Ep 208: Bloody Marys & IVs
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What was your name? My name is Leslie. Hey, Leslie. Leslie, does she need to be mic'd for this or no? No. No, we don't want to. We've had enough women on lately. But hey, Leslie, good to have you. Sam's getting a little heroin. Yeah. Finally. Good old AIDS needle. Let's do this. She laughed. All right.

Well, yeah, I'm hungover. I don't know about you, but I did puke last night. Whoa. Yes, I would love Zofran. Whoa. Oh, my God. I'll take some Zofran. I don't even know what that is. All right. I know my drugs. I'll tell you. Tell us what you did last night. We did the bodega cat party. You can probably find some pictures. On our Instagram. Yeah. Yeah, we did a big photo booth.

Yeah, man, that was wild. And then you did a spot, which I can't believe you did. I just kept going. I had people over. We watched the Knicks lose. Ah, to the Hawks of all teams. I know. Oh, look at that picture. Good crew. Great crew. Gaffigan. Ruby, Rachel, Phil Hanley. Wow. How are you feeling? I feel good. Man, you took that needle well. I do. Barely reacted. Hey, look at that.

Great picks. Our post is bombing, by the way. That's all right. Yeah, you got to get it out there. They don't all hit. But yeah, you can't pass up a gaffigan. And you got to throw these up. They're great. Oh, yeah. And Salak used no-showed. Nice. Pretty hurtful that you chose your family over a drinking party. Yeah, family. He was doing headshots for open micers. You did headshots for Vitor? Nah. Don't get Gary.

Leslie, put it in me. Oh. Oh. All right. Put it in me. I'm coming. I like the thought. That wasn't on mic. See, it's a lot more fun than Call Her Daddy, huh?

Yeah, if Kamala came on here, she might have had a chance. I would love that. She can put him back, I think. I bet she could. Oh, yeah. With that cackle. Oh, there's the two ladies. Ah, these poor gals. What is this, the WNBA? It's just a bunch of losses. Trump's beat more women than Chris Brown. That's true. It was one of those, like, I was in bed and I was like, I know I have to puke. Yeah. I did the fucking fingers. Oh!

I had to. I wasn't going to fall asleep without it. You're a trooper. Gross. Give me a camera mic. I'm good. Yeah. There you go, Liz, if you want to talk. I'll wait. I'll wait for my moments. She's on the clock. Can you roll that out? This is a great opportunity to pull the dumb and dumber. Just pretend you... The blood everywhere. The ketchup. Ah! Ah!

Should I do that? I've seen this in movies. Yep. That's working. All right. I barely need a tourniquet here. It's a nice puppy vein. Yeah. And look at that Adam's apple he has. Isn't that crazy? Don't inject that. You should see my dong. All right.

Oh, I'm nervous. No, I hate needles. Are you not good with this? I hate them. We've done these together before. I know. I faked it. Oh, God. I'm nervous. Just look away. Just look away. I'll never. No, it happened. That's a big one, too. Where'd you get that thing? It's a big one. Don't look at it. All right. All right. Don't look. Stop looking. I don't know why it has to be a black needle. No. All right. You're the worst patient. Yeah, you were a granny baby, Mark. What the fuck?

Here, Mark. Mark, Mark. Look at me. Look at me. Okay. Dude, Sopranos. You love the Sopranos? I'm just trying to distract him. All right, all right. Just do it, Liz. Pull up that scene where Hesh is doing the card game story. This will... Ah!

All right. Just joking. Oh, my God. Well, it's a comedy show. Oh, look at the blood. This is like deliverance. What the hell? Don't look at the blood. All right. I'm getting a little lightheaded. I'm just kidding. I've done this a thousand times. Yeah. No, Mark said. Are you catching lightheaded? No, no.

Lighten the loafers. Yeah. That's what they used to call gay dudes. That's right. Do you need Zofran too because you're also feeling sick? No, no Zofran for me. I'm a Gentile. I love this. Look at this. Everybody's in? Ace is side. Your action, Mr. Feller. 200. They're sitting at the bar. Send them over a bottle of down. Next thing you know, we're in the hotel room. Me, Frankie, and the two broads. I see ya. Patient three.

This one, this little pilot from Texas, she fucked me dry, but she still wanted more. She said, I'm wearing these pointy featherweights and they stick the toe in and I'm fucking her with it.

I guess we should all be grateful he wasn't wearing white fucks. You can pull it to Alacuse. I love an 80-year-old guy just telling fuck stories. He's fucking up with a loafer. Robert Lozier. Yeah. That guy rules. Great boy. He's in Striptease, I believe. Is he? The one with Elizabeth Berkley? Showgirls. Showgirls. That's what I meant. He's also in Scarface. That's right. Right.

Damn, he rules. Oh, yeah. And also, he's like 80 in this, but when he's beating the shit out of people, it's kind of believable. Very believable. It's not like De Niro and the Irishman where you're like, that's not happening. Yeah, that was bad. That was worse than the Jesse Smollett. Oh, my God. Less realistic.

I think it was more realistic. Yeah, I guess that's true. Where did you end up? What were some highlights of the party for you? Party was great. The whole RNDC or whatever the liquor company's called. The Republican National Convention. That was nice of them to show up. They came out. Well, they needed a win or celebrate. I feel good. Yes. It's coming in. It's cold. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah. Should we drink while IVing or is that crazy? I think we should, but we were waiting for our bartender and I'm...

Oh, he's making Bloody Marys if I'm not wrong. Whoa, I like that. Is that allowed, Liz? I have no comments. All right, that's a yes.

Yeah, great. Some real highlights. The reps had a great time. We had Sam Jay. We had Rachel Feinstein. We had Jim Gaffigan. We had... So many comics. Hanley, Phil Hanley showed up. Marlon Craft. Ooh. The rapper. The rapper, yeah. All our boys, all our friends showed up. Oh, yeah. Anthony DeVito, Matt Ruby, Jordan Fisher, Anthony Moore. Yeah, it was a good time. Check the photos. Check the photos.

Good times. Good times. We got pretty banged up. It was free drinks. They pre-made paper planes. They pre-made Boulevardiers so they could just pour them out of a pitcher right on ice. That's the way to go. I do that for Thanksgiving. I bring a thing of paper planes to my family. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's a hit. People love it because they're like, people don't know it and they haven't. They're like, holy shit. Yeah. It tastes like a Kool-Aid flavor. It's so good. I know. Too good. Too good. I got fucked up.

Oh, I owe you fucking 600 bucks or whatever. Something. Yeah. We ordered 30 pies from Joe's. Yeah. And they went. They went. We had to. You got to have food at a party. 30 pies? 30. They called me to make, I got, they canceled me twice for Amex fraud because they were like, there's no way you want 30 pies. I mean, that's a prank. You know, send 30 pies to the comedy seller. What do you tip the guy on 30 pies? That's a good question. It was a big tip because it was like, whatever, it was a percentage. Oh.

You have to. You have to. You're carrying a lot. Okay. You got it. You got it. It was two guys. But it's like a block away. I know. Yeah. You can send DeVito. Bad juju to not tip. Easy. Bad ju. I'll tell you. But.

But got a tip. So, yeah, give me that bill and I'll give you half of it. Dude, I had a crazy day. So, first off, I do Comics Come Home. Oh, I want to hear about that. Back lineup, it's, you know, Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, Lenny Clark, Lil Rel.

Ronnie Chang. Wow. Great crew. So many good comics. Wow. Alec Flynn, funny young guy. Oh, yeah. A lot of funny comics. Everyone killed. Zarna crushed. She kills. Crushed. It was a hot night. Everyone killed. Dennis Leary was really cool. Was this at Madison Square Garden?

Where is it? It was at the Boston Garden. So they're giving us all this. Literally, I have like a box of Bruins swag. It's all Boston shit. And we have our own custom Bruins jersey with all of our last names on it. That's great. What am I going to do with a Bruins jersey? So I'm holding it behind my back for the shoot. I don't want to promote a Boston sports team. And the sports and the reporters know. So they're like, Sam, hold it up. You New York piece of trash. They're all like heckling me.

Oh, man, I'll wear any jersey. You put my name on anything, I'll wear it. Hamas, whatever. Number nine. 72 for the virgins. So, dude, we're going up there. I'm up there in Amtrak day of. And, you know, you leave that couple hour window to go to the hotel and shower. The train in front of me

What? A woman's on the tracks. And I'm like, oh, shit. It's so funny, by the way, that everyone is like, we've hit a woman. And everyone's like, fuck my plans. Yeah. Oh, no. It's like no one's concerned. They're just like, I had a thing. So true. So we're kind of all like figuring out. I get off the train because the train in front of me hit it. So they're in the middle. So I'm wondering, I'm like, I wonder if Ronnie's on that train. So I text Ronnie and he goes, I'm on the train that hit the woman. Whoa.

Asian driver. So I get off the train and I'm calling an Uber, but I'm in like the middle of Rhode Island. It's not Providence. So like no Ubers. It's like a two hour Uber. And they're all like, you know, we'll reimburse you. But the Ubers are like 30 minutes away. So the Amtrak guy sees me kind of pacing and he recognized me. He goes, I hope you make your show tonight. Hey!

And I said, oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. I was like, you want tickets to the show? And he goes, oh, that would be amazing. Thank you so much. So then since I said that, he feels like he's very nice. He feels the need to update me like every two minutes. So he'd like walk back and be like, it was a woman. But then he'd walk back over to me a couple minutes later and he goes, oh, man, she was sitting Indian style. And, you know, the train's going so quickly. Yeah, suicide. Oh.

So the train's going so quickly that the engineer has to just watch it all happen. He can't stop the train. And I was like, God, that's horrible. And he's like, horrible. And then he'd be like, you know, one minute you're here, the next poof. And I was like, oh, my God. And then he was like, so the tickets are at the box office. And then he emailed me after the show. Because I emailed him to say, hey, just make sure you got in. And he wrote me back after the show. These seats were incredible. The lineup was stacked. That woman getting hits, the best thing that ever happened to me.

Oh, man, that's crazy. So he ended up being a great guy. And I was like, and we chatted for a while on the train, too. He was like really, he was really cool. And oh, by the way, he's, I told him Ronnie Chang's on the train in front. And he goes, I love Ronnie Chang. So we made sure Ronnie got, they had to deboard that train and get everyone off mid-track. Uh-huh. Oh, whoa. So they were, because they were in the middle, because they have to like dispose of the whole body. Oh.

Oh my God. So they were like, that's a fucking bad job by the way. But, uh, you know, they, they put like a, whatever, like floor thing down. I, I don't know. I'm a tarp, not a tarp, but the thing to like get people from one train to a little bridge, a bridge there. And, uh,

And Ronnie sat next to me. We were just like cracking up. So I showered in the Celtics visiting locker room. Wow. And let me tell you, that stream, that water stream is shit. Really? Because they're doing it to fuck with the opponents, I think. I've heard this. Oh. So I'm trying to shower in there. I'm like, the water's coming out like this shit right here. Wow. That makes sense. So I was like, man, I showered. The fucking Celtics got me. Ah.

Well, the New Yorkers in there, they can't treat your will. But overall, show was amazing. Great night. Ronnie and I check into the hotel end of the night and-

It was like an updated version of what the W Hotel is, where it's too cool. They're blaring music. There's a DJ. And we're just like, it's at the desk, so we're just so tired. And we just looked at each other. We started cracking up. We're like, fucking long day. But we just hugged each other like, good fucking day. Oh, wow. That's great. You're so fortunate when it's your buddy that you get to talk to. Yes.

Wow. He's coming on soon, too. He's coming on. He's got the new special coming out, so he's going to come on. Oh, great. He's going to be drunk. Yes. I can't believe the lady was Indian style. I know. That's so, I mean, that's what Zarna calls her act. But, uh...

All right. I just had to set that joke up. Look up Zarna, though. She's hilarious. She's going to be famous. I feel like she already is. Yeah. She opens for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the road. She's like a sitcom waiting to happen. Yeah. There she is. Garg. Nice lady, too. She is nice. Sweet, sweet woman. Wow. That is a crazy story. Damn. You might get it in with Amtrak now. Maybe they can hook you up with some rides. Yeah. I want to ride them way more after that. That would be great.

A fucking insane, insane day. Yeah. You're just laughing. And you're also like, fuck, we made it. Thank God. As long as you make it. You made it. She didn't, but we did. Well, she didn't want to, apparently. She didn't want to. I guess her life wasn't on track. All right. Good night, everybody. The suicide stuff. I mean, usually I was asking the guy on the train, I was like, how often does this happen? He goes, it's usually around the holidays. Oh. Oh.

Dark. Yeah, very dark. Yeah. Yeah, Thanksgiving. I know. Everybody likes Thanksgiving. Well, not if you have no one. I think it brings up bad shit, you know? Good point. Good point. You know what? Did I ever tell you this story when I was a kid and I was getting on the bus and-

I'm on like Madison Avenue trying to get on the bus and a woman just jumps out the window and splat landed right in front of me. I never told you this? No. Oh my God. Out of an apartment window? Yeah. I was like 12 years old and she just went splat 10 feet in front of me. If you know my name. What does that look like?

I mean, do you see like that actually splat? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah. And she didn't die instantly either. Oh. Well, the crazy thing is a part of your brain is like you're so like at first like, oh my God, that poor person. Like, oh my God, like that's tragic. It's terrible. But then you, I got on the bus and I was like, that bitch almost killed me. You know? Go sit in front of a train. Yeah. Wow. That's, geez. Well, you do admire people. I mean, look.

If you do it at home, you aren't, but you're still kind of, it's still, the tough thing is someone's still discovering the body. Yes. I had a surrogate uncle who, like growing up, we were really close and he was my mom's friend and he did it by hanging and his assistant had to find him. Assistant. So it's like no matter what, I mean, this is a dark episode. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. If you're struggling, call the suicide hotline. I feel like we have to say something. Something. Yeah, yeah. Put the number down there, Peters. Damn.

That's heavy. Truly, yeah. Call someone. Call your friends. It's bad. When the lady jumped out, did the bus driver go, only in New York? I'm walking here. Damn, that's heavy. Boy, you've seen some stuff. You've lived. It was weird. Oh, my God. Can I tell you one more crazy story? No. Is it death? No. All right, great. This happened this week, too. I was playing ball at the park yesterday at Tompkins Square Park.

And a dude is on drugs and he has a fucking axe. Whoa! I'm looking around like, I'm like, this dude's tweaking. He's walking around with an axe. He got into like the shed in...

There's a shed there for the, I don't know, for the gardening. Yeah, whoa. They have an axe there that is just open and he's on meth or something bad. And yeah, he pulled up the, here's Johnny. But he's walking around. And I look at one of the guys on the pull-up bars. I was like, should I call the cops? And he was like, call the cops, right? Whoa. So I call the cops. They're very helpful, as you would expect. I go, hey, it's like Joe List bit, you know, where he has a bit about when you call 911. Oh.

And the woman on the phone is like, sir, calm down. Sir, shut the fuck up. I love that. But this guy's got an axe in the park. And I call and she goes, so what's happening? I'm like, there's a guy with an axe walking around. I think he's on something. And she goes, well, is he dangerous? I'm like, I don't know. He's got an axe. I don't think it's good. But every question she asks is just annoying. She goes, is he OK? And I was like, is he OK? Yeah.

Yeah, he's living his best life. He's got a fucking axe. I don't know. I'm like, something's wrong with him. He's on drugs. And she goes, well, there's no reason to be sarcastic. So I'm like arguing with her on the phone. Whoa. Are you sending a car or not? Like, there's only one exit to the park because the other one's under construction. He's blocking it with an axe. Oh. And I'm like, just, you know, maybe send... So...

And gets kind of heated with us. She goes, it's not my job. The cops will get there when they get there. And I'm just like, wow, this person sucks. I was like, I'm pretty sure it is your job. 911 is cops. Yeah. But the cops do show up. The guy walks out. The car, like three cars pull up quickly. And they walk in. Right as the guy walks out, he leaves the axe.

And I go, that's the guy. He's getting away. And they go, we got to make sure this area is clear first. I'm like, he's down the block. He's getting away. They let him get away. Oh, my God. I told them about the shed. I'm like, well, that shed is where we got the axe. You guys should lock it up for the groundskeeper or whatever, whoever runs this. And then they go, okay. And I'm talking to the cops for a while. They're like, well, take a picture if he –

If he comes back. And I'm like, all right. Take a picture. So I was like, fine. So the cops leave. He comes back. I get like five good pictures of him. Jesus. And then I remember they didn't give me a number. Oh.

So I just have it on my phone. So it's just going to be like a fucking memory now. Yeah, put them up. Put the pic up. We'll put it on the episode. Take a picture. He's right there. You take a fucking picture. I just picture you. Are you guys selfie-ing? Do you have your arm around him? Hey, we got a photo. Get the act. Let me send it to you right now. Hold on. I got it. Man. Where the fuck is it? This will be a good Axe body spray commercial. There's a guy with Axe. Come on by. Here he is. Not a great shot, but this is the best I got. Um...

Sal, can you get it? Yeah. No, I'm waiting on it. Damn. Axe wielding. Yeah, got it. It's really the only thing you wield. What else do you wield? So... Just saying. So then... Uh-oh. Oh, Jesus. God damn. My whole life just opened up. Sal, he's a grinder profile. Just him butt naked doing this. There he is. Oh, Jesus Christ. So he comes back.

And some of the neighborhood guys come over to me and go, is that the guy? And I go, yeah, yeah, that's him. Two jacked pull-up bar guys go over to him and go, why'd you get an ax? And he goes, it was already out. And they just start beating the shit out of him. Shut up! Whoa! The cops don't come through, so vigilante justice does. The streets! So this tough dude in a tank top pops him in the face.

And then this other guy kicks him, and then he walked out angry. And we followed him for a while. I was like, let me just get a couple more pictures. But then I realized I didn't have anywhere to send him. Whoa. And he came over and thanked me for calling. But I was like, what a crazy bunch of stuff in one week. Wow. What were the pull-up guys? What did they look like?

Shredded. Damn. Like dudes who just work out all day on the bars and stuff. Whoa. Oh, that's the shed he got the axe from? Yeah. And he went back. Yeah. To get another one. Yeah, and they got like those snippers and stuff. Jesus. They got stuff you could- Oh, yeah. Shovels, pitchfork. They got weapons for sure. Man, that's crazy. You ever tell you the story about my house would get broken into all the time and my dad worked late, my mom be at home, and-

And me and my brother were out at friends' houses or whatever, so my mom was home alone. So this guy would bang on the door at like 9 o'clock at night every night, just bang on the door and be like, I'm going to kill you. Who's in there? You know, like break the glass and stuff. So after that happened like a couple times, my dad's like, all right.

fuck this, we're not leaving your mom at home anymore. We got three dudes here. We're going to hide out, wait for the guy to come back. When he comes back, we're going to beat the shit out of him as a family and tie him up and call the police. Who says we never do things like that? And this is like, my dad is a lawyer guy. He's wearing a suit. So it was like a weird, you know, oh, geez, I've never heard my dad talk like this. But you're fucking with mom. We got to do something. Yeah. So I'm like 11th, you know, and I'm like... You got a gun. Yeah.

I have a sword and a slingshot. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Here we go. And somebody, ding, ding, ding, ding, ringing the doorbell. My dad's like, we're all watching The Simpsons or something. And he's like, this is it. You know? No guns, but we go out there. And I'm so scared. Because you're picturing, like, what is this guy? Deranged, a homeless guy, a scraggly dude with crazy hair and scars. I don't know. So...

My dad's like, you ready? And we have filtered glass that you can't see through. So my dad goes, you open the door. Me and your brother are going to jump on them. And then you start jumping on them and then tie them up. And I was like, all right, here we go. But you got to do it. And we open the door. And my dad jumps out. It was a girl selling magazines. Oh, my god. So my dad tackled this 14-year-old girl. And she's like, ah!

And my brother's like... Beat the fuck out of her. But it ended pretty quick. But crazy story. Your dad's like, now we have to subscribe to Wine Spectator. It sucks. Jesus Christ. We had to get oxygen after that. So yeah, we got Oprah's magazine. And yeah, that was crazy. The guy never came back, but... Damn. Crazy New Orleans tale. It is...

Look, it is tough because you live in cities with this, especially like any city now. There's enough deranged people on drugs that you kind of lose your empathy. And it's awful because they need help. Yeah.

Yeah. You're looking at me like, just fucking stay in your area. I know. And what are these cops doing? You call the cop. You got to get a photo of the guy. You have the guy, but they won't do it. I'm doing your job for you. Exactly. It's crazy. Yeah. It's out of control, but he'll get out in a day. Citizen's arrest. Yes. Is that real? I don't think so. All right. I don't think you can do that.

You can't do that, can you? I don't think you can hold somebody against their will. I'll look it up. Look it up. He's in my bathtub, handcuffed. I'm like, citizens arrest. You're blowing him. What is that? Remember the Guardian Angels? Was that a thing? Yeah. Those red berets. Yes. Who is it? Curtis Sliwa? Sliwa. Sliwa. That guy was awesome. Maybe a little nutty, but at least he was directing it to good, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know if it's legal or not, but a citizen's arrest is an arrest made by a private citizen, people who are not acting as sworn law enforcement in common law jurisdictions. The practice dates back to medieval England. Oh, jeez. So that's probably not in the books here. What about, you know what you never see only in movies is the...

Sir, get out of the car. I'm commandeering this vehicle. And it was some guy in a Lamborghini like, what the fuck? And they throw him out on the highway. I'm pretty sure that's the bad guy in GTA. I don't think you're allowed to just commandeer vehicles. Yeah, that was in every 80s cop movie. Or just running over the fruit stand. Yes! Every movie, there was a guy up selling mangoes like, ah! Yeah, that's true. Or the two guys carrying glass and the guy in the car would go right through it.

And then chickens would go everywhere for some reason. Speaking of, I watched Happiness on you and Ronan's rec. Oh, yeah. Dude, that movie's incredible. Classic. Happiness, Philip Seymour Hoffman. That's a tear-jerker. If you watch it, I feel guilty because I said Speak No Evil wasn't a hard rec because it's so dark. Yeah. And then some guy tweeted at me, like, watched it. It fucking was brutal. Jesus Christ, too dark. And I said, well, the new one's kind of a palate cleanser. It's not as dark. And he was like, I hated the new one even more.

I'm like, fuck, all right. So this movie, if you watch it, it is insanely dark. Yes. It's hilarious. Yes, but it's heavy. There was some shit in there that I was like, man, the 90s were a fucking great era for film. I know. Movies, TV, and music. Everything. Damn. We got to get back to that. It's a dark fucking movie. But goddamn, was it impressive. Very well done. Great acting. But yeah, ooh, it's heavy. Good luck. How hot was Laura Flynn Boyle? Ooh.

Was she hot? Jesus Christ. I think Jack Nicholson was inside of her for a minute. Oh, yeah. And somebody else, I think.

Maybe Leo? No, she's too old for Leo. What am I thinking? That's, oh my God. Yeah. By like 50 years. Yeah. She was with somebody though, somebody else. But yeah, she was a real piece. Even in Men in Black 2, she was something. Oh my God, so hot. Linda Fiorentino in the first one. They were just- Oh yeah. It was like some hot 90s. And then Rosario Dawson. Adam Duritz, of course. Oh, Duritz. That twink, he got everybody. Sideshow Bob over here. God damn. Willis, that was it. Yeah, but he doesn't remember it. Oh. And he can't talk. Whoa, Duritz.

Wow, that's one for the comics. Never heard of this guy. Dude, you ever see... I got a hard rack for you with Laura Flynn Boyle. Red Rock West. What's that? It's a noir with Nicolas Cage and Dennis Hopper. It's fucking awesome.

It's one of those hard to find ones. I had to find it on some illegal stream. Oh, never heard of it. This movie rocks. Really? Oh, it kicks ass. Red Rock West. It's like a weird little western noir where people keep fucking each other over. It's awesome. Oh, you know who's great in it? JT Walsh. Oh, yeah. That guy always pops up in good stuff. Good character actor. Oh, yeah.

If we're going Western, I am obsessed with this Netflix show, The Wyatt Earp Thing. Is it good? It's great. It's just so well done. And the shootout at the OK Corral is such an amazing story with layers and so many different characters. And it's all real. I mean, it's a hell of a picture. It's like a docu-series, but they make it fun and watchable. I'm watching that for sure. I mean, the twists and turns. It's all real, too.

And they show people in New York reading the paper like, whoa, because the Wild West was like crazy. You know, New York's all factories and skyscrapers, and this was like shootouts and cowboys and shit. Yeah, damn. It's really well done. I don't think I would have fared too well then. I'd be like, there's a guy with an axe here. Jesus Christ. You have to get the photo guy.

Those old school cameras. Dude, I love, I was just fucking watching TV during the day and 310 to Yuma was on TV. Oh, that's a great movie. I'd never seen it, dude. I love Elmore Leonard too, but it's like the last 30 minutes and I was like, let me just, I'm like, the last 30 minutes are incredible. Incredible. And it's such a simple plot, but it's so good. Just get the guy back. Get the guy back. Oh, I loved it, dude. By 3 p.m. or whatever. I was watching from the beginning. The same guy who made 310 to Yuma made Copland. Oh.

James Mangold? Yes, which is a bit of a remake of 310 to Yuma. It's the same story. Copland's really good. Yeah, Copland's great. Janine Garofalo. Yes. Cupcake. Cupcake? That's what they call her in the movie. Oh.

You got a weird name for it. Copland's underrated. Copland is underrated. Stallone is badass. Is it Jersey? Yeah. Yeah. Man, so when I was talking to Dennis Leary, he's telling me, he's like, so when I filmed Demolition Man, I was like, holy shit, this guy was in Demolition Man. Yes. Dennis Leary was just in a ton of movies. Oh, The Refs. The Refs. Suicide King. Yes. Yeah. But he goes, Snipes and Stallone had like,

Like weird ego shit. Oh, I could see that. And he goes, every time I'd walk over, they built a golf course for Stallone at every...

At every setting. Whoa. Like a cage where we could just golf. Wow. Yeah. That's in the 90s when they were just poor. They were like, this movie's going to make so much money. Yes. Stallone's in it. Yes. And this guy's so famous that we'll do whatever he wants. Damn, weird times, man. Weird times. But those days are over. I feel bad for these new celebrities. They're like, please follow me on TikTok.

Please subscribe to my Instagram or whatever, my newsletter. Yeah, yeah. You got to do the TikTok challenge or whatever where you drink bleach and sing out of a car window. Should we do our dates now or wait till the end of the show? Dude, I mean, our director, Jonah Feingold there. Yes, he showed up. He showed up to our Bodega Cat party. Boy, he's a handsome guy. Cute guy. Very cute. Yeah. He's like a Shalamu. Yeah.

Timothy. There he is. Look how cute. Good looking guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he gave us good notes already. I'm excited, man. I think we're going to make a little. He seems confident. I said, so you think we'll make this movie for sure? He's like, oh, we're making it. Oh, hell yeah. I was like, that confidence. I need to hear that. Yeah, he's good. He had great notes and he's so into the movie. He's like, we should make Brad. I'm like, who the hell is Brad? He knows all the characters. Jonah posted that last night. That's nice. Congrats to the muses.

Launch of Unreal Whiskey. Wow, that's very nice. Hey. Hey, you're all right. Look at that. Is that one picture he's got up? That was in his stories. Oh, okay, okay. Where's this drink? How long does it take to make a drink? What is he doing? What is he doing? Maybe he's waiting for us to get him? I'm a girl. I'll go look.

All right. You got something up your sleeve, Peters? Is this some kind of trick where a stripper's going to come in and blow us? Is it really? Oh, okay. All right. You got an ice bath here. I didn't know what was going on. We've only had one stripper on this show, and it was a man. That's true. That's true. That bachelor party was an epic episode. That was killer. I think it's the least funny we've ever been on an episode because we were just bombed

instantly yes well DeRosa's fucking shot caller over here oh my god shots let's do another one I'm like you're 50 yeah you're 50 we've been in here four minutes I'm already on my third shot come on you fucking pussy yeah yeah

He's a while. He went to my real bachelor party and did blow and we're like, we should fentanyl test this. And he's like, good idea. Covered in blow. I'm like, Jesus, man. Damn. Yeah. You don't want to, you don't want to die. Yeah, no, he was fine. Bert was there. So we bought the good blow.

Yeah, he put the money down. Hell yeah. That's one of the perks of these alpha ego guys. You're like, oh, you'll pay for everything. Great. That's true. Yeah. That and grilling. I'll grill. You're like, great, you grill. I don't want to grill. The grill's an alpha thing. Oh, yeah. Tony Soprano grilled. Yes. Which I'm happy to drink beer in the corner and watch you grill.

If you want to grill. Yeah. What is that? But I think that's also like an antisocial move too. That could be something. I don't have to hang out with people. That's true. My mom is an introvert and she's always like, can I help? Cause she just wants to not talk to people. So she's like lifting plates and shit. Damn. Damn.

That is the can I help person doesn't want to be a part of the party. Yeah, they want to be a part, but they don't want to... They don't want to socialize. That's it. I get it. I get it. It can be overwhelming. Thank God for booze. Booze help. Are you an introvert, Mark? Yeah. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. I think he is...

But not with like us. Yes. Like Mark and I like at a party we'll just be like hanging the whole time. We're hanging out. I can see I can tell when he's getting anxious. You too. I can see it on you as well. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well we both are getting a little skittishy and we need to get away and you got to like recharge. I go to the bathroom on fake bathroom time. Fake pee.

Fake pee is big. But yeah, even at your place when you're playing soccer with the kids, I'm like, all right, Mark doesn't want to talk to people. Yeah. It's too many spinning plates. It's like my dad's up my ass and the wife's pregnant. Then you got, you want to entertain your friends, but then you got family. She came out last night. That was awesome. Yes, she showed up. It was weird how much she drank, but you know. Oh, yeah.

I know. The funnel was crazy. That was nuts. That was awesome. She came out. She came out. Yeah. She's huge. And it's funny because every girl goes right up to her. They're like,

You're huge. You got to do this. Here's some baby advice or get rid of it or whatever it is. So that's one good thing about having a baby is it's an icebreaker. Yeah. There's always something to talk about. That's true. Yeah, because it is. I definitely am like, fuck, this is work. Some of these parties are work. Oh, yeah. Mark and I were saying we were the first two there, obviously, and we're kind of like...

Is this going to turn into us just like trapping ourselves in a corner? I know. I think we worked the room pretty well. We did a great job. I think we did our thing. And the pizzas were a hit. The drinks were a hit. And Liz is great because Liz kicked everybody out at seven. So you're not the bad guy. She's got this fucking bitch is crazy. She's kicking everybody out. She's a cunt. And we get to look like a hero.

There was a couple stragglers who wouldn't leave, by the way. Really? I'm not going to name names, but the bar was like, we're closed. You got to go. And they were like, oh, what is that? Crown molding? So there's always that group. Yeah. Even at my baby shower, there was a couple of weirdos. You're like, Aunt Flo, you got to get out of here. Oh, my God. Hit the bricks, bitch. Yeah.

We're out of- We're gonna close a big listener to this pod. Gonna hurt her. Oh no! We're down to the wire! She's on the subway. She's just like, oh fuck. She's gonna stand in front of tracks in style. I heard the pod. I got peeves, by the way. Oh, please. I've been banking them because we haven't done a solo in a while.

What the hell is Herman doing in the other room? Oh, is that Herman? Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, but what is he doing? Making a drink. For like 30 minutes? Yeah. Yeah, it's two Bloody Marys. Should I go check? Is something cooking? No. I'm telling you, maybe him and Leslie are eating each other up. He's been gone a while. Yeah. Herman's got the move. He injected her. All right, I got a couple here. Yeah. How about this? Some of these aren't great. Yeah. How about this one?

You get into it with a guy, you know, you're kind of arguing over like, no, I'm telling you, the Bears won the Super Bowl in 85. And he's like, no, no, it was the Dolphins. And I'm like, I'll look it up. I think it was the Bears. And I go, it's the Bears. And he goes, I guess you're right. No, no, I am right. There's no guessing. That's a peeve. What do you got, Liz? I'm going to make you the cocktail of your lives out there. I don't know. Oh, all right. Just about. Okay.

Pretty good. I feel like a millionaire. I'm on a million bucks. I think I'm better. Oh, yeah. You look better. I'm all jazzed up. You want one? No. This is all quality. Really? This is like healthy. Huh. Right? I don't go for that. Healthy drugs. Yeah. Healthy drugs. I don't think the reason we're getting it is healthy. That's true. That's true. It is. It feels good. Yeah.

To not have consequences. Oh, I feel great. I'm like recharged. I'm pumped up. Oh my God. When Stavi and I did this at your wedding, we were pretty hung up. I was hung over and he just wanted to get one with me. Yeah. So we're in my room and he couldn't find a fucking vein on Stavi. So it was in his hand. Oh, weird. I've never heard of that. He's a bigger guy. Oh, is the hand normal? Yeah. Can you do the neck if you want it?

They do do that. Whoa. What about like the toes? Like a heroin addict. Yeah, that's more for the addicts. What about like in Trainspotting? Didn't he put in his penis in Trainspotting? He did. He did. There was a lot of veins in the dong. Especially yours. Yes. Mine looks like a road map. Looks like Willem Dafoe's forehead. Ha ha ha ha ha.

But you can do that in the penis? Yeah. A vein's a vein. Yeah, but it's soft, I feel like. You'd have to stay hard probably. Probably have to stay hard. I tried to get blood with it once. They weren't happy. All right. How about this one for a peeve? You're talking to the guy and he's telling a story and it's already kind of a boring story and he goes, yeah, you know, it was December 3rd. It was the 4th. No, no, it was the 3rd. Or was it the 5th?

And you're like, none of this matters. You're just wasting my time with this. It was a second. Hold on. Let me check. You're like, the date doesn't matter. Just tell the story. That's a peeve. That is hilarious. All right. No one gives a shit. Yeah. The fact that it was on December 24th or 25th, it doesn't. Exactly. I guess Christmas would make it. There's a bad example on my end. I get it. But yeah, they're just wasting extra time going over a thing that doesn't even matter in the first place.

Yeah, and already you could tell a bad storyteller. Like, that's a trait of a bad storyteller. Yes. If you're already, like, doing the drum roll for too long. Yes. You know the story. Oh, God. And Mr. Beast always talking about retention because he's like a YouTube psycho. And I'm thinking, like, you're losing retention. Like, I'm slowly fading away every number you don't get. That was an old bit of mine. I was like, that's been shared on the internet a million times since. But, like, oh, my God, I wish you could tap someone's forehead and see how much longer. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah. That's great.

That's all done. Yes. Thank you so much. Boy, you took that like a champ. Oh. Wait, can you unhand your drink? Sure. You're on the wrong pod, sister.

All right, last peeve. Let's do it. How about when someone comes up with an idea and then puts it on you? Here's an example. They go, hey, Salicus's birthday is coming up. We should get him a gift. And you're like, yeah, that's good. What should we get him? I don't know. You just had an idea. Now I'm on the hook. You come up with something. It was your idea. I'm so uncreative with gifts because I'm just like, I don't know. Gifts are tough. Also, now that we're getting older, most of our friends, like most of the shit they really want, they have. Yes.

That's true. It's getting harder. So it's like, you're like, all right, do I go silly gift? I'm so bad with this shit. I know. And then silly gift, we live in New York. So I feel like a silly gift is just like, well, this is taking up space in my apartment. You know what never fails is an experience. Like I'm taking it in the game. Yeah. That's true. Never fails. Good point. Yeah. That's a good move. I know what I'm getting Joe List for his next birthday is a bunch of Bruin shit. I got it. Hope you like this Morel. Yeah.

But yeah, I'm not great at it. I'm not either. It's hard. But also you just have to think about like, especially with like,

Women, I think, just think about what they like. Think about, okay, they like this type of clothing. This color. You just do the math. It comes together and you're like, oh, they need this. Right. And even bigger, more broad as you can go, hey, I got you a gift card to that clothing store. Yeah. Because I don't know what the fuck to buy you. Gift card's good. Yeah. Honestly, a massage is always a good gift. Massage is big. Acupuncture is a good gift. I got...

I got my mom acupuncture and she loved it. Really? Yeah. Wow. Big. I don't know about the IV. My wife already calls me needle dick. All right. Sorry. Shit, yeah. The gift is tough. Huh. I think this is going to sound slightly sexist, so buckle up. I was just over there. Oh, okay. You heard the whole show. But, Les, it's a fun show, right? You're having a good time. Yeah. All right.

Done. Go! Let's hear the sexist joke. Okay, well, it's not even a joke, but I feel like women want things as a gift. They want a necklace, jewelry, clothes, money, whatever. I feel like, as a guy, I want less things as a gift. Like, leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Let me go over here for a while. I feel like I want to take away. Oh, I pay... You don't understand what I'm saying.

Wow. I'll tell you how I feel. There we go. Oh, my God. This took a half an hour? It's like fucking 5 p.m. Leslie just left. What the hell? Leslie, we were enjoying you. Come on. Hang out.

You want a drink? Maybe I'll have a sip. Yeah. I like the, I love less. I'm with you. That minimalist type. Dude, I paid to get help for a guy to help me move a couch out of my place yesterday. I'm like, I want less stuff in my place. That's good. He really, look at this. He did the rim and everything. Oh, yeah. Very nice. By the way, we've never seen Leslie and Herman in the same room at the same time. Oh. That is crazy. This is true.

No, someone else is taking his drinks.

Ooh, this is fucking incredible. All right. That's very nice, actually. I mean, I don't know if it was 30 minutes good. No. But it's pretty damn good. Yeah, did he crush the tomatoes? What the hell? There's a story behind it. I'll let him tell you. Oh, all right. He's not much of an orator. I'll tell you that right now. Oh, my God. Some of those company guys went a little long last night. Yeah, yeah. Brevity is everything in those things. We did, what, a minute? A minute. Mark and I did one minute, got a couple quick jokes off. Yeah. And that was that. Mm-hmm. Nice.

We lucked out. But they were great. Oh, man, I love these pickles, too, these things. Oh, yeah. Cheese? And then in between those olives? What is that? Some of these fucking Bloody Mary places go a little too far. Yeah. Like shrimp cocktail. Aborted fetus. What the hell? The aborted fetus one. And they're so expensive. I know. They're not available in Texas.

Oh, yeah. That is delightful. That is good. Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. The Bloody Mary is one of the most special cocktails in my mind. I love it. Guy Fieri Bloody Mary. It's got bacon. Is that lobster tail? I think so. What the fuck?

Wow. I'm not trying to kill a hangover. I'm not trying to spend $90. Yeah, right? I always say Guy Fieri is Anthony Bourdain if he wasn't molested. Oh, man, that's good stuff.

Just once, I want to see Guy Fieri give a guy a bad review. Yeah, right? He's so positive. I just want him to just once take a bite and be like, oh, what the fuck is this shit? Yeah. Fucking horrible, you fucking idiot. I know. And he goes all over the country. So you know some of it he's just like forcing down. Like, oh, it's good chili. Oh, my God. I think the way he must live. It's like the way we live. We're like some days we don't want to drink. Yeah.

Odd. There's got to be some days he's like, I don't want to have a fucking bacon cheeseburger. That's true. It's so much like delicious comfort food, but like there's a limit how much you physically handle. Give me a salad and a rice cake. The New York Times reviewed the Guy Fieri restaurant in Times Square. You really do the accent on that name. He's a paisan. And it was just like a four word review. And it said worse than VD. Damn.

What restaurant is it? Which one? He had one in Times Square called Guy Fieri something or other. And it's gone. It must be. Unlike my VD. He should have reviewed his own restaurant. Then he would have gotten a good review. This is amazing. He walks in and this is fucking awesome. He

He is fucking... It's a feel-good show, though. He's a great guy. I met him once. He was cool as shit. He gave me a cigar. We drank his tequila. Super cool guy. And he laughed at your Holocaust joke. Yeah, I didn't like that one. Oh, he didn't like that. No, no. But he always... I said it's probably for the best. You don't want Guy Fieri to love Holocaust jokes. That's true. He's too cheerful. That's true, yeah. He's always positive. And you know who else is always positive? The relatives on Family Feud.

Somebody gave the worst answer of all time. They all go, good answer, good answer, good answer. He just said, you know, Jews control the media. And they're like, yeah, good answer. It was about dog poop, the question. I don't know why you're doing this. No, that show is so positive. Man, we got to go on there somehow. We might be drunk, crew.

Oh, yeah, us four? That'd be pretty fun. Get Leslie in there? Leslie, you gotta come with... We gotta get Leslie a drink. Get her a drink! Yeah, I'm getting a drink now. Oh, great. Leslie's hanging. I hope you can stay for 45 minutes. Yeah, exactly. Good luck. Are you off the clock now? I mean... She's gonna show up loaded to the next person. She just sticks it in their fucking leg. Oh, fuck!

I'm going to try one of those penis IVs. Oh, there you go. Penis IVs, dude. Those are the best. No, thank you. Sam, you got any peeves? Let me see. I wrote some down. I think I might have one more even. I mean, yeah, I got my peeves cooking. While he's digging around, what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? Just family stuff. I'm going to New Orleans. Got a bunch of shows lined up. The wife is going to New Orleans? Yeah, we're all going.

She's got to be seven months pregnant. Yeah. I don't think you're supposed to fly after. We went to the doctor yesterday as a family, and they said, you're not supposed to fly only because they worry that you'll be in midair or whatever with a problem. And I was like, it's a two and a half hour flight. I'm from New Orleans. I know the doctor there. We'll be good. Oh, I got to pee for you. Please.

They wake us up. We're at Comics Con Home. I get the phone call from the front desk at 8.45 a.m. Hey, we're bringing a gift bag up. I was like, dude, you woke me up. I had a late night. I had to do the thing. And he goes...

Oh, okay. And I'm like, no, I mean, it's not cool to call this early. And he goes, all right, all right. And then I text Ronnie, do they wake you up? And he goes, they fucking woke me up. Well, that was a peeve. That's a good one. But then I'm like, you know what? Maybe it'll be, you know, I can't wait to see this gift bag. I open it. It's all Bruins shit. More Bruins. Bruins. Jesus. Yeah, but it was very generous. I'll give it to...

My dad's a Boston morale. I can give him the jersey. Oh, there you go. He wears a lot of Boston jerseys. A late 70s year old man wears a lot of sports jerseys out. That's his outfit. Yeah, no, I'm with you on the wake up. Just leave it outside the hotel or put it in the lobby. No one's stealing the box. What is it brewing?

I don't know what a brunette is. I think it's a knight. Like a knight of some kind. Is it? I made that up. You got the computer. Oh my God, I'm going on stage and Lenny Clark, hilarious guy from Boston. He's in Meat Wally Sparks with Dangerfield.

He walks up to me. He goes, dude, I love your Cat Williams impression. Oh, wow. And I was like, oh, I think you think I'm Dan Soto. Yeah. And he goes, oh, shit, I'm so sorry. He goes, well, I love you on The Daily Show. I go, no, I think you think I'm Ronnie Chang. You're getting colder here. Michael Kosta? Who would that be? No, I don't know. I think he just was confused. What is it? It says the Bruins is a team nickname, the name for brown bears. Oh, you use the folktales. It's a smashed up...

version of brown bears. Oh, interesting. And you're right. They were used in classic folk tales, these brown bears. So brown bears is Bruins. Bruin. Bruin. Brown bear. It sounds kind of cool, though. Yeah. All right. That arena is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, it's classic.

There's some bad sports names out there. Pelicans? That stinks. It's awful. Awful name. They're not intimidating. No. They're like annoying, weird looking. They look like fucking, I don't even know what they look like. They look like tweakers who don't eat. They don't look like a scary. No, no. They got that Mitch McConnell thing going, that flappy jowl. They all just had a stroke. Yeah. What's a cool name? Yeah.

Yeah. The Orlando magic's pretty rough. That's no good. Denver Nuggets isn't great either. I guess, but at least it has some significance. That's true. That's true. Yeah. What? He's drinking. Yeah! What do you think, Les? We won't tell anybody. Good? Which recipe is this? Is this the guy theory one? Yeah. It is? No, that was just a photo. Like a regular pudding.

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So I'm going to tag your thing, Sam, about getting woken up. Airplanes, when you're coming in for a landing, especially on an overnight flight, what the fuck are you waking us up for? Well, you got to get off. No, no. Like, we're coming in for a landing. Please, you know, they check your seatbelts. And if you have a blanket on, they wake you up to make sure you have a seatbelt on. Oh, yeah. And you might have the seat back. Yeah. That's probably why they're doing that. That one kind of makes a little sense to me. But, uh...

I do hate when they wake you up to feed you or something. They're like, hey, we got food. And you're like, I'm sleeping. Yes. That was one of the first first-class flights I ever took. What's his name? Connick. Harry Connick Jr. was on it. And I was like, whoa, Harry Connick Jr. He's like a legend in New Orleans. He's like Elvis in New Orleans. And he was on the flight, and he was sleepy. So he's like, don't bother me. I'm going to bed. And he slept through the whole flight, and I remember being like,

Wow. Imagine being so rich you turned down a meal. That blew my mind. I couldn't believe it. Everything on first class, I'm like, give me the nuts, give me the coffee, give me the booze, give me the food, give me the snacks. Those warm nuts. Why don't we ever do those at home? Those are incredible. That's true. I got a microwave. Yeah. There's some nuts in there. That's all they're doing, right? I guess, yeah. Maybe an oven. But yeah. But he turned down the food because he was sleeping. And I was like, that guy has made it.

Yeah, I mean, I think he's rich enough that he could just eat whatever he wants. I'll tell you a fun move on first class. I was on once with Gillis. He fell asleep and the lady came by and she goes, you want the food? I go, can I have his? And she was like, I guess. So I got two meals. Suck it, Harry. You made it. Yeah.

Yeah, those, they're kind of good, but there's never like a healthy option, I noticed. It's always like, you order like a frittata, it's like a block of cheese. Yeah, true, true. We sound fucking annoying now. We're complaining about first class. I heard a hack, though. If you order the kosher meal, it's healthy. Really? Yeah. God, isn't that a little on the nose for me, though? Very much on the nose. I ordered the kosher meal. There's a lot of room on that nose, too. Woo.

Yeah, you know what else is nice is the hot towel. Yeah. I love a hot towel. We don't do that at home either. A lot of nice stuff we never do at home. Yeah. You can do it easily. I know. Put a hot towel or put a wet towel in the microwave. It's nice. You know what is gross though? My dad used to do a foot bath.

That's weird. Just like a little bucket? Yeah, a bucket of hot water, and he was like, I had a long day. I'm like, you're a psycho. My dad was a psycho. He drank hot Schlitz, which is like a horrible beer. Yeah, it's like a malt liquor, isn't it? It was in a can. Maybe it was Schaefer. It was Schaefer. Look up Schaefer beer with a C. Schlitz is pretty, I mean, they're all pretty bad, but like. That was it. He would put a case of that on the floor and drink them warm.

After a long day at work, and then he would eat cereal with whatever liquid was in the fridge.

So he'd have cereal, we'd be out of milk, and he's like, what else we got? And he'd pour grape juice in the cereal. And I was like, what are you doing? That's fucking awful. I just need sustenance. I was like, wow, you're like a real man. I don't know, it makes him a real man. Well, he just didn't care. He could just force feed himself. He needed food and he needed fuel. Warm beer is fucking gross. It was gross. Not to mention he's wearing a robe with no underwear the whole time. Oh, God.

I know. Sounds like a fucking nightmare. It was bad. And then he's like, someone's banging on the door. We're going to kick their ass. His dick's flapping around. He's eating up a little girl. Oh, and he crossed his legs. It was like basic instinct. It was rough. Instinct's all right. Man, Sharon Stone back in the day. Yeah. I'm bringing it up right now. Oh, my God. I've rewatched it about 9,000 times. You see Pube and that's it.

Yeah. Pull it up. I'm doing it. She should come on. I feel like she'd be a good guest in here. She's probably got stories, man. Oh, her in Casino is an amazing performance. She was incredible. Incredible. She's awesome. Oops. How about Joe Pesci when she's crying? She's like, I just said he's like, I know, I know. Which I've tried. It doesn't work. It is hilarious that Newman's getting heart in this scene. Almost random. Oh, yeah. I think they parodied that in Seinfeld at one point.

Why is it? Hold on. This is a pretty bad movie, but it's also directed by Paul Verhoeven, who makes movies that should be bad, but they're kind of awesome. He made Robocop. That's true. That movie should not have been as awesome as it was. No, he made it gruesome. Starship Troopers? Yeah. Oh! That's another one that on the surface looks like shit, and then you're like, it's actually a pretty good movie. Oh, yeah. Denise. There we go.

Newman. This tape, we had the VHS tape. That shit was run through. Oh, boy. Newman is so good.

Boom. Oh my god, that's on YouTube? Wait, they blurred it. Yeah. I'm telling you, you can't see it. I've watched this 900 times. Dude, Michael Douglas in the 90s was just in every fuck thriller. Hell yeah. Disclosure. Oh dude, Rob Schimel used to have the best bit about that. You know his bit where Demi Moore said to him, if you don't let me suck your dick, you're fired. He's like, right then is when the UFO should start landing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Robert Schimel was the best. He was so underrated. Yeah, dude. Every 90s movie was just... First class. Oh, what a beast. What are these, socks? Oh, that's nice. Your jockstrap. Thank you. Look at that right here.

Denise, I mean, not Denise. What's her name? Leslie wants one. I actually want my IV full back. Oh, that's good stuff. Sorry, Michael, let me get that out. Why don't we do this every night, huh? This is nice. I'm doing this at home. How'd you do it? Microwave? Damn, this is good. Why don't we do this? I don't know. I liked it. The airplanes are on to something. They're not bad. Schimmel, the ultimate schlub. I loved them. So me and List had a good point, or he had a good point, and I followed it.

Think about SNL. We saw Bill Burr at the Cellar. He's running an SNL monologue, and it's killer. It's like lights out. So funny. How many comedians do you think were on SNL in the 90s in that decade? Stand-ups? Stand-up only. I'm not talking like Jim Carrey, who used to do stand-up. Stand-up only? I would guess zero. Yeah.

Well, you do movies, but you're mostly a touring stand-up comedian. Yeah, I don't. Jerry Seinfeld did it. Jerry. That's one. That's one. I'm talking the whole 10 years, 90s. Chris Rock. That's two. Norm. Nope. Norm was a. Maybe. But he was a cast member. Yeah. I don't count. Norm, Rock, who else? Bernie Mac, did he host? No. No. I'm looking at the wall of death right now. Roseanne hosted too, but it was because her show was so popular. But she was a comic. She was a comic.

I bet Rodney did it in the 80s. 80s, probably. I don't remember. Did he do the 90s? We looked it up. Damn. The third one is a bit of a... Ellen? No.

It was Dice. Oh. But that's so few, and now it's like... They're tinkering with his set. Lauren's like, you can't say suck my cock in the monologues. You're going to kill me. You're going to kill me. So we looked it up the last 10 years. Schumer did it three times. Mulaney's done it five or six. Wow. Bargatze, two. Burr, two. Aziz. Louie, four. Gillis. Gillis, yeah. And then there was another. Chappelle's done it a bunch of times, and...

Sandler? Yeah. Kumail. Oh, Kumail. Okay. Yeah, just saying. It's crazy. That shows how far, how popular comedy is now compared to what it used to be. Or stand-up comedy, I should say. Gerard Carmichael? Oh, yeah! Good point. A lot. I gotta say, I saw him at the Cillian tonight. He killed. He had great stuff. Yeah? I think he's really, uh...

Coming into his own as a gay man. He was really funny. This is fucking... Goes down easy. Just like Peanut the squirrel. Do you think Peanut had any effect on the election? No. I think he did. I don't think so. I think Trump was winning no matter what. Yeah. Okay. What about the eating the pets? Eating the pets? I don't think so. What about...

The Rogan pod? Yeah, I think podcasts help. 45 million views. Wow. Look how...

We went out to a couple people who turned us down who are political figures who were like, you should come on. But if Mark and I are promoting a stand-up special, we're not just going on CBS. Yeah. Right. We're like, let's get on every pod we can to promote it, you know? Definitely. That's where you see a lot of – like RFK went on Tiger Belly. Yeah, that's right. You got to go on – I mean, he didn't win. It's a bad example. But like –

It's about kind of reaching a mass audience. And if you have enough belief in yourself, you got to fucking do it. I agree. I mean, it's the same with us. We don't want to go play insert town here, but you go, you go, you do a set and you get the hell out of there.

You know, you got to campaign. Yeah. I mean, like, I remember Hillary wouldn't go to some town. And Rock's like, you got to go to Cleveland. You think I want to go to Cleveland? I don't want to go, but you got to go. And that's how he feels about her. Like, you got to go everywhere. Well, it's like the way Hillary was with not visiting certain parts of the country. I feel like Kamala was kind of about going on certain podcasts.

Exactly. You know, it's... Exactly. You gotta play the game. You gotta get out of your bubble. Gotta get out of your bubble. The bubble's already in here. If you want votes. Yes. Yes. And that's all the political talk we'll do here. There you go. It's fucking... He brought it up. Yeah, thanks, by the way. By the way, Salacuse. Um, Hak Tua got... I said no more politics. 75,000 write-in votes. Right.

Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Guilty. Well, people are really stupid. Yeah. Why are you going to write that in? Yeah, right? You had to wait in line for that. Yeah. And no one sees it. I guess they count it. I love picturing the old lady at the church like, Hacktua? Is that a football player? Somehow she wins. Sorry, she got more votes than Trump. She's there. Hacktua is president. Yeah.

President Hoctua. I remember Matthew Broussard had the joke with Kambler, but he was like, she's blowing everybody. He was like, she's war Hoctua. I was like, that's pretty good. I think he had that joke. I mean, yeah, it's so fucking, that'd be so, that's a great movie right there. Netanyahu has to call and congratulate Hoctua. I always believed in you. Imagine her going to see Putin. He's like, you want me to stop the nukes? Pulls a Joe Pesci. Yeah.

Oh, man. Is she seeing anyone now? Because just all you can think about is her spitting on dicks because that's like her, literally her name is Hawk Tua. Yeah, I mean, she didn't really do much to get away with it. The podcast is called Talk Tua. Exactly. She's riding the wave. She's smart.

No romantic relationship. All right. I feel like in like 15 years, she's going to date the Rizzler. Let's make it all come around. She's potentially dating someone named Pookie. Oh, good. Chris Rock in New Jack City. The Crackhead?

That was for only you, so no one else will ever... Damn. Wow, pookie. But imagine hooking up with her and she doesn't spit on your dick. You'd be a little upset. You'd be a little upset. A little upset. Yeah. It's like going out with a comic and they don't make you laugh. I know. There he is. Wow. That is quite a crackhead.

Yeah, if you're on a date and you're like, I had a lot of fun tonight. He's like, yeah, me too, but you didn't do the thing. Yeah. You didn't talk to her. There's that whole Seinfeld episode where he's dating a masseuse and she won't massage him. That's a great up. What the hell? It's a great up. And the Coolidge. Yes, that's right. Young Coolidge. The end where he just makes her give like, he pushes her to massage her. Yeah, and she doesn't consent. That was a great up.

Damn. Damn crack. Chris Rock. Chris Rock in a dramatic role. I know. Early on. Yeah. This must have been huge for him to get this as a young comic. New Jack City is kind of fun.

And then he made CB4 after this. Yeah. Yeah. The last one, Ice-T in the end holding the gun to Wesley Snipes. I'm going to shoot you so bad my dick is hard. One of the old time. Fucking ridiculous. Some screenwriter was like, I got it. So wait, Ice-T killed a guy, right? Killed a cop? No. He wrote a song called Cop Killer. Yes, he wrote a song called Cop Killer. But who killed? Somebody killed a cop.

Tupac shot a cop, but got off because the cops were off-duty and drunk and shot at him first. Whoa! What's the story on that? I think it was down south. Hold on. Pull it up! All right. Drunk cops off-duty? Yeah. Shooting at people?

30 years ago today. I'm not saying he's doing anything wrong in this country. Yeah. Did Tupac not have an axe? So 30 years ago today? Man, Tupac was a badass. Oh, yeah. He shot two off-duty police officers. Whoa. Am I wrong? I think his mom was a black or his dad was a black panther? His mom was. His mom was black and his dad was like a professor. He was gone. He was out of the day, I think. Oh, jeez. Yeah.

Well, he grew up in a middle-class family. I don't think he did. I know. That was a Kamala line. I know, I know.

Maybe Chappelle's mom was a professor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both his parents. Okay, there we go. There we go. Why'd he shoot the cops? Or why'd they shoot him? The Whitewells, I think their brother, were visibly intoxicated and Tupac responded to the drawn gun by pulling his own. Then Mark Whitewell smashed Tupac's car window with the butt of his pistol. Tupac fired three shots from his 9mm. Two of the bullets hit the Whitewalls.

Mark was shot in the abdomen and the brother in the butt. They brought him up on charges, but he beat it. That's pretty bad. Yeah. The fact that you're a black man in America in the 90s, you get shot by, you shoot two cops and you get off. Yeah. Get some bragging rights. In Atlanta. In Atlanta. Yeah.

Damn. T-Pac's so fucking good. He was good. His old, like, Me Against the World, All Eyes on Me, those albums are, like, fucking flawless. Oh, yeah. My ex had a real crush on him. She had a poster of him in her room. Yeah, he was awesome. Very intimidating. Have you ever seen this? This is pretty funny. I don't know. Can you imagine? Oh, that's hilarious. Preach the hesitation, though. So this is when the race war is happening, and I got to shoot Tony Hawk, and it's this thing from here, and then Tony Hawk responded.

I appreciate the invitation. Tony Hawk Tua. I knew it was coming. He's a fan of your skateboarding. We got to get him on. He did fucking RU Garbage, that queef. Get in here, Tony. Yeah. I mean, that was cool as hell. Tony Hawk shouts out Norman on his pod. Wow. They go, who's a comedian who can skateboard? And he goes, Mark Norman. That's fucking crazy. I did his podcast, and he signed a deck for me, and it's up on my wall in my room. Wait, today? Yeah.

No, no. Years ago. But I have the deck on my wall and the wife hates it. She's like, what are you, nine? We've got a skateboard on our wall? You've got so much space in that new place. It's like, how do you decorate it? I know. I know. We're buying end tables and throw rugs. That bedroom is fucking huge. Huge. You've got to figure out something cool for that. I know. I'm thinking of a half pipe. A whole mini ramp, maybe a batting cage. Maybe get a ramp down to the back. Oh.

Like a superhero? That'd be great. A pole? Oh, my God. Or a zip line. Dude. I love a zip line. Are the new neighbors cool? Have you met them yet? Yeah, it's a British black guy and his wife, and they're super cool. And the Indian guy above him, we had dinner with them. They were awesome. Damn. That's huge. Dude, trick-or-treating in my neighborhood was amazing. I sat out there with a bowl, and I was giving it out. What are you supposed to be? Letting all the kids smoke it? Yeah.

Yeah. And we just had a great time. Thank you, Les. Les, thank you so much. Appreciate it. Hey, comedy. Break the fourth wall real quick. Yeah. We can cut, but Jack canceled. Oh, he did? Yes. So we can stop here and start a new one or just finish this one. Let's not do two solo apps. Let's just keep rocking. Okay, let's keep going. Why don't we get dinner?

Where should we go? Let's go. We can get Chinese. We can get Thai steaks. I found a place right across the street. It's an Italian joint. Okay. Or we can get Chinese. Whatever. Whatever you guys want. It's on Peters. How much longer do you think we should... You cut all this, right? We can bring Herman, too, if he wants. Yeah, yeah. I've only been gone for about an hour. Oh, let's go. Leave it all in. This is fun stuff. All right. Let's go din-din. I think Les was into you. No, I don't. I was watching her watch you. Nah, I don't think so. All right. Hey, we got gifts. Gifts.

Which one is which? Oh, all right. This is you. Bodega Cat merch to make it look like the Knicks. We need a collab. Carl Anthony Towns. Hey, if you're listening to this, tag Carl Anthony Towns on Instagram or Twitter, whatever. Tell him to fucking get in touch with us and let's do some fun Bodega Cat. Really cool. Thank you. Who made these?

Is this you, Peter? Whoa, this is cool, man. They made Mark look like... Uh-oh. This was like... What am I, Post Malone? Yeah. Post alone. Jelly Roll. Smelly Roll. Lowercase Mark. This is... We need this in the studio. Holy shit. Anthony Mason with Bodega Cat. Oh! Holy shit. One of my favorite Knicks ever. I love Mace.

Damn, these are great, dude. Whoa. These guys right here. Look at that. Hey, all right. The kids.

We might be drunk. Thanks so much for sharing my New York Knicks inspired bodega cat logo with the fun Carl Anthony Towns graphic design illustration. I'm so glad you guys liked and shared. I'm a huge fan of we might be drunk. So receiving recognition and support from my favorite comedians is a surreal feeling. As a thank you, I'm sending Mark and Sam some cool bodega cat Knicks t-shirts I designed. Also included are a bunch of creative prints I've designed from past podcasts, stand-up tour, yada, yada, yada. Uh,

as well as some vintage nicks prints i'd love to design more projects in the future nick buccelli thank you nick this also included some prints for joe list as uh more cool buccelli streetwear t-shirts i designed on my site i love it man i love your creativity so uh man really cool really cool thank you nick this is epic dude holy shit look at that oh wow

Oh, wow. Look at this. We got to tag Carl Anthony Towns on this shit. He sent all this stuff, Nick? Yes. Jeez, that's a lot of framing and glass and photo. This guy really did the work. Give him a big shout out. Nick Buccelli. This is a lot of shit. Oh, Mark, this is pretty cool. Look at this. Whoa.

You don't say. Look at that. That's amazing. That's beautiful. The State Theater. This is www.nickbuccelli.com. Look at this. Joe List, Cool Hand Joe. These are amazing. Wow. These are great. These are epic. Oh. Get a Sam in there. What is this? It's getting awkward. There's one in there for me. Okay, great. Joe List, the Outlaw Joe List. These are amazing, dude. These are great, Nick. Let's see what we got here.

There we go. Class act tour. Oh, Minneapolis. It's beautiful. I love it. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, Nick. With the snow. I love it. Mark. Mark, he's obsessed with you right now. Oh, jeez. Hey, that's great. This is like an 80s comedy. You know what? That's a knockoff is the Seinfeld Playboy. Pull that up. The Playboy cover with the phone booth. This is also in two of these. We got to get in the Seinfeld. Here's another one of you and John.

Joe, you gotta use it for your studio there. Look at that. Yeah, I guess so. I love it, man. All right, we'll get him out of here. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. What a beast. Great artist. I love it. There it is. That's a classic. Holy shit. That was the 90s, folks. We had a good run, didn't we? Girls of the Pac-10. What is the Pac-10? I think it's a group of 10 schools. That's my guess. Oh, you're right. Oh, Rhonda Shearer.

You know Rhonda Shearer? Of course. USA Up All Night. I don't know who that is. Wesley Snipes interview. I feel like there's a fun app, though. You know Rhonda Shearer. USA Up All Night. Oh, my God, I do. She was a playmate in the 80s. I don't know who that is. Oh, she was a hot blonde. Very milfy. Let me see what other peeves I got. God, this is a peeve. Late night diners in New York being no more. Oh.

This is killer. I was out with friends the other night and we were trying to, it was like 1.30 a.m. They kept pushing this fucking, you know, street meat place. I mean, I was like, I want the hang of a diner. Yes. I'm opposed to street meat. We ended up having to get it because every diner was closed. Right. All the diners by the cellar, Waverly, West 4th, all those diners are fucking closed. Closed. And I'm like, dude.

1.30, I came to the diner on a weekend? That's crazy. You should be able to sit in there 24 hours with a cup of coffee and not even order anything. Those days are over. I want a late night tuna melt or a late night fries or I want a late night omelet with hash browns. Sing it.

Fuck, a souvlaki late night? Come on. Yeah. So I'll do you one better. My parents got stranded. They got locked out of my house. I was on a gig in Connecticut, and I was like, I'll be back at 1.30 in the morning. They were like, well, don't worry about us. And I go, here's the key. They stayed up all night? My poor dad goes, he's like 79 years old. He goes to bed at like 8 p.m. every night. He's old. And I didn't get home till 1 in the morning. I was hauling ass in Connecticut. And I go, go to Junior's.

You're in Brooklyn. Go to Junior's. It's a staple. It's well lit. And it's 24 hours. My dad gets there and he goes, it closes at 11. I was like, ah, COVID. There's nothing. Nothing. So we had to go to a bar.

You know what sucks is like, I feel like all these other places are like, well, COVID didn't affect us. I'm like, yeah, well, they didn't have 24-hour diners in Florida anyway. I guess they had the Waffle House. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got Waffle House. But those are a little, those aren't like relaxing late night. No. Waffle House is a fucking dude doing taekwondo in there. With an accent. Domestic abuse. The fry chef does a spinning back fist. What the fuck?

is happening. It's like that scene in Dumb and Dumber. Wah, wah, wah, wah. He beats up the chef or he punches him in the heart. Puts him in the doggy bag. That's the best fucking... Dude, that scene...

Dumb and dumb. I saw Julian Edelman in Gronk when there's a dumb and dumb. I saw that. I fucking texted him. I was like, that's ours too. And he goes, best movie ever. We did it first. The most quotable movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Pull over. It's a cardigan. Oh, my God. That was a great Halloween. I can't believe all of our... We had fucking Jack Whitehall and Ric Flair coming and we lost them both. I lost them both. Wow. Both, I think, due to travel. Mm-hmm. God damn it. Which airline do we have to trash? Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think his hair is coming back? No. This hair? Do you think his hair is coming back? I don't think so, but anything's possible. I mean, baggy pants are back. Trump's back. Who knows? JNCO jeans? Yeah, JNCO. HPV is back. HPV never left, baby. Not me, anyway. Look at that teased hair. My God. She is a full-figured gal. Yeah. Pretty hot. So I got a... It's not a peeve.

But I'm no longer raw-dogging New York City with my ears. Like, if a siren goes by, I used to just be like, yeah, fuck it, I'm going to raw-dog this. Just let it go by, and when it goes by, I'll just let it go. But now I'm doing this. I'm putting my hand, finger in my ear. More an observation than a peeve. Like, you're just kind of over it. Yeah, I'm kind of over it. I'm with you. I'm doing that, too. Yeah. And I used to hate that guy. Look at his pussy. Totally. And now I'm that guy. Maybe it's an age thing. Mm-hmm. We're older. Are you listening to music? Are you listening to podcast? No, it's just... No, no, just...

It's going right by my ear and I just let it go and be like, I can handle this. I can handle this. And now I can handle it. I'll go one step further. I put the AirPods in instinctually out of habit. I don't even listen to anything sometimes. They're just in. Same. Because it's quieter. It's quieter. It's noise canceling. Noise canceling. Yeah. I'm with you. So just drown. You know, the city can be a lot. It's like coming at you at all sides, every hole filling up, you know? Oh my God. So just quiet it down just a half an inch. I'll take it. Certain holes are nice when they fill it up, but you know, other holes, it's.

just very overwhelming yeah I'm on the block here there's a guy shooting fucking something into his foot you're just like ah really I and I was like man this is it for you this is last stop that's it it's not getting better now

What do you think? He's going to turn it around, get some crypto, hedge fund? No, he's going to die in these streets and probably soon. That's sad. It's so fucking sad. Yeah, it's like, you know, I don't know what the solution is, but this country's turned its back on a lot of people. Yeah. You go to every city now and you just see it and it's really fucking sad. How many people are just strung out? Yes. Every city. Every city. It's crazy. Chicago, L.A.

All bad. I was just in Spokane. It's like every city you walk in, there's dudes like... Yes. Like aggressive drugs, grunting. Yes. Grunting is a peeve though, but I don't care for the grunting. Don't watch female tennis. That type of grunting is kind of hot though. Because it's more like... That's true. That's true. I'm like, all right. Yeah. But...

Don't watch female tennis in a hotel room. People think you're fucking some lady. But yeah, you're not kidding. The grunting guy, the strung out, the drugs just makes you want to go into a shed in a park and get an ax. All right. I'll do you one better. I go back to the park today. Yeah. The shed is undone again. Oh, that's a horror movie right there. No, the shed. The shed. Yes. Shed of tear. Yeah.

It's played by a black guy. Don't ax me again. Oh, man. I didn't hear any grunting. 90s grunting. Some of those female tennis players are so hot, too. Remember Maria Sharapova? Woo!

Yeah, there was a couple of them. They're all foreign. Tennis is awesome. I love tennis. We should go to the Open one year. Why do we never do that? LISC goes every year. I know. Well, it's not cheap. It's not cheap, but that's one our agents should be able to pull off. Also, a lot of celebs there. You're like, oh, there's Brad Pitt, there's Leo. That's why they can't pull it off. They're getting hit up by Andrew Garfield. Exactly. I don't think our techs are doing much for them. They're like, oh, sorry, we got fucking Naomi Watts online. Yeah, yeah. Fuck off.

Well, Andrew Garfield, he's a hunk. I just like him a lot. Good actor. I like all his... He's always good. You see Hacksaw Ridge? It looked a little wussy. It's a little...

heavy-handed. This guy's got so much integrity, they all make fun of him, but then he saves the day at the end. But I think it's a true story. Yeah. No, I saw that musical he did, Tick, Tick, Boom. He's incredible in it. Oh, yeah, about the rent rider. Oh, man. I just re-watched Social Network. That's an incredible movie. It's great in that, yeah. Incredible movie. I don't like hearing him in an English accent. It kind of breaks the... Like Christian Bale? Yeah, I don't like it. I like you my way. Exactly. Here's some grunting for you.

Ooh. Damn. Oh, my God. Oh, I came. Shit. All right. Jesus. Sounds like Chris Brown's house. Oh, what's he doing? He got him chained to a radiator? What's going on back there? He's allowed to come in here. I thought he was going to come in. What the hell is he doing? That's a biggie, too. This is a full glass of Campbell's tomato.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. As a Jew, my sodium levels are going through the roof here. Get another IV in here.

Damn. I love that you got California Split on there, too, right now. Well, look, it's a bummer these guys cancel, but it's also nice to have a little time. It's also nice to catch up. I feel like we don't do these one-on-one apps enough. And I do feel like the people do an occasional one-on-one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because sometimes the guests are great, but sometimes it's someone we don't know that well. Yes. So it's nice when it's just us.

Catching up. We don't fucking catch up. Even at the party last night, we would talk a little, but then we kind of get pushed away. You have to mediate. You got to do our thing a little bit. You got to schmooze, yeah. So it's fun to just fucking bullshit. So let me ask you. You did the Boston Garden. Yeah. Is that the same as MSG? I've never performed in MSG. I did the theater. You did the MSG. Yeah. Who do it? Louis? Schumer and Louis. Wow. Wow.

But is it the same size? It's probably. It's got a comparable. I mean, yeah, they're both NBA arenas. Wow. So how does that feel? It was fun. It was really fun. And it was a Cam Neely Foundation. And he's so cool. And I got to talk to him for a little while. 19,580 at the Boston Garden. I don't think it was full, but it was probably like 12,000 people. Woo!

And yeah, it was great. And Cam Neely was cool as shit. And I got to tell him like we talked for a while and I was like, I know this is like a weird thing to say, but one of my best friends, Gary Veeder, like,

He grew up a diehard Rangers fan and his two favorite players were you and Mario Lemieux. And he goes, that's awesome. Thanks. He was very gracious. That's great. And he goes, that says something that a Rangers fan like me. I just loved how you played. And he was like, oh, that's so cool. So we talked for a little while. His wife was really cool too. Nice. Tam Neely, man. He's like a badass. Fucking Seabass from Dumb and Dumber. Oh, that's right. He's Seabass. He's a legend. Yeah. Hock to. Hock to.

Two of them in the 90s. All right. So let me ask you, pull this up. Yeah. Stand Up for Heroes is this Monday at the MSG. Yeah. Let's see that lineup. Oh, who's on it? Well, I think Seinfeld. I think Bruce Springsteen. Oh, my God. Gaffigan. Hey. Marcus. Mark Norman. Nora Jones. Patty...

Khalifa, that's Bruce's wife. Oh, okay. Jerry. And Stuart. Questlove, too. I gotta get this photo. So here's the plan. We're gonna get Salakuz. I got him on the list. I'm gonna try to get him backstage to...

stealthily shoot the whole fucking thing you can i feel like these days people are less annoyed by that because everything is shot and no one knows when i was at the msc charity game i had james just doing shit and yeah everyone everyone has got a person filming now yeah yeah by the way who picked that photo of me that's the one they picked also not a great headshot there's no chance i'm not opening

You're going first. I'm definitely going first. Unless like Nora Jones. Unless they want to do like Mewtwo. Oh, I would blow her if she went first. Now, who had to go first on the garden? Alex Flynn. He's a young guy. Okay. He's a young guy. You know. Well, that's me. But he did great. He crushed out of the gate. And then...

And then I think it was Zarna who also crushed. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, everyone had a hot set. That picture of you looks like you're an entirely different type of comedian. Yeah, you're right. You look like the wacky guy. The wacky guy with props. Like you take the mic and you hit your head with it. What? Yeah, you're right. You make this face while on stage. A lot of mugging. And he said this to me. Oh, man.

You look like the wacky guy. I know. Jerry, that's a nice head shot. You look very serious. Great shot of Jerry. Even Gaffigan. He's never looking good. Good for him. Nora Jones is great. She's good. I love that she does the theme for the movie Ted. Oh, really? That Seth MacFarlane just wrote like a campy. Have you heard? Just pull the like. He can do music. Yeah.

Is she making my way downtown, walking fast? No, no. No, she's like, fuck. You always hear those songs. You know her music. She's not New York. No, no. That's Alicia Keys. It's the one that's like...

Oh, shit. She's a piano lady. Jazz. I think she Quincy Jones. I don't know why. You know? I fucking can't sing. I don't know that one. Is she related to Quincy Jones? No, I don't think so. There's a lot of Jones. What about Indiana? Rashida. Yeah. Yeah, she is. Let's see. I'm going to look up her. I think Phil did some gigs with her. That's right. He did. Yeah. That's cool shit. Whenever they ever...

I think she's married. Ah. Well, never stopped Phil before. This is her. Seth MacFarlane wrote him. Oh, yeah. He's a show tunes guy. Why isn't Seth MacFarlane ever been on here? He would be a great... I bet he would drink. Oh, yeah. We DM'd him. Did we? Yeah, we did. He didn't respond to me. Damn. Very show tunes. But this is like fun. Great. Light, airy.

Now what's her big hit? I'll tell you. Pull it up. Give me the big hit on Nora. Yeah. I got to know this when I meet her. You'd know her. You'd heard this song.

Uh, don't know why I didn't come. Oh, my wife's motto. No, no, she knew why. That's true. It was that headshot of mine. I told him to change that, by the way. This is irking me. That little shit like that does bother me. Yeah. I was doing a gig recently and on the poster it was like, you know, MSG is people talking sports. I'm like, I'm in Spokane. Yeah.

You think they know a local New York show I did in like 2017? How about Netflix? Can you throw me a Netflix? Amazon? You go to MSG? Why the fuck are you pulling up Ravi Shanker? It's her dad. Ah. He's good. Yeah.

Yeah, man. A sitar. We got to get some fucking stories about this. Is it on Saturday? Monday. Oh, that's going to be big, dude. Yeah, I'm excited. At MSG. I know. The world's most famous arena, baby. They wanted me to do the red carpet. Are you going to do it? I felt bad. I was like, yeah, I'll do it. So you're just interviewing people? No, no. I'm going to just go out and go. Oh, yeah. Well, you got to do that. Suit, you think? Rock a suit. It'll impress Seinfeld. That's true. He's going to be rocking a suit. That's true. All right. Rock a suit. I'll do a suit. Maybe no tie.

No tie. The tie is too much. Tie is too much. All right. No tie suit. Oh, I'll give you a peeve. The guy who wears the tie down to his fucking cock. What are you doing? Yeah. Get a regular size tie or tie it differently. I know. That's a bad tie is what that is. You got to be able to. Trump. Trump does it. That's a long red. Get a shorter tie, Trump. Come on. Remember when he got caught with the duct tape on there or whatever, the scotch tape? What? What?

There it is on the left. We're here? That's it. That's real. That is hilarious. It didn't work. Come on. That's not real. Deep throat in a fucking mic.

Those gigs are fun, man. You know what else we should get on? Ooh. I had an idea. Colab, Hawk Tua, and Monica Lewinsky. The original Hawk Tua. Yeah. And she got shamed for it. Yeah. Back then she could have started a fucking podcast. That's true. I think Hawk Tua is worth like $12 million now. From what? I don't know. From what? I know, but where's the money come from? Like, does she have a sponsor? Is she sponsored by Dip? Okay.

You know, spitting. Zin. It's so nuts. Like Monica Winsky probably hasn't made $12 million in her whole life. She just blew the wrong guy. She sells handbags. Okay. She gave hand jobs. Oh! Is that right?

No, she, yeah, she really got fucked over, Monica Lewinsky. Like, as badly, like, it's funny because that Me Too came like 20 years after what she did, but like, he's the one who did the fucked up thing. Exactly. She was an intern. She was a kid. I mean, she shouldn't have done it, but like, come on, like, who's the one in the real position of power here? The president? Yeah. Yeah. I would say. Great Chappelle joke.

Do you ever think you'd be so famous that someone could suck your dick and they're famous? Wow. Like, damn, that's a smart take. That's a great take. And he also, he had that great bit about how Hillary put us all in danger. You know what kind of man you have. You remember that? No. You're the first lady. You've got to be the first one on your knees to suck his dick. You know he needs his medicine. Ha ha ha.

God, he was so good. Or is so good. He was. Rock's amazing. Oh, that was Rock. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you think I was doing there? That's a good point. I thought you were doing Uncle Ben. Man, remember Tom McCaffrey had that bit about...

um the women on behind the music they're just like interviewing roadies and they would just be interviewing these roadies and they would the women would blow them to get to blow the band yeah i wish i was famous enough to get blown you know i'm having a hard time getting blown directly i can't imagine even proposing that to women like like you want to blow me where's

And they're like, I didn't even want to blow you. And he's like, all right, sorry. And then she leaves. She's like, sorry, guys. She called it off. So stupid. He was a funny guy. Oh, Tom is, he's got some classics. Oh, yeah. I've told him this one 800 times, but he's like, I read Jenna Jameson's book. The movie was better. I love that joke. Tom is so funny, man. Oh, yeah.

Has anyone done the Monica connection with Hak Tua yet? Maybe I'll tweet it. There's something there. There's something there. That is... But it shows how far we've come with slut relations. You know what's also crazy? I feel like if Twitter was around in the 90s, we might have moved through the Monica shit a little more quickly. Oh, yeah. The cycle really...

It was too slow. We spent a fucking decade on her. A decade of jokes on her. Those are hard to apply for another job. Yeah. But like now you could start a podcast. That's true. The world is open. It's open. The 90s was still very, what's the word? It was kind of like prim and proper when you look back compared to now. Oh, God. Only fans? I mean like. Oh, yeah. Can you imagine? Like people are so fucking rich off just like your pictures of my feet.

Yeah, true. WikiFeet. We're on there. I don't think I'm on there. Pull it up. I think you are. I got some. If the WikiFeet people could see my feet now, they would vomit. My feet are off, dude. Oh, yeah. I can't believe we got that IV. That helped. I was in bed with the wife. She was like, you got to cut these. You're cutting me up here. What? Get out of bed and snip and then get back in bed. Real mood ruiner. I don't know why I can't come.

No search results. Thank you. That was for him. Oh, fuck. Still doing you. I got some nasty feet, so. What do my feet look like? Nothing for Mark. I could catch fucking salmon with these talons. Same, same. Oh, nasty. Oh, yeah. I could do a Bloody Mary...

Accessories on my toenails. But I don't... I also don't... I don't wear sandals out of respect. You know, I'm like... I'm a shoe guy. Same. Dudes that wear sandals in public places, I'm a little bit like... What do you... Also, this is New York City. There's rats out in... I know. ...the sandals. Flip-flops. It's bad. I'll wear them around the house or something, but...

I don't go outside the door with the sandals. It's not a good look. No, no. How about the guy who leaves the house in slippers, hits the bodega and goes back?

With the pajama pants on. It's a bad look. Pants are comfortable now. There's no excuse. What are these? These are nice. These are public rec. That's a free plug. Look at that. It snaps back. I can exercise in these. They're great. I like pants like this, man. Everything's comfortable now. Everything's leisure wear.

Even dress shoes. Dress shoes, I had to wear them in high school. I went to Catholic high school. Yes, they might have to wear dress shoes to school. Brutal. Hated them. I would step on the backs. That was the only way I could get them comfortable. Also, adults look cool in that shit. Kids look ridiculous. Ridiculous. You know I don't have a real job. Yeah. I'm wearing shiny black shoes to school where we just fart all day. Point is, dress shoes now, those Kenneth Cole or Cole Haan or whatever they are, they got the...

The squishy bottom. I love that. Game changer. Throw some Dr. Scholl's in there. You're going to have a fucking blast, buddy. Oh, dude. That? That was the most old man shit I've ever said. Throw some Dr. Scholl's in those shoes. Have a blast. I fucking stink.

That and wheels on a suitcase. Those are the two things where we're like, why did this take so long? Oh, I did the duffel bag forever on the- Same. I'm sure like- Same. I wonder why my back was always fucked up. Yes. I'm doing the duffel bag and I'm flying middle seat at 6 a.m. because it's the cheapest. I'm like, no wonder my back is fucking always janky. I'm always falling asleep like this. I'm always, you know. But yeah, the rolly bag. I loved it.

We do a lot of peeves in here. I'm going to do a little toast. The backpacks with the little loop that you can throw over the rolly bed. Oh, that's big. I love that. That's big. Who came up with that? That's a big time move. I felt bad. I was in Cleveland doing some theater, and Jordan Fisher was there doing the Funny Bone. And I was like, Jordan, we're drinking one night. And I go, oh, man, it's getting late. He goes, yeah, I got a 6 a.m. flight. I go, why would you have a 6 a.m. flight? We're leaving out of Cleveland. It's like a two-hour flight. He's like...

I'm poor. I was like, oh, yeah, sorry. Oh, shit. So I bought his drinks. That's good. Yeah. And then he was really hungover and he fucked his neck up because he couldn't fall asleep on that 6 a.m. flight. Yeah, probably. Yeah. But he went home and slept. We've all been there. The middle seat. It's not good. When you're broke, the best you can hope for is an empty row. I love an empty row. Poor man's first class. I loved it. Do you know people buy the seat next to them?

And then, like, minutes before the flight takeoff, they refund the seat. They're like, I don't want that seat anymore. And they get their money back, and the seat's empty. That's gold. Yeah. It's gold. It's kind of a dick move, but you're fucking over an airline, so who cares? Yeah, they fucked you. Those seats are too small anyway. They keep making them smaller, and people keep getting bigger. I remember taking public transit to the airport and stuff. I still will do it occasionally, but, like...

I always did it. And then you're like, all right, what's the first thing to go? Do I take a cab to the airport? Oh, yeah. Eventually you're like, all right, let me bump up and do a first class. Yeah. Using points. You're doing whatever you can do to make it a little... Because when you live on the road, you're like, how do I just make this so I don't... I want to look forward to work. Yes. Yes, exactly. Dude, did you ever do the bus thing?

To LaGuardia? It's awful. Q23 or whatever it was, the B23, that took forever. You have to leave like four hours early to get to the bus in time to get to the airport in time. Luckily, we were young enough that it didn't... Imagine starting that at like four. Because that would beat your ass up. Yeah, it would. Mark and I were young enough that we're like, all right, we could take this beating a little bit. Yes. And also think about, look,

People are traveling under way worse conditions. It's people in the fucking military. Yeah, people are roofing. You know, yeah, that's like real hard lives. And we were just like, I just don't feel good. Yes, yes. You just want to feel good when you go on stage. You want to be like, I feel fucking good. Right. I feel like if I can get two hours in the hotel pre-show, I'm good. Two hours is what I need. Oh, that was the thing. I was like that pre-show in Boston. I'm like, I just want to shower.

Yes. I just want that. Not even caring. It's just like about the feeling of being like, I'm clean. Yeah, you're clean and you've regrouped. You're like, I'm back. I put new clothes on. I had a little alone time. Shave your neck. Throw some deodorant on. There you go. That's all you want. Yeah. Because I'll go on the road and I see people from college like, you're in Denver. I live in Denver now. Let's meet up. And I'm like, well, I have a show at 7. They're like, well, hey, let's meet up at 5.

and then you can leave. You get fucked up. Yeah. I'm like, I got to do two shows. Right, we'll have a steak and a mashed potato. And I'm like, all right, well, I got a show at 7. And they're like, all right, well, it's 6.58. You're good. And I'm like, well, I have to get there and look at my notes and, you know, I can't just walk in and go on. No thanks.

It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. You quickly glanced over shave your neck. What are we talking about here? Like right here. Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about like back here. Oh, I used to not shave here and it looked fucking ridiculous. Homelessy. It is good to get that line. It just makes you look a little more together. Yeah. If you have a beard, you got to maintain it a little. A little. I do the two guard up here. Yeah. And then I get the no guard down there. Was that Baby Bliss? Was that the sponsor for us?

They sent me fucking a brazier, Baby Bliss. Baby Bliss. Baby Bliss, whatever it's called. Man, it's great. I love it. The only problem is...

Sometimes when my beard will grow out, I'll get the little hair. You got to trim right over that lip. Yes. Fucking Ned Flanders. Whoa, that's a good looking razor. It wasn't that. No, it was like a blue one. Gold. Who am I, Trump? It's like a James Bond, Don Draper razor. Yeah, it's a little much. No, it was like a blue one, but it was free. It was nice. What? Oh, blue. Either that or I took my neighbor's razor. I don't fucking know. Fable-less?

Yeah, it was nice. Oh, babyless. Okay. Wow. Babyless. That's what I am. All right. Well, where are we eating, boys? Yeah. What are you thinking? Chinese? Whatever. It's up to you guys. I'm down. All right. I got a spot at nine. So we got plenty of time. Let's see if Liz. I said I didn't. Was it going to work tonight? Because I thought we had flair on. Can I do a quick Mark Norman story? Uh-oh. Let's do it. Do I know about it? Did you guys talk about Joe's screening yet?

A little, yeah. You were in Ireland. Oh, we're going to hear about Ireland. Ah, okay. What do you want to hear first or at all? Well, let's hear the baby. I mean, the movie. Both. Mark's story. Okay, so Joe List had a huge screening for his documentary. It was great. We were there. Yeah, we were there. Portrait of a Comedian. Portrait of a Comedian. Thank you. I loved it. So Mark and I go out to eat beforehand, just right beforehand, like an hour before the show. We invited Joe List to come with us and he's like, I can't come. You know the story?

I was there. Of course I know the story. So, by the way, you're doing a list exactly what Norman just complained about. What was that? I got a thing at 7. You're like, well, we eat at 6.58. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. I didn't have to perform, though, so it's a little different. So Joe can't make it because he's got his big screening, and I was like, I'm going to order you a chicken parm. If you can't eat it, we're just going to bring it to you. And he was like, okay, that's a very considerate of you. He loves chicken parms.

This is a nice joint, by the way. This is a white tablecloth, Italian. What's it called? John's on 12th. You walk by it a million times. Pull up a photo. That place is excellent. It's old as shit. It's a staple of the village. What's better than an old New York Italian or steak joint? There's something so fun.

You just feel like it would have been exactly the same in the 50s. There's something kind of special about it. I think it's been 100 years. Except they let black people in. But other than that, it's exactly the same. That's true. Oh, Bourdain there. Oh, yeah? No, Johns is legendary. Legendary. We'll get a year on that puppy because that thing's been there at least.

Okay, stand by. Sorry. That's not a story, everybody. That is Bourdain. Sorry. Sorry. I'm ruining the story here. Peter's looking it up. So we order a chicken parm. We bring it to him in like an old box. I mean, it's a little much to hand a guy a chicken parm. It was heavy. It was heavy, yeah.

But Joe's gracious, of course. And he's like, thank you so much. Thank you for thinking of me, whatever. And he's like, now I got to carry this thing around. I don't know what to do with it. But he's like, all right, I'm going to set it aside. $36 parm for the record. Mark paid. I paid. So the screening goes on. Beautiful movie. Mark cried. Yeah. I teared. You teared. I wouldn't say I sobbed. I did like a...

You were moved. I was moved. I was moved too. I think Tom is so, Tom Dustin is so funny. So captivating. He's so effortlessly funny. Like it's just in his DNA to be funny. I love that. So now they're doing the Q&A after the movie, right? It's me. I'm sitting next to you. You're sitting next to Mark. It's three of us in a row.

Get in here, Peter. Herman, you're allowed to hang out, you weirdo. No, no. We're good on these. You're going to kill us. We're literally just fighting off hangovers. I puked. It was supposed to be two episodes, too, so this would have been appropriate, but one guy canceled.

So finish the story. All right. So it's me. I'm sitting next to you. You're sitting next to Mark. The Q&A is going on. Now Joe is doing his gratitude thing where he's like, I want to thank everybody for helping me. I shot the fucking thing. Right. So he's like, and big thank you to Matt Salicus. And then as he's saying that, Mark's like, hey,

He leans over across you to me. He's like, hey. I was like, oh, what is it, Mark? He's like, what do you think happened to that chicken parm? I was like, he's talking about me. You missed it? Salacuse missed the gratitude moment because Mark was hungry. No, I knew I was hungry. I didn't want it to go to waste. I didn't think it was 36 bucks. And I know if I know Joe, he doesn't want to carry something. So I thought he threw it away. The one time, the one second. Now he's carrying a grudge. Yeah.

Yeah, no, that was, I was laughing because you were pissed off about it. Yeah. Oh, sorry. It was like two and a half hours and it was your one moment. Yeah, my 14 seconds. What did happen to that chicken parm? Sorry, sorry. I was laughing pretty hard at that. I just didn't want it to go to waste. But he ate it.

And then List, to his credit, sent us a photo at like midnight of him with an empty chicken parm dish. And he was like, thanks, fellas. That's nice. That was nice. But he did try to take credit for the parm. It's a big salad. You took credit for the parm? I did. He paid for it. You handed it off. It's an annoying move. Handed it. Thank you. We're even. What's the other? 1915 on Downs.

1915. Over 100 years. 109. That is so cool. That's amazing. Maybe we'll go down there and eat. It's a haul. They made it through Prohibition, man. Holy shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's old school. Damn. So what were you saying? What was the Ireland story? Yeah, let's hear about Ireland. I missed the last couple shows because I went on tour with Michelle Wolfe, which got a page to stage. Killer comic.

Hell yeah. She had an idea after she saw the one that I shot with Mark. She said, I'd like to try this, but in Ireland, I'm going to be there for 14 days on the 13 city tour. And I'd like to write 10 minutes just on like Ireland and Irish culture.

And then do like a 10-minute special at the end. Love it. This is a great idea. Yeah. But this is a big feat. I mean, you have to go. We have to get a guy in Ireland to shoot, to travel with her, to shoot all the shows behind the scenes. She doesn't even know Salicus. So... But he hit it off? Totally hit it off. He pulled it off. Totally hit it off. Not only did she write 10 minutes, she wrote 18 fucking new minutes. Wow. She's prolific. She is. She can write. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's smart to write about local shit because it gets like a, they want to hear that. You know, it's not, it's got to be more fun to work on local shit than normal material because they're there for it. It's also an outsider's perspective. Yes. Maybe like, it's like John Oliver coming here. Oh, totally. Totally, totally. An extra like, oh, okay. Yeah. A shot of water. Yeah. Yeah.

So I told her while I was there, she was like, how'd the thing go with Mark Norman, the one you shot with him? I was like, we wrote that one joke over five months. I followed him for five months. He wrote one great joke. That's embarrassing. She wrote 15 minutes. 18? It's local shit. I know what you mean. Local humor gets local work. But Mark is so fucking good at sticking with a premise that isn't working and getting it to work. He's really one of the best. Is exactly the story. And a marriage.

No, I'm kidding. But yeah. So what's funny at the end, like the very last thing, Michelle Wolf gets off stage. She does her like 18-minute little special that we shot. And she comes off stage and I was like, I can't believe it. You wrote 15 or 18 new minutes. And I was like, congratulations. And she looks in the camera. She's like, fuck you, Mark Norman. Oh, except it was, fuck you, Mark Norman. That was it. All right. Well, great. And you guys hit it off. It was a good hang. Yeah. She asked me to shoot her a special. Oh. This month.

That's cool, man. That's great. Yeah. In D.C. In D.C., D.C. Improv. That's a great room. She gets there, it's just all Ireland material. How is this working? Top of the morning, dude. It's killed in Dublin, you pieces of shit. You guys ever drink Guinness? What's up with the IRA? Am I right? Do you guys do a lot of dinners and stuff? Lots of dinners. Oh, by the way, I should mention, she did this whole tour with her two-year-old daughter. Damn.

Literally breastfeeding her, carrying her. Wow. I mean, it's an incredible feat. Hanging on one tit, she's riding with the other hand. You're not kidding. That happened. Wow. The machine. It's funny, Rachel. I was talking to Rachel last night. She's like, when I had my kid, my career went way better. And I was like, what? Everybody tells you it stifles you. But she's like, no, no. She's a horrible mother. That's what it is. No, she's a great mother. Because I think it's just you work hard.

heart, DiStefano, same thing, I think. DiStefano, Louie. It happened to me too. You get focused. You're like, oh, I've got someone else to feed and someone else to take care of. She said the same. She said focus. That's the exact word she used. So there you go. Hey, Peter's is drinking. I've never seen it. What are you drinking now? What is that? Bloody Mary. Same thing, Bloody Mary. Different mix, but... Very good. Incredible drink, Herman. Amazing. What can't you do besides get laid? Oh, fuck that. Oh, fuck that.

Well, this is a hot app, man. Let's do it. Should we plug some dates, Mark? Yeah. What do we got here? I'm going to be all over the road. I'm doing the Ryman in Nashville, which is a real treat for me. I've never headlined that room. I love it. We are in...

East Providence. I'm going back to the clubs because I got the hour in the bag, but I just want to hone it, tweak it, perfect it, polish it. So we're going to the Comedy Connection, one of my favorite clubs in Rhode Island, Providence. Then I'm at Wilkes-Barre PA at the Kirby Center, Englewood, New Jersey, Houston, Texas at the Improv Club.

Phoenix, Stand Up Live, Dallas, Improv, and Addison. And then I'm taking a little break for the rug rat right when the lady shits that puppy out. And then we're off to the rhyming.

All right. What do you got? Start right here. I'm going to add some dates before. I'm going to add some clubs to work out in before I do the little theater tour on the bus. But I got Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, D.C., Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA. You're stomping grounds. Memphis. Tickets still available in Memphis. Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham. You're going too quickly. All right.

Providence. That's a great theater, that Veterans Hall. I'm pumped. Yeah, Portsmouth. I love Portsmouth. Oh, cute town. Shout out Duncan Robinson, basketball player from Portsmouth. Portland, Maine coming up. Burlington, Vermont. Montreal, Toronto. I'm going on and on here, but we got Buffalo, Albany, Columbus. Coming everywhere, as Segura calls his best name ever. Yeah, great name. I'd name it Segura. You beat us to the best name ever.

What's the name of your tour? The Errors Tour. Oh, that's clever. It's a fun name. That's clever. Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, on and on. Samuel.com slash shows. The Bodega Cat Party was a huge hit thanks to Matt Herman, RNDC, Liz Buriotti, Dan Hall, Avery, you guys for bartending. Yes, Liz. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. It's coming to all these fucking – I mean, we're making progress, right? Right.

Big problem. We're on the West Coast as well with the comedy store, the improv, the laugh factor. DM the Bodega Cat Whiskey Instagram if you have any ideas for if you want it there. But man, we're going to be at Luger's, Peter Luger's. That's the iconic steakhouse, Strip House, which is one of the best spots in the country, I think. I love it.

Well, we'll try getting a John's. Let's get that John's Italian. Old school New York spot should carry this shit because this is like an old school feeling classic. Yes. Like this is fun, man. Oh, they run the Keens account too that are in. We got to get in a Keens. Keens will have us. Keens fucking the mutton. Oh, thanks for mutton. Have you had that mutton? Love the mutton. Mutton chops. Jerry, you have to try the mutton. I'm not going to.

I'm sure it had parents. We guys love you guys. Fun to do a solo up here. We love you guys. Peter Salamanca. Herman wants to say a few words. Get a microphone. They can't hear you without a mic.

Just shout out to McLaughlin Moran in Rhode Island. Yes. Comedy Connection and Nicky out there. And Mark, I don't know if you know this yet, but we're going to do a bottle signing probably again while you're in Providence. All right. Let's do it. Yeah, it's going to be good. And we got Miami Improv, all these new people. Miami Improv just brought it in. We got to get on Dania.

Dania Beach. Dania Beach. Oh, yeah. We're working on that one, too. Arizona wants it. Yeah, Arizona wants it. We've got to find a distributor. So any distributors in Arizona. I'll get us into Dallas and Houston as well. I'm doing that one in January. Texas. So, yeah. Oh, great. We're cooking. I got follow-ups. I'll get the contact for you. We're cooking, man. I feel good after last night. Not physically, of course, but optimistic. Yes. And we love you guys. Thanks for listening.

Tell your friends. Go through all the episodes. We have so many good episodes lately. Hell yeah. We're grateful for you guys. So thanks for, you know, we're wrapping up almost another year. So we've got some holiday apps coming up. I can't wait. Oh, yeah. We've got some bangers in the can. So you guys are in for a treat, and we'll see you in hell. Happy holidays.