Stacking Up That Therapy Bill
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And that listener is an open-minded person that likes to traffic in petty grievances. And of course, as you know, this podcast is hosted by the star of our show, America's Greatest Legal Mind, Pumps. I'm here to narrate. My name is Jennifer. What a warm welcome. Welcome, listener. Pumps, what can you share with the listener about your petty grievances? My petty grievance today is with...

Bicycle enthusiasts. Not the average Joe trying to get from point A to point B. I left here yesterday about four o'clock. It's five miles of stop signs or stoplights. This bozo in his full tactical gear for his bicycle was riding in the lane for the cars, not on the sidewalk.

Nobody around him. It was too congested just to pass and move on. So we're all waiting for this fucking bicycler, one bicycler. I'm like, we've got trails, we've got lakes, we've got bike paths. Why the fuck are you on a thoroughfare at four o'clock? Just sent me into orbit. Bicyclers should not have the right of way.

on a busy street, during traffic, be in a bike lane. Have it. That's the problem. There are no bike lanes in Oklahoma City. But there are places to ride your bike that aren't a thoroughfare. I agree. But they decide, because this happens to me all the time, because my neighborhood is one that they cut through and around. And I've noticed that

I'm all for if you're a bicycler, unlike pumps, if you're a bicycle enthusiast, I want you to know that me as the narrator of this podcast, I support you, listener. However, where I'm with pumps on this is the bicyclers don't stop at the stop signs. It's chaos with the bicyclers. So if you're going to ride like a car in the car lanes, follow the rules that the cars have to follow.

See, I'm going to take it a step further. If you're a bicycler in a car lane, you can't be there. You have to be somewhere where it's bicycles. Because when everybody in traffic is rolling around for one fucking asshole on his bike with his stupid shorts and his goofy hat, go where the other bicycle people can appreciate how fabulous you are. Because in the car, we just hate your guts.

Yeah, I have been late to things because I've had I've been late to pickleball. Oh, my gosh. Because I've had some jack off on a bike on a road. And this road doesn't have a bike lane. So I'm stuck behind him doing about 15 miles an hour. And I can't get to the left because everybody's just passing.

And I'm getting really irritated. My heart rate is raising, which I wanted to save that for pickleball. And no, it's a problem. I think cities need to enforce bicyclers and bike lanes only. And it's also a safety issue. It makes me, I mean, like my heart rate was up and I wasn't late for anywhere because I was so worried about what if he fell off his bike? What if he hit something in the road? You know, I mean, it makes me nervous that I'm going to

hit this guy on his bike because he can't just be somewhere where bikes are. Why does he have to be with cars? So it's a confusing headspace for you to be in because- Makes me nervous. On the one hand, you hate him. You hate his outfit. You hate bikes. Hate everything. I don't hate bikes. I hate them on car lanes. On the other hand, you are worried for his well-being. I kind of think you hate bikes. I don't want to kill him. I think you hate bikes. When we go to Mexico- I can't ride a bike, but I don't hate bikes.

I think you're a bicater. I'm not a bicater. I'm just not good at it. I'm not coordinated enough. All right. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I've had it with high information customers that feed sales associates or service industry people into thinking that everybody else is a high information customer. And let me kind of lay this out for you. Okay, yeah.

Let's say that I have a plumber coming to my house to fix something. Here's what I would say. Hey, this faucet I have is leaking. I need for you to fix it. Whatever it takes, go ahead and do it. Then I receive a phone call.

The situation here, Jennifer, is we've got this. We've got the on-off cartridge that's failing. And so what I have to do is I've got to take my such-and-such wrench and unscrew it, and that's going to do that. And then I've got to order this part, and then I've got to take this other part off to get to that part. And I'm like, stop right there. Stop right there. I am a low-information customer. I have a problem.

You represent my solution. I don't want all of these details. I don't want to know all of these things. I want you to know them. I want you to execute them. It's going to be more money and less time for you to not tell me all of these things because I don't require all of this information. I don't want to know any of the information. And this happens a lot. You have a lot of people that are high information customers. Prime example is people that go out to eat.

And on the menu, it says, you know, like grilled chicken pasta. And then below it, it says a penne pasta with olive oil, lemon juice, capers and tomatoes. It's all right there on the menu. You've got a high information schmuck sitting there that says, now what comes on that grilled chicken pasta? So the waiter is like, all right, I've memorized this. I had to pass my test to do this. Waiter gladly and enthusiastically shares what's on the chicken pasta.

And then we go in, you think it's good? You think it would be better or worse without the capers on it? So here's the situation. I'm not mad at the people that are doing their jobs because they have customers that have told them, I want a lot of information. So what I am proposing to society is whenever you engage in any sort of human interaction business thing, you can simply say, hi, I'm

My name is Pumps. I'm America's greatest legal mind, and I produce a podcast for one listener, and I am a low-information customer. But in that, I guess you would have been a high-information customer because you would have grandstanded about all this stuff you did. That's what I was just going to say. See, look at how hypocritical I am. It's a trap. All right, let me just say this. Here's what I propose. Okay. You say, hi.

My name is Pumps. I have a leaky faucet and I'm a low information customer. Please let me know when you can repair it and how much I owe you. And then that's all that has to be said. See, this very situation just happened to me. My garage door was messed up. So I had to have the garage door person come out. And I'm like, he comes in and he's telling me, we've got a spring and then you've got this. That's what I'm talking about. And I was like...

Here's the deal. I don't know what any of that means, and I don't care. What I need to know from you is, can you fix it today? And how much is it going to cost? Rattled off the information. We were done. That was it. That was the list. It was a perfect relationship because I've had people in the past that want to over-explain. And when you were talking, I have a story that I remembered. One time when I was married, I was in a relationship.

The electrician came out for something. I don't even know what. And my ex-husband's asking me like, well, what did the electrician say about this? And what did they say about that? And I looked at him, I go, you don't even know what any of that fucking means. So why do you give a shit what he said?

Here's what it cost. It's fixed. Take the win. I mean, why do we have to go over it? But I remember specifically like him questioned me about the steps it took to restore the problem. And it's like, you don't even know. Even if I knew what the steps were, you wouldn't know what they are. So why are we having this conversation? Well, here's a prime example. Okay. I know your ex-husband and I knew him well. Mm-hmm.

And he is an exact type of person that I'm talking about. He is a high information customer that wants to belabor. He wants a bunch of information that he's never going to be able to properly digest. And he wants to take a 20-second conversation with

to approach about a 45 minute conversation. 100%. And so what I'm proposing to our listener is that we define this as a society. When you are seeking services, there is a box wherein you check when you're available and if you're a high information customer or a low information customer. So it's just established because it's not defined. Right. I'm proposing let's define this. If you're a high information customer,

That's your right. You can be a high information customer and you can talk about all of that with your therapist. And we don't have to be friends and we don't have to follow each other on Instagram because I want no part of you. I want to be around low information efficient customers. And I want to be able to check a box when I'm having something repaired, when I'm buying something, when I'm doing something where I'm a low information customer, like checking into a hotel, for example. Hi, my name is Jennifer Welch. Here's my credit card and ID.

I don't want to talk about anything beyond that. Right. We don't have to chit chat. And I support workers completely. And I understand that sometimes they're told, you know, be friendly, start a conversation, all of these things. I'm at the stage in my life where I'm going to smile. I'm going to be kind and I'm going to be pleasant. But I don't want to have unnecessary conversations that nobody gives a shit about. Right. That nobody's going to remember. Right. They don't care. But I do think...

Just like you said, the employees or the worker is not at fault because some people, they have to have that. Like if you're not asking 47 questions about, you know, how was your day? How was your flight at a hotel? Then they would tell the manager, well, that person wasn't friendly. I have to tell you this story. So my son, my oldest just went for training.

And he was staying in a hotel and it was a business hotel. Like the business booked the reservation. He walked in. It was a kiosk. He put his name in and it spit out the key. There wasn't even a person there. Just spit the key out. No interaction. How great is that? That's pretty fantastic. I mean, that is a great idea. Yeah. I was so impressed. I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, that's really going to throw a curveball to high information customers. Yeah.

Don't you know they're like banging on the front saying, where's my welcome wagon? Does anybody care what my flight was like? Imagine what your ex-husband would do in that situation. Here's the deal. He would create a problem to elicit interaction with the hotel staff just to make sure they knew he was there. Don't you think? Well, I just I don't know if we've shared this information with a listener before, but if we have, I think it's worth worthy of repeating.

Pumps' ex-husband once, the guy who installed her Wi-Fi, labeled the Wi-Fi name as FBI surveillance van. So her husband gets home from work and he's logging on to Wi-Fi and he sees that one of the routers is named FBI.

FBI surveillance van. So he goes ahead and calls the FBI to ask them if they're running a reconnaissance on his street. And I'm sure that that was a very high information call with a lot of unnecessary details shared.

I guarantee you he started with, my dad was an FBI agent. I know he did because you called me immediately and said you're not going to believe what he just did in the conversation I just overheard. Right. Yeah. So I didn't just think that. Yeah. So yeah, listen up, listener. What's the problem? Low information customers. That's what we need to be. Low information customers. Kylie, are you a low information customer or a high information customer? Yeah. When you...

rolled out your new plan and you said, hi, my name is pumps this, this. I thought that was a step too far. I agree. I don't need, they don't need to know my name. That's too much information. Just I'm a low information customer. Yeah. I like where your head's at. I don't need to exchange names with the waiter, the waitress. I'm good. Right. Here's what I want. I'll bring it to you. Yeah. I'm a low that dining that would solve a lot. You know how Josh, what does he call it? A quick shot? No. Shotgun method. Yeah.

That's what we call other people. Shotgun it. Shotgun it. Yes. This is the shotgun approach. This is just I'm a low – it's the same thing, shotgunning things and then letting the people know that you're a low information. You require –

No information to receive the service. You are 100%. You can take it on by yourself, the responsibility. You don't need a ton of feedback. But as you're saying that, I'm thinking we stand in line behind people that go to Chipotle 15 times a year and never know what they want to eat. Like this is a great plan in a perfect world.

It's a world that we're creating with the patriots and with the gayatriots. Oh, my God. I just had the best idea I've ever had. Share it. Okay. So you know how all these doomsday preppers, we're going to have our own prep for doomsday, that it's all the low information people. They just want to exist. They just want to do their best. They don't want to yak mouth with all the doomsday preppers.

So we have like separate societies. You've got the people that want to run around with their guns and their patriot flags. And then you've just got our little group of preppers that we're just prepped for whatever. We're just a go with the flow society. Again, I want to welcome you to our show. I've had it podcast. It's kind of a great idea. Like you get to pick. Do I want to be with the nuts or do I want to be with the normal low information? Our listeners here with us. For sure. Yeah. Information customers. All right.

Kylie, what's going on on the World Wide Web? I've got some reviews for you today. Oh, good. This one, someone's got some new drag names for us. Oh, good. Five-star review from What Up Dust, and they write, Proud patriot and longtime listener of Jessica and Meemaw. My friends and I have a thing where we create drag names. We have a list of over 3,000 so far. And now we've come up with some just for you. We offer these two drag names for each of you for your consideration. Petty Hurst.

And Holly Go Spitely.

It's time to reign as the queens that you are. Thank you for everything you do. In pettiness and spite, we trust. Those are excellent drag names. Those are great. Petty Hurst. Petty Hurst. What was the second one? Holly Goes Spitely. I think those are excellent, excellent drag names. I've got a one-star review. Okay. A hate review. Really? A real one. Real? Okay, let's hear it. From ABB1993. One star titled, Thanks... And they write...

Made me go back to Candace Owens. Good. Good. You guys belong together. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Yeah, for sure. Hit the bricks. I'm, you know, I'm...

grateful that we are not making space in our space for intolerant people. Absolutely. There's no space for you in this podcast. This is a space where everybody is equal and treated as such. And we like to traffic in petty grievances as a form of therapy. And it makes me feel good about us in this podcast.

If he would rather be with Candace Owens, like we're doing something right that he's offended. Oh, 100%. So I take that as a huge compliment. Yeah. It's a one star for him, but I perceive that as a five star for us. 100%. I mean, if we ever have a crossover of people that are like, we love Candace Owens podcast and we love I've had it podcast. That's the last podcast we ever do. Right. We're doing something very wrong. Seriously, we're doing something incredibly wrong.

Pumps, our ability to suck and then wake up the next day and suck more than the previous day is undefeated. It's unparalleled. We are the champions. If you would like to see how bad we suck, please join us in Seattle in September or New York City in November for, you know, just some world-class shit talking. That's right. Live. Live and in person. That's right.

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All right, listen up, listener. Today, we've gone to our patriots and gayatriots over on Patreon to ask them what they've had it with. And I've selected some of these. I have my highlighter with me today. A lot of people like to make fun of me on YouTube for having my highlighter, but I have my highlighter and have my papers.

Okay. Cassandra, a patriot, has said, so the question was, what have you had it with? And Cassandra says, mother-in-laws, specifically ones with zero boundaries that are obsessively in love with their 27 plus year old son. 100% agree. That's a huge problem. And you hear about it all the time. Like mothers-in-law that want to just hone in.

on their child's marriage and their relationship, I think that's a huge problem. Okay. I want to ask you some questions. Okay. Your oldest, Sam. Yeah. Okay. Let's say that he's married. Okay. And you go over to their house and Sam says, God, I've been so busy. My wife's been so busy. Nobody's been able to do laundry. And you go, I'll start all the laundry right now. And he goes, no, don't do that.

And you know that your boy doesn't have any panties over there. Nobody's wearing any panties over there. And that laundry is piled up. And you know they're gone the next day for eight hours. And you have a key and you know the alarm code. What do you do? See, you're hitting me right where it hurts because I would go over there and do that laundry in a heartbeat. Yep. In my mind, I would think everybody prefers to have their laundry done. Right. Especially by me because I'm great at it. I take my special soap.

Yeah. No, it'd be bad. All right. Next up, we have Lauren. And she says she's had it with people who are breathing down your neck in the grocery store checkout line. Get the fuck away from me.

See, I agree with her 100%. People that are just like, everybody's going to get to the same place. It's like an airplane. But like when you're putting your groceries on there and you're checking them out and somebody just starts cramming all their shit on there, that bugs the fuck out of me. But at the same time,

Sometimes I just am like, let's get through this. Here's the situation. This is like driving. Sometimes I'm the person that haphazardly switches lanes and I could have done a better job at it. And I kind of cut someone off. They honk at me. They flip me off. And I'm the gal that's like, oh, lighten up. Get over it, you schmuck.

10 minutes later, somebody does it to me and I'm the honker. Right. And I'm the aggressor. So I've been at a grocery store where I've been in line. I put all of my stuff neatly. I'm going through. And then somebody gets that little stick, the barrier on the conveyor belt. And then they start stacking their stuff up. And I'm thinking, pump the brakes. You need to chill the fuck out. But I'll tell you, 12 times out of 10,

When somebody's up there, I can't wait to grab that stick quick enough. And the second that final item is out of their cart and put on the conveyor belt, my stick is right up touching their final item and I'm cramming my stuff up on there. So I'm a total hypocrite about both of these things. I'm a total hypocrite. I want it to only service me. Like I hate it when people's stuff goes over onto my, like even with the stick, it goes over the stick. It feels like a violation. It feels like they're invading my space. Yeah.

However, if somebody isn't fast enough, I have taken the stick and pushed all their shit up. So I'm a terrible offender at this while also hating it.

Yeah. No, I'm a complete hypocrite on all of these things. Yeah. I want it to only be about me. Right. If I'm the lane changer and I didn't do a very good job at it, don't be a dick about it. Right. Lighten up. Go with the flow. But if somebody does it to me, I'm like, what the fuck are you? Yeah. Pay attention. Get off your damn cell phone. All right. Tom, a patriot, says this.

I have had it with coworkers who message me on Microsoft Teams with just, hey, Tom, in one message and nothing else. They're expecting me to say hello first before they ask me a question. Absolutely the fuck not. Send me one fucking message with your greeting and question. Is that too hard to ask? Geez. Completely agree. Like, why are we having like exchanging pleasantries at work?

Tom, I need you to pull such and such report. Perfect. I would much rather people just get to the nut cutting. Get to the nut cutting. It's bad enough. Like I hate it when friends that I haven't talked to in a while will send me a text like, hey, how are you? And I'm like, I'm fine.

what do you want? Like, I want to borrow your tent. Okay, great. I don't have a tent. I don't know why I said that, but, but like, I need to borrow something they know I have. I'm like, great. Like, we don't have to talk about how each other's kids are and all that shit. But at work, I think it's especially egregious. Don't you? You don't want to loan out your tent? No.

I'm not loaning out my tent. You keep your tent. That's Meemaw's tent. That's my tent. That is a patriot tent. Where did the tent come from? I have no idea. I had no idea you were a closet camper, but it makes sense with the lesbian arc. I don't think I've ever had a tent. I think a lot of lesbians have tents. It was the first thing that came out of your mind. I think Freud would have something to say about that. Maybe I want a tent. Maybe I need to go get a tent.

Build it. Whatever you do with it. Pop it up. Pop up your tent. Pop up my tent. Get in there and shave that husky. Get that husky going and then just...

Open it for love. Okay. Tent for love. Marissa says, I've had it with people in work meetings who talk in circles and use big words while simultaneously saying absolutely fucking nothing. Just tell me what you need me to do and shut the fuck up. 100% agree. I don't think it could be said any better.

I completely agree with this. I think that in work settings, it's just better to just point blank, say, this is what needs to happen. I completely agree. And what's the word salad?

I don't understand why we have to word salad everything else. This goes back to high information people. It's all related. It's all related. I'm just going to say for the permanent record, I'm sure there's a Stanley Cup and a Trump rally on the other side of all of this, not to mention all of the other things I've talked about with meth and crack, but that's neither here nor there. It all starts with the word salad at work. It's all together. And I just don't understand what happened to at work. I mean, I personally benefited from,

When I was a baby lawyer, I had an extremely strong-minded, disciplined mentor. She was

Wasn't warm and fuzzy, but I knew exactly what was expected of me. I knew exactly what the deadline was and therefore I could perform accordingly. What you have here is the person doesn't know what they're supposed to do at the end, what's required. It's like they're talking to Yoda. You know, it's like all things will come to you in time. Tell me what I want to do. It's work.

Here's what I appreciate so much about what you just said, Pumps, is probably a lot of our listeners, the one listener that we have, has wondered, how did you become America's greatest legal mind? And there you have it right there. A strong mentor that was a direct communicator. And I think that...

That is why our listener benefits from all of this advice that you pop out. Free legal advice every Tuesday and Thursday. Right. And it's free legal advice worth what you pay for it. That's right. That's right. And you're not loaning your tent out to the listener. Nobody gets to get in my tent, even if I had one.

I don't have a tent. I don't know why I said that. I don't know why I said tent. I don't have a tent. Okay. One of our favorite patriots, Michelle, I roll goddamn city. And for those of you that are our longtime listener, you will know Michelle. And she says, I've had it with young kids telling me I'm bored. Bitches, I've been keeping you entertained morning, noon and night.

Also, shootings can't take kids to a damn splash pad. Something needs to be fucking done. Michelle, I'm glad you bring this up because...

I want to start a movement where people embrace boredom. Life generally can be boring. All of our days are pretty mundane, and that is an avenue and a way to serenity. But what I used to tell my kids when they would say, I'm bored, is I would say, do you know who's bored? And they would say, who? And I'd say, boring people. Boring people are bored. Yeah.

I used to tell my kids if they said they were bored, I'd give them like a chore, like sweep the floor, dust off the table, wipe down the kitchen countertops. I would give them a chore. I like that. So they didn't bring that to me. But you do when you have little kids, you feel like all you're doing all day long is creating a day camp. Just let's do something fun all the time. It's like,

Sometimes life isn't fun. Being bored is a luxury. It's a luxury. It's a luxury to be bored. Embrace boredom. Quit bitching about it. And these kids, just Michelle, you've got to tell those kids only boring people are bored because I would never, never.

Now, of course, a kid, you know, they can get away. But as an adult, I would never say I'm bored because I value that boredom. Right. Immensely. It is a luxury to be bored. But she brings up another point about shootings. And this ties into what Kim's grievance was. Enough with the fucking guns. Enough. Quit saying you're pro-life.

Quit it. Stop it. Shut the fuck up. You're hypocrites. We are the only first world country where the number one cause of children is being shot by a firearm. So shut the fuck up. I've had it. I'll tell you what, I've had it with that. But I've also had it with these politicians that are the only people who

with any power to change the laws and change the amount of guns that are on the street, they stand up there and do fucking nothing and say, our thoughts and prayers are with you. Take your thoughts and prayers and shove them up your ass and give me some legislation that will reform

gun control. I don't think that there's ever been a stronger case against how ineffective thoughts and prayers are than the continued gun violence, because all of these extreme Bible thumping right wingers, it's thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers, it's thoughts and prayers. But yet, gun violence, gun violence only accelerates in this country. It's

wild. It's crazy that there is not a better solution. Okay. Zach says, I've had it with co-workers being stupid. You've worked here over a year. So why are you asking me how to do simple tasks that you basically learned how to do on day one? Here's what I got to say about that. I get that co-workers can be stupid. I've had it with husbands that are stupid.

Josh asked me the same questions all the time. And now I've just started saying asked and answered. Just last night, he said in front of everybody, hey, that family vacation we're going on,

I know we leave on this date. What date do we come home? I looked at him. I said, asked and answered. You've asked me that every day for the last seven days. Furthermore, we put it in your iCal. I'm not answering that question anymore. I don't have it in me. I can't answer that question. If I answer that question, I think we have to divorce because I don't have it in me to answer that question anymore. Stop fucking asking me stupid questions that you already know the answer to. I've had it. Right.

What was Josh's response? Did he best out laughing? I think all the boys were sitting in the room and he goes, God, the sheriff's getting all riled up. I've been on trips with Josh. He does that. What time's dinner? Where are we going to dinner? What do they serve? It's just like, just get there. You're on vacation. You have nothing better to fucking do than go to dinner. Who cares what they serve? Yeah, I have a great idea. Why don't you shut the fuck up, Josh? How about that? Unfortunately, I don't think it's limited to coworkers and husbands. No!

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problems in the relationship, or medicine or other drug use. Addi is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addi dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addi at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over-the-counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addi, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines.

Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addi.com slash PI. Or call 844-PINK-PILL. Addi. A-D-D-Y-I dot com.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, pumps navigating life at any stage, you always face challenges and the human experience of how to manage disappointments, but also seek out joy. And lately, I've been trying to mitigate that, like, how can I enjoy my life, but also manage these problems that I have in the periphery?

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Okay, here's one.

John from Boston says, I've really had it with coworkers who performatively, quote, go the extra mile at work, to be honest. Yeah, because isn't your job to do the very best you can do? Yeah. So it's not the extra mile if you're just doing a great job with your project. Well, I think what John from Boston is talking about is the performative nature of it. Like I had at one point my interior design firm, a lot of employees. Yeah.

And one of them told me like one of them when I was around, when I was working with them on something, but gosh, she's really crushing it, blah, blah, blah. And then finally, another one said, she's only like that when you're in the room.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. So it's performatively going the extra mile. Like you're only doing, you're not doing every day and silent, hashtag grinding in silence. You're performatively doing it so that your boss thinks. And when the other coworker told me she did that, I was like, interesting. And then you kind of notice it and then it makes you really a two. I was onto it. Yeah. I was totally onto it. I think that's probably true. I think that's.

I would, back in the day, we would call that being a fucking kiss ass. I don't know if you can still say that. Yeah, it is a kiss ass. I think you can still say kiss ass, but you know what? You definitely can say it as America's greatest legal mind. Because I've got the training. That's right. You do. You had a mentor. I had a mentor. Okay. Jacob says, I've had it with the fucking pussy ass, cowardly, horse shit of an excuse that is, I was just so busy today. Yeah.

When someone doesn't respond to a text, I'm not talking about for a few hours. I'm talking about when there's a 24 to 48 hour period when they hit you with the quote, I was just so busy today, text. No, the fuck you weren't. You're not the goddamn president. Get over yourself. Text me back. I've had it. Okay. See, I just did this on the other side. You were the busy person. I didn't say I'm so busy. Of course, I would never say that. That's embarrassing. Okay.

But somebody, what happens to me, and we'll see, we'll see if this happens to other people. Like say we're doing this podcast and I have all my stuff on Do Not Disturb. And then I get a bunch of texts and I think, okay, I need to respond to this, this, this, and this.

Then I do something else and I forget about it. And like the next day, like I just had that where a friend texted me and I didn't respond to her for like two days because I was like laying in bed. I was like, oh my God, I forgot to respond to her. And so I responded, but I didn't say I was so busy. I just responded. I want to share in with our listener what happens, exactly what happens in Pumps' brain. So we'll film here because we're dedicated to you, listener. Pumps turns on Do Not Disturb. The minute she gets out of here...

It is like a heat-seeking missile for any sort of nugget on any sort of political juice. It could be dropped. And so it's just impossible that you're going to be able to return texts in a timely manner until you pick a side. Do you want to be a good texter or are you going to be involved in politics? You can't be good at both. I don't think you can.

There's just a lot of balls in the air. A lot of balls in the air. And as America's greatest legal mind, you've got to keep your eyes on everything. Yeah. But I will say, Jennifer and I just had this conversation yesterday about people saying they're too busy. Specifically, one of my children was telling me how busy he was. And I was like, motherfucker, you're not that busy.

Like, I'm not going to sit here and agonize with you over your schedule when you're trying to fit in, going out with the boys, playing golf, and putting in two or three hours work. I mean, it's just not that – you're just not that busy. People that are constantly defining how busy they are really aren't that busy. They're not. But –

I will say if you want to get something done, ask a busy person. If I want to make sure something gets done and I really need to trust somebody to do it, I'm going to ask a busy person to do it because I know that they're going to do it. Right. Busy people handle shit. Right. Faux busy braggers are the last people I'd ask to handle shit. Right. All right. A different Jacob, who is a patriot, says...

I cannot express how much I fucking had it with people getting in my fucking way. I am gay, so I'm naturally a fast walker. I'm also a Virgo, so I know exactly what I'm doing at all times. I am so sick of stupid motherfuckers walking slowly in front of me or blocking my path just because they are socially inept. Just yesterday at the grocery store, this man, probably pump sage, maybe older, said

Stopped and left his cart long ways in front of the only sliding glass doors to get in and out of the store and he went to look at the sidewalk display. I'm sorry. Did your brain melt out of your head? Honestly, maybe he's just a badass and didn't give a fuck that he's just trapped everyone inside and barred anyone else from entering. If that's the case, I respect the I don't give a fuck attitude.

I could go on about this forever. I can't stand stupidity and shared spaces. Just get the hell out of my way. Why don't you share with the listener what happened to us at the airport the other day? Oh, God, this was bad. Okay, set. We get off the plane. Jennifer and I are notoriously fast walkers. I mean, we are always on the move. We're on gay speed. We're gay speed. Absolutely. So this girl...

College age-ish, so not a baby girl, like an adult. Early 20s. Early 20s.

She is standing at the very top of the escalator looking at her fucking phone. And we're like piling up like dominoes behind her. And I just was like, are you up or down? Like, get the fuck out. Yeah. And I would take that cart that was blocking the way and I would move that cart. Yeah. I would just say, we're not doing this. Yeah. I can't stand it. And I do think I'm rude. My kids, when we were in New York City, like, you don't think I'm rude because you do it.

But if I'm walking behind people, like let's say there's three people and they're talking, you can tell they're all together, but they're lollygagging. I'll just march right through them and go around them. Oh, I do too. I'll just pass them. Everybody in New York does that though. Right. But my kids were like, mom, that's rude. They were talking. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. They shouldn't talk in my house. I will even say as I'm passing them, pardon me, passing on your left, but everybody in New York moseys around those people. Right. Those are lollygaggers. Lollygaggers. Those are pussyfooters. Right.

And I have to say I'm disappointed in my stepchildren for thinking that's rude. They need to hit that pavement and you've got to go make a lane for yourself. That's right. That lane isn't going to make itself. You've got to make that lane. And if you've got a row of lollygaggers and a row of pussyfooters, you've got to just charge straight through. You do not go on their time frame. No. You've got to take that bull by the horns. Remind me to have a conference call with the kids regarding this. Bull by the horns on that deal. Our final grievance today from our podcast.

Patriot a day says family fucking reunions. Why the hell would I want to go to some bum fuck park to be around all of the people that created the quote therapy column in my budget? I'll tell you what. That's great. So true. The accuracy on that is incredible.

rock solid. Yeah. I mean, that is like target practice for a day. I mean, talk about nailing it. Yeah. You know, luckily, family reunions, like I remember with both sets of my grandmothers, both paternal and maternal, going to family reunions where it was like their siblings, kids, kids, like people I would never see before, never see again. And I was just like, why am I here? Like, nobody cares that I'm here. Right.

I don't care that I'm here. Nobody, like I'm never going to continue a relationship after we leave here with seventh cousins. I mean, it was just bizarro, but I don't hear about family reunions as much as I used to. I remember going to one in the eighties. And so maybe it was like an eighties thing. I think it was. And it was our grandparents generation where the generation where they had a lot of siblings. Yes. So I remember we went to this family reunion and,

And there were all of these people I'd never seen before in my life. We shared a last name. I had no idea who they were. I had no idea how we were related. And then there was this big image that was taken of it. And my parents still have it somewhere. But just as you were saying that, you know, maybe family reunions need to make a comeback because it could help you from falling in love with a cousin. Yeah.

It could be incest prevention reunions. Still, it just stacks up the therapy bill, though. There's no question. There's no question. But I do think the incest prevention might be helpful for a listener or two. Listen, here's the deal. Family reunions are insufferable. They're insufferable. You don't get to pick your family. You don't. You're fucking stuck. You're stuck with them. And everybody has all these therapy bills, all this shit we have to do because of our families. Yeah.

And reunions in general are just a bad idea. They're a bad idea. It's like a party bus. Nothing good ever comes from a family reunion or a party bus. No, they absolutely do not. They do not. All right. I want to give a special thanks to the Patriots and Gatriots.

at our cult on Patreon for giving us all of their grievances to share with the listener. I want to thank America's Greatest Legal Mind for constantly showing up and sharing herself as she flips me off. But you know what? I support you even though you hate on me. That's right. That's how unconditional my love and support is for you.

And our after show starts now on Patreon. If you have not joined, please join us. That's where the cult is. That's where everything gets freaky. That's where we, as soon as we get a million subscribers, Pumps is going to balance a wire hanger on her nipple live streamed. You better hurry because the gravity might catch it first. Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.