We got tonight, babe, so why don't you stay?
You're in a Seeger drinking mode. Yeah, hell yeah. Love the Silver Bullet band. You always won every time you placed a bet. Bob Seger rules, man. Hollywood nights, come on. Oh, like a rock. I mean, he's one of those guys, you feel him. Like, you got the windows down and you're driving with the night air going through the windows. Oh, there's nothing better than Seeger. Is there a better road song than Turn the Page?
Oh, yeah. It's heavy duty. It's like man emotion. As a guy, you're like, I can deal with this. I don't want fucking boys to men. I want something that's a little masculine, at least. It's so masculine, and you're right. It's like feelings that we're okay feeling. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, shit, those lyrics are like, when you're driving 15 hours. You know, it's like, we can complain about this. It's definitely like...
You know, it's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, ah, the hooker died. I had to figure it out, put her in the trunk. Yeah, it's like masculine, sad shit you're allowed to be cool with. But how many times in college where I got a girl over and she's like, I better go home. It's getting late. I'm like, we got tonight, babe. Why don't you stay? And she's like, all right.
Like I might never see you again, sister It's romantic Yet so unromantic Right, right I think the honesty makes it You're like, hey, I'm being honest
Yeah. He's not being like, I love you. He's being like, we got tonight. Yes, yes. We'll never last. There's nothing between us, but we're here tonight. Let's make love. Let's make it happen. You're not much of a looker. I don't care for your personality skills, but we're here and we're giving it our best shot. There you go. We got tonight. To tonight. To tonight. What are you drinking? Well, I was just at this club. You're in Texas. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, Tejas, I got a good riff off of it on the audience. I said, wearing a mask in Texas is like wearing a helmet at a skate park. You have to decide, do I want to be healthy or get called a pussy? That's perfect. This is a to-go cup. They wouldn't let me leave with a real cup, so they gave me this fucking special needs kids cup. You should be wearing a helmet with that one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, margarita on the rocks, a little salt.
Love a margarita, man. That's a classic. I like a salt rim, too. You know, there's nothing better than a chili salt rim, dude. Ooh, good call. Good call. So true. I mean, a frozen margarita, I feel like a weirdo drinking a slushie. Give me the rocks. Give me the salt. And go easy on the syrup. Slushies are for rookies, man. Yeah, yeah. Come on. What is that? Or anything blue.
No offense, black people. I know you love the blue drinks. I used to bartend a little, and it was always blue bayous and whatnots. And electric lemonade. Yeah, exactly. Horrible sex move, by the way. The electric lemonade. But yeah, yeah. That's where you pee on somebody while tasing them. I don't know. But yeah, any drink with slushy or frozen, like a pina colada is not bad, but you got to be on the beach.
Yeah, I just prefer If I can have it in this form, I'm doing it If I can have the easier way It's for a kid, it's a child move A daiquiri? I agree I guess if you're on the beach and you're on vacation I'm not going to give you a hard time for it But I remember a tell once I saw a tell on stage And the guy was drinking a daiquiri And the tell looks at him and goes Tough day? Yeah
Then in his special, some guy knocks over a daiquiri and it's just like red, you know, rainbowy drink. And he goes somewhere. A clown just died. This is the weirdest obscure reference, but somehow it worked. It's also like that guy's so good. He's got multiple daiquiri jokes just locked and loaded. That's an alcoholic or a great comic. Either way, it fits. I'm doing Negronis again, man. I'm back on the Negron train. And you know what?
I figured I'd just shake it on the pod Get a little shake action going there Love it Like a real drunk I just came from I had a really good drink at this I was doing a show at a Brazilian restaurant And yeah, it was really fun And yeah
She made me this drink It was like a spicy grapefruit drink And I'm like, hey man, it's not my go-to But when in Rome, she said, this is what I recommend And it was fucking lovely I loved it Oh, you got a name? I don't know what the name was She said it quickly, and she was very attractive So I didn't catch the name She was one of those, like, she was so attractive But she was wearing the mask So really, like, I just know that she has great eyes Right, right, exactly And a nice bridge
Oh, I love a bridge. Sometimes the mask off will ruin a lady. There was this woman in Jersey once who ran this comedy club, I'm not going to say who it was, and she had these beautiful eyes and pretty hair, and she took the mask off, and it was terrifying. It was a two-face. She had crazy teeth. She had acne around the lips, a little bit of a stache. She should be wearing that mask in 2028.
You hope that was acne around the lips, Mark I don't know if there's just acne around the lips Also, it does worry me a little bit You just gotta take a chance It's weird It's weird that meeting someone in person Is now more risky than meeting someone on a dating app Ooh, good point, good point You can't be like, you lied to me
Like, I just assumed you were hotter. Yeah. Yes, exactly. It's in real time. Your eyes were writing a check. Your lips couldn't cash. This is terrible.
So guys, we had a little bit of a Wi-Fi issue. I think we're good again. We're sorry about that. I think we were talking about women with masks and how it is more risky to meet people in person than it is on dating apps. Because on dating apps, they're going to look more like the picture than they do online.
you know, half-faced. Ah, good point. Good point. Yeah, yeah. The mask helps a lot of people. I mean, there's some bad lippage out there. Some guys have a double chin, so they go low with the mask. Ooh. A cleft palate, maybe, or a herpes. You know, there's a couple perks to the mask.
Yeah, some people are winning. Yeah, but they're suffering their bad breath with that mask. But if you have great eyes, you're winning life, dude. I was insecure about my eyebrows growing up. So if I got like a big pair of aviators, I was feeling great about myself. Isn't that fascinating? Like everybody's got their own insecurities and you'd be shocked what people like, oh, that's why you wear turtlenecks? Because you hate your neck? Like you never know.
Yeah, for sure. There you go. Yeah, man. No, we all got our shit. I mean, that's, you know, was there something you were insecure about? Oh, well, I got weird ears. My ears are connected. I had horrible teeth growing up. I had braces for six years. I had a gap. Six years? Six years. My whole high school was braces. It was a nightmare. Damn. I never would have guessed that. They look fine. Yeah, they did a good job. But my whole early years, I was fat. I had a gap.
You were not fat I was fat as hell I was chubby too Oh really? I'd say I had breasts for a period Same, same I worked them off by the time I would have enjoyed them But I had breasts I definitely had a chubby face for sure Yes, same I had a triple chin, I had the gap I was a bed wetter, I had the braces I had horrible dandruff, I had dumb hair
I was a dandruff dude. Curly. Is this something about, is it? Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. I, I, and I, and how did head and shoulders does nothing for me. It's, I had to go to Selsun blue does help. Selsun blue is not bad. I used to some shit called T gel, which is like medical.
And that did a little. You remember that old commercial, Sells in Blue, where it's like the baseball player and it's the third base coach, I think, and he just keeps scratching. He just keeps scratching. He thinks he's giving them a sign. That was a pretty good ad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's just me sounding old. That's when advertisers had fucking balls. I remember Unsure. Remember Sure, Sure, Sure, Unsure, Unsure, Unsure. And they had the B.O.?
I remember the like, it was Old Spice or something, but it was a guy who would just like, he's on the PGA Tour or something. He just, he cheers. Yes, I won. And everyone collapses. That's fun stuff. That's not bad. Now they would be like, that's offensive to people with bad body odor. Right, right. They can't help it. It's like, oh, shut the fuck up. We all have bad body odor. You got to put the deodorant on, goddammit.
Yeah, thank God. Women are nice about it. Women are nice where if you smell it, you might need a little. Yeah, women are great. And thank God for ladies because if they got B.O., you just assume she's homeless or on drugs. But if a guy has B.O., it's like, ah, he's working hard or he skipped a shower day.
Yeah, he hit the gym. I didn't go to the gym. You must have been in the gym. I wasn't. I wasn't in the gym. And I'll go so far as I've heard a few gals say they don't mind a little B.O.
Yeah, I think people, like, on a primal level, maybe. Yes. The natural scent, you get, like, a little. But I like, the same goes, I like when women, you know, like, I like when they smell, like, something nice. But I also, when you get that real smell, it's kind of hot. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't mind, like, if the vagina, Schumer used to always say, when the vagina smells like soup, that's when you know it's the real deal. And I completely agree.
Get a good clam chowder going. A nice little... That's what they want to hear. You're like, lentil? All right, I'm down. Split pea? Wow, a vagina really is a split pea. That's fucking well done. Yeah, it really is. Yes. We really nailed it. Yeah, man. I do like a natural scent. There's something about a natural scent that is pretty hot. Hey, we're all animals at the end. We can fight it all day long with our cummerbunds and tennis shoes and condominiums, but we're animals, baby.
We are animals. You see dogs sniffing other dogs' butt and you laugh, but then you're like, I'm looking at the person walking the dog's butt. Like we're doing, we're all doing the same shit. We're doing the same shit. And a dog's ass is nothing but information. A dog's ass is like a Tinder profile. You just, it's like a file cabinet of what's he eating or what's she eating? Where's she been? What does she like? Is she sick? Is she healthy? It really is. It's interesting. Yeah. I mean,
It's cool that dogs can just sniff a butt and that's kind of like that's their move because like we have to do so much. I know to get to the ass sniffing, it takes a couple of days. It takes a while. Yeah. Yeah. Dog get right in there, you know.
Animals are very problematic When you break them down I mean the violence, the rape The gender roles Animals are still going with gender roles Tell me, my fucking corgi just got me too It's terrible You're right The animal rape, it's like It's insane that we don't even think about it We're like, that's There's no consent No, no, it's true And they'll fuck their own kids sometimes Or they'll eat their own kids Crazy
Yeah. So fucking, are you watching the Woody Allen doc at all or not? I can't do it. I keep hearing it. I can't either. It's so mean to everybody. You know we did it. It's like, the thing is like, you know we did it, so why do I want to see it? Right, right. And I've just heard horrible things about her, how she's twisted and all this shit. So I can't watch. It's too, that shit's too heavy. Isn't it weird that HBO, don't they still stream his movies? Probably. I mean, you can't deny those movies. Look, if Roethlisberger makes a touchdown, he's still got the points. Yeah.
Yeah, but if Roethlisberger molested a daughter, it's fucking bad. Well, is it molesting if she marries him? I feel like, look, it's weird. No, but that's not the one he's in trouble for. Oh. It's Dylan. It's not. I mean, the Sunni. And by the way, the Sunni defense is not a great defense. Look, it's definitely weird. You know, I hate my family, so I don't understand it. But yeah, I.
The whole thing sucks. I don't like that shit. Like, I never watched the Michael Jackson doc. I did. It's rough. I mean, you're like, look, in both cases, best case scenario, he just wanted to have sleepovers with kids. Yeah. Which is not great. Not great. Not great. But I don't know. It's just weird that people are like, hey, you made a pedophile joke. I'm like, you watched that movie with popcorn and like your friends. Isn't that hilarious? Isn't that hilarious?
Isn't it amazing just how we consume this content? There'll be a true crime. And she was never seen again. I'm stuffing my face with goobers. That's fucking horrible. Yeah, exactly. Ted Bundy's got more Netflix specials than Bill Burr. I mean, he's all over the place.
Anybody loves it. Five-parter, yeah. What's that? Five-parter, yeah. And all the girls are like, he's so cute. He's so cute. I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Well, you know, it's crazy because Woody Allen did, you know, it's like he wrote a book and it's just basically about his childhood in Brooklyn, which is like if Sandusky wrote a book only about football. We were like, cool, there's other shit we'd like to hear about. Right, right.
We'd like to hear it from your side Because all he writes is a very brief This is bullshit, this is not true And then there's behavioral psychiatrists On the other side This is not looking good Yeah
Do you know Wayne Fetterman's Woody Allen joke? It's one of the best jokes No, hit me, I love Fetterman He goes, Woody Allen's my hero All these years, and still married to the same daughter That's great That's a great little misdirect Great clean, you know Pedophilia joke, basically Let me go back to the Margarita for one second
Sure. Slushy. Do you ever get a brain freeze? I always hear people go, oh, I got a brain freeze. Yeah. What is that? I've never had one in my life. Oh, it's literally what it sounds like. It's like a headache. You're just like, ah, it goes away. You never get it from like... I've never gotten it. I guess when you're a kid, you get it from ice cream and stuff. Yeah, I think you're just downing it too quickly, and it's cold. Talk about...
A fucking first world problem. Right, right. Yeah, that's true. I don't know of anyone. Yeah, I mean, shit. I do love a margarita. I do love...
Any of those like tequila based Cocktails and I love What I love about margaritas are just The options like you never You could just throw any fruit in there That's true Watermelon, mango, I like a spicy mango one That's my go to If I'm doing a margarita somewhere I'm fucking There's even a jalapeno margarita Which is also delightful
What's better than jalapeno and tequila? It's great. It's great. You get the little kick of the tequila, a little kick of the spice. Everybody wins. And you get a real spicy butthole the next day. It really like... Yeah. You really feel it. I mean, that's... See, I drink a lot of coffee. So it's like when you combine that with like, you know, I like hot sauce on my food. Then you combine the spicy cocktail. You're like, oh, you're fucking...
You're just like, you're not going to be able to do, you can't travel far from home. No, no, no. And your dog is going to smell it when he sniffs your butt. Thank God dogs can't drink. They'd be, there'd be a whole different butt sniff.
That would be fucking great, though, if your dog could just get fucking... Did you ever have the friend who would, like, blow weed on their dog? Yeah, I hate it. I felt so bad for the dog. Like, yeah, this is... Speaking of consent... Right, right. Your dog doesn't want to be high right now. Don't turn your fucking dog into a loser, too, man. So true, and your dog's paranoid. He's like, is that the mailman? What the fuck? Ah, he's freaking out.
The dog's looking at him like, do you even like me, dude? Do you even fucking like me? Right, right. Like, I gotta stop chasing that cat. I'm a dick. But hey, you mentioned Brazilian. I wanted to get this joke in. Best thing about a Brazilian restaurant?
No pubes Alright I can't put pubes in the food Because they don't have any Brazilian wax That's a nice little throwaway right there I like that I'll tweet it tomorrow You go to Brazil That's your fucking opener Yes Alright I gotta get on my agent Book me something What do they call it in Brazil When you get a pussy waxing They call it a wax Just a wax Yeah Yeah I guess so It's like Chinese food And China is just food Yeah
I wonder what the heck. It's a different type of wax museum there. It's just figurines made of hair. That's funny. I never got the wax museum. Yeah, it's not for me. It's just kind of like, it's a tourist trap. Here's the one thing I like about the wax museum. When the celebrity will fuck with people.
Oh, that's good. That's rare. A few years ago, Carmelo Anthony just did it where he's, you know, from the Knicks, he just kind of chilled, frozen, and then scared people. And like, that's fucking, that makes a whole trip. That's the best. Yeah, that's amazing. And fun for the guy, too. He gets to scare the shit out of people. And then they go from biggest fear of their life to elated. It's him! The best one is, too, it's like, there's certain people get a picture with, you're like, you think you're fooling anyone?
You think you're coming back, they're like, dude, you met Saddam Hussein? Holy shit. Right, right. You met J-Lo and Brad Pitt in one outing? Holy hell. Holy shit. And with the same weird, you know, subtle backdrop. That's so strange. Yeah, yeah. And I never got any of those, like,
I went to L.A. when I was in high school as a fun trip with my dad, and we did the Homes for the Stars. And you just get in like a shitty bus with no top on it, and you're like, oh, that's Candice Bergen's garage. Like, oh, great. We did a similar thing with my family when I was a kid. We went to L.A., and we did all that kind of stuff. But I remember the—
Highlight my dad somehow got us like Tickets to watch it wasn't the actual taping But it was like a run through of Frasier What? So we watched them like working it out and it was crazy It's like Kelsey Grammer and David Hyde Pierce like going over notes And just like they're incredible Live dude they're like They're like stage guys so they're just So fucking good like
You know, there were people that were like, whatever, Frasier. First off, it's a great show, obviously. Yeah, great. Underrated. But the acting on that show is insane. Yeah, these are theater pros. But I saw they're bringing it back, and it's like only Kelsey Grammer. What? They're rebooting that? They're rebooting it for Paramount+. I've never heard of that. I don't even know what that is. It's a new Viacom thing. It's like CBS All Access is now Paramount+. So they have a big library.
All the shit that Viacom's running to the ground, you know, Comedy Central, BET, MTV. Shit that defined our generation. Now young people are like, huh? Exactly, exactly. It's like the Cosby Show. This is one of the best sitcoms ever. Oh, that's ruined. We don't talk about it anymore. Different reason, but. Yeah, yeah. All our shit. Woody Allen, Bill Cosby. It's all fucked.
A lot of people, they're dropping I mean, Woody Allen's really at the top of... It's weird, I feel like early 2000s, he was still going strong He had Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Match Point You're pulling big talent with these movies You're getting Javier Bardem He's gotta just go to Europe where no one gives a fuck Like Polanski did Yeah Yeah, he did The Pianist Was that him?
Yeah. Yeah, that was killer. And it won Best Picture even after the scandal, which is, that'll never happen again. How funny is it the Oscars gave him like a Lifetime Achievement Award in like 2003 or something, and then they're like, Kevin Hart had a homophobic tweet. Ugh.
I know, I know, so much has changed You need to apologize for a tweet Meanwhile, Roman Polanski You're a genius You're so good Ass plowing a gal, a child in a hot tub Ah, we can look past it But this guy said Polanski did some dark shit Dark, dark shit But if we're just talking about the work Chinatown's one of the best movies of all time Great movie, great movie Masterpiece, terrible shit He's done terrible shit
Like I said, you know, Ray Rice, he still gets those numbers. Not anymore. He's long retired. Oh, is he? Shit, I gotta keep up. I'm off the cards. I want to do a thing. I always want to do a bit about how he hits a woman in the elevator. And you keep seeing it on YouTube, and there'd be ads before it. And it's like, someone's profiting off this shit? Yeah, hey, that went viral. I mean...
It's a hit. It's good. People like it. I mean, literally, yeah. Yeah, so it sucks that that's his highlight reel now. It went from all these great, great moments in the football to just an elevator scene.
Six seconds in an elevator. You know how much harder it is to accomplish what he did than to just be a fucking domestic prick? You know what I mean? I know. To reach what they reach and then to just be a piece of shit. Like, what a fucking letdown. I mean, you could say the same for Jared Fogle. I mean, this guy was fat as fuck and then made a name for himself losing weight and
And then became a millionaire as the subway guy. And then boom, child porn. Yeah, he lost weight and he was carrying even more weight than we ever knew. On his shoulders. And yeah, he fit a lot of kids in those pants.
I knew Subway wasn't to be trusted when I tried their avocado spread. That was bullshit. This ain't avocado. They're really slumming it. Subway is falling harder than Woody Allen. I mean, they really fucking... They had a moment where it was like, we're healthy, and we fucking believed them. We bought it. I believe Subway. Hook, line, and sinker. Give me the crab. Give me the tuna. Give me the tofu sub. Foot long. Was there a tofu sub? No.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that was a fake meat or whatever you call it I mean, look, I thought it tasted pretty good But it was one of the things where I'm like I just ate 12 inches of bread and steak And you're telling me that I'm being healthy? Seinfeld had a bit about it He's like, you're telling me this guy lost 100 pounds on an all hoagie diet?
You know, it was a great bit, but Hoagie is the perfect word Perfect word, perfect word Is anyone buying this for a second? What does he have, a Duncan Hines IV? Is that next? Whatever That's why I love Jerry, because he's got a billion dollars And he's furious And you know it's fucking real That's what I love about Seinfeld And he's furious about Subway Or there's cheese in a pizza crust What the hell's going on out there? Everybody else is like, oh, the war in Iraq And, you know
This and that. He's like, ah, my pillow. I was always more of a Quiznos guy, man. What? I thought Quiznos had some solid, yeah, some good sandwiches. If I'm at an airport and I see a Quiznos, I'm happy. Really? I never got into it. I mean, I guess they beat Subway in a technicality, but yeah, I never got into it. They toasted it, right? That was the big difference.
Subway toasted I just thought it was just better I don't know why it was better But Blimpy was like the one that was like You're like the cracked out cousin You're like, you know Every presidential candidate's got that like That brother or cousin that's on like crack or something That was Blimpy Where you're like, is Blimpy okay? Right And also when you're famous Subway's famous for losing weight And then you're called Blimpy It doesn't really look good for the PR
Yeah, why not Lard-ass while you're at it? Right, yeah. They really, Blimpie, and Blimpie was even good. It was like, so this is, I don't know. So We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Blue Chew. Get more confidence in the bedroom. Blue Chew offers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, but it's chewable. So if you don't like swallowing pills, this is for you. Works fast, take a day or night, and you'll save a lot of money compared to those name brands.
But Blue Chew is the best thing on the internet It's an online prescription service That means no doctor's office Or waiting in line And you don't want to wait in line Because that's fucking weird Talk to a licensed medical professional To get your prescription All online Everything Blue Chew And it's in a discreet package So it's not even like You have to be like These are my dick pills You're good Yes
Here, here. I just want to riff on Blue Chew. I'm a big fan. I used to keep one in my, you know that weird pocket in the jeans, that small pocket that you put drugs or paraphernalia or pills, whatever it is. I used to keep one in there just in case I bumped into a gal and I was nervous. Works quick every time, goes down easy, tastes solid, tastes good, and...
It never fails. It's the best. And there's no side effects, no nothing. I'm a fan. I'm going to order some. I'm excited. Try it. This is a special offer just for you drunks. Visit BlueChew.com and get your first shipment free when you use the promo code DRUNK. $5 shipping. Again, that's BlueChew, B-L-U-E-Chew.com, promo code DRUNK. And you get to try it for free. So I would get on that, guys.
Definitely, definitely. Just do it today. Get it over with. Knock it out. It couldn't be easier. So get that dick hard, baby.
Do you have a go-to? I know you're not a fast food guy, and I'm not really here, but is there like a go-to for one if you're on the road? I love fast food. I just try not to eat, but I love Taco Bell. I'm a Wendy's guy if we're talking burger. I think Wendy's is like, I mean, if we're talking like spicy chicken sandwich, I don't think you could really. Wendy's is great. Wendy's is great. They got that dollar menu. When I was a janitor, I used to hit that dollar. It was like, you could mix it up. Get the chili one day. Get the baked potato. Who else has a fucking baked potato?
Baked potato is good I'm thinking if there's any I mean Yeah I love Taco Bell too Love Taco Bell I definitely It's fucking good I remember opening Opening for Bert Kreischer One night Years ago It was probably Fucking like nine years ago now Or something Wow I remember maybe eight I don't know It was a long time ago But we're on the road And we're in We're in some bar And Bert's drunk And he just goes
Someone buy Taco Bell And some guy's like I'll go And he just hands him like a hundred And the guy just comes back with a hundred tacos Cause like a taco for a dollar So we're just shit faced stuffing our faces In some bar by the way that served food We're just being fucking drunks That's not the Bert I know Wow That's so funny you say that cause I did a Maybe they didn't serve food Maybe I don't know Who knows but I did a gig with Ari Bert
And a couple other guys, I can't remember who Sean Patton, we all went out and skied And we got really drunk after the show And went to Del Taco And we ordered It was that annoying shit where we're all drunk in a van Yelling at the lady behind In the drive-thru Like, oh give me that, oh give me that Get some fries, you know, that whole thing And she got it all, and Bert just Pulled a $100 bill out and paid for everything I mean dude, he's so generous Oh yeah
I mean, he really is so generous. That's awesome. He really is. Dude, I did an album for him in Dublin, and it was one of the best shows ever, and I have a photo in my phone. I'll post it to the Patreon, Harry, if you can do that. But at one point, we all got shit-faced. We blacked out. I don't remember anything, but I looked at my phone the next day, and I have a picture of Burt carrying about, ah,
12 pizza boxes like in a cartoon Like they're waving Whoa, whoa And he's just holding them on the sidewalk, giving them out to fans I got the photo He is like a fun guy Here's the thing With alcohol drinkers who drink in excess I wouldn't call Bird an alcoholic But I think he does drink in excess Come on He's definitely an alcoholic, you think? Yeah, but he's functioning
Maybe that's why I don't think of him. Like, I think of an alcoholic as someone who's like kind of a loser. You're right. Maybe he goes go. But the thing about Bird is like, he's fun. Like, there's a type of drunk that is so fun. Yes. And...
Maybe that's what keeps you in the game. Good point. The guy who gets shit-faced and says the N-word at an office party, he couldn't handle it. He ain't drinking anymore. Maybe that saved him down the road. Right. You know what I mean? That's true. That's a good point. But Burt really is so fun. I mean, the fun drunk...
It's really important because there are people we know who still drink and you're like, fuck, this guy's here. I know. I know. There's the angry drunk. There's the mean drunk. There's the blackout. Yeah, you're right. You've got to really hone your drinking ability. Like,
I like to drink, and I got to say, I'm the best drunk driver this side of the Mississippi. Such a hilarious thing to brag about. I know. That's one of my skills, sadly. It's a skill. You've honed it. It was known in New Orleans. We'd all be shit-faced. We had a designated driver. I'd kick him out of the car, and I'd go, I'm driving this thing. If there was a merit badge for drinking and driving, I'd be loaded up.
Well, you're definitely loaded up, brother. I mean, I remember List and I on a gig, Joe List and I, I want to say this is like more than that, maybe like
11 years ago we did that casino run yeah and joe i didn't realize how drunk joe was when he joe drank oh yeah and so joe so i can't drive i'm a terrible driver he would get fewer on the gig it's like i did like 30 minutes of driving he did 30 hours you know yeah the other way he was furious at me i told him i'm bad at making turns and he goes do you realize that's a big part of driving you fucking idiot he was so mad at me yeah so we're in
We're in a casino. It was a fucking hell gig, whatever. And like Joe was so funny. It was like literally. So this was the gig.
We're in Milwaukee It's during the playoffs The casino's under construction So they move the band Cheap Trick From the music room To the comedy club They move Joe and myself To the bar During the playoffs That the Brewers are playing in So we're like Hey can you turn the game off? And they're like No it's the playoffs And we're like Well can we do shorter sets? And the guy goes Not if you want to get paid So we're like Woo
Oh, it's one of those gigs So Joe is fucking killing me Because he goes on stage And the Cardinals are kicking the Brewers' ass And Joe just starts cheering so hard For the Cardinals Like, fuck Milwaukee, fuck the Brewers He's commentating on their demise Just infuriating them And I have to go on after him Because we kept swapping the order Oh, God And they did not like me either Oh, he was bombing
Oh yeah, but he was hilarious But he's bombing because they're fucking furious And I fucking bombed worse You know You tried to do a set Yeah My mistake
But yeah, I mean, we ended up watching Cheap Trick afterwards and it was hilarious watching Joe. I mean, they were awesome, man. I want you to want me, surrender. I'm like, this is fucking fun, man. I'm into it. And anyway, then we go to the tables. Yes. You know, Joe immediately loses a shitload of money. He finds me. He goes, how are you doing? I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm, you know, I'm doing, he goes, tell me. I'm like, I'm up a little bit. He's like, fuck you. He's furious. Yeah.
Can't keep going, let's go back We drive back and I didn't know he was fucking wasted The next day he goes, how did we get home? I'm like, oh you motherfucker Oh yeah You drove me home in a blackout Yeah, well I'll tell you, he was in a blackout far better than I ever was Well, you know these guys that grew up in Boston They're drinking since they're 13 Yeah, you gotta get good at it, but
I mean, who's got that great bit about how a blackout is just time travel? Oh, yeah, you wake up and you're like, who's got that great bit? 75% is Dave Attell. Especially if it's about blacking out. But yeah. Or as I call it, time travel. There it is. That's it. Yeah, you wake up, you're like, oh, all that driving is done. I parked the car. I got out. I came inside. I had a sandwich. I don't remember any of it. I shit myself.
You wake up, you're still not assistant manager. You're banging the girl on the friolator. Right. She's retarded, but those titties ain't retarded. Yeah, it's a classic. One of the best albums of all time, folks. If you haven't checked out Skanks for the Memories. The best album of all time for any comedy album. Skanks for the Memories by David Tell. You think the best? I think it's the best comedy album of all time. What tops it?
I mean, I think Killing Them Softly is up there. That's a special. It's on the album. Oh, okay. Good point. Good point. Because we're going special. Killing Them Softly is phenomenal. I love Chappelle. I mean, like, as a special, that's tops. It's like that. I kind of...
I love rocks. Bring the pain. Yeah, I love... Chewed Up is great. Fuck, incredible. Back in Town by Carlin. We could do this all night. All day, baby. Yeah. All day. Even live in concert with Pryor, I think is one of the best specials. Oh, my God. I'll say...
Yeah, I'll say that for sure. I love, I mean, the closing on Live at the Sunset Strip when Pryor's doing Jim Brown, he's doing the whole bit about Freebase and it's like the funniest where you're like, man, I hope no one has to live through this shit. But like, if they do, thank God they can make it this funny, you know, Pryor rules. Totally. Oh, yeah. I mean, just to come out.
It's on Netflix now, by the way, live in concert, which is so great. I showed it to my girl. She's younger, and she liked it. She hates anything. She's got the phone in her face. She's bored immediately. He comes out. He's riffing on the room. He's doing a special in the 70s, riffing on the room, riffing on the guy in the front row, talking about the seats and black people stealing the white people's seats. It's all riffed. It's unbelievable. He's just like a natural.
Well, the comfort is not, the comfort just shows you, like, this dude was born to be this. Yes. Like, it's not someone who's like, here's my set. It's someone who's like, look at this fucking, like, look at this guy. This guy's coming in late. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, that comfort level. And then he has the jokes, too. So it's like. Right, right. I mean, he's got everything prior, you know? He's got everything. He's got every tool.
Yeah, he's so fucking funny. The word on the street is he did two sets and the first one, big bomb. And the second one, he was just like, fuck it. Let's just let's just go balls to the wall. And that's why it was so good.
You ever heard the Mitch Hedberg Comedy Central half hour story? Yeah, I heard that. 45 and just bombed the whole time and they sweetened it? Yes, and then it was a huge hit. And no one could tell. Well, when the jokes are that good and you sweeten it, no one can tell. Right, right. But that's why at one point he's sitting on the stage like, this sucks, I'm fucked. But they sweetened it and the fucking public loved it.
It's one of the best ever Oh yeah, the glasses You're like, who is this guy? He was so different, he was so weird He was so outside the box It was great, I mean Rice is great when you want 2,000 of something Yeah, it's so fucking good I mean, all those old I'm sick of following my dreams I'm just gonna ask them where they're going and catch up with them later I'm against picketing But I don't know how to show it I mean, come on, that's like Groucho Marx level shit
Yeah, it really is, you're right It's like old-timey comedy, but no one can That's what it is, he's disguising it It's kind of like the Big Lebowski It's like, we took an old-timey detective movie But we threw in a burnout so you guys can't tell Right, well said The sleuth is a guy who's just a fucking He's just a hippie, like a burnout kind of hippie Well, that was Hedberg I mean, he's doing like the Stephen Wright type of
You know, one-liner comedy You know, I guess he would do a little more than that Because he would tag it up But, I mean, Hedberg's the best He's so funny He's the best because his delivery system was so different You know, he's like, I got long hair I got fucking rose-colored glasses on I'm a heroin addict And that rhythm, you could say anything in that rhythm That cadence
And it was innocent You could tell there was a darkness about it But the comedy was so innocent and sweet Good point There's something pretty cool about that too Like the juxtaposition of this You know there's a darkness living there But then combined with And he needed your love He would kill on lettering My mom loves those applause breaks I'm aware that joke is stupid He was so real, he was so vulnerable Are we two of the last comics That really give a shit about late night sets? Ha ha ha
Are we like... 100%. We are like the last of the comedians who really care. I love late night sets still. I haven't seen Mike Vecchione. He was on Tonight Show last night. I know. I'm excited to watch. How sad. We're a bunch of nerds. No, no, no. He's the best. He's a beast. If you guys haven't heard Mike Vecchione's album, The Worst Kind of Thoughtful, get on that right now on Spotify, iTunes, wherever you get your shit. Mike Vecchione is the funniest dude. Like...
One of the best writers Literally the funniest And talk about jokes per minute Punchlines per minute Just killer writer Beast Like the crowd can't catch up They're laughing so hard And I think he won album of the year With that album Or was that Deservedly so It's one of the best ever I mean he He has one of my favorite jokes Of all time Where he said I signed up to be a detective online And they just took my money And I thought Either I just got ripped off Or this is my first case Ah
That's so brilliant. Beautiful. That's a beautiful joke. Yeah, he's got a great joke. He's like, I bought condoms in a vending machine. Or I saw a guy buying condoms in a vending machine and they didn't come out so he had to shake it. And he's like, I don't know...
That guy should have a baby. It's good that he's buying condoms. Something like that. I butchered it, but yeah, he's killer. He has so many where you're just like, fuck. Yeah. I'm jealous. I love it. But his comedy makes me so happy too. He's such a fucking great comic. Give me a, give me a peeve, dude. Oh, oh, all right. All right. I'm going all over the place with this peeve. Cause, uh, I love it though. I love, I love, I feel like our peeves are getting more focused. Okay. Okay.
Well, I feel like I've been shitting on people with their peeves and annoyed with everybody, so I'm turning a peeve onto myself that I do. Whoa. Yes, I'm putting up a mirror. I got to tell you, man, it's been a weird week. I don't know what's going on. I try to be an efficient guy. I try to take care of my shit. I left my keys in my apartment. I had to call a locksmith just because I didn't put my keys in my pocket. I walked out, did a bunch of shows, came back, had to call a locksmith.
Damn. So I'm just sick of forgetting shit. I flew here today, forgot my headphones. So I had to go buy headphones. So now I'm 300 in deep with a locksmith. And then I had to buy headphones. And now I'm 30 bucks shy with that. So it's like I'm fucking myself because I'm not concentrating. I got to get my shit together.
You know what? I think it's a sign of stress because I'm very forgetful right now. Like, I did it the other day. It's funny. I did a set last night, and I had my headphones in, but I forgot this little thingy, you know, the little AirPod thing, the container thing. Oh, yes, yes. So...
I think it's just, you know, we forget shit. We just, we're stressed, man. It's, this is, this is a stressful time we're all living in. And we're like, we're almost at the end of, I think the worst of the shit. I hope, but, uh,
I think we're all losing our shit. I don't even think like you should hold yourself. I mean, the keys thing sucks. I think about that all the time. Like I've, I thought I lost him tonight and I, it turned out, I just put them in like a jacket pocket instead of a jean pocket. But like, that's the stress where you're like, I could have forgot them and now I'm locked out. It's, it's that, that's what we're living in, man. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And it, you just, you, I hear my dad's voice like, come on, son, get your shit together. You're an adult now, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like,
The key is such a cunt because it's just one little thing. It's almost like a passport. Like, you forget your passport. It's just like a piece of paper, but you got to go all the way back and get it, you know? And it's just such a little... The key is this big, and it ruins your whole fucking night. The key is a cunt is really what I took from that. And I'm with you, man. It's so tough. Like, I have friends who are telling me to invest in cryptocurrency, and then they break down how you, like, have to engrave it into a message.
metal thing to remember the code so you don't get it stolen then you put that in like a safety deposit box and i'm like i'd rather not have that much money i'm good this is stressing me out even just listening to it and i know people are gonna say i'm a fucking idiot i just i'm so disorganized with everything but my jokes that's literally guess what i never forget a little fucking i got two joke pads in my back pocket i got two
I never forget those pieces of paper. I forget other shit constantly. I'm with you. I got a stack of notes right here. I never forget it. It's the only thing I remember. Yeah, and I have forgotten it before, and you want to kill yourself. Like, you ever lost a notepad? Holy shit. It's like losing a child.
It really is. I don't like the phone as a, like, because then you start typing, then you're like, this is not the same. I like writing because it starts entering your brain. Yes, and it flows out of you with a pen. With typing, I'm like, kick, kick, kick, kick. I don't need more time on my phone either. I'm trying to avoid the phone if I can. Good point. Yeah, then you open it, now you're on Twitter, now you're on Insta, now you're on Grindr. Gets me every time.
And this is a more relatable pet peeve That was just me, I gotta get my shit together But I hate when people ask you a question And then they ask you another question Before you finish the answer Like, I'll give you an example They're just not listening Yeah, yeah, and you're like, did you care about the other one? Or what are we doing here? What city do you live in? I live in New York What kind of car are you driving?
I don't drive a car. Did you see that movie? And you're like, oh, did you care about the question or not? Don't ask me another question before I'm done with this fucking first answer. The fucking lightning round? What are you doing right now? It's crazy. Drives me nuts. So I got a lot of that. Oh, yeah. Those interactions are tough because you're just like, not only do you not care about me, we lack a rhythm. So I don't feel comfortable. It's so true. It's terrible. That's a huge peeve of mine. I like that with you. I feel like we...
I've never felt It's a weird thing to say to a friend I don't feel uncomfortable with you ever I never like You know what I mean though? I feel like I've known you for so long I'm also a little drunk Listen Mark You're hitting on me Come on, just say it This might be these Negronis talking No, I just never I don't like being around people That is the most obvious sentence ever But when they just fucking start
When they start like cutting you off Or chiming in a weird time It throws your rhythm off And you start Your heart kind of starts jumping a little Yes, yes Okay
Exactly, exactly. Now you're on edge. You're like, am I being interviewed? And I guess you didn't care about that other question. And are you just asking me shit so I start talking and I'm feeling dead air? Or do you actually give a fuck? That's what it is, I think. I think it's nerves. That person might be nervous so that maybe they have a social anxiety. But now you're giving me social anxiety. Right, right. You're making it worse. The feeling of the dead air is...
Yeah, that's what podcasting is all about, brother. I know, but I don't mind dead air. I'd rather dead air than phony questions and bullshit chit chat. You call it dead air. I call it fucking peace and quiet, my friend. I mean, this is silence when you're with another person. It can be wonderful when you're just comfortable with the other person. You ever just with your partner and you're just sitting there and it's quiet and you're like,
Looking at the sun And you're like, this is cool, man Oh, it's the best That's when you know you're with somebody you can actually be with When you can actually have a moment of silence I drove on a road trip once With a girlfriend And we talked barely at all And then when we did talk, it was like deep And thoughtful and weird And then we'd just go back to silence It was great I love that Yeah, you know, it's important, man I got a lot of peeves, man Hit me, hit me, I'm hogging it
Well, people who are like, Paul, you ever do this to someone? They're like, oh, you like this? I'm like, yeah. They're like, well, you like that? And I say, yeah. They go, well, which one do you like better?
I'm like, well, I don't know. They're different. They're like, all right, well, you know, say you have to choose. Yeah. I'm like, do I work for fucking Buzzfeed? Why do I have to, like, are we doing a list? Like, why can't I just like things? I don't like the people that pressure you into ranking things. Yes. Yes. I think that's another nerves thing where they think this is, this is good bar convo. Like we got a real topic going, buddy. Shut up. Let's just talk.
The top 10, I have to be like, you know, it really has like that energy of like click for the next slide if you're ready. I don't like these websites that are like,
The 50 top things And you have to click for each one I'm like I'm never going to use your website Never If it's a website with the top 50 episodes And it's one page I'm like cool I'll look at that Yeah but they know what they're doing They know they got you by the balls And you gotta click over Oh now there's an ad Oh now there's another ad Oh it refreshed me to somewhere else And you're like god damn it I just want to get the top 48 over here
Yeah, it's the fucking worst Yeah, so I'm with you on that Basketball or football, go! Hey, what is this? That one's easy for me You know which one I like That's true I do love basketball Are you Ginger or Mary Ann? I don't know, I haven't seen the show in 30 years Oh my god, those are like How depressed you have to be to be like Which succession character are you? Click! I know, I know You're like, anyone's excited Mark, I'm a Tom Dude, did you...
I'm a Tom, dude. I know. You know how much I like Tom. Right, right. What celebrity do you look like? Shia LaBeouf with AIDS. I got it. I'm moving on.
I'm any celebrity with AIDS That's just my Anytime I get a compliment They're like but with AIDS And I'm like okay What is it Michael Phelps with AIDS Pete Sampras with AIDS I got Pete Sampras as a kid a lot Just because I had curly hair and thick eyebrows But he was a cool one People say to me like an insult I'm like oh he's banging the hot t-shirt From Billy Madison So I'll take it
He's married to her. What? They're married, yeah. Wow, good for him. Veronica Vaughn, dude. Even that name is hot, Veronica Vaughn. Well, that was her name in the movie. Oh, okay, okay. I was about to say, Jesus, you got to be hot. That's a lot of pressure on a kid. That Veronica Vaughn. RIP Chris Farley, man.
That movie is like pizza You can just have it Like alright, cold, hot, whatever I love him It's so dumb You know he made it because he loved Back to School That's definitely why he made it Don't you think? Because he's such a big Rodney guy That's true But just the balls it takes Or the secureness it takes to go Stop looking at me, Swan Like
I would do that on my own and be like, oh, I'll never show anybody this. But he's got a full crew, lights, gaffer, grip, a cast, a director, and he's doing that on camera. I could never do that. I love it. It's funny, man. And back to school to me is like, I'd still probably like, what are your top five comedy movies ever?
You see, we're, what do you call it? The connoisseurs. So, like, everybody's seen Billy Madison and old school, but we've seen all
All the shit. I wouldn't call myself a connoisseur. I just think, like, I like a lot of old comedies. Well, I don't think a lot of people have seen Back to School. I don't think it's a big... I think so. It's never really brought up as, like, you know, it's Animal House, Caddyshack, Coming to America, Trading Places. I think Back to School is funnier than, like... Coming to America is in the conversation with Back to School. Yeah, it's a great one. Eddie Murphy, I'd go Beverly Hills Cop. It's, like, right head and head with... I love Trading Places, too. Love it.
I just fucking love Beverly Hills Cop because he's so young and so full of energy and so fucking funny in it. Like, he's so good. So likable. That big smile, the laugh. He's so good in it. Love him. But it's also... It's basically an action film that just happens to be kind of funny because Eddie Murphy's in it. So, but dude, Judge Reinhold's funny. John Ashton is such a great straight man. That's true. Like, dude, I mean...
I think Eddie Murphy should have gotten an Oscar nomination for Nutty Professor, man. Oh my God. He played six roles and he killed all of them.
Tell me that's not better than at least four of the nominees that year. That's a good point. What he did with that movie, is it a perfect movie? It's a good comedy, I think. People get nominated for okay movies all the time when they're great. Eddie Murphy fucking is incredible in that movie. Incredible. I mean, he played the mom. He played the dad. It was insane. And he played the, oh, no, that was Dave Chappelle.
Fucking Chappelle rules in that movie Oh, he kills it Bitches be shopping I mean, he started that whole trend That was just the character he did He plays Sherman and Buddy Love So he's like So he plays this fat, lovable loser And he also plays the cool, like, asshole prick I'm like, dude Eddie Murphy's range is insane And here's a sneaker Here's a sucker punch
Bowfinger is amazing. He's amazing in Bowfinger. Nobody brings it up. Bowfinger's a really good movie. Really good. Really. He's amazing. He plays this nerdy guy with braces. It's incredible. It's a complete transformation. You're right. He's incredible. He should have an Oscar. I mean...
He got fucked because Dreamgirls was kind of like, they're like, all right, well, finally, we're taking you seriously. And I think he lost like Alan Arkin or someone who's great. But it's like, dude, Eddie Murphy's singing, dude. He's got like a fucking perm. Like, just give him the Oscar. The guy fucking rules.
Even in Coming to America, the barbershop scene, he's the old Jewish guy and the other guy. Insane. Unbelievable. But they weren't, like, the problem with the Academy Awards, and there's so many, obviously, but they don't take comedy seriously. No, no, never. And, like, you gotta, they don't give any love to any comedic actors unless they do some bullshit dramatic movie that is not as good as the comedy they're doing.
Yeah, that's so true I guess you just, it's hard to take comedy seriously I mean, they're being funny It's not serious But then if a guy has AIDS But it's gotta be like a dramatic actor in a comedy If it's like Dustin Hoffman and Tootsie They'll look at it But if it's a comedic actor They just don't respect them I'll tell you what's up there with that Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder Unreal! I mean, he was a black guy It was unbelievable
That's one that he is a serious actor that they respect, so that's one that could have happened. Yeah. That would be fun later. Like, oh, you're going to cancel everybody with the blackface, but you're giving it to that guy? That would be a fun thing to throw at him later, but he didn't win. Yeah, they just don't really give it unless you're like... If Anthony Hopkins does a comedy, they're like, we'll bite, but if it's fucking...
Will Ferrell, who's obviously a genius Jim Carrey, nothing Did Carrey get nominated for anything ever? He got nominated for The Majestic Which was like a shit movie And then Truman Show, I think, got nominated Truman Show is good That's good, it's good, good movie
But yeah, you're right, no comedy Who else is a great Who else deserves a comedy I mean Jim Carrey in The Mask is fucking insane Insane It's not like a perfect movie, but he's Insane, it's cheesy, but he's incredible in it I know, he really is Damn, damn Speaking of cheesy Sorry, Robin Williams won for Good Will Hunting He's incredible in that though Yeah, he really is Stop fucking with me Sean, don't fuck with me Sean
People hate on that movie, man. I love that movie. Joe hates it. Yeah, so does Ronon. They just think it's them sucking each other up. I think it's a great...
I love it. Great movie. It's like, man, I think I just like people shit on Ben Affleck. I think he's fucking great, man. I think so, too. I think The Town is one of the best movies the last 20 years. I love The Town. Love The Town. The Town's incredible. It's fucking incredible. It's incredible, yeah. People are like, Affleck's a pussy. I'm like, he's a great filmmaker. What are you talking about? I know. I mean, wasn't Jeremy Renner in that? Was that him?
Yeah, it was fucking incredible. He's a killer actor. He's up there with Tom Hardy, I think.
Dude, when they do that scene when he's like, I need to go to a place, I need to beat the shit out of these people, and you can't ask any questions, he's just like, where do you want me to go? Like that type of loyalty. Yes. Fucking incredible. The town is so, I think it's on Netflix right now. It's so fucking good. Maybe it's on Amazon. It's streaming on one of the streamers. I think it's Amazon. I feel like Boston had a run where it was like, all right, this is the last bastion of cool American white guys. Yeah.
You know, because the white guy got weird and everything. It was like American History X. It was like, what the hell is going on with these honkies? But I feel like Boston had a little bit of edge and they had the accent. So they kind of had the left. But Ed Norton should have been our De Niro. He just didn't get the roles. But he is Ed Norton. I remember when American History X as a kid, like obviously it hasn't aged like perfectly. It's like very melodramatic.
But he's incredible Like, he is undeniable He says that fucked him up, by the way That movie, like, changed him Yeah I heard he's a dick I love him so much, though Really? Oh, I think he's, like, the best Are you kidding me? Ed Norton? Fight Club, Birdman, American History X Primal Fear? That was, like, his breakthrough That was incredible That was introducing Ed Norton He got an Oscar nod, dude People vs. Larry Flint Oh, yeah
Directed Keeping the Faith Solid rom-com Cast Milo's foreman in the movie Which I fucking love him for Because he just loved him I mean, Ed Norton fucking rules Not to mention Red Dragon Never saw that one It was one of those Hannibal sequels It wasn't bad, but Ed Norton does a good job He's a leading man in it And he pulls it off He is fucking great
Alright, alright What other pet peeves you got? We went off on a movie tear there I gotta think This is on me too I think a little bit But I get bummed When someone does something shitty to me And then they apologize immediately And they don't even give me like 45 seconds to be annoyed Oh, interesting Give me an example Like
All right I was playing ball in the park with my buddy the other day And it was game point And I took him to the rack hard Which is probably my mistake in a friendly game on game point But he just hip checked me And you know I went down It's not that bad But you know I got a little Oh I got a boo boo Got a little fucking cut It's nothing bad but you know Yeah But he just fucking hip checked me And I went down I'm just like all right dude I was like fuck you He was like he I was like you could have hurt me Yeah yeah I'm not a kid Sure And uh
And he goes, all right, I'm sorry But I'm like, you threw me to the ground Right But then you're like, all right, what am I? I'm going to stay mad at a fucking friend? Like, who gives a shit? Right, right Well, see, that's a tough one Because I feel like it'd be weirder if he didn't say sorry immediately Fair enough But I don't want to not yes and No, you're probably right I admit this one's on me I mean, like
I think I wanted to bitch about it for a couple more minutes. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Cause now you have to console him. Cause yeah, it's all right, man. It's cool. It's cool. No biggie, man. No, I could have, you could have fucking ended my fucking, you know, yeah. Could have ended my fucking elbow. If I went down a little harder. Right. No, it's, I know it's not that bad at cut, but I was like, I was like, I was bleeding a decent amount. It was pretty annoying. I get it. Um, let's see what else. Um, Oh, I got to, I wrote this down. Speaking of cheesy, uh,
So I finished Cobra Kai because of you. And I bet you haven't watched one fucking Rick and Morty. I'll say that too. I haven't, but I'm on season four of Peep Show. So I'm getting there. Are you loving it? I'm loving it. It's so great. Me and the lady watching. Dude, it only gets better. It does. That makes me happy. All is forgiven. Season one, I was like, okay, okay. And then season two, I'm on the floor. It's...
One of the great shows of all time It's in my top five comedies ever, no doubt Well, it's lowbrow But still smart Like, the main guy's obsession with war Is so funny He's always like, I'm storming the castle In Prague, or whatever the fuck You know, I love that shit
He's Mackie. He's Mackie. He looks just like Mackie. I was saying that the other day. It's perfect. It's really funny. And they'll go crazy and weird. They're like, all right, kid, who would you rather suck off, me or him? And he's like, I'm not saying. And then cut to the kid's all weird. He's like, what happened? He sucked me off. I don't know.
Fucking super hands Yes, yes That guy rules Yeah, peep show, if you guys haven't seen it, it's on Amazon And it's fucking, it's the best Give it a minute I hate when people say that about shows But like, I promise, if you just give it a minute It'll be your favorite comedy Margaret, it only gets better, dude Oh, I can't wait Olivia Coleman, dude Oh yeah, oh yeah, it's great And there's a lot of people in it One chick was in Fleabag
It's Olivia Colman Oh, okay, there you go Also a great show, by the way Fleabag's great She's so good I mean, every time she looks at him, she just looks so upset Just the acting of her just looking When they're going skydiving Or when they're going bungee jumping I mean, it's fucking incredible Yeah, yeah, yeah So good I love every girl He's the best character, by the way The nerdy guy is like, she's the one Mark Yeah
i mean i kind of love him equally mark and jez but like super hands makes me laugh the hardest probably because he's just yeah so i've been watching cobra kai and like dude
It's so cheesy. Like, it's cheesy to the point that I'm like, this dialogue is trash. Like, it's just bad dialogue. I don't like Ralph Macchio's character. He's a smug. And I guess that's part of the plan. That's part of it. Like, it's believable that that kid would grow up to be a fucking dude like that. Yep, yep. Of William Zabka on the show. You're supposed to love him. He's the protagonist. It's from the bully's angle. It's great. He's...
A great actor He is, he really is He's got chops, there's scenes where I'm like This is kind of heavy The show, the premise It's so funny, like kids just obsessed with karate Like the idea that they're just like all about Like, he'll have a realization Like, you know, I'm
Yeah, you know, I'm done living in the past You know, it's okay to think about the past But to live in the past is pathetic And the next scene is like his sensei from high school Like, you're fucking dead I know, I know It feels so dramatic in Shakespearean They're in a strip mall In a fucking karate dojo And it's the end of the world All of a sudden He's fucking teaching 13 year olds And it's so dramatic
It's also hilarious where they're just like trash someone's house and the next scene they don't even acknowledge it. I'm like, this is someone's home. I know. I know. And then you're like, there's a weird love scene. And then you're like, am I into this girl? Is she 11? What am I doing here? There's a lot going on in that show. It's,
It's basically a kid's show. I know what you mean. You're like looking up actresses' ages just to make sure you're not a creep. You're like, she's 25. Good. All right. That's fucking good. She has tits. She doesn't. What's the difference of ages here? What's going on? Yeah, it's tough. But Brenner's just great at it.
Oh, dude, Bret Ernst and Dana, dude, there's two stand-up comics. The two guys who work in Ralph Macchio's shop are funny comics, man. Yeah, yeah. I love it. And they're good. They're good actors. But there's a reason this show, it's wildly popular. Like, it got to number one on Netflix for a while. And I think it's just, it's so cheesy, it's so over the top, but there's something to it where it's like this
Protagonist Or underdog thing I don't know it hits home for some reason You know what it is It's a guy who's down on his luck Who's made mistakes Who's doing his best And that's just so relatable Especially when it's a guy who is familiar I mean First off shout out to William Zabka Is the bad guy in Back to School That's right And the Karate Kid He was like the hot 80's kid Yep
But fuck, man, like I feel like I don't know what his story is because I feel like he didn't work a lot for the last couple of decades or maybe, you know, three decades. What happened? Well, he got typecast as the bull. He's the bully and something else, too. He's the bully and karate kid back to school and then something else. There's a third one. And it's the same blonde guy, you know, buff guy.
Bully guy and he just got Typecasted and he was so that guy That he couldn't do anything else They're like we're not going to book you as the lead in a romcom You're the bully And he just couldn't get work and then he quit the biz It's funny think about if he was like young now He'd probably be in the fucking Avengers or something I know So fickle you know He really He's really terrific and he's so good In the scenes that are kind of Nuanced you know And complex where he'll like
He's an asshole but he's actually trying I think that's why people love it I think that's such a relatable character Because we all know someone like that And I think we all feel that way Yes, yes Maybe I'm reaching here But in a time of like Cancelling and all that And there's no really forgiveness anymore If somebody fucks up, they're out We're watching this guy who fucked up He was the bad guy And now he's kind of the underdog good guy And I think that's fun to see
We're seeing that like someone is not what we think, right? It's kind of cool. And even if they are what they think, they're kind of not what we think, you know? Right, right. We're all flawed. We're all insecure. And then you see like he cares, like he fucked up with his kid, but he is trying with his other kid. It's weird how addictive the show, it goes down like, it goes down like, like, but
potato chips or something. Right. It's just easy. Yeah, I shouldn't have another one, but fuck it, I'm doing it. It's basically a soap opera, and you hear Ralph Macchio bitch about Zabka, and you're like, he's got a point. And then you hear Zabka bitch about Macchio, and you're like, he's kind of right. So then you're kind of seeing things from both sides, which almost gets kind of political, like the left and the right. Whose side am I on? Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. So it feels like there's some parallels here. Yeah.
That's a great point. Machio is a smug liberal. Yeah. And, and, and, and then Zabka is kind of like a Republican who's like kind of in the middle. He's Trumpy, but he's also not Trumpy because he kind of has, he has like more heart. He's kind of like,
He does care. Like Trump would never be like, shit, I fucked up. That's true. I shouldn't say Trumpy. I should say. But he's kind of like almost MAGA duty where some guys like, hey, that's your you're assuming my gender. He's like, shut up. But only on the surface. And that's the that's the beauty of it.
Machio is genuinely smug. I mean, he's like a fucking dude who's cultural. Like think of you knew this dude in real life. He's a white dude who's culturally appropriating Japanese culture. You'd be like, you're the most annoying human being. You have a hot wife. You never fuck because you're busy teaching children karate as a second job. And you're running your fucking car business into the ground. You're a fucking clown. Ah,
I know, because you hung up on this bully from high school, you dweeb. His wife's walking around in like fucking a bra and a track jacket, and you're like, bang your wife, dude. I know, I know. Take a breather. But the ego kicks in, and he can't let the guy win, and he can't let the other guy win, and...
Yeah, it's got layers, I gotta say No, it's fun, it's a fun show for sure And I love the kid Miguel, that kid's a great actor Oh, he's great He's like got the Peter Parker thing going where you're like, I'm rooting for this kid for sure Totally, totally, he's down on his luck, he's poor, but he's got a heart of gold Yeah, he's adorable I love it
I love it. Great rec. Great rec. All right. Wow, I'm shocked. I'm so glad you're in it. I mean, look, is it like great writing? God, no, but it's fucking fun. To be honest, I think some of the dialogue, I'm squirming. I'm like, ugh. I know, the same way. But it's also fun. This is such cheesy. It's kind of fun to squirm. It's almost like when you're eating a piece of cake, you're like, God, this is so bad for me. And I love it. I'm loving every second of this icing.
Put it on my tits Yeah, it's good, it's fun And the old man sensei Martin Krover It's like hilarious I'm glad you're watching Peep Show That makes me happy And I'll get to Rick and Morty Don't you worry I got a boy Salacuse on it He's into it He loves it, he's pushing me on it now
This is all we have now. I know, but thank God art exists. This is why art is so great. Look at all these hours we need at home and we got to have art and it's out there and we get to consume it. But shit's coming back. I'm hitting the road again soon, so I'm excited. Oh, good. And I'm going to hit it hard. Hell yeah. Time to get back at it. Yes, yes. Stand up is our bread and butter, so it's going to be fun to get back. It's the best, man.
Hey, hey, folks. We are also brought to you by my bookie. March is here, and that can only mean one thing. The craziest college basketball tournament around, baby. That's all trademarked. It's madness. Sorry. Takes place in March. You get it, folks.
Well, that's a big-ass tournament, and it's finally here, and MyBookie is the way to get in on the action. You gotta do MyBookie. I know people who have won thousands on this thing. You sit at home, you go nuts, you win money, you can't lose. You get to watch a couple of sports balls and...
Points racked up and wacky athletes making millions. And now it's your turn to make some money. Shoot your shot, score big, nonstop action with my bookie bracket contest. You got a chance to win 10 large, folks. Only one buck to enter, you hear that? One clam gets you in the door.
and select winners from 63 tournament games. That's how. It doesn't matter whether you're filling out multiple brackets, betting the national championship winner, or simply looking for a player and game props. MyBookie's got you covered. Sign up today at mybookie.ag.
and use promo code DRUNK to secure a deposit bonus up to 1,000 smackers. That's promo code DRUNK to claim your first deposit bonus. College, ball, NBA, NHL, no matter what the sport, no matter the minute, from tip-off to buzzer, MyBookie puts the action in your hands with in-game live betting. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with MyBookie. Get on it, folks, and win some cash-sheesh.
Well, what do you got for recs? Speaking of recs. Dude, I got like nothing. My rec was kind of weird. This was my rec, and it was stupid. I updated my bar at home because I've been drinking out of a Funny Bone glass the last few weeks. Yeah. So I got some nice little scotch glasses. That is nice. I like it. And I got a little shaker going on. I got some pint glasses. My rec is, I'm spending so much time at home. Let me update the home bar equipment. So that was kind of my rec this week.
I like those glasses. They got a hard, they got a lot of thick, a thick bottom. Oh, dude, a heavy bottom, man. Yes. Love a heavy bottom. Holy shit. Yeah. I'm with you. I'm with you. You can slam it down and it doesn't break. It's, it's nice. And like, man, I got a nice buzz on. I had kind of a stressful week. So it's just nice to kind of just chill right now and just relax, you know? Good, good.
All right, let me throw a weird wreck at you. Well, I flew here and forgot my headphones, of course, so I couldn't listen to any podcasts, which I love and need. What do you listen to for pods usually on the flight? I go all over the place. Sometimes I'll see who's doing what, and I'll just listen to a singular episode of a guy I like or a gal I like.
But, you know, you know me. I like Gladwell and Freakonomics and a couple other ones. But I watched the Bruce Lee doc on the plane and it was pretty fun. It's great. Yeah, it's pretty great. Yeah, he's a special guy, man. Totally. You know what I love about him is that he refused to be typecast as a stereotype. And, you know, he cost himself work, but he also, yeah, it's incredible. He's an incredible guy.
I know. I don't feel like we talk about the Asian discrimination or the Chinese discrimination, really. It doesn't really come up. It's just like Jew and black and whatever, trans. But hey, don't sleep on the Chinese bigotry. He really was a badass. And to risk it all when he was already a star in Asia and come here. The fact that he died so young. 32! I remember watching that with someone else and she was just like...
I had no idea this was coming. She didn't know he died so young. I mean, he had so much ahead of him. It's just so tragic. He could have done so much more. Enter the Dragon just showcased... Yes.
The charisma he had I mean, I remember like what a cool movie that was Jim Kelly was so cool And it was just a badass movie I know Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is fun in that It's just so crazy No, he's not in that one Which one is he's in another one? He's not in the dragon Okay But Kareem was boys with him Kareem Yeah Pay him for lessons, which I'm like, how fucking cool is it? Kareem Abdul-Jabbar might be the coolest fucking dude I know I know Al Al Al Al Cinder Yeah, played for the Lakers
Was a martial artist Wrote for Veronica Mars It was in the writers room He does everything dude He's like a jack of all trades If you ever read he does like op-eds And they're so well written He's such an intelligent guy Wow And he's the NBA scoring champ Yeah And he's 7'1 What a guy He's such a legend Is he still around?
Yeah, yeah, he's around Okay, because tall guys tend to not age well Wow I mean, I'm hoping that changes Yeah, well, yeah, I'm talking about 7-1 Like, that's freaking nature shit Well, Bill Russell's still alive, he's like 86, so Oh, okay, alright No, Kareem is the coolest, man Such a cool guy Cool dude, cool dude But yeah, good movie, but I want to direct this
Because I always do docs. So I'm throwing out this movie. If you've seen it, I hope. If you haven't, you've got to watch it. Captain Fantastic.
I've never even heard of it. Oh my God. It's this underrated movie. It's Viggo Mortensen. His, I don't want to give it away, but his wife dies. So he just says, fuck civilization. He takes his kids. They moved to the woods and live in the woods. They hunt. They built, build a hut and a house and read every night and build a fire. It's so amazing. And then they have to go into town to go to the wife's funeral and
And the kids are young, so they've not learned how to live in a society, in a city. And it really, it's an eye opener. Captain Fantastic. It's on Netflix. Check it out.
I love Viggo Mortensen So good The movie It makes you think Because you're like Maybe it is nice To live in the woods Maybe society is gross And capitalism And fast food And all that shit And then you see them In the woods And they're like They need medicine And they need A teacher And they need Social skills And all that shit So it's like Which one is better It's fascinating Wow Yeah I mean it's I've never heard of it I'll give it a check out man Give it a check
I've been just watching feel good shit. Like what you said, like Cobra Kai. I've been just rewatching South Park episode. It's just putting me in a fucking happy place. It's so silly. And they have the new vaccination episode, which I'm going to watch after this. And there's so many great, I mean, South Park is just fantastic. I mean, that's talking about like greatest movies of all time. That's movies. That's on my list for sure. It's up there. I mean, talk about,
Like with comedy taking a hit with like, I don't know, people getting upset and you can't say this. That is animated. So they are doing the like top notch balls to the wall commentary that no one else can do.
Yeah, they're kind of uncancellable. They've kind of almost been grandfathered in because they've been around since before these fucking dumb rules applied. Right. And they just have never given a fuck. Never. They're just so smart that they literally go after everyone. That it's made them. And it's also like, I think the mob's gone after them enough where they're just like, we don't.
We don't care. Yeah. We're good. They truly don't. And they've made boatloads of money for the Comedy Central. I mean, they probably kept them on the air at some points. And, like, I heard George Clooney tried to get on. They were like, sure. And they wrote him as a dog. And he just barks. Because they're like, well, we don't need you, but we'll have you on. But he's in the movie. Okay, he's in the movie. But if you're good, you're good. Yeah.
I don't care how dirty or offensive. If it's brilliant, it's brilliant. And let the men work. I heard Trey Parker in an interview say they asked if they had any bad interactions with celebrities at the Oscars, he said, because they both wore dresses to the Oscars and they were on acid. And apparently J-Lo just walked up to him and just pushed him.
Which I think is like kind of like Halfway like flirt Like you got me and being like her being silly I don't think she was like really pissed But like they did a whole episode about Oh they did a whole episode where they just painted her As the biggest bitch And it's so good I mean dude They've just gone after everybody That's the point it's like they've gone after everybody How are you really mad you know R. Kelly Alec Baldwin They'll take anybody they don't give a shit They're so good Um
So if I'm going to do another wreck, it's on HBO Max every fucking season. Get on it, man. Give me a joke, dude. All right. I got a couple joke ideas, but we're pushing the time limit here. So this has been done already, right? I tweeted it, and it got a bunch of retweets. But then people were like, I think that's a Jim Jefferies joke. Then somebody else said it was a Stan Hope joke. So I got to run it by you. Uh-oh.
People get mad when a Caucasian plays a Native American, or people get mad when a regular, what do you call it, biological woman plays a trans woman. You can't do that anymore. But what about the fact that hot actors and actresses are playing ugly people, like Monster or whatever it is? Has that been done? They're appropriating ugly people.
I think, I thought Tom McCaffrey had a bit like that. I could be wrong. I'm a little buzzed. Uh, I think he had a bit about like, um, huh. I think Tom McCaffrey might've had a bit where it's like ugly people were like, can I play the role? They're like, no, we're just going to take a Brad Pitt and make him really ugly or something like that. I don't know. I would just message Jim. I'm sure he's, you know, uh,
I don't know him that well. I got to ask him. I don't know. All right, you ask him, but maybe I'll just give it a goog. I don't know if it's... Give it a goog. I don't know. I worry that one sounds like it might have been. It's fucking funny. Oh, thanks. But yeah, I feel like if two people got that and then you said Tom, so that's already three people I've heard had it. So I'm going to drop it. I mean, good people to be on parallel thought with. Doug Stamop and Jim Jeffries. All right, let me try a real one then.
Alright, is this anything? And this is out there, so bear with me here. But homosexuality is interesting because, okay, you're a hetero guy, you like pussy. You gotta go out and get pussy. You gotta meet a gal, buy a drink, tell a story, be charming. But if you like dick as a gay guy, you own one. Isn't that interesting? Like the thing you like is on your body.
You know, and then you got the whole angle of like, I'm not into dick, but I like my own. So I've given millions of hand jobs, but only to me. So I'm kind of gay for me. I hate your dick, but I like my dick. I really want a PS5. Well, you already have a controller. You know what I mean? Yes. Yeah, I like that about how the thing you want. You had an old bit I love. You have a bit I love, an older bit where you'd say like,
How gays keep Jews want to They want their race to live on They must be jealous of gay people They can't even procreate But they keep popping up That's a great bit I think of So they want dick But they have dick It's like being addicted to coke And your body You make coke Or some other analogy Yeah
It's almost like your kids Your dick is like your children Because you love yours But you hate that guy's kids I think it's fascinating Because it's like It's almost like I know, it's a weird idea No, it's an interesting premise That's why it's not easily crackable right away Right, right It's like You have a dick But you want another dick And you want a different dick You want a different dick every now and then Yeah, I mean, it's like Your dick Like, we've seen this A different dick
And you don't want a dick that looks just like yours either. Uh-huh. Right, right. If you work at a pizza shop, you can have pizza, sure, but every now and then you want some different pizza. You want a deep dish or a calzone or something from another place. I like that. I like that. You work at Thin Crust, you want to go out for some deep dish. There you go. Okay, that's better. If you're eating at McDonald's, if you're working at McDonald's, you don't want to eat at McDonald's. Yeah, exactly.
But you will. You will if you have to. But if someone says, let's go to Wendy's, you accept the invitation. Well, if you're gay, you're not into Wendy. But I see what you're saying. But if you're gay, you still, it's just fascinating to me that you have the part that you are attracted to. It is interesting. Yeah, you have.
You have what you want, it's just you don't want yourself. You don't want yourself. You'll settle for it when you're alone at night, rubbing one out in the shower or whatever. Is it kind of like cooking at home versus eating out? Oh, now we're getting somewhere. That's interesting. You're like, shit, I mean, I guess everything's closed. I can make myself some eggs. Right, right. And us heteros, we eat out every night.
Double entendre there. You got it. I like the angle of Eden at home versus Eden out, because I think that's a clear jack-off fucking someone else angle. That's a good angle. I think that's a great premise. What about the premise, the second part about how I have a dick, and I'm not gay, but I like my own. Is that a separate thing? Like, I'm gay for me.
Yeah, it's interesting, like, we'll jerk our dicks off, but we won't suck our own dicks You would? I've tried, I licked it once I've licked Alright, there we go Well, you do just to know you could do it, but I'm not gonna wanna, I don't wanna, it's not really my thing But, like, if a guy jizzed on you, you'd fight him, but you've jizzed on yourself It's my own jizz Exactly, exactly I think it's, the difference is it's consentable jizz
Right, right, right. I mean, I'm agreeing on... Guys, I'd never touch a dick. And you're like, you touch one every night? I don't know. Maybe I'm real. The thing is, jerking off is almost like doing the dishes. It's maintenance at home. You got to do it just to make sure shit stays okay. Right. So you don't shoot up a school. You got to do it.
You know the dudes that don't jack off enough They're like the dudes that are just like That dude hit on her way too hard Right, right Yeah, that's true Alright, alright That dude hasn't had a home-cooked meal in ages Yes, home-cooked meal It's made with love I like that angle more than the I jerk a dick off, I'm not, you know
I'm not gay, but I jerk a dick off. I feel like that's not, it's just not as interesting. The first part is more interesting to me. All right. All right. Well, that works for me. I have an angle about, so I have a couple of jokes about my biological dad. First, I have a thing about like how, you know, he's like the type of old school guy who like wants the baseball game on, which is convenient because it's like, you can't bring up real shit.
When the game is on, you can't be like, there's a 2-2 count. You're like, speaking of 22, those are the amount of years I didn't hear from you in. You know, or like, so that was like, oh, there's a shot to the gap. Where was he on that play? You're like, where was he?
Alright, or something like that, I don't know Also, you basically, as your son, or as his son, you've been benched I was released Yeah, can I get in the varsity? Yeah, I'd like to play Can you play me? Jesus Christ
So that was one part. The other part was like, so I have a half brother I've never met. So I, at one point I asked him, I said, you know, we kind of look alike. And I just said, you know, I'm curious. I'd like to, I'd like to meet him. And he said, uh, you know, I, I, I floated it past him and he didn't really bite. I was like, well, that was like the most corporate way to describe me never getting to meet a blood relative. You know what I mean? It's like,
That's hilarious. We ran up by the people upstairs and it didn't really work for them. Yeah. I don't know what to end this. Those are two different bits, but all surrounding the dead, the biological dead. I think there's a lot there with the baseball thing, too.
Yeah, I was thinking a lot about Yankees games because you go to a Yankees game, what do they always play right after the last pitch is thrown is Sinatra. Start spreading the news. I'm leaving today. That's more than I got. And not to mention, what is the cliche thing to do with your dad and son? Play catch. This guy's got baseball on TV. You couldn't throw me a ball?
Yeah, it's interesting. Baseball is so... You don't talk about real shit during sports. That's why guys like that shit. You talk about who you hooked up with. You're never like, this is what you... At dinner, you might have like a like, I need to talk to you about something. That shit doesn't happen during the game. Right, right. There's also something too with like, hey, I'm trying to come home, dad. I'm trying to, you know, like wave me in. I'm trying to get home. I don't know.
It's so true. The sports, the whole point of sports is to just distract and escape. And yet he's got the game on 24 seven. So yeah, you can't bond. Right. That's interesting. And then, yeah, then you got to, you just found out you have a half brother. It's like, Jesus Christ, turn the game off and introduce us. This game is ruining us.
It's, yeah, it's funny. I remember going there like, but sometimes you're mad the game isn't on. Sometimes you're like, this is too real for me. So like, I would like, you know, his wife will be like, come over, the game will be on. I'm like, all right, I'll come over. And then you go there, there's no game on. I'm like, yeah, I was told there'd be a buffer. You know what I mean? Like, where's the buffer? That's great. That's great. Where's the buffer?
Yeah, for Father's Day, you get them the full sports package. So you're like, all right, never again. We're never going to have an awkward moment. We got you MLB, the MLB package. Yeah, you never talk about anything. You're watching Chinese games at one point. You're like, oh, yeah, that was close. You know, the season was over. But thank God these guys are still going.
Before we get out, should we read an email from the Patreon? Oh, sure. Just so you guys know that our Patreon is kicking, guys. Remember, patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod to get another episode. Yes. And you can email us, you know, we might be drunk.
Pod at gmail.com Yes And yeah I mean shit It's a good time I'll read you Send us a joke, a pet peeve A drink, a recommendation Whatever you want I'll read one right now From Signups Jolly You know it would be awesome If you guys actually throw suggestions On how to deal with a pet peeve Or to act around the person that triggers the pet peeve But anyway Wow sounds like already a pet peeve But anyway here's a good one People that
That hummus around the house for no... I'm guessing hum around the house instead of hummus. Oh, hum. Hum around the house just while we're humming a song like every day in the kitchen. This gets on my nerves for some reason. If you tell a guy not to do something, they damn sure will. So that won't work. So what do you do? Wow, this person seems a little angry. Yeah. One day it came out and the person he responded with,
What? You don't like when I'm happy? And I'm thinking, no, be happy all you want. Just don't be annoying. Anywho, I love this bit you guys do on pet peeves. Keep it up. But you probably start throwing slick ideas on how to deal with it rather than being super agreeable with each other, which is also awesome. Right on, peace. Let me know how you feel about humming when the episode airs. Yeah, what do you think, Mark? I get it. My ex-girlfriend hated when I whistled. Like, I would whistle while I did shit. Like...
I'm mopping up. She's like, don't whistle. I hate whistling. It annoys me. And it was weird because I'm like, does my own girlfriend hate when I'm happy? That's what it felt like. But she just hated the whistling because it was inconsistent. You know, she couldn't concentrate. But I get it. I get the humming, but it doesn't bother me. But I get what he's saying. I've never had a partner who does that. So I can't relate to it. But.
Yeah, noise. Random noise would probably bother me. Yeah, yeah. I totally understand it. Especially in close quarters. I can totally see that being an issue. I'm so scared of my partner or whoever being upset that I'm like, all right, she's humming, she's whistling. Great. I'll take it. I'll take the annoying hum over pissed off.
You know what? That's a great point. As long as you're not furious with me. Yeah, exactly. Let's fucking dance. I'm in. Hear, hear. So yeah, get on that Patreon. Check out the email. Send us something you hate, you love, you're drinking, you're talking about, your recommendation.
And uh yeah keep drinking And leave us some reviews You guys have left us such nice reviews On iTunes wherever you listen Just keep leaving us five stars we appreciate it Get on the Patreon Follow us uh you know we might be drunk On Instagram Follow Mark and I obviously on social media And uh
I'm doing a virtual gig March 22nd, so get tickets on my website. Got Bridgeport, Connecticut next month. Got some other gigs coming up. So, Mark, where are you going to be, man? That's a decent room, that Bridgeport. I like it. It's fun. Yeah. I'm all over the road. Got chased off stage there once, but otherwise good. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Save that for next week. I'll save that for another one, yeah.
I'm in Lexington, Kentucky I've never been to Comedy Hall on Broadway I love it Really? It's fantastic Oh, great, alright Classic, classic room Oh, great, alright Columbus, Funny Bone, Paramount Theater, and Austin Okay, can I give you a quick recommendation? Please I don't know if the Keene Raceway is going on The racetrack there is fantastic If not, hit up a fucking brewery, man That's where all the bourbon's made Oh
Oh, that's right. I think that's a distillery. Distillery. I'm a fucking... I'm down. I've had a few of these drinks. I'm not...
I'm on threads here. It's all the same. Tacoma Comedy Club, Magoobies. You know Magoobies. I love it. Yeah, I love them all. Hartford. Yeah. Spokane. Virginia Beach, Funny Bone. I've never been. That should be weird. Portland Helium. This is all summer. So yeah, just come on out. Check the websites. Follow us on social media. Tell a friend. Keep drinking or keep not drinking. And, you know, enjoy your life, folks.
Yeah, I think I got Arlington in May. I got Atlantic City coming up. Nice. Atlantic City. Yeah, I got some more coming up and more will be added. So, you know, keep keep checking the website. We'll post about that shit, though. But keep telling your friends about this podcast. I feel like it's a great podcast. So I hope you're enjoying it. Yes. Same here. Here.