Ep 7: Macallan 12 & Negroni
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One more drink, one more drink, and for sure we gon' sting. By the end, you pricks, the bomb. This is what we do, catch up for a few. We'll riff and talk some shit, and then we'll sleep till two. Talk some shit, and then we'll sleep till two.

Woo! Hey, hey, here we are, folks. It's a hot one. We got a new pod name. Let's get it right out of the gate. We fucked up again. We fucked up. And it's not a big fuck up. We didn't see it when we did the original search. We've changed the name of this podcast so many times. It is now, and the podcast isn't even on the air anymore, but I just don't want to take another pod's name. So let's get this out of the way. Yeah, this thing fluctuates like Oprah. All right. That was a 90s joke.

It really was. You should have thrown Ricky Lake under the bus while you were at it. Holy shit. Ricky Lake. Donahue sucks. Fuck Donahue. All right. Take that, the people's court with Ed Koch. By the way, Judge Judy, one of the richest people in America. Unreal. So rich. Brooklyn Jew, I believe. I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And Larry King. We're getting a lot. Oh, RIP. Yeah.

Yeah. We'll get into that later. We got a new segment, but let's, out of the gate, we are now called what, Mark? Ah, we are called We Might Be Drunk. That's a new name. We Might Be Drunk. And I feel like it's like a disclaimer. It lets us off the hook for what we might say.

Exactly. It's a cool t-shirt that a frat guy would wear at a party. We might be drunk. It's a good Tumblr if you want to make... We need logos. We need a new logo. If you want to send us logos, just tweet at both of us so we both see your... I don't know. Is that the best system, Mark? What do you think? Tweet, DM. I check all the DMs like a fat chick. So send them in. I'll read them. Or just a guy. Email.

Well, a guy is essentially a fat chick We're desperate, we're horny, we're lonely We're not hot But yeah So yeah, send them in Are we changing the email as well, I assume? Let's just keep the email for now Alright, alright It's a mile long Yeah, it's one more drink with Mark and Sam Is that it? Or Sam and Mark I'll double check

We'll figure that out later. Yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, we might be drunk at Gmail. It feels a lot easier, but I don't want to... Well, let's keep this for now. We will eventually change it. Okay. But yeah, for now, we're still one more drink with Mark and Sam at Gmail. We'll change that.

Beautiful. All right. Now we got the housekeeping out of the way. How the hell are you? I'm good, man. How you doing? Good, good. I think that is, don't tell me, is that the old bar on 17th Street? No. Oh, wow. Great guess. I think your guess would be Peter McManus.

No, no, I think it's called like Old New York Bar, Old Bar No, I'm rocking PJ Clark's, a little classic New York, been here forever Great spot, Cougar Central, by the way Yeah, oh yeah

That was like I was in the shit in Nam. Yeah. Well, it wasn't the shit. Dilfs, hot Dilfs, Milfs, the whole, just rich people in general go there. It's just a cool bar, though. It's just like a classic. Great burgers. I believe the original shut down, which is such a bummer. It's in everything. It's in like Mad Men, Woody Allen would like go. It's like old school New York. Damn, they closed? Yeah.

I think the original did close. I could be wrong, but yeah, bummer. What's up with Smith and Walensky's? I feel like I see that everywhere. Never been.

Yeah, it's kind of like a ripoff of PJ Clark, I think. Well, it's a steakhouse, right? So I feel like if it's a ripoff of anything, it's like, you know, oh my God. By the way, some guy fucking tore us apart. I only read one email and this one dude just like tore us apart for our assessment on Phil Spector. And I was like, hey, man, we said out of the gate, we don't know music. And he was like, how dare you? Here's another thing I'm going to say. We might be drunk.

We don't know. This is a free podcast, unless you're doing the Patreon, then it costs. But also, don't get so fucking worked up. This is an eavesdropping of two dudes who were drunk at a bar. That's what this podcast is. Exactly. We didn't say we're experts.

Yeah, that guy who wrote in angry, that guy needs one more drink. I know that's the old name, but we might be drunk. We're rattling off shit. We can keep the theme, though. It's still a drinking podcast. Yes, yes. And speaking of that, what the hell are you sipping on there? I got a little Negron action, a little Negroni. Ooh!

In my Syracuse funny bone mug I need new cups I need to get some new glasses here Great drink in a bad club Classic drink From Italy

It's an Italian drink. They love their Campari in Italy. And I believe it was made, it was an Americano in the late 40s. A guy was drinking an Americano and he wanted to be stronger. So he replaced the club soda with gin. Like it's such an alcoholic's drink that it was like, just get more alcohol in here and lose club soda. It's like, it was just, it's sweet vermouth, Campari and gin. It's like a total, just like grab everything in the bar. I love shit like that.

What the hell is vermouth? I put it in all kinds of stuff. I love a martini, but I don't even know what it is. Well, martini, you go dry vermouth, and then, yeah, like a Negron or a...

Or a Manhattan, and people already shouldn't. I mean, I'm seeing Manhattan with a D with my dumb fucking New York accent. But that's also sweet vermouth. I don't know. I think it's, I have no idea. It's like a, is it like a liqueur or something? I guess. Yeah, I think it is a liqueur, but I've drank it straight before and it's horrific, but it works when it's in stuff. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know.

I don't know what it is. There's probably an actor who's horrible on his own, but you put him in something and he's great. So many. I don't know. Christian Slater? He's fine on his own. Slater's good. He had a good run. Maybe Walken. Everybody loves Christopher Walken, but I don't know if he can carry a movie. He can carry a movie. Walken can carry a movie with the best of them. Dead Zone?

Dead Zone? What is this? What, are you going to Blockbuster? I haven't heard of that movie since 84. Oh, that was a good movie, man. You didn't see it? I saw that on USA once with my dick in my hand in a hotel in Cincinnati. Dead Zone. Wow. I don't know what the saddest part of that story was. Dead Zone, Cincinnati, or dick in my hand.

Probably the dick But let's see I think he was in Suicide No, what was that movie? Deer Hunter He had other people, but he's in Deer Hunter He's in... Walken can handle shit I get what you're saying He crushes it as a supporting player Right Maybe Favreau Graydon Swingers But I don't know if he can hold a movie on his shoulders Yeah, but now he's like the Mandalorian director He did Iron Man He's doing alright

He's doing great. I love Swingers. I love the whole story behind that. You know, just a young kid from Queens trying to make it. And he got Doug Liman to direct it. Great director.

Oh yeah, alright, so I'm going, you know me Oh yeah, what do you got? Oh sorry, I got the round ball You know, I've been mixing it up, I had an eggnog, whatever the hell that was, with bourbon Then I had a, what did I have, an old fashioned So tonight I'm just going straight down the pipe, baby

Oh, McKellen 12, well done Oh yeah, look at that little cutie God damn this shit It's fading out like Back to the Future But yeah, we're gonna pour that puppy right on top of that round ice Love a McKellen, man Classic Oh yeah, can't go wrong I miss those at the cellar I think we talked about that when I had one on the show, episode 1 or 2 Back when we were one more drink and we were just kids with a dream

Yeah, those were the days Yeah, man, McKellen can't go wrong, Scotch, ooh, and you do the round cube, man Oh, game changer, it's got just a little bit of kick, but it's still smooth I think it's one of the most tasty Scotches, I think, double cask It's a classic, it's a classic, so what's going on with you, man, how you been?

Good. I just got back from Oklahoma City, and it's one of those cities that flying to is a cunt and a half. It's like eight layovers and two changes and a baggage claim and all that. It's a nightmare. Yeah. How was the hotel?

Eh, it's fine, I got a Spring Hill Suites I like a mediocre hotel, I want middle of the road Yeah Because the nice hotels, you go in a Four Seasons The Wi-Fi is $18, the breakfast is a million dollars You know why, right? Because they got in on the Wi-Fi early I think they got in like early So then they were like, they paid a lot of money for whatever system they have It was something like weird Oh, is that right? But then like the shittier hotels were like, yeah, it's free

Yeah, exactly. Then you get a free breakfast. There's coffee in the lobby. You try to get a coffee at Four Seasons, it's $17.99 or whatever. Oh my God, don't you hate that shit? Hate it.

And it's too hip. Like, I got 17 pillows with tassels on them and a big bed frame. I don't know. I don't need all that. Just give me a towel and a TV, and I'm good. Yeah. No, I'm with you. If I'm booking it myself, I take a buyout, I am going to book a boutique-y hotel just because I want a cool hotel. I want to see a new... I'm sick of the chains, but, like, if I'm going to be in a chain, put me in, like, a Best Western with, like, a good free breakfast and, like...

It's just down the middle. I'm cool with it. I'm down with it. Same, same. The lady comes in. She's nice. She's some kind of crazy Hispanic race, and she's cool as shit. She's in there. What's going on? Not to get too 80s on you, but what's going on with these housekeeping ladies? They're knocking. I'm going, I'm good. I'm good. And they just never hear it. They want to come in. And these airlines with the peanuts? I mean, come on. I can't.

No, I'm with you. It is weird when they just knock on the door and you're like, I got the Do Not Disturb sign on. What are we doing here? And why? I'm giving you less work. Why would you want to come in? They get paid by the room. Is that right? I'm pretty sure. We need someone to fact check this, but I think that's why they're so aggressive about it. All right. Well, that would make sense because they really, they're like Harvey. They're shoving it in. It's too much. Yeah.

Lay off, uh, Chiquita? I don't know. That's a black name. Rosalita. There we go. I like that you thought that made it less offensive. Like, let me just change it to another race that's not me. Let me... Well, I got the Hispanic part. But yeah, good to be back. I'm glad we changed the name to We Might Be Drunk. This is...

I might have been drunk. That's why I said it. Exactly. I was altered. I was a different person. But yeah, great weekend. Great, great day. Great to be back, though. I got up at 5 a.m. to get the flight. You don't get home till 6 p.m. It's like a 12 hour travel day. Oh, my God. That's brutal. The layover now, too. Yeah, that's horrible. I didn't do shows this week. And I did do a couple of shows during the week, just running new stuff. But I tell you what I did do last night. I watched the fight. Oh!

Oh, I just watched it. Unbelievable. That was, I mean, all the fights were pretty good. That guy, Chandler, was pretty amazing too. But the McGregor fight, you're like, holy shit, man. I'm not a big fight guy, but maybe I'll get into it. It's kind of fun. I mean, that was a special case because, you know, they fought before McGregor wiped the floor with him, I think in the first round. Yeah, but it was like seven years ago though.

No, it wasn't that long. Yeah, yeah. They were both 25, and now they're both 32. What? Yeah. You sure about that? 2014, I'm sure, yeah. Poirier versus McGregor, because they kept saying that. Dude, he also...

So funny, Poirier is like the best guy You just hear him speak and you're just like I just love this dude Great guy And another thing, anyone who works it immediately back to their foundation I'm like, alright, he's a good dude Yes, yes, a good fight foundation He's friends with Theo Vaughn, he's from Louisiana I love this guy I went to a UFC fight with Theo Vaughn like five years ago Wow

And Poirier was there, and he won. And he got out of the octagon and hugged Theo. And I was like, how big are you? I know you have a mullet, but I didn't know you knew every fighter. This is insane. That's crazy. Yeah, well, it's also like, it's funny when certain guys, like Stipe Miocic is another one who- I love that guy. I love that guy. But he also-

Is just like a bad motherfucker But he's like a volunteer firefighter I know How cool is that? As if you're not likable enough I met him once I have his fucking What? I have his phone number Which is What? I did a scene with him on Billions And we spent the whole day together It was Dan Soder's character Maffei Was fighting That was the episode And

What? Who are you? You're in Joker? You know Stipe? I don't know who you are anymore Well, okay Here's the thing It's like Soder's Corner Brian Koppelman and David Levine Who created Billions Are like the coolest guys Yeah, love Koppelman They make the show very hip, obviously But like the corner for the show is like I forgot who was in the other guy's corner But in Soder's Corner it was Tim Ferriss You know? I mean

Me, who was supposed to be his burnout friend And then Stipe Miocic, who was the fighter And, you know, I didn't really know him So I was kind of just like shooting the shit with him And I'm sure he loved that The fact that everyone else was like, oh my god, can I have a picture? And I was just like, oh, what's up, man? So I'm sure that made it easier He seems like a regular knock-around guy Like firefighter, likes to drink beers and watch football or whatever

And he's 6'5", I think. Huge and so fucking cool. Wow. Yeah, I ended up texting him once because I was at Hilarity. I was like, I can't make it tonight. But next time, I was like, he's a good guy, though. He responded. Oh, my God. That's incredible. Wow. He's a Croatian sensation. I would never have the balls to do that. But he was like, tell me when you're in Cleveland. I was like, all right. Yeah. Yeah. How cool is that? He was very cool.

I always assumed, because I used to watch him fight, and you go, oh, his name's Stipe, he's Croatian. So I always assumed he was from there, because of his name and everything, because I never heard him talk. And then I saw him on Rogan. He sounds like a fucking mook. He's like, hey, what's going on? He's just like a big beefcake.

Yeah, dude. And he I did. I got into him because he was so cool. I'm just I don't know a lot about fighting. It's not like I'm in a I'm in a basketball. I like baseball, football. I'm not really I don't know a lot about fighting. So I kind of got into him after because, wow, what a great guy. Let me look him up. I'm like, oh, he's like one of the greatest fighters to ever live. That's I'm a dumb fuck.

Yeah, I think he literally is the heavyweight champion right now. He beat... We don't have to go too into it, but he beat this guy DC, who's also amazing, Daniel Cormier, and he beat him because they fought twice.

Well, they fought three times, but Cormier beat him once, and he's just a great striker, great boxer. But then Stipe was like, all right, he might be better at boxing than me, so I have to figure out a plan. And he went in with a plan and won. He just kept dodging his punches and punching him in the liver. And it worked. And eventually the guy just crumbled and he beat the shit out of him. Like, I love fighting. I love smart fights like that.

Yeah, he was talking about it last night. It's hilarious. By the way, the guy who hated us, the Phil Spector guy is now like, please never talk about fighting again. You fucking idiots. No, yeah, no, it was. It was interesting to hear him talk about it. He was saying like Miocic is in the best shape of his life. It was very cool. So I'm definitely gonna watch. I'll start watching this stuff. It's fun. I need stuff to do.

It's so unpredictable. That's the beauty of it. I mean, I guess all sports are, but like, I really thought, I hate to say it, I thought Conor was going to take him, especially in the first round. I felt like he was dominating and then Poirier pulled out some fucking leg kicks and it was pretty great. That's what all the experts were saying. They're like, if he, it favors Conor in the first round, but then after that, because Poirier's conditioning is so good that it was, you know, if it goes further, it's all his, so. Right, right, yeah. It's crazy too, like if you were to bet on Conor

Uh, Poirier, you would have made so much money too. Damn. Now you're fucking now. What? Watch has become degenerate gamblers. And I always think about that. I'm like, I watched basketball. I'm like, I knew that was going to happen. I feel like I should, I should, but I don't. Yeah. I just like it so much that I don't need it. I feel like gambling all the time. It's for people that like need that extra thing and aren't as into it. I love it enough to just watch it. That's true. I mean, they literally say, let's make this interesting. Yeah.

That's what they say when they bet. Artie Lang used to have a great joke about you want to make a football game exciting, bet $1,000 in the Giants when you only have $500 in your account. Man.

That guy lives Legend He's unbelievable He's so funny He's probably the funniest guy at a table to talk to Yeah He can talk about anything And he's interesting and captivating Coolest dude Quick wit, brilliant storyteller Yeah, I love Artie, I miss him I hope we see him at some point, man

I know, and his backstory is like something out of an old 50s Rebel Without a Cause thing. Right.

He was like a pool hustler and he would get into fistfights and he sold drugs and all this shit. There is a story in his dad, in his book where his dad, you know, would take him to the Yankees games. And he was like, when they won the World Series, he was like, all right, I can't go on the game on the field after they win, but I can throw you on the field and then say, oh my God, my son, I have to get him. So he's like, I'm going to throw you on the field.

Wow And it happened and they got to like march the field with the Yankees As they won the World Series It was kind of touching That's incredible man I wish my dad was like that But my dad wore a rumpled suit and was a lawyer And I'm like what a nerd Now I'm kind of glad he was that way Oh my god isn't that weird when you grow up And you're like oh man you look at your friends growing up Who have like eccentric weird parents You're like I wish my parents And then you're like thank god Thank god that wasn't the case

I know I had a friend whose dad smoked weed and drank like fucking high life all day. And he wore a wife beater and he would fix the lawnmower outside. And I was like, wow, what a cool dad. And he's like, oh, he hits me. He hits my mom. He's in jail tomorrow. I'm like, oh, OK. Now I'm glad my dad's a fucking dweeb. I used to have a bit about that. The dad who smokes weed with the kids. You're like, this guy's awesome. Then you grow up. You're like, oh, it turns out he's a grown man who does drugs with children.

So it turns out he's not that cool Right, right But it's so true, you always think that's the cool parent And then you grow up and are like Yikes Yeah, yeah And I used to go home and be like, oh dad, you're such a nerd You know, you're doing your taxes like a fucking douche You know, and my dad was like, yeah, whatever You're doing your taxes, it's such a good burn And I was like, ah, you're on the grid You're sucking up to the man

What about those parents that are like, I'd rather you do it here than out there. And it's kind of like, let them do it out there. Don't be responsible for a bunch of 12-year-olds getting fucked up in your supervision. That's almost creepier. I completely agree. My dad was like, get out of my face. Go outside. Go break some shit. He did not want me around. Yeah, make it a challenge. You know what I mean? Don't just give them the keys to your liquor cabinet at 12 and be like, knock yourself out.

Yeah, exactly. Go explore. Go fuck around and do shit. That's too insular. Now you're drunk around your mom. You got her in a headlock like, hey, you put on weight, cunt. It doesn't work. It's not a good lifestyle. Yeah, it's not a good lifestyle at all. Getting drunk around other people's parents was awesome. Yeah.

That was true. That was. Yeah, I'm so grateful. Like, I remember really thinking it was cool that I knew kids who smoked weed with their parents. And now I'm like, I can't even imagine being high with my mom. I think it would be the worst thing ever. Oh, God. That's a nightmare. I'm on edge around my mom already. If I was high, it would be a nightmare. Yeah, I just feel like it's, like, the last person I want to get baked with. Like, I love my mom. I just don't want to do drugs with her. But the kids who do, like, hard drugs with their mom, they're just like...

Fuck Yeah Remember when you realized that parents were just older versions of you? Because you used to look at their parents It was like another sector It was like another group, you know And then you're like, oh, you're just me A few years later You're just me with a mortgage Yeah

Yeah, it's fucking weird. It's weird because you kind of... I mean, you used to have a great bit about it, about how you're like, oh, these drunks are just making it up as they go along, you know? Oh, yeah, right. True story. But it's, you know...

You look at them with reverence and you're like, oh my God, they're so important and they know more than me. And then you grow up and you're like, they were faking it a little bit. Of course, of course. And then your mom pulls your dad aside like, why did you say that? I said no to that. You said yes. You're killing me here. Like these weird power dynamics, you know, and you had no idea all that behind the scenes stuff.

One of my favorite lines in The Sopranos ever is after they get into an argument with Meadow. I think she wants to go to like Spain and do like a year abroad or something. And it's a whole fight. And they're like, what do you do? Like, what do you? Oh, no, not even a year abroad. She wants to take a year off. Find her. Oh, yeah. And they fight and she runs away. And Carmela turns to Tony. She's like, what are we going to do when she realizes that we're powerless? Yeah.

Wow, that's heavy. That's fucking great. That's a great line. It's so true. That nails it. Yeah. We have friends now with little kids who have to discipline them. And I'm like, I've seen you do blow off a stripper's ass. And now you're like, hey, Ricky, put that down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I'm so not good at being around kids I was with Salacuse the other day Our buddy and we were just walking around He's with Charlie, the little kid As we're walking, I forget the kid's there So I'm like, man, did you hear about that lunatic At 110th Street on the subway the other night And he hits me and I'm like He was giving out candy to everybody It was crazy He just kept handing out candy And he's like, you fucking asshole What about that knife-wielding lunatic On the 110th Street stop Who just was butt-naked

Oh yeah, crazy Yeah, ended up dying Pulled someone onto the tracks Another guy jumps on to save that guy Good Samaritan And then the naked guy got burned by the third rail Whoa But the other guys are okay Yeah, they went to the hospital But it wasn't serious I don't know if they're okay They're a little shook up I'm sure they're not going to Take the subway for a while

Wow, man. New York's back, huh? We're back, baby. Every news story I see is like, you know, I saw one where a squirrel was wielding a knife. Did you see that one? A squirrel? There's a squirrel in Harlem in some lady's backyard. He's holding a knife. It's like, geez, this town is out of control.

It is. It's weird that we do get like kind of happy because it's like, you know, it is craziness. But for some reason, I'm like, yeah, it's like people are still here and they're still dealing with the bullshit. And that kind of speaks to the resilience of the city. I don't know why it makes me happy, but like I do feel like the people that stuck it out and stuck around, I kind of like, all right, you get a little you get a little extra New York honor. You get a little New York badge of honor respect.

Yeah, definitely. Especially all these Brooklyn queefs I see who bitch and moan all day. Then now they have Instagram videos of them at their parents' beach house. They're like, I'm getting out of New York. And I'm like, I thought you were this artist. I thought you were this struggling, starving artist. And now I realize, oh, you're fucking loaded. Your parents live in Connecticut on the lake. Well, it's also just like a fucking, it's like, how is that good for your art?

Yeah, well they just don't want to be uncomfortable Running away from your life Is not good for art Exactly, good point But I guess they're like I live in a shoebox I have no money anyway And now I can't work so I gotta leave But like, hey, come on, we stuck it out

I think pivoting is important right now, and I think you should, you know, find ways to create despite, you know, although I guess so many people have a podcast now, they could probably do that from wherever. But, you know, if you really want to be a comic, there's ways to get around this, I think. Yeah, yeah. You got to adapt. You got to get creative. You start a pod like we did, or you do a web series, or put out a special on YouTube, whatever it takes. You got to stay relevant. Got to hustle, man. Yeah, it's...

It's such a fucking weird time. It's funny. It's like I was doing an outdoor show, and some guy drives by on the sidewalk on a dirt bike. And I'm like, that's not legal. And then I was like, wait, what I'm doing is not legal either. This is all illegal. Good point. Yeah, it's the Wild West, and we're all in on it. It's weird how it's become normal. Everything is...

Was crazy but now it's all we talk about is vaccine We had a crazy election There's fucking people rioting at the Capitol Everything just keeps one-upping Not that that's normal The vaccine is every conversation I know It's funny when it's like the people that are lining up There was word that they were like Ah they're gonna go bad So people show up at the end of the night Like they're fucking muffins at Starbucks You're like can I have one? I gotta get that cronut They're running out

Oh, I didn't know that No, people at the end of the night, there's extra vaccines They're going to have to throw them out But then there's other places like Mount Sinai Where they didn't get the vaccines in But they took appointments And then they ended up not getting them in So those people didn't even get vaccines So it's a fucking mess, obviously But you knew that was going to happen Yeah, but you also got to be grateful You know, the polio vaccine took 14 years to perfect 14, damn And now we've knocked it out in like 9 months Or 8 months

It's pretty crazy, yeah I think that what was the record for a vaccine before this is like years It was, what, like six years or something? I don't know I don't know either There was something, it was a lot Somebody's pissed in the inbox Phil Spector guy, and another thing Yeah, he's got a lab coat on Don't talk about vaccines if you don't, okay? We won't talk about anything, we don't know anything Does that make you happy? You fucking piece of shit

Yeah, people are upset. I think it gives him a personality. He knows about Phil Spector. He cares about it. And so if we fuck it up, he gets all upset. We fucked it. I understand it. I'm fucking around. I've been drinking. We might be drunk. We might be drunk.

Yeah

Yeah, well, I'll tell you, this is a real page-turner. I can't put it down. Well, I'm going to go up. I'm switching drinks right now because I brought one to my desk because I had a feeling I'd want to keep going. So I'm going to do a little light drink now, a little Campari and soda. Oh. Here's a little Sam Morrell life hack here if you want to know if you're a drinker. Or if you just want to show and you don't want to get too fucked up, but you want to have a few of these. You heard it here first. Sam's a hack for life. Yeah.

So you put a little Campari in there. Lemon Spindrift, the seltzer. Bam. You got a nice little drink right there. That's great. Those little carbonated things are just made for cocktails. It's the best. The best, Jerry. So good. You're talking about being bad around kids. I have two nieces. One is six and one is two. And I am the worst...

Uncle, not the worst, the worst is touching But I'm like a horrible uncle because they're like, Mark, they're like playing with like showing me pictures they drew and paintings and stuff I'm like, yeah, how about that? Pretty good And I like punch her in the shoulder I can't connect, there's a wall up, it's so bad You're like, can I bounce a bit off you? They're like, he's four, why are you? Yeah, I'm like, how about this Fauci? Dude, Natterman has the best uncle joke, have you heard that joke?

How's it go? Where he goes, you know, if you're a bad dad, that can mean a lot of things, right? We don't know exactly what that means. If you're a bad uncle, we know exactly what you did. That's fucking perfect. So concise. I love it. He's so good at that. His marriage joke I'm so jealous of where he's like, you know, marriage, if it was a car, you'd never buy it. Like, how's this car running?

Well, it's not easy. It's like, bam, nailed it in one word. It's not easy. Yeah, and then the turn is like, then you hear about the new Game of Thrones. You got to, it's amazing. Right, right, exactly. That bit's great. Yeah, Natterman has some great bits. Yeah, check out his Letterman, Dan Natterman, if you haven't seen it. It's a killer Letterman stuff. Also, check out Andrew Rivers, young comic, funny guy. Oh, yeah. He's got a new YouTube special.

Give it a YouTube search. Check it out. I've worked with him before. Good dude and a funny dude. So support and show some love. Yeah, we're all about the YouTube specials, baby. I mean, Tyler Fisher, he's a funny guy. Love him, yeah. Another special, energetic, different. Should have been on SNL. They missed out on that one. He's a talent. Mike Cannon's got one. Joe List. Giannis. Dave Smith. Giannis. So many people. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. So...

Yeah, I mean, the list is endless, but support, check it out. You could always use more comedy. That's the thing. Sometimes I'll just watch something and laugh, and you're like, you forget how valuable that shit is, man. I know. When you're having a rough day, when you're down in the dumps, you watch just a fucking new funny thing. It's fucking great.

I was watching this show, How To with John Wilson. Have you seen that? Oh, dude, I wrecked that last week. I couldn't think of the name. I called it something. Yeah, I think you mentioned it to me, though, in a text. And then Salacuse mentioned it to me in a text. So I watched the first couple. I love it. I love this guy. It's like documentary meets comedy meets quirky. Is it real? It's real. He's a weirdo. He's that guy. He's not guiding these. He's not feeding these people with shit to say. No, no, no. Some of it's almost like too perfect, where I'm like, I don't.

I know the amount of footage this guy has is Salacuse told me a funny story, read like an article about him. And he said like, uh, the IRS hit him up and they're like, you're writing everything off.

This is crazy And he goes No I just carry a camera around me I'm always working Literally And they're like You can't just write off 24 hours Or 12 hours of your day You don't have a job And he's like No this is what I do And they came to his house And he showed them The stack of Zillions of tapes And they were like Okay okay He looked like a hoarder They're like We gotta get the fuck out of here So it worked He's incredible man Yeah I love it It's I mean you know what was brilliant About the show to me Is that like

It borders on making fun of these people. And then he has that moment with the end, at the end of the pilot, where this young... People that haven't seen it, he documents everything. He ends up going to Cancun to get a vacation, but it's MTV spring break. Yeah. It's a nightmare. He's at the resort. And he's with this young kid who seems like a bit much. He wants to be a rapper, and he's a white kid. And he's like, you're like, all right. And then...

He tells a story about his friend dying and you realize that's why he's in Cancun. He's like, why is this kid here alone? Is he like, and then you're like, oh, fuck. Like he does a good job of like bordering on making fun of people, but then showing that they're three dimensional. Yes. And it's kind of, it's a, it's a hard, it's a hard line to walk and he does it really well where he kind of, it has warmth as well. Yes.

And you realize he's lonely. Did you see the one with the neighbor or his landlord? Is that old Polish lady? Oh, my God. I can't wait. I'm loving it. It's great. It's warm. It's like you said, it's got heart, but it's silly and a lot of visual gags and just the footage he gets like.

He's just filming EMT walking out with a gurney and they drop the body and he's like, oh shit. And they put it back. And that's just a random shot he got in Brooklyn somewhere. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. And he, yeah, it's just so funny. Yeah. I, I,

It's funny, Salakir's like, I don't know if you'll like it I'm like, what am I, fucking made of stone? Come on, man I don't like when people are like, they recommend something and they're like, I don't know if you'll like Like, I love it, I don't know if you'll like it And you're like, oh, I'm sorry, am I not up to your fucking standard comedically, motherfucker? I hate that shit

I get what he's saying, because it's not exactly comedy. It's deeper. It's like kind of a people... It is comedy, though. It's definitely funny, but you wouldn't go into it like it's a Jim Carrey movie, you know? It's like... That's not all I like. Well, I'm not saying you. I wouldn't recommend this to... No, but it's like, you know when someone's like... You're like... I remember a guy once said this to me. We were watching this, like... She's from, like, England or something, some comic. And I was laughing really hard. She's really funny. Forgot her name, and...

Years ago, so many years ago, and the guy turns to me and goes, oh, I didn't think you would like her. And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? I have to like everyone who's like me? What makes you think I love myself? Well, you know, I don't know. I want to say this, though. The DJ guy or the rapper guy,

I remember being that kind of guy. Yeah, me too. Just lost. You're going out to Florida to try to get laid and try to make friends, and you're getting drunk as shit every night doing drugs, and you just want a connection, and you've got nothing. It's like you're just floating in space. You've got nothing to hold on to. That's why comedy is such a godsend for guys like us. Well said. Yeah, I feel the same way. We drank so hard when we were young.

we were young. I think we were searching for that connection. I feel like there were like nights between us when we were young comics. Well, we just fucking like linked up and talk for hours, you know, it'd be at a bar or whatever, at a club, whatever we were. But it's like, that shit is hard to find. So if you're young and you're searching for that shit, it's there. You will find people like you or that connect to you. It is, it is a challenge though. You know, when you're young and you're like, I feel like I'm not like these people.

Because that kid wasn't like those other kids. Right, right. He was different. He was weirder. He was quirkier. And they were like, you know, hot dudes, fist pumping and like smoking hot girls in bikinis. And he thought like, hey, they're cool. I'll be cool. I'm cool. But they don't accept him. But he was in pain, too. It's also interesting when you're like in pain and you're trying to...

To maybe internalize it by being like, I'll just go party. And it's like, well, that's not how pain works. You don't get rid of pain by going to Cancun and doing fucking, you know,

Send you a frog or whatever the fuck you're doing But when you're that young, that's all you know Because I did that, I was like I'm bummed out, I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm lonely Let's get shit-faced And you know, the saddest guy That you know just kept upping the partying It was like booze, weed, pills Coke, then eventually heroin And then who knows what And then you get to methamphetamine and that's when you become cool again So give it a shot, guys Get in there It keeps you in line, you know, it sobers you up

Yeah, before you know it, you're repairing the vacuum cleaner in the front lawn. But yeah, it's a dark time. I always am thankful for comedy just because I have something to work towards that I care about, because I think that's one of the biggest keys to happiness. Everybody's like, you got to meditate and you got to, you know, whatever. But I think it's mostly finding a path that fits you and just going towards it.

Yeah. And just finding people that you connect with, like connecting is so hard. And it's funny, like, I feel like we can enjoy alcohol more now because we are connected. Like I could hang out with you without alcohol, but when you're young,

And I mean, that's why you drink on a first date, right? Because you're not connected to that person. So you're like, this is a social lubricant. Let me fucking lube it up right now. Whereas with your friends, guess what? If you got to get fucked up with your friend all the time, that's not your friend. That's your drinking buddy. It's a difference, right? Big difference. You're my friend who I drink with.

Right, right, right Yes, but we could do both Like, if you were going sober January Or whatever the hell it's called, dry January We could still hang But if you want to get fucked up, I'll do that too Which is a good place to be with a friend Man, people that are sober, that is a challenge I really think about that all the time Like, I think about going places sober Ugh Like, that is, I mean, like I don't know what I'm saying, like

I need to get fucked up. I'm having a drink or two. Yeah. It's something to do. But showing up sober, those people deserve credit. I don't know how many sober listeners we have, but shouts out to people that go to things without a substance inside them. Yeah. That shit ain't easy. It ain't easy. And even holding a beer, just having that beer in your hand at the party or the bar, that's a load off. That takes off like 20% of the edge. Yeah.

Fuck even drinking it. Just holding it. You go to the bar. Now I have something to do. I'll put the money down. I'll grab a beer. It's like holding a gun if something goes wrong. I got this here. Yeah, this will save me. But yeah, it's tough. And you set a first date without drinking. How many sober people do we know that are like, I haven't been laid in six months? I'm like, what are you, crazy? But I don't drink. I don't know what to do. No, it's tough. It's a challenge. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah And then some people come from like alcoholic families And you kind of get why they don't So it's kind of like, I've never tried alcohol And you're like, I get that, like, I totally I've never tried cocaine, and that shocks people Me neither, never tried it You've never done coke? I've never done coke, that's something we have in common Never done it because it looks fun You see the movies, I don't know I just, I don't like the idea of snorting something

Yeah, I just don't, you know, I'll fucking, I'll freebase it if you want to fucking send us some cocaine. No, it doesn't look, it doesn't look like it's, it's not what I want. I knew a kid who killed himself in New York City because he did too much blow. I'm sure he had other problems too, but he jumped out of like a 30 story window and he fucking. Pussy. Sorry. Wait, I didn't know he jumped. I was doing like, that was a cocaine joke. Shit. Sorry. I didn't know it was going to go that dark. Yeah.

So wait, he did blow and then jumped? He just did a ton, and I think it gave him the courage to end it. I think that's what it was, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I had two friends die of heroin. One was methadone, and he died, OD'd on it, and one guy died of heroin. It's like, these were party animal guys. These were like fun guys, but they were bummed out. It's funny to call a heroin addict a party animal. Yeah.

This dude's a fucking party animal He just passed out in a dumpster It's a weird party, I guess Right, foaming at the mouth He's twitching That guy, he fucking rages That guy parties Well, that's what they say when they give you a coke You party You party

Yeah, I never liked cocaine. That was like the one Cosby joke where he cursed, remember? Yes! I think you might have mentioned this in a past episode, but like, cocaine intensifies your personality. What if you're an asshole? Killer joke, and...

I mean, it's like a two-minute laugh break. It's insane. Yeah. Because he never cursed, so it meant more, I guess. It's funny. I remember I did a gig in St. Louis once. I mean, many times. But this time was like the Valley Park Funny Bone, which is no longer there. In between a gun shop and a bird store. So it's got all your needs. Laughs, guns, birds, whatever you're into. And I remember one of the shows, I was there for like five shows, and I had the same agent as Mick Foley, the wrestler, Mankind. Ah, yeah.

And he said, hey, he's doing a show there. It's an extra show. Would you want to host it? And I was like, fuck yeah, I want to open for Mankind. Are you kidding me? Like, I loved Mick Foley, like legit read his book when I was a kid. I love. Oh, he was like such a lovable wrestler. I mean, he was like that. He was like the tough guy who like he took the worst beating of anybody. And he kind of reveled in it. And yeah.

Of course he was the sweetest guy on the planet, but he followed me on stage by going, man, that's Sam. Funny guy, but he curses a lot, that guy. Well, I'm going to give myself one curse. I get one curse a whole set. And he waited for it. And he's not a comic. He's a storyteller, but his stories were fascinating. And he turned to someone and he goes, you tell me when to do it. And the guy pointed and he goes, fuck. He said, fuck in the story. And it crushed.

Oh, there you go. There's something about that tension, not knowing when he's going to say fuck and knowing he's like a family type comedian, you know? It was funny. That's pretty brilliant, that way to set that up like that, because you're just kind of on edge, like, oh, when's it going to come? When's it going to happen? It was really good. It was really good. Also, I love that. That's the difference between us and guys like him is...

It's so funny how some people are so puritanical or whatever the hell you call that, because that guy will slam a dude's face with a folding chair and throw him off the top rope, but he won't say fuck. Well, he lost part of his ear in fucking barbed wire from a barbed wire match, which is like, first off, you should know something's going to go wrong when it's called a barbed wire match. I don't care if it's fake. You should know you're walking into a shit show here.

I know, and those guys are all booze bags and pill heads, and they're all fucking beat up. They have to be. But he won't say fuck. Think how hard we do the road, and then think of pro wrestlers who are physically getting beaten up. Oh, my God. Dude, the Ric Flair documentary, the Andre the Giant documentary, it's all about who can get the most fucked up. I mean, those dudes were fucking wild. Ric Flair rules.

I he really does he fucking rules that guy's awesome when I was a kid were you into wrestling as a kid not real I liked it but I wasn't I didn't follow it or anything I didn't I was so like like Bret Hart and Razor Ramon and all those like WWF guys and like I mean they were just they were so charismatic it was like I loved sports and I loved entertainment this is sports entertainment

Right, right. Yeah, it's dramatic, too. Like, you're going down. You know, they'd fight Vince McMahon and he'd be pissed or whatever. Stone cold, man.

I liked that it was fake. Everybody's like, can you believe it's fake? And I'm like, yeah, that's what's cool about it. It's like a play with dudes, body slamming dudes. It's like a play for people that don't think the Holocaust happened. Yeah, exactly. This is like Macbeth if you think evolution was a ruse. Right. Both are fake. But, yeah. No, I loved wrestling, man. I really...

I loved all those guys, Shawn Michaels So fucking entertaining Yeah, no, it was definitely cool The character, Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase It was a guy named IRS He was a villain He was Ted DiBiase's guy, IRS He was like, I get your taxes Everyone's like, boo We had to have one Jew, I guess Oh, if you think that guy was a Jew I'm flattered That was not a Jew Yeah

You're a million dollar man Gotta be the Jewish one Yeah It's It's wild Wrestling has really Like kind of like Progressed as like Crazy female wrestlers And like There's more diversity It's a whole new ball game It's great Yeah I haven't seen it I don't watch it really anymore Cause it's like How many things can you watch You gotta make choices But like Yeah I mean Growing up Like

I loved Macho Man That was like my guy He was fucking funny, that guy He was funny Oh yeah Fucking gold, man What about Give me a rec Like give me What do you recommend this week?

Well, I hate to be a hack, but I gotta push the tiger doc. Okay, I'm gonna watch it this week. Oh, man, it's so good, and they don't really, you know, a lot of these are just like, the scandal, let's ruin this guy, and it's not about that, it's really about getting at the heart of how fucked up his childhood was, and how crazy of an athlete he was.

Which is cool They don't just like ruin him Obviously he did crazy shit and horrible shit And it's a lot about his father-son dynamic, right? Exactly, yeah And now his son looks like he's gonna be a great golfer Oh really? Oh, I didn't know that Are you into golf at all? I like to swing a club, but I don't play it

I'll do the driving range all day. A couple beers. Oh, dude, we got to go out to Chelsea Piers. I can't fucking, I can't do shit. I'm terrible at it. I'm terrible, but it's fun. I mean, you just hang, you drink beers, you bullshit. I would do that. Let's fucking do that. It's super fun. It's super laid back, but like doing the links, I'm clueless.

Yeah, no, that's like a whole thing. Yeah, you gotta get a caddy. That's how much work sucks. They get excited to take a day off and golf. I know, I know. Yeah, well, you ever heard that great Tom Driesen joke? No, what is it? This joke's been morphed into 18 different jokes that have been stolen, but he had it in like the 70s.

He's like, oh man, my wife, I came home one day, she was naked. She was tied up to the bed. She said, do whatever you want to me. He said, all right, I'm going to play golf. Classic. Oh no, do whatever you want. I'm going to play golf. To me. Yeah. I ruined it.

He's got some of the best wife jokes Yeah, yeah I messaged with him for a while on Facebook Really? Yeah, because I just messaged Like, I remember reading that book I'm Dying Up Here And, like, what a stand he took And, like, what a fucking good dude he seemed to be So I was just messaging him I was like, hey, man Really respect what you did And he was so nice And we messaged back and forth a bit And he Yeah, yeah Very cool guy Was, like, one of the first of that crew To get on Carson back in the 70s Right He was Sinatra's opener I love that

I mean, come on. What a resume. Actually, you just reminded me. I think you just sent me a message I got to respond to that guy. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. He's a cool dude. He's a very cool dude and, you know,

Yeah, real deal I think he fucking cleaned up on corporates back in the day too Oh yeah, yeah, he's got to I mean, just saying Sinatra's opener He's clean as a whistle He's like a silver fox, good looking guy, blazer on But a tough guy from Chicago Oh, alright Yeah, yeah, he's like a tough dude He's got that great joke, he's like

He's like, ah, my wife, yeah, she says she loves me, but she doesn't love me as much as the dog. The wife's like, no, I love you more than the dog. Trust me. And he's like, I don't know, I think the dog loves me more. And he's like, Harry, how about this? I'm going to put you both in the trunk, drive around for an hour. When I open the trunk, who's going to be happy to see me? That's great. That's fucking strong. I know. That's a great point. You're like, the dog's always happy.

My one qualm is it's just that the dog doesn't remember. Obviously. The dog's got no memory, but it is a good joke. Hey, folks. Quick update. We totally forgot. We got an ad. Our first official ad for the podcast. You guys are going to love it. Lucy Nicotine. Look, we all got vices. Everybody's hooked on something. I don't care who you are. Uh,

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What about... My rec is obviously How To with John Wilson, but I already said that. So my other rec is... So I've been reading some of these short stories before bed just to fucking sleep because I can't watch... I was watching Search Party before bed and it gets so intense. I'm like, I can't watch this before bed. Right. It's heavy. It's making me too nervous. It's heavy. It's fantastic, but it's so heavy. So I've been reading some George Saunders on the rec of my buddy Ryan Hamilton. Ah. So...

This short story is being turned into a movie coming out. I think it's on Netflix coming out, but it's called Escape from Spiderhead. It's completely insane. It's great. It takes place in the future. It's about prisoners who are like, they're either prisoners or they're people that get

Drugs tested on them all day. Those are the other prisoners well drugs that get tested on it's crazy It's it's also hilarious, but they get drugs tested on them all day and Some of the drugs make you horny as fuck so you just fuck so little bit like you and this woman in here and they both take the drugs and they fuck like three times and straight and other fucking though in love and then I take another thing to fall out of love and then

They'll just test it so another woman will come in and he'll fuck her with the same thing. And then they'll be like, so now are you still in love with her? And he's like, I'm not. I'm not in love with her anymore after it comes down. But in the moment, he's like, I was in love with her. And they're all prisoners. What? Yeah. I think this is called Molly. I've done that drug. I've been there. Well, so then he goes into another room and he's with a dude. He's like a weird dude.

and then he gets called in he's like oh they're doing the same thing with us that they are with the women we're just all fucking and this is crazy and then there's a threat of this other drug that makes you fucked up so it's like a hangover times 20 you're just a mess the darkest place and they and they're like who would you rather give this to of the women he's like i feel nothing towards either of them i feel wow so it's like a weird thing but it basically turns into a whole uh

And it's hilarious There's one line I don't want to give away too much But they find out He finds out what one of the women he fucked is in for She murdered three people And one of the lines was It was at that point that I felt pretty bad About fucking and falling in love with her But this is fiction, obviously It's fiction, of course Okay, wow Yeah, it's this guy George Saunders He's hilarious I think this piece was in the New Yorker Like ten years ago It's super funny It's really a funny Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah This is funny

This is a movie It's coming out as a movie What? Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, great Yeah, yeah, yeah It's hilarious It's funny and it's also dark And also kind of like poignant It's one of those things where you read and you're like Oh my god, it's so awful They can manipulate these people's feelings

And, but then also it to me kind of hit me because I'm like, oh, wow, we're living through this dark pandemic. So many of these people are dealing with depression and pain. But like, you know, as comics, we're able to fuel that anger or depression into bits at least. And it's one of the things is like, even when I get low,

I'm grateful that I feel. And it's that idea that you can like take away feeling is so fucked up to me. Like you think about breakups, you think of depression and you're like, man, that's horrible. But then without that shit, without being able to feel, you can't really connect. Yeah. Oh, that's good point. That's great.

I loved it. I thought it was awesome. I think it's like, check it out. I think it's on the New Yorker website free. It's like, just Google Escape from Spiderhead. It's like 40 pages or something. It's not that long, or maybe even less. Oh, yeah. That's quick. All right. It's great. Totally recommend it. Give me the title again. Escape from Spiderhead. Ooh, all right. Boy, that reminds me of...

Spotless Mind, Sunshine Totally, that totally made me think of it Yeah, yeah, great movie Eternal Sunshine The whole thing about Having a breakup, you're so sad You're so miserable, and you're like I gotta get these memories out of my head They're making me sad, and they go Okay, sure, here, come to this lab, we'll do it And then he's like, wait, I want these It's better to have sad memories than no memories And that's such a great point Do you think that's Jim Carrey's best performance?

That's a good question I think it's his best movie by far Better than Truman Show, right? Yeah, I think so Truman Show is good, but it's a little cheesy It's got a lot of cheese on it His name is Truman The guy is Christoph Christ It's a little too much I agree that it's his best movie Oh yeah But his best performance You gotta give the mask in the conversation Right?

The mask That performance is insane I don't like the comedy performances don't get loved I always thought it was a crime That Eddie Murphy didn't get nominated for the Nutty Professor Because what he did was insane

Amazing. He played eight roles. They're all hilarious. They're all different. They're all, he commits to all of them. And that movie at heart, it's like not a perfect movie, but like, look, you know, actors win for movies that aren't great all the time. It's about, if it's really about the performance, his performance was fucking, I think Eddie Murphy and Eddie Professor is on par with like. Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. It's up there with like, you know, some, I

I don't want to say Daniel Day-Lewis, but that is harder in a lot of ways than what other of these Juilliard actors are doing. Totally.

I love Daniel Day-Lewis, but I'm just saying, like, show some fucking love to Eddie Murphy. And Jim Carrey, like, The Mask is another example. Like, look, it's not a fucking great movie, but Jim Carrey's fucking insane in it. Unbelievable. And that was like his second big movie. He had Ace Ventura, then The Mask, and he was still hungry, I feel like. He was still, you know, a comic. He was in Living Color a little bit, but he needed it, and he fucking brought the heat.

funny is i was just watching an instagram thing about dana white from ufc talking about conor mcgregor like yeah man like he's got a mansion he's got all the nice shit he wants like it's like it's like it's like rocky three is what he said it's like does he still want it like it's interesting at a certain point it's like if you're still great when you've got all this shit

You're fucking great. Good point. Good point. Yeah, I agree. That's why, you know, Bill Burr is still great. He's loaded. He's still great. You know, you got to respect that. And the best fucking dude, too. Yeah, like Dave Attell could could pack it up. But you know what it is? It's that inner monologue of hatred that self-hatred keeps you going.

No matter how rich you get, you can't buy that off. David Tell is the king. The king! No one funnier! But, in fact, I want to say Jim Carrey, Man on the Moon, is one of the best performances. I mean, he... I've honestly never seen it. It's not a great movie. First of all, it's Milos Forman, who did Cuckoo's Nest. So, watch it for that. I love Milos Forman, man. Yeah, amazing director. Cuckoo's Nest is a masterpiece. Well, that's, yeah, that's one of the best. That's in the top ten, maybe. But...

It's it's the story is not amazing, but he I was an Andy Kaufman fan growing up as a kid and he nails it so perfectly. Like you'd watch them back to back and you it would be hard to tell if you didn't know their faces. I've seen clips and it's insane. Yeah, I haven't seen the movie, but the clips I've seen. Yeah, I fucking love Jim Carrey, man. Like, how do you not love Jim Carrey? It's like it is to me like a sign that you're losing it a little bit when you start painting.

Like, it's like him and George W. Bush. And you're like, oh, boy. That's a bit. Is it? Great. That's hilarious. Yeah. I mean, it's like I love Jim Carrey, though. I mean, like talk about our childhoods. Like think about the 90s, like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. Like that was. Yeah. If we're talking like big comedy movie stars like I love those dudes.

Yeah, I mean, throw Robin Williams in the mix. Like, I would always think about those guys on the couch at Letterman. Like, if Jim Carrey was on Letterman, it was like, it was lights out. He was going to do, you know, 18 impressions. He was going to flip over backwards. He's wearing a yellow blazer. I mean, it was, it was over.

I met Robin Williams once at the Cellar What? He was such a nice guy It was so cool Wow He's not what you expect He's a soft-spoken, quiet guy I just, for whatever reason, I sat down not thinking And I was like, I looked across, I'm like, that's fucking Robin Williams And I'm shy as hell, because I, like any of us, grew up Sure You know, Mrs. Doubtfire Yeah, Aladdin Like any movie you can think, Aladdin, fucking...

Good Will Hunting, everything So we just end up chatting What? Yeah, we talk for like 45 an hour Something like that And he could not be cooler He never told me this He could not have been cooler We talk for like, yeah, 45 to an hour We talk about life and love He's telling me about his divorce That's what I love about comics He just can't get in by the cellar Not even to go on I want to be around comics

That's the type of dude he was So yeah, we end up chatting for like A while and he Yeah, I remember asking him He told me, he's like, man, I lost so much money to my last divorce Like so much money And I said, oh man, he goes, yeah, well, you know, she earned it And then he said That's funny

That's a good line. And I said something like, well, like, he's like, well, there's a new one. I think it'll be all right. And I was like, well, why do you keep getting married? I just said it like on a blatant, like, why do you keep getting married? And he goes, you keep thinking it's going to be the one. And I was like, oh, man, it was like so sincere. It was like so, you know, and we and we chat for a while. And I remember like as he got up at the end, we had this great talk about everything, comedy, all this shit. What? This is insane.

He gets up and he just shakes my hand He goes, it was great to meet you, Sam And like he said, I was like, oh my god That's why, like, he's a star He makes you feel so important in that moment Like, oh my god Wow, I can't believe one talk with you made him kill himself Which crazy was, it was the next day But, you know, uh

Oh, man. No, he was so nice. That's amazing. Oh, it was crazy, dude. Jesus. I had no idea. I was a kid. I fucking loved Peter Pan and shit, like everything he did. Yeah, Hook, unbelievable. All that shit was great. I loved Jack, you know, Flubber, whatever it was. Flubber was rough. That's true. I threw that one in. I don't know if Jack was good either. I feel like now we're just getting way too cool. I saw Jack in the theater. I don't know. Fran Drescher was hot in it.

She was hot, dude She's hot, underrated hot She's probably still hot I bet she is, she's probably getting all milfy And probably has like some fake lips now or something Wait, oh, Eddie Murphy I wanted to say this about Eddie Murphy Such a phenom, such a talent Obviously like a living legend, yada yada yada But I don't think he should do stand-up again Everybody's like, he's coming back He's got a new hour Is that still happening?

I don't know. He talked about it on comedians and cars and it was, he was coming to the store every now and then, but like, I don't, I think he should just, you know, do it if you want Eddie, but it's not going to live up to the hype. And it's always going to be a bummer.

What's that? It's I mean, like, dude, Mark, we're purists, man. So when like we hear that one of the biggest stars ever and one of the greatest standups ever takes what, 35 years off and then is coming back for this insane payday. Like, yeah, it's going to bum us out a little bit if he's not going to take it as seriously as we hope it's taken.

Yeah, yeah, but it's not even that. I mean, I don't even think he's doing it for the payday. I think he's doing it because he's like, ah, I'm bored. Everybody's like egging me on. Didn't he make a joke about that in SNL, how he's got like eight or ten kids or something? And he's like, it's a lot of money. Oh, all right. Well, maybe you're right. Shit. Well, that's even sadder. I was...

But I get, look, hey, if he needs the money, I guess, fuck it, why not? I get it. We're just purists, man. We just love, like, do whatever you want, but stand up. We hold, for whatever reason, so wholly. And we love it so much. But also, yeah, I totally hear what you're saying. I mean, I love, I mean, I look at, I've rewatched some of his movies during the pandemic that I grew up on, like Beverly Hills Cop, which might be my favorite one. I just love it so much. Yeah, Coming to America. Brilliant. Unbelievable.

I mean, he's incredible. He's so lovable. He's the best. I mean, he's the king, and he's just got it. Like, no one has more it than him, but I'm just worried that he's going to do Carnegie Hall and Michael Che's going to go, and I'm going to go, how was it? And he's going to go, it was pretty rough, and it's going to kill me. And I can see that happening. Well...

Yeah, I don't know, man. It's one of those things that like stand up takes work. I think it does. It's not like a great way to put it. It's not like other things where you can kind of just bullshit. And like, I think it all takes work. I think that's why some of these movies when you surround yourself with too many yes men, I do think the work tends to suffer. And we talk about like the price of success, like, yeah, you're rich, but the work will sometimes suffer when you

Or, you know, you surround yourself with people that laugh at whatever you say and you end up putting out some shitty movies, you know? Yes. Also, of course, the studios, I'm sure, play a role in dumbing shit down. Like, you've got, I mean, it's not like Eddie's not funny. Like, everyone knows he's like one of the funniest dudes ever. But like,

You gotta work at this shit. You gotta work and you gotta fail and him failing is devastating to people and a lot of people don't get it. How many people do you know that go, I saw a stand-up twice in a month and he did the same act. What a weirdo. And you're like, no, that's how it works. But you gotta bomb to get good material and I don't think

I don't think the world is ready for that. And that's, that's, that's a really great and important point to remember that what creates great comedy a lot of the time is failure and failure with someone at that level is a fucking news story.

Exactly, exactly And that's what's gonna fuck him up It's gonna fuck his head up I hope he's strong enough to just push through and fail for a while And then Well, he's definitely strong enough The point is, like, does he, like, it's If, say, Eddie Murphy rolls into the cellar And has a rocky set As good as the cellar security is That shit could end up on page six

I know. And that's horrible. And that's what people don't get. I mean, they did, you know, Louis had the leak set that got him in trouble. And it's like, yeah, he said horrible shit, but that was fucking bullshit, dude. That was like, I'm going to talk to my mom about that. My mom was like, what do you think of this? And I was like, what do I think of them leaking an unfinished set? Yes. I think it's terrible. I think it's disgusting. I think like,

I think we all make It's also It was an excuse for people to be mad at Louis Because what it was Was they were already Angry with him And this was just another story that they got to pile on Because you loved when Louis made those jokes When you loved Louis You just don't like Louis now So it's not a story It's a set that he did At a tiny club in Long Island that got leaked That's what it is

And by the way, it's so unfunny. How could he say, I'm like, well, first of all, he's murdering. He's killing. So you can't really say it's not funny. And second, you can't enjoy the old stuff without, this is the process. This is part of it. He didn't play the game. He didn't play the path to redemption cancellation game. So he doesn't get to make edgy jokes forever.

For what they say anymore. That's kind of, that's the rules that have been set. And like, you know, I've talked to friends about this. I always find that the conversation with cancellation interesting because this is not like a trial. This is a guy who people have like decided is gone. This is like another conversation, obviously. But when people talk about this, it's like, all right, but.

You don't get to just make someone disappear Because you don't like them That's not how it works We can have that conversation On how we don't like what happened But we can also say You're not a jury You're a fucking dude with a twitter egg You know what I mean?

It's a bigger conversation for another episode Well, I hate when they go Hey, it's not a canceling We're not canceling people It's the public deciding this guy should not work anymore You're like, well, the public is coming out to his sold-out shows So you're saying you're the public But the public is paying millions of dollars To watch his internet special he put out So who's the public and who's not, you know?

It's a game. It's a game. It's a game that needs to be played. And you know, it's, it's exhausting when you think about the game, you know, like, yeah, yeah. Well, it's,

this is the beauty of the tiger doc to bring it back to that. He, they go through like everybody wanted him to be the best. He was the biggest. We all got behind him. And then, you know, the scandals happen. We love crashing down on, we love seeing him fail and we pile on. And then he redeems himself again. And that's what the public really likes is that like rollercoaster of drama, even though it's, it's his fucking psyche that's going through hell. Well, I hope Louie gets that shot. You know, I really do. And, uh,

you know i think it was beautiful with tiger i thought the the the match where he he won that incredible match lately was was like a you know it's what people love about sports and what people love about entertainment and

You know, that guy went through fucking hell. I mean, it's like hell. Here's what I say. It's kind of like when you get detention as a kid and your parents are like, I'm punishing you. And you're like, no, the detention is the punishment. It's kind of like it's like it's like when like when they're like, we're we're throwing you out. And like, dude, my wife left me.

Yeah, yeah, right I lost my wife It fucked up my life Like, it's a weird thing to me when I'm like Yeah, the guy cheated on his wife It's fucking bad It's not good Guess what? That's between him and his wife Yeah, exactly That's not for us to be like You're a shitty husband Right, right You could say that But it's not your fucking business at the end of the day It's just not No

And we've all done fucked up shit, and no one just noticed it because you weren't famous and you weren't on the chopping block. But we're all flawed. You cheated on your wife in a different way. You cheated on your taxes, or you stole something, or you ran over a kid and didn't tell anybody. So everybody's got their thing. We've all done the last. We've all run over a kid, Mark. Some kids shouldn't be around. But yeah.

It makes me a little annoyed. People like to get on their little fucking soapbox. They like to be like, well, I've never done this. And you're like, cool. How many women knocked on your hotel room door at fucking midnight, motherfucker? I'm not defending the guy. I'm just saying, let's have a little compassion. I don't think we need to be more accepting, but we could be a little more forgiving as a people. So let's all chill the fuck out. I can't wait to watch it. I'm not even a golf guy, but I love...

I love a good doc. It's amazing. We work hard and want to be great at comedy, and he's got the same mentality. And there's this great scene where he's up against Phil Mickelson, who's apparently this phenom golf guy. I didn't even know him. Fucking badass. Yeah, he's awesome. Badass guy, apparently. And they both have some hard hit, like some difficult...

drive or whatever it is. I don't know the terms. Not a sports podcast. Yeah, and Phil does good and then Tiger hits it and it goes further but not that much further. And Phil's like, boy, that was tough, huh? Man, do you always hit that hard? He goes, oh, I usually hit harder. That was a bad one. And he's just like, damn! He's just trying to get in this guy's head. He's cutting.

This would be such a good... They should let us just drunkenly call the next PGA Tour, that guy had a hard hit, but another guy hit it harder. The white guy was really upset. The black guy, he was happy.

Yeah, it's the most basic commentary. That's like Happy Gilmore when he just turns to a shooter and goes, somebody's closer. Yeah, exactly. Dude, yeah, I can't wait to watch it. You know what movie I watched last night that I'd never seen? That's a pretty dope movie. It's on HBO Max. Have you ever seen Sexy Beast with Ben Kingsley? Oh, dude, I love that. That's a stylized, badass, fun movie. It's super. Todd Barry...

For the last 14 times we hung out, he's like, watch Sexy Beast.

Watch Sexy Beast. It's like his favorite movie. So I watched it last night. Really? It's a good movie. It's a Ray Winstone kind of underrated, I think. I agree. I agree. And it's so cool looking and weird. And you get sucked in and it gets your blood pumping and your anxiety is going. And he's so scary because he's such a psycho. Ben Kingsley. So good. Such a good actor. But it's also 90 minutes. Shout out to a movie that can pull things off and tell a tale that's

In a short amount of time You hear that epitaph? But yeah No, completely, good point Every movie now is two hours and ten minutes Yeah No, it's tough It's, you know

I and look, I'll watch a series. Some series will get greedy sometimes. Like you rewatch Sopranos and you're like, man, they didn't waste a fucking scene, man. And then you watch some of these shows now where it's like it takes four episodes to get in. And you're like and then you're like, yeah, how's that? Like episode five is not even that good. And you're like, what do you what are you wasting my fucking life now?

I know, I know, it's weird I hate that, especially now because we're more ADD than ever Everything's two seconds and quick and Instagram and all that shit, scrolling But yet shows and movies are getting longer, you know, like Making a Murderer could have been two episodes I know that's five years old now, but like Oh dude, that one drove me nuts That was so long, they stretched that shit out Enough with that one, that was, I'm a big, I love true crime And that one was like, we get it

Yes, he's an idiot. All right, we got it. He's a backwoods hillbilly. Was it 10, 11 episodes? Meanwhile, The Jinx is six. The Jinx is 10 times more interesting to me. 10 times better. That's a work of art, by the way. That's my favorite one, The Jinx. That's pretty amazing. The Staircase was another one that was like eight million hours. That one fucking earned it, dude. Oh, we could have got that in four episodes.

She was nine That one was fucking brilliant, dude Look, I enjoyed it I love that lawyer guy, Rudy He was killer Rachel DM'd with him for a while What?

Yeah, because she's obsessed with true crime Rachel Feinstein, our buddy, great comic Close friend But she ends up just following him on Twitter And he followed her back And she's like DMing him And he's telling her stuff about the case What? Yeah, yeah, and he was like Couldn't have been cooler, she said She was like, he was such a nice guy He was incredible Dude, no, that doc was fucking brilliant It was also beautifully shot I mean, I liked it

Yeah, and he clearly did it, right? Clearly Alright, alright Oh my god, what guy who didn't do it is like Yeah, follow me around For 13 fucking episodes Yeah, yeah, he's like an owl came in And hit her in the head, I'm like, what? The owl theory Yeah, and then he had, this is the second wife that fell down the stairs I'm like, at least mix it up What the fuck are you doing? Your honor, what about birds? Have we ever thought about if birds can do it?

Exactly, yeah No, it was complete insanity Even the end, I think it was like the last fucking scene Of the whole series when he goes I got this Alexa He goes, which first off I'm like You might not want something listening to you Because your phone calls might be incriminating Second off, then he just goes Alexa, play Leonard Cohen And he's like, this is my favorite And it was like, everybody knows the deal is rotten And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

Does this come on everybody knows that you're a fucking murderer? That's like OJ. What's your favorite movie? So I Married an Axe Murderer. By the way, you got a bit?

I do We gotta do a pet peeve too though But I'll do a bit Oh yeah Should we do a peeve first Or a bit? Let's do a peeve Uh Cause I wanna hear yours I got a little one That happened to be Today Okay People who said People who Oh you go first You go first Oh okay okay I feel like you're gonna have A closer here so I'm gonna Oh I don't have shit I have like a mediocre one Mine's not great either But uh

In an Uber. It's 5 in the morning. I'm hungover. I'm on two hours of sleep just trying to get to the airport. And I had the chatty Uber driver, which is fine. I get it. He's bored. It's 5 in the morning. 5 a.m. is tough. But...

He's doing this one, and I fucking can't stand this, where he would go, like, he would yawn. He yawned, like, twice in a row. He's like, sorry, man, I'm yawning a lot. Sorry about that. I'm like, oh, I don't care. And then he rolled his window down. Sorry, I rolled my window down. I need a little air. Sorry about that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, you're good. He put the radio on. It went, like, a little loud. Sorry, that was a little loud. Sorry about it. I'm like, stop apologizing. I hate the people who keep apologizing because you're like, this, the apologizing is worse than the things you did.

Right. Because then you got to keep going, no, you're good. You're good. Too many sorry's. Too much. I'm with you. No, I think that's a great point. And it drives me nuts when people are like, they don't do big. The offense is not matching the apology. Yes, exactly. You're making me blow you. I got to keep validating you. Yes. No, it's okay. I don't care. Because I really didn't care. I'm just sitting back there trying to fall asleep. 5 a.m., I have to keep saying, no biggie? Yeah.

Do you throw the sleeping mask on too? Do you do that as like, kind of like, just so you know, I'm out of commission. Do you do that move? No. Wow. That's, that's harsh. I do that in the car. I put the sleeping mask on. What? Damn. If it's 5 a.m., is that harsh? I'm, I'm, it's...

I don't know. It's like, I can't even look at you. It's not my buddy on a road trip. We're fucking, I'm on my way to the airport. I'm half awake. Why is that a big deal? I'll put the headphones in and go, hey man, if I fall asleep, don't take it personal or something. I'll throw a line in or something, but asleep, that's a message. You go better than I do. Here's a weird thing. New York Uber drivers never speak to you. In LA, they talk to you 99% of the time.

Yep, yep I have no problem with it But like when I'm fucking half awake If I'm up I'll talk But if it's 5am I ain't talking I know, the sun's not even out yet I got half a boner, I'm in pajamas And this guy's like Oh man, you see that That news story I'm like, I don't know, I don't care We got a 20 minute ride See that news story about that Uber driver Who hacked up his passenger Yeah

Yeah, exactly. He's like, where are you from? I'm going to New York. Whoa, New York City. Big city boy. I'm like, here we go. This guy grew up on a farm. Big Apple. Look at you. Big city slugger. Not me. I always try to put it back on them. Where are you from? He's like, I'm from around here. Born and raised. They're like, ah, shit. That was a mistake. Then he goes off on his life story. Ha ha ha.

I, for the record, couldn't give a fuck if we're talking during the day, but when it's 5 a.m., I'm sleeping in that car. Same. That's what I wanted to do, but he just kept apologizing. It was driving me nuts. That morning shift is tough. That's got to be a tough shift. I get it. Yeah, I get it. All right, I got a couple. First off, people who say, and I'm here for it. And I'm here. It's like, by the way, we know you're here.

You have to announce yourself. Good point. Yeah, never thought about that. Oh, so you know you're invisible. That's why you're fucking announcing it. And I'm here. We know you're fucking here. Yeah. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. What's an example? Give me a sentence. Use it in a sentence, like a spelling bee. Fucking blah, blah, blah. Let me think. Like...

Negronis are half off at this bar And I'm here for it Oh yeah Negronis are half off and I'm here for it Okay That's annoying That's brutal I got a bigger one now Alright alright

Have you seen the new Heineken commercial With the father and son Playing Cats in the Cradle Have you seen that shit No no Oh my god It's like a First off it's like a Heineken Zero ad Where they're like Playing Cats in the Cradle The whole time It's a father and son And they're like We'll be together then Or no we'll have a good time then It's like fuck you Heineken Like

Whatever happened to hot women In fucking beer commercials You're going to make me deal with shit I've talked about in therapy During a commercial This is supposed to be escapist You know what I mean Right, right, exactly Well, I guess it's non-alcoholic So they got to hit the queefs of the group They got to hit the ladies I don't know It's too emotional This is booze here Give me a strip club or a casino

Dude, you know who never made me deal with shit that I've talked about in therapy is Bud Light Lime. Shout out to beer commercials that don't make me deal with my trauma. Right, right. You don't see that shit with slits. And you know what? You should. That's a fucking deadbeat dad drink right there. Right, right. You know what that drink goes well with? Tears.

My dad would drink Schlitz hot. He would just keep a box on the floor, like a case. No, he wouldn't. And just drink one. Who the fuck was he? Paul Newman in the fucking verdict? Jesus Christ. Well, he was a Southern lawyer. That's what I mean. He's got the sweat on the brow. Schlitz. That's fucking gross. Oh, yeah. He was a scary man. Hit me with a bit.

Alright, alright, here we go. Now this could be horrible. I thought of it on the plane today, and it just kind of hit me as it could be something. So it's not worked out in any way. Same with mine. Alright, good. Oh shit, my notes just keep going. Hold on. How do you get to the bottom of notes on your iPhone quickly? I don't know. I usually just search. I'm fucking terrible at it. Oh, that's smart.

Okay, uh... Alright, this is a little harsh, baby, to my lady. I think there could be a bit here. So she's dying to get married. Like, she's pushing it pretty hard. And obviously, I'm a child. I'm scared. And I'll probably, you know...

I have an opener where I say, I'll eventually pull the trigger and kill myself. That's good. But my point is, she's like, well, I want to have a bond, like a legal bond, so I know this is serious and you're not going anywhere or I'm not going anywhere. And I'm like, yeah, but how about you just be cool and I'll keep you around?

You know, like, why not just be fun? You got to earn it. You can't just, oh, now I've signed something. That'll just cause you to cut back and lay low. You know, you got to earn it. Why not keep being fun, keep being like you are, and I'll still be there. It's just weird that we have to have a contract instead of just...

Like, what if I sign the contract? Then you just change and start slacking off. It's like, what are you, my agent? You know what I mean? Right. It's tough. It is funny where it's like, her mind is like, why can't we just have a contract so we know we're cool? And you're like, why can't we just not have a contract so I know you're cool? Exactly. Oh, that's a good line. Yeah.

Yeah, like just keep being cool and I won't go anywhere and neither will you. But it's weird that it just feels like, hey, I'm going to once we sign this, I can I can become, you know, shitty. I don't want compatibility. Hilarious that that's where your mind is at, though, too. It's like that should also be like an added part where you're like you're so scared to take it to the next level because you're like she's just going to become bad.

Right, right. It's almost like unionizing. No, I want you to be a good employee and I'll be a good employee. But if I if we unionize, then you can just start slacking off and go, hey, I'm in union. That's fucking good, dude. Oh, is that something? I think that's I think it's funny that that's how little trust you have in her to like stay cool. You're like, well, if I get you a ring, you'll become shitty. Right, right. Yeah. You'll you'll take you get time off and shit. I don't know.

It might be too mean that I'm making it like a job Parallel I think you can pull it off I think you can thread the needle here Yeah, I mean, you are coming off like kind of a dick here But I do think it's okay if the joke is funny enough Right, right Like, you know The idea that she's like, I want to make sure you're serious About me

And she needs a ring for that But you're like Well, I think there are other ways you have to show Well, there's other ways I show I'm serious Like, what's other ways that you show you're serious right now? Well, we live together We sleep in the same bed every night We do things together We go on trips We love each other Yada, yada I mean, it's all there It just doesn't have the little On a piece of paper in a courthouse

That's so funny It's like she needs the document Yes, exactly It's supposed to be romantic But it feels like you're giving up Right You know what it feels like? It feels like I got the car on the lot And it's great, it's running great And right when I pull off the lot and sign the paper The bumper falls off I'm going to ask you a question now That maybe our mutual therapist would ask you Oh god Why are you assuming the second you sign the paper That the bumper is going to fall off?

Because now she's got me by the shortened curlies. It's legal now. So she's like, aha, you can't get out of the mask. It's going to come off. She's going to gain 10 pounds. It's going to be over. That's the best fucking, you need to add this part. Because the best part is that you're like, what's your biggest fear? She's going to gain 10 pounds. Should have said 50. Yeah.

Why won't you give her what she wants? She could gain 10 pounds. I mean, to me, it's so fucking funny. But I mean, I hear what you're saying. Like, it is a power shift. It is like you want you right now. You have the power because she you have something she wants. If you give that up, you've lost the power. I get that. Right. Right. It's kind of like if you're renting and the toilet breaks, they fix it. If you own the house, you got to fix the toilet.

Maybe that's a stretch No I don't think it's a stretch It's interesting It's like This is Now we have to fix this Now it's on me So you think of yourself It's funny So you think of her As the house Yes And if you're renting You can get out But if you buy If you buy It's a little more complicated Exactly Maybe that's an angle That's a comparison Yeah If you buy You either gotta You either gotta fucking just abandon Or you gotta hope some other guy's interested Right

Yeah, you deal with it. Oh, that's great. That's great. There's something there. I mean, the premise is fucking funny. It's funny because it comes from a kind of a fucking... It comes from a place that you're a little upset to be... You feel trapped, but also you do feel a little bad that you feel trapped. Yes, of course, of course. I mean, zillions of people have gotten married over...

history and had a great time and happy and all that. So I'm obviously playing it up, but my whole thing is like, if you're just... It's kind of like a restaurant saying, oh, you have to eat here now so we can slack off on the quality. But if the restaurant is just constantly good, we'll just keep coming back. That's my point. It's almost like saying, now you have to eat here. And you're like, whereas...

You know, exactly. If you choose to eat there, it's almost like, oh, this, this will be good. They're still, you want the restaurant to still bring it. You still want them to prove it to you. And you associate marriage with,

Man, women are just fucking kind of better in certain ways because they just assume they kind of don't care. They just want to make sure they're taken care of. Exactly. Whereas men were like, you got to fucking still do this and this and this. It is interesting. I mean, there's a lot there. There's so much there, I think. They're smart in that way. I mean, they're great negotiators, obviously. I mean, you argue with a lady and it's tough to win. They know what they're doing. They're clever and they have to cover their ass. I don't even blame her because, you know.

It's not like they can beat us up or anything So they gotta cover their ass some way By the way, side tag You said don't gain 10 pounds It's funny What if you say It's romantic to say don't change I love you the way you are, don't change But it sounds worse to say Don't gain weight I fucking love that I tried to do a bit the other night It's not like a finished bit or anything But the idea of how people say it's got a big heart

that's a compliment but that's one of the only organs that's like a good thing he's like rare like you got to meet this guy he's got a large prostate this guy's awesome oh that's nice i like something there all right let me try something about this this is interesting i have this whole thing about like young people i've been like a lot of bits now about being young and and coming of age bits and i mean that's kind of where you go when you're burning a ton of material but i have a lot of i think some funny stories now in the act about it but i have one thing about hearing

younger people talk about. I saw how young people just throw out compliments so easily now. Everything's like, the self-esteem now is insane. The praising seems nonstop with young people. I saw a kid, he had like a water bottle, but it was filled with vodka. And he explained to his friend, I ever heard this, he goes, well, you know, they're both clear.

So, you know, I was able to sneak vodka in this water bottle and his friend goes, genius. I was like, genius? Like, I think the word you're looking for is frugal. I don't think genius is the word. Like, what are you going to do? It may be stealthy. I don't fucking know. But what are you going to do when some genius shit actually happens? Like, we found a cure for cancer. They're like, nice.

You know what I mean? Right, right. I don't know what the right, that's not the right punchline, but you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, no, I like that. We're upping the words too much. We're blowing our load on words. Exactly. We're blowing our load too soon. And it's like, yeah, I just think certain shit just is. Not everything is great. Not everything has to be great. Enjoy the mediocre. Yeah. Don't praise everything.

That's not genius with the vodka. That's a high-five moment, like, nice, well done, good on you. That's the nice moment. Yeah, exactly. That's nice. But you're right. You can't go too far because then when the real thing happens, it's the same with love. It's like when these relationships, they date for a week and they go, I love you. And you're like, yeah, but now you're just taking the...

The teeth out of love That's a heavy word, you know That also could be funny too As a young person, that's genius As an adult, you do that shit They're like, what's wrong with you? Just buy a drink You can't afford one drink? That's true I remember making that switch with people I just stole a bunch of wings off that table And my friend's like, I can buy you wings I remember I used to roll with The Dasani bottle full of whiskey too Sure, sure Same, same

That's true Blowing your load on words There's a lot there We do that with everything Well we do it with language Like we have no respect For language anymore Yeah I mean Seinfeld's got that bit About like Everything's great And everything sucks There's not much in the middle And then Louis's got that bit About like Hilarious No hilarious is when You fall over You know Trembling from laughter You didn't even laugh At that joke I remember that special That was a good special Great special It's called hilarious Yeah Uh

There might be something where he goes brilliant or something Well, the British do that There's maybe a connection there The British say brilliant for whatever And it's like, it's not fucking brilliant Right, right They just say brilliant like cool It's funny how the British are loose with everything The British will say cunt like it's nothing And they'll say brilliant like it's nothing Also, weird that the British just throw around bloody That's a bloody good show You're like, Jesus Christ That's a little dark Yeah, that's a bloody good show

Americans say bloody We fucking killed somebody Yeah we mean it That's a period or a murder Or something It's not just a bloody good meal There's something here I don't have a turn on this yet But I'll find it Yeah yeah no that's interesting Can't blow your load on words Cause yeah what are you gonna do when something crazy happens

We do it with Insane, too. Oh, man, that movie was insane. No, Insane is when you have to be put in a straitjacket in a padded room. That was a movie with a lot of explosions. You're right. The premise is like there's no respect for language anymore. There's no respect for meaning. And it's like, I don't know where I'm going yet, but there's something here. I'll crack this shit.

I think we do it with kind of everything because you have to be heard now. There's so much. That's what it is. There's so much shit out there. There's so much content, YouTube and social media that you have to be like, I was outraged. Like, were you outraged or were you just kind of like annoyed or something? You know, you have to go. You have to go all in on words.

Yeah, it's a great point It's almost like headlines The way we use headlines on Twitter Where it's like, this person did this And you're kind of like, they didn't really do that Right, right, exactly Stabbing on 23rd You're like, no, the guy had a knife, but nobody got stabbed They always up it, because they gotta sell papers Yeah, I'll play with this There's something here, can we do a news story real quick? Yeah, yeah, I like that There's something there, here's the news I got two quick ones We gotta, like

And I think it's a good thing We gotta shout out, obviously, the great Larry King Who passed away Oh, yeah, R.I.P. I mean, dude First off, for whatever reason I rewatched his Brando interview Over the summer It's so funny Brando was so fucking funny, too Larry King was great at what he did Shouts out Eight times married to seven women Unbelievable

See, see, they all slacked off. So you had to get out. All right. I'm joking. Also a Jew from Brooklyn. Yeah, I loved him. He was great. I tweeted the one time I wish Piers Morgan replaced Larry King. That's great. That's a good that's a good joke. And I got to also shout out.

I'm a baseball guy, so Hank Aaron dying, man. Oh, yeah. The home run champ in my mind. I know Barry Bonds passed him, but clearly cheated. And I love Barry Bonds as a player, too. But Hank Aaron was the fucking dude. Started playing in the late 50s. The racism this dude dealt with when he passed Babe Ruth's record. Had to worry for his fucking wife and kids. Can you imagine being that good at baseball?

And you can't even enjoy passing Babe Ruth's record. Like, bullshit. There was a great article in the New York Times about him today where the last line was incredible. The long piece was so good. And the last line says, Hank Aaron, a quote, I never wanted them to forget Babe Ruth. I just wanted them to remember Henry Aaron.

incredible guy. Wow. And I've seen him interviewed. It was a great interview. A-Rod, he's on baseball on ESPN. He's on the, whatever, baseball night, whatever. And A-Rod is interviewing him and it's such a great interview. Like the reverence that A-Rod has

Just spoke to him with And just the respect, it was just so cool Like A-Rod just marveled He was like looking at his hands He was like this guy's got huge hands and huge wrists He was so, he had the quickest swing So uh, shouts out to the great Henry Aaron, Hank Aaron Hammer and Hank Incredible guy 86 I think or 85 86 I believe, yeah He was such a fucking badass And if you see him speak, you just love the guy instantly

Just a classy man. No, I saw you post a few things. I watched them all. Just a humble, good dude and got death threats and all that shit and just rolled with it. Never seemed... He was like stoic. Yeah, he was a cool dude.

And just one of the greatest baseball players ever. Still leads the MLB, I believe, in total bases and RBIs. And he's got like 3,700 hits, which is third, which is insane when you think about 3,700-something hits. He's behind like Pete Rose and someone else. I forgot who, but insane. And that's no roids. No roids, man. Beast.

It's so funny that he played for the Braves, too. They were talking about the racism he dealt with in the Monoliths. It's so funny. He's like, well, that's a different racism, I guess. I don't know. That could be a bit. That's funny.

Man, wow, it's going to be hard to follow that whole little remembrance there, because I got the worst news story of all time. Hit me. And it's a horrible joke, and I'm ashamed of it, because yours was killer. Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle explodes in UK woman's home, and all my joke was, boy, that's some big wick energy.

Oh, that's good, I like that Well, it's like wordplay, but it's fun Yeah, it's a tweet It's a tweet I did a bit on Spade Show Lights Out when that was on I had a bit about like

when chris marden was like still trying to talk to her something and i was like man how good is this woman's vagina that he still wants to talk to her after she treated him and then i and then i got the candle and i was like it's pretty good it is pretty good you know that's great it got a groan when i said it at first and then it hit and spade went uh he goes you got to let him finish folks and i got like an extra laugh i was like that's nice when spade comes in and tags your joke

What does it smell like? Did you really get one? No, it was a joke It smells like a vagina apparently I know, but I mean, what the hell is that? Flesh? Is that fish? What are we talking here? I'll tell you, I'm about to drop the money she wants to find out They sold out in like record time apparently I mean, yeah, it's fucking weird Weird shit sells, I guess

Yeah, I guess so, yeah Like those Bernie sweaters sold out in 10 seconds And he gave it all to charity, pretty badass He's fucking, he's a character, man He's like, he really is like It's almost like a tale meets Larry David That little curmudgeon Right, right, yeah It's so funny what goes viral You can never predict it He's tried to be president, he's tried to do this And make moves and nobody really gave a shit Then he's got two mittens on and a folding chair And everybody's like, we love it

So true. Well, we should also say remember to subscribe to patreon.com slash one more drink pod. We're still under that right now. We'll let you know if that changes. We were about to drop two episodes this week. One's going to be completely free. The other one's going to be Patreon. That's a bonus, both bonus eps.

And make sure to email us at least temporarily one more drink with Mark and Sam at gmail.com and and rate us on Apple, Spotify, wherever you get this shit. Oh, yeah. Tell a friend. Share it. Spread the love. We're all over the Apple, the Spotify. We're on YouTube. So, yeah.

Get on board I'm loving this man Sorry about the name change We're sorry We Might Be Drunk That's the new name Yes I'm loving it We're just gonna call this We Might Be Drunk Episode 7 though We're just gonna roll with it Keep going No more bullshit We've changed names more than Frank Abagnale Alright That's a hell of a deep pull there Yeah We've changed names more times than Elliot Page I'll tell ya I thought about that But it's only one change You're alright I'll tell ya Alright

I'll tell you, no respect at all, you know? Thanks for listening, guys. We appreciate you. God love you. Take care. Bye.