[Patreon Preview] Ep 10.5: Tito's Soda & Casamigos Soda: Last Round
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One more drink, more drink, and for sure we gon' stink 5am, ya pricks, the bop, what we do Catch up for a few, we'll riff and talk some shit And then we'll sleep till 2 Talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2 Yo! Hey hey! Patreon folk! The real Alkies! I'm pumped man, I'm pumped to see all these emails too, this is great I know

I love it. A lot of good questions, a lot of Patreon, a lot of bits. I'm going to go right in with one. I love this one. This is actually a thing I think about quite a bit, and I'd like to get your opinion on it. Okay. This is from Ash Kamak. Hey, legends. Loving the pod from Melbourne, Australia. Just a question that I've often wondered about in some comics and their specials. I've picked up from podcast conversations and things here and there.

Well, you want to take that first? Sure. Well, first of all, great name. But some people do employ writers. I think a lot of these guys...

get big and they have to pump out material and they need content, content, content. So it's kind of like their only hope is to employ writers. And a lot of people who do get big tend to be charming and charismatic and great, you know, great performers and maybe not the best writers. So,

They got to keep pumping it out. And the first special usually takes 10 to 12 years, so it's pretty good. But after that, you don't have that kind of time. You need to put out more content if you're Kevin Hart or whoever. So I think they employ writers out of necessity. And I'm not a fan of it, but I get it. But I would never do it. I have the exact same take. It's not my thing. I'll run bits by Mark or close friends, but I want to write my jokes. I want to...

I think there's some people that run the, like, hey, were you watching my special? Tell me if there's anything shitty in here, anything hacky. But having people just straight up write you, having them email you, like, here are some jokes. That's kind of weird. Yeah, because comedy, I mean, good comedy is all about the point of view or your weird brain or your take. Me asking about Tiger Woods' black dick and Asian dick,

Nobody's going to write that for me. That's in my own twisted brain. I think you need to mine that weird shit inside your head sometimes. In the words of Louis, you've got to talk about the shit that's gnawing at your brain. That's how he says it. And I think that's so true. And so if you've got writers, I don't know if you're going to get that same...

Magic. That's a great point. I think of the point you made also about people getting big who are just really charismatic performers and aren't great writers. Louis is a great writer. So it's like Louis employing people, it's probably not going to help him that much. I mean, I'm sure...

You know, if you have a show, you have writers, but stand up, you tour, you kind of work at it so much. And if you can make money touring, then you're doing the work and you're getting paid. Like you don't really need to hire writers if you're doing the work.

I agree. But it is hard. It is hard to write a new hour for sure. It's incredibly hard. It's incredibly taxing and it's incredibly time consuming. But I think as an artist, you got to just you got to just do it and you got to love it. But like I like Bill Burr enough that if I saw him working shit out in a theater, I wouldn't be that bummed. I'd be like, oh, cool. That's a new bit. That'll be great in two months or whatever.

I agree. I mean, there's something fun. And, you know, I'm in the workout stages of my new stuff. And when people are seeing me, they're pretty generous. I think a lot of our people who come to see us are comedy fans. So they kind of get that, you know, look, this takes a minute. I don't just fucking come out with a brand new hour perfect. That's not how comedy works. So...

And there's some vulnerability. It's kind of cool to watch a comic you like mind at work and it's not working. Yes, yes. And it shows how hard it actually is. Like people, you know, when I was a new comic, I was so dumb. I thought that you just talked and you were funny. And I saw this guy who I was obsessed with, this open mic-er in New Orleans. And I was like, this guy's amazing. And I went back the next week and watched him. Same material. And I was crushed. But I didn't know. I didn't know that's how you did it. I wonder if I knew him.

Chris Fontana, he was this wacky guy, big drug guy, eventually OD'd. No, he died? Yeah, he died, but he was so funny, and he had great jokes, and interesting takes, and weird, and all that, but like...

I saw him do it the same set. I was like, what the fuck? What is I felt like betrayed, but I just didn't know anything that happened to me at Caroline's. I go to Caroline's sometimes as a kid. And I remember seeing Jordan Rubin open. Oh, he had good jokes. He had good jokes. But I saw him do almost the same set. And I was kind of like, huh?

Took me a minute to realize that's how it works That's how it works Not always We've dumped a lot of jokes Fuck, we've lost a lot of good jokes over the years It sucks I know, I know You get why Seinfeld and Leno and these guys He's like, I love that train joke So I'm going to do it for 20 years I just love telling it I'm like, I get it, but I'm not you They don't come out to see me because of my hit show I got to pump out some new shit

You know what also is cool about having a bunch of new shit all the time? When someone steals your joke, inevitably, you're not as bummed. You're like, yeah, it sucks, but if that's in your key 45 and someone's doing two minutes of your act, you're like, oh, so now people are going to think a joke I have to tell is stolen. Oh, good point, good point. So it's nice to have other shit to go to. I completely agree, yeah, yeah.

And boy, it does sting when somebody steals your bit. And then even if they don't steal it, even if like Chris Rock does a bit that you do, you're like, I guess I got to drop it because he's Chris Rock. I know. But, you know.

Yeah, I think that's a good question though, Ash. Yeah. That's good. We got one from Bryn Jones Square. What a name. Flowers on Valentine's Day? I've never liked receiving flowers. Here are some beautiful living things. Now watch them die slowly, just like our love eventually will. All right. Hey, nice. Valentine's Day is dumb. Love you both. It's cool that you put so much genuine thought and effort into helping your fans with their ideas and jokes. The world's lucky to have you. Attached is a photo.

Of a baby trying to murder me Okay, I could send that to you, Mark I don't think it's trying to murder her Yeah Alright, cute Well, yeah, I'm not a huge on the flowers thing But they're not for me Right, right, it's tradition It's, you know, it's a staple I've had women be like, flowers And I'm just like, I thought that's what you wanted Yeah, yeah, right

And then if you don't, sometimes women, if you don't give them to them, they're like, wow, really? No flowers? Like, it's the easiest thing to do. You're like, I know, but it's so hack. I thought maybe this would be more interesting. Yes, it's hack, but it's a hack. That's the other thing. We're comics. We want to be original, but like, it's a hack thing we have to do. It's annoying when you're like, this is not original and we have to do it. I know. I know. And then like, hey, not to be a cunt, but what do you give it us?

Where's my thing? I don't know I don't know what they're giving you, Mark I mean, that's the thing It's... Equality I do feel that men have a lot of... I mean, I guess Valentine's Day is the one But it's really an I-gotta-kiss-your-ass holiday It's... Women are like, I hate it I'm like, yeah, but you hate it because you might not have a date Now, men hate it because they might have a date And they might have a date We hate it for both reasons That's hilarious

That's so true. Yeah, it's a ton of prep. And like Valentine's Day, you know, I'm deep in a relationship here. So Valentine's Day is a week away and I'm already like spinning the wheels. Like, what am I? I got to get reservations. I got to get flour. I got to get chocolate. You know, I got to do something different. Interesting candles, lingerie. What am I doing here? It's a lot of work. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare.

Yeah, I mean, it's an annoying holiday. It's nice that restaurants make—I'm moved for restaurants to make money any way they can right now. But other than that, yeah, annoying. Yeah, yeah. I'm not one of these guys who's like, hey, it's all about the fucking greeting card companies. It's big card, you know, shoving it up your ass. Big card. But it is—it's not fun. And I don't know. You got to go out and get drunk, I guess, is the move.

I'll tell you who wins on Valentine's Day is single guys. Because you go out with some gal and she's so sad because she's not in a relationship that she's going to, you know, eat your ass. That's a good first date. It's Valentine's Day, so you're going to eat my ass, right? That's a hallmark. I got you a card. Just a woman with her face planted in between two butt cheeks. Yeah, you're eating alone at the end of that dinner. Yeah.

All right, I got an email here. Edgy one-liner from Saroosh Javan. Hope I got that right. Cool name. Hey, guys, I got a one-liner. I don't know if it's edgy and how the woke community would respond to it. Here we go. It's just the N-word. We're like, well, it's a one-liner, technically. Yeah, it's true. What's brown and always comes out of a human body? An Indian baby.

Could you discuss it on your podcast? Thanks. Always a big fan. P.S. I tried the We Might Be Drunk at Gmail address first, and some guy named TJ answered and said he's taken the address and would give it to you for free. I don't know how credible that is. Just wanted to let you know. I think I heard that, too, but we already got this one. Let's just stick with We Might Be Drunk pod. Okay, okay. Wait, so it always comes out of a body? Yeah.

What's brown and always comes out of a human body? So you think he's talking about shit No, I get it, but it just doesn't It doesn't always come out of a human body It ain't coming out of my body Ah, well, but it does always come out of a human Where else you getting an Indian baby? The orphanage Ah, but it came out of a human At some point That's true, I guess it works

Yeah. I'm not crazy about the poop to baby misdirect. I think it needs a little more. I mean, I don't think it's like, I think it like mathematically, like you look at it, you're like, yeah, on paper, this works. I just don't think it's going to get like it. It's more like kind of like.