You Can't Babysit Your Own Kids
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Try again. One, two, three. Better. All right. Better. You sure are dolled up today. I'm all dolled up. For you. I mean, you are dolled up. Listener, if you listen to us, you may want to hop on over to YouTube so you can get your eyes on this hot piece of ass sitting next to me, pumps, and her little black...

ruffle-sleeved mini dress. Yes. Hooker red lips. This is my new lipstick. I like it. Do you like it? Uh-huh. I like a hooker red. I like a hooker red too, but I didn't think this was... Don't be mean to hookers. No, I love a good hooker, but I'm just saying, I didn't think it was hooker red. I have hooker red, but maybe I was wrong. Well, I want to welcome everybody to I've Had It. My name is Jennifer. I'm Angie. And we call her Pumps. And there is some debate...

As to who is the star of the show, some people say Pumps, some people say me. Please go to Apple and write a review after you give us five stars and place your votes. Okay.

For who is the star of the show, because it can't be both of us. Why? Star is singular. Okay. All right. So I want to... Listener, we're going to do something fun today. We're going to take your voice memos. But before we get into all of that, Kylie and Richard are here, and I want to address...

very serious issue facing America right now. It is very serious and it is the issue of boomers on Facebook. It is a huge problem. Huge problem. I mean they are over there wound up like cheap clocks. They do not know how to operate the device, the app and

And it is a disaster, an absolute disaster. So Kylie and I have been scrolling the internet trying to find examples of this. So I'm going to start off. All right. Joan did her Facebook page. And then in her bio, which is supposed to give a description of herself, she writes, I recently learned I have been taking the wrong medication for some time. Yeah.

Well, Joan, thank you for letting us know that. That's her bio. Like, yours would be like, star of I've had it, you know. Hotter than Jennifer. Hotter than Jennifer. But hers is just about her medication. That's it. Nothing else. Exactly. Here's another one. Thelma writes, and this is cap locks. I love God, my family, my president, and my country. I have high blood pressure. Yeah.

She was doing fine. You know, you know, who's the worst boomer on social media ever? Who? Donald Trump. For sure. I mean, he is the worst. But he's the most entertaining because he's such a lunatic. The 3 a.m. cap lock tweets that are always misspelled. Totally misspelled. And I don't understand. He refers to himself in third person and puts quotations around his name.

Not knowing that he's owning himself when he does that. He puts President Trump in quotes. And that's like kind of saying, wink, wink, not really president. I just love how many crimes he admits to in all of his social media. I mean, like, as an attorney, if he were my client, I would have to fire him immediately. I think they all have. Because he just rats himself out time after time after time.

Kylie, what did you find about these? What are they calling it? Gray book? Gray book? Is that like old people on Facebook? You know, I read an article before we started and that was written in the Atlantic that Facebook realizes they have a demographic problem.

Because it's mainly people like 50 and older that are on it. Do you guys have Facebook? I do not have a Facebook. I have one and I use it for investigative purposes. So you like stalk other people on it? Like if somebody is like, no, I support that. You know what I mean? Like, hey, do you know such and such? I'm like, let me look and then I can look. Okay. Kylie, who did you find?

I've got Bob, who just wanted to leave someone a really nice birthday wish. Okay. He writes, happy birthday, buddy. Bad news. Harold died. Wait, that was like, he wished somebody a happy birthday and then just followed it up with somebody died? Yeah, all in one sentence. Only a comma in between. Okay.

I think you just get to an age where it's like, hey, happy birthday. Another one bit the dust. Yeah, I think that's true. Okay, Dolores, and this is her bio, her Facebook bio about her section. She writes, I do not give Facebook permission to print anything off my computer. First of all, Dolores, I'm just going to bet there is nothing on your computer that would be salacious enough for anybody to care. My favorite part about this, though, is she thinks...

Facebook is mining her information to print it. That's what Zuckerberg's doing. He's just getting everybody's information. He's printing it and then putting it at Facebook headquarters. They're not printing shit. This is Dolores. Here's her stuff. All the stuff off her computer. Yeah, she looks like a Dolores. Okay, here's one. This is hilarious. Okay, so somebody posts like in the marketplace on Facebook.

Facebook. Two beds, one bath house. Okay. And Ruth responds, good evening. Is this available? And the person that is trying to rent the house says, yes, it is. And then Ruth responds, please leave me alone. We are sleeping. What? Then the person that's running the space responds, question mark. And Ruth puts, no more contacting, please. Thanks. Appreciate.

Why did she write back in the beginning? And then the person says, you contacted me. She says, I know. I'm no longer interested. Please stop contacting me now. I will contact the attorney general if you do not stop. That's fucking bananas. Like she's going to contact Merrick Garland and be like, hey, here's the deal.

Somebody's harassing me on Facebook, but I started it. Right. I started it. Do you remember my ex-husband used to constantly call me and say, I just want you to know I'm going to be too busy to talk on the phone. And I'm like,

You called me like, like I would give a shit. Like I would call you. I remember that time your ex-husband. So we both have the same audio visual person. Right. And he names all of our Wi-Fi's like FBI surveillance van and then it's your house number. Right. So he's over at your new house and he sets up the Wi-Fi and your ex-husband comes home and he sees this Wi-Fi name. Yes. FBI surveillance van. Right.

So he calls the Federal Bureau of Investigation and says, hi, this is such and such. I live on such and such street. Do you guys have a surveillance van in the area? Like anybody that was at the FBI would call it FBI surveillance. I mean, there's so many ridiculous things. And I want to remind you, you had three kids with him. Tripled down. Yeah.

Triple down. Nobody ever said I was smart. I think you're smart. Thank you. That was a huge lapse though. Okay. Kylie. Ethel posts a status that just says price for applesauce at Walmart. She then comments on her own status. Applesauce price Walmart. What? Help. Price for applesauce at Walmart. Sauce made from apples at Walmart. I need the price for applesauce at Walmart. Oh, is not the goggle. My bad. Okay.

She thought it was the goggle. And these are all separate comments. She's still going. Search Google for applesauce price at Walmart. She then tags someone she knows and says, help me search applesauce price at Walmart. Which they respond, www.google.com. And she says, thank you. Love, Grandma. Her sweet little granddaughter just had to help her out. That is so sweet. Okay, but I think the bigger question is, why is she Googling the price of applesauce at Walmart?

Who knows? I mean, she's retired, bored to tears, and probably is price shopping something. I mean, you got to come up with something. It's better than her sitting around watching fucking Fox News. Oh, that's true. That's true. Okay, here's speaking of grandmothers. Here's one, and this is her bio. Okay. Again, I have nothing to say in what is new. All I know is I have a very unpleasant granddaughter. Okay.

I love her. She's, I mean, she's had it with her granddaughter. Okay. Holly D posts, Facebook, please put pictures from Christmas on here. What? Mike says, Grandma, what are you talking about? Holly says, I'm trying to put the pictures from Christmas on the Facebook, but it won't work.

Okay, here's one. Somebody like posts an article and it says, Aldi, the little grocery store, Aldi goes fully organic, bans pesticides and rivals Whole Foods as healthiest grocery store. Betty responds twice. Her first response is, I love this store and hate to hear this. Okay.

She sounds like somebody we would be friends with. I would not be friends with her. Here's her second comment. And she says, I don't want to pay the prices and fruit doesn't last as long. And the Lord is returning soon. Okay. I don't want to be your friend anymore. You and your new best friend, Betty can have fun during the rapture and I'll be down here with the normal people. I'm just saying like, I respect somebody that's like, I've had it with

All the pesticide and organic. The science on that is sound. I just don't. I know, but you also drink 95 ounces of stevia and vape all day long. I have no stevia in that, by the way. Well, let's have a goddamn parade. We should. I've had it studio. I would like for you to dress up. Any more, Kylie? Yes. Lorna was trying to reach her son.

She says, hello, Daniel. This is your mother. How do I get back onto my Facebook page? Isn't she on her Facebook page? Yes. She did not send it to Daniel. She sent it to...

the Avon and Somerset Police Department, which they kindly responded. Hi, Daniel's mom. This is the police. If you click the little arrow icon in the top right hand corner of the page, it should give you an option to log out. You will then be able to log back into your own account. You can thank us later, Daniel. I love the police doing that. That's a great response. I know. Support for today's episode comes from Jenny Kane. Jenny, what did your boys get you for Mother's Day?

Well, Pumps, as you know, Josh has incredible taste, but I don't want to go on about that because I've got to keep his ego beaten down. But nonetheless, he did nail my Mother's Day gift. Well, that's no shock. He has great taste. I got the most amazing cashmere knit sweater from Jenny Kane that I had been secretly hinting at for weeks. Shut up. I love Jenny Kane. The pieces are simple, stylish, comfortable, and chic.

Every time I wear something from Jenny Kane, I get nonstop compliments. Well, Pumps, as the star of our show, it is incredibly important that you wear things like this so that you stay the hot one.

And now you have Jenny Kane to thank for that. I sure do. To find your forever pieces, visit JennyKane.com. Our listeners get 15% off your first order when you use code HADIT at checkout. That's 15% off your first order. J-E-N-N-I-K-A-Y-N-E.com promo code HADIT. Mamas, it's your month. So treat yourself.

Okay, so I also did a little troll of my mother's Instagram. Okay. And my mother, I bought her a really cute pair of like animal print sneakers. And she posted a picture of them on her Instagram and she wrote, Jennifer.

Wait, she put this on her Facebook? Instagram. Instagram.

Did she think she was texting you? I don't know, but here's my favorite one on my mother's Instagram. She posts a picture of her dog and she writes, Sandy, here's Bentley. Look how he turns his head when Rick talks to him. And then Sandy responds, oh my God, they are so cute. How old are they? Have fun at the park, babies. Hi, Rick. And my mom responds, that's a beautiful ice skating rink. Yeah.

So my sons, Dylan and Roman, like they, every time they're with her and my mother has, as you know, an incredibly dry sense of humor and as a very cool grandmother, but they always like get her phone and hack into her.

Instagram. And so they'll post pictures, like he'll post a picture of Tony, her other grandson, and she'll put, doesn't my granddaughter Margaret look great? My mother gets so furious. She's like, y'all are trying to make me look like I'm old and senile. No, but the nap in the cheetah shoes. She is going to be furious with me for sharing this. Mother, you are hip.

Yes. You are cool, but your Instagram usage is somewhat aging you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just a touch. Yes. Well, listener, now we are going to move on to one of our favorite parts of our show, which is hearing from you all. Yes. And Kylie has lined up. She's picked some winners because everybody sends these voice memos to our Instagram. So if you would like to be featured, just send a voice memo to our Instagram feed and

But Kylie, who was our first contestant? Okay, up first, we've got Joy Kay. Hi, Jennifer and Poms. My name is Joy. I'm calling from Nigeria and I totally love your podcast. But I've had it. I've had it with unsolicited advice.

Like, why would you advise me? Don't do that. If I wanted advice, I know where the hell to get it. Your life is not even near as good as mine and you're giving me advice. Nah, please keep your advice. I've totally had it.

She is so right. She's so right. That unsolicited advice is unwelcome everywhere, including Nigeria. Right. How exciting we have a listener in Nigeria. Are we in a hot ship or what? I'm like so excited about that. That is so amazing. I mean, we're a sucker for, I mean, a non-American accent. Yes. Love her accent. We are totally in. You know what my favorite part of that whole thing was though?

not only did she not want unsolicited advice, but then she made the point to say, my life's better than yours anyway. So that's great. Yeah. I mean, I don't like solicitations in any form. As we all know, I have an ongoing problem with my office door and unsolicited people coming in to my office, either lost or trying to peddle something on me.

And then if we were to get to, you know, like somebody just offering me advice on how to do this podcast or which probably we need and I probably should listen to. Right. But or how to run my interior design business or how to be a better mother. I would just be like, fuck. Right.

Right. The unsolicited advice about your kids. I mean, I think that's a tricky one. I mean, if I said, hey, I've got this problem with one of my kids and I opened it up for discussion, that's one thing. But for you to say, oh, my God, I saw your kid and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's like a friendship ender, period. Right. Like stay away from my kids. Yeah. And you can call me everything in the book, all that. Don't care. But.

But start giving me advice on my kids. Then we will hate each other's guts by the time we're done. OK, who's next? Up next, we've got Nari. I just want to say I love y'all's podcast so much. I am in love with Jessica and Pumps. Like, oh, my God. Bitches. What I have had it with for my whole fucking life.

is when I send a text message, everything's in the message. It's detailed. It has my grievances, what I want to happen, what actions I want to follow this text message. And the motherfucker responds with, what? What do you mean by that? What do you mean what? Bitch, read the message over. Read it over. Everything's in there. I have had it with people who do not use context clues or even just common sense when reading a fucking text message.

I could not agree more. Jess, what do you think? Look at Kylie over there. She's so proud of herself. Just like the cat that ate the carrot. She loves it. So Kylie's the one that if you really want your grievance to be aired, you've really got to suck up to her in the DMs. So Kylie obviously heard her call me Jessica. Yeah.

which is a total dunk. I get it. I mean, y'all are totally dunking on me and it is hilarious. And I know y'all are going to call me Jessica forever now. I won't remember long enough to call you Jessica past today. Kylie will. A hundred percent. Kylie's young and sharp, but she is right about when you send a detailed message,

Text. It's unbelievable. You know what a detailed text is followed up with? A stupid question. Always. So that whole saying, and we're going to repeat a lot of things here that we're trying to eliminate from this planet. And one thing is stupid questions. So somebody sends you a very detailed text saying,

where they've answered every imaginable question in the text and you respond with a question, there's a 99.9% chance that you're asking a stupid question. Right. And repetitive. Right. Here's the deal. I will say I send very detailed texts sometimes and nothing makes me more furious than when the person calls me and then regurgitates the text. For example,

Okay, so you want me to blah, blah, blah. Yes, that's why it said that in the text. Right. Okay. And so to do that, I need to blah, blah, blah. I'm just like, can you not fucking read? Like, what is the deal? However, when someone sends me a detailed text of like exactly what I need to know, I love it. I mean, I'm just like, thank you. Right. Thank you so much. So I don't understand when people initiate a phone call to talk about the text and

when it makes everybody's life easier just to read it. Maybe read it twice. We have two things colliding here. Okay. What are they? A yak mouth and a stupid question. Right, right. Yeah. If you send me a very detailed text with all the pertinent information that I need, and then I follow up to grandstand about my comprehension of the text, it is a yak mouth. And then if I ask a question,

That you've already, I think in legal circles, you call this asked and answered counselor. Yes. Right? Totally. Objection. What's even worse, though, is when they act like the question wasn't answered in the text. Right. I mean, do you think it's rude to just be like, did you not read it? Because if you read the text, you'll see. I think at this stage in the publishing of this podcast, I think we've really...

flown right by rude. I mean, I think that's in the rear view mirror. I think we are like, no going back straight to asshole Island with all these motherfuckers going down with us. Right. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah. I'm okay to be on asshole Island. Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie. I didn't even listen to the rest of her thing. I didn't even know what the topic was. I'm glad it was good. Did you and Ana pick that together? She said Jessica and I was like, done. Done. Was Ana? For sure. Yeah. So, listener, Ana is Kylie's girlfriend, whom I adore. Precious. And I know that the two of you just probably sat there and just giggled with Judy the dog and y'all thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. Yeah.

And I'm dying now for someone to call pumps the wrong name. But see, you have this iconic nickname. It's probably not going to happen. Sometimes they call you pump, which is singular, which is not as good as somebody calling me Jessica when my name is Jennifer. Fuck you. Fuck the caller, even though I love your hat. Fuck Kylie. Fuck Anna. Just fuck everybody. Richard, just I'm gonna throw you in for good measure guilt by association for doing the sound. Poor Richard. He didn't do a damn thing.

Okay, next we've got Lauren P. Hi, ladies. I've had it with automatic toilet flushers. I can't fucking stand being splashed with bacteria-infested water. I didn't consent to it. I wasn't finished peeing or pooping. I wasn't done. How does a motion detector get to dictate when my toileting journey is over? It's ridiculous, and I've had it. Sounds like she's...

Potting in public places. Pooping in public places. Pooping in public places. Aren't you a public place pooper? I mean, only if it's an emergency. See, I can squeeze that ass like nobody's business. All the way home? Oh, yes. But I'm just going to say, and everybody's going to be mad at me and the people on YouTube, I've seen your comments, like we're going to start a timer when Jennifer mentions pickleball. So here's the moment. 30 minutes in. 30 minutes in. Here's the moment.

At the place where I play pickleball, they have those automated flushing things, right? Right. But they don't fucking work. So every time you go into the restrooms...

everybody's pee and toilet paper is just sitting there because there's no lever and it has like a digital like red button. So you just assume that it's an auto flusher, right? It's a racket because there's a green button on the toilet that you have to manually push. It is masquerading as an automated toilet.

And in fact, it is not. It's some button pushing public toilet. I don't like to touch things in restrooms. So I have to get my pickleball shoe up, push the little button in. And then you're lucky that you can push the button in with your foot. Oh, I mean, pumps. I'm an athlete. I meant like, like your finger, you know, most buttons are about finger size, like that you could actually, it doesn't matter. Again, I'm an athlete. All right. So, I mean, I know that that's impressive and, and,

Everybody on YouTube can fuck off too. But you know what's the worst about that? I will say if I have to choose between a little splash on my ass or walking into a public toilet and having poop in it, I think I'll do the splash on the ass. I mean, just every time if that happens, I just gag. It's awful. Oh, it's just horrible. The public restroom situation, I don't know if I've said it once. I'm just going to go ahead and say it again. We need to invest more money in this.

There is just not enough cleaning enough. And people here's, here's a grievance that I have. If you're in a public restroom and you wash your hands and they happen to have that, you know, brown recycled paper instead of the dryer, go ahead and get it, dry your hands off and then do a wipe down. Wipe down the counter. I always wipe down the counter. If you have the availability of a towel, go,

Go ahead and clean it up. Make sure your stall is clean. Right. You know, and if you have taken a fucking stage five greaser in a public toilet, stay in the stall until you know that motherfucker is down the drain for God's sake. Preach. That is exactly right. I have had it. I mean, that is so like who would not?

Double check that it was flushing. What kind of sociopath is out there leaving a fucking greaser in the toilet? It's horrible. It's going on. I know. It's bad. It's so bad. It is awful. But I mean, if I think about greasers, I do remember one of our first dates. Right. But I was pregnant.

I don't give a shit, but I flushed it. Our first date. And if we've mentioned this on the podcast before, I'm sorry. It's a great story. It's right there with the teaspoon up the ass. So we were going to go look at plumbing fixtures, I believe, for your kitchen because Pumps hired me to redesign her kitchen. Right. And she's driving in this white Suburban that I affectionately referred to as the Petri dish. Right. Because it had just germs and kids chicken nuggets and car seats and shit everywhere. Right.

And she's like, Oh my God, I've got to poop. I've got to poop. I've got to poop. She turns into Firestone and there's like a person behind the counter and then right next to it is a bathroom and she goes in and it is like a nuke bomb. It lied to the guy said, we're looking for your mother. Right. Go and drop a bomb. You think he heard it?

No, I don't think he heard it. But I mean, it was bad design that the cab, like the pay counter and the toilet were just right there. And I'd started in with the lie before I knew that the bathroom was right next to him. Yeah. I thought I would just like sneak back to the back toilet. But no, it was bad. Yeah. I probably would. No, I wouldn't have thought he heard it. I would have put the water on.

Yeah. And I damn sure would not have left a floater. That's awful. I've never heard of it. A greaser. That's the grossest term for it I've ever heard. Yeah. Yeah. That's gross. But it is gross. The thing that we're talking about, it's like putting, you know, lipstick on a pig. Right. You can't. You can't do it. It is a greaser, Kylie. I have a problem.

Listener, it's a really big problem. People that I have in my life have a toddler-like compulsion to poop. One of them is pumps.

And the other one is Josh. And they both, when they have to poop, there's no ability to squeeze the ass tight and hold it in. I mean, I can hold it for hours. Oh, I can't. To the ends of the earth. I will not shit in a public toilet. I just will not fucking do it.

You've got a high and tight asshole. Right. You definitely do. I do. I can't. I have a very high and very tight ass hole. Listener, you know how I feel about oversized beverages and the ridiculous amount of sweet tea and sugar pumps is ingesting daily. And I just want to reiterate how disgusting and unhealthy I think it is for the permanent record.

Actually, Jenny, for the permanent record, I haven't been drinking as much sweet tea and have stopped using artificial sweeteners. What? You will be thrilled to know that I have finally taken your advice and switched to drinking Hint water. Hint water is pure fruit infused water that satisfies my sweet craving and I already feel so much better. This is a huge relief, both for me and your kidneys.

I know, and Hint Water has zero sugar, calories, and no artificial sweeteners. They have many great flavors. Blueberry Lemon is my favorite. I am so proud of you, Pumpers. I knew you would be. You can buy Hint Water at retail stores like Walmart, Target, or Kroger online.

Or you can have it delivered right to your door by ordering from HintWater.com. New customers can get Hint Water for just a dollar a bottle with free shipping when they order three cases. That's 36 bottles for $36 plus free shipping. Just use code HADIT at checkout.

Okay, up next, we've got someone with the username Kitty Popoff. This is going to make me sound like a joyless cunt, but in my defense, I am one. I've had it up to the tits with the electric scooter, the bird scooter, the lime scooter, whatever the fuck it's called. There is dignity in a city bike. There is dignity in a certified Italian on an actual Vespa. This is neither. Okay.

At my present station in life, childless, there is no reason for me to ever come within a meter of this cartoon method of transportation. And I thought that that was part of a larger social contract. So tell me why. First thing in the fucking morning on my way to work, there's a little businessman, you know, careening down the street, which is for vehicles, in front of me.

necktie billowing out behind him. This has got to be some sort of dark humiliation ritual. And he's made me party to it without my consent. I fucking had it.

I love the self-described joyless cat. And what about a certified Italian? I love that on a best bet. They get a complete pass. Total pass. Total pass. Italians get a pass for almost everything. French too. I mean, one of the greatest loves of my life is this tennis player named Matteo Berrettini. Right. And he is hot. And if you don't follow this guy on Instagram, go check him out.

right fucking now. And you can thank me later because even men think he's hot. Yeah. Kylie, you know, I'm talking about? No. You don't? Well, you've never looked at her Instagram then. Do you follow me on Instagram? You're blocked. I'm telling you, this guy is if he okay, here's the deal. I wonder if Kitty Popoff, I wonder if the guy was hot, if it would make a difference, because it sounds like she's

seeing like dorky men. Right. Trying to be cool. Here's the deal though. Nobody should be on that in the, with a car in the same lane with the car.

Aren't they outlawed, all those things outlawed? In big cities, it's kind of chaos. Yeah. I remember we were in like Santa Monica and it's been a while, but the kids and Josh and I were in Santa Monica and everybody had those scooters and we got some and we rode them around. But I can see how it would just be incredibly grating to see grown men with their backpack and their tie. I mean, it probably looks like a bunch of Mormons, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I would think it would, like, it makes me nervous for a motorcycle to be by me when I'm driving. So that would particularly make me nervous. Yeah. I think that because we live in Oklahoma City, we don't experience, I see these deals downtown. Are they downtown? Yeah. I've ridden quite a few. Are you drunk when you do it? No, that's illegal. Pumps. I've been pulled over on one before, though. Oh, really? You were pulled over on a scooter? Did you take a breathalyzer? No.

Why are you saying, why are you asking her if she took a breathalyzer? Her mother listens to this podcast for God's sake. Oh my God. Mother, I was sober. She was sober. Don't call sober. Nobody has taken a breathalyzer of Kylie on the scooter. Well, but if they pulled her over, are they just,

Breathalyzing everyone? Is this what happens to you when you get pulled over? You breathalyze constantly, counselor? No, no, no, no, no. But I'm just saying like if they pulled her over, I don't know. I just assume most people on Vespas are drunk. Contact Pumps, attorney at law, for all of your DUI needs. She specializes in family law, but if you are drunk on a scooter, call Pumps. Yeah, I just, I didn't know people rode those sober. She will demand the cops give you a breathalyzer. Breathalyzer.

Yeah, no, I'm not coordinated enough to even ride one of those. So I've never been on one. It's an electric scooter. I know, but you know how uncoordinated I am. I'm abundantly aware. So I avoid them like crazy. Okay. Okay, up next we've got Catherine M. Okay. I was on a flight recently and reminded of this. I've had it, unfortunately, which is people who insist on clapping when an airplane lands. Like, what?

thunderous applause like the pilot has just given the performance of their lifetime like it's freaking 1902 and they're the Wright brothers up there peddling their little legs on a hamster wheel to ensure that we don't crash into the Rocky Mountains it's just like what was the alternative what are we clapping for the pilot is just doing their job I didn't sign up to die today thank you very much and

And I just feel like this goes back to our society's obsession with celebrating mediocrity, in this case, literally applauding mediocrity. And I freaking had it. Enough. She just got you right where you live in your sweet spot.

Are you ready? I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm ready. Jenny's going to blow. Jenny's going to blow. I have fucking had it with people celebrating other people doing their fucking jobs. Also praising normal behavior. For example, I showed up on time to work today. And then there's this pregnant pause where they're waiting for

for people to clap and say, great job. Good for you. When our kids were younger, I remember Josh used to say, I babysat the kids last night. There's nothing worse than that. Motherfucker. No, you didn't. You're simply living your life in your home with the people that you made.

With your family. There's no fucking babysitting your own kids. No, you cannot babysit your own children. Bragging about putting dishes in the dishwasher. Remember I used to always say, I mean, is there a parade down Whippoorwill?

For doing a load of laundry, like I do 10 a day. Like I can't hear about your great achievement of emptying the dishwasher. Listener, one thing you have to know about me is I'm an incredibly punctual person. Very much so. And being on time to me is a sign of respect.

both for time and for other people. And both things I value. I value time and I value people with whom I spend time. Somebody that is on this podcast with me, that is also on the photograph of the podcast with me. That shall remain nameless. Whom I will not out on this podcast shows up to things late. She shows up to events late.

And for years, she knows because I'm looking at my watch, like say we're supposed to meet somewhere at four, four or five rolls around. And then all of a sudden I just laser lock on the entrance to the restaurant and steam is just starting to come all over me. I mean, anybody else could be late and I'm not going to be that mad about it. But if it's her, it just really gets in my craw. So she comes in, she immediately senses the lasers. Yeah.

Completely diverts her eyes away from me makes a huge to do to everybody says hello Hello to everybody and then sits down. I'm like, are you not gonna say hello to me? She's like, well, hi And then like the next week we have to meet and she'll show up like say it's 2 p.m She'll show up at like 202 and she'll go I was on time today I think two minutes is within the realm of on time two minutes is two minutes late. I

Okay, we're off topic. No, you brag when you're two minutes late. I know, but because I used to be 30 minutes late or 15 minutes late. This is what I'm talking about. She's bragging about normal active. This is what the caller, this is what she's had it with. Specifically, we were talking about. We're talking about you. We were talking about other stuff, but I've completely, it's a pivot.

It's a total pivot. And we're talking about what an asshole you are and how myself and the caller in particular has had it with you. Well, Jessica, I appreciate that.

I think the only people that clap on a plane are Southwest. I just feel like that's right. I think Southwest is one of the worst offenders, but I've been on flights where people start clapping and it's just, and if I'm the pilot, I would probably be up there like, shut the fuck up. I landed a plane. I do it all the goddamn time. You know, it'd be, it's just not a clappable thing.

No. Landing a plane if you are a pilot for a commercial airliner is not a clappable action. We shouldn't be so impressed that you did it. Right. I mean, it's like, do you at the end of going to the grocery store after the clerk rings you up, do you stand there and clap? No, I do not. That's a very valid point. Right. When you go to Starbucks and the barista makes your coffee, do you clap for him? I do not. Right. I don't really go to Starbucks. Well, for example. For example. For example.

Always caught up in the semantics of everything. I'm just always a detail person. Just a detailed, tardy ass bitch from hell. All right. All right. I have to move on. Okay. Up next, we've got Becky F. Okay, ladies. I had to stop the podcast right in the middle of Ascendos out because I have some thoughts here. I drive a minivan. Thank you.

Thank you very much. I know. Fuck off. I have three kids. I bought it on Facebook at two o'clock in the morning when I was breastfeeding my third child. And that's where I am in life. I always park ass in nose out. And here's why. I can't fucking see what's going on in front of me. And my camera is the only thing I rely on. So whether I look like a bozo or not, I just needed to let you know there are people in the world doing this because they have no depth perception and rely on these goddamn cameras to make us ass in nose out.

Love you. She's great. I love her. I love her because she just completely owned her shit. She just owned it. I bought it at 2 a.m. while I was breastfeeding. Fuck you. Fuck you. I like her. I mean, that's the sign of a good friend because we tell each other to fuck off all the time. Right. No, I love it that she sent it in to make a point. I do think this could be an issue that I personally could evolve on. And let me tell you why.

For the YouTubers that monitor how many times I bring up pickleball, here is time number two. This girl that I play pickleball with, she and I had a private lesson this morning together at 7.30 a.m.,

She is an ass in nose out Parker. Like exclusively, right? Exclusively ass in nose out Parker. And she wanted me to tell you that she can whip it in ass in nose out quicker than you can nose in ass out. Well, I might need to go up there and we'll try it. You can come up and watch when you can watch me play pickleball. Cause I know you've been dying to die.

So anyway, as we leave our lesson this morning, her car is ass. We're the only two cars there because we're the only two crackheads that show up at 7 a.m. to take a pickleball lesson. Right. So her car is ass in nose out and it's perfectly centered in between the two white parking lines. OK, I mean, it's perfect. Next to her car is my car nose in ass out.

Not centered. Right. At all. Like I've got an inch of tire over the white line. Yeah. It's a shit show. And she kind of flexes. She kind of like, you know, she's a pretty humble woman and she's kind of like, Hmm, look, look at this. And I'm like, I'll tell you what, that is impressive. And she claims, we should probably time her and do an experiment, but she claims that she can ass in nose out as quickly as you can nose in ass out.

I suspect that's probably true. Yeah, she's pretty competent. Well, I had my nephew came up to me like at a family deal on Easter and was like, I do ass in, nose out because that's the only, I mean, he gave me some explanation, but apparently you're a better Parker if you do that. This is what the ass in, nose outers claim. Right. So, I mean, he told me all the reasons, but I don't remember what they were. I was just like, okay. They claim to be superior Parkers. Parkers.

That they kind of have, you know, the world by its tail. Right. Early bird catches the worm. Right. Well, they are the early bird because they're just flying out of that parking lot with their hair on fire. I mean, there is a lot of confidence that comes with this activity. Right. So, I mean, I don't know. I think maybe we could do on our Patreon an Asin Nose Out video, Kylie. I think so. Out in the parking lot. Yeah. Black and white checkered flag. Get the cones. See who did it better, faster. Get the cones. I'll get my pickleball friend in here. Let her...

I mean, I don't know. I love the color, though. She told us to fuck. I love her. Between that and the joyless cunt, it's just been a banner, banner episode. I love these people. I love these people. I love that she said joy. I know you're going to think I'm a joyless cunt. I know.

Love it. All right. Listen up, listener. We have, I mean, we have dissected and sliced and diced from here to Nigeria and back to here. But here's what we need you to do. Please go to Apple and give us a five-star review and write a physical review because this helps us more than you know. Also subscribe to follow us on Patreon. I think we're going to do a little parking experiment. And we're going to do a drag show at some point.

I mean, we're not the performers. Right. But we're going. I didn't know if you knew we're going to do a drag show. No, but we're going to a drag show. A brunch. We were going to go this weekend, but it was sold out. We're going to go to a drag show because we support drag queens and the LGBTQ. And that'll be fun. And you cannot not have fun at a drag show. It's impossible. Right. But I think there's a bunch of fuckers that are mean to drag queens and we're going to support the drag queens. Well, of course, but those people are dicks. Yeah.

All right. So follow us, rate, review, subscribe, DM our Instagram account with what you've had it with. Yes. We will see you next Tuesday. We will see you next Thursday. And regardless, we're joyless cunts. We're joyless cunts. That's our new thing. We'll have to borrow it from Kitty Pop-Up. Kitty Pop-Up. All right. Bye, listener. Bye, listener. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.

Pick up that glass of Pinot Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time. We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast, Mom. I know, I know. Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'm Ramona Singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. And you probably know us best from The Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time.

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