Total Size Queen
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Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

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Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20-minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Welcome to I've Had It Podcast, where we like to share our petty grievances as a joint treatment therapeutically for all of us to move past how difficult it is to live with other human beings around us. Right, Pumps? Absolutely. And the pettier, the better. Yeah. And for the YouTube viewers...

We did not plan to dress alike today. We both look like waiters for a Michelin star restaurant. That was not planned. Great minds think alike. She walked in. We both looked at each other and we're like, this is ridiculous because it happens all the time. It happens all the time. It's bizarrely like a couple of weeks ago, we both wore a pink jacket with white jeans and a white tank top. Right. I mean, it just makes no sense.

I've just, I don't get it. Okay, Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with is narrators of audiobooks that are terrible.

I listen to a ton of audio books, my favorite authors. There's a new book out in the series. I go to listen to it and the narrator is fucking terrible. It like really, really bothers me. I've had it. I'm like, you couldn't have gotten someone that reads this decently or two people. Why does it have to be a terrible audio reading that detracts for the first five chapters?

of the content of the book. Makes me furious. I don't listen to a lot of audio books, but when I had a lot of out-of-town design projects, I did. And the couple that I listened to, they were pretty good, but I could see how that could be horrible. It's distracting. And the thing is...

If the narrator's good, even if the book's not great, you really like it. And in the case of my last two books, the books were great, but the narrator detracted. So I'm just really mad that nobody, there's no oversight in, can we do better than this narrator? I wonder what the auditions for that are like. I don't know. You would think it would be a pretty good job to have. Like, I think it would be, like, very competitive. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's going on with book narration. Maybe you could do it. Well, I don't know how great I would be, especially if it's got anything but a Southern accent. Well, you're an amazing podcaster, so I could only imagine that this type of talent would translate over to the audiobook. I could do my British accent. Does that sound British? No. See? I'm not good at it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that would be problematic if you were to do any other accent than the Southern white woman accent. All right. So let me tell you what I've had it with. It's not necessarily a grievance as much as it is a great story that needs to be shared with the listener. So Pumps got this French bulldog named Oliver Glizzard at my supervision and he

She has taken to him like you wouldn't believe it. Like she birthed him herself and put him right on her teat. And it is, she is really trailblazing with him. She is starting to redo her reputation from a terrible pet owner to a pretty good pet owner. And so Oliver Blizzard is a puppy and we share the same vet and our vet's name is Tiffany. Mm-hmm.

Tiffany's entire business model is she's an unleashed vet. So she comes to you so your pet doesn't have all this anxiety. So Oliver Glizzard is starting to develop anxiety.

Like many growing boys do. Balls and a penis that's rather visible. Yes. So Tiffany comes by the other day to visit my French bulldog, Tubby, who has some arthritis. And all of the dogs come to work. They're full-time dogs that work here. They're working dogs. They're working dogs. They have full-time jobs here at, I've had at podcast studios.

And she comes in and Pumps is like, I really think we need to go ahead and get Oliver neutered. And I said, yeah, I agree. I think that Ollie needs to go ahead and get neutered. He's got a full blown erection when we're trying to film for our Patreon. Yeah, the lipstick's out. It's awful. Tiffany says, no, I don't think so. As long as he's not exhibiting like male behavior, I don't think we need to do it.

And I said, Tiffany, would you not think that a French bulldog sitting on camera with a rock hard cock would not be exhibiting full blown male behavior? Or am I missing something? And she just kind of went right past it and just was like, no, I think we wait for the eight months for him to get neutered. And this dog's penis is a huge problem. I mean, all of the Patreon cult members saw this thing, fully erect penis on camera. Right.

Loud and proud. I don't know. I guess I'm confused as to what full-blown exhibiting male behavior is if it's not a rock-hard erect penis. I think she was saying, does he go around humping stuff and marking? Which he does not do that yet, but it's imminent. Especially with his desire to show off his penis all the time. I mean, we've got this grandstanding French bulldog with an erect penis in our Patreon cult.

And I mean, I don't know what to do about it other than for him to get neutered. Right. And I couldn't tell it was happening. And I just looked over at your face and you were like, oh my gosh. And then I look at Kylie and she's like, oh my gosh. So no, it's bad. It's really bad. I'm sometimes mystified when I'm in a conversation. And for me, something that seems like overt male behavior, which I would say that overt male behavior would mean rock hard penis. Right. I think that's pretty...

widely accepted. But to our veterinarian whom I love, Tiffany, I love you more than anything. You've kept that cat of mine alive forever. We've been through the asthma, the diabetes, all sorts of issues. My dogs are doing great. Tiffany is the best veterinarian in the Oklahoma City area. But I am, Tiffany, curious about

Why a rock-hard penis does not equate to male behavior. And he's proud of it. I mean, he's showing it off. On camera. On camera. He's an exhibitionist, this dog. It's almost like he wants to be in doggy porn. There's no question about it. Your dog is a little porn dog. Yeah.

And we love him. He is a fantastic dog. He's precious. This penis of his. It's too much. It's a problem. It's a problem. That little rocket ship is ready to launch at all times, which I think is kind of on brand considering that you are such a size queen. Named our post shows and Patreon, the Rock Heart Cock Chats. And it only makes sense that you would get a French bulldog that likes to show off his penis. And we can only assume that it's big. It's very on brand for you, Pumps.

We were a match made in heaven. Patriots and Gatriots, as you know, Pumps is, she's come out of the closet as a size queen in a plot twist because we all thought she was going to come out of the closet as a lesbian. And in fact, she's come out as a total size queen. Kylie, what's going on on the World Wide Web? I've got some reviews for you. Excellent. I've got a really juicy one titled, Thanks for the Breakup. Five stars.

Being a big fan of Mimo and Jessica, I attended their show in Lawrence, Kansas, got meet and greet tickets with my then boyfriend and ended up meeting them. Jessica asked how the gay scene was in the area since it's the Midwest. My then boyfriend responded by saying, Grindr is pretty dry. We were in a relationship, so obviously it raised red flags.

As it turns out, he was serial cheating on me for about a year. If it wasn't for my mild obsession with your show, who knows when I would have found out. Thanks so much for your service. Saving gays since the dinosaur days. Much love. I remember them. I remember it too. Yeah. I cannot believe...

I totally remember that. 100%. I totally remember. Yeah. And I'll tell you what, sometimes in these VIP meet and greet lines when we're on tour, some people will be like, oh my God, I love you guys. I'm a huge fan. Let's get a photo. This is my boyfriend. And I always think, do you want a photograph with us by yourself as well? Because the breakup could happen. And let me tell you why I think this. In 2007...

Barack Obama came to Oklahoma City when he was running in a very heated primary against Hillary Clinton. And I was all chips in for Obama. I was, yes, we can, the whole nine, right? I had the yard signs, merch, bananas for him. So I'm like, Josh, we've got to go. And it was a pretty high time.

price to go to this fundraiser. And I was like, we got to go. And he's like, I don't know if we can afford it because we were young and broke. And I'm like, okay, I've got this new project coming on. We're able to scrape together to go to this fundraiser because I'm such a diehard political junkie.

So Obama comes in. We couldn't afford the photo part. We were just going to get a chance to see him. So Obama walks in to this. It's like at a private house. He walks in and I'm like right up front and he walks right up to me and he goes, well, hey, how are you? And I'm just like dying. Starstruck, turned on, everything that you could possibly imagine, right? And he's like, let's go ahead and get a picture, Jennifer.

And I said, okay. And Obama says, I said, this is my husband, Josh. And Obama says, Obama was originally in the middle. And he goes, let's go ahead and put Jennifer in the middle. This was his direction, right? Right. This is how smart that motherfucker is. So we take the picture and it's Obama, me, and then Josh. Well, a few years later, all hell breaks loose with Josh's addiction.

Obama is so smart. I was able to just crop Josh right out of it. And I still have this fantastic image of me and my boyfriend, Barack. It's so funny because when you're telling that story, I was like, I don't remember Josh in that picture. I cropped him out. I've seen that picture. I cropped him out. I mean, he relapsed at one point and I was like, he's getting cropped. He's cropped. This never happened. I cropped him out. You know what?

That crop made me feel so good because I was so out of control with everything that was going on. Anybody that's loved somebody that's an addict, you try so hard to structure some control or something tangible that you can cling on to and you cannot because their behavior is so psychotic.

But cropping him out was just something tangible that I could do that was so petty and so ridiculous and so childish. And it made me feel like a million bucks. Right. The return from it is just euphoric. Totally. I'm a big believer in like significant others are on the ends always. And my mother will even say my...

nieces and nephew are older. And one time somebody brought, one of them brought a significant other to Christmas. And my mom said straight up, you have to get on the end if we ever have to crop you out. A lot of people in these relationships, when pheromones and hormones and it's high times, you think it's forever. Sometimes you need to curate your jockeying and photographs.

wisely. Absolutely. And I don't think anybody should get offended or their feelings hurt. If you're somewhere with a family gathering or a group photo, and it's the core group of people, and you're the significant other, I think you should voluntarily get on the end because you just never know. Yeah. But I'm going to tell you, if you put five years into something and you're

You go to this, you know, family's house and maybe they're pieces of shit. And you've had to put up with these people forever because you love this person. And your significant other says, hey, why don't you stand over there? Because in the future, if we break up, I might want to crop you out. That's worthy of a breakup on the spot. No, that's absolutely right. That's why I think you should voluntarily do it. Because in your example, the person on the end might want to crop themselves out if the family's crazy. Right.

to just a solo photograph. - Right. Just done. - Just a selfie at that point. - Right. - Right.

Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right. You know what I've had it with? What have you had it with?

Talking about what men need to do if they get a four-hour erection. I want to start talking about my four-hour nap after sex, but where's my option? I did some homework and it turns out there is a pink pill for women. It's called Addi and a woman got it approved by the FDA. In clinical trials, Addi was shown to boost sex drive in certain premenopausal women bothered by low libido.

Hell yes. It's prescription and the only FDA approved pink pill. I asked my doctor about it, but you can speak to a telehealth provider online at addy.com. A-D-D-Y-I dot com. Finally, can those be the Super Bowl ads from now on?

Pups, have you heard about senolytics yet? No, what is it? It is a class of ingredients discovered less than 10 years ago, and they're being called the biggest discovery of our time for promoting healthy aging and enhancing your physical prime. That sounds like great news for someone my age. If someone would have told me that there are science-backed ingredients that could help me feel 15 years younger in a matter of months,

I wouldn't have believed it. And then I started trying qualia senolytic. As we age, everyone accumulates senescent cells in their bodies, also known as zombie cells. They are old and worn out and not serving useful function for our health anymore, but they are taking up space and nutrients from our healthy cells. Qualia senolytic removes those worn out senescent cells to allow the rest of them to thrive in the body.

Take it just two days a month. It has a 100-day money-back guarantee. Listener, resist aging at the cellular level. Try Qualia Synalytic. Go to qualialife.com slash hadit for up to 50% off and use code HADIT at the checkout for an additional 15% off.

For your convenience, Qualia Sinalytic is also available at select GNC locations near you. That's Q-U-A-L-I-A life.com slash had it for an extra 15% off your purchase. We would like to thank Qualia for sponsoring today's episode. All right, Kylie. All right, five stars titled Mother Daughter Magic.

Not since Naomi and Winona has there been a more dynamic mother-daughter duo. The mother, aka Pumps, is a sex-crazed granny with a hot queso fetish. The daughter, Jessica, is a bit more demure with what I suspect is a secret crush on Ted Cruz. Together they do the imaginary lord's work of taking down the idiots of the world.

I'll tell you what. I love that. Number one, you're spot on about Meemaw being a sex crazed size queen. That's well established by the patriots and gayatriots of this country. Right. The Ted Cruz situation is this.

I would rather fuck a dead pig. Right. Than I would Ted Cruz. Yeah. I think that man is the most unfuckable, miserable person in the United States of America. And that bar is so low. It is so low. I mean, you have to go low, low, low. And Ted is at rock bottom.

bottom of that. All right. Pumps and Kylie, today I planned for us to hear from the Patriots and Gatriots over on Patreon. And

And they have submitted their grievances to us for review with our listener. All right. Jensen is the first one. And he says, I've had it with people grandstanding in group text, sending messages that could be a one-on-one. It boils my blood to see a text in a group chat that says,

Happy birthday, XYZ. Or in a group text, someone says, it looked like that thing you did this weekend was so fun. You actually don't care whether it's their birthday or whatever. It was a fun weekend for them. You just care about showing everyone else in the group chat how thoughtful you are.

Sorry, I ran out of gold medals to give you for the Olympic achievement and thoughtfulness. But if you really care about one person's accomplishments, tell it to them directly instead of blowing up my phone with all of the alerts. I've had it. I've had it with the group texting that could be a single text, but I have to take exception with Jensen on this. Sometimes I don't know when it's somebody's birthday.

So when somebody in the group text says happy birthday, then I can pile on because I had no idea. This happens to me a lot. I have no idea it's somebody's birthday. And then when somebody says happy birthday, I'm like, oh, happy birthday. Like I knew it all along. Right. So for me, that part is helpful. When they go on about how was your weekend and all that, nobody gives a fuck. If you're dying to know, either call them or text them directly. Had it.

But I do, sometimes I need the assist in the birthday. I think what he's saying is there's a lot of performative

Group texting, where people are trying to out be more thoughtful than the other people in the group text, like an achievement or it looks like you had fun last night. And I think he's talking about the performative nature within a group text where you're trying to show that you're out friending another person. And I see this a lot. And it's just that's the point where I just immediately start ghosting.

Because if I'm with Jensen, if I genuinely like the person and I genuinely have a thoughtful

message for them. That's going to be done one-on-one and not for the sake of performing and grandstanding in a group text because I've had it with that. I see it all the time. Yeah. And here's the thing with me. I'm never going to out thoughtful somebody. So I'm fucked every time. Yeah. Cause you're just a cold bitch. Just a cold bitch. Size queen. All right. Next up we have Dale and he says, I've had it with stickers on the bottom of dishes. You buy a new mug, you

Use it, put it in the dishwasher, take it out, and the sticker on the bottom is peeling. It then takes what feels like 10 years to scrub the sticker from the bottom of the mug. And no matter what you do, it will still feel sticky at the bottom of it. I've had it. Dale, I totally relate to this. As an interior designer for...

over 25 years when I do an install at somebody's home. Sometimes we do a vacation home and we'll order all of the dishes, bowls, and we get the house completely ready for the big reveal.

And I will be hovering over a sink with this gooby gone and Windex and Clorox wipes, trying to get all of those stickers off. Because when I install something, I like to take it all the way over the finish line. I don't want a sticker on the bottom of the plate.

I want that to be my problem so that when my client moves in or goes there, that's gone. And so I get OCD and manic. And this is a problem I've experienced so much in my career with these stickers on the bottom of plates or they could be on the bottom of a vase where I'm putting an accessory down.

And there's not a quick fix for it. You're going to have all these grandstanders now after we're talking about this in the YouTube section. And they're going to be saying, I'll tell you what, here's what I do. Here's what I do. Here's what I do. There is no quick fix to this sticker situation. It's a case by case basis. You never know how you're going to get it off. Exactly. And you know what else that happens with when you get picture frames? So you have to peel it off a picture frame. And then my glasses that I get, my readers. So

So if I throw in my purse and I need them and I pull them out, I've got a sticker in the corner and then I have to get the sticker off. Then the glasses are dirty. It just makes everything harder than it has to be. Quit putting stickers on everything. Quit putting stickers everywhere.

Everything's individually wrapped anyway. Speaking of stickers, though, do you remember in the 80s, the scratch and sniff sticker? Oh, my gosh. Those were so cool. I loved the scratch and sniff. What was your favorite flavor? Strawberry. Oh, my gosh. That was my favorite flavor. I mean, I just loved a scratch and sniff sticker. Kylie, did you have a scratch and sniff? A hundred percent. How great. You know what? Let's bring back the scratch and sniff sticker. What happened to it?

Cell phones. Cell phones. Yeah. And you know what? Cell phones, you can't scratch and sniff. You can't. Unless you're a sick pervert on Grindr somewhere. All right. Next up, Lily says, people at work being surprised at things happening in the office when an email was sent, a meeting was had, and a paper was signed. Yeah, there's a lot of grievances in an office. I mean, that's...

That's completely true. When somebody's surprised that there's something new when it's been completely roundtabled. Right. They've parked it. They've brought it back. Jets have been scrambled. Scrambled the jets, everything. And it's like, what? I didn't know we were doing that. Yeah.

All right. Next up is Kelly. She says, I've had it with people out thanking me in person and on social media. If I say in response to somebody's post, thank you. And then someone comes in behind me and says, oh gosh, thank you so much. Your kindness and generosity is greatly appreciated. And then another person comes in behind that and says,

Oh my gosh, you do not know how much I appreciate this. Thank you so, so very much. Then I am feeling like an asshole with a clipped basic thank you. And the same goes out for concerning me. When I say in response to somebody's text that they're feeling bad, I hope you feel better. And then somebody posts right behind me, oh my goodness, I hope you feel better soon. How is the family doing? Can I bring you anything? Yeah.

Can I make you dinner? And then the next person says, I was so worried about you. I can also bring you dinner. And then I feel like an asshole again with my basic clipped hope. You're feeling well. Please stop out thanking me and out concerning me. It's a fucking circle jerk of who can be the most concerned and who can be the most thankful I've had it. Completely agree. There's nothing worse than the grandstanding about I'm the most thoughtful person

What can I do for you? And because I, I am her, I'm like, I hope you get better. It doesn't occur to me to do all the extra stuff because when I'm sick, I don't want a lot of performative stuff. I want you to leave me the fuck alone. So this just really hits home for me. What about when people do the, uh, like the wheel sign, the wheel meal sign up delivery things. So some of

Somehow I get on one of these things, right? And it's sent to me and it's like this will, I think they're called like will meal chart, meal train, meal train, meal train. That's right. Okay. So I get on this meal train thing, right? First of all, I don't know how to cook. Right. I don't like to cook. It's not my thing.

But I'm kind of like intrigued by the train. And I'm not talking about the sexual train. I was going to say, you like a train. I'm not talking about the sexual train, you sick fuck gay triets. I'm talking about the meal train. But I get kind of tickled because I'm looking on it. And you have these grandstanders on the train that are like, the description is like, my homemade lasagna train.

With a little bit of, you know, sprinkle of this and a sprinkle of that. And for dessert, I'm going to do X, Y, Z. And I just, I couldn't relate to anything less. No, me either. Then grandstanding about it and then talking about your homemade this or that. I just.

No, no disrespect. Cooking, I think, can be very therapeutic. It is an art form. I'm not knocking that. I'm knocking the performative nature of women that get on these trains. And it's only women. It's a very gender thing. You don't see some guy on the train talking about his meal that he's cooking. I have been a recipient of a meal train once after I had a hysterectomy.

I didn't want a meal train. You know, when you have little kids, like everybody has a funky, weird thing to eat. And what happens in a meal train is the person that brings the meal, they stay. So then you're stuck entertaining the person and entertaining a bunch of questions. And all you want to do is just recover from your surgery. But yet you have all these people coming up to your door with food that your kids won't eat. I mean, I threw half of it away because it was just like,

I don't want to do this. It's just, I just think it's invasive, performative. I've seen those with it's like 47 dashes of paprika and coriander. I mean, it's bullshit. All right. Adam N says, I've had it with people who think that the stars mean literally any goddamn thing about your life.

Astrology is just religion for people who should be atheists but are too afraid of the dark to commit. I've had it. He also notes that he's a new member of the Patreon gays and so happy to be here. Love this podcast. I would like to welcome you to the Gaytriots, Adam. And as you know, I totally concur with you on astrology. It is old dated, uh,

explanations for why we are here and why we behave the way we behave that science has since trumped. And a lot of people really, really like it. I admit that it can be fun from time to time. I just, when somebody says to me when we're talking and they say, what's your sign? And I'll say, I'm a Leo. And they're like, oh, I knew it. No, you fucking didn't.

What I hate is when somebody's describing their personality or their significant other's personality and they're like, you know, whatever the characteristic is, let's just say flighty. Well, they're flighty, but you know, they're Pisces. Yes. And I'm just like...

that have to do with it? The first time this ever happened to me. So obviously, you know, like I'd read a horoscope in like 17 magazine or something growing up. I didn't really know what it was. I read it at the same time I'm practicing my cursive and, you know, circle jerking with scratch and sniff strawberry stickers. Right. So I think I'm probably in my early twenties and I go out with this guy and

And he says to me with a straight face, we're talking about like getting to know each other. And he said, you know, um, Piscean people. And I said, what? And he was like, well, Piscean people tend to be X, Y, Z. And he mentions these traits. And I'm like,

Are you saying that you're a Pisces? And he says, yes, Piscean people. I'm just like, is that a word? What? Are you serious right now? I mean, I just, I know that a lot of people find comfort in superstition and trying to construct reality in a very cruel, very unfair, very unjust world.

I find comfort in facts and knowing that I don't have to argue those things. Like it's a fact that the world is round and it orbits around the sun and it is not the center of the universe. And we know that for a fact. So I don't have to worry about that. All of astrology is based on the earth being the center of the universe, not even the sun. Right.

And so I know that I don't have to worry about that. I know I could have fun with it and giggle about it, but I don't have to take any of it literally because it's not real. Right. It's completely dated view from pagan people staring at the stars because they didn't have telescopes and modern science and smartphones nor scratch and sniff stickers. Right.

If they would have had a scratch and sniff, it might be a whole different ballgame. There might not be astrology. If they could have banged out a scratch and sniff sticker, we might not have to deal with Piscean people. Right. We might not have to. What I just cannot stand is when people use it as an excuse.

Like, oh, well, I didn't do that today because I'm an Aquarius and I'm not supposed to do that today. It's just like, shut the fuck up. I like to read a horoscope. I think it's funny. It's like a fortune cookie for me. Just something new and different. But people that plan their whole lives around it and date, I have

met people in my life now, it's been a while, but that date based on their horoscope, like, well, I'm an Aquarius, so I can't date a Cancer or whatever. I don't know what the mix is. But have you ever heard of anybody doing that? Yes. I'm on the internet. It's just crazy. I'm aware that this happens. And furthermore, it's further frustrating when people excuse

Someone's toxic, unacceptable behavior by saying, oh, well, they're Virgo. Right. So it's totally on brand or they're a Libra. Shut the fuck up. They're an asshole. They're an asshole. What we can all agree on is they're an asshole. They're an asshole. And it has nothing to do with this dated stuff. Just own that it is not rooted in femininity.

Right. That's it. If you want to have fun with it. Right. Read tarot cards. You know what? What about a scratch and sniff tarot card? I love that idea. Trademark. Trademark. Copyright. Copyright. You're a lawyer. Say something. Intellectual property claim made. By I've had it podcast. I've had it podcast. LLC. There you go. We're going to do scratch and sniff tarot cards. I love that. All right.

Pumps, it's time we've got to start shifting the wardrobe from summer to fall. And luckily, we have partnered with Quince and I absolutely love their washable silk camis. Not only can I wear them in the summer with jeans, I can segue them right over to the fall and throw a blazer over them. They're my favorite too. I love the wash and wear ability. I don't have to iron or steam. They come out perfect and ready to go.

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Pumps, are you still randomly buying weird cheap clothes on Instagram? Unfortunately, I still am. I can't help it. You know, you can roll the dice on something like that. But when it comes to your health, you cannot take such a risk. That's why I strongly urge our listener to use ZocDoc.

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All right. Ethan Hall says, No shit.

I mean, that's one, I mean, for the ages right there, Ethan. I think we've all had it with that. All right. Christian says he's had it with toxic serial forgivers that want to recruit you into their shame spiral. Example, forgiveness is not for them. It's for you. Another quote, I am sure harboring resentment is such a heavy burden for you. Christian says, no, it's not.

It's light as a feather. And if you believe everyone should be forgiven for anything, you in all seriousness have not encountered something truly life shattering that brought immense pain into your loved one's lives because you then realize not everything needs to be or can be forgiven. Take your toxic and disingenuous forgiveness and continue to shit rainbows and butterflies for the rest of your days and leave me out of it. I completely agree.

Not wrong. I think that the situation is this regarding forgiveness, guilt. Pumps and I were talking about this at lunch the other day. There are certain things that are just so painful or so remarkable in your life that are so pronounced that you really quite never get over it.

But it's not an active resentment. It's not active guilt. It's not active. It's not an active thing anymore. Like I have some, there's some people I have on a list.

That I don't actively hate and I don't actively think about anymore. But when I run into him, I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I totally remember what a raging cunt you are. And I will never forget it. And I hadn't thought about the person in 10 years. It's not active. I'm not daily feeding it. But it's on a little list. Right. You have to file it away to protect yourself. It's on a list that will not be revised. Right. You know, my deal is when I see...

people that have like on a dateline or something that their child's been killed or their spouse has been killed and they forgive the killer. I'm always amazed by that. I don't think I could do that. But

Anything to get rid of your own resentment, I'm for. But when you start telling somebody else how they need to feel about something, I think you're in big trouble. I think that's a great way to put it, Pumps. If somebody can do that. Good for them. Good for them. But I think that we shouldn't advise other people how they feel about something. That's right. I also think you cannot let

guilt, or resentment, or hatred consume you, and it can't be an active thing. But at the same time, I also think like, if I'm mad about something, I have a right to be mad. And I have a right to work through my anger. I can't just immediately like the flip of a switch, turn it off and go, Oh, forgive you. Right. Furthermore, most of the time,

When people screw up, I'm very reasonable about it because God knows I've screwed up so much in my life. I'm reasonable and immediately forgiving and can move right on down the road. But I think what Christian is talking about here, there are some really big earth shattering things.

And you know the person will continue to repeat the same hurtful bullshit over and over and over again. And you decide not to forgive them. While at the same time, you're not going to actively live in hatred. They're on a little list. They're just on a list and you have to distance yourself. I agree. Okay.

Next up, we have Caroline. She says, I've had it with toxic positivity. Stop trying to make something good out of a shitty situation and let me be a miserable bitch in peace. Could not agree more. I get so tired of everything happens for a reason or when

When God closes the door, he opens a window. I mean, it's just like bad shit happens and there's no rhyme or reason for it. You just have to fucking put on your big girl panties and move on down the road. Do not sit and tell me to be positive about it or spin the good part out of it. There's usually or sometimes there's no good part. I have some earth shattering news for the toxic positivity world. Life is.

is entirely unfair and hard. Bad stuff happens to really good people and really bad people get away with shit their whole lives. And there's no rhyme. There's no reason to it. There's no religious order to it. There's no

superficial, supernatural order to it. It simply is what it is. And life is wildly unfair. And the sooner you can come to terms with that and learn how to best process your emotions, the more serenity you're going to have. But I

I firmly believe if you're mad about something, if you are resentful about something, work through your own process of feeling those. This whole idea that some inspirational quote or some self-help book is going to quick fix these things. There's no quick fix to emotional problems. It is an ongoing struggle your entire life. I will say it gets a lot better as you get older. Right. Dealing with people because the thing is you just eliminate them. Right.

Right. And you just you begin to realize what is your stuff and what's their stuff and be able to take what you want and leave the rest. Stephanie says, I've had it with men saying that women should keep their panties on if they don't want to get pregnant.

It sends me into a full-on Hulk rage. I almost slapped the MAGA hat off my brother-in-law's friend for saying it at my niece's third birthday party. I had to give my husband the we-better-get-the-fuck-out-of-here-before-shit-gets-real look. I get so fucking tired of men making comments about women being pregnant because this is not...

A spontaneous pregnancy. It takes two to tango. Why are the ramifications and the consequences and the rules not the same for both parties? That infuriates me. Well, and it's this, it's a slut shaming that exists projected onto women that is never applied to men. And it is this purity, Puritan purity.

right-wing evangelical Christian culture that shames sex and that women somehow wanted it because men project because they want it all the time and they project that women want it all the time. And you shouldn't have dressed this way. You shouldn't have your panties on this way, blah, blah, blah. It's just this archaic thinking that it seems so

that we make progress towards. And then we take about 25,000 steps back. And it's wild that a lot of the people that say this, I would say 99.9999999% of the people that say this have women they love in their lives. Absolutely. And despite having that love, say such hateful things towards women.

someone whose gender that they probably their mother, their sister, their aunt, their grandmother. It's just wild. The internalized misogyny that comes out, you just don't even realize how ingrained it is in people until comments like that. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's gross. Maya says, I've had it with stupid dog owners, had it with people who cannot train a dog. Particularly, I've been with my neighbor who's

who got a sputtle. Surprise, surprise during COVID. Surprise, surprise again. Then, since this dog was a puppy, he kept him on a lead at all times, not letting him interact with other dogs. The result, one antisocial motherfucker that barks as if it's set on fire every time it leaves its house. Then, of course, my dog...

sets off hearing this dramatic bark and it just pisses me off. People should have to pass some tests to be allowed to care for a dog. Otherwise, imbeciles are producing those stupid dogs that ruin my peace. I'm the mother of two under age five. Peace in the evening is all I have and the stupid dog ruins it for me. For the permanent record, I love dogs but hate the stupid ones. Hate all varieties of poodles and usually those are the worst.

I hate all variety of poodles. I can't hate dogs. I can't. Although this is a safe space for you to say that, it's...

It could be potentially problematic. Where I agree with you is that the stupid pet owner. That's what I was going to say. The dog is the innocent victim. It's the fucking stupid ass pet owner that didn't train it and that allows that type of behavior. And it sounds like the owner contributed to the dog's problem. But there is nothing more annoying than a dog that yaps and yaps and yaps.

Constantly. Yeah. The yak mouth dog. The yak mouth dog. The yappy dog. The yak mouth dogs. Yak mouth people. Anything with the yak mouth is just bad. I'm going to say reptile, mammal, whatever it is. Too much talking equals bad. Yep. All right. Let's do the last one here.

From Carmen. Oh, my fucking God. I am driven to distraction by the constant and overt use of the phrase, here's the deal. It's used everywhere all the time by you guys and by every single politician out there. Please find another cliche phrase, please. Carmen. Guilty. Here's the deal. No.

I, I can't stop. I say it's kind of a cue for my dogs. I'll look at them and I'll say, here's the deal. And I put my little fingers up like this and they both sit up straight, right. And then cock their heads. And they know that that means that I'm going to communicate something to them.

And here's the deal, Carmen. I'm not stopping it. But you can still, this is still a safe place to express your grievances. We are just going to have to agree to disagree here because here's the deal. I'm not going to stop saying here's the deal.

Yeah, it is so ingrained in my vocabulary. I don't even think I know when I use it. If I quit using it, my dogs wouldn't know where they were. It would be so disorienting to them because it is like a reset. They immediately know when I say, here's the deal. I mean, they are at attention and their little Frenchie heads with their little ears kind of turn to the side. And then I oftentimes do this where I start saying words to see how bad I can get them to freak out. Like here's an example. I'll say...

table, water bottle, book, squirrel, and they go bananas. Like here's what I could do with hue pumps. Here's the, here's the deal. Cock your head. Um, wallpaper, television, drapery, rock hard cops. All right, here's the deal. Patriots and gay triots. Um, that's all we got for you. We have some tour dates.

that are coming up. We are going to Seattle September 22nd and to New York November 16th. And here's the deal. They're both going to be matinees on a Sunday because I like to go to bed early. I love a matinee. All right, pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with.

Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

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