Ep 199: Booze, Ballato, and Blunders
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Hey, folks, here we are. We might be drunk. A little gin and soda to get things cooking. A little early in the afternoon. Oh, yeah. Don't you hate it if it's 5 o'clock somewhere? I hate that line. I hate that shit. I never got that line. You have a drinking problem. How about that? Yeah. Doesn't sound as good. We're not well. Next time I blow a guy, I'm gay somewhere. Not here. I'm gay somewhere. I hate 5 o'clock somewhere. It's not clever. Get out of here. He's a ladyboy in Thailand. Is he?

I don't know what that means. I'll take it. By the way, lady boys, they got usurped by trans. Yeah. I think they must be pissed. In Thailand, they're actually at odds with each other. Is that right? There's a fight between them. There you go. It's like Netflix and Blockbuster. Yeah. You know, the old one's got to go. You know who won? Cockbuster. Yeah. I mean, the lady boy, though, it's a little bit of both. You got a little both in there.

That's true. Trans, it's like we've transitioned. Lady boy is like, I still got a little bit from the past. Good point. You're kind of bi. Yeah. And a pedophile. Now here's the other question. Oh, wait. Are they a pedophile? Well, no. But you said boy. Oh, yeah. So I'm going young, and a woman, boy. I'd go lady man if I was over that. I'd be like, I'd like a lady man. I don't want a lady boy. What am I, a pedophile? But that just sounds like a hermaphrodite.

Oh, yeah. That was the thing. Remember there was the urban legend Jamie Lee Curtis from After Dark? Yeah, that's right. Definitely not true, but... No, not with that bod. She looked good. She definitely went the right way if she had to pick. Oh, my God. Would not have been a good man. No, no. That true lie scene would have been ruined. Oof. Um...

Wait, oh yeah, Lady Hermaphrodite was dick and vagina. Yeah. Yeah, like the VCR DVD combo. Little column A, little column B. It's like when you find out the PS4 has Blu-ray and you're like, oh. Oh, I sent Salak you this. Have you guys seen this controversy? What is this? Oh, this is hot. So these cis gals who have OnlyFans are putting dildos in their short shorts. And they're appropriating. Yeah. That's the controversy. And trans women are calling them out saying like,

my gender is not your costume. And then a bunch of women chimed in. They're like, neither is mine. So it's getting dicey on the old interwebs. Either way, I came quick. Yeah. What's the purpose of the photo? They cleaned up. They made a ton of money because apparently there's a market for this. Interesting. Cock market. Like the stock market? Okay. The cock market is up. I mean, so they're just like fake penises in there? Yeah, it's like a cucumber or something.

Jesus Christ. Well, Sam's distracted either way, but... I mean, it's just a lot to take in. Yeah. I sent this to Shane, and he was like, I don't know how to feel. I'm, like, kind of into it. And then we all went, really? Because it was a big group chat. And he was like, no, no. I'm going to leak that. Damn, that is fucking...

The world's a weird place. It's a wacky time, folks. The president or ex-president was shot. The head Biden's on the beach. Kamala's Indian and black. I don't know what's going on. J.D. Vance fucked a couch. You nailed it all. You know what's going on.

That's the thing, too. It's like, you think about what was, like, taboo even 15 years ago. Like, can you imagine your dad find a DVD? Step-sister porn. We'll have kids someday, and we'll be like, you know, chicks with dicks? Yeah. The fuck is this shit? Right. And then in 10 more years, it's like, farmhouse, pals. You know, now you're fucking animals. My wife made a good point. We're getting into wife swap now.

Not the thing, the show. Oh, okay. The old show from 2004. Holy shit, you guys are really going for it. Yeah, you guys want to go to Brecken? There's a crazy Norman drop every week. We're having a baby the next week. We're fucking our neighbors.

But she made a good point. We're watching this. It's a great show. It's sociology. It's really interesting human nature stuff because two families think they're doing it right, and then you flip, and their ideologies are all torn apart. Like the old school Chappelle. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. But where are you going?

Sandwiches here. Ah, shit. That was the fattest answer I've ever heard. He said it all sad, too. Yeah, I know. He didn't feel good about that. But my point is, A, she was like, the middle class is gone. The whole show is middle class. It's like people with four kids and some guy works at a factory and he's got four kids and a giant house and two cars. That's over. And then two, there's a lot of like...

uh religious stuff and race stuff and like now it would all be like hey this is uh this is not a safe space i'm offended this is problematic it does none of that they're like fuck you bitch i'll kill you it's just people shitting on each other and ball busting and yelling at each other and there's zero identity politics or like it's just people who hate each other for them exactly it's refreshing now

Now everything's got to be like, hey, don't insult my people or that's against my... We're kind of post-race almost now. Oh, 100%. For everyone saying this is how I am, this is how I identify, most people don't give a fuck. No. Most people will get to know you and hate you for who you are. 100%. And they're okay with that. Yeah. Or they'll get to know you and love you for who you are. But I'm with you, dude. It's like...

No one cares. No one really cares. Only you care. Right, right. It's like you do a thing like, well, this is who I am. It's like, okay, well, you know who cares about that? People who care about you. Exactly. If I don't know you, I don't care about you, so I don't give a fuck. I know. Like, as a woman, as a BIPOC, and you're like, I don't give a shit about that. And they're like, but you don't know how I feel. I'm like, but you don't know how I feel.

You're a different human being than me. Get out of here. Your feelings are more important than mine, and mine are more important than yours, and I thought the whole point was to be equal. I thought that's what we were going for, was to be a colorless society. I think if Martin Luther King had his dream today, it would be, I have a dream, no one cares. Yeah. We never get to it. Yeah.

Yeah. Why would I care about your dream? Yes, exactly. Was I in the dream? No, I don't care. Yeah. I'm already tuning you out, dude. There was a man with no face and I was on a cliff in my old jersey and you're like, shut up. Who cares? Move on. Is there sex? Get to the sex. Yeah. Sex dream. I'll listen to, especially if I'm in the sex dream. Yeah. Especially if that chick with the dick is talking about sex dream. Talk about it.

Remember those days when a girl in high school would be like, I had a weird dream about you. And you were like, I know. What happened? That was how bad we were at flirting. Yes. That was like how you feel it out. We thought that was subtle. Oh, yeah. You were in my dream the other night. Like, all right. Just fucking get to it. Oh, yeah. And I had such low self-esteem. I'm like, I think Christy likes you. I'm like, no, she hates me. Like, dude, she had a dream about you. And I was like, no, shut up. I know. If a guy says that, it doesn't sound as good. Oh. You were in my dream the other night. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I need a restraining order. Yeah, you got to stop taking Ambien. Cheers. Cheers. Mazel. Thank you, Peters. Woo, chicks with dicks. We're going out early. Felt fucking bad about that birthday party, guys. That was brutal. Oh, tell us about your dinner. We're going to talk about this dinner. I mean, can we all blame Gary for that? Yes. Because I wanted to leave the second we got there. Well, set the table. That's true. No pun intended. So Gary Veeder...

One of my best friends in the world. You guys know Gary. And one of your best as well. Yeah, great guy. First guy I've ever met in comedy. We've had him on the show. Friend of the show. Killer comic. He tours with me on the road every week. And his hit thing on the road, if you don't know Gary, is like, I want every meal to be a home run. Not just good, but he's like, we're eating at the best place in the city. Now, the best place isn't always the most expensive, thank God, but it often is. True. And Gary has hurt my wallet in the past. Oh, yeah.

Because he'll be like, this place is great. And you get to the restaurant. He's like, it's supposed to be great. And you're like, oh, cool, $67 entrees. Thanks, Gary. Yeah, right. And then he's like, it's good fish. And you're like, what?

You fucking prick. But that's like, you know, many days in a row. We eat well because it's important to him. And it's become a thing on the road. Yeah. And Gary goes, we're eating at this place, Emilio's Bellato on Houston. This is primo dago grub. It is and it isn't. I thought it was good food, but it also was like, there's better shit. I agree. I mean, reputation wise, I mean, like it's hard to get a table. It's a lot of celebrities. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, and we didn't have a slouch table either. We didn't like the people there. You got it for Salicus. We were killing it. We roll in there and already I'm kind of like, let's just go. The vibe was bad. The waiter was a prick. Huge prick. He was a huge prick. Like we get there. He's like, you can get here when everyone's seated. And we're like, all right, well, it's 15 people. So for 13, we can't see. He's like, it's got to be all 15. And we're like, all right. Yeah. It's like.

Is someone going to be using the table? We're ordering drinks in this time, right? Right. But he was being a prick, and I was kind of like, you know what? It wasn't just what he was saying. It was the way he was saying it. Yep. He was kind of a trash bag. A bit of a dumb wop, and he gave me this one. I go, hey, I'm just checking in for a big reservation. He goes, how many? I go, 15. He goes, whoa, we'll see about that. Yeah, it was that type of, like, oh, cool. This fucking guy's the waiter right here? Yeah, yeah. Holy fucking no nuts. Yeah.

This is what a reservation is. We're here. We're here to eat. We called ahead for this exact reason. Well, we'll see. Oh, it's the Seinfeld episode. I know you know how to take the reservation. It's the keeping of the reservation. Exactly. You have a problem. So already he was a dick. And he was a dick to Mark. He was a dick to me. And it was a thing where I was kind of like, you know what? Fuck this place. So I said, let's get out of here. Multiple times. You did. My girlfriend's giving me shit. She goes, you always do this. I go, no, but I have no problem saying fuck this shit and walking. I want to walk.

whatever I said let's go to Arturo's it's a few blocks away Arturo's always treats you well great pizza love it on Houston Gary Gary's like but you know this is special Gary's kind of like this is special I made this and it's like alright I get it I understand let's go here and he put the work in he put the work in it's hard to call every comic and set it up and call the restaurant and I'm grateful for it and I love you Gary I do but I

I got a really bad vibe out of the gate. Yeah. We go in there. They're just like, you know, we'll bring, how about we just bring out a lot of stuff? Yeah. It was another where Gary fucked up. He goes, bring the hits. He said, bring the hits, which they go jackpot. You want to see a menu? He said, you want to see a menu? And Gary said, no, just play the hits.

But you know, when someone says that, it doesn't say bring out so much shit that you're going to rape. They turned it into like a prefix where they charge us like over 300 a person. Yeah, yeah. And we have people popping in and out. That's true. So now you have a person pop in and just leave. A guy didn't eat is going to get charged. I won't spoil it, but he'll get charged. And Ronan is poor. Yeah.

There's other factors there. Ronan's poor. Will Savinza's living in a tent. Under a highway. Yeah. Leading a Cuban revolution with that beard. Yeah. No, it's a disaster. And the food was solid. The food was pretty good. But it's new.

It wasn't that good. It wasn't that fucking good. By the way, the waiter's cursing nonstop, which I know we curse. We're comedians. It's weird to be in a family restaurant. A guy's like, get the fucking thing. I'm like, what is this? He almost got whacked. He almost took him out in the back. He's like, I'm going to throw you out of here. He was like, no flash in here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you kept flashing, of course. Yeah, of course I continued. But yeah, you almost got thrown out. Then Salat's Cues had to talk to a man named Mano Emano. Remember that? You had to go take him back. I went outside to talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to burn this fucking place down like Vesuvius. Yeah. Well, they got a bad attitude. I think it's that New York Peter Cooper thing. Or Talonissimo. Is that the one? Oh, no. Which is the one they burned down? It was Vesuvius, right? I don't know.

looking it up. Well, I gotta get the fucking Sopranos trivia right. But anyway, they bring the check and Vitor won't let me fucking pay. He won't let me chip in. And it's over five grand. 52 hundo. There's the bill. To be exact. So they just gave us like a prefix per person without consulting us. Yeah. And the food was fine. It was fine.

It wasn't great. It wasn't bad. Yeah. It was fine. What's his face? Levitard over here. Levitardo. He got a $65 cocktail. How'd he get a $65 cocktail? Because he got that good tequila with the bell on it. Whatever that shit is. Klaus Azul. Klaus Azul is no joke. A bottle of that's like $900. Well, he's done pretty well in his life. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Well, don't tell Vito. Vito's going to be furious. Yeah.

But so I felt bad, so I put a card down. I was fucking embarrassed. I was like, I don't want to fucking, you know, would the Vita not let me put in? I was like, Jesus, what the fuck have you done, dude? I get it. But don't be quick, Matt. I'm sure Vita will make me pay for this shit next tour. Yeah. Well, it's good that he paid because he owes you for all the years of your restaurants that you went to, and he picked this fucking

joint but i was i was like fuck you don't you pick the good arturo so you have with the big group i was but i thought they were just going to bring out a bunch of things and it would be reasonable but it wasn't no and a steakhouse wouldn't charge you this no steakhouse one steak is 95 at the mo at a top shelf place yeah and this place added a 25 percent tip look at that 983 tip god for getting yelled at yeah

This guy's like, oh, suck my fucking beanbag. And he's like, that'll be $900. I gave you the suck my beanbag special fucking trash bag. We got screwed. These guineas raked us over the coals all day long. We had a good case until Mark broke out the slurs. I was like, I think we're going to get a try behind us. Then Mark's like, these whop fucking dagos. I'm like, wait, slow down. What's the guy from Sopranos? Frankie? I feel like that stripper he took out back and

beat the shit out of him until she died. Ralph Cifaretto? Yeah, yeah. That's me. I'm the stripper. Ralph clocked me around and beat me up. Except the baby you're carrying was Vitor. God damn it. I want to fuck that host with a gun to his head like Richie. Richie April. So it was $346 a head.

that's fucked up because we didn't get that much no i i took a few veal legs home did you yeah i put those right in my pocket because i was like i i dropped 1755 on the whole thing your poor lady had to drop 1755 and then veder put 17 i love you guys i owe you i owe you big time by the way i don't mean to rat out your girl but you did a fucking gangster move at the end it's pretty fun oh yeah i missed she was like i'm paying what and she saw what she had to pay she's

signed her name, and she immediately opened her purse, took out three saucers from the table, just three plates, shoved them in her purse sideways, and left. No way! I've been drinking coffee off him every morning. Well, that's a keeper. That's marriage material. Nice little memory. Man, I love that. That was a fucking... I mean, look, it was a fun-ass dinner. It was so fun. Well, next time we'll do Arturo's. We'll do something that's not stupid. Yeah, right. That was fucking insane. Chick-fil-A.

Yeah. Next year. Raising canes. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. I mean, look at these beauties. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That's great. By the way, trying to get money out of Will. Not easy. Damn. I'm going to have to pay him extra. I'm going to have to slide in money. Yeah. Oh, these are great. Classic. Ari showing up with, yeah, good stuff. Oh, that's great. There's Will making a black joke. Yeah, Will's gift, a book on white privilege. Yeah.

Oh, look at that. That was right before the 9-11 attack. We're all having a good time. Then the towers hit when that bill showed up. It is terrorist behavior to just sneak attack you like that in a bill. Completely. It is. And you can't refute it. You can't be like, whoa, how did we get to that? Because they're like, you said the hits. They got us by the balls. Fucking crazy.

Veeder. Veeder. There he is, that fucking rat. Look at him. We gotta whack him. But no, thank you. It's a thankless...

Thankless job to put all of us together like that. I love you, Gary. And then he, not only did he get fucked with the bill, but now we all hate him. I'm going to, this next bus run is going to be porch on my wallet. I know that we're going to be stopping in places where I'm like, fuck. Yeah. I mean, I feel like you got to put the foot down at some point, like tonight, Wendy's. I do sometimes. Fuck you. Tomorrow we're going to a. When he starts to be a dick on the road, when he starts to get in the mood or something, I'm like, we're doing fucking, we're doing ranch one for dinner, buddy.

Got a good chicken sandwich. I'll fucking hit him every once in a while. Ah, Ranch One. Remember Pluck You? Yes, Pluck You. Pluck You. I liked Ranch One. That fucking chicken sandwich, not too bad. A little roasted red pepper sauce, just mayo, but it was good. Yeah, that was good.

I love when they try to get high flute with the sauce. Subway did that. They're like, hey, we got Chipotle. And you're like, this is pink mayo. This is mayo with like a green thing. It was kind of good, though. I loved it. Dude, Subway feels like is just like Subway feels like a chick that was like a really hot freshman that showed up like senior year and is just disgusting. Yeah. What the fuck happened to Subway? I know. His friend Joe List got a sandwich. His friend? Yeah.

Our friend. He's my buddy. Our friend. Well, he told him the story. Oh, okay. He told Mark the story. He said he went to a subway, ordered a footlong, ordered double meat. Ooh. $21. Really? Yeah, yeah. Prices are up, baby. 21. Isn't the whole thing $5 footlong? That was back in the day. How long has that been over for? $21. We looked it up. It was 2011 was when they stopped doing that campaign. Whoa. Wow. We're fucking old. Dude.

I'm literally walking. I'll take one $5 foot long. Like, what are you fucking 80? 17 years ago, sir. I got that every day for like three years. That was on 2011. I remember when a one foot sandwich used to cost $5 in my day. Uh,

Shut the fuck up. Wow. Subway sucks. It's gotten so bad. I used to eat it all the time. It's gotten so fucking bad. Yeah. And somebody told me I had a friend who worked there. He's like, it's all the same meat. Yeah, of course. So buckle up. Like the meatballs, the turkey, the crab. The tuna's dolphin.

Oh, that's pretty good. It's a real animal. They're slaughtering some fucking poor animal in Taiji. They're like, enjoy this. It's 3,000 grams of sodium. It'll fucking kill you. Yeah, and I heard the turkey is yoga mat. Yes. No, the bread. Oh, the bread. The bread is yoga mat. Yeah. I smell some downward dog cooch on my sandwich. It's great. Woo.

Someone had the thing. I went to an Indian restaurant the other day. It was Subway. Whose joke was that? He had a whole Subway chunk. Might have been Gaffigan. Might have been Padden. He had another chunk. They had a competing Subway chunk going on. Yeah.

But Gaffigan had a whole thing, like, just based on the name. Subway? Does that make you want to eat sandwiches? The subway? The homeless? The tunnels? The mole people? The rats? He said the turkey, they're, like, stingy with it. Like, it's money. They're like, all right, here's one. Here's another. Little slices. How about a tells joke? He's like, I went to Subway. The guy put the gloves on. He goes, nah, raw dog. So good. So good. That's such a good joke, dude. Oh, yeah. Goddamn. Now, everybody...

We're riding the gossip train. Choo-choo. Uh-oh. I want to hear about Kill Tony with Chad Daniels. The whole internet's abuzz. What are they saying? Well, Chad had an altercation with a handicapped guy, and then he went at it with- With a handicapped guy? No, he had it with William Montgomery, that guy. I heard there was some handicap in there at first. Who was the handicapped guy he had a thing with? The handicapped guy goes, oh, I was driving here the other day, and he goes, you drive? And the guy was like, yeah, you don't-

I can drive. Oh, he was joking. The driver guy was joking. 2.5 million views. Yeah, this is a big show. Two weeks ago. Yeah. No, I remember the one, the William Montgomery one. I got shit for walking off and people were like, oh, you couldn't handle. Someone was like messaging me. I had a few people like, oh, you couldn't handle a smoke or something. He was yelling. I'm like, it was like two and a half hours into a show where they were serving me vodka or whiskey sodas by the pint glass. Right. Yeah.

Maybe I have to pee at some point. Yeah, exactly. And it was like literally the point where I just whispered to Tony. I'm like, dude, I really got to fucking pee. I've been holding it for like 30 minutes. I didn't. It's like you think the show's wrapping up for a while. Yeah, it's long. And they're like, we have another guest. I'm like, I'm going to piss my pants. Yeah.

So this is the guy with the driving. I feel bad because, you know, Chad is doing great. He's got a Netflix special. He gets on Kill Tony. He's probably like, hey, this is a big platform. I'm going to get some views. He did Rogue and Ansegur that week, too. Ah, then this shit happens. Because this is a tightrope, this Kill Tony. Because you want to be funny but not too mean. It's a tough one. Is this it, Mark? Yeah. Yeah.

This is the first thing. I think go for the gumry.

The red-headed homeless guy. No, I think they were having fun with each other. Oh, okay. Afterwards, they were laughing about it. Well, the internet's already made multiple videos about how it was bad and Chad fucked up and all this. But you were there, so... I was there for part of it. I left at a certain point because I was like... You didn't come back? No, I came back. Maybe he was still there. I don't remember. I had a few in me. This guy was my favorite. Oh, wow. Is that Willie Nelson over here? He knew... He fucking knew...

the Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez, and he was talking about, he called him Richie at one point. I was like, Richie? You had a nickname for one of the most notorious fucking serial killers? You know, me and Theo Bundy, we used to... That's exactly what I said. Oh, really? I said Teddy Bundy. There you go. All right, well, maybe it was, I just saw the internet was abuzz and I saw you were on it, so I was like, oh, perfect. Yeah, it didn't seem that bad to me, but I did have to pee like a motherfucker. Oh, here we go.

Are you guys like old friends or something like that? I don't know about it. What is going on right now? This is absolutely incredible. It's like you make fun of how I fucking talk. You say something about my fucking dog. I think Chad's like, I'm out at this point. I'm not going to even talk anymore. He's not going to get more oxygen? Yeah. Does he get weirder than this? I don't know.

I don't know. I haven't actually watched it. Sorry. I just think he does this as part of the... This is his move. It's like his character. It's like wrestling. Yeah, exactly. He's turning on you as a joke. Yeah. But I was already kind of like, I think he just chose, he was going to probably attack from what I gather afterwards. Tony's like, oh, I forgot to tell you guys he does that. It's such a hilarious thing. Yeah. It's like, I forgot to tell you my dog is rabid. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

But he turns on one of the judges usually, and I was like, well, I guess he picked Chad. And then I was just like, too, thank God he picked Chad, because I don't want to bail mid-argument with a guy to pee. But I was like, I'm peeing either way. And it's one of those things, not to shit on the guy, because he's a regular, but what do you do with that kind of humor? I like jokes. I like...

fucking around he's just yelling at me like you know i'm like yeah hey all right what are you homeless i don't know what it's like a weird interaction i don't know how to save that right so that's a tough one as a comedian yeah i was kind of like they were just kind of going i was like i don't really know what to chime in yeah i was in there for a while like all right and then uh

I'm with you. I would have just been like, it's on, Chad. I'm out. Yeah. Because I don't know what to do with the yelling. I'm like, can we go back to being comedians? Yeah, if you're going to like zing me or something, it's different. I love a zing. Yeah, yeah. Zing me all day. But just the yelling, yeah, I wouldn't know what to do with it either, probably. Yeah, and he's done it to me before, and I'm just like, well,

Are we done yet? I don't know. This is not my kind of humor. I'm not saying it's bad. I just don't know what to do here. I like jokes and stand-up. Well, you're like a yes-and type of guy. Sure, yeah. I like improv. Do I yell with you? I don't know what to do. I talked to him afterwards. He was very nice. That's the thing. But I think it's like a character.

but I think the problem is Chad is a man. Chad will beat your ass. Like he's a Minnesota hockey playing beer drinking dude. So I think he's like, this guy's yelling at me. What the fuck's going on here? I don't know if he knows the, the stick. That would be a great episode of kill Tony comedian, curb stomps, open mic, you fucking bitch. Like, no, no, no.

It's going to happen on Kill Tony eventually, I guarantee it. You think so? Oh, eventually somebody's going to snap. Yeah, one of these fucking open micers maybe has a bad set and is just like, fuck it, I'm going down in flames. Yeah, yeah. Just takes off Harlan Williams' head or something. Someone goes down. Well, have you seen the pen of whack jobs that are waiting to get on Kill Tony? It's like circus freaks. So eventually one of them is going to be full schizo and then, you know, uh...

Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be like, yeah, you got that right, you homo. And he's going to snap. That's coming. By the way, Greg's new special is great. That's my rec. Yeah, we got to get Greg on here. I love Greg. We tried to get him on, but we'll get him in like the next couple months probably. Yeah, so funny. Like, I was in Mexico. Just got back from Mexico yesterday. How was it? It was great. It was in Guadalajara. I fucking love Mexico. I try to go every time I can. I've been twice. But...

I went as a kid a lot, but I was in Mexico and I was lonely because, you know, your phone isn't working. I'm in the shitty hotel. Why are you in the shitty hotel? I don't know. I look good online. And I almost changed it, but I don't have it in me. I texted my manager. I was like, should I change the hotel? And he's like, send me some photos. Cement shower, one towel, a weird goo, and...

You open the windows, just a guy staring in. Yeah. Yeah, the bed was rock hard. It was like a cement slab. I hate that. My back still hurts from the bed. Even nice hotels have shitty beds. That's true. Even nice hotels. I'm like, can we get a decent pillow in here? I know, the pillows. What is it? It's a fucking piece of paper. It's like, who sleeps on this shit? You got to ball it up and fold it up to get some cushion. One hotel should be like, we got the good pillows. Mm-hmm.

Think of all the business you're going to get. That's true. I mean, you stay in a bad hotel, those pillows will fucking kill you. I think for a minute Weston was like, we have good pillows. All right. Yeah. I used to see the guy carrying a pillow at the airport. I'm like, look at this fucking pussy. He can't leave his house without a pillow? Jesus Christ. And then I'm like, I get it. Now I get it. But what's a good pillow to you might not be a good pillow to me. What's a good pillow to you? True. I like a little give but firm. Okay. I like flatty. How about you?

You would have loved my ex. I'm with you. I like firm, but a little bit of give. But you need some neck support. How you're supposed to sleep is on your back with a pillow. You really should be sleeping with three pillows if you talk to a specialist. You should have one under your knees here. You have...

like one like memory foam or something like that under like your shoulders and then on top of that staggered it should be your neck so you should be sleeping on your back but no one sleeps on their back no one but that's i saw a doctor back in the day about he's like you need to be sleeping on your back whoa on my stomach really yeah so i i was uh yeah yeah butt in the air just waiting to get rail and uh so wait you sleep like this

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Not with the legs in the air like that, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's how I sleep. But with a pillow under, too, so I'm like back here. So I think that's not great for your neck. Interesting. But think about it, man. You're like on a fucking... Like, if I get acupuncture, dude, I will fall asleep on the table because I'm so comfortable. Oh, wow. Yeah. What are you, side? On my back. Oh, all right. You sleep on your back? Yeah, all night.

Good for you. I fucking hate you for saying that. Like this? Yeah. Like that, and then I put a T-shirt over my eyes. Whoa. And it stays there all night. That's how much I don't move. They make sleep masks. Yeah, get a sleep mask. But I put it like, sleep mask tugs your face tight. No, I got a good one. I got a good one. Really? I like a good sleep mask. Just the thing. T-shirt? I bring a sleep mask on the road because you never know if you get one of those hotels that doesn't, they don't have good blackout curtains. That's true.

I go side, clan hood. No. Yeah, I'm all side. I'm that guy. Yeah. I'm Steph Curry. Ooh. Yeah. I need the side, and I rotate throughout the night. So how's your pregnant wife sleeping? She is side as well, and I bought her a pillow wedge that kind of...

belly can rest on. Wow. Yeah. That's so considerate. I just took it from Peters when he was fat. She rolls, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, I never thought about that. I guess like, fuck, if I was a woman sleeping on my stomach, just gonna fucking crush a baby. You crush the baby. That's why sex is weird. We're doing doggy, we're doing legs up. Yeah, because you can't fuck with that stomach. And luckily, I got years of fucking fat chicks in my belt. Woo!

Hell yeah. You ever fuck dangerous? You fuck her like by the staircase, but you don't put her down. I fuck her in the closet. I'm like, see that coat hanger? That could be you, baby.

Is the sex good pregnant? I mean, it must be funny. You're like fucking a different woman kind of. That's true, yeah. It's like cheating, but like with a fat chick. There's that, and she's huge and pregnant, so she appreciates it. She's like, thanks for fucking me, which a woman's never told me. So that's nice. This is like amazing. It's great, and she's having more feelings. I put it in, and she's like, blah, blah,

She goes, full turkey on me. And it's great because before I put it in, she was like. So, yeah, there's more hormones and sex and feeling down there, I guess, apparently. Which is a weird biological thing. Why would the body make sex feel better when you're pregnant? I would say, I would wager, to keep you around. Ooh.

But wouldn't it keep her around? No. If she's more horny, it means she's offering you more sex, which means keeping the partner around her. Biologically. That's good. Yeah. Just a guess. God's like, she's going to look gross. Yeah. So? No, I think you're right. He's going to get really into it. Give that a gook. No, there are dudes that are kind of into it, though. Like, she's got a little belly. Her tits are bigger. Tits are bigger. That's great. But they're like blue veins, and they look like they're going to break. Yeah.

It's like the water balloon where you're like, don't put it in my head. No more. Yeah. And I'm like... But it's kind of cool. It's cool, yeah. It's definitely like a different person. It definitely adds another kind of layer to sex. Mixes it up. Mixes it up. Are you worried for when you have a kid and he's going to start tugging on those things? A little, yeah. And she's already...

Like, I'm doing the lift. I'm getting a lift when... Really? Yeah, she's already... That's her call. It says, increased blood flow and sensitivity... There it is. ...and genitals may lead to higher levels of sexual arousal.

It's wetter, it's wilder, it's freakier, yeah. Sounds like a fun Six Flags event. The wet and wild pregnant woman. Oh, yeah. Well, I got six inches of steel. You know what I saw? I saw a thing recently on the internet that was like, you know, men show up or something like this. It was like, men will say they have a decent penis and show up with six inches. Uh-oh. If you're not satisfied at all with that, maybe it's you. Right. Right.

It's like saying a man will take you out to dinner and just get you an appetizer, an entree, and a dessert. Feeder. Yeah, that's a good point. And then some women, look, I'm not huge, but I've been with some women where they're like,

All right, all right, all right. Don't put it all the way in. You're like, whoa, what are you doing with other men? Love those women. I love those women, too. One was black, by the way. Whoa. Yeah, we all know her. But yeah, she was like, whoa, easy, easy. She's limping, then she walks away normal like Kaiser Soze. Yeah.

Yeah, right. That was fucking fine. The lips would turn me on. But yeah, there's different vagina, because we always talk about dick sizes. There's got to be vagina size. Of course, yeah. So, you know, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Yeah, put that in your cooch and weigh it. Yeah, so fellas, find yourself a small, clam, broad. A medium, yeah, that's right. It's funny, we're looking for small.

Not too small, because you don't want it to be like fucking, like, you know, the whole time, you're like, all right, it's not fucking. Once again, the answer is ladyboys. What are we doing here, fellas? Yeah. That's all anal. But then, Peters, you're 6'6".

Oh, you're 6'4"? 6'4". I thought you were taller. You got a big presence about you, though. Yeah, you do. He also wears the types of sweaters that kind of like old school manly men wear. Yes, yes. Like a dad who hits his kid. Yeah. That kind of sweaters. The type of dad that will grab your wrist and you're like, Dad, no! Yeah. Oh, man. Did you...

My dad had the angry, God damn it! When he did that thing, I was like, oh, it's over. I've met your dad. It's so funny. He's like so soft-spoken at the times I've met him. Crazy. He's just mellowed out. He mellowed out and he got on some antidepressant. I think it totally feminized him a little. And when I was a kid, though, it was like temper, scary, throw a whiskey glass across the room. Holy shit. Yeah. It was kind of cool. It was kind of cool, but when you're on the business side of that whiskey glass, you're like, ah!

That's such an abusive type of just like a chug of fucking whiskey and throw it at your kid. Yeah, he had a clean that shit up. Oh, there he is with the lip wrist. You caught him on a bad moment there. No one would ever be scared of this man. But when he were a kid, he was like the guy in L.A. Confidential who cracked the chair. He looks like Mr. Burns right now. Look at this shit. What the hell is going on? That's a bad. We got to kind of cut that. That's a great pic of you two. Yeah, that part's great. You guys look cool.

Glam. This is me going, oh, God, marriage. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, what have I done? Your dad knows what's ahead. Oh, yeah. That's a great dress. Is this her after-wedding dress? Yes, yes. I mean, that's how into it she got. And this is my after-wedding smoking jacket.

it yeah i like that look man oh yeah very hefner very cool that's all tuxedo black black tux.com free you get a crazy tux didn't rogan get you a crazy suit he did yeah so what's that what happened with that i wore it out drinking with ari and sal recently and boy you feel like a million bucks it says mn on the cuffling the opening says uh mark norman suit what what store was it

I think it's Emilio Bellato. It was some Italian, crazy Italian guy. The guy showed up. He looked like Sal, what's his name? Sebastian Maniscalco. Just like a hot Italian guy. He weighs, he measures you. You know, he's all up in there. And he's like, you want this kind of cut, that kind of cut? How do you wear it? How do you like it? And best thing ever, I'll never not wear this suit. Just takes, I think, six inches. You've got to do better than that.

Yeah, no, that's cool, man. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, suits are fucking... Look how cool he looks in that fucking shirt. He looks great. How about your shirt? Yeah, I'm rocking it too. I think I did this before you. No way. I think so. When did you make that? I've had this for a while. I want the receipt. I'll look it up. We can look this up too. How long have you had the backdrop? I'm going to go with a year. Oh, I definitely had this longer than a year. Oh, really? Dang.

I got the Nicholson one, too. Yeah. Fucking love. Dude, I got a rec for you, speaking of LA. Please. I'd never seen MASH till last night. Oh. I saw it halfway through back in the day. I was dating a girl who was like, this is boring. I was like, it's hilarious. But I was just like, you know, you're just like, fuck it, let me just salvage the night. Yeah. Yeah, I watched it last night. I fucking loved it. Robert Altman, that theme song is so sad. It's amazing. Suicide is violent. Painless. Painless, yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, the...

they're just torturing that woman, Sally Kellerman. Yeah. They just torture her. It's like so funny because she's, uh, she's not in the shit like they are. So they were like, fuck her. We'll torture her to make her one of us. Is that the first movie to TV show ever? Ooh.

Yeah, I feel like for a while it went the other way. It went like T because they did like The Fugitive and then that was the movie. True, true. Nash is fucking, Altman's fucking great. Altman's always great. Also, if you've never seen Nashville, Nashville's fucking incredible. I gotta watch Nashville. That's a great one. Better than MASH? It's so different. Okay. It's such a different vibe, but it's so good, man. Pop quiz, what does MASH stand for? Mobile, Army, Surgical. Hospital? Hospital.

Yeah. Is that it? I don't know. I think it's Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. Yeah, I think that's it. Wow. That would be something. Pornhub. Just as we found. Just a chick with a dick pops up like that. Six inches?

Surgical. Here we go. Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. We got it. All right, now here's another one. Okay. Scuba. Oh, I have no idea. Subcutaneous. Oh! Golf-contained underwater breathing apparatus. I've never heard of that one. Oh, shit! Scuba. Nice. Nailed it. Have you ever scuba'd?

I snorkeled. Never scooped. Same. I think snorkel is good enough for me. That's all. I need the surface. Yeah, I like to know I can go back up. Yeah. The shark tank people, you know the people who are in that cage? Yeah. Never. Oh my God. What are you thinking? People love it. They get in that cage and they feel safe. Not me. Have you not seen Jaws? I know. Like, fuck that shit. Yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, I saw a surfer just talking about, he was on Edelman's, the pot he used to do with Julian Edelman. He was Laird Hamilton. Oh, yeah. And he was talking about how he would, you know, he'd just get out of the water. He was like, I sensed a shark. I guess you just like, you surf that much, you have a sense for when they're coming. He's like, I got out, but right behind me was a hammerhead.

Can you imagine how scared you would be? Oh. We bitch about hecklers. These surfers. Surfers have to deal with great white bees. But was it a shark from Jersey? Was it a bachelorette shark? Yeah. So I do have an answer. On the first TV show developed into a movie, it was Dragnet. Or the other way around, sorry. Wait a minute. Dragnet came out in the 80s, though.

Oh, I guess there was a movie. Yeah. I'm thinking of the Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks. Oh, okay. Translated over to the big screen in 1954. But now I feel like it goes the other way, like they did Get Shorty, the TV show. Yeah. Now it goes to TV. That's true. Yeah, I'm trying to think of another one.

that they did into a movie or a TV show. Well, back in the day, it was a big deal when your TV show would make, like South Park made a movie. Oh, yeah. Right? And now I feel like it's... Oh, Starsky and Hutch became a movie and Dukes of Hazzard became both horrible movies, but they did it. I think we ran out of ideas for a while. Actually, still. Still.

What do you got? You got any recs? Well, I got the Fitzsimmons special. Check it out. It's on YouTube now. I think it's got about 100, 200K views. And great guy. Great guy.

He had a great bit about baseball that I can't remember now. But just cool to see. No one commands a room better than Fitzsimmons. That guy is just in the pocket. I'm listening to every word. You're never bored. He just knows how to deliver a stand-up really well. This is your rec? This is Mark's rec. Chimp crazy. It's good? I got through the first one. Oh, the second one's...

There's a great cliffhanger after two. And it's the Tiger King guy. Yeah, it's the guy who made Tiger King. He sort of couldn't make a number two because he was so well known. He couldn't get back into the animal world. So he hired a proxy director to direct it for him and be the face of it.

And they rip that face off of a lady. Okay, yeah, I definitely will watch this. It's the Tiger King guy. Yeah. Did I already wreck Bad Monkey on Apple? Oh, you did. I got to watch that. I got to watch that. My wife hates Vince Vaughn, so I haven't went in to watch it. Who hates Vince Vaughn? She thinks he's a smart-ass piece of shit. That's why I love him. That's why I like him, too.

It's great. I do see, like, Deadpool. I haven't seen the second one. I heard it's pretty good. But I just don't love the smarmy comedy for two hours. I just don't love the break in the fourth wall that much. That much. I understand, like, a little bit, but it's, like, the whole movie, it's just, like, it's fine. I didn't dislike it, but it's, like, a thing where it's...

It gets to a point where it's like, this is just fan service. Yes, yes. It gets to a point where, like, that's cool to do that. Sure. But, like... You can't lean on it. It's like breaking on SNL. You can break every now and then. It's, oh, man, Jimmy Fallon's losing it. But if you do it every sketch, it loses the magic. Well, exactly. And I think, you know, at a certain point, like Marvel, they know what they have. Right. So, I was telling me, they'll...

it's weird to watch one of those at home because they have these moments that are like meant for applause. Yeah. So like you just watch at home and you're like, he's just standing there. It's like watching like a neighbor. It's like watching a neighbor show up and open the door in a sitcom and he's just like this. And you're like, there's no applause. Yeah, yeah, right. But I just don't care about Marvel. Like my friend was opening for me and he was like,

dude they made this joke they made that joke and I'm like well I don't even get that joke he's like the joke is Hawkeye was in the wrong spot I'm like I don't care who gives a fuck about Hawkeye or whatever my girlfriend loved it so I went to see it with her I'm such a fucking idiot I booked in like one of those like RPX things which is supposed to be cool because it's like a shaking chair and makes noise and I there's so many show times for this movie still that I picked the wrong time but like luckily we just walked into another theater but then we had to see it like normal

But yeah, she wanted to see it. And she was like dying. Really? Well, look, there's a fucking hilariously ugly dog in it that is so ugly that he's cute. Right. I don't know if you saw that dog. Pull it up. Longer hanging tongue than even Wingus. Okay. But yeah, I mean, it's not like bad. It's just also like, it's like what you expect. Yeah. You would love Gambit. He's got a great character. Oh, all right. At least from Nola. Whoa. Whoa.

Well, that dog has a great life now. It was rescued. It was voted the ugliest dog, and now the dog's famous. How long until PETA gets like, hey, that's mean. You can't call the dog ugly. It's body shaming. But this dog's so ugly that it's kind of cute. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like Ron Perlman. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That is a crazy looking mutt. Holy shit. But, uh, yeah, dude, I got, fuck, I had a peeve too. I had a thing. Oh yeah. Oh, I had a peeve too. Hold on. Ooh, this is a peeve. People who send you a really long text and then sign their initials at the end. Ooh, what is this? Your book signing? Like what the fuck? Uh, dash L.

Dash B-D. Well, you know what I mean? Yeah. My dad, he'll write a long thing and write dad. But I think he's just like an old boomer guy who doesn't know how to use his phone. It's different. I've had older... It only annoys me when young people do it. Yeah. When older people do it, I think it's like, oh, I don't know how technology works. Like, I had Leno text me once and he finished it with J. Oh, that's kind of cute. That's kind of cute. It's like an older guy. Endearing. You know like those texts you show when the person dies? You're going to show that one because it's fucking signed.

People do that. Oh, really? Yeah, like Jay Leno dies. You're like, here's him talking to me in the young comic. And it's signed Jay. No, Max, I'm not going to make his death about me. Guy who does that. Guy who has to ruin the moment. Let me just say... No, actually, when Jay Leno dies, I'll mourn the loss of an entertainer. For the record, if I go, if I kick the bucket, do not show text at my funeral. Just saying, I'm putting that out there now. Please.

Norman called Peter's a f***er in 2024. You know, whatever it is. If I speak at that funeral, Mark always said comedy. There you go. But today, there's no laughing matter. Here's a text to prove it. I love the headline, funny man dies on the highway. It happens to everybody. Well, you know, I date someone who works in sports, so she comes in the other day and

It's a tragic story about these two hockey players who got killed by the drunk driver in Jersey. She walks in the bedroom and goes, tragedy in New Jersey this morning. I'm like, who speaks like that? What are you, the Post? Yeah. But it's like that's how they talk. Yeah, yeah. You're on TV. You speak like a tragedy. That's hilarious. I'm like, let's go to break right now.

No, I mean us. Let's go on a break. That's true. Yeah, that is funny to talk like that. You don't do that. Like, what's the deal with doggy style? I'm fucking her. We're not dogs. I guess we've got style. Fucking idiots. Did you ever notice that women don't cum when I fuck them?

Your girlfriend's like, women? Oh, I mean, you. You, you don't come. Mm-hmm.

You have a little microphone by the back. She's giving you the light. I have done that, though. I have done the second I come, I run over to type something. Oh, I've done that. You ever have a joke idea, and you're like, I just got to get through this sex so I can retain this joke? Women love that. I do it. They want you to make eye contact and be present, but I'm just like, fuck, I'm just fucking, just come, and then I jump off, I do a fucking back somersault. AIDS. And she's like, what? No, not me. The joke. The joke is about AIDS.

I don't have it. Yeah. Well, you got that bit idea. You got to write it down. Oh, definitely. You've gotten sex ideas. Oh, yeah, of course. Doing sex, you're like, oh, there's a joke. Of course, yeah. And sex is already always pretty funny. I was talking to Ari, and he said that joke retention is about 14 seconds. If you don't write it down after 14 seconds, it goes.

Luckily, I only fuck for 13. And the worst is when people go, if it's a good idea, you'll remember it. That's not true. No, it's not. I'll forget any idea, good or bad. I think Tom Waits had the line where he'll get a good song lyric, and he's like, can't you see I'm driving? Oh, that's good. That's good.

He's funny, that guy. He's an interesting mind. He is funny. I like Waits. I like Waits, too. He's fucking cool. He's a cool dude. His lettermans are top notch. He's just so fucking weird. He's weird and cool and dark. I like him. He'd be a fucking killer guest on this. What's his big song?

Oh my God, so many. Downtown Train, I Hope I Don't Fall in Love With You, Raindogs. He wrote Jersey Girl for Bruce Springsteen. No. That's a moneymaker. Dude, his whole first album is a fucking banger. He had a different voice back then, but he was like 24 when he wrote it. Whoa. I've sent you some of those songs, Old 55. Oh, that's him? Yeah.

I only know that through the Eagles. Oh, maybe he... Did he do it first or not? I don't know. Look it up. He's done some great covers, too, but... Is he a New York guy? Canadian? Where's he from? Where's he from? He feels New York-y, but I think it's just because he's on Letterman, and I've only seen photos of him in New York. Anyone want to guess? Mark, you're good at this before I pop it up. Where's he from? Oh, where's he from? I'm going to go Toronto. I'm going to guess Jersey. I'm going Minnesota. No, that's not going to do it. What do we got?

Hit me, baby. Singer-songwriter, Pomona, California. Wow. We were way off. We got to get this guy on the show. Samsonite. I was way off. He's 74 now. He's pretty freed up, I'd say. Oh.

He's the fucking man. He's one of those guys who's too cool. You're like, hey, so, you're from Pomona, California. He's like, yeah, that's right. His voice now is like fucking crazy. Gravel. Yeah, Rain Dog's a sick album, too. But that first one's pretty crazy. He did the theme for The Wire. Really? What? Down in the Hole is Tom Waits. Is that right? I don't know if it's his original. He definitely does it. It's definitely him in The Wire, I think. Whoa. I said definitely, and then I think. I stink. Uh-oh.

Strange looking guy, too. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, he's fucking great. He's great. What, do you have a peeve? Oh, yeah. Well, it's not a great peeve, but I was at the Guadalajara airport, and I'm the token honky. You know, I'm the guy like, oh, where do I go? I don't speak Spanish. A little dingy. Do you go direct flight or do you have to connect? Connect in Dallas. That's not that bad. Not too bad. Small plane, though, to Dallas. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I was the gringo.

And no one goes to Guadalajara. People go to Mexico City, they go to Cancun or whatever the hell, but Tijuana. Guadalajara was me, a cockfight, and a lady making tortillas. You went there solo? Solo, baby. Just for the gig. You just love Mexico right now. I like Mexico. I've never been to Guadalajara, and we sold some tickets there, so fuck it. I love that. So I'm in the airport. I finally land. It's like a seven, eight-hour travel day. You're a little wonky, and...

I'm going through customs, and you have to take your passport and scan it on this machine. And it kept saying, no passport, no good, no good, red, red, red. So I go up to the guy and I go...

No worky. Bad news, though. No bueno. Sucky, sucky $5. Yeah, hello. He was like, scan, scan, scano. And I was like, I scanned, I scanned. But there's no language. There's a barrier. So I go, look, scan, scan. He goes, scan it, scan it. He keeps yelling at me. And I'm like, it's not working. And then eventually he takes it and it doesn't work. And he goes, you got to go over there. And I'm like.

Why couldn't you just listen to me? But I guess they see so many idiots coming through there that don't know how to do it that he just assumed I was one. Yeah, but you're a traveled man. I'm a traveled man. I know how to work my passport machine, but this guy was not having any of it. And then eventually he tried it and he was like, oh, sorry, go over there. But they got you...

After that? Got me in, yeah. I fucking hate that, though, when they act like you're an idiot. I know. And I did get the random check, which felt very pointed. Oh, jeez, with these eyebrows, it's never random. I hate it. Every time. Yeah. By the way, I do Q&A at the end of shows. A lot of people go, Sam's eyebrows. Really? That's a big one. They're fucking big. I got some fucking eyebrows. I don't think they're that crazy. Really? They're pretty big. I guess they're long. Yeah. You know what I get is...

They don't even ask if I'm at the barber now. They don't even ask. I just go, I'm like, Jesus Christ. What do they do to your eyebrows? They just trim it a little bit. On the top? Yeah. You don't get that? I get that too with the comb. They hit the comb on and then they trim it up. They used to at least ask. They don't ask. That could be a bad sign. They're nice eyebrows. They're full. They're dark. You know what? When they do, I don't know if you're at the age yet, but when they're like, ear hair, it's like, that's just a yes.

Yeah. You know the answer to this question. No, I'm growing it out. I'm keeping it. I'm going to braid it. But yeah, Mexico. So I do a show in Guadalajara. Killer crowd. Great show. They get everything. You can talk about Biden. You talk about Brad Pitt, Taylor Swift, whatever it is. They get all of it. Is it locals or expats? Both. A little of both. You get some people who are like, I want to learn, see if I can test my English. And then I leave.

I'm walking down the street, kind of half in the bag, just taking in Guadalajara. And this guy runs up on me, white guy. And he goes, hey, where are you going? I go, I'm just walking around. He goes, I was at the show. You want to come to my bar and hang out? I was like, sure. I got nothing to do. So I go to this guy. This guy from San Francisco. It'd be great if you're just like the bottom. It's like Pulp Fiction. Gemp in there. You're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. He locks the door. Now you're mine. Yeah.

I'm going to get medieval on his ass. So I go to this guy's bar, lived in Berkeley, got too weird during COVID, said I'm moving to Guadalajara, started his own business. Now he's like, I'm the king out here. I get laid all the time. I got my own bar, my own business. I'm a rich man. I'm never going back. How old is he? 25. Holy shit. Can you believe that?

He's making money there? He's making a ton of money. Wow. Because he owns a business. Right on the strip, too. I was like, how did you do this? He's like, I just was desperate. I figured it out. I put it together. Crazy. And he was cool? Cool dude. He...

offered me some blow and I was like, ah, I gotta go. I gotta go. And then I get home and I got like 9 million DMS. Like you should have come out, man. Hey, it's pretty crazy out here. I'm in a nightclub right now with six girls. You should come out. I was like, I did the right thing. Yeah. But nice guy. I hope he doesn't hear this. Eh, whatever. What, what were you drinking? Uh,

I was out there. I had to do tequila. Tequila's from Guadalajara. Mariachi's from Guadalajara. Guadalajara is like Mexico. It's like if someone dropped you in Kentucky, and you're like, this is America. Trump flags and guns. That's what it felt like. It felt like Mexico.

But great, great time. Cheap as shit. You're like a king out there. I'm eating street tacos. I'm like, hey, give me another one there, Paco. I'm giving him twos and threes. And he's like, whoa, Jesus. I got to do Mexico, man. It's fun. It's got some grit. I wonder if I can move some tickets. I'm going to give it a shot. Oh, I got another peeve, by the way. Oh, please.

Just dudes with sharp rings. I fucking hate it. I hate sharp rings. Yeah. Fist bump. Oh, the dudes, I always see them. He's always trying to give me fist bumps with the sharp rings. I'm like, what are you doing? That fucking hurts. Yeah. It's just, it's annoying. It texturally is annoying. And then you shake their hand. That's bad too. From now on, only a wave.

Interesting. I'm only giving a wave. Okay. Sharp ring. You've got to hate a sharp ring. I hate a sharp ring. I have a ring for the wedding, and I hate when people squeeze it, and it hits the ring. It hurts. But rings in general, I don't love. I don't like jewelry. I'm not a big jewelry guy. I hate jewelry. Why would you want to put another thing on your body? It's just another thing to think of. The watch is already pushing it. Yeah, the watch is pushing it. I like a watch, but then like...

or jewelry. It's just a lot. I completely agree. I don't get guys who wear a bracelet. I'm like, what's the upside? What's the point of the bracelet or women like a bracelet? You know, I get it. If you want to do some crazy thing that turns on women, Stefano might be listening. Geez. Does he wear a bracelet? Oh yeah. He does. He's a fucking. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

Some guys like a little bling. Every guy's got a necklace now. Have you noticed that? Yeah, what is that? I don't think they're in. I know. Yeah, out here. I had a guy, a friend of mine, I want to get him on the pod. Well, at some point, I'm sure, Tan French from Queer Eye. Oh, yeah. He was like, oh, this would go well with a good necklace. I'm like, I don't like that. He's like, all right.

No, I can't do it. But I guess he's a stylish guy and he's like, it's in. Yeah, we're the minority here. We're the losers. Well, how about these fucking baseball players who are wearing like 40-pound chains now? I'm like, what's the upside? You're running and it just hits you in the fucking mouth? I know. You're diving in the second, a chain. I don't get it. And then it's funny because chains will go out at one point. So I'm like, what are we doing here? Like, I'd rather just be me consistently than have to like, oh, this is in. Now that's out. Oh, I still got to lose the chain. Yeah.

You know, like I wore a chain wallet in eighth grade. You did? I did because I was a skateboard queef, you know, and that was part of the uniform. And then eventually I was like, what am I doing? This is stupid. And then I'm not like, oh, they're back in? I'm a 40-year-old guy. I'll put a chain wallet. No, I just do. I'm doing me now. Sorry, I'm 40. I'm doing me. What is a chain wallet? I mean, I've seen it, but what's the purpose? The purpose is so you don't lose your wallet. It's chain near. You lose your wallet a lot. Yeah.

Ah, they get pickpockets. It was like a stylish thing, too. Stylish. I'm a skater. I'm a fucking Leaping Skanks fan. Oh, I guess you're active. Yeah. I guess, but bikers have them. I think they started it because they're wild. Big J's got one, doesn't he? He's got one, I think, still.

Yeah. But it's like for him, I feel like it's like a style thing. Totally. I think it is like a style thing for like biker, skater type dudes. And that's his style. So he's being him. Like, I don't think chain wallets are in and he's still doing it. Oh, dude, I got another movie. I don't know. I can't call this a full on wreck because it's dark as fuck.

At that dinner, Ronan, he's telling me, and the lady, you heard about this movie? Yeah. Have you seen it? No, but everybody's telling me it's like next level. It's dark as fuck. It's called Speak No Evil, and they're remaking it, an American version, but like, look,

You know it's Dutch, and you know it's dark as fuck because the critic score is high, but the audience score is like 55, and you're like, that's because it's dark. Whoa. But look, it's shocking. It will shock you. Now, what's the premise? The premise is this family and their kid are in Tuscany on vacation. They meet another family there at this big type of...

you know, resort type place. And this other family is very friendly, like a little weird, but very friendly. And they invite them to their place in the woods. Oh boy. Uh, and with a postcard later on. And the whole thing is about like being polite or impolite. And they're like, we'll be rude to say no, I guess we don't really know them, but I guess we could do it. And they're socially just really unacceptable people. Really? And it keeps getting weirder and weirder. Yeah. Like, you know, at one point,

you know they're at their place they're out to dinner and they kind of like they suggest this fancy place and they force them to pay basically or then they start making out aggressively or they'll be in the car and he's clearly drunk driving but he's uh you know blasting music to the point where they'll be like please turn it down he's just ignoring them shit like that where they're very weird the couple and it keeps getting weirder so it's kind of like part thriller part horror and uh

I mean, look, I recommend it if you have a capacity for darkness. I was shocked by it. Really? And Ronan was like, our boy Ronan is who, I give him shit for this. I'm like, dude, you will only recommend a movie if it'll like fuck me up for days. But I saw the American version. It's James McAvoy is in it. And it looks cool.

And I'm like, fuck, am I going to see this version too? I don't know. But I was definitely shocked by it. I will say that. Why the title? You're going to have to see it to know why. You'll know why when you see it. I don't want to give spoilers in case people want to see it, but holy shit, man. Really? Yeah, I don't know if Mae will like it. Oh, that? She likes fucked up. Okay, well then watch it and report back. So since I became a dad, I can't really watch stuff where kids get hurt.

Huh. Well, I'm not giving any spoilers. You're going to have to see. Because this kid looks scared. Is the kid, is it sexual? I don't want to say anything. I don't want to say what's happened. Because I'm just trying to think, if you're freaked out by it, Ronan's freaked out, List was freaked out by it. Did List like it? He loved it, but he's like, it is literally the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. And it's crazy, and Clockwork Orange, and all that shit. I've seen some, I'm trying to think of movies that fuck me up, like on a psychological level. Yeah. And like,

you know, Mulholland Drive kind of fucked me up because it kind of gets in your soul. Sure. The way they kind of creep in, it's very, they pull the rug out under at the end in a way where you're like, Jesus, that is fucking, and it's not nearly as fucked up as this. Really? God damn. This is, you're really, I mean, like the curb stomp in American History X fucked me up a little bit. Sure, because we were young and it was all, I mean, look, I'm not, I'm not,

I'm at the age now where I'm okay with that curb stop. No, but it was more of like a shock scene as opposed to something that really seeps in your... Yeah. But yeah, sure, American History X was dark as shit. But this is way scarier to me. Oh, boy. I'm intrigued, but I'm nervous. It's really all about not having boundaries and stuff. And knowing when... And it's funny, Rana and I totally... He can't stand up. And I'm like, I have no problem with confrontation.

So I think part of me is like, you know, I have no problem being like, oh, I don't like this. You know, I don't, this doesn't, you know. But he said, I can't really do that. So I think we were kind of scared for different reasons. Interesting. Yeah, I don't like horror usually. Me neither.

now i'm really nervous yeah you watch it and but list also is fucked up he said i gotta text him about the craziest movies ever seen his words well they're remaking it and i wonder if they're gonna do the same i'm not gonna say what the ending is but i wonder if the american version is gonna have the same ending i bet we i bet we tone it we tend to tone europe you know do whatever you know originally in get out the original ending was that they don't get out

Oh, wow. And I think test audiences were like, what the fuck? Yeah. And then they changed it. But like, you know, I love Get Out. Yeah. Sure. I thought it was a great movie, but...

Yeah, we'll see. I'm fucked up by eerie. Like, when I was a kid, Willy Wonka fucked me up. It's just too weird, and they never... Well, that fucked you up. Do not watch this. Okay, okay. I mean, I was little, but yeah. I didn't like Wonka. He was too... Like, he was enjoying the kids in a pipe with chocolate, and he's like, oh, look at this piece of shit, and that bugged me. I'm selfishly curious what you would think of it, but I'm also like, I don't know.

It's fucked up. I like Clockwork Orange. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, this is definitely more fucked up. Oh, wow. Okay. Damn. Yeah. All right. Jeez. This is...

Yeah. It's just the way it builds. It's good. I'm talking too much about this, but I'm curious what you guys will think. Maybe off air, because I don't know if I can stomach it. I never watched the Michael Jackson doc. I can't watch the R. Kelly doc. For a guy who likes farting and offensive humor, I don't like real shit. Yeah, well, farting is not as bad as raping. Ha ha ha.

That's like, what you do is not actually bad. That's a t-shirt. I know, I know, but like, oh, you push the line or whatever. I'm like, no, I'm just, these are jokes. Like, I can't watch, like the Michael Jackson thing, people are like, oh, let's get the popcorn out. I'm like, this is, I hate this. Are kids getting diddled? I don't want to watch this. It is a funny visual to be like, you like have a whole bowl and you're like...

Yeah. I mean, the Ted Bundy shit was huge. Every girl was loving it. And I was like, this is weird. It's murder. He's murdering women with a rock, beating them over the head. I'm like, I don't want to watch this. Torture porn is like, it became a thing for a minute with those Saw movies and stuff like that where I never got into that. No. I don't like to just like... Hate it. I think they're meant to be seen with a group that's like...

ah, the same way. My friend Dana Gould will tell me, like, he goes, oh, I see, my daughter's at the age now where, like, we see horror movies together and we leave and she'll be like, which were your favorite kills? And it's like, it's almost like a, you know, it's formulaic in a way, you know, where we see comedies, we laugh together, but that's, people don't do that anymore, really. Yeah, that's true. You know, I guess Deadpool was a comedy, but, like, it's rare that you go to a theater and you fucking... It's a good point. Barbie, maybe? But it's not really the funniest movie. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, no, it's a good point. I remember laughing at something about Mary, you know, 11 years old in the theater. Fucking losing it. Losing it. American Pie even. You know, old school I saw in the theater. Yeah. Good times. Great fucking times. It's over. It's over. Speak no evil. Speak no evil. Damn. Are you working on bits or anything? Yeah, I got a bit that I thought was right, money right out of the pocket, but it is bombing all day long.

What do you got? So my buddy has a young daughter, and he's like, she's going through all these phases. She went through like a promiscuous slutty phase. And I was like, well, that's pretty normal. And then he's like, yeah, but now she's going through a Muslim phase. And I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, a lot of kids are being Muslim now. And I was like, well, that's better than slut. Because slut is skimpy outfit, getting drunk, blowing a bunch of guys. Muslim is burka, no alcohol, and getting down on your knees for Allah. Yeah.

So I was like, I got an A to B here. This is perfect. And it's bombing everywhere, much like a Muslim. No. But it's dying on the vine. Damn. Is there anything there, you think? Maybe it sucks. No, it doesn't suck at all. Muslim phase is so weird. Yeah. Yeah.

I had never even heard of it. Have you heard of this? It's coming. Maybe you have to build it more. In the beginning, I was like, yeah. So did you ask more about it? So she just acts like she's Muslim? Muslim hijab. So I did a hijab line. That got nothing. Yeah, hijab. And I thought it was appropriate. What religion was she born? I think Catholic, Christian kid. Hilarious. Yeah, I think it's cool to be Muslim now.

That's fucking hilarious. I was like, we were just goth, you know? Yeah. I think kids, teens feel oppressed and they're taking on the, the, the outfits and the, right. It's like black. Cause you check black in the nineties. Yeah. It's also like goth is a funny angle. Hippies. We were, there were hippies and there were goth. Now that's like, now you want to fit in, you got to level up, you know? Yeah. You know, uh,

Yeah. It's so fucking hard to be a parent now. I know. God. Like, your kids are... There's so many different fluid sexual things and...

Now it's like, I'm a white boy. That's like, now you've got to come out as white and they're like, oh, no. You know, that's no good. It's so funny to be like, dad, you know I'm Muslim. It's like, no, you're not. Right. You're not actually Muslim. Yeah. I did hear a quote from a black guy. He said, a woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery. Whoa.

That's heavy. Yeah. Damn. Well, then another person was like, another comment was like, I think it's a solid bit, but people don't want to laugh at Muslim shit. That's possible. It's just a religion in my mind. But I think other people, there's a real problem I have. Other people have a problem with it. So they put their problem on me when I'm like, I'm just doing a bit.

Does it hit for your crowd or have you only done it at the cellar and stuff? That's kind of the test for me nowadays. Right. If it starts working for my crowd, I just deliver with more confidence at the cellar. True, true. But has it worked for your people? Well, it's so new. I tried it in Mexico a little bit and I tried it at New York Comedy Club and it got weird. So I've only done it like twice or three times. I think there's something there. I think there's something there. Muslim...

The setup is that it's easier. What's better than being a slut? Yeah. They're wearing tube tops and skimpy this and shrinking and sneaking out and fucking random dudes. They get pregnant. They get STD. Why did you say why she decided to convert to being a Muslim? I think it's in the culture now. It's in the zeitgeist. In New York? Yeah. Jersey. Jersey. Yeah.

Interesting. And then there's something with 72 virgins, maybe? I could do something with that. Yeah. She's not getting laid anymore. She's one of the virgins in the afterlife. I don't know. I don't know the angle for this one. It's such a weird premise. Maybe goth is better than slut. Goth is better than slut. No, I'm saying, like, maybe I should go with goth. Yeah, no, maybe. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Goth. But my day, they were just goth. Right. So, like... Huh.

It used to be like, fuck you, God. Now it's like, I love you, Allah. Yeah, yeah. That's something. Kids are just rebelling against whatever their parents hate. Right. So it's probably he hates this thing, so your kid chose it. It might be funny if the dad's a Jew and the kid converts to Muslim. Oh, that's something. Fuck you, dad. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just thinking of angles in here.

Right, like, you know, the girl whose dad is racist dates a black guy. Yeah. This girl, her dad's a Jew, so she's, yeah, going Muslim. Huh. All right, well, I'll play with it. In my day, you just dated the person your parents didn't want you to date. Yeah. Now you're becoming them? Now you're converting. Yeah, that could be funny. That's something, yeah. During COVID, she wore a mask.

All right. Well, my mom is like, you know, she'll say to me, like, first question with women is like, is she Jewish? And I'm like, you know, now this is like, uh, is it? Yeah. Is it? Is your boyfriend, uh, is your boyfriend Muslim? Uh, yeah. And so am I now. Right. Like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know where to go with this. Yeah. All right. I'll, I'll, I'll doodle. My shit's either fucking garbage or. All right. Hit me. Let me see what I got. Um,

There's a few I just can't crack. Man, I tried that dinosaur chicken nuggets one the other night. Got some groans. Really? I have too many fucking... I think for like the comedy seller, my shit is...

For my crowd, it's fine. But for when I do like the comedy cellar, they're like, holy shit, that was dark. I know. Because you're going on after some of these guys who are just like, oh, shucks. And they're like pretending they're better people than they are. And then I go on, I do like a Hitler or a pedo joke. And there's like, what is this guy, a fucking monster? I'm like, no, that's fucking what you joke about. Yeah, it's a comedy club. Should I just be rainbows and sunshine all day? No, I want some edge. Supposed to laugh at the dark shit, folks. That's what we're doing here.

All these ideas. Dude, my problem with these are like they're either working or they're just shit. Let's see if I have enough. Is this anything? One of the worst parts of breakups is you have to just come up with new inside jokes. It's just like so much new material.

Wait. With the new girl? With the new girl, yeah. Sometimes I'll just recycle stuff from previous relationships. Like, hey, little lady. And she's like, I'm 5'10". And I'm like, ah, shit. And I need something like that. I don't know where it's going, but like. You're doing old material. I'm doing old material. I'm like, ah, I got to come with a new fucking nickname.

Right. That's funny. There's something maybe. Yeah. You're like Trump. You got to have a nickname for every woman. Yeah. You're like, hey, what's up, Comrade Michelle? She's like, what? Moody Michelle. Moody. Moody's fun for a lady. That's my favorite part. Oh, fuck. I don't know. There was something. I like the angle of kind of come up with a new material for the new girlfriend. Let's see what else I had. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Bad retention. Mr. Beast, he would hate this. What? Um... Silence? The silence, yeah. Oh, fuck that. We're going through the, uh... I'll give you a peeve while you're looking. Give me a peeve. Oh, please. I go to the deli counter and I'm like, can I get a quarter pound of ham and a quarter pound of bologna?

And I was like, is that a lot? A quarter pound? And he's like, I don't know. A quarter pound, to you, it's like, is that a lot to you? I was like, I don't know. You do this every day. Yeah. You tell me, do people normally order a quarter pound? I don't know what a quarter pound of meat looks like. That's a good peeve. The professional who's asking you questions. Yeah, like how many servings? This is not that much food. Yeah, a quarter pound is not that much. I don't know that. Yeah, I don't think it's that much. He knows what it is. He should say what you just said. Yeah. Is it a lot?

to you i was like i don't know that's why i'm asking yeah i'm not looking for a philosophical lesson here right yeah it's not a judgment call yeah i hate when you get in a cab or something he's like how do i get there i'm like you're the you're the guy you're the driver i got another one i want to try because this isn't hitting the way i wanted all right and i have an uber bit that's hitting really hard right now all right add to it because i had an ex who would be like we got into a car once

We got into an Uber and it smelled like horrible, like so bad. And I just went, oh, wow. And we got out. She goes, you cannot make that sound. I go, but he can make that smell. That's unacceptable. It smelled so fucking bad in there. And she goes, let me see your Uber rating. So I pull it out and she goes, just as I suspected, 4.53. And I was like, all right, I don't know. That's fresh. I speak my mind. It's fine, whatever. And I said, all right, let me see yours. She had a 4.32. Oh!

So I wanted to think, I was like, all right. So by the way, you're pretty. This is your personality that's doing this. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's good. You're that fucking rude to drivers. I did once where it was a bad smell. Wow. That's good. But the line that didn't hit, I thought could be something that she goes, that's not a big difference. I go, point two is the difference between a gold medalist and someone who doesn't place. Oh. But then that doesn't hit. So I need a different out. I need a different fucking...

Damn, gold medalist. I like. I like it too, but it's just too, I think it's too much of a leap. Right. But the part did pop where I say, you're attractive. This is your personality. What if you shit on yourself and you're like, well, 0.2 would help me a lot or help you a lot in bed. You know, like if your dick was 0.2 inches longer because now you're making fun of you a little and she's like, that would be better. Good point. Yeah, 0.2. Yeah. Yeah. But 0.2 isn't too much. That's true. It's not...

Yeah. Point, uh... You know, you could say is, uh, this is just a side, sideline, but you'd be like, hey, 4.5, that's fresh. Unlike him. Unlike the driver. That's fresh. Do people know Rotten Tomatoes enough? Yeah, I think they're looping. Yeah, maybe I'm, maybe I'm reaching. On Rotten Tomatoes, that's fresh. Unlike him. Yeah, that would be fresh. Yeah. She's, uh...

I had an old joke similar to this, but I could never get it to work. And I had a lady yell at me because I was like, oh, dude, you smell horrible. And she was like, hey, that's their culture. And I was like, yeah, but it's American culture to shit on people who stink. Yeah. You know? It's a tough sell because...

I hate when people shit on like, it's like, oh, you know, you should, I hate what I'm doing a little bit in this. Right, right. When people will shit on like a smelly cabbie, I'm like, yeah, it's so fucking annoying. But the guy probably did like a 26 hours. True. So I do feel a little bit, but then, but then I liked the joke enough that I was like, yeah, who gives a shit? And you're not being mean. You're going, oh, I just went, wow. It's not mean. It's not like you make a fart.

What? Could you make it a fart? So he farted instead of it's his body odor? I kind of like that it just smells like shit. I do too, but like to make it less offensive. No, that part hits though. But that part does hit. I just think, yeah, it's about the where do you go from there? I'll brainstorm a little bit. It's close. It also goes off another bit. So it kind of, it's like the balls in the air, you know? Yeah, yeah. I like that. There's another Uber bit that hits real hard before that.

But man, it's fucking crazy. The more I get older, I'm like, man, I think you have a similar thing that I have where like our jokes kind of go up to the line of what is not socially acceptable. So the tinkering, like sometimes it's just one word. Yes. Sometimes it's a buildup. Sometimes a joke is like a one liner.

and it comes off as too mean. But if I build up and build up and then do the same joke, it's like I'm adding fat to a joke to save the joke. Yes. You know? Yes, for them. Yeah. Your crowd, it's fine. But if you're at the cellar, you've got to pad it a little more, I think. But then you find out sometimes when you pad it for your crowd, they're like, it builds it a little more and the release is bigger. That's true. That's true. Yeah, but we were just, in our stand-up, I think we're so conscious of,

Oh, yeah. Of not adding fat. Yes. We like the idea of how fucking dense our stuff is. Yeah, nice and tight. Yeah. But you're right. That tinkering is crucial. Just a little twist this way or that way, and then it's offensive or it doesn't work or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

I think you got something. I'll try it at the cellar tonight. What if you go 0.2? All right, well, what if I got your age wrong by 0.2 or something? The problem with 0.2 is it's not like... It's not a lot. Yeah, it's also like, what is that, two months or something? You know what I mean? That's the only issue. That's why I like gold medal. That's a perfect... I liked it. Perfect analogy, but yeah. If it didn't work. Maybe I'll try it again. I think you'd have to make her rating way lower, like a two.

But then we say, oh, you're two points off. And then two points, that's a lot. That's like two inches. Yeah, that's like two inches. Yeah, if you make her a little more off, I think you're safe. Maybe that's what I got to do. Yeah, that's good. A whole point. Yeah. 0.2 seconds could save your life if you drown. Whatever it is, you know. Yeah. That's funny. Do you got to open your chute in 0.2 or else you're dead? I don't know.

It's close. It's close. 0.2. I think you open it up a little more to make it a bigger gap between the scores or the ratings. Yeah, I'm going to play with it. Good call.

Good shit, guys. Who has that funny joke where they're like, I got into a cab the other day, today, the guy smelled like shit. Somebody goes, whoa, that's racist. And you're like, it was a white guy. Oh, shit. Wow. Yeah, that's a good joke. Somebody has that. I was like, oh, I wish I had that joke. That's fucking great. That's great. Wait, when does this come out, Matt? 49th of September.

So I guess I'll be... Oslo. Yeah, he just saw me in Oslo. Damn. Stockholm. Just added Spokane, Washington, October 24th through 26th. I'll be with little Gary. You know he's going to make me pay. And then I'll be in...

November 21st through 23rd, I'll be in Cleveland at Hilarity's, another great club. And I'll add a few more before we do a big announcement. By the way, I probably would have announced the theater tour by now. So go to my Instagram. I would think I've announced the theater tour by now. Wow. I'm probably coming to your city, punchup.live slash samorell or just samorell.com and go to punchup.live slash Mark Norman. It's Mark Norman Comedy?

MarkNormanComedy.com. But Punch Up is just my name. Yeah, PunchUp.live slash Mark Norman. Mark, where are you going? One second. Sam also just dropped his last special on Punch Up Live. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, now it's going to be on YouTube. I'm going to move it to YouTube. Okay. That's a lot of YouTube content you got. Yeah, you just got to get our stuff. It's cool to own our shit. Hell yeah. All right, love it. You'll get yours back. Yeah, can't wait.

I sold mine to Hulu. Did you? Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah, get a couple extra bucks, throw it on Hulu, and it's on YouTube. So fuck it, let it ride.

Fort Lauderdale, coming at you. Portland, Oregon. London, Ontario. Toronto, we had a show doing the Rogue Island Comedy Fest. Monterey, California. Oakland. Winnipeg. Edmonton, Cleveland. Hilarities. Good club. Fayetteville. Wichita. Kalamazoo. Chicago Theater. Come on, Larry David. Pick Poughkeepsie.

Torrington, Connecticut, North Charleston, South Carolina, and Asheville, Nola, Wilkes-Barre, and Englewood, New Jersey. So yeah, come on out, folks. We'd love to have you. Get some Bodega Cat. We got the hot new bottle looking sexy, strong, and yeah, Patreon, we'll see you in hell. Sunday's the day for my next Fender juice close, and Norman's talking shit up in the same way.

I'm out to lunch here in New. This woman doesn't look true.