Ep 207: Colin Quinn - Tom Papa - Liz Furiati
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Cheers. Good to see you. Hey, Mazel. Comedy. Beautiful. Thank you. Cheers, Colin. We know your special's out too. You get it. I'm turning off my thing. Jeez. Are we rolling? Oh, yeah, we're on. We might be drunk. Colin wouldn't touch. Hey. Well, I have two new specials out. Oh, yeah? Tom, you got one? I have a special out too. You do, Tom? That's great. Yeah. Let me guess. They're both Netflix? They're both Netflix. I thought they were both Netflix.

No, that was a zing. YouTube is good, too. And we have a Winnie replacement this week. Gizmo. She got Aunt Viv'd, which is upsetting, but, you know. She'll be back. Winnie will be back. This is so adorable. Don't. That's not fucking cool. That's a girthy beast. Winnie rules. You know Winnie. I love Winnie. I spend a whole day with Winnie. You have a problem with Gizmo, Tom? No, Gizmo's cool because he stands. Yeah, he does.

Winnie's an old bird, dude. Winnie... Gizmo is not young. Winnie just kind of hangs like an Afghan. Yes. Just like a throw blanket. Martini okay? You mean an Afghani? Thank you. They were criticizing the... This is a great martini. Good job. I'm so happy I'm having this. The first time I was here was a train wreck. No way.

That was the bad martini. That was the worst martini I've had in my life. It was an oily... He made an... It was beer juice. He made an oily... Oh, yeah. It was bad brine or something. Lizzie poured all of the oily juice from the luchee-stuffed olive container. It was a peediddy. That's why I brought the filthy brine as well, because it's very nice and clean. And again, I know how diva you are. That is a real grown-up, elegant martini. Very nice. Smooth. Nice job.

Oh, look at that weirdo on the left. Yeah, look at that chubby guy over there. Could have buttoned up down low. Well, he's been fired since then. Yeah. Isn't that the real tall guy? Yeah, Beardew. That was like 6'7". Yeah. He was really off his game. I don't know.

He was a good bartender. He's been fired. Don't rub it in. Yeah, what happened? Where are your bartenders? Budget cuts? They fired him. Yeah, yeah. It was Tom's fault. Tom does that. I do get people fired. He's done that at the Olive Tree, too. Who do you get fired at the Olive Tree? Yeah, Tom. What? Just people who don't do their jobs. Tom. Whoa. This is a dark side. Modi? No.

Nice. Tom's a diva? Once in a while, I'll just point out, is anyone working this table? Alex Edelman. Take an only dream.

And then you don't see them again. It's not like I'm asking for them to be fired. That's really up to the management. He's like an efficiency expert from the early 60s. Yeah, you're not full, Karen. You'll just dance around Karen-ing. See, Winnie does stay put. I'll give her that. He's too big to lay on the couch. And he smells already. He just wants food. I'm not gambling now, but if $50, you can't name who Mark Norman is staring at in that picture.

Oh, damn. I'll give you any one of five names. You have five choices. You think you know?

Do I think I know? Of course I do. I know. You know that wall too well. I know that wall. I know that wall too well. The headshot? Oh, really? I'm thinking Aries Spears. I think he's on there, by the way. No, he's not. I believe he is. He might have one of the old... Is that Wanda Spite? No, no. She's over by the door. Is it Artie? No. Artie? Is it Artie Fuqua? Ah. Artie says yes. I'll say it was Artie surrounded by...

Brian Regan. Wow. No. I know it's the big Artie. Kyle Dunnegan. The lineup, Artie, because it's the big Artie. Yes. It's like the old Artie. The young Artie. Like that's the, like, yeah, like the. Pre-crash. Right. Free in Walmart. Like it's cocaine dealer Artie. Right. Yes. Before the cash.

I remember one time a famous night at the cellar already comes in. He's all banged up and he goes, I just got a fight with seven drag queens at McDonald's. Those days are over. Now you bought McDonald's. No more McGee's. Wow, what a shame. What a loss. We won't have drag queens to throw down with. That was the wildest McDonald's in America. That was the world star McDonald's. That's right. Yeah.

No more. Absorbed into the Comedy Cellar universe. I shouted out my special. Oh, really? Yeah, you did. It just came out today, so I saw the first 20 minutes on my walk over here. Hilarious as always. The election special, Colin Quinn. So fast. Five months from his last special. Unreal.

Bring it up. Bring it up. You had a line I love where you talk about how you talk about these people. Everyone has their opinion. They're like, well, who are you? You're up here giving your own opinion. You're a hypocrite. You're like, you never met a hypocrite? I just love that line. That's a great line. Hey, look at this. Yeah, homeless doing a little magic there. Throwback. A little homeless.

Oh, yeah. Homeless pimp. Yeah, homeless pimp. That's not him. Look at that. Another guy worked at McDonald's. Oh, he's running for president? Oh. That's Eric Rivera. Hello. Whoa. Look at RFK. So recent. Did you get footage at the MSG? Homeless did this. Oh, this is great. Were you at the garden the other night? No. He wrote for Tony. Oh, Tony's show. Yes.

Stamps and tea. Oh, it looks so good. Wait, is that the lounge? That's the lounge. Wow.

Who shot it? Homeless pimp. Pay attention, Tom. Homeless pimp. I'm sorry, Liz. Jesus. Get with it, Tom. A much needed voice, Colin. You're behind it. Always. Tom, you're behind the curve. You're out there in L.A. You don't know what's on the wall. That's true. Tom Papa, L.A. comic. Boo. Yeah, when he comes to the cellar, he takes over the whole front section. And gets people fired. Well, he got people fired. That was years ago. All right. I don't think Tom has done that lately. Well, they made the lounge look good. I mean.

They're amazing. Not you. You're careful to shit on both sides, which is good because that is... Well, let's just say I'm careful too. That's how I feel. I don't want people to think I'm out there trying to straddle the fence. Oh, the outside part. You know what I mean? Like there's a lot of political... Because that's how I feel. I know. I hate when people say both sides are. It's like, yeah, because you want to be with machetes in the street, you motherfuckers? That's what a non-both-sides-er is. Good point. Thank you.

Wait, what is this? We literally took the audience outside and took them on a tour of the village with CQ. Wow. I'll be fast forwarding that. No, it's good. All right. Sam knew ahead of time. We were talking about it. This looks like a COVID special. So you could shoot another special in five months if you do a lot of stuff like that.

Tom is getting lambs. Really, Tom? Really? That's my old apartment. Oh, that's right. I actually lived there for a couple of years. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What's his family? What's the Jewish baseball player? Sandy Copeland. Sandy Copeland. He lived there. He did? Yeah. How sad is that, by the way? You said, who's the Jewish baseball player? And I got it that quickly. A race isn't exactly killing it. Oh, yeah, you never heard of Ron Boomer Bloomberg.

He was a Yankee star in the 70s. Oh. Sean Green. Hammer and Hank Greenberg. Hank Greenberg. There you go. That's back when, that's back, that's pre-black. What about Harmon Killebrew? The Mormon.

What I do with a manetta? No, we walk around. We just talk about I talk about the world. So hip-hop McDonald's. We did. Okay. A bunch of store a bunch of stories. It was kind of unrelated to the special. It was but it was like the CQ man on the street like block by block combined with election special. I like those Instagram videos you do when you have those old guys from the neighborhood. That's homeless. Wow. Also Tom, it's not Instagram videos. It's a series on YouTube. Would you pay attention please?

Please, Tom. I didn't realize Liz was in management. Oh, my God. This is Colin Quinn. And you have been around a long time.

Liz as always is kind of mad. I think Tom. Yeah, it's true. That's the shrink. Do you guys go to him? Yeah, Alan. Yeah, Big L. Yeah, you interviewed Alan Lefkowitz, the comedian psychiatrist. I've seen him. I saw him for years. You went to him? I was so tempted to ask him, but I couldn't do it. He wouldn't give any advice, but I was so tempted to know everything. Did you go to him? No.

What? What made you want to sit down with him? He's good. Homeless pimp goes, we should interview that guy. Oh, that's a great idea. Jeez.

He'd love homeless. Yeah, he's great. Come on. We love homeless. No, I didn't go to him, but I wanted to interview him. I used to have a joke about going to him, how it sucked because so many comedians would be seeing him. So I'd be in the waiting room and I'd hear a laugh and I'd be like, fuck, I got to bring it again this week. But literally every comic would just come out of the door and be like, oh, you. You pour your heart out about getting molested and you're like, oh, hey, Becky Owen. That was getting a laugh. And you guys are with the same story. Yeah, yeah.

It is amazing that it was a comedian. I think his first was Richard Lewis. That's right. That's what he said. That's what he said, yeah. There was an article about him in Esquire about Alan. Whoa. So he's chasing the fame now. Yeah, it's unbelievable. It was a while ago. Hey, look at that. How about Tom Popple on Cop Show? Oh, yeah. Oh, what year was that? That was an episode to really sink your teeth into. That was a good one.

I think I really exposed Tom as the bossy pants that he is. Well, you were ahead of the curve with the cop parody because Brooklyn Nine-Nine kind of ripped that from you. Yeah. Don't bring it up, dude. Dixie on the Nine-A. But Brooklyn Nine-Nine's not really a cop parody. There were versions they tried that failed, but Brooklyn Nine-Nine is more of like a, I don't know what you would call it. It's like a sitcom, but in a comedy station. It was more like a workplace comedy. Right. It was a cop parody. Yeah, it was a cop parody. Wow. It was a cop parody.

Pre-stroke Keith. Oh, pre-stroke Keith. Yeah, look at that. Wow. Non-handicapped Keith. Keith just cock-blocked him in that scene. It was pretty funny. That was so great. Great show. A lot of views. Great show.

Makes me furious. Sorry. So, Tom, is your special, did it come out yet? It came out today. Whoa, what time? Midnight. Whoa. Oh, so it's out. We can watch it? When does this come out, though? Late night.

Oh, shit. Happy Thanksgiving. It's been around for a while. Check it out. It's been around for a month. Oh, sorry. Where'd you shoot it? In Jersey? I shot it in Washington, D.C. Oh. At the Warner Theater. That's a good room. It's a classic room. Yeah, it looks nice. Anytime something wasn't funny, I just shot the ceiling. It's pretty, right? Yeah. And you're pretty clean, right? Yeah, I'm pretty clean. No curse? That was my last one. No, he does. He has like... That was what a day. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, I don't curse all that often, I guess. All right. But that's a conscious choice though, right? Uh,

I don't really talk like that in my real life, so doing it in my act is kind of phony. When I started The Cellar in the beginning and all these guys were so cool and I would go up there and try and be a little dirty and stuff, the audience was like, what are you doing? What's the deal with fucking sponges, dude? They're like, what are you doing? This isn't really you. But I think you're going out with the Gaffigan Seinfeld Arena Tour. I am going to go do some dates with them in

Canada. What? I never heard about this. We didn't. Colin. I don't know. This is big. Fill us in, Tom. Are they stadiums? They're stadium shows. Whoa. What? Mama. What kind of stadiums? Like 15,000. Oh.

Whoa! Those guys can pack some meat. Yeah. Yeah. Three white meat killers. Yeah, three white meat killers. How much time do you have to do? That's a good title. I don't know, 20?

They're going to tell you 15. I know. Wow. I'll do 20. And then Tom will blow the light. Yeah. I've never performed in a place like that. Just go up and go, they want me to get off. That's my favorite line. They want me to get off. Yeah, they want me to go. They want me to get off. And then another 10 minutes of Tom Papa. That's weird. I hate that. Did I get that? What? And then the crowd goes, no.

And they go, I know. They're making me do it. These fucking assholes. Enjoy gym. I guess. I hate when they do that. My only dream, like even this gig what you're making, my only dream is to know how much everybody in comedy makes literally every penny. And...

How much every commercial makes. That's what Maria Bamford does. She's a big advocate for us all sharing the financial information of what we do. What do you mean? So you don't get screwed. She's always... So you don't get screwed? I just want to know what everyone makes.

Yeah, well, her thing is more equitable. Her thing is so we don't get screwed. Wait, screwed how? Oh, she can compare. Because she believes everyone is on the same plane of... No, but we're the same. Are you, though? Is everyone the same? I went to Acme and I made this for that. You can compare. Yeah.

She's the only one that does it, Liz. Nobody else is. No, I want to know. There's someone else that, yeah. Like, I see these commercials, like Will Ferrell in that commercial. I'm like, how much is he going to pay for that? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm saying, is it $5 million or is it $10 million? It's got to be that, right? It's got to be $10. Yeah. $10? They don't get out of bed for $5. Man. When's the last time you saw Will Ferrell? Man. Like eight years ago. Was he mad when you did that thing on Twitter where you pretended he was a drug addict? Well, when I saw him eight years ago...

He goes, I really, I go, ah, like I thought he was joking about it. But he goes, yeah, I thought you were like pissed at me for some reason. I was like, why does everybody say, I didn't say he was a drug addict. I said he's a heroin dealer. Nobody got it. I said he's dealing heroin at SNL and people are writing, you snitch. Oh, that's great. I was like, do you think he's really dealing heroin?

You might have been the first person I followed who was like a troll, but you weren't trolling people. You were just trolling everybody. All his fans. When Colin started Twitter, it was just like overrated bands. The Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the Doors, the Who. You're just pissing people off. Do you still do that on Twitter? Yeah, but people don't really get it, so I stopped. At the time, people would just be threatening me all the time, like, I'm going to kill you if I ever see you. And I would just say everything I said.

I'm furious. He said, Star Wars is overrated. Let's get him. It was unbelievable. He thought I was mad. Was he pissed about it or no? Wolfhouse is the nicest guy in the world. He was just like, yeah, I thought you were mad at me for some reason. That's a real comedian, though. Because he thought you were mad at him. I feel like that's what comedians do. Like, oh, I must have fucked this up somehow. Yeah.

Even though he's trashing me. How brutal. I think we all felt like saying he's not a comedian, Mark. Of all people, Mark. Well, he's not a stand-up comedian. He's not a stand-up comedian. Mark, you of all people are saying it. I'm not saying he's a stand-up. I think he shot the whole movie. Everybody's stunned by that. He's a comedian, a different kind of comedian. He's hilarious. He's not a comedian. He's a comic actor. Okay. Right. Right.

All right. Wait, he's not a comedian? He's a stand-up comedian. Don't you think comedian means stand-up comedian? I do. I think so, too. But I know what you mean. Comic. It definitely means comedian. Comic. So does a comedian. Both means comedian. Martin Short, comedian.

Oh, for Christ's sakes, Conor. That's what they say. Why are you muttering the waters? It's true. Don't you, whenever you get interviewed and somebody goes, so do you like other comedians and you name somebody who's not a stand-up? Don't you go like, well, he's not really a stand-up. And you get a little attitude. I do. I do that too. It's harder. But you just did it for us. I guess you're right. What's that old story? Greg Kinnear tried stand-up, failed, became an actor, won an Oscar.

What did he win an Oscar for? Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton was a standout. Michael Keaton was a standout. He was on Letterman. Yeah. It was funny. But he still quit. He had a Bazooka Jones comic. He quit because he was playing Batman. Yeah. He got to go do cooler stuff. He gave up. He gave up.

He's acting like Jack Nicholson with this pussy. I want to do a 10-15 at the comedy store. You're supposed to need comedy. That's the whole thing. You need to do it. Like Letterman. Where's Letterman's act? Yeah. You fake? Letterman was the original crud work. Colin, you're one of the only people that's gotten the distance. Yes, and we're all begging you to quit. Here it is, the bazooka bit. Bazooka bit. Look at the hair. Wow, look at the hair. Wow.

Was he a good stand-up, Colin? I think I remember being funny. We're about to find out. People said he was. That is funny. He said you can't throw it away without winning. He said...

He says, "What are you doing, Bazooka Joe?" And he says, "I'm throwing a clock out the window." And he says, "Why?" And Bazooka Joe says, "I wanted to see time fly." "Alright, now wait a minute. Now wait a minute." And he says to him, "Time, Bazooka Joe?" "It's a rather ethereal subject, isn't it?" He's breaking it down.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yay!

Sounds like a movement. Yes. Very Norm. Yeah, but you see, these guys quit. Woody Allen quit. I mean, some of the guys just don't want to do it. That's true. They move on to other stuff. Is that because the respect and the adulation and the money is all far greater? Probably. That and writing jokes is hard. You got to bomb. You got to go up and work it out. But Monday nights, why didn't Woody Allen put down his clarinet and go, I'm going to do a quick 15, guys? Uh-huh. He did the clarinet. Yeah, the crowd every damn... Yeah. That's a good point. Steve Martin started weaving jokes into his banjo stuff. Hey!

Hey, good to have you back after 40 years, you white haired weirdo. It's so much easier to get a laugh in between the songs because they're just glad he's not playing the fucking banjo. Like, thank God. That's true. He's talking. By the way, you know, it's a piece. What's that? Steve Martin. Really? That's the genius of his hairpiece. What about him? The piece is thinning.

So you never question it. That's good. Like Tom's. We've never questioned that, yeah. Wow. The piece is thinning. Wow. What the hell? That's brilliant. Brilliant. He's still brilliant after all these years. Did Steve Martin come through SNL when you were there, Colin? Yeah, once or twice. He was a very nice guy. He was nice to everybody. He was like one of those guys who just, you know,

Was he as wild and crazy as they say? No, he was friends with Lawrence. He hung out there, but he was really, you know, he was very, what do you say, generous. Look how badass he looked in that picture. I know. What's that movie with Michael Caine you did? Dirty Run. Oh, I love that. So good. The fork with the cork on it so he couldn't stab himself. So if you had the opportunity, Sammy, to go do a movie and ditch Dirty Run,

Stand up for a year. I can't ditch stand up. Yeah, I don't think you could. It's like the only thing I'm fucking good at. That's true. And some people would argue that as well. I do. But Mark and I, we wrote a movie. We want to make a movie. We want to do other stuff. Yeah. But, you know, stand up. Stavros really has us all thinking we can do it now. That's true. Stav is, yeah, I mean. Guy just shows up and goes make some movie. Wait, what? Who's seen it?

No one. It's only in theaters. I know. I've only met one person that's seen it. If I wasn't out of town for the premiere, I would have gone. I would like to watch it. I just want to know. I want to see it. I want to see it. I love Stavros. He's the best. And I'd like to say, Stavros, you didn't invite me to the premiere. Whoa, Stavros. But you invited Robert Kelly and his wife. Oh, he's in the movie. What? I don't care. He's in the movie. Ouch. I just want to see it. I think I'm in the movie.

Mark and I wrote something that we're like, you know, we're trying to make, but it's like, stand-up is the only thing like,

Especially, it's so long to take a fucking, to make a show or a movie. It takes four years to just go through the filter of just like, oh, we're not going to make it. So why would we not just do stand-up? We have some... Exactly. Here's the weird thing. Ready? I'm glad you said it because two things. What the hell are we looking at, Tom? The cast of Stavi's movie. Oh, Nathan Minn's in that? I love it. I know he has an open mic with me. I'm going to forget what I was going to say. Uh-oh. Wait. We were talking about how long it takes to make...

Why does it take a year or two years for the movie to come out? You do an hour TV show. It comes out that week. They're not that much better. An episode of Sopranos is not that much different than a movie. Great point. And why is it that Netflix, Tom, I don't mean to interrupt you. They're like, we're going to release the special October 11th. And it's like, what do you have, a strategy? Yes.

You know what I mean? And they don't promote either. Netflix doesn't, so they can't use that because they want to promote. Oh, I like this even better. Good point. Well, they have a... Well, Trish, Netflix, which home between the two of us? Yeah.

They don't promote. They're not going to sit there and go, we got to put $20 million into Tom's special and really billboard the shit out of it. You all forget, Tom is the face of Netflix. He has a show on Netflix radio. He has numerous specials on Netflix. Okay, you're different. Netflix is a joke. He pretty much hosted the whole damn thing. Whoa! I didn't even realize that. Tom is the Netflix...

You know, poster boy. Chill. I believe is the word. Yeah. Netflix is my film career. Okay. But he's right. Colin's right. I see your point, Colin. It shouldn't take this fucking long. But I'll tell you why it takes this long. Because these people take three weeks to get back. They're like, we got to set a meeting. Yes. It's unbelievable. Just the lawyers. Just for the contracts before you get started. It's a lie.

This whole time we've been living a lie with these movie things. Well, they want to have a job, these people. But how can a TV show have a job if it's an hour? It takes a week. I agree, but they have a building in West Hollywood with the words Netflix on it. They got to employ these people. And they always have to say, we don't know if this joke's going to fly. Cool, I tried it in every state of the country and it worked everywhere. I think it's going to work. They've talked about your material.

No, I'm talking about like scripts. We're saying in general. Oh, in scripts. Not just Netflix. Right, right, right. We're done crashing Netflix. No, no. I'm doing the whole gamut. Hulu, NetNBC, you name it. Well, this is a great opportunity, though, right, for independent filmmakers. Like now that the whole film industry has collapsed. That's true. You can just go make it yourself. Leave that positivity somewhere else, Tom. Yeah.

Once you land at a JFK, we don't want to hear that. Yeah, but you're right. It is true that there's, you know, if you can get the money. Too many meetings. How do you get the money? I never understand that part. Some people understand that and some don't.

I got to go get $5 million to make this movie. What's your first move? That's literally what we're figuring out right now. How do you do it? You get a producer who knows people. I'll tell you the problem. They call people who have made films before. Or who have money on your friends. I'll tell you the biggest problem. When they sit down with these business Wall Street types, you have to watch out for Sam because his contempt will be written all over his face for them.

You're going to have to do most of the talking. Okay, I can do that. He gets an attitude. Yeah, he's a zickity. He's a bitch. Sam's a straight fucking bitch. You're more combative. You can be combative.

Oh, yes, he can. It's a story about two guys. He'll be like, what did you just say? What do you like? Who the hell is this guy? The good news is we found a Saudi prince. The bad news is all the jokes are out. We're making the show. I'd kill for a Saudi prince to back this thing. That would be great. How much do you need? Five million. We can knock it all out. Yeah, that's the thing. All this money, somebody's got it. Somebody knows how to get it. Oh, yeah. I'm calling Noam.

Call him. Yeah. I tell you, I'm going to call Will Silvance. He knows every rich person. That's true. That's true. But he can't get money for Maurice, so I guess it's time. Oh, no. But the time he shoots us, he's going to be 67. He's not going to be able to box anymore. That's true. He'll be the trainer. But good for him for making something. Has he, though? No, he didn't. Oh, I thought it was out. He made a sizzle.

Didn't we all just give money to a GoFundMe to make a movie? It's the world's best Ponzi scheme. I've been texting a great movie. I loved it. I watched the whole thing. I am Maurice. It's IamMaurice.com.

I know it because he has t-shirts that say it. I've worn the shirt. I have too. This was 10 years ago. I forgot about that guy. I said that with such fucking disdain. I just thought he killed himself. Wow. Okay. It has to be like 10 years ago. This is lovely. It was artistic.

Will was ripped. He's in his 50s. He can't keep this up forever. Yeah. He looks good. Oh, yeah. Thief. Shoplifter. Damn. Did he get soap? Yeah. From a bodega. This looks like a video to get rid of the migrants. Oh, my God. We got to stop them. They're cleaning themselves in the bathrooms. Vote Trump 2020. Where do I get the cats?

I don't think a trainer's taking that. I think it's like, you've got to come back and give me a... Yeah, what do I want to call you? Ding, ding. Oh, yeah. Did Will ever tell you the story about his audition for De Niro? Let's hear it. Oh, my God. It's the funniest story ever. What happened? Big buildup. It really... It's that funny. All right. He goes up... I don't want to ruin it.

I just learned that the moth joke that Norm told on Conan was you had told him that joke. Yeah, it wasn't my joke. It was a joke joke. Oh, wow. With that great, you know. Yeah, that's a classic. He goes, I need a joke.

And I go, oh, do this. I told them all the joke, but I told them the short. It's really short. The version I told him is really short. Then he goes on Conan and he's like, eh, it doesn't say he's making like Russian literature reference. Yeah. He said, how much time do you need? They said, we got six minutes. He's like, so he took Colin's joke and expanded it up to six minutes long. Yeah. It was so cool to hear that you. What happened with Will, though, and De Niro? Oh, was, um.

I hate to ruin the story, but he tells it, obviously. But, I mean, but he goes to audition with Bronx Tale. Wow. Bronx Tale. He just got to town. He's like 19 or whatever. Not just got to town, but his first, like, he just showed up. And then he goes in the audition. And I don't know how he got in, but his friend tells him, you know, when you can cry on camera...

they want to hire you. So the first audition, he goes in and the guy gets beat up on camera. He goes, that's him. That's the one. He starts crying. So they go, great. He passes every whatever. It's him and the guy that got it. Oh, Jesus. And then he goes, the audition, he goes, so he goes, I don't know any of these people. I don't know if Chaz Palantir is not famous yet. He's in there. They go, the director's coming too. De Niro shows up.

So he's sitting there with De Niro, who he knows who that is, and Chaz. And they go, we love your tape. Do it. And he goes, that's him. That's the one. And it was great. De Niro goes, that was great. Just do it this time, but don't cry. And he goes, okay. And he goes, that's him. He's crying. De Niro goes, we love you. You're great. He goes, but this guy, let's make him this time. Just try it where he's kind of a gangster. He's hard. He doesn't want to cry. And he goes, that's him. That's him.

He said he did it like four times in a row. And every time, he just kept crying because he was stuck in his stupid head. Wow. Wow. So Will. So Will. I wonder if Chad remembers this. Yeah. We had him on here. I want to have him back on. With Will. With Will. A fork in the road. Will just starts crying when he shows up. Yeah.

That's the fucking guy. That's the one that kept me out of it. By the way, did you ever see the opening Anthony with Chaz and Voss? No. Pull it up. One of the greatest things ever. What happened? They tricked Voss. They said, we want to do a Bronx. They knew Chaz was in there. And they brought Voss in, but they didn't know Chaz was coming in. So they go, Voss, we want to do a scene because Voss is like, I'm a great actor. What happened?

He's playing Lilo Delgado and they have Chaz reading it. And you just watch voices shame spiral while he's reading the script with Chaz. He did a Bronx Tale scene with Chaz. Oh, my God. Oh, please, please. That's brilliant. That's Patrice Ely. He didn't know. This is incredible.

Oh my god! I fucking love him. He's shaking. He's the worst. Louie, beans, I want my money. You can't dodge me forever.

You know he really thought this was going to be something. What's he supposed to do in this situation? I know, I know. Jazz gets it.

Louie, things, I want my money. He can't dodge me forever. What are you doing about? What are you yelling about, huh? John, I got a problem with this guy over here. Louie,

This guy was in 20. Two weeks now, every time you see me, he's dodging it. Should I crack him one or what? Come on, listen to me. Sometimes violence is not the answer, kid. Is he a good friend of yours? I don't even like this guy. Well, there's your answer right there. Look at it this way. Of course, you can throw your dollars to get rid of him, right? He's never going to ask you for money again. He's never going to bother you again, right? He's out of your life for $20, so forget about him.

Imagine doing that in front of Patrice. That would be brutal. Now when I rewatch Bronx Tale, I'm going to be thinking of this dumb exchange. Oh, God. Is that Bobby? Is that fat Bobby? Yeah. Chaz is delivering these lines.

He's lying. And then he's calming you down.

This is a nightmare. Direction for Patrice. This is the same hand movement. It's like, well, he can't break out of it. Right. Yeah.

You can take the guy out of Jersey. Yeah. Yeah.

Was he in Cop Show? I love him. I mean, I love that Chaz gets it, too. Yeah, yeah. Dude, he's like, I know this guy's

By the way, we usually watch like 30 seconds of a clip. The fact that we've been all the way through this. This is really good. Because you also can see yourself in the audition sounding like that. Well, that's the beauty of Voss. Let me get it straight. We're no better than Voss. How many times are you just pushing a little too much? Yes. We all have a little Voss in us. That's why he's so likable. I love Voss. Everyone has a Jewish track head inside them.

Quinn and I have talked about this. Bullets Over Broadway is like the funniest. So funny. That's probably my favorite Woody Allen comedy, man. Great movie. Hey, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Shopify. The holidays are coming up and business needs the number one checkout on the planet. Make the switch to Shopify and watch your sales skyrocket. Boost your conversions up to 50% with Shopify's ShopPay that lets customers pay in interest-free installments and tracks

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With my bookie! This show was really, really something back in the day. It was really a funny show. Yeah, it was. Yeah, powerful. I mean, there's some great moments from that show, like iconic. Powerful. Yeah. It was really fun just to walk in there and just felt like you were hanging out, you know? Yeah. Now Norton's really trying to keep it alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we keep not answering that text. It was so early! 8 a.m.,

That's really... I'm still going. I'm still going. And you too. I'm still going. You will. Obviously. I'm going on Monday. It's not Monday. I love Jim. I love Jim. The other guy. I'm cold. Nah, I'm just kidding. I love Robert. Cold for the other guy. Yeah.

Good people. Oh, that is hard. That's humiliating. To do that with Patrice looking at you, too, is just brutal. Forget about it. Do you have good memories of Patrice or no? Yeah. I mean, he was... I was scared of Patrice. He was so powerful. Yeah. And I would try and, like, call him out. Like, when he'd come at me, I'd try and call him out, like...

kind of legit to just stop the beating. Yeah. And he was like, he didn't want any part of that. He just wanted to kind of rip you apart and keep going. There's a picture of you in the fat black. I think it's you, Voss, and Patrice. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

You're no movie slouch. I mean, you're in, what is it, The Informant? Well, I didn't want to say. Oh, let's not bring up his stupid Soderbergh. I was going to say his best friend, Steven Soderbergh, right? Is that what it is, Colin? L.A. Tom. During the story, I didn't want to say that I was in an audition with De Niro and got one. Whoa! Whoa!

Pull it up. L.A. Tom. I'm in a team. Yeah. It was me and Harold Ramis. It wasn't a big deal. Guys, this is just people along your path. Tommy Pops, ladies and gentlemen. Liz, let's hear about the two girls, one cup. That's my favorite.

Well, you weren't analyzed this? That. That. Got it. The not as good one. That's what they say. That was a good change. De Niro. De Niro was the coolest.

When I went in to read, it was with Harold Ramis, and they said, you're going to read with Bobby. And I came in, and I thought it was going to be like a kid. And it was De Niro. Whoa. Was he like the nicest person you ever met? No. Patrice is in the corner. He's like, come on. I just hear a cackle from behind the cubicle. He was so nice. Like, I've...

I like fell in love with him more when I met him. Yeah. He was like, Liz, it's and just I'm like, I don't know you. He was. And then I'm like, I'm Guinea. He's Guinea. Yeah. Yeah. He was so cool to have him at the cellar. Yeah. He was so awesome.

It was great. The movie was crap, but he was amazing. I never saw that movie. Don't. Really? Don't. I heard my head shots in it. Someone was like, yeah, they use your head shot in Governors there or something. Don't. Yeah. That's a credit. Are you in the new Joker? No, I'm not in it. Dodge that bullet.

I think you meant that as a shot. I didn't, I didn't. I was texting him like, Todd, I can sing. Come on. Yeah, that was tough. Yeah. Tim Dillon won't stop shitting on it. You're like, dude, they put you in the movie. Oh, yeah, he's going hard. I haven't seen it. Apparently Tarantino liked it. Oh, okay. Yeah, he loved it. He said it was a fuck you to everybody. Really? He said that was his way of saying fuck you to the industry.

Is that right? Why? I don't know. Because they've lost him a lot of money? I just saw the headline. 32%. Nobody. Nobody likes this. 42% is not bad. It's not so bad. 32. No one wants a musical.

Yeah, it's the problem. Especially the Joker people. Like, I get La La Land, all right, but the Joker incel fan group is not like, oh, Lady Gaga. I'm not looking to sing it up. Who the fuck are we to tell Todd Phillips what people want? He's like, he made the Joker the hangover. I'm a fan. He knows how to make a fucking hit. It was just an odd choice. He took a big swing and, you know, it happens. Right. Oof.

Ouch. Now Jerry can talk about Unfrosted without feeling as bad. Were you in that, Tom? You were, right? You weren't? We both got snubbed. Yeah, we both got snubbed off of Unfrosted. That's a good one to be snubbed on. Damn. Well, he'll be back.

Maybe they'll leave him alone now. Maybe he'll just be able to make whatever he wants to make. Todd Phillips. Right. I'm also kind of just like, I think Todd's great and stuff, but I'm kind of done with, does everything have to be DC or fucking Marvel? You can't just tell a story like, look, I watched a couple episodes of Penguin and it's a good show, but it's also like, you couldn't have just told this story. I know. Right. They need that IP. They're all cowards over there. They're fucking pussies. They're too scared to take a chance. There just are no more storytellers. That's it. No, there are. These fucking execs are pussies. They won't hire them.

I went to see Saturday Night, the Jason Reitman. How was it? And I saw it in the theater. And normally when you go to see like a comedy, they show you other comedy clips and stuff. Everything was Marvel. Everything was DC. There's no other comedies in theaters that you could match it with. You literally couldn't put one other comedy next to it. I think he's going to come on here. I think he's going to come on here to promote it. Reitman? Yeah. He's great. He's so nice. He's a really good guy. Did you see it? The nerds have taken over.

I guess so. Well, the nerds spend money. It's true. I can't believe we're leaving the elephant in the room. Did you see this Saturday night movie? I did not. Are you going to as someone who has been on SNL? When it's on one of those shows, I will. When it's on what? A streamer? Is that what you're getting at? Max. Colin is a film savant. Colin has given me some of the best. Yeah, I like good movies. Cheers. Cheers. Colin wrecked me Mona Lisa and the Long Good Friday. Oh.

Oh. And they're both amazing recs. Amazing. I didn't know, I knew you, I know you know about everything, but then I saw you just randomly on YouTube in the Criterion closet. Oh, really? And I was like, fuck, Colin knows every fucking movie, every movie. You got to hit us with some new. Yes. Because our listeners love movie recs. What were your Criterion picks? I can't, I don't remember, but I remember just popping in the closet and then suddenly all these movies come up and you're like, oh my God, so many great ones, but I can't remember them offhand. Mm.

I have to look at criterion to understand. Yeah, put it up and I'll tell you what I like. CQ always has good recs for everything that I watch. In fact, I'll tell you the one person I won't recommend the movie to ever again.

I recommended this movie called East is East, which is an English Indian movie, Pakistani, and really funny. I hated that movie. I mean... Stupid Keith. He likes Marvel. Yeah, Keith, that's all he likes. And he's also handicapped. After his first stroke, I was like, dude, it's so fucked up. He's like, I just need to make it one more Avenger movie. Oh, what a nerd. What a nerd is right. Jeez.

Keith's a crumb. Just the fact that he didn't like East is East, I'm still annoyed by it. I mean, come on, it's Keith. You can't expect him to like anything. Amacor is great. 400 Blows is great. Actually, dude, I just fucking bought six Criterions because there was a flash sale and the Knicks were getting blown out, so I was like, I need some retail therapy. I'll tell you the six I bought. House of Games, Mammoth. Good fucking movie. I love Mammoth. Something Wild, the Ray Liotta, you remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. The good one. Mean Streets.

The best. Because I've never seen it and I heard it's good. It's good. It's dark. The player, Altman fucking great. And Hoot Dreams. They were all on sale. There you go. What about Celtic Pride? They sent you DVDs? No, I bought those. They were on sale. Yeah, yeah. They're like, yeah, they're 4K or blue. There he is. Cool. What do you play it on? I have a DVD player. Really? Whoa. Throwback. There he is. Woe Hop shirt. It's so exciting. Ooh.

Who let the hobo in? Wait, so wait. Are his recommendations down there? So we don't have to have to... Oh, yeah. My Life is a Dog, The Greatest. Yeah. Padizzo, Roma, Something Wild, or Something Wild? You did Something Wild. No, but it was the other Something Wild, too. Oh. You know, the one from, like, 19... No, I don't know it. That was a really interesting movie. I just love Ray Liotta. Oh, Girls Gone Wild? Ray Liotta's... Not Girls Gone Wild, but I understand... Wild, Tom. It's just like a... I love this movie because it's just like a weird... Like, it starts...

Kind of like a different movie and it turns into this like scary. I remember this movie. It starts this like kind of escape fantasy thing. Yeah, like he meets the girl. She's like wild. They go to Jersey like a motel room. And then Ray Liotta shows up. Oh. Yes. Oh, right. It might be my favorite Ray Liotta performance, dude. He's fucking hilarious. Yeah, he really is. He's scary and also so funny. And he's so annoyed by the nerdiness of what's it? You ever see Naked? No. No. Oh, my God. It's great.

They have all these English movies. You ever see Nailed by Mouth? We talk about that? No. It's Gary Oldman. It's like his autobiographical thing. Oh. Oh, really? Wait. Yes. Yes, I have. Yes. Yes, I have. Yes. Pull it up. What's it called? Yes. Wait, we're on naked now. This is all like. Mike Lee is great. Yeah, Mike Lee really. This is all my life when I was in high school. What's the Gary Oldman one that you recommended? Nailed by Mouth. Nailed by Mouth. Yeah.

Nailed by mouth. No, just NIL. Oh, they were here. Damn, all right. Throw it on the list. It's amazing. Uh-oh. Smoochie, smoochie.

Yeah. Okay. Another movie called Lady Bird, Lady Bird. There was a lot of great English movies in like the 90s, you know? The only thing I know, I talk about it in that thing, is this old Iranian lady was my, at the block, at the local video store, and she would just come in every day. She goes, you watch this King of Mask. And I was like, okay. And she gave me the movie, and it was always great. Wow. How about that?

We are missing that. We miss her. The video days. Yeah, he went to a store with people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they had a cat. The most annoying part was all these stupid film nerds. Some of the comments were like, oh, it's that Connelly Quinn was just a bonehead. Ha ha ha!

That made me so mad. It was like 30 comments were like, do you believe Colin Quinn has taste in this? No, I was so pumped. Because I read Colin a movie once and I was...

I was terrified. Oh, yeah. Mikey and Nikki. Because you hated it after the first 25 minutes. And I was like, you were like, you called me like, what the fuck is this shit? And then I was like, oh, man, that was like the first movie I read. And then he called me in two hours. Like, it was good. Hey, all right. It's a slow movie. It's a slow movie, but it was good. What is this? Peter Falk. John Cassavetes. Wow. This movie fucked Elaine May in Hollywood because it bombed so hard. She directed it. Why? Really? Whoa.

It bombs so hard, but it's, yeah, but it's freaking Peter Falk and Cassavetes. It's awesome. But it was such a great plot, but I do feel like they let it drag too much into that. They did. You know, in those days, people were doing it. It's a woman directing it, so they let a mob movie drag a little. Oh, right. I didn't shut up. Jesus. All right, I'll check that out. No, that movie's awesome. I watched Columbo the other night. Oh, so good. God.

An hour and a half long. What? An episode? They did one once a week. Yeah. That's right. Right. What are these movie people doing? God, he was so good. The Cassavetes episode of Columbo. That's a great one, too. Which one? The Cassavetes episode. He turns out to be the villain. Cassavetes? Yeah.

Spoiler alert. I think they probably open with the murder usually. Yeah. Just one more. This is bothering me. I'm sure it's not. That's pretty good. Come on, Tom. It's not the 1980s. I know. Are we so far from it that it's funny again? Yeah. I guess you're doing it ironically. Yeah. There you go. Liz, do you have a movie rec? Oh, God. I mean...

There's like probably my favorite movie ever is Chino, my pet of the sea. Oh, that's a great movie. Great movie. Amazing. I had to watch that. Are you kidding me, Tom? I know it. Are you for real? It's beautiful.

Oh my God. It is the most, it's one of the best. It is one of the most. I thought you said something else. I did. That's what I said. I said Cinema Paradiso. Thanks. Cinema Paradiso. It's one of the most beautiful movies. Yeah. It's a great movie. I love it. I'll tell you what else is great, Liz. I'm going to tell you. Go ahead. I love that when he comes home,

It's like the special visit. It really makes you feel like when you feel guilty, like, oh, I don't see my parents enough. Yeah. Oh, that guy didn't. Yeah. It's true. Tom once said that when he goes back to the cliff in Olive Garden. Yeah.

How dare you? How dare you? Mario's pizza. I love that I'm going to be fucking hammered now to watch the Yankees get swept. It's ugly. It's ugly.

Probably just home. I called out because I wanted to see the game. They're going to win tonight. It's just... Because everything's going to lose. They should win at least one. They've got to. They've got to win this. They've got to. What's with Judge? The Dodgers are going to be lazy tonight. He's not even swinging aggressively. That was weird. Right? That was weird, yeah. I think they're going to win tonight. They're going to lose.

Yes. But Liz, what about, I'll tell you the movie, if Liz watches this movie, you've probably already watched it. I love Martinis. You'll love it as much as cinema. Nights in Cabiria. Pull it up. Pull it up. I don't think that's a real movie. Isn't that, is it Fellini? Who made it? Fellini? Cabiria. And that's his wife. Yeah. Whoa. Oh, I remember that. It's amazing. Did you watch it? When she's in bed, she's just like all angry.

I don't think she's in Bedge, right? He had to put the wife in the movie? Who is he, Apatow? Oh my God! Wow. No, but Fellini's cool. Eight and a half's amazing. Did you look up the Star Maker 2, the Italian version of the Star Maker? It's called something to Womo. If you guys watch these two movies, you're going to be blown away. Star Maker? Star Maker, but it's the Italian version. I see. That one.

It's unbelievable. Man of the Stars. That's what it's called. That's my favorite movie of all time. Wow. What's it called? El Homo del Este. Man of the Stars. Can you send me a copy of this podcast so I can remember all these movies? Just have these movies. I know. Some of these, dude. Yeah.

All right, I'm on it. Ennio Morricone with the music. What's it about? I'm in. Damn, every time he fucking kills the music. We should do a scene like from The Star Maker or from Cinema Apparition with Rich Vos playing one of the characters. We get him and Vos to do it. Francesco, Mattel, and Vos. Sure. That sounds like.

Gizmo didn't like that. Gizmo's like, eh. This is one of the best things ever. Really? All right. What's it about? You're reading right now. Joe Morelli. Traveling rural Sicily. Offering to take screen tests of wannabe actors.

For a fee. He claims to work for a big Roman film studio. In reality, he's a fraud. He meets several people who express their deepest feelings and secrets in front of the camera. At one of his stops, he meets a young girl. Bietta. A convent girl who becomes a taxidermist despite his protestations. Wow, okay. I'm interested. Interesting. It doesn't sound that great, but I'll give it a try. I mean, it sounds like he's fucking a nun. Yeah. That's what it sounds like. Very sexy. Oh, no.

Oh, no. He didn't ever win. Wow. Oh, okay. Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. Le uomo delle stelle. Oh, is that Beata? Yeah. Oh, baby. Love those young Italian horrors. Man of the stars. Molto bene. Yep. Perfect. Remember that girl in The Godfather? The Sicilian broad? The wife. The wife who blows up? Yeah. Spoiler alert. Yeah. She was something. Annapurna.

What was her name? She was hot. Yeah. Oh, man. When he gets away from it all and start a new chapter, get some Sicilian punani. Yeah. Acropolis. What was her name? Acropolis. Apollonia. Apollonia. That's it. That's when you were a kid. You throw that on. You see some tits. Oh.

And this is like an artistic movie. Yes. A lot of piece of shit. 70s tips. I noticed that young dudes aren't into The Godfather. What? I heard that. Too slow? It doesn't resonate with them. The idea of

I don't know that kind of masculinity and tradition. It's lost on them. Let's make a mob movie about influencers. Yeah. Influencers. That's a good idea. You come to my house not to make a fucking video for my vlog? What kind of disrespect is this? You see my friend, you don't follow me? Ha ha ha.

Jesus Christ. That's coming. Yeah, some of those classics, like when you're growing up, they're like Network was another one. Great movies and tits. This is a great combo. What about Dog Day Afternoon? Classic. Probably my top ten movies ever. Ahead of the game on Trans, by the way. Yeah. Dog Day Afternoon.

Dog Day is just perfect, man. Sydney will match his fucking rules. They're shooting up the block from my house. Is that Park Slope? Yeah. Whoa. It's Bishop Ward. It's Windsor Towers, right? Yeah. Right there. I'm walking up the block. My friend goes, they're shooting a movie like eight blocks away. We should go be extras. I was like, I'm not going to fuck it. I could have been an extra in Dog Day Afternoon. Wow. Oh, man. They could have fucked you out of the crowd. Who knew it was going to be a big...

extras are so important part of it hell yeah if you watch the verdict there's money involved they were just saying we go stand right dude the verdict you can see an extra bruce willis is one of the jurors big head of hair it's crazy yeah it's kind of cool to see that stuff and now he can't speak it's so sad yeah studied him on claire there he is where oh wow

Yeah, that's a fucking, that's another Sidney Lumet, by the way. Yeah. That's right. Great fucking movie. So Sidney Lumet is like, yeah. How about Q&A? The greatest. What did Al Pacino win? Sidney Lumet. Q&A? I haven't seen that one. I don't know Q&A. Oh, that's a good, that's a great one. We fucking. Jim Norton loves that one too. He loves QAnon. I've never heard of Q&A. I'm over there.

Oh, young Nolte. Nolte. Where's Nolte? Whatever happened? Well, the mugshot happened and it ruined him. But after, I mean, come on. I think that hurt him, but I mean, I don't give a shit. Come back, Nick. Come back. It was something. And it was written by Judge Edwin Torres. Luis Guzman, dude. We met him at...

Jenny Mamey. At Garden of Laughs, DeStefano and I. And it was so funny watching. He was so nice. He was the coolest guy. But it was so funny watching DeStefano try to be like, you guys got a sitcom going, you'd be great as their father-in-law. And he's like, I don't do like bad TV stuff. Wow. Sounds sort of like something that Colin said. Oh. I'm not going to be your father in your pilot. No, no, no. I'm going to do my own stuff. Enter Chaz Palminteri.

You knew it was going to flop. I just like that script. That's fair. You wrote the script where there's literally no conflict after the pilot. Right. How are you going to have a show? All right. You got principles. The show already failed. We don't have to trash it, you know? I mean, it's fair. Fair, fair. It's fair. DeStefano needed to hear it again. It's all right. Words of caution. Just one more time. Good point. He's like, look.

The show that lasted one episode was not good. We want to prove it again. That must have been tough, though. We should put a balloon here called Chris's Dream and then we all... Well, I think the turnaround is that Guzman might do the show now. Really? He was so fucking cool. And that guy's also been in like...

He's been in everything. He's been in a lot of stuff. He's like low-key kind of just been in every great movie. Yeah. The only thing you'll never see him on? Kill Tom. Ah!

Release it soon or it's going to look old. Move it up. Lord have mercy. Bump us past Ari and Adrian. He's got a good filmography there. Yeah. I mean, everything. Out of sight is so good. The limey is good. Traffic. Traffic's sick.

Damn, dude. Damn. Ah, Pluto Nash. Magnolia. Wow. And by the way, in Q&A, he's amazing. Oh, yeah? He's great. Everybody's great in it. All right. Dude, can you write some of these down for me? I know. And then text it to all of us. Just write down Q and A. Jesus. And a star is born or whatever.

I like the idea of the, I like Influencer Godfather the best of all these movies. That's fun. Influencer Godfather? Yeah, that is a good idea. Make that. Text Pimp. Text Pimp. Make it happen. That'd be good. Oh, Pimp would do it in a second. Of course he would. Influencer Godfather. He would love that. Maybe I should do that. Why do you think they're not into it, this generation?

Why? Because they're too busy watching like four things. First of all, we're taking Tom Horford with no evidence. I think he's right. I've heard this from other people. No, but I've heard other people say this. People are up their own ass. They don't want to watch another family. They don't. Three and a half hours is probably why. Everybody just wants the 60 seconds, 120 seconds on their phone and then keep it moving. That's it. Maybe that's how they got to watch Godfather. Even in those days, by the way, they said Godfather was...

They were, you know, you screened it for Paramount executives and they were like, we have a bomb on our hands. This is terrible. It's slow. It's lit too dark. There's not enough violence. They wouldn't buy any clout. Yeah. They were horrified. They were all like, what a bomb. And there was a panic in the studio. That's right. It is. Did you read the offer?

About getting The Godfather made? The show's the offer. The book is... I watched the series. I watched the series, too. I didn't read the book. The book is called something else. I forgot. It's called Spaghetti or something. No. Puzo.

Mario Mario. The book's called The Office. It came with you. No, it's called The Office. Is it The Office? The book about the making of The Godfather. Just look that up. How much do you think Ricky Gervais is worth? Ooh. Well, I just want to know one thing. How much did he make of The American Office? That's it.

He made a ton off of that. He spent for life. How much is a ton? I bet we could Google his net worth. I want to know how much he got off the American office. 400 million. Easy. Off the American office? Yeah. You guys are crazy. Residual. That's too much. He's made enough money that he is very happy to not do anything after 8 p.m. to make sure he's in his house by midnight.

8 p.m. Well, he does stand up. He does stand up. What are you saying? He's got FU money? Yeah. And he does that other show. But I want to know what he made on the American office. 100% is FU money. Has he come by the cellar? He's been before, yeah, but it's, you know, he doesn't want to do anything late. Most of his money, American office. NBC picked it up. What is it? A bunch of comments? That's not the answer. Reddit.

His net worth, $160 million. See, you guys are 400 on the office alone. I knew you guys had done it. Yeah, but that shit says we're worth like 40. Do you believe him when he says kids don't like their godfather? They don't. Pull up Colin Quinn's net worth. Pull up Sam Morrell's net worth. Oh, shit. Let's see what we've got. That's my point. I don't trust it. And then let's see. Fuck Colin. We don't need Colin. What is this, Bing? What search engine are you using here?

Bing. What is this? Ash Jeeves? Ooh, CQ, two million. All right. Now put in dumb Sam's name. Not belong. That one's a godfather. Oh, no! Wow, you beat CQ. What is happening? What a shitty ring win. What is that? All my life. All my life, I slaved away. Oh!

Real estate. Real estate. All right. Don't put in Tom Papa. I don't want to embarrass you. Do it right now. Do it right now. Tom Papa. Put Liz. It'll say who? Tom Papa. These things are never right. Tom Papa. Tommy Papa. $500,000. Oh!

Tommy Pops. Now I've got to make this movie. If you let Tom, I've doubled my wealth. Let's start writing, boys. For years, I've paid my people extra so they don't do patient work. Oh, that's not good. Todd Berry beat you. Oh!

Oh, no! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! David Tell, that's crazy. That's a horrible photo. No, no, no. He is great real estate, David Tell. Great real estate. That's true. 100%. Those sons of bitches really got me. Go to Taylor Swift. Wow. Wow.

All right. Colin. Hey, you know, I screwed up. $1.5 billion. Jesus. Now she's got the kind of money I like. She's funny. That's some fuck you money. That's what I'm talking about. That's real money. Yeah. Look at she funded a party. Who gave her? $600 million. Oh, boy. Man, I would love to trade places with that guy. Everyone wants a downtown Brooklyn address. Yeah. Woo.

What's the inside scoop on that? When does that trial start? That's what's annoying about him. I want some hard facts. I've just seen rumors on the internet. Yes! We got the beating in the hallway. Right. That's something concrete. Right. But everything else is like, he fucked Bieber. J-Lo's getting a divorce. What'd he do with Jay-Z? I'm like, give me something.

I know. They keep saying all these celebrities have left the country. Yes. Well, I feel like they're just clamping down. Everybody's getting deals. Yeah. There's going to be a lot of rappers that are CIA assets for the next 20 years. Who do you think is the biggest name on that Diddy Party list? Because I've heard Jay-Z. I've heard murmurs of LeBron. DiCaprio. Dude, everybody.

Dude, everybody. Everybody. Everybody went to this party. They were all there. Yeah, but who was at the bad part is what I'm asking. Keith. All of them. They were all there after midnight. Did you say Keith? Keith. Keith Robinson. John Lasker. I'm saying it's Keith Robinson. Keith Robinson. Yeah. Yes. Keith would still go to a party if he was invited. Yeah, he would. Of course he would. He'd be like, freedom. Clank. I would go too if I was invited. Where's the clank? Yeah.

He got a couple strokes in. Jesus. Sorry. But. Who the hell was it? Yeah. You would have gone Epstein's Island. You would have gone Epstein. Well, do you think that he survives? He did? Yeah. Does he go to jail? Nah. He's already got jail time and. No, like Epstein, right? Oh.

Do they let him survive? I think Diddy is doing just fine in jail. Good question. Like, I think you put him in any sort of jail scenario and he'll be okay. Yeah. So you don't think the powerful people try and... You tell us you're part of the Illuminati with that four million? Yeah, you're friends with Matt Damon. Come on. I tell you, those numbers are always inaccurate. You know De Niro. Not as Mayor Adams.

Oh, no, that's another one. I'm sure. Yeah, Mayor Adams is in hot water. Cat Williams was the prophet. Yes. It's all his people. No, there's Bruce Willis.

Yeah. He doesn't remember it though. And he's not talking either. He can't speak. That's how Bruce wins. Oh, Jeepers. Smart. Smart. He planted the seed early. Hey, I can't talk anymore. Just another example of why it was smart to stay in standup. Yes. Chase the big money guys. With the losers. Good job. Good job. Yeah.

Yeah, we're not throwing any good parties. No. No, absolutely not. You didn't do that movie. Yeah. Although we are throwing a party next week, but we'll tell you about that later. Oh, yeah. We're both invited. Oh, no. Is it like an anniversary of the show? No, no, no. Do we have to wear white?

Only you, Tom. It's going to get crazy after seven years. It's a centuria party. Just a clan hood. But yeah, we're doing a little bodega cat. Release party. There you go. At a bodega.

No, I have a bad black pussycat. Oh, yeah. All right. Wow. Yep. By the way, I heard a Hispanic guy recently saying, hey, stop. White guy, stop saying bodega. That's not for you. And I was like, oh, shit. We just started this whole liquor. What are you supposed to say? You don't have to answer that. Deli. Convenience store. Deli. But deli is Jewish. Bodega is like a New York thing. I didn't even think about it. Yeah, no. Bodega is a New York. It's like, yeah. Word in Spanish. That's it.

When I was growing up, it was Koreans on them. Oh. The Koreans. No, actually, it used to be Puerto Rican, then it became Koreans. I see. You ever see the Koreans on the roof in the riots? That's a great photo. Pull them up. Man. Yes, white people can say bodega. Thank you, Google. Good AI. The whitest site ever.

Come see Sam. Look at these guys. These are fucking men. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Just protecting their corner store. Their homestead. I remember that the whole time. Crazy. Good times. Definitely the toughest Asian. Oh, Koreans? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Japanese don't fuck around, dude. I mean, look at that war. Yeah, but they got no shoes on. They're doing... They are tough, but guess who's tougher? Tongans. Them giants who want the earth. Pull them up. Robert Kelly? What?

What's a Tongan? Bobby? Oh, he's like Sumo? What about, yeah, the Sumos are tough. What about the Maoris? What about the Tongans? What about the Samoans? Oh, the Samoans. Samoans are giants who walk the earth. Yes. Haktua? No, what's the guy? I've never seen a Samoan fight. What's the guy? Tua, the football player. From the Dolphins? The guy who got canceled? Is that tough? No, he's not canceled. The guy from the Dolphins?

What's his name? You see, he's not going to wear one of those special helmets to actually protect him. That's what I don't understand. Not Tua, Tao. Oh, Manateo. Yeah, that's a totally different dude. Who are you thinking of? Tua? The quarterback from the Miami Dolphins. No, he just had a guy fuck with his head. Not a congenial.

No, Tua, this guy won't wear the fucking equipment. Really? Yeah. Really? He won't wear that like crown thing? Simone's considered effeminate to do that. And they're right. I do too, for the record. I mean, complete high school football. He did, yes. You know, doing this is not the most manly shit either. So, you know. What, because they play ukulele to Simone's mom? I don't know. I know just being like concussed and doing this shit. I thought you were saying, oh, I didn't know that there was a flute. I was like, where are you?

having Parkinson's? Oh my God. That's how his hands are moving. He's doing it like Trump. Yeah. Like Trump. How about Tommy played high school football for Clifton High? You played high school football? Dude, Tom was, I'm going to say this, Tom was a badass. Tom played football. Tom is like motorcycle cross country type guy. Good looking guy. Strong looking guy. Tom Pop-Up, badass. Back in the day. Tattoos. Whoa.

Tom Papa's badass. And now you're baking bread. I'm playing it. Back in the day. And he bakes an amazing loaf of bread. There was only one problem, and he says it in a book. It's not a secret. Liz, you'll know what this is. The shocker? The horns. His girlfriend was cheating on him in high school. What do you mean? You gave her the horns? That's what they call it in Italian. Yeah, like cornute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Like your cup. Your cup. Your cup.

Wait. A traumatic memory. Colin Reddenbrook. I think she's cheating on me. He told his friend. I think I said, I think I said, I think she's cheating on me with so-and-so. And he was like, so-and-so. She's cheating on you with everybody. Oh, shit. Oh, man.

How'd you confront her? Crying. Why? In his football uniform. Why? Damn. Just promise you won't do it again. I learned a lot from that.

I didn't know Tom Papa as a badass. He was a badass. Oh, yeah. Tom's a badass. I was like, oh, shit. Tom Papa. Rock and roll. Did you know him as that? No. I didn't mean to say it like that. No, I didn't know the badass, Tom. I've only heard about the badass, Tom. Do you ever want to let that guy out again? Investigate him.

Yeah, he's kind of frank-tanking it now. He's like popping his head up now that my kids are gone. Oh, good. Yeah. Get on the bike. It's like, I can have weed on my coffee table again? Yeah. Like, yeah, wait a minute. But I don't think I have the stamina, the willpower. I heard about him. The brain cells. I don't think he's coming back. It creeps out of my stand-up, too, because Tom is pretty clean, but every once in a while I have a bit about him. You have that bit about drinking over the sink?

And I was like, oh, shit. You were like, what? Yeah. A lot of the female bookers in the world have told me about this. Oh. Easy. They told them about this shit right here. Rebecca Trent. She gave me old horns. You read all the books.

All of Tom's books. I read two of them. Colin interviewed me at the 92nd Street Y. And the Barnes & Noble. Twice. Wow. You have books? He's a good friend. He has books. What? I have three books. The problem with Tom's books, not the problem, love him, love Tom, is that you read Tom's book and...

all you hear is Tom's voice in your head. They're that well written that you literally just hear Tom talking to you. And for someone that knows Tom, it's a little disconcerting. You have four books. Holy shit. How do you write that?

I have three books. He's a prolific motherfucker. There's two specials in there. You're doing great. It's a book. Your dad stole my rake. We're all in this together. And other family dilemmas. And we're all in this together. Was Human Mule the Rob Zombie one? Human Mule was not. No. Freaked Out was Rob Zombie, right? Freaked Out and Live in New York were Rob Zombie. Wow. Wow. You were rocking a martini in that one. In the New York one. In the New York one. You should make Soderbergh's direct one of your specials. I tried.

He had no part of it. Why? How about Matt Damon? Whoa. Tell him to do a Bourne Identity special where you go to the garage. Oh, that'd be great. You, Tom on a motorcycle, Matt Damon. I should not have another martini. Still Bourne Identity. Still Bourne Identity.

What did Soderbergh say when you asked him to? Absolutely not. I'm busy. Greg Jacobs, though, who works with Soderbergh, is a director. He did You're Doing Great. Let me tell you something. I'll say this right now. I was just joking when I said that. The audacity of you to ask Soderbergh to direct you to Soderbergh.

If you don't ask. Yeah, you got to ask. He introduced me to Soderbergh. And Soderbergh came right up and goes, I know you loved it, but Confederacy of Dunces will never be a movie. And he wrote. He tried. He tried to do it. He's from New Orleans. He loves it. And he said, it's not meant to be. That is your favorite book ever. It should be a movie. That is your favorite book. They shouldn't make it. That's right. They shouldn't. Although Michael, you know, Michael, the bartender singer from the cellar. Yeah. Yeah.

Michael goes, sends us these scripts. It's like, oh no. He sent us all these scripts. Oh no, he wrote all these Confederacy. He goes, I wrote the whole series. He wrote the Confederacy as a streamer, like eight episodes. It's brilliant. It's great. What do you mean? It's brilliant. Shut up. It's so on the money.

It really captures everything you want it to capture. It's amazing. Wait, I'm literally going to text him right now. A show could work. He did it for no reason. A series could work. Certain book... What was the Tom Wolfe book that just tanked as a movie? Oh, yeah. Bonfire of the Vanities. Yeah. Certain stuff just doesn't... And they wrote a great book. Well, that was the beginning of Politically Correct. That book was great because it was all based... There was a Jewish judge. There was the Irish guy. There was the black guy.

And they made it, they changed the whole thing. They took all the ethnicities and changed it because they were like, we don't need to be that. And they changed the essence of what it was. His thing was about New York and everybody being who they were. And they just acted like it. People are just like, you can just be reading a book and you're like, yeah, you're too scared. I read a book over the weekend. I was on the road called A Rage in Harlem, Chester Himes. I remember this book. It's a cool book.

But I was like, holy shit, they would never make a book. Like, it's so fucking violent. They would ruin this, you know? Right, right. And it was like a trans element. And it was like really kind of, it was like the 50s. It's like cutting edge as shit. It's awesome. By the way, Q&A has some of the greatest trans elements of all time. Really? I'm going to watch this this weekend. Okay. Confederacy Dunces, even though the scripts are really great. Yeah.

Everyone has their own vision of what he is. You know what I mean? Ignatius? Yeah. I feel like you have to cast that as an unknown. That's also the beauty of it. I agree. An unknown with a big voice, like a British, almost like a British, like that guy Oliver Platt. Do you remember? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We tried to get him on the pod. He wouldn't come on. He's great. He's sobriety. I'll tell you who could have done it. We have sober guests all the time. I'll tell you who could have done it.

If he gained weight, Will Ferrell. He almost did it. Will Ferrell could do it because he'd go all the way with it. Who did it on Broadway? Someone did it in Connecticut. What's his face from Parks and Rec? Off of a Z. He did a whole Broadway show. That's not bad. You've got to get his new song. Will Ferrell is insane enough to really pull it off too. Wow, that looks just like him.

That's him. That's good. That's Offerman. They went a little too piratey there, huh? Well, yeah, the pirate. Remember, there's a pirate scene, and he dressed like a pirate. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. I guess that's the one. There, that's what I was picturing. To do it on stage is tough. God. Wow, they really fatted it off. Oh, there he is. It's hard to judge. You can never judge anything in the theater from a photo. That's true. It just always falls. New York won when they show the greatest play. That's Mona Minkoff, probably.

Yeah, he's a good actor, that guy Nick Offerman, too. He's really amazing, yeah. Look at that belly. They got him. I know. He's got a good belly going, too. He's in a new thing about Chester A. Arthur coming out. The president? Yeah. Maybe it's about Garfield, but he plays Chester Arthur, actually. But it sounds awesome. What the hell? What are you saying, Sam? None of us know. No, he just...

Give it a go. Oh, he's in it. He plays Chester Arthur. We thought you were just bringing up Chester A. Arthur, which nobody's ever brought up. Well, no, he plays him in the thing. Same episode. Well, no, because it's, I mean, it seems like... Was he like a scandalous president?

Chester? Chester Arthur? I mean, Garfield got fucking assassinated, so I don't know. Like, he's... Yeah, I don't know that story at all. Well, he was assassinated, but he didn't die from the bullet wound. He died from the doctor not washing his fucking hands. Oh! I never wash my hands. He's like the reason... He's the reason doctors wash their hands is Garfield. Is that right? Yeah, there we go. Wow. That's my lightning.

There was a guy at SiriusXM. I was in the bathroom, and I'm washing my hands after using the urine. There was a guy in the stall. And I'm washing my hands, doing the whole thing. You know, at Sirius, they have the garbage can right by the door, so you can take the paper towel, open the door with it. And this guy bops out of the stall and just, thank you, and went right past me. He poppied you. I was like, no, thinking like, no shame, no like, no.

Dude, you just came right from the stall. Wow. Come into the world. Doesn't he know everyone there has a radio show? They can just talk about that employee? Yeah. That's crazy. I see it at the airport a lot. I see it at the comedy cellar a lot. Oh, boy. I've heard about Ladies and Men, and I hear about it from the men's room. Whoa. I'm keeping my mouth closed. As long as they only work...

Around the food, I don't care. As long as I don't touch the mic. Is the game going to be on at the Southern Lights? Yes, of course it is. I think that's where I'm going to watch it. Are you going to be there? Yeah, Fiori and I...

Andy Fiori and I need to watch this game together because every time it's been a pivotal game. We've watched it together and they've won Watch it on a phone and just focus and we broke a table and glasses when they won the ALCS Such a nice guy and it's a waste of those giant hands

Those hands should be around people's throats. He does have a balance.

a bouncer type of like I will kill you he'd be a beast his father's really like 90 old but he was a World War II veteran yeah his father was I think he was on a D-Day his father was he lived for like 100 or something yeah he died during COVID his father was also like one of those old school guineas that like he'd go to the dentist and be like I don't want the Novocaine and do root canals without

Hardcore gets me on the road and he always gets mad because I don't like to eat after the show It's the worst time to eat If it's just one show you only one show one show my window is closed

It's really true. I used to be tough. I used to be tough. One time, Fiore walked through the cellar, you know, and Dave Attell was on stage. He was going to the bathroom, and Dave goes, oh, a hipster Santa. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

He's got the white beard, the white hair. Damn, that's so good. So good. It's a good one. You got to put up a photo of him while we're- Yeah. I mean, he's just a huge lug of a human being. Big old- He's a good guy. White hair as well. It's a lovable lug. Fucking Fiori. Yeah, we thought he was from Buffalo for some reason. He just looks like he's from Buffalo. Yeah, Jersey. He comes from Clifton. He knew Mario's Pizza where- Oh.

Good upbringing out there. Seems like white picket fence. My parents fell in love in Clifton as high schoolers. The best town I was at the other night. I can't believe I never was in this town my whole life was Rutherford. Yeah. Right by the bridge. It's the most beautiful town I've ever seen. That was my first apartment as a baby. I never saw it. You just can't.

Hi, Gizmo. How old is Gizmo? Gizmo's 12 and a half. Whoa. Frank is like six and a half. And they look the same. That's a healthy...

That is a healthy pooch. I think he was 29 pounds today or 28.6 pounds today at the vet. Wow. He's a little fucker. Is he a little arthritic? He seems like he's... Yes, he has osteoarthritis and we use Labrella, which is for everyone or anyone listening, it's amazing if your dog has arthritis. It really has fucking changed his life. It's a shot. He gets a shot every month and it like...

Game changer. My cat could use that, I think. Probably. I think Keith dated her, Labrella. Keith could use some Labrella. Tom used to have a bit about how the bathroom's the only place you have privacy, and it's like your wife's hand under there, your daughter's hand under there, the cat's paw under there. Great visual. Well, wait, Tom, special's out.

been out home free and Collins got a YouTube puppy cooking two of the best what's it called the election no

Tea and Stamps. Confederacy of Denses. The election special. Stamps and Tea. That's it. Stamps and Tea. Colin Quinn. It's on YouTube. Subscribe to Colin Quinn's YouTube. And by the way, the worst thing about today is Todd Barry's going to be so happy that he's won a 2.5 and I'm only worth $10. Don't tell him. He's not watching. None of this is real.

It's all fake. We won't hear about it. They'll put out clips. That's a good sign that you're double the time limit. So you're 8,000 versus four hours. That's a good sign. It is? Yeah, yeah. It should be about 1,000 an hour is good. You're double that. That's good. Nice. Nice.

Colin Quinn, the best comedian we have amongst us. Listen, when we started this shit, it was 6,000. Aha, that's true. It was. I saw that. The most prolific stand-up comedian we have. Tonight, it's going to really catch fire tonight. Oh, you better believe it. Halloween, a lot of people stay home. They watch comedy. Plus, the election's in the algo. You're all over the algo. By the time this comes out, the election will be over. No! No!

Come on, Yang. What America will we be living in? Bowen Yang. Yeah, there you go. Home free. Is Andrew Yang running now? No, I'm joking. What's his name's running? Jules Dunn. Jules Dunn and Mary Williamson. I did tell someone to write Colin's name in for president. There you go. I've been pushing for Colin to be mayor. He wouldn't be the mayor. I've been saying that for a long time. I like that. Colin would be great. He knows every borough. Be cute. That's true. And I got the greatest slogan. What? Win for the win.

Nice. But we can't have a homophobic mayor. What? Colin could do it. You could do it. I'll do it. You giving speeches with that voice? I'll do it. The gravel. And I promise you people. Yes. Yes. From Brooklyn, Brooklyn.

born and raised. They knew tomorrow. When Maxie and I made that cartoon, he voiced the mayor. They knew tomorrow today. You just walk from your apartment to work. It's like this. You pass Joe's pizza. You have a slice. I don't even pass Joe's. It's perfect. I literally live a block from you. I know. That's what I'm saying. Your rat idea. I was going to say every homeless person, $20 a rat.

Two birds, one homeless. Yes. I love it. Wasn't it sticky pad on the avenue after midnight? Oh, that's right. I forgot my sticky pad. And you have your homeless person program. Roll it up before people go to work. That's great. Colin has his whole homeless person program. Yes, I have a homeless program. Yeah, he's going to get rid of homelessness. I would clear up the homeless problem, definitely. Oh, you had a homeless train.

No. Oh, that was another idea I had, yeah. They have their own cart. No, this one's better. They have their own car on the train. This way they have like a sleep car and you don't have to deal with them. That's good. Hmm. But

You get on that car by action, though, it's going to be dicey. It'll be like those old 40s movies where you have the little sleeper cars. Yeah, you label it. That's actually not bad. I know. Quinn for the win! Quinn for the win! Quinn for the win! Quinn for the win! By the way, I like the fact that my favorite part of the campaign so far is

Tom's slogan didn't catch on at all. Exactly. They all made up their own. I thought mine was so good. Tom's like, Quinn for the win. See you. Call in. Call in. Tom's slogan bomb. Quinn for the win is already used. Who's that? A-L-S. I guess we can't. Lou Gehrig Disease Institute. God damn it. They say Quinn for the win at Lou Gehrig Disease? Why? Why?

That guy died. Pat Quinn. There you go. Pat Quinn. I never liked that guy. No, no. It's going to bring up bad memories for that community. Oh, my God. Tom, stop saying it. It's not your brand. I'm sorry.

That's true. Gizmo's just done. He's careless. Looks like Gizmo had five martinis. Yeah. Gizmo's been like, where are you guys going to be on the road? He gave us the light like three times. Yeah, you doing road gigs? Sure. He's pulling them up right now. Big one's coming up. Yeah, what do you got? Tommy Pops, what's happening? You're opening for the sign. Who wants to put

We want to promote those days. We want to promote our specials. Just go to TomPapa.com. Yeah, really. There's going to be new dates posted for the new year. Look at this. There's a little map on there. And you know what? December. What day is it in December that you're doing Come to Papa? Oh, no. He's doing it at the cellar. Come to Papa live. December 10th. I never told you guys about the time. I demanded they don't use my material on Sirius about a year ago. And yet? I said, don't use my material, Tom. I'll do your show.

Big favor. But don't use it on Sirius. He goes, we won't. He looked at me like that. Even asking is an insult. That's not true. Nick DiPaolo calls me. I like that bit you're doing. I go, that's an old bit of it's on Sirius. He starts saying that. I'm like, I haven't even put it out yet. Oh, yeah.

On the new special. And... The Apollo message we want to do about a bit on Sirius. The Apollo listens to Sirius. Yes, he drives around because he misses the comedy scene. Yeah, right. He loved going to that skank fest with you guys. That was fun. I wasn't there, but... He loved it. We put him on our pod. We had to delete the app. He loved it. Nancy Pelosi's a...

Have you guys never had DePaulo on here? We would. No, he doesn't live here. He was in Savannah. Yeah, I understand that. But when he's in town, come on. I wouldn't have him. He was here for Colin's wedding. Yeah, that's true. That was a while ago. They opened DePaulo or two each year. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Does Nick drink? He's so funny. Yeah, does Nick drink? Dewar's on the rocks. I remember that. Oh, nice. Dewar's on the rocks. He gets mellow when he drinks. Okay. He's so much fun. It's weird to picture a mellow DePaulo. Yeah, well, I would say, well, mellow for him. Yeah. My favorite DePaulo story is that Hedberg joke, you know, about,

I was on the phone with him that moment. Whoa. I was on the phone with him and he goes, this guy next to me, I'm going to go over there and kick the shit out of him. You hear him banging on the fucking wall? You hear this fucking guy banging on the wall? You hear the fucking music he's playing? And he's banging on the wall. He goes, I'm going to kick this guy's ass. I'm going to play music too loud. Whoa.

Whatever Mitch Hedberg would listen to in the early 90s. Yeah. You tell me. Blind Melon. Blind Melon. But then they ended up liking it. Temple of the Dog. But then they ended up liking it. He goes next door and he goes, and then he called me and he goes, the guy's really good. He's a cool guy. He's funny. I saw him in Letterman or something. He was really funny. He's a comedian. What are the odds of that? Nah.

Wow. That is crazy. That's crazy. Well, Seinfeld said Nick gave him the best tag he's ever gotten in all of comedy history. Really? The funeral joke. He said on your pod, the one where Seinfeld says public speaking is the number one fear, number two is death. Right. Something, something, something. And then Nick goes, you should say that means at a funeral you'd rather be in the box than given the eulogy. Right. Something like that. Yeah, that's right.

Nah, it never works. Ah, come on. Colin Quinn in Ann Arbor, Michigan, November 7th. Will this be out before November 7th? I doubt it. You really should move it up. You guys, this editing process is difficult. You know what? No one cares about Ari. November 29th, he's in... If you could just go to ColinQuinn.com or really subscribe to his YouTube page because he's so active.

on YouTube. Yes, too active. He has all this shit. Like, he does the Block by Block. He has... Cop Show's up there. Cop Show is on there. His Instagram. Tom Layoff. There's also a Cop Show TikTok. Tom Layoff. If you want to go to TikTok, you can see a lot of Cop Show there. Thanks, Liz. You're welcome. Tom, you're stuck in the 2010s. I just like seeing you on MySpace. Nope. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I like what I like. Enough with the bread, Tom. Tom Papa is making bread, best bread I've ever had. It's a great bread. And he's on Netflix radio every single day with Fortune Feimster, and you can find him on TomPapa.com. He's also going to be at the Comedy Cellar December 10th for Comfort.

to Papa Live. Christmas edition. Christmas edition where he'll sing and it'll be annoying and I'll hate it, but it'll be great. What are you going to sing? He sings every fucking time. He sings every time. Sing the song, Colin. Sing the song. Sing it. Colin knows the song. Yes. Colin knows it. I like New York and June. All right.

How about you? And there it is. But it's doing better. Where do we go to get Colin Quinn's movie recs? Power Finale. We go to YouTube and that's the criterion. Matt's got his work cut out for me. I don't sell merch. I'm in the 70s. We sell Power Finale. Oh. Yeah.

Well, this is great. Thanks, guys. Wait, what about their dates? No one cares about them. Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, D.C., Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston. It goes on and on. We get it, Sam. We get it. We're on the tour bus for this one. It's worth four minutes. Yeah, I'm doing a bus the whole run. He's doing a bus. Him, Gary Veeder. It's going to be smelly and disgusting. Portland, Burlington, Montreal, Toronto. You're really going out like a beast, huh? Yeah. I'm going to your city, basically. And if I'm not, I'll be in the fall. You're not playing games? Oh, you're doing stand-up live with Brands?

I am, I am. I want to go. Stand up live in Phoenix. Do it a couple nights to start off. That's a bus run, but we're starting there and it's going to be great. Samorelle.com slash shows or punchup.live slash Samorelle. I'm embarrassed to say Mark Norman's date. I know. Ready, Norman?

We like to work. I'll be at NOLA, East Providence, the Comedy Connection. We're going back to clubs, Wilkes-Barre, Inglewood, Houston, Phoenix, Dallas. And Nashville at the Ryman, baby. Grand Ole Opry. That's fucking awesome. Are you going to film that? Maybe I will. That's fucking awesome. Ryman, come on, man. That's huge. Fuck Nate Bogazzi.

The crowd will be like, whoa. Yeah. Well, that's going to be weird because he's going to do a guest set. No, he's opening. That's an amazing fucking venue. That's awesome. Hey, thank you. That's so cool. Good job. Good publicist. Can I interest you in Tony Hinchcliffe? If you complete this tour, you may edge out Todd Barry by the end of the year.

Come on. BodegaCatWhiskey.com for Bodega Cat. We're moving. We're at Peter Luger's right now. We're at Strip House. Strip House. Where else? It's my favorite. The Cellar. Thank you. The other clubs that we won't name. Thank you. We're cruising with stuff.

The Comedy Cellar, we love you for preparing this. We love you, Lynn. We're at Danger Hills. We got a neon light going up there at the Comedy Cellar in the Fat Black, too. That's going to be sick. Yes, that's right. Come get a drink. I'm also wearing your merch. I love it. It's a good color on you. Because it hides the dog hair. Ah, smarts. Ah, the dog hair. Did you hear that, Gizmo? Gizmo. Did you hear that? You give out free hoodies to all the guests today. Woo!

We were supposed to get some merch. It's coming for you guys. We love you. Thank you. Good night. Keep drinking. Sunday's the day for my next Fender juice close. And Norman's talking shit about home the same way. Up on the roof like feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New. This woman doesn't look like I remember. Be true.