Survival of the Dumbest
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So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. What's up?

That was a terrible clap. Those of you on YouTube will be able to see her facial expression after she delivered that.

Pumps, you're so cute. I just... I'm disappointed. Even when you're disappointed in yourself, Meemaw, you're still cute. Okay, listen up, listener. You may notice that Pumps has on a shirt that says Mother with the Pride rainbow coloring on it. Meemaw is modeling this today because...

At our merch store, there's no question I am. At our merch store, we have new merch. Oh, and it's really cute. What's the website address? Our new website and our merch is at I'veHadIt.store. I'veHadIt.store. Lots of cute stuff. I'veHadIt.store. And again, for the permanent record, the Mother Pride shirt is being modeled by Meemaw today.

Okay. All right. Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with, and we've talked about the baby on board and the stick figures, but the bumper stickers have gotten out of control. Yeah. It's fucking ridiculous, and I fucking had it. Yeah. So I'm at Trader Joe's the other day.

And someone has on their back windshield, I mean, not just a bumper sticker. She went even bigger. And it said, mom of three badasses. Mom of three badasses? Yes. How large was the font each letter? Like, what are we talking? How many? Six inches? Easily. Mom of three badasses. It took over the whole back windshield of like a Chevy Tahoe.

And I'm just like, what kind of pussies and assholes are her kids that she's running around describing her children as badasses? See, you know, here's the thing. I think parental bragging.

It's such a red flag. Huge red flag. You know, it is this whole that their kids are superior to other kids. And it's this constant bragging by the helicopter power mom culture. And here's the thing, and I'm just going to point this out.

There's some shit going on with this mother and these kids if that's on the back of her car because typically overt advertisements like that are to mask profound dysfunction. Well, immediately when I saw it, I thought her kids are probably bullies. They are probably –

I mean, just anybody who... You forgot one. They're probably pussies. Pussies. Yeah, because if she's saying they're badasses... Means they're pussies. They probably are titty baby, boodle baby criers when they don't get their way at school. And then she probably goes up and she's every bit out of the school for not accommodating her quote unquote badasses. Badasses. I mean, who would put that on there? Who would call their kid a badass? That's what I'm saying. Like, I hear people say, you know, my kid's...

really kind or sweet or good at sports. But I have never in all of my me-ma years heard of my kid. I'm the mom of three badasses. It's just the, it's gross. The parent culture that where they're, it's the overt bragging about their kids. It's too much. Nobody cares. And to put six inch sized font on your back windshield is a level of, uh,

I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I think it's narcissism and I think it's somewhat abusive. I think it's hysteria. It's hysteria. And it's like, how is that even remotely healthy for your kids? I mean, it's toxic. Well, who thought it was a good idea in the first place? You know, I mean, if I walked in somewhere and I had a shirt on that said, proud mom of two badasses, Dylan and Roman would just be like,

What is wrong with you? Right. Get that off immediately. What is wrong with you? Like, seriously. And I know we've talked about this before, and I know that this is not going to be the most popular opinion, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. If your kid's an honor student, don't put the sticker on your car if you haven't had it. Because guess what? Nobody on planet Earth gives a flying fuck if your kid is an honor student, except you. You know what it does? It promotes road rage. Yeah.

It keeps drivers less safe and promotes road rage. Because I'm going to say, when I see this stuff, I'm somewhat irritated. I'm just like, what the fuck? It's toxic.

Quit bragging about your kids. Nobody gives a shit. There are some exceptions. If your kid's that little climate activist, Greta, go ahead and brag. Absolutely. If your kid is Amanda Gorman, the poet. 100%. I'm super proud of her. Super proud of her. And Coco Gauff. 100%. You know, I say to my kids all the time when we're watching tennis and I see like Carlos Alcaraz or Coco Gauff that's like 18 years old and winning Grand Slams.

I say, see, kids, look at what they're doing with their life. What are you doing with your life? What are you doing? And my kids roll their eyes and walk off from me. Right. But I'm dead serious. I'm like, what are y'all doing with your lives? Right. You know, it's just a lot. It's just a lot of grandstanding for no fucking reason. And I think a lot of this keeps society at large, especially the roadways, less safe. Right. It just perpetuates stupidity.

Exactly what it does. Yeah. Congratulations, Debbie. You bred. You had a kid that did the higher end of average on things. Shut the fuck up. All right. We have had it. Had it. It's just not that unique. When your kid goes out and does something outstanding and spectacular, we'll book her on the pod. Until then, shut the fuck up and get all the stickers off your car and had it.

Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with. What's that? I've had it with thinking about what to eat or trying to decide where to eat. Oh, I hate it. I know it's a first world problem, but it really is a problem in our family. It's just a constant problem.

And it happens, you know, we constantly, it's like going to the bathroom. You have to do it and you get tired of doing it. Right. And then the food thing comes up. You and I go to lunch four or five times a week and we have like three or four restaurants in rotation. And it's like, it's just, what are we going to eat? And then if you're with your family, then there's a lot of deliberations always. There's a lot of conflicting taste buds. There's just always this.

Roman wants a burger. I don't really want a burger because then I'm going to feel heavy before I go to bed. Like, you know, a heavy feeling in my stomach. Josh, you know, depending on where he is in his man cycle, we have to go through either he's starving and he needs protein or he is on a diet and food is not important to him. So it's like everybody has these overtly strong opinions about food. And I'm like, you know what? I could do whatever. I'll just make a grilled cheese at home. It's no big deal.

I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of arguing with people about it. I'm kind of tired of sharing meals in general. I agree. I just want to eat alone in solitude.

And it's constant. It's day after day after day after day. And I've had it. No, I agree. I'm a simple eater. I'll eat anything. And you and I eat at the same places because we don't have to decide. No. And I'm just, I don't put like this big, I don't fantasize about having like this particular type of meal. It's like,

we're going to this restaurant, regardless of what restaurant it is, I will find something on the menu. It might not be great. I'll eat it and I'll shut the fuck up about it. I'm just not going to just tired of all the food issues, the restaurant issues. Sick of it. Had it. Had it with it. Welcome to I've had it. This is a podcast about positivity and not celebrating honor students. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie.

She's the star of our show, and she is the United States of America's Meemaw, the most beloved grandmother in all of podcasting. Kylie? Hi. Kylie, do you and Ana have issues with food? We do. She can't pick anywhere. I'll say, what do you want? She can't think of a thing. She can't decide. So I figured out a hack to get around it. So I'll say, guess where we're going? And she's like, oh, this Chinese restaurant. I'm like, yes. Yes.

Oh, that's smart. I get her to spit out subconsciously what she wants. That's really smart. That's the old bait and switch, Kylie. I like it. I learned that on TikTok, actually. Oh, you did? I did. TikTok has been a wealth of information for the youth. It really is. A wealth of information and disinformation, both, I should say. I would be remiss if I didn't include both.

misinformation. All right. Well, Kylie, do we have any, what do people say about us on the worldwide web? Well, if you recall how bad pumps started the show today, I have a comment pertaining to the clap. The failed clap? The failed clap. Just a piss for. We have a listener on YouTube who comments this often. Okay.

This first one was two days ago and it says, the clap is demeaning. Is she your dog or a really dumb blonde? Okay. She had previously already commented this. Here's her second comment. The clap is silly. Get rid of it. You are not dumb blonde, are you? One, two, three, clap. Is she your dog doing a trick? It's demeaning. Okay.

I'm going to let Pumps, because, you know, nobody's the boss of Pumps, but Pumps. And this is her clap. And I'm going to let you defend your clap because this is, you need to defend it. Well, I just really, I like starting the show with a clap. It's a definite start. Let me ask you this. Is anybody forcing you to do the clap?

No one's forcing me to do the clap. I think even it was my idea to do the clap. It was. It in fact was. I thought it would be a great way to start off, get us in the mood. It was. It was creative leadership for me, Moss, what that was. The fact that half the time I can't do it just makes it more... I strive more about it. I think more about it. I want it more. The more I fuck it up, the more I want it. Yeah. So I appreciate...

I appreciate our input. I had never thought about it being demeaning or a trick, but I'm going to stick with it because sometimes I'm great at it. Sometimes I'm bad. It makes me strive to do better. You know what's amazing is that some people are such micromanagers on the internet that now they're perceiving clapping as demeaning. A grown grandmother that chooses to clap

On her own volition. Right. Somebody now, it's demeaning the micromanaging of what other people do online. If you have an opinion, I like your podcast better when you don't express your opinion. Oh, okay. How do you navigate the internet? Right. How do you navigate social media? Because it's all opinions. And I don't feel like she's giving any credit to the fact that I am clapping over these humongous boobs. Right.

The sagging dragon. I mean, it is harder than you think. Right. I mean, just from the angles and stuff, it's kind of an accomplishment every time it works. I feel good about that. Good. So I want a little credit for just keeping it going. I like it. I'm proud of you. I get tickled by it.

But I want you to know for the permanent record, should you ever not want to do the clap anymore? I'll just say I'm not doing it. It's demeaning. It's demeaning. It's demeaning. I'm not your dog doing a trick. I'm not your dog doing a trick and it's demeaning. And so instead I'm going to do a jig to start the show. All right. Break dance. That's hilarious though, that out of all the stuff that we say,

That's the most innocuous thing is the most demeaning to her out of all the fucking garbage that we have expressed. That's what gets her. That's what sits in her craw. It's eating her alive. It is. I mean, how many were four comments deep on that? Yeah. That's great. Just about the same one every time. Yeah. But she's consistent. That's true. I mean, you know, she's consistent. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like it. She keeps talking about it. Okay. I've got another hate comment. Okay. On YouTube. Okay.

And they write, this is by far the most horrible, boring, cringe podcast I've ever laid my eyes on. Jesus. Then they comment again. They respond to themselves. Okay. Oh, good. What the fuck are they even talking about? A toast and people joining along with them? Like, bruh, what kind of gay podcast is this? Oh, my God.

Oh, you know what? They were right about the gay podcast. That's right. Yeah. Proudly gay. Mother's wearing her gay pride mother shirt. Mother. We need a rainbow Meemaw shirt. We do need a rainbow Meemaw. Oh, I hope it's not too late for that to get printed. Okay. Listener, we love to hear from you. So let's

hear some voice memos. Kylie, have you selected some voice memos? I have. And for those of you that want to join us for our after show, please sign up for Patreon, click devoted follower or fully enlightened, and you can get on your patron every single post show wherein we play more voice memos than what you hear on the episode. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

Thank you so much for joining us today.

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Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. All right. Up first, we've got Jillian C. Okay. Hi, Jennifer and Pums. This is Jillian from Ohio. I have had it with people photoshopping dead people.

into their wedding photos. Now, forgive me if I am being insensitive, but why? And why is it always so bad? It's like poorly done by themselves on one of their iPhone apps and not like professionally done by a photographer who has editing skills. I've had it with that.

And also this really ties into my last I've had it that I sent you. I realized after listening back to it about tagging dead people in Facebook posts that they won't see. So there's a theme there. Maybe I should go to therapy. Thank you all for your podcast. I love it. Maybe I should go to therapy. Got a dead person thing. Jillian, I don't think you need to go to therapy. And I, here's the thing.

I've just got to say about tagging, I mean not tagging, about photoshopping a dead person in your wedding photo is weird. It's fucking weird. But I further want to say that...

If marriage had a 95% success rate or higher, I would say that marriage was a fantastic accomplishment. Right. I think the success rate of marriage is now below 50%. So basically every fucking asshole gets married. Right. And more than half fail. Right. At the marriage. So I think we're putting too much emphasis on a failed institution rather

Couldn't agree more. And then adding a dead person via Photoshop to your wedding photo isn't anything other than a pitiful project. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything. No. And I'm wondering, like, if you're so intent on adding a dead person to one of your photos, let somebody professionally do it because it's going to be obvious that

They're dead. Everybody who went to the wedding knows they're dead. But I mean, just having him in the wedding party, like they've been there the whole time. That's just fucked up. I was just going to say for the permanent record, I don't want any Photoshop dead people in my photographs because I like to live in reality. And if the reality when the photograph was taken was that that person wasn't alive, I don't want to be a part of revisionist history because

Right. Whoever was dead when I got married was dead then. They're dead now. Photograph doesn't change that. Right. Death is a horrible thing. Grief is horrible. And Photoshopping somebody in the wedding, it doesn't.

make anybody undead. And I think it's creepy. And I think it's weird. If I see this, I'm going to unfriend that person immediately, both on social media and in real life. I think it's a red flag. And I think it's a service to just show people I'm crazy. I engage in revisionist history. I like to Photoshop dead people in places where they weren't. And I want it noted this when I'm dead, don't Photoshop me at a wedding. No, I didn't have the choice. Don't, don't make that choice.

Upon my death to send me to a wedding because more than likely I would have regretted going. That's what I was going to say. I mean, it's hard enough to go in real life. Certainly, I don't want to do it from the grave. Exactly. All right, Kylie, who's next? All right, up next, we've got Miko. Hi, Jennifer and Pumps. This is Miko from London. And before you ask why I don't sound like Mary Poppins, I'm originally from Texas. But anyway...

What I have had it with is TV sports interviews with the loser. What a fucking waste of time. They all say the exact same thing. Oh, well, you know, it didn't quite go as planned. No shit. You lost. Where else in life does this ever happen? I mean, you don't go to school and the teacher says, hey, Amelia, you failed that math test. Why don't you come up to the front and tell everybody what went wrong?

I can't imagine going someplace like a church and the preacher says, Edward, your marriage is failing. Why don't you come up and tell everybody why your wife's cheating on you? It's just stupid. It's so pointless. And I've had it.

Okay, Miko, you bring up a great point. Great point. I do not attend church. However, if the preacher or pastor said, hey, get up here and tell me why your marriage is failing, I might attend just for that tea. Right, that would be juicy. I might attend just for that tea. That'd be the best part of the whole thing. You watch a lot of sports. What do you think about the interview? That's what I was going to say. She's 100% right on you're interviewing the loser. They all say the same thing. They're miserable. It's probably like...

a very bad time for them emotionally. So it's like, why are you interviewing them and like rubbing salt in a wound? The only time it's kind of fun, the only time I've ever seen it that it's good is NBA players because they'll just fucking go off and they don't care. They'll just ream out the other side, ream out the refs, like they'll just get down and dirty. So I like that. But typically, anytime somebody loses, they're pretty proficient at

You know, this is why we lost. I feel bad. I made mistakes. You know, self-deprecation, all that. I mean, obviously, I've had media training. But I do love it when those NBA players just go, that guy fucking fouled me the whole time. That ref's a piece of shit. My coach sucks. I dig that. The NBA is just, in my opinion, one of the best sporting organizations in the world. They treat their players well. Right. And they let them be who they are. The players have a level of swag. I love it.

I think it's like peak black culture. Absolutely. When you go to NBA games, it's just amazing.

The league like stood by the players during Black Lives Matter. And I just, I like Adam Silver. I like, I like the NBA. I like the Oklahoma City Thunder. I like NBA players. Side note, I think they're pretty hot. They are pretty hot. I'll tell you what, the tennis players though have the corner on hot players. There's no question that that is the sport that I love the most. And I will say like if one of my favorite players is beaten, I'm

And they have to give a speech as much as I hate it for them. I still want to hear what they have to say. So part of the problem and had it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. All right. Up next, we've got Maddie. Hey, you guys, I love your show. And I just wanted to share my I've had it with you guys. So I fucking had it with people who just think it's acceptable to suck on their fingers after eating something bad.

Like, usually it's a bag of chips or, you know, a bakery item or some shit. But hell, I've seen people do this after eating with a damn fucking fork. Eating that two-day-old leftover spaghetti in the fucking break room. I mean, that shit is nasty. And the noise it makes when they suck on each one. And then I never see these people wash their hands. Ever. Yeah.

What the fuck is up with that? It makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Anyways, I really thought that I needed to just share this with you guys. I just can't handle it anymore. And I don't know who else to talk to. Maddie, the finger slurping is it is disgusting. It is.

Especially when you're out in public with other people and they start slurping their fingers. I also hate like people that make a lot of head noises, like big inhale snot. You can hear the snot rattling around and it just, I always just am like, stop it. Stop it. I can't take it. Yeah. The worst offender is those, uh,

Nacho cheese flavored Doritos. I've seen people suck that dust. Or a Cheeto. The Cheetos. And she's so right about the hand washing. It's like I've never seen any of these people wash their hands that are just sucking. And we're strangers. I don't need to be somewhere like in a department store and you're sucking your fingers because then you touch shit. It's gross. People are eating Cheetos at the department store? I've seen it before. Well, at the mall. It's been at the mall. Like walking and then they're like... And it does make the grossest noise.

Ugh. She's so right about that. Yeah. I don't like it. And I don't like big snot pushers. It grosses me out. I don't like any sounds. It's disgusting. And it's like, I don't know. It's like there's a lack of awareness. Both. I always just kind of like cringe inside. Like I tighten my abdominal muscles. It makes you uncomfortable. Yeah. It's just a very uncomfortable feeling. All right. Up next, we've got Danielle L.

So you guys have had it with the baby on board stickers. Here's what I've had it with. I've fucking had it with men who are overcompensating for their micro penises.

By doing everything they possibly can to make their pickup trucks look super hyper masculine. And here's what I'm talking about. Fucking truck nuts. Ever seen those things? Literal ball sacks you can attach to the hitch of a pickup truck.

Or like the guy in my neighborhood who drives around with, instead of a stick figure family decal on the back of his truck, he has literal guns lined up that says, you have your family and I have mine. So we've got our stick figure families while he is holding his numerous guns tight at night. Fucking had it with these losers.

She's so right. She's so right. The bigger the truck, the smaller the penis. I mean, it's just undefeated. The big truck with the ball sack. Oh, it's gross. Little ball sacks hanging from them.

I just, I wonder what the psychology and the entire process of all of that is. Like who thought, you know what I'm going to put on a hitch of my pickup today? A ball sack. Testicles. That's what we're going to put that on my truck and I'm going to drive around town and get out and get in and look people. I just, I don't understand it. And then the, the gun, the sticker gun family, like the gun culture is so hard.

weird to me. It's an overcompensation again. The gun nuts are just... It's wild how... Like, these are the doomsday preppers. 100%. They somehow think they're going to take on the federal government. Right. They...

They're ass in, nose out, ball hanging truck drivers. And I'm not talking about semi truck drivers. Right. I'm talking about the, you know, cowboy with the big belt buckle and no disrespect to cowboys. But if this were a population of people that seem to be empathetic and think outside of their comfort zone.

their ethnicity. I might be more prone to have an affection towards them. But the majority of people that I see in this community, and we live around it in Oklahoma, are all racist homophobes. Always. They are. I mean, they're just racist.

racist, homophobic Christian. We're Christian. With tiny, teeny, weeny, peenies. They are. They are. I mean, I have such an aversion to this community because most of them that I've met are overt Trumpers. Right. Engage in religious theater that when I hear country songs, I kind of cringe. Like now kind of when I see the American flag on somebody's shirt, I'm like,

I kind of cringe. I'm like, oh, God, they're probably gun-toting Trump or where it used to be cool. Like Ralph Lauren had the design with the American flag on it. And I think we have a super cool flag. Like it's red and white striped and it has the 50 stars. It's like a very aesthetically pleasing, unique flag. They've stained it. Yes. And I really dislike that. And you know what else? I fucking had it with this. Had it up to my eyeballs. Hey, Patriot. Yeah.

That's always a red flag for me. Shut up. When somebody says patriot, I know immediately. They fuck up. They're a MAGA prepper. For sure. A civil war monger. Just shut up with calling each other patriots when y'all fucking attempted a coup d'etat. You cannot both be pro-American and anti-democracy. I want to go dry hump Donald Trump and crash in the Capitol. You fucking freak show nut jobs.

I've had it. Take their guns. Ban assault weapons immediately. Congress Act and all of you fucking psychos that run around saying how pro-life you are. You are lying liars because you don't give a fuck about kids dying in schools. So go fuck yourself and take your faux religion and your truck with your ball sacks and get the fuck out. Had it.

Had it. You ate and left no crumbs. I did. That's right. She ate and left no crumbs. I've had it with those people. I've had it. You brought up doomsday preppers. Yeah. We've never talked about that. Every doomsday prepper I've ever seen is like one Red Bull away from having a heart attack. And they think they're going to survive. Right. And also like win a civil war if it happens. Right. And that they're so uniquely prepared to take the cause and

to the others and rule a nation. I'm like, you all are not smart enough to alphabetize library books. So if the fate of the world is dependent on you and your logic and your intellect, we're all fucked. You and your two teeth. You and your two teeth. Well, but have you heard about these billionaire bunkers? No. Oh, no. Okay. So there's like billionaires that have made these like bunkers. Yeah.

like if there's a, you know, a nuclear war or whatever. My thing is, do you want to live? That's what I think. If it's the end of the world and it's nuclear and all that, I'm ready to go. Please kill me. Just, I mean, I don't want to have to. Because here's the problem with it, okay? Here is the fundamental problem with doomsday prepping. Let's say that it was a for sure, if you were a doomsday prepper, you were going to survive. You're surviving with the other preppers. It's like, you know,

It's like going to heaven. Do you want to be with all those judgmental Bible thumpers? Fuck no. Do you want to live on earth with all those fucking psycho Red Bull AR-15 totem, you know, truck driving sackball people? No.

No, either way, neither one of those hell is far more attractive than heaven simply by the people that I've had to live around in the city of Oklahoma City. I don't want to be with those people in the afterlife for the permanent record. I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm just like.

Y'all are the biggest walking advertisement for, number one, against doomsday prepping because I don't want to survive with you. Right. And for heaven because I don't want to be for eternity with your judgmental ass. Right. Yeah. And let's just face it. I can't even go camping. There's no way I could survive in the post. I mean, the billionaire bunker does sound kind of appealing. You could have a bunch of DVDs.

you know, or a lot of digitally recorded, whatever the kids do these days. Right. You wouldn't be able to stream. So then maybe you'd kick it around there for a while. But then, I mean, it's just like. But then if you come out of your bunker, you're around all the fucking psycho preppers. Right. And nobody wants to be around those people. No. That's why they all hang out with each other and call each other patriots. It's a red flag. Up next, we've got Danielle C.,

Hi, ladies. I have had it with people who put thank you in advance at the bottom of their emails. Your presumption that I'm going to drop what I'm doing to do whatever bullshit thing you're asking me to do is pretty much a guarantee that your email is going to the bottom of the pile. Yep. In fact, don't be surprised if you get a response that says, got your email, and I'd just like to say, fuck you in advance. Yeah.

Thanks, ladies. Love the pod. I think she's right. That's great. The thank you in advance is also like passive aggressive aggressive. Agree. And sometimes I do it on purpose. I'll admit when I'm... If you're doing it to intentionally...

be a bitch, I support it. Right. That's when I do it. If you're doing it to be like a hall monitor, sanctimonious type situation, I oppose it. But oftentimes when I see that, like, thank you in advance for addressing this matter. I'm like, how do you even know I'm going to address it? Right. It makes me not want to address it. I'm with her. You go to the bottom of the email stack. That task that you wanted me to do goes to the bottom of the task list. Fuck you in advance, patriots. Yeah.

And guess what? Fuck you in advance. I don't want to live if living means living with your ass. Right. Like, I'll pass. Yeah. I don't want to. It'd be worse. It'd be better to die. Yeah. Than have to live around all those fucking MAGA people. Like, if it's just...

Let's a pod of people and you come out of your bunker and it's only you. Right. And all the MAGA people. I mean, I would just have to like. Okay. Here's one thing that we have to discuss. I've never met like a doomsday prepper or seen one in a documentary that appears to be physically fit. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, they're not. All the ones you see are not going to survive anything. And so I think that it makes sense that these people did not study Charles Darwin, which, as we all know, is survival of the fittest. And what Darwin was talking about was not having a walkie-talkie and an AR-15. He's talking about, you know...

genetically able to survive in conditions on the planet. And so, yeah, the doomsday preppers, I've really had it with them. We could do a deep dive on that. We should get some pictures. Thank you in advance for doing an episode on doomsday preppers. Patriot.

Welcome, Patriots. Okay, listen up, Patriots. Go leave us a five-star review and go check out our merch that our beautiful Meemaw mother is modeling for us. Pumps doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships, everything

Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Have a question or need how-to advice? Just ask Meta AI.

Whether you want to design a marathon training program or you're curious what planets are visible in tonight's sky, Meta AI has the answers. It can also summarize your class notes, visualize your ideas, and so much more. It's the most advanced AI at your fingertips. Expand your world with Meta AI. Now on Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Messenger.

Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Kylie, do we have anything else? Up next, we've got Delina. I have had it with people asking me what my birth plan is. I'm sorry. Is the birth plan not to just have the baby?

Like, why do people think I need a playlist and certain positions I want? No, fuck that. When you are in labor, all you want is the baby out. And whatever you tell me is the best way to get that baby out. That's what I'm doing. So I've just had it. I've had it with all these women and their dumb ass birth plans. And I'm just, I'm over it.

I was in a birthing class for my first child. I went to the class and somebody walked in with a notebook binder full of their quote unquote birth plan. And I just thought my birth plan is to get this baby out with the least amount of pain possible. That's it. That's the list. I'm going to listen to the medical professionals. I don't need to make 47 documents related to a birth plan when there's medical professionals to help me do it. Yeah. My birth plan was this. I scheduled...

the birth with my OBGYN because I opposed going into labor naturally because I didn't want to feel that. So I arrived at the hospital, the date of my scheduled delivery for each boy and the nurse came in and she was like, okay, we're going to go ahead and hook you up to the Pitocin

um, which will induce labor. And I was like, I would like the epidural first. Absolutely. Get the epidural first. So I had my epidural, then we induced labor. Then I had the kid. Um,

That was the plan. That was the plan. And why? First of all, I had no playlist. No, I had no other plan other than to reduce pain as much as possible and have medical doctors take this baby out of my body, get the baby out. And it's really nobody's business. And if I ever asked the question, which I don't think I would, what's your birth plan?

I would think, I don't give a fuck what the birth plan is. So do these people, are they genuinely interested in the birth plan? Are they just trying to make conversation? Because to me, that sounds like a ridiculous question. Is that a new thing? No, the birth plan, it was in my, it was 23 years ago, almost 24. People were bringing their birth plan notebooks. But even asking about it. Like, I didn't have it written down anywhere. I just went to the doctor up until the point she said, okay, so do you want to go and labor naturally? Do you want to go ahead and pick a date to induce? And I was like, I can pick? Yeah.

She said, yeah. So that was like a week before I had him, both of them. I'm looking at a template for your birth plan right now. Yeah. What is it? It is insane. All the things you can select. You select for labor. Check, I would like to be able to move around as I wish. I would like to be able to drink fluids during labor. Would you like a birthing ball, a birthing stool, a birthing chair, a squat bar? Who do you want in the room? What kind of anesthesia? How would you like to deliver? If it's vaginal, would you like to use a mirror to see the baby's birth?

No. It goes on and on and on. I think that's just get in, have the baby, move on down the road. People are trying to act like it's a new thing. Like they're the first people that ever invented having a child. It's just not that. It's just not that. It's just like get it out of your body. Full stop. Yeah. You know, I just...

These people are the people that end up with bumper stickers. That say badass mom. My three badasses. Yeah. Are honor students, a.k.a. the biggest pussies. On the planet. On the planet. Are my kids. Yeah. That's what, you know, that's badass. If you're saying that, then everybody knows your kids are pussies. Right. And then your badass birth plan means that you're a fucking pussy. You're going to have fucking pussies. It's just, shut up. All right. Well, patriots. Yeah.

Thank you for joining us for today's uber uplifting episode. I sure enjoyed it. I did. I had fun. Give us five stars, Patriots. You can throw in an American flag emoji. And go to our store and buy a Meemaw Mother shirt. And come see us on the Hot Shit Tour. Super fun. Join Patreon. If you join Patreon, your voice memos...

go directly to Kylie's ears and not in the abyss that is the Instagram DMs. You get your preferred cult member. Anyway, that's all we have, Pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships.

Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Have a question or need how-to advice? Just ask Meta AI.

Whether you need to summarize your class notes or want to create a recipe with the ingredients you already have in your fridge, Meta AI has the answers. You can also research topics, explore interests, and so much more. It's the most advanced AI at your fingertips. Expand your world with Meta AI. Now on Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Messenger.

Pumps, doing the podcast, our other jobs, being mothers, maintaining friendships. Sometimes I just feel like I have burnout, like I cannot face another meeting, another conversation. And I realize I'm just so disconnected from the world that I need to take the time to schedule a session with my therapist from BetterHelp.com.

After I do it, I feel so much more centered, so much more grounded, and so much more functioning. Listener, if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Have a question or need how-to advice? Just ask Meta AI.

Whether you need to summarize your class notes or want to create a recipe with the ingredients you already have in your fridge, Meta AI has the answers. You can also research topics, explore interests, and so much more. It's the most advanced AI at your fingertips. Expand your world with Meta AI. Now on Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Messenger.