Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
David Tell, Hot Cross Buns on Netflix this Tuesday. Hey, hey. Check it out. Go to my clip. I posted it today. Oh, great. I think we saw that with the recorder. Yeah. That's a great promo. Go ahead. Say it like you mean it. That's great. But what do you think, Winnie? There we go. Look at that. You got to start from the beginning. Give it up for Graphics.
That's some good, clean comedy fun. Awesome. You can put more laughs in there, right? Yeah. Where did you shoot? SF? What's that? You shot in SF? San Francisco, yeah. Yeah. Okay, we all saw it, all right? Cobbs. So when I last was on the show, it was...
Now he's divorced. And Matt was the photographer. And now I see he's an unpaid intern. I don't know what your next job is. But things have changed. You're moving on up, buddy. We actually used to pay you. Are you still paying him? No, he stopped. He told me not to. I said, buy me dinner anytime we're out. Still haven't done that either. We'll get to it. Wendy's after the show. Dollar menu.
Yeah, I shot the special in San Francisco at Cobb's, and you guys both love that club. Love Cobb's. It was a great one. And the audience was hot. I mean, that SF audience, they were really good. And I've been playing there for decades, and I said, hey, can we shoot it here? And they're like, you know, not many people shoot stuff there. I thought like a bunch of, not really. So it's like one of the last untouched venues, you know? Totally. Do you find that SF has gotten a little groanier, or is it about the same?
I don't know. I think my crowd comes out for the jokes. You know what I'm saying? But I think they're kind of done with that. Oh, good. They're done with that kind of like, you know...
You shouldn't laugh at that. You shouldn't laugh at this kind of thing. I think they kind of had it. I mean, they really kind of, you know. Yeah. Enough smash and grabs will get you to. Exactly. You know, roll your windows up in your car. Remember those days? When a joke stops working in SF, I think you still got like a few years in like St. Louis. Right. I was just in St. Louis. Yeah. They'll laugh. They won't groan at it. Yeah. They're beyond that.
I don't know. How's the road treating you, fellas? It's great, man. Living the dream. You guys are really so hardcore. I mean, I'm so impressed. Every weekend.
Every weekend. I feel like if I'm selling tickets, I'm going to go get them. And what would you say is the best time to go back to the same venue? Like a year? Give it a year, a year and a half. Yeah. Depends who you ask. I mean, some people are like, you got to make them want you. But I'm like, if they'll have me back, I don't give a shit. You just can't stop, though. That's what it is. I'm stopping. I just taped a special over the weekend, so I'm done for...
I don't have anything on my calendar right now. Really? I need to write a new act. Yeah, but that'll take you, like, what, three months? No. You guys are the biggest turnover guys I've ever seen in my life. You can turn an act. It's crazy. No, you and Quinn are, like, the reason your comedy is what it is. Oh, I was going to say stagnant.
Don't throw Colin under the bus on that one. No, you guys, it's like sports. It's like you look up to the people who are hardcore, and there's a reason your comedy is so good. I don't know if it's like sports. He can't get out of bed. Yeah, but since you did...
I can see when he is moving. So that means he can smell a lie. Now you've trained him to smell out the hypocrisy of our government. No, I was going to say Colin was my role model. I always looked up to Colin because he was the funniest. He was the smartest. He was the quickest. And I know that he does like a show pretty much. You know, he's always working on material, too. So, you know, when the crowds are popping, there's nothing better. Do you go on early ever anymore?
I'm going on early. I'm trying to do that now, break that habit of always going on late. The crowds are a little different. Sometimes they're a little more, I guess you could say, adult, that kind of thing. But I don't know. I think that going out every weekend is probably the best way to go now to work on material. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I agree. You'll probably get more done on the road in front of your crowd. And I always thought it's better to bring it in front of a crowd that doesn't, just a regular crowd. Mm-hmm.
But it seems like that's where you get a lot of the moans and groans now. Yes. It's a showcase crowd. That's a real eye-opener. When you have your crowd, and you're kicking, you're shucking and jiving, and then you do another crowd that's not yours, and you're like, oh, I'm the devil. Yeah. Everything I'm saying is terrifying, and their ears are bleeding. I've got to make some changes. And do you question the material after that? A little. I mean, you want to kind of meet halfway. When it's new, you question it for sure, I think. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that's another thing. It's like, when do you throw it away? I know. Well, since you guys are turning it over, like, you know, honestly, it's like a hot sheet hotel with you guys. You guys are changing sheets every couple of hours with your material there. I mean, do you feel like by the time you put it on tape that the joke is done or are you still like,
have that regret when you see it like, ah, I could have said it that way. Well, you always get that regret, right? Because you're going to do a few of those jokes to survive the next few weeks and then you're like, fuck, there's a tag. And then you're like, do I cut it from the special or do I leave it? Oh, see, that would be the best if you could cut it out and then kind of like rejuvenate it.
Yeah. I love that. That would be really good. How about you? Is there anything... All of them. Every one of them got better the minute they said cut. Like every joke I thought was like, oh man, I should have said it that way. Right. And also like, you know, technical problems, all that kind of stuff where you're like, you know...
the guy who directed my special, Scott Gallagher, is great. And he really... We did a lot of time with editing. And I think specials are made in editing. I really do think that editing, you can cut out a lot of the fat, you can move things, and that you have every right to do that to make it a better show. I mean, honestly, if you're...
free-forming it up there anyhow. Like, you know, the way you think it's going to go is never the way it goes. That's true. Would you agree? Yeah, that's true. And then how many did you do? I did four when I shot a special. Two. Four is the money. That's the best way to go. Four. You did four. Yeah. Nate Bargassi goes, if you can't get in two, I will lose respect for you. Oh,
Two? And I said, well, I'm doing four. In my defense, I shot on St. Paddy's Day weekend, so the first two were just moot. That was too much. I did Thursday, Friday, so I was like, I need at least one weekend night. Yeah, for sure.
Oh yeah, why'd you go Thursday, Friday? Because someone was at the Wilbur on Saturday. Damn you. That's another great venue for a shoot. Man, that place is everything you want. It's a theater, but it's small. I mean, it's like great sound. Three tiers right at you. You're like, oh, that's fucking, that's pretty. Did you shoot anything at the Gordon when you played there?
I shot the show, but I didn't. Yeah, that's what it looked like. It looked pretty cool. Wow. Yeah, that's really good. Is that a Heil? Yeah. Man. An opening Heil. I'm constricted in that suit. I'm not used to wearing a suit, so I was like fucking. That's what Hitler said. You guys are right on the same page. I was John McCained. I couldn't get higher. Right. Look at that. That's a beauty.
Man, you look like a senator. Yeah, and you're wearing a suit, too. Whose idea was that? That was Nate's.
Nate, that was another Nate. He was like, wear a suit. You never, love it or not, wear a special. I was like, fuck it, I'll do it. You were blazing one of your specials. You did. Yeah, but that was back in the 90s. We all had to then. Right. Wasn't the captain miserable? Well, whatever it was, they kind of were like, you got to dress up, you know? Right. But I don't think that, you know, me wearing, going up there wearing a three-piece purple suit is really good.
It gains the audience's mind on me, you know? Me dressed as, of course, a preacher in peach. You know, I don't... What about the summer nights coming up? Because you got the headband, the hat, the jacket, the boots. Well, you know, as we say at the car wash...
That would be great if your dog growled. That would be a tell. His life on the streets. May I? Go ahead. Well, I don't think you guys are that drunk. I think you guys are really kind of growing up a little bit. Well, I'd like to be, but I didn't want to rub it in your face. Go ahead. Rub away. I got a stomach ulcer, so coffee's bad enough right now. Are you guys coming off a hangover? No, I have an ulcer right now. Awesome. Yeah, not fun. Welcome to the club. That's great. How often do you get them?
Do you think it's a stress one or is it from booze? Probably both. Yeah. That's cool because people are like, wow, this guy must be really, really tense if he's getting an ulcer or something like that. Somebody's just like, yeah, maybe we should be eating all that brine at the bar. I OD'd on Tom Yum Soup. Yeah, man. Matt, come on. That's your next job. The glass retriever. Can you walk wingy right now? Yeah. Save the energy for when you clean up after. Well, are you taking care of yourself or not?
Yeah, a little bit. You eat a salad every now and then. How about you? Well, this guy's ageless. I mean, look at him now. Honestly, you really are doing it. I don't know which bald when you...
You kind of represent, but... I've been acting lately for you guys. I mean, honestly. What does Nate tell you to do? Nate the Oracle. What is your muse? How about you? Are you taking care of yourself? Look at me, guys. Come on. You look like Wingy a little bit. It's so funny. When I walked in the hospital, people actually thought I was a walking inpatient.
I got a live one here. I pulled the gurney out. You exercise, right? Don't you do kettlebells and stuff? I used to do that. Then I had a shoulder operation. Don't do it unless you're supervised. You know, this whole like, hey, I think I can figure it out by watching a couple of tapes. You got to have somebody who knows how to do it. I do a little, you know...
Some shadow boxing before I walk out on stage. Maybe some jumping up and down to get some of the nerves out. Yeah, I do some stuff. What do you miss more, the blow or the booze? That's a good question. I guess in these times, both are kind of passe, correct? I would say it would be... Fentanyl now. Fentanyl. Yeah, I kind of wish I kind of stuck in for that game. That would have been really a great... Well, now the kids like the Adderall. Yeah.
Really? You sure about that? The Pussy Boy Coke, you know? It's like the college Coke. I like that Pussy Boy Coke. You like the Adderall? I like that, yeah. You can write a little bit on that, too. That's true. Your brain is flying. It's like roids. Well, you know what they say. There's no day off in heroin. So, you gotta commit. How about this? The other night...
Had a long flight. Flew to Tucson. Two flights. Middle seat, both flights. Brutal. Do a show. We go out drinking, and I go, I'm getting some sleep tonight. Hotel. I take a pill. I thought it was a sleeping pill. Adderall. Stayed up all night. Oh, God. And what'd you do? I just laid there and jerked off. You finished your essay? Wow. Yeah. Brutal. You didn't just like...
You know, because I have to go outside to smoke in these hotels. They're non-smoking. Oh, yeah. Because that's how you guys wanted it. So it's always the person working the front counter at night, that person, that weird person. Sure. I've seen you, like, go out and then come back in. And then you're like, maybe I should say something like, hey, it's kind of chilly out there. And then you're like, no, they're in their own head. Oh, yeah. You know, they're waiting for you to do something. They probably have a panic button under their – There you go. Okay.
Yeah, I hate that. That's why I don't like a doorman. You don't like a doorman. I don't want them knowing me going in and out, who I'm bringing in. I don't want any of that. Who are you bringing in? Is it your wife? What the hell is happening? They just think, who's that? Do you make your wife do the perp walk when she comes in? She puts her coat over her head. Yes, yes. I blur her out like a Chinese porn.
I like a doorman. I'm out of town for 10 straight days. I get some packages. I know someone didn't steal them. That's true. What about your merch? You know, you got to have someone there for the merch. Bodega cat sweatshirts. Come on. Yeah, the package, we had a lot of packages stolen. Yeah. So that sucks. But that's okay. I think you're keeping it, as they say, real. Thank you. Just like in Sex and the City. Did she have a doorman? No. She might have. Her boyfriend did. I think it was like Ant or Mario Cantone or something. Yeah.
Ant. Remember Ant? Yeah, sure. He was on the show. I used to like that show. That was the times when you can get a reasonably priced brunch. Am I right? And just sit there and throw lines. And I guess... Shade on each other. A lot of Cosmos. Todd Berry was on. I mean, they had everybody on that show. It made a lot of careers. Gaffigan? Sure did. Pull that out. It was all comics back then. Yeah, because it was a New York show. And it was written by gays.
So easy. Well, it was really funny. Have you seen the new one? It's brutal. Yeah. The new one is the kind of like, sorry, we've never had anybody but white. Oh, yeah. Privileged people in the show. Yeah. Oh, the old episodes are crazy. One of them bangs a black guy and they all make fun of her. That's like a whole episode. It was a hell of a show. And he was a hot dude. I know. That guy was a handsome dude. The 90s. Yeah. Also, it was like women fucking. This is insane.
Also, you knew they were fucking thrilled. They killed off Chris Noth like the day he was Me Too'd. Yeah. How did they plan that? With a Peloton. Yeah. Well, let me ask you this. So what's your ideas now for sitcoms? Because you must be getting approached by multiple platforms. Let's start with YouTube. Oh, getting approached? No. YouTube hasn't reached out to you. How about telephone? 4chan hit me. I don't know what to do with it. I hear Newsmax is interested. Yeah.
Newsmax. I'm going to do a comedy special with them, I think. Yeah, Roseanne's on board. So now that you've done like how many specials do you think you've done now? I think this is six. Geez. Now this would be the time to do, let's say we're musicians and not comics, okay? This would be the time where you put out like a
Sam Morrell, essentials. And it's just bits from the other ones and you want to get paid. Just like, you know, from each one of them, just like another 10 minutes. Like, hey, that's cool. I didn't do anything. The must-haves. Yeah.
Because in music, there's a lot of great dodges in music. You know what I'm saying? Sure. And then you can get somebody else to sing your tune, and you get paid on that too. Billy Joel wrote one new song in the last 30 years, and everyone's like, oh my God, he's got a song. And then a lot of these bands do the reunited tour, and they do that like eight times. That would be great. You could reunite with one of your openers and go, it's back.
Here we are again. What was your name? We need to break up so we can reunite. That would be great. Now we're talking. We got to have like a fake beef. Yeah. You fucked my wife. Well, you know, six specials. Fake. Oh, shit. How many? Sorry. Whoa. This is awkward. Don't tell his doorman. I just in Winnie's eye. So let me ask you this. Okay. Six specials. So how many? How many did Carlin do?
14. No way. Really? I think it was 14 hours. I think he had like 20. He might have been so many. Really? Hold on. Matt's doing the thing. Isn't he the reason? I'm talking Carlin, not AI Carlin. Come on, intern. What are we not paying you for? Because that's what you got to do. That's what you have to go for now.
20 specials. What does that say? His first 14 stand-up specials for HBO. Boom! Wow. Come on. The autism comes. I mean, it's a lot, but that is, you know. 14 back then was unheard of. Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, and like, you know.
And there's a lot of... I always wondered how he worked out that material. I think he wrote it all and just went up and did it. I saw him live, and he did a lot of working out. It was rough. Really? He got heckled quite a bit. Where did you see him? I saw him at the Biloxi Casino. Oh, nice. It was rough. Not where you want to see one of the greats. No, it was the only thing I could afford, and I could drive there from New Orleans. And he...
Do the dirty words. And he was like, shut the fuck up. Oh, I love that. Let me work on my poem. Let me tell you what's wrong with the power grid. Even though we're in a casino right now. But it was a lot of that time where he was doing like, I'm uptown, but I'm downloaded. But I'm back door, but I'm front facing. You know, it was a lot of that limericky shit. I like that. But that's hard to work out if you're getting heckled. At a casino by a bunch of toothless Mississippians.
But it's funny to see on Twitter now, the Republicans and the liberals are both claiming him. Yeah. Oh, really? Well, every time there's a bit, they're like, see, this is him making fun of liberals. They're like, that's making fun of Republicans. They're like, they both think that he's theirs, which is like kind of great. I know. That's where you want to be. But don't you feel bad because like the new people, like young people, like – so like who do you – who did you like? And you'll say like Carla or something like that. And then they'll go and listen to him. I feel like it's so out of their wheelhouse. Like –
I don't blame them not getting it or wanting to watch any of it because it's too dry for them, I think. It's dry and it's angry. Yeah, it's... Super angry. It just seems like, you know, that's not their style, the way they are presented with things now, you know? You gotta find... But it's like a music. You gotta find which one to start with and then you kind of work your way in. Yeah. Like, Jammin' in New York is such a fucking classic. Well, I personally like the earlier stuff just because of the joke-writing ability and his ability to, like...
It was a complete chunk of material. I was like, wow, I wish I could do something like that. He also was great at... Remember that Muhammad Ali joke he had? That was incredible. How does that go? Pull that up. The Carlin Muhammad Ali one. It's basically about how he dodged the draft, but it's a killer bit. Yeah, he was allowed to beat people up, but he wouldn't kill people. And they got in trouble for not killing people, so they won't let you beat people up. Something like that. So would you say that Nate...
And Shane are the guys who are like, honestly taking it to the next level right now. I think there's a ton of people. I mean, there's a ton. No, I mean, you guys are in that crew, but like I was talking about the comedy boom and how like, you know, I thought it would be over by now. You know, my joke is like, you know, put all that time into juggling or, you know, all the next thing. What's the next thing after comedy? But like for you guys, like it just seems like it's endless, you know?
Yeah, hopefully. I mean, I don't know. We're in a boom for sure. And who knows when it'll end. So I think just keep capitalizing on it. For sure. But I think you guys power the boom. It's not like it's just like, whoa, it's happening. It's like you guys powered it. Well, you see this shit like Bert Kreischer doing arenas with the fully loaded. Awesome. What's going on? This is a new thing. And there's just so many avenues to get comedy now. I mean, I guess it's harder to make a comedy movie. But these podcasts, people just consume this shit. Oh, they love it.
But isn't that the other thing? They actually will come out to see you. So that's the beauty of it, right? It definitely is like a loop where they get to know you and then they come see you. So I think that's great. I think it's great, too. It's good for everybody else, too. Right. Because, you know, hopefully it's not just a fan of one person but of comedy, which is I think most of my fans are of comedy. They go see multiple people, you know. When it's just of one person, you kind of question that person. You're like, you know, it's kind of like, you know,
I don't know if they're like a star, like it's like whatever connection instead of just like comedy in general. I'd rather have the fan of a lot of comics than just that one person. I feel like a Taylor Swift fan is not going to see Katy Perry, Madonna, and Taylor Swift. It's just Taylor Swift.
Right. Whereas our people, I think you kind of, I don't like to give LA a lot of credit, but they kind of started that. It was like you had Theo and then Theo and Santino are friends. And then he's friends with Bobby Lee and then they're friends with whatever. And they all kind of cope, co-mingle. And then now you're like Segura. Now you're like Brad Williams. Now you're, it's awesome. Yeah. Like a lot of crossover. It's like Hamas and Hezbollah. I think that's, I think that's true. I also think that, you know,
the more good comedy that gets out there, the more you can help everybody. Yeah, yeah. But you're still up against... It's different than when you started, right? Because back in the day, you're kind of all going for this one spot, and now you can kind of all... But it also was a hack fest, and I still have some of the hack in me. But I'm just saying... No, you don't. No, the whole idea of like...
what was good comedy and what was bad. I mean, it is subjective, of course, but like there's enough fans now the way they can, I think they can smell the easy joke or the kind of like tired premise, you know? Yeah. Well, that's one place America shines because you go overseas and you're like, wow, you're still doing the, all the plane made out of the black box.
Really? That's still over here? I think also this stuff has hurt audiences' attention spans because there's so much shit out there that they've become spoiled. So now, you listen to a podcast, you throw it on the background. You're not paying full attention. And I think that sometimes carries over to a live show where you're like not fully invested. Interesting. That's true. I agree because as a guy without the podcast, I kind of see that in the crowd too where it's like,
Yeah, you'd almost prefer a little rowdiness than that.
just kind of listening. I miss comedy movies too. I hope that comes back because like Hangover was on TV when I was on the road. I was like, I hope they make movies like this again. This is a fun movie. Yeah, there is. Why is that? Why do you think that happened? Because they don't, I don't think superheroes turn on it. They see, they make money on like in the theaters. They make money on horror movies.
And superhero. They don't make money on a $20 million comedy. I heard it was DVD sales used to power comedies. After they were in theaters, they would have a small run in theaters, and then DVDs would go crazy. Now people don't buy DVDs, so they don't make them anymore because they don't make money. But if it can go right to streaming, just put the shit on streaming. I think Bill Burr's movie did great numbers. Yeah. But no one's going to go to a theater. What about Burr and what's his name?
The other guy who did a comedy movie recently. So those are comedy movies. Yeah. But like, I know what you're talking about where it's like the hard R movie. Yeah. I don't think that's going to happen. You know? Yeah. Hard R movie. I think that was called Get Out. Hey. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. It is. Oh, scoot over. Hey. Hey. Thanks for having me.
Sit down. This is going to sound a little weird, but Ian, you left your water bottle in my car. That's the name of my comedy movie. It's an adventure, a buddy. Is that Ashton Kutcher? Thanks for keeping it safe, Dave. I left my wallet, my jacket, and Ecto-1 from the Ghostbusters last night. Did you see the Ghostbusters movie?
No, it's coming out on the 22nd. Okay. But I filmed... What'd you say? I said, so are you. What?
No, I'm like the first one. I've already been out. And I was born in 84. Hey. Well, I'm going to leave. You and Norton were ahead of the game on the trans. Yeah. Well, Norton crawled so I could walk so DeRosa could run. Play that Carlin bit again. You know, do you remember earlier when the podcast was about me? Oh, yeah.
Yes, Norton does like to be on all fours. But he's married to one now. I love it. That gives me hope. To one. Is that legal? If there are other things, could I do that? Do you want to burn some books? I know. No. Yeah, why not? We only have one. Here, use this can. Oh.
You missed a lot of great stuff at Adderall. We were talking about a lot of road stuff. Yeah. I used to open for Dave, too. Ian used to open for Dave. He used to open for him at all. Yeah, from time to time. We're doing a mothership next weekend. Oh, hell yeah. That's the way to do it. Sam is definitely one of my...
most successful proteges right now. Sam, Amy. I mean, honestly, yeah. Wow. It's the way to do it. You were the best to open for, man. You just like... Go on. Truly. His crowds are incredible. It's really the best gig. I really do have great crowds and they...
You know, it really he'll tell you like anything goes with these people. They get it. You know, they really don't take offense on anything. And they really love jokes. I think that's really the hard, hard crowd to find out because a lot of these younger crowds, I think when they smell a setup, then they kind of feel like they have the right to turn off because it's not this is not your personal truth.
Something that you've manipulated to touch them somehow, you know? Right, right. So I'm like, you know. But were you actually molested, Dave? Well, that's the point of it. It's like exaggeration, all that kind of stuff. If you're using it for funny, I think it's part of it. Of course. Because we have very few paintbrushes in our easel, whatever it is there. You know, like telling a story is difficult to begin with. Like Nate is a great storyteller. I think he's probably the top.
I mean, I've never seen a guy so comfortable and so fluid like that. And like, honestly, it's beautiful. But like for what we do, especially like, you know, the fucking, you know, scoot move kind of comedy, you know, it's difficult because you're changing randomly going from one thing to another and all that kind of stuff. Now, you, of course, is a physical comic.
I can only imagine the amount of stretching you have to do. Trying to include everybody. The first time I pitched a joke to Dave, I was like, well, I was thinking about doing this thing. He goes, uh-huh. Now make it funny. Everybody has all these tough love stories. I mean, Bert brought that up to me, too, when I did Bert and Tom's podcast. I saw that. He's like, yeah, you got to bring new material. And I go, these are the stories you should tell while I'm waxing your tour bus. It's like, Bert, you won. You're a winner. Uh-huh.
No, it's the best. It made me so much better. Of course. You need that. You need someone to be like, be funny. Well, you don't want him coming after you and thrashing you because you've got to open so he gets to go on after you and just say whatever he wants. But then it's like, I do want him coming after me so I rise to the occasion. Sure, sure. And then he'll be on stage. Just wait until I'm dead with all this talk about me. It's called a new jokey and try it. Yeah. It's the best. It's the best.
No, not a lot of people. I don't say that. My dummy does. No, but not a lot of people that you're opening for care enough to be like, do new shit this show. And Dave will say that. Yeah. Well, it's also you're the middle and there's like the sweetest spot. So you might as well like throw everything out there. I mean, you don't have to close the show. You don't have to open it. So you have the best spot on the show. You might as well like take advantage of this great crowd.
or whatever it is, you know? Yeah, I used to open for Louie and you'd say something humorous at dinner and he's like, you got to open with that. I'm like, we're doing a giant arena. I'm not going to open with that. I can't open with the N-word. That's crazy. He loves the N-word. So I would open with it. It would bomb. He would go to the side of the stage. Well, that's balls though, like in an arena to like, to do that kind of stuff. So that's like super comfortable, you know? Well, he was, I think, toying with me, but yeah. Sure. It never worked out. Not once did it hit.
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So arenas, do you, correct, do you like them? I haven't done arenas. I mean, I've opened for people in arenas, but I'm doing theaters, not arenas. Do you miss the clubs? I just did two and a half months of clubs at Titan for the special. I love the clubs. Sorry, I should have done some research in there.
You miss the outdoor pandemic. I do. That was where I really shined, I think. Yeah, those parking lots. Yeah. Next to the pigeons and the homeless guys peeing. That's me at my best. Yeah. I kind of liked it in a way because it made me have to do a bunch of stuff that helped me later, like...
I couldn't just like stand there when a mic goes out and I'm like, why am I even riding the chair? I'm in Central Park. Yeah, I can jump off. Yeah, I can jump off this roof. So I like would like walk through the crowd and just like yell at people. I was like, oh, this is a lot funner than like just try it. Like one time I ate a sandwich during my second Shane tour as dared me to. I was like, all right, why the fuck not? Did they do them in Central Park? Oh, yeah. That's the worst because if somebody hates it, you can see them walk away for a long time.
Like a walkout, like, oh, I think he's getting in a cab. No, no, no, no, no. It was a nightmare. Mark had a great line. He was like, I played a show in the park. I bought a car.
I bombed a joke. I actually heard a cricket. Yeah, I did a field, yeah. But really, those outdoor shows, like, some people were doing well. Those drive-through gigs, they looked horrible. They, like, honked the horn. They did RK Stadium. That, to me, was like... That was a nightmare. That was, yeah, I dragged those guys out on that one, too. But that was, it almost was like an apocalyptic world of where, like, you know, the car people and this crazy lighting. And, like, it was like a re-education camp, you know, like,
where you're like up there and like you have no reaction coming from them and then you hear like some honking starting and you're like okay you know I got them I got them honking was big and if you're really killing you got the wipers yes and then of course the pop the hood yeah and then the flashers get the fuck off the stage then a sideshow and then the next thing you know there's you know
Someone's lame in blood on the street. I was getting emails from my agent like I got you a roof. I'm like We did a ton of roof together you and I we had fun I kept I tried I taped a special on the roof with Matt and and Ian and and
Mean every night. I'm like we got it. We'd like celebrate and get drunk and then I'd be like that was terrible We gotta keep we'd have to keep doing it. We did like what a month of roof Yeah, you remember that one roof we did where you had to take your shoes off and be like Barefoot up top because they had fake like they were like tech people. Yeah, you to climb up a ladder
Did it take your shoes off? Yeah. Wow. No way. It was a fancy roof. We were all over. We were with grimy roofs, nice roofs, all kinds of stuff. Wow. Damn. Yeah. You were a real Batman and Robin. With you out there. Hey, like the fiddler. I was more of a diddler. Oh. Yeah.
p diddle but you really are like you know we we all learned so much about comedy from you because you were just a dude who would kill with good jokes it was no agenda at all dave it was really yeah for real i like them you know as i get older i i think um like i can't even put two thoughts together now so it's just like they go from silly to like it's just sad these jokes you know a lot of them are really just like when you think about them they're just sad and do you ever like
say something like off the cuff and like, you're like, the crowd really laughs and then you're like, well, that's a hit. And then you listen to the tape and you're like, okay, I got it. Then you do it again and you realize it was just in the moment. You had them in your timing. It had nothing to do with any thought process. Like, they weren't even thinking. They just went right to like muscle memory and it's sad because then you're like, okay, I thought that was like a keeper. It's not. Are you trying the riff? Yeah.
You can't recreate it. You never can. This guy's really good on his feet now. I train him up. You are good on your feet. You two together is gold now. I love watching you two up there. Thanks, guys. Yeah, making him laugh on stage is like the best thing in the world. It's so fun. I do have one of the best fake laughs in show. They wanted me at the Oscars. Come out, just sit in the front row.
Yeah, what do you guys don't get like tap to do any of that kind of writing? Oh, that's I would you do it? You want to do written for the run a few Oscar things but never like hired I never like flew out there or anything. Yeah, it's always like writing jokes He went out naked before John Cena just to see That's the water was the best with everyone on Twitter be like see see they make it's it's the ritual of
They make them get naked for their fame. Yeah, what do you think? That's bullshit, right? I didn't hear anything. Well, people think it's a humiliation ritual that John Cena went out there naked. They're like, he's wearing a dress in his movie. It's like black conspiracies are bleeding over to the whites. He looks incredible. He probably wants to do that. Yeah, really. It would be different if it was a fat guy, right? Right. Exactly. Although that would be funnier. But yeah, look at this. He's ripped. He's ripped.
He was presenting like costumes and he waddled out and then paused with great kidney timing. The first thing he said is, costumes. And it like blew the room. Yeah, well, it's... I don't know. Get Stavros out there. That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wouldn't even need something to cover. Right, right. He's already got a sandwich there.
Yeah, he takes a bite, then he announces. Yeah, yeah. Do they have, like, a best comedy now? Like, do they have that? No. Oh, that's at the other. Still no comedy. Did you guys see Ricky Stinicki, Cena's movie? Oh, no. Cena, Jermaine Fowler, Andrew Santino, Zach Efron. It's really funny. Come on. Dude, I'm telling you, watch it. It's like a 90s comedy. Wow. It's hilarious. Okay. It's really, really good. Cena's amazing, man. He's a great comic guy. He was great in Blockers. Remember? Yeah, yeah, he was a great guy. I saw that with Mike Lawrence, and we both cried.
well ian you're in a movie right yeah yeah yeah one line what movie what is that line come on my back we'll be right back everybody sorry that's one of our riffs that we do uh office race it was office race release on comedy central my line is uh i'm yelling at beck bennett he's like running oh and i
Roll him in a truck And I go Nice shorts jerk off Hey That's uh You know Claim to fame Office race Yeah Alright Sal Vulcano's in it Hey He plays a chicken Like running in the marathon It's fucking hilarious Wow It's a great cameo Yeah I thought it was about Affirmative action Holy shit
You've been here how long now? How many names have you dropped? I counted Beck and Bennett. That was two. That was... Yeah, Tino, Tina. But the Oscars, let's face it, the 96 Oscars. Guys, come on.
I feel like they used to be cool, and now it's just like no one cares. You just wait for the Twitter or whatever. They're going to buzz from it. They just take the keys. Oh, you see Pacino flub. He flubbed? Well, he flubbed. He's supposed to name all the nominees. He just went Oppenheimer. He didn't name them. Oh, honey. Best. Ooh-ha. Oh.
Oppenheimer. Pacino. He's got to be 95, huh? He's old enough to nudden a woman 50 years younger than him. I was driving in L.A. and I saw him shuffling down the street like a homeless man yelling on his phone. Really? It's sad.
That is like kind of how that's like part of being famous. I think it's just yelling into your phone. I said, I like Baldwin doing that one. She's like, what are you doing? Oh, that was cool. Would you go to an Oscar party though? Of course. There you go for the story. Yeah. Vanity Fair. Come on. He looks got a full head of hair. He looks really good.
I think he had a stroke. Yeah, he sounds like R.F.K. Jr. I thought he was the president of Venezuela. Who is this guy? Right. I see Oppenheimer. Jesus. I take it all back. What the hell happened?
That's acting, people. The age. How old is he? I'm going to guess. 83, I think. No, he's got to be. I'm thinking 90s. 83. No, he's 70. 88. He's in his 80s. 83. 1940. You see all the headlines being like 83-year-old knocks up 30-year-old?
Really? Yeah. I just saw the video. That's great. I didn't see the headline. That's great. Wow. Is that the gal? Why would you want to deal with his granddaughter? Good for him. I'm certainly hard. You don't want to deal with a 30-year-old when you're that old. Unless she's your nurse. Yeah, but she'd be enthusiastic about changing you and stuff. Yes. Yes.
But don't you think that soul patch takes years off? Is he a Brooklyn barista? Just out of college? Coming off a protest?
Girlfriend, not even married. Has no plans to marry him. Wow. Well, that sucks for her. I know, right? That's a goldmine waiting to happen right there. By the looks of it, she probably can't be married to him because she won't have enough time protesting Israel. Get it out of you. I really stumbled. Halfway through, I thought, Woody, where are you going?
Well, that's good. I'm glad we got through that one. Did you ever write for the Oscars? You wrote for SNL. No, no. I just wrote for SNL and I was not a good writer. And I realized that like, you know, the good thing about that was like it taught me like, you know, anything I'm writing, I want to write for myself pretty much, you know. And it was just at that point where I was kind of like learning how to write a joke for me. And then it was like, you know, I was in this big job. But I think, you know.
That show, you know, what was I going to say? It's a dream of a lot of people. Is that like you saw Shane there? Oh, yeah. He was awesome on it. Yeah, that was his dream. I thought he killed it. He was going to be on that show at one point, right? Who? What? Yeah, he was great. Shane Gillis. He was at the Oscars? No. Oh, I was going to say. I was like, wow, did I miss that?
Shane won best actor for Oppenheimer. Oh, gee. He killed it. That guy is a great actor. He was the bomb. Cillian Murphy. He's always a guy from Ireland or England or something like that. It's always one of those guys. Oppenheimer was good, I thought. Yeah, it was good. A little long. Do we need an hour after the bomb? It should have just been a bunch of people like, ah, fuck. Yeah. That's bad. And no Japan point of view either.
I would have liked that. Yeah, just like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. Something. Something. Oh, how old. Not too good. There you go.
Well, what about this Godzilla minus one? Have you guys seen this yet? I hear raving about it. I figured they would get it out to the podcast community, spread the word. It's called Godzilla minus one? Yeah. It's supposed to be incredible. Really? He's acapella. No. Just him. No Mothra? No Mothra, no. What's it about? I think it's Godzilla. It's Godzilla and his love hate with. Who's the one? Is it World War II or World War I time?
I think it's World War II. Oh, there's your Japan. I was more of a Godzuki man. Remember her? Yeah. That was the good stuff. More of a God freak. We didn't land on the moon. All right, so this is their version of Godzilla because they haven't done one in a while. We kind of took it. We appropriated it. Is that data from Goonies?
Yeah, he's been, I mean, he's done a ton of stuff lately. Everything all at once. He made like a huge comeback, yeah. Terrible. This is great. Oh, wow.
Hey, were there any other long things you want to show? A lot of buildup. Do we get to see the... Yeah, really. See, if they shot that in Texas, they would stand their ground. Come on! Come on, lizard man! The lizard people. You're on my property. I can shoot you.
I've been following you since Hillary Clinton. Gus was like thinking, like, no. Too late to get rid of it, though. It's already born. Damn, look at that. Spiky. Look at him go. He didn't take the vaccine. I love it. There you go. Hey, who's that? Chris Christie? Yeah, what's his name? His name is George Fatty Hackett. Hey. Played baseball. He's 450 pounds.
All right. I like back in baseball, they could just call people fat. Right. Oh, Chubbsy McGee. Yeah. That was before the whole issues with who gets to play what sports. So it was like, he's a fat kid. He was allowed to play. Why is that?
Was there any? Felt good. What happened to him? Anything? I'll look him up. I'm thinking a citizen's cardiac arrest. I'm thinking something, something Chris Christie. Sorry, guys. I'm dry. What do you have? That was a citizen's cardiac arrest. Thanks. Sorry for that. Wait a minute. Hall of Fame. Oh, you see? He's got to be in the Hall of Fame for like four years. Oh, is that near the Comedy Museum upstate? Or football.
Oh, well, there you go. He's huge. He's the original. I thought he was in for camel toe. Look at that guy.
Put your pajamas on and get out there. He's just stuck in the hall. That's when they paid a man, what, like a dollar to play the game? I know, right? He gets hit by every pitch. He's just always on base. Look at that. Oh, my God. Fucking baby Huey. That was definitely before the integration of baseball, like when a fat white man could play. Those pants. So they're saying this guy is the incarnation of that guy now. Look at that. All right. Chris Christie.
Oh, it is? Yeah. I thought it was a triple A league. Triple patty. Awesome. Triple bypass. There we go. Was he throwing that ball at Biden? Wake up!
When are you going back on the road, Dave? I'll be out there next. I'm going to Austin to the Comedy Mothership. You guys have all done that now? Yeah. Ian is like, that's like his home club now. How many times have you been there? Oh, man. A handful. Yeah, okay. So there you go. I did a 5 o'clock show on a Sunday there. I just texted Eaget, like, hey, can we do, I'm bored on Sunday. Can we do a 5 o'clock?
Sells out in two seconds. Amazing. It's just a fun room. I give Joe the most credit for that because to stick to your guns, like I'm going to do it my way, and to make a big move like that and to start in a town. Let's face it, Austin was always a comedy town, but it was never what it is now. I mean, it really is...
at the front and center of comedy so people are moving there like crazy all these young kids are moving there like it's the new la yes either that or nashville which would you do i go might go nashville really really yeah i feel i feel like everyone's gone awesome so i'll you know i'll bob and weave yeah
And Nashville's a cool town. What about your hometown, New Orleans? When is that ever going to happen? No comedy. Why can't it take off there? I don't know. I think people want to get drunk. They don't want to listen to your bit about cereal. They want to get hammered. They want to listen to some music and dance. Don't you think Nashville's kind of the same?
It's better than New Orleans for comedy, but it's not like a great comedy city. It's a music city. All I know is Zany. That's true. Nashville Zany. That's a good club. The Ryman's great. The Ryman's amazing. A lot of albums at the Ryman. But I do think the culture of the city is music. You walk down the streets, people just fucking blast tunes. That is true. And they're a little God-fearing over there, which is bad. But not the people that come to the show. The people that move there. I feel like they're kind of LA light, actually. I've gotten some moans and groans down there. I agree. It's getting a little scene-y. Yeah. Posings.
Yeah. That's why Huntsville, Alabama is the way to go. Yeah, they got a mask. Yeah.
Yeah. That museum. Yeah. The, uh, the Braun, Braun, Nazi, Nazi astronaut. No, I was just in Vegas at the new wise guys. And that was a great one. I was there. There was so many comics that live in that town now. And also, uh, Jeff was in town. So we, I brought them out and, you know, we had some fun and the locals really dig it. Cause they want, they don't want to go down on the strip. They don't want to go to those shows. They want to like go to their own thing. Like even when it looks like, man, this is great. It's like kind of just for us. So, you know, I had some good shows there. So you guys, I,
I don't know where you play in Vegas, but you might want to try it. Yeah, Wiseguys is... I was just there in Utah. That's a great club, too. That's in big comedy. I feel like that's another one that's going to pop really hard. Yeah, they got two clubs there. Or three.
And he's got a scene. He built like another room for the young comics in the downtown one. He fucking cares. And Ian, you're doing a dry bar soon. You're pretty clean. Christian comic I am. That's such a lie about Utah, by the way, that whole like they don't drink or anything like that. Oh, they party. Yeah, but it's like, yeah, we didn't drink. We just went right to meth. Totally, totally.
Totally hardcore. I think that's Utah sober. Don't chase you on the street. Have you seen the fucking people down there? Oh, there are an unhinged. Uh, yeah. Zombies. Yeah. Oh, you mean, uh, not for like a, not for like to read a Bible or anything like that. I wish I was just in Springfield, Missouri. That's a meth town. Yeah. Oh really? Oh yeah. Every town's a meth town. I know. Just everywhere. Well, San Diego, um,
You played the comedy club there, right? Yeah, American Club. That's a great one, too. La Jolla? No, I played the American Comedy Club. Oh, right, right. Yeah, great time there. I wasn't allowed to play. There's a lot of great clubs, man. They're actually, like, they also have benefited from the, you know, like the boom. They deserved it, you know? So, especially the ones like the Holding the Line Clubs, you know? Sure. Well, those are the ones that are doing well. Well, what happened to you at the American Comedy Club? Well, our old agent, he called her a C-word.
And they were like no one at Willie Morris can play there anymore. So we're like marriage No More money over there. Oh my was it an all caps C word? I'm sure they I'm sure was that years ago or something. Yes, man. I'm sure they would know I'm sure it's fine now So now you have to play the theater and look down on them, you know, like that's always good I remember playing that La Jolla room is pretty cool to that comedy store. Yeah, right beach. Oh
It's kind of fun. It's such a mindfuck coming from New York City with rats and hobos and then you go to that La Jolla. It's right on the beach. It's sunny. Beautiful. Even the homeless look like Hugh Jackman. They're fucking. They are good looking. Yeah. Great looking. They really do take care of themselves. You know, let's
Let's see. I'm going to Austin. I'm going to Brea. How about Brea? That's a great room. You like it? It's a warehouse. It's a big room. That's also like a weird town, you know? Orange County. Yeah. It's a different vibe out there. It's a lot of like, you know, my dad played guitar. My mom, you know, it's like a lot of LA. I mean, Orange County stuff, you know? Yeah. Like skateboarding is more important than, you know, reading. There's a good gun range by there. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Taron Tactical.
That's where they train. How often do you do that on the road? As much as I can. I love shooting. Really? I feel like I get one, I'm good. I don't need to keep going back. I enjoy it. I enjoy it because you can calibrate your mistake in the moment. It's all about focusing your breathing and concentration. I just like...
I don't know the hobby of it. And this place here in Tackle, that's where they train Keanu Reeves for John Wick and everything. Whoa. So they give you like a tactical range. You can go around and like change guns. And it's really. Right before you walk in, they kill your dog and it gets you fired. It's very real. Ian is a good shot. Yeah. Yeah. He has a really good shot. I enjoy it. Vitor's a good shot. Really? We hit the gun range in Springfield, Missouri. And do you shoot, Dave? I'm an ax man. I'm an ax man.
I'll throw it at your head. No,
No, yeah, I've gone with Ian. He's really good at it. And I always say, like, it's just a shame you're too old for high school. I didn't know you were a gun guy. You've got a fucking written house over here. But earlier, what did you say again? Like, you focus and control your breathing. What were you saying again? You can focus and you have to control your breathing and you have to work on, like, your grip. Because if you grip too hard, you can calibrate. Sounds like a facial to me.
Bullseye's just a man's ass. Ian, stop licking the target. Oh, sorry, guys. Sorry. You got to hit right under the tramp stamp.
But it is funny at the gun race, the guys that come that I think we were at one and this guy was doing the quick reload like he was going to fight like Superman. Oh, no. Oh, no. Why is everyone able to make my wife come? But I like I was wondering in his mind what the situation he was. You know, I like to say, fuck you, dad. Fuck and roll.
It's just one cig, huh? No, I'm going to smoke again. Cig Heil. What are your favorite cities to hit, Dave? Well, San Francisco is great. I'd say D.C. is probably my best town. Love D.C. I mean, like, those crowds are great. Great crowd. They need a laugh out there. It's kind of a stuffy town. It's a stuffy town, but the people that come see me are coming out of Virginia. Oh, boy.
They're the people who, like, live around the government and they kind of don't want to hear about it. Some of them work in the government, you know, that kind of thing. Do you think they're stuffy because they're like, oh, God, we don't want to hear about politics? Or, like, they're on guard? Yeah, I think it's a lot of HR, a lot of government jobs. You know, they just want to, like...
They got to stay in line. So when you come in there talking about, you know, jizzing in a guy's mouth. Thank God. They are smart and they also like they're like the best of like the South, like where it's like, you know, they're smart, but they also are Southern. So they like it like a little greasy. And I would say Charlotte and those towns are really popping now also, you know.
I was in Atlanta. I played a theater down there. I haven't done Atlanta in a long time. And I'll tell you, I miss it. That was a great town for comedy, man, with the punchline there. It's really sad what happened. There was a picture of you at the old laughing school. It was you, Louis Black. And Mitch, right? And Mitch, right? Yeah.
That's a crazy story. That's a long time ago now. That's like probably over 10 years, 15 years. I mean, he's been dead for a long time. And I know that there's talk of doing something about Mitch now. I think it's way overdue. I always see a lot of influence in people by Mitch. Oh, yeah. People always say, oh, people sound like you. I go, no, Mitch is really the guy. Like,
I think he really did influence a lot of people. Definitely. You know, that style, his cadence. Yeah. You know, joke writing wise, I'd say that he does his own thing. Like, people don't do it so esoteric like him, you know? But other people are like, what is this? What is he doing? I'm like, it's like...
like you know now like pop culture is so big and all that kind of stuff but it's like beyond that you know it's like like zen joke writing i think yes yeah shang wang has a little shang is great too that was one of the specials that i really enjoyed watching i mean like the guy is a pleasure to watch he's so funny he's great we did the burt kreischer cruise and shang wang was on it so i was like let me go watch how these drunk white trash people enjoy this smart asian man and he killed oh
He's road tested. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it's just funny seeing him with the long hair and the glasses. He looks like he's there to give you a foot massage. And he's just killing with these fucking yokels. Mitch was opening those shows, though, right? Yeah.
with you and he was but that was only because he was the last add-on but that was another one where like we you know rotated a bit but i i think it was three different crowds coming together which never really works by the way you know people want to see their person you know yeah like i'm the drunk insomniac guy and then lewis was his thing and then mitch had his people so i think it was an add-on but he was like kind of up and down in terms of like you know where he was with his problems and everything so
But I felt, especially when we did Minneapolis, he should have closed that show. That's his hometown. His people come to see him. Yep. That he should have done it. And then there was like, for some reason, he didn't. And I think that upset him. And whatever. But he was a rock and roll comic. Oh, yeah. People forget that about him. He really was a rock and roll comic. Yeah. And Geraldo, to some extent, too. Yeah, definitely. It's probably when you think of writing and all that kind of stuff. His stuff holds up. Yeah.
It really does. I can't say the same about mine, but his stuff really does. His stuff is tough. Tough jokes. Smart, smart jokes. Just to be on that many drugs and still pumping out such great material. Yeah. He really brought it. And he's another guy who I think...
if he was around in these times, like Patrice and everything like that, playing big theaters and all that kind of stuff, it would be amazing to see them in these other type venues, instead of just clubs, you know? Do you feel like you still get the insomniac, psycho booze bags coming out to see you, or is that kind of faded? No, they're grown up now, but it's mostly the people that were like,
in high school who would watch that thing at home who are now older that come out. But I think that, you know, they've all been kind of like, you know, like we're all beaten up and old now that they get it. Like, you know, this is, you know, the one thing that used to like help me with a lot of these clubs, they'd be like, all right, you didn't sell out, but our booze sales is like beyond imagination. I'm buying a car. Yeah.
You know, like that kind of thing. So they still drink pretty, pretty, pretty, you know, good. But I'm sure you probably taught me now in terms of like people going out and drinking. We get the real hardcore alcoholics sometimes to a fault where you're like, all right, guys, you got to let me get this fucking thing around. It makes it harder on you, but I guess that is part of the experience, right? Do you guys feel like, do people offer, they all probably want to do like a shot or- All day long. Yeah. I hate the shot offer because you want to be nice, but I would be on the floor if I took every one of them.
Yep. I used to go shot for shot with these people, but it's smart to not get into that battle. But do you do one at the end or something? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been more than one. Well, there you go. You did that special with Geraldo and Dane Cook and Sean Rouse. That was Comedy Central's – I said – I remember them yelling at me about that one because I thought Dane at that point was the biggest –
touring act in America. And like, I don't know why he did it, but like for the rest of us, they kind of like threw us in there. And I got Shane, I got a Sean, Sean Rouse in it because I was like, well, if it's going to be another guy, I want one of my guys to do it, you know? And Sean needed a pop, you know, he was like going through, you know, horrible rheumatoid arthritis and all that kind of stuff. But I would say that, uh, you know, if you look at that, like you could break that up into four pieces and like, that's probably a better ride than the
all of it together, you know, because we're so different. And it was really Dane. Dane's the one guy who kind of,
kind of like had to like lower the bar for it because it was his audience i mean he could have done his own thing you know the rest of us i think we were you know just part of a deal sure but but that was when comedy central's at its most powerful yes yeah they would do a lot of packaging they like to put together for some reason they got everything wrong except for the digital no that's the digital's horrific
Yeah. Well, you know, they just saw the blue collar guys and they're like, we'll do our own. Well, they were always trying to recreate that. And then I think the Kings of Comedy actually seems even more organic and right than whatever, you know, any of us could come up with. But they still like the audience pushes that everywhere I go. They're like, bring Sam next time. And I'm like, well, then we have to split the check.
and then he's over here doing his show. I'm doing it. If we did like four of us, it'd be cool. Yeah, I mean, I would love that. I'm doing a gig with Chris DiStefano and AC. I'm like, I think it'll be fun. Oh, it's great. You know, I think we could do it every once in a while. That's a good thing to do after you've done your own touring and now you give them that. Right. But the problem is every time like,
with me and Bumping Mike's and everything is that you always get the one guy who wants to see the Bumping Mike show. And I'm like, dude, where were you? Where were you at Catalina? Where were you? Whatever. We had them all, you know, it's like we could have used you then, man. Yeah, so true. But yeah, I love working with Jeff. I also like work with the other comics. At this point, it's more interesting to have like so many different people on the show. You know, I was trying to use locals and everything. But like just for laughs, I guess you guys must have had a two part emergency episode on the downfall.
Yeah, yeah, RIP. So when's the first year you guys went there? We were together, I think it was the 2013 mark. I went there in 2010 to do some bullshit show, but then the New Faces was 2013. But you probably already could smell the downfall, right, at that point? Oh, yeah, because we were hearing stories from the 90s where they're like, I got a seven-figure deal or whatever, and we're like, cool, I got an agent. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, but the class of the guys that went with you were like...
We had a good group. Your group was awesome. We had a good year. But I like how the deal got worse and worse. It's like... Oh, yeah. At first, it was like, hotel, travel, it's on us. Then it was like, fly yourself up. Then it was fly yourself up, put yourself up. Then it's like, feed yourself. It's like, you know, like...
We're going to basically we're going to drop you in the middle of town. You know French because you might need French to get it to get to the venue. I remember that you're waiting for like a 40 person shuttle. You're like, oh, yeah. Where's the pickup for this thing? You just come to the airport. I know. And some of the shows had no people that was with what they were paying us is the question. That is true. I think it was offshore money. I think a lot of it.
I think it all went to Gad Amal or whatever. All the money goes through us into Russell Peters. One Frenchman. Yeah. No, but it was always a fun time. And the people who run it did really love comedy. It's just, I guess, the business of it didn't hold up. For sure. How many comedy festivals are there now? Like 100? Yeah, there's a lot. I think the Netflix one swallowed up a lot. Oh.
Oh, yeah. I don't know how the city holds on to that. It's like, we're going to go see Seinfeld, Gaffigan, Joe List, Nate Bargatze, me, Hari Kondabubu. You know, it's like, how do they have enough people to go see all these acts? John Mulaney, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle. It's crazy. And what...
You know, that's another hardcore. It's in L.A., you know, and we all know those crowds. I mean, like, that's going to be a tough one. I guess people fly in or come out of Bakersfield. Well, now it's going to be like a fest because there's so many people. And people are going to fly in for it. Well, the fact that they're doing all those shows at the Hollywood Bowl, I mean, like, that's cool. That, I think, is what it should be about. Yeah, Nate, the Oracle, he's at the Hollywood Bowl twice. He's both sold out already. Wow.
With Seinfeld and Sebastian. It's more of a manger when he plays this. I'm doing the Hollywood Improv Labs. I'm like, I'll sell this out. I'm going to kill myself. Guys, go see Ian in the Hollywood Improv Labs. Let's put this on the map. Be the saddest suicide note ever. I couldn't fill 90 seats. Go down the skid row, pass out flyers. Each joke, I'm just loading up. Yeah.
The name's going to come in handy. Yeah. That's always weird when you walk through the improv in L.A., the Melrose, and they have the lab going, and you're like, hey, I'm...
Quiet. Somebody's inventing something in here. A test tube getting bored or something. An Indian girl is talking about being molested. Tiptoeing around so dark. What's going on here? So when's the last time you thought about relapsing? What was the closest? Vegas last week. Oh, really? Oh, sorry. Oh, man.
When you met P. Diddy recently. No, I never – I'd say that the cigarettes and the coffee are pretty much the way to go right now. But I think down the road, like after the comedy, because I'll be at 40 years in like three years. So I think after that, I'd love to come back.
By the way, I got to say one thing is that, like, you know, at 40, when I hit 40, that's when I should really, like, just start, like, power, like, you know, blow, cough syrup, all that kind of stuff. Hell yeah. That's great. All right.
So, no, but I don't really, I don't know. But if your sobriety kind of stinks, too, he'll tell you. Like, it's a long day. I love it. I love it. Well, you're high on life. Yeah. And guns. The one man gun. You just love life and guns and the Second Amendment. Hell yeah. You're getting laid. You're doing great. Yeah. But what about the other 23 hours a day? Like when you're laying alone in your bed. Calling people. Trying to get outside of my own head.
I love the road doing like activities and everything. Like I've been bringing my like childhood best friend with me. He's not a comic. Really? And yeah, his wife left him. He got divorced. He has all this free time. So I'm like, dude,
you got a good job come out and he does imaginary he's sitting behind salicus uh no it's the best man we like do a bunch of shit together and we hang out it feels like being a kid we share a hotel room watch movies at night so i'm not out getting pussy it's fucking great well we we go on a ski trip every year me ari gillis all these guys and you came and you were a breath of fresh air we wake up you're making breakfast at a nightie at
And every night he would tell us stories. You would drive everywhere because we were all hammered. Yeah, I loved it. Activities keep me all right. When I start to isolate and I don't do shit, that's when I'm like, huh, a drink would make this more fun. Wow.
I remember, I think it was in town when you guys actually cock-blocked me with some shows. Because you were like, oh, I'm like, can we add a Thursday at the Wise Guys in Utah? It's like, no, Norman and Ari are coming in for their ski adventure. And, like, it's already sold out, dude. So it's all right. I go, all right, well, how about this? No, they'll be back from their adventure. You know, they like.
to like decompress and make some money or I'm like, okay. That's the year I went with you guys. I did the weekend with you and then my flight kept getting delayed so I was like, I'm just going to hang in the green. I'm getting kicked out of the hotel and then you guys are like, you're coming on the ski trip. It all worked out. Cancel your spots. I'm like, but Esty, and you're like,
What are you going to do, the lounge? Get out of here. Well, didn't you get arrested that week at the airport? I did, yeah. What happened? I got arrested for class four felony weapons charges. They found brass knuckles on me at the airport in Newark. And my one call in jail was to him to go, hey, I'm going to miss the first show. But my criminal defense attorney. Because he knew that I worked airport security in Boston on 9-10-2004.
My criminal defense attorney, J-Bones, my childhood friend's brother, got me a criminal mischief misdemeanor, so I'm good. Hell yeah. Criminal mischief is such a funny term. Are you a little naughty guy? Now we call that punch a cop.
Why did you have brass knuckles on you? Yeah. Because the city's in shambles. You know what? I hear that. Sam grew up here, so he could actually tell us how different it is. Like when you were a boy getting mugged, is it different as a man now when you're being stomped? Well, dude, a bunch of comics were getting assaulted on the way home from the cellar at like 3 a.m. A bunch? Yeah. Just Joe List. Well, Tom Picard, Steve Rogers, Sean Donnelly. Really? They've got a type.
Yeah. Wow. Unthreatening whites. Yeah. I mean, Liz won't even. He goes straight from his house to the front door of the club now. I know. He's a nervous Nelly. You're just going to start walking around with the gun out. Why doesn't he hide in the shed like the rest of us?
That shed in front of the club really shows a class operation, right? What shed? The food shed. The outdoor shed in front of the cellar. The unused shed just for Steve and Taco or Tabasco or whatever his name is at night. Tabasco.
Yeah, people are sketchy all around. I get bringing a weapon, man. Well, I forgot I had it in my coat, and I'm like, you can throw it out, and then they found another pair in my other pocket. I was like, fuck. Two brass knuckles? Well, you know, you got them like this. Nice. Double for me. And then...
I'm like, look, I'm not a threat. You found it in the same pocket as a donut and a mustache comb. I'm a clown. Let me go. They're toys. They're toys. Tango and cash. Jordan and Jensen. Zip and zop. I'm like, all right, sir.
But I'm glad you're okay. It was a hell of a ski trip. It really was. I always thought about that because whenever you play Hilarities in Cleveland, they give you that bat. They give you brass knuckles. They give you a wooden set of brass knuckles and a baseball bat. But I'm like, am I allowed to carry it? He's like, you'll be fine. And I just heard about you and I was like, am I going to be able to let it out? Thanks for directing that to me. Sorry. Let me go with the smoke. You'd be all right. Even the dog.
Even Wendy's upset. He didn't tell a comment. Hey, so what about, like I said to Ari, I go, this ski thing is great. You guys should get like a show, like a travel channel, like you guys ski around the world or something. So what's going on? No? It's just for fun. That's what's the best part about it. It's just like going out and having a cabin and having fun and not worrying about like content or anything. Yeah, we make dinner. We play music. We put on a special and trash it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, we did Captain Miserable. Oh.
Oh, boy. That must have been crazy. I sent a brief. I love that one, dude. I was watching the Jager commercials the other day. That's a classic bit. Dude, the new one, I'm telling you, was right up there with it. It's so good. I heard Louis Kemp and Raven. All Dave's stuff. You've seen them. I never really. Look at that. Yeah. Did you show them the preview for it today?
It's insane. Yeah, they saw it. Oh, you did the trailer? It's insane. Ian's in it. Oh, nice. He does the announce. Yeah. And the outro. Don't give it away. Yeah, I like it. I think that would make also like a good point at a seafood restaurant to the bathroom.
This way, mateys. And the last is going here. You do look like a new Long John Silver. It does look like I'm questioning the mayor. What are you going to do about... Comptroller speaks.
Well, thank you, fellas. What a great ride. I cannot wait for the special. I can't wait either. And, you know, I wish I could see you guys more because I always love watching you guys work on the material and everything, too. These guys really are like the pace cars now, I think, of...
of, you know, especially writing and stuff like that. But you guys, man, the commitment, honestly. We talk about it on the road all the time, like how you guys pump it out and turn it over and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's always, can't you be more like Mark? Mark's doing it. Shut up, Dave. I mean, but, you know, I don't know how you shake yourself out of the dry spells, but I guess you guys get them as well, correct? I'm in it right now. Yeah, I got it.
You gotta just do weird shit, I think. You just gotta do an activity. Yeah, but you guys always say that, and then I'm watching, and I'm like, this is fucking great. Like, even, like, the shit that you're throwing at the wall is so funny. Well, you dust off an old one you couldn't crack. You gotta just keep going. That's what I did, yeah. I was so worried, and I started to do old stuff and adding, and I'm like, oh, okay, because I don't know if you guys feel this way, but I hate myself, and I'm like, you're never gonna make anything again after this. That's how I feel every joke. You're like, how did I write the last one? Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
No, I love that man at the cellar that had nothing yesterday. He's like, that's what Norman always says. And I was like, yeah, well, we fucking both are just after you dump shit, you're used to bombing, you know? Also, what's the alternative going like? I got so many ideas. It's better to be this way, I think, if we weren't trying to produce. No, I feel like you got to grind the material to like it just like.
The way to break out of the funk is to just grind the stuff that you hate to like, you're like, okay, now I can't even physically like say these words anymore. I hate it. So now new stuff has to come out of that ash heap, you know? That's what the road does to you. But I mean, you know, watching you every night, the seller for years, just doing new shit every night. I got to write jokes.
Well, you know, you do. And you guys, like, I was... I think the last time I saw you was with the Stephen Hawkins thing. I was like, oh, that's perfect. Yeah, that was right. That was a real perfect hit, you know. And, you know, I would say that...
You know, probably the ones we throw away, they're always worth bringing back to like re-examine them. Probably. I got a Lewinsky chunk I'm not giving up on. I was in Vegas and I'm like looking at them. I always bring my old notes on the road now to see maybe there's like something there I can save, you know, Schindler style. Maybe bring this one back, you know, back into the light. And it was like,
I was like, oh yeah, Vegas, you know, like they blow up the buildings, you know, when they're done with it. Like, that's so cool. And then I realized I had the same joke for like an 09 and then like 05, you know, it was like one of those things just never turned into a joke, but it was just like, even my ideas are old, you know, even my fails are old. I was like, oh, that's, you have like old documents, like a notebook. Terrible. Terrible. You've never seen me at a Panera bread.
What's the code again? I have to go to the bathroom. Your Wi-Fi is down. I don't know if anyone else told you in here. Sitting uncomfortably between two lawyers.
Well, Hot Cross Buns, Netflix, one of the best ever. Thanks for having me, fellas. And I got to say one thing about Ian. I've been working with him for... How long have we been working out together? Since 2018. I see big things for Ian. Ian is so funny. Ian is so funny. Naturally gifted. We love Ian. Ian is so fun to watch and so funny. And so...
Ian at the cellar, man, you don't host there as much anymore, but when you used to host there, it was like, oh, we're following someone who's killing, but being personal. And then you put the crowd in such a good place, man. Yes, great energy. So many funny bits. Thank you. I appreciate that. And I was in the outro of his special. He's in the outro of mine. I have a special coming out. When's it coming out? In April. It's called Ian Fire Dance Wild, Happy, and Free. Woo, baby. You want to know the difference? I paid him. Yeah.
not even a coffee well you gotta come back yeah oh man i'd love that you guys are the best man hell and you hosted i got this you hosted a special i got this and my on the roof one that's right yeah yeah man that was the coolest thing i just like being around ian's energy man good energy thank you man thank you yeah people love you so much i was getting shined from just like hosting your special people were like loving it man
So it's really cool. Well, let's blowjob fest. Yeah, it's out. Well, where do I get to you, Marky? Where's that gun you have? Yeah. All right, there you go, folks. Check it out. Hot Cross Buns on Netflix. And see Dave on the road. He's going to be in Pittsburgh, Philly, New York.
Where is that? Welch. Minnesota. Yeah, casinos, baby. Treasure Island. Charlestown. Yes. West Virginia. Salt Lake City. Wiseguy's a classic. Look at that. New York. Make it Georgia. I'm on the Stop the Steal tour. Oh, my God.
I want to recant. Boy, hello. Oh, Chicago at the Den. That's a great room. You hit me to that room. I love that room. That's a beautiful, beautiful gig. That was a great special. Thank you, man. All right, Ian, where are you going to be at here? We got some dates. Yes, IanFidance.com for all my dates.
May 5th, I'm at the Hollywood Improv for the Netflix Is It Joke Festival. Awesome. Creek in the Cave, the 5th and 6th of April. And I just added a bunch of stuff. Zayn in Chicago, April 19th and 20th. Damn, all right. And the special's on YouTube.com. You'll be in Gaza next. That's going to be huge. Good Lord. Here's to you.
Thank you. I'm really excited. So condescending. Wait, what did he say? No, nothing. Improv labs, creaking the cage. Oh, no. Nice sock. You can see him at the Port Authority. I'll be standing in front of the stand. Woo.
Oh, I asked everyone. Yeah, I want to see your dates. No, I'll be in Atlantic City with Chris in June. I'll add more stuff. I've got to write an act first. I burned everything. That's all right. What do you got? 10, 15 in the bank? 10 maybe. Okay, that's something. Me too. Like about 15 minutes. That's about it. Oh boy. 10 if I'm being kind to myself. I don't really even have a good time. Do you tell people on the road like I'm building and so then do they like it? I would do that at the end of the show. Yeah. Yeah.
After I do like an hour, I'd be like, all right, here's some new shit. After you say no refunds, right? Now, let me tell you what you were a part of right now. Lock the doors. It's like a rebuild year for a team. It's like, hey, we got to see who's good at what. Blow that up a little. Let's see yours over here.
Oh. All right. All right. Oh, God. Oh, boy. I did a rad. Albuquerque, Memphis, Little Rock. Nice. Knoxville, Chattanooga, Syracuse, Buffalo. I'm doing the sad tour. No, that's a great one. Chattanooga and Knoxville are two of my favorites. Oh, great. I'm feeling horrible here. This is the connecting flight tour, I think. That Arkansas one. Good luck with the Arkansas, buddy. Yeah, I know, right? Goddamn.
I need a prop plane. Minneapolis, Madison, Bloomington, Evansville. Madison's another great town. Great comedy town. Great club. Marigolds for breakfast in Madison. Marigolds, okay. Get a good little omelet. Canada, west side of Canada, Royal Oak. Love Royal Oak. Fort Wayne, West Palm, Fort Myer, New Haven. Mark Norman Comedy.com. Fort Myer's rough. Wow, dude. That's a lot of dates. Every weekend. Oh, yeah.
Wow. What else am I doing? Well, I got it right so I can get back to it, man. But yeah, Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodegacatwhiskey.com. Yeah, how's that going, fellas? We're very close to having New York distribution in the next two months. It's going to be done, it seems. Hey, you have my word. If I ever relapse, it's on Bodega. Yes! Clip that. That's great. Can we get it out of Bodega or not? All right, we love you guys. Check out Dave's special and look out for Ian's coming out very soon. See you next week, guys. Thank you. Bye.
This woman doesn't eat true.