Ep 154: Jimmy Carr
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Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk. We got a hot guest. He's on his way in from across the pond. I don't want to give anything away. All over the states, too. He's hanging. Oh, he's international. You look at those dates. We think we're cool. It's like, hey, Australia, Cleveland. This guy is Munich.

North Pole, Wuhan, Hamas, you name it. That's not a place. That's not a place. No one's going to say this. From the sea to the ocean, whatever the hell the term is. What is it? From the sea to the cunt? I can't remember. C-section? Who knows? From the river to the... What the hell is going on here? All right. Meanwhile, we're sitting with the king of New York here. No, no. Oh, that's right.

Just played MSG coming off. I'm going to see theater. It was fun. It's a fun night, man. Hell yeah. Went to the. Sold it out. Got to see the Knicks locker room, the Rangers locker room. It had the catering in because Pink was playing the big room. So there was like catering in the. You're just like hanging by Jalen Brunson's locker and there's like tuna subs and shit. Nice.

But yeah, it was crazy, man. It was fun. Fun night. Marlon Craft, your boy, did a set. He was great. All right. Hell yeah. Musician Marlon Craft. Soulful jazz rap. Love it. Oh, love that. Show in New York, wears a Walt Clyde Frazier jersey on stage.

Then we got Joe List and Will Silvins did sets. Hey. Yeah, and then Wild Knight had a crazy ex-toss from the – Wait a minute. You had an ex-girlfriend toss from the show? From like 15 years ago. Yeah.

I knew it was her heckling. I didn't say... She was heckling? Yeah. Crazy ex is the key here. Yeah, yeah. What a win, though. Your ex gets to see you at a sold-out garden. You do a bit. She gets tossed. It's not a win because I'm going to have to get a restraining order. Oh, it's that crazy. There are times when you're young where you're like, well, maybe this won't work out, but not to that extent. Man.

You don't think, like, maybe I'll have to show a judge text messages. You're right. You just think maybe I'll have to see other people. Sure. To see other judges. I made out with a girl in front of my ex once. To me, I thought that was a win, though. But this is pretty good. It's not a win. It's a lot. Walk me through getting her removed. Well, my agent... No, I have a joke. I had a long bit about her I didn't do out of respect because she sent me a million texts I didn't answer saying I'm coming with my mom. So I'm like, let me not do this bit. And then...

I do a joke that's not even about her, obviously, where I say, well, I guess she could assume it's about her, but it's not. I say, you know, I've never dated a woman with a good father. That's the setup. And she goes, hey. Oh, my God. Hey. So I knew it was her. Yeah. Hey. I'm like, ugh. So I kind of diffuse it pretty quickly. I mean, like, am I getting heckled by a fucking manatee? Meh. And I'm just trashing her and whatever. And Berkowitz, my agent, who's, you know, he's a shark.

He runs out there and goes, shut the fuck up. Whoa. And they're like, you know, blown away. And he goes, if you don't leave right now, you will be arrested. And she goes, who are you? And he goes, Paul. He made up a backstory of the security guard. And he goes, my name is Paul. And then I guess he nodded to another security guard, my lawyer. Just two medium-sized Jews. But MSG security threw me out a long message, whatever. And.

Do you have a code? You know, get this bitch a drink or whatever? No, that's, I think, DeRosa's code. Yeah, I think that's the standard. Get this person a drink. No, and also, I didn't even do it. I was just annoyed because I was like, ugh, this is just like, let me just get to this bit. So I just, usually I'll entertain a heckler and I'll fucking slam him, but I was like, I know who this is. They're not right in the head. This is going to go badly. What's the mom doing? Is the mom going, shh? I think apologizing for her. Okay, at least the mom's sane. Yeah, I mean...

Yeah, it was nutty. But yeah, the night as a whole was killer. You know, the cellar staff was there. Asti, Noam, Val, Liz, everyone. Wow.

Yeah, wild night. Really fun. I puked. Nice. I didn't drink that much. I think it was a combo of the booze and the stress levels. Sure. But yeah, I was down for the count. It was multiple middle-of-the-night wake-up pukes, which that's always unpleasant. Ooh, damn, I haven't had one of those in years. It was rough. Yeah. It wasn't good. So now you got no sleep and you're yakking. Not good. Yeah, rough Sunday. What are you going to do? I'm having naches.

What? Huh? That's for pride. I'm so proud. Oh. I feel so good. You played the fucking garden. I thought this left my body that night. Jesus Christ. What the hell are you using? I hope a paraglider comes in and shoots you. Jesus Christ. What?

What the hell was that? Anyway, I'm really, I'm really. Oh, thank you, buddy. Yes. It was a fun night. It was cool. It's cool to see your parents happy. Brother and sister didn't come. Did a joke about that. Oh, really? Because they were running the marathon the next day. So I said, my dad writes an email. All three of you have a big weekend. I go, fuck you. It's my weekend. Hey. Hey, Jimbo. Join us. How are you? How are you, man? Hey, good to see you, man. Looking sharp.

That's you. You come on, we might be drunk. You come, don't dress up. This is huge. Oh, yeah. This is my big break. Good to have you. You've been doing the pod run lately, I see. Yeah, I did a couple. I mean, they're very fun. Sure. It's a really kind of interesting thing now where people go, I'd rather do this than do The Tonight Show, No One Calls. No, this is winning. I don't know, Joe Rogan or Modern Wisdom or whatever. And people go, oh, yeah.

That was good. Oh, yeah. This is way better. It's more authentic. You know, we're not just going to fake laugh and you don't have to sit next to it. You're not going to fake laugh. We'll give you a few. Well, I'll go. We'll get the bonus. There you go. All right. You got one. Yeah, no, it's very nice to see you, boys. You too, man. It's weird that thing of like the job that we do as well. It's like stand-up comedy is kind of self-assignment.

You kind of do it yourself. Sure. And you've got all the control. And then there's that weird thing that happens when you start working with producers. Where you go, I don't know, I'm waiting around for someone to give me permission. Yes. And then you sort of do the podcast thing just seems to fit with what comics are. You go, no, I'll just do it myself. I don't have a boss. I remember Bill Burr, I think when Louis got cancelled, Bill Burr sort of saying...

Well, I've got to cancel me. What are they going to do? Take away my garage? My podcast in my garage. Yeah. Good luck, fellas. It makes sense. I mean, I had just had the agent meeting of like, what's next? What are you working on? What's your passion? And I'm like, oh, I'm doing it.

I know that's a bummer, but this is stand-up. I think it fits into that whole thing of like, I'm getting quite stoic in my old age. I'm trying to do less better. Like, just be a stand-up. I've been doing that for years. But that thing of like, when you're trying to write a sitcom, you're on the road and you're trying to write a movie or something in the background, you go, oh, this is taking all of that mental energy. Right. And the only thing that's ever grown corn for me is writing jokes.

That's how I feel. But that's... We've talked about this a lot, is, you know... Oh, well, sorry. No, no, no, no. No, if it's boring, I'll... No, stop. Fuck, you know, this guy. I agree with what you're saying, but also, like, I do... I grew up loving movies. I do want to do that as well. We're working on a movie. We're working on a movie right now. We're trying to write one. Oh, I don't think I'm not. I've got one, I think, in pre-production. But, I mean... Ah!

But the side hustle, the amount of energy that that takes. It's a lot. And the meetings. And the... They can meet next month. Ooh, they got to meet in two months. So now we're waiting two months before we can even get anywhere. The whole business has been on strike. It doesn't feel that different. Not for a comic. It doesn't... For like movies and stuff. But that thing as well with the... I think I sort of view those as lottery tickets, right? Sure. So you're a stand-up. That's your job. Sure. And then...

The little side hustle thing of like, you go, yeah, but I'll throw something in the ring. But it's not taking a huge amount of you realize this is your main job. Yes. That's like a little hobby.

the movie business front it's not really our thing what's the movie about what are you writing a movie about we want to keep it on the DL for now it's a long process here but two girls one cup two right four girls eight cups insane it's a lot of feces the how is that a reference we keep it clean how is that a reference that everyone gets

Wow, it's a very popular film. Yeah, sure. I don't know if everyone gets it. I don't think my mom would get it, but I think she would just be like, oh, that's funny. I don't think everyone gets it. Well, that's how you test if it's a good mom. If she knows that movie, you're like, oh, she's fucked a mailman or whatever. Yeah, I mean, if your mom was in that movie, that's someone's mom. That's someone's mom. That's what it feels like. Well, one died.

One of the gals. This guy's a fan. Oh, yeah. I know the whole... You know what's as well? It's crazy she died. She was making... This podcast is listened to by a lot of people. You realize someone has just had to Google Two Girls, One Cup and gone, oh, no. Oh, they've Googled it. It's one of those ones where it fills in when you write half of it. I could never watch it, though. I could never sit through it. Pull it up.

No, don't put it up. I'm joking. I'm joking. It's a terrible Wikipedia. But one died. Hang on. It was already in your search history. See? How did she die? Shame, presumably. Presumably shame is actually something. Who died? I don't know. No, it was actually COVID. She had a shitty diet. There you go. There's the one line. There it is.

Yeah. Artie, you logging off? Okay. That was a log joke. Is this Dog Day Afternoon? Yeah. Hey, good pull. I mean, hell of a movie, right? Looks like memes. They were on trans about what...

Yeah, years ahead of everyone else like Jim Norton and in a pretty like Jim Norton and in a pretty progressive way like there aren't Yeah, it's about it. It's just kind of like yeah, that's who I like right? Last night, it's yeah, it's a remarkable movie. I read that movie that book actually before coming on I was like thinking about oh, okay. Just kind of have recommendations people talk about movies I read the Tarantino book cinema speculation mmm over the summer and I basically stopped watching new movies and

I'm just watching 70s movies now. I really recommend. Best decade. It's the best decade for music and for film. And I think it's maybe analogous to what comedy is doing now. Because comedy is the companies didn't get involved. Yes. The corporations didn't get involved yet. So in the 70s, it was kind of auteurs doing their thing. Yes. Art without committee.

Let him go. That's why Curb is so good. Just let him go. Yes, he's got that status where he can do whatever he wants. Also, it kind of started like late 60s, I think. Sure. When you had like Bonnie and Clyde and like The Graduate. I would say that all fits into that kind of 70s. Yeah, late 60s, early 70s, yeah. It's kind of great. And he's like, the Tarantino book as well. If you get like the audio book, I love the audio book. I mean, we spend our lives traveling, so it's just listening. But Tarantino reads the first like five chapters and it's so, you're just caught up in this guy's like passion. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so fucking great. He's such a nerd. He loves it. Okay. I love it. I could listen to him all day. Huge fan. I heard him talking about the movie Thief the other day and just hearing him talk about other movies he loves. Yes. You're right. It's so contagious, his passion. And he's talking about how wet the streets are in that movie. Yes. I love just like, oh, little things like that. He goes, yeah, Michael Mann would walk around with a water truck and dampen the streets so it looked like gritty in Detroit. Yeah. The little things. Yeah. You kind of would go, well, why do that?

Yeah. I often think that when they've got an establishing shot that clearly cost a fortune, you go, ah, we could have lived without that. Right. But then it's just a play. Yeah. But then it's a part of the movie in a way where you're like, I mean, I was watching a Woody Allen movie the other night, Sweden Lowdown, and you're like, just these cars. Woody Allen movies seem pretty low budget. Just these cars and a period piece cost so fucking much. Oh, yeah. The detail. To set that up. It's crazy. Yes. It's weird as well. I think you can slightly spoil it for yourself by knowing too much about the production.

Yeah. Rather than be kind of taken away. Agreed. You want to be lost in it. But then you hear about all these Tarantino weird movies, like this Apple Cigarettes, and he has all these connections from movie to movie. And you think, does that help the movie? Or does that just show how psycho detailed he is? And that's why they're good. You see what I'm saying? Which one is it?

Yeah, he's created a whole world that he's got us into, like an alternate universe. Right. I mean, that thing about Inglourious Basterds, I mean, spoiler, but the Inglourious Basterds and the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which I watched, and obviously I watched it as a guy that's, I've read a lot about those murders. And so you're watching the whole thing with this sense of sort of horrible anxiety about, oh, what's going to happen? And then it doesn't. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like the genius of it. It's a twist. Yeah. It's like a bit. Once Upon a Time in Nazi Germany was the original title, and it got shortened to Inglourious Bastards. And if you notice in both movies, he sort of makes up the ending like a storybook. Yeah. Alternate ending. Alternate ending, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I mean, I remember seeing Inglourious Bastards in the theater and people just applauding that Hitler getting shot and you're like, what a fucking weird movie-going moment. Where would you have to see that movie that they didn't get applauded? How deep in the South did you have to go before, ah, the hero dies? Or Palestine. Or Palestine.

But yeah, we saw Django in the theater and we were like, look at these white people getting shot because you're so wrapped up in it. They're just like, yeah, kill the honky. Yeah. It's extraordinary. He does feel like he gets permission. He gets like, like...

He has that kind of... He's got a little backlash. The curb status. But I think he's able to kind of go through it. It's a weird thing. Like some people are grandfathered in. Yeah. And actually, if you had to go through committee, what you can say on television now in a late night set or whatever, you know, you just, they go, no, no, you can't say that. Exactly. It's nothing. But people kind of, it's a weird thing. I think like comedy lives in that space between public and private discourse. Mm.

How do people really speak? That's good. And how, like, they speak on TV. No one speaks like that on, you know, you watch people on Good Morning America. No way. Well, no one's having a conversation like that. No, it's all HR over there. And later on, we'll be baking cookies. Join us later on. We might be drunk.

We've got traffic and travel in a minute. For example, the pumpkin spice latte is back. It's just, what? Yeah, we're making cider. South Park is grandfathered in. If you start in the 90s, you can kind of still get away with doing the shit they've done, but it's very few people can get away with it. It feels like...

A family guy as well. Yeah. Great. Fantastic. So many jokes. They've got a great podcast. Have you listened to that? No. Another, a typically disgusting display. Seth MacFarlane? No, no. It's not Seth MacFarlane. It's the writers on it. It's The Sulk. Oh, Sulk's funny. I mean, just so good. Great podcast. It's by writers for writers who hate writing. Oh.

Great podcast. Yeah. A typically disgusting display. Fantastic podcast. I'd really recommend it. Okay. I'll check that out. Really fun. Just such funny boys. They do Johnny jokes at the beginning. They

They do like... They make themselves do Johnny Carson style jokes. Oh, like a monologue. Like... Because they go, look, we're writers and like it's comics as well. You start off like reverse engineering. How do I write jokes? Yeah. And then you... They just like go, okay, well, let's just do it every week as an exercise. We're at Fly Beach. Hell yeah. It's really good. And they're sometimes terrible and sometimes magnificent. Sure. That's some... I mean, sometimes I'll just write headline jokes just to like get the engine going. Yeah. And you kind of... That thing of like that muscle of... I'm working on a thing at the moment where I'm like...

I'm trying to do a writing course to teach people how to write jokes because it feels like it's a bit of a lost art. It feels like people are, there's a bit too much magical thinking about it where people kind of go, oh, well, it just comes to me. And,

And it's like people that play music and they don't know how to read music. Right. It's better if you can read it. It's better if you know what the terms are, how to do it. Yeah, the fundamentals, that thing of like getting back to headline jokes, you kind of write those and you're kind of in that spin. So then when something happens in life, you're kind of, you're thinking in joke formats. That's so cool. Because remember when you started, you were so lost. You were like, how do I do this? You'd read joke books, you'd watch comedians, but that was about it. There wasn't really a tutorial or anything. And it was slightly that kind of myth of,

Oh, he's a genius. He's a funny guy. He's just a funny guy. He's just a, wow, that guy's just a genius. No, he sat down and wrote that. Exactly. Chris Rock is, I would say the goat. For me, the greatest ever. We're fans. And you go, you look at his material and you go, you look at an hour special and you go, yeah, there's seven hours that didn't work. Yes. That you can't see. Exactly. That he tried in front of an audience and went, this is going to be good.

and it didn't work. And you don't get to see the working out. That thing of like the reverse engineering. We do see it sometimes at the cellar because he, and I love watching him at the comedy cellar because he just, he doesn't do the loud kind of arena or theater Chris Rock voice. He doesn't do that kind of like, you know,

that Sam Kinison almost slam dunking jokes. He does, he just like talks out jokes. He's talking to this energy and that's cool to watch. But it's interesting, the thing I've kind of been working on is the, on performance is it's about 92 beats a minute.

Mmm perfect 92 beats a minute seems to be the right rhythm for speech if you're kind of hitting that word Yeah, I listen to a lot of songs that are 92 beats per minute pre going on Oh like that in the pocket of that rhythm seems to be where Spoken word works whether you're doing comedy or giving a speech or whatever Obama's about 92 beats a minute right well it's Seinfeld has that rhythm where they might just laugh because he stopped and

You know what I mean? It might not be a funny joke, but what's the deal with tables? And then they'll laugh. I've done a thing where I'm doing like two shows in a night and I do the wrong punchline for a joke. I've done it like a handful of times, but every time I remember. And it often gets a laugh. It still works. Of course, because the rhythm of the show and people are laughing before they've... Yes. Because it's such a social activity. But you feel like a fraud when that happens, right? Oh, I feel like, what are you people even doing? I know, I know. It feels like there's a glitch in the matrix. Yes, yes. Hang on, they would have laughed anyway.

Yeah. I know, it kind of hurts. What is that thing of like, what laughter is?

It's such a social noise. Like you could watch the best on your phone, on the bus, on the way to work or on the subway. The best comic in the movie. Watch Chris's last special. No, it's fun. It's good. It's great. But you go and see it in an arena with 16,000 people. It's like, ah, you're laughing and you've released the endorphin and the serotonin. It's like, it's the perfect, it's such a social thing, laughter. Yes. As opposed to like, it's my theory on why Thanksgiving or Christmas in the UK TV is the best. Because you watch it as a family. Oh.

So that thing of like the difference between your favorite movie, like, oh, it's a Christmas movie. We love it. Watch it every year. And you watch it with five of your family. Yeah. And you all laugh together as opposed to the rest of the year you're watching on your own.

It's so funny you say that because I notice commercials will get a laugh in a group. Commercials are the least funny thing on the planet. It's horrible writing. But you'll put like eight people together in a room and a commercial comes on that's humorous. There'll be a chuckle. But you would never laugh at that alone. Yeah. It's such a bummer that we don't, like I think what you're saying, we don't really see comedy movies in the theater anymore. And some of my best memories are like, wow, why do I like The Hangover so much? I saw it in the theater and a ton of people were laughing. Yeah, on a Friday night. And it was packed.

And you were at the, that thing of like, if you see it, like, I remember my favorite thing about when I started comedy, when I like gave up the day job and was being a, was seeing movies in the day.

I kind of used to love that thing of like going to the cinema. Love that. And it just felt like freedom to me. I was so into movies. I remember I used to work and I used to put in meetings, like bullshit meetings, one at like 12 noon and one at like two o'clock so I could go and see a movie in Leicester Square in London. I'd just kind of come back to the office and go, yeah, I had a couple of meetings. I'm back. Oh, that's fun. Do you remember the movies that you went to see? That would have been like, I don't know, like, I'm just trying to think. No, I don't remember. I love that freedom though. I think what era. Yeah, that...

That thing of like seeing them in the movies is like such a, I don't know, just feel special. Yeah. And it's kind of empty. You kind of feel like you have it all to yourself. Yeah. It's not quite the same as live. No. I think there's a theory of you never forget who you've seen live.

Good or bad. Like, there's no... Sometimes you'd be halfway through a movie on a plane and go, have I seen this? Like, that can end with a kind of nothing movie. But you see someone live, it's like, it's forever. You remember that thing. It's such a big... I don't know. I saw Cosby. I dozed. I forgot the whole thing. But...

I saw Cosby Live in Montreal about, it's got to be 15 years ago now, and it was a masterclass. No, he's one of the best. It was really interesting how long he left it between punchlines, the kind of cadence of his speech, the way that he... I mean, I think that thing of they did that documentary and someone had the great idea of going, the artist formerly known as Bill Cosby. Yeah.

Let's take, if you can't separate the artists from their work, really, what are you? But he was also, you're talking about music and beats per minute. Cosby was such a jazz guy too. Sure. There is something musical about that. Oh, yeah. I think we're living in, I mean, for me, whatever, I talk about this a lot, but the idea of like comedy is going through something very special at the moment. We're so new. This is such a new thing. You don't think it's going to burst? The boom we're in? I don't think it started. Woo!

Woo! I hope you're right. I think Chris Rock is John the Baptist. I don't think Jesus is even here yet. Oh! I think it's like a different way of speaking. So that comedy course thing of like going teaching comedy, I think it's going to be... I think we should be teaching in schools. Don't give it away, though. You don't want these rubes doing it. This is all we have. Think about what does comedy give like a young person? Like you're trying to find your voice. Sure. Well, that's what the teenage years are about. Point of view. The idea of people saying...

you know, online, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin as a teenager. You go, yeah, that's what being a teenager is. But isn't that part of their lifestyle? They have to learn that. Yeah, but I'm saying comedy gives you that, right? I see. We sort of go through that as comics. You sort of find your voice. You didn't find your style immediately and it kind of found you.

You didn't choose to be the kind of comic that you are, right? Yes. It's just you are what you are. Sure. I'm better at jokes than I am at stories. Yeah. I try and write more stand-up now to kind of work that muscle. But it's like it doesn't come as naturally as jokes for me.

But it's like you find your voice and then it's about performance and being able to communicate with other people. There's so many things that young people need. I think it's legit after school activity. I think it's interesting. I would also throw this in the ring and I don't know how you feel about this, but I took an improv class in college and I'm not an improv guy, but I would go talk to girls at bars and boy, did it help.

Or you go to a job interview and you want to just be able to go back and forth with the boss. I think an improv class could... Comfort. Yeah, it could teach some kids something. Yeah, it's like it's that kind of self-confidence. It's also like... Yes, anding. It's perspective, right? It's a lot of perspective is comedy. Yeah. It's like you step back from the awkward thing and go, this is going to be a funny story later on. I can see there's a bit of perspective. Right, right. Actually, the lack of perspective is where you get kind of that anxiety. Yeah.

Do you think anything has to do, because you say it's a sliver of window between what people actually think and what we're supposed to say? Was that what you said? Do you think there's anything to the, we don't go to movie theaters anymore and laugh. This is a way to connect socially again. We're all on our phones. We're all up our ass. We're all on apps. I mean, the comedy seller thing is, you know, everyone has to put their phone in an envelope. Yes. And they're annoyed by it. But I love it too. And then it's so good for them. It's so good for them. Even that bit before the show when they have to have a fucking conversation with their friend or their date.

And go, what's up?

And you see people in restaurants now, and they're both Googling, and you go, they both want to be here, but they're both desperate for that dopamine hit. The new, the new, the new. I once saw a guy walk into the cellar and put a decoy phone into the envelope, and then he had another phone. Or maybe he just had two phones. I don't know. Yeah, two phones. That is a drug dealer or a pimp. Yeah, right. What's the second phone for? Never you mind. His other family. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. But you're right. But I think...

Younger people, I don't want to generalize, I think they have one inkling of discomfort and then they go to this. It's like a pass fire. So I think if you can get over that, maybe that's why the crowd work thing is so big right now. It's the only time you interact with somebody. Yeah, that thing of... Is that thing like boredom doesn't get enough credit?

My childhood was full of boredom and you'd wait for the TV show and you sort of think about the thing you remember is, I don't know, whatever you watch when you were a kid, the A-team, and you'd be watching that. And if you missed it, you missed it. And it was a moment in time. But you don't think of the boredom before and after. But actually that boredom is kind of where your creative mind comes from. Like the gift of boredom is huge with writing jokes.

Be bored. Be bored more often. Well, you have to be imaginative. And let your mind wander. And then that thing of like anxiety doesn't get the credit it deserves. Anxiety is a huge part of my kind of creative process because that thing of like if you go, if you've got your mind whirring the whole time, I'll write jokes. Yeah. Because that's something to do with your mind. Right. If four in the morning when I'm not thinking about jokes, I will just, I'll go into kind of just thinking about what's the worst case scenario? What's the worst thing that could happen in the world? Yeah.

I'll be creative about that. It's also stress. I mean, sometimes you're stressed about something, the thing passes and then it's like the floodgates open. You're like joke, joke, joke, or premise, at least something, you know? I mean, I remember Louie once said to me, he calls the phone the pipe. He's like, put down the fucking pipe. The jokes are written in the abyss. You have to be lonely. You have to be isolated. And I do think there's truth to that. Oh yeah. He's really, he's really jumped into that. Yeah. The pipe, the, um, yeah, it's, it's interesting. That thing of like, uh,

I mean, it's always the thing. Every self-help thing is always deferred gratification. Yes. We did a thing on holiday a couple of years ago, which sounds really kind of, you know, me and the missus, like put the phones in the safe in the morning. But you check, you check Princess Diana hasn't died. You check the big... She died? Yeah. You've got to keep up the deco. You check, put it in the safe.

And then you kind of have a look at six o'clock in the evening or we're in Hawaii. By the way, your phone and your gun in the safe. Yeah. How dangerous it is. Sometimes when you sit down at a table and everyone puts their phones on the table, it does feel like the Wild West. Yes, totally. And then when you actually try to remember the name of the movie or the actor without this guy Googling it, you know. Yeah.

It's like a muscle. Totally. I think people have that. There's that, what's it called? The Dunning-Kruger. You heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That idea that people think they know more than they know because Google gives them a false read on how much they know. So people don't know what they don't know. Right. And they think they know. Yeah. So people being experts. You know, if you ask an expert on anything, they go, oh, it's really complicated. Right. But if you ask someone that knows, you know, ask a cab driver, they go...

Real simple. Here's what we're going to do with the economy. True. True. But the cab driver thinks he's dumber than the other guy, but yet he knows more. One of these OnlyFans stars are putting together the fucking Middle East solution. She has a reconcile with her fucking dad, but she's got a two-state solution. They all got an opinion. Everybody's got an opinion without the research. But have you heard that experiment about leaving people in a room alone with a buzzer? And it shocks you.

And if you leave someone in a room long enough, they'd rather be shocked than feel the boredom. So they'll just hit it just to feel something and do something and have something happen rather than just sitting there having their own thoughts. I mean, solitary confinement is the ultimate punishment. Right. Well, electric chair, then solitary. Yeah. I think solitary is...

I think solitary is like, I think if we had to do it, I think we'd come out with a one-man show. Don't threaten us with that. Give us a comedy show at least. Well, the one-man show, I was chatting to Mike Babigli about this, and he made a great point about how a one-man show, like a really thoughtful, like, okay, it's a comedy special. Oh, no, it's a one-man show. What's the difference? Two moments where you tell the truth. Two moments where you go, there's no punchline at the end of this. I'm not undermining the thing. I'm just going to tell the truth about this moment.

That's enough. That's a one-man show. Okay. It's interesting, that thing of like you don't have to give that much in terms of like a heartfelt moment for it to kind of really... I see what you're saying. It's emo comedy. Yeah. That's what it is. That's kind of an oxymoron. But yeah, that's a good point.

More punchlines. That's what we need. Thank you. I'm a fan. I mean, Mark and I were like, you know, club comics always. It was always like, you know, I feel like the alt rooms gave you a longer leash, but I kind of liked having a short leash. I liked having to like be like, bam, bam. Like I felt uncomfortable if I wasn't getting a laugh. Yeah. I think that like that fastball thing of like, I'm all fastballs. Yeah. And,

that thing of like, you earn a story. Or I think you earn a point as well. You can make a point if you have, like, if the punchline's big enough at the end and you've got, like, there's a reason to say it. And audiences are really smart. Like, they get what's, okay, he's saying something here and this is just a silly joke. Like, they get it. I think people kind of, like, when you read, like, when someone gets cancelled or whatever over a joke, you go, this is some nonsense. The audience knew what was going on there.

Right. There's no hate in that. This is fine. Yeah, it's like that Bill Burr thing. You're mad about the joke, but they put the joke on the news. They were in a comedy club knowing it was jokes. Now you took it out. Big difference between telling a joke to a theater full of people at 9 o'clock in the evening and shouting it through someone's letterbox at 9 a.m., which is what's going on on... Jesus. Exactly.

Actually, I think the last two or three times I got canceled, and there's been many occasions, you kind of look at the joke written down in the paper and go, gee, who said that? Oh, I know I said that. Right, right. That seems a bit much. Well, it's the same as going to a porno theater or a sex show and then showing the sex show on TikTok. You're like, Jesus Christ, but in there, it was supposed to be there. I had a woman write a hit piece on me once, and she quoted one of the bits. The only bit she quoted properly, I was like, I think it holds up in text. Ah.

That's a good sign. But isn't it weird? There's no, like comedy doesn't, we don't have books. Like there isn't a book of your material. Oh yeah. No one's done like a, Carlin did it. I think Seinfeld did it too. But like, there was, I mean, you get to a, sorry, you get to a level of, I loved Sarah Silverman's bit on Mein Kampf. Hit me with it. In the last, in the last special, she goes, my struggle is,

That's what it's called. I'm struggling. It's like a new take on that after how many jokes about Hitler down the years. He's a victim. He's a snowflake. That's hilarious. My gag on Hitler was, yeah, you know, not all bad. He did kill Hitler.

I mean, you give credit where credit is due. That's great. If you'd killed Hitler, you'd never stop talking about it. It'd be your whole thing. Right, right. Dana Gould is a great... You saw the Dana Gould bit about Hitler? No, what's his name? About how he was married for just a few minutes and then killed himself. Marriage is hard. Ha, ha, ha.

I've got a line in the new show about how people get more right wing as they get older. It's a good thing Hitler died when he did. Why was he going? Right. My Hitler bit was, I thought he was great.

All right. That was it. Joking. Joking. But the fact you have to say joking is like... I know, but there's a couple idiots out there. But that thing of like, this is kind of great. Like the stand-up thing for you guys. It feels like you guys, since I last saw you actually, I haven't seen you since pre-pandemic, but it feels like both of you have like popped. Oh, thanks. I feel like the last specials, the one that got... You did the one on YouTube that got transferred to...

uh netflix right now i did both i did a youtube one but that first one was like that felt that

That felt like that was like the level up and then the... Not a lot of people... Thank you, man. Not a lot of people put specials on YouTube at the time. And I mean, February 2020, a lot of people are home, you know, for the next few months. No, but I don't think anyone watched it because they were home and there was no other media available. I think it was like a really good special. That's what it was, man. It's also because of YouTube, it's very word of mouth. Yes. Even more so than Netflix, you're kind of watching on the phone or on the computer. So you're kind of messaging as you...

Right. I'll forward that to my friend. Like, it's an easier thing. It felt like... Totally. It was something that kind of spread out there. And you get a little underdog. Soup to Nuts is fantastic. Oh, geez. Thanks. But that really felt like, again, it's like, are you like theaters now? Are you clubs? Theaters, baby. He just did the garden theater. Yeah, the theater. I played that once. It was phenomenal. Really? Yeah, it was a cool night. But, you know, I'm going to go bouncing seats, right? I mean, it's like a proper... Sold it out. Yeah, I'm going to hit clubs for like December...

through February just to tighten it for another special but yeah it's been theaters all year yeah it's kind of amazing have you guys gone out together because I noticed a couple of people did a thing we dated once

John Stewart and John Mulaney went out. And peed. Yeah. I saw that. And you kind of think it's quite an interesting thing to kind of go, there's no one that likes your stuff that will go, I like him, I hate him. There's like, it feels like it would be an interesting thing to do. I get that request a lot when I do Q&A. They're like, bring Sam out or how come you don't do a show with Sam? And it's just because we don't have to split the money.

I wonder though of someone like Jon Stewart, Pete and Mulaney. It's like three different kind of generations of comedy. So I think that might tap into something different for them. I don't know. I just think it's that thing of like, oh, he's on in town. I might go and see that. It becomes like, oh no, we have to go and see that. Look at Seinfeld and Gaffigan. They're out together now. Are they? Yeah. I mean, that feels like an embarrassment of riches. But I sort of hear that and go,

Yeah. No, I mean, you'd have to go and see that. Yeah. Clean comedy, baby. Do you ever do that with anyone? I think I would. I mean, I certainly would. I've been chatting to a friend about it recently. Like that thing of it's bigger than the sum of its parts is that thing of you go, well, maybe that's like an arena thing. Maybe that's who you play a bigger room and go, well, it's a big event of an evening. Yeah. Chappelle and Rogan did a few of those. Yeah. I did like, why did I do? I saw Chappelle in...

Was it January, February? We were in Australia together and I opened for him in the Rod Laver Arena. He did like in the round. Wow. I mean, an arena in the round. So good. Really? There's no bad seats. Yeah. It's slightly more expensive to organize, but you go, if you're in the middle, it's like, it's smaller than the garden, really in every direction. Sure. And you just kind of rotate. And it's the same number, you know, it's three screens above you and everyone's got a great view. Do you find it weird to rotate? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. But you get used to it real fast. Yeah.

All right. First time I saw you, I think, was on the game show Distraction. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a funny show. But they did like a thing on Distraction where they did the American version. They took out all the funny and just did the game show. And the UK version, it was like a really funny show. I mean, you got your lines. It is my favorite.

is my point. It was crazy. It was the... Wow, this is going to be some years ago. What year? 13 years ago, it says on YouTube, but who knows when they uploaded it. I think it was a lot longer than that. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Baby face. Yeah. Jimmy Kimmel looks terrible. Oh, let's stop this. I can't.

That's a good joke. Yeah, it's solid. It's a lot of, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I made a lot of telly over the years. That always felt like a side hustle. Sure. TV feels like someone else is going to make a decision. Yeah. They go, yeah, we've had enough of you. Right. Right. I'll just stand here. Because that thing about like the cancellation thing is all about stakeholders. That's the key thing with cancellation. Who are your stakeholders? Yeah.

Who have you got? Like if your management walk out on you or the TV company goes, we're not working with you anymore, that's the cancellation thing. Yeah. You don't want too much of that going on. You want your own shit. Independent. Yeah, well, that's why we work with writers sometimes. I can tell the writers are like, ooh, what are you, crazy? And I'm like, that's a great line. They're like, yeah, but we can't. I'm like, oh, you have a job.

You have a boss. You have a tax return and all that. Like we are so connected to the audience. We're like, no, that line killed in Pittsburgh. And you can't fucking put that out there. I'm like, no, I already did. It's done. It's out there. It's on the internet. Yeah. I have a, I'm doing a Fallon at some point and they're like, oh, you got to cut that. You got to cut that. I'm like,

I'm just not going to do it. I mean, these lines murder. I put them in because they work. So what's the point of me making it worse? Late night sets have gotten harder, for sure. Just getting jokes approved. I mean, you've done so many. I find, I mean, I've done a lot. I haven't done one recently, but the late night, I tend to get like, I do it when I, if I have a new Netflix, you do like a Fallon, whatever. It's such a thrill to do those shows. It's fun. But you go out of an hour, I can maybe get five minutes of clean stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I don't really write that stuff a lot because you sort of go to where you want ants put down sugar. What's the reward? And the reward is the big laugh, the big guffawing, I shouldn't be laughing at that, but I'm laughing at that. It's such a sweet laugh. Yes. And you go, well, you can do stuff that's more family friendly. Occasionally you come up with something that's just...

Would work, but it's not really my sense of humor. Right, but it's almost kind of an exercise like let me see if I can dodge these laser beams and still kill So it's kind of an exercise, but it's also like yeah, is this what's the point? I'm not being me Yeah, so I don't know maybe I'll work around it who knows

When have you got it? When have you? Well, it's just we're still in the material phase of like cut that, keep that. And so I'm still massaging it. But it makes you just want to drop it all when they're like, that's not going to fly. And I'm like, it's a joke about homeless people. They're like, eh, homeless people might hear it. I'm like, they're not going to hear it. Most they could lip read. Yeah.

Through a window. Yeah, through a Radio Shack window. Yeah, can you say homeless anymore? It's like it's... Unhoused? Unhoused. Who knows? It's so condescending to... Yeah, it's like changing the words as well doesn't make any difference. No. I've seen homeless people. They're not politically correct. No. I had a line about...

Yeah, like the PC thing doesn't get to the underlying issue. Yes. It's just virtue signaling. So if you go, oh, it's really diverse around here. Lock the car doors. Is like that's as bad. That's the most racial. Sure. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it better. It doesn't make it better. Like a sex worker. I'm still peeing in her mouth. You know, just calling her a sex worker isn't going to help this poor woman's situation.

God love her. Oh, yeah. Sweet gal. Miss you, Aunt Rose. But, yeah. Nice lady. The best line on that, Patrice, God rest his soul, had the best line on that. He found out he was diabetic. Oh, yes. From peeing in his girl's mouth. Tastes like birthday cake. Yeah. Sorry. Your pee tastes like birthday cake. You've got to go and see a doctor. Yeah.

It's like, that is... That's real love. Birthday cake is so funny. I listened to Mr. P recently. So good. So good. Yeah, I got to work with him a little bit in Montreal. Scary guy. Yeah, genuinely, like...

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but so fucking good oh yeah did you guys get along yeah I mean great I think it was like a different world world's colliding you know it's kind of sure I was pretty pretty new and kind of doing a nasty show thing and it was he was yeah who else was on the nasty show just who else was you know he moved to England for three years because he said he wasn't hitting in America and he's like I just need to go to England just to work out

Yeah, it's an interesting thing that I think when, if comedy ever gets, you know, we've got the best job in the world, but sometimes you don't realize because you're doing it every day. Sure. So that thing of like traveling more is like, I don't, I kind of, the American comics, I think are slightly, they wait until they're really high status to go out to the rest of the world, but go early.

You think? But you can't sell tickets. It's hard with the flights and the hotels. I think you can sell tickets now. I think it's like there's a weird thing where you go, there's a certain thing about the podcast and the Netflix thing. It's gone global. So you can. Yeah, but those new comics aren't on Netflix and the podcast. Well, I'm saying you guys should be traveling the world. I just did Europe. Yeah, I'm going to Australia this weekend. Australia's amazing.

That's the best. Where are you going? Where are you playing? Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide. That's it. Right, yeah. I did it in January, February. Never been. Great crowds. It's unbelievable. It's so great. You're going to have a blast.

I'm nervous. The flight stresses me out. How long is the flight from here? 20 something hours. Yeah. Are you stopping on the one or not? Stopping in, I believe, San Francisco. That's what I did. I did it once, the first time I ever went. I was kind of nervous about that. So I flew from London to Vegas.

Two, three days in Vegas, which is all you ever need in Vegas. Yeah. Because it's the same day again and again. Oh, yeah. And then flew to Hawaii. Had like four days in Hawaii. Jesus. And then flew to Australia. It was like the per... Because there's no jet lag. Right. It's all kind of eight hours, eight hours, eight hours. They tried to get me to stop in Hawaii, but I'm on the road so much this year. I was like, let's just... I'm going. I'm coming back. I need some time in New York. And Maui's not what it used to be. So how long are you going for? You're going to... Like 10 days. 10 days.

That's a pretty short trip. That is short. Whoa. 11 maybe? I don't know. Wow, you're getting in and out. It's like a heist. I'm just gone every week. If I can get another week in New York, I'm never here. Yeah. It's a weird thing when you're... I mean, I've got kids now. So it's that thing of trying to tour in a different way so you get more time when you want. I mean, it's great for being... Because the UK, I can kind of be home every night. Right. Even if you're in Manchester or Newcastle or wherever, you can get back and be up with the kids. But it's just...

It's a sleep deprivation game rather than I'm a flight away. Yeah. So it's a bit easier. I've started doing two shows a night as well every week. I love two a night. Yeah, 7 and 9.30. I think it works for people as well. They kind of that, you either get drinks and dinner before or afterwards. Right, right. Are you sleep deprived a lot? Yeah, I would say, yeah. Same. Modafinil, I would strongly recommend. Oh, what's this? Because I can't sleep. Have you not heard of Modafinil?

No. Okay, so my friend with narcolepsy turned it on. I am not a doctor. This is not a medical recommendation. We're just guys talking about pharmaceuticals. Just chatting. Modafinil is, it was invented by the French military in the 70s. So they were trying to come up with something that wasn't amphetamine to let their soldiers go for longer. So like to go for 72 hours straight.

So they started using it with people with narcolepsy in the late 70s, early 80s. And it's got no side effects. It's not like coffee or – you're not like shaky and jittery or whatever. But you can just function for longer. So if you don't sleep, like when you wake up at 6 in the morning. Oh, this is an upper. Yeah, take 200 milligrams of that and then you're good for the day. You can perform whatever you need to do for the day. But I can't sleep. This is going to ruin me.

No, but if you can't sleep, you sort of do that and then you have like a full day. Great. And then you'll sort of sleep afterwards. I see. Okay. It doesn't affect your ability. So what have you got?

a sleep disorder or are you... I just, you know, I don't know. I'm a mess. I think it's just doing shows at night, just adrenaline. You drink. Yeah. Yeah, it's a big thing though. Like if you're not getting kind of eight hours, if you're not kind of properly... Because all the REM stuff from sleep, all of the stuff that really does you good is between six and eight hours. Yeah. So it's like, it's that thing. If you're not getting eight hours, then you're not ever really getting that...

I have drilling for the last 14 months. Oh, I saw this. Jack Hammering. I'm losing my mind. Are you not? I'm losing my mind. I mean...

It's crazy. You're doing okay. You got a little bit of gold. Move. It's a beautiful apartment. I bought it. You bought it? Yeah. They pulled the wool. It's like he married a trans person. Didn't know it. Last minute. How long's it been? That's not the comment I would give. How long's the building been going on? Apparently, it's been happening for like three years. It's some corrupt city shit called Section 11 where the construction companies just make a killing. Section is never good. C-section. Jewish section. So what are they building? Smoking.

It's trying to make sure the bricks along the... You know, because it's a crazy city lawsuit if a brick comes loose, falls, and kills someone on the street. But I'm like, dude, three years you could build a fucking building. What are you doing? So...

They're just jackhammering, and it's... All right, sorry. And we're back. It was a long story. And we're back. I farted on my girlfriend the other night, and she goes, you know, I don't want to date Mark Norman. Oh, that should be a bumper sticker. I think she probably does.

But that lack of, like, for whatever reason, they weren't doing it today. I'm in a great mood. Yesterday, I was like, I want to fucking kill myself. It's crazy. Just lack of sleep is, dude, sleep is everything. It's a superpower. Yeah.

It is. Yeah, it's tough. By the way, these Hubermans, all these guys are like, you need eight hours of sleep. If you don't get it, you're going to die. Then he's like, get up at 5 a.m. You got to get up at 5, start your day, start working, do a to-do list, start working out. I'm like, which one is it? Do I sleep for eight hours or do I wake up at 5? Well, I think the waking up at 5 is for the next day.

I think if you wake up at five and have a full day, then the next night you will sleep. Do I go to bed at 8 p.m.? Yeah, I don't know. It's tough. These guys, they're virgins. Yeah, it seems all of those guys get up very early. I'm not sure what that's about. Have you seen Mark Wahlberg's thing? It's like... Oh, what, they're getting up in the morning and, yeah, but that's... And 30 minutes he's praying. Oh! It's called bullshit. It's in the thing. I work out, I pray for 30 minutes. I feel like he could cut out the praying. I know.

What are you, Muslim? We're okay without the prayer. Come on. Pray at night. What's the difference? God doesn't care. I mean, yeah, the morning routine is just to make everyone feel bad about themselves. That's what it is. That's what it is. You get up, you write a novel, you do your taxes, you do 12 push-ups. Yeah. And then you have a weird athletic greens. I do that every day. I have those. I do, too, actually. Just wake up at 2.30 a.m. 2.30!

2.30, you see? These people are insane. Do they have wives? I mean, that's just Jetlag, isn't it? He's just on a different time zone. I hope so. He's basically living in the wrong time zone. He needs to move an eight-hour flight away. Yeah.

All right. Well, he looks different now, too. I think he needs some sleep. Yeah. Are you like a big exercise guy on the road, too? You're thin as a fiddle. I can't exercise on the road. I've got like... If I'm at home, I can do it. Yeah. But the idea of like someone going to the gym in the hotel, I think that's like a superpower. I'm like bringing sweaty clothes in your hand luggage. Ah, please. I can't do it. I walk a lot when I'm...

If I'm on the road, I'll like just walking and kind of thinking. That thing is like, that seems to be very good for you. Like the 10,000 steps thing seems pretty good and pretty easy to do. Especially if you're in a strange city. Yes. I'll go out and I'll at least see it. Yes. And see what's going on. And you got the audio book going. And they say walking boosts creativity. It boosts your mood. It's great for you. Yeah, it seems to be pretty good for you.

Sorry, people in wheelchairs. Exercising on the road just seems impossible. Is that a lot of your writing is just like, because Norman paces. Yeah, I got to pace. Do you sit? Yeah, do you walk? No, I sit and do work when I'm kind of traveling on trains or planes or whatever. And that's the editing process. So the writing is just whenever anything comes to you, when you're kind of walking around having lunch on your own. Constantly writing down ideas, thoughts. There's a thing, there's a thing, there's a thing. And then the editing or sitting down trying to work out, well, how does that work?

Work, I've got like a couple of bits. I brought a couple of bits I've done another podcast but that thing of like things I'm trying to do at the moment. Yeah where I'm trying to get it to Organize to yeah, like trying to get it like what it's a fun idea, but it doesn't quite work You have to convey it to them in a comedic way You can't just say this thing happened like burbiglia has this great trick that I always use where he goes You're writing and he goes now. Where would you laugh? I?

And it makes you go, oh, shit. I thought I was just a funny guy who could talk on stage. But when you're actually writing and looking at what you wrote and go, where would you laugh? It makes it real. It's objective now. It's interesting when you try it on stage and you get the laugh in a place you didn't think you would get the laugh. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah.

I mean, I'll take it. But sometimes it's good, though, because you're like, oh, well, you just get an extra laugh. Sure. But the ones you thought would hit didn't. And you're like, oh, I don't understand this art form. I've got a theory at the moment about body count. I'm working on this bit about body count. So people talk about body count, the amount of people they've been. Oh, yeah. And then you go. It's not about that. That's if you want to moralize. I've got no problem with anyone's body count. But if you want to moralize, it should be about the rejection rate.

Because if a girl is a 10, like a stone cold smoke show model gorgeous, every guy she's ever met has hit on that girl. Yes. Everyone, right? And then she's got a body count of 30.

But that's pretty good. Great odds. It is hard to get in. She is Harvard. Right. Right? Whereas actually if a girl is a swamp donkey, a muntur, she's a three at best. Okay. Like a fucking horrible looking. And she's got a body count of five. She's not more. Only five guys ever asked. Everyone fucking got in. Okay.

Oh, that's a great point. It's a kind of interesting, like the, it's per capita. Yeah. What's the, what's the thing? Trying to find the right thing. And I think that's like a joke that will be built on phrasing. Yes. It'll be the right term. Like, you know, sometimes it's like, it's a joke and sometimes it's like a turn of phrase that's really sticky. Yeah. That's a nice, what's the term for ugly that's going to be the thing that's, and then that thing of like going, if a girl is a, if a girl is a 10, she's a smoke show, she's gorgeous like a model. No,

No one in here, but you've seen them. There you go. Extra laugh. Like there'll be something along the way that gets it. It's an interesting idea, but it's not kind of there yet and it's longer form because normally I'm in such a rush to get to the punchline. That's long form for you? Because that feels pretty quick. Oh no, that'd be... I've heard him do like... Wow. I've heard him do like...

20 word jokes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even like dwarf shortage. Yeah. That's Brad Williams. Actually. Yeah, I'll do. Yeah. I got you. Oh, interesting. I'm trying to blow out more because my writing, it's so quick as well. And it takes so long to write an hour. Well, we had the thing. We had an exchange when, when soup to nuts came out. Cause I'm just taped my special and I watch soup to nuts and we have the same joke. And,

Great minds. So we have the same joke and it's really interesting because it's the same comedic. I could tell we wrote it in pretty much the same way and yours is...

three words and mine is like the end of a bit and it's like really i've dressed it up right i've like i've so dressed up the bit yeah it's basically the same gag yeah it's good thanks well you know what we'll be we'll be we'll be in trouble when it will get trashed it'll be yeah this guy stole from me oh i can't wait i had it out first just saying but uh

But no, you're across the pond. It's flattering. Yeah, it's good. It's normally annoying, but I called you and went, oh, is it all right if I keep it in? Sure. I had a similar thing. You know Danny Jollis? Yeah, he's very funny. He's a funny comic LA guy. He did a really interesting thing with his last special where it's like a choose-your-own-adventure. So he'll say like...

Teachers suck. And then I'll be like, or are they good? And you can choose which way he goes. So he writes a bit on how teachers are great and the other ones, how they suck. And every premise, he does both angles. It's kind of interesting. I think in a great routine, though, you can kind of hit both of those things. Agreed. You can kind of go from each. But also, you know. The best example of that, the Jim Jefferies gun bit. Right. It's like a 15 minute bit, but he hits this angle, that angle, defends it, hurts it. It's great. But he doesn't do guns are great.

I guess that's true. You know, I mean, so it's like, you know. You can kind of have your cake and eat it a lot of the time as well because you kind of go, well, you have that joke as well. Sure. Yeah, it's probably why there's so many comics who are lawyers. Demetri Martin, Geraldo, Al Lubell. Yeah, it's just pleading your case. Like, hey, I'm winning. I'm winning this. What was the bit?

What, my bit? The Danny Jollism. Oh, we had a similar bit about how we're all trying to be inclusive, got to have diversity, but no one gives porn the love for how diverse it's been for decades. Interracial, gay, trans, lesbian, you know, midget, animal, all that. So he had a similar take and I called him and I was like, is this too close? And he was like, I think you're good. Yeah, I mean, as long as everyone's cool, as long as there's no kind of, I think you straight lifted that. But no.

It's obvious. Have you ever had a guy really lift from you? Yeah. Blatant? Yeah. Like an old school comic in the UK did like a full bit of mine. But I think it's just...

I'll write something new. I write a lot of jokes. Yeah, with you, he stole 15 seconds. Yeah, it is that thing as well where you kind of go, it's a big deal when you start out, if someone takes a bit of your, but then if you're writing enough, if you're writing kind of a thousand jokes a year, you get less precious about the material. I think initially when you've got like your first 20 minutes, it's so precious. Of course. And then when you go, well, you're the gun, the jokes are the bullets and you have to kind of disposable, you're kind of going. You've heard the Louis story with Dennis Leary. Yeah.

You know, I'm an asshole. That was a Louis bit. And then Louis saw him do it. And Dennis Lear was a bigger comic in Boston. So he was like, oh, I guess he took that bit. That's gone. And then like 12 years later, they were on an O&A together. And Dennis Lear just gave him 20 grand. And he was like, sorry about that. Did he really? Yeah. And Louis was like, all right. But he had to just drop it. He was like, it was one of my big bits. And then this guy made a huge hit song out of that bit. And he just had to drop it. And he did it with Bill Hicks.

Dennis Leary. Yeah, the Bill Hicks thing is... There's a story about Bill Hicks at the very end when he was dying, gave up smoking like four weeks before he died. And then went, why are you giving up smoking? And he went, well, I figure if I do it, Dennis Leary will give the kid a break. Pretty hot. I mean, great line. Zinged him on the deathbed. Get the man a water. Thank you, Matt.

Christ, this guy's starry. Huge, huge... Demanding it. Talking about the bits I'm working on. What are you guys working on? What bits have you got? Uh-oh. I got one I tried last night. I'm like...

treading very cautiously with the stuff in the middle East, but I tried one last night. I think there's something here maybe about like, look, I'm a Jew. I mean, it's a thing. I know I could pass for both, but I am a Jew. And like, I have a thing about how, like, actually, yeah, I think they could, they could all vote for you. Maybe you should be the lid because really I feel like that could have gone either way. I'm covering the bases here. The angle is like how, like, look, as a Jew, I have to admit, we have a, we have a hand in the media and, uh,

And basically... I don't want to denigrate the podcast I'm currently on, but a hand in the media. Get over yourself. Well, I'm softening the setup, Jimmy. Oh, yeah, they're controlling the media. This, my friend, is not Fox News. I think... What? You don't think we have some hand in the media? I'm saying you have more than a hand. No, I'm saying this podcast. So...

It is a little with the game. I tried yesterday is like you will see like headline like on the news. It'll be like, you know, 7000 Palestinian babies murdered. And then like the lead story is man on the Upper West Side tears down a poster. Nah. And you're like, yeah, both are bad.

Right, right. One is worse. Yeah. I mean, but posters, that is annoying. Like to go to Kinko's, you got to fucking, you know. That's true. Tape is not cheap. Tape is not cheap. You got to put it up. Printer ink. You got to redo it. Tape is not cheap. So this is like, I think this is the start of something. I think, is there something on the posters? Yeah. There's something on the posters. Yeah. Which is, listen, it's too soon and all that. But at some stage, someone could do something on the, look, I get it if your cat is missing.

You put up a poster. Yeah. In the neighborhood. Yeah. Don't put it up 6,000 miles away. Oh, that's good. Because who's help? Oh, well, I guess there's a missing person. I'll look. Right. But I'm on the Upper West Side. I think if they're here, they're safe. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, the hostages. I don't think we're going to run into them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I don't know. It feels like it's that thing where you go, there'll be something that comes out of that. And I always think jokes are a really good...

barometer for what like the things you can't joke about like certainly in Great Britain if once there's been some level of justice once you're through something then the jokes you can kind of process it

And if something still feels like it's ongoing, it's like it's difficult to kind of. Of course. Yeah. No, there's no relief laugh yet. Yeah. So that's why I can't. That's why it's like, OK, we'll see. We'll do this one in a few months. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully a few. I mean, whenever it fucking there's relief. That's one great thing about the Internet is I have a couple of Hamas Jewish bits. And in the room, they're like, oh, and I put it online and they were killed.

No pun intended. But it just, it blew up online. No pun intended. But it murdered, but it did great online because you don't have to worry about the guy next to you, how you're reacting. You can just enjoy it. And I think there's something to that. With darker jokes, sometimes the internet is weirdly...

Yes. Better and worse, right? Because you do deal with the people that are almost walking in the room like, what? There's a little of that. But you do get the people that are like, oh, this is my type of comedy. Yeah, yeah. It's like porn. They can't look at it in the office. But at home and shitting, they can look at it.

Yeah. It's a weird one, isn't it? You've always got something that you go, right, you can't joke about this thing. Yes. Everything else in your set was fine, but that joke was terrible. I always think when, you know, on the last special or whatever, I got in trouble for one joke and you go,

Yeah, but did you not see the rest of it? The 45 minutes leading up to that was pretty bad. Which was the one that got you in trouble. It was a joke about... Gypsies? Yeah, a joke about gypsies. But I mean, it was like... It was a weird thing where you kind of go... You...

You tell a joke and it's about the Holocaust and flagging up the fact that six million Jewish people died in the Holocaust. It's the worst thing that's ever happened. And no one talks about the hundreds of thousands of gypsies that died in the Holocaust because no one ever wants to talk about the positives. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

But it's that thing of like, it's so- - Pretty clearly the joke is the misdirect also. - Yeah, but it's such a clear misdirect as well. But written down, it's like, oh, this guy doesn't care about gypsies. And you go, no. And also a lot of the people online, I suspect,

did not know that the gypsies died in the Holocaust or did not know that homosexuals or disabled people were killed in vast numbers by the Nazis. And they're moralizing and they just found out from me. And you go, ah, I don't fucking know. Well, it's the Cecil the Lion people. It's like, you didn't give a fuck yesterday. But today this is like front page news for you. Yeah, I mean. That's hilarious. I forgot about them. I'm sure there are worse things in that special. I'm sure if you go through it, you go.

Worst Holocaust joke ever, I think I've told you this before. Junior Stopka. That is a good joke. It's a great joke. He's like, you know there was a lot of Down Syndrome people that were in the Holocaust as well, but there's no photos of them because they're all smiling.

That's a very good start, isn't it? I think your joke is about the misdirect. And I think, you know, the right turn. I remember I used to have a joke back in the day where I'd say, you know, my ex never made me wear a condom because she was on the pill. Ambien. That was a joke. Yes. But like there's a way you could be like, that's a rape joke. It's about the misdirect. Of course. Also, I must say that Sam was heckled at MSG this weekend by his ex.

From like 15 years ago, yeah. I told this before we got here. What? She was the one he ambient. Yeah.

Not a lot. My first ever Holocaust joke was the, they say there's safety in numbers. Tell that to six million Jews. That's fun. They're very clean. I mean, it's one of those things. Joan Rivers had the best line on it. Joan Rivers was, I think she was doing like a casino show and she told a Holocaust joke and someone got up and walked out and made a real fuss of getting off from her documentary. And she goes, you say never forget, this is how I remember. Ooh.

And I think it's really true, especially with what's going on in the world today. You go, no, no, joking about these things, talking about these things. How else are we going to remember it? Because on this podcast, we're definitely not making serious points. Yeah. Those jokes are, no, this, the worst thing that ever happened, lest we forget. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it all the time. We're bringing awareness. I used to have a Hitler joke. He was bad with money. He didn't, he wasn't good at saving. And I was like, man, it's too bad there wasn't a group of people that could have helped. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What's that great? This is an old ad. No, this is anonymous. Maybe you can find the guy who wrote this. But he goes, dies in Auschwitz, goes up to heaven, and he sees God. And he goes, God, I got a great Holocaust joke. And he goes, it's not funny. And he goes, I guess you had to be there.

Yeah, who is that? No, it's Trad. It's an old Trad joke. It's a great joke. Trad? Yeah, it's an old, I mean, that's an old joke. It's been around since like the 50s. That is brilliant. It's a brilliant line. I think Gervais tells it to Seinfeld on Communism Cars. That's where I heard it. But it's a brilliant. I had to pause it. I was like, Jesus. It's almost like, it's one of those things where it's almost like, you know, sometimes you get a joke that's kind of got some wisdom in it. I guess you had to be there. Woo!

Well, you took a stock punchline and you said something kind of deep. Yes, exactly. Which is kind of fun, too. But you're right. People pick and choose. I did a joke in Kentucky with the R word. And this lady comes up. She's like, I have a Down syndrome, niece, blah, blah, blah. You got to take that out of your rack. And I go, how'd you feel about the Holocaust stuff? She goes, that I loved. So you're like, oh, it's just when it's your thing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's one, it's your thing. But it's also that thing of you go, it is the release valve. The amount of times you get people that the joke is ostensibly about something and they're so glad to be recognized. And, you know, if you... Great. And people are going for relief, right? They're going to escape. Yeah. They're going to a stand-up show. So when the one thing does land on them, sometimes they don't take it well. Sure. Remember the Bill Burt thing on the morning show where she's like, do you really need to do the pedophile priest stuff? And he goes...

Do you think the priests need to do it? Yeah. You know, like I'm doing the joke. They're doing the thing. She goes, don't you think you went a little too far? Don't you think they went a little too far? That was it. My favorite gag on that was the, why would you become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber? On the off chance you might get 70 virgins when you die, become a Catholic priest and have them now. That's good. Fun. By the way, teachers fuck more kids than priests. Fun fact. Yeah. Take that to the bank.

That's just... We've seen this one. Oh, this is great, too. This is a whole different thing. But it's just not related to what we're talking about. Burr and funny. She basically says they're women funny, and he's like, can you follow me? That's all you gotta worry about. Start your own shit. Stop worrying about the industry. It's pretty great. Alright, I got a bit here. Go on. Alright, it's a two-parter, so feel free to kick me in the balls here on either part.

So my lady, she's a real tomcat in the sack. And she likes being insulted in the bedroom. What year is it? She's a real tomcat in the sack. It's the early 50s. Yeah, she's a real hot soda. I think Milton Berle has a similar dick. Go on. Different dick. But so she's feisty in the boudoir. She's fun in the sheets.

But she likes being insulted in the bedroom, but nobody told me that the insults are supposed to be sexy.

So we're going at it. I'm like, ah, you can't cook. And that hits. And then she's like, what? I'm like, oh, yeah, you slut. And she's like, thank you. And I'm like, and that needs more, I think. But then I flip and I go, I'm the opposite. I'm already too insecure. I like being complimented in the bedroom, but she's very full of shit with her compliments. She'll be like, oh, you're so huge. And I'm so bad at dirty talking. I was like, so are you.

And that hits. But it just feels like two one-liners back-to-back. There's no real point to it.

So it's hitting, but it feels like there's no meat to it. It's just two quick lines. Well, firstly, your girlfriend is dynamite in the sack. A real tomcat, I would have said. Oh, yeah. I think it's on the insult, isn't it? So what's the phrase you use? I say you can't cook. No, no, but what's the phrase that gets you into it? So she likes dirty talk. She likes to be insulted in the bedroom, but nobody tells you that the insults are supposed to be sexy. Yeah.

So you can't just insult her. Sex, sexually. She wants to be called a whore or a dirty girl. I think it's the, I think you got it the wrong way around. I think it's like you go, maybe you, the whore and the dirty girl and bad girl, all that first. Yeah. And then you build up and you can't cook. Oh,

Oh. And you can't parallel park and you're. You talk too much. Whatever the thing is. Yeah, yeah. You don't make enough money. I'm really carrying us. Yeah. Keep going. That should be the turn. Yeah, that should be the turn. Oh, okay. Because it's already. Because I think the dirty talk's quite funny of the you're a bad girl. You're a bad girl feels like that could be the turn.

You're a bad girl. Right. Yeah. Your personal hygiene is not great. That's a funny line. I think it'd be a different deodorant. Yeah. But you're saying do all that and then the can't cook. Yeah, I think it's the build. Got it. Okay. Because I think that's quite funny to hear that kind of the dirty talk of what people say to each other in the bedroom is funny anyway. Yes. Because out of context, it's just like, oh, that line of the, you know, whatever. All right. I'll try it tonight. But then what's the...

What's the insult to you? You want... She compliments me, but it's all lies. She'll be like, you're so huge. You know, she's trying to be nice while we're banging. And I'm so bad at dirty talk that I panicked and I said, so are you. Calling her fat. Yeah, I think that kind of works. That hits. It's a nice way out. It's a nice little button on the whole thing. And it validates or justifies that I am actually horrible with the dirty talk. Sounds like you're bad with small talk.

Like you're trying to have a small talk with her in bed and it's coming out dirty. Like, so are you. That's what you would say to her. Oh, right, right. Your butcher. Right back at you. Yeah, I was trying to give it back. Oh, yeah, maybe that's a better way to say it.

Because I also don't want to touch on Regan's have a good flight. You too. Yeah, I don't think it's similar. I'm so worried about that. What else do men like being told in the bedroom? It's kind of a funny moment. You're the best I've ever had. You're so good. But then if I say so are you, that's not weird. You keep that, but maybe it's... Oh, add to it. I had a girl once, I had a bit about a girl I was with shouted...

when having sex with her. And I was out that window like a shot. I was going to wake the family. There's some kind of something in there. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I know that girl. Yeah. Just trying to, yeah, it's good. All right, all right. I'll try that twist. Oh, the other bit I'm trying to work on at the moment, let me get up with this. Crazy is a numbers game.

Okay, so something being crazy, it's about if enough people get involved in it with something crazy, it's okay. Religion is the go-to example. So religion. Enough people believe in Christianity that it's... Scientology, it's crazy, right? They don't have the numbers. As soon as they get to a certain number, it's not crazy anymore. That's good. It becomes...

Yeah. But it kind of goes for lots of other things as well. It kind of goes with, with like fucking pickleball. The first eight guys playing pickleball, what the fuck are you guys doing? Play a real sport. But gets to a certain number.

This is absolutely legitimate. I think that's a great premise. There's something in the premise, but I can't quite figure out where I'm going. Because the religious thing is like, the takedown of that's pretty... So I start with Scientology and go, well, they believe Zanu and the volcano and stuff. I would say violence is the only difference. It's like a mass shooter. You're fucking crazy. A war. We have to do this.

Mmm, that's good. That's good. I've noticed if you're working out... If you murder one person, it looks real bad. Drop a bomb. Ah! We had to do this. That's interesting. It's for our country. Taking out the notepad. Yeah, no, no, that's good. That's interesting. School shooting to war is big. It's kind of the flip. You can flip it with an orgy. You know, sex with one person, normal.

Sex and an orgy? I guess that's also normal. I'm just adding numbers. All right, bad example. I think there's something in that, right? There's something in the... But I think that idea of like crazy as the numbers go, like the things in our society that are clear, it almost goes to all observational comedy, which is kind of going the world is mad. But the stuff that we think is absolutely acceptable. So like tattoos.

Tattoos used to be like a facial tattoo. When Mike Tyson got his facial tattoo, it was fucking crazy. Yes. People lost their minds. You know, Mike Tyson got a facial tattoo. He's going to have that forever. And it was Mike Tyson too. This is insane. Yeah. And now a facial tattoo is, oh, cool. It's like someone bought a new t-shirt. Right. Post Malone. It used to be you were a badass if you had a t-shirt. Now it's nothing. Yeah.

I'd say regular tattoos are like that. Yeah. Like sailors and, you know, fighters had tattoos, and now every barista chick has a tattoo. I did one other last night I could try. Please. This is a new one. I used to date a girl who had night terrors, which was...

I mean, it's terrible. You get woken up with just... Here's the first angle I had. You get woken up by just shrieking, you know? So... And it sucks because you have to be like, oh, man, this... I'm so sorry this happened to you, you know? And she's like, it's really unhealthy to wake up that way. I'm like, I know. I'm also waking up that way. Right, right. So that was the first angle. I think I'd do a joke before that. Yeah, yeah. No, no. So the gag would be, I used to date a girl...

that had night terrors she would wake up screaming I guess she wasn't expecting to see me there oh almost like you can kind of have that as a throwaway before you get to the I had one other thing before you get to it that's good I had one other thing throw in a rape joke before you start might as well oh

Night terrors is funny. Jimmy, wouldn't it be funny in that call me daddy joke if you were like quiet, you'll wake your mother rather than the family? Oh, like you're fucking a kid. Yeah. Well, she's saying call me daddy. Maybe. I dropped it because there was another joke that had like, it was, you know, sometimes when you write two things that are kind of in the same area, you go, that one's better. It's just. Yeah. Yeah.

By the way, I saw you at the cellar. The line I added on, I said... Oh, thanks, man. I added on, I said, I did it with night terrors. That's when you wake up screaming, which is, it's kind of weird. She's a white girl from the suburbs. She didn't serve in Nam. Right. That was the first part. She would tell me, wait for me. Pinkberry doesn't have a flavor. Yeah, what's she worried about? Yeah, like talking to a dog. What's wrong, girl? They're out of rosé. Yeah. Lululemon's closed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there's something else. I said one other thing last night. I got to listen to the set. Yeah. There's something to that. There's something to the day terrors. You know, like you worry about other stuff, you know? You're just scared at night when nothing's happening. Other people are scared, like people who live in a bad neighborhood. You know, they have day terrors. I don't know. I think there's something waking up, screaming,

You're waking up the same way that if there was like a burglar with a knife, but she's like, oh no, it's just, it was just a dream. Yeah. You're making up shit to be scared about. Other people are scared about real shit. Yeah. You're being scared in a dream. Okay. I had another, I don't think we helped with that at all. I said some stuff I'll listen to. Dating apps are all based on the same premise, right? They're all based on birds of a feather flock together. Yeah.

So it's match.com. Everyone matching up with people that you've got a lot. But that's not the only way the world works. The world also works on opposites attract.

I'm gonna start a website. I'm gonna make a fortune. It's gonna be called mismatch calm and I'm gonna put people, you know, so it's gonna be she's a she's a socialite Daughter of a billionaire. He's a plumber from Brooklyn. Sure you put him together and then I think the gag is he's a he's a guy from Palestine She's a nice Jewish girl when they met that thing. Yeah, I

They're like the weirdest couples. Yeah. I think that's the gag. Or, you know, an alt-right and a progressive. The idea that dating sites are based on that premise of, oh, I like that movie. You like that movie. Maybe we should fuck. What? Yeah. That's... Yeah. Why would that be a thing? You're thinking of friends. Sure.

She's Antifa. He stormed the Capitol. Exactly. Give it a chance. Yeah. He's a cop. She's black. You know. Yeah. I mean, they're very American. Yeah. But it's interesting, those things of like couples you...

Where you would go to the wedding and there would be no question of bride or groom. You'd go, I think I know. There's something to the Israel-Palestine. It's like a soft way to go into the joke. I think it's funny. And it's something everyone's thinking about. Yeah.

Yeah, but I like the bigger point of... I kind of come back to your thing of you could be Palestinian or Israeli, the look. I think there's something you should run for office in the Middle East and just never name who you're talking about. I don't like these guys. Oh, yeah. We've got to do something about you-know-who. Yeah. What they've done is unacceptable. And I know you all agree with me when I say we've got to stop...

Those motherfuckers. I'm gonna call them motherfuckers because they are motherfuckers and you never come down on either side. I don't care who I upset. Yeah. I don't care who I upset. I'm gonna say it. Yeah. This has got to stop. That's funny. You put the middle in Middle East. You're right down the middle. Yeah. Down the middle, yeah. That's fun. Something there. We'll shoot that sketch when you leave. We'll shoot it. Yeah. Any peeves? Do you have any pet peeves? Nope.

Oh, yeah, I've got Pep. I was thinking about it the other day. Again, I feel like comics, airport material, hotel material, we talk too much about being on the road, but people checking out of hotels...

Kills me. I know. Just if you're listening to this, I'm going to save you hours of your life. You never have to check out of a hotel. You're not, you didn't stay at their house. You're not saying goodbye to friends and air kissing. Just leave. Just fucking leave. They don't need the plastic key back. Right. If you want, throw it at the desk.

But don't queue up with your bags when I'm trying to check in and spend 20 minutes going through your, oh, the itemized bill. Oh, see, everything's correct. Right. Oh, I forgot I had a muffin. Oh, okay. Hotels have never got anything wrong. They've never mischarged you. Yeah, I even enjoy, you know, sometimes there's a little box that you put the key in, like checkout box. You put the key in that. I'll still throw it in the garbage. I won't even put it in the box. Fuck it. There's no, I'm not giving you the satisfaction. I'm just leaving.

It's just so annoying. It shows it's amateur hour. Oh, you're checking out? Come on. I think people that never travel bug us because we travel so fucking much. Totally. Yes. I think that thing of like you've got your, the method. What do you mean you're in the wrong boarding group? You didn't know. I know. You ever see people walk down the aisle of an airplane and they're like, hey.

I'm like, what are we doing here? You're at 11. Just go to 11. You don't know numbers? Yeah, 9-11. But yeah, it's silly. Your lucky seat. Yeah, that's a big peeve. Good one. Good one. The checkout is silly. What other peeves you got? What else? What else annoying you? Other than your...

I got this guy. He's the laziest guy I know, but he's like, man, he's like, oh, you're writing a movie, huh? I've been working on this movie for 18 years. I'm like, no, no, you started to write a title 18 years ago. You never touched it again. And now you get to say you worked on it for 18 years. You didn't work on it for 18 years. You worked on it for six minutes and never again. But that was 18 years ago.

That's not working on something for 18 years. Do you see my point? Yeah. No one's reacting. Someone had a thing recently. Can you Google this? It was the not doing the thing. Not doing the thing. It's like someone came up with this list of things that aren't doing the thing, which kind of goes back to being stoic of talking about doing the thing isn't doing the thing. That's why we don't want to talk about our movie. I don't want to go into detail because I don't know how long this is going to take. It might be years. It's not doing the thing. It's like a list on...

It's a really good list, actually. It's on... No, it's on... Hang on, let me find it for you. Hang on, I've got it somewhere. But you can't get the credit for working on something for 20 years if you just started it 20 years ago and never did anything else. You see what I'm saying? Also, maybe work on a second screenplay. Obviously, yeah. Do something. Write one page. But not even one page is written. But he's been working on it for 20 years. It's his life's work. I can't find this thing. Uh...

This is great radio. This is like the date you described, Sam. I have a real talent where I can throw something out and no one responds to it. I don't know what it is. No, this is small talent. Okay. It's strangest loop. Oh, yeah. Things that aren't doing the thing. It's a great list. I think this is like, I read this quite a lot. Okay. What do you got?

Preparing to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Thank you. Scheduling time to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Making a to-do list for the thing isn't doing the thing. Yes. Telling people you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing. There it is. Messaging friends who may or may not be doing the thing isn't doing the thing. It just goes on. But it's so great for like... It's gold. I always think new comics...

There's so much of that going on you go just jokes. Just do it. Just do the jokes. Yeah. So much of this is just like being a CEO though. You're just like do this and they're like, okay. I know but I know a guy I'm not gonna say any names. His whole Instagram is him in a coffee shop with a pen and a pad and a coffee and he's like...

And he's like, I'm writing. All I do is write. Same act the last 20 years. Same act. You know the guy who always has to write out his entire set and you're like, you've been doing the same jokes. Before every show he's like, no, I can't talk to anybody. Let me just write this down. I do the thing now pretty religiously this year and it's really paid off. I do new jokes at the end of every show.

So every show, theater, whatever, it doesn't matter how big the room is, I'll do it tonight. Get out a piece of paper at the end. And it forces you during the day because you feel like such a dick if it's stuff from last week. Because you go, right, do it, bank it. Once it's worked like three times, I can bank it and then that's going to be in the next show. But you kind of figure, well, it's okay. So you're burning through new stuff at like five minutes a night.

And then you're kind of banking that for the next show. It seems to be such a good way of kind of working that muscle. Because sometimes, you know, my tours are like three years long. And you could write the show and do nothing for three years. Oh, yeah. Start with a blank piece of paper. And it seems I've kind of done that before. And it's crazy. It's crazy. Now, you got to prepare. You got to do it. And that's a good way to do it is to make sure the audience, they're your motivation. Because you're like, I can't come up with nothing. Yeah. You know, you need to put yourself against the cliff like that or else you'll do the same shit.

For the rest of your life. I don't think it's a peeve, but I think it's an idea. We had a lot of strikes in the UK this year. Inflation's gone through the roof, so people need more money and they're working jobs and they're not getting paid enough and food prices are going up. So you've got a strike. Same here. Okay. But what they do is they go, the guys on the train strike and they don't turn up to work.

Mm-hmm, but they're on the picket line. So they're not sitting at home doing nothing They're on the picket line striking. So we think what they should do if you're on a train strike You open the ticket booths and you let people go in for free for the day Oh because that hurts your boss, but it doesn't hurt your customers That's good because you haven't got a problem with your customers the guys riding the subway riding the subway the guys riding the trains are riding the trains But you go but fuck with your bosses money. Yeah, see they take that more seriously. Is that legal? Probably

Okay. I don't know what the law would be that would prevent that. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, but no, I like it. I mean, that's way more effective. Yeah, because then you see some results. Yeah, yeah. We had that with the autoworkers. They just striked and they won. Good on them. Yeah, everybody's striking. Now the actors are striking. The writers, a lot of striking. I didn't realize it was because of inflation. Are the actors still striking now? Yeah. Well, by the time this comes out, probably not, I would say. Who knows? This is coming out in 2026.

But yeah, Jimmy, why don't you plug, can we plug gigs? Oh, you got a hard out. No, I've got, there's not that hard an out. I'm flying now. Oh, okay. I was going to drive to Boston. I'm flying. But this is very fun. Current tour, US States? Yeah, there you go. I don't know why I'm playing. Tell me what is good. Tell me what is good on these days. Okay, so, Boston tonight. 26.

26. 26. So starting December. Okay. Oh, yeah. I put in like double shows in December. So I've got to sell these hard. So people of San Diego. Great club. Great theater. Yeah, it's a great theater. That's good. Okay. Right in the heart of the city. Where am I? The Wilton? Wilton's sick. Wilton's nice. LA. Okay. Never been to the Grove. National Grove in Anaheim on the 8th of December. Anaheim's a cool area. Two shows. Two shows in Anaheim. That's Disneyland. Okay. Okay.

And I've never heard of the city at all. It's a casino. Oh, okay. Good luck. Casinos are tough. Is it? Yeah, usually. Okay, so how is it tough in a casino? I've played casinos in South Africa. Sometimes they've gotten better. They've gotten better. But if you do the club at a casino, you're toast. But the theater is pretty good because people actually came out to see you. The club. I think people had to buy a ticket away. Okay, that'll be fine. Yeah.

It'll be fine. And you'll get a nice room. And then Mesa, Arizona on the 10th. Woo! Watch Trump Country. Denver, the Paramount. I'm there this weekend. Badass theater. Two shows. Really nice. Two shows. Okay, cool. And then the Newmark Theater, December 14th in Portland, Oregon. Last time I went to Portland, it was like... I mean, it was like... Apocalyptic? It was like The Walking Dead. It was crazy. Well, it's gotten worse. Oh.

Oh, yeah. A lot of tents. That's rough. How would they... Fentanyl, babe. They did the free drugs or whatever. Decriminalized. That's the word. All drugs. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's not like illegal, but it's weird. But they did that in Portugal, and it's really worked. Yeah. But what they did in Portugal was they decriminalized all the drugs. This is like 15 years ago they did this in Portugal. Decriminalized all the drugs. But then what they did was really smart. All the money they were spending fighting the drug war, they spent on rehabs and education. Ooh, they all do that. And they took all that money, they ring-fenced it, and they went, okay, it's linked to inflation. We're going to spend that money every year on...

on making the show. Okay, because most people that are on heroin don't really want to be on heroin. They'd rather not be on heroin. There's a hard core that will remain. Yeah. But they get it for free now from the pharmacy.

They get heroin for free, not methadone. It kind of works. I had to get a prescription on the road recently. I was like, yeah, some of these cities, you're like, oof, that's a CVS area. Oh, my God. I know. I mean, the other pet peeve in New York the last couple of days, my other half was here with me, and we're shopping. We're in a CVS. They're locking up the toothpaste now. Yes. The stuff they're locking up now. You go, it used to be razors were locked up. Yeah. Because the razor was like, I mean, those guys at Gillette, please. Yeah.

How much are you charging for a rat? 18.99. Whatever that thing is. It's crazy. But they'd lock those up. But now they're locking up fucking chewing gum. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, the grab and steal or whatever you call it. What do you call those? Smash and grab. Yeah, I think it really started during COVID when they just would steal everything. And people were like, yeah.

But I'm going to Portland to get some Manafadil or whatever the hell you said. Oh, yeah. I'm going to pick up a bottle of that. I'm pretty sure I'm pronouncing that wrong. This schedule is amazing. 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th is incredible. San Francisco on the 16th. Las Vegas. I think last Sunday I celebrated my 250th theater show this year. Good Lord. Well, the more theater in Seattle is like maybe the coolest theater. One of the greats. It's like the best. You're going to love it. It's beautiful. It's huge.

It's three tiers, but they're on top. I can fill it, but not with laughter. Let me explain this. December 16th, San Francisco, San Francisco, and the 16th in Las Vegas? Oh, that's March.

Oh, December or March. That's a big jump. There's a big jump there. Yeah, big jump. Big jump, not bad. Yeah, Vegas. Is Vegas going to be all right? Vegas is cool. It's not my favorite. I'm going to fly in. I'm going to go and see that U2 show, I think. The Sphere. Yeah, I really want to see it. Hell yeah. Who's the first comic that's going to do that? I think Hannah Gadsby. Chappelle, maybe. I texted Chappelle the other day and said, how come you haven't played The Sphere? What's going on? Because he can sell infinite tickets. Oh, yeah. I would say he should just do a residency, right? He's doing the Iron Dome.

Nice. Mark, do you want your dates? Sure. What are you playing? Mismatch.com. That's my website. You don't say. There we go. Paramount this weekend. Oh, yeah. We're... It's on the 25th. All right. I can't read that. Sorry. Blow that puppy right up, will you? Yeah. It does feel like there's a weird thing with American versus British comics. We get to theaters a bit fast. We kind of leave the clubs...

Bit faster. Yes, we've got such a nice theater circuit you get on that. Yeah, we get to laughter quicker, but I know what you mean Just joking there car theater on November 24th in Mobile Oh Orpheum on the 25th of November hometown big big hometown show Luther Bank Center for the Arts That's December 1st Santa Rosa that sold out. I believe the Crest Theatre two shows in Sacramento and

Omaha, Kansas City, Norfolk,

Baltimore. You know, MarkNormanComedy.com. Tampa Theater, Florida Theater. When are you going international? Maybe that's what you guys should do together. I would do that. But the international stuff, I'm like... You just did it. I just did Europe. I did a full Lisbon, Dublin, Birmingham, Manchester, Hackney. I went all over. Yeah. I think that'd be a good plan, though, because the travel is like...

That would be the fun thing to do. That's true. To go, okay, we'll go and do, like the Far East, if you do Singapore, Hong Kong, I've got that in January. Singapore, Hong Kong, all that stuff. Ladyboy. Booking those rooms. The Ladyboy tour. Yeah. That's not bad. That's good. You don't hear a lot about the Ladyboys since trans happened. Yeah. They're not getting the... The shine. No, they really... Yeah, you're right. When did you last hear the phrase chicks with dicks?

It's been a minute. It has been a while, right? I wonder if they're pissed. Like, hey, you took our whole thing. It's like cars when they did the horses. Yeah.

You get it. I got Vegas. What horses did to cars? I got the win in Vegas, December 2nd. That'll be fun. Then we got Tampa Theater, the Fort Myers. Oh, man, we're doing the same gigs. Yeah, and then I'm going back to clubs for a while just to tighten this for the next special and to write some new shit. Where are you going to take the special? The Wilbur Boston.

It's a beauty. Great club. Oh, theater. Feels like a club. More specials have been taped there than any theater in America. Is that the one that's got the tables down the front? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty badass. I love it. Yeah, and then, you know, Buffalo, Springfield, Madison, Philly, Dania Beach, Omaha, Dallas, OKC, Irvine, Salt Lake, and then the special. So I'll see you guys on the road. Woo!

And this new hour is cooking. Thanks, man. So check it out, folks. Get some Bodega Cat whiskey. Yeah, get some whiskey. Where's the Bodega Cat whiskey? It's up on the bar somewhere. Bodegacatwhiskey.com. It's a ride. Very nice. I'm sure a lot of you already know Jimmy, but go see Jimmy on the road. One of the best. Great joke writer. Maybe check out the Netflix special first. See if it's for you. It's not for everyone, is it? Oh, come on. Is this...

But take it, Kat. You know I got a whiskey. No. I got a whiskey with a weird group got together. It's called Muff Liquor. Muff Liquor. That's fun. There's a town outside Dublin called Muff.

And there's a distillery there called Muff Liquor. Did you do it just for the name? Just for the name. I love it. I love it. Just for the dumb name. But we've got like... Well, that's a cool bottle. Yeah, we've got the vodka, gin, and whiskey. But I did it with like... It's like me and Russell Crowe and Ed Sheeran. It's a really odd mix of people. Oh, wow. That's fun. That's pretty cool. It's good booze. I mean, like the vodka and gin is winning awards. Yeah, it's Jim Crow. Oh.

There it is. Muff Liquor. Muff Liquor. That's great. I mean, it's a good name. That's a fun name. I went to Ball State, so that'd be a different liquor. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. Thanks, Jimmy. It's a pleasure. Good to see you guys. Great stuff.