You’re Not a #GirlBoss
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Fast one-day delivery on 20 million items. It's on Prime. So are we supposed to start the podcast? Welcome to your Thursday therapy session and a place to dump all of your petty grievances with myself, Jennifer, and the star of our show, our shining bright little diamond, Pumps.

I almost think you might be just a little bit twerked about that. I think it's so fun to say, and the star of our show. Stop. Our bright, shiny little diamond. Zip it. But you are the star of our show and my very best friend and one of my favorite people on the planet. Oh, that's nice. Now you know that's true. That is true. I know that. It's very, very, very, very true.

So, listener, this is one of our favorite things to do is to get these voice memos from you because there is a lot of material out there and we only have those Tuesday episodes to dive into with a guest. But there is a lot of stuff that needs to be addressed in these therapy sessions that we have. A lot. So without further ado, let's have Kylie start us off with our first contestant. The first one just goes by Aunt Baby. Aunt Baby. Okay. Okay.

Oh God, this is a good one. I have two, but I'll make them quick and do what you will. First one is when you pay for your goddamn fucking plane ticket, you pay for the seat by the window, you pay for the extra leg room, you pay just to have that little tiny, itty bitty, shitty bit of luxury that is left when flying through our friendly skies. And some chode or some dickhead comes up to you and says,

excuse me, can we switch seats? Because my little Braxton, Jaxton, McKaylee, Kinsey fucker child wants to sit and watch the clouds. No, no, Sharon or Karen, you cannot. Your child, your precious little snowflake, has to sit her ass down in the seat that you bought for her because you weren't savvy enough to book your fucking ticket earlier, like I did. LAUGHTER

so there my name is julia love julia okay aunt baby julia that is some high quality five goals that is excellent i'm going to tell you a story that's very similar the kids and josh and i were flying to europe and we have roman and i have seats next to each other and at the time roman was probably nine years old

And so we have these two middle seats. And then there is a couple that they're probably in their late 40s, early 50s.

And they ask Roman if he can move somewhere so that they can sit by each other. Yes. And I literally look at them. I'm like, well, you know, it's like a 10 hour flight and he's my child. He's nine. So I think I'm going to sit with him. And like Josh was sitting with Dylan. Well, then they start, they keep asking the people. Because they want to sit by each other.

other? They finally get together. Oh my God. I hate them. They're total dicks. Total dicks. And they end up, they are the hand holders, the entire flights. Which means they immediately broke up the minute they landed. Yes. I mean, it was over the top. So they're like PDAing all the way to Europe. PDAing the whole way. Every time I'd get up and go to the restroom, I would look at them and they are like literally like twister the game where they're just all twisted up together. And I'm just thinking-

Why do you have to cuddle like this on an airplane? Well, if they loved each other so much, why didn't they buy seats together? Like Julia says, buy your tickets, assign your seats. Right. Now, I don't like all of the fuckery that goes on after you have gone on to the World Wide Web and selected your very own seat. And you almost like visually can picture it. Okay, I'm going to be by the window on the left side of the plane. I'm going to lean my head over.

And then somebody comes. There's always some skunk at the garden party that has to come shit on your parade. And then they drag the kid into it. Right. Now, I am happy to move, though, for two kids to sit – I mean, a mom and a kid to sit together. Like if I'm flying somewhere by myself and somebody – I'm happy to do that. Right. But I could never in a million years imagine –

Someone asking a child to move so they could sit by their significant other. I was so shocked that they asked. You can't even respond appropriately. And I kind of looked at them and were like, we're together. And I was like, this is my child. Who gives a shit if you're together? Right. Fucking grow up and go sit in your fucking seat. Oh, I hate them. No, they were awful. Good one, Julia. That's so true. Lots, lots of fuckery going on. Lots. In this. Yes. Friendly skies. Okay. The next one is...

Hbriggs13 on Instagram. Okay. Hi, I'm Heather and I have had it with random people from high school using social media to sell their pyramid scheme products.

I don't want to buy your shakes, your oils, your shampoo, your magic coffee, or your meal plan where ground beef on bell peppers counts as nachos. I definitely don't want to join your boot camp challenge. These people never come out and say what they're selling. They like to be vague and brag about how they used to be bald

overweight and constipated but now thanks to the nameless miracle they have thick hair toned bodies and take large satisfying shits every day guess what you're not a hashtag girl boss you're taking advantage of your friends and family to sell shit and i've had it

Okay, Heather, this is something that we are 100% on board with you. And it's called forced capitalism. We're going to do a whole episode.

episode about it because it is so rampant and ridiculous. Forced capitalism is a huge fucking problem. Huge. It is a huge problem where people force the capitalism upon you. And that is what your high school friends are doing to you. This is similar to the kiosks in the mall.

You're just walking down the mall. And next thing you know, people are spraying shit on you, rubbing lotion on your hands. And you didn't choose to go in that store because the kiosk is out in the public part of the mall. And so like if you go into Banana Republic and there's an overzealous saleswoman, you can just, you know, hightail it right on out of there. It is awful. The worst is in your home where like a friend invites you to a party.

And they're selling shit at the party. So you feel like you can't leave unless you buy something. Do you remember that time when our kids, remember when we sent our kids to that Jewish preschool because they had great hours? Yeah. We loved that little school. Anyway, this mom called me and she's like, hey, Jennifer, this is blank. And I have this great opportunity for you. And I was like, oh, okay, what is it? I'm thinking she's going to say, I have a great babysitter for you that I want to share or whatever. Right.

She's like, I sell Arbonne and I think that you would be phenomenal at selling Arbonne. And I'm like, I don't want to sell it. I don't want to have any part of it. She gets so mad at me and she keeps going on. You would be so good at it. You need to do this. And I was like, I don't want to do it. Right. I don't care how good at it I would be. I don't want to buy it. Right. No part of it. I don't want to use it.

I don't want to sell it. And I want to cease talking to you about it. That's how over the whole thing. To this day, when I see her, she is still super icy to me because I did not want to sell Arbonne and she needs to be stopped. This is why Heather is,

sent a voice memo to a podcast DM because what happened to me did not happen in a vacuum. Anyway, I agree with you, Heather. It's a problem and Congress needs to act. There's a long list of things that need to be taken care of. That's probably in the top 10 for sure. Maybe we can start a super PAC. Say no to forced capitalism. Okay, Kylie, what's next?

Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

Up next, we've got Demi W. Okay, Demi. I have had it with listening to Jennifer talk about pickleball. So I was curious and put it in my search bar on TikTok. Now every other video is about pickleball. I fucking have it.

Fucking love Demi. She is speaking my language. Like you have a rare talent that any subject, I could say my dog died and you'd say, well, at Pickleball. I mean, there's no Pickleball reference that you won't bring in unnecessarily. So Demi.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love her. And I also love that she Googled it on TikTok and now it's every other video. That just fucking sucks. Your phone is just not your friend sometimes. So Demi, I would apologize to you, but that would take a big person. We all know how petty you are. And I am a very small little person.

And I love pickleball. And I'm secretly so happy that in your ugly thoughts towards me, that you're now being tormented and stalked by the algorithm. So anyway, don't hate the player, Demi. Don't hate the player. She hates the player in the game. It's true. I can see why people will have had it with me over pickleball. But I'm going to tell everybody this pickleball has been

Something that brought out something better in me. Fuck off. Fuck. You are such a fucking bitch. We don't have to have a manifesto. We're all clear. You love pickleball. No, listen. I'm going to say something really sweet. God, okay. Listen.

Okay. Why are you being such a bitch? Because Kylie and I caught eyes when you started in on your pickleball. And I'm just like, here we go. Okay. I'm just going to tell you this. I had a no new friend policy for many years. Right. You know that. I know that. A very stern. Very strict. No new friend policy. I mean, and I actually was trying to shed friends. Right. And make my world even smaller. Right. And I have met the most wonderful, awesome people that I now play pickleball with.

And I think it's making me a kinder, gentler person that has more friends in their life. I mean, don't think I'm going crazy. I'm gonna start crying all the time or anything like that. I mean, that's not going to happen. You're not going to cry and post it on the internet? Don't think I'm going to, you know, no, I'm not going to cry and post it on the fucking internet. People do. Anyway, fuck you, Demi. Fuck you, Pumps. And fuck you, Kylie. Who's next?

I want Demi to know that that also has happened to me since I started working here. Yeah. And my phone's near you at all times. Yeah. I scroll and it's like, buy this pickleball racket. I'm getting pickleball accessories, clothes. Yeah. It's happening. Yeah. It's pickleball by proxy. Pickleball adjacent. Yeah. Pickleball adjacent. Yep.

Okay, the next one and the last one is Allison M. Okay. I've had it with these yak mouth grocery store clerks making a comment on every fucking thing on the conveyor belt. Oh, have you tried these? Oh, I've been wanting these. These sound good. These are my favorite. Oh, someone's having a party. I'm coming home with you. Just keep it moving and put the shit in the bag. I got things to do. Could not agree more.

could not agree more. Completely agree. I don't like that. It's like judgment and they do it. Maybe I am having some people over or maybe I just feel like eating a bunch of shit today. Right. No, I totally get the judgment thing. If you have a bunch of snacks, like little kid snacks or sweets or, oh, well, you're not worried about gluten or something. And you're like, shut the fuck

Yeah. Nobody asked you to comment on my grocery order. Yeah. No, I completely agree. Or like when you're buying a bunch of alcohol, I've heard that, you know, now they have in Oklahoma, it's very new that they sell liquor in grocery stores. And I've heard somebody be like, oh, well, this is a lot of liquor. You're sure you can handle all this?

Like, why are you making a comment about how much wine she's buying? Yeah. It's none of your fucking business. Yeah. She wants to sit in the parking lot and drink till she passes out and call an Uber. That's her business. Shut up. No, it's, I can't, I don't like all of the extra yak mouthing. I hate it.

hate it. I absolutely despise it. It's bad enough when they say, did you find everything okay? Because you're not going to go, you know, I really was looking for these cotton balls, but I didn't have, I always say, yep, I did. Even if I spent 30 minutes looking for something, I'm like, yep. No, it is at waiters that talk too much.

I don't like it. Nothing can ruin a nice dinner more than a waiter that thinks they're part of the party. It's just too much. It's way too much. Josh and I were in London once and this waiter just, I mean, he just yacked.

And yeah, you completely ruined our lunch. It will ruin your whole thing. We were dining alfresco. It was a beautiful, sunny September day in London. And yak mouth. Fucking yak mouth waiter just starts in. He starts and he's an expert on everything.

you know, then he starts telling, he's an expert on the United States of America, even though he's not American. I'm like, here's the deal, buddy. Shut up. I don't want to hear this. I want to eat lunch with my husband, not with you. And I just, it was never ending. We liked the food so much. We thought about going back the next day. Cause Josh and I will do that. If we like a restaurant. No, because of him. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's bad. I think the grocery store is what we're learning on this podcast is just a minefield. The grocery store is a huge, huge problem. You've got cart abusers. People that whip out their vacation photos. Let me tell you something that happened to me at the grocery store. This was about three years ago.

So I was really into the, or am into those, you know, the reusable bags. So you don't have to have it in plastic bags. You know, you have your own little grocery bags. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring your own grocery bags. Yeah. And I had a set of about five that were fantastic and they were kind of big. Everything could fit in them perfectly. So I get my grocery cart and I put my bags that I brought from my groceries to be bagged in underneath my cart. Okay. Like on that lower shelf of the cart. Right.

So I go to check out at the checkout counter and I get down to get my bags and they're not there. And I was like, I swear to God, I had my bags here. Hang on one second. Keep scanning all this stuff. I'm going to go scan the aisles. It must have fallen out. So as I go to start scanning the aisles, two rows down, there is a woman who has all five of my bags.

And so I say to her, hey, those are my bags. They fell out of my cart. I need them back. And she goes, no, they're not. And I go, yes, they are. And she goes, I brought these. And I go, you realize there's about 9,500 video cameras above us, right? So do you want to go down this road with me? You're going to give me my fucking bags back.

And she was like, well, I, and I was like, and the guy, the manager like sees the whole thing go down because there's nothing worse than a liar doubled down on the stolen bag. If she just would have said, oh my God, I saw them. I'm so sorry. Here they go. But she lied and said that she brought them. You know,

grocery stores have all the video cameras. So the manager sees that like it's escalating. Might have a little desktop here. So he's like, I'm going to give you all new bags. And I was like, I kind of want those bags. I want those bags. So now you're being just a touch petulant. Because I took the high road. Always. Was gracious. Yeah.

So you let her keep the bags? I just, I mean, I didn't want people, again, I took into account the people waiting in line behind me. Right. They don't want to go into your whole deal. I didn't want to be the problem at the grocery store like this fucking liar, lying liar was. She stole my bags and then lied about it. That's, I mean, that's bad.

I mean, stealing and doubling down. I'm trying to be a good ambassador to the planet with my bags, and I get dicked over by the lying liar. Who lies a lot. Yes, who stole my grocery bags. That's bad. What a bitch. What a bitch. We hate her. Tough had it with her. Yeah. Alice and the grocery stores are a problem. They are. From fellow consumers. And I'll tell you something that really, really, really, really, really bugs me.

the shit out of me. I mean, from top to bottom, couples that grocery shop together and hold hands while it's so interesting. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I'm like, there are a lot of romantic places. A grocery store is not one. No, it's go in, get your shit, pay for your shit, get the fuck out. Right. I don't know if it's a browsing thing. I mean, I cannot imagine why you would take your spouse.

Josh and I have gone to the grocery store together. I would say divide and conquer. We divide and conquer. Right. One hand is on a cart. The other hand is holding. There's no excuse for it. I don't care what the venue is. And it's an aisle. It could be a fucking Walgreens. People have to pass. I've still had it. Yeah. No, I don't.

Too much. Okay. Well, listener, thank you for joining. Do you feel better? I feel better. Yeah. I feel better. We got a lot off our chest. A lot off our chest. And listener, we hope you have too. And don't get it twisted. Okay. Don't get anything twisted for a second because we have had it with a lot of things and we have it out in these therapy sessions. And then we go out in the world and feign happiness and grace and

and respect for others. And we encourage you to do the same. But join us when, Pumps? Tuesdays and Thursdays. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. DM us some more voice memos. Pumps, you nailed that closing. Did I mess it up? No, no. I'm just having a hard time. The entry clap you're getting really good at. But I'm fading at the end. You're fading at the end. The sorority voice comes out. Well, no, they're both.

Yeah. Both. Yeah, just follow us. Like us. Like me more than her.