know, he's a great comic actor, I always thought He's so deadpan He's so Hot shots I loved as a kid Saw it in the theater, loved it I thought he was great in his bit part in Ferris Bueller Oh

What are you here for? Drugs? No, thank you. I'm straight. What about you? Drugs? I mean, just so deadpan, so matter of fact, nailed it. Yeah, I mean, I loved him on Spin City. I like Charlie. I thought he came in in that tough role where you got to replace someone that people love. And I thought he killed it. I agree.

Yeah, he's good. He's a pro. He knows what he's doing. I mean, he opened up with Wall Street and Platoon and all that shit and killed it. It's weird that he just fucked up so hard with... I know. AIDS? Well, I was going to say Two and a Half Men, but I guess AIDS is worse, slightly. I don't know. I'd go Two and a Half. All right, what do you got? All right, let's see what I got. Observation.

Yeah, this one's a little weird. Let's skip that one. Is this a joke? Oh, do you do this joke hack already? K. Dane Willard, we did that because we're both on our own thing. All right. Jake Bradford. I might be drunk, but hey, hey, I'm drinking a Caucasian watching Lebowski. I already like this guy. Here in your favorite city, Syracuse, New York, in parentheses, comedy.