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This episode is sponsored by Simply Safe. I've had it listeners can get a special 20% off any Simply Safe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. There's no safe like Simply Safe. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Nailed it. Excellent. Listener,
Pumps is still struggling with her sore throat, so you might hear some rattling and chomping, and that is her throat lozenge. I know, it's so gross. So that she can deliver the star quality stardom that our listeners have become accustomed to and tune in for. That's right. So there's that rattling of that lozenge. I know, I'm sorry. You're a lozenge rattler. Like an 80-year-old woman. You are older. You are older.
What have you had it with, Miss 80-year-old woman? Okay, I'm so glad you asked. Good. Because I've had it with something you do. Oh, good. So let me paint this picture for you, listener. Okay. You go out somewhere with Jennifer. She does not activate keyless entry. She walks around her car. She gets in her car. She gets herself settled. She puts her phone up. And all the while, you're standing waiting for her to unlock the car.
If it's 110 degrees or minus 50 degrees, you're just waiting for it. And sometimes she even forgets. Yeah, that's a dick. Then you have to like knock on the window. So I've had it with you not using keyless entry. Okay, here's the deal. I do use keyless entry. Never with me. Let me finish. Okay. I use keyless entry, but it unlocks the driver door only as I approach. You can push it twice.
No, because it's in my purse. I don't even have it. It senses. It's a sensor keyless. I know. I don't have to push a button. But you know what I do when I have guests and passengers? I take that out of my purse. Right. And I double click it. Well, I don't think there's any question that you're far more considerate.
And selfless and just a better driver and just a better hostess in your vehicle. Right. Than I am. So, I mean, we can, Joe Estrada, you can let the permanent record reflect that Pumps is a better hostess, car hostess than Jennifer. Thank you. More selfless, more empathetic.
uh more star quality in her car not only on the pod but also in the car but that is a huge dick over yeah i do do that i would have had it with me for that as well yeah because josh does the exact same thing to me and i have it when he does it so i feel your pain and i'm going to tell you this you're not going to change i fucked around i found out i'm going to be better
I'm going to put in, I'm going to put in, I'm going to make some mental notes when driving pumps. I am going to full blown lessee open the door for you.
Get you in, fasten your seatbelt, close the door. I'm going to do, I have on my, my smartphone. I can start my car in advance. Cool it down. Yeah. You won't even believe the about face that's about to happen. Oh, I'm so ready for it. I'm going to rectify a fucked up. I'm going to rectify because that's how important you are to me. And the comfort of you being in my car and wanting to be with me is that it will be a top priority for me personally. Yeah.
to change this behavior.
because I love you. Oh, well, I love you too. Thank you. I look forward to our next outing. You're welcome. Anything else I can help you with today? That's it. That's it. You've just made all my dreams come true already. Thank you for tuning in to I've Had It. Efficient problem solvers, empathetic. You got a problem, I fucking fix that shit. That's right. Rectify. Rectify. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I will do better. You're welcome. Listener, this has been a masterclass on conflict resolution skills among friends.
Okay. Thank you for coming to our TED Talk. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay. There's been a huge oversight on our part. Oh. Huge oversight. We've discussed public restrooms. We've discussed airplane and airport culture. Right. Okay. We've beat that dead horse. I mean, that motherfucker's had 25 funerals. We've beat both instances so hard. Right. But we have been remiss, my friend. Right.
in discussing airplane bathroom etiquette. Oh, God. You killed her. I'm dying. She's dead. No, that's true. So let me unpack this for you. Let me paint the picture because everybody's going to be able to identify with this. When you live in a city like Oklahoma City, which isn't like a New York, Philly, or Seattle,
You have these smaller, what they call regional jets that take you into your city. They're not big, you know. 747s or whatever. No, they're little planes. And oftentimes these jets, smaller regional jets, only have one potty in the very back of the airplane. Yes. So that means that men use it.
Women use it. The pilots use it. The flight attendants use it. Everybody on that airplane uses that one hole. Right. And so here's what I don't understand because I try to leave the airplane bathroom in a manner in which I would like to receive it. Agree. Okay. Oftentimes I get on this little tiny airplane bathroom, which is a Petri dish, um,
Of epic proportions. I mean, it is the breeding grounds of probably the very next 15 pandemics. Yes. Are being bred right now in those airplanes. COVID, everybody thinks China did it. I guarantee you it was a regional jet airplane bathroom. I'd have to agree. On its way to Oklahoma City. So I walk in, you know, and you know how those airplane sinks, you wash your hands and then the water stays in it and you have to self-drain. Yes.
I walk in, much to my surprise, the sink is a goddamn mess. Nobody's drained it. That's happened to me. It's the worst. Nobody's drained it. Splash marks all over the place. Toilet seat, the lid is up. The seat is up. You can tell there's just a big ruckus going on. Toilet paper strung all over the place. The paper towels aren't properly in there. So I have to first, before I can relieve myself...
Do the other person's work for them. I have to take their job over the finish line before I can even start my job. You have to, because you don't know. I got to get, I got to drain the sink, wipe it down, wipe the countertop, wipe the lid, wipe the seat, get all the tissues in order, get everything in order. And then I can begin. And then I do my thing. I wash my hands, the sink's full, and then I have to do it all over again. And I leave the bathroom, the airplane bathroom,
with the seat down. I agree. It's completely down. Nobody's going to walk in and see that hole on my watch. No, nobody's going to see a sink full of water on my watch. Nobody's going to see the hand towels half in half out on my watch. It takes all of five seconds. Just go ahead and take your hand and push those in there neatly. And everybody is just horrible on these airplane bathrooms. And I have fucking had it. The
the trash like people had stuff you know it all you have to do is like push it back a little bit and it drops in a hole a half in half out a half in a half out i'm just like it's not that hard i'd forgotten about that one just push it all the way totally forgot about the half-ass thrower awayers i can't stand it take it over the fucking finish line and here's the situation listener
You know when you're waiting in line who comes out. Yes. And then more than likely you're going to pass them. Right. And you're going to see them. So people know. Whereas a public restroom, you have no idea what monster left it in disarray. You can't pick it out of a crowd. But you're stuck 20,000 plus feet. With that person. Above the earth. And you know who it is. Yeah. And so I want to talk about remedies. I don't know what the remedy is other than like.
The flight attendant taking a peekaboo before they let you out. I don't want to put that burden on the flight attendant. I'm wanting to go a little bit more. I'm wanting to go a little bit sassier here. I'm not wanting to snitch. You like to go to the flight attendants and snitch. And I want to go for the permanent record. I'm not a snitch. Pumps is the snitch.
I'm kind of thinking something like this. Okay. I go out, I clean the person's mess. I take care of my business. So then I'm thinking, okay, I've waited on, let's say her name is Debbie. I've waited on Debbie. She leaves it in complete disarray. And as I'm walking back down the aisle, I could evil eye Debbie and go, Debbie, just out of curiosity, is your home bathroom that messy?
Because I went in after you and it was a goddamn shit show. It was a pigsty of epic proportions. And I'm certain that COVID-2023 is breeding in there. What do you have to say for yourself? Or you could just like open the door up and go, hey, fat ass that just left the bathroom, come clean up your shit.
There we go. I mean, that's an option. This is what happens. This is what happens when you fly a lot. You know, see, the thing is, listener, I would never confront Debbie, but I love a fantasy ash chew. I love a fantasy ash chew. I love to chew people out in my mind. A fantasy ash chew where you just rip somebody up and down in your mind. It's so satisfying. And I thought, you know, this is a place where we can fantasy ash chew together. Yes, I know. I'm a huge fan.
huge believer in fantasy hashtoos. Fantasy hashtoos are so satisfying. Kylie, do you fantasy hashtoo? Of course. Oh, yeah. Like out loud in the car, out loud in the shower. Yeah. You know, yeah. Do you ever do it to us? No, never. Our 28 year old mom would never do that to us. Welcome to I've had it.
where fantasy ashtews are welcome, supported, nurtured, hugged, and petted on. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star. First off, I want to say, I have never in my whole life been in an airplane bathroom. What? I've avoided it. I stay dehydrated on purpose. Okay.
I can go four hours, five hours on that flight. Never step foot in an airplane bathroom. That's impressive. Thank you. Hang on. I want to explore. I like this. Staying dehydrated on purpose when traveling. Yeah. And all the time for me. It's all that coffee. I like it. This is a huge reaction, I think, to the...
big water bottle community people that we bash about all the time, you and me. I'm the opposite. Yeah, you're definitely the opposite. Yeah. I love it. Dehydration by design. Yeah. Fuck you, hydrated people.
She's getting dehydrated on purpose. The opposite of thirst trapping. The opposite of thirsty. Listen up, listener. We're going to teach you a lot of life skills here. That's a good one. A lot. Clean that fucking airplane bathroom. Yeah. And by God, to avoid it altogether, dehydrate yourself entirely. We are talking Sahara desert dehydration. Put it in the permanent record. We support it. Yeah.
We're going to have to put a health disclaimer after this. Yeah, no shit. Oh, don't you know people? That is so dangerous. I'm so worried about Kylie's kidneys. It's just going to be the comments. It's just like, quit taking this so seriously. All right. Do you want to hear something on social? Yes. Yeah. So we posted a video ragging on America Instagram mom culture. Oh, yeah. As you recall. Yeah. We got a comment from Dirty D. She said,
Sorry you're 173 years old and you've forgotten what being a new mother is like and the internet didn't exist in the year 18 AD.
You know what's so good about these comments is you immediately know that she posted a video saying thank you little McKaylee Lou Jasmine. Yes. Cherry pop. All spelled fucked up. For picking me to be your mother. For choosing me. You 1000% know like she just identified herself. Dirty D. We know that you are trying to skirt raw dogging. She's a raw dog skirter.
It's a raw dog skirter. And I want to make a list of those people who are the raw dog skirters because we know you raw dog dirty D. I've had clients that in paternity cases where they're like, I'm not the dad. Like we did not have sex. I'm like, okay, well, the test will tell us. And then turns out he is the dad.
It's like, well, you were raw dogging. You raw dogged. Because that just can't happen. Dirty D, you know what? Dirty D was probably doing some reverse cowgirl pegging shit because she got especially triggered by that video. So we know that it was, I mean, a porn level performance that she conceived Mackenzie Lou. We know it. Immediately, Dirty D, we know what you did.
And we support it. Go for it. Sorry that you don't. Thank you for that, Kylie. Okay, so our guest today. Okay.
So this is something that, you know that show Gossip Girl? Yeah. So like the thing of it is like somebody is sending all this gossip out, right? There's a real life gossip girl on the internet. Really? Yes. What does she gossip about? Celebrity shit. Oh. Okay. And like so people send her stuff.
photographs of like, maybe here's Tom Brady and Kim Kardashian. Okay. And they're at some party where, and they send it and then she releases it. Okay. And she has like 2 million followers. Wow. I know. So we're going to get to the bottom of all this. I have a lot of questions. Yeah. I've never heard of such a thing. Her name is Deux Moi. Deux Moi. Deux Moi.
I have too big of an accent to say it. Say it again, Pumps. D'ye moi. D'ye moi. Good job. Okay, without further ado. Couldn't help myself. I was so teed up. We just crack ourselves up. Oh my God. No wonder you guys like this podcast. We're fucking hilarious. Oh my God. Let's get d'ye moi. This episode is sponsored by Simply Safe. I'm telling you, Pumps.
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I'm so good. Thank you for having me. I'm a little bit like fangirling right now. I'm not going to lie. I love this clandestine meeting where you just... I do too. I feel like we're kind of naughty. Okay. So here's what we're going to do before we get into our brand of just world-class shit talking. Okay. Pumps has been on Instagram less than one calendar year. Okay. So she doesn't know, as we say in Oklahoma, come here from Sikkim on the internet. Okay. So...
I want you to explain to her and to our listener all about this Dumois account and what it is and what you do and why we are meeting on such clandestine terms. Okay. Well, it's an Instagram account that started during quarantine. The account grew rapidly.
Like, very quickly, I would say by the end of the year, you know, it had like probably almost half a million followers, maybe almost a million, just by word of mouth. And people, you know, were submitting emails.
Any type of gossip, any type of encounter, any type of intel they had about celebrities. And I will say like in the beginning, it was a little bit like wild, wild west on my account. Like I was posting everything. Okay. Before we get into what you've had it with, I want to, so I can better understand this. Let's say that Kylie, our producer messaged Du Mois a,
a note that or a DM that was like, I think Jen and pumps are full blown lesbians. I think Jen is cheating on Josh. I'm a hundred percent sure they're fucking. And then send a picture of like me and pumps hugging. Do you immediately post or is there any vetting?
Well, it's a great, it's a great one, which I mean, okay, this is, I mean, people would care, but I mean, you know, for our listeners, it would be quite the tea. No. Yeah. So, um, in this specific instance that you're giving, I would not post because I don't talk about people's sexuality. So unless you guys both were like, Hey, we're bisexual or we're lesbians. Right. Um, I would not post it, but, but if you guys,
had
spoke about liking women or being with women in the past on your podcast, then yeah, maybe I would. So we have extensively. About me being, they want me to become a lesbian. Extensively. Oh, okay. Then. Pumps has had one erotic dream her entire life and it was with a female basketball player. We've talked about this multiple times. I don't want to belabor it, but I just think it's very compelling. Do, what have you had it with? So I made all my, I've had it celebrity focused. Okay, excellent.
since that's what I have to deal with on a daily basis. And the first one that I've had it with, like up to my ears, I can't stand it when celebrities post cryptic quotes on their Instagram stories. And then all the fans start freaking out. What does this mean? What is this about? Are they, you know, are they breaking up? Like, who are they talking about? I can't stand it. No, I agree. It's like you want attention. So you throw it out there, but you want to be a secret. So everybody will ask.
And this is epidemic from celebrity all the way down to, you know, your fucked up neighbor, Becky, you know, who does this grandstanding secretors. Grandstanding secretors. So when you have celebrities that are doing this and they're posting something cryptic, like that they're going to have a stage five meltdown, which we're all chomping at the bit, getting our needles ready to inject it right into the veins. Yeah.
And then it ends up being a nothing burger most of the time. Or you just never find out what it's about. Like my favorite ones are when they post about betrayal. Like a quote about like someone betraying them and everyone starts messaging me like, dude, what is this about? Dude, that's what people call me since I'm anonymous. They call me do for DeMois. What is this about? What are they talking about? And I'm like, I don't fucking can I curse? Yeah. Oh, yes. I don't fucking know. I have no fucking idea what they're fucking talking about.
It happens all the time. I can't stand it. Either just say what you want to say or don't post it because you know what you're doing. Especially with the celebrity. They absolutely know everyone's going to freak out. I'll tell you what I've had it with on that particular subject is when people like we're getting a divorce and
Then they do a little grandstanding. And then they're like, but we want privacy. Oh, my God. Yes. That's my next one. That's my next one. Yes. Celebs that post all about their relationship throughout the relationship. And then when they break up, they're like, can you please respect our privacy? Right. Like you blew that a long time ago. My favorite is when it's like reality. Like we were on a reality show yesterday.
several years ago. And so when you sign up to do that, you're signing up to put it out there. It's not like you're an actor that has the skill that you're honing and then you go back into your hole and live this private life and, you know, go, you know, to environmental marches and all this stuff in your spare time in third world countries. I mean, when you sign up to be on a reality show, you're fucking out there. And,
And it's just unbelievable when the, you know, the wedding was on TV, the engagement was on TV, the gender reveal was on TV, all this shit's on TV. And then there's this huge scandalous breakup and it's like,
please respect our privacy. And I'm like, yeah, are you fucking serious? Nothing about you is private. Exactly. We're bought in here. We're all chips in on this thing. Take it over the finish line. Yeah. We all think we're part of the relationship. Exactly. Exactly. No, a hundred percent. And especially with fans who have like no boundaries, like when it comes to celebrities. Right. So,
Speaking of you guys being on a reality show, can I ask you a question? Yes. Sure.
What do you think of, and I don't know if you've spoken on this, Bethany Frankel's crusade to corral all the ex-reality stars to speak up on shooting conditions? Yeah, I don't. Here's the thing about us. Like we were on a reality show when we were on Bravo. Bravo was very good to us. Evolution, who shoots the Vanderpump Rules show, shoots Beverly Hills, Housewives, OC Housewives. That was the same production company that shot our show.
They were so nice to us. You know what is going on. They have all these like labor laws where they have to take breaks and you can't film too long. Even in Oklahoma where like nobody respects any sort of anything like that. It's just some hippie liberal shit. You're taking a lunch break. So we had a really good experience, but I don't really follow reality TV. I don't watch reality TV. Like I need to watch movies.
fucked up religious cult shit to make me feel normal and like a really good person. So I don't watch much of it. I've seen some of that, but my thing...
From what you just said, my thing on that is if you don't want to be exploited, don't sign up to be on a reality TV show. It's simple. It's not that big of a jump to see that reality stars get exploited and they're trying to get those gotcha moments. I mean, but another thing is we didn't drink. We didn't get like drunk and say stupid shit.
So that's, I think, probably why it's – I mean, when somebody's drunk and throwing a fit, that's perfect for reality television. Totally. So we didn't have, like, conflicts with them about stuff like that. We knew when we signed the contracts, like, do not drink while the cameras are up. Right. Full stop. Give us some scoop on that. What is her crusade? Yeah, what's the deal? Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. There's a headline comes out about it every day. She just decided to like form a union of reality stars. And I think it was inspired by the strike, you know, by the writer strike. But I think it's good what you guys said about evolution because, you know.
Like they they produce all of those shows that you named. And I'm sure those are hot buttons. Yeah. For Bethany's case, all the reality, all the housewife reality shows. Right. The breakup between the mustache guy, Sandoval and that whole thing. But I mean, I look at that and think that behavior could have been avoided entirely. Yeah.
Right. Don't fuck your best friend's boyfriend. Right. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. Like, like one thing that we recently talked about on our Patreon, we have like a documentary club is that the Duggars, the shiny, happy people, the Duggars documentary, which pumps and I like injected into our veins, couldn't get enough of it because they're so fucked up. And so, um,
The TLC filmed that and they basically paid Jim Bob, the fucked up dad had all these kids and some of the kids were over 18 and they didn't like advise them. You need to get, this is your money. They didn't give the check in the kid's name. And so that is a level where I would be totally like that network completely exploited these kids that were raised in a cult, abused religious nuts, uh,
the full nine, but like white privileged people that have made a lot of money off of reality TV. Like, I don't know. I mean, sometimes I'm just like, there's a bite the hand that feeds you type thing. And also it's the easiest thing on the planet. Don't drink on TV. Don't be on TV. I mean, there's a million other things you can do. So it's hard for me to like have empathy for that.
Can I ask another question? I don't know if you want to answer it, but did the production company ever encourage drinking? Never, never.
I think that's important to hear from you guys, because I'm sure that that's going to be one of the sticking points. Well, I mean, I did watch the old New York Housewives religiously, and I can tell you the best content was when they were all fucked up. Right. And I don't, listen, I don't think production needed to encourage those ladies to drink. But I'm saying like with other shows, maybe The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, I don't watch that show, but
Oh, I'm sure on that. So they'll get down. I think that there is a level in the industry of getting really young people early adulthood where they probably get completely schnockered. They're fucking, you know, whoever the bachelor is or whatever, you know, which is that's a whole weird thing anyway, where you're dating like 20 people at the same time. But again, do I go back to.
You are putting yourself into that. Right. It's, it is, this is not a marginalized group of people. This is a voluntary group.
that you're doing to receive money. So, I mean, in the instance of the Duggars, I feel like the kids, those girls, I feel like they were exploited by the network. Maybe some of these, you know, 20, 21, 22-year-old girls that just want to be on TV because I was such a moron in my early 20s. Oh, my gosh. The worst thing that could have happened to me would have been on a show like that. For sure. I mean, the fucking train wreck. Yeah. No, it would have been bad.
Okay, so let's talk about the paparazzi. We live in Oklahoma City. And as you can imagine, we're ducking paparazzi left and right. I was like, I don't even know if they have it. That's a joke. We don't have it at all. And so obviously in LA and in New York, when you see like somebody walking down the street, that has been a tip or the paparazzi has accidentally found them.
I think it depends who it is. I've had paparazzi on my podcast, so I've talked extensively about this with them. They swear that
I would say 90% of the images we see are natural. Okay. They have, the celebrities have not called the paparazzi. That being said, yes, I think if you see certain celebrities walking down a random street, um,
And not an A-list celebrity. We'll say maybe B or C-list celebrity that, yes, the paparazzi could have definitely called them. Or coming out of a restaurant, coming out of a popular restaurant, the paparazzi most likely have been tipped off depending on who the celebrity is. But I do think it happens a lot less than people think. People don't want to believe it. They want to believe that celebrities have these paparazzi on speed dial and are tipping them off on everything.
every move they make. But I will say the thing that I said I've had it with are the people who complain about the paparazzi and then they're the ones who call the paparazzi.
Oh, my God. I think it also does happen. Yeah, I think that I don't want to name names, but I think that that does happen a lot. So they do that as cover. Like they've called the paparazzi like, hey, I'm leaving Carbone in New York at 9 p.m. And the paparazzi is like, OK. And then like three days later, like the paparazzi is invading my privacy. Yeah.
Yes. Or, yeah. Or, you know, they'll call them when they need them. Like maybe they're promoting a movie and they want, you know, their image and, you know, their likeness to be out there. So maybe they'll call them then. But if they're around a time they don't want them around, then it's like, oh, like I feel like I don't I can't say this for sure, but I feel like I let's name one person. I feel like J-Lo.
Could potentially be on that list. In J-Lo's very long career, she has been known to call the paparazzi on herself. You almost have to think so. Okay, let me propose this. Combining a lot of your hadiths,
Do you think celebrities use the paparazzi to send cryptic messages? I.e. I'm leaving Carbon and I don't have on my wedding ring and I happen to have my hand up over my eye to block the flashbulbs. Yes, absolutely. And this goes back to them, you know, posting the cryptic messages. They know what they're doing. Right. Right. I think a lot of a lot of them know what they're doing.
Listen up, London. Pumps is coming home. Diana, rotisserie chickens, London, October 11th. Link in bio. Hot shit tour is hitting London. Also, October 24th, 25th, 26th will be Denver, Phoenix, Salt Lake. Again, the link is in our bio. Hot shit tour, third leg. Let's go. Let's go. Hear that? Pumpkin. Pumpkin.
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Okay, do we're gonna have a play a game with you called had it or hit it Okay, so we're gonna list some things if you've had it with it And if you like it, then you'll tell us you'll hit it. Oh my god Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Okay, had it or hit it ranch dressing. Oh I fucking had it with ranch dressing and
with the big tubs of ranch dressing, like, you know, showing their meals and dipping everything under the fucking sun in a tub of ranch. It makes me gag. Like, I literally gag. When did this happen with ranch dressing? I want to know. We're from the South and I have to say we're both offenders. That's true.
I mean, and I can buy into your argument. I wish I could be that cynical about it too. I envy that cynicism regarding ranch because you're right. It's disgusting. It's vomit worthy. But I do it. I dip my pizza in it and I can't get enough of it. Yeah, I do too. Well, let me ask you, when did you start dipping your pizza in ranch dressing? As a child. No, see, I remember exactly when I started putting ranch dressing on everything is when we were in college.
and I lived in a sorority house and the food wasn't great. So I've been doing it for 30 years.
on everything. So you two might be the pioneers of this fucking craze that I see all over my TikTok. You know, the people on Instagram that hate us love to come brabby. You old fucking ladies are 172 years old. So that is like so on brand with our haters to call us pioneers. I love that. Now when they call us old, we'll just say we're pioneers. We're fucking pioneers, bitch. Pipe down. Yeah.
Listen up, tight ass. Listen up, tight tits. We're pioneers. Okay. Had it or hit it? Spam calls. Had it. I don't even answer. I rarely answer my phone when it rings with someone I know. So.
So I'm not about to pick up a number or spam that I don't know. But, you know, there's a great app. It's called Mr. Number. And it'll tell you spam or potential spam. And then you just block it. See, they come up as spam or unidentified. But then they just keep calling or they leave messages. I block them. I block them. I just say, no, no. That's a good idea. This isn't happening. Yeah. I block them or I just don't answer. Okay. Had it or hit it. Shit talking. I mean...
Hit it. I can't, I can't say I shit talk all day long. I mean, I do it for a living. Totally. I shit talk on celebrities literally all day long. If you really want to like, you know, these sanctimonious people that act like they don't shit talk or shit talk us for shit talking. I've had it with like your, your response to shit talking can't be shit talking. And then you're like some pure anti shit talker, right? You're above it. If you shit talk the shit talkers, you're a shit talker, right?
I love that. That's what I'm going to say to all the trolls that comment on my posts. Or you know what else I've had with people that comment on a post like, who cares? Like, who cares? Like, clearly you do. You care enough to fucking comment. So it's like, why are you wasting your time? Who cares? Or do you realize, like, all you do is talk about other people? Like, you're following my account. Do you realize you listen to me talk?
Like, you know what I mean? Let's just go to the default setting of why do you have a phone? You're so butthurt about all this shit. Eliminate your phone. Right. Don't get on the internet. Okay. Had it or hid it. Astrological signs. I'm going to say I'm in the middle. Like I do. I'll hit it. But I've also had it with people taking it too far. Agree. Where like, you know, their daily lifestyle.
you know, live their daily activities will like revolve around whatever moon or sun or thing is happening in their charts. So I'm in the middle. Can I be in the middle? I'm in the middle. I'm in the middle. But the one thing I've had it with up to my fucking eyeballs are all of the morons that think their life is falling apart during Mercury and retrograde.
I can't fucking take it for one more second of one more day. It needs to stop. They don't understand the science behind it. It's very outdated science wherein people,
you know, people that studied all of this, that studied the skies where everything was earth based, the universe, the earth was the center of the universe. And basically because Mercury is so close to the sun, it looks like it goes backwards, but it doesn't. It's an optical illusion. Nothing fucking changes. And there are 95,000 bitches on Instagram. Oh my God, I totally forgot to feed my dog because Mercury's in retrograde. And I'm like,
You forgot to feed your dog because you're a basket case. The planet Mercury has nothing to do with this egregious bad pet ownership on your part. I've had it. I want it noted forever. I mean, every time, if you ever see the Mercury in retrograde screenshot and send it to me, cause I'm going to keep a list.
Wait, are you saying the retrograde is fake news? That's what you basically just said, kind of. It doesn't happen. It's an optical illusion. It looks like
And so are the astrological signs. All of that was studied before modern science. So they're all based on everything from what they see, how these things move in conjunction with Earth. Now we know the sun is the center of our solar system and then there's this big giant universe. So all of it is very dated junk science.
Mercury goes around the sun and it looks like because it goes really fast much. It doesn't take as long for it to go around It's an optical illusion that looks like it goes backwards, but it doesn't it's a jet stream of Bullshit, I do love my horoscope every now and then though Yeah, have you have you ever acted like you had a meltdown because of mercury and retrograde tell the truth? Absolutely fucking not Shit no
Absolutely not. I want to know why you know so much about like the science of mercury. She's a voracious reader. She reads everything. She should have been a research scientist because she reads all the shit that
And she's really smart too. I'm kind of nerdy. I don't really, you know, we talk about such shallow and vapid things, but like, I love Neil deGrasse Tyson. He's one of my favorite follows. If you looked at my TikTok algorithm, it's like anti-Trump shit. Yeah.
atheist shit, science shit, French bulldog, tennis and pickleball. Like I don't even get into the whole celebrity algorithm because I'm so busy with all this other shit. And I think it's juicy. Like back in the day when we grew up,
When I would go on onto an airplane before there was like Facebook and Instagram and all of this stuff. I mean, my favorite thing to do was to buy a People magazine and us weekly in an in touch. And I would go through every single one of them on the airplane. But now those are so obsolete because I kind of get, you know, alerts all day. What's going on? You know, Britney Spears, you see it. It's just kind of ambient noise now. Celebrity celebrity gossip is just kind of like ambient noise. Well, you can mainstream it to do's website.
and get all you need. Exactly. I can go take a hit off that. Thank you, Pumps. Thank you, Pumps. Okay, hold on. I do have one question for you. Are Harry and Meghan getting a divorce or is that bullshit? Bullshit. Okay, that's what I thought. I have a very reliable source who says all of that chatter about them getting a divorce, moving was not true. Okay. It just pops up on my feet all the time. See, I hadn't heard that. Okay, here's your last had it or hid it. Had it or hid it.
Bone broth. Oh, gosh. Okay. I like bone broth. It really is a very...
useful thing if you are feeling under the weather. So I'll hit it. I'll hit bone broth. Hit it. Okay. I like it. I'm neutral. I don't, you know, this is not a hill I'm going to die on, nor am I going to be like, oh my God, I cannot wait to fucking get some bone broth, inject that shit into my veins. I love it so much. I'm neutral on bone broth, but I've just heard a lot about it lately. Yeah, you hear about it all the time. I'm like, bone broth has really made a comeback. It
It's like Brussels sprouts five years ago. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. And then kale. Totally made a comeback. Yeah. It's amazing how foods make these major comebacks, you know, because I've known about bone broth forever, but it's totally having a Renaissance period right now. And so I was wondering what your thoughts were on it.
Yeah, I like it. Honestly, like if you're not feeling well, it really, it really does make you feel better. Maybe I'll go get some after this. You need some pumps. Dumont, thank you so much for telling us what you've had it with. And I think that celebrity gossip is kind of fun to dabble in. Everybody who says they don't is a liar. Everybody traffics in it a bit.
It's you can't not. Yeah, you can't help but do it. Thank you, ladies. Thank you for having me. It's been so much fun. I'm a huge fan. Oh, well, we cannot wait to be on your podcast. It was so fun to have you. Bye. I love that she seems so normal.
Totally. I was figuring like hipster. No, she's like, like totally like I could have talked to her all day. Yes. Loved her sense of humor. Loved it. Smart. And I just think the thing about celebrity gossip is everybody kind of dabbles in it to some extent. Like if you're into football, then you kind of end up Googling what's going on with the football players. Right. And it's just...
People are interested in other people. They are. Yeah. Especially if you're a celebrity. She's cool. I like it. I followed her on Instagram because I thought, I want to be more hip and in the know. Yeah. I need to do that. I'm going to know shit. You're going to know shit. I'm going to know shit. Not about Mercury and retrograde? No. I don't want to know anything about that. But also, I am going to be the whistleblower to do it.
should you come out of the closet, I will be the source. Excellent. I will be the source and I'll tell her that she can cite me. I'm like, you can personally attach me to it. We can do a collab post.
Exactly. Listener, thank you so much for tuning in. Check out our hot shit tour at a city near you. The link is in the bio. Join us on Patreon. We're doing all sorts of fun documentary clubs, us in the wild, behind the scenes of our tour. So go to our Patreon and subscribe there. Five star, most important thing you could do for us. Five star.
Five star. If you give us a one star, it better be fucking good. Yeah. Come with some hate. Yeah. Don't give some just one star and some boring statement. But genuinely, we do like the five stars and it helps us more than, you know, pounds. Tell them when we will see them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. We're both.
I'm Caitlin Bristow, host of Off The Vine Podcast, where I get real, maybe a little too real sometimes, with my friends and celeb guests from Bachelor franchise and beyond. I'm talking guests like Jonathan Van Ness, Nikki Glaser, Wells Adams, Elise Myers, and
like in this like business jacket like I would love some tacos. Heidi D'Amelio, Big Brothers, Taylor Hale. I have to bring it up because it happened and we're going to get through it. What I do. And so many more. So come hang out with us, hear ridiculous confessions and get a little vulnerable because you know what? We're all just floating on this weird little planet together. Follow, rate and review Off The Vine podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts.