Queen of Gaslighting with Kelly Osbourne
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That was a great New York City clap. So, listener, do we have a treat for you? Such a treat. Because Pumps and I are in New York City. Yep. And I am going to refer to Pumps for this entire trip as Big Tits in the Big City. Okay.

Exactly. I'm going to put it on TikTok. I'm going to put it on Instagram. Big tits in the big city. Well, both are correct. Yes. All right. So Pumps, what have you had it with? Have you read the article about the manager of a Hilton that went into a guest room and started sucking his toes at five o'clock in the morning while he was asleep? Okay, Pump the breaks. Yes. You got a hotel manager. Hotel manager. Yes.

Slips in to a guest bedroom. Steals the key, rebrands it so he can get in. Sucks on toes. And the guy wakes up and he's sucking on his toes. There are so many things wrong with that. Number one, how do you know his feet are clean? That's my first. Number two, what kind of a whack job are you? It was 5 a.m.

So like if the person got drunk and came home and passed out, which you'd obviously been watching, you go in at like one o'clock. You don't wait till everybody's getting up at five. I think this could be a case of, you know how people have gaydar? Yes. Maybe this guy thinks he has like foot fetish dar.

I looked at him. He's so pitiful looking. Just go down the rabbit hole with me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me have this. Okay. Okay. So he has foot fetish radar, right? Right. So he clocks the guy in the lobby maybe. Yeah. And he's thinking, we made eye contact. I'm going to... And I wonder if the manager's done it before successfully. You know he's done it before. Of course he has. So he misread this guy as some foot fetish freak. Right. Right. Because...

Because to your point about you don't know if their feet are clean, I think by virtue of having a foot fetish, you'd probably take a dirty foot, a clean foot.

That's disgusting. So I think this could be a mistaken case of like foot fetish radar malfunction. Well, last I heard, he's still in jail awaiting his bond to be posted. I would imagine so. So I'm sure he's just sucking the shit out of feet in the county jail. I mean, can you imagine how gross that is? He might live with that. I mean, he could be, it could just be a train of toes. Yes, he could just line him up. He could just pull a train. A tow train. Yeah.

All right. So let me tell you what I've had it with. So last night here in the big city, I go to dinner with some clients and a guy that I do business with from Brazil, but he lives here.

And we go to this like a super chic restaurant. You remember that Inventing Anna? Yes. That where she was like a scam artist, fake German heiress. So it's in that cool building that she tried to fraudulently buy from all the smart people on Wall Street that kind of funded her for a long time. Right. You know, that brain trust, right? So she almost buys this building. But anyway, now it's like a photography museum and this like really chic restaurant called Veronica because I'm so fancy. Not Veronica. Veronica.

Veronica. Veronica. Okay, leave your Oklahoma at home. Today we are in New York City, okay? So go and sit down and everything in New York is closer together because they have a space problem. So you go in a restaurant and everything is super close together, right? So the table right next to us is this yak mouth who's screaming at the top of her lungs to carry on a conversation with the person that she's with. It's two women.

And she has a horrible voice. I mean, it's horrible. It is fingernails on a chalkboard. She's screaming at the top of her lungs. I look at my clients and I'm like, why is she yelling? And they start giggling because they can tell like, oh, she's getting worked up. The thing about a yak mouth and a loud one is typically they're not funny. No. Nor interesting. Right. Nor clever. Right.

It was the most horrible conversation at like 10. I mean, 10 on a decibel chart. It was awful. Here's my problem. If I was with you, because you're loud. Right. I tell you all the time, pumps. Turn it down. I'm right here. Quit yelling. Right. Quit screaming. And you do. Right. So I don't know if she's just surrounded by all of these enablers. Because the woman sitting next to her, I don't know how...

how she wasn't just like shooting shots of liquor constantly, something to anesthetize this horrific. I mean, it was the worst thing. So I have had it.

as we know with yak mouse but uber loud grandstanding showboating yak mouse in restaurants hit the fucking bricks did you had it did you say anything to like the hostess or no no i'm not i'm not like going to be a tattletale well i'm sure it wasn't a tattletale they were like what are you i'm going to go up to the hostess and be like i'm sorry the lady next to me is super loud can you tell her to shut the fuck up what a pussy you know i'm not a pussy i wouldn't do that

Maybe you could have said, are you trying to pull us in to your conversation? I just had to power through. I was powerless. I was powerless. You should have turned over there and go, shut the fuck up. You're not funny. You're not cute. You're not smart. No. You are an asshole. You're a zit on the ass of this entire restaurant. She was. She was. I went through the five stages of grief.

in about 10 minutes. About a nice evening. Finally moved to acceptance and then that was it. Yeah. Well, good for you. That's growth on your part. Well, listener, I mean, this is a big deal. I mean, we have been segueing from like normal gals from Oklahoma City and we're starting to get on the bridge that I would call hot shit bridge. Probably more so in our mind than in reality. Well, we're kind of getting some guests that are backing up. Yeah, we have a great guest today. That we could potentially be hot shit.

So we're trying. We're trying to be hot shit. We're still about mediocre, lukewarm shit. That's right. So welcome to I've Had It podcast, New York City edition. I'm Jennifer. And I'm Angie. And she is big tits in the big city. Shut up. All right. Let's welcome our guest. Everybody, unless you have lived under a rock, knows who this darling woman is. And it is Kelly Osbourne.

This episode is sponsored by Care-of. You know, Pumps, when you're trying to find a supplement, it's such a minefield to figure out what you should possibly take. So I found this product, Care-of. It's phenomenal. I get these little individualized packs of vitamins. And as I leave to go on summer vacation, I can just throw the amount of days that I need in my suitcase and never miss a beat.

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I don't know about that, but we're definitely taking steps in the right direction with Careof. Listener, if you would like to be as healthy as pumps and me for 50% off your first Careof order, go to careof.com and enter code HADIT50. For 50% off your first Careof order, go to takecareof.com and enter code HADIT50.

This episode is brought to you by Hemp Water. Pumps, you know I'm really concerned about your health and I have recently come across some alarming information from the World Health Organization that states consuming diet sweeteners can increase blood clot formations, which in turn can increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes.

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and free shipping. Just use the code HADIT at checkout. Okay, Kelly Osborne, how are you? I'm so good. I'm so happy to be here. I was so excited when they told me I was doing this podcast. We are so happy to have you. Such a treat in person too. Okay, so we like to jump right to it. Okay. Okay, so you know, a lot of podcasts are about positivity.

And how to become a better person. Right. Yeah. And how to be like the best version of yourself. The best skin, the best mother, the best spouse. We say fuck all of that. OK, it's not a sustainable path. It is not. So what we like to do, we consider this therapeutic, but we have to get these petty grievances out of our system.

And we do it right here in our therapy hour called I've Had It. I love it. I love it because I've had it with so much right now. What have you had it with? My biggest grievancy right now is know-it-alls. Oh. There's a million of them that don't know shit. It's like the more they tell you what they know, the less they actually do know. They know nothing. Right. And they sit there and they're telling you, oh, well, this happened because of me and I taught them how to do this and this is... And I'm like...

"Oh my God, get away from me. "Get away from me." I have a few nodals in my life right now that I'm like, "Oh, I think that I have to divorce you." - Oh yeah.

I have found that like somebody who should be a know-it-all, like Neil deGrasse Tyson, right? He knows a lot. One could argue he is a know-it-all. He's an astrophysicist, Harvard grad. And then you've got some schmohawk on Facebook that thinks that they know everything about science or everything about the medical field. Right.

And it's maddening, and I have this proposal to society that I think all of these people that think they know more than physicians do when they get sick,

they can go to the parking lot of the hospital or the doctor's office and they can have Facebook tents there. And all of these people can, they can all treat each other, diagnose each other, write each other imaginary scripts, give each other imaginary vaccinations. And they can all do it there together because it's unbelievable the jump that people make from just being an average Joe to

to they think they have the same knowledge as somebody who's been to medical school for 10 or 15 years. I call it instant genius. Instant genius. That's great. When people read like a small paragraph of something and they're like an instant genius because they have like one true fact. I think the problem with know-it-alls is like the more you start talking to them, the more you realize how breathtakingly stupid this person is. Yeah. Yeah.

It is like I sit there and like there's there's she shall remain nameless. Of course. She's somebody in my life and I'm trying to by the time she hears this I will have been divorced as a friend so I'm using this opportunity to be a backhanded friend to be like you fucking annoy me but she knows everything and even down to things with my baby she's like

well he does that because I taught him that and I'm like he's been doing that for three months fuck off she's got to go she's got to go she has got to fucking go immediately to take credit for some milestone that your baby has reached because she thinks she taught the baby yeah she's got to hit the fucking bricks Kelly I'm like oh but

But that's also ego. Right. Does she even have kids? No. How old is your baby? My baby's six months. Oh.

Boy or girl? He's gorgeous. He's a boy. Oh, I have two boys. Toms has two boys and a girl. Yes. They are the best. It's a lot. It is a lot. Where did you give birth? I gave birth in Los Angeles, California. Did you have an epidural? Of course I did. Okay. Thank goodness. We have a huge question for you. Go on. After you had the baby, you leave the hospital, you go home with your baby.

The first post-pregnancy shit. Is the worst fucking thing you have ever been through. Yeah, we're trying to tell America this. Okay, no one told me about this. Nobody talks about it. No one told me about this. Nobody. It's awful. But after you have the baby and you have the epidural, and I was like, give me every fucking drug you can give me. Absolutely. I don't want to feel this. Right. And I didn't. It was wonderful. Right. But then afterwards, I was like,

This is awful. For me, Kelly, it was worse than delivering the child. Oh my God. Without any shadow of doubt in my mind, the shit after you have a baby is 10 million times. Oh, don't you love the sounds of New York? Yes. It's 10 million times worse than actually having the baby. Right. At least you're drugged for the having part. Oh, it was just the worst. And you sit there and you're like praying to God. And then I ended up, this is like,

But I end up calling my brother's fiance because she went through it four months before I while I'm sat in the toilet being like, this is the worst thing I've ever been through. This is not they don't warn you. They don't. So we don't tell you how you bleed from it. I tell you how it feels like someone is ripping your asshole out of your body.

and sticking it somewhere else. The straining, the squeezing that has, I mean, the pressure that you have to try to apply to get that thing out of your body. It's horrible. And then you think you've got lift off and the baby cries and then everything just goes right back up. Right back up again. It is an ordeal. So we had this...

TikTok them went viral because when pumps had her post-pregnancy spoon, I'm just going to give you the cliff note version. She tried to stick a spoon up her ass to get the shit out. That's neither here nor there. Do you know how many women I know have done that? Oh, Kelly, thank you. Oh my God. I know somebody that did it with a fucking chopstick. Like,

You're good. I'm amongst friends. We posted this on Instagram or TikTok. Let me get real. Pumps and I don't know how to post shit on the internet. Kylie, our millennial producer, posted on TikTok and Instagram. The majority of the women, 75% to 80% are like, oh my God, I was fighting for my life on that toilet. That was the worst thing. Yes, nobody talks about this. And then there are these particular breed of fucking assholes who

that comment on Instagram, I have given birth five times and I had diarrhea after each and every baby delivery. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up, Janet. Shut up. Right. No drugs, all natural, five doulas, the whole nine. I have had it. The whole doula thing, I'm like, okay, really? Yeah. Really? Like...

So my sister tried to infiltrate my pregnancy by talking my mom into me hiring this doula. And she really got on my mom about it. She was like, you have to have her hide this doula. Has she hide the doula? And I was like, why do I need a doula? This doesn't make any sense.

And when I saw the things that this doula does, she's like, she massages you. She buys your groceries. She comes in. And I'm like, this is like ridiculous. I'm having a baby. I don't need an assistant. This is like. Not until the baby comes. This is crazy. And it made me start thinking about like, do I want to do natural? Do I not want to do natural? I watched one video of a natural birth. I was like, nope, not doing that.

No, thank you. Not doing that. No. And I think there's this movement kind of where people are like, I want to give natural birth. And it's like, I think somebody posted on Instagram, would you do a natural root canal? No. Right. You wouldn't fucking do that. We live in the era of modern science. Why not allow modern science to assist you in these things? So I have a friend that I play pickleball with. I'm an avid pickleball player. Oh.

I've never played pickleball, but I've always wanted to. She's going to get you out there before we leave New York. It's a blast. You know I only play with people that are as good or better than me. Right. So as much as I love you, Kelly, I want to play pickleball with you. But anyway, she said— I could be like an instant genius at it. You could be a sensation. Maybe you're the Serena Williams of pickleball. I could be. Did you play tennis? I did. Okay, so you'll have a natural—you will. See, she knew.

I was like, maybe I could be real good at this. I'm very into it. I love it. She plays every day, pickleball every day. Takes a lesson at 7 a.m. twice a week. Really? Yeah. That's impressive. I don't fuck around, Kelly. That's very impressive. We're not doing life in the fuck around lane. This is fun.

Accelerator smash to the floorboard. But my point was one of my pickleball friends, she thought she was going to be a hero. Her name's Kim. And she was like, I'm going to give natural birth. And so she tried. And like five hours into it, she's like, fuck natural.

this shit. I want the epidural. And it was too late. Total buyer's remorse on the whole thing. And so... See, I'd never do that. Never. I don't want to feel it. I'm like, tell me to push. I got my baby out in four pushes and it was over. Same. So one thing we want to talk to you about is my husband has been to rehab five times and he's in recovery. Okay. And

Pumps' ex-husband has been to rehab. And so we have gone to family weeks. Family weeks. So listener, if you do not, if you've not been to family week, what it is, is your loved one goes to rehab for, you know, 30. Josh did like a five month stint at one point. I did six months. Yeah. So then the family comes in and you sit down with other families in this circle jerk and

And everybody goes around. And so you hear what other people are in rehab for. It's so heavy. Yes. It's heavy. And sometimes you're like, should I be hearing this? So I want to share with Kelly what happened to you when you went to visit your husband at Family Week. Okay. So I'm sitting there. There's the man and then all the women. So he's in like a group. Like it's somebody's husband, but he's in there. And he's probably...

75, 80 years old. I mean, old. And he starts telling about how he would put her bras and panties on, which I was like, whatever. Okay. His wife's? His wife's. He would put on his wife's lingerie. Okay. And then he would go upstairs and he had blow up dolls and he would fuck the blow up dolls. No wonder your wife's in fucking rehab, man. Like,

Like, she's probably confused. She's like, am I meant to be made of plastic? Like, what's happening here? I was so shocked. I was just like, oh, my God, this is happening to grandparents. Yes.

And then this one guy said how, like, he had masturbated for 12 hours straight, like, live on the internet. What? Wait, he's telling you all this? Yes, he's telling you. And he's not the patient. No, he's the patient. Oh, he is the patient. Okay, so it is the patient. So the patient's banging a blow-up doll, and another patient is a 12-hour whacker offer on the internet. I call that a serial wanker. Oh, that's...

That's absolutely what he was. So we love, we love like the British terms. Like you guys use the word cunt. All the time. Like it's nothing. So much better. My husband and I were in Hyde Park and he stepped in the bike lane and this guy, he's like, get out of my way, you fucking cunt. And Josh was like, did he just call me a cunt? And I was like, I fucking love it here. I love this place. They also say twat very well. Okay. So in England we say twat. Twat. Twat.

Which is like in America says twat, which to me is like the past tense of twat. It's over. You're a twat. You're done. So all the different words that we use are great. I want to get back really quickly because you have a very famous family. Yeah. And kind of crazy awesome parents. So when they roll out to family week.

Oh, they don't go. Oh, they don't go. No, we have our own. Okay. It's better that way. Yeah, I would think so. It's better that way because otherwise it's just about who they are rather than getting to the bottom of what it is we need to be doing. And like my special request is please don't come to family week. I don't.

I don't, this isn't going to help any of us. Right, right. We're not going to get to the bottom of anything. It's just, let's just do it one on one. And even the last treatment center I went to, it was, that was their recommendation. Yes. So that we could just be like people in a room talking about our issues rather than celebrities talking about how their daughter's a drug addict. Right. Right. And so you've been to rehab five times. Yeah. And I think this is something that's so important for people to understand. And it took me a while to understand this.

The very first time my husband went to rehab, my first son was probably eight months old. I staged an intervention.

He agrees to go. I fly him to Arizona. I drop him off. And my darling little naive 28, 29-year-old self kind of did my hands like this. And I thought, handled it. Job well done. Was it Betty Ford he went to? Was it Betty Ford he went to in Arizona? Meadows. Oh, okay. I know somebody that went to Meadows. I know a lot of people that went to Betty Ford. The first time my dad went to Betty Ford, my mom told him,

I've found a place where we can send you and they'll teach you how to drink like a gentleman. And that was how she got him in there. But when he was in there, actually, Betty Ford was there and he was opening all the cupboards. She was like, what are you doing, Ozzy? And he said, oh, looking for the alcohol. She goes, why? And he goes, because this is where I come to learn how to drink like a gentleman. Then when he realized where he was, he was pissed. But I spent the first three months of my life in Australia.

I think it was Arizona when he was in there. But it's, you know, rehab...

can be the best thing that ever happened to you. And it could also be like the most boring 28 days of your life. - Right. - But it's all about what you put into it. The last place I went, I went to this place called Driftwood in Austin, Texas. And it is the best place I have ever been. I got to the bottom of so many hardcore issues and the root of so many of my problems. And it just, it changed everything because once you have an understanding and you get a diagnosis,

of like what it is that is going on. And I don't like to say what is wrong with you because it's not what's wrong with you at all. It's just, it's just a,

uh issue that you have an allergy yeah you have to learn how to maintain and it took me a long time you know from a wife's perspective to understand like I dropped him off and I thought nailed it well I mean that was just the beginning because it's such a relapsing disease you know it is and the thing is I'm scared of relapse terrified of it oh yeah absolutely terrified yeah but it

And it's not necessarily the drinking that I'm frightened of because I know I don't care about that. It's more the drugs. Yeah. And like I know it's my parents' fear is the drinking for me because they know I have one drink and it's done. But they're all the same. I mean, alcohol is a drug. Yeah.

You know, so I mean, one thing that I had to learn, you know, it's abstinence only across the board. I mean, anything could trigger Josh like he got sober. The original problem was opiates. And that was my original problem, too. At a later date, a psychiatrist, a medical doctor prescribed Klonopin, which is a benzodiazepine. Oh, my God. It's like the story of my life. The same shit happened to me. So, yeah. Then later it's Adderall. And it just, you know, it's like whatever. Shut up. This is my story.

Really? Yes. Yes. And so he had gone through all the shit. I went from painkillers to Klonopin to Adderall because I was always on Adderall. But I started to abuse. I figured out that I could abuse it. Right. Once I was still on it and it wasn't doing anything. Right. I felt so I couldn't walk into a room and focus on anything.

- Right. - And it just felt like the world was going past me at super speed and I'm just standing there in slow motion and not understanding what was going on. - Right. - And then they put me on, they finally put me on that medication and everything started falling into place. And then they were like, "Well, you actually suffer from depression." So they put me on antidepressants.

And once they finally put me on the right medication, everything just, as I say, fell into place. And it like the need and the want and the empty space and the void was filled. So I didn't I didn't start looking elsewhere for it. Right. No more self-medicating. No more self-medicating. And I know that my idea, I'm not a doctor, but when I start trying to be the doctor, it goes to shit. Yeah.

So I have this friend, he's gay, and his dad and mom were married up until their deaths. But his dad was gay. And the mom found out that he was gay, but they decided to stay married because they were like, you know, in their 70s or 80s. Probably good friends by then. 15, 20 years ago. And so she had sent him to all these different rehabs, right? Her husband, his name was Dick. So she sent him all these rehabs. He relapsed constantly. So finally, she finds a gay rehab center.

So Harris is my friend. So Harris and his mom take Dick to the gay rehab center. He's gay and his name is Dick? Yeah. Totally on brand. Poor baby. Totally on brand. Fabulous. So they take him to the gay rehab center. And...

They go in and they're like, you cannot drink the entire time you're here for the family week. You have to remain completely sober. So Harris and his mom walk out. They leave Dick in the gay treatment center. And there's these gay pride flags just flapping in the wind. And she looked at her son and she goes, I don't know how the fuck I'm going to do this sober. Oh, my God.

dropped her husband at the gay rehab center because he has love he prefers yes and they really were they were best friends the gay rehab center that's what finally did it because i think he was able to address you have to find your people yes when you get in recovery and it's really important to find the people that you connect with that share a similar story to you that can really

understand where you're coming from so you don't feel so alone in it. Right. And once you find your people, that's when you're like, "Okay, I can do this." Yeah. Right. NetCredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner.

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It's time to get the world talking about black lead brands. We all have our favorites, our ride or dies, and ones we can count on to help us live our best lives. But we can't keep them all to ourselves. So if you're feeling like a black opal beauty, tell somebody. If the lip bar gives you a lip for every drip, let them know. And if your hair is doing the do, shout that out too, because one shout out leads to another, and almost half of black lead brands are discovered by word of mouth.

Join Walmart in shouting out your favorite black-led products, creating a new world of choices at walmart.com slash black and unlimited.

The thing is, you always know when I start using because I start thinking I'm better than everyone else. Really? Are you a know-it-all? I turn into a know-it-all! Oh no! Yes I do! I turn into a know-it-all and I'm like, "That's not the way it is, it's this way and how dare that person look at me like that." And things would make me go in a spiral where I start looping my thoughts where it's just one thought that goes round and round and round in a circle.

And it's just, it's an awful place to be. But yeah, I'm an asshole when I use. Yeah, they all are. I mean, and it took me a while to realize like at the end of the day, the addict, and in my case, it's Josh, my husband, he did not choose to be an addict. Nobody in their right mind chooses to be an addict. And he hated that.

that version of himself far more than I ever could have. Yes, that's very true. And so once I learned that, I was able to have empathy and have boundaries. And it took me a long time, too. And here's the deal. I'm not like rock solid. I fucking picked him and stayed with him and had two kids with him. It's not like I'm fucking Miss Mental Health over here. You know, there's a very strong argument to be made that I'm the fucking crazy one, Kelly. Have you met my mother? No.

She stayed with my father through all of it. Through all of it. Yeah. And you think five rehabs is

You should see how many my dad went to. It's like 10, 20 at this point. Oh, wow. Is he sober now? Oh, my God. He's been sober for 10 years. Oh, 10, 11 years. And they seem, I mean, obviously I don't know them personally, but they seem like they're really in love. Oh, my God, they are. It's gross. He never stops telling her. I have to say, it is beautiful because he never stops telling her how much he loves her. Never stops. And she never stops telling him. And it's...

they still have like full blown like make out sessions and I'm just standing there like, because right now I'm living with them. - Oh. - Because my boyfriend's always on tour and I don't want to be alone with the baby. - Right. - So I moved in with them when I was pregnant. - Yeah. - And he, it's just like,

sitting there while they're having like make out sessions. You're like, can we go back to watching nightly news? Like what's going on? Let me ask you this at like at your dad's peak addiction, like when her husband was, when she was married, she's divorced now when she was married. And then when it was like her husband relapsed, mine would relapse. We were like full blown fucking CIA covert. Oh my God. You have no idea.

I mean. I'm the queen of the fucking FBI at this point. Totally. And every trick that my dad had, I learned and it made me a worse drug addict. Oh, because you knew how to hide it better. So it was really hard to crack the case. You covered your tracks because you had investigated your dad. I knew how to do it because everything my dad ever did, I was like, oh, what an idiot. Yeah. And you were like, I'm going to be a better addict. That's a stupid place to hide your drugs. Yeah.

That's a fucking stupid place. I would have thought of something better. And then I got better and better at hiding it and more manipulative and just more just, ugh. I bet you were a world-class gaslighter. The queen of gaslighting.

The queen of it. And it's so much so that when someone does it to me now, I'm like, you're gaslighting me. I know what you're doing. Because I used to do it. I know what you're doing. You spot it. You got it. Yeah. It's like you with you sit down here with it. You've had it with know-it-alls. Come to find out, Addict Kelly is a know-it-all. Is a know-it-all. Is a know-it-all.

Is a fucking know-it-all. All right, let's lighten it up a little bit. And I know that you were on Fashion Police. So I want to ask you about some fashion trends. Okay. And let's roundtable it and see what we think. Athleisure.

- Lazy. - Oh, I love an athleisure, but it's lazy? - It's lazy. - Okay. - I agree. - It is lazy, but if you're wanting to feel slimmer that day, athleisure always makes you feel better. - Like the black leggings. - The black leggings, 'cause they like suck you in that little bit and you can feel like,

maybe people will think I work out, they'll think I'm skinnier, and everything will be better. Let me tell you what I think. I think that there is a lot of athleisure abuse, particularly in the United States of America. It has become like just everyday dressing. People are abusing this. This was supposed to be you take your kids, you drop them off at school,

And then you're going to a quick exercise class and then you go home and shower and then you put on normal clothes. I'm not saying you super doll, but you at least kind of pull together a little bit. Right. But now it's like athleisure with like one of them puffy vests.

And everything is ready to go. It's athleisure abuse. I see people going out to dinner and athleisure is totally abused. Nobody's fucking doing anything about it, Kelly. Have you seen athleisure with heels? I have. Oh, I have not seen that. That's an egregious violation. Oh, my God. It is like one of those things where you're like, huh?

How does that make sense? You have full-blown athleisure on, but your footwear says I'm going to the club. Okay. Next up, what do you think about low-waisted jeans? Before I had a baby, I'm like, I'm all about them. Who cares? Now that I've had a baby, I'm like, fuck this. Fuck this. I have to shave my crotch just to wear you. You can fuck off. Not happening. Not happening.

happening. Not happening. I know it's a lot trickier after giving birth. As is everything. And after you give birth, you're bending over a lot more than when you're not a mom. You have to put the baby in the car seat, fasten the seatbelt, bend over, get the diaper bag. You're schlepping so many things.

so your my arms have gotten more oh yeah and i like that about it car seat weighs a million pounds but your prime candidate for a little plumber ass in the low-waisted jeans that's true that's very true prime candidate okay what do you think about claw fingernails super long and filed like coffin nails okay so i am a i'm a fan of the almond shape

But coffin nails and really pointy, I'm not a fan of because I put holes in all my clothes pulling up my pants. Yes. I'm not joking. In the crotch of every – you can tell what phase I was in in my life by my trousers because they have holes in where I would pull them up. Yeah, I think those would be dangerous. They're like a weapon. No, they are dangerous. They can really – you can really hurt yourself with them. But I can't – the truth is I can't have long nails because I'm a mom. Right. When I'm changing the diaper –

I did this with my brother's kids once. I changed a poopy diapy and I went like this. I brushed my hair out of my face. Oh, God. And I had brushed shit into my face because there was shit underneath my nail. And that's like, no. No. No, no, no. Had it with the claw nails. Fucking over it. I've had it. Enough. Enough. Okay. I saw this video on TikTok recently where they...

Took a scraping from underneath nails. Oh, I bet it was awful. And put it underneath like a...

What would you call it? A microscope. Microscope, yes. And the worms and the bacteria and the stuff that was underneath just a regular. Oh, my gosh. And you saw them wash their hands first. And then they did it. No way. If you have really long nails, imagine every time they wipe their ass or change a tampon or do something. It's disgusting. That is disgusting. It's disgusting. Ugh.

When I had long nails, I'd always dip a Q-tip in alcohol and swab underneath them. Well, that was smart. Okay. Last, bleached eyebrows. I can't. Okay. So I've done this trend. It kind of makes me look like an alien version of myself. I personally don't love this trend. I think you have to have a specific shape face for it to be pulled off in a way that is...

Right. Otherwise, it just looks try hard to me because people's foreheads all of a sudden become longer. Huge. Yeah. And it makes it gives you like a massive, massive forehead. Right. From it. I remember when I looked at it, I was like, you look like an egg. And I did it.

Okay. Now we have a game that we play called Had It or Hit It. So I'm going to name something. You tell us if you've had it with it or if you love it and you'd hit it. Okay. Oh, my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. Had it.

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay, reality television. Had it. Name one good reality TV show right now. I'm with you. I've had it. I don't watch any. I don't watch. We were on a reality show. You were on a reality show. I've had it. It just, it doesn't. Because it's not real. It's people pretending. Correct. And it's not interesting. The backstabbing and all that. I'm like, come on. Women should not. I will say that I haven't had it with Vanderpump Rules right now because I love all the drama that's going on.

Everybody loves that. I love the drama that's going on because it is so cheesy and so stupid. And that Tommy Sandoval is a fucking idiot. Total. Anybody would think that he thinks he's Freddie Mercury reincarnated or something. Like he gives all the moves and you're just like, what the fuck are you doing? You're not even singing original music. These are cover songs. But

But he feels himself and I feel him as a result of it. Right. I mean, hate watching stuff is really good. I love hate watching. Hate watching is really good. OK. King Charles and Queen Camilla. Hit it. You hit it? I'd hit it. It's new. It's different. Let them let them try it out. See what what they can make of it. Definitely King Charles. I'm not I don't know much about Camilla.

I always thought she would remain queen consort. It's weird that she's queen. I think, I mean, he's loved her forever. He loved her before Diana. I know, and that's something that... He was forced. My problem with Charles is not Camilla. He's loved her forever. His family made him marry somebody differently. I agree with that. My problem with Charles is you have a son. You have a son. I have a son. I don't care what my fucking son did. If I was getting crowned to be, he would sit in the very front row. I don't agree with that.

Do you think Harry should have been sent back? I think Harry's a fucking twat. I do. I think he's a fucking twat. He's a whining, whinging, complaining, woe is me. I'm the only one that's ever had mental problems. My life was so hard. Everybody's fucking life is hard. You were the prince of a goddamn country who dressed up as a fucking Nazi and now you're trying to come back as the Pope? Yeah.

Suck it. No. No. It's a very strong case. I love it. I think, I mean, you make such a great case in that colorful British accent and the twat. The twat. Which twat, what you said is past tense. Yeah, twat sounds like the past tense of twat to me. Okay. Twat. I mean, I'm going to go. We've got to start practicing that. I'm going to go. You made a very strong case. Thank you. I'm going to move over. Reconsider. To your side. I am. I'm going to join you. Okay. Had it or hit it, TMZ.

There's like a middle ground for that because some of the times I love what they do and report on and the way that they get to it. But when it comes on you, you're like, fuck off.

They recently, like, my mom fainted recently and somebody got my brother's personal information from TMZ and called him up and asked him about it. And I thought that was a little... That's shady. A little like, let's not go about it this way, guys. You've known us for a long time. But...

If I had to say anything, I'd say hit it because I do enjoy watching it. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, Paris Hilton. Oh, my God. Hit it 100%. 100%. There is no one like Paris.

And if you know her, you know that she's one of the fucking smartest bitches you've ever met in your goddamn life. I love it. She really is. She really is smart. And lastly, Kelly, had it or hid it wearing sunglasses indoors? Had it. Had it. Had it. Does this go back to your childhood? No, it just goes back to every douchey guy you've ever met in your life. And they walk into a room and you're like, I fucking hate you. Doesn't your father wear sunglasses indoors? No.

He doesn't count. He's excluded. He does though. He's Ozzy Osbourne for fuck's sake. They're not like the black sunglasses. They're just tinted lenses. Okay. Okay. Kelly, tell us and our listener about the show that you're going to be on that's coming up. So I'm filling in on Beat Shazam on Fox at 8, 9 central. And it is on 9, 8 central. I don't know. I do it backwards every fucking time and they get mad at me. Google it, people. Yeah.

But it is the most incredible show I've ever been a part of outside of Fashion Police. Awesome. Like the way that you can watch somebody's life change just from knowing music. That's really cool. And the amount of money I saw people make is mind blowing. Wow. It's so awesome. It's mind blowing. And you see these people come in and they have these stories of like I work hard.

three jobs I have this I have that and they leave and they're like I don't have to do that anymore right that would be so uplifting it is the most beautiful thing to witness yes and to be a part of and and

Jamie Foxx has done incredible the last five seasons on this show. I say he's made magic with what they've done. And to be a part of that and to fill in for Corinne, his daughter, was a real honor to be asked. That's amazing. And I really hope I did her justice. I love it. Well, Kelly, this has been a total treat. I've loved every second of this. Thank you so much. As to meet you here in New York City, I mean, we've been kind of flirting with the idea that we could –

potentially be hot shit. You are hot shit. Kelly Osbourne's sitting here. It's a fact. I'm just saying, I think that you guys are hotter than hot shit. We're flirting with the idea that we could be hot shit. So listen up, listener. Go give us five-star reviews. Weigh in if you think we're hot shit on Apple. Please don't. Like on a scale of one to ten, hot shit, Kelly Osbourne a ten, Jen a nine, pumps a seven. I mean, just go something like that.

Anyway, listener, we love you and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday.

Pick up that glass of Pinot Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time. We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast, Mom. I know, I know. Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'm Ramona Singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. And you probably know us best from The Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time.

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