Ep 11: Hot Toddy & Juice Bomb IPA
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One more drink, more drink, and for sure we gon' sting. 5am, you pricks, the bomb, what we do? Catch up for a few riff and talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2. Talk some shit and then we'll sleep till 2.

Hey, folks, here we are. We might be drunk. It's midday on a Sunday. It's beautiful out in New York City. Man, yeah, what are you drinking? I need to know. You wouldn't tell me.

By the way, what do you got? A high chair there? What's that in the back? You got neck support. I got neck support because I've been in physical therapy for my neck for so fucking long. Really? Wasn't that expensive. Got it on Amazon. I just researched lumbar support, neck support. I'm a real fucking pussy.

Well, we're getting old, but this is the plight of the tall man. Nobody talks about the negatives. You know, you get pussy, you play basketball, you win the presidency. Every president has been taller, by the way, who won. That's a good story. My mom will say, one time I told my mom I'm depressed, and she goes, but you're tall. That's a bit. That's great. It's not a carnival ride, Mom. It still can get sad here. No, you know, it's...

I do have back problems. I'm like, I'm a tall, lanky dude. This is who it happens to, you know? So people always are like, you need a good mattress. You spend so much time sleeping. No one ever talks about a desk chair. Ah, you're right. You're right. How much time do we spend at the desk? We're sitting. They say sitting is the new smoking.

Damn. Yeah, not mine, but I heard that somewhere. Damn, that's heavy, though. I know, because, you know, nine to fives, that's eight hours of their life sitting. That's horrible for you. I mean, how often, I mean, you must spend so much of the day at a, even in a hotel room, you're sitting in that crappy chair, and I'm like, man, it's just not good for you.

Well, when I write, I walk. I walk and talk in the hotel room like a psycho. Damn. So you're just dictating into a phone? A hairbrush. Can you believe? Who are these people? The whole night. Who are these people? I'm in my underwear with a hangover holding a hairbrush.

Yeah, no, this chair is saving my life, man. It still hurts, but I do the heating pad on my back at night. I do everything. Yeah, I'm hardcore with everything. I want to make sure it doesn't go... Because it goes out, you can do nothing for days. Right. I mean, you know what? This is the big...

You know, my lady's got huge knockers and she's always like my back and I can't fit in any clothing. And we all go, yeah, whatever. You big tittied whore. Shut up. We get it. It's the same with the tall guy. We all want to be tall. And you're like my back. And we're like, all right, whatever. Yeah, but you can get a height reduction.

I remember the line too from Superbad It was like the big line in the trailer She had a breast reduction And he goes that's like slapping God across the face That was the line in the trailer Oh that's a good line Great line That one and the other line I love from that movie is I fingered that girl it was like hearing the Beatles For the first time or whatever it was That's such a great Great line

sleazy thing mixed with like a mythical, beautiful thing. That's great. Coming of age, man. Super bad. So, so good. Yeah. Nothing better than coming of age. They mean so much to a kid. I mean, when I saw those as my, in my age, I was like, these are the best movies ever.

It's weird how the coming of age movie has just changed over the years. I grew up like, I know I was, you know, obviously I didn't see him in the theater, but like I grew up on 80s dude comedies like Revenge of the Nerds or Porky's. And it's like funny, like you rewatch Porky's, you're like, this is to a young person right now. Imagine being like, wait, what?

Yeah. I'm not just talking like the shower scene. It's like it opens, the guy calls a Jewish guy a kike, and you're just like. Right. And he doesn't even get it. I mean, they're making fun of it. He calls him a kite. He goes, it's a kike, you idiot. Yeah. He's like, you're not even racist. You don't even know how to be racist. That was like the joke, but it was like, yeah. Yeah. Was that meat? He was like the big guy. Yeah. That's kind of a nice little nod to the Jews. Like, we're going to give you the, they could have gotten you a Woody Allen type, and they gave you the big guy.

That's right, I guess meat was a Jew Yeah, well you figure if it's going through some producers, maybe they did some casting You gotta get the Jack guy Hey, at least they didn't go with stereotype Yeah, yeah, exactly What are you drinking, by the way? I went all in It's daytime, it's winter, hot toddy Oh my god, I love it Yeah, the lady cooked it up Oh my god, I love that That looks so good Whiskey, honey, lemon, cinnamon

Dude, that is the winter drink, especially people dining outdoors in February. Yes, exactly. Yeah, we're under a heat lamp and a fur coat, so you need a little extra warmth. Some places aren't even doing the heat lamp. I walked by John's Pizzeria the other day, one of the best pizza places in the city, no doubt. On Bleecker? On Bleecker, yeah. And they're like, yeah, we don't do heat lamps. I was like, it's 20 degrees. They're like, eh, we're good. They're so cocky about their pizza. They're like, we'll make it work.

That's hard, I mean, thank god you can do 25% now The cellar's open, diners are open Me and Salakius went to a diner the other day It was like heaven Oh yeah, dude, well I'm drinking a juice bomb IPA I've never had this, but we haven't done a beer on the pot yet, have we? No, I don't think so We did the lemon truly like a homo But never done that This is good, by the way I'm not a huge IPA guy, it's pretty good Here's the thing about IPA You learn with age, I think

I don't like them either, but one is great. Yeah. I'm the same way. I'm not a big beer. I'm not like, beer's just not my go-to. I like hard stuff. I like hard liquor. I like cocktails. I like beer. You drink 10 beers. That's fine when you're 18.

When you're in your 30s, you're pissing all night. You're pissing all night. It's like you ate a loaf of bread. It's heavy. You're burping. I'm with you. As a kid, it was like, get a rack, get a package, get a case. And now I'm like, I'll have two or three, maybe. Yeah, but... Oh, sorry. No, no, what? Beer wasn't considered an alcoholic beverage in Russia until 2011. Is that real? Yeah, fun fact.

Damn, is it because they're such vodka heads? What is it? There's such booze bags over there that, yeah, vodka is like red wine to them. They have it with dinner. They have it with lunch, you know? And so then beer was like, this is water. Damn. That's why they're so fucking tough. Like in wars, Russians never quit. And it's just, they just fucking drink.

I know, I know, same with like boxing or maybe more UFC, but you know, you always put black guy toughest, but then Russian is almost up to black in toughness Is that, I mean, yeah, I mean, I always think of Soder, Dan Soder's old bit about like, there's nothing scarier than a Russian accent That was like the classic, that was like his bit that you couldn't follow that, he would kill so hard

That's such a great Soder bit Because he's a hilarious guy And he's a good comic But then he puts the voices on top of the funny brain It's kind of like Kyle Dunnigan Right Man is he funny Those impressions are so good But he couldn't really find a way into the comedy world Then he got those filters on and it was over Well he was working and he wrote for a ton of shows That's true As like a social media guy Yeah Kyle's been successful forever But he's got one of my favorite jokes ever

Oh, really? You know the joke he said where they say some women think he has too close a relationship with his mother. But mom says all those women are dirty little whores. Great. I love it. He had the great one about the crooners in the 40s, like Sinatra and Dean Martin. They have to seem so manly. So they're like, I see the moon in your eye. Hey, ho, watch out. He's basically saying like,

I love you, but, oh, I'm not gay. I like ladies. I like women. I love pussy. That was the 50s. Sinatra also kind of, like, aged into being a tough guy. I know he always had, like, he's always a hoboken guy. He was always, like, a mob guy. But he just didn't look like a tough guy when he was super young. Because he was, like, a string bean. And then you see him older. You're like, oh, he also, like, aged into his looks, you know? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He was so skinny. He had that pronounced face with the curly, slick hair. But he was like a Timberlake who kind of went into a soprano.

Yeah, that's true. He also, I mean, yeah, he really, he fell off for a while too. And I think from here to eternity saved his career. It's weird. Like acting saved him. Don't you feel like acting kind of gave Timberlake a boost too though with like social network? It was like, oh shit, he's kind of got that too. Totally. I mean him on SNL, he was great. You're like, wow, this guy's funny. You didn't want him to be funny because he's handsome and he can sing, but then you're like, he's good.

Yeah, he makes fun of himself. That's all you want for someone who's been famous since they were 12 or whatever, like Mickey Mouse Club shit. Just laugh at yourself and you're in. That's all you have to do. Yeah, and it's also interesting. This is a weird reach, maybe. But when I was growing up, Timberlake was a punchline. Like, oh, Justin Timberlake, boy band, douche. And girls would always go, yeah, yeah, fuck that guy. He's a dork.

They didn't mean it because, you know, like he's bagged Jessica Biel and Cameron Diaz and Britney Spears and all these, you know, top shelf clams. But yet he was made fun of in his youth. But women, they'll throw that out there, but they don't mean it. Yeah, I think I also it's like you're in a boy band, but then like he kind of went his own way and people start to like him again. I think when you kind of do your own thing, it's weird. How's it like five of you? They're all working. They're all successful. One dude just fucking pops.

Yeah. Same with Destiny's Child. I doubt the other two are struggling, but Beyonce's fucking Beyonce. Yeah. Yeah, good point. I think you have to hit the gas. I don't know if they hit the gas. Yeah, it's like the Avengers. You got Iron Man, and then there's Hawkeye. Hawkeye's still okay. Yes, that's perfect. But he ain't Iron Man.

Right, right, yeah, so true, I mean, it's Batman, it's Superman, but The Flash, eh, come on, that's all you got is Flash Yeah, I hear that show is good, but I'm just like, I don't believe it, it's weird, I don't know, I was never, I'm not a huge comic guy, but as a kid, I was, and I was so more Marvel than DC

Oh, see, I was a DC guy. Why is that? Why do you think? Well, DC just felt... I get it. Marvel is cool, but DC felt classic. I like the classicness of it. The cape, the blue and the red, or the blue and the gray. And I felt more humble. Marvel was like, oh, this guy's got...

Uh Laser beam shooting out of his eye Like it felt too Too easy Interesting See I was like I Peter Parker was so New York Like Spiderman He lived in Queens He was a photographer Trying to make ends meet He uh You know Had the issues with his folks Uh

I love the beef with Jonah Jameson. I was such a Spider-Man guy as a kid, but I liked, I just never gave a fuck about Superman. Like he was too powerful. He just could do everything. So I'm like, all right, if you could stop bullets and like, I don't give a fuck. But then that Batman, I was always like, yeah, Batman's cool. I mean, those movies with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson growing up and like, those are fucking great.

Great, and also New York, basically. I mean, they call it Gotham, but let's be honest. And also, I'm with you on Spider-Man, but Spider-Man, again, he feels classic. I like that timeless kind of vibe. But, you know, you start bringing in Nightcrawler and Beast and all these other- Beast fucking rules, dude. Ah!

That's just a big gay guy with no shirt on. I don't know. Beast was... He's like a gorilla. I like that he's the intellectual of the group and you're like, he's gay. That's the fucking... No, he was like the well-read guy. The X-Men were cool because it was like...

Stan Lee is so smart. He was like, this will be about immigrants and about like, you know, right. It's like, these are people who are like different. They're like, so society has to like brush them away. Yes. But then he just made them like superheroes. So everyone's like, that's where the dumb people won't notice that. But yeah,

I thought X-Men... I mean, Wolverine was the shit, man. Every kid loved Wolverine. Every kid loved Wolverine. And I grew up in a black neighborhood. Wolverine was the most popular action guy amongst black kids. They loved Wolverine. I don't know what it is. You know what? Just because he was a badass and he was damaged. He was cool because he was the vulnerable guy. Cyclops sucked. Everyone fucking hated Cyclops. Everybody hated him. He's whiny. He's whiny and he got the girl. I know.

Good point, good point And take the sunglasses off inside We get it, you douche But yeah, no, you're right Yeah, why couldn't he just wear regular glasses that stop the laser You can make sunglasses that can stop the laser But not, like, chill out, dude You ain't fucking Jack Nicholson You ain't that cool, okay And then Wolverine Was like the cool guy who didn't get the girl He's fucking bogey in Casablanca He's the guy that we like

Wow, great point. Way to make these comic books intellectual and interesting. You're so right. Also, Wolverine was short for the record. Ooh. And he was...

And he was like, he was just a bad, like, also I think there's something cool about like, you think about even like in war, like who gets the most props in war? It's like the people on the field. It's like the people in the combat. Wolverine was like an up close guy, like swiping at you with his claws. Cyclops stayed back from a distance shooting you. There's something cooler about the dude who gets his paws dirty, so to speak, you know? I completely agree. And you can tell you read a lot. This is such a great literary breakdown. Oh, whatever. Yeah.

No, really, that's a great point, I never thought about the hand-to-hand thing And he had stubble Cyclops clean-shaven Which tells you everything Dirty, didn't care about his looks that much He was fucking, you know, yeah Hugh Jackman also, like I actually never saw Logan, I hear Logan's great But Hugh Jackman was like Perfect for Wolverine Like, how do you cast a better Wolverine?

I know he's jacked. He's great in it. He's, he seems troubled and brooding. That's another thing that's great about Wolverine is he seems a little tortured where Cyclops is just like, ah, I'm a cunt. Get out of my way. You're right. He's, you know, Cyclops is like Guy Pearce in LA Confidential and Wolverine is like, he's like Russell Crowe. Yeah. Well,

Nailed it Cyclops is like trying to climb the ladder almost He's like I'm the leader around here And Russell Crowe's just like let's just fucking Take care of business you know Right right right yeah let's I want action I want results Cyclops feels like he would

Yeah, he feels like he would return something at a restaurant or have a horrible order, like croutons on the side, balsamic only, you know, do you have oat milk, all that shit. Exactly. I felt like of all the X-Men, Cyclops had a business card, you know? He's like, here's my card.

Right, I was a Gambit guy Gambit fucking ruled Yeah, from New Orleans, Cajun, he had the cards, the stick, something fun about him Trenchcoat Gambit was awesome too, because in the cartoon he was always like the badass, but he always got his ass kicked He was like the dispenser, like, alright, I guess Gambit gets fucked up in this scene Right He just always got the shit kicked out of him Yeah, man, Stan Lee

What a genius. Genius. What's cool about Stan Lee is you can tell it's almost like joke writing where something happens to us. We're like, oh, yeah, why is that? We write it down. He probably lost his temper on his wife and he was like the Hulk, you know, like, ah, I got something here. Yeah. He just came out of a blackout and ripped shorts. He was like, this is it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

Oh, that could be something there But yeah, Jew from Brooklyn, by the way Yeah, fuck, that's crazy And like Avi Arad, all those Marvel dudes They must just all be so fucking smart He was bankrupt, dude Marvel, I remember he had no money in the 90s They were failing And Blade brought it back Of all the comics Blade?

Whoa, how about that? And by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm right on that, but I know people that are fucking bigger nerds about this. I'm not a big comic book nerd, but there are people going to be writing like, it wasn't Blade, you idiot. All right, I'm sorry. It's a drinking show. Some of our facts are 100% checked, but I do believe it was Blade. And then those new Spider-Man movies with Tobey Maguire.

Oh yeah, that was huge. Those were huge. Huge. I saw that in the theater. Isn't that weird how you hear about these places going bankrupt? Like Marvel's going bankrupt. Marvel's been around my whole life. They've been on TV. They've been in movies like Ben and Jerry's file for bankruptcy in like 2001. I'm like, they did. They're everywhere. I don't understand bankruptcy. Go into one store that doesn't have Ben and Jerry's. I know. I don't understand it. 7-Eleven filed for bankruptcy in 98 or something. They're everywhere. I don't understand how money works.

Me neither. That's why we're our own business, drinking on the microphone. Well, yeah, that's interesting, man. Yeah, Marvel Files for bankruptcy. Those Tobey Maguire ones, he's a weird dude. I don't know if you ever see that Aaron Sorkin movie. Fuck, Molly's Game? No, I got a thing for that lady, but never saw it. Oh, yeah, she's hot. And she's a fucking great actress. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like a badass real woman, the story. The story's insane where she's like, you know, is an Olympic athlete. She was some sort of skier. I don't know the right term, but like she, I think broke her back or something. And then ends up like working her way back. She like starts running this card game with all these celebrities. And this one guy, it's played by Michael Cera in the movie. He's such a fucking asshole that I start going down like a YouTube, like a whatever, like a Google Play.

Search like who is this guy based on And they're like it's Tobey Maguire So he's doing these like weird dark card games And he was like I'm like if this dude's That big an asshole He is a terrible It's so funny you know what's funny It's that he's like such a He's such an aw shucks guy It's like you see him in like Pleasantville And he's like aw deary me And you're like that's the dude that's the asshole

Right, exactly. It's like Cosby, you know, pull your pants up, don't curse, and then nighttime comes around and he's making you a cocktail. It's so true. It's always the opposite. Fuck. Like, I heard Tobey Maguire...

Leonardo DiCaprio and David Blaine would go around New York in the early 90s when they were kind of starting to pop and they called themselves the Pussy Party. And they would go to like the LES and just hit those bars and just pick up girls all night. And they were like, they had the cute one. They had the dark, quiet one. And then they had like the sexy one who was Leo and they cleaned up.

damn that is a pretty formidable theory though you got the two actors in the magic the magician is great for probably just disarming women with uh just like matt he's just doing magic and you're just like all right i mean like i've seen uh magicians do that shit we were like but he got it's funny i always want to do a bit i never did this but like uh david blaine got uh

He got like two Me Too accusations or something And they just mysteriously went away And you're like, man, either he's a monster Or he's a damn fine magician You know? Made that disappear, that ain't easy Even Siegfried and Roy were like, god damn Or what's his name? Copperfield No, I got where you're going, Vegas Vegas X, impressive I did the Statue of Liberty, and even that lady was hard to keep quiet What a Man, that hot toddy looks good too

A daytime buzz. I'll take a daytime buzz. Oh, nothing better. Nothing better. Like when I was a kid, we used to go to this park in Audubon Park and just getting drunk. Oh, I know Audubon Park, dude. Yeah, right by Tulane, actually. Right by the trolley. Yes. And we would just get drunk on the benches and just something about that sunshine on your face at 3 p.m. after like four tall boys. That was living.

Fuck, there's something about a daytime drunk where you're just like with your boys in the park. I mean, we've done a couple of times at Central Park or wherever we do where we're just like hanging out, having a beer. I remember we went to that Yankees game fucking last year. Feels like 10 years ago, but it was like a year ago. Wow, we got blotto on that. I mean, I went and that was all beer, too. That was like ballpark beers.

Something about a baseball game, man There's something so damn special about a daytime baseball game Because even if you're not into baseball You're just having a good-ass time Yeah, it's just the best Especially, I don't mind the nosebleed You know, it's just bleachers You're with your guys You're drinking You're yelling You're not really bothering anybody The sun is shining It feels like America I'll tell you why I think baseball is the only sport where the nosebleeds are better And here's my argument Hmm

Tickets are so expensive at these sporting events You get fucking You go to the nosebleeds, you get a big crew of your friends Right? You're not doing that in the, you know, right behind home plate seats Also There's not as much pressure on the game There's 162 baseball games a season You don't need to like We don't need to be locked into every pitch You know what I mean? So that way you're just like You're watching the game, but you're also like socializing So it's like almost like, that's why it's called the ballpark It's a day at the park, you're just hanging out Yes

Exactly and you can yeah you can take a break and also there's a lot of timeouts there's a lot of switches and they switch teams and all that there's so much downtime in a baseball game. Hell yeah I love it dude yeah the seventh inning stretch the fucking I love I miss I miss sporting events big time like that's something I'm when that's back I'm taking full advantage man. Yeah yeah same and and uh

I feel like with your agent, he can really get some tickets. Let's hope. Let's go to some... You too. Let's fucking...

Scratch my cock, I'll scratch yours Yeah, let's get those Michael Che seats I mean, he's an anti-Semite now, a transphobe He got lit up on Twitter, I saw that Did he? Yeah, again I love Che I do too, I was like, this guy got yelled at by being a transphobe a week ago And this week he got yelled at by the right So I'm like, that's a comic, he's doing it right I love him, he's such a good dude, and he's so funny

I remember he took, I remember Christmas Day game. He took me, Rachel Feinstein and Phil Hanley to a game and we're like got the SNL seats. Beautiful. And Shay is just so fun to go to games with because he's like a real fan, but he's also just down to drink and he's cool. And I remember we're watching the Celtics. It was you. They had this guy, Isaiah Thomas. He's five foot nine.

So imagine like Phil's not in a hoop, surely, but he's watching. He's like, this guy's so tiny. And then he just lights us. You're like, it's incredible to see a dude who's five foot nine live put on a show. So yeah, it was so damn, I've had so many fun, like basketball nights with that dude. I love, I love Che.

Che's the man, love Che I hope he's doing alright I mean, I hope he's just laughing all this off I don't think he's the type to even check social media, is he? Good, good Do you get that vibe? Yeah, I don't think he does I think it bothered him, you know, five years ago when it started And he was just like, okay, people are crazy, got it, moving on I'm getting more and more like that Where like, I'll post and look less You know, like I used to be like, I wonder how this is performing Now I'm kind of like, I thought it was funny I'm putting it up

I don't want to get stuck in it. I used to just go to my email, the YouTube comments, and I shut that the fuck down. I don't want to see any of them. Oh, no, no. Delete that. But yeah, they call it post and ghost. That's the move. Yeah. Let me just run this by you. We mentioned day drunk high school with your guy friends. Did you have a high school uniform? I had to wear a blazer and a tie when I was in high school. What?

Wow, that's heavy duty. It was funny. Yeah, man. Well, I had to wear a white button down and gray slacks and black shoes. But that was always a big thing was like when you got in trouble in high school, like you stole something from a convenience store or drinking in the park. You had the uniform on. So you always it always got drawn back to the principal.

Yeah, I remember, but then also they're like, if you're like 17, 18 and you're smoking a cigarette, they're like, I must be like a businessman. You know, you're in a tie. Yeah, that's true. I remember this one kid had an inflatable bong in high school. It was like a fucking, that's how fucking, like, you know, most kids are like, oh, we'll smoke a joint. It'll look like a cigarette walked down the street. This kid's like, I got an inflatable bong. We'll go to Central Park and we'll smoke. So he would literally blow it up.

And it would be a fucking, and we would just take rips in Central Park. I'm like, this is so, if we get arrested, this is the dumbest shit. We didn't think about it. We're like, yeah, we'll be fine. It'll work out. Could you pop it when he, when the cops showed up or something?

I don't know. I mean, I think, I think once they search you, you're fucked. I get, but how do you, I don't even get the mechanic. How do you light a plastic? It had a little metal, it had a little metal thing you put into it, but it blew up to like form the, uh, and a metal thing to hold the weed. And yeah, yeah. I see. Wow. That's pretty good. Beer bong for the lady. Ha,

Saving Silverman? Yes! Holy shit Are we the biggest fucking nerds? I mean, like, I definitely I think that's an underrated flick, by the way Oh, so good I mean, Steve Zahn's a beast Yeah, he's like kind of like a journeyman Like kind of deserves He's in one of my favorite movies called Out of Sight Oh, yeah, we've talked about that before Yeah, but yeah Saving Silverman, man Fucking Jack Black rules

Jack Black is great The whole Neil Diamond through line is hilarious And Amanda Peet was funny So hot too She's like one of the hottest actresses ever

I agree. Yeah, that's a great, great comedy. And Steve Zahn and Sam Rockwell are on the same level of like, I just want to do good work. And I don't have to be Tom Cruise, but I just want to be in movies and do well. Yeah, but that's a good point. Never thought of him like that. But I bet like when there's a guy who's like kind of like you in that way, it fucking they're like, all right, we'll take Rockwell. He's more famous or something. Yeah, probably. Probably. But they're both great.

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What a, give me a rec, because I know you're watching stuff. I've been watching your recs and loving them, by the way. Oh, great. Yeah, people have been writing in saying the recs are helping them, because we're all, you know, we all need content. We all need shit to watch. But this week, I finished Lady and the Dale. I don't know if you saw it. I loved it. I watched it because of you. Amazing. Amazing. It's so fucking good.

It's crazy. These true stories. It's kind of like Wild Wild Country. I don't know if you ever saw that one. I missed that one. I got to get on that. That one's good. It's on Netflix still. It's about these nutjobs in Oregon who start a cult. And you're like, this all happened. And I'm like, Mom, did you know about that? She's like, I don't know. That's how little, you know, you watch the five o'clock news. It was a half hour. You moved on.

But now we know about everything So it's weird that we're just going back in time And taking all these news stories that are just Gems of entertainment And stretching them out for Netflix or whatever HBO They use like stop motion animation I think it's called They did that in the Bill Burr documentary American which I also love Bill Hicks not Bill Burr Incredible doc But yeah dude It's like catch me if you can But a trans woman

Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's a great, that's the pitch in the elevator. Catch me if you can with a trans. Yeah. But it's, it's kind of like, I mean, I don't want to give away spoilers on this, but it's kind of incredible that like,

Just her love for family, like being this kind of morally questionable person, but you still kind of, it's weird when you're watching a doc, you almost watch it like it's a regular movie, a scripted movie, and you kind of root for the person because she had the charm that a great actor playing her would have had. And to be a con man, you have to have that charisma, I guess.

Yeah, good point. I mean, everybody in that auto shop was like, we trusted her to the death. Like, we thought we were making the next great American car and blah, and she was fighting off Ford and GM and Detroit, all these guys. She was awesome. Awesome, and it's also funny that, like, that guy who brought her down was Tucker Carlson's dad. Because I'm watching this dude, I'm like, I fucking hate this dude. I don't know why I hate this guy so much, but the way he...

He Like look I'm not gonna begrudge him For following the story You're a journalist And it's a juicy Fucking story Take that to the bank Do it Yeah But the glee he felt And like the joy he felt Calling her a man I'm like Oh you're just kind of an asshole You're just like getting off On being an asshole And he looks horrible I mean like if karma's real He looks like fucking Jabba the Hutt I was expecting his like Last interview to be like Oogie ba ba It's disgusting looking But uh

Totally I mean if that's the movie He's like Josh Brolin in Milk He's the bad guy Yes exactly Isn't it amazing how we have all these great stories And fiction and movies But when you watch these docs It's so obvious who these tropes And archetypes are based on They're all just right there That's the bad guy, he looks like the bad guy That's the good guy That's why documentaries are great Because you're like it's a story but it's real It's so real and it's a great point Because

what she did is much worse than what he did. He's just a journalist doing his job. Yeah. But I, for some reason understood her and I didn't really understand him because I'm like, look, I'm not going to like, I would never do what she did. I would never like try to like just rip people off out of money. But like you get what she was trying. Like her motives made more sense to me than his, or maybe his motives made more sense.

But he was a dick about it And she wasn't Maybe that's what it was That's really interesting It's all about intent Versus The thing you said You know She's actually lying And conniving people But she has good intentions Where he has Regular intentions But he's a dick Yeah And also And also she Like Was all about her fucking Like

I feel so bad for her kids. There's the one girl who seems fairly well-adjusted, but the rest, they're just broken without her. I know. It was weird to me that this con artist, it's funny to say, Dina Hashem has this great joke, my friend Dina Hashem has this great joke about how Trump is a con man and liberals prefer a con artist.

Like that's when I don't like them Conservatives are okay with a con man Liberals are like we want you to earn it Like we want you to be a It's a funny bit but That's great great catch But

It's funny, it's like, I say con man, I'm like, maybe that's like, do you think now the police are getting more woke to like, this is a con man, they're like, it's a con person, okay? This is a con, it could be either, you know. Right, but I've noticed they don't really do the, hey, or a woman. You know, these are a ton of male serial killers out there, and women, you know, they never do it for the bad. Her name was Francine the Strangler, actually. Exactly. No, that's a good catch. Yeah, and it's really like...

You know, it's an incredible documentary. There's HBO is killing it right now. HBO and Duplass Brothers there. I think they're number one because Netflix is almost like this grab bag, like just throw a bunch of shit in something will stick. And look, they have some great stuff. But HBO is handpicked. It's like the it's like the Whole Foods versus Key Food. Key Food's got some great shit, but you got to sift.

Interesting. Yeah. My rec is, is Tucker is a lady. I almost said Tucker and the Dale, Tucker and Dale versus evil. Good, good movie as well. But what is that your record? What's your rec? Well, my rec is, uh, first of all, have you seen the Patrice doc? I,

I I'm going to watch it when it's online. I can't do the commercials. I haven't, I haven't seen it either. So don't, don't feel weird. Well, I'm with you, but I should throw that out there just as everybody should watch that. He's one of the great watch elephant in the room. It's fun. One of the best comics of all time.

patrice o'neill we've both been lucky enough to perform at the patrice o'neill benefit that bill burr puts on in new york it's one of the great gigs i mean what a great guy bill burr is that he he puts on a theater benefit every year and gives the proceeds to you know patrice's family i mean just an incredible guy so shouts out to bill burr and all the clips i've seen are incredible we've got all these great comics talking about yeah patrice and and and

It looks incredible. I just, Comedy Central, it's like, just fucking put it out without ads, man. I know, I know. Put it on YouTube, for fuck's sake. That's Comedy Central for you. They always got to turn the knife. But yeah. And they turned it on good people. We're grateful for the people at Comedy Central who are good to us, for sure. But they did them wrong. I agree, I agree. The corporate structure.

I'm with you. And Patrice, what I love about Patrice is everybody I've talked to is like, he was a mean guy. He was scary. He was a dick. But I love that we can look past that because the act is so good. The comedy is so important and so funny and so innovative and new and original that we're still like, yeah, yeah, but we got to showcase this. That's such a great point because I think we romanticize like,

The wrong comedian sometimes Or at least the public does And charm is so often overrated Like when who gets the big specials This guy's so charming But the material's horseshit Whereas Patrice didn't give a fuck about charm It was all about the product And that is That's special Because charm is overrated You know who's charming? Fucking used car salesmen Deadbeat dads, they're charming Ted Bundy was charming Exactly

Exactly. Charm is bullshit. Patrice didn't care about charm. He cared about execution and about delivering the best possible product. And that's why Elephant in the Room is one of the best specials of all time. Amazing. Amazing special. And I think it also is a good sign for things in comedy going the right way because we're very feelings based, which I get and feelings are important and all that. But like.

Good has got to be good, too We've got to have some kind of standard So I think it's a good sign that this came out That's a great point You want good to make it to the top And enough with like This guy is like He's got the it factor The fucking industry And here's the thing All these fucking industry fucking spineless dipshits Who are like, Patrice is the best Yeah, where were you when he was alive, you fucksticks?

You know, like all these people like Patrice is my favorite comic. Oh, really? You have a network job. Why didn't you help him? Yeah, exactly. They all say, I love George Carlin. You would never book him now. You would never put him on anything now. An old white guy who's saying the truth. Get the fuck out of here. He wouldn't be on any of your hot lists. Exactly. Yes. Well, Patrice kept it real. And all these people who, uh, here's the brilliance of Patrice to me is like,

You didn't have to like what he was saying for you to enjoy the special. Oh, yeah. And that's special now when all these comedians who think they're edgy as fuck, then they just go on the road and they're just playing for like-minded people. The bits are, the setups are killing where they're like, I think this should be a thing. And everyone applauds. Okay, well then why don't you be a fucking preacher or a pundit? Yes. Go do a TED talk. This is jokes. It says comedy on the side of the wall here. Like, come on, bring with the ha-ha's.

And also, we're so big into, it's like you said, agreeance. And if it's not the way I think, it's wrong. And that's what I love. I don't agree with everything Patrice says, but it's still brilliant and well thought out and well written and well executed. I think I disagree with him on a shitload of his points on women. And I'm still laughing my ass off. I'm like, oh, I don't date women. I'm like, oh, I don't date women like that. I disagree with that, but I'm laughing my ass off because...

He's a brilliant comedian. Like he is undeniably funny. And that's to me, what's special about Patrice is like rock does this too. We're like, you get to a point where like, you'll say something fucked up in the setup and people, even your own fans are like, that's not no. And then by the end, 30 seconds later, they're like all applauding. You're like, that's incredible that you have that a joke can do that, that through humor, you can, uh, you can deliver this, uh,

almost this message but it's through laughter where like people are agreeing with you through feeling good yeah that's what comedy is supposed to be i i saw rock at the cellar this is five six years ago and he had this bit about how he's like we do all this shit about how it's hard to be a woman it's way harder to be a man way harder to be a man already the crowd is furious all the women are like folded arms like all right let's hear it and he does this tap dance and then by the end of it he's like ladies

Somebody pulls up with a refrigerator box and needed help bringing it down the stairs. You ain't helping. And that was like the big punchline. I'm butchering it, but it was like this brilliant way to get it together. And it killed. And that's comedy. I've told this story a million times, but like, I remember-

i was like probably 12 or something i'm in my you know my or my dad's parents in in uh boston for thanksgiving i'm i have a good cd player i've rocks album roll with the new and i'm listening to it just laughing i probably don't get half the jokes i'm a kid but maybe younger than 12 who knows but my mom sees me laughing she's like what is he laughing i want to know what he's listening to she grabs my headphones listen and the look on of horror on my mom's face she was just like and then i watch

Listen for like another 20-30 seconds And I see her start laughing I'm like that's fucking great That Rock can do that That's so cool to see as a kid That someone could say something provocative And shocking And you're like no And then a minute later you're like oh wow It's almost like the way a realtor Will be like we have all this great stuff In the apartment and you get there and it's shitty Rock is doing the opposite Uh huh

You know, he's like, this apartment sucks, and you walk in, and then it's amazing. Right, right. So true, so true. Man, that was a great little comedy breakdown there. I just re-watched Coming to America, because the new one's coming out. I loved it. I grew up with that movie, I loved that movie. By the way, that was never like a black comedy, I just thought it was fucking great and hilarious, and Eddie Murphy was the king, whatever. But...

Every joke is like their luggage gets stolen right when they get to New York. The landlord's a piece of shit. He rips them off. They got to cut his ponytail. I mean, they're just getting screwed every left and right. They do it. They go to the nightclub. They're talking to all these gross women, these annoying women, these whatever. One woman's got a dick and it's all a joke. I'm like, this is what comedy is. It's supposed to be this where it's just getting your shit stolen is horrible. And they try to sell to him. The guy comes up with a trench coat. I got some good shit here. And he's like, you're a thief.

That's the joke And that's what That's what everything is It's horrible shit Making light of it You're so right It's basically Rock I mean Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Coming They're royalty And then they come to New York And they're just fucking nobody And that's like That's

What comedy is You should be It should be egalitarian You should be one with all the fucking people in the fucking room That's what a good stand-up show is Yeah That's why when you become too fucking famous You lose track of reality And you become unrelatable Yes, completely Exactly, exactly Alright, so let me get my rec So we went off on a tangent there That's alright I love a tangent But I want to throw out this show, Your Honor

We're on a different page already You saw it? Oh, I thought the first episode was Here's what I like about it It's cheesy, it's way over the top But, I'm a little New Orleans biased You're very New Orleans biased

The villain is so ridiculous. Great actor. Michael Stuhlberg, I love. Good actor, but it's just so heavy-handed. We get it. You're brooding. It's bad lighting. We get it. You're rich and evil. But the way it gets you thinking, like, all right, your kid got killed, so you hate this guy, but he's trying to protect his kid.

So the writing isn't great, but the way it makes you think like, all right, you want your way, but you want your way and you're going to do whatever you want to get your way. And just all the lying is fun to keep up with. I'll tell you what I hate about it. All right, please. I don't know. Hate's a strong word. Cranston's...

one of the best actors ever and i love him i love him so much and i i love that actor michael stillberg from uh a serious man he's in uh he's in a shape of water he's a great he's in he's like one of those actors where like i bet no one knows that dude's name but everyone's like oh that guy which is to me a sign of a great actor right yeah serious man is underrated by the way oh my god the cone brothers are fucking geniuses yeah but uh you know uh

I just thought it was just so doer and over the top. And like the beginning, the beginning when it's like, it's 20 minutes in, if you think there's a spoiler, but like someone dies and the way they die, like he coughs, you think he's going to whisper something, just coughs up blood. It's just so it's like, we get it. Like you created the most depressing, relentlessly severe shit of all time. It, to me, it like makes up for good writing the first scene with Brian Cranston. It's like,

He's like, let me show you I'm a good guy. I'm so committed to my job, I jogged into the fucking hood. To me, it was just like, all right, this is, to me, not for me. That's all I'll say. Yeah, yeah. Look, I get it. It's not Breaking Bad. Definitely not on that level. Well, that's the tough thing with him. When you're in Breaking Bad...

You're comparing I loved him in Trumbo Which I think is not a great movie But I loved him in it I think he's incredible in it

But just the beauty of the movie or the show is just the inner weaving of like, all right, how's he going to get out of this one? How's he going to get out of this one? And they find ways. And that's what's cool. It's not the dialogue for sure. It's not really the character development. It's like, oh, they did some real weaving. It's almost like a whodunit where you're like, this is a little silly, but I kind of want to see how he gets out of it. How many Epson are you?

Eh, five. And you're still pleased with it? It stays good to you? I'm still pleased with it because of that point I made, because I'm watching with the lady going, this is stupid, that doesn't make sense, but...

I like the, this guy's trying to cover his ass, but he's trying to cover his ass. And we say he's a good guy, but is he a good guy? And what do people do when their back's against the wall? All that stuff's fun. I like, I don't mind the idea of like the judge who's morally questionable and the mafioso who's been done dirty. Like to me, that's kind of interesting. I just think the execution sucks. I'm just not feeling it. But I mean,

I'm with you. I'm with you. I chewed out Gary Veeder for telling me to watch it the other day. Our good buddy Gary Veeder got an earful from me. But my rec is, I don't know if you've seen this yet. Have you seen Judas and the Black Messiah on HBO Max? Oh.

I've gotten a couple wrecked Lucas Brothers, who I'm friends with. I love them. Made it, right? They wrote it. First off, I love the Lucas Brothers personally. So I was... Yeah. It's like one of the things we were like, I'm rooting for this going in. Yeah. And I was so satisfied. It's so, so good. It's such a... It's a really difficult subject to make a movie about. The actors... I mean, Daniel Kaluuya and Lakeith Stanfield are such good actors. So, you know, they just...

bring it even though like i think daniel kalu is like gotta be i don't know what was that it's got to be in his 30s and he plays fred hampton who died at 21 so he's got to be like what but like it doesn't matter he's so good you're just like all right i mean what 21 year old actor is gonna fucking nail that you know so yeah yeah exactly but

I heard it was kind of Scorsese-esque with the shooting. You know what's interesting? That's a great point. I think Shaka King directed it, and it's got a lot of similarities to The Departed to me because it's...

It's about a rat. Oh, you don't like The Departed? Well, I like it, but again, it's way over the top. It's silly. We got a cheese-eating rat. I mean, all right, Jack, we got it. Yeah, but you know what? He's throwing coke on the vagina of the lady. Like, come on. But dude, the script is hilarious. Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin are hilarious. See, I can deal with over the top if the dialogue's really good. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. And there's fun. There's a lot of fun. Your Honor doesn't have any fun. It's just like suspense. It's relentless. It's not fun. Like,

you for me with dark shows you got to release some tension you got to give me like a laugh every once in a while so anyway there's great dialogue in this movie too i mean lucas brothers killed it uh there's a line that's great where you know he's fred hampton's talking all these black panthers and he goes war is politics with bloodshed and politics is war without bloodshed there's like great lines like that where you're like all right it's good um

You know what else made me laugh? Because there's different chapters to the Black Panthers So it made me think of comedy Where they'd be like I'm the head of the New Haven Black Panthers chapter And they'd look at me like Yeah, but you'll never make it in New York You know what I mean? It's kind of a different vibe here, you know? Right It's very good I gotta watch Is this Netflix? HBO Max Oh, HBO, once again Killing it But yeah, it's a good movie Alright

It's relentless and it's tense But it's also Like it earns it man I'll give a true story with that shit There's some scenes where you're like damn this is pretty memorable Like this is pretty damn good

All right. I can't wait. I'll watch it tonight because I need a new movie. I'm blown through and everything. And the Lucas Brothers is so fascinating because there's these hipster twins who are very funny on stage, but they're like obsessed with philosophy. They read Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and all these guys. And I'm mired in philosophy, so I love that shit. But they're so deep, these two dudes, but their act is kind of, you know, it's very surface bubblegummy. They got eight minutes on Eve Six and Sublime and all this shit.

And, uh, they'll talk about like Shaquille O'Neal. They'll be silly on stage, but they're, but they're, you know, look, they know how to kill on stage and that's important. You know what I mean? They're, uh, they're really funny dudes, but they also, uh,

I hear you Like it's hard to go up there And talk fucking You know Lao Tzu On stage Like what do you want Exactly Exactly I still say Everybody talks about the K sound Is the funniest sound I think the ooh sound In comedy You said Lao Tzu I lost it The ooh Funny when sounds are funny Sounds are funny Um

That's why accents are funny It's a good movie I'm proud of them One of the things I'm watching I'm like I hope it's good Because I'm like I'm always nervous to watch shit that friends make Because I'm just like

And I'm not like super tight with them, but I've always liked them a lot. And they're always like, if I see them at the show, we'll share for one. They're just like cool dudes. So yeah, it's cool that they made something so good. And, uh, and I think they worked on it for years, years and years to get it made. Cause you know, it's hard to get a movie made. Oh, don't get me. Yeah. Hollywood's a nightmare that those tunnels you got to go through. So good for them. And I'm going to watch tonight. I can't wait. Give me a peeve, Doug.

Oh, Peeve. Well, I got a big one and I got a small one. I love it. All right, I'll go with the small one first. I don't know if you've seen this or if you hate this, but I got a real problem with people throwing trash in the sink. Like what kind? You know, like somebody will... Is this about your girlfriend?

Well, it is, but I had a friend who did this in college and he was a roommate and it drove me fucking nuts. Like he would, he would throw, uh, like, uh, an orange peel in the sink or he would throw a balled up napkin in the sink. Like, Oh, I'm done with this. Throw it in the sink. And you're like, Hey, this ain't no garbage disposal.

This is just a drain. You can't throw an orange peel in the sink. You can't throw a wrapper in the sink. It's not a garbage can. He's a drain. He stinks. Yes. That's awful. It's unacceptable. Have you seen this? Of course, yeah. I've had roommates do that. Yeah, it's unacceptable. I mean, it's basically saying, you clean this shit up. That's what it is. Yeah, somebody has to pull that out of there.

Yeah, I hate that. Unacceptable. That's my little one. Unacceptable. Unacceptable little one for sure. I support this. I can see how the brain is like, oh, that's where you dump your Cheerios out. So your brain starts getting accustomed to putting bad shit, discarded shit in there, but you can't throw a wrapper in there. It's a garbage can. Why are you doing it? I hate it. I hate it. What's the big one? All right. The big one, and this one has been covered to death by a million people, but I just hate it so much that I got to bring it up.

Loud music in a restaurant. What are you doing to me? All I want to do here is talk. We got to scream. We got to yell or in a bar, like super loud music. What's the point? I it's one of my biggest pet peeves. Thank you. It's the worst. It's unacceptable. And I feel like it's because like I used to like laugh when my mom would complain about it. And now I'm just like, oh, it's the worst. Like it's I think it's because especially for people like us, like we're so used to leading with

Yeah

And it's rendering our personalities useless. Yes, yes. You know what it feels like when you're on stage and the mic goes out and they're like, just yell. So you have to yell your act. And it's never the same because now you're yelling and your timing is off. The inflection is off. So it's the worst because you're just like, huh? Vodka soda. You know, you're like, who enjoys this? Who is this for? Like, we can have music, but just lower it.

It's such a good point. That's so true. It throws your timing off. And as a comedian, timing you feel like is everything. Not only that.

But I remember we'd be at comedy festivals And all the parties would be... Like, the music would be so loud Oh, good point That we'd lose our voices And I'd be like, hey, man Yes We need our voices this week We're performing for fucking all the industry people on Tuesday Monday night, there's a party like... We're like, why are you doing this to us? I know, I know And then...

Here's the next level of it. You tell the waiter, hey, could you lower it? They're like, whoa, we got real Squaresville over here. What are you, the reverend in Footloose? Like, no, I just can't talk. I'm yelling. Yeah, I'm a reverend in Footloose. I don't want to just have a conversation. I came here to talk to my friend.

Yes! You feel like a girl who went out to sincerely talk to her friend at a bar, and a guy's like, then why are you here? You're like that dude, then why are you here? And you're like, I just want to catch up with my friend over a drink. And they're like, sure you did. Sure you did. I know. I know. I mean, dive bars got it right. Just some smooth jazz in the back or like a little piano, whatever, or even some rock. I don't give a shit. Just keep it. It should be an atmosphere thing. We're here to hang.

Give me some music like I'm solving a murder in the 50s. That's what I fucking want for background. I want some light jazz. Maybe, you know what? There's nothing better in the winter to me than you walk into a bar and it's like woodwork

wood panels and shit and they're playing sinatra and you're like oh i feel that warms me instantly love it love it sinatra or some motown something yes something low-key softer i'm totally with you why are we yelling why are we and it's almost like when you when you when the you know when every now and then there's a band and you're like uh-huh and then the band takes a break you're all like oh this is the best part of the night yeah

If I walk into a bar and they're playing Eliphas Gerald, I'm like, I'll stay for a few for sure. The Billie Holiday. Yeah, that's the best. By the way, is that the bar I think it is? That's the Fat Black Pussycat behind me right now. If you're watching us on YouTube, this is the Fat Black Pussycat, our home comedy club, part of the Comedy Cellar, which I miss so much. So the amount of nights we've had shit-faced here, Mark.

Oh my god, countless And I've just gone in and out of that curtain so many times It's hilarious Beautiful, I miss it I miss just the hang, I miss the shitty paninis I miss the chicken wings I miss the drinks you order And they hand it to you in a pint glass I've never drank a Negroni in a pint glass Except for at the fucking Fat Black Pussycat Yeah, yeah, they pile it on But boy, you gotta love it I'm there tonight, I'm at the cellar tonight I'm behind the plexiglass, but it's something

I don't know if we're supposed to say that. Oh, oh shit. It's dinner. Have dinner. Dinner. We're having dinner.

I got some pet peeves Oh yeah, hit me So my mom will do this I love my mom I'll be on the phone with her And I'm like, alright, I'm walking into the Bodega Just grab some quick food for my mom Why don't you just order your food? Why don't you order instead? I'm like, I'm walking in And she's like, why don't you I'm like, well I do order food all the time But I also want to eat right now

Right, right. You're trying to just, I'm like, they don't, like, Fresh Direct ain't delivering tonight. Ah, good point. These are like, just how, I'll order in seamless sometimes. Like, I'm doing like, these are groceries I want for the house. These are like necessities. That's why you go to the corner store. I'm wearing a mask. Yeah. Oh, is she getting on you about COVID? Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought it was a health thing.

It's been a year. I'm taking it seriously. Let's calm down, everybody. You're definitely taking it seriously. You're allowed to go out. I mean, we're all at grocery stores. You got to eat. But yeah, I think that's a little excessive. Wendy Liebman, great joke writer, had a great tweet the other day about how we landed on Mars, yet she hasn't been to a grocery store in 11 months. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Wow, that's funny. That's solid. So good. So good. She kind of invented that whole thing, that kind of sly misdirect thing. Yeah, you're right. It's like there's a type of misdirect joke, and it's like Wendy Liebman, she took it up a level to another type where it was like, I'm tricking you every time. Yep, yep, yep, exactly. And if you blink, you miss one of them. There's so many, and they're so quick.

Yeah, she's great. I'm with you on that. That's silly. I'm not unsafe. I'm wearing the mask. I'm at a store. I wash my hands when I get home. We're good. I got two more. They're short ones. All right. People who tell stories about boring vacations. If you went to Rome, I'll give it to you. I'll listen. I'll listen to it a little bit. I don't need to hear a story about you going to fucking Toledo, Ohio. Okay? Okay.

Do I have to hear a four-minute bit about the Hilton Inn? You know what I mean? Right, right. Yeah, that's crazy. Those people should know better. And if you're going to Toledo, keep it to yourself. You should be embarrassed. Keep it to yourself is such a fucking great thing to say to someone. Keep it to yourself. Yeah, that's silly. I mean, come on. How boring are you?

Awful Last one is people who try to one up you With their shitty story Like you're going in for like You're venting to someone you want And they're like ah that sucks When people go you think that's bad Oh yeah that's a problem They're trying to fucking tai chi their shit Into your shit

You take my negative energy, you transfer it to your negative energy. It's Tai Chi, but with venting. Yes, that's so true. It's like, hey, hey, I need the pity right now. Don't steal my pity. They're stealing thunder and stealing pity. They're two different things. Stealing rain, maybe. Yeah, yes, yes, stealing rain. That's a horrible Prince album. But yeah. Yeah.

No, you're so true. And that's why the Hasidic Jews and the blacks always had the, no, no, slavery, no, Holocaust, slavery, Holocaust. That was always a big thing. Stealing rain. What, give me a, should we do a bit?

We've got to start wrapping up I want to say a toast I wrote down a fun toast I'm excited, I forgot to do it Give me your toast, this will be a new segment This was just me being a douche It's not even a thing in life I just want to throw out a I googled a toast and I liked it so much Life is a waste of time Time is a waste of life So why not get wasted all the time And have the time of your life Did you steal that from a t-shirt store On Bourbon Street?

I'm not as thick as you drunk guy am. I want champagne to all my real friends and real pain to all my sham friends. Hey, that's a great line. That's up there with George Carlin's Don't Sweat the Petty Things and Don't Pet the Sweaty Things. Ooh, that's a good one. That's Carlin. Uh...

He can do it all. He can do it all. Big bits, commentary, jokes. We should tell you guys before we do our bits, you know, subscribe, leave us a five-star review on iTunes. We got a Patreon at patreon.com slash we might be drunk pod. And you can email us at we might be drunk pod at gmail.com. Send us a joke, send us a pet peeve, a recommendation, a drink that we should be having. I had a couple cool drinks in mind and it turns out I didn't have driver muth. So I will be doing that next week. But yeah.

Should I read a quick one, like a pet peeve or something before we do a joke? Yeah, just to give them a taste of what we do We read these on the potty Alright, here's from Thomas He's a pet peeve, big fan, yada yada yada pet peeves When you tell someone something and they say, I'd believe that What do you mean you'd believe that? Are you not believing everything else? Also, why wouldn't you? Also, you would believe that You don't simply believe it? That's good

I love that. I think he's dead on. I'm with this guy. I can hang with this guy.

Let's see, he's got another. Oh, this is an NBA pet peeve. We'll put that in another one. Let's do one more pet peeve. Let's see. All right. One more pet peeve. One pet peeve from Nathaniel. I hate when people wear pants and don't wear long socks with them. I'm not talking about guys with rolled up pants to purposely show their socks, i.e. my cousin. And I give him plenty of shit for it. But rather the average dude wearing jeans that reach his ankle and he sits down.

If you're cold, then wear long socks with your pants. If you're not cold, then put on some shorts. Drives me, sounds like Carlin right now. Drives me crazy when I see a guy with his ankles exposed under a pant leg. Interesting. Yeah. I've never thought about that. That's never bothered me, but yeah, to each his own. I mean, I have a friend, he's like, if you wear flip-flops around me, we're not friends anymore. I'm like,

All right. I love flip flops. I don't know what the problem is, but I understand. We'll just be honest. Giannis hates man feet. He's got your feet around me. Hates it. So I met up with him once in the summer and I had shorts and flip flops on. He's like, get out of here. He maybe go home. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. But I was like, oh, what's what do you care? Like, are you into my feet or not into my feet? If you're not into them, just whatever.

My only issue with flip flops Is if you're slowing down the walking Yes, that I'll give you I'll give you that Whatever you want to wear, I could give a shit But I understand maybe visually That's weird I do agree that in the winter It is weird to see the short socks With the long pants But also, I don't give a shit I wear long thermal socks It's fucking February, man I fuck merino wool

Right, but this is why this bothers me Because this guy's inconsistent There's something going on here Because he doesn't mind seeing my ankles in the summer But he hates seeing my ankles in the winter So is it an ankle issue or is it a seasonal issue? I don't understand the beef I think it's an attire issue He doesn't like the long pants with the short socks He just wants the long socks with the long pants And the short socks with the short pants Or shorts Okay, okay I think this guy's reaching for a peeve

That's a good, reaching for a peeve is good. When you shut down a peeve, I like that. All right, tell me a bit you're working on. Oh, man. Well, I'm working on a one-liner, and it's inside of a bigger bit. But tell me if this is stupid, and I'll put it in a vault and throw it in the river. So I talk about how everybody complains now online. Everybody's complaining so much. We're all complaining. Even my deaf friend complained so much, I had to put him in handcuffs.

Do you get it? Or is it too silly? Yeah, it's sign language, of course I get it Alright, alright, is that ridiculous? I just put on handcuffs Problem was, he's into being tied up That's a weird thing too with deaf people If they get tied up If they're into bondage and shit That means they can't speak How do you sell the safe word?

Oh, that's a whole nother, that's a great angle. That's a whole nother angle, baby. I like it, I like it. Anglin'. My deaf friend was tied up the other night. He was speechless. That's good. Okay, okay. I didn't know if it was too jokey, but it's in a quick thing with the other stuff. You can get away with jokey. Your delivery, you're able to kind of, you know, you get that kind of, you do enough in a row that you can kind of be silly. I think you kind of say it tongue-in-cheek, too.

Yeah, yeah, very tongue-in-cheek, and it's like that vegan joke, I'm walking on eggshells around my vegan friend, he really hates that. It's just quick, in and out, I'm just trying to get as many jokes as I can. That's a good joke. Oh, thanks. Some people give me shit like, oh, easy, Shecky Green, I'm like, well, I'm just trying to get as many in here.

You know what? They're jokes. It's silly. I got no issue. I like the idea of it. I haven't heard it. All right. That's one of those. It feels like Henny Youngman should have done that. Somebody. I remember Schimmel used to have a joke. How do blind guys know when they're done wiping their ass? So great. Because it's like, yes, that's a great point. I love Robert Schimmel so much. Love Schimmel. I was at SeaWorld. They were selling fish sticks. I was like, I'm good. What are these? The acts that fuck up?

Yeah, even better. I love it. This is my idea. So I went on a date with a girl who was a...

She was a conspiracy theorist, like literally all of them she believed in. She was like, I'm in a conspiracy. And it was like, it was draining. I was like, oh my God, all these fucking conspiracy theories. She texts me. I don't believe you don't want to see me again. I was like, yeah, you do believe in QAnon. You know what I mean? And then she goes, is this for real? And I said, yes, like Sandy Hook, this is for real. Okay. Oh, that's great. All right. I think we got one there. That's a great bit. Bam. Oh, I love that. Hot ep.

Oh yeah, great This is a fun one, keep listening, keep subscribing Keep sending us your Your pet peeves Emails, wemightbedrunkpod At gmail.com Subscribe to the Patreon, patreon.com Slash wemightbedrunkpod I'm loving this, I'm having so much fun

Send us drink ideas, too. What drinks do you like? We had a drink last week I never even heard of that I want to try. And tell your sober friends who probably miss drinking we can fill a hole that you've been trying to fill and your family hates you. So, yeah. Tell a friend. Spread the love. Spread the word. Spread the cheeks. And...

And this is for the sober people too, baby. We love you. We know it's tough. You know what? I'll do a quick toast before we get out of here. Here's a toast to the sober people because it ain't easy. I've said it before. You're still going to things. That's a fucking fight. We love you to the sober Alkies out there. And you're still Alkies. Technically, literally, and figuratively, you're still Alkies. I couldn't do it. So more power to you. Well done. Thank you. Thanks for listening, guys.