Ep 200: Brian Regan & Woodford Reserve
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It's just been told to us that this is episode 200, so thank you guys for coming with us on this journey here. Hey, we made it. Same age as Biden. All right. 200! Hear, hear. Not bad. It looks like we got a gift here from the It's Always Sunny guys. Whoa! How about that? Four walls, whiskey, which means, hey...

Mark, Sam, and Matthew. We got a little note. This looks like a long note. Wow. Jesus Christ. What is that? The Declaration? Congratulations on Bodega Cat. Looking forward to talking whiskey. One of these days soon on the pod or at the bar. Cheers from four walls. Very nice. From the desk of Rob, Glenn, and Charlie. Wow. Very cool. Yeah, we got a little sig from the boys here. Hey. So, yeah, exciting. We'll put this in the bar and fuck it.

We'll try it. Can't wait to give it a shot here. Ooh, that's a good looking whiskey there. Thanks. It's always sunny, guys. Four walls whiskey. And you guys got to come drink some Bodega Cat. You got that right. Do we have other gifts here? We got a little video first from one of our fans. Oh, some fans. Oh, I recognize this fan. Oh, wow. Look at this.

Hey, Mark and Sam. Happy 200 episodes. You come guzzling Nazis. I'm so happy I got to be on your show. I'm not one of the only regulars, baby. So thanks for having me on We Might Be Drunk. And I hope you guys burn in hell. Yeah. Hey, Sam and Mark. That's my air conditioner in the background. I should shut that off, but I'm not going to do that. Happy 200th episode. And yeah.

Not much more I can say. Good energy. What's up, Bodega Cats? This is former guest and former friend, let's be honest, Joe DeRosa. I'm just here to wish you congrats on 200 episodes.

of They Might Be Drunk. I got to be honest, I thought it was about 478 at this point, but it's only been 200, which means there are a lot more to go. But I got to be honest, for a drinking podcast, 200 is a landmark. I don't think you are drunk. I don't think you're drinking enough. You sound a bit too motivated. He's got a drinking podcast. You know, you hit about...

16 eps and then you say what do you say we celebrate we did enough anyway guys look i've made enough haha congrats sam and mark and the crew salicus and everybody else we might be drunk i definitely am right now matt peters hey sam congratulations on 200 episodes uh i'm sure every other comedian has thought of something funny to say i have not

So I just wanted to say congratulations. I'm trying to be genuine. And, yeah, see you around. Sam, I'll see you. I'll go upstairs and see you now. Oh, neighbor. Yeah, I'm taking a serious shit. And that's not going to stop me from congratulating Mark and Sam. I actually heard it hit the water. My two favorite comedians on the 200th episode of We Might Be Drunk.

Fuck, I love you guys, man. Congrats. Oh, wow. Never thought I'd see that. Congratulations. We're going to be drunk on 200 episodes. I've been on that podcast five different times and they're the best five episodes they've ever done. He has no idea I'm doing this. Congratulations, boys. I had no idea. Mark, Sam, the We Might Be Drunk family. I just want to say congratulations on 200 episodes. I am so honored to just be a little piece of what you guys have put together. I went back to our episode where we gave bar and food recommendations and

The comments section glowing. Look at this one from WooSooDude. The Jew levels are off the scale on this one. We did it. Listen, I heard back from so many of the bars and restaurants we talked about. Even in Belfast, Flout Pizza, they messaged me. They were like crying. They're like, oh my God, we can't believe it. You mentioned us and we might be drunk. Our business is through the roof. So you're saving lives. You're helping people. Also, I do have to give an amendment to that story. I found out...

That guy's wife is alive and well. He made it sound like she was dying, and she didn't. She had, like, the cold. So that is a little, if anyone remembers, you know, the story I told. Otherwise, congratulations, best to you both and the whole gang, to 200 more. Mark and Sam, congratulations on your 200th episode of Unite Yourself. You guys are two very special retards. There you go.

Kelvin Gasol. Wow. That Fred Stoller?

OG anti-PC rebel comedians. We'll fix it in post. And I'm here to wish Mark Dorman and Sam Maul a congratulations on 200 episodes of the podcast We Might Be Drunk. This is actually the biggest thing that might happen to me in a long time. To be part of a congratulations montage show.

And I hope you know who I am, Sam and Mark, and I make the cut. I've seen clips of your podcast. Hey, Mark, Sam, Winnie, the whole crew. Congratulations on 200 episodes of We Might Be Drunk. That's a lot of drinking you've done. I'm proud of you guys for carrying on the torch. And Winnie...

I mean, just a media presence like no other. It's the tongue hanging out. Even Myrtle's a fan, you know? Yeah, Myrtle. Tells you that old gals still got a career. It's pretty good. Congratulations on 200 episodes. Thank you. Don't drive. Hey, Mark and Sam, congrats on 200 episodes. Attractiveness disparity there is pretty jarring. I should have rehearsed this. Congrats, boys.

Hey, guys. Congratulations. 2,000 shows. That is phenomenal. And I've listened and watched every single episode. I remember when Whitney was just a little puppy.

Whitney. Hey, guys. Harland here. Congratulations on the 200th episode of We Might Be Drunk. It was a rack of my brain trying to figure out what kind of present to get you, but look at this. Oh, man. I got you a palm tree. A beautiful palm. She's about 25 feet high. How great is this?

She gets ripe coconuts in the winter and she smells like the back of a baby seal. That's his house. It's way up in the hills. Burned out sea cucumber. Happy. Congratulations. 200. I wish you hope you get to 201. Love you guys. Stay drunk. Stay funny and stay the hell away from my wife. Freaks. Mark, Sam. We got a brown guy. We might be drunk.

200 episodes? I think at this point you are drunk. Here's to 200 more, guys.

I should not do this while I drive. Hey Sam and Mark, dating by plane here. Congrats on 200 episodes. Amazing. I'm so thankful I was able to be a tiny part of that and answer all your audience's questions on BuzzStuff. See you all soon. That was good. Hey Mark and Sam, congrats on 200 episodes together. No better combination than two traumatized men and a lot of alcohol.

Hey, congrats to the less gay or better joke writing versions of us.

200 episodes. That's hilarious. You guys are smart. What are they, at Home Depot? You guys are killing it. You are. I don't want to do this video. You don't? I'm joking. I'm sorry to know. I feel like I'm doing it. No, that was so much better. Oh, for real? Yeah. Just tell them, fuck off. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not happy for your success. Hey, congratulations to you guys. That's so insincere. Do the regular how you really feel. For real how I feel? Yeah.

Yeah, send this. Send this. That's great. What is it? Oh, that's nice. What do we have here? We got a box, folks. Is this going to be Porosos? What's in the box? What? Oh, my God. Oh, get out of town. Holy shit. What? I'm wearing this tonight. Where did you make these? Who sent this? I bought it.

Look at that. Hide the bodies. That's the merch guy. I love it. We got a bunch. All right, I'm wearing one too. How killer is that? Oh, my God. I got a medium. It's two largest for you and Sal, and then one for me. Wow. That is so killer. This is right up my anal. I love it. These are all largest. 200F. I mean, this is better than anything I own. Here's an XL for you, I think. No, that's you. You're a triple. Elite.

Really? You got a large one? I got a large, yeah. Well, we'll try them on. Thank you, Hide the Bodies. Very cool. I mean, that is amazing. Love this. All right. This is killer. Thank you so much. And guess what? We have a guest coming in who's one of our favorite comics. We're so pumped to do 200 with him. Living legend. One of the best comics working. And it's an honor to have him. So enjoy. See you soon.

All right, let's do it. So you guys do what I like, too? Huh? Yeah. You drink what I drink? Yeah. You're the guest. Add some Pepto-Bismol. We have that. Are we peps at AC? We're fucking pussies, dude. Are we on? Are we rolling? Oh, hey, great. We got all that. Hey, all right. We might be drunk. We're here. We're queer. We got the whole gang and we got our pal...

Brian Regan. Hey. Brian Regan. How are you guys? Good, man. Thank you for having me. Sure. Hey, thank you. Yeah, I know you guys invited me a while back. It didn't quite work out schedule-wise, but happy to be here now. Hell yeah. Good to have you. And full beard. You look like you're prepping for the doomsday. Yeah. What's the guy in Harry Potter? Harry Potter.

Dumbledore. Dumbledorf. Yeah. The old guy. No, I think you got it right the first time. Dumbledore? Dumbledore, I think. Dumbledore. I don't know. So I corrected. I got it right, and then I corrected it and made a mistake. Who had that great Dumbledore joke? Ted. Was it Ted? Yeah. Dumbledore's gay? Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe he's gay. You can believe he's a wizard, but you can't believe he's gay? Ted. We've quoted Ted on here a decent amount. Ted's the man. Great joke. You know Ted Alexandro. Sure. Sure.

One of my favorite jokes of his is a friend upgrading responses. Oh, yes. When you go, hey, how you doing? Okay, good, good. You're doing good, huh? I suppose. Great. All right. You're doing great, huh? Yeah, fantastic. I don't know that one. Upgrading. And then he'll do the next part when someone's doing too good. He's like, how are you? Amazing. Okay. Peace.

He has to downgrade him too. I love that bit. Tap the brakes. Ted came to my college when I was in school and I got to open for him and he was awesome. He was a really... Sweet man. Good man. Good dude. And he killed. You were a student? Yeah. And you were doing comedy or getting into comedy? Yeah, he had a great opener. He opened, it was in New Orleans at Katrina.

and I remember we opened with the joke. At Katrina. No, like right after Katrina. Oh, okay. At Katrina. Yeah, we were drowning. It was weird. We were underwater, but he still brought the heat. No, he...

He opened, he goes, so I guess it's been, I've always been dying to come down here ever since I heard about what happened. And I guess it's been about a year and that just crushed. And you're like, all right. Sometimes it's just the fucking pause, you know. It's much better than Daniel Tosh's joke. All right. What's that? Daniel Tosh came down like right after Katrina and he goes, ah, this city needed a good bath. And you're like, geez, how about a hello? But hey, sorry, I ruined the toast. Good to be here. All right. Thanks, Ryan Regan.

I tried a joke down there. I was like, Katrina came through here, huh? I'm happy about all of the destruction. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And nothing. No, nothing. Damn. Well, you know. I'm like, I probably didn't pause. Something's off. Things are really bad, huh? It's weird how bad things are. You guys aren't ready to laugh yet, I see. When I first moved here, we did a roast of a friend. He's also from New Orleans. And a guy from Michigan roasted us. And he goes, I got drunk with him. He wet the bed. I got drunk with him and wet the bed.

What the hell are you New Orleans guys? What's in the water down there? Oh, yeah, it's your houses. I was like, that's a great joke. That's good. Yeah. Good time. Everybody's laughing except the people in New Orleans. Yeah, well, hey. It's been a while. You've had a minute. I'm from there. They can handle it. It was 05. Oh, I got a coaster over here and everything, man. Yeah.

All right. Fantastic. I wasn't thinking to use one, but I'm going to use one. Did you forgive me for my ignorance? But Mexican people, no. I feel like you didn't start in New York. Florida, right? Started in Fort Lauderdale. Whoa. The comic strip in New York opened a sister club, if you will. I don't know why I'm calling it a sister club. It could be a brother club. It could be another club. So they opened what I called a sister club.

In Fort Lauderdale, and that's where I started. I grew up in Miami, Florida, drove up to the comic strip to audition. Yep. And you got there during the day, and you would draw numbers. I knew nothing about anything, you know. Yeah. All these people out front, I drew like number seven or something right after. And the show was going to be that night.

So like four or five people came up to me and said, I'll trade. I'll trade. Oh. And I'm like, I don't know what number seven means, but I ain't trading. Yeah. And it meant you went up in the middle of the show. Nice gooey middle. And so that was my first time on stage. The whole show is auditioners. No. They actually had headliners. The comic strip in Fort Lauderdale, this was like before comedy was.

had really exploded around the country, so nobody knew how to do a show. They had three co-headliners, all of whom did 45 minutes. Shut up. So they had a local opener do 10. No, they had a local emcee do like 10, a local opener do another 10, then three 45-minute sets. Wow. Jesus, poor audience. I'm telling you. Yeah.

And then on a Monday, it was open mic night, so they would put open micers in between all of that. Jeez. So can you imagine being the third comic, the third 45-minute set? People have seen like two and a half hours of show before you even hit the stage. Well, that was back when the club owner was just like, let's sell as many drinks and chicken nuggets as we can. So like put people up there for hours.

They want... It's like they wanted the show to outlast the audience. Right, right, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, people just kept leaving and leaving. I did the audition at the comic strip, and it was a big one for me at the time, and I remember...

It was like 200 comics at this lottery. Remember that shit? Oh, yeah. The lottery. And I remember going on. I got... You'd go six comics after the regular show. So you'd be like a good two and a half hours in the evening for the crowd. And then they'd be like, all right, do you guys want to watch some terrible comics? And the crowd's like, fine. Yeah. They were nice enough to stay. And...

It was us six, and I drew number six, and I was like, fuck this. This is going to be rough. They're not going to be here. But then, you know, everyone was doing, like, not well, but well enough, and the guy who got five right before me had a full-on nervous breakdown on stage. He walked 70 out of the ADP. Get out of here! During his set, he was just like, I'm fucking bad at this. Oh, my God. I fucking suck. He just started freaking out, and they all just filed out, and I was like, this wasn't meant to be. Wow.

Wow. Holy shit. Well, at the comic strip on Monday night, they would slip the open micers in between. I'm talking about the Fort Lauderdale one. Um, but every other night of the week, it was open seven nights a week. They would let the locals go on after the show, like you're talking about. And, uh,

And we were new and local and not very good, you know. And the guy who ran the club, Joe Mullen, at one point said, all right, from now on, when the three headliners are over, like if I was emceeing, he would say, I want you to go on stage. He wanted to draw a clear line. He goes, I want you to go on stage and say, that's it for our show. Yeah.

We do have some local comedians who are coming up to do a few minutes each. If you guys want to leave, we understand. But if you want to hang out and give them an audience, you're welcome to do so. Wow. It's always a tough intro, charity. Right. And about 75% of the audience would get up and leave. Of course. You know, because...

the emcee had just said that's it for our show but curiosity and then they would let us go sometimes like i don't know if i was in the audience i'd be and i had nothing to do the next day i think i'd be like i kind of want to see what the hell yeah sure but they don't do this with strippers maybe that was the real show next up we got some pigs he's a girl we don't we don't we don't claim them you're welcome you're welcome to hang around and look at them

Some stripper goes up there like, I can't fucking do this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we got some real bridge trolls coming in. They're not booked.

But yeah, that's comedy for you. But that was what, 64? 64 years ago. Yeah, okay. No, what was that? It was early 80s? Yeah. Yeah, wow. You've been at it through 81 or something like that, yeah. So you saw a boom, though. The boom was what, 86 or something? When I wanted to be a comedian, the only comedy clubs were in New York City and Los Angeles. Wow. I was getting ready to move to New York, and then the comic strip –

The Sister Club opened up in Fort Lauderdale. I remember seeing the ad in the Miami Herald. And of all the ads I've ever seen in my life, this one jumped out at me more than anything. It's like a comedy club opens... Comic strip comedy club opens in Fort Lauderdale, open mic nights on Monday. And I was like, oh my gosh. Wow, there it is. Fort Lauderdale has good audiences. Great crowd. Every time I'm there, I'm always like, oh yeah, you guys are fucking... I like the... Because Florida is like a real...

It's a hit or miss. It's a hit or miss. Mixed bag. Miami can be tough. Yeah. Naples is horrible, as I've been through. Fort Myers is tough. But then like Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa. Killer. All killer. Even Jacksonville is fun. Jacksonville is good. Yeah. Yeah. What's that other one? Up in the Panhandle. Tallahassee I did. I had a great time.

But yeah, you get two, the lower you get, the worst it gets. Yeah. I always say Florida is upside down. If you draw a line through Florida, like right around Orlando, everything north of that has a southern vibe. Yeah. Everything south of that.

has a northern vibe. Yeah, yeah. It's like transplanted New Yorkers and stuff like that. But then you also have Cuban population, Haitian population, you know, so southern Florida is like upside down. That's a great point. The Cubans are just their Puerto Ricans. Like they, you know, it's pretty similar, you know? Yeah, yeah. But then, you know, you're coming up in the 80s. Like who were the guys you were looking at that made you want to do this? Jerry Seinfeld was a guy that

I followed as an auditioner. I auditioned five times. One of them was with my brother Dennis. You guys know my brother Dennis. Oh, yeah. Very funny guy. He's a stand-up. So I auditioned like three times and then one time I said to my brother, I said, why don't we try it as a comedy team? Oh. So we go to the comic strip to audition as a comedy team. We drew our number and we followed naturally.

One of the three headliners and the guy's name was Jerry Seinfeld. Neither of us had ever seen him before. He went on stage and absolutely killed. Wow. And we were like, you know, we're laughing, enjoying him. And then we were like looking at each other. Holy shit, we got to follow this guy. Yeah. So they said, that's it. Enjoy Jerry Seinfeld. Nice hand for Jerry Seinfeld. Now we have some auditioners coming up here.

Brian Regan and Dennis Regan. We went on stage and completely died. Completely dead. What was your first time going up as a team? It was our first time going up as a team. It's fucking hard. Yeah, that's a different animal. And I remember I had told Dennis, you know, that...

Because he was worried. He goes, how do we know when to get off stage? And I said, well, they're going to put a light up. You know, a light means that it's time to wrap up. Sure. And basically the whole show, he just kept asking, when are they going to turn that light on? Damn, that's never a good sign. Right. Shit. Well, did you converse with Jerry and go, tell me everything, you big Jew? What was it like? Well, what was interesting is I remember watching him and I was disillusioned because I'm thinking,

Well, if this guy isn't famous, what am I trying to get into? I'm trying to get into this comedy world. Interesting. This was like the best guy I'd ever seen as a comedian. But he had been on Carson at that point. No. Really? Wow. He did his first Carson like a week or two after we saw him. Damn. So he was probably running that. Yeah. So I remember like going, okay.

The comedy thing is fair. This guy's really good. Now he's on The Tonight Show. If you're good enough, you can make some success. That was probably like early 80s. It was like six comics, six famous comedians. It was Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Carlin, and Woody Allen, Cosby. I don't know. There weren't a ton of household names. A third of them ended up becoming maybe rapists. Yeah.

Yeah, Carlin. But yeah, so I think breaking in was tough back then. And you had what, like three avenues? You had Carson, you had HBO. Right. That's about it, man. Maybe a Letterman. I don't know. So I worked there as a dishwasher and busboy and the whole thing. And they would let me go on at the end of the night. Wow. And was that Dennis' first time on stage? That was Dennis' first time.

doing stand-up and I think he was so thrown by how bad it went that he's like I don't know if I want this in my life so I continued auditioning by myself and then I started making some progress he was doing some other things and then a couple years later he decided to get back into it yeah wow that's wild so you just kept you just stuck with it yeah and um

Move to L.A.? New York. Oh, you moved to New York eventually. The story I heard from Nick DiPaolo is that he moved from Boston to New York, and he just packed his bags down, went to the comedy cellar, saw you on stage murdering, and was like, I might have to leave. So you did it to him. You did the Seinfeld move to him. That's a good feeling. That's a nice compliment, but...

The person I would say was that I saw perform in New York where I was like, man, some people know how to get some laughs. Mario Cantone. Oh, yeah. I went into Catch Rising Star. I was in New York for like a week or two. I went into Catch Rising Star. I hadn't passed there. I just was watching comedians. Mario Cantone got on stage.

and like destroyed. Like I remember going, I've never seen laughs like at this level. And he was just like a machine. Wow. Bam, bam, bam. And I'm like,

I got to go buy some notebooks. I got to go gay. I got to figure something out. Damn. But remember, did you guys see the Bill Hicks doc that came out? Well, he said, oh, it's great. It's fun. It was cool. Scream, I think it's called. I thought it was called American. American Scream. Yeah, something like that. But he, what is it?

Oh, shit. I was way off. Where did I get Scream? All right. American. But he talked about when the comedy club opened, it was like a gift from the gods opened the clouds and put a comedy club in Houston in his town. And he went in there and he's like, I can't believe this is a thing that exists where adults spend money. Because he was 14. Yeah. Well, there's a great story about Bill Hicks. He said- Ooh, lay it on me. He did a show one time.

And a guy came up to him after the show and said, hey, we didn't come here to think. So Bill Hicks said, tell me where you do go to think and I'll do my act there. Pretty good. Nice. He had to go to the guy's toilet. Oh, right.

Jeez. Stay in front of his toilet. How about now? You thinking a little bit? Did you see a bunch of other killers coming up in Florida? Sam Kinison. Wow. Sam Kinison performed before he was a name. Was he a dude that immediately were like, this dude's fucking incredible? It was interesting. The club was open seven nights a week. One show he would destroy everything.

The next night, walk the room. Wow. Interesting. Night after that, destroy. Next night, walk the room. Like, either a crowd got into the wavelength and wrote it, or they were, like, taken aback and didn't want any more of it. Whoa. It's interesting. From him performing there, I realized how much audiences, like, everybody thinks they're an individual making a decision in an audience, but...

Everybody's influenced by how everybody else is reacting. Oh, good point. You know what I mean? Yeah. So like you think, oh, I think this guy's funny or I don't think this guy's funny. You're influenced by the people around you laughing or not laughing. If they don't laugh, you're more inclined to go, I guess they're right. That's a great point. If they're laughing, you're more inclined to go, okay, I guess he's funny. True. And that's why we go, that crowd sucked.

Because as a whole, they got influenced by each other and it changed everything. They all made up the, they did that group thing. You know, when you see those birds flying like 10,000 birds and they're all doing this, are they all making individual decisions? Right. Quite a coincidence that they're all going around. Audiences are like that. When you're having a bad set, do you address it or do you just kind of think like, I'm going to keep doing my thing. I'm going to build momentum. I'm going to get them. What do you do? I've,

What I try to do is pretend that I'm sitting in the middle of the audience and go, all right, clearly I don't know how to make these people laugh. Right. But I know what I think is funny. So I just go, what would I laugh at if I was out there? So it calms me down and at least I can...

You know how you can step on the gas too much if you're losing a crowd? Yeah, yeah. You step on the gas and like you start chasing them. Yep. Which is a bad move. So it'll teach me don't chase these people. Just do what I think is funny. Sometimes I can turn a crowd around. Sometimes I don't. But at least I'm staying true to what I think is funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? Interesting. What really sucks is...

When you put yourself out there and you bomb to yourself and you go, now I don't think I'm funny. Yes. Yeah, you sell yourself out a little. I realize how much I suck. Yeah.

I'm seeing it from the other perspective. You ever think where you kill and you get off and your friend or your opener is like, that was great. You're like, it wasn't right for me. They had a good time, but I was off and I wasn't where I wanted to be. Then there's a weird thing. It's like, well, what is our job, right? I mean, is it to entertain? Is it to be true to ourselves? I mean, hopefully you find a place in the middle where that was me and they liked it. Right. But sometimes you do like a private event type thing and you're like,

I just got to survive this. Oh, totally. You must get a million of those because you're clean. Well, if I do interviews, I always talk about how much I hate corporate shows, which is so bad for me, for my agents who are trying to book me on corporate shows. Yeah. So, well, we heard him in the We Might Be Drunk podcast that he doesn't like them, so we decided not to book him. But-

At least an audience in a regular venue, they're coming out to see me. Right. But a corporate show, they're out there for another reason. And I'm hit or miss, man. Really? Yeah. I feel like you'd bruise. No, I can, you know, from doing it, I've learned enough. I have enough skills, if you will, to be able to.

force my way through it but that doesn't mean i'm having any fun now no one's having fun on those you know that's a chain gang you're getting whipped you know some of them some of them you catch you catch a good crowd you go okay this is a good time but but back to your crowd hive mind thing somebody once told me i forgot who this was some smart funny guy said if you got 10 of the audience on your side you can get all of them

Like, if you have 10% of your people show up and that's 10% of the crowd, they can sway an entire 500,000-seat room. Right. I go along with that because...

If somebody's not laughing, they're going to hear other people laughing and they don't want to miss out. Right. All right. Well, obviously something's going on here and they're going to be more interested in tuning in to try to find the right wavelength. Yeah. Whereas if nobody's laughing, then there's nothing to, there's no reason to try to tune in. Yes. Exactly. We were at the comedy cellar and I was like bitching. I was like, ah, I killed in this room, same material, bombed in this room. And Colin Quinn goes, you never done standup before? Yeah.

Like, that's constantly all the time happening. What are you talking about? This is the first time it's ever happened to you? But it is. It's frustrating, but he's right. It's frustrating when you're building because you get excited about a new joke and then it fucking bombs 10 minutes later. Yeah. So, yeah, it's still annoying. It's frustrating. I'm still bothered by it. Yeah. It happened to me last night. There you go. There was a club in Akron, Ohio or Northeast Ohio. And-

You know, it was a place that wasn't built to be a comedy club. So it had two levels. So the stage was here and you had half your audiences over here like on your level. And then there was like a little staircase down to the other half of the audience. What is this, MC Escher's Club? So these people are so low they can't even see these people like –

And I remember having shows there where I got two different reactions in the same show. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Like I'm bombing down there, but killing over here at the same time. That's hilarious. Is this funny or not? Yeah, it's so frustrating because I always say you're a basketball player. If it goes in, it's two points. That's it. This is like the same joke gets two points here, gets zero points there. Well, it's entertainment. Yeah, it's subjective. Think about it. You see a movie, half the room could love the movie. I mean, that's what we're doing. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah. I guess you just write a joke. You go, that joke works or it doesn't.

So then when you have to fluctuate, you're like, well, what the fuck am I doing here? I know, but you've done jokes that got an applause break on Fallon and then you bring it to a bar show and they're like, that sucked. That's a good point. I mean, it's just, yeah, it's not just, but that's showbiz. I've always thought that, I mean, who gets to decide whether something is funny or not? So my attitude is if one person in the world thinks something is funny, then it's funny.

That doesn't mean other people agree, but it made one brain laugh. Yeah. So if you think of something and you think it's funny. Okay. It's funny.

Ted Bundy. It might not work. I think this is funny. I don't. I think this is working. I mean, you might have to drop it from your act. Yeah. You can't just plow through an audience and go, I could give a damn what you think. You do have to find things that they agree with to keep in your act. Enough of them agree with. Correct. Yeah. It's got to be the majority because you can't have three guys going, you know, in a theater. That's not enough. Yeah.

You don't want to be like, that guy gets it. Everybody hates that guy. If I was in the middle of the audience, I'd think it was funny. Right. But you also have to be concerned with being one of those comics comics who crushes in those coffee house shows and then goes to any real room and can't fucking connect. That is kind of satisfying for me. Yeah, when we would like...

Mark and I at open mics would do such kind of like, ba-dum-bum jokes. Right. Our jokes were so kind of like, well, that's the joke. Set up punch. And then we'd see guys kind of be loose and just like, I don't give a shit and murder. But then when they'd go to the Carolines or the Strip, they would eat shit. Yes. And it was like, all right, at least those L's were for something that we took. Oh, yeah, totally. And all those people are homeless now. So fuck them. I've always wanted to...

You know, there's like playing to the crowd or playing to the back of the room. And both of them are fun. But I always thought I was a pig because I wanted both.

I wanted the crowd and the people in the back of the room to think it was funny. Well, we all do. I want everybody to enjoy it. That's how I feel. I want everybody to enjoy it. Like, I used to, remember when the alt scene was big? Mm-hmm. You know, I don't know, 2005, 2006. And I would see these club comics, like hardcore club comedians, go to the alt shows where I was performing, and they would bring the Bible and open it up and make fun of it. And they thought they had to be weird. They thought they had to have a thing. But I'm like, no, no, Gaffigan comes in here and rips.

with jokes, you know? But I think people would think they had to get kooky and alternative in these certain rooms. But like, no, we're just trying to make everybody laugh. Don't try to make these alt people laugh with your alt bullshit. Go both places with the same funny stuff. I see a lot of the club comics going to the alt rooms like with the notepad and just be like, so what else? I'm like, you did that joke on Letterman. Ha ha ha ha ha.

That's your fucking A material. Right, right. But they'd be like, is that anything? I don't know. I know. That's a bit of a cheat code. You know, they go, I'm going to try a new one. It's not great. I don't know why I went into Trump. I'm going to do a new one. I'm going to try a new one. I'm going to work it on. The crowd's like, do it, do it. And then it's like a proven tried and true bit. You're like, come on. You lowered the bar there. I felt that way about the...

The show on Comedy Central, I Can't Believe This Is Happening. Ari Shaffir's show. Oh, This Is Not Happening. This Is Not Happening. Yeah, yeah. You had a great story on that. Yes. Well, thank you. The bomb threat? No. No, that was Sal Volcano. That was...

Oh, no, it might have been Jim Brewer, actually. Jim Brewer, sorry. That was a great story, too. Sorry, sorry. What was yours again? What was yours? I remember loving it, though. Mine was about, I mean, I'm not going to do the whole thing. Do the whole story, 20 minutes. Having to do comedy on center ice at an NHL game. Ah. And getting literally booed off the ice. Dog on a Zamboni. There you go. Dog on a Zamboni. But I had been told when I was supposed to do the show that you're supposed to just do a story-

That I thought was not in your act. So I worked on this Zamboni story, you know, like, I mean, that's a true story. But then I started realizing a lot of people were actually just doing bits from their act, pretending like they were stories. And I was like, well, felt like cheating to me. Yeah, I'm with you. I did a brand new story that I worked out for that show.

Ari told me a tell one on one of the ones at the improv when he just did it. And he just did not the Comedy Central, but just the improv storytelling show. Yeah. He's like, I don't do stories. Just do the show. And it's like, all right, this next one is a story about a midget. Just be a short joke. Yeah, I don't tell stories either. So that was hard for me. I don't know how you felt.

It was hard for me, too. Yeah. I would practice it at the end of my shows, you know, the story, and I would tell the audience, hey, I'm working on a story for this TV thing. So I practiced it, but it still wasn't something that was part of my act normally. Same, same, which was kind of cool to get out of your comfort zone, but it's still not my cup of jizz. Yeah. Yeah.

It's tough. Some people, I mean, it's just all they do. Yeah. Like Jim Jeffries, I feel like, could just tell a story. Like, oh, just go tell a story. He'd tell a story at a bar, and that's just how he is. The whole bar is listening. Yeah. But, like, yeah, we're kind of joking. I can't either. I'm very meticulous about the words and the moments and the beats, and it's kind of like a curse in a way because then when you're just hanging out at a party or something like that,

People kind of expect you to be funny, and it's like, well, I'm not...

When I work on an act or a joke, it's like you put a lot of work and effort into it, and you try to make it sound like it's just off the top of your head. But that's not the way I'm able to really just – I can't do that in just normal life. That's another thing rock stars don't have to worry about. Slash walks into a party, no one's like, give this guy an axe. Just starts shredding. They can just hang out and get blown. Yeah. We got to be on. Yeah. What's that? It's a good life. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a great life. Great life. Or it was. But now I got to make you uncomfortable here. Uh-oh. It's working. Okay. Don't you feel like you might have the most copycats? I see a lot of people doing Regan, which is a huge compliment. You know, it's flattering. But I think you might. Tell us up there, obviously. But I think you might be number one.

I think Burr's got a lot. Burr's got a lot, but Burr's younger. Hedberg had a lot back in the day. Hedberg, ton of copycats. It's just, I think we all kind of came up during that era of like Comedy Central half hours. I remember yours and- Oh, huge. And Attell and Hedberg and all those, Greg Giraldo and who else was, I mean- Oh, yeah. Tosh, so many of those. Right, right. But you have those old, like the yellow ones, The Sun, and then like U2-

I do that. You do. The dumb character. The dumb guy with the kind of the back, the shoulders go up a little. Yeah. I mean, that is so copied and imitated. And I think on accident, I don't think people are stealing. I think you're just such an influence. Well, I appreciate that. Your cadence is infectious. Yeah, it's a good way to say it. I've noticed occasionally we're all, I remember doing a show one time and it was like two local, I'm in a comedy club.

I had two other local comedians who I'd never met before. And I remember sitting in the back of the audience going, I'm following two Brian Regans. Oh, that was dense. I mean, they were similar, you know, like similar in style. And a guest spot who's Jackie the Joke Man Martling. But there is a difference between...

Sure. And getting influenced. And I think if you are... Heck, you know, I probably was influenced by some people growing up. You just... Who influenced you, do you think? John Fox. I've heard stories. The road dog. Yeah, I've heard many tales about this guy. He was... He was an animal. High energy. I think I might have kicked up my energy after watching him. Not material. I mean, he was like...

Very dirty act, but, you know, there he is, John Fox. Oh, yeah. Right there. Can we play a bit? I just want to get a, maybe watch him. He was legendary, man. He passed away a few years ago. I think he did a Marin episode. Oh, really? I think he did. People rave about this guy. Yeah, he was something else, man. I've never watched a second of John Fox. Me neither. That's exciting. We're going to watch. Oh, well, let's get to a, oh, gee, remember how long. It's not John Fox. There we go.

There you go. Wow, yeah, he's animated. I already kind of like it. I'm already laughing. I think he also influenced Tom Arnold. So come on down and catch some rays. How are things in Newport? This is Gookie in Newport. Party! The waves are three to four feet and they're almost primo bitchin'. So come on down and catch some rays. How are things in San Francisco?

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Just finished it. It's fantastic. Love it. So he gave me a piece of advice. I was working with him at a comedy club and I would have a beer on stage on a stool. And one time, you know, I did my show. I walked off stage and he said he had like this grass gravelly voice. He goes, hey, Regan, he goes, give me a favor. Don't take a sip from your beer.

Unless there was a laugh before that. Because sometimes you're doing a joke and it doesn't get a laugh and you're still going over and taking a sip. He goes, wait till there's a laugh. And then when the laugh is coming down, you can take a sip. Yeah. He said, earn your sips. Ooh, earn your sips. Earn your sips. I love that. I never forgot that. Yeah, well, that's a real momentum killer if you're just like, so the other day I was at church.

Yeah, what are we doing here? No, I'm totally obvious. I'm waiting patiently while you hydrate. Yeah, exactly. How thirsty are you, buddy? Now, where are you at on giving notes to the opener? Is that not like an insult or that's not a real critical note that, you know, sometimes they kind of cut deep? Well, I would only talk about a particular bit, like if you have a tagline or something like that, something that they've already thought of.

That I think is good. You know, if you think of a tagline or maybe another way of saying a word here or there. Yeah. But I would never give somebody a performance joke. Oh. You know, like how to perform. Right, right. I don't...

I don't know. I don't think I would do that. I'm with you, but I had a guy the other day, and it irked me, and I had to put the kibosh on it. What did he say? So this guy brought notes on stage, which, do what you got to do. I get it. Go nuts. I'm not mad about that. But he had the stool behind him, so he would look at his notes after every single joke, and he would go, so then my dog shit on the lawn. Oh, okay, okay.

The other day I was at the bank. Was he hidden? He was killing, but they stole all my money. Big laugh. And then my mom's in town and she's a bitch. Let me tell you, she can't cook. The whole kitchen blew up.

I mean, you get it. My note would be, why don't you put the stool in front of you? Yes. And then you can look down without having to turn your back on it. Hold the sheet. So I would give that performance note. Yes, I did. I did. Or memorize them. Memorize your fucking notes that you wrote. Yeah.

It's 15 years into comedy. You don't know your act? I get it. You got one new one. Why don't you have them up here? And then you can say them without having to look. Yeah, exactly. So that, it was like a 1,500 seat theater. And he's like turning his back to the crowd every three minutes. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I remember seeing a guy years ago. This is about turning the back on the audience. He would walk on stage with a big boom box.

Right? And put it on the stool behind him. Oh, God. Here we go. Radio Raheem, one of my faves. Well, you think he's going to play music. He was just taping his own act. Oh! That was his tape recorder. That's hilarious. So, you know, the little front part that comes out, he'd have a cassette in there. What year is this? That's hilarious. This is in the 80s. Okay. This is at the comic strip in Portland. Is that how big? The one in the...

Sister club of the one in New York. So we'd go on stage, put this big giant boom box down, press play and record, turn around, do his act. He had to do more than a half, you know, he had to do 45 minutes. He never referred to it. At the 30-minute mark, I don't know how he knew, he would stop, turn around...

Because the tape was only 30 minutes. Oh, my God. He'd eject it. He'd undo it and flip it, put it back in, press play and record, turn back around and finish his act, and never mention what he did or that that was behind him. That's hilarious. This guy is a wedding DJ. This guy is the father-daughter dance. Hold on.

Dude, what the hell? And then he'd finish his set and walk off with his box. Wow, that's crazy. That is committed. I guess. Do you listen to... Is that how you write? Do you listen to your sets? At that club where I started, I tape every show. I don't listen to every show. I used to listen to every show, but then it was torture. Now I'll only listen if I know there's something new or different that I want to go find. Same, same. So...

The club where I started, I would have a little tape recorder. I didn't want to bring it on stage. I didn't want to be the boombox guy. So I put it in a booth off to the side that the comics would sit in. Oh, no. I already have a bad feeling about this. Oh, no. So I had it up here, like behind where you would sit. They introduced me. As they introduced me, they seat people in that booth.

So they're there watching my act. I'm new. I've got a tape recorder behind me. They don't know that that's there. I did a joke. It got no laugh. And I hear this guy go, brother. In the crowd or? The guy right next to the tape recorder. The comic, right? No, no, no, no. It was an audience. They actually sat with.

Oh, brother. It's great. It's not mean. It's not like this guy sucks. It's oh, brother. Like that was so bad. I'm taking it back. I've never written a joke that was going for an oh, brother. Oh, brother. But I wrote one. Man, that's tough.

Oh, no, go ahead. Well, I was just going to say, the worst thing I ever heard was, you're bombing, you're bombing, whatever. I'll take it. You suck. Fuck you. Kill yourself. These two older ladies in the front row are in a two-top, and they go... It's dead silence in the room after my joke. She goes...

this is bad i heard and she was trying to whisper to her friend which made it even worse because if you say you suck i can go hey kill you you know fuck you but with the old ladies i was just like that's just how they feel yeah i had one at the cellar recently i was having a really good set but there was these two women up front who just hated me and i was like i'm like maybe i'm in my head but then i kind of like i'm doing really well so i'm like i'm like

I'm like, you guys really hate me. And they kind of were just like shrugged. Like, oh, okay. They kind of acknowledge it. Ouch. Then I was like, whatever. I'm trying to have fun with it. Just keep doing the set. Goes well. Get off. I do another set around the corner. I come back. I see them on the street and they just go, ugh, it's him. Oh.

And I was like, I'm not thrilled to see you either. I don't know what to tell you. And what am I, a serial killer? I told a couple of singers you don't like. I'm not going to hurt you on the sidewalk. I'm just walking past you. Oh, it's him. Yeah. That was the danger, though, when comics used to, like, that was the thing. Comics just started videotaping their sets, and you'd see a camera, and you'd get just used to it, and you'd be like, man, this guy hasn't written a new one in a while. And then you'd see them come off and record you like this.

Oh, boy. Oh, true, true, yeah. But then if you do make the comment and you realize it, then you got to go back and make more comments and make it look like you knew all along. Yes. You know, I'm busting your job stand. Yeah, that's a scary thing when you see that iPhone rolling and you're like, this guy's a fucking hack. There's always that moment like.

You should just delete it. Oh, that's not bad. That's smart. Who were the comics when you were... Sorry, not who were the comics, but what was the first thing that really took you from selling some tickets to a lot of tickets on the road? Was it your first album? Was it the Comedy Central half hour? What was the thing that really... Ear to ear, double up. Yeah.

There was never that. It was gradual. It was always gradual. Like I never felt like, wow, yesterday was one thing and now today's a brand new kind of thing. The first time I remember people coming out specifically to see me

Was at a... The first national TV thing I did was the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. Pull it up. And it was the kind of thing where there was like four comics on the show, you know. Do you remember any of the other comics? I don't. Seems like they did a lot of those. The HBO Young Comedians. They did the Rodney Dangerfield Comedians thing. And apparently MTV did one as well. So it came out... Oh, there you go. Wow. Oh, my. Wow. Wow.

We're out for about 20 minutes. I finally went back. Is that food ready yet, driver? I've got to be somewhere. I am married. That's totally doing John Fox. Mario Joiner. So I did that show. It came out. And then I performed at a club up in Connecticut.

And I remember there was these guys watching me, like in the back of the room. And I remember them coming up to me and said that they came out specifically to...

see my show like it was the first time like i that i drew i drew four people wow so uh so they go hey we heard it hey that was they didn't give you that shit did they okay wow that's pretty cool though the first time people come out to see you is pretty great so when this came out it's my first national tv thing i was living in queens i didn't have a tv so

I wanted to watch it. A friend of mine's brother lived in New York City and I knew he had a TV. So I wanted to go watch myself the first time I'm on television. So I go to watch with my buddy's friend. I show up. My buddy's brother isn't even there. His roommate is there. Oh, hilarious. Who knows I'm coming and I'm like, hi, I'm the guy that wants to watch himself on television. Yeah.

So I sat down on the couch with this guy behind me who I don't know. This comes on and I'm watching myself like I'm on national TV, if you will. The guy behind me didn't laugh at all.

One time. Well, he's like, there's some asshole in my house. He's worried about that. So I watched the whole set and then I got up and I said, hey man, thanks for letting me use the TV. And he said, yeah, no problem. He didn't like give me one compliment or anything. Wow. It was the most awkward experience ever. That's wild. I'd be like, how cool are you? This is all you're on TV. Holy shit. Because what was it? The late 80s? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Did you get recognized off this?

Off the half hour thing? Yeah. At the time, that's when things started to, you know, where I started drawing a little bit. Wow. I was drawing like four guys at a time. It's so funny how different things were pre-phone and internet. Like you had to really ask people for favors and meet up with strangers. I mean, there was so much interaction before. To get booked at comedy clubs, this was...

I'll show you how long ago it was. This is before tapes. I would take Greyhound buses. I would perform at a club. I would find out the closest city that had a comedy club because comedy was starting to become a thing. And I would take a Greyhound bus to that next city and audition. And that's how I would get gigs is taking Greyhound buses from city to city. Wow. You're just taking the bus from...

For a maybe. Just show up. For five minutes. Get on stage, do five minutes. And you're auditioning to headline or to feature? No, just to open or middle. Wow. I wasn't even headlining at the time. This is just to get booked, period. See, that's the problem with comedy now is it's too easy. I feel like as horrible as that was, I'm sure, it weeded a lot of the non-real comics out.

Some guy's like, I like to do comedy. All right, we'll take a Greyhound nine hours to a place you might get on. He's like, all right, fuck this. I'll be a lawyer. A Greyhound to do five minutes in Toledo. Yes, exactly. And sleep on a floor. Like a country song. Right, right. I did one. I take a Greyhound bus to some city. I do the audition. The person who booked it, this woman said, I'm kind of full up for now. Call me in six months. Oh.

So I call her. I wait six months. Wait, you took it and you just let... You rode there? I took the Greyhound bus to this city. She said, I'm booked up for the short term. You didn't explain like, is there any way I... I rode here. No, no, no. She let me audition. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sorry. So after the audition, she said, I'm booked up for the short term. Call me in six months. So I call her in six months.

And she said, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm already – I booked for the next nine months already. Why don't you call me in nine months after that? So I can't take a hint. You could have had four kids by then. It's like it's eight pregnancies later. So to the day, nine months. Wow. I call and I said, hi, this is Brian Regan. I auditioned for you, remember, a couple years ago. And then you told me to call in six months. And then you told me to call nine months later.

Well, here I am on the phone. And she said, well, then I guess I lied, okay? Damn.

Be like, don't you get the hint, buddy? Six months, nine months. Yeah, but why can't she just say the hint? Why can't she just say you're not right for us? That's my opinion. Yeah. Wow. Even though that would hurt, I'd rather you just say I don't think you're right for the room. I'm with her a little. You call a girl, you want to go out sometime? I'm washing my hair that night. I'll wait. I'll condition. No, no. But what if she said, I'll go out with you in six months? Yeah.

I would have tried the first six months that she goes, give me another nine. I would have gone, you know what? I'm going to go gay or find another lady maybe. See me. I would have called her the nine months. How about now? Are you ready to go to the movies? I guess. Well, good Lord, man. Damn. Did you get laid ever? Oh my God. You'll get laid in nine months. I had to buy a book on how to take hints.

I would take rejection hints. Wow. You see, that's how hard comedy was back then. It was like being a fucking, like a singer in a band, you know, but there was four places to do it. It's so bizarre to have your act that you think, you know, you think it's funny, right? You hope, yeah. You hope, and then you stand in front of somebody who's never seen it before, and they watch you, and...

It's just like an audience, but it's a booker. They could love it. Did the set go well? I thought it went well. That's the tough thing. It is ultimately a booker, right? You have a good set. That's all you can do. Yeah, of course. But I'm saying, not to sound like a boomer old fogey. I had to walk eight miles in the snow. But some kid could put a clip up on YouTube. It'll go viral. He's on Comedy 8 Minutes. So he's like, oh, yeah, I'm the king. I did a show one time.

Richard Jenny was the headliner. I was the middle act. Richard Jenny's fantastic. One of the best. Love him. And it's at a comedy club. After the show, the owner... Richard Jenny and I are standing next to each other. The owner points to Richard Jenny and goes, great set. And then he points to me and goes, and you had a Journeyman set. And I said, thank you. And...

I didn't know what that meant, and I never knew what that meant. And then about 10 years after that, I was like, I'm going to look up what that meant. Yeah. Wow. And it meant adequate, but not really more than that. That sucks. But I'm glad I waited 10 years because I took it as a compliment for 10 years. I'm like, hey, if you're looking for somebody to do journeyman sets. Yeah.

I'm your guy. What a weird thing to say to somebody. I was told by the journeyman Dick once. Thank you. Thank you very much. I take that as kind of like, hey, you're younger and you're on your way, but you did fine. That's maybe the direction he was going. Okay, okay. But a journeyman baseball player is a guy who's just kind of hanging on.

Like he's on five teams, you know? He's like... But you make a career. You're making a career. That's what I was doing at the time. There you go. Hanging on. So he wasn't wrong. No, he wasn't. What was Jenny like? I mean, he's like the most underrated comic never talked about. Really one of the funniest. Unbelievable performer. He's fantastic. I actually have an album of his that was made after he passed away. I guess it was stuff that he had recorded and some people put it together. It's not...

It's not produced great because you could hear that it was cobbled together from different shows, but a lot of funny stuff in there. Yeah. You got him right there. There he is. He was the man.

Oh, I text a bit to Mark and Joe List the other day from Richard Jenny I just heard that killed me about, he said, you know what the difference between Charles Manson and every woman I've ever been in love with is? Charles Manson has the decency to look like a psycho when you first meet him. Wow, that's a great joke. He had a lot of great shit, though. Oh, yeah, and he could perform. He was big. He had a whole bit about when...

NFL referees first started using microphones because prior to that, you know, they would have just to make the signals. And he had this great routine about

An NFL ref about to give a penalty and then starting to feel bad that he's judging these guys. And he's like, you know, who am I to judge these guys? Is my life perfect? No. And then he got like this self-introspection thing. Right. It is like three minutes of him even lying on the ground at the football going, you know, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life. Yeah. It's just...

really great he had that great joke about uh him and his wife were trying to do anal and he's like for some reason every time i do anal with my wife she looks like elvis thank you very much so good so silly so silly so simple but and he would he's so good at the movements too you can pull that he had it all i mean he had all them he had it all the tools that you want as a comic but

Good jokes, good performer, just everything. Yeah. Still laughing about that one. Was there anyone else you opened for coming up that you were like, shit, this guy is legit? Gosh, now I'm going to blank, but there's a lot of comics out there who became like road comics in the sense that they weren't really...

pushing necessarily to do anything interesting or creative, you know, the kind of stuff that audiences would laugh at that didn't necessarily come off as unique to the comedy world. You didn't have to think too much like the Bill Hicks fan. Right. You know, but you, you, uh, I don't want to make you uncomfortable again, but you're a, you're a squeaky clean comic. And, uh, would you ever have a guy go on before you and he's just doing a whole bit about, uh, skull fucking or something?

Dennis, my brother Dennis. When I first started, I thought the philosophy was you should learn to follow anything. So I always, I never requested to work with clean comedians. You know, it's like whatever I followed, I followed and I would just do my best. But then it got to the point where sometimes people were coming out specifically to see me. Yeah. And they liked the fact that it was clean. Yeah.

So then I felt awkward having somebody go before me who's filthy when that's not necessarily what these people came out to see. That's fair. So I would want clean acts in front of me, but I never wanted to censor anybody. So I would always tell the club, book somebody who's already clean. You know, like I don't want you to book somebody who doesn't like to work that way and tell them the night they show up, hey, you got to work clean tonight because I didn't want to do that.

So I wanted clubs to book clean acts in front of me, but sometimes the clubs would just book some but anybody, and then that night they would tell them. And I would tell some guys would go on stage with a chip on their shoulder because they were told 15 minutes before the show started that they're supposed to work clean. And I'm like, well, that's not what I asked for. He's trying to work a clean Bukkake joke. He's like, let me just fucking... Yeah. Yeah.

I could say this instead of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your reasoning for going clean? I mean, it's like, it's just a smart choice when you're starting out. But like, I wish I had that inclination sometimes. It's a difficult choice. Yeah, it's way harder to churn out material like you do clean. Yeah. It was never, when I first started, I wasn't completely clean, but I was always 95% clean just because that's how I think comedically. Come on. Everybody thinks...

Buttholes are funny and blowjobs. Exactly. You never had a blowjob joke where you're like, oh. No, I did. I'm saying it was 95% clean. I had 5% of my act was, you know, dirty stuff. And the reason I went 100% was just because of being meticulous, not because of – it wasn't like a statement like, wow, I think clean is better.

I'm like, I wonder what it would feel like to just do a whole show without saying certain words or going in certain directions. Because I enjoy it. Yeah. It's a challenge. Sure. And for the fun of it, you know. See how hard I can get people laughing without this, that, or the other. And I just started enjoying it. But it was never a – I never did it.

to get a larger following or, you know, like it, it just, but it does happen to have that benefit. Yeah. But that's not why I did it. Well, Seinfeld said a similar thing. He basically said, I had a joke where I said, fuck before the punchline, it would kill. One day I said, let me take the fuck out and it didn't kill. And he's like, well, I'm a fraud. And then let me just see if I can keep going that way. Cause then I'll have to actually make the joke funny instead of using the fuck.

And I totally respect that. Dennis Wolfberg, great comedian. Yep. Used to have a joke in his act where he was a teacher before he became a comedian. And he said that his name is Wolfberg. And he would have students yell out, hey, wolf shit. And that was the punchline. And he would go, no, it's Wolfberg. He had a very weird delivery. Yeah. And then he did that joke on The Tonight Show. And he couldn't say wolf shit. He changed it to wolf butt joke.

I saw him do the show on The Tonight Show. He said wolf butt instead of wolf shit, and it didn't get a laugh. And I saw the look in his eyes like that's supposed to kill. Whoa. And that was another reason at the time where I was like, I don't ever want to get to a point –

Where I can't take anything that I do and not put it on TV. Like if I got lucky enough to do TV spots. Totally. So that was another reason why I decided to go clean. Another good reason. Norm MacDonald says clean comedy is more impressive. That's just his opinion. Well, I don't... Norm MacDonald is a genius. Yeah. It's harder. I try not to go that far with it because...

There are plenty of comedians out there who are dirty or blue or whatever you want to call it, who I think are brilliant. Totally. So to me, it's just different. It's not better. It's just different. Yeah. It's a different way of doing comedy. Yeah. We have genres in music. We have genres in comedy. Exactly. I mean, I want to ask you this. Are you the first comic who did the live special? Because I feel like now a lot of other guys are getting the credit. But you did a live TV special before...

I did the first live one on Comedy Central. Yeah. But I believe Seinfeld had done a live special on HBO. Really? Telling you for the last time? That was live? Yes. I don't know if that was live. Well, I don't know if that was the one, but I believe he did a live special. Really? But I was the first one to do it on Comedy Central. Well, we have Google. That is crazy. So you did it with commercials? Yes.

With one commercial. Oh, okay. I didn't want any commercials. They wanted to do a commercial break. It's kind of hard to explain, but I didn't want there to be a five-minute break in the middle of my show for the audience. Right, right. So the first 30 minutes, I told the audience before I started, I said, listen, there has to be a five-minute commercial break. I didn't tell them. I had the emcee to the audience. Yeah.

So I'm going to finish a joke at the 30-minute mark. I'm going to take a sip of water. I'm going to put it down. Then I'm going to take another sip of water and put it down and then come back and get right into my act. So the second 30 minutes of the live special was delayed by five minutes. I didn't want the audience to sit there for five minutes and then come back live. So I just went right back into it and they just held that by five minutes later.

Got it. Got it. So you didn't sip of water for five minutes. No. Okay. No, I wanted to help in the editing and the down road. So I took a sip, took another sip, and I did that for editing purposes. Got to earn the sips. Yeah. Now, wait a minute. What do you got here? This aired live on HBO. There you go. You were right.

Wow. But that was Seinfeld doing a live special on HBO. Wow, that was unheard of. And that was after doing the TV show for years. And he said this is the hardest thing he's ever done in comedy. It was that special. It was the hardest thing I ever did as well. Really? It was a laser pointer on his head for a little bit. I remember that.

Because it was live and they couldn't stop it. So there was a little laser pointer on his head during that live special. He also got heckled. Fucking with him. Yeah. Fucking with him. That's hilarious. And then it stopped. They caught the guy, obviously. He also got heckled two or three times and handled it all pretty well. He zinged him back and got a huge laugh. Pretty impressive for live. I would be like, you got me.

I can't think of anything. It's live, you know. It's probably the most nervous I've ever been performing. What was your decision to do it? Because I had done specials before and I wanted to experience it. I wanted to see what it was like to give it a go. You know what I mean? I don't think I'll do another one. I mean, I...

Yeah. And knock one out. Yeah. Because if you do screw up, you know, my fear obviously was somebody heckles, somebody does something, you screw up, and there's no fixing it. Yeah. Knock one out. Well, I mean. And then you're going to live with it forever, you know. Obviously, the famous Chris Rock live special where he was finally going to get Will Smith back, and he had that one flub, and it was live, and it's so –

Devastating to have that big moment where I get to fucking nail this guy who slapped me on TV and then I flub it. Yeah, the jokes were still great, though. The jokes are great. And he's great. But that's a bummer.

It's tough. Live is tough. I asked Rogan why. I was like, why would you do a live one? And he said, they called me. My agent called me and said, Netflix wants to give you a live special. And he goes, fuck that. What are you, crazy? I'm not doing that. Hung up. And he was driving home. And he's like, what am I? What am I, scared? I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? I'm a professional comedian. And he goes, hang on. Tell him I'll think about it. And then he did it.

While he was driving, he had the... Old car. I picture him driving in an ice bath, just like... Four wheels. He was strangling an elk. Hold on, I'll call you back. With the phone, like on an ice bath. Yeah, right. But yeah, I would not want to do a laptop. Yeah, it's not for me. It's the hardest I've ever concentrated...

Like every word, you're trying to nail it. You're trying to enunciate and hit it and hit it and hit it. And it's weird because we perform live...

every time we're doing a show yeah live and you don't have that fear it's like true you could flub in front of 300 people but it's just the magnitude of it with how many people could be watching but I gotta tell you it does work because I'm always like live who do a live and the sign for one I watched with my family in the living room on HBO that was a huge deal we're all excited popcorn everything I

I watched the Chris Rock one live, and I watched the Rogan one live because I'm just like, I want to see it. It's live. I didn't see the Rock one live only because I saw him in an arena like a month ago. I was like, I've seen it live. I'm not going to experience it in a better way than being in the room, and I enjoyed it a lot when I saw it. Yeah, yeah. It's great. Great special. But all the press, like you do press leading up to it.

And that was always what people wanted to talk about. Are you worried about something screwing up? Are you worried about there being a problem? Are you worried about being an issue? And I'm like, I'm kind of hoping that it goes well and that it's just a good comedy show. And it's almost like people are looking for

something to go off the rails. I think you're right. There's a NASCAR vibe. I think that's the excitement of live, I think. That's what it is. You're just like, something could go wrong. Yeah. I think that's why they love seeing comics have to...

manage something fucked up in a crowd. Totally. Because if they know you, they know they like the jokes, but they want to see another gear, I think. Yeah, Bill Burr had that Philly heckle situation, and he walked off stage covered in sweat going, well, I just ruined my whole career. That's going to ruin my career. And meanwhile, it broke him. Right. So people like that. The thing I don't like about a situation like that is because then all of the comedy itself...

All the stuff that you worked on becomes second banana. Secondary. To that moment. I completely agree. So you could do an hour of stuff that you've worked on for a long time, you're proud of it, and then somebody yells something in the middle of it. Even if you deal with it and get a great laugh off it, after the show, that's what everybody talks about. And you go, well, what about the stuff –

Well, that it puts some effort into. I think the problem with comedy, because music, obviously, if you watch live the Beatles at Central Park, you don't want to watch a string pop. You want to watch them kill it. But with comedy, the whole art form is kind of based around quelled fear, meaning like we're all kind of on the edge of our seat. Is he going to bomb? Is he going to do well? It's comedy. A big part of it is tension.

And I think so if the tension breaks with a live fuck up, I think that's a sight to see. And it is the messiest. You're not going to see that anywhere else. It doesn't seem like anything ever goes wrong at a Broadway show. Right. But in a dingy club, something going off the rails, someone you see on TV, there is something kind of cool about... I don't know. Obviously, I'd rather just do my hour, but when I fuck around at a show, it's at the end of the show. I want to do my show, and then I'll be like, all right, now I'll fuck around with you guys. Same. But think about tightrope. You're going...

Oh, man, is he going to fall? That's the whole enjoyment. You don't care about a guy walking. It's the whole enjoyment of the guy who might fall. He gets to the other side and you go, ah. A little bit, I think. A little bit. Well, you go, that was impressive. He walked on a tight wire. It's a tiny rope. The most impressive, Nathan, for you. When he walked a tight wire over the building. That was the most insane shit I've ever seen. Did he do it? He did it, yeah. Oh, wow. He did it like eight times. What?

You know that guy Nathan Fielder? No. You've never seen Nathan for you? Hilarious show. Oh, fuck. He's good. It's a brilliant show. It's kind of meta. Yeah, he trained to do this for a long time. How did I miss that one? Is he a stand-up? No. No, I thought...

He's on a TV show, kind of like situational reality show kind of thing. But he actually figured out, he did a high wire? He did it. He did it. And with weird makeup on his face, pretending to be another guy. The whole premise of the episode was he'll find a guy, he'll get him to meet a girl, they'll fall in love, and he'll make this guy the hero. Yeah. So he learned a tight wire. Yeah. Pretty brilliant guy. Yeah.

Kind of Andy Kaufman-y almost, I'd say. Yeah. But for the digital space. But yeah. Yeah, so you're right. People want to watch comics fuck up and handle it. What, uh... Are you still on the road really hard right now? Yes. With an eye towards, I don't know, when would I want to wrap up? As much as I love doing what I do, you know, I've been at it a while and...

I still love being on stage doing it. Uh-oh. Getting nervous. Well, but, you know, it's like you also want to get out there and travel the world. Eh, put a show. Do a show in the travel.

You're going to China? Throw a show at them? Yeah, that's true. That's true. And it's also a write-off. Ah, the Jew. All right, I'm convinced. All right. Ah, the Jew. It's a great soundbite. Ah, the Jew. Where do you want to travel? Everywhere, you know? I figured you'd been everywhere doing shows. No, I haven't. You haven't gone international? Canada.

I did one show in London. Come on. And other than that, I have not performed internationally. Wow. I'm shocked. Yeah. I bet you have a lot of fans over there. You in Australia? Crush. I'd like to perform in Australia, but that hasn't happened yet. I'm surprised. Who's his agent?

I took a greyhound to Australia. I'm supposed to be calling him in nine months. Five minutes in Melbourne. We'll see if you're ready. Well, your daughter's in college now, and you're doing all right. You're a grown-up. And you live in Vegas. Live in Vegas. My son is also in college. He's in college in Las Vegas. My daughter's in college here in New York. Yeah, I've been in Vegas for like 20 years.

There's no shortage of places to get up on stage. But I don't do it a lot. I mean, I like to, I don't go and do guest sets a lot. Yeah, what's your home life like? Like, you just kind of take it easy at home?

I do a lot of crack cocaine. Nice. Do you want another drink, by the way, while we got you here? Sure. I mean, I don't want to push you there. I know you got a... Oh, you guys... I was hoping for one. You don't have to have one either. I'll do. I felt you. I saw that empty glass. I saw your leg twitching. The remainder, after I get this next drink in me, will be all the stuff that goes viral. Well, they want to see us. Drunk Brian. They want to see the car crash. What's a night like at home when you're just chilling?

girlfriend and I hang out sometimes in a casino. Put the liquor in first, you retard. You put the liquor and then the booze. That's fine. Who cares? All right, all right. Sorry, sorry. I like my drink. I was worried there was going to be like an explosion. I didn't know that it mattered one way or the other. Okay, so your son's gay. What was that? Did I?

Did I say that? No. Oh, that's what I heard. No, just chill out. Play blackjack. Nothing exciting. Okay. All right. Well, hey, you're living the life.

That Vegas air, though. I don't know how you do it. I grew up in Louisiana. Hot as shit, Vegas is hotter than that. Oh, God. It's like walking on Mars. Yeah, Jews don't do well in the desert, man. I crumple up like a fucking raisin. 40 years. I know, but it wasn't good. It was a bad 40 years. That's true. Las Vegas just broke the record for heat with 118 degrees. Oh!

One of the A's. It's the hottest it's ever been since they've been recording it. Yikes. I mean, yeah, I'm sure you got a sick place. I mean, you just got to stay out of that. I mean, it's crazy. All you need is air conditioning and you're good. Don't they have good taxes there? Isn't that a Vegas thing? A lot of people move from California to Nevada because there's no state tax. There it is. All right, that's nice. And Florida. That's why all the athletes live in Florida. Tiger Woods and all those guys, they like to live in Florida. Yeah.

My understanding is there's no state tax there. Okay. Good to know. But I would think, like, if you're Tiger Woods... Thank you. How much... Thank you so much. If you're making $100 million, say, in a year...

Do you need to save like another $4 million from state taxes? Like I never understood. I hear you. I think if you're that rich that you just find a way to like wherever you're living. You're like, wherever I live will be sick. I know, but you're just like, I'll make Florida sick. I'll make it great, you know? I'm with you. I'm not leaving New York, but I get that mindset too, you know?

I will say, though, you see that tax chunk missing and you're like, God damn, that's a lot of moolah. Cheers, by the way, man. Yeah. Hey, guys. Yeah, no peer pressure. Appreciate you guys having me on the... What's the cool way of saying it? The cast? Pod. The pod? Yeah, you had it back. Can I ask you a question about Vegas? Yeah. What's a good... Because we go there just for gigs, so what's good non-touristy stuff to do there? Oh, that's a good question. Saw the...

I saw the first show at the Sphere. Whoa! Who was that, U2? U2. Is it amazing? Unbelievable. Oh. I feel like that's a touristy thing, though, right? The Sphere? Yeah, but I wanted to go check it out. I've actually, I saw U2 twice there. Not that I'm a big U2 fan, but I just like to experience what it was like. And the imagery on the walls was incredible. It's crazy. What was, the first night,

I was telling people the only thing that wasn't necessary that night was the band U2. Because they just, you're just looking at the walls the whole time. And the second time I went, about a month later, U2 was still performing there, but they had already changed it. I could tell that the band was like, all right, enough with the,

The stuff on the wall. Right, right. I mean, they still have it, but there were plenty of songs where the focus was on them and then they would just put them up on the wall. I kind of like that. It was more, it was back to, this is still a concert. Right. Wow. You know, it's not like going to the movies. There you go. That's incredible. Yeah. It's really amazing. I would like to perform there. And if I was bombing, I'd go, just look at the walls. Get it off me. That's insane.

They say, though, the venue is actually more of a show than the show. Well, that was kind of my experience. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, Vegas...

Vegas, I'm going in two weeks. You don't do that Wise Guys? You don't pop over there? There's a new club. I haven't been in there, no. What if I was doing a set? Of course. You want to do a guest set between my two 45s? When you flip your cassette around, I'll do five while you're flipping your boombox cassette.

Do you guys perform out there? Yeah. He just did the win. I did the win. It was really good. It was really fun. Yeah. I did the Mirage once, but that's gone now, isn't it? It's closing up. I did the Mirage with Ray Romano. That's cool. That's a good show. And now I perform over at the Venetian.

I've heard the Venetian is awesome. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's a good setup for comedy. I mean, it wasn't designed. The room I'm in isn't designed for comedy, but it works great. I assume you're outside of the town a little. What do you mean? Like you're not on the strip. You're living. You're living. About 20 minutes from the strip. Okay, perfect. Yeah, will you ever go to that pawn shop?

Pawn Stars? I've never been in there. All right. When friends and family come out, they always want to go there, and I'm like, what the hell? I've watched more hours of that show than my own family. What about the Golden Steers? That place is awesome. Yeah. I got to go there. What about Circus? You know that Pawn Stars thing? Yeah. You know that they just pump that guy with the...

all that knowledge information. Nobody knows all that stuff off the top of their head. I know, right? You know, like they'll hand him like a sword. Yes. And he's like, you know, this is a 19, you know, 1907 sword. It was used in France. Exactly. You don't know that off the top of your head. He knows everything. He memorized his little thing. Well, he fooled me because I'm like, this guy's amazing. He's a wealth of knowledge.

Also on that show, they always go, hey, here's an old jewelry box from the 1500s or whatever. And he goes, all right, what do you want to do? You want to pawn it or you want to sell it? No one has ever said pawn it. Not one person has said pawn it. Of course they want to sell it. They want to get a bunch of cash and get the fuck out and go buy heroin. They don't want to pawn anything. No one's coming back to pawn. One thing apparently people enjoy television-wise that I don't enjoy either.

at all is watching the bartering. I don't know why. It makes me uncomfortable. You just, you watch a guy go, I'll give you a, I'll give you a 2000. Yeah. No, no, no. I want, I want a 5,000. All right. I'll give you a 2,500. No, I want 4,000. What kind of television is this? I'll give you a 3,000. No, how about a 3,700? Yeah.

How about $3,200? How about $3,250? Why is anybody watching this? And then they get personal. They're like, it was my mom's necklace. She died in a fire. I watched every second of it. And they're like, all right, I'll give you an extra $4 or whatever. It's so fucking, I can't wait. It's like, what's the next show going to be? Bank Teller? It's fucking awful.

Every time I come home and my girlfriend's got Bravo on too, I'm like, turn that please off. It makes you dumber. Even his background noise, I can't take it. I'm with you. I'll open a book. I'll read the Koran. I can't read anymore, man. It's hard. I can read, but there's so much that you can just watch that it's hard for me to

To sit down and read. My attention span, it's so challenging. It's hard, man. Flights are one of the best places to do it because there's no other distractions, really. You can kind of just zone out. Yeah, totally. On a flight. Yes. But even then, I'll just put headphones on. I know. It's so hard. Last thing I'll say about Pawn Stars. Why do they have to have a plot going with these four guys?

idiots in the back. They're like, oh, we need a story. All right, you stepped on his foot. You're mad about it. He's pissed, and now you're going to prank him. Just keep it at the pawn shop. These are the least talented people on the planet, these four guys. I do not need a plot line and a story arc with these tards. So as far as reading on a plane...

I'm on a flight one time. Guy next to me has a Sunday newspaper. You know how big that is, right? He's got the whole giant thing. He's working his way through it. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm over here with my headphones on. I have nothing in front of me. He finishes his newspaper and goes, here, I thought you'd like to read the paper. Whoa. And I said, thank you.

Realizing he was giving me his trash. And I fell for it. And now I've got this big, giant, stupid newspaper all over my lap. I didn't want to read any of it. Of course. And I went, this guy played me, man. All I had to do was go, no, thank you. Yeah. You keep your stupid newspaper. Wow.

Then he was like, hey, I figured you'd want my protein bar wrapper as well. Yeah. And I'm done with this condom also. Oh, sure. Yeah. But now you have to pretend to kind of read it for half a second. Then I had to pretend to read it for a while. Patio furniture's on sale. Oh, wow. Did you see that part? Yeah. But then you got to stuff it in that flap. I should have stuffed it in his flap. Oh, yeah. It's his paper.

Also, get an iPad, you Amish weirdo. You're still doing the post? I will tell you, I kind of like something about an actual magazine now or a newspaper or something. I don't know because it's just like I look at the –

Kindle or whatever. It's like another thing to charge. I know. I just look at another fucking charger. I agree. Charging everything. I got my computer, my phone, my fucking headphones, my dildo. Yes. All of it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm with you. My second bigger dildo. I have multiple dildos I bring on the road. You know what's really sad?

is they gave a magazine to like two-year-olds and the kids are touching the pictures and trying to swipe them in the magazine. And you're like, oh, we're doomed. We are fucked. They think it's a digital screen. They don't understand. That's amazing. Scary. That's hilarious. You know what gives me hope though? And now we're getting off into, I've had a drink and a half.

I'm glad we're at the hopeful part. Okay. You know, things are good around the corner. Okay. You watch a movie. Two hopeful things. You watch a movie. The whole movie has not one cell phone in it. You never notice.

I think that's a good sign. I think that's a good sign that we don't really need them. They're not that much of a part of our... They're not like a hand. If a hand is missing in a guy in a movie, the guy's missing a hand. Guy has no phone. You don't notice it. Two, you never dream with your phone. You're never in a dream going...

Right? That's a good sign, too. Part of the dream. Part of the dream. Is that you're on your phone. Never. Yeah, but you might be on your deathbed just like, you know. That's true. Right before you die, those are your last thoughts. Fuck. I got two retweets. Come on. Damn it. What would your last emoji be? Like if you knew you were dying, I assume they have a tombstone or something. Yeah, true. And so instead of your final words, you have your final- Tweet. Your final tweet. You know what I hope your doctor says is,

You might die in six months, but we'll try again in nine. Oh, can I give you a quick movie record? Oh, please. I got a quick one for you. Shout out Bill Burr.

for telling me to watch this movie from the 70s called Straight Time with Dustin Hoffman. It's fucking awesome. Awesome movie. Straight Time. Harry Dean Stanton's in it. Every good part is sold just from the cover. It's like a, you know, he's fresh out of prison. It's a cool movie. Hell yeah. It's really good. All right. Check it out, man. Really fun, yeah. Oh, look at that. Is that a Schrader or who directed it? He co-directed it. What? I guess he directed it for like two weeks and then was like, fuck this, and someone else came in.

but uh no it's a cool one yeah every time harry dean stanton shows up in a movie i'm like fuck yes this guy this guy rules totally another great movie yeah please porky's three i love it yeah is that a goof does it sound like a goof yeah it does yeah did they even make a three i don't know you got me there he's revenge

That kid had weird tits, the nerd kid in the movie. Look at that. I mean, that's... That's rough. That's off-putting. He's got B-cups. Now what do you think about Portman? All right, I take it all back. Good writing. Good rec. Whoa, look at that. I don't remember that scene. Oh, that's Revenge. I haven't seen Revenge. I will watch that tonight and jerk off. Okay. Well, remember when a tit in a movie was a tit in a movie? Those days are over. Yeah.

It's just not that big a deal anymore. No, no. We're watching a Pixar. We had a drive-in movie about, I don't know, a mile away from our house. But the family next door had a tree with a treehouse in it. And we would go over there and climb the tree and get in the treehouse with binoculars. And we could watch the R-rated movies a mile away with binoculars. Even with binoculars, it was like this big. Yeah. Wow.

We're not supposed to be doing this. Yeah, then when you're done with the movie, you can hang the binoculars on your boner. Right. There you go, a little stand. Well, yeah, it looks like you're torn here. Where else are you going to be? Well, I don't know. I'm in Eau Claire.

I don't know if that's up there. That's tomorrow night. Oh, that's, we'll be out. Oh, you guys are moving ahead there. Yeah. I got some shows. Hell yeah. Wheeling, West Virginia, Munhall, Pennsylvania. Munhall is near Pittsburgh. Yeah. Right. I said, we got Hershey, uh,

Got to check out that chocolate factory. We got Philly, October 18th. See Brian in Baltimore, Maryland. The Hippodrome. Oh, nice. Charlottesville, Virginia. Boston, classic. Wilba. Oh, yeah, one of the best. Gardner, Maine. Binghamton, which is where my mom and dad were born. Oh, and they got the hell out of there and went to Florida. That's what they did. Smart.

Niagara Falls, Albany, all over. Yeah. I mean, go to, is it brianregan.com? Yes. brianregan.com. See Brian on the road. One of the best guys. One of the best. Thank you, guys. Living legend. Right now, I got a big tour coming in January, late January. But yeah, I'm doing Spokane, Washington in October 24th through 26th. And then I'm doing Hilarities in Cleveland, November 21st through 23rd. But I think we're doing a theater tour starting in...

I want to say late January. I will be coming everywhere, so just go to my website. It's going to be fun. Samorell.com or punchup.live slash samorell, punchup.live slash Mark Norman for his dates. And, yeah, I'm hitting, like, every city, so just go check it out. Mark, where are you going to be? Hey, Newport, Rhode Island, Monterey, California, Oakland, California, Winnipeg.

Edmonton, Cleveland as well, right before you. Going to sneak out those tickets. Fayetteville, Wichita, Kalamazoo, Chicago Theater. That's a big one. Poughkeepsie, Torrington, Connecticut. Never heard of it. Charleston, Asheville, Nola, Wilkes-Barre, and Engle. When he just farted, that's a bad fucking fart. Really? That's a bad, oof. It's going to hit you in a sec. I can't wait.

All right. Well, thank you. Thank you, man. You guys ever do shows together? No, not really. We could give it a go somewhere. It'd be fun. We could. People are doing that now. Do a show together. Do a podcast on the stage. People would eat it up. Yeah. I don't love doing live podcasts. You don't either, right? I mean, there are...

It's work, but I do have another pod. We do them pretty often. Yeah, with lists. Yeah. We just do them in clubs and do an hour. You get your check, you high-five a few people, and you bail. It's nice you don't have to prepare. Like with this, you got to have an act, you know, with stand-up. With pods, you can just go up and bullshit, and that's kind of nice. Well, anyway. You got to start a pod. No. Come on. I...

I would not be able to talk for more than five minutes. Well, you just did it. Yeah, you got a million stories. No, I would not be good at it. I admire people who do podcasts. I could never do it. You have a guest on. You get your Vegas out, you do your crack, and you're good to go. Yeah, you throw in Porky's Revenge, you just riff, you let the good times roll, man. I can't...

I don't know. I mean, I'm wired as a stand-up, and the podcast world came along after I'd been doing it for a while. I really do admire people who do it, like you guys, but I don't know that I would have anything to say. I don't... All right. Well, you got a full head of hair. I would have a... I'll do my podcast, Full Head of Hair Regan, and it'll be one minute long. I'll have like a one...

A one-minute podcast. That's not bad. Right. I like that. Hey, how you doing? Brian Regan here. I got a full head of hair, and I'm going to be in Eau Claire Tuesday. Thanks for listening in, and we'll see you tomorrow on the one-minute podcast. That's all I need to come. That was like 20 seconds. See? I want 40 more seconds. See? That's why I can't. I wouldn't be able to fill the other 40 seconds. When did the hair go white? What happened? You see something? Gray. I had gray hair yesterday.

For many years, but I was coloring it. Like I went prematurely gray. Oh, I didn't know that. I went prematurely gray. I don't know what age, but I was coloring my hair for 20, 30 years. I don't know. What? Like in my early 40s, I think. Wow. I started going gray. I had no idea. But I hated it, you know, having to color my hair. Yeah, it looks cool. And during COVID, I'm like, I'm not coloring my hair anymore.

And then when shows started opening up, I'm like, I'm not coloring my hair for these shows. And then I'm like, I like it. It looks cool. I thought maybe this would grow in brown. The same color. Yeah, yeah. I remember the first special with the white hair. We were all like, shit, did he see a ghost? I mean, what happened? But.

But, yeah, you're in the Steve Martin Club. Yeah. Yeah. Well, go see Brian, one of our faves. Thank you. And drink Bodega Cat, guys. Yes. Legal in New York right now. Got distribution. See us on the road. And if you want to get this, I don't know, DM the Bodega Cat Instagram or something. Yeah, we got to get it back in stock. Yeah. No, we're back in stock. Oh, we are? Okay. That's our whiskey. Yeah, we sell it. It's our hooch.

Do we need any... We should have been doing this. Well, we won in Woodford. I would have done this if I had known. Next time. Come back on. We'll have you back in six to nine months. Thanks for listening, guys. Oh. Literally just got in? Wow. We'll see. That'd be funny if it was Santino. Oh, we got to put that one in. Hell yeah. Sammy. Sammy.

Look at that apartment. Wow. We might be drunk. Congratulations on 200th episode. That's crazy. Hopefully your liver's...

can last for the next 200. Let's go. Hell yeah. Short and sweet. And I hope Edelman never smokes weed because his eyes are already tiny. Actually, he was high. But I like that apartment. That's a fucking bachelor. I got to swing by. Is that in New York? L.A. Oh, I was going to say. Wow. That's a beauty. Love the wood walls. All right. Thanks, guys. I got wood walls and wood balls. All right.

Hey Sam, hey Mark, it's Rick Glassman, and Alvin and I just wanted to say... Congrats on 200 episodes! That's right, good boy! Hey, um, in post, make the dog's mouth open up and down and have him say, Happy 200th episode! Oh fuck, how do I turn this thing off? Where's the fucking... Sunday's the day for my next Fender juice close And Norman's talking shit I'm saying Up on the road, when dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New York

This woman doesn't need you.