Ep 193: John & Dave Chernin (Always Sunny/Incoming)
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Yo! Hey, hey, folks. We might be drunk. We're here. We're queer. We're at the Chernin's. Don and Dave Chernin, new movie? Yes, indeed. On Netflix? Yeah. Netflix, August 23rd. Whoa! Happy to be here. Well done. You're having us. I know. We're selling. How the hell do you sell a movie? We wrote a movie. We don't know what we're doing. We read your movie. It was very funny. High praise. I'm trying to get a comedy script sent away for once.

We don't personally have the money to make it. Sure. We can't help you. But it was funny. A lot of laughs. Oh, thanks. Well, you know, we rewrite and rewrite. But yeah. That's the process. We're pretty happy. It's joke heavy. Yeah. If you don't know the Churning Road

Probably at least three or four of your favorite Sonny episodes, maybe more. More. More, let's say more. Probably some of your least favorite. But no, seriously, the Jersey Shore ep, that's fucking rum. Oh, yeah. That's a classic. Classic. You've done so many that, I mean, off the top of my head, I wrote some of them down, so I don't want to do this, but what are some more you wrote? Oh,

That's probably my favorite we wrote. We did that. We did Thunder Gun Express. That's a fucking classic. We did Saves the Day. We did Timeshare. But it's a group project. We can't take too much credit. You all work on them together and then slap your names on the ones. How big is that writer's room? Oh.

We're actually going back. We've been gone for like eight years, and we're going back next week to do the new season. What is it? We're excited. 15? 17. 17. Yeah. I think there's...

six or seven writers this year plus the three guys it's got you yeah very fun i like a smaller room yeah rooms it gets tricky you don't let the lady right we get one lady okay just kidding very talented young i think we really do only have one woman writing on the show this year no i think there are two there's two look at that you're safe yeah he could transition

You never know. We did have one or two seasons where it was all dudes, and that was no good. It's not good. It gets kind of gross. It gets off the rails. I went to an all-boys school, and the jokes you make, you're like, I can't bring this anywhere. Yeah. Right. Not even good jokes. At a certain point, you need a nice split to keep everybody on the tracks. But all the same race. I mean, fuck. What are we doing here?

But yeah, so how was the pitch for the movie? Because we're going to have to pitch ours. We just wrote it. Oh, okay. We just wrote it and sent it around, and it was pretty good. We got a lot of, hey, this is really funny, but we don't make these kinds of movies. Yeah. Right, right. You'll be up against that. But yeah, we found Spyglass was really cool. Oh, nice. It kind of came in at the end, and we're like, we'll green light this today. Can we watch a minute of the trailer? Is that okay? Sure. Go for it.

What's that bell rings? We're in high school. You know what that means? Anything is possible. She's a sophomore, man. It's never gonna happen. She hasn't met the new me. I don't wanna dance around anymore. For a second there, I thought you might have been fucking the door. Can you leave? My parents are going out of town this weekend. My brother's throwing a massive rager.

- You clit on my three plus one. I'm out. - I think I'm out too, man. - We're the only freshmen invited. - That's how I'm gonna move on Bailey. - You're gonna earn your brother's respect. You're gonna stop being scared and you're gonna lose that shitty nickname. - What up, fetus? - Hey fellas. - When you're writing that, do you picture this while you're writing it? Do you picture like, oh, we're gonna have a trailer, it's gonna look like this.

Uh, no. We pictured fetus, and we were like, that's going to be a struggle to find that kid. Right. That guy was hard to find. It's tough to say, like, we need, like, a 13-year-old Joe Pesci. Yeah. There was also a kid in our high school who got the nickname fetus, so we had, like, a very specific image in our head, and it was hard to replicate. Tough nickname. Yeah. Yeah.

This is great, though. Coming of age, the kids are going to love it. Oh, yeah. We're checking all the boxes. We'll see. August 23rd, once again. And then it'll disappear into the ether around August 25th, 26th. Yeah, we'll move on. You'll get your moment in the sun on the Netflix Top 10. It's all just grabbed.

bag after that just shifting i feel like they don't make these types of movies though right now i just saw that vince vaughn interview yes like where he's like uh every movie they make is like battleship it has to have like some ip right but it's so true that like these are they always end up being your favorite movies if you're in high school or like super bad or you know american pie remember when high school was big oh my goodness it's been a minute for sure

Yeah, we're doing look at that as a big old you get approached to be like hey Do you want to write a movie about uh geez nice barely fit never had that experience? but uh Yeah, but uh do you get approached me like hey? Do you want to write this like shitty IP thing ever or no? Oh? Yeah? What's like the one you got? How is candyland II don't even understand that could be a movie I

You know what? We thought the same. I remember years ago someone asked us if we'd be interested in Legos. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Fair enough. That turned out well. That's true. It's a good point. Some interesting like rewrite, or not rewrite, reboot stuff gets pitched to us and sometimes they're just like, you guys want to reboot Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Are you out of your fucking mind?

Yeah. But every now and then there's like a bad 80s movie or a decent, like License to Drive or something comes around. That would be an okay reboot, I think. That's good. You could improve that. Yeah. That was already shit. Yeah, you don't want to take a beloved classic. Yeah. If you hear about them remaking like Back to School, I'm like, that's old Rodney. Sacrilegious. Caddyshack gets thrown around a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you. They redid White Men Can't Jump. Right. That went well. That really came and went in two seconds. The guy who produced this movie with us, Connor Welch, revealed when that came out, he's like, White Men Can't Jump is my favorite movie ever made. Oh. Interesting. I like that. Oh, that's a big pour. I love that movie. I can quote that movie every line. It's a terrific movie. We do a lot of Stookies. Yeah. I throw that around a lot.

And a hook shot title of any movie. By the way, you guys brought this in. I appreciate it. Absolutely. We know better than to show up and come home empty handed. Cheers. Whoa, you brought this? We did. Oh, thank you, boys. Hey, mouth is off. I was interested to see if you guys were actually going to be drinking at noon on Friday.

Yeah, I need it. It's one o'clock. This is good. This is like a Cabernet cask, you said. This is crazy. Yeah, I know nothing about it other than bourbon and a wine cask. What are the limes for? Do you guys often pair limes with whiskey? If we do a whiskey soda, I like a lime. Interesting. I'm a lime guy as well. I like that. And congratulations on your whiskey. Hey, thank you. Thank you. We're sold out, which is kind of a good sign.

And he worked it into the movie, which is one-hand-wise. I'm shitting on people riding around a stupid thing. I'm like, anyway, our Bodega Cat movie. It's a big commercial. Two-hour commercial. You guys were always great at that, integrating products into the show and then selling them on the side. What did they sell? They did the dick towels.

Oh, yeah. That's right. They always have a few of those. A lot of merch coming out of that show. Yeah, there's so many. I mean, there's so many great. You did the skiing episode, too, right? We did that one, yeah. That's a great episode. Thank you. I mean, pull up the Dennis monologue with the...

What is it with the woman about "I will enter you"? - "You must be clean." - Yeah, "You must be clean." - I don't think we can take credit for that speech. I think that's David Hornsby. - Oh, nice. - He's awesome. - Yeah. - That's a great, this is a great scene. - "Clean yourself, for I will enter you hard and deep. It will last for as long or as short as I please. But you will be clean. Only when you are clean will you know my power.

The power thing. Well, that was a true story from, from one of the girls in the writer's room. Yes. Guy said that to me. I want to give you my power. Really? Wow. I got to stop using that. Holy shit. So how did you guys, I mean, I don't go James Lipton on you, but how did, did you write a spec script to get hired? Yeah. Uh, in the days of spec scripts, in the days of spec scripts. And it was like early enough that I don't think there were a ton of sunny spec scripts going around. Right. Um,

But yeah, wrote a spec script, got hired to work as Rob McElhenney's assistant. What? On another show that they were doing, and then we just kind of kept nagging them until they gave us a script on Sonny. Dang.

Really? You just kind of were like, hey, can I write? We had, you know, they were really cool when I was their assistant and knew we wanted to write. They would let you write scenes for episodes every now and then. Yeah, they were just really cool about ushering young people into that room. See, you hear that kid just got to get in the door. Yeah. When you say assistant, you mean writer's assistant? I was the writer's assistant on another show they did. Oh.

Oldly going nowhere. Got it. It was like Sonny meets Star Trek. I remember it for a minute, yeah. Yeah, it was really funny. We wrote a bunch of them and then kind of repurposed them for Sonny over the years. But yeah, then I was writer's assistant on Sonny, and then John came on. We wrote a script together, and then he came on season five? Season six? We wrote a script season five. Yes. Yes. Damn. Yeah, I wrote a...

how I met your mother spec script years ago. And, uh, I figured, Hey, this show's not that funny. I could do this. Yeah. Uh, I think that's the move or writing a, like a fucked up how I met your mother. Like right. Spec was always the nine 11 Seinfeld. Yeah. I don't even know that someone wrote a nine 11 Seinfeld spec. That's already funny. Like, yeah. Like years after it had been off the air, uh,

And it was genius. What? There are a couple other Sonny writers who wrote a Golden Girls Gone Wild script. Whoa.

And that was hilarious. Because you're just showing you're funny in it, right? Because it's not pretty much. I mean, we would take meetings with writers who wrote, like someone wrote a script about a talking vagina, and we were like, well, we need to meet these women. That's weird. That's out there. That's funny. At a certain point, anything you can do to stand out from the 100 other scripts, I think, is the move. I think we've got to shoot this 9-11 sign. Can we get our hands on the script? What? Whoa!

Oh, man. That was very quick. Good for you. 2016, I would have thought earlier than that. Yeah. Maybe that's a rewrite. You got to give it a little time. Just needs one more polish. So when you read scripts, do you guys want to direct also or just write? We want to direct. We directed the movie, but mostly because I think in TV, the writer just has a lot more power. And in movies, it kind of gets cast aside. So we wanted to...

have as much creative control, I guess, as we can. But we didn't know what the fuck we were doing when we got into directing a movie. I knew I was fucked when I was watching like a James Cameron masterclass the night before. That's great. I do love those masterclasses. They're great. They're great. The Steve Martin one's amazing. I gotta watch that. Oh, they're all there. Aaron Sorkin one's great.

But it went well, I think. I think so. Yeah. We'll find out very soon. Yeah. Check it out. Is it exciting? You could be the movie of this generation or whatever. That could be you guys. Can anyone be that anymore? Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, I hope so. It's definitely a movie that's not getting made these days.

Exactly. And I think if you get memed, if people make memes out of your movie, you've made it. I'd love a meme. Meme is big. Somebody meme our movie, please. I think everybody's worried about us getting canceled. Yeah. I think we should be so lucky. I don't think that's happening anymore. It seems like we're a little past it. Yeah. If you fuck a kid, you should maybe get canceled. Sure. Over jokes? Like, come on, what are we doing? You know what? And I want to see the kid first. The kid...

How attractive is a kid? Yeah, good point. Were they pushing the legal envelope? No, but seriously, I mean, like, as Mark said, they don't make these movies anymore. And people need these movies. I do wonder that this generation doesn't care about movies the way we grew up really. I don't think they definitely do. But it's just a bummer. Like, we grew up, like, Mark and I are obsessed with, like, old Hollywood. Oh, yeah. You know, the stories about making The Godfather and Chinatown and all that shit. We grew up with, like, you know, I think...

you know, being kids of the nineties, we had great comedies that shaped me. Yeah. Something about Mary, dumb and dumber, all that stuff. I mean, those guys are our heroes, the Farrelly brothers. Oh really? Yeah. I actually worked for them right out of college, which was awesome. How would that happen? Uh,

I was just like running around begging everyone I knew, like, do you have a job for me? Do you have someone I can meet who might have a job? And after like 30 people, I bumped into one of their producers, this guy, Bradley Thomas, who's the man. And he was like, hey, you can come work for me.

I was like, oh, amazing. Yeah. They had a killer run. I mean, Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin Mary, Out of the Gates. Insane. There's never been a better one, two, three punch. Me, myself, and Irene underrated. Awesome. We said that all the time. Yeah. Incredible Jim Carrey performance. Insane. Their dicks are bigger than those sausages right there.

But I don't know. I feel like the kids haven't had enough quality comedy to latch on to, so maybe they'd be interested. It's kind of, yeah, well, it's weird how kids now, they watch Seinfeld and Friends. Yeah. They're in the office. They're going backwards to old shit. Oh, yeah. It's funny, like, with Jerry getting dragged for supporting Israel Ailey, like, I'll see in the comments sometimes, they're like, can we be done with this guy? He's not even funny. Well, wait a second. That's the best show ever made.

It's great. Not only that, but some of his stand-up clips pop up. His Olympic medal clip. That popped up. That popped up for me, too, because the Olympics. Dude, pull up this clip. It's like a 15-second clip. It's such a perfect Seinfeld Olympics. It should be a 15-second one. But it's such a perfect Seinfeld bit. Some of the bits in the show are dated. But, you know. Is this a short one?

I was in London. Well, they stitched it with the, it actually happened. The joke he tells actually what happens on the Olympics with the Noah, Noah Wiles, whatever his name is.

Who won the Royals? Yeah. That was pretty cool, though. Oh, yeah. The guy who shit-talked all the NBA players. I liked that. And I saw Josh Hart, who's my guy, Knicks fan. He was like, nah, he got a gold medal. Let him talk. You know? I was like, all right. He did the anime whatever world, what is it called? Z, Dragon Ball Z at the end. Oh, this is it. Yuken? Yes. Well, anime is interesting because it's the toughest people and the nerdiest people love it. A lot of range. Yeah.

Here we go. That photo finish, you know the photo finish is always silver, gold. This is the whole race. Gold, silver, bronze, dead last. Greatest guy in the world, never heard of him. That's perfect. That's genius. Is that the guy from the 9-11 Seinfeld?

That's perfect. That's a great bit. I got his book recently, Great Bathroom Read. Is this anything? Yeah. You can read a sentence and put it down. Very satisfying. Well, that's a perfect book. Yeah. He had another book called Sign Language, which is just his act on paper. No one has gotten more money out of their act than Sign Language. Carlin did the same thing. Carlin had like four of them. That's true. But then he did a special called The Seinfeld Early Years, and it was like his old act. Yeah.

And not his new eye. I'm like, man, this guy can milk. And didn't he have one called I'm Telling You for the Last Time? That was that one. Oh, that was that one? Yeah. So he writes an act and he's going to get everything out of it. It's like the Great Depression. In a few years, he's like, all right, one more ride. Yeah. The same material. One more. Yeah, exactly. It's like when Kiss does a reunion tour. Last one. Yeah, what were the movies that made you want to get into making comedy movies?

Oh, man. Certainly those Farrelly's are the big ones we always reference. Yeah. Like you said, it was a great time. You know, like the Apatow movie, those early Apatow movies, the Todd Phillips movies. Yeah. I also feel like there were a lot of 90s movies like Airheads or something. I love Airheads. It is great, but people don't know about it. Yes. PCU. I love PCU. Yeah. I mean, those Vince Vaughn, Favreau, Swingers and Maid. Sure. I tried to show I used to date a girl younger and younger.

than me and I tried to show her way younger and no she was legal and no like seven years younger which is not that much but then we're watching Swingers and

She's just like, so they just call women skanks? It was the 90s. You don't get it. It was a different time. It was a better time. That's the thing. Comedies, just seven years, that's all it takes. I showed her Ace Ventura. She's like, so we just act retarded? That was the joke. We didn't say it. My friend told me she had two kids recently, and they were like, this isn't funny. This guy is severely disabled. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I think Billy Madison gets that sometimes. Billy Madison blows me away, though, because I watch it and I'm like, this is just like jazz. It's just Sandler riffing. Well, what's incredible is picturing people sitting around the monitors watching that with no laughter, just being like,

I don't know, maybe? In Video Village. And he's like, stop looking at me, swan. Where did that come from? That could have been written down. Moving on. I watched an interview once with Jim Carrey talking about watching the dailies of Ace Ventura and just hysterically laughing with his producer saying, it's over. Goodbye, Hollywood. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, dude. I mean, same with... I feel like he went even more nuts in Nature Calls. Oh, yeah. Solid sequel, too. When he came out of that rhino, I mean, that's like Mark Twain award level height of comedy. Yeah. Doesn't get any better than that. And there are kids now who don't appreciate Jim Carrey. No. I had a killer run. Totally. But it's been a while since he's done a comedy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. So they probably don't know. But there's also when people say, like, they don't know. You don't watch old movies ever? Like, I watch movies from the 40s constantly. I know. I've heard of the Beatles. You know? Like, what are we doing here? Yeah, we're watching from the 40s. Oh, fucking noir, dude. He's a noir head. Oh, yeah. Or you throw on, like, you know, any Orson Welles thing or, like... Yeah, I love that shit. It's just good writing. Like, I always say this. Even if you don't, like, you know... I mean...

Noir and comedy are so similar right like double indemnity is fucking hilarious. Yeah, that's like a perfect script very tight writing exactly So how do you not how do you like writing and not appreciate that error because they had to do more with words? So I think it's so cool or like the big heat or like movies that era. I love there's a great I think it's the postman always rings twice. I know why this sticks with me But in that book there's a moment where this guy is about to hook up with a woman and he says like I had to have her and then it just goes new line I

her. Whoa. Oh yeah, that was that's when he's fucking the guy's wife, right? Yes. Yeah, that's an awesome book. Good title. Same writer as Double Indemnity. Yeah, well your post today on Instagram, that's a noir line. I mean, pull up Sam's

I don't want to butcher the line, but I'm like, this is just a line that could be... No, I know what you mean. When a girl said... I don't even remember my own act. I don't remember either. Once you burn an hour, you don't... I don't remember... People will, like, request jokes for you on the road, right? All the time. And I'm like, I don't fucking... That's, like, three hours ago. I don't fucking know my act. Do they really? Yeah. They'll be like, oh, I have a bit about, like, a white knight vigilante. No, it's on the other one, so we might be drunk, I think, post. Oh, was it drunk? But...

you know, there's a vigilante in Cleveland. I tell that story. I'm like, that was like from four years ago. I know we wrote it and we still don't remember it because you're just pushing out so much. You're pushing it out. So you're like, let me write a new act. You know, go to the first one. The last, the literally the, the top one. There you go. Yeah. Look at this. This is a noir line.

Oh, yeah. That is a good one. No, I lied. Oh, yeah. She gave me a look. I forgot we're on audio, too. You're very attractive. She goes, you're just saying that because you were trying to sleep with me. I said, and you're smart as well. See, that's like, you know, Cary Grant. Do you ever see Phil Hartman's SNL audition where he does this line? It's incredible. Oh, my God. Dude, he did a detective. Dude, I love those types of lines, though. I never got Phil Hartman. No, I'm just kidding. It's got to be different.

Wow, look at the balls this takes to sit in that. And no one laughs during these, they just lighten. It was midnight when it happened. I was parked in front of Four Fingers of Bourbon at the Swanee Club on La Brea Avenue. Most ex-Flyboys were making babies and buying refrigerators. But in the aftermath of my POW experience, I'd rekindled a relationship with two old pals, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. My life was rapidly going down the porcelain convenience...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Wow. You know, he's practicing at his home, you know, and his wife's like, I'm going to push this guy in a pool. It's driving me crazy. She had some other ideas, too. Oh, she shot him? Oh, my bad. I thought she drowned him. Well, he was asleep, which I don't think that's the way to go. We're just, I don't know. Wait, she shot him while he was sleeping? Yeah. I didn't.

know that wow i didn't know that either oh my god one of our one of our great moments in this podcast history is uh al franken was on it's our worst episode ever and uh and we're talking about phil hartman how great he was and mark just goes oh my god his wife's a fucking

And Al was like, well, I think she's, you know, very, was, you know, mentally, you know, off. And Mark, it's like a school shooter. And Mark goes, they're cunts. And Al was just like, uh. He just didn't have any. This isn't a courtroom. You can't get out on insanity. You know, you still killed a girl. That was, I mean, yeah. I wonder, I mean, those kids were orphans after that shit. That's crazy. Yeah.

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That really went dark. They're big fans of the show. Phil Hartman was the fucking man. Caveman Lawyer was the best. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Three Amigos. Take the Amigos Club. Oh, yeah. That was a nice little role. The Amigos are out of the mansion. Martin Short was the funniest. Sinbad, everyone. Greedy. That's the thing about 90s movies. Even the bad ones hold a very special place. Oh, dirty work. Greedy accidents happen. Yeah, Greedy's a good book.

I don't even know what that is. Never heard of Greedy. Greedy's like Michael J. Fox. Right? Yeah. Michael J. Fox, Phil Hartman. It's not a good movie, but it's got some moments. It's got its moments. Kirk Douglas. What? Yeah. Damn. Kirk Douglas had such a run, man. He lived to like 102 or something. Yeah. Looked at in Greedy. Yeah, he did look half alive. I mean, that's a handsome man. Holy shit. What a dimple. Strong chin.

Yeah. Well, that was the thing back then. There was no internet. So you just went to a shitty comedy. Like, this will kill a day. That's why they're not watching. Because TikTok. Although before bed, I want to watch a movie. Something about that still. And you don't have any trouble focusing. No. Because I find that, even me now, I can't put my phone away. I have to put it in another room to watch a movie. It's hard. I set up a movie room in my new place. And I'm like, it's like I won't.

I won't look at my phone because I put up like cool sound and stuff. I just want, I never seen the movie strangers on a train. I just threw it on the other day. It's fucking great. Yeah. It's incredible. But it's just like so many movies out there. That's what I don't get when people like, so this generation doesn't have the movies to choose from, but like you don't go back 20 years. I don't get it. I have like a list of a thousand things that I think every single one of them, someone has told me that's the best movie ever made. And I haven't seen it.

I have a list too. I just keep writing them down. Way at it. Yeah. A list that at this point I could never get through for the rest of my life. There's so many movies. What are like your all time, like not just comedies, but like all time movies that you feel like any writer needs to watch? Any writer? Yeah. Uh,

Good question. I do think Something About Mary is like a perfect script. Yeah, perfect. That's how we learned to write, just reading the Something About Mary script over and over again. What about it is like so – I agree with you. Just the tightness with which they write, their action lines, there's just no extra fat there.

Um, it's the same way like Seinfeld and Larry David wrote, like, you know, they really let the story and the characters drive the movie forward. The way they set up and call back, uh, in comedy, I think is like more satisfying. It's incredible. It's something like that movie opens with Ben Stiller, like telling this like fucked up story from his childhood. And then he says like, so I pulled over to a highway rest area. Jenkins is like,

Those are homosexual. That's the joke. And you forget about it for an hour. And then later he gets arrested in like a sting at a rest area. And that joke on its own is funny. Yeah. Yeah. Setting up woogie in the opening page. And then Chris Elliott's woogie. You're right. The callback. You know what? Also, we watched it. We did it like.

After I did a tour bus tour last year, and on the bus we'd watch movies at night, and we threw that on, and my friend, we didn't have a copy, so my camera guy, James, just downloaded it illegally. So we got the extended cut with all the scenes they didn't cut, and holy shit, did they cut the right scenes. Yeah. Oh, totally. There's an extra scene in it that I remember seeing in the credits, you know, when they're all doing Build Me Up Buttercup, but it's just Matt Dillon squeezing Cameron Diaz's tits, and that was a scene in the movie. That was a scene where, like, it's the end of the date, and he says, like...

can I feel your tits? It's like, sure, knock yourself out. Yeah, it's a good cut. It's funny to see, but you're like, wow, that does, because we were watching with James who had never seen it. We quoted it, Gary Veeder and I who toured together, like we quote it nonstop. How did it play for a first timer? He was blown away, but also those scenes were like, ooh, this is a weird scene. This was cut.

And there's scenes in the credits. I was like, oh, that's weird. You know, it was a great joke that was cut. You know, Matt Jeffrey Tambor, right? Is that his name? Matt Dillon's friend. He's got the snake there. Yeah. There's a scene later in the movie when he comes home and the snake has a giant bulge in its belly and he thinks it's the dog. He goes, ah, poor dog. Poor dog. And then the dog walks out and you realize it's Jeffrey Tambor. Oh.

Who's been drinking now. Right. Yeah, that's almost too cartoony to keep in. But Dumb and Dumber, we saw the extended cuts too, and everything they cut was hilarious, I thought. Dumb and Dumber might be the most purely funny movie. Yeah. Yeah, it's up there. And just masters in likability, which is overrated, but they do a great, like Woody and Kingpin is a despicable character, but they do such a good job making you care about that guy. Yes, you got Munsoned.

Yeah. I saw that on a date when I was like 14 and the girl was like trying to hook up and I was like, hey, this is too good. Yeah.

Such a funny movie. You got Munson to so fucking good. Bill Murray, Randy Quaid. Yeah. The hot chick from Weird Science who never showed up again. We had Harlan Williams in here. He's saying he was up for the Bill Murray part. And Andy was up for the Jeff Daniels part. That's right. No offense to Harlan Williams, but I think he made the right decision. I think he agrees. He also steals the scenes that he did in both those movies. Harlan is like...

so good in comedies too though. So good. I mean, weird choice he makes in Dumb and Dumber with like the, yeah. Yes. Yes. Or in the, something about Mary when they're like, he's like, seven monkeys hanging on a branch. All that shit. Where'd that come from? But just when he's like, what if someone comes up with six minute ad or is just like,

Yeah, he can't take it. He's disgusted. It's so funny. By the way, you said, where did that come from? We spent like an hour and a half with him. He's fucking insane. I mean, where did it come from? That's just who he is. Yeah, that's true. He's awesome. But it takes that direction, that director to be able to like, go, this is great. Play, keep going. Get weird. I get bummed when I heard Todd Phillips said he'll never make a comedy again. I don't think that's true. I think he's coming around. I think he'll come back around. Really? Yeah. He has to. I've always feel like once you go...

From comedy to drama, you don't come back. I don't know. I mean, Pete Fairley won an Oscar. Yeah, that's true. He's Ricky Stenicki. Yeah, that's true. Good point. Yeah, he's going to relapse. I'm telling you, Todd's coming back. I hope. He's fucking perfect. But even when I would see the hangover, when they first pull into Vegas, you're just like, this guy directed this.

shit at it. Oh, unreal. Three bangers out of the old school road trip hangover. Unbelievable. Road trip doesn't get the credit it deserves. It's a great movie. That's my favorite. We rewatched that on the road as a group and we were like,

Gary and I were like, it's one of those where we turn it on and we're like, I hope this holds up. Yeah. Because you don't want your youth to be a lie. I haven't seen it in a decade, but it holds up. It was great. It was better than I remembered. What goes on the bus that you guys are like, oh, this does not hold up? Or it does not get the good reaction you were hoping for?

This is a tough one to say, but I'd never seen it. James really, really vouched for Semi-Pro. I love Will Ferrell. And I was like, all right, I love basketball. I love Will Ferrell. Let's watch it. It was probably one of my least favorite Will Ferrell movies. There's a reason it's not held to the same esteem as the others. And it's not a knock. I mean, I love...

A lot of the people involved in it, too. It's just like, it's fucking hard, I think. It's hard to make a killer comedy. It's really hard. I love Talladega. I love... Yeah. Well, they had a lot of cookie-cutter Will Ferrell sports. Yeah. Blades of Glory, Talladega, then Semmy was too much. Yeah, it was kicking and screaming. Yes. Yeah, they overdid it. I remember being lukewarm on Talladega, and I watched it recently, and it was so fucking fun. It's so good. Yeah, I don't know. I think he was so hot that we took him for granted. Yeah.

Because the other guys are on TV all the time, and I'm like, this is fucking great. Yeah. Too hot.

That's what people said about me in college. Granted, couldn't get laid. But yeah, Will Ferrell's on the Mount Rush of comedy movies. Yeah, what do you guys want to do next? Do you already know what you're doing? Drama. No! Don't go Green Book on us. Come on. He did win an Oscar, but yeah. 12 Years a Slave is amazing, I will say. That's a fantastic movie. Oh my God, though. I said that. I went to the Comedy Cellar one night, and I had just seen it, and I was like...

I was like, wow, 12 Years a Slave was great. And Keith Robinson, older black guy at the cross table goes, shut the fuck up. You don't want to be gushing about 12 Years a Slave to an elder black man. I remember that year when people would be like, what's your favorite movie of the year? And you'd be like, 12 Years a Slave. Awesome. Like, well, don't say it like that. Yeah. I saw it in St. Louis in one of those like reclining fancy theaters. Oh, right. And I was like, this is, you feel extra guilty being pampered? Yeah.

But terrible. I mean, he's an incredible actor, too. That movie was brutal. Amazing. She would tell? Also, she was discovered in that movie. Sarah Parson? Yeah. No, the young. She's great. She's in the new. Lupita. Oh, my God. That's incredible. I love that they were bragging. They only paid her 13 grand for that movie. I'm like, in a movie about slavery, you're bragging about how little you paid? I heard they were making a sequel with Robert Downey Jr. as a slave. Totally.

I like that... Tropic Thunder. That was good. Tropic Thunder looks better and better with every passing year. I know. It's one of the last great comedies, I think. I saw it in the theater. Over 10 years now, I bet. It's so good. Longer, I would say, yeah. Also, Brad Pitt cast himself as the white... The white Xavier? Yeah. He's like, I'll be the white guy who does the right thing. I'll be the hero. Oh, this is great. Have you guys seen this? I just saw... Did I just... No. Oh, yeah, no, go ahead. Sorry. These are my submissions.

Oh, no. Shit, that's not it. I just saw the new Quiet Place with Lupita. It's fucking good, dude. That's what my girlfriend said the other night. It's surprising. My friend, who's like a real movie snob, Ronan Hirshberg, he hates everything. Sounds like a movie snob. He's annoying with it. He only likes movies if it's like, you know that friend who's like, it's got to be just like a brutal watch? Yeah. And he's like, no, Quiet Place. And I was like, shocked. It's fucking good.

Our buddy Alex Wolfe, who listens to the pod, is great in it. He's awesome. Oh, nice. He's the kid from Pig. Yes, yes. Pig was good. Yeah, he's awesome. Oh, he's awesome, dude. I love them. He entered on a plane. Yeah, yeah. He's awesome. Not to get weird, but do you guys have any writing...

Like, do you light a candle? Do you turn the jazz on? Do you have a way you write? We light something. Oh, all right. Do you smoke when you're writing? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. I think it's a useful tool, like, at the end of a long day, and you're like, look, what's...

Spark this and we'll get out of here in an hour. Yeah, and it just unlocks a little part of the brain that you can't drink and write No, I feel actually feel very fortunate. Yeah, it's probably for the best. Yes I know people who can and you're jealous because it seems romantic. Yes You can't you can drink and write

I wouldn't choose to. Yeah, stand-up I could drink and write. If I was working on a script, I couldn't. You can go out at night drinking with your mind kind of set on, like, let's come up with some bits and areas. Yeah. But, like, you're not right.

I feel like we often will like go take a trip somewhere when we have like an idea. And we're just like, we went to Kansas City recently. We were just like, let's do like four nights there. And we'll just like bang around all day, like having beers and like we'll talk about things. And that I find is helpful. Yeah.

Yeah. That's interesting. Wow. Uh, tricks we do with no, do we listen to music sometimes? Not when we're writing, but like if we're, we approach every script as if we've never done it before. So there's usually a day or two of like, how the fuck do you write a script? And then it kind of, it's probably like writing a new hour for us where you're like, you feel like you're fucking just weak. Yeah. Right. Shit though. Like, do you actually, I do. Yeah. You have to, I write notes and stuff. It's yeah. It's,

Starting at zero with an hour, just looking at an empty notebook. The most daunting thing. The worst. Working on Sonny was helpful because they'll...

send you off with an idea on Monday and be like, if you can get it to us by Friday, that'd be great. Oh, that's huge. And it's insane, but you realize, like, you can do it. Sometimes you hate it. Sometimes you love it. But either way, the audience is just like, yeah, that works. Like, no matter how good or bad it is, it's always fine. Yeah, yeah. When we did the mic, we... Every time they picked up, like, a back order of episodes, Dave and I would be like, well, there's no way to make 20 of these good. Like, three of these have to suck. Yeah. And we'd, like, be like...

All right, it can't be the last one. All right, 16, 17, 18. Those will suck. We won't put in any effort. Who cares? And then those would come out and people would be like, my favorite episode. It'd make you crazy. The Mick was two seasons? How many? We did two. So we did like 40 episodes. That's crazy. A lot. Yeah, I don't think...

People really do that anymore. New Girl... I think for the best. New Girl was on when we were there, and they had done a couple seasons of, like, 24 or 26, which is unholy. Yeah, that's a lot. But we would beg them, like, please no more, and they'd say, like, I've never...

We've never had anyone in here begging us for less money. And we're like, if we hand in three bad ones in a row, you're going to cancel it. And then there will be no money. Exactly. Well, Larry David will always famously say, like, please get canceled. I can't. I can't. I got to write 20 of these. There's no way. And I totally relate to that. How he did that, because his name is on every one of those, too. So he did all the writing. Yeah. We relied heavily on a writer's room.

Yeah. Oh, that's huge. How many did you guys say, like, it's just going to be us two writing? At the end of the day, it's us two on all of them. Wow. On a rewrite. But, like, the machine of breaking stories is so important. And, like, you know, we had unbelievably talented writers.

But what you realize is like it has to be in our voice. Yeah, we're going to be weird about it. Like we'll be assholes about it. We won't see it. And it's not because it's not good. It's just because we have to see it. I think the Sonny guys were good about that, too. Like they just would explain to you, like, just give us a good.

good script that makes sense like we can make it funny right and I think we feel the same way it's like if you give us something that works and all the stories track and like you understand people's motivations like it's the easiest thing to sit there and be like let's make this 10% funnier yeah have you ever gotten a script all the way done you're pretty happy with it and then as they're shooting you're like

damn this is not good yes that's terrifying it's horrible sure you know like I mean you go into a table read with like cocktail napkins and you're like we got to read this out loud oh that's brutal it's the worst are you just feeding lines or you just till the last minute like what if you change it to this and at that point there was a lot of Adderall in

involved and like you have just like a so far your tips are just drugs it's like an assembly line of five people just passing like two pages at a time forward and then you end with a decently funny script but we've also had the late nights

where we've looked each other in the eye and realized we've totally fucked it up and then you just hysterically laugh for 40 minutes. Right. It's like, goodbye. Goodbye, Hollywood. You've seen that South Park doc where they have 12 hours to come up with some genius episode. Yeah.

And they just have to do it. It's insane. It's nice to have a deadline, I think. Oh, yeah. That's the cool thing about TV is you get to a certain point where it's just like it's three in the morning. You're like, look, man, I don't know if it's good or not, but it shoots in four hours. Exactly. This is what it is. Yeah. And with stand up, I know I've had this where I'm like, this is gold. Holy shit. And then you do it. It bombs. And then some afterthought.

brain queef, kills. And you're like, wow, this is a hard art form. Because you work so hard on just being... I'm such a big basketball fan. Ball Frazier from the Knicks is always like, he's aiming his shot, you know, when a player's shooting badly. And it's like, he's thinking about it. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to trust your fucking mechanics. Like, Mark will keep... We do it for each other. We've been writing together for so long where we just bounce bits off each other. And I'll be like, that's fucking amazing. That's so good. And then you'll be like, it bombed. Yes. But then...

But this works for both of us. I'll feel like, you know, sometimes you'll say the same to me and it bombs, but Mark liked it, so I'll keep pushing. There's something there. Like if your friend is like, no, don't give up on that, you stick with it. We have that. Yeah. Oh, great. But like, you guys at least don't have to go through like a network executive class to get to the audience. That's a nightmare. Which is hard. That's the death of art. Yeah, what kind of notes are you getting? All sorts of notes. I mean, I don't know.

I think it's tricky because like you try to remind yourself like everyone wants it to succeed. Everyone wants it to get better. But sometimes you're just like, who cares? Yeah. And you know, no one's going to if something falls flat, no one's going to put their hand up and be like, it was my bad idea. Like it's going to fall on you ultimately. Nor would like it would always frustrate us. Like people would push back on things and then we would hold our ground. It would go on TV and it would kill. And no one comes up to you to be like, yeah, I was wrong.

Yes! That's all I need. I don't even think they remember most of the time. No, they just go to their next meeting. Like, they just have to say something in that meeting or else. But you guys are the ones working on your fucking chops, and you guys are the ones getting good at writing, and then you have a network person being like, I don't think this is funny. It's like, well, you don't know funny. Totally. It's one thing when you're doing a movie. When you're doing a TV show and you got 15 other professional comedy writers, and you can say like, well,

All the professionals agree that this is funny, so who are you guys? On the movie, everyone thinks you're just being precious with it because it's yours. Do you remember a joke you fought for that got through and that killed? Yeah, good question. I remember we did a scene in the mic where a man beats the shit out of 15 teenage girls, and they were...

They were not on board with that. And like, I think, I think credit to them at the end of it, they were like, that was a hilarious scene. That was hell. Yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. And that should build you some credit. Like next time you come push back, it doesn't, it doesn't. Every week you start from a scratch. I think though you can get really helpful notes from like 30,000 feet where someone will come in and be like, I don't feel like this is hitting the way you guys want it to. Or I don't, I think you've like lost track of the story here. And yeah,

That's fine. That's great. People are like, this isn't funny. You're just like, what the fuck? It's when they get too specific. Yeah. Give us like a put it, push it in this direction. I don't get it. It should be this. I don't get it. I love, I don't get it. Cause that's like, Oh, I got to make it clear. But if they're just like, this isn't funny, that's not constructive.

Yeah. You get that sometimes from someone like, have you ever made your friends laugh at a bar? Exactly. Who the hell are you? You're in a suit. Yeah. You're just trying to keep your job. It's almost fun in network TV because there are just certain things they can't let you do. So that was always fun having those conversations. We had like a seven-year-old eat the ashes of a dead man once. And I remember they were like, guys, it's just like how far is too far? Yeah. You eat ash. It just doesn't exist. Yeah.

I did Fallon, and the set has to get approved 800 times, standards and practice. That's an exhausting one to get approved. Exhausting. It's the squeakiest of the squeaky clean. Yeah. And I had the word piss, and that was the punchline, piss. And they're like, piss is out. You can't say piss. And I fought tooth and nail, and I got it on, and it got an applause break, and the roots laughed. And I wanted to go...

hey jimmy huh how about piss you know but it's not jimmy it's fucking yeah it's true some standards and practices people yeah jimmy's a fucking ass you're right it wasn't jimmy but you open for like seinfeld right yeah a couple times does he want you to be clean he he's so nice that he goes just don't be raunchy yeah so you can probably be like i was getting laid or i was uh

I stepped in shit, you know, but you can't be like, I jizzed in my daughter's ass or something. That's one of your best bits though. That's the problem. I stole that from Newhart.

I don't think I've ever opened for someone who asked me to be clean. Oh, really? I don't think so. Well, I opened for Galifianakis like 100 years ago, and I was so nervous. And he goes, the manager was like, his manager asked me to be clean. And I was like, oh, that's surprising. Galifianakis is pretty blue. But it's just so you don't go up and just say the N-word. That's what it's really. It's a fair request. No, we've had those guys open on the road, but they're just so filthy that you're like.

don't go there if you don't have something yes even even i'm like come on like we'll make it earn it sure yeah right that was one of the best parts about uh network tv is like knowing that there were certain things you couldn't do and and pushing the line yeah as on cable there is no line really you know you feel like the pressure to be raunchy which is the worst now let me ask you this is it i've never i've only done writer's room for award shows and roasts so i've never done a sitcom thing so this is a

There is a writer's room with a group of writers. Someone in that room is the worst writer. And we all know who it is. Right now you're picturing that guy or gal. The sad thing is I'm just thinking of myself. Well, that's a good thing. By the way, in that sunny room in the early days, it was 100% us. Yeah.

Oh, really? That was a heavy hitter room, and we were just learning how to do it. But we were definitely the lowest man on the totem pole and the least funny, for sure. You think? Yep. I think we're definitely the least funny. I think we were better in script, but the writer's room is a different muscle. So we were shy, awkward.

They're just certain skill set that's not necessary. It's totally separate in script. Okay. There are guys who are throwing up jokes like it's a slam dunk. Oh, really? Yeah. Like one after the other and you're just like, that's the funniest. You get that one autistic guy in there who's like, joke, joke, joke. Yeah. Jesus. Right. But then that guy goes out to the, like, driving home like, ah, should have said that. Jerk store. Yeah. What are, like, award show writers rooms like? It's just joke, joke, joke. Like, oh, who's got something on a,

the guy in the Olympics with the big dick, you know? Let me hear that. And then you go, let's get that from a B to an A or whatever. But there's no storyline. You don't have to worry about the arc or the ending or anything. It's just...

What do you got on Ozembic? You got anything on Ozembic? It's almost like a newspaper room. Yeah, we wouldn't be good at that. Oh, really? We're not big joke guys. We're big, like, give us a strong comedic point of view and let's take it very seriously. But we're not great at the one-liner stuff.

Gotcha. I feel like your episodes are so joke heavy, though. I'm looking at the ones you've written. Yeah. Yeah, I swear. You work with those guys, and they're all classically trained actors, so they're very much about...

would my character actually say this? And even in the bizarro world of Sonny, like that really does apply to those scripts. For sure. And that's why like those characters, I think you stick with them. I think so. It's like there's arcs that are kind of like weirdly sad in that show. Yeah. I think of the Christmas episode of Sonny where they're throwing rocks at the end. I'm like, this is kind of touching. Yeah.

There's kind of beautiful moments, but they earn it. They don't get sappy. I feel like we're in this sappy era of comedy where they want you to cry. It's more like dramedy. The fact that The Bear is considered a comedy. Oh, is it really? He's nominated with Larry fucking David this year. If the awards suggest anything, it is the best comedy. It sweeps every year. Really? Yeah. Oh.

It just shows you they're not... I was trying to find a comedy to watch before bed, like a new comedy. It's hard to find. I ended up watching the Pete Rose doc, which was great. Such Brave Girls on Hulu is our new one. This show, Such Brave Girls, is so funny. Oh, really? Okay. It reminds me of the early sunny years. It's just these two British girls. I think they're sisters in real life. Yeah, one of them wrote it. They seem to just be making a show that...

just for them yeah it's incredibly funny such brave girls you ever see fleabag yeah yeah that was a great yeah that was funny you know a british show i'm obsessed with you ever watch peep show oh yeah that's like you got me on that that's one of my favorite shows of all time i just met a guy from peep show the other day uh tim i can't remember his last name but i geeked out on him that's it tim what he was one of the actors on it yeah i wonder who did he play

Man, I haven't seen that in so long. He's kind of like a... I don't want to sell him down the river. He's a little pudgy guy. Back guy. It's all right. Neither of the main. Those are the main guys. I love those dudes so much. And I see them in interviews. It makes me only like them. They're remaking that. What? Yeah. With them or new people? I think the creators are involved, I want to say. But it's an American version of it. Are we that out of shit? We are, dude. But I mean, they're so...

They don't want anything that hasn't been a proven success before. Yeah, IP. Well, I mean, I am shit talking, but Norman Lear stole All in the Family. That was a British show. Really? And he just took that, yeah. Smart steal. I know. So he just knew what was good. He's like, that would work here. Oh, you wait until the year he dies to break this story. Well, I had to wait. Come at me, Lear. Yeah.

I know. Mel Brooks is knocking on death's door. I'm like, man, we're losing all. We have Carl Reiner's gone. That one's going to sting. That one's going to hurt. And he's still dancing and lucid. It's crazy. I mean, Carl Reiner. Yeah. Carl Reiner's so great. Do you know they got lunch every day? I thought it was they watched a movie. I thought it was just lunch, but it could be movies. I heard it was breakfast. I did find that clip I was searching for earlier. It better be worth it.

So I know how to make a mean pot of greens. In fact, people used to ask me to make greens for them for Christmas. One year, I had so many that I had to wash that we ended up washing them in the bathtub. So I am not playing around. You know, back before the war broke out, I was an associate at San Antonio. I could call up some of them greens. Woo!

The internet is undefeated. The internet delivers sometimes. God damn. Poisoning your soul. Moments like that are like, do you know the Kamala Trump thing about like, do not come? Yeah, that was amazing. That pops up and I'm just like, God bless the internet. I say that all the time. Yeah. Even the word come, which is all the time, enters a sentence. I say, do not come.

I'm going to come. I'm going to come. The way he says it is perfect. Yeah. Well, from what I can gather from you guys, seems the key to being a good writer is sunglasses on the shirt. Yep. That's what I've gathered. And weed. And Adderall. How long have you been writing together? Has it always been together? Uh,

Yeah, pretty much. Getting to be 20 years coming up on that, I think. That's pretty cool. Any fistfights? Oh, never fistfights. We used to fistfight a lot when we were younger, but now we just throw emotion. Just fistfights. It's like you're fighting at a fashion. Yeah. It's worse now, honestly. A fistfight, you can get past it. And now we throw emotional bombs at one another. Ooh, your wife's a cunt.

No, but we found our rhythm, I think. It gets better as we get older, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, and you can hold each other to a deadline and all that. Totally. As a comic, you're alone. And he can pick up the slack when I have a night or vice versa. I don't know how anyone does it alone. It's insane to me. Nor do I know how any partnership who isn't related to one another makes it last. Yeah. Right. Right.

It's so weird how many brothers there are. It's like the Cohen, you guys, Farrelly, then the Wachowski sisters. There's so many. I don't think we should be lumped in with that crew. You guys have got juice. I remember when we almost worked on something a while back. We did, yeah. And...

The guy I was in was like, dude, the Chernins, where the fuck it's at? And I was like, well, I love their shit. That guy was fired for being a... I fired him. I remember that. That was a few years ago. It was really funny. It was a good show idea. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You should make it. Was that the superhero one? No, it was the same one I'm working on now. I'm still working on it. I feel like that was also a time when it was hard to get that made. Yeah. Today, I think you'd have an easier show. We're working on it. It's not dead yet, so. Well, it's funny. We keep going into rooms and people are like, we're just looking for the next Sonny and then we'll pitch them something. And they're like, well, not that.

Yeah, what is it? I feel like everyone you pitch, they're like, what do they watch before bed? Sunny, South Park, Office, 30 Rock. And then you pitch them anything resembling that, and they're like, no, what the fuck? Right. Because those shows aren't really about anything. They're hard to pitch because you can't really pitch tone. Good point. If you tried to describe Seinfeld, you just couldn't do it.

Because it's the tone of their comedy. Even Friends, it's just like a bunch of hot people living together. You want it? Yeah, good point.

Yeah, that's true. The pitch, you got to have some... It's this meets this. But it's just, hey, how about a bunch of people you like telling jokes? Yeah. We've also like just having a pitch over Zoom lately. It's just a special thing. Why are people still doing that? I don't know. I don't know. It's easier. And writer's rooms are all on Zoom for the past... We've never been in a Zoom writer's room. Yeah. I don't like that. No. Yeah, we actively were just like, we'll write a movie before we get in a Zoom writer's room. It's phone sex. It's phone sex.

You gotta be in the room. It's not the same. Most people are actually pleasuring themselves. A little tubing. Tubing, yeah, that was fucking... Tubing. That guy, is he back or is he not back? I think he's back. Did you see his first day back? They, like, made him on air, like, walk through, like, so tell us what happened. Jesus, are we really gonna do this to this guy? That'd be funny. He's like, well, I'll tell you all about it. Again. She was just like, so what were you thinking? He's like, I'm a fucking idiot. I don't know.

See, women can get away with it because there's less movement. If a lady's diddling while on Zoom, it's all this. No, no, no. But the guy has to stroke. Let's pull it. Yeah. He's talking about great writers. He is a great writer. He's awesome. He's brilliant. Yeah. Wow. And at least he thought he was on a break. It wasn't during a call. Yeah.

I think they were like, let's take five, and he tried to squeeze one. It's like, I only need three. I got plenty of time. I mean, for a guy, you just go there. I'm talking to my mom on the phone. I got balls dangling, you know? You know, it's nothing sexual. No, just prime in the engine. Yeah, they're there. Sorry, are you going to say something? No, no, no. It's just fucking... It's just...

It's like Anthony Weiner. He just didn't know how to use technology. I mean, he's got other problems, I guess. A lot of the names are like Toobin and Weiner. It's like both matching. Oh, yeah. Yeah, good point. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Right. You've got to meet my cousin, Jeff Cocksucker. Fuck!

You guys got to be pumped about this. I think this could be big. Honestly, you generally have some idea of how it's going to be received. I have no idea. Really? But it is funny. It's an R-rated comedy. The kind they don't make anymore. August 23rd. Gone by the 25th. No, no. I think kids being dirty and...

horny is funny. There's something funny. Of course. It is. Relatable. It's just funnier coming out of an innocent mouth. Definitely. That didn't sound right. Kevin Spacey's the lead in the next movie. I mean, I saw American Pie in the theater in a black neighborhood.

The laughs, it was killing. It was not a quiet place. I've said it before. They would have been dead. Yeah, exactly. When the pie came out and it was all mangled and beaten up, some black kid went, he tore that shit up! And the popcorn went in the air. I mean, it was amazing.

Then we need that again. I think I saw American Pie with my parents for the first time. We did. Yeah, that was rough. Tough, tough day. Ooh, what were you thinking? I was young. Yeah, wasn't thinking. Just wanted to go see an R-rated movie. I saw Species with my friend and his mom. She sat in between us. Woo!

She could have gone skiing with the boners. It was crazy. I thought he got game with my mom. That was a rough one. Tough scene. Tough scene, but also the amount of tits. She just covered my face. I'm like, I'm going to rent it. You could have rented. I remember watching Under Siege on Laserdisc with my dad. He was excited to get a Laserdisc player, and first showing was Under Siege. Erica Leniak.

The cake. Oh, yeah. I know it will. Did you end up watching Challengers on the plane the other night? I did. And? I liked it. Did you see that movie? No. I think he saw it. I thought it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't like it? I didn't love it, but I liked it. I was into it the whole time. I didn't like the ending. Yeah, it was a little cute. I didn't like them leaping through the air. Yeah. Spoilers. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Also, not as hot as I was led to. Oh, really? Yeah, just a little gay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, really? More gay than hot. MMF, right? But it was fun. I mean, I was hanging on it. I was into it. It wasn't like perfect, but I was into it. I thought everyone in it was great. Oh, my God. The acting's insane in it. Yeah. And I thought the score was awesome. Fucking Trent Reznor, man. Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, look, I was on a flight. I had a couple in me. I was going to say, a plane movie. You're in a buying mood. Did you cry? Like, if I watch a movie on a plane, I'd probably weep. Oh, yeah. Hysteric. No, I was- Annie Collins? That one got me. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Who would know? Danny Collins is Pacino playing a Tom Jones-y kind of... I've never heard of this. Dan Fogelman. Yeah, Bobby Cannavale, who's in our movie. This is good. This is one of these plane movies I skip immediately. This is phenomenal. Really? Okay. Yeah, how was Bobby Cannavale? Awesome. I actually remember he showed up and John was like, Dave's favorite movie is Danny Collins. And he thought it was an insult.

but I really love that movie. I'll check it out. He was awesome. All right. Yeah, it's the least lucrative job he's ever taken. He was a great sport. I think he got a lady pregnant ten minutes ago, Pacino. Or was it De Niro? Somebody got a lady pregnant. Yeah, Pacino's got a young...

mother our buddy simon rex was just he's in a new movie with him and he's been like hanging out with i read the script for that that was a great script really yeah the uh the guy who did true yeah that's oh wow that's a phenomenal script yeah well he's uh he's our buddy and uh simon he'll be back on in a couple weeks yeah he always got great stories and uh he was telling us just

going out he was just like going out with pacino yeah it's insane i think that guy lives in my neighborhood i used to always see him in the grocery store al simon oh get him out of chino and whole foods is there gluten in this or no why are you impregnating someone in your 80s oh slip by she probably wanted it you know it's a good it's a good life for the kid yeah

Keep her around, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. So wait, before we go, I got to ask, we got two professional established writers here.

Give it to us straight on the notes. What sucked about the script? I can take it. I really like the script. Come on! I swear to God, I got nothing. Give me only negative. If we were in the room... God, I wish I had read it more recently because I would have hammered you. But I really just remember it being like, wow, that is a funny comedy script, which is not something we see in the past five years. Bad ending. Unfunny. Stupid.

Didn't care about the characters. We can take it. I don't even remember the ending. I remember the... Should we cut the part where Mark gets AIDS? Double hookup sex scene. That made me laugh. Oh, yeah. That was a good one. Yeah, you got a good sex scene in there.

Okay, but you got some ideas. No, I think if you want, we can read it again and hammer you. I want to get hammered. Yeah, I feel like I read it over a month ago, and I've read many scripts since then, but I just remember really liking it. Yeah. All right. You guys definitely have one of the funnier scripts going around. Whoa! Come on! It'll never get made. Yeah, don't get to it this month. All right.

Well, these guys got to get out of here. And you got a flight right now. We got a flight. We appreciate you coming in. This is awesome. John's going to go viral on the flight now. Hell yeah. Are you guys going to get lit up on this flight or no? I think we have to now. Yeah. I can't stop. Which going home, that's how you do it. Plain wine, the best. And you'll gain three hours, which is always fun. That's true. We're going to time travel.

Hell yeah. All right. Thanks for having us, guys. Thank you so much for coming. Check out the new movie on Netflix. Yes. August 23rd. You nailed it. Yeah, incoming. I can't wait to see it. I'm excited for this. Congratulations. And Sam, do you want to do your dates? No, we'll do that stuff later. Okay, cool.

Hey, hey. Okay, August 16th, Anaheim, California. That one's almost sold out. Thousand Oaks, a couple tickets left. Out in California, Redding, PA. Red Bank, New Jersey. Guadalajara. And then New Mexico, Mexico City. Sorry, not New Mexico.

I'm drunk. Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Colorado, St. Louis, Atlanta, Vancouver, Orlando, Florida, Fort Lauderdale, Portland, Oregon, London, Ontario, Toronto. We added a show. Newport, Rhode Island, Monterey, California, Oakland, California, Winnipeg, to name a few. MarkNormanComedy.com. We're going to Punch-Up Live. What do you got? Follow us both on Punch-Up.Live slash Mark Norman, Punch-Up.Live slash Sam Morrell. I'll be in... When does this come out? 18th.

The 18th. So I'll be in New Brunswick, New Jersey, the August 22nd through 24th at the Stress Factory. I'll be in Niagara Falls, Ontario. That's with Chrissy DiStefano and Nimesh Patel. And I believe Rachel Feinstein opening. Whoa, fun. And that's September, I believe, what, 11th?

September 13th. September 13th. All right. I'm fucking dumb. Sorry. No, what else do we have? London, September 18th. Belfast, Dublin, Paris, Amsterdam. Added a show there. Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm. And then after that, we got...

I'll be back. We added Cleveland in November, adding some workout shows. I'm going to keep adding dates here and there through the end of the year and then a big theater tour next year, folks. So stay tuned. But we love you. Thanks for listening. Super fun app. Those guys are fucking awesome. Great guys. Check out their work. The Churning Bros. They're awesome. And I mean, if you watch Sonny, you know him. But got a big movie coming out on Netflix. I'm pumped to see it. So we'll see you guys very soon. Yeehaw!

This woman doesn't remember. True.