Ep 150: Todd Barry
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Here we are. We might be drunk. Todd had one drink last night, so we're gonna take it easy on him. What, do you have a red wine? Well, get a mic in front of you, Todd. Oh, yeah. Good call. I forgot about microphones. I had a Lambrusco, man. Yeah. By myself.

You had one drink? One little drink, yeah. Oh, easy. A Lambrusco, like it's a cold, bubbly red wine. Oh. Never heard of it. It's really good. Lambrusco. Can we look that up? Pull it up. I would call it easy drinking. I'm not a big drinker, but if I was. Wow, Lambrusco. I'll check that out because I like a bubbly wine. Yeah, it's bubbly. It's red. It's cold. It's kind of like everything. Ooh.

Okay, I'm in. Lambrusco. Yeah, this goes down easy. Are you still in the East Village? Hey, don't worry about it. Oh, sorry, sorry. No, I'm in. I'm kind of a little... I'm on the cusp of the East Village. I know what you're talking. Same building.

No, I moved in April 1st. I moved. We're neighbors. Yeah, we're neighbors. Oh, okay. I went to his coffee. Even if you live close in New York, there's 900 coffee shops. That's true. So I tried at his coffee shop. It's solid. It was good, right? Good coffee shop taste, Todd. Yeah, man.

That's where I did Comedians in Cars. Oh, wow. That coffee shop? That's the second coffee shop that I... Nice. Probably goes down as the worst ep. You know, probably right. I mean... Why is that? Well, just because... I can't believe I just took that leg without it. I've seen them all 900 times, but you guys, I feel like it just didn't click, or he was trying to make a joke out of how it didn't click. That's what I think he was doing. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's just the thing with that. I mean, I didn't know we were going to talk about this, but I... That's the beauty of a pod. Yeah, I mean, people... The problem is that some people don't understand editing, so it's like he could have made me look like I was the chatterbox. True. Shut the fuck up. Good point. Or that I didn't talk. And he just went for it. I know. It's fine. I guess he must have liked the episode or else he would have scrapped it. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. I think there's worse episodes, by the way. I mean, I definitely am. I mean, I just feel like...

with him like Leno's his guest well they've been to a diner 600 times together you know what I mean maybe more Larry David and Jerry created a show yeah yeah so there's gonna be like a rapport a comfort and with me I'd known him for

just to say hi to him, but I've never had like a long conversation. I never hung out with him ever. That's the tricky thing about podcasts is like, like Mark and I have like this rapport for so many years, but sometimes we'll go on someone else's pod and they just go down a road that we're like, what the fuck? Totally. And you've never, this is the first conversation you've ever had and now it's public. Yeah. Into a microphone. It is like, it almost is like a first date that's broadcast. Yes. It's weird. But you're trying to be really funny and plug dates. Other dates. Yeah. Um,

How cool are you with Jerry? Oh, I'm fine. Yeah, I mean, I don't... Clearly he's a big fan of yours. Yeah, I mean, I have the phone message somewhere where he called me and it was really... Because he somehow got my number and I was just like a frozen yogurt shop and this call comes through and I didn't take it. And then I check and say, Hi, Todd, this is Jerry Seinfeld. You know, Todd, when I was on The Tonight Show, this guy called me and said...

You want to do the show? And I said, yeah. He goes, this is kind of like that call. Something along that line. But it was like a minute and a half message. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I do wish that I was, I wish I would have cut loose a little bit more. But also, you know, for 14 minutes out of four hours, you could have showed me talking more. I mean, that's. Also. But also, it's his show, so he's free to do it. It's also weird to compare your show to The Tonight Show in the 80s.

Oh, yeah. It's like the peak of television memory. Yeah, yeah. It's a good point. I mean, I love the show. It's just a weird comp. I don't know. Yeah, and, you know, he took Gaffigan. You see Gaffigan's? Gaffigan says right a bunch. He goes, you say right a lot, and the rest of the episode is him going right, right, right. It's a montage. So you're like, yeah, you can edit anything. Yeah. I mean, I think... Whoa. Whoa! Hey, we got a cat fight and a dog fight here. Back off, cat. This is turning into a... We might be a zoo. Um...

Okay. But we don't play that shit. I was in New Orleans, actually. This made me feel good. What was that place? Cauchon? Cauchon. Cauchon. Cauchon Boucher. I was eating by myself a few years ago, and this waitress from across the restaurant made a bee lunch. She goes, your episode's my favorite episode. There we go. Wow, that fucking made me feel good. Damn. A lot of drinking in that town. Plus one for you. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, I saw Nate Bergazzi had lunch with Seinfeld, and I wrote on there, I didn't know we were allowed to get a pick.

I had lunch with him too, but I didn't want to ask for a photo. Oh, you used to be hanging with him. Yeah, I was trying to be cool. We text. Yeah. It is tough to get a pic because I've done it. It definitely ruins the vibe a little bit. Totally. To get a pic with? Yeah. Well, you want the pic for the memory. Yes. But then once you ask for the pic, of course, the show off and the memory, but like-

There is something about just playing it cool and them looking to you as more of a peer than... Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I was at a restaurant in... I went on like a hinge day like three years ago and it was fine. And then I went to eat by myself at Little Frankie's. You know that? Oh, yeah. That's a great spot. Where you can eat like 4 a.m. or...

and I'm sitting there and I kind of look behind me and like oh it's Adam Sandler whoa so then he was eating he'd just done an event with the movie what was Uncut Gems so he's like the whole cast directors and everything was sitting there and I said hey and he goes I go yeah I don't remember you hosted Letterman once when I was on and like

He hosted Letterman once when I was on it. So Sandler was the guest host for Letterman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And he remembered, yeah, and he goes, oh, yeah, no. But it was just, but it was a thing where like part of me wanted to just get, oh, I should grab a picture. I know. But then you're like, it's kind of, like you said, it's cool to just be like, hey, you're a comic, I'm a comic, and nice seeing you. I got a good pic with Sandler. Do you? That was a good pic. Yeah.

He does seem like he's pretty friendly about pigs. He's pretty cool. He gets it. He just was like... We were doing gigs together. I'm going back out with him this weekend. I'm pretty pumped. There you go. But we...

Yeah, I definitely was like, can I snap a picture of us? And he goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, the reason I don't post is because I like people to think, like to not know who's on the show because it's like Sandler and Friends. Right. So he likes it to be a surprise because like, look, sometimes it's me, but then sometimes you get like Chris Rock popping up. Right, right. Sometimes you get like, you know, Spade or whoever. But I get that. But yeah, he's the nicest dude. Yeah, he was really nice. And he came, like he...

At the restaurant, we talked for a while, and then later he came over and started talking to us, asking me about Attell and stuff. Oh, nice. He loves Attell and Quinn so much. Really? He loves New York comedy. And he talked about, I remember because I did the Letterman thing on Netflix, the Letterman sit-down thing, and he was like, Letterman, he messaged me. He's like, isn't he the king? It's so cool that he just loves comedy so much. Love to hear it. When I opened for Seinfeld, luckily his bodyguard guy is there, and he snapped a photo. So I got one of me and Jerry at a restaurant.

But I would have loved that lunch photo that Nate got. Can you pull that up, Matt? It's a hell of a pic. Nate Bargatze. I saw it. Ah! We went to the same place. I feel cheated on. Where was it? Brooklyn Diner in Midtown. Oh, I used to go there. He's got his own booth. I remember I walked in and these two Mexican guys, I was like, hey, I'm here to meet. And they're like, we know. Right here, sir. I got there like a half hour early. Matt, don't pull up Mia Khalifa videos. What are you doing? There we go.

Look at that! Boom! Oh my god. Same restaurant, same booth, he wore the same outfit for me. He's very happy to take that picture with me. It's nice when they look equally happy, because it's always weird when you have a shit-eating grin, and they're just like, they're like, you know? Yeah. Like, alright. Totally. Wow, Jimmy Fallon commented three times. Go relax, Jimbo. Take a breather. Go host your show. I can text you my comment. Hey, look at that! I didn't know we were allowed to get a pic.

All right, all right. Now we're reading comments. So you guys are tight still, you and Seinfeld? Yeah, I mean, we text, but I'd love to get to a nice, steady, consistent lunch. Yeah, I almost asked them to do a redo. Oh, wow.

And I also almost texted him about my new special, like just to see like, but I don't want to be like exploiting it. Were your new specials out now on YouTube? Oh yeah, I forgot about that. All Things Comedy? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, you're one of the best joke writers. Oh, thank you. Really, every joke is just like. Oh, thank you, man. So dry and hilarious and perfect. Yes. Yeah, the special was like, it's like pizza. We were like, I'll have one. And then he ate the whole pie. Really? Yeah. It's so funny. Couldn't turn it off. Wow. That's nice, man.

Joe, what room was that? Was that...

The Den in Chicago. Oh, the Den. The Den. The player over here did his special. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Good room. I'm glad you went the YouTube route because like people, sometimes people don't want to do it, but like you need people to see this. It's hilarious. Yeah. I mean, I did try to go the Netflix route and the HBO route and I can name everyone who passed, but there is something where like you can sort of monitor like Netflix, at least at my level, and that wouldn't give me any numbers. Totally. It's doing good.

On your way. Yeah, but...

You'll get more views on YouTube than HBO. Yeah. I'm calling it right now. Oh, yeah, no question. I don't think they push it on HBO. I kind of, I mean, I miss the old days where you got a nice check for doing a special. I mean, for me anyway. Sure. But this is a different kind of, it's like, and also I was kind of tired of most of those jokes anyway, so. There you go. Might as well get rid of them. As Bill Burr said, a special is just a commercial for the road. Yeah. You know, come see me, buy a ticket, look what I can do. Right. How's the new stuff?

It's slow, man. Slow going. Same. I just like, you know, the way it is. You get something, you're like, oh, this works. And you feel like, oh, I got work done. And you're like, I have a new 22 seconds of material. Yes, exactly. You get one new line out of a weekend. And I'm like taking a week off, you know, like, I'm good, man. I'm on the roll. That's what Gary Veeder said. We were on the road over the weekend, and he's like, I got three new bits this week. And he's like, and that'll total 52 seconds. Exactly. It's just...

But, I mean, that's how it starts. But I also want to try this thing, like I don't always do, where I...

Just expand every joke I already have. Like the ones that I think, oh, this is a really solid new joke. Just how many other angles can I hit it at? Because if you add like 15, 20 seconds to each joke. Oh, yeah. That adds up. I saw Goldman once at the Cellar and he was doing an old, old bit. I'm a huge fan from his first album. I was like, wow, that's an oldie. He goes, it's not done. I was like, Jesus Christ. This guy's meticulous. You got to just tag it up. Sometimes I'll have a bit. I have so many like two-thirds jokes.

bits you know it's like right there but it's not it's not good enough to put in something but right this is the first time I've like taken my time ever with putting a special out so I'm not gonna tape for till March but uh I like how that's time for him like a year and a half no it's like my seventh special in six years laughing

I know, but I really was hustling to get the other ones out just out of fear. People coming out on the road, but now I feel like I can take a breath a little bit. And it's better for the comedy, but I am still on the road every week, so I am sick of a lot of these jokes. Yeah, I mean, that is the... I almost feel like I know what they're done when I'm sick of them. Interesting. I mean, that's maybe a little dramatic, but I just feel like sometimes you're like, yeah, I can recite this one inside and out. But I do hate when I...

tell a joke and I'm like, what am I talking about? I don't even know what I'm saying right now. Oh, yeah. It's kind of autopilot. I mean, generally I do a, I'm pretty engaged in the show, but there are times where you're just like,

You're so locked into the way of your say something. Yes. And you're thinking about a restaurant you're going to later and then you're like, oh wait, I'm in the middle of this bit about cats. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I saw the special. Do you, I mean, do you write differently now than you did when you were starting out? I mean, when I did my first open mic night in 1987, I,

I mean, I wrote it out, like, handwritten. Same here. And memorized it. And I'm kind of glad I did that because it was, you know, it was like a real sort of a... My first ever set and it was kind of professional looking. Like, I wasn't like, oh, what else? You know, like looking at a notepad or just being... I mean, I seem like... I feel like I did the prep that other people didn't do. But... I did the same thing. I mean, every, you know, every...

So often I'm like, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to become a... I'm going to treat this like a day job and I'm going to work for two hours a day. It's just two hours a day writing and then just kind of like... I just... I'm all over the... You know, I have an appointment with an ADHD doctor tomorrow, so... What? Really? Yeah, I think... Because you have trouble focusing. Yeah, I can't focus. I mean... What are you kidding? I can focus on stage, almost laser focus, but...

As far as like sit, I mean, but maybe it's just like. You've gone so far. Yeah, I've done very well. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't, you don't need it now. No, I feel, I relate to that. My ADD is terrible.

I just want to be able to clean my apartment or something. Well, that's just lazy. I mean, I hire people to clean it. Sounds like you're good, though. Yeah. That's fascinating. ADHD, it's always for kids. I'm also diagnosing myself. I'll let you know tomorrow what happened. Isn't it when people diagnose themselves? I mean, because I was talking to a guy. I was doing crowd work over the weekend, and I was like,

This guy was like, I have sex omnia. And I was like, what the hell is that? It's like when I'm asleep, but I try to have sex. It's like sleepwalking, but you try to have sex with the person. Whoa. I was like, I don't know if that's a thing. But then I looked it up. It is a thing. Really? And then I asked him, have you seen a doctor? He said, no. I'm like, so you're just diagnosing yourself? Wow. It's a weird thing to just be like, I have it. Yeah. Well, other people have told him.

I guess. I guess. Yeah, I guess it's hard for a doctor to pick that one out in the office. Unless you doze off. Right, he's got a reverse Cosby. He sleeps and then fucks. But they could be asleep. That's true. It could be half a Cosby. That's a good point. Half a Cos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, we do diagnose... I mean, I definitely...

my parents sent me to an add thing when i was a kid and it was called like a challenge or something it was and it was seven hours mental challenge that's what it was seven hours though and it's like that's cool that's cool to do to a child with add you're like i can't focus i get this is not of course it's not like you walk out of there and you're like i'm cured you're like no that was fucking painful seven hours book on tape on aghd and uh

Or audio book. I don't get them calling books on tape. While you're scrolling on Instagram. Yeah. And then just even then, you're like, there's chapters like, how do you expect me to get through this chapter? Even listening to it when it's about not being able to focus. And you're like in these minor details. That's a good point. You need treats. Like being an animal, they need to get us treats. Right. Like a little porn. Do you treat yourself like if you, let's say, do a great show or something like that? Oh, yeah. Or get something finished?

A little cocktail. A good drink, good meal. A couple cookies. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They got to do it. But I can't imagine you sedated. Really? Well, you couldn't. Because I'm already boring? Is that what you're saying? Well, I'm just saying you're a low-key guy. If you were sedated, you'd disappear. But what do you mean sedated? Well, like if you take ADHD, you'll be the opposite of sedated. No, I think it focuses you. Oh, it brings you up. It's like uppers, yeah. If I take like a...

you know, an ADD med, like a concerto or something, I can bang out. I should take it more. I can bang out so many jokes. Use the medication. I've taken it before. Oh, yeah. I don't have that many, so I use it very, you know. Yeah, that's kind of what I want from this doctor is just like something where like right now I feel like I want to be focused, not like,

Every day, three times a day. It's like roids. I mean, it's literally, it's like steroids and baseball. Like we're kind of cheating a little bit by taking it, but also a lot of people don't have this. But I feel like if you do have it, it would still help. I've heard people say the opposite, but I think it just focuses. I think ADHD does.

Helps us do what we need to do. I mean, we're benefiting from it. Because our mind wanders. Yeah, our mind wanders. And we can also pinpoint stuff quicker than other people. But it also hurts us. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a double-edged sword. I saw you when I was a young comic. I remember seeing Todd in a Starbucks writing, and I was writing. That wasn't me. That definitely wasn't me. First Starbucks, new. Second writing, new. It was definitely... Maybe it was... It could have been a Starbucks. There was a time I used to go to Starbucks. But I mean, I remember just...

Going there and seeing you and being like, oh shit Todd's like, you know, that's what you want to see Yeah, she like is that they're they're still putting in the work, right? I love that. Yeah, it's weird. You're from Florida I'm I mean I was born in New York, but I didn't know I started comedy in Florida I lived in Florida for like 15 years Wow, is that hell?

I mean, who knows? It's like the formative year, so it probably would have been hell anywhere. True, true. When you're a young, shy guy. Florida's got an interesting alumni. It's like Bert Kreischer. Oh, is he from Florida? Tosh. Yeah, he's Tampa. Regan. Regan, Carrot Top. I started with Carrot Top and Larry the Cable Guy. Are you still friendly with them? No. I mean, I'm not feuding with them, but I just don't.

Yeah, I don't. I mean, I'm sure I could get in touch with either of them. I heard someone won shit on Carrot Top and you were like, who else? You kind of defended him. Yeah, really? And I liked it. I liked that you, I was like, all right. Like, I just like contrarian takes. Sure. And it's like, it became hip to shit on Carrot Top. Yeah, he's just like, oh, well, like I saw some TikTok video today actually got the worst comics ever.

And there's the five. And I'm not going to mention their names. But it was like, this is a list from 2008. Right. Like, just who you could guess who'd been, like, it's just, I don't know. It's just like, especially like- Comedy lists are annoying, good or bad. Yeah, 100%. But bad, especially, when it's like an amateur take, it's like,

When I hear, when I like overhear open micers shitting on pros, even as an open micer, it bothered me. Oh yeah. I've had, I've had that where you're like, you're opening act is shitting on the MC. It's like, I don't know either. You guys.

I kind of don't want to hear this. It's awkward. I don't want you to feel like... It's like you're not ingratiating yourself with me by being shitty to a guy who's on the show with us. Yeah. I think it's kind of a young comic thing, though. They're so insecure. They're so new that they have to feel better by shitting on everyone else. And you do need to blow off steam, but it still bugged me a little bit. Oh, yeah. I get it. And we did it, but it still bugged me. I mean, I always feel like there's...

I mean, I definitely can shit talk. And if these mics are off and that guy left and the cat left, no, don't leave. The cat can stay. I would, you know, then, you know, sitting upstairs at the cellar, you're like, what the fuck? That should be the podcast. It's just the mics off. That's the name of the podcast. That would blow up. And you're like, you know who fucking sucks? Yeah. That's the whole episode. I mean, I definitely, I can do plenty of that. And I can't wait to do it once this show's over. From this very seat. Well, I was at Skankfest.

Not bragging. But Ari, of course, had this great idea at the end to do a show, no phones, couple comics on stage behind a table, and the audience yells out a comic, and they have to trash them, but like real trashing. Not like, oh, Matt Rife's annoying. It was like real shit. And it got ugly. I mean, it was too real. Really? I mean, I was in the crowd just glued to my seat. It was fucking entertaining as hell. But...

They were saying stuff where you're like, you know, these guys, the audience can just remember this and then tweet it or whatever. I love Ari. I don't love that. It was wild. I don't love the idea of like also it feels a little bit like turn Cody to me.

Like it should be I don't know there should be our thing. Yeah, I remember hearing Stanhope one say like someone went up to him and And shit on Dane Cook to him and he goes I like Dane better than you And I do kind of like I have no problem with the audience member I don't like when they try to ingratiate themselves by shitting on a peer of ours I don't yeah I've had that happen or they'll even do it like you do a show it's like a showcase show and they're like That's the guy before you wasn't good. Oh my friend. Oh

I know. You've got him on for 22 years? Yeah. You didn't like him? Right. I mean, I guess they're trying to make it sound like you stood out, but you could say that in a way without...

what was the deal with the guy before you? I don't know. Yeah. I guess you didn't like him. That's fine. I could have been that guy and I've been that guy to a million people. People have a weird instinct to rate everything. I watch people come out of the comedy cell and they go, the third guy was great. He was the best one. Second guy sucked. Third guy, fourth guy. That's why competition shows play well. That's why they always try to make us compete. People want to pick a winner. Yes. They really do. But this is,

entertainment. This isn't a sport. Right. Yeah, and it's subjective. Like, you might relate more to this lady because you're a lady and then you might relate more, you know, people pick their guy or their gal. How was Larry the Cable Guy out of the gate? What was that like? He actually drove me to my, I think, one of my first paid gigs in his Camaro or Firebird to Ron Bennington's club. Wow.

Wow. Ron Bennington had a clue. Love Bennington. Yeah, Ron Bennington saw my first ever appearance as a comic. Dan Whitney. And Dan Whitney, yeah, we were on the open mic scene and, you know, and then I guess after I left Florida, he used to call into this radio station, it's Larry the Campbell guy and the rest is history. Yeah. How about that? But, you know, I feel like there's comedy for everyone like this. It might not be, you know, there's people like, like we're going back to Caratown, it's like,

doing a goofy show that's kind of fun. I would like to go see that. I would love to see it. I'd probably love every second of it. He's not pretending he's

you know political he's just right making you laugh yeah yeah and he's a nice guy i think the bitterness comes to when people who think that they should be further than him but sure what they fail to realize is he's doing a different thing it's a different he's in vegas yes move to vegas exactly you know what i mean like i sure as fuck would want to live there no go crazy god no yeah that residency but i think there's also that thing that people who are like they go to more than 10 comedy shows and they're like

I have a different level of anxiety. I get it. I remember there was a guy in Melbourne.

During the festival, who in the comments section started basically a review column within the comments. Oh, boy. I go to a lot of shows, and you could have terrible taste and go to a lot of shows. Yeah. You could go to a lot of shitty shows because you have bad taste. Also, there could be hacky comics. There's also hacky takes like, oh, Dane Cook sucks. And you're like, have you ever listened? You just heard someone else say that. Yeah, exactly. You know?

But that's the cool, he was the cool guy to hate for a while. That's the thing, when you become incredibly successful, it becomes a cool thing to shit on a person. But like,

They had, love him or hate him, they have something to get to that level. Yes. And also, did you work as hard as that person? Nope. Dane on, you know, the stand-up and the business end undeniably worked hard. Oh, yeah. MySpace, baby. Yeah. I forgot about MySpace. Oh, old school. So you, like, I remember back in the day you'd do panel on Conan all the time. How many of those did you do? I mean, I think I did Conan. I mean, I hate to know. I do know exactly. I think it was 18 times. Woo!

That's crazy. That's stand-up and panels. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I miss doing Conan. God. Oh, Conan was the number one. That was just like, I really like, I felt, you feel like you're in show business, you know? Like, it's fun doing these clubs and everything, but then you're just like,

Your car's coming at 543, 545. You're going to be in the dressing room next to Martha Stewart. Who were some of the craziest guests you were on with? Martha Stewart was right next to me. What's the guy? Did you talk to her? No, I didn't talk to her. Val Kilmer. Wow.

Who's the guy? Don't kill my rules. Oh, the best. Not Bruce Stern. Who's the other guy? Fuck. Daniel Stern? No, he's older. Howard Stern. Shit. Donald Sutherland. Oh, another legend. But then I remember like Al Roker was on once and he like made a beeline to say hi to me. Like, he's like, oh, hi. He was just saying who's the other guest. He was just going to a cheese plate. He was just being like, this is a sweetheart. But yeah, and I remember, yeah. Weren't you on with Bourdain on one of them? I was on...

Seth Meyers show at Bourdain. Oh, that's a good one. You talked to him, right? It's weird because I... Did you get the photo? No, he... I saw that he followed me on Twitter like a few years prior to that and then I... But you never wrote to him. I think I was on a flight with him from Austin and then I sent him a direct message inviting him to my shows and he thanked me. He said, I don't know if I can make that. Then I sent him like my special and he's like, oh, yeah, I'll check it out, thanks. And then I... I mean, it sounds like this is like...

three direct messages in like eight years so it wasn't like I wasn't hounding him and that's why he ended it but uh these messages I can't take it but then I said hey we're on Seth Meyers show together and he goes oh I can't wait and then he kind of just came in the dressing room said hi hi

And then left. There was no conversation. He was nice, but I've heard he was very shy, actually. 6'5", I heard. Yeah, he was the best. Oh, yeah, cool guy. Cool gig. That was pretty devastating. I've got to ask you about this. So you called in the letterman.

He called me. Wait. You got to pull this up there, Peters. It's on YouTube. Put Todd Berry. I don't think this gets enough, even though I promoted the hell out of this. I came across this on accident, and I was like, why is this not a thing? Yeah, there it is. Yeah, I remember this. That can't be 1982, can it? Yeah. What? From someone named Todd...

I'm guessing that's just a nickname. His last name is Barry from Tamarack, Florida. Here's the situation. I do an unbelievable impression of Paul Schaefer. Here are the options, eh? Fly me to New York, pay for everything, and I'll do the impression on your show. Yeah, right. Or call me, and I'll do it over the phone. So go ahead, Dave, pick either A or B. Either way, I'm sure it will turn out to be a real nifty gig. Uh, she...

It was a tough choice, Todd, but I've selected option B. Let's call this... This is amazing. Were you shitting bricks? Yeah, I kind of was. Yeah, and they called to say we were doing it. Yeah, yeah, but that's it. Wow. This is late night in the 80s. This is huge. No, this is going to be a first. Yeah. Okay, Todd Berry. Apparently a man with a lot of time on his hands. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Killing! What were you, 11? 18.

What particular city, Todd? It's Tamarack. Tamarack, and is it near a larger community? It's near Fort Lauderdale. Oh, well, that gives us generally an idea. It's a nice area of the country there. I noticed, Todd, the phone didn't ring, and you just picked it up. Did it ring there? Yeah, that's the way that thing works. Oh, that's the way they work. That's great. You're singing with the king. I can't believe I said that. Gee, Todd, I'd love to go on talking with you, but...

I understand you do an impression of Mr. Paul Schaefer. It's unreal, Dave. It's unreal, Dave. Yeah, Dave. Yeah, Dave. I mean, it's cuckoo groovy, Dave. I mean, I'm peaking right now, Dave. Is it not in here? It's just me, Dave. Back to you, Dave. Okay, thank you very much. Very nice, Todd. Thank you. Wow.

I mean, there was a follow-up. Oh, really? Did you ever mention this to him when you did the show? I tried to. I just never really asserted it, but I didn't try hard enough to tell him about it. But this was two years later. Thank you very much.

uh it's getting very close to the gala gala second anniversary of my appearance on your show that's right may 27th 1982 was the day i blessed your viewer mail segment with my paul schaefer impression here are your options a fly me to new york and pay for everything or b call me and we'll celebrate by phone so go ahead dave pick a or b either way i'm sure it would turn out to be the ultimate in keen your friend for life todd barry tamarack florida

Well, Todd, thank you very much for the letter. And I'm sorry to say that if your choices are only A and B, then I'm not really sure there's anything we can do. Oh, wait a minute. Excuse me just a minute. C, just forget about me. I've already gotten more than I deserve. Oh, okay. Fine, Todd. Thank you. Wow. That would keep me going for 10 years. Yeah.

Dear Dave. All right. Wow. That is pretty great. Yeah. You got a good zing on him. I did. I can't believe I did that. I just kind of just. And also, it's just weird because he didn't hear the phone ring, but it did ring. So that's, I guess it's. I thought I heard it ring too. Yeah, it did. I could hear it. Wow. That is an 18 year old. I would be running around the house in excitement. I mean, fucking, I hate to reveal my age, but it's over 40 years ago. Ah, that was a different time. I'm 40, approximately 40 years ago. Jesus. Jesus.

That's insane. It's all over for me, man. Also, your Comedy Central half hour. Which one? You did two of them, yeah. Oh. I still remember the joke. You say the opening joke. I know what you guys are thinking. The watch joke. Oh, yeah, yeah. How does it go again? What does it say? You say like, oh, Todd, this is your second Comedy Central special, but you're wearing the same watch. And you go, well, I'll tell you what's new. Five of the next 30 minutes, you're going to see.

Such a great way to open a special. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was fun. Those were... Old albums, man. I mean, we used to listen to them all the time. Medium Energy. Yeah, Falling Off the Bone, Medium Energy. Like, that was when albums, like, to me... I love consuming comedy that way. I mean...

Taking a walk and just laughing. My album comes out this Thursday, actually. Hey! The album version of my special. Nice. There you go. I think Todd is like perfect. Certain comics with just killer jokes are perfect for that medium where you have a guy like Todd or Dave Attell or Hedberg. Yes. Jokes like that where you're just like, these are... This is a perfect...

thing to listen to in a car on the walk because they're just hard jokes. 100%. And they go into your brain better when you just listen. You know, you're walking and I feel like you connect with it more. You hear the laughs. I think I'd almost rather watch, listen to an album of comedy. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. That's how I got into it really. It's like...

Albums like you or like, you know, Grok or all those people we talked about. That's how we watched them, right? Oh, yeah. Well, Rock, I was HBO and Carlin a lot of HBO. But his stuff worked well audio too. That's true. Because of his voice and his jokes. That's true. It worked. It translated too, I think. Yeah, I would just put them on like the way you put on a podcast in the house and clean or whatever.

Loved them. I used to throw on like early years, like you forget how to write. You forget how to write a bit and you're like, let me just listen to bits for a while. Yes. Like hear like other people's. And then you were like, oh yeah, that's how I write jokes, you know? But like you could throw on Pandora and you get like so many different comic voices. Yeah. It is interesting to hear what people can get away with. Yeah. Like, oh, they got away with like, I saw Doug Stanhope.

at Caroline's on Mother's Day open with a joke about his mother's suicide. Wow. It was like at Caroline's, which is very touristy, so it wasn't all his diehard fans. It was just like, man, you can do that. That's an incredible bit where he talks. It's an assisted suicide, right? Yeah, assisted suicide. Great bit.

Yeah. He, he is like, they throw around the word fearless and comedy a lot, but like Doug is like truly, well, he'll say, Oh yeah. That is pretty incredible. And he doesn't really get like attacked for saying anything, you know, problematic, but he,

He's also the last guy who would stop himself from saying something. That's true. I don't think they would ever expect an apology from him. I think he goes in... It's the people that kind of dip their toe in that get in trouble. I think Doug is so unapologetic. Yeah, yeah. He kind of lives outside the system in a way. Exactly. He's off the grid. He's also worried they're going to not allow him to live in some outskirt of Arizona. But it's like yelling at a hobo. Like, hey, that was inappropriate. He's like, what are you going to do? I got nothing going on.

not that Doug has nothing going on, but he gets away with it. I think with, I think the drugs and alcohol help where he's just kind of like this dude who's out, as you said, outside the system and showing up, you know, he's had a few already. And, uh,

Yeah. I mean, I remember listening, he's another dude whose albums I would listen to. Oh, great. I'd just be like, holy shit, this dude just goes for it. No refunds. It's amazing. And, uh, what's the one, something to take the edge off? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All those deadbeat heroes. He's one of the few guys who I would actually, when he came to New York, I would go watch him. Really? Yeah. And sit there. I mean, guest list, but, um, let's not be crazy. I didn't fucking throw down for it, but, uh,

Atel says he's his favorite comic. Yeah, he's great. I saw Atel at Caroline's and Doug was in the back watching. No, wait. Doug was on stage at Caroline's. Dave Atel walked in and Doug stopped mid-bit and goes, Dave, what are you doing here? He goes, I heard a white voice coming out of Caroline's. I had to see who it was. And that killed.

Damn. Well, who were guys like early on? Cause I know you were, you know, like a nineties New York guy, like a great generation of comics. Were there dudes that you would sit down and write bits with like bounce bits with in the diner ever? No, I mean, I didn't, I never, I've done that occasionally with people. I think I've even done with you, but I've never had like a, every Monday we meet at this diner for, so I, New York, not really. I mean a little, I've done it a little with Joe Zimmerman. Hmm.

New special out. New special funny guy. Hey, it's not about him right now. Yeah, he's very funny. But I haven't, yeah, I mean, I guess I've gotten tags and stuff from people who happen to be watching. But yeah, I haven't done a lot. There's stuff people all bounce shit off of on the phone, but I generally just do it myself.

Yeah. But I do think there's definitely like I would want to do more just like meeting up and bouncing bits because I think it is helpful. Oh, yeah. And it's not like having someone to write for you, but it just gets you talking it out. Yeah. And reading their face, just like delivering it to a person reading their face and kind of being like, huh, OK, where am I going right here? Where am I going wrong? Yeah. Am I missing something obvious? Yeah. I don't I don't expect someone else to do my act. I want to write my jokes. Yeah, sure.

Even saying it out loud to a person helps. It kind of makes you hear how it sounds. Yeah, I always think I'm going to, you know, I sometimes go, well, I write on stage. That's what I tell people mainly when they ask about my writing, which is true. But I also feel like... You write on stage? Yeah. Really? You feel very page to stage. No, definitely. No, definitely write on stage. I would never guess that about you. Really? Yeah. So you thought like all those, my epic bits were like... Yeah, of course. That was typing.

No, I of course don't. Oh, really? No, no. It's on stage. I think of bits and you're like, okay, so you have a bit like, let me think of an example of like a Todd bit, like a classic Todd. Like you saw a guy masturbating in front of an ATM machine. Yeah. And he's like, you know, sure, there are times when I look at my checking account and there's a little more than that. Oh, that's great. And you want to celebrate. And you want to celebrate. Yeah. So you came up with that on the fly on stage? Yeah.

I don't remember. I mean, that was a while ago. I may have done more writing, writing back then. But yeah, I mean, after a few tries. I mean, it's not like out of the gate they work. But you just had a nugget. Yeah, you just kind of like, oh, and then you add this couple of words and then you do it again. And I mean, it takes forever. The wine one. The wine one. So you have the wine bit in your new special about how the bottle is the second most expensive. Yeah. The second most expensive bottle. The second cheapest bottle, rather, is the one that they mark up the most. Right. Mm.

So can you take us through the process of writing a joke like that? Well, I heard that somewhere. And it seemed to make sense that the most marked up bottle of wine on a restaurant's menu is the second cheapest because a guy will be on a date. I'm doing the bit, basically. Yeah, do the bit. Do the bit. A guy will be on a date.

Doesn't want to buy the cheapest wine, so he picks the second cheapest and then gets destroyed. So then I just talked it through. And actually, Phil gave me one of the lines. I shouldn't credit Phil with anything, comedy-wise. But yeah, he kind of gave me one of the big laughs in it, actually. But yeah, so I just talked it through. And then eventually, once you get into it, where it's like everything works, supposedly. Because there's times, I'm sure you know, where you have a bit and you're like, uh-huh, oh.

Oh, totally. It takes so long. You're just like, I got to fix that a little part. Yes. Yes. It's like, yeah. So yeah, just over repeating it over and over again. Is that you write your stuff out completely? Both of you guys? Not completely. If it's a story, I can't. If it's a story, I kind of have to listen and just memorize. But, but there's still beats that I write down. So I'm like, get to this line, get to this line, get like, almost like, like checkpoints in the story that I get to. Same. But then for a bit,

I'm pretty much, I have word docs full of just, yeah, almost every joke written out word for word. Yeah, they have bullet points. I definitely have bullet points. I have the bullet. And I will sometimes go, I'm going to just pretend I'm writing this like it's, I'll write it out and I'll do that. But I've also had the reverse where like a TV show is, can you send us a transcript of your act?

Or you're sad and then you do and you're like, I don't even know how to punctuate this. Yes. None of this seems funny. They're going to read this and hate it. I should say that, yeah, that annoys the shit out of me, even though I write most of the jokes down. Because for whatever reason, once it starts working, I just lose track of it, you know? But like... Yeah. Also, it's hard to type it out in your... Right. Yes, exactly. So I will type it to some degree, but then also a lot of the typing is also just the start and the finish. I just need to know where it ends up, but...

I had a bit idea the other day, it's like a new idea, but true story, I got shit-faced and I go home and I'm on. I go on for whatever reason, like cancer charities are popping up, like children's cancer. And I got so upset that I made a pretty big donation. I was like, fuck cancer. I woke up the next day.

And I was like, well, that's a bit more than I would have. You know, which like it's a weird moment. It's like you can't the angle at the end of the angle. I think it's like you can't really call Amex fraud department like some asshole stole my card. And I guess he really wants a cure. But like that's a bit that I don't think I could write that. I needed to like say it. Yes. It's such a weird typing up a bit like that.

There's a fine line between like, you know, it has to sound conversational too. And that's, I think the struggle for just writing bits. But that bit is great too, because you do, you do philanthropy when you're drunk. Most guys do worse things. You do better things. Cause you're even like, I wouldn't have given this much, you know, but when you're drunk, you would. Have you done a thing where you call the charity up and go, listen, I got it.

A little awkward situation. Look, I want to help, but not that much. $250. I'm fine with $250. $2,000. I don't know. I was drunk. To me, if you have the premise and the ending, I feel a lot better going on stage. Really? Yeah, the end line, like a nice pop at the end to tie it all up. Yeah, because then you can fish a little bit. Exactly. You can kind of play with the middle, and you know you have a parachute at the end.

It's like you know when you're going to get laid on a date. You can kind of be yourself. Yes, yes. I heard Pete Holmes said he goes really dirty when a joke is new because he's nervous so he can get the laughs there. And then Bill Burr said when he's doing a new hour, he kind of hacks it up a little just because he's like, I got to get through it. It's not there yet. See, I think, I don't always follow this, but I think

if you're doing a 10-minute set somewhere, 15 minutes, opening with the new stuff is a good thing to do. Ted said the same thing. Did he? Ted Alexandro, yeah. He stole that from me. Yeah, I guess I just feel like you ride that wave of like being applauded. The applause comes on, you get, here's Mark, and then you just go,

And if your first two things don't, if they work, then you got your other shit just locked and loaded. Right. If they don't work, then you just ease into the other stuff that works. Interesting. I think it works when you have your audience. I think if you're doing that coming up as a comic, they might just turn on you. Exactly. I remember hearing Ted say that as a young comic and then doing that at like the comic strip and they're like, fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's always that thing though where you do

Do a bunch of, you know, A stuff, and then you try the new one, and it's just such a huge drop-off. Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess at that point you could go, hey, that one did work. I mean, we can get away with things, other people who make mistakes that their job can't do. But we can just go, fuck that. Yeah, try to do it. You can't do it when you're air traffic controller.

Is that someone's joke? I feel like that's someone's joke. That's pretty good. I don't know. That's fun. But also, I hear what you're saying, especially I think if it's like a topical bit, it's great to open with because they're like, oh shit, he's writing. That's a new bit. Yeah. And you get a 20% boost, I think, on topical. You do a Taylor Swift joke or something, it's an extra boost.

bump or something like that you know and it showed like if you do jokes about the town first of all they love that they're like oh my god he's telling us about our town even though the joke might be a eh like a C they're on board I would notice opening for David Tell whatever city he was in he would be like he would like praise them he'd be like Ann Arbor Michigan you guys know how to party and I'd be like yeah manipulation ah

But you got to do that. You got to like, you got, cause they feel when you were pumped to be there, they're pumped to be there. Totally. You can't just walk up and be like, I was at the bank. You got to say hello. You got to show where you know where you are. Some guys would do that though. I mean, I remember watching old clips of Robert Schimmel. I feel like he never said, Hey, what's up? He would just like, he would always just be like, so a guy does that. He'll just open a bit, you know? I kind of like that. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I kind of like, I don't like when a comic goes, let's hear it for your MC. Yeah.

It's like the guys, the MCs getting the applause. I completely agree. Getting their applause. You don't just sit alone.

Fucking browbeating people that applaud. Yes. I don't like make some noise. I do it if I'm on the road because I bring Gary with me and I want them to like follow him on social media. I want them to like... Yeah, or maybe at some point they said, go, hey, let's hear it again from Mike. But I feel like just... And I don't like how... How you guys do tonight? I hate that a little bit. I feel like it seems all unnecessary and just like... How you doing? Start doing what you do. Yeah, what's the purpose? I think it resets kind of. Yeah, I get that you have to do something if there's a...

like a crazy energy change. Sure. Like if you're following some high energy guy, you have to address it somehow. Yeah. But you can do it in a more clever way than, hey, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I get it, you know, you walk out of there, you're greeting people, how's it going? But,

But I don't know. Just when... The one with Let's Hear It for... Because if they see seven comics and they're like... Exactly. Let's hear it for the MC. They all do it. Like, the guy's not... He's not being deprived of applause. Yes. He walked out to applause. He's going to walk off to applause. Yeah, he just said your name. You know, he's...

You know, it's not like some... We don't have to applaud DMC, do we? Also with those seven comic lineups or whatever, how many they put up at the cellar, I'm always nervous. I'm at the end. If I'm like doing some topical bit, it's been hit. Oh, yeah. That's why I like... I don't... I basically don't allow guest sets in my shows. Same. Because... Mainly because I just want to get out there. Like I have my opener do 15 minutes.

one opener for the most part. You know, sometimes you go, we have a local guy. Okay, we'll let him do five. And then, but I want to get out there, but also like the premises can get burned and you're like, and even premises. I mean, I did a show once I used to do this joke about this Walgreens in Chicago.

Oh, the rating? Like the reviews on it? No, no. It was about this, it used to be in a converted bank and I don't remember how the joke went. But a guy went on before me, did a joke about that Walgreens. No way. Yeah, like it was a different joke. It was just like,

And then you have to go out there and go, well, this is weird people. Bobby did a joke about the Walgreens in Wicker Park, and now I'm going to do one. Neither of us were in Chicago at the time. Oh, weird. How about, what about this? This must have been page to stage.

Hey, I saw a guy with a neck tattoo. Whenever I see that, I always think, you forgot to not do that. That one makes me cringe. I love that line. I love that joke. That's a great joke. It's just hard to listen to old... Mark, if someone pulled up bits off your first album, you'd probably cringe too, I guess. True, true. Let's do something off my special. All right, all right. But I honestly don't remember if I wrote that out or...

I probably... I think about that line once a week. I definitely thought of that and then wrote it out, but I don't... But forgot to not was a sentence I'd never heard before. I thought that was well written. Yeah, that would be like a great piece of movie dialogue. Yes. But it's so deep in your character. I mean you when I say your character, but like... What's he looking up? I don't know. I thought you were going to go to his Instagram or something and pull up a bit. Clips from the new special. Oh.

Domestic short hair. I feel like this almost started as a joke podcast and we got away from that a little bit. But you're a dude that I love to go into these with, you know? Oh, yeah. You got a clip up there? Oh, there's one. There's one, yeah. Which one's this? Glad we're eating out again. I've had some great exchanges with waiters and waitresses over here. I love this bit. An Italian restaurant in New York City not too long ago.

Hi, is it possible to get a decaf espresso? You're the worst. Okay. I don't mean to be all lawyerly, but that was a yes or no question. But if you want to go with you're the worst, that works fine. Anyway, give me a decaf espresso with a big spoon of ketchup in it.

Now I'm really bad. That's fucking brilliant stuff. Good stuff. Important, important stuff. It's got to be rough to watch this. No, this is the one he's probably most happy with. It was doing really good before the pandemic. Started taking a Pilates class. Ah, that's a good one. Consisted of me and three women who knew how to do Pilates.

The instructor always had to make adjustments. Jack, at least let's do that thing where we hang from a bar and do jumping jacks and sit-ups at the same time. Todd, here's some crayons. Is that hack? Why don't you mark up the wall for me, Todd? Draw an owl for me. Big owl with a lot of detail.

Alright ladies, we're gonna stand on our hands and put 100 pound weights on the balls of your feet. Todd, I don't know, download a Scrabble app. Clean, too. Or leave, yeah, why don't you leave? I like that idea best. Walking's good exercise. Walk on that air. Yes, I see your t-shirt. It says, I heart Pilates.

Hit the road. Hit the road. That's kind of cool. Really well shot, too. Yeah, it looks great. I tagged my Pilates instructor on that. Really? Oh, nice. Well, I think I sent it to her. Do you go to Pilates a lot? No, I haven't. I was going pre-pandemic.

What's great about your bits is you can tell it all happened. Yeah. It's not like a Hasan Minhaj. Whoa. It's like. I went there. It's just like the waiter saying you're the worst. I'm like, that definitely happened. And you can name the rest. I'd like to hear Todd meets Hasan, you know. Oh. Guy sent me some anthrax recently. That's good.

Yeah, man. That's true. You know what it is? You take mundane shit and make it so damn relatable and so funny. Oh, thank you. It's like everyday stuff where you're like, I love bits like this where you're like, well, that's not a bit. And then you do it. You're like, oh, that's a bit. You just open up possibilities. I love when comics do that. Yeah, Brian Regan's great at that. So great, yeah. All right, this premise, I probably could have thought of this premise. And then he just like 10 minutes of hilarious shit.

Yeah, and no one, he's got his own, that wobble and everything, he's got his own way of delivering it, which a lot of people do. That dude's funny, man. Funny guy. He's a legend, yeah. We're supposed to have him on here too, right? Is he still going to come on? He's going to drink us under the table. Oh, yeah, he'll put him back. But you also choose good words. That old joke about the guy who's like, I love Coke, but I hate Pepsi.

And you're like, oh, wow. So you love this thing and hate this thing that's the exact same thing as this thing with a fervor. I don't know. I remember you said fervor. It's so funny because last night Colin Quinn got furious at Matt Richards for drinking Pepsi and I was drinking Coke. That's why the joke's so relatable. That was such a great one. I'm like, that is a true thing. Like we watched his joke play out. Yes.

Yeah. I forget. I remember that joke. I don't remember the wording, but I remember so many of your jokes. I mean, they're some of the most quotable jokes. Uh,

I mean, you did a Letterman set. I remember you have a joke where you say, I was just in, uh, in Spain, very aggressive prostitutes in Barcelona. Yeah. I mean, just that start to a joke is funny to me. Aggressive prostitute. And what was on, if you, if you're this, uh, if you're this aggressive in the streets, what's going to happen when we get back to the youth hostel? That's a great bit. Yeah. You're going to knock me off that top bunk. I mean, that's a great bit. And, uh,

Those late-night sets were tough. I mean, it's crazy to think that's a pretty edgy late-night bit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't think you could say prostitutes anymore. But, yeah, I kind of pushed it a little bit. I guess I don't know if I pushed it, but it's surprising. You never knew what they were going to let you do and what they would hassle you with. How about the bit—there's another great word choice—

When you were hooking up with a girl and she was like, I don't like that kind of condom. And you're like, this is a bad time to show brand loyalty. Brand loyalty. That's great. That's from my first Conan. That's an old Todd bit. Old, old. You can probably dig up my first Conan if you want to watch. Can we really? I would love to see a bit from it at least. Give me a bit and I want to see what you look like. Yeah, you're doing the rounds. Look at you. You're hitting all the pods. No, these are, it's older. Oh, that's an old one. Oh, look at that. Oh, I remember you did the Chris. Is that the Chris, uh,

What's his name? Chris O'Donnell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that that one? Yeah. That was a pretty funny one. Whatever happened to that guy? I think you have to look on Conan's website to find the...

He has a website? I think he's working. I think dudes like that just work forever on some CBS show. Who's that? That we don't watch, Chris O'Connell. Oh, yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, I don't know. I think he's working. He's on Miami Vice 8. Well, even think about that guy, that actor William Peterson. He's richer than he ever would have been if he just became a movie star. Oh, totally. From the CSI and shit. Totally. Wow, he got the cover. Mulaney. By the way, Kanye's back. You see that? Oh, my God, really? Is he? Adidas re-signed him. Mm-hmm.

Wow, that's young. Is that young Mulaney? That's a great Mulaney set, by the way. Oh my God, he's a child there. I saw that in New Orleans and it was blown away. Who's that guy in the middle? Old Conan really... He threw up everybody. He threw up a lot of... He gave comics a lot of love. Oh yeah. First credit.

Yeah? Yeah, I think so. 29. That was my first one, too. Yeah, that was a big deal. I did. I remember you dabbed your forehead with his tie. Yes, yes. And he was not pleased. No, I didn't love it. Yeah. He said, you're a psycho or something. I guess it was on, no, it's 19. It was definitely on the team Coke. We don't have to find it. You had a really great roast set. Patrice O'Neal. I mean, Chevy Chase and Patrice O'Neal. The Chevy Chase one. Do you remember any of the Chevy Chase lines? No.

Yeah, I mean, the one that a lot of people talked about was like people, you know, I told people I was roasting Chevy Chase. They said that's like shooting fish in the barrel. It's actually as easy as standing near a fish in a barrel. Something like that. Was that night awkward as hell? Didn't he just hate the roast? Yeah, that was. He, yeah, it was awkward. Not necessarily like where I was uncomfortable, but it was just...

It's clear that it just didn't have this because he just wasn't taking the jokes the way someone wrote. If you agree to a roast, you're supposed to just fucking howl at every shit. But it wasn't his friends. I feel like. Yeah. I didn't know if they had me in there. Like I met him after I roasted him. Wow. That's weird. How was he? I just shook his hand. But he was sort of nice to me when he went up after. Like he kind of he kind of I think I caught him laughing. Oh, God. Look how cute.

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Wow. Holy shit, Todd. Thanks a lot. Thanks, guys. Only 11 years after the phone call. I was listening to the radio today. I keep playing this Michael Bolton guy. I can't stand this guy. I remember the first time I heard Michael Bolton. My immediate reaction was, oh, man. I owe Barry Manilow an apology. Oh, man.

The band was like howling at that. No mic. This guy is much worse. He is mucho del worse-o. But there was a concert recently here in New York City. It's the truth. Simon and Garfunkel followed by Paul Simon. Simon and Garfunkel, then Paul Simon. This must have been a great phone call for Art Garfunkel to receive. Hey, Art, it's Paul. Good news and bad news. Good news? I got us a gig. Bad news? We're opening for me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, and you gotta share a dressing room with Ladysmith Black Mambazo. It's gonna be a tight fit. There's 23 of them. But the big thing in music now and record stores are these boxed sets. Have you seen these boxed sets? Wow, look at this. All the albums by one artist in a box. Who are these for? There's a guy standing there going, God, I've never owned anything by the Oak Ridge Boys. I think it's time I owned everything by the Oak Ridge Boys. That's a good set. Let me see that. Wow.

Great point. I remember that joke. I don't remember that one. I think I was one of your half-alloy's, I think. I remember the Fugazi bit. This thing is heavy. 27 compact discs. Hey, it's only $500. Includes a hip-hop remix of Elvira. Pfft. Giddy-uppa. But I did a little shopping recently. I bought a wok. That is a great thing to have, a wok. With a wok and the privacy of your own home, you can create your own mediocre Chinese food.

for 50 cents less than ordering takeout. I'm Stan Overson going, "Oh yeah, I'm glad I'm making this stuff myself." 'Cause those restaurants in Chinatown just don't make hot dog fried rice the way I like it.

Park it for a sec. You were exactly the same. You had it immediately, your voice. But it does seem like my voice sounds almost different, like I'm a boy in this one. Well, you're younger. Your voice changes as you get older. But the rhythm is so you even now. It's kind of impressive.

What's with that jacket? Oh, it's brutal the way it was dressed. Yeah. The sleeves jutting. I saw that, the green sleeve. What is that patch on the left side? Oh, it's a dog. It's a Borzoi I bought at a thrift store. Oh, okay. Got it.

Do you remember who was on that episode with you? I do. It was a bunch of guests. It was this guy, actor Peter Riegert. You remember him? Yes. You know him. He's from Animal House. I think it was me. And he's in The Mask. He's in a ton of shit. It was me. You know this guy. Oh, that guy's in everything. Peter Riegert, Carol Ault.

I don't know. Yeah, wait. What's she from again? She's a model. Yeah. And then there was one other. I was like, because I remember they had four. Is there any way you could see who was on that episode? Holy moly. She's hot. Kind of milfy, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She looks familiar. Carol Alt. Alt comedy. Wow. We're going deep diving here. Well, this is season one of Conan. Wow. Wow.

You were also on Larry Sanders. Oh, that's right. I got that from that set. Whoa. That was when you could still get stuff from a late night set. Nicole Eggert. Oh, Don Martin. That's right. And then, of course, they leave me out of the. Oh, that sucks. Damn. You got someone saw you on this. Gary Shandling saw me. Oh, wow. Submitted a tape and he's like, you got the part.

Look at that. Was he cool to you? What? He was really cool. Like, he did something that, I mean, I've talked about it before on one of my many podcast appearances. But he, like, he came over to give me a note on my something, on the line I was doing. And he just said, he goes, only if you think this is funny.

And then he presented his note. What a guy. Like, it's just like, I could have said, no, thank, no, I'm good. Thanks. Like, it sounds like it's your show. I'll do it any way you want me to do it. Yeah. But yeah, I thought that was really respectful and, and also smart. I mean,

Yeah, you guys ran the whole show back then. It was like that was a hotbed of young Janines and Sarah Silvermans and Bob Odenkirks. Yeah. That was a fun time. Jay Moore was young. Yeah. I forgot he was on it. Oh, yeah. Jay Moore was on Shanley? Larry Sanders? Wasn't he? I thought he was in the writer's room. No, that was Jeremy Piven. Oh, Piv. Sorry. Yeah.

But yeah, he was great on Larry Sanders. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was one of the best shows ever. I love it. It was classic. I mean, that was some of the best comic acting you'll ever see. I mean, insane. Jeffrey Tambor and Rip Torn. Two heavyweights. Just a clinic. It's just so good. I was scared. I had waited until like 10 days on the set to introduce myself to Rip Torn. Really? Yeah, I was a little scared of him, but he was nice.

Yeah, he is intimidating. I think he was like a Marine or something. Yeah. Because I remember there's a story about...

Dennis Hopper's drug-fueled days on Easy Rider, Rip Torn was originally supposed to play the part they gave to Jack Nicholson. And when they sat down, Hopper was such a vicious, drunk, and awful. And he ended up pulling a knife on Rip Torn. And I think he just was able to get it away from him from his Marine days. And Rip Torn's like, fuck this guy, I'm not working with him. Wow. You ever heard the old Alec Baldwin, comedians in cars? He's telling Rip Torn stories, and he's like, and then I crack him in the jaw, and then I kicked him in the balls.

And he goes, Jesus, when was this? He goes, last summer. He's just getting a bar fight. It's at like 68. That guy was so funny. Defending your life, he's amazing. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Men in Black, he's amazing. Oh, yeah. That's true. Is he alive? No. He was the best. He was great. Who else? I mean, man, you've been in like everything. You were in Flight of the Conchords, too. Flight of the Conchords. I think I was in The Wrestler. That's right. Have you ever mentioned that before? That's the first time. I don't talk about it much, but yeah, I was in The Wrestler. An amazing movie. Wanderlust. Oh, yeah. How was working with Mickey Rohr? Um...

You know, it was fine. I didn't... There wasn't a lot of chit-chat between takes. Like, he's kind of an intense guy. He's in character? Yeah, he's just not someone who you're not... You don't really feel like, oh, I'm gonna... He's not going, hey, so tell me, do you stand up? Right, right. Like, he's not like that. He was perfectly as nice as he had to be, but...

You know, there's a scene I talked about where he, in the deli, where he started throwing stuff at me. Like, I didn't, it wasn't in the script. And, like, he nailed me once with, like, a bag, a box of foil. And it was pretty intense. Whoa. Yeah.

But there was like scenes where Darren would say, all right, start this take by insulting his mother, then do a different, then the second takes now say this about his mother just to get, set him off. Yeah. It was just, it was kind of surreal because I used to, I mean, I loved Mickey Rourke when I was growing up and now I'm doing scenes with them. Insane. Yeah. Showbiz. Went to the Venice Film Festival where it won the biggest prize there and that was cool. Yeah. How was Marissa? She,

She's nice. I didn't work with her, but she came into the cellar not too long ago. Oh, really? Sat down at the table, and she's super friendly. Still looks great. Yeah, yeah. Got a huge crush on her. Yeah, she's beautiful. My Cousin Vinny, come on. Yeah, Seinfeld. I never saw that movie. Does that hold up? Do you really never see My Cousin Vinny? Oh, it's great. Oh, it's like one of the best comedies ever. Really? Great comedy. Oh, it's like perfect. It's like one of the 90s. 90s is such a good decade of movies. Great comedies. Just like comedies, but also like everything, man. Like...

True. Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, Pulp Fiction. Boogie Nights. Yes. Fargo. LA Confidential. Yeah, LA Confidential. That was a good movie. Awesome. I mean, I feel like the 90s is just like crazy. Yeah. And for comedies, too. Do you watch a lot of comedies? I try. I mean, I'll watch here and there. Like a new one, just curious what they're making. But yeah, if I watch them, it's like classics. I don't watch like...

I don't watch a ton of... They don't make that many new ones, anyway. Not really. No, they don't. The new TV shows, I feel like they have to all have this heartwarming twist, which kind of feels like they're almost talking down to you. The fact that they have to make this kind of like warm blanket type of show, which it's fine if they make those, but it feels like that's the tone of everything now. Yes, enough's enough. And I like the shows. I love Eastbound and Down. I love the shows like that. Oh, yeah. It would kind of like...

would push the envelope and really be outrageous. Are you watching the other two? Have you seen the other two? No. Yeah, it's great. It's great. I hope they're canceled. It's all, I've just caught on to it. Oh, Molly Shannon, dude? Yeah. She's incredible. But they got some jokes in there where you're like, whoa. Yeah, Molly Shannon, she's the nicest. I met her a couple of times. I met her, um...

I sent her a fan letter when I was a kid when she was on SNL. Really? And she wrote back. I have an autographed picture of her. Wow. Unless an assistant did that. I don't know. I did that. But then, yeah, I met her once at, Amy Schumer had a party and she was there. Oh, yeah. And Rachel Feinstein and I were like panicking because we were both late for a cellar spot.

And Molly Shannon heard us panicking and sprinted across the street and found us a cab. Oh, really? And I was like, what an amazing human. That's great. To just be that, like, she's like, just heard it and was like, I got to help these women. That's what I meant when I said she's the nicest. Yeah. Do you know her well? No, I used to know her just from running into her, I guess. Yeah. So I don't really know her, but she's always extremely nice.

But I haven't seen her in a long time. I sat behind her on a flight after that, and I just didn't want to bother her. Who else have you been on flights with? Let's get into this. Oh, yeah. Who do you got? I've never been on a flight with a cool guy. Oh, Warren Beatty. What? No, you haven't. I swear. You buried Warren Beatty? I forgot. I was in the back. He was with Annette Bening. Ooh. First class. I was way in the back. New York, LA, or?

Probably. Or I think L.A. to New York, actually. Yeah, it's crazy that he just... It's crazy to think he flies commercial. Yeah. He's just so famous. He looked rough, I'll say that. That guy pulled some ass in his day. Yeah. I'm talking like 1980s Warren Beatty must have just been on a mission. Pull up that list. I mean... Bonnie and Clyde, he's a hunk. That's a great movie. It's got to be in his 80s now, right? Yeah. Yeah, Bullworth...

Bullworth was kind of a miss. Yeah, I'd say so. The white guy rapping does not usually play well. I hate it. I hate it all. It was a good concept, though, but if they went a different way with it, it could have been great. Elle McPherson, Goldie Hawn, Candice Burke, Connie Chung, Barbara. Justin Bateman. Wow. Wow. Jason Bateman. He fucked everybody. This is crazy. Joni Mitchell. Mary Tyler Moore. Bridgette Bardot. Who the fuck's Elizabeth? Candice Bergen.

Murphy Brown. She looked good late into however old she was. Yeah, yeah. She's still attractive. And oh man, oh man. Oh, is that Diane Keat?

That's exciting. And he also just made cool shit. He just has a cool career. Yeah. I don't know. Bonnie and Clyde. What was another good one? Did he do Shampoo? Yeah. Oh, boy. He did, shoot, I mean, Dick Tracy, I guess. Oh, yeah. I like the one Tracy. Bugsy he did. Bugsy. That's who he met in that Benning. That's an awesome movie. Jewish gangsters, baby. Yeah, yeah. Hey, there you go. And he's the one who read the wrong...

Oh, yeah. Oscar winner. I mean, I don't know if I listen to all of them. Parallax View is supposed to be good. Oh, McCabe and Mrs. Miller. Heaven Can Wait's a big one. Ishtar. That was a flop. Yeah. Not in a ton of blockbusters. How about that? That's why it's not a commercial. Although he produced a ton of shit. I mean, he made his money. Oh, okay. Kid stays in the picture. Oh, man. Wow. Role model with G. You watch movies, though. You're a big documentary guy, right? I like documentaries. I haven't...

I started watching this when Janine Garofalo turned me on to the series about the, what is it, the Tour de France? Lance Armstrong? Yeah.

It's just about, in general, how they train them, and it's pretty intense. Oh, yeah? I'm not a sports guy, but it's like, holy shit, this is crazy. It's so dangerous, the way they're just doing it. I mean, I started watching some Formula One, and you just admire the angles they have to hit. Crazy. Yeah, and then just like one little false move, and it's a pileup. Yes. You know, 30 people behind you are crashing into each other. I know, and they all flew there. They worked their whole life. They trained, and then one fall, and it's ruined. It doesn't look like fun.

No. It's a bike. Yeah. Hell, it's a bike on a dirt road. It's like swimming. You can't really do, and it's not a thing you can like, like running, you can kind of throw your headphones in, but biking, you need to hear shit around you really quickly. You can't be listening to a podcast doing the tour de France. You flipped to your death because you were listening to a Rogan app. You guys watching the new Beckham? I heard it's great. It's pretty good. He's got like a docuseries about him.

I didn't know he was that good of a player. I thought he was just a hot guy. No, he was great. It's crazy to get a great player. I don't think he's like top 10, but he was a great player. Great player who looks like that and then starts dating and marries a giant pop star. I mean, it's like a chum for tabloids. There was a funny thing of them where I don't know if she was doing like an IG live or something. She was doing something where she's like, you know, we grew up. We didn't have a lot of money. And he turns, he kind of turns in, he goes, he,

He goes, what car did your dad drive? Yeah. Is that in there? That's in there, yeah. And she goes, oh, and he goes, what car? And she goes, a Rolls Royce. It was just like a funny. He goes, thank you. So she was just lying about not having money? I think she was. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, but he's like fucking with her about it. It's pretty funny. That's really funny. And he's, I mean, it seems like they have a good thing, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. God, I hope so.

He saw her on TV and goes, I'm going to marry that woman. And his friend's like, ah, shut up. And then there you go. Well, that's what Harry did, right? With Meghan Markle. Is that right? Yeah. It was like he called his people and was like, I want to dump a load in that. Wow. He did it. Imagine being able to do that. Not those words maybe, but you know. He's right for. There's some tension with this. There's some Israel-Palestine thing going with this dog and cat. Oh, yeah. They do not like each other. Who's who? Yeah.

Well, if she's close to me, I'm guessing she's Israel. Yeah, good point. I don't know. She's just trying to chill. Todd, do you have any peeves? Oh, yeah. I was thinking about that. Ooh, baby. A general peeve of mine is when things aren't user-friendly. Like, I just did seven cities in nine days, and one of the airports I got out of, like, didn't even have a sign for baggage claim. Hmm.

Like I had to walk like a good five minutes before. Like, how do you not have that everywhere? Yeah. Or just like the signs telling you I get to Uber and Lyft. I was just thinking, which city was this? That's the worst. I don't remember. But then you call, you know, you ask them, and they go, all right, you go through that escalator, go down four flights, then go up a flight, then go across the parking garage. It's like,

Maybe some signs. Yeah. What is this, Lawrence of Arabia? It's like, you know, like Uber's a thing. Everyone knows it's a real thing and we all use it. Yeah, we have to get out of here. So stuff like that. Well, LA made it the worst. You have to take a bus to the thing. I'm like, I'm just taking smaller and smaller vehicles till I get to the fucking. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's the last thing you want to do is fuck.

and get on another shuttle after. That's a good peeve. That's a good one. But yeah, the signage, that's a great point. Because then you've got to ask a guy and they hate you because they've been asked ten times. Just put a big Uber sign with an arrow. Even when you're watching, you're watching TV and there's like, give me a font the people on TV. What do you mean? If there's like sportscasters on and they don't font them, I'm like, who is that guy? I don't know who the hell this guy is. I see. Yeah, I tweeted once about it in a documentary where they...

I said that they should add that chyron on... If they refer to someone, like, they show you at the beginning of the documentary that Bob is the forensic scientist, and then he's in, like, three hours later, and you forgot who he was. Yes! He's like, show me again! That's a good point. Always tell me who that fucking guy is. Yeah, this might be my stupidity talking, but sometimes I'm a subtitle guy. I'm all subtitle, and they go too quick. And now I'm, like, losing... I have to rewind, because I couldn't read it fast enough. I would just type out, type out, and go away. Yeah.

Do you guys have that or are you quick readers? I can do it, all right. I mean, I... You can pause it. I subtitle everything now. Same. Me too. Because I'll end up rewinding shit and it's like... Especially if you're watching a British or like Irish. Yeah, yeah. You'd be blown away how much you miss. But the user-friendly thing is just like, you know, like a lot of people talk about like when you go to a restaurant website and it's like, I just want to know how, like, when do you close? I just want to know when you close. Right. And I'm clicking through link after link to just... Scrolling. That should be...

Yeah, our motto, our promise. You're like, don't tell me what you do with the potatoes. Just give me a time. Well, another one is restaurants like...

Here's an idea. A rec, order from the restaurant and not through Seamless or one of these apps, and you save like $20. Is that right? Oh, my God. Look at what all these added fees are. They're the worst. It's like delivery fee, service charge. I think they appreciate it if you don't order through that app also. Really? They take a big cut. Yeah, I think so. So why do people use it? Because it's so easy. It's seamless. It's seamless. There you go. I didn't know that.

I'm just going to do that. Yeah. The problem is not all restaurants have websites, though. That's what you're dealing with. Right, right. Damn. The high-end ones I go to all have a website. I got a... You got a peeve?

Hit me. Bike riders on the sidewalk are making me crazy. Has that happened a lot? Here and there. I mean, they're in that lane. The lane even annoys me because it's like now you used to be able to just zing across when there weren't cars, but now you got to look for another thing. Yeah, right. And some of them are going fast. Some of them are like, you know...

And they're going on, you know, green lights for us. So that's what's crazy. But when they're on the sidewalk, I'm like, fuck you, dude. You're not the you're the prey, not the predator. You're supposed to be with the cars, not with us, you know? Right. So that that annoys me. No, I'm with you on that one. I've had to pop up on the sidewalk before on a bike, but I always make it quick. Yeah, there's a different I mean, it's people like moving. Yeah, that's silly.

Come on. Packed sidewalk, New York City. What are we doing here? Peeves. Peeves. Any Rex, Todd? This is a funny one, a weird one, but there's this candy they sell at Trader Joe's. Oh, really? Called Cinedragons. Pull it up. Pull it up. Cinedragons. Trader Joe's has insanely good snacks. They're the best. It's such... I love their peanut butter. Yeah, they're... Oh, look at that bag of Cinedragons. It's just cinnamon, chewy candy, but it's... Good one. It's...

How'd you even find out about these? I just was shopping. You know, I do my own shopping and I... Whoa. And I just kind of noticed them and I gave them a whirl. But it's hard not to eat like a whole bag of them. Sure. You rolled the dice on... I usually... Someone has to tell me something's good before I roll the dice on a new thing. Roll the dice on CineDragons if you like cinnamon. I encourage you to roll the dice.

I want to try one. I wish I knew. And Todd's peeves are going to, on the next spot, are going to be people who say roll the dice. Yeah. What, yeah, anything else? What else, what's in your Trader Joe's order? I always think that I'm going to, I just, I hate eating at home. So I. Really? Yeah, I hate it. And. Just a bummer? I don't know, I just, the cook, like, especially, you know, pandemic, I did way more, in the heart of the pandemic. Yeah.

I did way more cooking than I ever thought I would ever do. What's your go-to thing if you are cooking? I mean, I remember making like a baked potato in the microwave or some pasta, but I never would do like, I'm going to do chicken instead of steamed broccoli. It's just like, just have a fucking sink full of dishes. Like I've made like a baked potato. Like how are there nine dishes in the fucking... Yeah. Yeah.

That's the ADHD day, whatever, also, because I think it's just like, it's very overwhelming. But to answer your question, I'm probably like, you know what Trader Joe's has, but it's not there now? Maybe it's seasonal. They have this jalapeno limeade. Oh, that's good. That sounds really good. That sounds great. Look it up.

Pull it up. Have you tried the cotton candy grapes? No. What's that? Those are next. Just what they sound like. That looks damn good. That's right up my alley. There it is. Pull up cotton candy grapes, too. They're pretty good. Cotton candy grapes. Are they just a type of grape? Yeah, but they're just awesome. They're just the best grape. You freeze them? Freeze them, dude. Whoa.

Look at that. I don't like the frozen. Oh, you know what's good is that Trader Joe's, the freeze-dried berry medley. Ooh, those are good. Yeah, those are good. Or those mangoes, those dried, the dried mangoes with the chili on them. Yeah. This is officially turning into the worst date.

Mark, do you cook, man? No, I can't. My parents ask me. I'm like you. I like to eat out every meal. And my parents ask me, are you cooking yet? And I always say no, and they're so disappointed. They're from New Orleans, aren't they? Yeah. His mom's a real cook. Big foodie lady. So I should cook. It always looks good. I mean, I remember Brian ringing out in that bed when they had the stuff laid out in little bowls. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't remember the whole bit. All they open the oven and there's a done one in there already. I'm like, oh, that's the dream. But my lady cooks. She's good. I just got an oven. Like I had my building, the gas was fucked up. So I had like 10 months without an oven in this apartment. And I just got it. So I started cooking a little bit. I have the same gas problem. Did you get a knock off the rent?

I don't fucking rent this place, you know. Oh, right. True. Damn. Did you? I emailed the guy because the lady's like, I want to cook, but I can't cook. So I said, fuck it. And I got three. Are you serious? Whoa. Can I give one to her? I wonder. No, dogs can't have grapes or onions. They hate grape culture. Statutory grape. Oh, my God. It's good. Not a big grape guy, but I don't know. What? What?

That's stupid. I love that. I'll tell you, I went to Bargatze's Radio City show. Incredible. He did three, I heard. Yeah. A lot of grapes. Oh, he's a grape guy? Oh, yeah. He's looking thin. Yeah. When did he do Radio City? Oh, this past weekend? Who was with Zimmerman? Zimriman? Vecchione was on the one I saw. Oh, okay.

Dustin Chafin. He killed. He killed. Dustin Chafin? He opened their old friends. Wow, I haven't seen that guy in a long time. Nate's dad did a shit. He's a magician. Yeah. Nate's dad's a magician? Yeah.

And they love him. I hear they love him. So, yeah. There he is. That's crazy. I had no idea. Look at that. Yeah, it's a nice place. 5,000. There's old Vic. We made fun of his outfit for about an hour and a half. Yeah, he is in A Night at the Roxbury, too. Yeah, there's Chafin. Look at that. Wow. There's all of us just yucking it up. Good crew. Good times. Then he had lunch with Seinfeld the next day.

Nice little trip. Mm-hmm. We got to get him back on here, man. And he did Fallon with Ian Lara. That's kind of fun. Oh, that's pretty cool. With who? Ian Lara. Oh. Double comic. Those are the best ones. Oh, yeah. The best that I ever had in a late night show was...

the guests it was on Conan it was Bill Hader Bill Burr and then me and I was like man what a fun one to be on oh wow yeah don't you get a little intimidated by that I was a little intimidated but I had a couple whiskeys and I think that put me you drank whiskey before you I had two whiskeys before I went out and I was like really that's ballsy I wouldn't be able to talk

I don't know. I just felt loose, and I was like, let's fucking go. But I was definitely... That was on what show? On Conan. Burr had a great Caitlyn Jenner bit that he did before I went out, and I was watching him laughing, but also kind of like, well, my shit's not going to be as jarring as that now. Yes, exactly. It's almost like great. I had another one where I followed an actress who was not getting much from the crowd, and yeah, it was not as...

It was not as good as said. Yeah, yeah. I love following a comic who doesn't like the crowd.

Yes. Anytime someone says, oh, they're not that good, it's like, oh, they're going to be good. They don't like you. Right. They're not buying what you're selling. You get to be the hero. The best is when you go up there and eat it even worse, and you're like, fuck. Yeah. That could happen also. Yeah. These are damn good. Those are good. I fucking love those things, man. Mm-mm-mm. Yeah. Are you a big cotton candy grape guy? I am.

Bill Burr had a run on Conan where he was doing panel. That was like legendary. Yeah. For like a couple years. Do you prefer, you say you prefer stand-up or panel when you do it? I think I like the prestige or the false prestige of doing panel, but I mean it. There were times when I've done it and you end up doing your bits and it seems a little canned in a way. Totally. Totally.

And you never know what he'll say. Right, right. Yeah, I mean, generally, no one's really stepped on my stuff. Yeah. But, yeah, it's all over for me, man. I had a good run. You're doing great, man. You got the new special out. Yeah. What happened here? We're having a good time here. I'm going to start crying. Unlike Simon, we're going to edit this to make it better, not worse. Mm-hmm.

There you go. Look at that. 290,000 views. Is that good? Hey, not bad. You're going to hit a million in a year, I'd say. In a year? That seems like forever. A million people is a million people. I think it helps. I think it helps on the road. Does it help get a paid special? It might. Probably, yeah. Or a better? If you hit the mill, yeah. Do you have to hit a mill, you think? I think that's the cutoff. Do you still do a lot of...

Or do you want to do a lot of acting? Because I know you do... I kind of miss it. I'd like to do something. I kind of wouldn't mind a regular job, acting job. I don't know. Really? Like a sitcom? Just so I could get SAG insurance. Oh, I got it. Pretty good insurance. Health? Yeah. Yeah. No, dental. How did you get it? I did a couple gigs. Gigs? Like TV gigs. Really? Yeah, yeah. They all added up enough to get the insurance. Wow. Yeah.

What TV gigs did you do? Well, you know. I don't know. I did the Schumer Show a few times. Scale. Okay, what else? A bunch of At Midnight's. Scale, yeah. Yeah, it's all scale. At Midnight, that was like years ago, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. I got in early. At Midnight was kind of fun to do back in the day. They brought it back. Homework, though. Yeah. But I prefer that to just going out there and winging it. I like having bits ready. It's kind of fun. Yeah, definitely. They're bringing it back.

Yeah, is it no host? I guess there's no host, right? That's the whole thing. I want to pay someone because I think the important thing was not making money. Well, it ain't going to be Roy Wood, I'll tell you that. I think he could still be the host of Daily Show. He took himself out of the running. I didn't think he took himself out of the running. I thought he took himself off the show. No, I think he's out. I think he's out. I think that was a statement, like, I'm not doing it. Oh, yeah. I think he made himself available for long enough, and they...

made it pretty clear they're not going with him. I think they want, like, in what their mind... It's all about data now to them. They don't care about... It seems like a no-brainer with him. Well, to comedians, it's a no-brainer. To, you know, to a network whose, you know, prestige factor is now reruns of The Office. Right, exactly. Maybe they, you know... And another thing against Roy Wood, we're all a huge fan, but I think they wanted something a little younger, sexier, kind of hipper. Is he? He's young. He's, what is he, 45? Young.

He's younger than that. Oh, really? Still, he's young. He's got two kids, I assume. What did he score? All right, I was close. I won by a point. Mark was very close on that one. But you were technically right. But yeah. He's also just like, isn't that the point of comedy to cut your teeth and earn it? I mean, fine, if we're trying to find the next James Bond, I understand if you're trying to franchise a young guy or whatever. But...

If we're trying to get the best comedian. Agreed. The prime is really growing. It's like as you get older, I would think. I mean. Totally. I just think every comic we talk about is like the greats. They got better. Go back to that headline. Leaving the Daily Show, but would. But would. I think Roy would be a decent James Bond. See, he's considering the host if offered. Yeah, he would do it, I'm sure. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. I thought he took himself out. You should listen to me, man.

Fucked up, dude. No one's more tapped in to the showbiz than I am. Oh, look at that. How is SNL able to do the show with the strike going on? The strike's over. The writer's strike's over. SAG is still going on. As of now, by the time this is out, it might be over. But I don't know. That's a good question. Maybe I should have brought that up on the pod. That's a great question. Are they not... Are the performers... Is there some way around that? They've got to be SAG. It's a network show. I don't get it. Maybe they just assume it'll be over by then. Hmm.

Hmm, scabs. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. Shit. Good question. Pete Davidson's hosting. I know.

How do you like that? Well, Todd, plug some, besides the special, what else do you have going on? What are you going to be talking about? I'm on this half-joking tour, which is half, first half is jokes, second half is crowd work. It's the best thing you can do when you don't have a new hour. And that's going all over. Go to my website, toddbarry.com. Probably get some clips out of that, too. You've got to film those. I know. I saw a guy with a funny, that guy Alex Hooper, I think his name is?

He had a funny tweet where he's like a comic doing 10 minutes set. You're next. Wait, let me just set up my seventh audience camera. It's tough to do on showcases. If you're headlining a show, it's fine. I mean, I could have done it this past run. We did a crowd work special. It was a great idea. You did it before everyone was doing it. True. I'm the renegade.

Oh, Bell House. That's an afternoon show, the Bell House in New York. Nice. Yeah. 4.30. All right. The dog's snoring. Nola Brewing Co. Hey. Is that a good place? Yeah, it's not bad. Paper Tiger. Go see Texas, Cleveland, Atlanta, New Orleans, Pittsburgh. Go see Todd. Raspberry. Yeah. Is there anything else? Yeah. My Instagram is Todd Barry. But check out the special on YouTube. Yeah.

One of the best. Truly a killer comedian, and it's a killer special. Great jokes. So watch it now, guys. After this, go check it out. Tell a friend. Thanks for having me. Of course, man. We'll bump you up to 300K views. Providence, Cleveland, coming to Grand Rapids, Denver, Grand Junction, Hartford, Concord, New Hampshire, Mobile, Alabama, Nola, Santa Rosa, Sacramento, Omaha, Kansas City, Norfolk, Baltimore, Birmingham. Oh, I'm doing the beacon. I'm doing the beacon.

I'm announcing that. Yeah, January 24th. Yeah. That's great. Hopefully we're going to have one. Who knows? Doing the beacon. Easy. So yeah, marknormancomedy.com. Get some Bodega Cat. Tell a friend. Queef it up. Get a mug. Get a cup. This weekend, you could see me Pittsburgh. Where do we have? No, no, no. It's come before. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Indy, all this week. And then November 4th, a big one, MSG, theater at MSG, New York, New York, baby. November 4th, then I'm all over Australia. Hell yeah. And then we got, you know, Vegas, California.

Fort Myers, Buffalo, Springfield, Missouri, Madison, Philly, Dania Beach, Omaha, Dallas, OKC, Irvine. Going back to the clubs. Oh, yeah. I'm going to make sure it's airtight for when I film in Boston at the Wilbur March 7th and 8th. So filming a new special March 7th and 8th. Check it out. March 7th and 8th, Wilbur, Boston. Hell, yeah.

And definitely watch Todd's special right now and order some Bodega Cat at bodegacatwhiskey.com. We love you guys. And Trader Joe's, send us some free shit. We plug the hell out of you. These grapes are fucking good. I'm out to lunch here at noon.