Ep 152: Peeve Heavy
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Hey, hey, folks. Here we are. We might be drunk. We're doing it. We had a crazy weekend, so we're capping it off with a little cafe au lait. I had a few too many last night, even. So did I. What did you drink? I just had a couple of McAllens with Dan, the bartender at the Cellar. Oh, nice. Fat black. Yeah, it's my childhood friend. That's crazy. Yeah. Funny how it all comes back. New York, we all talk about it as this big.

Big city that never sleeps. I see the same people all day long, every day. Yeah, this city is... It's so hard. It's such a great city. It's hard not to drink.

I know. I guess if your life is shit, you drink, or if your life is good, you drink. That's true. There's just bright lights. It's late. And I'm like, oh, that's a cool bar. I'm going to go in there. I know. And the night, that crisp night autumn air is great in New York, that October weather. And all your friends are around. You had a couple of good sets. Give me a highball. Yeah. It's great. In the groans. Oh, yeah. And we pretty much drink for free over there, so it's hard not to get a nice cocktail. It's tough.

Yeah, guess who I saw walking down? Me and the lady took a stroll because the village during Halloween, the decorations are out. It's nutty. It's great. And everyone's a fucking director now. Do you see everyone? They take their phone out. They're like, let me get this. Yes. And you're like, okay, now you're blocking the walkway. Exactly. Some kid's trying to look at the scary ghost and there's a guy, Fellini. Remember, Carlin? Federico Fellini. Federico fucking Fellini. Yeah.

but I see a guy with white hair and a kid on his shoulders, and he's going, look at that, daddy, look at that. And the kid's up there. Guess who it was? Who? Alec Baldwin. Oh, how about that? I see him in my neighborhood all the time. Oh, yeah. Great dad. And I said, what are you, shooting the shit? No, I'm just kidding. Shooting joke. But I went, oh, wow. And I just instinctively waved. And he looked at me like...

Fuck off. And then kept walking. Yeah. Doesn't sound like a great person. Well, I think he's out there. He needs some press. Yeah, that's true. That's true. This guy's got a podcast. Everyone's got a podcast now. Where you're like, I saw a famous person. Was he nice? Nah. Yeah, but I don't blame him. What's he going to do? Like, hey, he didn't even know who I was. So I'm waving at him. You get people saying hi to you sometimes. That's true. You always try to be nice. But every once in a while, they catch you at a bad moment. Yeah. I was having a fight with my mom on the phone. Yes! And some guy...

was like, Sam. I was like, what the fuck? And some guy's like, Sam. I was like, and he's like, oh, okay. But that's pretty good for mid-fight. That's pretty good, yeah. That's tough to do because I was in there for it. Hard to take a picture mid-fight. Listen, you fucking inconsiderate. Hold on.

That's all they want is a photo. I was at the airport and I had a flight fuck up. I had to call Delta, which is always a nightmare. And I'm on the phone with Delta. You got status. You go right through. I go right through, but you're still like, oh, my sky number is this and my flight time was that. I'm doing all that shit. And the guy was like, oh.

Holy shit. I listen to you all the time. We might be drunk. Yeah. I'm like, shut the fuck up because I couldn't hear the lady. So he hated me. But now he'll go off and tell everybody I met him once and he fucking yelled at me. It is funny to get recognized at a bad point. I know. I know. Because you are Alec Baldwin. That is your whole life. Exactly. And I think what Alec Baldwin was saying was like, no photo. Like, don't even try. Yeah.

Also, he's one of those dudes that has had too many kids at too late a point in his life.

Yes. This is the point of your life you should be more restful. Yes. He's got a manslaughter charge and more kids. You're not sleeping as well. Plus, New York, there's noise. We're in the same neighborhood. There's a lot of noise. That's true. I don't know what's worse, the eight kids or the manslaughter charge. It's a toss-up. Plus, the Hilaria Baldwin is no joke. That was rough. Hilaria. I mean, the Yogi's already-

It can go either way. Totally. You can be like earthy and kind of kind, or you can just be like, oh, enough about granola. Yes. Just have another kid already. Yeah. And then it's also, I saw Billy Joel on Friday and he's another one who has, he brought his kids out and they're way too young for how old he is. Oh yeah. One of them was six. Whoa. I think 74. Wait, where'd you see Billy Joel? The garden. Oh, you saw him perform? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Girlfriend's birthday.

She wanted to see Billy Joel, so the garden hooked it up. Hell yeah. Wait, when does this come out? Do I still have time to promote my date? Wait a minute. I never thought about this. So you were playing there, so you get tickets. Well, I try not to abuse it, but they, you know. That's good to know. I'm doing the beacon. I'm going to try to get some. It's an affiliate, baby. Oh, never mind. Ah.

Well, it was a great night. Yeah. And of course it sold out. Yes. Here, here. Congratulations. You know. You ought to know by now. His voice is still good. Oh, yeah. He's great. Ran into our boy Brian Koppelman at the show. Hey. Who told me that he, Brian Koppelman, if you don't know, creator of Billions, wrote Rounders. Oh, yeah. Amazing screenwriter. But he tells me, you know.

My first date with my now wife of 30 years was to see Billy Joel, and she stood me up an hour before the show.

And now we're going back to see her. Wow. To see them together now. What a comeuppance. Yeah. Like, I don't care how long it takes, bitch. I'm getting to that concert. But, no, he's amazing, dude. Oh, yeah. I saw him live at Bonnaroo. And you're like, Bonnaroo is not really his spot. And he owned it. He had the best show. He was funny, too. Incredible. Oh, yeah? He had a story where, yeah, he said he talked about meeting Keith Richards on the street.

And Keith Richards getting mobbed by paparazzi or whatever. And then as he's walking by, he goes, here's Keith, Billy Joel. And Keith Richards looks at him like, oh. Like that's not what he thought he'd look like. Right, right. A little self-deprecation from Billy Joel. I liked it. I love it. Not to mention the, you know, you can't have a picket fence in his neighborhood because he will run it over. He'd really like to get behind the wheel. He's sober for sure. Oh, okay, good. Oh, dude, he's, come on. I mean, legendary drunk. I'd love to get him on here.

Damn, that would be an epic download episode. Billy Joel falls off. Ha ha ha ha ha.

We'll bring in a little keyboard. Just let him go. Well, the funniest part is like family singing along to his just depressing lyrics. His lyrics are so fucking sad. Yeah. But people sing along like as if, you know, and John is a real estate novelist. Which, by the way, what the fuck is a real estate novelist? Oh, good point. Do you guys know what that is? I never even thought about that. Who never had time for a wife. Yeah.

Yeah. He's sitting with Davey, who's still in the Navy, and he's with their kids, who probably will be for life. I'm like, that's not... That's not good news. Not cheerful. No. What is it? Sounds like a woman to me. Oh, she's always a woman to me. Yeah. It's controversial now. But, yeah, gotta change that lyric. But, yeah, yeah. It's about Chaz Bono.

But yeah, hell of an artist and still kicking. And I think he has a residency. Like he does 10 a year or whatever at the Garden. It's amazing. Yeah, and he crushed it. It was pretty awesome. Yeah. It's awesome that every song is a hit. Yes. And no matter how famous you get, there's a little bit where he's like, there's a little song called Vienna.

Didn't make the charts when it came out. I'm like, ooh, he's still kind of pissed about it. Yeah, he's bitter. Good for him. But it's like you're kind of like, holy shit, that wasn't a hit. I know. I know. They're all great.

but saw him at Bonnaroo and it was like Kendrick Lamar, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons. It was all these big, hot, cool, fun artists. And then he came out at the end and blew them all off the table. I partied with Mumford and Sons one night. Really? They were cool as fuck. Yeah, they were awesome. I remember one of them was like, he's like, you know, when you're like week two on the road and you're on your knees and you're blowing a line off the seat. I was like, I think we're doing the road differently. Yeah.

You guys go hard. Yeah, especially because their music is kind of somber. That's how it always goes, though. That's true. Clean comedian might murder you.

Good point. Fucking Peter, Paul, and Mary. Look out. Yeah, Richard Marks. I heard he liked the heroin and the hookers. Well, Karen Carpenter, that's some dark shit, right? What was her thing? She starved herself to death. What? Isn't that right? Karen Carpenter? I know she was anorexic. That's what it was. Yeah, she died of that, though. Whoa, she went all the way. You see, yeah. End of the line.

Heart failure. Yeah, but that's from the anorexia. That's from not eating. I'm always impressed when an American cannot eat. Good for her. It is. Everyone else goes the other way. It's not our specialty. No, no. I mean, we have another musician, Meatloaf. Yeah.

Named after food. That's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point, yeah. And he was a big guy. Wow. Look how thin she is. It's sad. Look at that. Yikes. Such a talent, too. I know. Todd Haynes made a movie about her, and he just used dolls to do the whole movie. Oh, damn. It's weird as hell. It's pretty cool. Yikes. Dolls. Yeah. Wait, she's not in it, obviously. No, no, no. She's dead by the time it came out. Holy moly.

Dolls. Musicians, I feel like most artists, even the people that you think are fine, look, everyone's fucked up, but there's something about being a musician. I don't know. It's hard to not be, to have some darkness there. You were talking about Cobain. Yeah. Well, also, music's tough because you're hot, and then you go away. The whole disco guy, Bee Gees, were the top of the mountain, and then disco was like the...

The shittiest thing ever was like not cool and they just were out of work. And also the Bee Gees are fucking amazing. Amazing. Like the tools that marched that, what was that, Chicago? Where did that happen? Where they were like, fuck disco and. Oh yeah, the Cubs. The Cubs, what is it? Field. Wrigley. Wrigley.

Yeah. I fucking love the Bee Gees though. You see the documentary? It's amazing. It's great because they fall off. They're the biggest people on earth and everybody hates them and they're nerds. And so they start writing for Cher. They start writing for Madonna and then they get rich again. Oh, and they had the islands in the stream they wrote. They wrote it. It's a great tune. They wrote a ton of big hits that you don't even know that are them. And they're all dead except one of them is left. Is that right? Yeah. That's a great doc. It's on Max. Yeah. I'll tell you where else I went. Uh,

I went to the decisive game of the WNBA. I know some people are going to trash me in the comments for this, but I don't give a shit. I'm telling the story. Yeah, tell it. The Liberty, they're fun games. Liberty, Liberty, Liberty. Liberty. But they're playing the Las Vegas Aces, who are the best team. They have injuries. Liberty should have won. They don't win. But-

We have the MVP, Breonna Stewart. She's not the best player. The best players on the ace is Asia Wilson. Okay. But she got the MVP for some narrative decisions, whatever. Tough. They lose by one point. We're in the game. I see Sam Jay there. Hey. Which is who you think you're going to see. Yes. You hope to see. Maybe a black lesbian. Yeah. You would hope. You hope. And then. Her who? Not her who. We had Ashley Gavin too. Yeah. Yeah.

White lesbian. Yeah. There you go. A lot of lesbians there. All right, as there should be. That metal detector took a while to get through. Catch my drift. What, the strap-ons? Butt plugs? What are we talking here? Keychain wallet? I don't know what I was going for there. But no, it was a good game. It actually wasn't a good game. Brianna Stewart played horribly. Three of 18 was a terrible, terrible loss. They should have won the game. Yeah, no. But as we're walking out...

having the celebration because the Las Vegas Aces win and

And, you know, they're blocking the doors. I'm like, blocking the doors? I don't want to watch the fucking opposing team celebrate. So I'm trying to leave. Yeah. And they're, like, blocking us. Some pregnant woman bumps me. What? And she's with a much older woman. And I turn around and say, you know, we're all trying to leave. Yeah. And she goes, I'm pregnant. Oh, throwing that around. And my girlfriend whispers to me, that's Breonna Stewart's wife.

Oh! The star of the liberty. And I turn around and I say, you know, if you're anything like Brianna, you're not going to deliver tonight. So...

Which I said as she walked away. She didn't hear. But other people heard. I got to laugh. That's a good line. Yeah. She boxed you out. She boxed me out. Yeah. Wow. They take a carry at Barclays, dude. Really? I've never been in there. We're going to Knicks games this year. I would love to see, but that's not at the Barclays. No, it's MSG, baby. We're going. But I would go to a WNBA. I feel like I could keep up with it.

It's fun, man. Yeah. It's a fun experience. They got fucking Carbone in there. You get a little free rigatoni. I've never eaten a Carbone. I tried to go twice. Couldn't get in. Yeah. I've never been to the one in New York.

Yeah. I've been to the Barclays one. It's right there in the village. And I saw Schultz there with his wife. And they're like, you cannot get in. And then Schultz looked at me and I went, oh, shit. He was in there, you know, feet up big, like feeding his wife, like a lady in the trip. Damn it. Couldn't get it. I had to be in the lady to walk away.

Yeah, there's so much good Italian, though, in New York. It's like some of that shit's overrated, overpriced. Yeah, yeah. I saw Kim K there once. Kim Kardashian? Yeah, she was walking out of there. She was still with Kanye. They were there together. They got out of a black car, and I was like, whoa. Oh, you saw them walk in? I saw them walk in because I couldn't get in, so I was waiting outside. That's what I mean. It's like...

It's like a celeb spot. I don't know if it's as... I think it's good, but I don't think it's as good as like the... It's all buzz. A lot of buzz. Yeah, which, you know, that's part of the fun, I guess. But wow, WNBA, that's cool. How was Gavin?

She was into it. I think I almost lost it to one of her friends she was with because someone was like, sit down. Oh, geez. And I'm just like, it's the playoffs. You stand. Yeah, boy, they love kids. You stand on key points. Also, it's funny that people... A little bossy. You know what's helping the WNBA is that they're like psycho fans now. Ah.

Because there was a guy yelling at one of the women, you fucking stink. Fuck you. And I was like, that's what they need. That's equality. That's equality. Yes. That's how you talk to the men. It's also funny that people think they automatically assume that you're a feminist if you go to these games. But you know there's dudes there who just hate women. Right. It was a cheap ticket. Yeah. He's just sitting there like, you fucking bitch, make me a sandwich. He's like, oh, I hate my mother. Yeah.

I try to get my lady to watch, and she's like, I won't do it. Well, the women are supporting now. That's the difference. It's on them. It's on them. That's what I'm saying. So I'm like, you want people to watch this, you have to watch it. She's like, I'd rather watch The Bachelor. You can't be a woman who complains about inequality and pay in sports and not support. Yeah. You're a hypocrite. Or don't complain. Exactly. So she would not watch it.

And I had this realization, tell me this is stupid. She's like, I want to watch The Bachelor. And I go, why? She goes, this is reality TV. And I go, but this is actually edited. That's reality TV. And just like a reality show, it's a bunch of women competing for a ring. And

And she didn't care. I thought I had a good point. We should be dating. We have the fucking, we have fun. Yeah, exactly. If we had vaginas and we were better looking. Man, gays. Gays have got to be. That's why I want to just show women, like, look how fun it could be if you weren't up our asses all day. We could all be in a glory hole. We could be blowing each other and eating each other out. We could all be having sex 24-7, but...

You guys have feelings. Every female listener. All the women we just brought in with that WNBA talk have just X'd out of YouTube. Well, we're trying to support it. You're going to gay. I'm trying to get the lady to watch it. I just like sports, and I like New York sports, and I like basketball. I'm supporting. Yeah. Well, I think a lot of women can't relate. You play basketball. I grew up shooting hoop with friends. I don't think my lady was ever watching or playing basketball in her life. Yeah. But you've got to support. Yeah. Yeah.

They need more drama. They need hair pulling. They need to cheat on a man. There's some drama. They talk some shit. That's why that college basketball shit was good with Caitlin Clark where Angel Reese, they were talking shit to each other. Oh, that blew up. 55,000 people went to watch Caitlin Clark. There is a future in this. You just have to

Here's the thing I get. No one shits on Rogan, by the way. People will shit on me if I defend the WNBA because, look, it wasn't a good league 10 years ago. I'll give you that. It's getting good. Yeah. No one shits on Rogan for. Is he a fan? No, for pumping up female fighters. Oh, yeah. But you should. I just don't understand it, I guess. Interesting. Because that people. I'm a UFC guy and no one even bats an eye. We just watch them all. Right. No one's like, oh, this is the female fight. Fuck that. It's like, no, it's a good fight.

So that is interesting because basketball, we go, ah, WNBA. But the female fighters don't bat an eye. The competition was not good. I'll give you that. But it's getting good. I think the names would help if they had funnier names. I compare it to like the Cleveland Cunts or whatever. That would help it. The Indiana Tampons? Yes, yes. The Miami Miscarriage. Something. Something.

They got the worst mascot. The bloody head. Their career's in the toilet. Yeah, man. What else you been up to? You been on the road? Been all over the road. How about this? Did Portland, Maine. Great. Did you do that theater? I did. That theater's incredible. Beautiful theater. What is it, the State Theater? State Theater. That's a great one. 1925, old as shit, rickety, cool looking, a lot of patina. Yeah.

I got heckled for an hour and a half. Oh, wow. I don't know what it was. There it is. Beautiful room. Sold it out. Yeah, yeah. And there's something about Maine. It's up there. Ray Harrington has this great bit about how Maine is Canada's Florida. Because it's like hanging off the country. It's like the south of the north. Wow. Because they're wearing camo hats. They hunt. They're Republican. They're driving trucks. But then Portland's kind of bougie. But then Portland.

Portland's bougie. Because you've got that seafood. It's actually a vacation destination. It is. It's huge. And the hotels are kind of nice. Very nice. They say more restaurants per capita in Portland than anywhere else. And the cruises park there. It's all lobster. It's great. It's like fucking Upshurts for lobsters. Yeah. If you're a lobster, get the fuck out of there.

They are coming for you. That's true. And we had lobster rolls in the green room. Of course, you got to do it up. But yes, it's such a cool place. It's a really pretty city. It's right on the water. It's a lot of like fishermen on heroin and tugboats and all that shit. Good stuff. A lot of L.L. Bean, you know, a lot of Whitey. But there's something about Doug Key went up and Doug's funny. Doug's great. They were just not having it. They were like,

What? No. Boo. Heckling. Saying stuff. And he's like, what are you guys doing? I'm trying to do my act. And one joke would hit, then another one would fall flat. And he's great. So he's been touring with me for a while. So I knew it wasn't him. And then I went up, and I had to just... If I didn't keep my foot on the gas, they would yell. Any free moment, they would yell.

So I was throwing people out left and right. You always have one of those. It's weird to have those in theaters. I had a good one there, but I've had other ones on this run that have been like, wow, that was work. Yeah. I think they pre-gamed a little hard because they were... I talked to the bouncer guys after and they're like, everybody we threw out was like legless. I was like, all right, well... It happened to me in Tulsa, but I ended up getting a gift of a guy just so... He was so shit-faced and he just kept...

As he was getting tossed, he just kept screaming out gold. So I was like, fucking let him stay. It was kind of funny. And...

I ended up getting them water, then I was like, fuck, get one more drink on me. But we ended up having fun, but they were bombed. Yeah. The Tulsa, that room, have you done that Canes Ballroom? I'm going there soon. January. Fucking epic. Really? I love it. Oh, great. All right. And you've got to hit up the DeMarco Slice, the pizza place. I'll give you the name. It's killer. All right. I'm down. Yeah, one guy we threw out went and bought merch from Doug and then put it on and ripped it.

In front of him. So they meant business, these guys. That's like the weirdest dick move ever. Yeah, Doug's like, I got your money. I don't give a shit what you do with the shirt, but... Yeah, that's like fucking mean. It's a little aggressive, but he paid for it. He can do it. Yeah, but that's like, that's a dick. It's a dick, but he'll jizz at it later anyway, you know? Like, you know, it's, who knows where that shirt's going. He feels bad about himself. He goes home and he's like, fuck. Just puts it around his neck, hangs himself. Ha ha ha.

So, of course, we go out. We got wrecked. Too drunk. And then the next day we got in the car and drove, hung over like this and drove to Providence. And that was amazing. Love Providence. Great town. Providence is like weirdly kind of similar to Maine where it's like there's like some really poor parts, but then there's like really bougie parts. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Newport over there is incredible. Hunter Biden's got like a $3 million home.

Oh, really? Where you're like, wait, what? How is it? And then you see it. You're like, if you're on the water, you can charge like anything. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. It's like a crack house, but they're like, it's on the water. It's on the water. Yeah. You can puke right out the window. Yeah. And yeah, that was killer. It is technically a crack house if it's Hunter Biden's, by the way. Ah, good point. Good point. Yeah. Yeah.

Coke at the White House. The White House is now a Coke House. It's an apt name, I guess. White House. But yeah, then today or yesterday, me and Salicus went and saw Killers of the Flower Moon. I saw it too. I want to know what you think. All right. I got to be honest. I didn't love it. Really? Okay. I liked it. I didn't... I got...

I got issues with it. All right, well, we'll get into it. Let's get into it. The best part of the movie was Salicus was trying to buy a flight. He had a death in the family. So he's trying to buy a flight on the phone. I'm like, why don't you just go online? He's like, I got to get the bereavement fare. So he's getting the bereavement fare like a fucking New York. Costanza. Costanza, yeah. And so he's like, yeah, she died two days ago. I have the death certificate.

Oh, man. That's great. We were the only people in the theater, thank God. Really? Yeah. He was dead? 1 p.m. There was one old couple in the rafters, but they were at 9. One guy was sleeping. I heard his snoring. It was a long movie. It was very long. I thought it was really good. I thought it was great. Salicus nailed it. He said, no tension.

You know, every Scorsese movie, you got Ray Liotta like, oh, the helicopters, and we got to make the sauce, and you're up against it, or the criminals are coming. They're going to murder us. They're going to hit us with a ball-peen hammer and put our head in a vice like Casino. This was kind of just, it moved, but there was never those like, Ray!

It's just a shot away. You know, they're shooting a guy in the back of the head. A car blows up. They push a guy in a grave. There wasn't that moment of like... It needed that opening. Ever since I was young, I wanted to steal money from the Osage Indians. Yeah, exactly. They didn't have that, but I thought it was great and a psychological thriller. I mean... I got a lot of problems with it. Please. First off, I love the book. I said this on the podcast before. I love... I think David Grand's an incredible writer. Yeah. Yeah.

To me, in the book, the most interesting character by far is the detective, who is played by Jesse Plemons, the bureau inspector. Sorry, whatever. He didn't have a lot of development. No development. In real life, he's by far the most interesting character. I mean, he had this crazy life story. He came from this interesting family. He had tension with...

With fucking... God damn, why is his name escaping me? With J. Edgar Hoover. Oh, really? He had the attention with...

The FBI director. So he wasn't accepted by Hoover because he wasn't like an Ivy League, you know, buttoned up guy. He was more blue collar. And that was interesting. He did this amazing case. This was like that in the book. The most interesting parts are how they prosecute and develop. And you're basically getting it from a one. You're getting it from Ernest Burkhardt's point of view, who is a dumb fuck. DiCaprio. Yeah.

He's a really – he's a thick character. It's hard to like – for me, like you bring up Goodfellas or Casino. Those are smarter villains. Yeah, yeah. So it's just kind of – I'm just like, all right. It's also three and a half hours. I say with this type of movie, you got to make it either two and a half or make it a fucking miniseries, man. Interesting. It's interesting to me that Scorsese, who I love, and I'm sure a lot of people are going to disagree here, but –

He's like all about saving cinema. And it's like, you want to save it with a three and a half hour slow burn? Yeah. I'll be honest. If I didn't read the book, I would have been confused as fuck by this movie. Because they're just introducing characters and not like kind of telling you who they are. Yeah. There's like all those tertiary characters in the beginning. Barnaby comes in. The detective comes in. He got, well, I don't want to say anything. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. There's a lot of people. Even at one point, I was like, who was that who got stabbed? Exactly. Who is that guy? There's a lot of that. And I'm just like, if I didn't.

I don't know. I would have been pretty confused. It looks beautiful. Beautifully shot and beautifully edited. And the actors are great. The acting is amazing. It's a Scorsese movie, you know? I got to beef with Frasier. I thought Brendan was weirdly over the top. I'm here!

to declare like what are you foghorn leghorn take it easy in the courtroom I think that's how they talked in the 20s but it was weird yeah it was a weird choice it also looked like I was like man this guy did he keep the body suit from the whale on when he came over here he looked he looked exactly the same I thought he was going to jerk into gay porn at one point

By the way, Lily Gladstone was such a subtle actor. She's amazing. Her face would say so much. Those eyes and everything. It was really – I've never seen a – she's going to win the Oscar. I'm calling her right now. Also, I don't know – yeah, I just – I guess I just didn't love it. I don't know. It's like for me to do a three-and-a-half-hour slow burn –

Yeah, he's right. There's not a lot of tension. Not a lot of tension. There was a lot of just kind of boring scenes and also the way, I don't want to give too much away. Yeah, yeah. Because there's stuff I want to say, but if you haven't seen it, it is still a new movie. Mm-hmm.

I'm glad I saw it just because it looked amazing and I just wanted to know, but I didn't love it. Yeah, all right. That's a good take. I love Scorsese and I love his passion. I think the way he ended it, I did. I was like, that was powerful. That ending was badass. It was badass, but I just didn't.

I just think there's so much more he could have done. Yeah. And I really, that was just such an undeveloped, Jesse Plemons is such a good actor and a good character. And I wanted more of him. Yeah. He was like, I don't want to say weak, but just there was not much to him at all. He was just the long arm of the law. And also, I think if you're going to write characters who are this stupid and evil, like Ernest Burkhardt, you know, you have to really expose their stupidity. And those were the funniest scenes. Right. There's a great line.

Jesse Plemons shows up and I'm not giving anything away here but he just you know his character shows up and he goes we're here to investigate to look into the murders and Leonardo DiCaprio's character goes what about him and he goes who did him got a big laugh in the theater but that's the level of stupidity you're dealing with and I wanted more uh

Of that type of stuff. Right. Because then dealing with them in court, you're like, wow, they're fucking sleazy and awful. And dumb and sociopathic. How about the scene with that guy, Lewis Can't Sell Men, or whatever his name is, where he's like, you realize you're saying, you're implying that you might kill your kids to get the insurance money. And he's like, wow. That's the level of stupidity you're dealing with in evil. But also the real life...

The character who Jesse Plemons plays in real life, he had this crazy second chapter, too, where he, after this, he ended up, I think, being like, fuck, I'm never going to move up in the Bureau. So he ended up taking a job as a prison warden. And he saw William Hale. Like, he was nice. He was nice to everyone. Yeah. Even if you were in prison, he was like, he treated you with respect. There was a prison breakout, and these guys took him hostage. Yeah.

And shot him. Huh. And he lived. Wow. But he was fucked up from getting shot. And he was still nice to those people after he brought them back to... Interesting. Like, he was just a decent man. Yeah. And Hoover never gave him his flowers, ever. Oh, really? He just, like, wasn't his type of dude. I think he saw him as more of a simple guy, but he was a pretty brave guy. Yeah. Well, Scorsese didn't give him his flowers either. What the hell? That's what I'm saying. And also...

I don't know. And he looks like if Matt Damon got hit with a couple gamma rays, doesn't he? He's character actor Damon for sure. I know. It's a sad... Fat Damon? Fat Damon. He's a great actor. He's great. He's always great. But also, I thought DiCaprio was getting a little borderline sling blade in there at some point. So I'm like, all right, easy, Billy Bob. You got that.

That protruding chin and the underbite a little hard. Dude, pull up a picture of real life Molly Burkhart and Ernest. Because you're going to be like, holy shit. Like, she's the actress they got to play. No, no, no. Go down. There's a better. That one to the right. All the way to the right. Holy moly. Top right. Top right.

Like, you don't think this dude fucking married you for your money? Yes. I don't mean to be a dick, but holy shit. This is some 90 Day Fiance shit right here. I mean, you're like, that dude. You're like, yeah, Leonardo should play that dude. Yeah. And then you're like, who should play her? I don't know, Danny Trejo? What the hell is going on here? This is brutal. I mean, like, terrible life. I feel my heart goes out to her. They're tough people. She was getting poisoned, the diabetic. Yes. It's...

Yeah. They're stealing the money. All their family dies. I don't want to give much away. I mean, it's a really insane what they had to get to be lucky enough to get that wealth. And then you just get murdered. Yeah, I know. The white man. Yeah.

But the white man saved. We had both sides of the coin. We're a very complex race. Everything's complex. Yeah, he was a handsome guy, so it's a good casting. Wow. I didn't know. Danny Trejo. Boy, that is really something. You fucking nailed it on that one.

Who's, I think, Hispanic, but it worked. Yeah. If we really break that one down, it might be racist. So let's leave that alone. No, you're fine. You're fine. It's a perfect call. I got a... Oh, I got peeves. Oh, I love some peeves. I'm still laughing at Trejo because I was sitting there trying to think of who you could use and you fucking hit it right on the bullseye.

All right. Here we go, Peeves. I got a couple of bangers, I think. I hope. All right. This is annoying. This might get weird. But you ever have this one? You go... Hold on. I go...

That guy, that guy we just met, was he gay? And then I had the lady be like, some random woman was like, oh, what do you mean is he gay? What's wrong with being gay? I'm like, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay. I'm asking if he is gay. And she's like, I don't know. What are you saying? All gay guys are alike? I'm like...

I'm saying I don't know if he's gay. If they were all alike, I would know that he was gay. And we're getting into it. And I'm like, what is this bullshit where we pretend to not... People don't have qualities that make you... Because we have gaydar. Right. But then if you go, was he gay? She's lost it on me. Who was it? It was this comics girlfriend.

And I'm like, I'm asking. Was she gay? No. She was the girlfriend of a male comedian. And I'm like, I'm just asking, was he gay? And she's like, well, how would I know? And I'm like, well, some people have better gay. I have no gaydar. And she was like, well, who cares if he's gay? I'm like, I'm just curious if he's gay. And it's just weird. Like Bill Burr has that great joke where he's talking about like a super butch lesbian. And a woman's like, what do you mean? And he's like, you know what you're picturing? That. Yeah.

It pisses me off that she's acting like there's never been a gay guy who's like, hello. And we all go, okay, that guy's gay. And I'm not saying that's bad. I'm just saying some gay guys can be more flamboyant. Everybody knows that. I couldn't tell. I'm asking if he was gay. You're asking about a person. I don't get why that's offensive. Yeah. We got into it. Damn. It's weird to be offended by – I mean –

I know. I don't get that. I'm just curious. Is he gay? Then she's like, why do you care? I'm like, maybe I'll hit on him. How do you know I'm not into him? I need to know if he's gay before I hit on him. It's always some implication of like, so you hate him? No, I'm...

I'm hanging out with them. It's the same tone of smugness as those people who are like, the doctor, and you're like, oh, what did he say? She said. And you're like, all right, you're a better person than me. I'm sorry. You're more tolerant. Right, right. There probably are more male doctors in America. So you went with the odds. And also, I'm a guy. I just, it's not, it's just, I'm a man. So I say that because I know more men than women. Right, right. It's not...

The worst is when you, by the way, if you said serial killer, was he blonde? They never go, she. It's only for doctors and shit. But the worst is when you do it to a dog and somebody flips out. You're like, I don't give a shit if the dog's a guy or girl. Oh, what's his name? Heard. It's a shih tzu. It shits on the floor. I'd love to kick it in the face. Now I miss Winnie, dude. Fuck. I miss Winnie. I gotta bring Winnie back.

I like her. All right. She. Yeah, she's very fun. Yeah. And a big hit in the comments, by the way. People want more Winnie, dude. Oh, yeah. Not a big hit with your cat, unfortunately. Is that cat gay? No, I'm kidding. I got peeves. Let me see what I got. I know I got some peeves.

I got lots of P's. Yeah, it always goes to hate. Oh, I got another one too. Oh my God. People who are...

Cunts and victims. That's my. Oh, good. When you say something shitty and then a person reacts and then they're like, oh, no, you really hurt me. Yes. Yes. Just like, wait, you said the mean thing. There's a term for this online. It's called cry bully. Oh, yeah. They're mean. And then when you give it back to them, they cry. Damn. So they always win. They get to be mean and they get to be coddled.

It's pretty brilliant. It's also people who, a lot of liberals do this, where they poke you and then you respond and they're just like, I don't want to talk about that. But you brought it up. You brought it up. So true. It's like they get to get their shot in. Yes. And then you're like, you just hit me and they're just like, I'm going the other room. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. It's so true. My brother used to do that. He was such a bitch.

He would hit you, and then you'd hit him back, and he was like, ah! I was like, what the hell? You hit me. So yeah, I'm totally with you on that one. That's no good. Oh my God. Cry bully, there it is. It's in the Urban Dictionary, folks. My mom did this to me. She came to the cellar with me, and my mom does, and I'm not calling my mom the C word, by the way. I was saying in a more general sense. But my mom watched my set. A woman's talking my entire set at the comedy cellar, and she's

I'm doing a long bit that I can't really bail out of. Right. There's momentum. So I had to just kind of power through. And then at the end of the bit, I get my pop and I go, you're going to talk the whole show? Yeah. I kind of like say it. And she kind of then is like bails off. And I get a couple lines zinging her. And then I go into an abortion joke and I kind of pause. I'm like, you know that thing you should have been. And I get my quick laugh and I move on and it's fine. But she's annoying. And Val, the manager at the cellar, goes in and they're like, sure, sure.

And I get off stage and my mom goes, you're mean. And I was like. Your mom said that? Yeah. Oh, wow. You're signing with a drunk? Yeah. Heckler over me? And my mom's like, you just handled it in a very mean way. Val overhears it. And Val goes, no, we handled that very well, actually. All right, Val. And my mom goes, I don't want to talk. I'm like, you just called me mean. Yeah. Also, where's the backup, mom? You're on my team. You should be hating this lady with me. Wow. I'm shocked. Yeah, I was bummed.

Damn. Come on, mom. Yeah. And she started it. She started it. I know. It's just... You could have been a lot meaner. You could have gone in on her. You did one line and got out. I just said to her, I was like, you know how many years I've done the road? Like, do you think I would have survived in papered strip malls if I didn't have, like, the...

you know, ability to do crowd control a little bit. You got to turn it on. Yeah. No, I'm with you on that one. Yeah. Thank you. Come on. Hear that mom. Yeah. We'll get her on here and really berate her. We sit her down. She's like, no, I'm not. Yeah. I can't.

Yeah, no, we're all fans. I love you, Mom. I love you, Mom. We're good. We patch it up. Well, that's the thing. If you talk during a show, you're open now. Exactly. You're a target. So that's on you. Yeah. All right, how about this peeve? Hold on. What is it, farting in people's faces? Is that the peeve? If it's not, I got one coming up. Okay.

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Two words. We didn't even have a guest this week. He couldn't have done it that way. He had to do it right into my... Try to keep it neutral. I could have done this. Oh, Jesus Christ. No, I wouldn't do that to you. So... This is Gaza and I'm fleeing right now. Two words. Full stop. I'm so sick of full stop.

So that's my views on Ukraine. They shouldn't be whatever. Hotta hotta who. Russia's a superpower. Putin's evil. Full stop.

You could just stop. Yeah, wait, what is that? You've never heard full stop? Yeah, I know I have, but I don't care. Oh, yeah. Is that like a period? I don't know. I don't know. What are we doing? You could just stop. You don't have to say full stop. It's like reading a telegram in like the 30s or something. Yes, yes, exactly. So-and-so needs more medicine, period.

Space. New paragraph. No, just stop talking. You know what it is? It's kind of like on social media when people... I guess it was mostly Twitter when people would do the claps thing.

We need to stop apartheid. They put claps in between and you're like, well, that tweet will do it. Yeah. Good job. I hate the claps. What do people expect? I don't know what they're like. They're like, I did it. I know. By the way, that's activism now. Of course. People used to have to put on a suit and go to Mississippi in the faltering heat. Now they're just like...

I'm sad. Send. Yes, exactly. My work's done. Yeah, these atrocities need to end. Full stop. Thank you, lady at Coffee Bean. Now, it's out of control, but there's a great video of a guy who goes to a campus and he's one of these assholes with the microphone in your face. And he's like, do you think...

illegal immigrants should be allowed in college and every student's like 100% he's like but who's gonna pay for it and they're like they'll find somebody to pay for it and he goes well we actually started a fund if you want to give money and they all go ah I gotta get out of here so he's basically just showing like you talk a big game but you're not actually willing to help they got my mom she was like nope I gotta get out of here yeah she's like you're mean I do hate the uh that gotcha shit I hate the gotcha shit too on both sides I got a good pee for you alright um

All right. People at the gym who are filming, if you want to just film yourself, don't put me in the fucking shot. Oh, yeah. I was in someone's shot recently. I didn't find out until I got tagged on Instagram. Really? Oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah, because this guy had a decent amount of followers. And by the way, they always look like a superhero. You never look at your best. No, no. He's benching 500 pounds. I'm behind him scratching my ass. I'm like...

We're glad this one got all these clicks. Yeah, well, pull that up if you can. I don't even know where it is. Did you reshare it? I don't know where it is. I'm sure I could find it, actually. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, enough with the gym filming. Just go work out. Do we need content at the gym? Some people are monitoring their progress. Okay, that's true. I think that's fine. That's true. And also, if that's your page, some people are like, you know...

People post that the way we post our stand-up, you know? Sure, sure. If that's your whole thing. But... You're supposed to be filming a stand-up show, and it's our theater show. Like, we're the headliner. This is a full public gym.

If you want to do that, go to a Anytime Fitness at 4 a.m. when you have the whole place to yourself and set up a full rig and lights and get a boom guy and a director. Go nuts. Yeah. But enough with this shit. Not using up two machines because one is the camera thing and then the other one is you using the machine. It's too much. Yeah. But... Peeves are good, man. You get this out, you feel good, you go about your day. Yeah. I got another one. Please. Please.

When I'm at Killers of the Flower Moon, is this? No way I'm in this. Is this another one? No, I'm not in this. I want to see you struggling. This dude I would have remembered.

Sam's in black socks. He's got like dress socks on and a weird t-shirt. And I want to see you trying to put the 25 pound thing on the bar. It's not even the machine. I have another one. So I'm at Killers of the Flower Moon. I'm with my mom. We see the movie. And...

You know, you have to select the seats now. It's not like the old days. That's right. No, I'm not in this one, dude. I don't know where it is. I didn't get like tag tag. Someone commented my name. That's why I saw it. But so you have to pick your seats, right? Yeah. It's a pretty we saw it was a pretty full theater. And we go we get to our seats. There's jackets all over our seats. Yeah.

And I kind of say, does this belong to anyone here? Because I think these are our seats. Uh-oh. And this old couple in the row in front turn around like annoyed. Ah. They like get up annoyed like, ugh. And it took forever to move them. I'm like, how fucking hard is this? Yeah. You know? She moves it. And then no like, oh, sorry about that. Yeah. Just like, oh, we wanted more seats.

Well, then buy the fucking seats. This is out of control. I can't stand people doing fucked up shit and then getting mad when you call them on it. I know. That's the whole society. Cry bullies. Cry bully. Completely. And we need a drill sergeant to come in there with a fucking whistle and crazy arms and be like, shut the fuck up.

fuck up you apologize to him we need somebody to keep these people in check because they just keep doing it we need that guy from the college campuses with a mic do you think this is okay yes yes do you think it's okay well i was talking to list and he figured out how he got covid he was at chipotle and this lady kept coughing and coughing like big wet loud cough and he kind of gave her one of these and she was like everywhere i go people give me dirty looks i'm coughing i'm allowed to cough and you're like

And then she goes, you should get a mask. And he's like, you're coughing. Why am I the bad guy? And by the way, that person is COVID. Is COVID. You don't just have COVID. You're COVID. Yes, yes. You're a pandemic. You're ruining lives. But that's where we're at. Like the lady or the guy with the boom box on the bus. He's just blaring it. And you're like, hey, could you turn that down? He's like, fuck you, man. I do what I do. And you're like, why am I bad? You got a boom box. Yeah.

People just sneeze. A guy nearly sneezed on me the other day in the street. And I wasn't even mad. I actually started laughing. I'm like, it's just so gross. You start laughing. Yeah. You're like, wow, you're such fucking garbage. I know. No covering the mouth. Those are my favorite people. The people just sneezing into the air. Yeah. You're not even covering your mouth. And what is going on with men's? I don't know how you sneeze, but I try to keep a dull roar. But my dad's like, hi.

Is that necessary? Like birds are flying like out of a tree when you sneeze. Oh, that guy just poked his head out. I think I scared him. He's Tarzan? Yeah, I'm like, what is that? You need to do that where the birds flap away from the building? But...

Here's one more peeve and then we'll move it along. Oh, we got this, by the way. A real estate novelist is a writer who specializes in crafting stories around the buying, selling, or flipping properties. Riveting stuff. Yeah. That's why he's at the bar. JK Rowling over there? All right. Yeah, that's why he's at the bar drinking his sorrows away because nobody's buying his paperback on condos. So last peeve, then we'll move it along.

By the way, the peeves are a big hit. I get a lot of people, I do like a Q&A. People like peeves. People just yell peeves and I don't know what to say. Okay. First of all, electric vehicles are a nightmare. I'm using a couple openers who will rent an electric vehicle. They're like, hey, I picked up a rental car. I got a half off for an EV. And I'm like, you got fucked. Because all our whole

whole trip is now revolved around charging this thing. Cause we're going like a, you know, a two hour drive and they just, they just plummet in energy when you do it on the highway. Yeah. You know, just woo, that energy bar is going down. So we're always like, well, we'll get an ice cream and let it show. Oh, we'll go, go to the comic book store and read a couple of Spider-Man's. I'm like, what are we doing? We could have been there by now, but that's the EV for you. So the electric car is just, it just has Todd Barry's voice. Yeah.

I'm not driving anymore, dog. Yeah, exactly. This is a super secret car drop in. So we pull up to the EV place, the charging station, which is always out in the burbs. It's by a Red Robin and all that shit, you know, by a Ruby Tuesday. And it's a concrete jungle. You got the 12 Tesla chargers. They're all full and there's a line. So we're like, God, not only is a charge a half hour, but the line's 20 minutes. So now we've lost an hour doing this shit.

So this lady pulls up in front of us and goes right to the charging station, and we're waiting in line, clearly. And then we're kind of giving her, like, the... We're in line, and she backs it up, and now we're window to window, and she goes, are you in line? And we're like, yeah. And she goes, all right, I'll wait then. Like...

Oh, thank you for doing exactly the rules. What do you mean? She said it like, all right, I'll be a good person to wait. Like, no, that's how lines work. We were here a half hour before you, you crazy coos. You broke the rules and now you want credit for not breaking the rules. That's a better way to put it. Thank you. People are fucking awful. The worst. We'll get in line behind you then. Yes, that's how it goes. This city is, I'll tell you, everywhere, people, no fucking manner.

No. I nearly got hit by a guy. This fucking asshole. I told you I hate the bikes in New York. Oh, yeah. This guy whizzes by me and he fucking is on his phone. He almost hit me because he's on his fucking phone. I had a green light. Yeah.

100% his fault. And I go, what the fuck? Yes. And he turns around and goes, fuck you. There you go. That's what it took for him to. I was like, wow. To stop talking on the phone. Yeah. I've really got to start macing motherfuckers as they go by. I know. I'd love to see him fly through a fucking windshield. Well, they keep getting away with it. So there's no repercussions. I will do prayers at night that he ends up paralyzed. Yeah. I fucking, I pray. It'll happen if you keep biking in this city. It's bound to happen. That way he won't be able to look at his fucking phone.

Well, he'll look at it in the hospital bed when he's got the... The nurse is holding. He's like, ah, thank God. Yeah. Thank you. He's like swiping right with his nose because his whole body's banged up. Yeah. It's the next step. And yeah, we're going to go backwards in evolution. Just a guy like... That's true. Yeah.

Well, you ever see WALL-E? I haven't seen it. I heard it's amazing. Brilliant, brilliant movie. Pixar always kills it. Yeah, they're good. The whole thing is at the end, WALL-E gets up to the spaceship and it's just fat people in chairs who drink Slurpees and Frosties all day and don't want to work. They nailed it. It's great. It's just all screens. Then the screens go down and they're like, what do I do? And they try to walk, but they're too fat. It's great. It's just called the Minneapolis Airport. It's fucking... Woo!

That's really what people were like, oh my God, this is like, you ever trying to run to get a Kinect flight and you're just like weaving through people? It's like, you feel like you're on one of those like old Nickelodeon game shows. Totally. Like the one with the supermarket sweep. Oh, dude. You got your luggage just cutting through porkers all day. But that show should just have like people in it. Yeah. You have to get around people too. That's true. That's true.

God damn. But yeah, a lot of airport running. People have seen me running like comedy. Whizzing by and I give one of these, but you can't stop. You're done. Yeah. It's a wild world out there. But I think as a road comic, you can't be too big. You got to be nimble. I'm running down subway stairs. I'm jumping on trains. I feel like John Wick out here. It's tough to, you know, because I like to...

I like to have a drink, but yeah, you got to make sure to hit the gym too, just to like not to, yeah, to be able to, to move a little. I know I felt bad. Cause you know, Maine was such a,

slugfest comedically and then we got shit faced just to get through it then where i'm like banged up one of those old-fashioned 2008 hangovers in providence where i was like i can't move i really can't move i got in the hotel i just laid down for a while and i'm like this sucks for the providence crowd because i'm all shitty i'm like i'm like 50 of my normal self so i had to

I drank like eight coffees, a Diet Coke, and I got a green juice, and I made myself do push-ups. I'm sweating out tequila, and then I just went out there and tried to bring it. You have to just trick yourself that you're not that fucked up. It's weird because coffee is what I do when I'm hungover too, but what's helping you is also hurting you.

You're dehydrated. True. But yeah, I need to fight it. I know. It does give you a little brain relief. Like my head hurts less when the coffee, but my body's still wrecked. It's like different anxiety. It really is. Caffeine anxiety instead of hangover anxiety. I'd rather have the caffeine anxiety than the it ain't going to work out anxiety. Yes, exactly. From the hangover. And I feel I can see myself on stage. I'm like a second slower. You know, like, oh, if I was not hungover, I could have thought of something here. Yeah.

But you're just a little foggier with the hangover. Yeah, it's a little tougher. You need that brain moving, you know? Firing at all synapses or whatever the hell.

You know what I was watching the other day? Have you ever seen this movie, old mammoth movie called House of Games? No. It's with young Joe Mantegna and Lindsey Krauss. No. It's fucking good. House of Games. What's the Rotten Tomatoes? It was good. I call that a Dave and Buster's. House of Games. Yeah, it's good. Oh, wow. 97%. It's slick. It's about con men. Okay. I like con men. Mantegna's cool as fuck in it.

All right. I don't even know who Lindsey Krauss is. Yeah, I text List about it, and he goes, one of my favorites. What? Yeah, it was a cool movie. I know The Game with Sean Penn. Another great movie. Fincher. Fucking Fincher, dude. Yeah, so good. I told you my Fincher story. No. Oh, I think I must have told you this. I worked on Benjamin Buttons. You did tell me this. Okay, yeah, PA, and I got to see him fire a guy. I forgot that was Fincher. Yeah. Yeah.

Threw the hat down like out of a movie. The whole thing. Stepped on it. God, you'll never work in this town again. The guy was like, I'm so sorry, Mr. Finch. He's like, get out of my sight. I never want to see you again. That whole thing. It was awesome. And then he pushed him off a building. It was all a game. Yeah. Yeah. Damn.

Oh, yeah. Then I had to get his coffee after, and I was trembling. I was like, here you go, sir. I was like 19 years old. How did he take his coffee? Oh, shit. I think I just got him a black coffee. I respect the black coffee drinker. Yeah. It's always, I feel like a lot of people, for some reason, a lot of famous people, they put a lot of sugar in it or Splendor or whatever the hell, and I'm like,

How the hell do you do – because those are people who have cream and sugar, and then they ate a day. I'm like, so you're just having a bucket of cream every day? I know. It's crazy. My buddy worked on a Michael Bay movie, and he said he was the – I don't want to put this out in the world, but he said he had to have two espresso shots, bone dry –

Something milk and two raw sugars. Bone dry something. Give that a go. Bone dry coffee. I can't remember how to determine that, but he says it all the time when I see him. Bone dry cappuccino. Bone dry cappuccino with two espresso shots and two sugars. Bone dry has no steamed milk between the foam and the coffee layer. It's just a thick foam layer on top of it.

Man, famous people are weird. Yeah, they really want their thing. I just am like coffee. Just give me and people are like, I don't know. I'll just drink it black. Then it's fine. Yeah, I'll put a little milk in usually. But like saying gives the shit. I know. But I think part of it is just let me just see if you are listening. And if you give a fuck enough to do what I said.

How important am I? Kind of thing. Some of those dudes are just really picky, I think. I think they're like some of these people that made it to a crazy level are obsessive about every detail. Yeah. And that's another thing they're obsessive about. But that's what's great about being a comedian. Yeah.

Even if you get to... I'm sitting there with Colin Quinn and Jim Norton last night before when Nate was going on. And Colin Quinn was... Everything Norton said, he was like, shut up. And you're like, you need that. Norton's a big comic. Yeah. But he'll never get to this bone dry cappuccino place because...

He'll have Colin Quinn's voice in his head going, bone dry, who do I think I am? Fucking Frank Sinatra? It is good to have friends' voices in your head making fun of you for being a piece of shit. Oh, yeah. I mean, don't you have that? Every time I'm at a cool clothing store, I'm in the dressing room, and I just hear...

Ari, you know, going, what the fuck? Keith, yeah, you can't wear that, stupid. You think I can pull that off? You need a combination of, like, a support system, but also, like, ball busting. Yes. You need people that are, like, have your back, but also will, like, be like, you're a fucking idiot. Right. Keep you in check and balances. You need both.

Yeah, there's something about, I don't know. I fucking lost what I was going to say. I had something. Well, you need a little fun every now and then. Every now and then buy that leather jacket or whatever. Yeah. No, look, we're on stage every night. We should look presentable, but you do need that voice. Yeah. Keeping you down a little. I think there's something about also L.A. or cities that are more isolated, right?

Well, you just don't. That's true. What, are you going to get ball busted over speakerphone in your Corvette? It's like you got to be around people and –

And because cities, you know, like New York are so densely populated, like you're on top of each other. So you do... I mean, I said, fuck you to a guy today on the street. Oh, there you go. I mean, like... Was that the bike? Yeah. Yeah. And he said it back. I mean, we cursed at each other and it was like, all right. I mean, for better or worse, I fucking can't speak. For better or worse, we're kind of like stuck in this, you know, with...

Yeah. And that's, you're going to have the good and the bad then. L.A., you're just, you're in your car too much. It's too comfortable. You don't have that ball busting. Completely, yeah. You're in your apartment, then you're in your car listening to what you want to listen to with your exact climate. Then you go to your whatever work or you might work from home. You're never amongst the masses. Yeah.

New York will keep you. It's all masses. Well, you're right. In L.A., it's like you're in your car. Welcome to fresh air with Terry Gross. In New York, you're on the subway. Some guy goes on. Shut the fuck up. Right. There's some crazy guy screaming. By the way, there's a type of whatever, fentanyl, whatever drugs people are on the street. There's a type that makes you like a – there's like the conspiracy theory batch. Have you seen that?

I saw a guy in the street just like muttering. He's like espionage. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, I've seen that. You got the fucking, you got the bad. I feel like even if you get sober, you're going to be annoying. Right. You're like one of those. Yeah. Even if you get sober, best case. He's like, he's like, oh fuck. He cleaned up his act. Like, what's he doing? Mostly on Reddit. Mostly on Reddit. Talking about Epstein. Killing himself.

But even L.A., they're more homeless than us, but they got them all in one spot. Whereas our hobos are peppered throughout the city. You can catch a hobo in the Upper West, Port Authority, Wall Street. We're all over. They're like landmines. You can't dodge one.

L.A., you know they're coming because there's like a tent and they like pop out. Yeah, the weather. They set up camp here. Right. L.A. is like, you know, Kurt Russell escaped from L.A., right? And then New York is more just like, all right, they've integrated. They're a mob. Yeah, it's more like Frogger. Like, oh, there's one over here. There's one over there. There, you're like, skid row. Done. Stimulation. Yeah, yeah. There's tons of stimulation. But I think you're right. I think you take the go with the bet. You need to fuck you every now and then.

It's good. It's good for you. Like, I'm mad in the moment, but then a lot of times I realize more and more, like, when I'm mad in the moment, it's going to lead to a bit. Like, discomfort is, I think, actually good for your life. Oh, 100%. Yeah. I had that moment on the flight recently. You ever have that moment on the flight where you land and then you're just on the runway? Yeah. And you're mad, but it's fucking funny.

It is funny, but at the time you're like, of course, but when you take yourself out of it, you're like, it's funny that I just landed from Portland, Oregon. Yes. And we're here and I can't move. You have to distance yourself enough to be like, this is a funny thing. That's true. Once you're in the cab, you're like, it's funny, but.

Right, right, right. No, that's a good point. Oh, I had something. You brought something up and it made me think of something. Yeah, you got all the way across the country and now you're... I'm drinking Salicuces now. Do it, do it. Just fuck him. Yeah, well, you know, he's not here.

Snooze you lose. Oh, I can't remember my Portland point, but I lost it. But yeah. Something about downtown. But this is what New York does to you. One time I was in the way of the door or something. I was like really into a pod on my earbuds. And this big guy at the end of the car goes, hey, curly hair, move. And I was like, oh, geez, sorry. I didn't know all these people were mad at me. I was like so in my own head. But even somehow curly hair hurt my feelings. Yeah.

I have curly hair. I'm fine with curly hair. But just the guy going, hey, curly hair. I was like, oh, that kind of hurt a little. But that's what intent can do or tone can do. You're demasculated. I mean, there's like a moment where you're like, there's more to me than that. Yes, yes, exactly. But this guy doesn't know that. Yeah, and in hindsight, he could have been like, hey, homo. Hey, white boy. Hey, pussy. Hey, queef. White boy wouldn't have hurt as badly, though. Yeah.

I don't love white boy. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. I grew up with white boy. When that connotation is negative. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess there's nothing good. But I am a white boy. Hey, buddy. Buddy's not bad. Buddy's not bad. Buddy's not bad. But even with the right tone, Buddy's like, oh, shit. Buddy can suck. Yeah. Yeah. You ever have that guy. Oh, I used to have a guy. Hey, buddy. I was like, ugh. Yeah. Yeah. You feel wet after someone says. Yeah. Not the good kind of wet. Like fucking. That's true. You're like, ugh. Buddy. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't love that. Yeah, but curly hair sucks. I know, and there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not ashamed of my hair. Curly would have been worse. Curly's worse. Hey, curly. That's true. Hey, curly. Why is curly bad? Because you didn't even have time to say hair? Yeah. Yeah. Curly hair. That's true. I'm trying to think of things that would hurt if someone yelled. Well, if you were like, hey, Mexican, is way worse than hey, Mexican guy.

You don't want to say that to anybody, but like be like, hey, Mexican, move. Hitting them with a group is rough. Yeah. That's like fighting words almost. But I think this guy was somewhat trying to be efficient. Yeah. And cordial. Like, hey, you with the curly hair. But he just said, hey, curly hair.

But at the time, I was still like, oh, that stung a little. But he's not wrong. That's fucking funny. It's something about it. It was funny. Later, I realized that was funny. Having to get people's attention. I mean, yeah. I had one. This is a peeve. Man, we're peeve heavy this week, aren't we? It's been a while since it's been just me and Mark. Yeah, we're getting it all out. I had a guy. You ever have the guy say what's up to you? Mm-hmm.

at a show and you're like, yeah, what's up? How are you? And then you see him again a few blocks later and they're just like walking with you and you're like, is this guy going to fucking walk into my lobby? I,

I know, I know. He's just like, yeah, so I saw you back there. And you're like, how long is this going to go? I have that all the time. Because I don't know you. Right, right. I don't know if you're crazy. Yes. And we're all fine with the how you doing, hey, let's chat it up. But it's the, what's the shot clock on this? Because this could go for three days. That's what you need. You need an interaction shot clock. Yes. A buzzer needs to go off.

Totally, like the Oscars speech. We need a guy to be like, you know, we need the orchestra to start playing. We need the and you're like, all right, we're going this way now. Yeah, right, right, exactly. And break. All right. We need the blackjack guy to go.

You're done with the small talk. Do you gamble at the casinos? I dabble. For me, gambling is like eating pizza at 2 a.m. If I'm drunk, I'm all over it. And I went to Skank Fest, and you drink all night. Everything's a party, and you're staying in a casino hotel. So you're like, I'm going home. I'm going to be a good boy. Which casino was it?

What casino was it? The Golden Nugget. So not even a good casino. Yeah, but you know what's good about casinos like that is the gambling is pretty cheap. Yeah.

That's true. They got some cheap tables there. That's true. Like Vegas Vacation, it was like 50 cents for a, what is it, paper, rock, scissor game. And then what number am I thinking of was a game. It was really funny. But I get out of the strip club. It's four in the morning. I'm like, I'm going to bed before the sun comes up. I'm hammered. I've been doing shots all night. I get to the casino. The two RU Garbage guys are at the craps table. They're like, Norman! And I'm like, what?

$300. Throw it down. Give me my big stack of chips. I'm throwing around. I'm tipping the waitress. She's bringing drinks. I'm high-fiving people. It was like a montage. I was like Sharon Stone throwing the chips up. Cut to 7 a.m. I'm out of money. I owe him $200. Now I'm down $5, and I'm still awake. Cut to 7 a.m. You're in the boiler room. You're tied to a chair.

You're begging for your life. Yeah, heads in a vice. Yeah. No, it's really fun, but at a certain point, I hate losing money that I worked for. Of course. It's because I feel way worse when I lose than I feel good when I win. Yes. I'm like, well, who cares? I didn't fucking. So true. It's all bullshit. And it gets to a point when I get drunk where I just am like, fuck it. I throw it all down. Yeah, same. And that's when you're like, oh, wow, I'm dumb. I know. This is money. This is totally money, and the house always wins. Ugh.

What feels better than a craps win is a sports win. Because at least you got to sit in the game and you got like a three hour. You do that? That I've done a few times and that's way more fun. Because I'm sitting in the sports book with eight guys in a leather chair drinking Bud Lights going, oh, go, go, go, go. He did it.

So it's a win and a win. You get the money and the game was awesome. I do it a little. It's crazy that the Middle East is on FanDuel now. You can pick a side. I thought it was in poor taste. No, I don't really do it, but I should. It's fun. And it's also like it makes games you're kind of into way more fun. Yes. The baseball playoffs is fucking fun. I'm into it. Oh, yeah. And it's like...

They got Jeter now doing the – Oh, really? They got him doing the booth, and it's Jeter, A-Rod, and Ortiz. And you're like, this is good for baseball to have those names. And we can all hear about them spit-roasting Madonna. Let's get into that talk, too. How many of you have been in Madonna? Yeah.

No, it's good. And you throw a little money down. I don't do it enough because I actually just like watching. But you're right. It would take it to the next level. Yeah, yeah. I would bet with my heart, though. I'm too much of a Knicks fan that I would fuck up and bet with my heart. It's true. It really makes you judge a team. Like, all right, this guy's wife's pregnant. He's been drinking a little. He's on a blow charge. I was just watching Uncut Gems because it was on TV the other day again. And like...

Just how much he knew. Like, oh my God, just to be that level. Like that, you know what's crazy? That movie stresses me the fuck out. It's a great movie. Talk about tension. But it stresses me out.

Yeah. And that's not me. And it's not even a real character, but I know. But that was that's a hat off the hat tip to the filmmaking, the Safdie brothers. They're amazing. I'm made with the buzzer and then letting them in. He's like, hey, the door's not working. All that shit just compounding. Amazing. How scary Bogosian is. Yes. Yes. And Reggie. Is it Reggie Miller? Not Reggie Miller. Garnett. Garnett. He's great in that movie. He's great.

The guy's wife is... Or the girlfriend's fucking some dude. He's got so much shit going on. It's great. Just that type of line must be so stressful. Because there's people like that who exist who just lie to the point where you're like, how do you find... We know some of those types of people. Sure, sure. In showbiz, obviously. But their whole life is just like...

I know. I would be stressed all the fucking time if I just, imagine like just lying to everyone. Oh, just like this is worth this. Don't worry. The money's coming. Yeah, everything. Everything. Don't, the money's, those people we've worked with, like the checks in the mail. And you're like, I don't think people do that anymore. I know. I think they just wire it. They're like, it's in the fucking mail. I've gotten some DMs where they're like, I bought your merch. It never showed up. And I'm like, whoa, really? I feel so bad. I'm like, how long has it been? They're like, I got it yesterday. I'm like, well, it's mail. We can cut.

Give it two weeks at least and then DM me. You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were going to come to my house with a bat, you know? But yeah, people get worked up. You start to realize why companies now, you can't even call them. Everything's automated. They're like...

If you'd like assistance, try our website. And you're like, what the fuck? Let me just talk to somebody. But people are too nutty, I think. It's hard to talk to everybody. People are losing it. Yeah. Every once in a while, you ever get a person on the phone, and you're in a bad mood, but they're crazy, and you're like, this ain't going anywhere. No, no. It's just two heads butting.

Because you get, I mean, some of those people are like so understanding. Like Louie had that great bit, remember? Like, I don't want this woman in India to do my airline call. I want some fucking fat woman from Texas. Yes. Hi, how are you, sugar? Yeah, you want that lady. Yeah, she doesn't care about my problems. Right, right.

Right, right. But it's so true. You just want, you got to get the right person. Man, he had some fucking. Oh, yeah. He had some classics. Classics. I actually saw him yesterday walking. I saw the movie and he was walking through the village. I haven't seen him forever. He looked amazing. Really? He was like thin. He had a cool outfit on. He had like a corduroy green jacket with boots and he had linen glasses on like the circular ones. I was like, who are you?

Yeah, he dresses kind of cool. Yeah, he had a hot lady with him too, I might say. Yeah, it's funny when you see those guys, they're kind of like, especially they're in that period of their lives where they're just like, all the fashion stuff kind of comes together. You see like Louis or like Chris Rock, you're like, that's a cool fucking jacket. I know, a little moolah goes a long way. And he seems centered. He was like, hey, how are you? Man, I haven't seen you in a while. And I was like, oh, hey, hey. Yeah.

He kisses you on both cheeks. What the fuck is... Yeah, he's French now. Yeah, he is. But he looked great and he was in a great mood. And I was like, I just saw the score say, he's like, it's great, right? It's great. He got all into it. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Couldn't wait to get out of there. I wish I liked him more. I didn't hate it. I just was like, I just wish he went a different way with it.

Yeah, yeah. But I also love Scorsese and I love his passion. Like, did he come on before the screen, right? He comes on before the movie. Oh, yeah. I love how much he pours into it, but... 100%. And I do think in his old age, because what is he, 80? 80. He's 80. So I think in his old age, as you get older and kind of more relaxed and low-key, his movies have...

You know, like the Irishman is so long and drawn out. That's my point. It's like it's weird that they're now all so long. I know. Because I think it's almost like an old person. Your stories get longer. Yes, exactly. But like that's not a good thing. No, no. My grandpa was a better storyteller in his 70s than he was at 88. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Good point. You lose that edit button, I think. Well, yeah. It's like a Biden speech. It's a little over here, a little over there. It's the same thing. Yeah, you're right. With the age comes the longer story, the more boring story. And he's a legend more and more, so you're getting less no's. That's a good point. So maybe the edit button is a little less frequent. Yeah.

I don't know. Editor's old, too. Thelma Shoemaker or whatever her name is. Shoemaker. Who's great. Yeah, legend. But they age together. Is it top five Scorsese for you? It's not for me. Top five. Well, now we got to do top five. Yeah. But you got Taxi Driver, Raging Bull.

Goodfellas. Hard not to put those three automatically in. That's four. Wait, what was it? Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, and... Casino's not my five. Oh, wait, I guess you're right. That is three.

What else? What else you got? Casino, Gangs of New York, Departed. I love The Departed. Mean Streets. In terms of rewatch factor, The Departed's fucking incredible. I love Cape Fear. I love Aviator. I watch Cape Fear. Cape Fear's got crazy good rewatch value, too. Great. Talk about tension. Tension, and it's kind of funny and dark. Yeah. That's what I mean. This one's a hard one to add humor to, because it's such a morbid story. Yes, but he always...

punches in a little bit of humor uncut jim no he's a producer oh okay uh yeah we gotta go direct wall street's pretty good wall street's great yeah that was like his last i feel like banger well that was like a you were talking about like slower pace that was fast paced yeah that's true i do i love shutter island but i don't it's not my top no but i do love it

Taxi Driver might be number one in my mind. Or Raging Bull is amazing. Hard not to put Goodfellas one. Also, dude, I wouldn't say it's one of his best, but it's hard for me not to put After Hours in my top five. I love that movie. Amazing. That's so unlike him, too. Yeah. King of Comedy's great. That's a great one. K-Fear's great. Yeah. After Hours. God, he's got so many. Yeah, he's one of the greats. One of the greats. So I had a weird...

A weird... I know we got to start wrapping this up maybe, but I love Color of Money. I had a weird talk with my agents. We had like a big Zoom meeting. Yeah. And that's always terrifying to me. Why? We have this guy from production. We have this guy from the movie side. This guy from the book side. And you're Nick Nusifor, all these people. And you're like, oh, I wonder what this is about. I thought it was going to be some like tour stuff. And they're like...

I don't know how much I'm supposed to divulge, but they're like, hey, you're doing great right now. You're selling tickets. You're on Netflix. Da-da-da. What's the next thing? What do you want? And I know we're working on a movie, but I want to just be like, I've made it. This is all I wanted was to do theaters, sell tickets, write new material, do this.

Put clips up, get a little Instagram buzz, whatever. Like, I'm good. But they made a good point. They're like, but look at these older comics. You can't do the road when you're 59. I mean, you can, but not like this. You're out every weekend. You're hustling. Yeah. So they're like, when you... That's what you're talking about, trying to stay. Yeah. I know people are like, you guys aren't in shape. But like, you know...

We're better than we could be. Yes. We're having a drinking podcast. Yes. Like so many comics died just from being out of shape, not just drugs. Patrice and like John Panette. Yeah. Louis Anderson. So like, yeah, they're like, when you are that age, you're going to want to have this project that you can just work on.

and like have a voiceover or direct or create. You got a great voice for voiceover. I would love to do voiceover, but yeah. Also, it just seems easy. It's easy. You know? I did like a little bit on 10-year-old Tom. I did like five episodes, but just like bit parts and they were fun as hell. Yeah. It was easy. And he riffs. That's the thing. It's like I hope that we just get more opportunities creatively, but I feel the same way as you. I don't know.

When I did that Letterman thing, he was like, what's next? I was like, what do you mean what's next? This is... I made it. I'm talking to fucking David Letterman. Exactly. So... And even this, we get to hang out and talk shit, and it's a big podcast, you know? I know. I mean, it's... This is great, and...

I'm with you. For me, what I want is more free time to write jokes. That's how I feel. I just am like, I want to do less... Like, cut out the unnecessary shit. Yeah. I want to work on my act. I want more time because we are on the road so fucking hard and that means you neglect stuff at home. So when you're home, stuff piles up. Yes. And that's the time you need to recharge. But they're like, you weren't here two days. You got to do this, this, and this. Yeah. And...

I never really rested in my career. I never really... You're the same way. We would land and go straight to the comedy cellar because we like it. Yeah. But then they're like, what about this TV show? And you're like, how am I going to fit writing a show in...

Like, we were working on this movie. We have a producer guy. We have writer guy. We have us. I think the movie's going to be good, man. I think so, too. I don't want to give too much away because it's going to be a long process, but, like, I think it's in a good place. Script is already amazing. Yeah. And we haven't even punched it up yet. Yeah. And it's already funny. Yeah. We got to make edits and stuff, but, like, damn, I'm pumped. Yeah. I think, like, you and me in a buddy comedy is, like...

It's going to be fucking easy and fun. Yeah. And we know all the comics. But sure. We're taking it one. We're chipping away, as they say. And we got the whiskey. The problem is, you know, we had that whiskey interview today. That was stressful. Yeah, yeah. This guy really. What did he call him? A slasher? He called him an old slasher. He was like a Texas, you know, shit kicking, hard ass guy. He was like, I never heard of you, boy. I'm like, I don't know.

I've never heard of you either. Yeah, you seem successful. Yeah. I mean... You're doing great. We're doing great. Let's be in business. It is weird when a guy takes a meeting with you and goes, I've never heard of you. And you're like, you didn't Google us before the meeting? Good point. You know? Yeah. You ever heard of Netflix? Tonight show? He perked up when we were like, well, we've done these shows and stuff. And he was like, oh, yeah.

But yeah, I feel like he was throwing around whiskey industry terms just to make us look stupid. Probably. Yeah, we're not. It worked. Yeah, we look stupid. Yeah, he's like, where are you out of? We're like, I think Indiana. Yeah, I had an agent on the call and he was just like, well, that was rough. And we're like, yeah, that wasn't good. And it was 11 o'clock. I was wearing boxers under the screen. I just woke up. So yeah, it was rough.

It was a very professional guy and a button down and then a couple of comedians. And a couple of guys with like dim lights on Zoom. Yeah, we sucked. But whatever. I mean, we still might. Yeah, he took the beating. Bodega cat. I bet he Googled us at this point. So that helps. Just watches our shit. Not for me. I bet that's the type of guy where he's like, not for me. Probably. Yeah. He feels more like a Ron White guy or maybe a Nate Bargatze. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. Bye.

But you live, you learn, and we'll figure it out. Somebody's going to jump on this thing. Bodega Cat, man. We need New York distribution, for the love of God. Please. Clubs are willing to have us. They've already agreed to it. And bars. We got lots of... So, yeah. That was the tough thing. But I see their point. They're like, you're going to wish you had jumped on the iron when it was hot in 20 years. I think we are, though. I think that them being on it means you will. Right. And...

And it's true. This touring right now is not sustainable for life. Of course. But my thing is, and you've had this too, I've pitched...

I don't know, 17 shows at this point. And again, pitching with no juice, just going, hey, I got an idea. Will you take a meeting? And they go, sure, even though they're just filling out a quota. They're doing work by taking a meeting with me. They're not actually going to make anything. Can you do a 4.30 p.m. on a Friday? Yeah. It feels important to you. In Santa Monica, where you'll take two hours to get there, then four hours to get home. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah. Remember going to pitch shit in person? All the time.

you lose your whole day yeah on two pitches but then i've tried that never gotten anything then i've had 8 000 auditions never gotten one not one so it just it gets a little frustrating when they're like what about this movie and like i'd love to be in that movie but i'm not gonna get the audition so i know also it's like i feel like the shit we're gonna get is when people are like i like you you should be in my thing that's it as opposed to showing up

blind and they're like oh we went with uh with Johnny Depp instead yeah you had me competing against Johnny Depp exactly exactly it was the guy who fucks crazy woman too of course he's gonna get it right I wouldn't get a role for a Mark Norman type I could go in for that and they'd be like we're gonna go with Shia LaBeouf

It's so true. Yeah. Louis Black had that story about he lost out on the part of Louis Black. Oh, really? That's right. That's right. But that's what it is. I mean, like we're going against these like fucking people who they approach acting the way we approach comedy. It's going to be a tough. Yeah. Process. But, uh,

Yeah, man. You are striking while the iron's hot. You're restless. I think it's... We will set up the next chapter. Sure. But it's like that Hedberg joke where they're like, you're funny, you're good at comedy. Can you farm? You know? Like, what other things can you do? Like, I did this. That was the whole point. Yeah, but when you were pitching stuff, you didn't have the juice you have now. You got people who are going to want to make stuff with you now. And the thing is, now...

Do you ever think you'd be at a point where like if someone was like, I want to cast Mark Norman as like the wacky neighbor on this sitcom and you'd be like, I don't think I have time. Yeah, that's crazy. If you're going to make a show, it's your show. That's true. And that's a good place to be in where you're like, I'm good over here. I feel comfortable. I'm, you know,

I'm cool with if this is it. Cool. I hope it's not. I'd like to keep going, but I think this level is great. It's a good level. I love this level. We're working. If we make stuff, it's going to be this stuff. We love stand-up so much that if we're going to take a break from stand-up, it better be fucking incredible. Of course. And that's a good place to be in. That is a good place to be in, but I don't even know what that thing is yet. And they keep going, what's the thing you want to work on? And I'm like, I don't even know, Stan.

So they're like, what are you passionate about? I'm like, stand up. They're like, but what's the project? I'm like, maybe I'll think of it, but I haven't thought of it yet. You don't come to me. You don't come. I mean, this is a new thing, but maybe it'll be like a fucking weird-ass game show that you made. Right. Maybe it'll be a thing you host. Maybe it'll be a sitcom. Maybe it'll be a talk show. There's so many. Maybe not a talk show because we already do this. Sure. It might be just like, you know.

That might be boring to you. I mean, also, what is a talk show anymore? I know. The podcast is a talk show now. And a podcast is way better. You can get in there. You can get real. Whereas, you know, Fallon, you got eight minutes. You got to tell a silly story that's been pre-approved. He laughs and then the lights go on. I will say, though, I do kind of like the interview with the crowd. I like the crowd. I like the idea that you have to make... It makes you on your shit. That's true. That there's a crowd that you have to get. It's also like...

I don't know. It's almost like a sport. You have to, like, fucking make it. Like, let me make sure. Let me choose this angle. Let me leave. Let me try to, like, let me cut off this part he's saying and try to slip in a joke. There's something cool about that, too. Oh, yeah. That's a skill in itself. And that is pretty awesome. Like, those Bill Burr panel moments were some of the great...

And Louis. And Louis, too. There's montages. Norm! Oh, my God. Norm made it like an art. But, yeah, there's montages of Bill Burr just back to back to back on the couch, killing, basically with bits he's working on. I followed one of them on Conan once, and I remember it was a Caitlyn Jenner bit that I was like, wow, that's such a good take. He was...

It was like a pretty, it was like progressive, but also not progressive at the same time. And I was like, wow, what an amazing way to go both ways. It was like almost like he was saying like good for her, but also like give me a minute. Yes. And I was like, that's a very fair response. He's like if a guy had a beard for 20 years and walked in without the beard, he'd be like, what the hell, man? You changed. Yeah. Great analogy. It was a great.

to follow because the crowd was in stitches and you're like, I'm getting to follow Bill Burr. Yeah. How cool is that? Bill Burr just crushing. And the height of his panel moment. He had a couple years of panel which was like epic every time. And Conan...

I don't think Conan gets enough credit for being, like, not just one of the funniest people, but, like, maybe the best straight man. Maybe. He could really bring it out of you. And he would poke a little to make you prove your point, and that made it even better. Like, he'd go, I don't know about that, Bill. And Bill's like, what? Are you fucking nuts? And then now he's worked up. So it was kind of brilliant the way he got it out of people. He knew how to play contrarian in the right way. Yeah. He knew how to...

he almost became like the proper guy he almost yeah the authority the voice of reason where he'd be like bill but that can't be like yeah the guy he almost made it like uh an

An office situation. Yeah, right. Where the guy's like, you shouldn't, but that's not something you should say. And then he kept, but that keeps getting the guy to go. Exactly. And you're like, fuck, this is... What if he had never said to Norm, do something with that, you freak? And Norm's like, B-O-R-E-D. You know, like, we wouldn't have that great line without Conan feeding him, like, hey...

Think of something now. But he said it in a way so it made it natural. He made him look like a superhero. Yes. I feed him that way. Exactly. That's the greatness of Conan, just knowing how. It's like being a point guard. Yes. I'm getting you. The way Magic Johnson would get you to your spot. Right. He's like, I'm throwing the ball here. Get to your spot. He would do that with jokes. He's pipping. Yeah. Yeah. He's a point guard. No, it was a small forward. But it was an important part. Assisting. He's assisting. Yeah.

Forget it. He's rolling. But you know... Animal House. But you know, it's like, it's a hard thing to do. Carson was great at it. Yes. Yes, totally. To make someone look...

that good you really need to be a sophisticated comedy mind oh yeah whereas david letterman who's also good in his own way he was all he had the ball he was his own you know three-point shooter or whatever steph curry but he that's why comics would come on and kind of bow to him yeah he was the number one he was like the alpha but with conan he's a he's a feeder and i was like the feeder better it's different yeah um

He really made you shine. It was a tough thing to do. It's also tough for... It's an amazing thing for a comedian to completely just rid themselves of their ego and let you shine. Yeah, but it's for the good of the show, ultimately. Of course, but comics don't want to not be the funniest one. Totally, totally. You have to pull back sometimes and let someone go.

Yeah, yeah. Make the segment go. But it also has to be a believable natural because Fallon, who's great and funny, but he just laughs and laughs. So that's kind of his way of being like, keep going. I'm encouraging you. But Conan did it in such a smooth way that it looked real. Right. You know? I fucking miss that. I miss those segments. He still has his podcast and you see glimpses of it every now and then, but it's not the same without an audience. Yeah.

Audiences really are... They pull it out of you a little more. That's why sports are in front of an audience. You get the home team, rah-rah, that gets you going. We've all seen Hoosiers, slow clap, here we go, the guy's on his feet, come on, Williams, get out there. Hackman, dude. Hackman. By the way, RIP... He died? Burt Young. Oh, jeez, who the hell's Burt Young? Are you kidding me?

I know Burt Ward. You're going to feel bad when you see this picture. Burt Kreischer.

Burt Reynolds. Rocky, back to school. Sopranos. I didn't know he died. Yeah. I thought he died years ago, to be honest. So did I. But I think that's Wallace Shawn on the bottom, or is that him? That's him, but he turned into Wallace Shawn. That's not what you want to hear. No. I thought you were Wallace Shawn. He's a fatter Wallace Shawn, but he's the ultimate schlubby character actor. He's so good. I love the line in Back to School when Daniel Shiel goes, he goes...

He goes, Lou. He goes, girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls. Yes, yes. Look at that. Wow. That guy had never paid for a drink at a bar, I guarantee you. No way. He walked in. They go, holy shit, it's the guy from Rocky. Old man Bacala in Sopranos, remember? He does that one last hit. Right. He's got the, ooh. Oh, yeah. Wow. What a career. Fucking legend. That's him with Nicholson on the right.

Is it? Is that Chinatown, I assume? Wow. Damn, I forgot he's in Chinatown. What a career. Burt Young. Now, how many podcasts out there are talking about Burt Young? That's all I'm saying. We got rage. We love movies and, you know. Yeah, he deserves his due. Full stop. Burt Young, clap, clap, was one of the finest clap, clap actors that we've ever had.

Yes. You guys, you guys are the best. Thanks for listening. See us on the road. Mark, where are you going to be? I'm all over the place. New tour dates announced. Mark Norman, doc comedy.com. You don't say tour rolls on. We're cooking. We're going to Tampa. We're going to Cleveland. We're going all of Denver's. We got a second show added all kinds of the beacon theater in January. Come on out. Tickets are moving. Uh,

See you in New Orleans for Thanksgiving, or is that over? No, that's coming up. Oh, okay, great. Santa Rosa, wherever the hell that is, that'll be fun. And, yeah, all kinds of stuff. Back in New England, going to Miami, going off Jacksonville. You name it. Bert Kreischer Cruise this weekend. I might die. Who knows? We'll see you all. I'm sorry to bail on that one. Oh!

Everybody pulled. Everybody pulled out of that. I'm out too much. You, Whitney, Tim Dillon. Whitney bailed, too? Yeah, Whitney got Chris D. bailed. I mean, it's me and Sean Patton in a lifeboat just swimming. I'm dying. It's like the Titanic. I should have gotten out.

Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, and Sydney. I'm all over Australia, baby. Hoping to see you out there. Got Vegas at the Wynn December 2nd, Tampa December 8th, Fort Myers December 9th, and I'm going to hit some comedy clubs again. I'm back in the clubs for a minute to gear up for the special in Boston in March. So we got Buffalo, Springfield, Madison, Philly, Dania Beach, Omaha, Dallas, Oklahoma City, Irvine, Salt Lake City, and then we got the fucking special, baby. Two of them already sold out and probably more by now. Wow.

See your asses on the fucking road. Hell yeah. Let's go. We love you. Get some Bodega Cat, folks. Get some Bodega Cat. We're working on this, guys. This is not our business, and a lot of it's been put on us, and we're busy motherfuckers, so we're trying. Yes, we're trying, folks. We're hustling. We're doing what we got to do, and yeah, thanks for listening. We got shirts. We got sweaters. We got glasses. Get on it. We'll see you in hell. Thank you. Love you, guys. Next, I'm out to lunch here at noon. This woman got some