Raw Doggin in Florida
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The GLAAD girl group coming at you with a throwback jam. That was GLAAD Force Flex Drawstring Trash Bags featuring Pine Sol Original Scent. And that's better than all good. It's all GLAAD. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. I didn't look and it does better. You do a million times better. If I don't look. Yep. I've been trying not to look. I know. Two for two on the nap. What have you had it with?

Okay, I've just fucking had it. And I know this just goes back to the old days, but I've just had it with people that can't park. It's not that hard. There are two lines, like they're bright colored lines. This is where your car goes. Your ass of your car should not be in somebody else's line.

The front of your car should not be on someone else's line. Or the horrible, horrible, shitty parkers that just take up two parking places. I've had it with that. And then two times last week, this happened to me and I was just like, that is my, I've had it. I was sitting in my car in a parking lot and a delivery van driver had stopped with the hazards on to make a delivery and blocked my car in.

I don't understand. Listener, I'm sorry for that. That hurt my ears too. Was that a screech? It was a total screech. I was so mad. And I eyeballed him. I gave him the dirty eye all the way out. And the more I gave him the dirty eye, the slower he got. And I had to wait for him to get his fat ass in the truck and

fuck with his phone, put a seatbelt on, have a cup of gulps of coffee before he moved his van. I think that's bullshit right there. I've had it. So I've had this happens to me all the time. It's either at my office, which they could clearly pull into a parking spot, right? Plenty deep at the front of my office. But he, he or she, the delivery pulls right up and blocks for parking spaces and

So then I am waiting to park in a building that I own. Right. In my parking space that I own. And sometimes it's 15 to 20 minutes. Right.

And finally, I have to get out of the car and I'm like, I have a meeting. I need to get into this parking space. Like I need for you to move the delivery truck. And there's so many other places wherein they could stall. Like if he just went 20 feet further, it wouldn't block anybody. If he turned in, it wouldn't block anybody. Same thing oftentimes when I go home to my house. Instead of pulling directly in front of the house where it's not blocking a driveway, it's

The truck intentionally is parked in front of the driveway. All you have to do is go 15 to 20 more feet and it's not blocking anybody whatsoever. So I don't know what this is about. Here's what I think it's about. I think that it's easier for the delivery driver when they make a delivery just to block cars and pop into the store facing the front facing part of the store versus to park, park,

And walk, you know, park, get out of the car, walk it in, then get back, pull out of the parking place. But I don't think they realize like they're doing that 50 times a day. And that means they're blocking four cars in their spots all day long. The situation is this. You're talking about literally 10 to 15 more steps.

If they pulled to a space where it hindered no one. And that in the example of my front yard, literally it's just a delivery truck length of,

Furthermore, so many times I've been coming home and there's a UPS truck or a FedEx truck or an Amazon truck blocking the driveway. And I just think to myself, if you just would have taken it over the finish line and just maybe not pressed so hard on the brake, that's the smallest distance possible, then this driveway would be completely accessible. But you're waiting on the delivery person all the time. I had one time I had to go in and get my phone fixed.

And when I came out, there was a guy, it was a FedEx, I'll never forget it. He had blocked four of us in and we couldn't get out. And he is in there yik-yaking. It's about two years ago. And I did go right up to him and I said, I have no idea why you think it's appropriate to block all these cars in when you're dropping something off. How'd this play out? Oh, let me just tell you how it played out. He looked at me like,

go fuck yourself, you ugly ass old woman. That's exactly what he looked like. But I felt better. But no, he didn't hurry. He didn't hurry. It was absolutely. No, he blocked everybody in, didn't give a fuck and was yik yaking about his phone. Like, I'm not even sure he had a delivery. He might have had a phone issue. Oh, and he's in there using these, these huge trucks. Yeah.

Almost like a cop can block with a cop car. Right, like a personal vehicle. They're giving the delivery truck too much power.

total too much power. It doesn't have a siren. No. It's not an ambulance. It's not saving lives. It's not a fire truck. Although sometimes with Amazon, it might be saving my life. It depends. It could be, but there's just so many fixes for this problem, this blocking problem. Pull up at the side of the building, park in a parking lot, park in a park. I don't care if a big delivery truck takes two parking places. At the back of a parking lot, swing for the fences. But when you're the first parking row...

And you're blocking people in. That's just horseshit. It is because, I mean, so many of us are so busy. And if you get stuck...

10 to 15 minutes makes me late. And if I'm going to a hairdresser, then they're late. His whole day late for the next appointment, next appointment. It's this whole domino effect. And it's just chaos with the delivery drivers. Do you think it's arrogance or self-awareness? Lack of self-awareness on the delivery truck driver? I think it's neither. I think it's like I'm delivering, I'm pulling up and we're all just such, you know,

savage animals about wanting our shit delivered to us we're a part of the problem in this there's no you know we can sit here and rag on the delivery drivers all day but we're a huge part of the problem because we continue to order all these deliveries non-stop and you

You know, their trucks are loaded, completely loaded. They have a finite amount of time to get it all done. And they're just probably like it's one hundred and twenty five million degrees because nobody does do anything about the climate. Right. And so these guys, you know, are just trying to make some money. And so I don't know that it's a power trip or I think it's just like all these bitches are ordering all this shit. I'm trying to hustle and get all this shit done so I can get home and maybe play a video game or watch a movie. Right.

And I don't know that it's intentional or nefarious. I just think we're a part of the problem. If I was a delivery driver, full disclosure, I might do the same. If I was a delivery driver, I would just probably throw it out the window as I pass by. I'd just be passing by and like, here's your box.

So let me tell you what I've had it with. What have you had it with? So I just got back from the airport yesterday. And this problem is huge. And it is conveyor belt hogs. So what happens is you go and you put your purse and your suitcase on one side of the TSA conveyor belt. And it goes through the x-ray machine. You go through the personal x-ray machine to make sure you don't have a gun or whatever on you. And then you get out the other side. And you always got one person.

that is right there at the very beginning of the conveyor belt. And that person is grabbing their stuff instead of letting all of the stuff go down and sliding their bin all the way to the end. Right.

They're putting their shoes on right there. Oh my God, yes. They're putting their laptops back in their bag. They're putting their belts on. They're organizing their purses. Yes, putting their ID back in their wallet. And then I'm just like, my stuff is right there. If you would literally move, it's like the delivery truck drivers. If you would move,

five feet down, I would grab my shit and do all of this not in the conveyor belt line. There's no excuse for it. They have a whole area of chairs where you can go put your shoes on, but they stand there, hog the whole space.

And redo their purses, put their shoes on, put their belts on. It's a conveyor belt hog. Conveyor belt hogs are the worst. It's a massive problem. It's a huge one. I'm surprised TSA with all their power doesn't move them along. Well, here's the thing that gets me. TSA screams at the top of their lungs on the entry. Right. They're dropping the ball on the exit. Absolutely. I completely agree. We need them screaming on the exit. They need someone on the other side ready.

grabbing those trays and just sliding all the way down, just like they do with us. When we put them on, you know, they start bossing you around before you get to the x-ray. Right.

It's chaos after the x-ray. Right. They just kind of let it go. They drop the ball. They quit being bossy. They quit screaming at us. That's true. And it's like, if you're going to be that big of a nut, be that nut through the whole experience because the fuckery happening on the other side of the x-ray machine is insufferable. And standing there watching some person that you know has traveled a lot. Right. Acting like it's their maiden voyage in an airport. Right.

They all do that, though. Fumbling around the machine, getting all their personal shit together instead of grabbing the fucking tray, walking all the way down to the end, getting your shit away from everybody else. And so...

I've had it. I mean, the airport had it's are just... You could start today and do an airport had it five times a day. And I don't think you would finish in a year. This is what gets me is, you know, sometimes people on social media will say about us, they're just so negative. They're just so, you know, they're so negative and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay, here's the deal. You with all of your positivity. It's amazing that you can wake up in the morning...

take a commercial flight, you know, go to the grocery store, park your car, do all of these things without ever getting irritated. We cannot. We cannot. And I just find it hard to believe that really anybody can. It's not sustainable.

And all I recommend for these people is if you can actually go through the airport and never get irritated with another human being, not one time, bottle that shit up and sell it. That's what I was just going to say, because I will buy it. These are the people that the minute the minute somebody just slightly scratches something that might mildly offend them.

It's a stage five meltdown. Throw yourself down on the floor and cry like a baby. Yes. No, I agree with that. Welcome to I've Had It. We're in a great mood today. Bright and shiny today, as always. We're in a great mood. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. There's just no question. She's the star of the show. But the rising star of the show is Kylie. Kylie. Our little sensation. Hello. How's it going? It's going good. Do you have anything for us?

I have a bunch of voice memos. Excellent. Oh, great. Let's start there. Hang on real quick. Richard? Yes, ma'am. You there? Yeah. Are you in a good mood after hearing all that? You guys make perfect sense every time I hear you guys talk about it. Richard's always in a good mood. Richard always is in a good mood. Even positive Richard is proof that we are surrounded by nothing short of enablers. Pumps. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I feel safer now.

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I particularly feel a lot better knowing that 24/7/365 AliveGuard protection is made possible by the new SmartAlarm wireless indoor camera and is available with the FastProtect monitoring program. Listener, you know that this podcast has got to keep pumps secure and simply safe. Our partner has secured the star of our show.

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The GLAAD girl group coming at you with a throwback jam. That was GLAAD Force Flex Drawstring Trash Bags featuring Pine Sol Original Scent. And that's better than all good. It's all GLAAD. All right, Kylie, who is our first contestant on this game show of ours? I've had it. Up first, we've got Presley. Okay. Hi, Pumps and Jennifer. I am absolutely obsessed with your podcast, but I'm just going to hop right into my latest I've had it.

And something I've had it with, absolutely had it with, is when people defend bad behavior, especially bad behavior of grown-ass adults.

Let's cut the shit. If someone's a bitch, let's just say it. Like, let's not defend them and be like, oh, that's just so-and-so. Like, that's just how they act. No, so-and-so is just a bitch. And let's face it, like, no more defending them. Anyway, that's my latest. I've had it. Love you, ladies.

Love Presley. Presley's great. Speaking of enabling. Speaking of enabling. No, but Presley's on to something. Like the people that are shitty and bitchy and the people are like, oh, that's not how she really is. She has a good heart. This is what I say to you when people tell me they run into you at Walmart or a restaurant. I say she's really got a good heart. She's really not a Karen. No, but I mean, I just, I hate that. If somebody's a bitch, just say they're a bitch.

I don't know why. I think there's this whole thing in life where we think everybody has to like everybody. That's not true. You don't have to like everybody. You have to be cordial and polite and work with people that you don't like. But you don't have to think, oh my God, they're the best or oh my gosh, they're so great. You can just be like, I don't like them. I think they're bitchy. But does that mean I'm going to be shitty to them or not have a professional relationship with them? No. No.

It just means they're a shitty person, in my opinion. And what I found that if the shitty people think I'm shitty, I like the shitty person better. Same. Because if I have a shitty person that likes me, then I think, what the fuck is wrong with you? I like, I'm just attracted to more people.

cynical people. Right. Like there are people whose entire lives have been just straight down the fairway. Right. They haven't had problems or they've had problems and have an incredible ability to have like chronic denial. Right. And they just absolutely don't deal with them. I like a friend that's a little weathered. Right. I like a friend that's weathered a storm that has more depth and

But what Presley's talking about is where people make excuses for just people being complete assholes. Right. Shitty. Yeah. But I will say this. If somebody is consistently shitty.

then you have a lot of corroborating evidence that that person is a shitty person. But sometimes you're having a shitty day. Agreed. That's the exception. You're having a shitty day and you just kind of had it with everyone. And the next day you reset. Right. So I think there can be situationally shitty people. Absolutely. And I don't think just because you're shitty one night, you're shitty all the time. But I think if you have a pattern of behavior that says you're shitty, an arrogant prick,

You just have to say arrogant prick. Somebody comes to mind. DJT. He's so far above the arrogant prick and the malignant narcissism that it's not even a comparison. Agreed. All right, Kylie, who's next? Up next, we've got Steph. Jen, Pumps, Steph here from the UK. Although right now, I'm coming to you from a holiday in Ocean City, New Jersey. And I have had it with flags. More specifically, fireworks.

The displaying of American flags. Like what the fuck? I have just walked 15, 20 minutes max in a straight line down this street in New Jersey and I have counted 102 of your star-spangled whoppers. Do you guys forget where you are? What is the deal? Like in the flower beds hanging from the rooftops. The whole world is giving you side eye right now and shit like this does not help.

Anyway, it's weird. Somebody please explain it to me. Much love from your six foot blonde blue eyed Brit. And yes, it was me that left that five star review hitting on pumps. I love you. I love that. And I love that she gave her stats to kind of promote herself. Steph sounds hot. Totally. Look at you. You could have a girlfriend across the pond. Six two. Blue eyed, blonde hair. Might just be right up my alley. Yeah.

But I'll tell you what, she's on to something. She's so right. It's like because when you're raised in the wherever you're raised, that's your normal. Right. And this overt patriotism is pounded in us. And you think it's normal because that's all you know. And then you travel abroad and you realize what what's the deal here? And I'm sure the patriots that are listening are going to lose their fucking mind. So this is your trigger warning right here, right now.

But the situation about it is this. Quit being such a black and white thinker and be gray about this.

The country was designed to be criticized and corrected. Right. In its foundation. So it's possible to say, I love America. Right. I like living here. I'm glad I'm an American. But, you know, the fact that poor people with cancer go into complete debt and can't treat it seems immoral. The fact that we live in abortion ban America where a 14, 15 year old rape victim is

has to carry a baby because she's poor and nobody can take her to a blue state to get an abortion. That's fucked up. So that's a criticism. The fact that our Supreme Court justices are hanging out with billionaires, getting all these free gifts, taking away rights from others. We get to criticize that. 100%. My whole thing with the flags is like,

I love a 4th of July celebration. I love the fireworks. I love the flags out on that day. Great. That's one day a year. I don't feel like the majority of people have their flags out all the time. I feel like it's a minority of people. But I think they're trying to oversell something because they know there's a part of it that's broken. They're trying to force it upon other people. I think you're giving a low IQ people a lot of credit right there for being like...

that nefarious. This is like a caveman impulse. Okay, this is like all of America. I mean, there's no deep...

You know, Freudian brokenness where they would even think hooked up to true serum and polygraph that the United States of America is anything but the greatest superpower that ever lived. And you know that because we both grew up in the 80s. I remember the first time I ever traveled abroad, I went to Germany and I was shocked that it was so functioning and nice and clean and first world.

With less poverty than what I saw in the United States because we were raised during the Cold War and it was like we are the best country in the world. We're the only country that has freedom. This isn't patriotic indoctrination is what this is. Right. I just –

104 flags. There is this thing where it's like this real childlike impulse. Love America or you're not a patriot. And it's like, well, of course we love America. Of course we're from here. Right. Of course we love America. Of course we're patriots. Well, we don't have to put it on. We don't have to have a flag on our car and on our house and on our business and whatever. Or our asses. Yeah. Wear, you know, flag shirts all the time. What about the...

My favorite shirts are like the muscular, homoerotic, Photoshopped Donald Trump shirts with him wrapped up in a flag and he's totally cut with muscles. And you see some redneck guy wearing it and I'm like, what's the Freudian shit in that? That you're wearing a Photoshopped, muscular version of Donald Trump shirt.

wrapped in an American flag on your chest to show your patriotism. I think that that is just, there's so many lies on that. I can't even talk about it. I can't even even get to the flag because I can't get over it.

the muscled up good body of him. It's pretty gay, in my opinion. It's homoerotic. But I think it goes back to low IQ. I don't think they're getting that. I think they think this is him. I think they believe that's what he looks like. It's kind of like, it's the same way they view Jesus. White, muscular. It's like where if Jesus did live, he would have been brown. Right. Brown skinned. I mean, no question about it. But it's always like, you know, there's

this version of the idealized man and they, you know, Photoshop Trump up to look like that. They Photoshop Jesus up even, you know, as recently as five, 700 years ago, you'll see a portrait of Jesus and he's white. Right. You know, so they Photoshop these men up. They whitewashed Jesus. Cause he absolutely would have been brown. Muscle washed, fat ass Trump. Yeah.

Now that was some Photoshop genius because Kylie's on to something. It is homoerotic. I'm sorry. It just for this butch man that probably hasn't, you know, AK 47 would never touch a Bud Light in his life. Burps white orgasm. Totally shooting shit, you know, all the time, you know, maybe make some squirrel stew or something. And then he's got on this fucking, you know, homoerotic Trump all muscular. And it's like, oh, fuck off.

Yeah, that shit. It's unbelievable is what it is. Okay, the trigger warning will now cease for our little snowflake hate listeners. Okay, up next, we've got Leanne. Hey, Pumps and J Welch. This is Leanne from Toronto and I have had it. Had it!

with Facebook Marketplace and I hate myself for continuing to post shit on Facebook Marketplace because I know that this is the place where brain cells go to fucking die. Okay? I write a comprehensive ad. Everything is in that ad and yet I get questions like, will you take $20? No, you fucking idiot. It says in the ad, the price is firm. Okay, where in the city do you live? Read the fucking ad.

It says like these people have been hit hard with the fucking idiot stick. I hate Facebook marketplace. It cheeses my thrusters and I hate myself for continuing to post shit on Facebook marketplace. I've had it. Leanne, my question for you is why are you a masochist?

You know, why do you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result as established? I'm guilty of it myself. Not on Facebook, Mark. As established on this podcast, one thing we've had it with, and I would think you've probably had it with too, are stupid questions. And Leanne, here you are in the mecca of stupid questions, which is Facebook. Yeah.

Well, you can't help but find stupid questions because you're on Facebook. I don't think there's anything dumber on the planet than Facebook. It's the dumbest of the dumb. I would love to make a big comment on that, but I've never been on Facebook. So I don't know a lot that's going on on Facebook. I did set up an account for you about 15 years ago that I operated and posted. For about two days or something. Oh, for about three or four months. I would post like, Jennifer is my best friend. I love her more than anything on the planet.

planet. She is amazing. And the people were just fine. Oh, that's so sweet. I would respond and it would say Angela Sullivan. And I'd put, I know I just love her so much. She's the best. And I would just sit. I remember you had that account. I would just sit crying, laughing. It was so fun being you on Facebook. I mean, I'm sure it was just more fun. Every post was about me.

I wish we could find that. That'd be funny. I could probably find it. Can we bring that back? Yeah. I mean, I never deactivated it. I don't think. I'm sure it exists. I think pumps could use your help on Instagram too. Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of things. We both struggle on apps. Way more me than you, though. Yeah. You struggle the most. I struggle the most. Yeah. Okay. But the Leanne thing, here's what I've had. Because I had a garage sale one time with my kids' clothes. And I spent hours and hours and days and days organizing it. I remember this. Getting it all together. Like, I was going to get rid of all the baby clothes. I mean, spent a lot of time doing it. And I think I had like...

Okay, this baby outfit is $1.50. I can't remember what it was. And somebody would come and go, can I give you five cents? And I'm just like,

cents like fucking steal it I'd rather you steal it than give me five cents and this is the same kind of thing like I don't want to bargain with you maybe we just do a garage sale and put shoplifters welcome shoplifters please come and just get the shit out of my house but yeah I mean the the going back and forth and I I agree with her 100 my ex-husband will send me texts

I will send back the exact like step one, do this. Step two, this. Step three, this. I mean, a first grader could follow the instructions, know all the information, be well aware of what it is. He wants to do a follow-up phone call where he regurgitates the questions to me and says, is that right?

And I've had it with that. It's the student. So, I mean, no, I just don't answer those phone calls. Right. But your ex-husband is a special case of incompetence. Right. No, I agree. He loves, loves to communicate about frivolous details. I remember one time a long time ago, Dylan and Emily were on a t-ball team and your ex-husband was the coach. Right. And he sent out probably a, and I'm not exaggerating here, 15 paragraph email.

It was at least three pages. About a four to five-year-old t-ball team. Right. The first request in the email was, please send your kids to practice, mind you, it was 105 degrees, in long-sleeve pants and long-sleeve shirts so that when they slide into home base...

They won't get skiff marks. And I'm thinking slide into home base. They're sitting on the ground studying and looking for roly polies and ladybugs. Right. I think that was the year that a lot of the kids went to third base if the ball came off the tee. They would run the wrong. We were no sliding. It was safe to say it was a no slide zone. It was an unbelievable slide.

email that had absolutely nothing to do with four and five-year-old T-ball team. Right. No, but don't you just hate when you send like the perfect email or the perfect text and somebody asks you something, it's a question that's already in the email and the text. It's just like, reread. Let me tell you what recently happened to me. So I was setting up an account with somebody that I already have an account in, but I was trying to set up a new business account.

And so I said, hey, I need to set up. I have a new business. I need to set it up in the account. And he says, oh, let me know when I can stop by for us to talk about this. And I respond, I don't have time to meet in person. Can you please email me the documents? And he responds, do you have time for a call? And I said, no, let me know. Can you email me the documents?

He emails me the documents. I fill them out. Then he sends me a signature DocuSign thing. I DocuSign it. Much to my surprise, the meeting nor the phone call were required at all. It was done in 2.5 seconds. Well, it's the grandstanding. That's just straight up grandstanding. Yeah. All right, Kylie, who's next?

okay up next we've got jr i am obsessed with you guys i had to re-download instagram just to leave you this message of what i have um i had to take a social media break anyway i have had it with a long term couples couples who have been together forever they're gonna get married they are married who are all over each other and they're both like your good friends you know i want you to picture pumps i should say angie

But like pumps with Jennifer and Josh and pumps. Imagine if Jennifer and Josh were all the fuck over each other. Making out on the couch, leaning on each other, kissy lovey dovey. I'm like, what the fuck is that? No, I hate it. I hate it. I fucking had it. Love you guys. Keep fighting the good fight. There's nothing grosser. There's nothing grosser on planet earth than grown adults groping in public. It is disgusting. I mean,

gag a mac I think you know I remember this couple and we would go to these like dinner club parties and whatnot and they'd been married a long time that popped out a couple of kids and everybody'd get all liquored up and I'd look over and on the ottoman this couple is full-blown I mean like

Showtime Skinamax style makeout. It's not quite soap opera and it's not quite porn. It's that Skinamax level of makeout. Titties are being grabbed. A hand is up between the legs. There's dry humping. It's like at home alone. And I remember like, wow, like are they exhibitionist? Like I understand like maybe, you know, you're drunk. You've got too much to drink. And you

reach over and give your partner a smooch. But this was a full blown soft core porn demonstration. And I thought to myself, well, maybe this is a one off. Right. Because I remember you called me because I went outside to smoke for you to describe it to me.

I thought maybe this was a one-off and then I go to another party and the exact same thing happens again. So I thought, well, maybe it's a two-off. Maybe they took some ecstasy or something. Maybe that can't be how they normally act. Right. And so then it was just consistent across the board. It's full-blown softcore porn anytime they're at an event.

See, I have been shocked about that for 20 years. I mean, that to me is just something is fucked with that. I think they're exhibitionists.

And maybe it's like an invitation to kind of lure in other swingers. Maybe he can't get it up in the bedroom. But he can get it up if they're in front of people. I don't know. There's some shit that they need to- But that's just not normal. I mean, that's to the extreme. Like, I've never seen extreme. No, it was bad. But yeah, I just even think, like, if you and Josh sat at a table with me and started French kissing, I would leave immediately. I would just be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

That is disgusting. I don't want to see anybody French kiss in public. It's an insecurity in the relationship when you feel the need to do it in front of other people. Like you're trying to prove something to other people. Because if you're completely confident in your relationship, you would have an awareness that I don't need to prove my love to anybody publicly because I don't give a shit because we both know. Right. Which reminds me, Kylie, aren't you an honor PDA-er? Yes.

Under your definition, probably. Okay, well, what definition are you using? I mean, you guys don't even like hand-holding, sitting on the same side of the booth. I hand-hold. Josh and I hand-hold. You sit on the same side of the booth? Yeah, we sometimes sit on the same side of the booth. What? On purpose? Yeah. Like, not with other couples? Yeah, alone. Okay.

Riley. Okay. Handholding is fine. That's fine. A little fat. Same side of the booth. Red flag. Unacceptable. Okay. I'm going to put this in the young love category and I'm going to put it on watch. Yeah. Yeah. It's on the watch list. It's on the watch list. Okay. I think you're, it's a slippery slope.

And just like J.R., the caller said, it could be annoying to those around you. And so but it's on watch young love category, young, pretty lesbian category. Right. It's not a complete, total red flag ban.

But you and Ana and your PDA are on watch. All of our heterosexual male listeners and lesbian listeners are probably saying accelerator smashed to the floorboard. Yeah. At what point, what year mark do we need to cool it?

I would start it pretty soon. Yeah, because you guys just had your two-year anniversary. I'm thinking by three, we just need to be hand-holding maybe a pat at the booth. Hand-holding, a peck, those things are appropriate. I don't have any issue with that. No issue with a peck. No issue with a peck, an arm around each other, a hand on a thigh and a little tap. That's fine too. Totally fine with that. The larger question that you all need to analyze with these public displays of make-out is

are who are you doing it for? Right. I mean, maybe we're exhibitionists. It doesn't sound like that. If you're not swapping spit, I don't think that counts as an exhibitionist. I think they have. I think they have. Early on. I for sure would say we have. Early onset PDA. Early onset PDA. I'll work on it.

Don't change on our behalf. Just keep it out of the office. Anybody who listens to us, don't take anything we say seriously. Except do not French kiss your husband or spouse or wife or anybody long term in front of other people. Like a French kiss. That's out. All the titty babies in the comments. Yeah. They always get so upset when you come at them. I want everyone to know.

I've probably done 500 of the things you've had it with. Oh, everything that we've had it with. It's just how it goes. Unfortunately, we do. Everything that we've had it with, we absolutely do. And people take us way too seriously about shit. Here's the only fucking shit that we're serious about and the hill that we will die on are our political beliefs, which we believe come from within us for moral purposes. Right.

that hill I will fucking die on. Come fire at us. I mean, we will sit and fucking take that shit all day. With pride. But all this other petty bullshit, you guys need to fucking chill out. Can you believe anybody would take us seriously on that shit? It's ridiculous. I think a lot of people agree with this is what the deal is. Or they identify. We called them out. Right. Okay. I was going to tell this. So just Saturday night,

I was with a group of girls and we were at dinner and this older couple, like the older lady came and then the older husband came. So we thought, or the older man came. So we thought maybe it was like a bumble date. That's what we thought about. Well, then they switched over to the same side of the booth. And I'm not even kidding. My entire table was like, oh my God, they're sitting on the same side of the booth. Oh my gosh, they're sitting. I mean, like we were, could not wrap our heads around it, that they would just sit on the same side of the booth. And they were like in their 60s.

But they went right into sitting on the same side of the booth. And it just, we were shook. There's two options for this, okay? Right. Option number one is...

they're the problem and that's fucked up. Right. Option number two is we're the problem and we're fucked up. And I think it could go either way. I was going to say, we definitely know we're fucked up. So I can make an argument for both sides in that. For me personally, it would injure my neck to be eating with my head turned like this the whole time. And I like, I'm an eye contact person. That eye contact is more intimate to me than the touching. Yeah.

I watched a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode on the plane when we were on our way back from the tour. And Larry likes to sit on the same side of the booth to avoid eye contact. Right.

So I can support it in that regard. He's like, you know, sit on the same side of the booth. You don't have to make eye contact. Right. It's a less intimate dinner. And I was like, okay, if you're doing it for that purpose. There's some logic to that. I get it. Yeah. I mean, pumps, when I think about you, I always think about you battling a bra. It's the worst. Big boobs are the worst until you find a great product.

I've noticed since you started wearing Honeylove, I don't see you tugging and shifting and twitching and your boobs look great. Well, thank you. No, Honeylove is so comfortable. I sometimes forget I have it on. What do you think about their leggings and other things they have in the crossover bra? How comfortable are those? They're great. And the shapewear is excellent. The leggings are so comfortable too. I like it all.

I do too. I absolutely love their underwear, shapewear, bras. It feels like you're not wearing any, which we love here at I've Had It. Listener, you can treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com slash had it. Use our exclusive link to get 20% off honeylove.com slash had it.

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All right, up next we've got Sarah. Hey Kylie. Hi ladies. I am here to say I've had it with internet panhandling. It has come to an epidemic proportion and it must be stopped.

I literally had a friend today post on her Facebook that she's counting down the 12 days till her big Parisian vacation. But here's my Venmo if you want to buy me a croissant or a cappuccino. Bitch, if you can't afford a pastry when you get there, then keep your ass at home. Had it.

Sarah, this is something that we have not discussed, which is a massive, egregious violation of the social contract to solicit donations for a luxury European vacation. I can't even believe somebody has the balls to do that.

That is bananas. Kylie, you see that? Oh, yeah. Oh, you do? See, I've never seen that. All the time. People put their Venmos on their socials. Have you heard of wish lists? Do you know about this? Yes. Yes.

People like I know people that I'm getting divorced. Here's my Amazon wish list and put together like a shower registry and people do it. I just that's too much. It's a bridge too far. It's too far. The gal wanting people to chip in to buy her a croissant. I just can't even imagine how you put your head on the pillow at night.

That you're just brazenly grifting your social media friends like that. I just think like, okay, so you think it's a good idea, but then you think about it, then you put it up there and you look at it and you think, is that a good idea? But yet it's still on there days later, which means it never crossed your mind it was a bad idea.

The fact that it's always been a bad idea because it was even an idea. No, I know. But I'm just saying at no point did she pull out of the idea. At no point did she about face. I think from the inception of thinking that people need to contribute to your vacation, it just, it is born in bad ideas. It stays in bad ideas. And it's probably that brain is full of a lot of bad ideas. That's not the only one. Right. Right.

Okay. It's probably a hotbed of bad ideas up in that gal's brain. So many bad ideas that that was limited. That's a grift. That's a fucking grift. That is grifting. Grifting. And not even trying to hide the grift. No. It is full-blown megachurch... Grift. Grift. Oh, my God. I saw the most hysterical... Speaking of megachurches, you know, any opportunity I get to beat that. So I saw this...

evangelical preacher and he starts going bananas and he says you see this here and he's holding up a baseball bat and he says at the end of this baseball bat is a holy bible and I've got it duct taped and zip tied to this here baseball bat you see that over there that is a Barbie playhouse laughing

And he takes the baseball bat. And this is one of those mega church with the screens and the rock band. He's in 3D for sure. The dunk tank, all the shit, right? So he starts beating the Barbie house up, right? He's beating the Barbie house. He's beating the Barbie house up. And here's the deal with this. There's a bunch of people that you can hear cheering, hooting, hollering, thinking this is the greatest thing ever. And here's just what I don't get. I get a solitary nut. Right. I understand that a person can be a complete nut. Right.

And they're just a nut and everybody knows they're a nut. Nobody listens to them. Nobody takes them seriously. This person is a stage five nut. What I don't get is when somebody is doing that ridiculous, performative bullshit of duct taping a Bible to a baseball bat. To hit a Barbie house. To beat up a Barbie house.

Where my brain has trouble is hearing all of the members of the audience. Great idea. Good. Yeah. Socket to the kitchenette. Socket to the Malibu dream home. Socket to the master bedroom. Oh yeah. Get that little Barbie chair. And that the enthusiasm that I heard from the audience in this video, that's where I'm like,

So all of that is just a collection of nuts, enabling nuttery. It's bananas. You act like you've never heard of a religious cult before. Well, I have, but I think that we as a society think of that as, you know, the Mormons that have a bunch of wives or the Duggars who have 25,000 kids. Right, you don't see it as integrated.

Typically, people think a megachurch, especially in the part of the country where we live, is mainstream. And the truth of the matter is, it is a cult. And it's a grift. It's a grifting cult. Megachurches are grifting cults. Put it in the permanent record. Joe Estrada. All right. The last one is from Olivia.

Hi, Jessica. Hi, Pumps. I'm originally from Poland, but I've been living in the US for the past eight years. So I've accumulated an entire book of I've had it's about the American people. So let me at least share one.

I've absolutely fucking had it with these stupid ass Instagram moms saying things like, thank you, my baby, for choosing me to be your mommy. No. You were raw dogging on vacation in Florida. You got pregnant and now you have a baby. Don't.

Don't make anything more of it. And besides, how fucking narcissistic of you to think that this baby out of all the moms out there would choose your stupid ass who posts stuff like that on Instagram. Fucking clowns. Anyways, love you guys. Oh my God. That is so good. Check that shit into my veins. It's so good.

Kyle, I need for you to text message that to me so I can put it in my sounds on my phone so I can just listen to it when I need, when I need a, some people want to hear inspirational quotes to put them in a good mood. I want to hear that. I got you. The fucking clown at the end was the best. That puts me in a good mood. I love how narcissistic that you think that baby would choose you. What about, what about you? You were raw talking. Florida. Florida.

It's true. The Instagram mom culture. It's bad. It's so over the top. She's probably talking about a two or three year old that doesn't have Instagram. So the kid's not seeing it. So it's totally performative. Wouldn't it be nice if like in 18 years you could follow that same person. The kid gets on and goes, that woman was the biggest fucking nut. I hated her guts. Just go on and on and on. And I didn't choose her. I was forced to come out that uterus. Yeah.

No, that was bad. That was great. No, she's right though. The Instagram mom culture in America is just, it's so over the top. It's like being a mother is this new original thing. Right. First generation it's ever been. And this child is the most, the first of its species of its kind that's ever, you know, walked the planet earth. Right.

And I chose this child and this child chose me and serendipity fucking injecting into the veins. And it's total bullshit. You bred. You bred. You fucked. You fucked.

You're raw dogged. You popped out a kid. Right. Okay. Your kid is every bit as special as everybody else's, which is not that special. And your journey into motherhood is about like ours. It just is what it is. It is what it is. It's wonderful to you and to you personally. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass. And I think it's more refreshing. I do too. When I hear a mother say being a mother is,

It's so great, but it's also equal parts exhausting, lonely, isolating, and difficult. And that's the type of mother I want to talk to. Those are the people I gravitate to. The Stepford Wives that put out this whole, you know, I can't take it. It's too much. I can't take it.

But you know what's so great about at our age, again, is that we've cultivated our friends so well that those people are at arm's length. Oh, yeah. Like we might see them on Instagram, but that's as close as they're going to get. I saw on Instagram the other day a gal was posting she was recommending –

I think we've talked about this before, but it's worth a revisit. Recommending school drop-off looks. Oh, that's right. Yes. I remember you sent that to me and I just thought, go fuck yourself. Nobody except you cares what you're wearing at drop-off. Nobody. Universally. You're the only person out of 8 billion people that cares. And for you to post it on the Instagram as a drop-off look, I mean, that just...

The height of narcissism. And it goes back to this point. You really shouldn't be up at your kid's school. Right. And the schools, these, it's not good for the teachers. It's not good for the administrators. And it sure as fuck isn't good for these kids because just as much as a mom needs a break from the kid, um,

Yes.

And I oppose these parents helicoptering around these schools. It's ridiculous. It wasn't like that when we were younger. No, it was not. I think it exacerbates anxiety. I think it's a pain in the ass for these teachers. It's a pain in the ass for these administrators. And I think that they need to stand up

full force, and if people want to go dictate what goes on in public schools and they don't like it, then fucking homeschool your kid. Right. That's an easy fix. Get out all your textbooks and you sit there with your fucking brat and you homeschool them. But don't go piling on to all these poor teachers because your child chose you and y'all have this most unique bond that no other mother and child have ever experienced on the fucking planet Earth. Fuck off. But one thing I want to point out to the listener is

is when you would drop off your kids in the robe before your white suburban petri dish of a car had even come out of the circle drive for drop-off.

A surgical glove was put on your hand. Oh, yeah. A Marlboro light box was packed. Oh, absolutely. You were light in a girt in this red robe as you're pulling out a carpool line. With the mother who you're having to pass the mother who says, I'm so glad this child chose me, giving you the stink eye. In her outfit of the day. In her outfit.

outfit of the day is you're blowing smoke out the window. That shit is fucking great. It is. And remember that one day I called you, I was like pulling out a carpool, lit up my cigarette and a mom in front of me lit up the cigarette. And I remember I called you. I was like, Oh my God, there's two of us. So happy. Yeah. She got, she was blowing smoke out of hers too. Yeah. I was barely out of carpool line before I was. Do you think your kids were glad they chose you in that moment? I think my kids are always so glad they chose me every minute of the day.

And that's just such a, I mean, it's so stupid. It's so stupid. Here's what all it is, is what she said. You're raw dogging. On vacation. Everybody's all hot and bothered.

And that's all there is to it. And you've got this person set of genetics and this person set of genetics. And it's just a scientific thing happens with all species. Not unique to you. The kid didn't choose you. The kid didn't choose you. I hate to break your heart. Yeah. Fuck her. Fuck her. Love the gal from Poland. What's her name? That was Olivia. Olivia. Olivia. That goes down in the I've had it Hall of Fame. Yes. Because some people want inspirational quotes. I want that shit. I want that shit. That puts me in a good mood.

And I don't care who knows it. Well, listen up, listener. You know, I mean, we've just been fired up. Spreading sunshine like we do. Absolutely. And, you know, for those of you that got triggered, that made it to the end, quit taking everything we say so seriously. Quit being a titty baby. B, go fuck yourself. Fuck yourself.

Quit being a titty baby. You'll be fine. Yeah. And go find us. Link in bio on all of our socials. We're on tour. We're having so much fun with that. It's a blast. I mean, Pumps on Tour is just an absolute sensation. The crowds that this woman is bringing are only comparable to the crowds of Princess Diana. Shut up. And don't forget every Wednesday, Documentary Club.

On Patreon. So every Wednesday, please join us on Patreon. We are reviewing documentaries. Pumps and I are doing hard-hitting, Freudian-style investigative journaling. Yep. Journaling. Journalism. Journalism. Journalism. And then follow us. But the most important thing is five-star review. Five-star review. And send your DMs on the I've Had It Instagram account. Voice memos and DMs.

Voice memo in the DMs. Voice memos in the DMs. Listen, we don't know what the fuck we're doing. Right. I'm surprised y'all even made it this far. Perhaps tell them when we'll see them. See you next Thursday or see you next Tuesday or both. I'll tell you what I'm hot on with. I'm serious. I'm out. Is this thing on?

I'm Caitlin Bristow, host of Off The Vine Podcast, where I get real, maybe a little too real sometimes, with my friends and celeb guests from Bachelor franchise and beyond. I'm talking guests like Jonathan Van Ness, Nikki Glaser, Wells Adams, Elise Myers, and

like in this like business jacket like I would love some tacos Heidi D'Amelio Big Brothers Taylor Hale I have to bring it up because it happened and we're gonna get through it what I do and so many more so come hang out with us hear ridiculous confessions and get a little vulnerable because you know what we're all just floating on this weird little planet together follow rate and review off the vine podcast wherever you listen to your podcast

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