I Finally Lost My Mind | Financial Audit
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To watch episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier, check us out on YouTube. Are you being serious? Yes. That kind of delusion doesn't seem realistic. I'm sorry, but yeah. I'm immediately questioning, is this woman putting on an act? No. Yes. It's not an act. Then why would we purchase on this card? But we're not. Get this statement. You were making a point. I was making a point. But your point is incorrect. No, it's not. You push back on everything. Shut the... Some things just are.

Hi, my name is Amber. I'm 46, based out of Round Rock, Texas, and this is Financial Audit. What do you do for a living in Round Rock? I am a cybersecurity engineer. That sounds like money. It should be. Oh, it should be? Okay. It should be. I'm not satisfied with my pay. Well,

what's your pay one of my friends working in cyber security close friends makes a good amount of money what do you make i'm making 84 okay well it's not okay well you know you know i think maybe a little higher but 84 is not i mean you're above the median household income for austin yeah but you got to keep in mind taxes and i'm a single person well no everyone has taxes so i'm a single person with no dependence so that means my take home is somewhere closer to like maybe 50 everyone deals with taxes that doesn't

Okay, but I'm just comparing against... Against the median. I get that. And everyone pays taxes and some people have deductions. They have child tax credits, things like that. Some people, you know, married, it helps, but... Yeah, I got married, it didn't help. Oh, you've been married and you're no longer married. We are separated in impending divorce. Is that...

The finances at all? Yes. Oh, boy. Okay. All right. Well, how was that messing with the finances? Well, before I got married, all of my credit cards were paid off. I had zero balances on all my credit cards. And then... When did you get married? I got married December 16th, 2023. Oh, that is...

Wow, less than a year ago. That's crazy. Yeah, we are getting divorced. I filed the annulment paperwork on June 17th. There's so much credit card debt here. How did this all happen in eight months? He did not have a job.

Okay, why are him not having a job impacting your credit cards? We live together. I had to support this man. Yeah, but you made above the median household income you alone. For one person. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Median household, meaning usually two incomes. Not necessarily. Yes, because the median salary in Austin is $55,000. Median household income is $75,000. Okay. You make above the median income.

Household. Okay, but that was... So you could technically, if budgeted correctly... Okay, I don't budget. Okay, well, I mean, that's a starting point. So why are you blaming it on that then? Well, because it is his fault. He used my credit card. I don't budget, so we don't know where our money's going, but it's also completely his fault. Well, it's not completely his fault, but it is his fault. I had to support a whole other human being. Okay, why was he not working? He wasn't working because he was undocumented. Okay.

Oh, Rip. Is that why the marriage was being a marriage? No. Okay, why is the marriage ending so immediately? Because he decided he wanted to send a dick to some 20-year-old in Argentina.

That is a long distance pick. I wish I knew Spanish so I could ask her if she was satisfied with it or not. Because it is, you know, objects appear bigger than they actually are in real life in photos. Have you practiced that one? No. Okay. That's off the cuff. Wow. I'm full of them. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This man. Don't do that, guys. No, definitely. I would not recommend it, especially if you have not had. What do you call it? Discussions about eating habits and things of that nature. Like this man literally wanted somewhere to stay for free.

Wait, what are you talking about? This man had a four course breakfast every day. Continental breakfast every day. How did you not know this before marriage? We didn't live together before we got married. You don't want to test the waters first? I will next time. Damn straight. We're doing test drives. How long were you guys together before you got? First of all, I'll be honest. I know the finances here are messed up. I didn't even know marriage was a part of this conversation. So this is like blowing my mind right now. But okay. The tea side of me.

I know you want to know. The Springer side of me, you know, gets a little excited. Yeah. How long have you guys dated before? Three weeks. Okay. What was this? What the fuck?

Okay, I will tell you. This is crazy. I will be completely 1,000% transparent. I've kind of binge watched too many episodes of Married at First Sight. And what's the other one where you date in the pods or whatever? I applied for these shows four times. I actually almost got an interview with the producer on Married at First Sight, but it didn't quite happen.

And so I got on Tinder and I started talking to this guy and I hit it off with him. I thought he was great. He said he had a CPA. I mean, he gave me his resume. Oops, sorry. Gave me his resume and everything. So I looked him up. He was from Bogota, Colombia.

Which appealed to me because, you know, right. So that means something to someone. Sure. So we just got to talking. We FaceTimed every single day. And then I started talking about how I really desire to be a partner because one of my what do you call that? Unrealistic fears is going to sleep and not waking up and nobody knows and nobody finds my body for days because I live alone, et cetera. And he's like, yeah, I'm older, too, because he was 50 at the time.

And so it just made sense. We were like, you know what? We're old enough to know what we want. I want to be with you. And I'm like, OK, well, I guess we can try it. So he drove from Washington. Marriage is kind of an aggressive try. Well, we didn't get married right immediately. What happened? He drove from Washington, took him three days to get here. So once he moved in, then it was OK, well, we're going to live together. Great. I got to add you to the lease.

I have to add you to other things. Why do I add you? Because then he sprung on me that we were engaged on Facebook. Well, that doesn't matter, though. We didn't... I know. Facebook is totally...

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Well, I mean, at the same time, be together. I'm old. Well, not old, but like I'm older. Listen, I get the fear of growing old without love. That's one of my fears. Without love, without s***, without all the good things, right? Well, you don't need love for s***, man. You don't, but like...

You know, I kind of, I'm stingy when it comes to, so it's like, I want my to be my, but anyway, um, 20 year olds. No, they're not good at it. Um, so, sorry.

So 15 days after he moved in, he's like, let's just get married. Actually, not wasn't 15. It was seven days after he moved in. He's like, let's just get married. And I'm like, well, we have to get a license. We got to wait. We went and got the license. Are you sure he wasn't trying to green card this? I promise you, because as soon as we got married, he didn't say. He said he just wanted to be with me. And then every time we talked about our air quote marriage, it was we're working on it. It's a relationship. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. This is a marriage. It's a serious relationship.

This is more serious than that. So you don't know why he wanted to get married, but you're confident it wasn't an immigration marriage because he never pushed for a green card. We even went through a service, um, to try to get him citizenship so that he could work so that we could stop using my credit cards. Did he do any work at all? He,

Ultimately, I forced him to use DoorDash because he was not making any money. So run DoorDash? I'm sorry? So he was a runner. Yes. Under my social security number. Oh. After he tried to- That feels- Yeah, I know. Legally questionable. Okay. It gets better. Before that, because again, he was a CPA in Columbia-

You do like reality TV, don't you? Because you're coming on here and you're giving us reality TV. Well, I mean, you wanted to know the story. So he was a CPA in Columbia, so he wanted to do taxes. So he signed up for a program to do taxes. This is before tax season. But because he's undocumented, has no social security number, the business is in my name. And I hear you don't pay your taxes. No.

On time. On time, I don't. No. No, I'm working on that. So maybe this was a good relationship. Maybe. But the point was that he was supposed to bring money in. I had anticipated him bringing money in by April because, you know, he's starting from zero. But...

He just was resistant. I mean, to be very clear, obviously you guys got married way too early. Way too early. It's like not even questionable. You didn't even know how many meals he like ate. Had I known that alone, that this man literally had to have a continental breakfast every morning, I literally would not have married him. And it wasn't true love at that point. You guys couldn't have known. That's hard to know. None of the dudes out there sending pictures of that, you know, uncut hero. It was uncut. Oh, yeah. It's from South America. Yeah.

He's from anywhere outside of the United States. He's from anywhere else. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made in my life. But I learned a lot. Yeah, don't get married after three weeks before you know how a person even consumes a meal. Yeah. Most people don't need a lesson for that one. What? No, well, no offense. I mean, that is stupid. It was stupid. Yeah.

Okay, so you racked up credit card debt because of that? Yes. Which I believe how we started this conversation. Yes, that is how we got here. Okay, even though we know you make more than the median household income of Austin and you live in a cheaper suburb of Austin and you make over $10,000 more than the median in Austin. If I live in a cheaper suburb, tell me why my rent's $2,000 a month. Oh, I don't know what your place is, but I know you can get cheaper than that in the suburb you live in. With the size of the unit that I live in?

Yeah, no. See, and I bet if you got that same size in Austin City Limits, it would be. Oh, yeah. No, I don't. So what are you saying? I have no desire to live in Austin City. That has nothing to do with your suburb. It's the footage of what you live in. No, it's not. You just said it. Because when I because the apartment wasn't $2,000 when I moved in. It went up like every apartment ever. Yeah. What? By a lot. Oh.

Rent went up. Well, you know that there was rent fixing happening across the whole country, right? You do know that. Okay. Define that in your terms. There was a company, I forget the name of them, but they basically, all of the apartment communities agreed to sign on with this company and they stopped sharing, um,

Yes, I know what you're talking about. Okay. So that's what happened. They were setting prices. And that's owned by a major corporation. Well, I don't want to say most, but I feel like a lot of commercial organizations are buying up residential properties and then forcing the rent up because they want people to rent. The commercial properties, and it is an issue in general. Even still, if you combine BlackRock and all those other things, for the homes purchased, it was like less than 5% of all housing units still in a year. Now, 5% is a crazy number. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But it still leaves 95% of all units that are being purchased. So if you're going to use that as an immediate deflection as of why you probably live in a place that's bigger than your needs need to be. No, it's actually a little small for what I have going on. How many square footage? 1450. Okay, shut the f*** up. You could live in a much smaller place. Not with what I got going on. What do you got going on? I have a candle business going on.

Okay, then get a storage. No. AC storage. So the solution to me getting less expenses is to add another expense? By cutting your apartment in half price-wise and getting a $25 storage unit? Yes. It's never $25. $50.

Listen, if we can save $1,000, you can spend $500 on a super storage unit, and I'm totally chill with that. You still save money. Do you know how math works? Well, no, not really. I'm really not good at math. Okay, fun fact, $1,000 is more than $500. What are we doing here? Okay, so you're an interesting one. I like to think so. How much is coming in from the candles business? $0. I haven't launched it yet. Everything's been in preparation. So we're paying for the space of the what we have going on.

Is making nothing. How long have you been doing this? You haven't launched it, but how long have you been doing it? I've been perfecting this for the last two and a half years. Okay. Get off the toilet, dude. Well, you got to understand with candles, you're sending a container that can burn somebody's house down. So you kind of want to get it right. Yeah. Does it take everyone else two and a half years?

It can take people longer than that, actually. Okay. Yeah, it's more than just melting some wax, putting a stick in there and hoping it works. Yeah, you don't pay your taxes on time. You have a horrendous credit card debt. I see late payments in here. I don't think we're taking two and a half years to launch something that's not making any money and might not make any money. I might keep my gift. Yeah.

Oh, is it a candle? Yeah, I brought you a sample. May I see? Yeah, sure. Let's see. There you go. Okay, thank you. I appreciate it. You're welcome. I appreciate it. Will it burn down the house or has the two and a half years given us enough? It will not burn down the house. You're going to have to unseal it. It's very heavy. Is this one candle? It's two, actually. I brought you two of the scents I'm launching. Oh, thank you. Launching when? Next month. Okay. Are you here just to advertise this? No, no, no, no, no, no. I promise I'm not. Okay. Okay.

What do I do? What am I doing here? Product suggestion number one. I want to be able to open the product. Because, like, you know, this is... She has scissors. I know. These are the cut-up credit card scissors. That's not a joke. They are. They're literally sitting there for that purpose. Okay. Whenever someone decides they want to be an adult. Okay. Wow. I'd love to be able to get to the financial audit at some point. This is a nice design. This is very pleasant looking. Thank you. Green Ego. Mm-hmm.

Smells nice. Thank you. I don't know what it is. It's not a smell I've ever had. You're probably identifying the patricker. What'd you call me? No, the scent note is patricker. Petrichor, patricker. Sure. I'll take the other one. I do like that it is like, you know, you got the clean black, the clean white. Look at the design. That's kind of cool. Let me make sure the camera can see that.

Let me smell this one. This one's cell-centered. Self-centered, yes. Self. Yes. Oh. Not for you. That's not your fault, but whatever that smell is, I hate it. Okay, that's not for you. But that's not your fault. I've smelled this in other candles as well. Oh, really? And I find that smell... Unappealing. Horrific. Is it the jasmine? It could be the lily. It just smells like... Yeah, I think it's the lily. It smells like just... Like I'm gonna...

Old lady. What are these? That is ambiance spray. Okay. This one, we're burning this one. This is the Lily one. This one's going away forever. Okay. Well, thank you. I appreciate the gift. You're very welcome. And listen, for what it's worth, the packaging's very nice. The first one smelled good. The second one smells good for other people who like that smell. You know, I'll have one of the other employees take that smell. The one that you don't like. Yeah, the retirement home one, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's talk more about the business in a little bit, but I want to get into your finances. Okay. So income. Mm-hmm. I'd payroll of $5,357. Correct. Is that about right? Yes. Okay. Are you a part of any other business ventures or is this it? Because you just have that vibe of you're just all over the place. I'm glad you're picking up what I'm putting down.

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Because actually, yes. Everybody's shocked. I did try to venture off into a nonprofit. So I have a nonprofit that is doing absolutely nothing. Wait. Okay. What were you trying to do a nonprofit? You're not in the place of a nonprofit. Not at all. What was it? I'm going to tell you. So what happened was I saw a posting online.

from somewhere where I get my relaxation items. And they were looking for people to co-invest, not co-invest, but like do their own turnkey startup delivering medicinal supplies to individuals. It was supposed to launch at South by Southwest this year. Oh, fuck.

And I did not do enough investigation or research into the people that were trying to put this out. I invested $1,000 in that. And my husband was not on board with it. Because you guys didn't even know who each other were. Right. And so as the time approached for us to actually... Oh, I'm sorry. How did you find out he sent a schlong to...

Over the waves of cellular. I had access to his phone and he had access to my phone as well. Okay. We were transparent with one another. Was it just one? It was just one that I found. Naughty, naughty. But yeah, so the person that I was supposed to be going into business with, I called them like the day of South by and I'm like, hey, what's going on? What are we doing? Am I running? What am I doing? And he's like, you were supposed to be up and running by now. I don't know you by. Okay.

And I'm like, but what about my money? I'm like, I gave you $1,000. $1,000 is a significant amount of money in terms of the grand scheme of life. The 1,000-hour learning lessons, okay. The 2.5 years and the marriage thing, that's a little much more impactful. Okay, cool. So we have the income, $5,357.

What do you think was spent? What do I think was spent? Oh, yeah. All of it. In the same month. In the same month. Give me a number. 5,300. This includes debt as well. Oh, debt? Well, yes, it is money. Minimum payment? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. In terms of like that you're putting on debt. What am I putting on debt? How much do you think was spent in total across every account in the same month? The exact amount of money that I pulled in. Okay. How about double? Double.

Because it was literally double. No. Yeah. Whether it's taking out new debt and we'll find out, you know, it's anything. But that's the money that was like going against you. So I pulled in $5,000 but spent $10,000? There was an additional $1,300 that came in through Zelle, but even still, it's not even close. Yeah. And then $10,597.56 was spending. No, nothing came in that was $1,300 through Zelle. $1,300 in total. That went out. We had...

No, we had in. Well, look, but that's what we have. People are always confused about their own statements. Well, because that's therapist. I pay my therapist. $1,300 a month? Well, maybe not. Huh. $65 a session. One session every week. No, it's not $1,300. What are you talking about?

You obviously have never budgeted in your life. No, I didn't. And you're trying to start a business and you don't even know how to budget. So go through the budgeting program. Please, for f**ks sake, go through the budgeting program. Take all the quizzes. Go through the education. You guys can get it now at a discounted price. 15% off, by the way. Bundled with the investing program. Where you get $100 in cash. Into your MooMoo account. For fun. To buy MooMoos with. Hmm? Nothing. Hmm? Hmm. I said to buy MooMoos with.

I don't know what that means. Because you said you get $100 in your Moomoo account to buy Moomoos with. What's a Moomoo? It's like a very large dress for a very large person. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Sorry. No, it's fine. I just, I've never heard. I'm not a big woman. Men wear them too. You said woman dress. Men wear them too. Okay. 600 pound line. Okay.

I just want to get into the finances. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, I'm happy to always go down rabbit holes, but you just throw me down every rabbit hole that my brain just immediately is just like... My brain kind of works like that. Okay. Okay. Okay. What's your financial score? Self-assess. What do you think? Zero to 10. Zero being the worst finances ever. 10 being the best. Negative two. Okay. That's not possible, but whatever. If you want your hammer financial score, it's free. Link in the description below. Also, feel free to come on the show, guys. If you have interesting stories. Bye.

hopefully less interesting because we're 22 minutes in and we haven't even talked about a statement. Go to calebhammer.com slash apply. Oh my, okay, Quicksilver. So how'd you go into to fund this marriage? Because he wasn't working even though we know you make $10,000 more than the area for the household for two income and you live in a cheaper area and your rent actually fits in your budget. Fun fact. So how did the debt get up in eight months from zero, huh? How'd this go? Capital Quicksilver won. Did not make $10,000.

I said $10,000 more than the median household income. Oh, I'm so sorry. Sorry. So, yeah, he spent it. So you gave him access to your credit cards? I did. You didn't even know the man! I was married to him. Trying to be a good wife. Good wife? Is good wife enabling bad behavior of a partner? I'll ask my therapist. I would. I mean, well, first of all, the answer is no. Like, if I...

had a wife and she was just like going into an immense amount of debt. Well, I mean, like that's not me being like, Oh, I'm a good husband. Letting my partner go into debt. That doesn't make any sense. Well, in what world does that being a good partner? He had continental breakfast every day.

Okay, what does that mean? That's like the millionth time that you brought this up. Okay, like four pieces of toast. Okay, so... Three eggs. Four pieces of toast to start... What is that? Two slices of bread? No. Four slices of bread. Okay. Four slices of bread. So you get a loaf twice a week. Okay, go ahead. Keep going. That's not crazy. Not yet. Three eggs.

um also not crazy with with um whatever cheese he decided at that moment fruit um sometimes papaya cheese what a crazy guy okay keep going sometimes he would have papaya um and then orange juice and coffee had to have both that's in every movie and tv show ever exactly i didn't think i was i'm gonna like live it every single day dude likes his acids yeah was that it

Yeah. Okay. He ate a very diverse breakfast. It's a lot of food. Yeah. But you made it sound a lot more extreme. Oh, well. It really was. And that's also not a... I don't think that's how we... The average person doesn't even eat breakfast. Okay. So for him to have a continental breakfast like we live at a hotel is ridiculous. That was not a continental breakfast. Yes, it was. Okay. Okay.

I don't think that's why $40,000 of debt was added over a year. No, no, no, no. So I don't know why you're bringing up. A lot of it was the cannabis business. What is this? Wax is expensive. Fragrance oils are expensive. Vessels are expensive. Branding, labeling.

So we're deflecting all. No, don't get me wrong. He obviously did wrong with the song to the lady. He did wrong. You guys both did wrong on the marriage. But why are you immediately blaming him on the finances when obviously the debt was for the wax? No. And not the marriage waxing. No, because at the time that we got married, all of those supplies had already been purchased. It was literally after that.

said that the breakfast is what added $60,000 to that. And you're like, but it's the candles. And now you're saying it was the candles before? So f*** your mind. Which one is it? Because it's not $60,000 that was in a year.

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Free money is linked in the resources section of the description below. So don't pass up the free money because I'll punch you. But you said the credit card was zero before. I have a total credit line of $8,000. Okay. All the other credits. Okay. So were all the other debts existing then? Every other debt was existing. Including your 401k loan? Yes. Why do you have a 401k loan? I needed money. For? Because you make money. I ran out of.

How? Oh my gosh. I don't know. I just, I don't get, I don't. I'm like, I'm being honest. I really don't know. I don't know where my money goes. I don't budget. We talked about that before. Yeah. I don't budget. Yeah. Oh boy. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Cool. So the Quicksilver is at $2,060.96. Yeah. Credit limit is $2,000. I know. I'm over budget or over the limit. Oh, you do know something. And $72 a month is the minimum monthly payment. Because I'm over the limit. Yes. Once I'm reduced, not over the limit, then it'll be a little bit less. But I probably will still continue to pay more than that. Question. Yes. Perhaps.

If we are trying to get below the credit limit. Yeah. What's my question? No, I'm like. Really? You don't know what my question is about to be? Why am I paying the minimum? Is that your question? What the? Are you possibly purchasing on this card? Food. Amazon. Look back to my question. I'd like you to hear it again. Why the fuck?

Are you possibly purchasing on this card? Well, I can't make any more purchases on it because I'm over the limit. But before it got over the limit. Absolutely. Stop for a second. Okay. Just stop for a second. Are you being serious? Yes.

Are you legitimately... Because, like, that kind of delusion doesn't seem realistic to me. I'm sorry, but yeah. And the fact that you've mentioned loving Love Island and all that, it's just like I'm immediately questioning, is this woman putting on an act? I did not mention Love Island, first of all. The other ones! Married at first sight. Sure! So, no. Yes. It's not an act. And, no, like, I...

I don't budget. I've admitted that like many, many, many times. I don't budget. And I need to. It's not about budgeting. You said you know this is at the credit limit and you want to get it below so your minimum fee payments are lower. Then why would we purchase on this card? But we're not. This card. We're not. You did. In this statement. In this statement. This statement. We're only talking about the. Hey, hey, no. We're only talking about the card.

the statement that exists. Yeah. And if you look at it, what purchases are on the statement, Caleb? There aren't any purchases on that statement because the card was over the limit. True. That's not true. I have the statement literally in front of me. So I don't know what the you're talking about. Tell me what I bought. DoorDash and something on Apple. Yeah. DoorDash. That's more important than having lower than a...

Didn't I say food? And $9.99 is my... You did, but you just told me. Oh, this conversation is going to push me to my limit. I can already f***ing tell. You just told me that there was no purchase on the statement right in front of me. Then there obviously is two of them. And one of them is the DoorDash, one of the most expensive ways to get food ever. So what are you talking about? Well, you made it seem like I was charging while it was over the limit. And that's not accurate. Right.

I specifically asked why, if we are trying to be below the limit, are you spending on this card? As in you pushed yourself into the limit and then the interest pushed you over. Why are you pushing yourself to the limit on this card? That was the card that I had money available on. Okay. Fun fact. We probably can't afford DoorDash then. Okay? Okay.

It was either that or food. Oh my. Or groceries. Groceries. So would it have been better to say HEB? Yes, because that amount of money at HEB could stretch further. That could get you two meals instead of one DoorDash.

That it was two meals. That could get you four meals instead of two DoorDash. Have you bought eggs lately? You don't have to. Oh, guys. Hey, fun fact. Fun fact. Go walk into a grocery store tomorrow. You'll find that the only thing they sell there are eggs. No, I'm just saying if you're if you periodically go to the grocery store to buy necessities, $25 because that's the amount that we're talking about for DoorDash. It was $26 and some change. That is not going to get me four meals. It's a...

example because it's meal prepping this $25 here you take that that's close to 10% 10% of the monthly budget I am able to get you to get three solid meals a day plus snacks in a healthy caloric way on for a full month that's almost 10% of a monthly budget I can get you $25 I get oh my do you understand what $25 is 10% of

Okay, so... Also, eggs, you can get a dozen. Double age. $4, yes. $380 something. $340. See? So, like I said, like, it's either that or... So, congratulations. I don't know if you know this. Oh, I'm legitimately very angry right now. Am I angry because of something before this episode? Probably not because nothing happened. But I'm angry. You are pissing me off.

You could get seven and a half dozen eggs. Seven and a half dozen eggs. I'm doing like Trump hands right now. That's how pissed you're making me. Fucking fantastic eggs. The most fabulous eggs. You could have had so many eggs and you could have the meals, the scrambled eggs you could have had in just your example because eggs is what you care to bring up when I push back on DoorDash. The dozens of eggs you could have had. I've heard generic financial advice all my life.

Like, don't buy fancy coffee every day. But I like my daily dose of vanilla latte. Luckily, having an account with CefQ means I know how to manage my money in a way that works for me. And their mobile app makes it easy to keep track of my spending and budget for my coffee treat. Now, I'm doing things my way. CefQ. Not a bank. Better. Learn more at cefcu.com. Insured by NCUA.

Because all I want is eggs, right? Huh? Because yeah, all I want is eggs. It was your example. That was an incorrect. But I was trying to make a point. You were making a point. I was making a point. But your point is incorrect. No, it's not. It objectively is. We just went over how. How? How? In what way? Because your statement was.

For the amount of money that I spent that day on DoorDash, I could have bought four meals instead of one. Yeah, seven and a half dozen eggs could stretch further than four meals. Nobody's going to eat that many eggs. That's your choice. Nobody's going to eat that many eggs, Caleb. Oh, great. So it's eight meals.

That's not good for your cholesterol. How are you? How have you existed? Are you on blood pressure medicine? This is, I probably should be after this conversation. This is probably why your business hasn't launched in two and a half years of trying. Because you don't know how to think through anything critically. That's ridiculous. $25. Okay. Okay. Rotisserie chicken. Boom. There's a meal. $5. H-E-B. You can go get the little meat.

the meal prepped meal or they have the the the frozen or refrigerated meals never seen a rotisserie chicken for five dollars at hdb okay then you've just never had eyeballs i don't know what the tell you okay yes i have it's right here are you kidding me it's literally right here what are you talking about how do you push back on everything shut the up some things just are some things just are okay oh my gosh maybe i just prefer to have a salad that day

There it is. It's a preference. There it is. You should have said that the whole damn time. That's all it was. It was you wanted. You wanted. Okay. You could have done better. You chose not to. So why are you arguing this? I'm not. Capital one. Regular one. $1,308.50. It's a $47 minimum monthly payment. Oh. We're over the...

limit again so yes yes we are oh you want a salad you could get one for five dollars southwest chicken entree salad very nice oh chef entree salad that's five dollars and 72 cents from hb interest is accruing paid a little more than the minimum trying to get it under capital one walmart we're addicted to capital one what do you what uh sorry i want to calm down for a second i want to know what do you actually hope to get out of this conversation

Because I think one of the reasons why I'm pushed over the edge right now is because you just feel like, oh, you want to plug your candle company. You want to get a little bit of attention. You've wanted to be on reality TV. You want this. And it's pissing me off. What do you hope to get out of this conversation? Well, I came on the show because I need help.

I am 46. I'm closer to 50 than not. And I'm running out of time to get my financial together because retirement is so what do you hope? What's your what's the help you're hoping? I'm hoping that somebody can help me create a usable budget. My issue with budgets is they're usually don't buy anything. You don't need to buy anything because you're so much in debt. You're so poor. You don't need to get anything. Eat air.

Okay, you're objectively not poor. You make a lot of money. You know what I meant. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to work to spend every dime on bills. That will never happen in my lifetime. Okay, you might never get out of debt. And honestly, with the student loan debt that I have, I kind of had already resolved that, but, or resigned to that fate. But what I do want to do- So you've given up? On the student loan part, yes, absolutely. But I feel like I can turn the rest of my financial situation around, and I want to do that.

I genuinely want to do that. But if you're not willing to cut... The candles was a gift by the way. So to say that I'm here to plug my candle company? No, that's not right. I didn't even mention the name of it. Just makes me a bit nervous. If it was about that, I think I would have mentioned the name of it and the website and all that kind of

stuff and I never did any of that. So I'd appreciate an apology for that. Thank you very much. No. So I film four to five of these a week. So I've seen a lot of different people try to come on here for a lot of different reasons. Many episodes we have not uploaded. Okay. Fair. And this resembles a lot of them and that's what upsets me. But I am going to treat this regardless as you genuinely wanting help. I've given myself a chance to take a deep breath and I am

Your situation is scary for your age. Yes. Yeah. Calm down. I'm trying to be trying to bring us back into happiness. Well, I'm just saying, like, I don't appreciate the accusation, because if that was the case, like I could get berated by, you know, anybody else and actually plug my candle company that hasn't even launched yet. Well, no, you didn't get accepted to be on any other show.

But the thing is, your retirement's at $10,000, but you have a loan against it for $8,000. I have two loans against it, yes. That's what scares me. It scares me as well. But you just specifically told me that.

you're not willing to cut back. No, I didn't say I wasn't willing to cut back. I said I was not willing to eat air for the rest of my life because I'm in debt. Oh, I don't think about rest of your life. We're talking about temporary sacrifice here. That's what this shows all about. I'm not willing to do it for a year. Six months, maybe. Actually, no. Air is not sustainable. It's not nutritious. Okay, well, obviously we're not going to do that. I'm giving to give you a $300 grocery budget and you can follow our meal plan.

Okay, that's fair. I can do that. Who would say don't eat? No one practical would ever say... Dave Ramsey says that. No, he says, Binge and rush, binge and rush. I'm Dave Ramsey. That's what he says. That's still food. He's like, you can't go out. You can't go... I'm like, that's not enjoying life. No, no, no. But why do you think...

You're entitled to that. Because tomorrow is not promised. I could die tonight. I could get struck by lightning when I walk out of this building. You're right. That light could fall on me and end it. Absolutely. You are totally right. So we may as well sacrifice for the higher percentage that tomorrow is going to exist because if you get struck by lightning tomorrow, you won't know that you suffered and sacrificed. It won't have mattered anyway. So do it. Be an adult.

That's what I say. Okay. But no, he says, you're never going to see the inside of a restaurant unless you work in there. I mean, obviously, that makes sense. When we're talking about per portion per calorie, you are spending more at a restaurant than if you're eating at home. When we're talking about not going out to eat for a little bit, it's so you can take care of your debt. It's because fast forward 20 years for your life right now.

Your retirement doesn't exist and you'll never be able to retire. Exactly. So I don't give a f*** if you feel a little upset that you're not eating out for a year if I get you to a point where you're able to retire. If I'm evil for that, fine. I'm evil because I want someone to actually have a chance at retirement. Oh, no. How horrible. I think...

It's literally, first of all, you're trying to be a business owner. No business gets to any point. I didn't get here without sacrificing different things. No one gets that. But you're someone who's putting their sacrifice on a time limit of six months and you have total debt of $229,544. A lot of that being a mortgage, but that is your total debt. No, it's not a mortgage. It's student loans. Oh, kill me. Capital One Walmart card. Let's try to get back to this. Okay. He used that.

exclusively oh and it's the smallest balance that's why i let him use it that's why blaming him for all the credit card debt doesn't make any sense you said okay i did say that i did say i was out of debt before i got married and now i'm back into it i did say that you're absolutely right this what are you what are you like what am i getting from this conversation

This is banter. Now I don't even know what's true anymore that you're saying because this has objectively been false. I mean, if I knew where he was, I could have had him here, but I don't know where he is. You're now an unreliable narrator when it comes to your own finances because you completely lied how the credit card debt was formed. No, I didn't lie. I misrecollected. That's different. By a lot. By thousands of dollars. Buddy. Friend. Bestie.

This is at $209. He said this is his credit card. The card records that we went over before this were at $2,000 and $1,300. So I don't know what the f*** you're talking about. Of course, this is basically at its credit limit. Interest is accruing. A payment was made. I think I hit the table too hard. Reset your ambiance with the ambiance. I don't think that f***ing sets nerves. I'm sorry. It's okay. Just going to massage my wrists. Okay. Credit union. Mm-hmm.

Okay, so you have a line of credit to the credit union. Is this... I've had that line of credit for like five years. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. What's the max you're allowed to borrow with this? $2,000. Oh, wonderful. So it's been probably maxed out for the two years. Correct. Wonderful. So A-plus debt, I guess we'll call it A-plus debt, it's the credit union, is at $1,960.23. Okay.

With a 12.9% interest rate, better than all the other credit cards, still absolutely horrendous. It is. For example, you know, I don't know. I don't even feel like going. What? No, tell me. You're not going to beat that interest rate in the market, so we would want to pay it off early. Okay. Ally. This is the episode where I finally lost it. That is a new credit card. People have always asked, and I've asked myself as well, two and a half years into this thing,

what's the episode i'm gonna lose it i've lost it it's happened we've reached the moment can i help you get it back no no no not there's nothing i can do to help you get it back not you okay i think you're the one that made me lose it oh well then i feel responsible no it was some uh it was some teamwork teamwork makes the dream work you want to talk about my ally card now i'm just or do you want to skip it because it basically looks like the others

No, that's not how the show works. Okay. But I'm just nervous of us teaming up because the last time you teamed up, it ended in eight months. It technically ended in the second month. Really? I couldn't get him out of the house because he was on the lease.

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The guide is free and packed with insights to keep you ahead of the game. That's netsuite.com slash hammer. Thanks to NetSuite for sponsoring this episode. Oh, so you guys determined who broke up with who? Oh, I kicked him out. I put him out to a hotel. He called the police. Called the police? He called the police on me because I locked him out of the house. And the police told him what I did was not illegal and he should spend the night somewhere the hell else. And when he came back, he was resigned to the second level of the home.

That's where he lived for the next month and a half until he finally left. Okay, you have two floors. You don't need two floors. You can live in a cheaper place. Candles don't need another floor. All of my candle business information inventory slash stuff is literally in my dining room. And you definitely don't need two floors. I eat on my couch. But the upstairs is my bedroom and my home office because I do work from home. Oh, okay. Yeah.

So we're double officing. That's wonderful. I'd do both out of one or work from the couch. It's kind of hazardous because you have to heat things to a certain level. But you're keeping them on the dining room table. No, no, no, just to cool it. To heat the wax, that's in the kitchen. So the entire island of my kitchen has melting pots. Ally, is that $259.25? Yeah.

Again, basically maxed out. $27 minimum fee payment. Oh, we're purchasing. Wonderful. What are we getting? Food. Yeah, tips, treats. It's cookies. LinkedIn premium. Yes. I was trying to find a new job.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, in your field, you could make more money. Again, you're not making an insignificant amount of money. Obviously, you just don't know how to manage money. Correct. I admit that. I admit that openly. That's why I'm here. Yes. Okay. That's why everyone's here. Okay. Easy. And yeah, $20 of cookies. The sugar cookies from Tiff's Treats are pretty good. Unfortunately, Tiff's Treats has gone downhill.

Quite dramatically these last few years. I was a little obsessed with the ones that they have with the fancy middle. Like they had a peanut butter with a raspberry jam in the middle. Sounds good. I'm going to give them a shout out though. Tiny's Milk and Cookies. Go there. Have you been? No. Oh, go there. I think it's just a small local place. It's really nice. It's off of Mopac. I have your permission to go eat out at Tiny's Milk and Cookies. If you go find another man that you're going to marry in three weeks and he pays for it.

And then you went to 7-Eleven and got some bull. I got gas at 7-Eleven. Okay. Very little amount of gas. I don't drive anywhere. Okay. But you don't, you fill up your tank when it's like three-fourths or something? I fill up my tank when it's at a quarter. And then. Okay. Then you only put in an additional quarter. Yeah. Cause I don't go anywhere. It's a 31%. One thing I could do.

Please help me. I think CourseCruise has some cybersecurity. Really? Certifications. And I can gift that for free. Okay, because I do have two Okta certifications, but they have not really helped me get another job. Well, I guess anything that just boosts the resume, you know, the more the merrier. So let me look into that, though, because they have certifications for so many things. Let me remember. I appreciate that. Oh, wow. Credit one. That's when we really know we're...

In a bad situation. And that is another one that he did use because he had some dental work done. We used credit one for dental? And he had a physical. This is a card that shows up in the mail. And he had a colonoscopy. Hold on. And he wanted a vasectomy. But you guys were married. Did you not get him on your health insurance?

Yes. He is on my health insurance. Is it the co-pays or trying to get to the deductible? I have a $5,000 deductible on my health insurance for the balmy price of $180 every paycheck. He's probably still on your health insurance. He is until I get my divorce decree so I can remove him. Are you almost there? I'm waiting on the court date. I've sent all my paperwork and it was accepted by the court. I'm waiting on the court date. Eagerly waiting. Oh, I thought you said eager. Okay. Mm-mm.

I was like, whoa, what's happening? Okay. What was on my mind? Oh, $433 of purchase on credit. Also got his suits dry cleaned because he was going to sell life insurance. You know, he was obviously just marrying you for like money or something. I see that now. Yes. Did you guys have like good healthy activities consistently? No. Okay. He was marrying you for the money. I'm sorry. He was marrying you for the money. I know. I need, I know now.

Which is actually, I will, after rounds of roasts and things back and forth, I will give a compliment. You absolutely look fantastic for your age. So, like, I think we could find you someone very pleasant who isn't bad. This is, this is, I will, I will say this on your show. I am perfectly willing to relinquish all financial responsibilities to my husband. Right.

that can manage our finances because i'm not good at it i'm just not good give me one card put whatever he thinks is necessary on that one do you want to be like a trad wife or something what's happening i'm sorry i'm gonna be like a trad wife i feel like this is like a theme no no i have to work if i don't work i get really bored and then i start buying but you want him to like control the money if he's good at it absolutely i will relinquish that because i'm i'm i suck at it what's

Those dociera creations. That's okay. Those, those lovely lids. That's where I get those from. Oh, okay. It's expensive. Okay. I want to, I want to talk about a million things. Okay. Let's go back to the candle. One at a time. Sure. Okay. What do you sell? What is your product line? Candles, ambiance spray and bath salts.

Walk me through the price of this. That is a $45 candle. Oh, wait, no, no, no. The price it takes for you to make it. Oh, to make it? $15. Okay. What does this lid cost? That lid... Per lid. I'm sure you're ordering in bulk. I do order a dozen at a time. They're $30 a dozen. I'm horrible at math.

I like the smell of this one. I really do. So whatever that works out to be. Like I'm really bad at math. I don't know. So you think these are $15 to make? I have it in a spreadsheet at home. I don't have it like right here. Yeah. It's $15 because the vessel costs so much. Do we trust your spreadsheet? Well, because I put in what I buy the lids for and then I use one lid. Then I put in the amount. So it's $15? Yes. That candle is $15. And then is the customer going to be covering shipping?

No. Okay, so shipping is going to be included on your side. And obviously, that entire box was very heavy. But keep in mind, you had four products in there. Yeah. Okay. Well, can you buy just one, though? Yes, absolutely. Okay. I mean, shipping this within itself, this is dense. It's probably because this is like real glass, yeah? Yes, it is. Yeah. It's very heavy. And that's going to eat into your margin. So I guess that's why you have to charge it as such a premium. But it's also a very long-lasting candle. Yeah.

Okay. Which is fine, but that's expensive though. That's expensive. That's like a Le Labo type price. Okay. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just, I don't know, when first getting started, because you have to have that price in order to generate any kind of profit because of the shipping cost, it just makes me a little nervous.

What I would like to do is a subscription model to where they send back the empty vessels and I give them another one for it and they get it at a discount. So it's only like that hefty up front. So you're paying for their shipping back too? Yeah. Oh, buddy. Okay, that's going to be expensive. So that means the subscription is going to have to be expensive. So your launch, what is your launch plan? Huh? Your launch plan.

You mean like where? How do you plan to launch this? Online. So you just click go live? I have a website. That's all your plan is? No, I have influencers that are going to help unbox and promote. Go on. Like what? On TikTok. How many followers in total across all influencers? Oh, I don't have that many followers. Oh, for the influencers, there's at least 500K. What have you paid? They get a candle.

And they're doing it. Yeah. 500K across the board? Yeah. What are they getting consistent views on a monthly basis across each of them? Oh, that I don't know. Well, at least it only cost you a candle. But if you were paying for it, I would have been upset if you didn't know. Well, hopefully that's good. Actually, that's a cheap way in. I'm more curious about their views and seeing if it actually leads to anything.

You're not going to do any paid marketing in terms of like Facebook ads, Google ads. I thought about Facebook ads, but I'm not 100% sure where to go with it just because. Facebook ads are pretty good if you can really dial it in. Okay. And they're pretty cheap too. Okay. I'm open to that. Because, I mean, I obviously haven't burned this, but, you know, just smelling this here, the feeling of it, the look of it, I do like this. Thank you. You know, and just in general, just the instant, you know, off the cuff. What about a pop-up?

Well, actually, even better. You know what they have all over town? Just the little markets.

But it starts building your in-person customer base. You're right. That's how I started enjoying. Obviously, it's not a. That's how I've started enjoying some local products. My fear is the integrity of the product because it's wax and it's Satan's balls hot outside. I don't want things to melt. Other people do candles, though, at these markets. I go all the time. And then I don't have it. I don't have a table for that. I need to have. We can get a cheap table. OK. And then do I need a sign?

Yes, you'll probably have to invest a little bit of money into it. But again, you're just getting in front of customers. Yeah. In front of wanting customers too because people go to the markets to browse new products. Yeah. And support local businesses. Okay. I'm not saying that is the first. That's also a great place to get customer feedback. Yes. To tweak before major launches as well. I almost actually wish you did that for about a month or two before a full launch. I don't like that this is kind of sticky. Hmm.

That would be my only negative feedback because I don't like that it's sticky. The negative feedback of the smell of the other one is not fair just because I just don't like that smell. I understand. Okay. You're just like... Okay. So the credit one. You did the... Okay. Okay. Okay.

Here's the thing about the business. Let's keep talking about it for a second. If you're funding the business and inventory on credit one out of all the debts, this is essentially like the last step before a payday loan in terms of how bad credit one is. This is like the worst credit card you can get out there, the monthly fees, all this. These show up in the mail, and that's how you get them. And you're funding your inventory based on that. It's...

At that point, I'm almost not even doing the business if I'm funding it on credit one. That means you've pushed it to the absolute limit. Yeah. Plus two and a half years. What have you been doing? And then there's also an Apple bill on there. And then the flaming candle. What's that? That is a candle supply company. So I get fragrance oils from there. Like there's various things. And then your energy bill. Yeah. On the credit. Yeah.

We might need to... Okay, can... How long do... The launch after the launch after... The launch is... You might... For the influencers, if it goes well, you might get a little bit of influx. But then it dies down...

and profits. And that, that might take a long time to get to. How long do we allow? What's the runway on this? I'm using credit one to fund inventory. What's the runway on your business that you're going to allow yourself before we finally just cut our losses and say that, okay, our retirement is literally zero because we've borrowed against all of it. And we're almost 50 at that point. Ooh,

What are you allowing your runway to be? Because that's terrifying. Yeah, I really don't want to give up on it because I put too much into it. I know you don't want to, but what runway are you allowing yourself to get? And also that sunk cost. Just because you've lost money into it doesn't mean we need to lose money forever on it. Granted. So what have you given yourself a cutoff? Yeah, like six months. So it's a time thing. Yeah. Okay, but it's not a... Once I launch.

If I haven't sold anything, I don't, cause this is the thing that in my mind, I don't anticipate generating a profit because it's, you know, you gotta like put whatever you make back into it to buy more materials, to make more things. And so like, yeah. So like, I don't anticipate generating a profit, but I'm trying to give myself at least six months to actually make money.

I'm just a little concerned that this is a hobby that's gone a bit far. Okay. Fair. Fair. It's taken a long time, a lot of debt, and we're funding it on credit one. If it was like a business, small business loan or even a personal loan, it would be like, okay. I'd feel gross, but. I don't think I can qualify. No, not at this point. Not at this point. But before the credit ones, maybe. Energy bill on credit one. So I don't even know if I said the balance, but it's $415.33 with a $30 minimum payment. Okay.

Oi, oi they. Oh good, we have another credit one. Credit one number two. - There's three total. - Oh, okay. $1,655.68. Oh, I thought I saw past due for a second. I was about to . This is the fees 'cause credit one always has fees. Credit protection, express payment fee. What even is that? Whatever, $58 minimum through payment. Thank you for not purchasing. You probably can't. It's at the limit, isn't it? Yeah, it's basically at the limit.

Oh, boy. Oh, yes. Credit one number three. LinkedIn premium on here as well. Two LinkedIn premiums? Not in the same month. These statements are all from the same month. Well, the dates...

One was because one was paid. Oh, I know what I did. So I upgraded the LinkedIn premium so that I could actually send emails to recruiters because I was you only get like five or something like that. And so if I when I upgraded, then I got 15. I wonder if that even works. No. So I didn't renew purchases. And it was that. And then, of course, there's unlimited fees because it's credit one minimum payment. Fifty three dollars. And the balance is at one thousand fifty two dollars and ninety seven cents.

you need you can't you're not a card person you need to use a charge card like the fizz card something where you yeah something well essentially where you you put the money on the card you can only spend what you put it on okay what are these yeah secured cards as well charge cards secure card charge cards more like you have to pay it all back by the end of the month like it forces you to okay what is this oh well now i know what online divorce.com is

Yikes. We're overdue two payments. Yes, we are. So we're in collections for the entire balance right now. Your marriage is in collections and the divorce is in collections. Yeah. My goodness. Yeah. Big mistake. I regret it. I have regrets. Yeah, but which is why aren't you paying? I'm sorry. Just why aren't you paying this? I don't have anything extra. I'm not prioritizing it. I'm not. I don't have anything extra to prioritize that.

Okay, you spent $697.11 going out to eat and $633 on miscellaneous BS, which is essentially just endless crap. And then $156 on subscriptions. So that is incorrect. You do have extra money you're just spending on going out to eat and shitting down your throat. There's going out to eat and there's also taking care of my cat that I had to put down recently. That was $800. That's probably somewhere under miscellaneous in there. No.

No, it's not. I said miscellaneous was $600. If it's $800, it wouldn't be in that. That doesn't make any sense. Also, going out to eat is not putting down a cat. That's true. True, true, true. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened. I love cats. I love dogs. I love every animal. And I'm really sorry because that's like one of the hardest days. That really is. But that was not the expenses I was calling out. That is a necessary expense. I didn't call out necessary expenses. So you did have money left over. You were choosing to doordash.

It was $641.50 on DoorDash alone in the month. It's laziness. You're lazy. You're a lazy 46-year-old child when it comes to your food. Okay, that's fair. I don't like to cook. Yeah, well, there you go. That's being a baby. And I don't think we get to be a baby when we have $0 in retirement because we've leveraged against it. Sorry. I have no comment for that. Yeah, doesn't mean you're a baby in every aspect of life.

But in your food, you absolutely are. So we owe. And you said this is in collections now? Officially? Yes. Internal or like they sold it to a collection? I believe it's internal. Okay. So you owe $199.50 to online divorce. That's like $300 and something altogether. Okay. So it's $300? Yeah. Like $3 something. $390 something. I forget. Okay. Well, so $400. Okay. $390 online divorce. Okay.

can i ask this is gonna be personal this is gonna be inappropriate it's gonna uh involve uh uh uh did you guys i just i'm so curious about this marriage did you guys ever consummate once yes absolutely okay not necessary to know but it's a very intriguing marriage yeah so i want to like know if you guys even like touched yeah we did at first

At first? It was three months. What's at first considered in three months? The first month-ish? Roommates with benefits. Yeah, that's what it turned into. And then no benefits. Just you take it. Is he at least handsome? Suave? Yeah, he really was cute. Short, but cute. What's short? He's my height. I'm 5'4".

Oh, short king. No, not a king. Kings don't cheat. Exactly. Short loser. Endingo? Endigo? Endigo. Endigo. Yeah. Adding an extra N. The Spanish, his South American heritage was on my mind. So this is... Okay. I won't say what it sounded like then. Endingo? Endingo?

Please don't say it. What does it sound like? It sounds like Mandingo and that is not South American. What's Mandingo? That's African. Oh, what is it? Huh? What is it? I can't tell you that. Is it a tribe? No. Oh. No. It's a, it's, we'll have to save it. Can we talk about it in the post show? Yes, yes we can. Oh, guys. Stick around if I make it.

Okay, for Indigo, you owe $100.48. Yeah.

With the $40 minimum fee payment, I'm just surprised we don't just even kill that. Just kill it, yeah. I should. An annual fee is kind of what hit, and that's what brought it up. Exactly, because it was paid before that. Close it. If it has an annual fee and we're not even using it, it's just like... I didn't want to take the hit on my credit score that already sucks. Yeah, but that's the thing. It already sucks. So you may as well just take the hit. What are you... Like, I don't know. It's...

Because here's the thing. I can't move into a cheaper apartment unless my credit score is above like 600. So I'm kind of stuck. So you might be able to move within the same complex, but it wouldn't be a cheaper apartment in the same complex. How many rooms do you have? I have two, but they don't have one bed. They have one bedrooms that are more expensive than what I'm paying for my two bedroom. OK. All right. One main financial. Oh, my goodness. How many debts do you have?

So far, we're at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. I want to take a nap. We're an hour and eight minutes into this thing. This is going to be one of the longest episodes. I'm sorry. No, that's fine. That's fine. That is a title. If you walk away with something positive, legit, it's fine. Even if I lost my mind there for a bit. That is a title loan. That is what I used to pay the credit cards before I got married. So you didn't ever pay off your credit cards. You consolidated them on this. Yeah.

They were at zero, so for me that's paid off. I can't even, like, react to this anymore. Like, all my reactions, my ability to react is gone. So I'm not surprised anymore, but it's also...

It's just like, again, you're an unreliable narrator of your own financial situation. I mean, I'm not using the right terminology. I'm sorry about that. Well, that's okay, but that's what makes you unreliable. Okay. Just like if you say something about your finances, I can't just take your word for it anymore. Oh, okay. Not because of lying necessarily, but... Thank you for that. What? What?

I'm saying I'm not lying. Well, for at least this one, you're not. I think the guy, I think you did lead us astray on that one. No. Yes. $455. Basically $460. $0.58 a month is your payment. And the consolidation, first of all, it's at 24.84%. So you barely even saved any money on it, like 4% interest depending.

So I don't even know what the point was. You just allowed yourself to build up the credit cards again. $14,724.10. And you tried to blame building the credit cards back up on the guy. But now we know you didn't ever even pay these ones off anyway. You just consolidated them and then built it back up. This is horrendous. This is horrendous. That's an insane debt. And I have no energy to react to it. Okay, two failed payments for what? Fashion Nova? What are we doing?

You, this is, you're just so indicative. Oh, is that a firm? That probably is a firm. Is it? You owe $405 to a firm? Mm-hmm. Wonderful. I lost weight. I need to close. That's good. I lost 85 pounds. I need to close. Dude, congratulations. Thank you. That's sick. That's good. That shows you do have discipline abilities. That's good. That gives me a little more hope for the finances. So we owe $405. Is that all owed at once or? Yep. Yep.

You have any more? I don't think so. I probably don't let you. Well, you said this was a firm? Mm-hmm. I mean, maybe we just wear baggy clothes until you can go to the store and just buy the clothes, though. Kind of sucks. Oh, my. Are we behind on our energy bill? No, that is not an energy bill. That is a statement for my rent. That's how they send it to you. So you're not behind. Now you can see how much the rent is. You're not behind? No. Okay. Okay.

I can't be behind on my rent. You are kind of the summary of what a lot of Americans experience. A lot of people think they come on the show and the income is the problem. You're not. You have a very blessed income. You put in the work for it. You worked for it. So don't get me wrong. It's not like you were just given it. But you have a great income. Income is not the issue. You've inflated your lifestyle way beyond it. Yes, I admit that. Yes.

And now I'm comfortable. And that's the problem. Okay. So walk me through your schooling because the fact that you owe $273,288.44 on student loans is vomit inducing. Okay. So I started going to college immediately after I graduated high school, which was in 1995. Okay.

That was the year I was born. Congratulations. Thank you. Good year. Apparently not for you. No. I had to take a break because I had to work. So I had to finance this by myself. My parents did not help me at all. So I had to take out loans. As I got to be in a, like, where I had to have my own apartment and things like that, I found myself in transition often, as in, like,

I didn't have a job. So I'm like, my student loan payment would come through or financing rather would come through and I would just take the maximum so that I could support myself while I was looking for another job. Yes, absolute wrong thing to do. Yeah. But at the same time, I had a private institution out of state or what? Eh,

It was initially community college. Then it went to. The balance is too high for that. But that was in the beginning. And then you went to. Then I ended up going to a private school for six months. I got kicked out. And then I finished. Why did you get kicked out? I didn't pay.

Like they told, okay, I had a pre-approval for a loan. Okay. And then after that? And then once I got there, the pre-approval was denied. After you got kicked out? And then after I got kicked out, I moved here to Texas. From? From Kansas City. Okay. And I started going to school online. And that's where the intermittent job thing kept happening. Yeah, but you borrowed so much money. So how long were you in school? Between 2007 and I finished my master's in 2011. Okay.

I experienced three periods of unemployment during that time. Yeah, but the amount of money you borrowed to live, I don't think you were living on your minimums, your needs. You were living high in...

I had to pay my rent and I had to pay utilities. No, we know based on how you live right now where you blamed your rent at the beginning. No, I was not doing DoorDash then. DoorDash didn't exist then. This is 2007. DoorDash and restaurants still existed before DoorDash. I wasn't eating out. I was eating hot dogs. I'm not lying. I can't believe. There's no way you borrowed $273,000 to live for five years. No, no, no.

It accumulates. I kept deferring. You're right. You took out $193,000. There's no way you borrowed $193,000 without living above your means. And now you're just hurting yourself even more because, again, yeah, you're not doing anything and you're allowing interest to accrue and you've taken it from $193,000 to $273,000. Why ruin your life with this? I just don't know what to do. It's 100% your choice.

You could at least try to get on something like the save plan. I am on the save plan. Oh, you're on the save plan now? Yes. Bad news. It's getting challenged dramatically in court. But right now, payments are on hold until they work that out. What was your payment, your monthly payment? It's like $2,000 something. Once you're in the save plan. Oh, I'm sorry. In the save plan, it was $255, I think. Again, I've lost all ability to react. That'd be wild.

Instant cash. Bridget. Bridget. What are you doing? What do you mean? What are you doing? What am I doing with Bridget? What are you doing with Bridget? Who's your gal, Bridget? It's like Dave or when you borrow against your paycheck. Yeah. It's a crutch and I need to stop using it. Well, you're just, you know, payday borrowing.

You're constantly robbing from Peter to pay Paul. Robin's from. Oh, what's it? What's this called again? Bridget. Uh-huh. It's okay. Dave's. Okay. You have $133 and 99 cents. Wonderful. Oh boy. Yeah. You're just paydaying constantly. Yeah. It's a crutch. Is that it? Is that all the debt? Is that all the debt? Or is there any more debt? Is there any more debt for us to suffer through together? I think that's it.

The fact is, what's kind of interesting is I'm almost like, if my situation was that bad, if the vast majority of that debt was consumer debt, I'd be like, okay, let's just go bankrupt at that point. It's student loans. That's not going to be forgiven through bankruptcy. It might be worth looking into a debt payback plan thing through Relief app. What is that? You might check that out. I can get you connected with them. They have some debt repayment negotiations and strategies, but it's going to just depend on your working with them.

So I can get you connected with that. Cause that, I don't know. Those is the debt situation. This is really scary that you, Oh no. What's your 401k loan? You do have more debt. What is it? I don't recall. I think it's on the stage. It should be on my pay stubs. You usually have retirement at the end of the stack and your stack be thick. $10,561. Oh no, no, no, no, no. That's your vested balance, but you owe $9,185. So you have a thousand dollars in retirement.

They only let you borrow half. That $10,000 is my vested balance. What's the interest on this? The other half is what I owe. Three something percent. It's three percent interest. That's it? I believe so. It's actually not horrendous. But still not good. I get that. No, I don't need caffeine producers. I've just lost all hope and joy and existence. I'm not tired. I'm dead.

$8 on our checking account. One note to them. Okay. Wow. Have you ever opened your phone and not clicked on the Amazon app? Elderly cat. I've been trying to figure out before I put him down. Can I see your order history? On my phone. Again, you're not a reliable narrator, so I need to see. Yes. Okay. I have to go get it. Is that okay? You can go get it. Okay. Okay. Fabric softener. I don't even know what that is. Yarn. Eyeballs. Eyeballs.

Evil eye. I'm going to screen record. Okay, sure. So you can send it to us. Sponges, citric acid, baking soda. Bath salts. Cleaning. Salt, salt, salt, salt, salt, salt, salt, salt. New clothes because you lost weight. Mm-hmm.

More salt. Salt for days. Plastic plates. Maybe you just do dishes instead. Plastic plates are... Plastic plates? Paper plates. They're a luxury. They're plastic coated. But I don't think you can... Are you sure those are plastic plates? Oh, sorry. No, I apologize. Okay. It was free... Well, or grain-free wet cat food lickable things. Okay. Looked like Sudafed. Were you ill? Sinus headaches. New underwear, cat foods, cat things, greenies.

How old was your cat? He was 16. That's incredible. He only wanted water. I think we can all, you know, just, just, that's horribly sad. His sister is 12. So I'm trying to, she seems to be okay at the moment, but I think she's figured out that her brother is no longer around.

I'm a little, that's sad. I'm a little nervous of the, I mean, you get a lot of household things in here and the clothes, I understand what happened with your clothes, but again, you just can't, you can't afford a lot of this stuff right now. Well, maybe we're getting a couple new pair, but you're buying new clothes like every day. Not every day. Every day.

It was pretty damn close. Because it says Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. With underwear, if you buy under, because that's what I was buying. I'll be transparent. Okay. Well, that was one of the purchases. No, I saw more than underwear. No, there is underwear on there a couple of times. This particular dress actually was supposed to be for a date. But anyway, underwear, you can't return that if it doesn't fit. It's a health hazard.

So it's trying to find the right size. And sometimes things are not made in the United States and you're just kind of stuck. But there was more than underwear in there. I know. Did you end up going on the date? No. So we paid without. But I wore the dress here. It's not a date. $100 went out through Zelle. What's Replica?

I'm just going to Zoom. This is Amazon, Apple Bills, DoorDash, Uber, Trip, we're not surprised. More DoorDash. Okay, $900 in here. In this checking account, thank you for having at least a few hundred dollars in this one. Uber Eats, Shocker, Netflix, Dating Coach? I was lonely. No, I get it. I am scared. I do have the fear. Can I say this? Can I say that? No, no, you seem like someone who gets insulted easily. Well, that insulted you.

Sorry. I'm just very blunt and open with my thoughts. Just say what's on your mind. I fear to be you, I think. Scares me.

Like, so I get it. I get where you're coming from. Okay. And that's like one reason why it's just like, you know, I'm kind of afraid of also being single when I'm older. Okay, fair. But a dating coach, what are they doing? What are they doing? They were trying to help me navigate finding a meaningful and actual relationship. Do they help you meet people though? Sometimes. Why did you not go on the date the other day?

chickened out why i don't know that's on you why it is on me i felt like maybe like i wasn't gonna meet his expectations or something oh don't think this whole like weight loss thing has really been a complete mind for me and like my confidence is like way off really yeah and you're going to therapy yes i am i am uh you look great thank you great um no get out there uh there's a um

One of my producers went to one. I was supposed to go, but I bailed at the last minute. I decided not to because it's scary. But a few months ago, he went to a speed dating thing. Yeah, I saw that the age maximum was 45.

Is there 45 to like 55 year old ones? I didn't see that. Or 35 to 55. I didn't see it. I mean, I'll, I'll get back out there, but I want to get my financial, my financial together first. And then I agree, but also this is going to take a long time. So I want you to be like, I think you can go on dates as well. Hinge. No. You're doing hinge life. No. Tinder bumble. Tinder for kicks. Match.com. Hell no. Uh,

I can't get Facebook dating back. Farmers only? You know what? I wanted to date a farmer for the eggs. For the eggs? For the eggs. Must have chickens that produce eggs. $3, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you could have got about... I know. 27 dozen eggs for the amount of money I spent on DoorDash. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The amount of money you spent on the dating coach, you could have got four dozen eggs.

Yeah, it ended up not being really good. So I know. I mean, I think it's just more probably try to just get out there a little more. I'm not the person to be able to give good advice on this. Our budgeting program, which is provably the best that can be taken anywhere online, is now bundled with our investing program where you can get $100 in cash gifted into your Moomoo account. This is literally

Literally the best education you can take in your life right now to turn around your financial life or take where you are and make your life even better. These are bundled together for a limited time for 15% off. Check them out. Links in the description below. Lots of Amazon, lots of Amazon. Well, actually I go on a decent amount of dates. I just, I guess haven't been like relationship. Well, okay.

It's not a competition. I don't know what this conversation is. It's just free-flowing. Go with it. Take the vibe. My vibe is dead. No, don't say that. That makes me feel bad. No, because it implies that I killed it. No, no, no. You're pleasant when you're not talking about finances, I think. Look, you have a nice laugh. Look at that. Everyone...

No, that doesn't make sense. I was going to tell everyone to ask you out, but that's a horrible thing. Please don't. Don't do that. That's why people use fake names anyway. What is happening? Spiritual society. Yes.

What? We're in Mercury retrograde right now. Oh my, you're delusional. No, these are... Oh my, I've lost all hope. Planetary alignments are important. Think about it. There was an earthquake... Buddy, over the centuries, over thousands of years, that changes. When was the last time there was an earthquake in New York?

I don't know. You can't think of one. You can't think of the same. You can't think of the last time there was an earthquake in New York immediately after a blizzard. I don't live in New York, so I don't track that. OK, that aside, there is stuff happening. It behooves all of us to pay attention to what's going on. I'm not saying you got to invest in it like I did, but I want to understand my birth chart and I want to understand what triggers my moods and what like. That doesn't. It doesn't. Because you've consulted? Yeah.

You've consulted someone that does that? Why would I consult? No, I like science. It is science-based. Yeah, it gets peer-reviewed and goes through the whole scientific method, and there's a scientific theory based on all that? Let's just agree to disagree. No. There's a whole country that does this. A whole country does it. And what country is that? India. Oh, great. They don't have a GDP per capita even where close to the United States, so I don't give a shit what India does. People there live a long time.

Okay. Registered earthquakes in New York, October 28th, 2022, February 16th, 2023, April 5th, 2024, June 28th, 2024, July 31st, 2024. That's New York. Let me get New York City. Don't forget there was a tsunami as well. In New York City? No, not in New York City.

No, no. That shit happens. I'm just saying. Welcome to the earth. Look at what's been happening in the last six months. That's all I'm saying. You shouldn't have access to the internet because you like that shit's been happening since the planet's existed. But not this frequently. No, we just hear about it more because we have access to all the information happening at once. No, I disagree. I don't know how you disagree, but.

The fact that you gave me hope for a second by the discipline of losing weight, but you live in complete delulu land of the world. I mean, so I've now lost hope again. It's not to insult you, but... No, I'm not taking it. Planetary movements and star systems. Yes, yes. You care about the stars, the pattern of the stars? Do you care about that? Yes, I do. Astrology? You know...

Our solar system, with the way it's traveling, 100,000 years ago, the star patterns in the sky looked different than they are now. Not completely different, but different. So it's the whole structure of the... What's it called? The solar system? No, not the solar system. Just how the night sky looks in our lives is completely different than it is hundreds of thousands of years apart. That system's complete bulls**t.

You got to believe in something, dude. No, you don't. Well, I do. You don't have to. I choose to. Okay. No, that's fine. That's fine. You can, but you don't to. I do, but you don't have to. Okay. You can exist without... Believing in anything. There are people that do that. Well, I'm sure everyone believes in things. What do you mean believe in anything? I don't even know what you're talking about. Oh, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. I'm going to ask you, DoorDash. I'm going to just...

Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, DoorDash, HIMS and HERS. What are you getting through HIMS and HERS? I get finasteride to prevent myself going bald. Oh, what's that? What? Minoxidil. I know, I know. I asked where, but I don't want to know. DoorDash, Fiverr. Fiverr. Who are you Fiverring? People to help with the nonprofit that never did anything. Oh, boy. That was very recent. Cash App, HBO Max. Can't afford it. Amazon. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Spiritual Society? More of that? It's also that it's just draining your money that you don't have. DoorDash like a million billion times on here. And Uber and just Kindle and Alexa skills. And a million more DoorDashes in Amazon. And a million more DoorDashes. $25 in your business checking account. Thriving. $60 in cash app. Oh, good. It's four more DoorDashes. And cash an app out into someone else. Michigan doesn't have Earthquakes either, but when I was there...

We had an earthquake once. I'm just saying. It seems like this year...

And we're not even a... Last five recorded earthquakes in New York City are July 1st, July 31st, 2024, April 5th, 2024, February 16th, 2023, August 14th, 2022, March 20th, 2021. So they happen. They're small scale, but they're registered. So stop. You know, we had one in Texas like last month. Yes. Did you feel it here? No. I did. Okay. Just saying. There's things happening. And you pay attention. Exactly.

That's all I'm saying. But if you don't live in the real world, how are we going to... Like, I just... Okay, let's not focus on that. I don't know. It's hard for me to move beyond someone being delusional. Okay. I mean, you spend double what you make, so this is also... Do you feel that? No, you didn't, because you thought you spent exactly what you made. Yeah, I'm still trying to add that up in my mind, because it doesn't...

If I didn't have it. Here's your spending categories. You can look over these spreadsheets. It's exactly what you spent your money on. Here you go. Do I even do a budget, man? People hate it when I don't, but you don't know what it's like to be here. This is insane. I can't say I want to die. Gosh, I wonder how much of this episode is going to be cut. I'm curious. $850 minimum monthly debt payments. Again, for your income, technically you can afford it. Do you not owe money on your car? The title loan.

$460 a month. Just half your debt. What's your rent? $2,000. Including all utilities? No, it includes cable, pet rent, water, trash, and internet. What do you say $2,000? No, I see $1,693. Oh, that was because it just went up. My lease renewed. That much? You just allowed that? You didn't threaten to leave?

They don't give a shit about the lease. Yes, they do. No, they really don't. I force them to fix my apartment. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Buddy, I have a lot of friends apartment jumping. Absolutely, you can. Austin has... Rent. Austin. Credit. Well, yes, you f***ed yourself, but you could have gotten better rent, likely in that same unit because Austin has an actual decent supply of housing right now because we had the biggest apartment boom in the United States because they fixed zoning laws.

They're going to try to get as much money as possible. You just allowed them to. You didn't play the game. So $2,000. Utilities on average? I pay for electric. It's about $200 on average. Cell phone just went up because I've got home internet as a redundancy because Spectrum was out for like eight hours.

And I work from home, so that can't happen again. How much is your phone bill? Oh, I'm so sorry. Phone bill is now $240. Whoa, someone prepare my office noose. I need to walk in there and make sure I never film one of these again. $300 for groceries.

$100 for a TP fund. Anything else you need to survive? TP? Yep. It's anything else you need to survive. Stands for toilet paper fund. It's like you get your toilet paper, but you also get your makeup. You get whatever else you need. Gas. Vroom, vroom, drive, drive. How much monthly basis? $20 to $50. $50. Car insurance. Oh, I pay that in full every six months. How much every six months? $920. $153.

Co-pays? Anything like that? Therapy? How much do you have to spend on just medical stuff on a monthly basis? $200. Gym? No. Do you have pet insurance? I do not have pet insurance. Highly recommend. It might be hard with your cat's age, though. Yeah, that's why I don't have it. But next time. How much for cat food on a monthly basis? $60. And no subscriptions. That's canceled. Okay. Anything else you need to survive that we haven't talked about? No.

You have no excuse. No excuse. You've just completely done this yourself. You make $5,357.68 a month. Congratulations. Your necessary to live is $4,153.58 a month. Okay. You know what? I'll give you fun money of even 200. No, fun plus business, whatever, $200. Boom, you have $1,000 left on a monthly basis. Okay. Buddy, it's nothing.

Are you counting my student loans in there? Huh? Did you count my student loans in there? Well, we don't know when those payments are going to start. When they do start, your fund gets to zero and you still have $1,000 left over. Okay. Essentially. But either way, the one main, the title loan, that's what's really killing it. But all the other debts except for the student loans...

I just want to give you an idea of what you... When you do the sacrifice, which you're only willing to do for six months, which makes this entire conversation hopeless, that kind of threw me over the edge. Remember? Because I know it's going to take a lot. Plus Bridget. Okay. So, totally worth it. Buddy, literally just under two years in all of your debt besides your student loans and 401k. No, your 401k will probably... Because that comes out of your paycheck. Yes. So...

When is that projected to be paid off? I think three, four years. Something like that. Okay. Whatever. Do that. It's a 3%. Don't do it again. But literally under two years and everything's gone except for your life has changed in two years. Okay. I can do two years. You can do two years. I can do two years. And I'm giving you $200 of fun spending too. You could probably make it even...

A year and a half. Really, if you really wanted to, you can make it a year and a half. But again, this is also dependent. If you start pumping this up with a ton of money...

To make the dream. And I cheer for the dream, but we're just not doing it on credit one. But if you're spending a lot on this, you extend it to maybe three years or something. It really depends. But retirement, you are going to be playing the catch-up game. At least 25% on a yearly basis of your income. But that's fine. You still have 25% to spend on fun. The fact is, with how bad you've put your situation in because your income is so incredible...

And it can be better and we'll get it better. If it does, you cut this down even more dramatically. But even so, two years of sacrifice is nothing. You're right. Nothing. So you're willing to do more than six months? I am willing to do more than six months. Well, again, I gave you a fun budget, so it's not even. It was just what I was not willing to do was not have anything at all. What does that mean, not have anything? Like, no, you can't have a pizza. No, you can't, you know, go to Vegas for your birthday cake.

Okay, I'm done. That was an exaggeration. I'm done. But if you're saying with this budget that you've created for me, if I just discipline myself and I follow this budget and I will have credit cards will be paid off and eliminated even though I'm going to take a hit on my credit. But okay, we'll do what you say. I know how to follow instructions mostly. So I will do what you tell me to do.

I will do that. I hope so. I hope so. It's recorded. I will do what you tell me. Well, we have a follow-up channel for you to come out and prove it. So please do. We'll hold you accountable. But don't do it for me. This is literally your life. Well, yeah. I want to be better. I don't want to go into... I'm going to cry. I don't want to go into another...

bad situation. I don't, I don't want to be where I have to be dependent upon like, Hey, can I get 20 bucks so I can get gas? You know, like, I don't, I don't want to do, I don't want that to be my life, you know? And I don't, I'm already behind way, way behind the curve when it comes to retirement. And I'm going to have to figure out how to move to Belize to retire.

Yeah. Because I can't afford to retire in this country. You've got this mathematically. Now you just need to put in the effort. Okay. Amortization financial score, spending your budget zero out of 10 because you overspent by double. Debt, you have collections, so zero out of 10 and a 401k loan. So yeah. Emergency fund. Is non-existent. Zero out of 10. Retirement, going to give it a one out of 10 for getting started, but that 401k takes it all the way down. Real estate, zero out of 10. Amortization financial score, 0.5 out of 10. In the post show, we're going to talk, what was it called?

No. What's the word? You said bandingo. And I say it made me think of bandingo. Bandingo. Man. We're going to talk about that. Don't delete that. Don't delete that. There's something about eggs we're going to talk about as well. That's about that. They've done the math. A lot of egg math. We're going to talk about a lot of things with you in the post show. So here we go.

Make sure to join us for the post or everyone with the links in the description below. Today on the Financial Audit Post Show. What did this last guy want? I think he just wanted somewhere to live for free. How was just like existing around each other? I hated him. The energy in the house was heavy. What did he do to piss you off? So he would say things to me like, I really prefer when you don't talk.

Oh, geez. Is he going to get in trouble with the divorce process and stuff for being undocumented? I genuinely don't care. But is he going to, Brian? You better hope ICE can find him before I do. Oh, gosh. To watch the financial audit post show, click the join button below.