Modest is Hottest
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. That was good. Did you notice that I went right after you? Did you? Yeah. Did you not even notice? Well, I was concentrating so hard. I just, I was so focused. You know how they say a superior athlete's so focused.

I was in my Tom Brady clap mode. There you go. Yeah. All right. All right. Meemaw. What have you had it with today, Meemaw? Had the worst experience and I've had it. When you're on a retail site and they say, do you want to chat? Normally I say, no, I don't want to chat. In this particular situation, I needed to chat because I needed to know what size I was. So I say, what size am I if I wear this size jean? Person comes back.

To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with? And I immediately think, why do you fucking care? We don't know each other. This isn't friendly. So I text back Angie, if I'm this size jean, what size belt am I? To which the response is, hi, Angie, how's your day going? And I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? We're not friends. We're not dating. This is not Tinder. This is, this is my jean size. What's my belt size?

So we have, I counted it up, four different texts about me and my day before I even get a response. And I'm assuming it's a computer. It's a robot. Yeah, it's a robot. So I know for a fact the robot doesn't give a flying frog's fat ass how my day is or what my name is. The icing on the cake of this conversation that took entirely too long is

was that I got sent the wrong belt size, which I ordered. I just ordered what the computer told me. Right. And we just had to take it up and had to have an extra hole put in it because it was too small. But what I, so my hat is I've had it with these retail chats that want to be best friends and make it a match.com Tinder situation when it's just, here's my question. I just need an answer. Full stop. We're not friends. I think that this goes to the larger point that I just miss talking to people.

Just, just how can I help you today? I'm a size this. What size belt do you think I should get? Right. I think it's this or anything else. But we go through now the robots are going through these extra pleasantries and the robots are incapable of landing the plane as well. Here's my thing. I am not pleasant. I am particularly not pleasant when I'm shopping. So the last thing I want to do is be pleasant with the robot online. I've had it.

I mean, it's just, it's too much to ask to be best friends with a robot when you're just trying to buy something. Were you mean to the robot? Did you care on the robot? Well, I just kept saying, what's my belt size? But it just irritates the shit out of me. Because now I'm like, number one, I should have just, for all the time it took me to exchange pleasantries with the robot, I could have just gotten a tape measure out and done the math.

But I didn't because I thought it'd be quicker. So are you mad at you or are you mad at the robot? I'm mad at the robot. But as I talk about it, I'm getting mad at me. You're going to Karen yourself? I'm going to Karen myself. Just get your fat ass up, Angie. Get the tape measure. I think it would be more effective if you said, get your fat ass up, Meemaw. Meemaw. Listen up, you old hag. You old bitch. Get up. Get your tape measure out. And just do it. Yeah. All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay.

I'm probably going to get a lot of blowback from this, but I'm just, it's been, it's been sitting in my craw for a while and I've just decided to come out with it. Okay. Oh yeah. That's my happy place. I haven't heard that in a while, but you're so right. I have had it. I have had it up to my eyeballs with people identifying me.

a specific geographical location as their happy place. Because I've started to notice something. What? There's a common denominator among all of the happy placers. They're miserable when they're not in their happy place.

And they're miserable in their happy places. They're insufferable any way you look at it. Happy place, no happy place. Have you heard of people? I've heard of people say like, ice cream is my happy place. Have you heard that? Or is it just geographical? I've heard like things are their happy place. That's just another...

layer of this that I wasn't aware of. And that gives me an extra new thing to be mad about. So thank you for bringing that to my attention. Because if I heard somebody say ice cream is my happy place, I've heard it. I just, I don't know that there's a bottle of sedatives big enough to

You know, that's interesting, the happy place. That's been a long overlooked. I mean, we've been doing this podcast over a year and we're just now getting to the happy place. And here's the deal. It's ubiquitous. You get online, somebody goes to the lake and they do a picture and they post it and they put, I'm at my happy place. And then you'll be in conversation with somebody and then something comes up like, oh yeah, we go to Mexico. Oh, Mexico's my happy place. It's like, really?

I think you're kind of a cunt when you're not in a happy place. So probably don't want to go to your happy place with you. And here's the situation. Like, happy place, like, I just, I think it's dumb. I've had it with it. I don't like the phrase. I don't like the use of it. And I've noticed the people that use this word often.

or miserable to be around? I think that anytime you have to identify your happy place, you're probably miserable, even at your happy place. It's just a guess. But that would seem to make a lot of sense to me. Do you have a happy place? No. I have some favorite places that I like to frequent. And I like places like I like my bed.

That's one of my happy places, as it were. That's a great happy place. I mean, just snuggling in. Often overlooked happy place. Yes. I mean, the bed away from the happy place offenders. I'll tell you where my happy place is. My happy place is not being around people that use the phrase happy place. That's where I'm happiest.

I'm happiest in the spaces online where I don't see this is my happy place post. That's my happy place and that's my happy space. I've had it. Do you know what I would love so much? Is the next time you saw that, you said that.

I think it's like one of these catchphrases. Yeah. You know, like one of the catchphrases that's really big right now is everybody's, well, you know what really grinds my gears?

And I mean, I'm just like, I can't even get, I can't even get past because I'm like, okay, that's the new catchphrase now, the grind the gears. And so it's like this white woman phrase where it's like, oh yeah, I was at the restaurant the other day. And I mean, what really grinds my gears is when the waiter did it. And I just, I've had it with grind my gear. I've had it with happy places. One of these little buzz catchphrases, you know, who I guarantee you uses these phrases. Who? Stanley cup drinkers.

I guarantee you it's direct link. Direct link. I for sure, I just hate to tell you, maybe it's my age that everything comes back, but I've heard grind my gears. Like I think my mom said it when I was growing up. So it's recycled. So now it's back in pop culture. I've had it. I've just, I've had it. I think the happy place thing is stupid. I think that it's like this, I'm going to go to this place and I'm going to be really happy all the time.

There's no geographic cure for how miserable certain people are. No. There's no geographic solution to emotional problems. That's right, Pums. Because if there were, our podcast wouldn't exist. We would go to the happy place. We would leave and go. And be happy. We would go produce I'd Hit It podcast from our happy place. Oh my gosh, that would be great. That's a good... What are you hitting today? Well, I'm hitting everything today because I'm in my happy place. Yeah.

I got up this morning, I fucked my husband. I ran 10 miles. I just did hot yoga. And then I just ate an Asahi bowl and meditated because I'm in my happy place. Right. Nothing but happy thoughts. And I had a coffee with coffee art on top of it. And I posted that from my happy place Instagram account, drinking my happy coffee from my happy place. How about, and I took 27 solo pictures of myself.

with 47 filters to tell you how happy I am at my happy place. You know what? I have a great idea. Let's start making, posting, this is my unhappy place. Oh my gosh, that's a great idea. Yes. Like you're at your desk at work at my unhappy place.

Oh my gosh. That would blow up the internet, I feel like. At dinner with your husband, post a picture of him sitting across from you. Dinner at my unhappy place. Just had sex at my unhappy place.

I'm telling you. That's a winner right there. You know what? I've been doing these social media breaks where I document my social media break online. Right. I'm going to do an unhappy place series on my social media. I'm at my unhappy place. I think that's brilliant. I think that's great. Kylie, what do you think? I love it. I love it.

I think it's viral. Welcome to I've Had It podcast. We host this podcast from our unhappy place, the I've Had It podcast studios. I'm an unhappy host. My name is Jennifer. I'm Angie, also with an unhappy heart and happy place. And she is an unhappy meemaw. She is America's unhappiest meemaw. That's right. I am...

Hashtag unhappiest meemaw. That's right. That's right. Kylie's here with us today. Kylie, is this your unhappy place? Where we're at right now? Yeah. Yeah. How could it not be? I can't. Can you imagine? I mean, a job worse than Kylie's? No. I mean, I was thinking about it this weekend. I was telling a friend, like, I get so tired of my voice. I get so tired of your voice. Yes. How?

How on fucking earth? Yeah. Just Kylie sit in here and listen. I'll tell you what she does. And then she sit in here and edit. I mean, it would be the worst job on the planet. I'll tell you what she does. What? Subconsciously, she's able to like put hammer dog shit filters. It's kind of a fuck you ladies. That's right. That's her.

That's the revenge. You've got to do little coping mechanisms, you know, to get through it. Make us look like hammered dog shit. Right. So then, but you know, I will say it is kind of a gift. I was at a basketball game the other day and this, one of my son's basketball games, this lady comes up to me and she's like, oh my God, I'm a huge fan of the pod. I love it so much. I was like, oh, thank you for listening. She goes,

God, you look really great in person. And I was just like, God damn it, Kylie. But it's kind of a gift. I told you. Yeah, the expectation is so low. It's so low because I have people tell me that too. Like, I have no idea that I'm not ugly as a mad fence. Not saying I'm not, but they're surprised that I'm not as ugly as they thought I would be. And every time I think that fucking Kylie.

Listen up, I hipsters. That's your new name. Because if me, Ma, what are you? I'm the hip hippest grandma on the planet. Hipster. She's a hipster. So what I want you to do is start taking images of you in your unhappy place and tagging at I've had it podcast. Share with us. And I want to completely.

Take down. We are at war with I'm at my happy place. And I want to roll out the unhappy place to defeat the happy places. We're going to normalize an unhappy place. We're detoxing from happy places. That's right. We're detoxing. I like it. Kylie, what do you have in store for us today with this episode? So I think I'm going to switch it up a little bit. Okay. We got sent from a listener. She wrote some muck for you.

Don't delete. Do not edit that out. She wrote some Fuck, Marry, Kills for you guys. Okay. So, Meemaw, we'll go with you first. Okay. Fuck, Marry, Kill, Ben Shapiro, Tucker Carlson, Clarence Thomas. Ooh. Like, I really, like, my skin just crawled. Ooh, that's an excellent one. That's a great one. If you're going to play Fuck, Marry, Kill, you have to torture the person with it. It's got to be torturous. Okay. Okay.

My immediate gut reaction is you have to get, you have to kill Tucker Carlson. But then you have Clarence Thomas and Ben Shapiro left. So. This is such a layup. I can't believe you're this tortured by it. Who's the oldest one in that group? Clarence Thomas? Clarence Thomas. Duh. Okay. So marry him. I hate that. I hate the thought of it. I'm just going on record. I hate it. But he will die the soonest. I think, I think I'm going to fuck Ben Shapiro and just kill Tucker Carlson.

I mean, they should all be dead. I mean, they should all not be on the list to have sex with in any capacity. Here's what I would do in that situation. I'm killing Clarence immediately because... But he's the oldest. To save the world? To save the world. Biden would immediately get a pick. I'm killing Clarence. I am fucking...

Ben and a marrying Tucker. Oh, see, I just can't. I just can't. They're all bad choices. There's no good... But Clarence gets killed immediately. Here's the thing. He's obviously...

Browbeat by his wife, I think. I mean, she's a nut, nut, nut, nut, nut. And he buys into it. So maybe I could browbeat him and bring him to sanity, maybe? I think it's just an opportunity to save so many more people. I just hate Tucker Carlson. Well, who doesn't? No, I know. That doesn't put me in a small group. I mean, everybody hates Tucker Carlson. Yeah, I mean, I hate Ben Shapiro.

Shapiro too. Everybody hates Ben Shapiro too. Everybody hates Ben Shapiro. They're the most unlikable, unfuckable, unmarriable people on the planet. But for America, you got to take out Clarence. I mean, it's just a, it's a layup. I was shocked it took you that long. If you're a patriot. Patriots. Patriot. Take out Clarence immediately. All right, Kylie, who's mine? I got three that are, that are runner ups for least fuckable people in the world. Jen,

Jerry Falwell Jr. Okay. Mike Lindell. Okay. Joel Olsteen. Okay. These are great, by the way. I'm killing Joel because at least maybe some of these old people that give their money to him can keep onto it a little bit and they can quit getting grifted.

And I oppose the expansion of evangelical Christianity with everything in me. I think it does nothing but harm the country and its followers. So Joel is dead. I'm going to fuck Mike Lindell on my pillow. Yeah, it has to be on it. I'm going to use a pillow.

Over my head. Over his head. I'm fucking Mike Lindell and I'm marrying Falwell Jr. because I kind of think he's gay. I don't think I'd have to fuck him very often. He'd let you fuck the pool boy. You could fuck – Exactly. Jerry Falwell Jr., I can do whatever I want to. As long as he gets to watch. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a – I mean, I feel like yours is easier than mine. Yeah.

Yeah. I wasn't that tortured by yours. I mean, it was an immediate no-brainer. Clarence is gone. Get a new appointee in there ASAP. I'm clearly a lot more patriotic than you are, but that's neither here nor there, Meemaw. Just a selfish Karen over there fighting with robots in your unhappy place. That's right. All right. All right. Speaking of evangelicals. Yes. We got sent a very alarming story. Okay. So I'm going to read this article to you. It's titled...

How Evangelicals Use Digital Surveillance to Target the Unconverted. So there's an app called Bless Every Home, which has been backed by some of the biggest names in evangelical circles. And it's mapping the personal information of immigrants and non-Christians in a bid to conduct door-to-door religious conversions...

and prayer walking rituals through their neighborhoods. Oh my God. It puts a lot of features at the fingertips of the faithful, including the ability to filter whole neighborhoods by religion, ethnicity, Hispanic country of origin, assimilation, and whether there are children living in the household or not.

How do they get this information I want to know? That's creepy. Here's the problem with evangelical Christianity is it is incredibly toxic. It goes against everything. If you're trying to get your life in order and find serenity and stay in your lane and mind your own business, it goes against everything your therapist would tell you to do.

It tells you to get up in people's business, that it is your business. It tells you to get up in what they're doing with their kids. It advises overt toxic behavior. And here's the thing about it too. They don't really care about how the person behaves. They just want the person to say, I accept Jesus. That's the bar. That's it. There's no plan beyond that to make people...

better people. It's just this conversion rate. It's a racket. It's a total racket. I remember one time my nephew was over at my house. He's a federal agent and not religious. Nobody in my family is really religious. Great guy. And these guys come to our door. It looks like probably like a, I don't know, maybe a 60 year old, maybe a 40 year old. And I have a kind of a glass door and

They come to the door and I look and I said to my nephew, I go, well, you go get it. It's two weird guys at my door. He goes, yeah, I'll go get it. And all I hear is my nephew going, look, buddy, you came to the wrong house.

I love that. Which then I think, per this article, they're just mining more information, you know, about, you know, the person at this address. You need to hit her twice a week. Yeah. And I mean, at the end of the day, it's really nobody's business, but they believe that

that it's divinely their business. So they act with this invisible power that they believe has been given to them, that they are allowed to be toxic and they are allowed to get into other people's business. Like I'll tell you another example of this kind of crap. So my son plays basketball.

And there's this group me with all these parents and some of the parents, you know, we live in Oklahoma. They're super, super religious. So it's like, hey, parents, let's get together and pray over the team and lift the team up in prayer before the games and blah, blah, blah. Of course, I just ignore it. And I'm just kind of mad that that's even in there because I'm like, if you want to do that, do it. But why are you why is this a deal?

So anyway, basketball season starts. Parents, religious parents are meeting, lifting the kids up in prayer. They go on this losing streak, right? So Josh Welch would always say, God, you know, I know the parents were doing the lift the players up in prayer. You think maybe they need to start doing two a day? Clearly they're not doing enough. All right. Listen, Patriots, we have a guest today.

And her name is Caroline Banowitz. She is a comedian, a singer, a writer, and an actress. And she's performing stand-up all around New York City. She's apparently hilarious. We met her once in New York. And so we thought it'd be fun to have her on the show to hear what she's had it with. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? No.

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

Pumps, how's your sock drawer looking? Scary. Well, let me tell you, I think it might be time for a spring cleaning and refresh. Great news for you. Bombas, your favorite sock brand, has just dropped a bunch of absurdly soft new socks, tees, and underwear to help you get that drawer in a better place. What's the news?

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I love their socks. They are so cozy. It's like walking on a cloud. I love, love, love them. Listener, get comfy this spring and get back with Bombas. Head over to bombas.com slash had it and use the code had it for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash had it and use the code had it at checkout. All right, Caroline Banowitz, how are you today? Welcome to I've Had It.

Thank you for having me. How are you guys? We are great. We wanted to, we were just reviewing some information about you. Okay. And we are very intrigued by homeschooling and homeschooling culture. And you're from Texas. Oh, yeah.

So tell us about being homeschooled. What grades? Was that your whole life? My whole life until college. So I did go to, I went to, I went to Oklahoma City University. Oh, that's where we live. Freshman. Yes, right over there. So, which was great. I went there for my college years and

But yeah, no, every grade, whole thing, homeschool prom, homeschool homecoming, homeschool Christian basketball team. So did you co-op classes or was it just you and your house? And did you have siblings? I have four siblings.

Um, so you like, and we were like, you know, maybe even like one of the smaller families, like most people had way more siblings. Um, we kind of did it all. So there are, there's like online, um,

that you'll buy. When I say online, it's like you bought like the VHSs or the DVDs. Was this the IBLP curriculum? No, it's not. But I am familiar with it. And I do know people whose parents like were a part of it or trying to be a part of it. They had such intense rules. Like you actually couldn't apply unless you had a certain amount of kids. Right.

But I will remember when I watched shiny, happy people, the, the diagram where it's like the umbrella and it's like, God, the father, as in the man in the family, and then the mom and then the kids like that umbrella. I had seen that before I'd seen that. And I'd seen things about the modesty. Like I had recognized that.

those things. So I have seen those. So what I say, if you've seen that documentary, Shiny Happy People, I'm like the light version of that. I'm the diet version. Did you learn evolution in your homeschooling? So were you homeschooled for religious reasons? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like in my, I homeschooling became legal, like

When my oldest sister was starting pre-K. So like we're like the first generation of homeschool or became legal in Texas where I'm from. We're like the first generation of homeschooled kids from Texas. Well, so that was that weird going to college and you're around all these other people and you're living on your own. That had to be a huge shock. It was such a shock. And like, I, I like, I went to a smaller school and like, I, I almost like,

can't believe that I was unleashed on like the kids at my school. Like I don't like, I'm not like, like I, I, I, I'm not super close with anyone. I went to call it. Well, I am, I am close with people I went to college with, but I'm not super close with like a bunch. I also went to a smaller school, but I am like, wait, you guys, was I great? Like, I need to know that. Did you guys know I was crazy and I hadn't unpacked everything yet? Or were you guys just like dealing with this kid? But also everyone's kind of crazy. Like, yeah.

But no, I was in the car with my boyfriend. My boyfriend has a car. I just, not to flex. So I was like, so my boyfriend does have a car. I was in the car with my boyfriend who has a car. And he said something about like, it's so crazy that at the creationism museum that they believe that like dinosaurs and human beings were alive at the same time. Right. And I, now I am 27 years old.

And it never crossed my mind that they wouldn't have been alive at the same time. That's wild. It never crossed my mind.

Because I was never taught evolution. Right. It was by design you didn't cross your mind. Nor were you taught a timeline wherein the earth is billions of years old and not 5,000 to 6,000 years old. You know, like that's the thing is like there's not like that kind of thinking isn't in. It's like not the critical thinking that we learned. So we live in Oklahoma City. So we live around like a lot of evangelical Christianity. And I think it's nuts.

But what goes even further is this homeschooled, like you only get one worldview. So you get that worldview. And then you go to college to this exotic place, Oklahoma City, as I can only imagine that it felt like at the time on Northwest 23rd Street. I know exactly where you went to school. Of course. Did you go fucking wild there?

Um, okay. So I feel like, I feel like I didn't even scratch the surface of like my worldview beliefs wrong in college. It's more things like, oh, it's okay to be gay. Um, like, oh, my friend is like having sex. Like it was more of like those like core things that were like, or, oh, it's okay to drink. Can you drink things like that? So I didn't go like nuts. I think like I, I

It was really hard on like shame and like guilt and like probably those that's like the trauma I think that I struggled with in college. I like that's why I'm kind of like I don't even think kids I went to school with

And maybe they did and maybe they were being really nice to me, but I would have thought I was so crazy, but I don't even think I realized how crazy I was. So I didn't go crazy. I feel like I was pretty tame, but I was still like a fun hang. I was a fun hang. See, I had kind of the same experience. I went to college and I was like,

Oh, you can have sex? Like, I wasn't homeschooled, but it was a super religious, like, purity culture, the whole nine. So it's like, oh. Modest is hottest. Right. I mean.

Hottest is hottest. So this is, we'll get to what you've had it with in a little bit, but this is something that we're so interested in. So you go to college and you realize, oh my gosh, so people can have sex. And what, did you take a biology class at college? When did, when did that kind of, cause that's what's so fascinating to me. Like somebody can be raised without that idea of,

Not the idea, the fact that we evolved and that the earth is old and that your whole childhood was void of any of those facts is fascinating to me. Yeah, I think like, okay, I was a music major and I don't think I needed to take, I think my science credit was like a lab. Like it was like not like,

It wasn't a biology class where I would have had to deal with confronting that. But I will say there was a friend who had gotten chlamydia while I was at school. And I thought they were going to die. I was like, oh my God, not an STD? You're going to die. Right. But biology, no. I do remember I gave a presentations in a world religions class where I talked about Noah's Ark.

And I talked about it as if it was a historical event. And my teacher gave me like a lesser grade because she was saying like some of this is metaphorical. And I was like, no, this is all literal. I was like, what are you talking about? But I was a musical theater major. So it was mostly just like, you know, singing and dancing. How did this unravel that you had been

raised in this kind of world where you were presented things that are facts that are not facts. Totally. I think like a lot of it was like mental health stuff. Like I, so I like really struggled with, um, not to be a downer, but I really struggled with like depression and stuff. And when I would like go to my mom or like go, I had like a mentor here in the city when I'd go to them and like, be like, I'm really struggling. They were like, you know, pray. Yeah.

Just pray. Let me ask you this. Do you think that your depression and stuff was a symptom of suffering from religious trauma? I do. I do feel that way because it's like it is so much judgment. It's like everything you do wrong. And I remember even like I wanted to be a singer and an actor when I grew up. And I remember talking to my mom in the car and asking, like, is it sinful that Selena Gomez is?

is a singer and a Christian, but she's not singing Christian music. And it's like, it's, I don't know. It's like, everything has to be right. And you have to be doing, if that makes sense, like why a kid should just be able to listen to Selena Gomez and have fun. No problem. Right. It's, I always say like, um, I don't always say like, I have a joke that's, uh, you know, I love God, but the Bible is God's word. And you know, I'm 27. I stopped taking men at their word a long time ago. You know what I mean? Cause it's just not making sense. Yeah.

That's good, Caroline. That is great. I'm sorry. Like, so much is not making sense. I like that you're a comedy show because I really feel like

something that's going to start really coming out is you have all these mega churches that popped up in the 80s when Pumps and I were growing up and you saw them and now people are really starting to see what a grift these are and what a con show they are. And then you have the largest growing religious domination in the United States right now. And it is none people who identify as none. And I think coming out of this,

in the world of the nuns that are coming out, not N-U-N, but N-O-N-E-S, that there's going to be a lot of therapy and a lot of conversations centered around people like you and Pumps that were raised in a very dogmatic black and white worldview where shame and emotional blackmail ruled. Because there's no way that you can do that to kids without there being damage. We talk about emotional abuse with a husband.

But we don't talk about emotional abuse with a church or a religion. And it really is abusive to tell people that they're dirty or if they masturbate, that that's the devil and it's sin. Like I remember my high school boyfriend, his parents were real big Bible thumpers.

And of course we're having sex. And he had all this shame and his mom had caught him masturbating one time and she just shamed him, told him it was the devil. This is like a 16 year old kid. Of course he's beaten off. Yeah. Find me one that doesn't. Yeah. I completely agree. I think it's really corrupt. I think like, uh, organized, it's like hard with churches too. Cause I think like so much of the organized, um,

like religion is corrupt. And you see these documentaries about the churches. And the other one that really makes me sad is these really young marriages. And it's like, well, they're both, they're both Christians. So like, you know, he's a God honoring man. Like she can't be in danger. He can't be abusive. Like let's have, let's have five kids before we're 25. Right. I always think when people get married super young, I'm like, okay, so they wanted to get married to have sex and

Yes, of course. And then I think, you know, before they both even figure out who they are, they're going to have kids and they're going to be stuck. I mean, it has the ability to put someone in a – I mean, not saying it always does, but just I worry for people that get married so young with zero life experience and then you go through life experiences and you're like, maybe this wasn't for me, but you're stuck. I mean, you're already in. It'd be, you know, a sin to get a divorce and all that. Yeah.

I also just like, it's sad. Like there's so much of their life they're missing out on. Like, but I'm sure they look at us and they're like, how sad, but I don't know. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not hurting anyone. Right. I'm minding my own fucking business.

Like, I don't give a shit what you do. And I'm sorry, but like, where's you came? Normally we like to talk about stuff we've had it with, but Pumps and I are so wildly interested in homeschooling, bizarrely interested in it. Anything you need. We read your bio and it's like homeschooled in Texas. This sounds like some fucked up Christian shit. Let's go.

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Ask your doctor about Addi today. That's addi.com. Okay, so let's play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it.

I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay. You live in New York City now, right? Mm-hmm. From homeschool to the big city. No shit. All right. Had it or hit it, the subway? Oh, I've had it. Really? I've had it because, listen, delays, they're never on time.

And they're dirty. But I it's it's like it's like a fixer upper. It's like, you know, it's like a boyfriend that I'm not going to give up on. So I've had it with the subway. But I do I will always be on the subway. And I until I make it really big and then you'll never see me again. I'll be in an Uber. OK. Had it or hit it. QR codes. Oh, had it. Had it. My phone's always dead.

My phone's always dead. So I can't, I can't, I need a menu. I like, I can't, I, my phone is always, always dead. I hate that. I hate the QR code menu, but here's my question. Kylie, our producer, she's also your age, millennial.

why the fuck are you people not charging your phone at night when you're asleep? There's no excuse for it. So many times Kylie's like dead phone at 7 a.m. I'm like, how does this happen? You're the smart people. Yes.

Well, that's why I think that like maybe we just need to get that chip, that Elon chip. So, yeah, I mean, I could plug in my phone or I could just get like a Neuralink brain surgery. But yeah, I don't know why we don't charge our phone. It just doesn't feel right. It's not. Hey, it's not the vibe, as the kids say. Yeah.

Okay. Had it or hit it, Beyonce. Oh, hit it. I'd hit it. I'd hit it every way. Every day. Every day. I love her. I think it's so great too that she has like the number one country song. Love it. I love that. Yeah. I love it too. I think Beyonce, you could never, she's amazing. She really does it all. She does. Okay. Had it or hit it, gold diggers. Mm-hmm.

I'm going to say hit it because I think, I think, I think, you know what? I think gold diggers is usually referred to as a women. And I think women have had enough. You know what I mean? Too much judgment. So hit it girl. Also, they're usually gorgeous and beautiful. So hit it. But, um, I will say like, there's nothing like having your own money. Yeah. Agree.

Yeah. There's nothing like having your own money, but, um, if you're a gold digger, you're having to earn every penny. That's what I was just going to say. Yeah. That's so true. I think the bank account should be in your name for sure. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it. Alpha males. Had it. I need a, I need a, no, I don't want an alpha. I don't. I'm the alpha. I really am. I think I would rather have like

A sweet baby boy. Yeah, no, I've had enough of them. I think their podcast clips are truly painful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I think they thrive in a male-dominated place, so like America. For example...

For example, America or anywhere else. But yeah, no, I'm done. I don't mind an alpha male. I mind a male telling me he's an alpha male. I think that's a red flag, like a huge red flag. If you're telling me you're an alpha male, I'm out. Run, run, run. I agree. I think I've had it with the, it would just have to do with the right wing political spectrum where you have the Josh Hawleys, the Ted Cruz's.

you know, Don Jr., Don Fuckface Jr. And they're like, masculinity is under attack and blah, blah, blah. That breed of alpha males where they're not really alpha males, they're incredibly insecure men. I've had it with, but like a full-blown, like,

I don't think there's anything sexier than maybe like a guy that maybe is pretty masculine kind of cowboy, but he's totally like pro-gay, liberal and totally comfortable with himself. That to me is like more alpha male than these guys that are like...

what do you mean a trans? What do you mean I'm sharing the same bathroom? That just kind of like cowboy affect. I hate that. I think like someone said this to me one time and it's so true is like that, like alpha male, like complaining that masculinity is under attack. They're just pissed off that they're not getting laid. Like no man who like is have has female attention feels that strongly that masculinity is

is being, you know what I mean? Like if you, you are, you're projecting. Yeah, totally true. I agree. Okay. Last one. Had it or hid it. Donald Trump. Bro, I've had it. Had it. Speaking of alpha males that aren't. Those shoes. Fashion police, the police and the fashion police. I've had it. I'm ready for some new blood. Yeah. Yeah.

He's so last election. He's so last season. Yeah, and a criminal and a fascist and a lot of other things. Yeah, the sexual abuser. We've actually had it. Yeah, we're out. We've had it with Donald Trump. We're out. Yeah. Caroline, I cannot thank you enough. There's such a surprise that you were homeschooled and so willing to talk about it and have seen the light beyond that and to share that.

your, I hate this word, but it really, in your instance, it kind of is a journey from the homeschool of Texas to New York City, independent female, you know, on stage comedy tour. It's really cool. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And I really appreciate like how you guys, first of all, are interested. And also like you come to it with such empathy and like intelligence. And I'm a big fan.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. We're not called intelligent that often. So very rarely. It's just because we're girls. It's just because we're women. That's right. Caroline, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it. Enjoyed it. Great to see you again. Thank you guys. Bye.

Okay. I thought Caroline was just, I thought that was really interesting. She was absolutely a delight. What about that? She goes to college and she presents a speech on Noah's Ark as though it was a historical event. You're laughing about that. I lived it.

So that doesn't even remotely surprise me. It's just wild. When you are not raised around it and you see that people believe it literally, it's wild. It'd be the equivalent of like to anybody who's religious still hanging on to this episode. If you saw somebody...

that believed in Greek mythology. Right. That's how it feels to me. But you're just taught your whole life. That's what it is. And you don't question it. Yeah. There's just no thing. You don't get to think about it until you get out of it. I do think a larger conversation to be started and people can comment and send us your feedback on this. I do think that there is a mass group of people around the United States right now who have psychological, mental issues.

residue and damage from religious abuse. And it doesn't mean that their parents meant to intended to harm them, but

by virtue of believing such a punitive belief system. I think a lot of people are suffering from the aftermath of this or in it and don't feel good about themselves, don't feel good about their marriages, don't feel good about their friends because they live in this spiritual warfare, kind of like faux reality world. And they know something's off about it. And I just think there's going to be a whole...

need in the therapeutic realm to help treat these people and let them know that they're okay and that there's nothing wrong with them and there's not a gaggle of demons running around that are invisible trying to ruin their lives. I think anytime you have that much judgment and shame baked into one cake, you're going to have problems. It's just you cannot escape it. It's unavoidable. So I don't know that you're wrong.

All right. Well, listeners, join us for the after show right now on Patreon. It is our unhappiest place on the planet. And join us for that shit tour. Buy our merch and pumps. Tell them we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.