Public Displays of Assholery with Heather Dubrow
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So, Pumps. Yes, Jenny. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Great. I was wondering what you've had it with this week. Oh my gosh. What I've had it with this week is people bragging. And let me give you an example. Okay, let's hear it. So I have a friend that moved into a new house that she...

Built, decorated furniture, wallpaper, all that. I mean, she was not going to hire a designer because her taste is so good. Okay. So I go in. Not only is everything absolutely atrocious. Right. She gives a play-by-play of how much each individual piece cost her room to room. She's flexing? Yes. And you know what I'm thinking the whole time she's doing that?

It is so sad to me you spent this much money for your house to look so bad. Yeah. I mean, it's horrible stuff. Yeah. But I would rather like, I don't think you need to tell how much your furniture costs. I would agree with that. The only thing I think like if you got a really cheap piece that was that like everybody loved.

I would love, you know, like I only paid $150 for that. That's the kind of thing you want to know about, like a fabulous piece for cheap. Right. Not ugly shit for expensive. Right. So it's just, I was so turned off. So she had bad taste. Bad taste and wanted everybody to know how much she spent. Did she spend a lot? Yeah. I mean, not Jennifer Welch design, but a lot.

And it was terrible. It was horrible. See, this is what happens to me all the time. I go to somebody's home that I didn't design. I get sucked in to people's homes and then they take me on a tour and every decision they made, why they made those decisions. And it's painstaking for me because what I want to say is I do this 40 hours a week. Right. I'm not working right now and I am not in

interested in the minutiae and the process that you went through to design and or remodel your house at all. At all. Like I don't watch design shows because I do that all day long. I'm not interested in it. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. Lay it on me. Madonna. Okay.

Oh, my gosh. It's painful for me to say it because I've grown up with her. Love Madonna. Loved her. She's like this fierce female icon, rock and bod, great dancer, great songs. Like every decade of my life, there's a Madonna song in it. For sure. Particularly like high school and college. 100%. Yeah. And then I see her at the Grammys. Oh, my gosh.

I, it is so bad. It is so bad. I would have withdrawn. I wouldn't, if her plastic surgery looked like that, I would say I couldn't do it. I'm sick. Like I would not go out in public with that. Do you think it's a fresh facelift? Obviously she thinks it looks good if you're going on the Grammys. Or do you think she just felt like she couldn't get out of it?

She's Madonna. She could get out of it. Well, that's true too. That's true. She clearly thinks it looks good and it's some form of an addiction. It's some form of just a little bit more filler here, just a little bit more there. I think to answer your question, I think she's had a facelift. I think she's had fillers. I think she's had everything she could possibly have and now she looks like a cat. It's so bad. But you know what's so true with plastic surgery in terms of facelifts is

Is that if you get enough of them, you look exactly like all the other people that have had a lot of facelifts, man or woman. Like you start just everybody looks the same with the facelift, with the super big cheeks and the eyes. Well, I think it's filler, too. I think a lot of people, all the filler injectors, they all end up kind of looking like the same person. And listen, listener.

We love a good Botox. Oh, my gosh. And I love a filler. I mean, so we're just saying there is a fine line between totally juicing up like Madonna. Right. And doing a little maintenance here and there. Right. You know? Because what Madonna has done is so bad.

I think that there is a breed of people amongst all of us where all of these women end up looking like the same person. And it is so bad. And men. I mean, the men with the face. I see it far more with women. Well, yes, I know. But it doesn't matter what sex you are. If you have two or three, you look just like everybody else with one. Right. But I'll tell you who has the best cosmetic surgery I've ever laid eyes on in my entire life. Who? Kris Jenner. She looks better today.

than she did when they started that deal 20 years ago. Yes. And you know, I was in Italy a couple of summers ago and we're at this restaurant in Capri called Aurora. And we look over and Kris Jenner with her boyfriend is sitting literally at the booth right next to us. And she looks really, really good in person. I mean, she looks just as good in person as she does in the photos. It wasn't like, okay, she's Photoshopping everything. She looked really fantastic. Yeah. It makes you wonder like, maybe we should go to her person. Yeah.

her facelift person. Right. That's not feasible. No, but after you see her, she's thinking, right, everybody else would be bad. Welcome to I've had it podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And today, first of all, we call her pumps. But today, I would like to give a special shout out

to some international listeners in the Netherlands. Okay. And we have 108 listeners in the Netherlands. I love that. I mean, I'm glad that they add to our other 108 listeners, totaling us at 216. Right. But, you know, first of all, welcome, Netherlands. Welcome, Netherlands. A.K.A. Holland.

Do they speak English or Dutch? Well, they speak Dutch and I think it's called Flemish.

Well, how do they understand us? They speak like seven and eight languages. Because their country is so small, it's not subtitled. So they speak English as fluently as we do. Plus French, plus German, plus Spanish. I mean, they speak so many languages. I mean, we're big losers compared to the people in the Netherlands. I absolutely love people that can speak more than one language. I find it so attractive. Right. So that means you really don't like that many Americans. Right.

Right. That's about right. So today, Pumps, we are going to talk about something. This is going to be an interesting episode. Right. Because it's about party etiquette and RSVPing and how to be a good guest, how to be a good host. And I don't think we're very good. I think I'm terrible at all of the above. Yes. And I think that our guest...

is going to pitch to us that she's had it with a lot of things and we're going to resemble a lot of those things. Right. She's going to hate us. Yes. I mean, I think we're going to be a part of the problem, a part of what she has had it with. She's going to blackball us from any invitations. Yes. There's no doubt about it. I mean, I have this problem where I get an invitation and

And I'm like, oh, that's sweet. I'll go to that. Sounds so good when you see it three weeks away. So I RSVP. Yep. And then each day that passes as the event draws closer, I get mad and resentful, mad and resentful, mad and resentful until finally, like when I think of the person that's hosting the event, I think I fucking hate this person. Yeah.

And it could be you. Right. And I would be like, I hate this person. It's selfish to throw parties. If it's a wedding, a baby shower, a dinner party, I get so, because I don't want to get out of my schedule. I have a toddler-like schedule with my life and I don't want to get out of it at all. No. And I don't want to get dolled up.

Like after I've been at work all day, the last thing I want to do is like go home and doll it up to the nines, cocktail dress, skims, spanks, hair done, all that. I'm just like, I would rather be in my pajamas. I don't mind the dolling. I like clothes and all of that. What bothers me is I'm not interested in anything that anybody at the party is going to say to me at all. I don't care what's going on with their kids. I don't care what's going on with their husbands. I don't care what's going on with their careers.

I just don't give a shit. As I've gotten older, I've gotten insufferably selfish and agoraphobic. And I just don't want to hear what's going on in other people's lives and feign interest. Right. No, that's true. Let me ask you this question. If you had a choice...

That you had to go to a party every single day for the rest of your life, but you got to go to all the parties, like Oscar parties, Cannes Film Festival. If Tom Hanks had a party, you would be there. Okay. Yeah.

Larry David has a dinner party. You're right next to Larry. Okay. But you had to do it every day. So you had shitty parties you had to go to too. Or never be invited to another party. What would you choose? Never be invited to another party. See, that's where I land too. I mean, like even the draw of Larry David. Why are you stealing? Larry David's my guy. I love Larry David too. You can't. I introduced you to Larry. Well, that's true. But that was 20 years ago.

years ago. I know. You don't get to have possession of Larry David. I have a framed picture of Larry David on my desk. Okay. Where's your framed picture of Larry David? I don't have a framed picture. I love Larry more. But who spotted Larry at the US Open or the French Open and told you? Me. You did. I know. But then I was there with him. No, I know. But I'm just saying, you can't have Larry David all to yourself.

Well, I'm just saying I think the Oscars sound miserable. Oh, my God. Miserable. I think – I mean, I just – I'm not interested in large group activities and social interactions and having to feign interest in small talk at all. I think that my two number ones why I don't like parties. Number one is having to get all dolled up. Number two is the small talk. Yeah. I mean, the small talk – and it's like – it's not that I'm not good at small talk. It requires effort. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so I think we need to bring our guest in to weigh in on this. And our guest today is, she's an actress. She is a podcast host, a television personality, and I think a good party thrower. Let's welcome to I've Had It podcast, Heather Dubrow. Hi. Hi, Heather. Hi, Heather. Gals, how are you? Wonderful. How are you? Good.

I am fine. Excellent. Sounded a little question marky on the fine. I was thinking about it. I am fine. Yeah, I'm good. Well, Heather, we want to hear, you know, this is a podcast we say with a wink about positivity. And it is, it makes us all feel positive when we get shit off our chest, Heather. Right. And so what we want to know from Heather Dubrow is what have you had it with?

Oh, you ready for this? Let's go. Are we allowed to curse? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have had it with fucking bakeries. I'm going to tell you something. I love throwing parties. I consider myself actually very good at it. Okay. But the one thing in my life that has been the bane of my existence always is the cake. Okay.

Every cake I do is a disaster. So if you watch Real Housewives and my first season on the show, I did a naming party because I changed my last name to my husband's last name after many years. And I did a party and it was the one time I ever did a trade out where someone gave me something for free.

I always pay for everything because I want to not like it. Right. Right. They gave me the cake and it showed up and it looked, it was juvenile. It was seven, a seven year old birthday party with a big, like pink bow on it. And I went, all right,

But hilariously, the girl broke the bow off the cake in the middle of the party and it became drama. And it's so funny, it's become this iconic moment. She broke the bow off the cake and ate it in the middle of the party. But even ever since then, the cakes are worse and worse, just so bad. So this year, I always celebrate my birthday in February.

because January, everyone's like hung over and broke and over it and done. So I celebrate in February. I had a party on Friday night, catch steak in LA. It was so fabulous. And this very famous bakery, right?

who do a lot of gorgeous research. I saw someone pitched it to me. I said, great. And they go, how about this? Why don't we do like a cool like box and we're going to do this and we're going to have a champagne coupe glass and you're going to be in the glass of champagne. And I go, OK, great. And I said to the party planner, do they know what I look like? Did they? Oh, they Googled you. They got it. They got it.

So I get to the party and everything's cool. The vendors are right. This looks great. That looks great, whatever. And I said, where's the cake? So they take me to the back. Oh my gosh. Like the most hideous thing you've ever seen. And I'm telling you, someone was trying to be mean on purpose. It was a personal attack.

It was a personal attack. I go, you know what? Just leave it, but bring it in backwards. So I had them at the cake moment, bring the cake in backwards. I gave like a funny toast and I had them spit it around. I ripped the thing off, but I've had it with bakers. I'm done.

I agree. Here's my problem with cakes. The really, really pretty ones taste like shit. Right. Right. And if you want a really good tasting cake, it's literally the bakery at the grocery store that has the delicious proper tasting cake. And then you go to the artsy bakers and you want this beautiful cake and the frosting is awful.

It's hardly edible at all. The Europeans are far better at all the baking stuff than Americans. The bakeries in Europe are far greater. I totally agree. I mean, I'd rather have like a Duncan Hines or a Betty Crocker from the box. A hundred percent. Yes. With the frosting from the tub. Yes. That I'll eat anyway plain. But you know, a lot of people do fake cakes now. Oh, really? I hadn't heard that. Yeah. For the photo. Yeah.

for a photo they decorate a fake you know there's nothing in there and they've got you know slices yeah yeah so here's what i want to get into because i think this is going to be and i've had it first so you are a good hostess and you like to throw parties right yeah and so i hate parties have become more and more agoraphobic

somebody will invite me to something. I'll respond that I'm coming. And as the date draws in closer and closer, I start to hate that person. It can be her. And I'm like, I hate her. This party is selfish. This is so self-serving. She's got a grandstand to throw a party and I have to give up my Friday night with home with my dogs, watching a show. And I start to get really bitter about it. So first of all, tell us what you think about the RSVP etiquette.

Oh my God, I've had it with RSVPs. When I moved to California, I thought my mom, when I got married, I thought she was going to lose her shit. Like she was like, people don't RSVP here. This is not like New York. What is wrong with people that they don't RSVP? It took me a long time to, first of all, stop sending real invitations. Right.

I just, the whole paperless, when paperless post came out, that was better. Right. You know, the invite and the whole thing, it just felt so uncouth to me. I really, I couldn't do it, but eventually it just is so much easier. It really is. And nobody checks their snail mail.

And also this is what they do. Oh, look at that gorgeous, very expensive invitation Heather sent me. Let me put that in my phone. And then they toss it. Right. And that's it. That's exactly right. No one saves them anymore. It doesn't matter. It's a waste of money. So I got rid of that. But what I don't understand is if you don't want to come, just say no. Right.

It's okay. I probably don't really want you anyway. You could be filler. Right, right, right. Say no, don't come. Let me ask you this about the invitations. So I have known, I have some girls that work for me that are younger. And so they're in that whole, you know, you go through a period where all you're doing is going to weddings or you're having a wedding. So the girls that work for me in my design firm are in that stage.

And I noticed that now the kids, the millennials, are using the plus one in a very manipulative way. And I kind of dig it. So it's kind of like, okay, Pumps is great, but her boyfriend is a total asshole. So she's not getting a plus one.

Right. And they do this stuff on purpose. Like this girl will get an invitation, no plus one because nobody likes the boyfriend. And then somebody else will get a plus one because they like that couple. Have you heard of this? No, I love that though. I always like that.

I always thought it was a money thing. I always thought that when people, you know, could only have a certain amount of guests that only invite a plus one for that age group if they were very serious with someone. Right. Engaged or better.

Right. Like something like that. But honestly, I, you know, I really just don't like that. I feel like if you're on a certain budget, that is fine. Right. But then touch your guest list. I think it's not nice to make people come without a plus one because there's people that like have anxiety and they don't like walking into a place by themselves. Let me ask you this.

Let's say that that plus one is always the drunk at the party. And you know what I'm talking about. Like, how do you deal with when you're hosting a party and you've got that one drunk person that will not leave your house and is harassing all of your guests? How do you deal with that?

That's a toughie. You know, I found that for me in the last several years, I've gone from throwing really big parties and they've really gotten smaller. I love a dinner party because my thing about a guest list is that you should want to sit next to everyone at your party.

If there's someone coming to your party and you're like, okay, well, I just don't want to put them on the other side of the table, they shouldn't be at your party. But sometimes you can't help it because it's like cousin Larry who's the best one, right? And you have to include them. I think you have to have a preemptive strike. The other thing I do, because sometimes, to be honest, it's my mother that's drinking too much. She's an asshole, but I'm not a drinker.

So I will tell the servers like pour light for this one, watch that one, every other drink, water it down, the whole thing. Oh, that's smart. That's a great idea. That's a very, very smart idea. How long do you think? Because I'm a person that would agree to go to your dinner party, okay, I would RSVP, I'd say I'm coming, and then I would start resenting you. Yeah.

And then I would show up begrudgingly. And then how long after the dessert is served is the expectation to stay and chit chat? That's a real, oh, that's a good question. How early can you leave without being an asshole? Because my philosophy is you can't leave until you get there. So I want to be the first person at your party.

So that I can, when everybody else starts coming, I can fade to black and no one will, oh, she's around here somewhere. And I've snuck off. So that's kind of my pattern is be the first one there. That's a good, I like that. I have to say, so I had a party on Friday night for my birthday and there were 70 people there. And at first Terry was like, that's too many people. And I go, no, it's not because this is LA. What's going to happen is these people are going to come. This group over here is going to come very early.

And they're going to do a pump does they're going to leave. They're going to say, Oh, we're so-and-so she went to the bathroom gone. Right. Right. And then there's the people that come an hour late and,

And stay for the whole thing. You know, it's just like it tends to work out. I don't mind any of that. I feel like as a guest, if you like to leave early, show up early. Get there. Say your hellos. I don't think you have to say goodbye to everyone. And honestly, I don't even like when people do that because then other people see them saying goodbye and it makes me feel like, oh, should we go? Right. Right. So let's go over some things that can happen at dinner parties. And I want to get your feedback. I'm going to list some things off.

How do you feel about a person that is a self-appointed DJ? They show up at your house and they decide they're going to be the DJ and they're running their playlist. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen. Not on Heather's watch. Nope, not on my watch. This is two things that I think are super great. Seating for sure.

Music curated to who is there. If my mom's there, I have got Frank Sinatra on and, you know, whatever. If I've got these couples there, we're playing 80s pop. These people, we got to go on. I am very like, it's a very curated thing. Huge faux pas. The other thing I don't like is the self-appointed photographer. That drives me insane. Yes.

And I have a couple of friends, not really anymore, but I had a couple of friends that were so, they're off the list, that need to photograph like every leaf of lettuce on the plate.

I've kind of had it with people constantly taking pictures of food. Right. How about anything? I'm so tired of being at an event and seeing this. Yes. Yes. Yes. Calm down. Agree. I completely agree. Okay. Next up. How do you feel about a dinner guest that blows their nose in your cloth napkin? Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you something. Terry's mom. What?

We'll do that anywhere. I mean, she's older now, so God bless. But even in her younger days. And so if anyone ever does that and listen, I'm going to be honest. I've seen my husband do it. I go, OK, Laura.

Not okay. Okay. How do you feel about people that are called bedroom borrowers? And these are the horny couple that you invite to your dinner party that sneak off and go get a slap and tickle on in your guest bedroom or maybe even your own bedroom. Stop it. That happens? Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh, Heather. I was in a dinner club once.

And a wife from one of the couples and a husband of one of the couples goes in the bathroom and has sex with people there. And their spouses. And their spouses on top of. Obviously, that dinner group broke up, but.

Wait, there's a lot to unpack in this story. I agree. What is a dinner club? It's where you have like, say 10 couples and one month it's at my home and I do everything. And then the next month it's somebody else and it just rotates once a month. You have dinner with these people.

Oh, that's cute. And these two people were like cheating on their people? Yes. They were married to other people and then had sex in the bathroom of the hostess's dinner club. Yes. Okay.

Is it a powder room or like a full bath? I think it was the powder bath. It's been about 20 years. That's a great question. But that is a great question. No, I was just thinking spatially. You have to know. Is it a quickie? How intense was it? But I'm kind of shocked that you're shocked that it seems like you're today years old that you found out that people could possibly have in the past...

snuck off at your house and had sex in a guest bedroom because you know what happened heather it happened i'll tell you i always have security at my parties oh that's smart are they monitoring the bedrooms

Yeah, no one goes up or down. Okay. Okay, that's smart. It could have happened in the powder room. Okay, next up is how do you feel, like I hosted recently a fundraiser for a person that was running for district attorney.

And it was at my house and it was like from 530 to seven. And I have two dogs that I adore. And so my dogs attended the fundraiser because it's their house. And so we were researching what to talk about with you. And some Forbes, actually Forbes magazine said overly attached pet owners are a no, no. Yeah. And that would be me.

It was horrible, Heather. I mean, I'm not kidding you. They barked at everybody. They ran around. I'm just like, put these fuckers outside. It's not going to kill them. But no, she was like, well, no, they're fine. And I'm like...

The guest of honor, one of them was barking and trying to bite her pants the whole time. That is a complete exaggeration. That is completely exaggerated. Oh, I don't know. I'm with pumps on this one. You know, it's like we were at someone's house for dinner recently and they're so lovely. And it was just the four of us having dinner, but the dogs were there and they were fine. They were super sweet. But I've been at other people's homes.

Where the dogs are like so aggressive and they want to, even when they're sweet, they like, just want like, it's like, I got a nice outfit on. I don't really want your dog slobber on my pants or on my thing. And it's like not the moment. And if they're barking at people, I don't know. I'm going to say that logically, I agree with both of you. You make perfect sense. Right.

And I agree with it. But in practicum, in my everyday life, my fucking dogs will attend every party that I host. Okay. That brings up a point that just occurred to me. Let's say Heather invited you to a dinner party. I wouldn't take my dogs. But would you? I mean, people probably have tried saying they're the service dogs. That's a no-no.

No, don't bring your kids or your dog. I wouldn't take my dog to Heather's house, nor can you bring a kid. I mean, that's, I would much rather somebody bring a dog than a kid to my house. Have you ever had anyone bring a plus one when you didn't invite them with one? Yes. Me too. Yeah, definitely. I have.

But as I've gotten older, I've avoided throwing parties altogether because I want to have fewer people and fewer instances of unwanted social interactions in my life.

I want to make my life with all those strangers. Right. Yeah. It was for a good cause. I mean, we live in Oklahoma and there's some cuckoo for Cocoa Puff politicians here. And I had to I had to get this help. I had to. And she won and she's awesome. But so my my heartstrings about, you know, women's issues kind of overrode there.

Okay, here we go. This is a big one. And I have witnessed this back in my younger days when I was really on the party circuit, on the dinner club circuit the whole night. Couples, married couples that engage in PDA at a party. Okay, listen, my husband has this friend and he and the wife, and we stopped hanging out with them because they would like make out. Yeah.

Table in a restaurant. Now where she would put up and she would tell us stories like,

Um, like, oh, I put on my lingerie and my daughters were like, her daughter, why are you wearing lingerie in front of your like eight year old daughter? So creepy. So weird. The PDA in a restaurant is just atrocious. I don't like any PDA ever, maybe a handhold or something like that. That's fine. But to put your tongue in somebody else's mouth in a restaurant is repulsive. So there's this couple when I would go out probably in my 20s and 30s.

And they're a married couple. Darling, love them. But every single party I was at, no matter what party it was, they would find like an ottoman that is kind of like a cocktail ottoman used as a coffee table. You'd look over an hour into the party and they're laid out on the ottoman, full-blown mugging, his hand in between her legs. And it is just like full-blown softcore porn. Yeah.

And you can ask anybody who's been to a party with them. You know the PDA couple. Everybody immediately knows who they are. And I, okay, here's what I want to unpack psychologically. Do we think they do it at home? No. I don't either. I don't either. I think they get off on it.

on people watching them have sex. The voyeurism. Yes. That's got to be it. It's kind of like couples that act like they're so in love on social media and they communicate with each other on social media. 100%, you know, they're fucked up and on their way to a divorce. Immediate red flag.

To me, it's compensating for some shortcoming in the marriage because it is not a normal. That is something that's reserved in private. I mean, if my husband started French kissing me in public, I would literally be like, what the fuck are you doing? Right. Same thing. I have this thing about sitting on the same side of the booth. If we went to a restaurant and we're at a four top and he came over and sat down next to me, I'd go get the fuck over there. Right.

Like, I am not going to be this nutty couple. I've had it. I've had it with it. And when you start going out and, you know, it's Valentine's Day season. This is peak season for all of these offenders that have to sit on the same side of the booth. And I mean, I have had it.

had it. I literally want to walk up to them and get, say, I really don't think you're in love. I think you're compensating for something. I know the minute you get in the car, she's brow beating you or your brow beating her. I know it. I've cracked the case. If you sit on the same side of the booth, you either crick your neck or maybe they just don't like each other and they both want to face forward and look at everyone else. I don't understand it

At all. Okay. So here's what I want to move on to in our theme of hosting parties. And we're going to start with pumps. Okay. Pumps, tell us if we were to have a fantasy dinner party and you could invite three guests, living or dead, who would you invite? Okay. I would have Dolly Parton as my number one. Love her. Love Dolly Parton. She's on my list. Shit. Oh, well, she's everybody's list. Okay. Michael Jordan.

Okay. Just because I've always heard his charisma is like, you can feel it when he's in the same building as you. So I would want to do him. And then I think this is probably something everybody in my age category is going to say, but Princess Diana. Okay. Okay. So MJ with Dolly Parton. Princess Diana. With Dolly Parton. Okay. Let's go on to you, Heather. Okay. So Dolly was on my list too. It's funny. You know, it depends. If you had asked me a month ago, a month from now, it might be different. But today...

I mean, the dinner I want to have is Dolly. I want Oprah. And I want Katie Couric. You know, I like Katie. I didn't like the Today Show, but I like her podcast. She's pumped the brakes. You didn't like the Today Show? No, I've always been Good Morning America. I've never heard anybody say they didn't like the Today Show.

And I just like her. I like her too. She's really cute. Remember when her husband died and she wore his ring around her neck. And I mean, all of them. And she got the young guy and then they got me. Like, I just like her. I feel like she's real. I like when she speaks. And I just, I, but I felt like that group, we'd have a lot of laughs for sure. Oh yeah, definitely. So mine is Larry David.

Who I, I mean, love. I have a framed picture of Larry David on my desk. Curb Your Enthusiasm is my favorite show. I really don't like short men and I'm afraid that he's probably short, but I will take one for the team because I love him so much. Second would be

Rafael Nadal. Oh, yeah. That would be a good one. I love Rafa. I love him so much. Yeah, he's hot. When he hits those forehands and then he pumps his fist and says, vamos. I mean, I feel it in every particle of my body. She's having that couple that's having sex. Right. She's having sex with Rafa in the powder bath. I'm going to become everything that everybody's had it with. Right. But third, RBG, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good one. Oftentimes when I'm doing stupid vapid shit, like my interior design projects or this podcast, I think, you know, I wonder if I could have been like George Clooney's wife or RBG. And then I think, nah, I don't have enough depth. I do think I would like to have a dinner. I'm going to put a pickleball date in an hour. Yeah.

So I recently played in a tournament with my husband and we made it to the semifinals. Okay. And he really is a much better pickleball player than I, but I think we lost, I think because of him. I don't think he, I think he was the weak link. Wow. After we lost the tournament, he announced he has a very like, you know, accelerator press down or foot completely on the break type personality. And he's like, I'm quitting pickleball for good.

So seven days later, he's entered into another tournament and then he just played and he got second place. And so I noticed he has all these trophies from his tennis and pickleball adult career. So I laid them all out last night and there is a common theme among all of them. I could not believe. No winner? Second place, second place, second place. To which I said to him, honey, almost. Almost.

Yeah, when you posted that picture, I thought you're such a bitch. I'm a total bitch. Insufferable bitch. There's no doubt about it. Heather Dubrow, thank you so much for telling us what you've had it with.

Don't you feel better getting all that off your chest? I do. I only felt fine at the beginning and now I feel great. Feel like a million bucks. Yes. I adore the two of you. You're both so funny, so talented. I love your show. And thank you so much for having me on. Thank you so much, Heather. Bye guys. Thank you. Bye. She's awesome. I love her. She is so fun. I mean, I could sit and talk to her forever. And I think...

Heather is like if she were to invite us to a dinner party. I kind of think we'd want to go. I would 100% want to go. But I think like we would probably not get invited a second time. Well, that's probably true. Even on our best behavior. We would probably. Both of us love to Irish exit. Right. Yes. And I'm really good at it.

Okay. This is what I want to go over with you. I have found some tips that can help you Irish exit. Okay. And these are very important. I want to go over them with you and the listener. Okay. Before you go in, you got to know your exits, side doors, back doors, any way that you can sneak out without being noticed. So immediately upon arrival, you have got to scout out your exit. Right. Immediately. Right. Number two, you can't be the one that plays the music and hook your phone up.

No. Yeah. No. Because when you leave. Then they notice because you take the phone off. Right. Exactly. Okay. You have to keep your coat and accessories close. I'll tell you what I do. I don't even bring them out of the car. I don't care if it's 50 below zero. That's smart. I don't take a coat. I don't take my purse. That is smart. Because then you just have to wait on other people to get it back for you or it becomes obvious because you're carrying your coat towards the door. It's just a beeline. It's a beeline. Yes. Yes.

Okay, you have to have your getaway car waiting. So if it's an Uber, you need to have it ready. Right. You've got to have that Uber ready and waiting so that when you leave, if somebody sees you in the driveway, you can say, I am so sorry, my ride is here. I have to go. There's no pulling you back in. That's probably great advice.

And the last one is something I really need to discuss with you. Okay. And it is keeping track of your company. This is the single biggest obstacle to any Irish goodbye is a friendship. And I have experienced both you and Josh Welch claim to be the biggest Irish exiters on the planet. And I have been in situations with each of you

And we're yakking.

I feel like we were partners in this crime. Right. And you leave me in the lurch and you've done it to me multiple times. I know. I know. I do. You start yak mouthing. I do. I start yakking. You start yakking. And then I feel like I can't like gracefully get out of it. You have multiple times. No, I know. I've spent a lot more time at parties than I plan to because of you. Yeah, I know. And that's fair.

That is fair. I want to know that moving forward that we can work on this together. Yes. Yes, we can. Do you really apologize? Yeah. No, I would hate that if you were doing it to me. Okay. I'll think about forgiving you. Okay. Well, just that big black heart will just have to melt a little bit for me. I know. I know. I know. But listener, I want to thank you for tuning in.

to our podcast where we get stuff off of our chest. We get stuff off our chest with our friend Heather Dubrow, who is awesome. And I want to ask everybody, please DM us a voice memo on I've had it podcast on Instagram. And please, people, I'm going to ask you to do something really big here.

Pumps is a total thirst trapper. I'm talking dehydration beyond all recognition. She's always on those Apple charts looking at reviews that people write. And you people are just not writing them quick enough. It hurts her. She needs this motivation. So go give her a five-star review. And in the reviews on Apple Podcasts, tell us how much you love pumps to satisfy the thirst-trapping dehydration of pumps. I'm definitely always thirsty.

Yes, you are. That's the only true part of that. You are. We will see you when pumps next Tuesday or Thursday. Why do you talk so high? I don't know. That's my, um, sorority girl voice, sorority girl voice. Yeah. All right. See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday. Thanks.