Ep 165: Godfrey & Hot Toddys
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Hey, here we are, folks. We might be drunk. We're here. We're back. What are you cooking up there, Fetty? Well, you know what? I was making hot toddies over the weekend on my gig, and they're kind of nice, aren't they? Yeah, you got the thermos and everything. This is the real deal. This is our producer, Matt Peters, and this isn't water. This is his tears from the Buffalo Bills last night. Oh!

Oh, shit. I'm sorry, buddy. We'll get him next year. That was a tough loss. I was rooting for you guys, man. I know. I thought you had it. And you had all the Jews clear out the snow. They dug it out, and he's still lost. And they're- Strikes again. Weren't they sacrificing a person to that pit every week? Oh, that was funny, yeah. You have a pit. They have like a 20-foot pit, and someone fell in. What? Pull it up. They're digging a new stadium.

Are you on mic? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, they're doing a new stadium, so there was a pit, and someone fell in, and they won, what, like six straight games? Really? Yeah, he went to the hospital. Someone's going to the hospital. They're, like, sacrificing him. Hey, good luck's good luck. Sports and religion have more in common than you think. Mmm, meet on Sunday. Yeah. Die hard. Uniform. Uniform.

Hit your wife. Women get fucked. That's something. Some men and naked males. Yeah. That's something there. And a lot of fighting the opposing thought.

Right. They were on the other team. You said Jason Kelsey before the game? Yeah. That guy's... I mean, you can't not love that guy. Pulled a full Bert Kreischer. He looked like Bert. Yeah. Which I think I compliment the Bert at this point. That's true. Yeah, that's true. But Jason Kelsey is like... Do you know how likable you have to be to have everyone in football like you? Yeah. I mean, it's like...

Look at that. I mean... Look at this dude. You gotta love... This is why Twitter... I know everybody shits on X, but during a sports game, there's nothing better. The whole country's coming together, making memes, making jokes, putting videos together. It's great. I don't get half of it, and I watch your stuff, and you're blowing up with the sports tweets. You just gotta be timely. Yeah. That's great. But man, it's pretty fun. Football's great. It's just fucking...

It's fun. The playoffs in any sport just get me going, but... Oh, back to the religion thing. The only difference is you can't switch teams. Like, you can't be a fair weather... People do switch. Really? I guess you can... But you have no respect. Right, right. You know, you're like, ah, the Muslims are losing this year. I'm going Christian. Jews are having a bad year. You're like, I'm going Islam. Yeah, there's something there. Fair control of the weather fan. I like this Manuka honey for it, too, buddy. Woo, Manuka! Manuka!

I got this at Customs in Australia. Really? Yeah. They're off-duty or whatever. Oh, duty-free. Off-duty. What the hell is wrong with me? What is duty-free? I walked through it and I never get it. Oh. And you can bring it on. Although, they fuck you if you want to, if you're connecting, they fuck you. You have to, that's an issue. You have to pay the tax? No, you are. Ah, those bastards. Always something. All right. Is this all it is, is water, honey, and booze? Yeah. Ah.

I didn't know that. Yeah, buddy. Some people do it with the tea bags. That's kind of weird to me. And it hurts the nuts. It's amazing that whiskey used to be like a medicine. Like it used to go by booze. It still is, man. I got post-nasal drip right now. This time of year, I feel like dog shit always. Don't you?

I'm okay, I'm an ox. But it's funny, like when you were a baby- What am I, a mouse? You're Fievel. Back in the day, they put, you know, a kid had a toothache, they put a little whiskey on it. Yeah. It's a bad doctor. Yeah, yeah. Or a good friend. Yeah, this is good stuff. Cheers. And some with the mug, you feel like you're, you know, a lady after divorce. He hit me. Well, the bill's lost.

Oh, can I run a bit idea by you? Oh, we're going right in, huh? I was thinking about this. You'd never hear like sometimes when a woman is accused of sexual assault, especially not. I mean, she accused a man of sexual assault, right? A woman accused a man of sexual assault.

and it's high profile, people will comment on her appearance like, he raped her. And it's like, how fucked up is that? That this person might have been sexually assaulted and now they're calling her ugly too. And by the way, you never hear it the other way. It's never like, oh, he raped her? A nice selection. Oh, I like that. You never hear that, right? I like it. I don't know. That's good. Maybe something there. It's so true. All right, I got one now. Okay.

We were just in Ohio doing some shooting. And every neighborhood I go to now all over the country, they're like, five years ago, this was all gang shooting, crime. You couldn't come in here. And then the gays came in. Now it's gentrified. And I'm like, the gays are just quietly fixing up all these shitty neighborhoods and not getting any credit. We should be parachuting them into Detroit and Flint and lower LA, the Bronx. Yeah.

You know, then I got a couple tags like, forget MAGA, how about FAGA? All right. Okay. What about Queer Eye for the South Side of Chicago? That's funny. I like that. Yeah, that's good. It's coming along. Yeah, man. That's all from Columbus. Columbus is, yeah, that's good. All of Ohio is, you know, I mean, Dayton has, I think, gotten a little rough, right? Dayton and Toledo are tough. Yeah. Tough towns, but Cleveland's trying and Columbus...

The size of Cleveland and Cincinnati combined. Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bigger city for sure. Great capital. Great town. Thanks for coming. I always have a good time in Cleveland, though. I like Cleveland. I do, too. Good Chinese food, good Jewish deli, Slimans. Oh, yeah. Oh, we ate so much meat on this trip. What were you eating? The corned beef and all that stuff? What are they called? Schlitzes or...

Schott's or it was just a schmitz schmitz straight sausages German food bratwurst all that stuff schnitzel whoo good so good kills a hangover get a big beer to one of those we got the mug we got the what do you call it growler boot boot there you go I got a boot on my car I got I had some other bit I want to run by you let me see I feel bad I repeated one last week and it got me fucking oh yeah all right there's something

I believe a woman's body is her choice, but you ever date someone and they get a new haircut without consulting you? It does feel kind of rude, right? Like, it's like terminating a pregnancy is one thing, but bangs? All right. I like that. And then the other angle is like, a girl I'm dating, she sent me a picture of the haircut she's getting, but it was on Charlize Theron.

Oh, that's great. I'm like, well, that's not. That's great. I mean, you're pretty, but that's not fair. Yes. I'm trying on a bathing suit. I'm not sending you a pic of Channing Tatum wearing it. I'm like, in this bathing suit, I have abs. Right. Well, it's like you buy boxers and the guy on the fucking front looks like Helmsworth. And you're like, what are you doing to me? Yeah. I don't look like that. Right, right. That's what I was against these plus size models. But I'm like, I could look better than that.

Ah, true. If she looks that good. You feel better about yourself. There might be a woman in this joke. But I think he got something there, yeah. Maybe something there. You know, it's like, hey, I'm getting four-wheel drive. And you show your friend a photo of like a Rolls Royce. And you're like, you have a focus. Yeah. Come on.

Yeah, man. Yeah, I got a peeve. Please, hit me with a peeve. Hold on. If you did two bits, I'm doing another bit. All right. Maybe we'll do bits at the end again, too. My friend, he's always like, sex worker. Come on. Sex worker? These are hookers. What are we doing here? I love hookers, but I'm not calling them sex workers. I'm like, you should be embracing this because you've been called a creep and a sicko your whole life. Now it's legitimized.

Yeah, it's a time where like being anti-PC isn't doing you any favors. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, now you're helping small business, you know, now you're an ally before you were a creep. Yeah, exactly. And I help the sex worker. That sounds better than I fuck the prostitute. That's a great point. Great point. Yeah, you're keeping these women afloat.

You're a benefactor. A boner factor. All right. It is weird how you read these stories about some of these OnlyFans people and they're like, I used to be a teacher making like 40 grand a year and I made a million dollars on OnlyFans last year and you're like,

Yeah, I mean, schools can't really compete with you showing your pussy, I guess. You know what we need is a class to teach OnlyFans. Yeah. You know, women will come in and learn how to, I guess you don't really need a class to go, click. Let's be honest. It's pretty easy. Yeah. It's funny they're saying, like, you're taking the easy way. I'm like, yeah, well, they're fucking crushing, I guess. I don't know. Is having a successful OnlyFans sort of like going lottery in the NBA? Yeah.

Well, what do you mean lottery? Like you're an early pick? An early pick. No, because a lot of these people have a regular job and then they do it. I feel like NBA, you're doing that for years. You're not 14 like, I'm prepping for my fucking OnlyFans. I'm just saying it's 50 million to one.

Like, you're not going to make the NBA or you're not going to make a great, successful OnlyFans. I think this is an unfair comparison because people who play professional sports for a living have to work much harder and have much more talent. True. I think that's a ridiculous comparison to be like, I got fucked by my neighbor on camera. And you're like, LeBron's in the gym all offseason. You know what I mean? And you can be a fat lady on OnlyFans and that's a fetish. You can still make some money even if you're, you know, not traditionally hot.

Yeah, you could look like Jason Kelsey. Yes. I wonder how Stavros is having a moment. Oh my God, it's so cool. I love it. It makes me fucking happy. Because it is cool when you're a big name comedian now and you're a fan of a team that doesn't really... They're not a sexy team. Baltimore? Yeah. But they do win. I mean, they won two Super Bowls in the last 20 years, but like 22 years, whatever. But...

I'm a Knicks fan. We got a lot of famous Knicks fans. Yeah. You know what I mean? But say you're a fan. Like Ian Carmel is a fan of the Blazers. Uh-huh. He gets hooked up with the Blazers. Oh, that's true. You know? Might as well go for it. Yeah. I have a question for you guys.

That's great. And this is a very first world question. Great photo. This is me. So James Webb, my friend, was like, I want to go to a Knicks game this week. I was like, let's go to a Knicks game. So they're playing the Nets. Is that Barclays? The Garden will take care of us a little bit because we play their venues. Barclays, it is hard to ask because I've asked for tickets before for the Liberty, but I root for the Liberty. I asked my tour manager to ask for tickets to the Knicks Nets.

But I'm rooting for the Knicks. Is that a dick move? Oh, interesting. I might have to just buy the tickets and maintain my freedom of speech. Yeah. It's like you used to bang this lady, but you're friends with her ex. Or you're friends with her boyfriend, and they're getting married. You're like, I want to go to the wedding. But who are you rooting for here? I'm rooting for the Knicks. I'm wearing a fucking Walt Frazier shirt here. Yeah. Yes, this isn't a Lane Orioles moment, but...

But the problem is they're both New York teams. But I should just buy tickets. I think that's the classier thing to do. Yeah, but I think it's okay. You know, Manhattan guy, you're going for the Knicks. I think my reputation, I think in my bio it says Knicks fan on social media. So if they look and they're like, fuck this guy. Yeah, but yeah, it's two New York teams. You should be able to rep-

A team and not all of them? Yeah, but should I get three tickets? The answer's no. Probably, you're probably right. The answer's no. So I think I just answered my own question. Ah, well. I hate paying for shit. Well, what does the ticket go for? $250? Oh, geez. No, it's more. It's a Knicks. It's going for more than that. Okay. I'll get the free tickets. Well, all right. We'll see.

Never set foot in the Barclays. Have you guys? Yeah. I've never been in. Yeah, I've seen, I saw the Killers there. I've been to a Knicks-Nets game there before. I've been to a few. Jeremy Lin came to the Comedy Cellar once and he played for the Nets so he would hook me up with Knicks. I would only ask for when they play the Knicks. But he would hook it up. Oh, that's awkward. I know, it is awkward. Because me and my brother are there in like Ewing jerseys and he's like, thanks. What?

Where the hell has he been? Ewing? No, Lin. Lin? He's playing overseas, I think. Oh, okay. He was on a championship team with the Raptors. All right. Go Canada. So...

Hit me with a peeve. Okay. Wait, did you do another bit? You did, right? I did, yeah. Hit me with a peeve. All right, peeve it is, baby. Coming at you. Coming in hot. Dreads on Jeremy Lin, by the way. Yeah, he got called out for that by Kenya Martin, who I love. Kenya Martin's also an ex-Nick. Called him out for that. But then Kenya Martin has Chinese tattoos on him. Oh!

So Lynn kind of made a comment like, maybe we're just celebrating each other's culture. Good for you. That's an Uno card. Reverse. Holy shit. Wow. All right. All right. How about this? You got the guy. I got three of them, so I'll take it easy here. First off, I'm in Indianapolis. I'm staying in the hotel. For some reason, everyone in the hotel is coming to my show. So it's just up and down all day in the elevator. Okay.

Do the show. Show's great. Indie was fun. Great crowd. I go out drinking, hung over the next day to go get my Uber to the airport in the elevator with like four big guys who were at the show.

Disney on Ice is across the street at the Pacers Arena. So there's all kinds of kids at the show, too. That's a great thing for you to be competing against, too, because they're not eating at the Mark Norman tickets. Good point. Good point. Pedophile, I don't know. But I'm in the elevator with like six kids, tiny kids, and they just look up at you and stare. And then I got three mooks from Indy or the greater Indianapolis area, and they're all going...

Oh, fucking A, comedy. What a fucking good time. Fuck yeah. That fucking show is awesome. You really shit in their faces, baby. And these kids are like, I don't want to be the square, like, easy around the kids. But there's six kids and three guys just screaming and cursing. It was awkward. You got to dial that back. Yeah, and the parents are looking at me like, who are you, a cult leader? What the hell's going on here? So that was bad. You're going to have to reevaluate your career.

Yeah. And look, God love them. That doesn't happen to Nate Bargatze. They just come in like, great show. That's true. That's true. No one's at Seinfeld like, you fucking homo, get over here. Your fans come in, I'm gay. They're like, what is going on? Praise Allah, bitches. Woo. So those poor kids were traumatized. That is rough. It is rough when it's...

I've been that drunk guy at a sporting event with kids around. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, I got to tone this down. This isn't right if it's kids around. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, do what you got to do. But all the parents looked at me like, what are you bringing on my kids here? All right, how about this one? That's a good peeve. Okay. You get ready for the guy who texts you this. Just a random text out of the blue. Hey, man. And you're like, huh, just as hey, man. What's that about? So then I go, hey. And he goes, hey.

Can you do this? And you're like, just hit me with the question. Don't give me the hey man trap. And then I respond back. And then you hit me. That's a great observation because now you're on the line. I'm on the hook. Yeah, it's almost as bad as asking to your face. Oh. Because once you get the response...

you're obligated to respond. Of course. Of course. He knows it's kind of, he knows you're there. So if you don't respond, it's like, I don't have the red receipts on for a reason. Yeah. And now you're, it's almost as if I have them on. Exactly. It's pretty shifty. I want to reply at my, sometimes I see something. I'm like, all right, I'll respond to this later. If it's like a loaded text, but Ooh, comic. Um,

Booker. I have to call you out, though, because you had a peeve, I don't know, a month ago where it was like someone just said, hey, man, can you do this show, this show, this show? And you were like, how about it? How you doing? Oh, interesting. All right. But I think this is how he really feels. What are you, his girlfriend bringing up his past? I see what you're saying. No, I see what you're saying, too. But I do think that you can say that how you're doing in the same text. Yes, there you go. I think that's the real issue. It's a...

Hey, man, how you doing? Been a while. I hope something pleasant. And then in the same line. So now he's not obligated. I also think some of those questions are almost better done over email. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can space it out a little bit because a long text is daunting. You see that long horizontal thing and you're like, oh, God. But an email, it just feels like a paragraph.

But also, not to challenge you, but I think that Hey Man thing was in person. I had a guy just walk right up to me and go, but can I do your show? But if you go, Hey Man, how are you? Then ask. But the text, he pulled me in with the Hey Man. Singular text. Does bug me.

You got any peeves? Because I got one more if you don't. Yeah, I got some peeves. All right, all right. Make sure our guests didn't message us, too. Oh, yeah. I got a very New York one. Please. Please. So when you're waiting for the subway and you see now there's like the chyron up on the screen tells you when the next trains are coming. Love the chyron. I love it. But it's like next F train, 16 minutes. Yeah. The one after that, 17 minutes. I am with you 100%. I know. I'm with you. Like the text? No.

No, I'm with you. But I'll tell you another one that annoys me. 16 minutes. Next one, 41 minutes. I'm like, what is this? Yeah. NBC Thursday's comedy lineup? How far are you going to spread this out? All right, I got another one. Piggybacking on this. Okay. Now, this is really specific. Okay. You might have to pull one up for the fans because I don't know if anyone's going to. It says, one, 14 minutes. Second train, 15.

18 minutes. Third train. It tells you 1, 2, 3, 4. They never show 2. They go 1, 16 minutes, 3, 80 minutes, 4, 90 minutes. I'm like, what happened to 2? Yeah, what is that? Are they showing two sides? I don't know what they're doing there. Oh, maybe that's it.

But yeah, this is really specific. But isn't it crazy that just a mere few years ago, we had no Chiron underground and we had no cell phone service underground. I know. So we were rocking and rolling with our thoughts and just praying to God a train came. All you had was this. I remember seeing The Departed in movie theaters.

And Leo in one scene is on the phone on the train. And I was like, that's fucking bullshit. Oh. I remember thinking that. See, look at that. It skips two. It does that all the time. One to three. What happened to three? I might get the five train. And now you're like a gambling guy. You're just hoping two is okay. Yeah, yeah. You're like, come on. Daddy needs a new pair of tracks.

Oh, man. I got to peeve. Okay. Really shitty hotel gyms. Oh, yeah. Because we live on the road. The pull-up bar is too high. I do one, I'm going to put my head through the fucking ceiling. I've had the same thing. Really poorly thought out ones. And, you know, like...

You should have the base. I'm not looking for like a five star setup here, but have the basic shit. Yeah. Give me the 50 pound dumbbell and under. Give me the bench. Give me the treadmill. Give me the pull up bar. Yeah, that's all I need. I'm easy. And they don't all have a pull up bar. So when you see it, it's like a tease. It is a tease. And then you go, I got, oh, now I'm going through the tile here. Yeah. Now you're like, fuck, I got another one. All right. These are good. This is a basic one. It is a peeve. Hiccups.

Fucking hate it. Oh, I hate hiccups. I got bad hiccups the other day. I hadn't had them in like, I feel like years. And it wouldn't go away. They never do. And you know what got rid of them? I had a sugar packet. Really? Granulated sugar. Oh. Yeah, I didn't even know I had them in the apartment. What are you doing? You just swallow it. Really? And I shot a load in my chest. But, you know. But, yeah, no, I had some of the sugar and it helped. But it wouldn't go away forever. And... Oh, fuck.

It's the worst. It's the worst. I feel like an idiot. The longest case of hiccups, 60 years. Oh, 60. That's rough. Wow. Because that's because no one wants to hang out with you either. Yeah. So you're just like the fucking hiccup guy. Imagine proposing, marrying the woman, and then the next day, and she's like, oh, great. You get into a fight. You're like, you never listen. You fucked my best friend. Oh, man. That is brutal.

60 years! That's a curse. That's like a hex. Yeah, it's a curse. Yeah, I hate having hiccups. I hate seeing hiccups. I don't even like watching the guy have them. And here's the worst part about hiccups. Everybody's got a cure that doesn't work. Oh, you got the hiccups? I got you, buddy. I'm going to scare the shit out of you. You have herpes. You got hiccups? I got you, buddy. Hold your breath. Chug a water. Jerk me off. Whatever it is.

I'll phone for the jerk you off thing a couple of times. It works. It does. That's how I cured him. Yeah. All right, last peeve, and then I'll leave you guys alone. All right.

I'm getting sick of it. You know, I'm a middle aged queef. You know, I'm an old man. I'm getting a little sick of the guy who hates another guy just because he's better than him. You know, you go talking to talking to a dude and I go, boy, that that Bill Johnson's a good looking guy. And he goes, oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a really handsome guy. He's like six to built. And he goes, you know what? Fuck Bill Johnson. Like someone's been hanging out with DeRosa. Ah.

Well, it just feels a little hackneyed and easy. Like, oh, this guy's great in a bunch of ways that I'm not. Fuck him. You hang out with people who drink too much. That's why. Maybe you're right. Bill Johnson's working. He's going to the gym. He's working on himself. You're hanging out with a guy who's just firing back tequila like fucking pussy. Right. Fucking hate that guy. I don't get that mentality. Like, he's doing better than me. Well, then I hate him now. Like, how about you hate yourself?

I don't know. You go work out. No, I totally know the type of guy you're talking about. He didn't do it. It's just when you're still bitter at a certain age, it's tough to be around. Exactly. Just accept the situations, accept yourself. Yeah. Or turn it inward. Oh, I got to step it up. We saw it a lot in the early days of comedy. Hey, Bob got a Netflix special. Oh, fuck Bob. Well, Bob's better than you. Maybe. How about that?

Yeah, I think when you just... You just can't fucking think like that in any facet of your life or you're fucked. I mean, we were fucking angry, but we fueled it. We use it as fuel. Exactly. We fucking... That's the key. But, you know, you definitely...

It's easy to fall into that trap if you don't watch yourself and if you don't have friends who call you out for it. Right, right. Because you don't want to... I remember Bill Burr once said to me, he goes, don't ever fucking be the bitter guy. No one wants to be around that guy. It's like a fucking fish that stink. It follows you.

It's kind of like having hiccups, you know? No, it's fucking bad. Completely agree. Bill Burr had the best advice. He was doing some show. He was opening for a guy. Oh, I can't remember the guy's name. He's super funny. Boston legend guy. Don Gavin? No, no. He's in a bunch of movies. He's a big actor. Lenny Clark. No, no. Kind of fat guy. Really funny. Ah, shit. Tony V.

I can't believe I pulled that out of my ass. Tony V. And they're sitting there smoking cigars after a show. There he is. Bill Burr looks up to this guy. He's obsessed with this guy. And Bill Burr is smoking a cigar and he's feeling pretty confident. And he goes, hey, you know, Tony, all this network. And I'm a real comic. I don't like to network and schmooze. And I hate all that shit. And, you know, I'm just going to write good jokes and fuck networking. And Tony V. goes, get good at it. And he goes, I'm just not good at it. He goes, then do it.

And he was like, oh, shit, you're right. Like, instead of just bitching about it, and it is kind of a part of the business, so just, I know you don't want to, but go get good at it. That's it. Yeah, that's a good point. I remember, by the way, I remember, you just made me think of a story. On my birthday, Vecchione and I were smoking cigars outside the cellar one night, and Dave Attell comes from behind me, and he goes, you had a good set, but it wasn't that good. Oh!

Oh, reality check. Great fucking, great zing. Oh, man. This may sound a little naive.

Explain the difference between what Burr is and bitter because I don't think – What do you mean? His comedy is like, you know what I hate, dude? It's like a lot of that. I mean it's – I'm diminishing it a little bit. It's highly elevated. Well, that's an act. We're talking about in real life. Oh, I thought you were talking about in the series. I mean offstage, I think people forget and this goes for any career you choose I think is you just want to be somewhat pleasant to be around. Of course. So people want you around. I mean there are comics who Mark and I think are hilarious –

That we wouldn't want to tour with just because of their fucking personalities. Totally. That's almost more important than your act. Oh, sorry. I thought that was our guest. The same with the feature. Like a lot of guys, can I open for you? And I think, hey, this guy's not bad, but can I hang out with this motherfucker for a weekend? Ugh. Green room, lunches, drinks. Airplane. The whole thing. Good movie. So, yeah. It's a...

It's a big part of it. A lot of this business is hanging out, talking, shooting the shit, chopping it up, trashing people. And you were always a good hang. You always were a good hang. Yeah. I mean, it's important, especially when you're young, too. It's like, I remember opening for people young, like, I'll watch their set.

I'll be like, oh, I have a tag for you. If that's, you know, you don't want to disrespect them if you accept tags. I came up with an angle for this or maybe another line. But I think a lot of comics are just like, you know, I'm going to do my own thing. I'm going to get drunk in the green room. Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's good to care.

And to show you care. Totally. I think there became a period where it became cool to not care in like the hipster rooms. It was like you go up there and you don't give a shit. And you're like, here's some new shit I thought of. You almost do better when you have to go in those rooms. You have to read your A material off of the set list. It's all new. You're like, here's some shit I was kicking around. It's my closer.

It's all a defense because you can't fail if you didn't try. Exactly. And it's all fear-based. But it became cool to not try. And it's like, Mark and I used to talk about this. We're like, would these rooms respect George Carlin, who's almost doing a monologue up there? Right. And it's so finely tuned. Would they be cool with that? Totally. Or would they be like, man, this guy's trying too hard. I know. And all the comics, like Patton Oswalt and Maria Bamford, these people busted their ass and worked hard and wrote and got up and did the road. So they're trying. Yeah.

I know you worshiped them, but they tried, so maybe you should try. Yeah. But yeah, you were always very professional, too. Like, you were always trying to not be in people's way. I was more of a mess. No, I thought you were good, man. I thought you were, we all made mistakes. I mean, I remember when I missed Amy Schumer's tour bus. That was fucking, yeah. Pulled a running man on the highway. She had police detail. Ah!

Because it was like a college gig where she needs security. This was like train wreck. She was white hot. Huge. And yeah, I miss just as Mark tells me I was professional. I was drinking with one of her brother's bandmates in the room and I missed the car. Yeah. And I'm in like Nike high tops. I can't run in these shits. I'm sprinting after a tour bus and she was not happy with me. Oh, yeah. You looked like a psycho fan chasing the bus. Amy, I love you. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, but to me, you know, she obviously pulled over eventually, but that's kind of a lesson. She didn't pull over. They had to pull over at like a gas station. I had to get a ride. Oh, was that? It was a low point for me. I was not pleased with myself. Yeah. Because no one gives a shit how well you do on stage as an opener if you make mistakes like that. True. So I learned a lesson. Yeah. Well, there you go.

Where are you guys at with other comics saying, like, I don't watch other comedians. I don't do that. I get it because you don't want to absorb their material, but you got to find a line, right? Yeah. To me, what's weirder is when you're like, you ever seen that? You ever seen Bring the Pain? They're like, nah, never caught Bring the Pain. I'm like, I get if you don't watch the new guys or the late, late, late stuff, but...

You got to watch some of the legendary great specials. Yeah, it's like being a filmmaker and not watching Tarantino or fucking Scorsese or Woody Allen or Spike Lee, any of these classic movies. Totally. You're not going to watch these? I know. I know. Exactly. But hey, everybody's got their bullshit. But I also just like stand-up. I like comedy. So I'm like, oh, Gary Goldman's got a new special. Uh-oh. Very happy to have this guy back. And we got your root beer as well. Yeah.

What's shaking? This is Matt. How are you, buddy? Good to see you. What are you, FaceTiming? Oh, okay. I thought you had a hot Asian lady on the hook there. Oh, Dolly Parton. Oh, yeah. She's hot. Nice pull. She's always been a hot lady. Where do you stand on the halftime show? In the bikini?

Oh, good for her. That's what I feel. Listen, man. First of all. Thanksgiving? Yeah, she did. She's in a Dallas Cowboy cheerleading suit. She came and said. Pull it up. I think Dolly can do whatever the fuck she wants. There you go. Dolly, working 9 to 5. What a way to make a living. Oh, hell yeah. I think she's about 95. She's 95. She's got to be up there.

She's old. She's about 95. She's barely living. Wow. She looks amazing. She looks great.

No work done at all. No. And you know, she's been married to the same guy for 40, 50 years. Wow. Damn. Dollywood is worth $500 million. Yep. Crazy. She's written the songs that she's leased out, like I Will Always Love You. Yep. That's Whitney Houston. That's Dolly Parton wrote it. Wow. She wrote a lot of songs.

And she leases them out. And she said, I'm just all about the money. I don't give a damn. You can sing whatever you want. Just pay me. Hell yeah. Cause I watched an interview with her with, uh, Dan rather Jesus, you don't want access TV. Mark Cuban's channel. We all did that show. Didn't we? I,

I never did it. Oh, okay. I almost did, but I didn't. I wanted to host it. I didn't want to fucking do a spot there. Yeah. But yeah, it was at Gotham. Remember the Gotham thing? So I watched, Dan Rather had a little show where he would interview. I've watched Merle Haggard. Wow. Yeah. I watched the whole Merle Haggard interview. Merle Haggard was a prisoner when Johnny Carson did Fools in Prison. Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash. Sorry, Johnny Carson. Johnny Cash. Johnny Carson's Fools in Prison dude. Wow, this is a good show. Wow.

for anybody. We're just sending out their impressions. How about when Bill Cosby did Folsom Prison Blues? It's like, hello, this is Bill Cosby. Welcome to the Prison of Folsom. Mer.

He could have done a stand-up special in prison. It would have been kind of interesting. That would have broke the internet. Pull your pants up. Don't drop the soap. Merle Haggard was an inmate when Johnny Carson was recording. Johnny Cash was doing that album.

Merle Haggard was in, it was an inmate. Yeah. And when he goes, hello, I'm Johnny Cash. And Merle Haggard got influenced to do music when he saw Johnny Cash. So that does, it does do good when you do that type of stuff. Johnny Cash did San Quentin and Folsom Prison. He was a bad motherfucker. I did comedy in a prison once. Really? Yeah, in Chicago. Enough about Hot Comedy Club. Yeah, yeah. We did, it was Dixon State Penitentiary. It was like in Illinois. Okay.

when i was it was only i was only like two years into comedy whoa and my friend was like hey man you want to do a prison i said like like the blues brothers like fucking like like uh johnny cash he goes yeah i say fuck yeah i can just have a story so we did it we it was maximum security men's and maximum security women's so we had the separate shepherd shows and

Whoa. Yeah. That shit was interesting. And it was like, you, you, they have a stage, they have performance, uh, uh, uh, uh, like an auditorium. Yeah. And they're there. And,

And fuck, man. It was like the men's, you know, and there's like sedated side where these people are on like drugs. Oh, wow. And then there's the wild motherfuckers going, yo, talk about that motherfucker right now. And the warden is sitting up at the top. There's these tiers and there's guards with guns all over. You really hope they don't have to use those. Yeah, right, right. And they were like, this is the worst heckler put down ever. They were like, talk about the warden, that fat motherfucker. I was like, hey, they called you a fat.

motherfucker and they're like it was the warden laughing yeah warden just stood in there yeah whatever they're locked the fuck up but these guys are murderers shit like that no one's getting offended by yeah jokes yeah there was one of my one of my buddies on there his name's kenny howell he knew a lot of guys in prison he was like this old man what's up man too bad you ain't getting out god damn he would like make fun of these guys like fuck fuck

Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. So and then we did the second show was women's. Yeah. All women's prison. And I was like asking. And there were like hot chicks in there. Really? So what happened to you? He's like, yeah, I shot my boyfriend while he was asleep because he used to beat on me. So it was shit like that. It's like the movie Chicago or something. Right, right. But you're like a superstar to them. Of course. Yeah, so I've done. That is the most elaborate porno of all time. He plays women's prison.

It's kind of hot. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Wow. That was my... We went from Dolly Parton to what the fuck. But Dolly Parton's always been hot, though, I think. I agree. Yes. What is she, 85? 78, I think. What is she now? What is Dolly Parton? Yeah, probably close to 80, maybe. Boy, we got a lot of range on this. 78? Nailed it. A young...

Yeah, I looked it up. I was like, what's the oldest woman I've jacked off to? Probably her, right? Probably. Yeah. Good cleavage. Good cleavage. Dolly Parton's held herself up pretty well. Yeah. And then when she talks, she was just so happy. She's just a positive person.

Lady. And still going. Mariah Carey made all that Christmas money. She's sitting on her fat ass in Hollywood. She is working. She's still touring. Doesn't she? Mariah or no? I think she still does some stuff. Well, that Nick Cannon really banged her out. You've never seen a picture of her arms. Who? I've heard she sleeved up. Who? Dolly. No way. You're talking tattoos? Tattoos. Interesting. Dolly has tattoos? I think they're all over her arms. Full swastika.

They said Mr. Rogers had tattoos. Really? That's hilarious. In the dark, they show him swimming. I don't think he had tattoos. Did Fred Rogers ever have tattoos? You got any? I have a half-sleep right here. What? Really?

Can I show you? Yeah, whatever. Can you get all that? You look like you're dressed for a funeral in the future. It's like Demolition Man over here. I want to be in Triple X. Oh, fuck, man. Let's see. I don't know. It'd be great if he had a tramp stamp. I think this myth is busted. Yeah, no, if he was in the dark, they'd show him swimming. Wow, look at that. Whoa. God, you're pretty fucking ripped, man.

That's cool. Is that like a tribal? When my parents passed, I had the Nigerian. That's my tribe that I'm from. It's Igbo tribe, which is funny because there's...

Ebo Jews in Nigeria. Isn't that crazy? Wow. Hey. Yo, but yeah, this is like Tonga from Tonga, like South Pacific. Oh, yeah. So I surrounded it with that. But yeah, I have a half sleeve. I never had a tattoo before, but I wanted to do that. Well, dude, Jonathan Major is out of a part. Maybe you could slide into that fucking Wakanda world. That's a cool character. I know, shit, but I don't know, man. I think, hey, he's just wearing an African mask, okay?

A lot of range, Dolly, to Nigeria. I think...

Everyone's talking about, you know, you saw the Cat Williams interview, you know? Of course. I saw your Steve Harvey response. So good. You're fucking good at that, man. I appreciate it. Steve Harvey, I mean, yeah, where did you stand on the Cat Williams interview? Because you took down so many people. It was an incredible, ugly storm. It was fantastic. And, you know, when he talks, he sucks you in. He's captivating. Because he's like, and I told you, man, and I said that. Yeah.

I ain't motherfucker better. You're like, it's like a preacher. Totally. Like one of those, what are those people, one of those people who go from town to town, a snake oil, what is it? Snake oil salesman? Snake oil salesman. Oh, yeah. Come on, hurry, hurry. We got some...

that's cat weavers yes you're right cat weavers I got a magic potion I'm telling you this magic potion you motherfuckers never drink this are you dying and suffering from cholera what the well listen let me tell you something lady I know you need this shit this is the most magical shit ever I

am cat williams motherfuckers and i'm bringing you magical shit yeah and you'd be like yeah he's that kind of guy he's on elixir right whether he was lying or not he was it was so entertaining yep and to see and to see uh shannon sharp going skip oh man come on get it

I can't believe this, man. I thought y'all was together. Oh, damn. I would skip with you. Play Shannon Sharp's laugh. Oh, yeah. It's the funniest laugh I've ever heard. He's so country, too. I don't think I could listen to a Shannon Sharp interview unless it was Cat Williams steamrolling him for two and a half hours. I think that's the only way I could have handled it.

Oh, wow. That laugh is fucking insane. Damn, it's like the hyena in Lion King. Wow. Fantastic. Did y'all see this SNL parody? It was really funny. No, no. The girl did it. Oh, my God. Wow, this is really... That's dead on. They nailed the set. And I am 6'3".

Hollywood created Kevin Hart. Everybody knows that Kevin was made in the same factory where they make Teddy Graham. That came back. I know.

Dude, pull up Cat Williams running the 40. Because Cat Williams, everyone's like, he can't run that fast. Did he run like a four? He's fucking fast. Really? I think he ran like a four. What did he? Because he goes, I can run a four too. Yeah. He's like, no, man, can't. Come on, can't. That's impossible, can't. This is pretty impressive. That's impossible, can't. So Lil Mo went there. You know he has eight kids? He has like eight or ten. Look at this. Wow.

Oh, no. Find the real one. I like the fast one where he's like really. There it is. There it is. Yeah. Cat is hilarious. He really is. Cat is so. He's such a trippy. Man, he is fast. He's fast. Whoa. He's beating. He ran a four. What was that? A four, four, seven? Yeah. That's pretty fucking good. And he's 50 whatever. And he smokes. And he ran a four, four, seven. Wow.

That is fast. That's like wide receiver speed. Like, right on. Plus the perm. You'd be a great argument if he just played in the NFL next year. Who's that? Is that Cedric? 1.3. Oh, that's funny. And what's funny is, can we show...

Cedric stealing a joke from a sitcom? I saw that. Meshack Taylor. Yes. Meshack Taylor, a black actor who passed away. He was on a show called Designing Women. Oh, yeah. I never watched it, but it was a hit show. My mom loved it. With Delta Burke. That's right. You should show that. And Kat was right. Cedric took a joke from a goddamn sitcom. I know. And it wasn't a great joke either. No.

No, it wasn't. I was like, and I know Cedric. Cedric's always been a great comic. And I was just, it's not good. And Cat, Cat's literally cleaning house, man. He's cleaning house. Mark made a great point, though. Cat, he's starting up a tour. I mean, is there any more brilliant way to do PR? This is what I heard. I heard like some of his tour, the tickets weren't really selling as well. And then he did that. And that shit sold out. To the moon. Here we go.

Watch this. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. It's just such an obscure premise. I know.

Everybody comment at me. Don't worry about it. And then he's like, no one's going to catch me designing women. Come on. Cat Williams will. Yeah. I think part of the other stuff is like, it's like, fuck, it does feel like it's often the swaggiest comics because it's like, you're like, well, he's so confident. Right. We're in a fucking fedora. He's not stealing. And another thing, too, is not is the comics that, you know, that don't really work on their shit a lot.

If I don't see you touring, you're either doing a one-man show or you're stealing some shit. Yeah, because you, you, you are always working your shit out. I see you guys. We're all getting off stage, going here and there. We work our shit out in between the tours and the shows. We're always chiseling our shit out. That's what we do. I see the work. Oh, yeah. You know, but these guys, they're on sitcoms. And then they just go, oh, I'm going to put a show together. Right. And then they start taking shit. Mm-hmm.

And I know some other big comics that are fucking thieves. Go fuck yourself, you fucking thieves. Yeah. Listen, I've done a joke where I go, oh, wow, someone had a similar. But there's certain jokes. We've all made mistakes. When you burn enough hours, there's going to be parallel thinking. But there's certain subjects where every comic is going to go there. It's like SNL. Yeah, they did a parody of. It was already a give. It was like a godsend. Yes, yes. If you fuck this up, SNL. Right.

or it's a gimme. I don't know what to tell you. You know what I mean? It's like one of those things where, yeah, we're going to go there. Everybody's going to go and do that with that subject. Totally. You know what I mean? But did you see the Steve Harvey, Mark Curry? Let's do that. And I love Mark Curry. Mark Curry called him a bitch ass. I do too. I loved, hanging with Mr. Cooper as a kid was like my shit. Oh, Holly Robinson. She was hot. And Mark Curry, I knew when he was in, during when I was a,

an amateur comedian, Mark Curry would come to Chicago, was the nicest guy till this day. And he was the, he was massive. Oh yeah. And he was still the coolest dude, sit there, talk to you forever. Love it. Harvey was like kind of a dick. Oh really? Yeah, Harvey was. He's always, the thing is, Harvey's never really changed. He's always been kind of a, yeah, what's up now? Yeah. Okay. Right. I'm just telling you right now, I got time for that bullshit. Yeah.

But Steve has always been like, now he has a lot of money now. Yeah. So it's like worse. Got it. Yeah, that doesn't help it usually. And that man unit. He really got called out for that. I thought, I was like, wow, who's this barber? How the fuck does he get that? I was like, man. And I was like, I want that fucking fake. And it was fake. Thank God.

Jamie Foxx is a little bit of that, too. His shit is fake. Oh, yeah. Only his hairline goes back here. Oh, really? Jamie Foxx is. I want to know. Cat Williams did clean house. That was the black Epstein list. Yeah. Yeah.

But Mark Curry was such a gifted comic actor. Oh, yeah. He elevated that material. Definitely. And to see him now, he's still brilliant as fuck, man. You know, he had an accident. No. It's like a fire. I think he was in a sort of a real fucked up accident. So he's recovered. But he's been traveling with Cat Williams on his tours. And I was watching some of it. He's fucking amazing. Oh, yeah.

And clean. Yeah, clean. He's really a skill. And he's from Oakland. So people thought he was just this clean-cut little bitch guy. Nah, nah, nah. He's the real deal. Oh, yeah. But he's just a nice guy. But he's called... Okay, play that. What about Steve Harvey? Yeah. Watch this. Watch. So I had a beef on that. He did all my Halloween material one Halloween. I'm watching.

And I know he didn't think of it. This is true stuff that really happened to me. And so my thing is you didn't have to do that, homeboy. So, you know, you made enough money, bitch ass. I think the bit was he said, I didn't have enough money to get a costume. So my dad just gave me UPS boxes. You want to show that? I think he stepped on the punch. Yeah, it's up there. Man, I've been watching everything. Yeah, same.

It's nice when they show the side-by-side because to really put people on blast, I think it's called receipts. There you go. There it is, guys. And before the internet, it was a lot easier to get away with it. Oh, fuck yeah, man. Robin Williams. I can tell you a story about Robin Williams. Oh, really? Stealing Ray Romano shit at the Cellar as Ray Romano got offstage. Whoa! I was hosting. That shit was...

It was retarded. Wow. Ray Romano is going up the stairs. And Robin Williams goes on right after he does this Xerox joke. And Robin did the same one, was in the hallway and did it. He was so in it. Did it bomb? What? Did it bomb? Not really, but everyone was like, huh? Oh, they were confused. That's wild. Ray Romano just goes upstairs. And I was sitting there in the hallway. Was I with Esty? And I was like, oh, my God.

Robin is like he couldn't help it. Yeah, yeah. Because Robin used to hang with us. Right. Wings with us. Yeah, he was a nice dude. At the comedy table. Yeah. And I'd be like, hey, what's up, man? He goes, oh, you know, I'm just working on some things. I have to host the Oscars. So I just want to work stuff out. The nicest dude. The nicest dude. But don't you think with a guy like Robin, I think this is my take on it, and I could be wrong, but it seems like you become –

You're on a rocket ship. You're so famous that you're just grabbing shit. You're like, I need this so people think I'm still funny. I'm not making an excuse. It's fucking unacceptable. But I think that's... I think you're right. I think the same goes for these guys, you know? But you can't fucking do it. You just can't. No, you know, Robin stole one of Richard Jenny's things and he killed himself. No.

Speaking of Richard, it's so funny, man. When you're around... Oh, that's the other Cedric joke. That one's crazy. Okay, watch this one. Very egregious. All right, all right. Okay. Damn, we got a lot. We got a lot to talk about here. So there's Cat Williams and Cedric stealing...

Cat Williams, this one. Yes. Okay, it's Cat Williams talking about parking a car. What are they thinking stealing from Cat? And this bit is so elaborate, too. Yeah. But yeah, crazy.

He sits down. Cigarette and everything. God. He does the same joke. That doesn't line up. This is a televised joke. Someone else has stolen some of your material? Oh, that's a part of this business. My favorite part of this interview is how Cat keeps bringing it back to football. He's like, have you ever dropped a pass? Not everything is... Haven't you made enemies with the Dallas Cowboys? And he goes like this, but that's different, Cat.

That's not the same thing, Gat. That's not my friend, Gat. Come on, man. Someone's like, he's like stealing it. Have you ever run the same route? That's not the same. That's not the same thing. It's not the same story at all. It was such bad analysis. Yeah, yeah. It's like...

But I love what he's doing because Cat's so confident. And I'm just like listening. I'm rolling with it because he's so compelling. He's like a pastor. There's some bullshit being said, but you believe it. Exactly. You still put money into play. You got the thing that Kennison had because Kennison was also, I think he was a pastor. He started off as a fucking...

Let me tell you. Preacher. Kennison is so great. I watched Kennison in his first time on Letterman. I watch it over and over. He has his coat buttoned up to here. Oh, yeah. And that fucking weird hairstyle. Awful. He's like, how you guys doing? All right. Yeah. Used to be a pastor. And then he just, oh, he's so good. It broke the format. You never saw a guy do a comedy set like that. Yeah, he changed up the whole game. But I think the, what's the, you saw the Cat Williams one. Did we do the...

The car. UPS and Steve Harvey and UPS. Watch this one. Is this it? And then stole everything Mark Curry had. We'll show UPS, Steve Harvey, UPS, and Mark Curry jokes. A whistle? A whistle?

Mark, I'm teaching music, not gym. No, what's this? Standard issue. This might be another one. Screaming for help. No, no, no. No, it's a joke. Okay, watch Mark Curry UPS joke. Just look up Mark. You'll see. With Steve Harreld. They got everything. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That one's dead on. When you do the side to side. If you're a fan of the show, you're probably also a fan of not having a sweaty dick. Sheath underwear can get you that not sweaty dick of your dreams in no time. You know what? I bet I'm wearing it right now, and this isn't planned. I don't know what we're reading like it.

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Busted. Busted? Four years ago, though. Damn. But it was still, it was him and Curry. Right there next to it. Steve Harvey. Watch. Halloween was a trip. Halloween. We couldn't afford no Halloween costumes. Hey, kids, please. Mama sent us down to the liquor store to put boxes on us. We didn't know what we were. I don't know what we are. I don't know. She didn't tell us.

I think we UPS, I guess. I don't know. You heard me say that every Halloween I had the same outfit on. Every year. I just had a brown box. I wasn't upset. I just asked my father, could I have a new outfit? And he said, no, just wear the same one. It was just a brown box. And he just told me to tell everybody I was a UPS man. Okay, so tell me. Yeah. So...

It's just a very, it's like there's parallel thinking, but that is like truly his childhood. But this is Steve Harvey on his 18th show that he's hosted. Right. And he's loaded. Exactly. And Mark Curry's like, I'm fucking touring with Cat Williams opening up.

And I was on a big sitcom. Why would you do that to me? Like, but there's, I know guys that still do it now. Damn. That will take a comic that is not famous and, oh, I'm going to go to this open mic and just fucking. Yeah. At least pay the guy. Right. I like that joke. I heard Robin Williams would do that. Yeah. Well, I think Robin Williams did it after someone like punched him in the face. Oh, Jay Moore as well. Jay.

Jay Moore stole, right? Yeah, he stole from Ben Bailey and Ben Bailey chased him down. Ben will beat you up. Ben's body slammed a college student at one of his NACA gigs. Really? Ben, and he's like a legend for that. Ben Bailey like body slammed some college kid because they, you know, I hate colleges. I'm, ugh. I used to think colleges would be amazing. Fuck no. Me too. When you're young, you're like, it's an easy payday. Yeah, but

Where they put you, you never know what college you're going to. Sure. They'll put you in a fucking cafeteria study hall. Yep, yep. You ever do an afternoon study hall? Yeah. Cafeteria was rough. Fucking yo. I remember doing a swimming pool gig.

That was fucked up. What? It was a swimming party, and I'm looking for the state. I hope they come up for air to get your work jokes off. Dude, I just had a really good idea. Oh, it's a swimming pool party. I'm so happy you're here. Everybody's looking forward to it. I go, so yeah, where are we going to do the show? Okay, here it is. We're going to have the microphone right by the swimming pool, and they're going to swim up to you. Oh!

That's what he did. He did this. And I fucking railed this dude for fucking 30 minutes. That was my whole act. Yeah. And they swam up to me in the swimming pool when I had to do comedy. Oh, that's brutal. It was like some fucking Annette Finicello bullshit. I'm doing old school fucking beach party fucking. Why are you pointing me at Annette Finicello? Frank.

No, I think you would know. You're old. You seem to know. Beach Blanket Bingo. Yeah. Frankie Avalon. Yeah, Beach Blanket Bingo. Beach, fuck, I watched all this with my mom. But yeah, um...

the fuck was i saying i go on tangents man my bad oh what were you talking about cedric the swimming pool games colleges colleges yeah ben bailey he fucking slammed the body slammed me i remember he telling me he goes yeah my body slammed him you know how ben talks yeah he goes he was fucking pissing me off and he comes up on the stage and i go hey you can't

You can't touch this microphone. He goes, I want to do comedy. He just fucking bang and the place went nuts. Oh, yeah. So Ben became this. Ben will fight you. He's 6'5 or whatever. And he's a big Irish and he doesn't fuck around. He's like that dude. I've seen him get mad at people.

You know, at the cellar. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's too bad he never did that in Cash Cab. He pulled it over like, you got a problem with me? Yeah, he won an Emmy. They should bring that back. That's like a machine. He said they were going to bring it back. Really? Yeah. I had auditioned for Cash Cab. We all had done it. Oh, did you? And Ben won an Emmy and brought it to the cellar. Remember that? Oh, that's great. And he beat out Jeopardy that one year. Damn. Damn.

To kill Trebek. Yeah, he body slammed him. Ben is that guy, man. Ben, what he did, I think he did America's Got Talent. He did one of the, I think he did the comedy on there. Uh-huh. I did it, Trev. Oh, yeah. And Heidi Klum, I think, said something crazy to him, and he was like, what do you do? Oh.

Ben don't fuck around because she was like oh I didn't think you were funny he goes and what do you do wow I think that's the greatest shit ever I love it she's at the Veeder she's like you're a little slow he's like so are you no I just

He hated her. I know that. Yeah, I heard she was just, ugh. But Ben is that kind of guy, you know? She was pretty nice to me. That's cool. Yeah, Mel B was pretty nice to me. Simon fucked me. Well, that's his whole thing. Yeah, Mandel was very nice. How did you, what made you want to do that? Just trying to sell tickets on the road. No doubt. No, I got you. I was young and I was just trying to move some tickets and to be honest, they aired like a five minute segment of me and I got more messages from them. It's like 10 million viewers. That's huge. Wow. And, uh,

And I remember, yeah, I made it to first round. I got a fucking standing O. I crushed. I crushed. And they were like, we don't know if we're going to use it. And I'm like, that is so fucked up that I just got a standing O for 5,000 people and you're not going to use it. That's TV. And then the second round, I went on too late. It was like, I went on at like midnight and I got there at 10 a.m. And yeah, and they were like, we're kind of...

They're like, yeah, we... Same audience? No, different audience. But like, Simon loved me the first round. He was like, that was... I was expecting to be bad and that was good. And then the second round, he's like, yeah, it just made me tired. I'm like, what is midnight? Yeah, right. You know, I mean... I was like, that might play a role in it. But...

I watched him be way more vicious to other people. I saw these two Jewish rappers go on, and I thought they were kind of good. He was like, you're terrible. Kill yourself. I think that's what he's supposed to do. That's just his thing. He's the heel. Yeah, yeah. With comedy, I don't know how you guys... I can't do contest comedy. I did one comedy. I feel like you could, though.

I feel like you're like a hell gig machine. I feel like every time I go to a club, though, every time I go to a club, no, I feel like you could just kill anywhere. I mean, as a compliment. No, I'm free because when he said Godfrey could follow 9-11. That's a big ass compliment. Yeah, you kill. Listen, I think it's coming from

Because the comic strip, when comic strip was actually cool, when there was Lucian, you guys, it's so funny how you've been around so long. Lucian's a painting now. Wow. And you got to say you knew that guy. Right, right. Fucking weird. It's like, I knew Picasso. Let me explain. Yeah. But it's Lucian. You guys even go to the comic strip?

Every now and then. He was all over it. I was a comic strip guy. Me, Tom Papa. Yeah. We were comic strip dudes. Yeah. Jim the Freelander. And then we started heading downtown. We would do Boston Comedy Club. Barry Katz had the Boston Comedy Club. Then I went over to the cellar trying to get in. And Norton got me in. Norton was my reference. Nice. Nice.

I think when I was a kid, another guy got me in and I had to wait for Estee to approve me. She kept not watching my shit. And then one day I approached her. I said, Hey, Estee is me again. Can I? And she goes, Oh, okay. Listen, I didn't see your tape, but listen, you can, I, you, I come back at 12 o'clock. You do five minutes. Okay. I said, all right. And I came back and that's how I got it. But I would do an audition at midnight. You're not getting APM. And that's when Estee was smoking. Oh,

Wow. She smoked? What? I didn't even know she smoked. Oh, I can see that. Inside the club when smoking was allowed. And she's scary now. Imagine then. Young, smoking, Israeli. She'd be like this. Watching you. With Manny, who owned this, you know, Nolan's dad. Yeah, right. Manny was like the, Manny didn't play that shit. And when you were fucking up, they would speak in Hebrew. Oh.

When you was trash? Because I'd stand there and Manny would go, what do you think about this guy? And then they'd be like, ugh. But Manny was funny as fuck. He'd be like, get the fucking cane. Oh. It comes with a piano wire. It comes with a piano. But then when you did well, they were like, what? Mother of God. Amazing. Yeah. And Manny was an old Jewish cat. Went, you know, army. Hell yeah. He had a belt with a knife in it. He goes, Godfrey, let me show you something.

If they fuck with me, this is what they get. Yeah. And he would click it. A blade. Big ass blade in his belt. Whoa. Because Manny would get in scuffles with people. Yeah. Like a rowdy. Was he stabbing people? But if they attack, he's like. Damn.

damn i was in the israeli army i had let these motherfuckers he was funny as fuck who about um who about uh who else was the new comics there's like back then yeah it was okay because i think they knew what the seller i mean they sometimes show the list of the people that when i was around it was marin yeah i was host when i would hold a mare it would be todd berry marin depalo

O'Neal, Burr, when Burr had hair. Yeah, oh yeah, Billy. Bill Burr. It was Keith Robinson, Norton, Voss, Silverman, a lot of times Silverman. Shit. Classic. Attell? Yeah, Attell. Uh, shit. Uh,

That's a hell of a lineup. Oh, Russman Eve. Oh, yeah. Russ is funny. Russ is so funny. Russ is one of my favorite jokes of all time. Can I tell it? Real estate. He goes, I have bad luck with women. My last four pregnant girlfriends died in sailing accidents. Ha ha ha.

That's a great joke. That's so funny. That's a great joke. Russ Lee was funny as shit. I loved his joke. He was like a fret dude. Great jokes. Great jokes. I don't know if he stopped. Yeah, I always liked him a lot. He was one of those guys that was like, good.

Good looking dude. Oh, yeah. But, you know, when things don't really... Oh, Geraldo. Oh, of course. I was around Geraldo all the time. One of the best ever. Geraldo. Great joke writer. Shit. Love this shit. Geraldo. There was Colin. Colin, of course. That's how we did...

What's the thing? Tough crowd. Tough crowd. Because it was all of us there. Yeah. And we would all just, and it was so good because Manny would be there and we would just fucking rip on each other. It was just so fun. Because they don't do that now, no? No, no. Because you guys, we can all fuck with each other. Yeah. That's all we did. Right. We were all fucking joking on people. As soon as you came up,

to the cellar before they redid it. Yeah. Because the falafel thing was in the front. Right. When you first walk up, that's where you saw them make a falafel. The spit. The spit shit, yeah. Then you go up and then Patrice would be...

Like Jabba the Hutt waiting on you. And they'd be like, oh, this motherfucker here. It's like, oh, yeah, we would just start ragging. Voss, Jim, those were the main dudes that would just start

Going in on you. What year was that? This is 98, 99. Oh, wow. Because you're in Comedian, the documentary, and you're talking to Jerry, which must have been a trip back then. Because Seinfeld came back and started to, you know, he was like, I'm coming back to just do comedy again. And so he was filming around us. Hmm.

And he saw me. He would, like, go up after me. And I remember he sat me down. He saw me because I had just come back from Egypt. Okay. I came back from Egypt. And I came back from Egypt and went to the cellar after I got back. I got back in the daytime. I still went down to the cellar to talk about Egypt. Yes. And Sarville was watching the whole thing.

And he goes, and he was like, man, that was good, man. I liked the way he did the camel thing. And then you broke it down and all that shit. I was like, cool. We're talking. This is sitcoms. This is icons. Biggest show of all time. And he's giving me advice on stuff. Wow.

And I was talking to him for an hour. Damn. And he said, how long have you been doing comedy? And I was bragging. I was like, yeah, about nine years now. Nine years. He goes, okay, that's kindergarten. He goes, but he said, let me tell you, whatever age, whatever year you are in comedy is your age in comedy. Nine-year-old, you're a dumb kindergartner. Right. Right. The best.

advice one of the best whatever your age is in your year is in comedy is your age in comedy so if you're 25 years you're a 25 year old 30 years you're a 30 year old it makes total sense so that's how I got in because he his camera dudes liked me so they were I got in it like a couple two scenes oh yeah oh yeah I remember that it was fucking nice I've seen the movie so many times I know you go uh oh you're gonna go on the road now well you've got enough and

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can tell you're trying to be normal. You know, you're like... I know him. Yeah. But he... Seinfeld's very specific, though. Oh, yeah. If he doesn't know you, don't come up to him. No. See, I've stood there while he... Someone would be like, oh, Jerry, love you. He goes, thanks a lot. Can I have a picture? No, thanks. That's what he does. Yeah. No, thanks. There's a great scene where a guy goes, Jerry, I'm a huge fan. They shake hands and he goes, all right, I gotta get out of here. But it was such a pleasure. And he goes, we just shook. Yeah.

we don't need to shake twice and I was like oh man I'll never ask to shake his hand yeah that's a tough one it's also like we've all been there though with the drunk after the show who shakes your hand nine times totally we're like let's just kiss at this point I know and the thing is as performers if you

To go, hey, dude, leave me alone. That's a normal reaction. Yeah. But for us, it's like, oh, yeah, he was a fucking dick. Exactly. No, you bothered me five times. Right. And I tell them, I go, dude, what if I did that to you? It's normal to go, dude, all right already. Yeah, of course. I'm not being a dick. I shook your hand.

But they keep, and one more thing, and one more thing. You're like, fuck. I was at the cellar the other night, and this guy comes up to me. He's a really nice guy. He's piss drunk, though. And he comes over to me, and he's like, hey, man, I'm a fan. My wife's not doing well. And I said, oh, come here. Let's send her a video. I'm being funny in the video. So we're making a video. I'm trying to be funny in the video. A drunk waiter from the cellar comes behind us and starts going, ah!

Like his wife's got cancer, you fucking idiot. Trying to do a nice thing. But he was too drunk to reason with her. God damn it. God damn. Yeah, man. That's the balance. But that's good. Everybody I talk to, you know, I do the road, whatever. How would you have here lately? We had Godfrey. Different hour every night. I hear it too. And it makes me feel like shit. Yeah. How do you do it? You know what? I think...

Is it boredom? Are you just at the top level of the video game? You're like, I got to challenge myself. I never feel the same on every show. And here's my weird thinking. I go, the one thing I don't... I've seen people talk about comics, like regular people. And they'll be like, yeah, I love this guy. He just does the same shit all the time. Same shit, same... And one time I saw...

a waitress watching a comic reciting... I've seen it. The Kiss of Death. She's just reciting it. She wasn't yelling it out. She was going... She was mouthing it. The Kiss of Death. That's how often this person... This never changes their act. And I go... And I was watching it from... I go, oh, I don't ever want that to happen to me. Right. That just gave me a challenge. Totally. So I go...

And I'd go, you know what? I'm just going to challenge myself. And plus, I was always working out new shit all the time. I never, ever stopped working out new shit. I would just go, I'm going to try this. I would take a lot of chances. Like, I tell, take a lot. I was around, remember, I was around Gerald, all those guys. So we were chance takers. We were just, okay, I'm going to try that. I'm going to try that. And Gerald always said, he's like, man, how the fuck are you always doing new shit? I go, I just do it. I don't give a fuck. You can't give a fuck. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. That's pretty cool coming from him though too. Oh yeah, he would be like, I fucking hate you. You fucking did a brand new fucking joke. I go, yeah. And Colin Quinn taught me to milk a joke. Like when he first saw me do my Nigerian dad joke, I started it at the Boston Comedy Club. Boston used to have

10 people in the fucking room. But it was a good workout room in the middle of the week. So when I was working on, I was working for Cosby. I think I did. I worked for Cosby. You did warm up for Cosby. Warm up. I'd do eight hour warm ups. I'd be fucking dead. Oh my God. But I would take the train and go. And Gina Savage who works there now. Gina was running.

the Boston Comedy Club and Gina would be like you want to do a set at 2am I'd say yeah I'm coming from Queens I'm gonna do my set and so I would come and I would just you know work out new shit you know what I mean that's what I did but there's less pressure at that time yeah you just fucked around and then you would get new shit you go no that was good and Colin saw me do my dad's joke the first time I ever did my I said let me talk about being Nigerian man what the fuck I was born in Nebraska

I'm Nigerian. Grew up in Chicago. Fuck. You know. That's a lot there. So I started to. Let me talk about me. So my first joke was. Yeah. I said. What do I do about my dad. Without putting him down. I said. Yeah. When I. I remember when people used to call my parents house. You know how you say it when you're a big. Yeah. Comedy. Yeah.

A lot of ums. It was like, yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Anyway. You guys are good. You're a good crowd. You guys ever have a dad? I like you guys. You ever have a dad? Who has a dad? Yo, that's crazy. Crazy shit out there. Give it up for the ladies, huh?

Yeah, anyway, what was I talking about? Dad, right? So he's like, my dad was, my dad, I'm Nigerian, you know, blah, blah, blah. I said, if you don't believe me, I used to say, call my parents' house. My father pick up the phone. You think you're talking to the Lion King, right? So I'd be like, hello, can I speak to Godfrey? Godfrey's not here. You see? And that's the laughter I got. And I said, and then he was like, and then they would start to crank call him because they don't believe him. Hello? Hello?

a zimba wet click and I got big laughs that was the only that was all the joke had I didn't have anything else yeah but it got big laughs I said okay I can build it right and Colin saw it and he goes like this he goes like this I didn't know you were an engineer I didn't fucking work on that shit he goes like this he goes no this is what you gotta do you gotta work on it you gotta you gotta you gotta have fucking levels to that

You milk that shit. Don't stop. Stay in that fucking joke. But he taught, he told me that shit. Wow. He told me to stop hosting at the cellar. Really? I hosted at the cellar for five years. When I passed, SD wanted me to host. Cause I had all this energy. I've seen you host and you're fucking great. I was, I can see why you need to get out of that. I,

I could host my ass. So people would be like, yo, bring the host. I was that dude. I know. I've seen it. It would be Greg Rogel. It would be Greg Rogel, Barry. They were always the first two because they were low energy. Greg Rogel, Barry. It was all of them. And I would host from 9 to 3 in the morning. Jeez.

Jesus. It was no little shows. It was just one show. And they pay you for one show. Yeah, and you had to pay the comics. They give you the money and the receipts. Hilarious. Oh, my God. And you got a deal. Todd Berry's going up after you. I'm going to bring the energy down real quick. Hey, folks. How you doing? Can I just say all these... I mean, now I sound like old man Norman. These young comics, they get one viral thing on TikTok. You're like a blue-collar guy clocking in.

You work at the Cosby show, you train down, then you work at a 2 a.m. with 10 people in the crowd. I mean, it was for the love of the game back then. You're like, maybe I'll get on The Tonight Show. Maybe. Who knows? And a lot of these cats, they go viral. They're selling out shit. You're selling out. It's going good.

Listen, because- You're selling tickets. Come on. Thank God I got- Well, I was selling tickets before because I would do MTV, yeah, and 7-Up, commercials, whatever. Oh, yeah. But I feel like each year's got to be better for you, right? Yeah, because of that social- I'm glad I got on that motherfucker. You got to do it. Six years ago, seven- Even though they suspended my-

My account is suspended right now. Why is that? Just fucking talking shit to somebody that was talking shit back to me. I go, oh, shut up, you fathead. And they go, oh, community guidelines. It's getting so dangerous, man. It's like just I wasn't saying anything political. I didn't talk about Palestine, Israel. I didn't do any of that. I just said, yeah, shut the fuck up. Like that shit. Oh, jeez.

It's so dangerous because it's like, I mean, look, there's many forms of censorship, right? But this is, we talk about like censors on TV. This is censors on social media. Oh, yeah. They're silencing you. They're making it so you can't say anything.

What do you want to say? And there's so much crazy shit on there that they don't censor. Yes. And this is the shit they choose? They choose that, but then there's skinheads and all kinds of shit. But it's an algorithm that doesn't understand sarcasm either. It's a robot. Exact context. So you're doing an algorithmic, sarcastic fucking program, motherfucker. Well, if you say the word Nazi, even if you're like shitting on Nazis or you're being sarcastic about Nazis. Yeah, you can't do that. He said the word Nazi. Yeah, so the algorithm, app.

no no yeah oh fucking whatever yeah so that's what's happening that happens the skanks the legion of skanks you know they got i saw that on youtube well they keep the goalpost keeps moving in that's the problem like those guys have always been like going for it which i respect yeah they would go all like oh yeah but you know what racial shit and i was like yeah lewis is squeezing everything out of that puerto rican bar rack he's like i can say the n-word i

I got a little brown on me. But there's got to be a limit of Edwards. Go to another race. You build up a profile, but there's something fucked up about being able to build a profile on this. You put so much into building up your YouTube, and now YouTube's like, oh, you can't do that anymore. It's like, okay, we could a year ago. Exactly. How about a warning? Yeah. Don't just take me off. I think they should have a warning. They sent us a digital pamphlet.

Yeah. I like pamphlets. No one uses that word anymore. That's true. Give me a pamphlet. Like, hey, just don't do this, don't do this, don't do that. I've been doing lives now on my...

What's it called? On my podcast, I'm doing the YouTube account. I didn't know that it was that dope. I'm getting super, Chad, you make money. Oh, right, right. And my buddy, you know, Chad Zumach? Oh, geez, do I? Fucking nuts. Chad Zumach always fights with Kevin Brennan and shit. But Chad, I've known for a long time. And Chad goes, you know you should be going on your lives with,

with your podcast. So I went on there. I have 415,000 subscribers. Damn. Didn't think to go live on there. It's a tard, you know? Yeah. And I've been doing it on Instagram. Instagram has been my thing because I've done sketches on there. And then they go, you should be on YouTube. I go, YouTube looks...

I said, YouTube looks too hard. Yeah. But it's not. It is overwhelming though when you think about it. It's overwhelming, but I forgot I built up all these subscribers. Yeah. 450. I got 15,000 new ones this week. Like in a week and a half, I got 15,000 new subscribers. Just from going live. From going live. Whoa. Good to know. And then they're sending money.

Yeah. Fuck, you guys don't do that. I should be doing that. I did it for my special. That was about it. When I put out a YouTube special, I went live. Do you like going live? Is live your thing? You guys don't seem like the guys that like to do that. I'll do a little Q&A sometimes. That's dope. I'm in a hotel room. I'm bored. That's a good idea. I'll try to be funny and a thing, but...

You know, but it's, no. Talk basketball, you know, or something. Yeah, that's not bad. We can go on live together sometimes. I'm down for that. We can do that. Dude, that's badass. Yeah, basketball, the whole, you know. Yeah, so that's what's been happening with me. Thank God I did social media, man. Doing my characters and that shit has gone viral a lot of times. So I know some of the great impressions you do, but what are some impressions that you don't, like you're great at, but you don't do a lot?

Some obscure ones? I do Jason Statham pretty good because I did it on Jim Norton's show. Let's hear it. He brought Jason Statham to, and I, yeah, oh yeah, on the transporter is what I do. I knew it. Goldfrey, I heard you were talking like me. Yeah.

Wow, that's dead on. I did. And Jim Norton called me and says, God, I'm bringing Jason Statham on. What? You have to come on. You have to come on. I said, okay. It came on there. Jason Statham. I'm talking with Jason Statham. I'm like, what the fuck, man? And then Opie, it was Opie and Jim at the time. And Opie goes, yeah, you do a Jason Statham. I didn't know when he was going to say it. I go, fucking Jason. Oh, that's when he was a sky high dive. Oh, is that him? Yeah, he's diving. What? What a hunk.

Yeah, he's a badmuffin. He's just a badass. He's just been a badass forever. And he's still going. He's in that new movie Bumblebee Man or whatever. Yeah, Beekeeper. Beekeeper, that's it. Bumblebee Man. Sorry. I think that's the Simpsons guy. The Mexican guy, yeah.

How about, are you pumped that Trump is back because you get to bring back Trump? I'm so happy. Listen, man, let's keep it real. We're happy he's back. You know, Shane Gillis, all of us that do Trump. It's going to be Cat Williams. I did a Trump Cat Williams thing and it was cool. Oh, smart. Because I have a fucked up wig.

But I have, you know, all you do is have a red tie and a blue jacket. People know you could just put a nest on your head as long as it's blonde. Cat Williams. Very good video. Smart to combine. Cat Williams. Puerto Rico.

Oh, is this from Rich Eisen? Cat Williams is smart because he shit on Rogan, and Rogan's like, come on. You know what I liked about Rogan? Rogan's, I mean, like Cat said. Oh, there you go. Wow, you're not fucking around with that wig. I'm going to be your president. You know what it is. 2024, you're president. But enough about me, enough about me. Did you see the amazing interview by Cat?

I'll repeat it again. Cat Williams. Very, very, very funny comedian. I never really heard about Cat Williams. Never really heard about him until this week when I saw his interview. Wow. It's broken the internet. It's the only time you get a comedian in a suit is when they're doing an impression of someone else. I even said, you know, Club Shea Shea is...

Shannon Sharp show, Club Cha-Cha. He goes, welcome Club Cha-Cha. Club Cha-Cha. That's Club Cha-Cha. And I said, Club Cha-Cha. And then I said, Club Shawshank. Shawshank.

Nice. Yeah, I love that. DeSantis groveling to Trump is so funny. I haven't seen that. After Ron DeSantis, he backed out. So just watching him try to go Trump and then lose to Trump and Trump in front of him, him just having to be like, you know. DeSantis, when I would hear about how DeSantis was canceling black history shit, he was just this hardcore government. Then when I heard him talk, I go, are you fucking kidding me? That's his voice. He goes, I just want to tell you.

I hope to run for president. Get your fucking bitch ass voice. Listen to him talk. His bitch ass voice. By the way, Hampshire. Oh, wow.

It's not open. Governor of Florida? It's not open. Listen, guys. Listen, man. But then you watch Trump. He's like working on nicknames the way we work on material. I saw that. Where he's like Fat Ron DeSantis and no one laughs. And then the next week he's like Meatball Ron and it kills. He's like, it's in the act. It's in the act. He's like a comic. He works it out. He's like a comic. Please show. You're going to show him? Watch this. We left it all out on the field.

Now, following our second place finish in Iowa, we've prayed and deliberated on our way forward. I've never really listened to him. He's bitch-making. He's bitch-making. Florida. Like, Florida be like, God damn, Lord, me gator. God, did me do salmon noodles. And he's like this, my fucking state. I want to tell you. Shit, Miran can run for fucking. Yes! I

Miran Kagani. Shout out to Miran Kagani. There you go, Miran. Yo, that's fucking, yo. I'm just like, whatever the fuck out of here. I like the picture of Trump calling Gina Savage. I got to come down there. I got a couple nicknames. Gina Savage, got some words. Just trying to work some things out. That would be hilarious if we got bumped by Trump. What's my Spotify?

Oh my God. Trump just comes on and he's like, he's like Sleepy Joe. It's in the act. Trump would sell the fuck out. People would be like, yo, Trump does. He does arenas. Yeah, he's got a rally. He could do, he could sell the fuck out. He sells merch. He's got the hat. What about, what about

Show Trump when he goes, when the lady, what's her, Megan, the little hot, the mean one, the hot one from Fox, when she asked Trump. Megyn Kelly? Oh, and she goes, and Trump goes, just Rosie O'Donnell. And the place laughs like a comedy club. Oh, pull it up. And he's waiting, he goes, just Rosie O'Donnell. And the place, I mean, they're laughing like, you know, like a Def Jam audience. Right, right.

The black people laugh. Yeah. Watch. Watch this shit. This is so cool. Is this it? This is a man who has called women pigs. No, no, no. Not that one. Is it Megan? Someone who has said pregnancy is an inconvenience to employers. Who has said women don't deserve to be in the state.

No, you got to get Megyn Kelly. It has to be the one where he goes, you say you call confession. But this is when he was like a more chill because in the Biden debates, he's like cutting them off. He's like, shut up, shut up. But here he's like, no, not true. I cannot wait for him. I'm sorry. It's just going to be great. It's OK. Here we go. Oh, she's good looking. Oh, man. Dogs, slobs and disgusting animals. He perks up. Only Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, man.

Watch the place. Watch this. Watch the place. Damn, it is Jeff Jam. Holy shit. They're dying. Wow, he stole that from Mark Curry. Bitch ass. Watch his face when he comes with a line in his head. Yes, yes. He's got the light bulbs. Slobs and disguise. Yes.

He even grabs the mic yeah, he sets it up with a perk slobs and just

Pest dispenser. What the fuck was that? That was awesome. Almost like a Rodney. Like, here it comes. I tell you. Yo, that was. Let's do dueling Rodneys real quick. Oh. He does a better Rodney. No, I don't. I'll tell you. You're a great crowd.

Big proud. Wow. Big proud. I tell you, Johnny, I got a lot of work, Johnny. Just pick your favorite. My mother never breastfed me. Well, let me do it again. Oh, thank you. Take two. I got a throw. Let me see. Let me see. My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. That's fucking great. That's great. It's like, my wife always told me, why don't you take me somewhere different? I took her to the kitchen. I go on a Rodney Dangerfield, like I go on a rabbit hole like every couple weeks and

And he was on Johnny Carson over 300 something times. Is that right? 300? I think it was. Yeah. That's insane. There's some Rodney Dangerfield interviews where Carson literally forgets about the other guests and has Rodney on so long that Rodney goes, uh, so how you doing, Johnny? Hi.

And Johnny just goes, ha, ha. He just runs. Because he loved him. Yeah. So much. He made him a superstar. Oh, yeah. And when Johnny lets you sit down, I think it's over 300. I don't know how many. The one where he. Detroit. That's a great place. I'll pick up some plugs and points while I'm there, too, I think. You know what I mean? Ha, ha, ha.

I mean, the center stage in Detroit Friday night. They didn't have that down there. They didn't have that down there? No. Well, what are they going to do? The center stage in Detroit. The center stage. I mean, Dangerfield Saturday night. I'll be in Dangerfield the whole month of June. You've got to keep busy all the time. You've reopened it. You know, and I relaxed, too. You know, I relaxed. I went to a wild party. Did you? Tell us about it. Well, I played a new version of Russian roulette. Yeah, we passed around six girls, and one of them had VV. VV. You couldn't say that. By the way, interesting. No. You're like Trump. Oh, interesting. Interesting. I did the...

I was watching Back to School the other day. It's the best movie. Even the throwaway lines when he's talking about his... Burt Young's talking about Rodney's shitty ex-wife. He goes, hey, don't knock Vanessa. She gives great headache. It's like a throwaway. That's great. I love that shit. Yeah, man. That's when... I have a... Oh, this is a good story. You remember Fabio? Sure. Okay. Now, Fabio, Italian...

like models super yeah fabio works out at my gym in um la what equinox on sunset okay right off sunset so fabio and i love fabio because fabio does not play games he's all about pussy he don't play he's like italian old school and he goes and me and chad we we have pictures me and chad and he goes uh

And he's always talking like this. You see that hot girl there? Oh, fucking beautiful. He's like an old school creep. Not a creep, but he doesn't creep on girls. But he was a supermodel. So he used to live in New York. And he told me this story. He goes, you guys do comedy, right? Yeah. He goes, you know, I have a great story of Rodney Dangerfield. So we used to live in a palladium. It was a really expensive apartment place when he was a supermodel. And he goes, I remember we lived down the hall from Rodney Dangerfield.

And Rodney, one time, you know, whenever we would go out,

you know, we would like play music. We play music. Cause you know, my, all the models guys are on my house. He goes, I remember Rodney Dangerfield. He just, he would always have a robe on and be naked under. Yeah. And he would come in all fucking, you know? Yeah. And one day he broke in and said, Hey, why, how come you never invite me to your parties? You always have parties. You never invite me. He goes, Rodney, we don't have, we just play music. No, you're fucking lying. You gotta start inviting me to your parties. What the fuck? You know? And,

And he would do that, break in butt naked. Wow. And then sometimes they would have to pick Rodney Dangerfield up in the middle of the hallway because he'd be fucked up, knocked out. Damn. So they had to carry him. He goes, Rodney was a wild motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He liked to get fucked up. Until he got sober with this new girl. Right. Look at that. Sandler, Fabio, and Rodney in a room together. Oh, is that...

see what i'm saying yeah yeah that's that's he gave it yeah i gave us that he goes yeah this shit was wild holy moly i drink too much i got a urine sample they found an olive in it yo that shit's so good he's classic you heard the leno story rodney's on his deathbed he's in a coma he's in the hospital and his wife is there and she's like jay just talk to him you know try to make him feel better i don't know if he can hear you but he's in a coma so do it do whatever you can and jay's like all right

and he puts his finger in Rodney's hand. It's like that. He's out, and he goes, if he squeezes your finger, that means he feels you, and he squeezes his finger, and Jay goes, Rodney, I love you. That's not my finger. And he said Rodney, like, twitched. Yeah.

So you got to laugh at him right at the end. Fucking dope. I don't want you to be late for your thing. You have a thing to do. I'm pushing it a little bit. No, I have to do something that like there's a car coming for me. I have to do one of these interviews. It's ABC, but you have to say, what do you feel about people lengthening their legs? Oh.

What? Haven't you heard about those new operations they perform now? No. You can get taller now. Oh, DeSantis. So they break your legs and they put a thing in there so you can be taller. Yeah, there's the new operations that are happening now. So it's a long recovery too. Yeah, you got to learn to walk again and

I just think it's that shit fucking looks painful. This is my ticket to the NBA, dude. Yeah. Yeah, right? Who's the spokesperson? Tonya Harding? Comes in there with a fucking pipe. I don't even... Cat Williams. You want to get taller?

But yeah, I don't, yeah, it's the new thing. So one guy did it. He was like five, nine, and now he's like six, two. What? But he had to re, you know, they have pictures of him walking. Damn, that does not seem worth it. No. I mean, insecurity is lucrative. Well, you guys are tall already, so you don't know what this is like. Would it be worth

A few more inches? No, I'm 5'10". If I was short. But if you're already getting pussy, who gives a fuck? I already got a point there. I mean, but you're married. I'm sorry. But yeah. But you're getting professional pussy. Yeah, I had a good run. But you know, if you're still getting girl, who gives a fuck? If you're not getting any women, maybe so. Every actor's like 5'6". Yeah. Peter Dinklage is giving girls to Dinklage. You know what I mean? He must be, right? Yeah. He came to the cellar. Really?

Chappelle was there and he was fucked up. You know whenever Chappelle's in town, the most random actors show up. Right. You go, how the fuck does he know all these motherfuckers? Well, it started with John Mayer. You're like, what are they doing together? Mayer was hanging with Sherrod first. Oh.

Oh, interesting. But Esty wanted me and John Mayer to hang out, but I was never around. I was always out, gone, on the road. But he started hanging with Sherrod, tight. Then James Smith. Remember James Smith? Oh, I love James Smith. I just saw him in Australia. James Smith was...

I'm not going to lie. James Smith is a cloud chaser. I said it, James. Great comedian. Ooh, baby. Very funny. But he's a cloud chaser. He's very funny, though. I love James. And I love James. James, I said, dude, you're so fucking hilarious. Your joke writing is dope. But he was John Mayer's dude then. Because I remember when it got too bad. Because Sherrod didn't want anybody hanging out with John Mayer. He didn't want anybody talking to John Mayer for too long. I'm not even bullshitting you. Then...

It was weird. Then James Smith, one day me and John are talking and his brother, I think his brother's name's Carl. John has a brother who's taller than him. Because, you know, John is like,

six two six three yeah yeah tall guy brother carl is a is a business guy taller than him so we're all hanging and he's with his dad he brought his dad too to the cellar and we're all talking and then james comes over and goes are you all right buddy you good buddy no like james get the fuck out of here we're in the same restaurant right yeah it got really weird oh no yeah it got really weird so yeah and so you know but

John tried to do comedy too. Yeah. And I remember sitting with David Tell. You know how David Tell waits on the stairs? He was waiting on the stairway to go on at the cellar. John Mayer's on stage. Oh, boy. This is not a recipe for something good. John's on stage. And John, listen, great guitarist the whole nine. So John's doing some weird shit on stage, not working. Right? Dave goes up.

You know how Dave could like, he does this thing where he's talking about you, but it's so clever. Yeah. Just that jab, like that Ali shit. He goes, he's like, John Mayer. He's like, John Mayer doing comedy. He goes, you know what? You can see me around the corner playing guitar. Woo!

Is it killing? Show the Shannon Sharpe laugh, brother. And he was crushing with this, right? Oh, it was, whew. I was there. I was like, oh, that was beautiful. I love when it tells...

I want to tell him he's killing it so hard that he starts banging the microphone stand. Yeah, he goes, ah, damn boogie. He's like, read his, read his. Do you remember anything else he said from that set? The John Mayer lines? Fuck no. He just said that because he was waiting. And he's like, what are you doing? And he just did it.

And the mayor laughed, but he knew it was a jab. I was right. I was like, good. You got to laugh. But it's like, get off. Yeah, it's not for everybody. Just play your guitar. Yeah. You could be a fan of comedy, but you don't see us taking guitar lessons. No. I would like to, but I'm not going to go and join a band. Yeah. If I want to learn an instrument, but it's for myself, I'm not going to go, hey, you didn't see me on Monday at the cellar? I know. You hear that, Noam?

Got enough with the band already. Norm's a fantastic guy. He's incredible. His father was a mandolin player, too. Oh, really? There's footage of his dad playing in the 60s. What? Yeah, man. Damn. What a cool lineage, you know? Yeah, man.

I don't see you at the Cellar quite as much. Are you still coming down a lot? You mean the original Cellar? Well, either. I don't know. No, I'm always... Our timing is... Yeah, we're all busy. I'm on the road. I've been going there earlier because I'll show you why. Cellar, you can play. You can play. This is today. That's why I don't see you. You don't do late night shit. You guys... I saw you...

Yeah, I'm there always late. I like the late. Late for me works for me because it just makes it better for you. Yeah. I think that's where Aziz Ansari started following me. I know Aziz, strange dude, but he's always been my friend. Yeah. But he goes...

He goes, man, he's like, I've been going late because you're always late. I think I want to do what you're doing. And it challenges you. And that's I've always been the late dude. Just I just me, Dave, Dave. We just like late and I stay late. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. And then it's too, after everybody's done their shit, you don't have to worry about anybody bitching about you being on there too long. That's why we go, if I go late, I'm going to do extra time. Yeah. Because I'm the last guy. Yeah, no one cares. What's the difference? Everyone did the unicycle shit. This is why I'm coning early. Why? It's outside my window. Oh, damn.

every day for five months? Nine months? Five months? 16? 18? Yeah. But that's how they get paid. I know. They take their time. They hit two. They go like this. Dink, dink, break time. Oh, dude, but this is better than it used to be. They used to be on my window just banging on the window. What did they fix? What are they doing? I don't fucking know. Something underground? Some Section 11 horse shit. They have to make sure loose bricks don't fall out so they're going through every brick

in the building they're building houses for the migrants yeah that's they extend my friend works construction he goes yeah we take our time get that money you know oh yeah union yeah union keep those fucking cones around there and start hammering away and you don't know what the fuck we're banging on

That's why you got to go early. I used to be a late night guy there too, but I'm like, I get woken up at fucking 8.15 from that shit. What time do you get to do the cellar? I've been calling it. I'm like, I'll only do it early. 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock? Yeah, I'll do like 9 or 10, but not after 10 anymore. Wow, good for you. Just because the fucking, I used to love the late shows because it would be a tell. But early shows are fun too. It's like Quinn and Norton and shit. And the crowds are so behaved. They're almost too behaved. They're really behaved.

Norton's new shit, man, is so funny. He's great. Oh my God. It's all about his trans wife. It's fucking incredible. I gotta see that shit. It's so funny and like, you've never heard this type of perspective. Yeah, he was always a, he always talked about that twisted shit though. Yep. He was always. Before everybody. Yeah. Before it was cool. Yes. And I remember he would go,

I always because I don't know. I learned from the seller on how to shit on the crowd and dig a hole and come back out of it. Yeah, I was never like, hey, guys, I was like, oh, what? You fucking horrible crowd. What's up? Yeah. You know, and Dave was like that. And Jim Jim was the best because he'd go up. If you like give up for Jim Norton, they'd be like, he goes, what did I suck on the way up? I hate you people.

When I auditioned, I had to follow Norton. It was the height of ONA. So he was like a star. And he was riffing. He was killing. And a hot lady walked to the bathroom. And he goes, holy shit, are you single? She goes, yeah. And he goes, what's your name? She goes, I'm Sheila. He goes, I'm going to fuck Sheila in the bathroom. Kills. He gets off.

And I'm freaking out because I'm on next. I'm auditioning. I'm a young nobody. And I go up and I just go, that was a little awkward. I was dating Sheila a minute ago. And it killed. Thank God. But it was a risk. Big risk. Nice job. Esty was there. She was like, oh, I like that. I thought you were a hack. I like the way you bounced off. Oh, I remember Esty. Esty got good timing, too. There's a guy. I remember some dude.

I don't think he was a regular at the Cellar, so he was eating his balls. He was like a hack comic from some fucking city. And he came on there and tried to get that juice from that dead New York, fucking just ate his ass up. So he comes up, I remember this shit. He goes up, Keith goes on next. Keith goes on murdering. And so the guy comes up, he goes, yeah, the crowd just didn't get me. And then he goes...

Well, Keith is killing. Oh, my God. That's heartbreaking. Keith, I don't understand. She's quick. What did he say to that? He goes, no, Keith is killing. Oh, yeah. That's brutal. Oh, yeah. It was you. Keith is killing. We were there for brunch last weekend, and John Laster was like, you know, it says here, this is crazy, that what's the average amount of people most people have sex with?

in their life and the average was five and I was like five that's insane and SD goes it does more than five she's quick like that oh yeah he's fucking yeah man damn this is cool I do gotta leave though plug some dates coming up when is this showing when is it coming out good question

That is a damn February. I'll be like, January, I'll be at the... Yeah, right. February 4th? Okay, not bad. Hey, Black History. Black History Month. Y'all planned this on purpose. See, the white man always has an agenda. Hey, Garfrey, come on the set. I go, is it February? Yeah, shortest month. I think we got 29 days this year, though. Yeah, bitch. They're always late. Yo, check it out. Okay, February.

Okay, the 9th and 10th, I'm at Zany's in Tennessee. Oh, fun club. Zany's, it's a great club. Zany's, the 9th and 10th, all right? Show the fuck up. It'll be good. I always have a good time there. Shout out to Lucy. She's fantastic. Oh, yeah, she's great. The 15th to the 18th, San Antonio, LOL. San Antonio, the 15th to the 18th.

And then I got, oh, Wes Nyack. Wes Nyack. Oh, nice. 22nd to the 25th. Wes Nyack, Levity Live, Levity Live. And then go to GodfreyLive.com. All my dates up there. Nice. GodfreyLive.com.

Check out where I'm going to be. You know, I got dates all the way up to December, I think. And also go to every show because he does a different fucking hour. And I want to be like these guys. I got to give you all credit. I love what you guys are doing. I love you doing theaters. You earned it. You fucking earned it. You guys are some of the greatest comedians around. That's fact.

Thank you, man. Your writings and fan... I watch all you guys' shit. I love your videos. I love your jokes. You guys have fucking earned it because I've watched you and I've seen you work. And you guys continue to work. So congrats on you guys. Thanks, man. Which is badass. That's why I say, I'm coming back on your motherfucking podcast. And shout out to Adam Carolla who always puts me on his podcast. Oh, you kill it on there. He's a big fan. He goes, God, I need you on my podcast again. Come on. He's so...

odd, but he loves me because he produces with my first agent, one of my first agents, Mike August. You know, he does a lot of car documentaries. And so I was watching all his race car documentaries. I'm a big Doc fan. And I go, Mike August. I go, producer Mike. I go, shit, I know Mike August. He sounds like my agent.

And he goes, yeah. I was like, that's my agent. Oh, crazy. My first agent. Oh, wow. So yeah, his producing partner was my first agent. So yeah, Corolla, man. He shows me a lot of love, too. There you go. You guys do. He's quick as hell. No, we love you, man. And yeah, I'll be in Dallas, Addison Improv, OKC, Bricktown Comedy Club, Irvine Improv. Those are sweet. Salt Lake City, and then new special at the Wilbur. So looking forward to that. Oh!

I'm gonna shoot a I'm shooting my December I'm gonna shoot December 14th I wanna shoot a special I love the fucking Great room I love the world Samorelle.com Slash shows Yeah Wilbur's the best A pod too A podcast Oh my podcast In Godfrey we trust On Gas Digital I've been on it Yeah I gotta come back sometime It was great Gas Digital Network

Tuesdays and Fridays, me and Dante. And I'm celebrating my 500th episode. Oh! 500th. I'm going to do it live at the stand. I've never done a live episode. So I'm doing it at the stand on January 30th. So...

But, you know, that's cool. That'll be great. Hey, martinromancomedy.com coming all over your face. Houston, San Antonio, Charlotte, Boise, Salt Lake, Atlanta, Raleigh, Austin. We're working, guys. Tucson, Phoenix. Yeah. You're working. Never take your work for granted, guys. No. Ever. Go away at any moment. We're in a boom, baby. And we're soaking it up. And people will say, yo.

Well, there was one comic. He's not a real comic, Instagram comic. And he has so many followers that he's not really that good a comic. He packs theaters. He goes, anybody that does comedy clubs? I go, no, dude. What? 99% of comics do comedy clubs because it's a fucking comedy club. Hell yeah. And that's what comedians do. That was my plan was to make the shit fit for the taping, you know, to just get the reps. Listen, even when you go to theaters and comedy clubs, you always want both.

You always want both. Yes, I agree. Because these comedy clubs aren't small. Some of them are 400, 500 seats. Exactly. Not easy to fill. I don't give a fuck if it's a D room. Not easy to bring people to come and see you. And there's waiters walking around. There's chicken wings. There's checks. There's all kinds of shit. There's 100 seaters that people are trying to get people to come to. You got that right. So it's a big privilege, and don't ever take it for granted. Never. Don't ever take that shit for granted. I'm telling you, 2008, when they had that big financial and comedy club.

comics weren't working. They were like, I'm never going to refuse a gig. I said, I never did. You shouldn't take that for granted, bro. There you go. Right on. Get some Bodega Cat and check out Godfrey. We'll see you. BodegaCatWhiskey.com. All right. Thank you, guys. Clip, Shay, Shay. Clip, Josh, yeah. Thank you. This woman doesn't show up.