Ep 169: Dan Soder & Shane Gillis
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For dudes to be racist? Yeah, a little patriotism. Dude, the big one in wrestling, we're rolling, right? Yeah. The big one in wrestling back in the day was when, I think it was Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who was like, America and Iron Sheik got busted in a DUI together. So people were like, wait, the last few people were like, this isn't real. Yeah, yeah. They were like, wait a second.

They fucking doing blow and getting shit-faced because wrestlers live hard. We're in wrestling outfits right now, guys, because our guest is Dan Soder today, and he's best macho man impression in the biz. He loves wrestling. We thought we'd surprise him. You got that right, brother. Yeah, it was cool to like America back then. It's cool to see Hogan say an ER that isn't that, you know?

Yeah. Brother. That's right. Oh, yeah. He sued Gawker as well. He brought him down. He brought down Gawker. That was his ultimate body slam. Yeah. Fuck. He won like 25 mil on that. More. More. He destroyed them. They kind of had it coming. They did. They suck. Oops, sorry. We talked about this last week. It was Peter Thiel. That's right. Is that Hulk? Here, this one here? I never knew that was Hulk. Yeah, he's writing NWO, but people say- I thought that was Michael Richards the whole time. Ha ha.

Holy shit. Hulk Hogan, so many scandals. Yeah. I mean, the sex tape. Oh, yeah. The N-word stuff. Wait, he fucked someone else's wife, like Bubba the Love Sponge's wife. That's right. And Bubba the Love Sponge had cameras rolling in his house. I don't know how it leaked. Who would have thought a guy named Bubba the Love Sponge would turn out to be a piece of shit? Yeah, right? A Tampa DJ is bad? What? Also,

Also, Love Sponge sounds like a diaphragm. Does it not? That's what Elaine was looking for. You're out of sponges. Sponge-worthy? Yes, exactly. Dude, yeah, Hogan was... I was never a Hogan guy. Not really. He was like the obvious guy, and comics, I feel like, were contrarians. Yeah. Macho Man was my guy. Macho Man was the cool end. Slim Jim, don't forget. That was the shit. Oh, yeah.

Macho Man, he was like a minor league baseball player too, that guy. He was kind of like a... Because I remember they did like a softball game on one of the pay-per-views and I was like, this guy's fucking belting the ball. Yeah, that explains his glasses. That's like a real baseball guy glasses. Yeah, there's Oakley's. Look at that card. By the way...

Is that him? Yeah. Randy Pofo. Pofo. Pofo. God, he was, I loved him, dude. He just knew how to be good in the mic. Yeah. And then, you know, the obvious, I mean, Bret Hart, Razor Ramon in the 90s, and then later on, of course, like Stone Cold, The Rock, Mankind. Yeah, the later years were a little too shiny. I like-

the grit. I like how these guys are sweaty. They're a little out of... Hulk Hogan was always a little too smooth and not chiseled. I like that. I like that they're realistic. Hulk Hogan's not chiseled, you're saying? I'm saying... Are you kidding me? He's like... I don't want to say doughy, but he's... Come on. He's like a seal. He's like a manatee.

You see guys now, and it's like 12-pack. They got great haircuts. They're good jawlines. They're on Ozempic, and they have Botox. He's ripped. Don't get me wrong. He's ripped. And I do love that he just commits. He's like, I'm going to be bald with long hair. Yes. Yes, he's bald. He's like, I'm going to commit to having just the trashiest look of all time. That's what I'm saying. Like the million-dollar man, the only Jewish wrestler. Yeah.

The billion dollar man. No, no, no. A Jewish wrestler would never brag about their money. They'd be like, I'm doing fine. Right, right. And then in the backlogs, they'd be like, I'm fucking... Yeah. Wasn't there a guy named IRS? Yeah. Is that right? There's like an accountant or something. Obviously, he was a heel. Yes. We got to pull up some of these photos for this.

Yeah, he was a IRS. Oh, man. See, these are like normal looking guys. I mean, they're enormous. They're huge. Yeah, but look at that guy. They're not normal looking dudes.

I'll tell you, I was watching Reacher. It's a terrible show, but I love it. Yeah. I mean, the main guy is enormous. Pull up a picture of this guy, Alan Richson. Dude, he is enormous. Every episode ends. It's like, the whole time I'm watching him, I'm like, ah, this dialogue sucks. And then at the end, it ends with Reacher on the phone with the bad guy, Robert Patrick, and he goes...

I'm going to fucking kill you. And I'm like, all right, I got to stick around for one more. Or he'll be like, I can't wait to throw you out of a helicopter. Like he always has one line at the end where he'll be like, I'm going to need more guns. I'm like, all right, one more ride. It's funny how this, this is like the, as old as time. He's just a crazy cowboy loner, Charles Bronson, but it still hits. It still works.

He's just a hunk and a half. He is a hunk. But I'll tell you, he's almost like too big where he has love scenes with this woman and they're not even hot. Really? He's too big. She looks like tiny. It looks like we were fucking a kid. The size difference. I'd like to see that. The size difference. Not if we were actually doing that. Wait a second. Don't demonetize us yet. Wait a minute. Wait, now I get it. Is that? Oh, wow. Yeah, he is huge. Dude, he's like too huge. But is that trick photography? What?

Yeah, maybe they just hire little people. Well, that guy's little, but no, he is huge. And he's even bigger this season. What do you think? He's 6'5 or something? I think he's like my height, but he's just enormous. He's like 6'3 probably, but like he's, yeah, look at him. He's just. This is what I'm saying. Look at these chiseled, like every muscle is defined. That's a new thing. It's funny how we all talk about body positivity, but everyone's on Botox. Right. Everyone is way more. Ozempic. Ozempic, like Matt Rife's getting his face surgery. Is that real? Yeah.

That's what I heard. I don't know. He blasted his plastic surgeon, so I figured it must be real. And I'm not knocking him. I'm just saying, like, he's gone way more into this. Are we able to play this, Matt, or no? It's a scene from Reacher. Sure. Keep taking out money. I mean, this is the vibe of the show, just so you know. Pull it up. He sees a woman, and he says, keep taking out money. He sees she's shaking and maybe beating a little bit. He knows she's in trouble. This is if... Okay. This is already hot. She's crying.

Is this his girlfriend? No, it's a regular woman. He sees she's in trouble. He can tell. Oh, I thought we were pulling up a love scene. He's not just the most badass dude, he's also the smartest. Oh, really? Yeah, so he can just sense anything. Yeah, yeah. See, this is the guy he knows is shaking her down. Oh, God. Keegan-Michael Key's gonna get it. Oh, shit! I mean, the dialogue's bad, but then this shit happens. You're like, all right, I'll keep watching.

Is he flawed at all? He's like a handsome buff guy who beats everybody up. He's got no flaws. He's kind of perfect. And the whole every flashback, he like does the right thing. There's no nuance. He's just a killing machine who is good in the army and cool. His only flaws is that he like can't. I mean, it's not even a flaw. He doesn't like material possession. So he goes town to town with nothing but a toothbrush.

What? Really? Yeah, he gets on the bus and he's like, that's how he shows up. He doesn't like stuff. Wow. In the love scene, she's like, you got a condom? He's like, just a toothbrush. I'm like, Gary, sorry. This is basically like if a porno writer wrote an action. It is. You know, it gets right to it. There's no dialogue. There's no story or plot. Either way, it ends with someone getting blasted in the face. Yeah.

No, you're right. It is almost like porno, but I got to tell you, every time I think I'm out, I'm like, something badass happens. I'm like, all right. I'm not knocking it. You turn your brain off. Just like porno. Yeah, exactly. You just need to get a hit. You turn your brain off, you enjoy it, it's fun.

Who are the, wrestling was like, I feel like, back in the day. I haven't watched it in years, but I feel like when I grew up, I feel like as a kid, it's just the perfect combo of comedy and sports. Yeah. It's theater. I mean, it's good versus evil. It's heel, bad guy, good guy. Did you know that Patrice O'Neal used to write for the WWE? I heard that. He wrote storylines. I think Dan St. Germain and Mike Lawrence did as well. Did they? Yeah, I believe so. They're obsessed. Michael Che's obsessed. A lot of comics love wrestling. Matt McCartney.

It would be fun to go to a match sometime. Oh, I bet. We should do that sometime. I would love to hear the backstage shit. I bet they're like comics because they start at the open mic level in a high school gym and they have to find their voice. They're like, I'm the pebble. And they're like, ah. And then 10 years later, he's like, I'm the rock. I figured it out. He's working it out. Yeah. Or Stone Cold got a beer thrown at him and he was like, hey. They had to find their thing. Oh, yeah. He caught Bess Heckler take down. They're throwing beers at him. He just catches it. Yes. Ooh.

There you go. Now I got my voice. Yeah. I mean, it's like you're watching Popeye has a spinach. You're like, what's a badass version of that? I'll get drunk. Good point. That's it, right? Jane Gillis stole that. And then they're like, all right, not 20, though. You just need like five. Yeah. Yeah.

What were you going to say, Sally? I cut you off. No, I didn't cut you off. Okay, okay. Just checking. What else are we talking about? Oh, dude, where were you this weekend? I was in Hotlanta, Atlanta, and I love Atlanta. Underrated city, like a great city. I always say it's like I have a country music video and a rap video fucked because they got like sexy gay black guys and then like super kind of southern white dudes and everybody's getting along.

It's a good vibe. I love Atlanta. Good city. A lot of good food, too. Great food. Great time. Went out drinking. Me and Caleb sign in. He opened. He's killer. Yeah, he kills. And we went out, and what did we do? I can't remember, but then at the end, we're like, let's go to get one more. We got one more drink. We went to a neighborhood pub right by the hotel and just hung out with all the locals, and nobody knew who we were, and it was great.

And then I was too hungover. Where'd you get fucked up? Just some bar. It was called the 13th Street Pub or something. Took a few drunken photos and then stumbled back to the hotel, flew to Raleigh.

Did the show in Raleigh. Raleigh was great. Another great town. Yeah, it's great. And flew home. Quick, easy flights. Nothing more than two and a half hours. Loved it. Those are nice, but flying every day can get tough. That's a bit. When you get to run like that. I was in Irvine, Cali. Good time. A lot of fucking trashy drunks in that town. I got to tell you. Oh, my God. The hotel we were in, I guess it was like a rooftop bar. Oh.

Getting into this elevator, I was like, these are fucking bad drunks. Really? Nothing worse than people that don't know how to drink. I know. There's all these tech conference-y dudes just there. They're in there like, ooh. Here's a peeve. The guy jumping drunk in an elevator. Oh.

You're trying to kill us? I hate that guy. I'm like, I want you to die, but don't take us all down with you. Right. That's up there with the friend who would do this shit when you were driving. You're like, what are you doing, man? I'm trying to get us home. You're going to kill us. And he's laughing maniacally. I'm like, who's the joke on? Oh, dude, there were a lot of those, and it was like...

For some reason, these hotels always have horrible working elevators. I'm like, what the hell is going on? The crowds were very good, but we did get like... For whatever reason, that hotel, man, you got to pick what's close to the venue. Was this Irvine? Yeah, yeah. Don't play it. Don't play it? This is one of the best...

I've ever seen you do. It was a crazy moment. I don't want to play my crowd work on the fucking pod. All right, go to his Instagram. It's one of his best ever. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's more like a crazy moment that I just rolled with. It was just like, yeah, there was a guy saw his ex at the show. Oh.

And he called it out and they both kind of revealed how it ended. Oh, fuck it. We're playing it. No. Don't play it. I don't want to make him uncomfortable here. Yeah, don't play it. I'll watch it later. I'll watch it later. It's a crazy one. Okay. They're both kind of different types of pieces of shit.

Oh, interesting. It was just an entertaining moment. Just kept unraveling, unraveling. Yeah. That's why it bums me out when people shit on crowd work video because this is a great moment. I mean, it's like a once in a lifetime. The ex is there. You got to fuck with it. I do it at the end of the show. I mean, I did over an hour of jokes and then I will work on some jokes and I'll do some. I'll be like, all right, scream out a problem and I'll fix it. And the guy goes, my ex is here. Ah!

I had to fucking roll with it. That's perfect. I'm going to ruin it. So Sam goes, how did you break up? And he's like, I broke up with her. And he's like, what happened? She cheated on me. And he was like, maybe that wasn't all you broke up with her. I don't know if you really broke up with her then. Oh, that's funny. Whatever. It keeps going. It's so good. Yeah, check it out if you want to see it. Check it out. Irvine, man. Great room. Great room. I'm walking around with Winnie in the kitchen. The staff is more excited to see her than me. Yeah. They listen to the pod, I guess. So the waiters are going, is that...

Is that Winnie? Yeah. Winnie's just walking through the kitchen. It's a celebrity. I mean, rocking the do-rag, too. Is that oldie locks? She is a crotchety old bag. Oh, yeah. Fucking wingus. Should I take this off? Is it too stupid? No, I think you should take it off. Put it back on for the photo at the end. Yeah, I'll put it back on. She doesn't like it anymore. Okay. She had no idea it was on. No idea. There we go. Take that wig off, girl.

It's the end of the day. There we go. All right. Yeah, Irvine's a great... It's such a big room, too. It's like 550 people, but it works. Huge. Yeah, it's big. I love that. Those big clubs are always... They're fun, but it's...

It's a different type of show. I mean, like, it's not like Denver comedy work where the ceilings are coming down. You expect a different type of reaction. Oh, shit. Hey! Come in for a sec. Hey! I almost texted you. Come in and say hi. I didn't text you because I know how many texts you were getting. I don't want to annoy you. Yeah, come say hi for a sec. What's shaking? Good to see you, dude. We dress like this for every episode. That's Winnie. That's an old bag. Congrats, man. Soda, you look terrible. Hey.

I don't want to, I don't want to add to the text, but I mean, you, you killed it, man. I mean, the sketches are fucking. Yeah. I had fun. Super cool. Lemu Emu was gold. That was great. Uh,

How did your dad like it? He loved it. All right. It was really fucking nice to see. My parents held hands. Wow. Yeah, it was very weird. Wow. It was like a nice moment. It's crazy to see what could have been your career versus what it, you know what I mean? Because, I mean, the Gillian Keeves, you can do whatever you want. For sure. And you could take your time with it. I mean, how do you do that with the time crunch? That seems insane. I have no idea how they do it, dude. That was like the most stressful fucking show I've ever seen. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, come on.

We got one for you, too. No. It's just a thong. All right. All right. Well, thanks, Shane. Great to see you, Shane. Hey, are you in Austin this weekend? I am now. Oh, you are? Yeah. Hey, if you want to pop in at the Paramount. Oh, shit. I'm at the Mothership. Oh, pop in. It's across the street. All right. Who guessed that? What day are you there? Friday and Saturday. Dude, I'm at the Mothership Friday and Saturday. Say hello. It's like the beacon. Yeah.

Well, I got a mic here, you big queef. Shane, come here, dude. You don't even have to talk. You don't even have to put on a wrestling outfit. And leave whenever you want. I know you hate me. Come on, George the Animal Steel. That's who you are. He's one of the bushwhackers. Dude, I'm so fat I can't even fit in this thing. You got the jeans on. Yeah, dude. I'm blue collar macho man. Unions first. Yeah. Yeah.

Fair wages for all the workers. You think he's still riding on the Slim Jim money? He's dead. He died? Are you kidding me? He died. You didn't know that? What? His heart exploded while he was driving. You've got to say brother a lot this episode. Come on, brother. I said it a few times earlier. Yeah. And the N-word. He got a heart attack and crashed his car into a tree. All right. Well, that's a pretty good way to go for the macho man. No, he's in his 50s. It's not a good way to go. It's pretty cool.

That's awesome. Yeah. How would you rather die? You don't want to see Macho Man get old. Exactly. He was looking rough out. Yeah. And 50. The white hair. Yeah. If he had my grandma's face, like, for the last year, he's like, oh, no. Are those? The nurses keep stealing my medals. Damn. He looked good old. Oh, he looked great. He looked cool, dude. And you know what he did? He married his high school sweetheart that they had drifted apart and came back together.

True love. I thought you meant she was in high school. Yeah. What about Miss Elizabeth? She died of a drug overdose with Lex Luger. Oh, she was cheating? No, they were dating. She broke up with Macho Man. I know all the goss. She had a type, huh? Dude, she was hot.

Pull her up. Miss Elizabeth was the end. I'm telling you right now, unpopular opinion. End of her life, Elizabeth, to me, was hotter than regular. That's 80s Miss Elizabeth. It's going to be hard to beat that. Yeah, but when she was in NWO and she was all older and a little sluttier. N-words with osteoporosis. Yep, that's what it is. It would have been funnier if I could say the word. Blacks with bad bones is what they're called. Bad brains. What the fuck? Bone thugs. Yeah. Yeah.

Every time I'm around Mark, I start trying to beat Mark. Bone jokes. I miss my Uncle Charles.

And we're just singing welfare carols. Maybe... Was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony... Were they just like... Chris Rock bit. Oh, all right. I know Mark well enough that I'm like, no, that's not racist. He needs me around to be like, no, that's a bit. Yeah, you're an interpreter. Yeah, yeah. He says...

That is not about blacks. UFC. That guy that comes up with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, sorry. I'll cut you off. What are you going to say about this old bag? I just liked her at the end of her life, dude. That shows you where I'm at, when she was just all pilled out. Oh, yeah, that works. It still looks hot, though. Luger's not bad, either. Well, he had a stroke. Now he's in a wheelchair. You guys don't want to go down the dark road.

By the way, Soder's got a YouTube special out. Right now? Right now. Good for you, brother. At Dan Soder on YouTube. There he is. There's Lex Luger. You hear that, HBO? Don't worry about Lex Luger. Let's talk about specials. No. Three guys with YouTube specials. I think you're making a good move. Yes. I think it's

About damn time. It was about damn time I put something not behind a paywall. Now, are you worried that the YouTube bubble is burst? It might be. I don't really care. As long as this translates into ticket sales, I don't give a shit. It will. And it hasn't burst. No. You have an audience, so it's not. Yeah. I mean, I'm lucky that I built up my YouTube channel with the podcast. Yeah. I wanted to do that for like six months before we released this. Smart. So I don't know. It'll be out. It's not posted yet.

But it'll be out on the 1st of March. When does this come out? The 3rd of March. There we go. It's out. So it's out. Two days ago, yeah. Everything changes in a day, yeah. Seen a lot of the material. Lost my grandmother, uh-huh. She slowly wilted away, yeah. Like an apple left outside off the tree. Up in heaven with Macho Man.

Grandma's like, my grandson loves you. It's awesome to think you're such a boy. Yeah. You're like, now my grandma's with Macho Man. You're still such a little boy. Oh, wow, Andre the Giant and Nana are hanging out. I picture this is how you do it in therapy. You got to do the Macho Man voice to unload it. Alan goes, load it up. Yeah, he could have came to a Little League game. No.

Would have gave me some validation. Daddy's validation. How did he come up with that persona? He said, I saw an old Memphis wrestling. Cocaine. Gotta be. It was blow. Yeah. Blow and steroids.

okay just getting jacked and then more jacked brain jacked and body jacked see i have a theory that old wrestling was cooler than new new wrestling it's good the rock and uh the rocks attitude era that's old wrestling but he's back right now oh okay is he back into what the new product is exceptional all right i'm just saying like wrestlemania cold it didn't have the grit and the grizzle that the philly at the link

April 7th, brother. Roman Reigns. Cody Rhodes. You gave that more of a plug than your special. I am a child. Yeah, no, but I know what you mean. There's nostalgia, though. It had some stank on it, though. It felt sweaty and like they had a real problem with pills. When you go back to the 80s, though, they would have...

with people in the arena. Like, people would be like, these men are fighting and I need to fight one of them. Ric Flair, when Ric Flair used to cut his promos, people were legitimately getting mad at him because he's in a gymnasium in Georgia going, you're all fat, ugly, and poor. And they're like, fuck you.

Fuck you. He's like, fuck me. I'm going to fuck your wives. I got all the money in the world. And they were legitimate. He got real heat. Who's the black guy that was nuts? The one that said the N word? No. You're talking about Homicide and ECW?

What was his name? Who was the guy that threw the guy? New Jack. New Jack. New Jack cut some nice promos. I don't know New Jack. They were like, for real, you guys are Klansmen. Fuck you. Whoa. I know what you're talking about. That tag promo. It's pretty good. Where he's like, fuck you guys. Bring your Klansmen. I'll fuck them up. Remember Steve Mongo McMichael? R.I.P. I remember he had a promo. He was in Wisconsin. He opens by going, listen up, you Limburger losers. And they start booing. I'm like, that's a fucking good dude. Yeah.

He got into the NFL Hall of Fame this year. Oh, man. NFL? Yeah, he played for the Bears. The Bears. Damn. Now, what's this? This is New Jack. I don't know this guy. Cutting a promo. Finally, you done went to the ultimate. You decided that you could get mad enough to sign a match between me and Mustafa, a street fight. My kind of fight, you understand? You don't know nothing about that. You know how cool this would be if this was our promo, if this is all we had to do? We'd all go...

Comedy mothership. You beamed up the wrong man. You beamed up the wrong man. Joe Rogan's bringing me to his home planet to bring nothing but hilarious and a kind of comedy show that I like loose and high. You could totally do that. I think it would work. You should be cutting wrestling promos. Yeah, absolutely. Albany Funny Bone. You beat my ass before, but this is a different story.

I've got New York. I got buried there when Shane Gillis was my feature. Oh, that one. That was a tough weekend for me. Yeah, you went through a breakup. But I always give that example. I was crying right before the show. Remember that MC? Damn. That was the best. Were you crying? That's back Amico? Oh, sorry. Louis J. Gomez. I'm sick of not making any money for real ass podcasts. I'm the only one providing consistent punchlines, baby.

Yeah, dude, look at his forehead because of all the cuts. Oh, yeah. Wow, that's crazy. We should play it on stage. You know that joke doesn't work? You go, oh, oh, he started bleeding. Give it some color, dude. That's nuts. Sam, you don't strike me as a guy that was ever into wrestling. I loved wrestling. You did. I'm wearing fucking Bret Hart. I asked for Bret Hart. Can I tell you right now? Yeah. Great.

I was telling you that. All of us? Let me see that. You look fantastic. I'm too hairy. No way. Oh, that hairy. No, you're working. That's some NWA hair, dude. You could work. There were no wrestlers with chest hair except Shawn Michaels. Pull him up. Great chest hair. Yeah. And George the Animal Steel, but he was covered in hair. This is Bret Hart Throb. Oh, you know what? Scott Hall. Yes. Great chest hair. He would have gotten in trouble for the Cuban voice now, though. Oh, where he just faked like he was Hispanic? He just faked like he was Hispanic. He just did Scarface.

I guess Pacino did that too. Yeah, Pacino did that. He also was acting. He was supposed to be Puerto Rican. Oh, yeah.

Which they filmed right by the village. But people would be pissed about that now. Yeah, absolutely. But it's a movie. It'll come back. It's coming back. We'll start playing. I was into wrestling. I liked Stone Cold. I liked Mankind. I opened for Mick Foley once. I loved Mankind. I opened for him once and he was the sweetest guy. Yeah, we had the same agent. What? Back in the day, yeah. Holy shit. So back in the day when he started doing it, I was doing The World.

At Broadway. And it was a blizzard. Yeah. And I like was like in that young comic brain where you're like, I'll fight through anything to get on stage. Yeah. And I walked through a blizzard to Broadway and I walked into the world and Aaron Haber goes, oh, you're bumped.

And I go, for how long? And he goes, Mick Foley's on stage. And I went, yeah, mankind. And I walked in the room and Mick Foley was just chilling on stage. And he was so nice after the show. So nice. Yeah, so I headlined the weekend there. It was like back... It was the Westport... He's just thumbs up. Why? Remember the Westport... Give Mick Foley thumbs up, dude. The Westport Funny Bone. You ever do that one? It was like the bad St. Louis one. I love that room. It was in between a gun store and a bird store. Yeah. It was a weird vibe. But I remember I... Yeah, yeah.

They were like you can open for him on the other show and the first thing he goes he goes on stage He goes man that Sam's fucking dirty. That's how we open the show I know I got thrown off a cage, but he's all he goes all curse once and he was like he was like He was fun with it. He was cool. We talked after he's very nice I always say you should go watch Beyond the mat when him and The Rock have a match and The Rock beats the shit out of him with a chair hits him with a chair like 20 said the I quit match

And then has to apologize to Mick Foley's small children backstage when they're like, whoa. And The Rock's like, no, I didn't mean to hurt them. Yeah.

Your dad's got mana. He does the rock on him. It's fucking wild. Did you see Iron Claw? Not yet. I want to watch that. It's good. It's good? I want to watch that. Very good. It's a tearjerker. I mean, it's sad as shit. I mean, the Von Erich family is very tragic. Cursed. Everyone died. Acting's great. Oh, this is it. Oh, here we go. This match fucked me up. Really? Because I knew it wasn't his voice. I missed it.

It's a fake recording of the I Quit. Oh, yeah. And I was like, that's not real. He yelled that earlier. I know that's not his real voice. So far. Oh, what about the Nads? Dude, what I liked about him is Mick Foley has my bottom half. Wide hips. Bro, I loved... Look at that. That looks like me crawling on there. I loved Mick Foley. Were you crawling around on your couch watching this? Yeah. Yeah, dude. They like...

They were two of the best of the era, though. Oh, unbelievable. Them, Stone Cold. Dude, I'm going to tell you right now, The Rock came back. Kane was big. Kane was sick. Kane was awesome. I'm going to tell you right now, The Rock came back and did this thing where he's like, I'm going to fight Roman Reigns. And I was like, oh my God. Oh, that's not good. Man, that's great. That's awesome. Oh, poor guy, though. How did they pull that off? Yeah, probably with the lights out. This is very impressive. I knew it was crap. He's still holding on to that hair. And he was gone.

Look at that arena. Look at Earl Hebner. Great ref.

That's not real. That's so funny. You got so hyped on that. This is a fucking conspiracy. That's what got you into conspiracy theory? You're like, dude, there's something. Something's not right. Gateway to Q, man. Yeah. He's fucking adrenochrome, dude. I hope Q comes back. It is. It'll come back. Q needs to come back for this election. The tide will rise. It's coming. We need it. Is that him in a Coogee sweater?

QG. With tassels? Dude, the tassel, can I just say by wearing them casually right now, inconvenient. That's too long. Too much stuff. This is crazy. You're off in my lap here. Yeah. I feel like I'm everywhere. Aside from the fighting, there's a lot of creative elements where you're like, I need a cool outfit. I need a cool character. There you go. Is it still going? What? Never mind. WWE? Yeah. They just merged with UFC.

Shut up. Yeah. Have you been hearing about the Vince McMahon stuff? Oh, we've been joking. That I've been hearing about. Well, now apparently there's a whole bunch of other cases coming out. They're going. They got cases on everybody. Really? What else is he? Yeah, Brock Lesnar, right? Brock Lesnar's out now. Stephanie McMahon, they said they got a case on. What'd she do? I don't know. It's all crazy shit. By the way, it's all stuff that people with shaved bodies on steroids would do, which is like weird sex.

Look at my body. Weird sex. What did Brock do? He liked the lady that worked in the office. Vince McMahon's text was like, he wants to watch you piss. That's not so bad. He says it's hot. Just set up a camera like a normal person. You don't request? That's creepy. Vince McMahon's texts were like, the fact that he took a dump, he's accused of taking a dump on a woman's head during a devil's threesome. Yeah.

If you're like, you're double teaming a chick and then the guy's like, I got an idea. Yeah. I'm going to do shit. Then he pulls his pants down though in a silly way where he's like. Yeah. Whatever happened to a folding chair? Yeah. Dump on her head. She would rather get thrown off a cage than get dumped on her head. He poops in her and then he hits the no chance music. You got no chance. Getting, I mean, an open air dump during a fucking orgy. To poop with two naked aroused people in the room.

Here's my question. That's impressive. Was he around? You wonder if he was like,

You ever been fucking and had to shit? So you're holding in a shit while... Every time. Yeah. I always have to shit. You're like the incredible Hulk. You're like, I always have to poop. My secret? I always have to poop. Dude, I've never... I feel like it's like doing comedy. It goes away while you do it, and then it comes back the second you're done. Sometimes you're not into it. Yeah. So you still have to go. Have you ever had to poop on stage?

Yeah. One time I had to, Vitor had to stretch because I had food poisoning at the St. Louis Helium. And first night I'm there. That room is right there. That green room is like on stage. Oh, dude. The first night I'm there, the bathroom door, the lock broke. So I had to like kick the handle off to get on stage. So it already had a hole where the handle was supposed to be. The second night, I'm shitting liquid. I'm dying from rainbow trout in St. Louis. I took a chance. I took a chance. Fish.

I'm taking on horrible shit. They sent they send Vita a note on stage. You got a stretch We'll see when Sam can get on stage. I just remember them handing me a mylanta through that little hole I'm like this is depressing did pooping in a green room with someone else there when I was at Bricktown comedy you overflowed the toilet at helium Philly first and foremost Sorry helium. It was all let me clear my it was so funny. I did not take a poop I

It was clogged already. Ah, here we go. The green room was me, Shane, and Matt McCusker. Someone else was on. Six was in there. Six was in there as well. And all I remember is the toilet was clogged, and you could see it was clogged. The water was up, but I had to piss before I went on stage. And I went, don't flush it. And then I pissed and wasn't even thinking, and just flushed it. I went, no! And I came over, and Mark Grossman walked in as if.

The water was coming. As he was stuffing towels under the door crack so it didn't go out on the toilet. And he handed you an invoice for that toilet. Yeah, he's the owner, by the way. He goes, what did you do? And I was like, I did nothing. I did nothing. I flushed it. Oh, that sucked. Yeah, the toilet overflow is a scary moment. That's one of the only times you'll pray to God when that water is going up. Please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop. That and when you see something on your dick. You're like, go!

Lord almighty An overflow though An overflow happening Scares the shit out of you Oh yeah Like at a party Or like on a date Oh god Woo And your chunks are floating What's the worst You've ever fucked Someone else's house Up at a party

Accent or by accent, because I got a good one. We threw the grandfather clock in the pool at Bob Eaton's party. Bobby Eaton? Bobby Eaton. NBA player? No. Oh, okay. It's Mark Eaton, isn't it? Oh, Mark Eaton. Eating him up.

By the way, I owe you an apology. We didn't do basketball. I've heard. We need to do it. People are DMing me. They're like, Fahim got basketball cards. Genuinely, when I found out, I was like, no, no, no, no. We'll do a bonus. We'll do a bonus. Yeah, we'll get it. I'm pumped. By the way, he pulled some good ones today. Karl Malone jazz. Yeah, I got Karl Malone. Pretty good. Dan Marley. One of the best pedophiles in NBA history. Is that right? Yeah. 13-year-old? Yep. Whoa, pull her up. And now we can finally check.

Her son made it to the NFL. Wow. Karl Malone's son. So it is genetic. I guess so. Damn. But worst I ever fucked someone's house up while we look up these sad stats. Wow. Demetrius Bell. There's with the birds. Yeah. Wow. Demetrius. Big dude. Demetrius. Offensive lineman. Did he claim this kid? Nope. Oh. So he never, I don't think he was in the guy's life. You get in trouble if you claim a 13 year old's baby. Tell you what.

Did you know that, Matt? Feel like that's mine? It's a bad look? Leave it at the window. Yeah. I'm not picking it up. Jimmy Kimmel did a great Malone back in the day. We were talking about that. Oh, yeah? Might want to take that offline. He really dodged that one, huh? It's up there forever. It's never going to go away. He goes, diabetes is more like liver-beet-ies.

You paid for a lot of... Shane paid for a lot of other people's sins, I feel like. I feel like they were mad about other shit, and they were like, we'll just blame it all on Shane. It was the same scenario as child abuse, where there's another problem, and they just look to who's closest. I'm going to spank this kid. It was like when they got OJ on the merchandise. Dude, he went with the ears, too. That wasn't just blackface. The shoulders. That was...

He did Oprah as well, by the way. Here's the weird part. I liked him more then. Yeah.

Well, the man show was pretty funny. I mean, it's golden stuff. Yeah. For the time it nailed it. It nailed it. It scratched that itch perfectly. 1780s guy. That was a great little blip. They used to do like, so the, uh, the Negro likes the spinning wheel. I mean, it was, couldn't do any of it now, but pull it up. That was a real one.

How many seasons did it suck hair out of? I got a skill. I can suck. And by the way, it's funny in these wrestling outfits because it's like pleather that I move and you can just hear it fold. You look good. You lost weight. Yeah, you're looking good. You look good in there. Yeah, that fits. I liked you getting big there for a second. I was excited about it. Dude, sweet season? Yeah, I like it. I like it. I was getting fat. Wait, wait. This isn't the right. Spam young Corolla. Look at him. Young Corolla. He was a football player. And a boxer. And a boxer. And a boxer.

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Yeehaw! All right.

You got to find the spinning wheel. I remember when they did a man on the street thing where they did end women's suffrage. Yes. That was pretty fucking funny. And all the women are signing it, not knowing what it means. It's pretty fucking funny. A man's shirt boy. Andy Milonakis. That was Andy Milonakis? I believe. It's got to be, right? No, I don't think so. No, I think it was just a fat kid. Give that a Google. Was it just a fat kid? No, I think it was him. A man's shirt boy. I think it was Andy Milonakis. Yeah, I think it was him. I think that's where they found him.

He was probably like 38 in that. I believe you. I love seeing the show. Hey, look how cute. That's not him though. No, that's not Skobron. Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second? Okay. How about we go to dinner sometime? I don't know about that. I'll let you drive. You'll let me drive? You'd have to let me drive because you probably don't drive, huh?

Aww, this is great. Wholesome fun.

I have to go to my sex education class and I was wondering if you'd help me with my show and tell project. Yeah, come on, I'll be gentle. Jesus. Wild, dude. It was the 90s, baby. Comedy Central has so many fucking classic shows. It's crazy the backlog of shit they have. What was Wonder Shows and all? Was that MTV? MTV2. Yeah. I bought it. Unbelievable. I bought it on Amazon and I preach about it. You ever see it? I've never seen it. Wonder Shows and it was one of the funniest. Funny! Not funny!

Wonder shows in white people. Do kids beat. Do kids on the street. Yeah, beat kids. Beat kids. Did you watch this? I've seen one or two, but it was so long ago. So they did Sesame Street if it was on acid. That's basically it. This is a great one. What does it say? White people having fun. Global domination over everyone. White people smell so bright. Genocide from anyone who isn't white. Wow.

Man, this show is fucking wacky. But then they just cut to like Elmo. Yeah. Remember the one where they blew up God and they eat his ribs? What? Dude, watch one of those. Two seasons and it's fucking wild. The only thing I remember is a kid taking meat off of a tray and drinking the blood. Yeah, that was like Beat Kids. Yeah, Beat Kids was...

B Kids was basically like Man Show Boy, but they would send him to like a local beauty pageant. And it was all the jokes were a lot darker. He goes to one and he goes, seven contestants, which means seven fat boys are missing their punching bags right now. It's just it's great, dude. I love.

love wonder shows that guy canceled that made it two seasons yeah that's pretty impressive you know it was another you know it was another one that went hard that was so funny i thought you ever see strangers with candy yeah oh yeah colbert and he was still going on curb i love yeah i love amy sedaris amy sedaris so funny that eye oh she had the eye oh she's so good oh there's b kids that's a good one they go to wall street uh excuse me can i ask you a question

Who did you exploit today? Who did I exploit today? Who did I exploit? Hmm. I don't think I did yet. But are you? Yeah, probably sometime today.

Yeah, probably sometime today. They got these little kids because all these people are like, well, what do you want? Oh, this is nice. That's great. Be kids. Wonder shows. Be kids. I'll be watching this tonight. It's fantastic. It's on Amazon. You can buy the whole season for like $10, I think. All right. Pretty cheap. I'm going to correct my... I've made a Tracy Ullman reference, but you're talking about Amy Sedaris. My bad. Tracy Ullman's on Curb, not Sedaris. I haven't been watching this season yet, but I'll watch it. It's got some moments. Yeah.

What is this made out of? Oh, this is nylon. I don't have other pants on. Yeah, you look good in that, too. You guys all look good. It all fits. You got our sizes down. This is all right. Yeah, we don't usually do costumes, but he's a fucking, he's a wrestling guy. We should do it. We have the IRS guy in the back. Dude, Erwin R. Scheister. No, I need a boss man. Big boss man. Yeah. Pull him up. Dude, he wasn't that song.

He's like, when you're walking down the field, there's a long line. Bring up Big Boss Man's theme song. I'm doing it justice. You'll see Cop Boss Man. When you're better crossing the road, we'll be serving all time. See? Cop Downey, Georgia. These guys must have gotten laid like crazy.

The boss, man. The run into the ring is pretty badass. Sidewalk slam. So awesome. John Cena being able to run and slide into the ring, because Vince McMahon tried that and blew both of his quadrants. Is that how he got fucked up? And then he couldn't finish the match. He had to sit there and be like. He's sitting down. He's yelling, but his legs are useless. Oh, wow. It's like Lieutenant Dan when he falls out of the wheelchair on New Year's Eve. Ha, ha, ha.

Get out of here! The fact that he wasn't like rolling around in pain. Is there footage of Vince McMahon doing this? This is it. This is it? Yeah, watch the guy slide into the ring. He blows both of his quads right here. Oh, no. I can't feel my legs. Taste like cigarettes. Retreat me.

Do you have to code or something when that happens? Didn't Shane O'Mac did it too? Didn't he blow up? Shane O'Mac was at WrestleMania last year. It was really bad. Get that one. This is a rough one. Shane McMahon at WrestleMania last year, he comes into the ring and he was like a surprise where everyone was like, Shane McMahon is here. And he goes, one, two. And he falls and they're like, well, that's the match. They just have the guy hook the leg. One, two, three.

Back in the day, I remember when he fought Xbox, he was like flying. He did a lot recently where he would... Basically, Shane McMahon was great at just throwing himself off of it. Yeah, it was pretty good. But... At first, he sucked. Yeah. And then, yeah, he started taking chances. You ever see the Kurt Angle one where they can't get the glass to break? No. And he just keeps...

throwing him into this class. Do the Shane McMahon injury last year at WrestleMania. Yeah. But then do the Kurt Angle. I might get back into wrestling. Shane McMahon. I always liked that. The mayor lives with me now and all he does is watch wrestling. He watches all of them. Like all the different leagues. Oh yeah, Snoop. Snoop? Snoop has to punch a guy or something. What? Snoop was like, let's fight. Let's fight Miz. And so they do the match. Doesn't he like save it? Doesn't Snoop save it? Yeah. So he does. Right here. Here it is.

What do you do here? Snoop punches him in the face. Snoop comes and punches him. There you go. Snoop knew to just jump in and do something. Fucking entertainer.

Man, I saw Rowdy Rowdy Piper around every now and then. Yeah, he did comedy for a little bit. He was on an episode of It's Always Sunny. Really? Yeah. He was great on Always Sunny. Yeah, he was like a legit tough guy. Those old school guys, you had to be really good at fighting. That's what I'm saying. Because the whole thing was like...

Back in the territory days, they're like, if you're not tough enough, if you get into a bar fight and lose to a random guy in the town and you have the championship, you can't have the championship anymore. Exactly. Because then some guy that works at a steel mill is like, you know, I beat up Ric Flair. Or...

you know, or you're like Dusty Rhodes. You're like, it was a cheap thought, baby. I never saw him coming. And the guy's like, not at all. I was just squaring up on him. You ever see the footage of Dusty Rhodes in the celebrity basketball game? He can ball. He can fucking ball. Really? A fat dude can ball. By the way, I got sent that. It's funny to see whenever there's a wrestling clip that goes viral, so many people send it to me like,

wrestling you're like I know I love it I love it so much I'm so excited to hang out with LaMare this weekend yeah you guys can get high and watch wrestling oh my god go back go back you pull back he's huge yeah he's enormous look at that look at that wow he's a dude

Love it. Look at that circle. Oh, he's putting up the three fingers. Yeah, he did. What year is this? He knows to cut. He knows what he's doing. Look at that. Hell yeah. This looks like when you played Legion of Skank. Just guys in t-shirts like that. Oh, that was so fun. Oh my God, dude.

Yeah, dude. Those guys were athletes and also alcoholics and also tuckers. They used to take somas all the time. That was like their big thing. Is that a pill? Oh, yeah. They'd be like old school wrestlers get on podcasts and they'll be like, brother, the somas. Talking about it.

It's great. I love it. So you're a historian, a WWE historian, right? Not really, but I know a lot. Do you know a story about the guy who got stabbed in the DR? Yeah, that's Bruiser Brody. What happened? That wasn't... That was fucking amazing. Not really. Not a historian. He wasn't working with the WWE. He was doing a private... He was doing an independent in Puerto Rico, and they think there was a dispute over money, and then he got stabbed in the showers and died. Pull it up. Fuck. But Bruiser Brody was like...

He was awesome. There was rumors that originally WrestleMania 2 was supposed to be Hulk Hogan versus Bruiser Brody. Wow. Bruiser Brody got killed. And he was just doing a shit gig there? He was just doing like what we would do. It's so many parallels to comedy. Totally. You're just doing like a one-nighter. Yep, yep. Bruiser Brody used to do this thing where he would hold his hand and go...

if you find video of it, you're like, what the fuck? But everyone in the 80s was like, he's crazy. He looks crazy. Yeah. He's like a fucking magician. But he's like a family man. He had like a family that he really loved and he would like always try to go home as fast as possible to his family. Yeah. But yeah, he was like huge in Japan. He was really, because he was like a really big guy and like weird looking. Mm-hmm. And, but yeah, he got stabbed to death in the showers. Damn. So. That fucking sucks. Yikes. They just like. The DR. You know how we have comics? Yeah.

Do you know how comics tell stories about like bookers putting guns on tables and shit? Yeah. This is way worse. Way worse. Yeah. I mean, it was all about getting fucked up. Like just hearing what Andre the Giant used to drink.

That was my favorite part. My favorite part of his documentary is where they cover his alcoholism. Oh, yeah. 27. He drank a case of wine. Case of wine? Case of wine. They say Gerard Depardieu, the actor, he claims he drinks 12 bottles a day. That's insane. Pull him up. He died, right? No, he's still alive. Yeah, they said- They keep trying to Me Too him, but it's like, it's France. How are you going to Me Too-

That's their flirting. Yeah. He was flirting. Pull up a picture of Gerard Depardieu now. You're like, Pepe Le Pews? Yeah. It's the country of Pepe Le Pews. That's a regular-sized beard. They really do. They don't. Yeah, that's Andre. He's pulling up a picture of Gerard Depardieu now. He looks like he drinks 12 bottles a day. The French do a thing where they go, what do you remember me for? I play with your pussy. Oh, they women like when I play with their pussy. Holy shit. Holy. He was an old wrestler. He looks like a Dune character. Yeah.

He was a hunk back in the day. Remember the movie where he- Looks like Braveheart's dad. Yeah. The bad guy's dad. Actually, was that him? Yeah.

Look at that face there. He looks exactly like him. I think that's Andy Melanakis. You know what's crazy? You guys remember the movie where he pretends that he's fucking his daughter? Yes. I just remember that. It was Katherine Heigl. Him and Katherine Heigl. Search that movie. Oh, shit. Oh, it's not off. No, no. I meant the Bruce. Yeah. Isaac the Bruce. No, I always call him Isaac the Bruce because of Isaac the Bruce. Isaac the wide receiver for the Rams. You mean Robert the Bruce. Yeah. Robert the Bruce is dead.

Oh, yeah. Is that him? No. Is it? I mean, it should say on the internet. Dude, bring up the trailer for Gerard Depardieu and Katherine Heigl movie because there is zero chance that movie gets made now. What is it? I never watched it. They're on vacation and she wants to impress a guy so she makes her dad pretend that he's dating her. My father hero. Yeah. I remember this on VHS. I don't remember this.

They were on a boat in the... Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah, young Haig. Catherine Hyman. Sorry. Stella, this is Andy. He's French. Steve Toblowski. Oh.

Easy. She's 14? I don't know. He said she was 14. The 90s. Uh-oh, is he a brown man? Oh, yeah. All right. The whole point of the movie is he steps in to pretend he's her boyfriend to make the other guy jealous. No, I think he's trying to ward off the guy.

You could get away with it. Age wasn't as much of a thing in those movies. In the opening of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Nicholson's like, yeah, I might have fucked a 15-year-old. I remember that. And you're like, oh, okay, he's the good guy? You're telling me that Red Beaver's in your face? I was like, whoa, 76. It's disgusting.

You could do a complex character back then in a way that you can't do now. Now that's the whole movie, you know? Right. And it's also funny in this era if somebody was like, this is a little inappropriate. You go, shut up, you loser. We're trying to watch the movie. What are you talking about? She's hot. Yeah. How old was she actually in this movie? But it's crazy for him to be like, I'm feeling 18. Please. Show me a 1A. One time.

18, brother. Screenwriter. 11. Snake eyes. 178 is 94. We can do math. 16. That's more than... All right. Quick, look up which state was it shot in. It's got to be Hawaii. Aruba? Aruba? Come on, DR. I think... A principality? It's 16 in New York.

You don't want to be the guy who shoots that out, do you? Yeah, you don't want to be double-jerk. Good to know. What are you, running a driving school? That dude on my arm. You don't want to be playing it that close there.

It would be funny if you go, I can do the whole United States by age of consent. Washington. The capitals. Guys, relax. She's 16. It's fine. One of us bring it around. I'm not putting that in my computer. I'm not looking that up. You guys are crazy. She's 17, but she acts like she's 30. Alexa, what's the age of consent? No.

I did pull that in the movie Red Rocket. The girl I was seeing it with, she was like, this is disgusting. I'm like, it's legal in Texas. I just seen an article. But the fact that I knew made it. Yeah. The fact that I knew. Okay. The fact that I knew made it bad. Yeah. Where you go, chill out. Yeah. Jersey 16.

Why are you trying to hit the distance? I'm just trying to guess. Sounds like you're trying to move a case into a different state. Technically, half of it happened in Connecticut. That's true. What's Connecticut? He came in Connecticut. 16. 16? I told you. That's very young. He's a boy trying to impress a girl. I fucked that old lady over there. It's like, it's my mom. She's like, hey, there he is.

16 is crazy young. Yes. I lost my virginity at 16 to my high school girlfriend. How old were you guys? I was 16. 17? Yeah, I was probably 15 or 16. I was 16 in Cancun on spring break. I was going into freshman year. Oh, wait a minute. Whoa. How old were you then? 14. You were 14? Yeah.

Damn, dude. I didn't know you were getting the ladies like that. Well done, Biggie. It was in a tent. Whoa, circus? Wow, camping trip? No, it's a tent in a friend's backyard. Oh my God, you did a slumber party to camp out?

Hell yeah. You did the little kid commercial thing where you go, can we sweep in the backyard? Yeah. And I was like, first time we tried to have sex before and I was like, I don't want to. Yeah. Yeah. I was too young. Nerve wracking, dude. Yeah. When you wait too long, it becomes a thing where she's like, have you done this before? And that girl has. And you're like, fuck, now I'm the new kid. Right. That's kind of hot, though, being the scared boy and the girl's like, oh, man. Maybe to some people, but not when you're all kids. I was drunk on spring break and I was like, lady, you're going to have to put this in you.

because I don't even kind of know how it works down there. Why do you sound like an old cop when you're 16? You sound like Bosch. You go, lady, I'm going to tell you right now. Mark, didn't you have sex with a 40-year-old? Yeah, no, she was 55. 55? Yeah, I'd say 50. I was 16. It wasn't my high school girlfriend. But she, I guess I'm a survivor. Yeah, yeah. Of pedophilia. You don't see me bitching. Well, you know what?

I'm no victim. It's a good card. So shut up, victims of pedophilia. Yeah, you aren't real victims. It's a good card to have in your back pocket. It's not bad. You can go like, I was a victim of pedophilia, and people go, I'm so sorry. Right. I was the king of high school for like a month. You got some high fives out of it. Oh, yeah. Some stinky fives. Man, whenever those cases come out, I just saw one about a lady. Dude, check this story out. This lady- Love to see those hot teachers. This wasn't a teacher. So hot. This lady got into a fight.

with her husband on vacation went down to the hot tub there was a travel hockey team she fucked two of the guys on the hot two of the kids on the hockey team while a third was in the room hat trick somebody snitched someone snitched and then she but dude if you're the husband and you're like

We're in a fight. Yeah. But also, I'm thinking about that third kid. That sucks. That's how you know as a dude it's different because I'm not thinking about the two poor kids that got laid. I'm thinking of the one who didn't get laid. That's where my mind goes. Right, right. Well, he might become the most successful man of all time if you're cucked in high school by

by a slutty older lady. He got benched. Yeah, mother accused of sexually abusing two hockey, youth hockey players after a hotel hot tub. I love that that's abuse, but then they go on the ice and then they beat the shit out of each other. True. Have you seen this new guy in the Rangers? Four fights in like seven games. I'm like, dude, they're going to kill him. Against the Flyers, that 6'7 guy? That was pretty cool. Whoa, I haven't seen this. He's pretty fucking cool, this guy. That is fun. Flyers guy got the win, though.

It was close. It was very close. The guy's 6'7". Yeah. He's a kid. He's 21. Really? The way that they fight is so practical. Oh, not that one. Because they're on skates. Not the guy. I know. My high school in the state championship got in a fight. Type in Trinity. Oh, we got a video? Versus Storox. It's S-T-O-R-O-X.

What year? It'll come up. You got to just hit... It should be... Type in fight. Just hit search. It'll come up. Add fight. Yeah, there it is. This was pretty awesome. Is this football? This is basketball. State championship. Oh, baby. Yep. Oh, baby. There's the shamrocks. Now, the best is we had one kid...

See the guy on the end of the bench with the headband there? Yeah. That guy's a problem. Yeah, he looks... That's a problem. I can't even see him. Okay. That's my friend Jamal's older brother. Really? Jonathan. Yeah, he was a fucking monster. Wait, what team are you? We're the white team. He's the one in the dark jerseys. No, no, no. We're the white team. Okay. Okay.

You like those unis? Those are nice. They're nice. Duke. That's the baggy shorts. I like the baggy shorts, yeah. Oh, shit. On the bench, dude? And then here comes Jonathan. Here comes Jonathan. Uh-oh. Watch out for Jonathan. Here's Johnny. He takes on the whole team. Oh, shit. The white headband. That's just his green warm-up. Oh.

Oh, he was ready. What's he doing now? Damn. Washing cars? No, he's doing pretty well. He works for, I think, the Navy. Oh, good. Dude, I mean, so do you finish a game at this point? What do you do? Yeah, they finish the game. We won. What's that guy's deal? Trinity won, and then the next year rematched in the state championship and lost.

That's when the fights happen. Did anyone ever find out why that guy started swinging on the bench? He said, if you watch it again, that's my friend Matt Wessner on the bench. Pretty funny. The guy that got punched? The guy that got punched. He said he grabbed his nuts. The guy said Matt grabbed his balls while he was inbounding the ball, and he didn't. Oh, wow. You can see it. Oh, I think that was a knee.

Look at how baggy those fucking shorts are. There's one hand you can't see there, his left. He probably pushed him because he was close. Oh, shit. That's fucking nuts. He got two shots off. He got some big ones from an elevated stance. Yeah, punching a guy that's sitting while you're standing. He's got to eat it. How many times have you watched this? This is so cool. A lot. It's unbelievable that you have it all these years later. 20 years later, you're like, you want to see a cool brawl my high school was in? Yeah.

The one brawl we got into when I was in high school, I didn't go to that game. And everyone came to school the next day and they were like, everybody got a piece. And you're like, damn it. But they always fluff those up, too. Like, I uppercutted the teacher. But then they said, you knew who the tough guys were. And they were like, dude, he fucked up a guy. He fucked up a guy. You're like, that's awesome. Yeah. It was in Boulder at Fairview High School. And everyone was like, we're going to go up to Fairview. And I was like, dude, I don't want to go to the basketball game. And everyone was like...

I think I had to work at the restaurant the next day. They're like, it was fucking insane. Oh, yeah. That was a big part of high school. It was like, this guy hated that guy. And he's like, he's going to be at the bowling alley on Saturday. I'm going to take acid. I'm going to go over there and bust him up. Yeah, there was a lot of acid going around. The public school in my area was like our rival. We were the Catholic school. And they...

I was at a party with a bunch of my friends that could not fight at all. And these like 30 dudes showed up to this house party. And we're like, we're going to beat the fuck out of you guys. And we're like, oh my God, we're dead. So we made a bunch of phone calls. We called everybody. Yeah. A bunch of guys that were not in high school anymore. You almost have to run a line on the phone in the bedroom or go, go, go, go make calls. We like meet us at the park right now. We'll go beat your ass. So we met them. Half of them didn't show up. Oh,

And we had like 50 people. We just jumped these guys. They just wailed on these kids. They started it. Two guys I played football with, that same thing happened where they showed up at a party, challenged a guy. He was like, all my friends are going to come.

They didn't show. Yeah. The guys that I played football with jumped them, beat this guy almost to death, got attempted murder. Ooh. That's not good. Two of them did seven years. What? That's not good. Don't do that. They stomped the guy out. Don't kill people. That's no fun. Yeah. It's fun in the park. But you know what they're saying is they go, at the end of the fight, they're going like, by the way, hey, God. I don't want to fucking fight. Yeah. Well, also, if you're like, meet me at the park, you're like, ah.

Yeah. Kind of take me out of the mood. It was nice, though, to jump the guys. Yeah, when you have an advantage. When you're young and you're like, I don't know if I can fight. I don't want to get in there. And you're like, all right, I'm just going to kick the guy. I'm just going to get in and fight. Yeah. One time at Broadway Comedy Club, I was on stage, and a guy is just going back and forth with a heckler, and he gets up. And it's at that point where I'm like, he's either going to fight me or, like, something bad's happened. I just hear, oh, and I'm like, oh. Hits me right in the chest. Oh.

The waitresses liked me because I would work the door there too. So they barricaded the stage and they were like, you're not getting it. And I'm like, this is a pretty pathetic moment for me. A spitting though. That guy is unhinged. He's unhinged. He was with a woman too. They laughed. I was like, what a fucking low moment. DeRosa when they opened Punchline Philly.

I was hosting, and he was the cold headliner. What's that called? Oh, secret headliner? No, it was like the practice run for the first weekend. Oh, the soft opening. Soft opening. And he got on and was like, fuck the Eagles, or something like that. And the guy in the front was like, just immediately threw his fucking glass on him. That's so funny. Like the beginning of the show. Wow. Yeah.

I wanted DeRosa. DeRosa's like, I'm from Philly. I like the Eagles. What the fuck? I'm joking around. I can see him doing that. And then for the next 20 minutes, he's like, should I fight him? Like, I should have jumped it. You can't ask. Do I look like a bitch? DeRosa, we were at Caroline. I like the Eagles. Dumbest thing to say. Dude, I like the Eagles. What are you talking about? Donovan had a great run.

We were at Caroline's for New Year's Eve and DeRosa was there and there was this girl because you're like back when you do Caroline's, you'd go up and watch the ball drop. Yes. You come back down and drink. Yeah. At the bar forever. So we went up and watched the ball drop and Joe met a girl that had like driven to Tampa from Tampa with a guy and Joe goes, nah, this guy's just a friend. And I was like, no, he's not.

He didn't drive with her from Piedmont. As just a friend, he's like, dude, I'm making real progress with her. And then he comes back over and I'm just at the bar and he goes, I might have to fight a guy. This guy. Check-ins. He's like, you might have to help me. This guy is mad. That's a good DeRosa. Yeah. That's exactly what he would say. Let's do a shot. He's like, dude. Yeah. He went out drinking with me recently in Austin. We were just getting like two or three drinks at every bar we would go to. I was drinking Bud Light. Yeah. I was...

Took like three hours. I had six beers. I was like, I'm totally... He was drinking whiskey the whole time. Oh, yeah. Like midway through, he was like, you're fine. You got to catch up to me, dude. Yeah. I was like, you're drinking whiskey, you fucking moron. That's what he does. That's what you want, is you want someone to go like, I need you to catch up.

Yeah, right. That's an alcoholic, by the way. That's shit you say when you're like 18. You don't tell an adult to catch up to an alcoholic. Hold my hand into this fucked up world. He's wild. We had to make him test the blow on my bachelor party. That's funny. We got like a big pile. He's like, let me just do it. We're like, we got to get a tester because of fentanyl. So he was so mad that we made him wait. That's so funny. He's like, I'll test it. There's no fat. Exactly. We're like, we're in Florida. Test it. He goes, ah, ah, ah. Just throws him here. Ah.

You throw Chris Allen in there? Yeah. Exactly. Dude, catching up or getting too drunk. I remember we went to a Vanderbilt game. It was like the college football kickoff. It was when Jadeveon Clowney was at 16.

South Carolina. White guy? Yeah. He's Polish. Nate, Keith Alberstadt, and I went out in Nashville. This is when I was still drinking. And Keith Alberstadt did this thing at the bar. He goes, well, I think I'm going to keep up with Dan. Whatever you do. That's a great guy. Whatever you do, I'm going to do. Yeah.

Keith, I don't think you want this, dude. You don't want this. I was like, you don't want this at all. Yeah. And we're drinking and we're going like honky-tonk to honky-tonk. Every place, shot in a beer, shot in a beer. That's probably what I was doing. That's crazy. And then we go to Writer's Alley and we're there and Keith is hammered. It's not drinking. It's our DD. And Keith goes...

I know this guy. And we go to the bar and I'm like, well, let's do a shot of Jaeger. And he gets double shots of Jaeger with beers. And Nate goes, I'm going to go get the car. We got to go. He takes the shot. He goes outside the bar and sits down, becomes immovable. Nate and I couldn't move. He wouldn't wake up. That drunk dead weight. We had to pick him up and put him in the car and then take him out and put him in a wheelchair. That's fine.

A guy in the lobby that was in a wheelchair saw us and goes, do you want my wheelchair for your friends? And he moved to the couch. And then we put Keith in a wheelchair and had to put him up in the room. And then just in the morning, we were sharing a hotel room. He goes,

Hey, Soder, how bad did it get last night? He's so clean cut in the day. Yeah. It was very fun. He was a saucy drunk. Oh, he could put him back. He got real mad at me one night at Caroline's. We got loaded and we met these two women and it was a mother-daughter, both hot, both sweet. All right. Hey, howdy. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. And

The more he drank, the more he's like, you're a fucking ghost. And I'm like, I don't know what that is. It was his word for like a cock block. But I was like, dude, there's two of them. You could have whichever one you want. I don't give a shit. And he was like, you're a fucking ghost. They followed us to the cellar. I was like, I think this dude's trying to fight me. Geez. The girls left because it got like weird. Yeah, yeah. He followed you? He's like, why? You fucking. Why'd you do this? You fucking ghost. Damn. God damn. You're a ghost.

You're a ghost. You know what that means in Nashville? Pull up ghost. I've never heard of that. Maybe I'm saying it or spelling it, but I remember the word being like, I don't know what this is. All right. All right. How you doing? But he was so, yeah, he was such a like. By the way, he was crazy in shape. Oh, yeah. You picked him up off the ground. You're like, you're all muscle, dude.

He was a pro too. Bag of bricks. Remember those comedy competition sodas? He would always kill because he'd always have like, you know, you do March Madness, he'd have like a great riff out of the gate. Oh yeah, he was charming. He was like the Marlboro Man, you know? But we've all woken up in weird places, but never in a wheelchair. That would freak me out for half a second, like, oh no. What did I do? Did I lose my legs? Did I lose my legs? Did I lose my legs?

I woke up on an IV once in San Antonio with a big nurse lady working on me. And I was like, ah. And she's like, you took some drugs. You're all right. And my friend's, of course, filming it. And he's like, ah, you're all right. Oh, child.

I think it was called a totem pole, which is like a Xanax. It's huge. And I took the whole thing because I was like, ah, I'll drink and feel good. And I was out. Don't do that. Don't do it. Damn, dude, that's like waking up from surgery. Yeah, yeah. You wake up and you're like, did they get it? I have the whole thing on tape, too. It's on my phone. Oh, dude. Use my phone. Waking up in a new place. Great. She's fucking awesome. 17 years old. Damn.

I was telling him I was walking around the Irvine Improv over the weekend with her and the staff's like, Winnie? They fucking know her from the pod. That's legal here. She's awesome. Yeah, look at her. Look at that. My fellow hero. The constant licks, dude. She heard you shitting on pugs on your pod. Oh, shit. I love pugs. I love pugs. I just said that they're a tough hang because they're always like this.

Yeah, they're the best. I like it. Fuck. I love them. God, he's a sweetheart. It's like hanging out with Donnelly. Oh, man, that thing's got a fucked up face.

She's got one eye, dude. I didn't get a good look at it. That eye is fucking so scary. I thought I was going to learn my future. They found her on the streets. She was in the L.A. streets. From Compton. Yeah. And how long have you had this dog? My girlfriend's dog. She got her like nine. Oh, nice. She got when the dog was nine? Yeah, and she's 17. She's hanging in. What are you fucking looking at?

It's like a bowling alley waitress that's just had enough. What'll it be? You should get her a little cigarette to hang out. Aw, she's a little sweet. She's like, don't stop the pets, dude. I love her, dude. Jane was giving her fingertips scratch. She's even gentle. Yeah, this is an old... She's not normally friendly. She likes you. Damn, dude. Oh, yeah. Jane's the dog whisperer. She'll snap, though. Show them the video. Yeah, yeah. She'll fucking... Every once in a while, she gets fucking straight, dude. Oh, yeah. It comes out. She's got a side to her. She's like, don't you put your hands on me.

My father don't put his hands on me. Taking the earrings off. Now I'm starting to get scared of this. 17-year-old punk. Yeah. What's that in dog years? Times seven. 119. I think we did that. Oh!

She's fucking hanging on. You're killing it with the math today. Well, no, I think we did this earlier. Yeah, we did that. Didn't you say she gets active to like 90s hip hop? Yeah, we were driving here once and someone was playing some rap in the car next door and she was just like, rah, rah. Pull up some NWO. Back to her days in Sepulveda. Look at that. Big tongue. Good pug. Good pug. Nice little cranium. 17 years old. That's awesome. You got a cute dog, Soda. Yeah, she's a little fat, though. She's a spaz.

She just gets excited about everything. This dog really wants me to pet it. Every time I stop it's like... She like rolls her eye back at me. Watch. Excuse me. Excuse me. What a good dog. You got away with pets. I like pugs too. Pugs are... Even cats. Who doesn't like animals? I like gots too. Have you ever met someone that doesn't like dogs?

I don't know. The Middle East. About 13% of the country. I don't know. You go far east enough. They got pit bulls. Yeah.

Michael Vick. Hey, how about Commander biting? He just bit someone else. Again? Yeah, a security guard or whatever. Damn, dude. Commander has bitten five people? That's a good dog. No, way more than that. More than five. So like in the 15. No, it was 20-something, I thought. Woo, baby. 24 incidents? 24 incidents. Wow. Fuck that, dude. If you're a Secret Service, you're like, God, no.

It's a German shepherd, too, with an old man that doesn't know what he's doing. What do you do? Yeah. I can tell my grandma when her dog would misbehave. She'd go, what do you do? He didn't do that. Yeah, the Biden old jokes are really opening up now. Now the people are like, all right, we can do it. Yeah. Like once Jon Stewart did it. Jon Stewart, yeah. It was over. Jon Stewart did a good thing, too, with the vax. Remember that when he went- Yeah, he called it out on Wuhan. He was like, you sure it wasn't from the- Wuhan.

Yeah. From the lab. He said it on Colbert. Yeah, Colbert kept going like, hey, John, let's not. And he's like, what's up? Yeah. Where it's from. And then it opened it up. People lost their job before that if you said it was a lab. I love Jon Stewart. Stewart's a legend. Back on the day. Great stand-up back in the day, man. When he did like Unleaven, that old Comedy Central special. Fucking killer. Oh, yeah. He's a great guy. Jon Stewart.

And a good point of view always. I trust his point of view. We were talking about it last night. It's good he's clearly left-leaning, but he at least still makes fun of the left also, which is all you have to do. Yeah, why not? That's it. All you got to do is make fun of him. Don't clutch your pearls about it. Fucking grip it and rip it, baby. Yeah.

You got that right, brother. Yeah, that's it. Make fun of the libtards. But I mean, you can't make fun of Biden. He's the fucking president. You're allowed to make fun of the president. When did it not become cool to make fun of the teacher? Obama. Make fun of everybody. Obama droned the hell out of the Middle East. I know, but no one really made fun of him. People made fun of him. He's like, I've got robots.

We're going to make sure of your wedding. Isn't that great? He was the first president to play basketball. That was like... Oh, yeah. I'll tell you where he got me. Cigarettes. Yeah. Smoking cigarettes, I was like, that fucking rules. Well, that Hawaii picture with the fedora, pull that one up. That changed everything. But you never saw footage of an active president in a pickup game. No. That was like the first... That's why I was like, all right, that's kind of cool. Maybe Taft. Maybe Taft.

Taft had a killer crossover. Yeah, I think the fattest president. Oh, is that bathtub Taft? Yes. Thank you. No, you gotta be able to make fun of the president. Yeah. Required. Well, what are we, the Middle East? Here we go. I hear he's dirty as shit. Oh, this is like the Segura. Well, you don't get to the top of the American government by being clean. Is he a lefty? Yeah, of course. Bam! Bam!

Oh, there's a little WNBA. There we go. All right. He pulled a little layup. Everybody was acting like he was really good. He was the sixth man on his high school team in Hawaii. Yeah, he's not very good. Well, as far as presidents go. It would be fun. He's got to be the most fun to talk shit to. It's crazy you're giving all those tax breaks to the rich. That's not true. He's got to lean in and he goes, well, that's not true at all. You actually have a lot of fair compensation for working families. I don't think you do. I think you're against the working man. I don't think you do.

Dude, you ever see... Just double guns? I think you're right. That's a working man. That's a dunk. You ever see... Who's the Texas... Ted Cruz versus Jimmy Kimmel? Yeah, Cruz is fucking... Losing to Ted Cruz is humiliating. Cruz is nice. Pull that up. He's all right. He does a couple of fake outs. See, that's you being a liberal, dude. You're like, Obama's good. Ted Cruz is nice. I didn't say Ted Cruz. I didn't say Obama's good. I said he plays. Watch him... Pull it up. Pull it up. Watch him destroy Jimmy Kimmel.

Really? Whose idea was this? Get that top one. Oh, never mind then. Let's watch the full game. And by the way, shout out to Kimmel. He put it on. Kimmel was talking shit. Oh, he started it. Cruz is nice, dude. You've got to finish that. What are you doing? Oh, he stuffed him. Holy shit, Isaiah Komp. They got Isaiah Thomas to call this? The blobfish. Man, this is ugly. That was all ball.

They should do more. This is a good All-Star weekend thing. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. I would love that. Because the players don't try, but these teams are trying. And like wherever the All-Star game is. I think the game winner is, yeah, sorry. I mean, they are both slow. That is pathetic. Oh, hell yeah. It's just very slow. Man, Cruz is sloppy. They have a similar body. What are you going to do about it?

Is this a shoot-off? All right, play ball.

Oh, what are we doing? Imagine losing a game and bringing up Trump. Also, you remember when he said... Remember when he did Blackface in 2003? Where'd it go? I was watching that. Sorry. Because what about juggies on trampolines? You go, don't bring up the good stuff. Not right now at all. I want to see the game winner, dude. Yeah, I know. Why would you X that out? I think he's being sued by Santos right now.

See if you can type in Kimmel, Cruz, and then Jinx. J-I-N-X. Uh-oh. J-I-N-X? Jinx, yeah. What's that? He makes those. Highlights? Yeah, try that one. I just want to see the end. Yeah, I want to see the game. I want to see the shoddy ices of it. Oh, all right. He does have a J there. Okay, and we're pretty knotted up here. Why are they talking shit? They're just buying time. Yeah. Lower premiums. We're still doing politics. What's the score?

Oh, he hit a three. All right. Oh, shit. I was closer than I thought. Yeah, that's pretty close. I thought he hit. That is hilarious. It is 9-11. The government did do it. Yeah, right. That's fun.

Damn. That's fucking... They need more of this. Yes. They'll bring America together. Yeah. How about... Have an older white dude play one-on-one? Biden-Trump? Oh, my God. Oh, they might do... I'd take Trump. I'd take Trump. Yeah, obviously. He'll win, but... Because also, he can play that Shaq-style ball and just back him down with his big bully ball. They're going to have to play Bridge. Yeah, it's Bridge for sure. Yeah, what about...

AOC Bobert wrestling. Applesauce wrestling. Yeah, cream corn. Applesauce wrestling.

How about a Hunter Biden, Don Jr. cocaine? Yeah. Coke Mountain. See if you can get up Coke Mountain. I think Hunter's got that locked. Well, here's the deal. Hunter's been training on crack. Yeah. So I think he's ready to go. But he's probably clean for a little while. So he might be down right now. You come back too strong. Does Junior get after it? Oh, yeah. Pull up some videos of him on Fox. He's licking. He's just like.

He's like Robin Williams in the 1970s. Oh, have you seen this? Oh, my father's the president. Oh, would be the president. Living in America. Oh, yeah. Eye to eye. Tooth to tooth.

It's a man's world. It's a man's world. You ever seen the prior one where he's getting interviewed and he's like, you don't like young girls? You don't like young girls? And he's coked out of his mind. Is that in Tucson outside? Yes. Yeah. He's talking about how great Steve Martin is. Yeah, he's doing any which way but loose and he's all fucking decked out. He's yacked. Shane, I got a question. Who's the craziest person that's reached out about your SNL?

Easy act. Justin Bieber. No way. What'd he say? The Biebs. That was so wild. By the way, I didn't think about that. That is the craziest. Yeah, it's so wild. What'd he say? The Biebs. They wanted, I don't know if I should say it. I guess it doesn't matter. They wanted me to go to his birthday party tomorrow in L.A.,

Are you going? No. You got to go. No, I'm not going. You can fuck Selena Gomez. I'm going to go sleep. Yeah. Lay down. Watch a movie, dude. Watch Transformers. But isn't the comic in you like, this might be a good story? Yes, you're a believer. Yeah, for sure. But then I got to fly back to New York. But it's funny because they're flying you in like- You know what's funny? They're flying you in like an ice sculpture of a goose. It really is. And then they're going to have you there. They're like, no, I'll get rid of it. Yeah. I'm going to go back to New York. But you're not doing a set. No. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Feels like a lot of... You're pretty sick. Bieber fucking rules. Did you tell a story about you doing a set? Did you tell a story on any podcast about you doing a set? NFL? Yeah, NFL play. You guys want to hear a rough one? Yeah, please. I love this one. So at the Super Bowl, this guy that owns a... Actually, he knows you. Canadian guy, banker. He said you did a show there and people got upset.

In Toronto, maybe? Yes. Yes. Yes, I did. I bombed my balls off. So that guy asked me to go to a dinner at the Super Bowl with him, and it's all NFL Hall of Fame. Dude, the people he named to me while I got to Vegas, it was like, and I'm just going to see if I can get this right, Michael Vick, Jerry Rice.

Jesus. There were so many names. Steve Young, Dan Marino. Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor. Jerome Bettis. Donovan McNabb. Ed Reed. Shannon Sharp. What? JJ? It was, and this is all just at one table in a back room of a steakhouse. And then they're like, all right. And we have my favorite comedian, make some noise.

And no microphone. I stood up at the head of the table. It's like a college show. I had to battle. I got a mic eventually. Good for you. I was like, guys, I can't. He wanted me to go right away. And he leaned down to be like, and I brought. And I was like, I can't do this. I don't have to. Did he offer you stupid money? Yeah. But he was like, you don't have to do stand-up if you don't want to. And I was like, fuck, this guy really wants me to do this.

What else can you do other than roast the players? I did do that. Start singing? Jim Kelly said grace before we ate dinner. So I made fun of that. That's good. Jim, this is just Jews. That's so funny. I was like, Jim, these are the guys that killed him. There you go. Well, I found the Lord when I beat cancer twice. Yeah, he did.

I mean, Jim Kelly is the fucking man. Was it brutal? Or are you just saying it was, it was brutal when I was up there standing. So the, that joke killed, I was making fun of Jim Kelly and I was like, read the room. And then I tried to do material. What joke did you try? Trump. Yeah. And it ends like that was bombing on an impression in front of people. I got to watch Jerry Rice was sitting next to me. I watched him go back to his phone sitting right here.

And then I ended it because Nate Marshall was with me and he was just standing in the corner. And I was like, all right, that's it for me. That's my friend Nate Marshall. He's a pedophile. And I watched Jerry Rice go. Oh.

All right, you're close, Strong. Do bombing during a voice. And then I was like, Shannon, don't tell Cat Williams about this. Yeah, right. That's fun. Cat Williams is like, I was here the whole time. Under the table with a microphone, Pippin. You're one of the six that Joe Rogan's been pushing. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, I know. Are we not? I don't think we are. It's brutal to bomb. It's got to be before us. Yeah. Because he says the whole time. Yeah.

Jim Kelly said he's never seen someone choke like that under pressure before. That's so funny. And he goes, and I got Norwood's number. I got Norwood in my phone. I got four straight. Was it four or three? Yeah, four straight. Four straight Super Bowl losses. Giants, Cowboys, Redskins. Giants, Redskins, Cowboys, Cowboys. Did you do an hour?

They're not in five minutes. Oh, I did do an hour Yeah, you had to do like really do it in front of Hall of Fame football Yeah, I do it in front of a table of that stuff just them I'd rather bomb for people that weren't a part of my childhood. Yeah, sure sure These were all just like bankers and real if I had to bomb in front of Hulk Hogan. Oh, I'm right here brother bombing Yeah, bombing in front of Michael Vick hurts Yeah

Damn. But the opening was nice. I was like, it's good to be here in front of all these incredible athletes and then just regular Jews. That's good. A lot of mileage out of the Jews. That's a good line. Yeah, I had to. You got to do it. I love it.

Damn. Yeah. Mine was brutal because it was about 40 people upstairs of a restaurant and the guy's such a fan. He's a nice guy. He's awesome. He was like, you got to do this bit. I love this bit of yours. And I was like, oh, this is going to be a lock. He's telling me what bits to do. I did all the ones he said. He's in the front row. They're all bombing. And he's looking at me going, what are you

I'm like, I'm doing the bits. What do you want from me? No way. Yeah, it was brutal. You really did the thing where he was like, what the fuck? Yeah. And you could just see everybody one by one being like, when's this going to end? I did a full hour. You did an hour? It was brutal. Fisher Price mic that was crackling, going in and out, feedback. It was hell. I hope you spent that money on booze, delicious booze. I ran right from there and went and did a comedy club. Good.

Smart, smart, smart. I thought it was in Toronto. It was. Did you go to the comedy bar? I did the comedy bar. Did you guys see Shaub roll his truck yesterday? This is pretty wild. What happened? He was doing donuts in the desert, it looks like, and he rolled his truck. He's looking good. What the hell? Oh, the airbag went quick. Damn, dude. What the fuck happened to him? Is he all right? I thought he quit comedy. This is hilarious. Hold on. I want to know if he says anything because I would be talking. He does. He gets out. He's like, what the fuck? Oh, the OnStar is going off.

I'm with him on that panicked escape. Oh, yeah. That'd be so scary. Did he put this video out? Definitely. TMZ did. Camera. It's his game, yeah. Yeah. That is fucking terrifying. It's really...

Funny. It'd be funny, though, if you go, I need that charging wire. SOS call not successful. That airbag hit is right here. Watch the side head hit. Got it. And then it just popped. Quick. That was a quick flip. What is he doing? He was trying to do donuts. Driving in the desert. Donuts in the desert. Damn. That was awesome. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. That'll be a nice bump for his pod. Holy shit.

Content? You never want the... Here it is. That's videotape of you falling in a way. Yeah. You're like, you can't act. You got to post it, though. It's funny to post it. It's funny he posted it. And he's okay. It's funny he posted it. You guys ever been in a car flip? No. Oh, you're missing out. No. It's a rush. We went tubing in the...

Bogachitta, down in Louisiana. I was probably like 16. Just lost my virginity. I'm in the car with my girlfriend is driving. We're all hammered. We've been on the boat on the, what do you call it? The tubes all day drinking beer. And my friend's in the back and he goes, got it! And we went around a turn on a dirt road and she gunned it. She didn't know what she was doing. We flipped into a ditch upside down, hanging, hit the seatbelt, you drop, and we got arrested. Damn! Did anyone die? Nah, we were fine. It was a rental car though. Woo!

You ever see that kid flip his car while he's singing? It's one of my favorite videos ever. Pull it up. This kid's singing like a Christian song. He's like, all my life. And he goes, ah! Don't see it in a second. It's the best. All right. Good luck finding that, Sally. Car, Christian song? Singing. Not Christian song. Oh. This is good stuff. Yes, there we go. Yeah, I'm excited for this one. This gets a little downsy. Where's your God now? Where is it?

Wait, that wasn't a flip, was it?

I don't know. I thought he flipped. Dude, by the way, the way he checks everything out is exactly how I would. He looks like a young Dilbert. Yeah, that's so funny. Holy shit. Oh, my Lord! Nothing funnier than genuine fear. Genuine fear is the best. You ever see the videos where they take a guy in the car and they go up to the front of a truck and they act like they're about to crash and they go, ah, and the guy wakes up? Oh, those are great. Best.

Those were my favorite pranks for a while. Yeah. Someone sleeping in a car and the three friends yelling. I know. I'm going to get stabbed one day, but one of my favorite things is when the wife's coming home and I just wait behind the door and I really scare the shit out of her. Scaring a lady is all. It's really fun. It's very fun. Bag of groceries flying. Oh, shit. Is this another one? This is another one.

No, this is a prank where he's going to scare his wife because the truck is facing them. Oh, right. He's going to wake her up. Oh, that's great. Genius. Babe, wake up. There's a truck coming. That's beautiful. That's great. God damn it. That's great. Dude. Oh.

Oh, my God. Pranks. I want to do that. That is funny. It's good podcasting. I like it. You get any more? Watching fun videos. My favorite. That's point O. I got to go do that at the bonfire. I get like four hours of this. Yeah, it's great. This is like a sober Protect Our Parks. Yeah. It's weird. Is this what it could be? Who else? Anyone else? Bieber? Susan Boyle? Anybody else hit you up? No.

Cosby? Susan Boyle's great. Hello, Shane. You might not remember me. I was an ugly woman that could wail. You got everyone in that bag, dude. I know, right? It's fucking impressive. Lonely childhood. And no one else, like, where you're like, wow, this person? I mean, your lineup's pretty good already. What's the last follow you got on Instagram that you were like,

Bieber. That was crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm sorry. Open for D'Elia, I don't know, 15 years ago at Caroline's? 2010? I think me, you, and Nate. Oh, yeah. And Bieber was in the crowd. Really? That's his favorite comic, or it was. How good did you feel the second it was over? It was great. I felt so good the second the monologue was over. Actually, the second the monologue was over in the dress rehearsal, I felt really good. Yeah.

I saw you did one of these. Who was that to? That was to the camera. Oh, okay. I didn't like that people were dragging that woman behind you. I didn't. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? She did open up halfway through. I didn't get it. I don't understand that. It's just like a weird thing where people get, like they love drag. I'm like, do you not realize this is the mob shit you got mad at? Oh, good point. Absolutely. It's mental to me. Yeah, well, they got to find something, you know? Yeah, that sucks.

But dude, the sketches were so good. Yeah, it was so fun to do. It was so funny. And you could act. Thanks, man. I love it. Oh, sorry. What did you say? Any skits that they left out that you wanted to do? No, we got rid of the ones that I didn't like. Good for you. But that Emu one was... The Emu was good. Was it cut for time? Yeah, yeah.

Man, that was gold. That podcast was dope. Yeah, we just watched it before you came here, actually. It's hilarious. Yeah, it was good. I love the DraftKings one you mocked. Yeah. Oh, that was a good twist. Great angle. Yeah, it was awesome. It was front to back. It's fun when you see it. Like, we've watched two of our friends host SNL in a way that you're like, they both did awesome. And you can just read the fucking cards. Right.

Really? Yeah, that's all you're doing the whole time. Mulaney told me that Nate invented a new way of reading cue cards that they had never done because Nate would read halfway and then stop and then read the rest. And the cue card guy was like,

I don't remember that. It's really hard not to look at other people. Yeah. Because if you're reading the cards, you've got to stay on the cards because otherwise it's clear you're reading the cards. Right. You know what I mean? But normally if you're acting a scene, you want to talk to the person. Then you'd forget your lines. You'd be like, what you need to do is you need to get like, you know what I mean? Right. You've just got to stay on the fucking cards. That's nuts. I never noticed that's why it always looks like that. Yeah. They take their eyes off the card. Yeah. Yeah. To have it blocked to where it's going to look the most natural. Yeah.

But it's kind of funny, too, to just stay locked. Like you were in the church sketch. You were just looking forward, you know, when you were the dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pum to Jesus. That was my favorite one. That was great. That was so funny. And you're like, we're going to do this on vacation. We're in Ireland. Great. Whose idea was the Trump shoes one? That was great. I think that was a guy named Streeter. Streeter Seidel? I know Streeter Seidel. Yeah, he was awesome. Yeah. He was really good. He was sort of college humor, stand-up. I remember him. Yeah, he was a funny guy. Yeah.

Yeah, and they got the Biden old jokes. See, I'm telling you, Biden old jokes are open. The nice button. I tossed that one in. Good for you. We got to make fun of the other side too, guys. Guys. Don't forget a little bit. A little bit. Just a little. They're all watching. Yeah. Was there anyone in the cast where you were like, fuck, this dude's really good? And it was anyone who you're like, this is a really good sketch person. They're all fucking. They're all great. I love Mikey Day. Yeah.

Yeah, he is awesome. I love him. I did Izzet cake with him and he was so fucking cool. Meeting him, he's like such a, he's not the way you'd think he is. Like, I don't know. I just expect them all to be theater kids. He was like, they're all, they're just cool. He was like very like, hey, what's up, man? Like,

He was very... That's nice. Yeah, he was awesome. I love the Forrest Gump thing you did with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted that. I could have done better there. No, that was great. That was great. Greenboro High? I liked that one. Greenboro High, I do like that one. You killed that one. Good, thank you. It's a great character. I mean, it's the guy who's trying to one-up Forrest Gump. Yeah, yeah. What's that fucking idiot been up to? Yeah. I love it. What are you doing? What's this, mama? He's like, mama's in heaven. Yeah.

Jenny, where's hot Jenny? I'm calling her hot Jenny. Where's hot Jenny? That guy is like a kind of like utility player. You could put him anywhere. Oh, yeah. It's unbelievable. He's so good. Did you end up bringing Sam Jay or no? Yeah. Oh, okay. Because we were all at the stellar. I had McKeever and Sam in there. And she kept giving you advice. And you're like, I don't want to make waves over there. I don't want to push back. And she was like, I'll do it. So it felt like you were bringing her in to... I was telling Soder...

On the way up here, I was like, yeah, Sam came and helped me out. Because I can't say no to... Exactly. I felt like a fucking, you know, you feel like a weirdo there. Yeah.

Get a lesbian in there. They're all friends. Was the vibe weird? No. Everyone says that SNL is so clicky. I mean, I can't imagine. You're in a different position. You're coming in close. It was uncomfortable for sure, but that was just, it's like first day of school stuff. Right, right. I don't know. You're the new guy. Yeah, but I mean, did you- They were all, everybody was nice. And it was a big moment. It was a very big moment and you had fun in it.

Hell yeah. Yeah, they never seem to acknowledge, like, during the monologue being like, oh, it sucks I can see all you guys not laughing. That's just doing stand-up. Right, right. They're like, he's bombing. That's the only time I've seen a stand-up do that. Why does the media, I saw a lot of articles, like, I didn't click on any of them. Oh, they're up there. I saw a lot of headlines where they're like, Shane Gill is bomb.

Dude, the Daily Beast put out their article before the episode was over. I told Shane that. I was in my hotel in Cleveland and I went to Yahoo or something. They're like, Shane Gillis bombs his monologue. I'm like, I'm watching the sex doll sketch. And I was also like, no, I didn't.

That was one I was like, I knew I didn't. Yeah. You know when you're like, I know when I bomb, and I usually hate myself. Right. That one, I was like, that went as well as it could have. I got to get going. All right, buddy. Yeah, well, let's wrap this up. Plug some stuff, guys. I mean, Shane, you got a new show coming out on Netflix. Yeah. Oh, another W. Yeah, in May. Tires.

I read the Daily Beast, so the show sucks. And so did a new special on YouTube. Yeah, it's out now. Go watch it, please. Share it with all your friends. I appreciate it. One of our, I mean, two of our favorites. Type in ShaneGillis.com. No, just Shane Gillis, not Shane M.

No, try it. Did you see it changed? No, it did. Watch. Oh, no. Uh-oh. That's really funny. It used to be a link to sodas. Shout out, Melissa. I think that's Melissa. Yeah, that's funny. She's hilarious. Shout out, BB Girl. Plug some dates, Dan. I'm on the road a lot. Coming up, Zany's Nashville. I'm going to be at DC Improv.

Oh, yeah, go bananas in Cincinnati. I'm there. And then comedy off-broadway You just drop the leg brother Oh

I love you guys. Thanks so much for having me. I love you. Yeah, buy Bodega Cat at bodegacatwhisker.com. We're making progress on New York State distribution. Yes. Might have some good news for you soon. Check out Shane's. All his great stuff. You on the road coming up, Shane? Yeah, a lot.

ShaneMGillis.com I think we're at the Netflix Fest. Yeah, I got a lot there. Oh, me and Schultz are going to headline the Staples Center at Netflix. Wow! Holy shit! We gotta sell those tickets. Sell those tickets, brother. Is that with the forum?

And the forum and the Greek. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's sick. All right. I get to bomb all three. I got nothing to promote, man. I'm doing the special. I got nothing after that. Taping this week. Hell yeah. The Wilbur. Yeah. Can't go wrong with the Wilbur. We'll be on Amazon. Yes. Pumped about it. True Kings shining, dude. That's awesome. Hell yeah. Pump for this one.

I'm just doing stand-up at shows. Yeah. On the road. Come on by MarkNormanComedy.com. Praise Allah. Thanks, guys. What a nap. We love you. Good to see you. Fun times. Comedy. Sunday's the day for my next bender. I choose clothes. And Norman's talking shit about hoes. Down in the same way. Up on the roof like it's feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. True.