We Are SUCH Good People with Nikki Glaser
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I'm wearing white jeans and a lilac blazer. Yes. And you are wearing lilac jeans with a white blouse. It happens all the time.

all the time. Like I would say three out of five, maybe even three out of four times, never once in all the umpteen phone calls a day and in the morning, do we ever discuss what we're wearing? We don't have that. I never talk clothes with you. No, because I don't like to talk clothes. No. So I never do. And then time after time again, I'm

We show up and our colors are in sync because we are soulmates. The biggest soulmates. I mean, it's 100% now in the permanent record. I mean, it just warms my heart. Mine too. I know. Well, Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, I've had it with the fact that when you go somewhere in public and there's restrooms, male or female, the men are in and out in two seconds and the women are standing in line.

So what that tells me is, A, a man designed the building that we're in because any female...

would put more female toilets in than male toilets. Agree. But you know what I do sometimes? So like at the place where I exercise, there'll be a line for the women's. Right. And then a guy will go in, pee and go out. And there's like four women deep and I'm about to pee my pants. I just go straight in the men's and pee. I do that all the time. Sometimes I even push the door open to see if nobody's in there. I will march myself. That's not very good because it's cutting.

But I'm like, no, there's no men in line. No, I know. And it's a one hole. You're cutting the women. No, I asked the women, does anybody want to go in the men's? And they say no, because maybe they, you know, have that bathroom fear about genders and whatnot. I don't have that. No, I don't either. But I always ask the people like, anybody want to go? And if they say no, I'm like, okay, I'm out. Here I go. What's so interesting when you use as a woman, if you go into the wrong restroom and you use that restroom, guess what happens? Fuck.

Fucking nothing. Fucking nothing. Nothing. Nothing happens. I was in New York with Josh once and we went to a Bloomingdale's and there was like a full blown like unisex bathroom. Used it, peed, washed my hands, standing next to a man washing his hands.

Guess what happened? Fucking nothing. Fucking nothing. I will say though, the very first time that ever happened to me, like where I didn't know, I mean, I knew it was a unisex bathroom and there were stalls and all that. But when I came out and it was a man next to me, I was kind of like, hey, you know, kind of, because I was just not used to it. But now I'm fine with it. I just don't care. No, I don't care either. But it was just like, that's the first time it had ever happened. And I was like, oh my God, we're progressing in this country. Totally. Totally. There are some people that are awfully butthurt.

And concerned about the bathrooms. People are butthurt about the dumbest fucking things. I mean, it's almost like, let's get them a real problem. So then they'll have something to think about. Exactly. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. What is that? And it is a problem plaguing the country. Okay. And it is the concept that companies have.

that the customer is always right. Unless I'm the customer. Yes. Because sometimes the customer is just a fucking asshole. Right. And I noticed that this happens a lot. You get just a complete dick and then you've got this manager or, you know, this assistant manager who

enabling and glad handling this totally toxic, ridiculous, entitled behavior. And you kind of see it all go down. And you think, God, this is really bad. We are enabling the worst of society with this concept. The customer is always right. It enables people to

to demean workers and they just stand there with a smile and take it. And it's enabling like the worst part of us. And one industry doesn't do this. What is it?

Flight attendants. Flight attendants have the ability to walk up and down the aisle, turn off your phone, put it in airplane mode, put your computer up. I don't want to wear my mask. You can put your mask on or I'm going to call the police and they're going to come pick you up at the gate. I'm not putting up with this shit. I like that. It's a real curb to bad behavior because you know in that plane lands, the feds are waiting for you.

Totally. So it really, you're right on that. The flight attendants get to go into beast mode when these people, and I love watching them do it, especially during like the COVID times, you had these people that literally thought that these people that worked for, you know, United Airlines or Delta made this, you know, mask mandate on airplanes. Right, that it was personal.

And the men and women of the skies, they fought back and they fought back courageously against these loons. And I loved to see it. I mean, I absolutely love to see it. And I would like to see more of this. Right. In restaurants and places where people are just complete dicks, where the waitress could go, you know.

I told you it would be out in five minutes and it's only been two minutes. So it's going to be three more minutes. Maybe if we could start checking each other, this bad behavior, because I think the customer is always right, invites people with extreme entitlement to abuse workers. Oh, you know what would be so great? I just had this idea. You know how flight attendants during COVID, they were duct taping people to their chairs? Yes.

restaurants and other service industries like that, there should just be a duct tape for their mouth. So like if you're a complete entitled dick, instead of duct taping you to your seat, they just put a little slop over your mouth. I think, I mean, I don't know that we, and that's kind of handmade tail-ish. I think we should just start kicking people out and just say, you cannot abuse our staff.

And, you know, we believe that we want to facilitate and accommodate you as best we can. But when you start reaching abuse and demeaning and degrading people, get your shit and get the fuck out of our restaurant. Why don't they do that? I wonder. It's this customer is always right capitalism on speed thing. Like you spend money, you can abuse people. And I've just kind of had it with that. And I'm on with it. I like this sheriffs in the sky that just walk up and down the aisle and regulate people.

And I mean, they had a rough go at it. God, it was bad. They have, you see all that shit go viral on Instagram and whatnot, but I like that. That's the one industry where they're kind of like, I'm not putting up with this shit. Not taking your shit anymore. And I think more people in the service industry should adopt that. Right. I agree. Cause I've had clients say to me before, well, I've spent a lot of money and they name the dollar value that they spent and

And my thing is, even if you spent a fraction of that price, I would still want to provide you with this service. But what I don't like is the tone in which you're speaking to me. That's unacceptable. I'm not going to sit here and just bend over and take it because you're spending money. If you're going to be kind and nice and we can lean into conflict resolution skills, I'm all for that. Okay. So welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is the star of

of our show, Hotter Than Hot. Kylie, what's going on on social media? I'd like to read you a one-star review on Apple. Okay, great. Do you love listening to badly Botox late middle-aged women cackle as their Z-list guests babble on about nothing? Well, babes, subscribe. I've had enough of anyone who can afford a podcast set being given the platform to lower the IQ of anyone who has the misfortune of accidentally pushing play.

You'd think women their age would have used their many, many decades on this earth to develop a personality and gain intelligence. But they did not. So we, the podcast listener, must suffer. I want my time back. And even though I paid nothing to listen to this, I'm demanding compensation. Okay.

I have to say it's very well written. Very well written. And I have to say, although she hates us and makes several valid points, she sure did put a lot of energy into that review. Right. And most of the stuff I don't have any problem with, but the Botox...

I mean, hating on Botox. Botox is a wonder drug. It is. I mean, there's just no doubt about it. No doubt about it. It's the most innovative thing that's happened to middle-aged women. But I do appreciate the one-star review and how well-crafted it was and how bad she burned us. I mean, it was pretty good. We resemble a lot of the things that she said. They were not unfair in total. There's not that many lies in her one-star review. That is true. Mm-hmm.

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¿Le está gustando mi podcast? Oh my word, what language are you speaking? Spanish. And what I'm asking you is, are you liking my podcast? Sí o no.

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That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit LumiDeodorant.com and be sure to use the code HADIT. All right. Today we have an amazing guest. And this has been one of Pumps' dream guests from the jump. From the jump. Because here at I've Had It, we make Pumps' dreams come true.

This does for sure. This guest is the host of FBoy Island Comedy Central Roast and is on tour with the Good Girl Tour. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Nikki Glaser. Hello. Hi, Nikki. How are you?

I'm so good. Thanks for having me, you guys. How are you? We are so excited you are here. Me in particular, I've been dying. Like I'm kind of getting chills right now. You have been one of Pump's dream guests since we started this podcast eight months ago. So this is like a dream come true day for Pump. So you better deliver. Thank you.

I'm so nervous now. I was already nervous. I see you guys are so funny. And I originally like just, you know, stumbled upon your clips on Reddit.

which is just like the place where they just give no love to women ever on there on Reddit, if you know. But they like love you guys so much and they always clip you out and you're so funny. And I just was like immediately like, oh my God, I'm obsessed with these women. So I'm so glad to be with you today. So Nikki, just right out of the gates, we like to just jump straight into shit talking because life's too short to not bitch about shit. So tell us what you've had it with. I have had it with sex.

Celebrities main, mainly celebrities having face work and body modifications done with a surgeon's scalpel and then pretending like it's all like some topical cream. They're drinking more water. Like, right. I'm tired of children. Literally.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos where people who know what they're talking about examine celebrities' faces and tell us what they're doing. Right. People in their 20s are having facelifts. Like early 30s. This is like a regular thing in Hollywood. And we're comparing ourselves to these girls. At least I am. And then I go...

God must hate me. I must be one of the there's something wrong with me. Right. But the truth is she's having surgery. She's going she has, you know, straws draining blood out of her face for a week. She's posting old pictures she took. Right. I don't mind that they're doing it. That's not the problem. It's kind of, you know, sad that we feel the need to do it. But I just want more transparency about it because I'm tired of it.

I agree. And I mean, we, a lot of things that we get to with this podcast is the general lack of oversight with this type of shit. We have found that there is a massive void and oversight in people that talk too much, people that cut lines. And now you brought something to the table that we can totally get behind. And this is, if you're going to fuck with your face, you have to fucking tell us. Right. Full disclosure. Tell us.

this is, here's why I know they don't do full disclosure. And I don't blame these women for doing it because when they do do something to their face and it looks a little different, what do we say? Collectively, we go, why did she ruin her face? It's,

Because Meg Ryan was trying to stay young so she could keep working. Right. We punish women who do it, that we can see do it. And then we act like the women whose face work we can't tell, i.e. the Jennifer Lawrence's, the Ariana Grande's, the Blake Lively's, the girls who just look like they have natural beauty who are going under the knife without question.

We act like they are like just born that way and they're a natural beauty. They're not. They're having little things done that are so like, like his nose did not erode over time like the great Sphinx in Egypt. It's not like wind and rain have just like made it slightly go down. Right. Get it over the years. There's been slight operations, no shade to her. But I get why she didn't do it because Jennifer Grey lost her whole career because yes, yes, job. They put baby in a corner.

They put baby in a corner. And now she could sit because her nose was smaller. I had this one friend who I love more than life itself. She got a boob job. Well, she has a lake house at the time. So she's on the beach at the lake every single weekend in a bikini. And she's like, tells me, don't tell anybody I got a boob job. I'm like, you're running around in a bikini. I don't

to tell anybody. Like it's ridiculous. And I'm the same way. I want to get my neck lifted. And when I do it, I'm going to be so proud and be like, look at my neck. It's so much better. What gets me is when people get their lips injected.

And then they deny it. And then you see them trying to manage taking a sip out of a straw. And they look like fucking stroke victims because they're like, and then it's like the water or whatever the beverage is going down. And it's total stroke victim with duck lips. I'm like, oh, did you get your lips injected? Oh, and they're like, no, no. And then you go, whistle this song with me. And they go...

They're like, sing the Andy Griffith theme song. Let's do it. And they just, there's no, there's my, I get my lips done and there's so many things that I can't do afterwards. It's stroke victim. Yeah. It's total stroke victim. It has a stroke victim affect. I got a lip. I've never had filler put in my lips, but my lady was like, let me do a lip flip. And so they injected lip flip. So they put Botox here. So it's supposed to kind of keep it up.

And then I was a stroke victim. I haven't had it done since then because I'm like, I'm drinking out of my straw and I can't do it. And I realized I'm talking, I'm like, I'm a total stroke victim and I paid money to be a stroke victim. Fuck the lip flip. I'm not doing this. Now I am a huge proponent of Botox. And we have a lot of our listeners that find out that we are not what they think we are. And so they get bummed.

butt hurt and they go have explosive diarrhea in the comment section and they're like these two old ladies with all their Botox like they're hurting us thing for them to jump on thank you for noticing I paid a lot of money for a lot of Botox I am proud of it jealous that you don't have it that's the thing don't do my friends don't do that to your face and they and I know what the real reason is because I've said that to friends before what I'm really saying is don't because then I'll have to right

You know, JLo with her skincare, anyone with a skincare line, I want to see you use it and over. And I need to see you like unpackage it. And like, I don't want you to put your La Mer and to squeeze it into an empty container of yours. I want to see Jennifer Aniston use a vino. You know, like she's using getting her skincare at Walgreens. Yeah.

What are we talking about? This same, yet she's selling that to us and I bought it. I bought that stuff that's like the, you know, there's the tan packaging. Right. Yes, exactly. And I had this like moment of, you think she's spending $5.99 on Facebook? Who am I kidding? Yeah.

J-Lo, with her line of skincare, Kim Kardashian, they don't want you to look better. Like, I have to realize this. Like, they only make money if they look better than us. And if they give us their secrets and they let us know what they're doing, we'll do it too. And they won't have an edge anymore. I mean, there's no way they would tell us what they really do. J-Lo hates us. She wants us ugly. And just, you know, the women being like,

when they lose a bunch of weight and ozempic's the new thing, which people are so mad about. Like these women are stealing medication from diabetes patients who need it. All these women who are saying that when have you ever given a fuck about a medicine? Mindy Kaling got a thigh gap. Now you're so upset about it because you're like, no, Mindy, you stay fat with me. Don't get skinny. You just like it's just I don't blame

for doing this shit. The pharmaceutical industry will find a way. I mean, come on. That is the biggest for-profit racket on the planet. And all of that boodle baby, titty baby crying that Ozempic isn't available to the people who need it is the biggest jet stream of bullshit I have ever heard in my life. You're so right. And there might be a shortage, but

You can't be upset about it now because it's a medicine that you want to keep out of the hands of housewives because you're tired of them looking hotter than you. If anybody in this country can deliver and make up for shortages, it's big pharma. I mean, come the fuck up.

I mean, that is insane. I have to say on the Ozempic, because I've been on Ozempic, I'm the only person on planet Earth that doesn't lose weight on Ozempic. You've been on Ozempic? Yes. She got on Ozempic. This one is so rude to me because she keeps telling me about all these people she knows that in 30 days I just didn't recognize her. I'm like, go fuck yourself. Well, she gets on Ozempic, okay? And then she keeps telling me she's on Ozempic. I know other people that are on Ozempic and they're losing like five to six pounds a week.

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Okay. This brings me to talking about this. One of the little mini things that you've had it with is the older generation getting fed up with Gen Z for things that they do. And I struggle with this. I have, I'm the mother of two Gen Z kids and sometimes we beat up on Gen Zers on the podcast and I started thinking about it because my sons are so incredibly open-minded and

And my oldest son goes to Syracuse. And one of the classes he took is like Fox News desk meltdown. And it was called Queer Latina Studies. And he is a straight heterosexual white male. And I felt immense pride that my son signed up as an elective course to take Queer Latina Studies. But

I feel like I owe Gen Z some accolades here. And I'm going to tell you guys that a lot of shit that we couldn't fix, you're fixing. Like, I'm a career woman, and I don't like these traditional gender roles, like where people are like, what are you going to fix for dinner? I feel like saying, why the fuck do I have to fix dinner? Right. Why is that on me? You know, like, my dad will always say, oh, yeah, the women in this family don't cook. And I'm like, your ass isn't cooking. Right.

You know, and with Gen Z, that's over with. I like...

I like the whole like that they're blurring the gender roles. I think that is progress for our species, for culture, for humanity. So Gen Z, I know I pick on you sometimes, but I love you guys because you're socially doing a lot of things that we didn't get our shit together to do. And you're calling out just complete unregulated capitalism. And listen, I love capitalism. I fucking like to buy nice shit.

I'm a part of the problem. But I see how it victimizes people and how it creates a category of have and have nots.

And they are very intellectually looking at this and thinking about this in ways that I didn't when I was their age. And so I have a lot of hope for this generation. I have a lot of hope for how socially responsible and how much care they take towards other human beings.

And this is the iPhone generation. I mean, they grew up thinking, you know, this person's perfect, this person isn't. But one thing that the fucking evil, you know, social media has brought us is it has delivered information to this generation that has caused them to be more socially aware. She might have some gay kid that lives in bumfuck Oklahoma with crazy Bible thumper parents.

And he's able to get on TikTok and realize he's not alone. I'm not alone. Right. You're so right. And I guess that my gripe was just with when people get upset about their slang or like, what does even cap mean? It's like, don't you remember being a kid and having weird slang? Like, it's just because they're younger. Like, I guess that's my gripe is like, let's not pick on them. We can make fun of it because it's dumb. But like, we're just we have to admit, we're kind of jealous that they're young.

I totally am. I'll own that. And some of their terms are hilarious. I like some of their terms. Me too. I like glow up. I think that's. I love glow up. That was glow down. What do they call us on TikTok? Mothers? Mothers. They call pumps. I had to ask my kids. I was like, they're calling us mothers. Are they calling us old? And my kids were like, no, that's cool. That means you're good. Oh, it is? I didn't know that. No, it's good. The mothers is good. I'm dying to be mother. Like, yeah, that's a thing that I've learned. We're mothers, Nikki. You can't be mother. Tough titties, sis. We already are.

the mothers of TikTok. So fuck off. You totally are. I read a really interesting thing about this, just Instagram in general. It kind of ties into what we were talking about before, but it's...

I was reading an article about envy because I really struggle with it. Just wanting what someone else has and hating myself for not having it, or even, you know, hating myself for not being born that way, you know, just really dumb things. Like I'll even, my boyfriend always says to me, I've never met someone who wants to like things they don't like. Like, I'm like, I wish I liked hiking. And he's like, but you don't like it. So why do you want to like something you don't like? I'm like, cause it looks like girls. That's like the feminine.

feminine thing to do is like enjoy a hike with your boyfriend or like, I wish I liked home design. And he's always just like, but you don't. And you're rich enough to hire people to do that. It doesn't matter. And I want to be a girl who likes it. So, um, but comparing myself, this, this article I read about envy, it was saying that we are comparing ourselves on Instagram, obviously to all these people that have, like you were saying, new pictures every day, everyone's on a Paris filter immediately. Like there's no actual, everything's filtered now, even if you try it to not be filtered, it's going to filter you. And, um,

but we used to just compare ourselves to, like you said, the magazines, like Victoria's Secret catalog. Like it was a thing.

That we were holding. That's a magazine. And we're not in it. Right. But when we go on Instagram, we see ourselves. And then that's right. Right. That's exactly right. We're on the same platform and we're comparing. So subconsciously, we're expecting ourselves because we're in the same thing. Right. This as J-Lo to have that same glow and to have everything. Whereas we used to compare ourselves to our neighbors. You know, the Joneses keeping up with the Joneses down the street. That's right. That's right.

economic status. You're saying, but now we're comparing ourselves to people who live in Malibu and have, you know, yachts and stuff. And it's just because we're on that same platform. So my biggest thing that has been helpful to me is just muting people who trigger me. I use the mute a lot. It's I forget they exist. It's wonderful to mute people. I mute people that are that post too much. Yes. Like I'm just like,

Why are you posting 15 to 25 stops on your story? That is delusions of grandeur.

Narcissism on fucking speed. It's boring nor clever. I mean, there are people that I fucking love like Larry David. And if he started posting 20 times a day, as much as I love him, I think I'd be like, Larry, pull yourself to fucking gather. Leave some mystery about your life. We don't need to know what you're fucking doing, LD. Okay. Oh my God. That's so good. Okay. We want to play a game with you and it's called had it or hit it.

Okay, you tell us if you've had it with something or if you'd hit it. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day.

Hat it or hit it. Fuck boys. Hit it. They'll figure out. Just know what they are, you know, and they're just wounded and they have, you know, issues with their parents that are unresolved or a girl hurt them at some point in their life. But just know what they are. Don't try to change one. Are you on the show? The F-boy show? Can you tell before the contestants? No, they all present as F-boys and they're.

they all have like a charm to them that makes them think maybe they could be a nice guy. So it's very hard to tell. So I go back on my advice I just gave. No, I've had it with F boys. No.

in those waters. It's not safe. I take it all back. This is how I feel about most issues in life. I'm like, Oh, I've had it. And then later on in the day, I'm totally hitting it. Right. Total hypocrite. Total. Okay. All right. Had it or hit it flags on cars and trucks. Oh God. I mean, we all know what the flag is that is flying most of the time. So I'm gonna say I

I've had it. Distracting it blocks your traffic view. Right. And it's this isn't a fucking parade. You're going like 70 miles an hour down the freeway. It's it's not. No. Had it. You know what I call this? It's vanilla ISIS. That's brilliant.

And then also give you credit. That's so funny. I don't think I can have full credit. I feel like I came up with that, but there's no way I did. I had to have read that somewhere. I'm a voracious reader about politics. I know. I hate when things absorb and you go, am I brilliant? I don't think. I'd love to give myself credit, but I had to have read that somewhere. I'll give you credit for at least informing me about it. Yes, exactly. Thank you. You've got to spread that. Had it or hit it, baby talk.

Adults doing baby talk to other adults. In privacy, totally hit it. Because I don't have a kid and I don't plan on having kids. And I got to get that out of me sometimes where I'm like, oh, is someone sweeping? Like, I got to get it out.

I do do that to my boyfriend. We do engage. It is a private thing that he would never admit to publicly private. No one wants to hear that. No one, no one wants to witness the schmoopy talk. Right. But I do, I do hit it and I would be very sad to lose that. Like, okay, let me ask you this. You hit it in private, but let's say you're on an airplane and you see a couple and they're sitting there and they're holding hands on the airplane in a nauseating, like cuddly, snuggly way. And she's like,

oh, honey, will you please get my laptop out for me? I would. That's the day you would see me posting 17 stories on my Instagram. And you'd go, you know what? I want each of these stories because this is riveting. I would always film people holding hands because that's always boggles my mind when couples just I think I'm jealous of it again and I'm hating something I want. Right. Like like when a couple just holds hands, I always want a red rover through them. And they're like, oh,

Like, do you really have you help her cross the street? Like, just walk normally. We don't need to know you're coupled up like it's sweet, but I'm jealous slash I hate it. I can't. Okay. Had it or hit it. Couples that sit on the same side of a booth.

Oh, I'm hitting that because I... No, no. He will never do it with me. And I love when they like force us to do it. Whenever we have to like, can you guys sit at the bar? The table's not ready. I'm like, you gotta sit on the same side and I get to cuddle you. I love...

I like having a leg on a knee, like my hand on his knee. I like to be able to pick at his plate easier. And it is it. I understand that it deserves to be mocked and someone should take a photo of me and make fun of me for doing it. But I do enjoy it. I do. Let me ask you this.

Do you not like, is eye contact important to you? No, I don't think it is. I think I'm trying maybe to avoid that. Okay. Because see, I'm an eye contact type person and I'm not a snuggler. Like if Josh started cuddling with me too much, it'd be like, okay, that was enough. That was great. You're dismissed. Now my dogs I'll cuddle with.

But like other people, when my kids were little, of course, I like cuddling with them. But now, I mean, they're teenage boys. So I'm not a big cuddler. That's so weird when you see teenage boys with their moms like cuddled up like they're three. Fucking titty babies. Did you stop breastfeeding a week ago? What's happening right now? It's total titty babies. You know these kids are going to be fucking monsters. Their wives are going to hate them.

hate their mothers. I mean, viscerally hate their mothers. For sure. They have set up to where the daughter-in-law is going to be like, I'm going to punish you with these grandchildren. I will punish you to the ends of the earth. You will only have selective visitation because you coddled and babied my husband and I have to try to fix it. Yeah, I'm fixing all the problems you caused. Thank you so much. Okay. Hat it or hit it, shirts with words. Oh,

You know what? I'm going to say I would hit it because I think it's a nice way for people to make a connection with strangers. You read someone's shirt and you go, it's hard to comment on a shirt that just has nothing on it and go like, I like your shirt and it's just a nice way to connect. Like I wear a lot of Taylor Swift shirts because I love Taylor Swift or Wilco or like whatever I'm into, vegan. I like wear shirts that have what I'm into, not to proselytize and be like, this guy's going to go vegan because my shirt says vegan AF or whatever. But to like,

connect with other vegans, people I have common interests with. So if your shirt has something funny on it or you're attempting to showcase your personality, I think I think it's a great way for people who don't know how to express themselves fashion wise in other ways, because it's kind of complicated to, you know, like men, for instance, don't really care as much about fashion as women do. And it's just a way to express yourself that is easy. And I and I'm all for it. Totally.

Totally, totally into it. You're a lot nicer person than I am about that. I have had it with shirts with words. I'm trying to talk less to people. I want to draw less...

idle chit chat to my life. I want to avoid talking to people I don't know with everything in it. I will die on that fucking hill. I love to play pickleball. I like to talk about playing pickleball much like vegans like to talk about being vegan. I don't want to connect with pickleball players that aren't inside my pickleball group. I don't want to connect with other French bulldog owners and it's very culty like the vegans, like the pickleball. I don't want to fucking talk about it.

I oppose shirts with words, but I want to remind our listener that we do have merch available on I've had it dot com where you can buy. Make an exception for the I've had it. Yeah, because that's I mean, how cool is it that someone could be wearing your shirt and then someone else?

I like your shirt. What is, and then they turn them onto your podcast or two people who listen to your podcast religiously who have so much in common because they both would be friends with you guys. So that makes them a type of person. Therefore, then they find a friendship through it. Like, I think it-

merch is a great way to unite people and have people make friendships. That's beautiful, Nikki. That is beautiful, but it does not touch nor penetrate this cold black heart of mine, nor cause me to move an inch in my stance that I oppose idle chit chat and I don't want people approaching me to start talking idly and yak mouthing to me. I love that you two bonded over that just now. Stay the fuck away from me.

But merch is available right now. Right. OK. And finally, had it or hid it? People. People. I've kind of had it today. I've had it just like with the air quality and like just trash everywhere and just overconsumption, even like myself included. I'm part of these people and I've had it with myself. I've had it with everything. Right. Yeah. We've had it with ourselves about 90 percent of the time. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like.

I love humanity, but hate human beings. Right now. I just I want I want to promote our, you know, our cause. I want to do the best for humans. But I don't want to fuck with human beings. Leave us the fuck alone. I don't have a lot of faith in humans. Yeah, they're pretty good ones.

like I met you today. This has been fun. I mean, this podcast right here is chock full of world-class humans right here, listener. Today's your fucking lucky day. You have hit a goddamn trifecta with the three of us. We are such good people. I feel so good now. I feel so much better about myself. Botox and all of it. Okay, Nikki. So I like to play a game called Fuck, Marry, Kill.

Yes, I think I understand. Okay. Blake Griffin, Pedro Pascal, Idris Elba. You got to marry Idris. Love him. And then who was the first one? Blake Griffin. Kill Blake Griffin. Kill Blake Griffin? Yeah, because he's like...

like and I don't trust athletes to not like cheat and like a better thing. Yeah, that's true. There's no way. And and I'd fuck Pedro. I mean, he's just so hot. Yeah. Oh, Mary Pedro, because he'd protect you. But I'm only basing that off of Last of Us and how like tender he is. And with his best friend, Sarah Paulson, he's like tender and protective. Right. Oh, I want to. Yeah, I think I'll stick with that. Mary, Mary Idris. No, no. Fuck Idris. Mary Pedro.

Kill Blake. Okay. Okay. Fuck, Marry, Kill. Female edition. Oh, great. Taylor Swift.

Wait, fucking Mary. Mary, Mary. 100%. Kate Blanchett. Ana de Arma. Ana de Armas. You fuck for sure. She's just so pure liquid sex. The hottest girl that's ever been. And by the way, I'll just say I've had it with any man being like, God, she's hot. Oh, yeah.

like shut up we all know like you don't have to act like you're an Ana de Armas man we all are I'm sorry anyone any man commenting like she's so hot like your boyfriend or something making some kind of like fucking like grunt when she appears on screen don't tell me any woman's hot unless it's like Maggie Gyllenhaal if you're like I'm into I'd be like really okay tell me that's interesting I have not

haven't heard that yet that she's like you know because she's a beautiful woman but there's no guys being like oh coming I'm just tired of it with Ana de Armas okay so anyway Ana de Armas you fuck her you marry Taylor Swift in a heartbeat and then I don't know Kate Blanchett I guess I'd have to kill her even though I fucking love her as well and I would love to be friends with her and probably go down on her but

would probably do that i respect her so much um i love tar and she was like a gay icon in that total power it made me i was like i was just texting my friend the whole time i watched it like i want to be gay so bad so cool it was power lesbianism peak power lesbianism it was amazing yes nikki glazer we cannot thank you enough for fulfilling a middle-aged white woman's dream

Totally. Bucket lister. I mean, a bucket list time for this wonderful co-host of mine. They call her the Princess Diana of podcasting.

Oh my God. I, that's, I would love to be compared to her in any way. That's so, um, or like, so I'm jealous of you. That's so nice. Uh, it's, it really means a lot to me that two, um, hilarious women and, and cool women, smart women, um, feel that way. Um, or just one of you even I'll take. Um,

We're a package deal. Yeah, we are. We're a throuple. We're a power lesbian. You're sold. Non-practicing power lesbian throuple. There we go. Yes. I would love it. You guys are so cool. Thank you so much for having me. It was such a joy to like let this all out.

Fun times. And listener, you can find Nikki on the Nikki Glaser podcast or the Good Girl Tour. Look it up. And she's going to be in a city near you very soon. Thank you, Nikki. Thanks, Nikki. Thank you guys so much. Great meeting you. Bye. It was so fun. Bye. Well, Pumps, look at you. I'm so excited. She's amazing. Amazing. It's so great to have such strong, powerful women on our podcast.

And I just love how she openly embraced that she likes to get Botox, that we need to normalize these things. Absolutely. It gives a fuck. I agree. I think she really is passionate about building people up and making a better society.

group of women and people in general. Yes, I do too. Well, listener, we, as you know, the Hot Shit Tour is revved up and ready to go. Click our link in bio. Please go to Apple or Spotify and rate and review us. It helps us more than you know. And we will see you next Thursday. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

I'm Delta Work, legendary Emmy award-winning drag queen from RuPaul's Drag Race and the host of Very Delta, the world's premier luxury public access podcast and YouTube talk show where I look gorgeous, speak extemporaneously, and invite fascinating guests to sit on the couch and get Very Delta. New episodes of Very Delta come out every Monday and you can find them by searching Very Delta wherever you get your podcasts or watch it on the Mom Podcast YouTube channel.