I Hope You Get a Flat Tire and Don’t Have Triple A
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There are some football feelings you can only get with BetMGM Sportsbook. That's right. Not just the highs, the ohs, or the no, no, nos. It's the feeling that comes with being taken care of every down of the football season. The feeling that comes with getting MGM rewards benefits or earning bonus bets. So, whether you're drawing up a same-game parlay in your playbook or betting the over on your favorite team. True.

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Welcome Thursday listeners to the favorite part of our week, which is hearing from you. Love, love, love the voice memos. They are so much fun and we want to get to know each of you better. So please join us behind the scenes on our Patreon site.

Is it called Sight? No. Okay. Sorry, Kylie. Please just join us on Patreon. Does that work? Yeah. I'm starting to sound like one of those middle-aged people that call like the target. I'm going to the target. The TikTok. Shit. Yeah. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Pumps is supposed to do that, not me. I'm way too technologically savvy to make a mistake like that. Well, then why don't you start the show? You're the star. You start it. Air-free pumps. You start the goddamn show. Welcome. Kylie, do we have...

That's your welcome? Well, what would, I don't know. You've already said all this stuff. I wasn't going to say it again. I like that one. Welcome, Kylie. That's how you should always do it. Welcome, Kylie and Richard and listener. We are dying to hear what your I've had it's were so that we can grow our list of petty grievances. Oh, that was good. No wonder you're the star of the show. That's right. All right, Kylie, who's first? Up first, we've got Sarah E.,

I have fucking had it with mom groups on Facebook. Never in my life have I ever witnessed such a dumpster fire of grown ass women. Your kid has a rash on his ass cheek? Take a picture of it, post it on Facebook and ask what it is. Your kid projectile vomited all over the back seat of your minivan on the way home from T-ball? Post a picture of it. Ask if a bug's going around.

Obviously, there's always a fucking bug going around because you're sniveling shit back of a kid puts his grimy little hands in every fucking thing, then picks his nose and eats his fucking boogers, Janet.

And you know what I've really had it with on the mom groups? Meal trains. This bitch in my neighborhood is having a minor surgery. Don't worry, we know every single detail of every goddamn ailment she's ever had. And she has the audacity to create a meal train for herself. She has a husband and three teenage boys. Are you kidding me? Fucking had it. What?

What's this gal's name? Sarah. We need Sarah to come to Oklahoma City and be our friend. Sarah, that is so good because that just like speaks to the core of my being. I mean, a meal train. Are you fucking kidding me? I hate meal trains. Hate them. Well, I have never participated in one because as we all know, I don't cook. Right. But you could send like a gift card to DoorDash or something.

Here's the deal. The people that need meal trains are not upper middle class people.

wealthy white women. Right. They don't. So I'm not giving them a meal train. I'm not doing it. Especially if they have three teenage kids and a husband that has a car. I mean, like go get your own food. Everybody has their own like family. And I remember when, like when I had my second child, people brought over food. Guess what happened? Nobody ate it. Right. It didn't get eaten. And then it just, I hate it when women grandstand about like, oh,

When I make my lasagna, I do a little layer of honey or whatever the ingredients is. Like they have fucking cracked the case on it. And I'm like, put...

a sock in it. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear about your recipe and how much better of a chef you are than everybody else. Right. No, it is grandstanding. No doubt. And the Facebook page with all the kid ailments. Thank God. When our kids were super young, I think I joined Facebook in like 2009 or

And we were all so dumb when we first got on it. Like we used it to communicate like Gen Xers. It'd be like, Hey, what are you doing? Right. And then write and comment. Now it's evolved into much more than, than that. Like, you know, now it's, you would never communicate with anybody on Facebook, but I mean, unless you're complete red flag nut job, but yeah,

kids throwing up is not post-worthy or novel. No. Do you remember though, when our kids were little, since I had my oldest had all kinds of ailments and we all had the same pediatrician and they would call me and say, okay, this is what's happening. I would diagnose them.

And then they would tell the pediatrician that I diagnosed him and he would get so mad at me. And I was like, but am I right? You're a total hypochondriac. I'm not a hypochondriac. Your kids are total hypochondriacs. It's unbelievable. I remember when your kids were super little, my kids were super little, I'd go over to your house and my kids were going to spend the night or something. Then we were going to stay up and have some wine and smoke some cigs.

And you would have you on your house on Whippoorwill, you had that little part like Peninsula Island, and you would line up for each child all the medications they were on. And it was

And it was unbelievable. Like singular. Yeah, I remember that. It was like, here's Emily's line of pills. Here's Sam's line of pills. And here's Luke's line of pills. And it was like, I mean, at the time, it's like they're two, four, and six. And they're each taking like seven pills per child. And I remember just thinking. I don't think it was that many. I think you're exaggerating. I absolutely am not. You're a hypochondriac pill pusher. I'm not a hypochondriac. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. A hypochondriac pediatric pill pusher. You're the worst. You're the worst. Right.

I hate you. I hate you more. Kylie, who's next? Careof is a sponsor of today's episode. You know, Pumps, at our age, we have got to take better care of ourselves. My Careof subscription has made this quest so much easier for me. They ship high quality personalized vitamins, supplements, and powders to me directly every month.

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Thank you, Jenny. You're welcome. Listener for 50% off your first care of order, go to takecareof.com and enter code HADIT50. Again, go to takecareof.com and enter code HADIT50.

Up next, we've got Mackenzie J. Jen and Pumps, I am coming at you from Wisconsin, and I have absolutely had it with getting up to the goddamn register and the cashier asking, would you like to donate a dollar and join the fight to end cancer with the American Cancer Society? Then I look like an evil bitch saying, no, no, thank you, not today.

I mean, this literally just happened to me. I'm at Walgreens and the kid behind me says loud enough for everyone to fucking hear. He looks at his mom and he says, I hope you choose to donate, mom. Then I feel the need to defend myself and like, you know, no, I do donate and whatever. But it's just like, you know, I would have loved to look at him and say, you know, fuck you and fuck Walgreens corporate and all of their goddamn tax write offs.

Yeah, I have just absolutely had it. That's fantastic because that happened to me this week, this very week. And I always say no. It's forced philanthropy. Right. And here's the deal. Walgreens is...

is awful from the job. That is such bullshit. It is forced philanthropy. Walgreens goes trotting around making billions of dollars in revenue. And instead of them being the philanthropic fuckers that they want us to be, they need to do it. I'm tired. All the tipping stuff we talked about a couple episodes ago. What this is, is corporations are

putting the burden of all of this stuff on working class people. And I guarantee you they're tax dodgers because all the breaks, all the tax breaks are for corporations like this. And

And they pay their employees probably minimum wage, which hasn't been raised in like a decade. Right. So then instead of them saying, hey, you know what? American Heart Association, American Cancer Association, here's a billion dollars because we have like hundreds of billions. Right. We're going to guilt our customers into donating and we're going to make them look like assholes when our cashier calls it out. So here's what I have to say to Walgreens and to CVS.

Pay your employees more and you donate the money. Right. I don't want to be forced into philanthropy nor shamed into philanthropy. I want it to be my choice. Right. Well, it's the shaming. It's just the shaming like that you have to say no. Like some places you go and I'll say, do you want to donate? And you can just hit no. There's not any communication. That needs to be removed. 100% it's bad, but it's worse when they ask you.

And then you've got that little fucker. I mean, I wish she would have just turned around and slapped the shit out of him. And his mother was probably like, oh, little Johnny. I mean, you just know she was awful if he felt liberated enough to say that loud enough for her to hear. What a little fucker. He's a little shit. I wonder if his mom pushes pills on him. Fuck off. They were at Walgreens. I don't go to Walgreens. I boycotted Walgreens years ago. I hate that place. You do? Why? Why?

Because you always have to stand in line. I mean, I just hate everything about it. What about CVS? I don't like that either. I mean, if I have to go in there, I might, but it would be like gun to my head. Well, I think that she's onto something with the forced philanthropy. I think it goes right there with the tip jars.

Starbucks, pay your employees a livable wage because Congress isn't going to fucking do shit about it because they're too busy harassing drag queens. So corporate America, you donate the money and you pay people a livable wage and get off our backs. Why do we have to pay all these people? They're the ones with all the billions of dollars. Right. We need to get Bernie Sanders on this show. I'll work on it. Thank you. I'm sure he'll be first one out. I think he's probably had it with a lot of shit.

He would probably be the king if I've had it. Totally. Totally. Okay, Kylie, who's next? I've Had It is sponsored by BetterHelp. Jenny, as you know, I have been struggling my whole life with raging codependency, but it wasn't until therapy that I was able to identify this about myself. I've had the same struggles, Pumps. Being in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic, I felt helpless and alone at so many points in my life.

I personally have benefited so much from therapy. I had to really dig deep about myself in order to grow. Yes, growing emotionally is such an important part of adulthood. If you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.

Discover your potential with BetterHelp. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Again, discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it.

There are some football feelings you can only get with BetMGM Sportsbook. That's right. Not just the highs, the ohs, or the no, no, nos. It's the feeling that comes with being taken care of every down of the football season. The feeling that comes with getting MGM rewards benefits or earning bonus bets. So, whether you're drawing up a same-game parlay in your playbook or betting the over on your favorite team. Hey!

Up next, we've got David B.

Hey everyone, hope you're doing well. I just wanted to say what I've had it with is the QR codes at restaurants. First of all, it's not convenient for me to see an entire fucking menu on this tiny screen. I can't do it. Second of all,

COVID is over as far as it pertains to the safety of shared pieces of paper. I think we can all agree on that. Third of all, it's gotten to the point with some of these restaurants that they want you to order from your phone, order additional things from your phone, like if you need another drink and then pay for your phone. If I wanted to sit on my fucking phone for an hour to get something done, I would have just stayed at home. I just want someone to help me.

And I just want a regular menu. Is that too much to ask? I'll pay whatever you want. David, 100% right.

I hate, hate, hate the QR code menu. I refuse to do it. And I will sit there and say, I need you to bring me a real menu. She's like, well, you can find it on the QR card. And I'm like, I can't. I need a menu. I mean, they act like they're so butthurt about it. But oh my God, it drives me insane, the QR code. I know. We need to keep some semblance of

things. Like technology is great. It's great that Siri's so goddamn smart. She knows everything. But when we go to a restaurant, can we at least have the option to put our phones in our purses, zip them up, hold a menu like normal people. Right.

look at the menu, turn the pages of the menu. And I agree with him. I mean, there's still COVID, but with regards to your ability to get infected by touching a piece of paper, I think that's pretty much eliminated. Right. No, I completely agree. And then he brings up another point. Some of these restaurants have started this whole thing where you sit down and there's like a little iPad type thing on the table and you order your food from that.

And then you pay your bill from that. And then somebody brings it out. And I just think at some point we have to have some semblance of lack of technology. Right. Because honestly, part of the going to dinner is people putting their phones up at the table. Yes. But you're creating an atmosphere that everybody has to have the phone.

Like when we go on our Thanksgiving trip, listener, pumps, her kids, Josh, myself, my kids, we all go on Thanksgiving together. And we go to dinner every night. We rent a nice house. We go to dinner every night. We make everybody put their phones up. No phones at dinner. And we all talk and engage. And then if there's the QR code, it's a dick over to people that are trying to say, hey.

for 45 to 50 minutes, possibly an hour, an hour and a half if we're feeling ambitious. Right, that's ambitious. Can we keep the phone up? And then they're cramming these QR codes. Right, no, it's horrible. And I do think you're in such a quandary if you're at one of those places that you order your food, you order a refill and you pay all from your iPad. Do you really want to tip 20%?

But then you think, well, that's not the server's fault. Yeah, the corporation is greedy as fuck and making us pay for what they should be paying them. Right. And that's the deal, listener. It's a common theme. The last two callers...

corporate America is dicking us over and making us pay their employees the salaries when they have billions of dollars. And I'm sure right here, right now from this podcast, we'll get a lot of resolution on that subject. I bet Congress is already getting to work. Immediately acting. Immediately. Because I mean, those people are sharp as tacks over there in Washington, D.C. Let me tell you. Okay. Last one is Jessica S.,

So first of all, I just want to say that I really love you guys. When I have to travel for work, you really make things interesting. But okay, enough of that shit. So what I've had it with is

is when there is a lot of traffic, especially in the afternoons, getting off work, and there's a line of traffic and some fucker wants to come up the side of everyone else just so he can jump in front of you. Absolutely not. I will not let it happen. I will inch so close to the person in front of me that you can't put a fucking piece of paper in between us before you get in front of me. Or like on the interstate when there's a line of traffic and traffic stops and people want to come up on the shoulder. Yeah.

I really hope that you get a flat tire on whatever trash is on the fucking side of the interstate, and I hope that you don't have triple A.

It's such a good one. Oh, it's so great. It is so... I love that. I get furious at people that try to cut in too. She is not going to have it. She's so blessed. I'm not going to have it. It's not happening on her watch. You could fit a piece of paper. I love that. I mean, and she's right. There's always some hot shot grandstander. Always.

Always. That's got a big dick it over. Fly down the shoulder so that he can ram in front. And she will not. I love it that she will not let him in. I'm kind of the same way. I'm kind of him too, but I wouldn't go that aggressive. Like I'd be too scared. I would have a wreck. I'm going to start going. I am too. I mean, I think that's goals. Let's go for broke.

And I think everybody should do it. So that person's just sitting over there in the other lane. Yeah. Just stuck. And it's like, sorry, sorry. Get in line with everybody else. Motherfucker. Yeah, that's right. There's a line starts back there. Oh my God. She's so right. Yeah. Jessica.

We're going to model you. Yeah. And I think, I think that like, you know how maybe it's like a four lane highway, right? And you're maybe I'm in the second lane. Like there's the fast lane, which is the left lane. And then one lane over and about two miles out from my exit. I'm like, okay, I'm going to start making it over. Right.

And then the people that like won't let you get over. I wonder if she would be, I think she would let the person go if they're going against the grain to get it to the exit. Right. I think she's just saying like, you're not waiting your turn. Right. Nobody wants to be here in this line, but we have to be here. Right. And you're trying to catch. She's not having it. She will not have it. Not on her watch. No. She hopes they don't have triple A and she hopes they get a flat. Right.

That was good. It was so good. Okay. So that will conclude our bonus episode on this Thursday. Amazing. Amazing. Listener had it. Amazing submissions. The presentations are great.

The presentations are 10 out of 10. They are. I mean, seriously, these people are fantastic. They are. Yeah. And you can tell they're all smart. Yeah, they are. For sure. Our listeners are sharp. High IQ listeners. High IQ listeners. That's right. For sure that have had it. Had it. And they oppose toxic positivity in all of its forms. Yes. Yes.

She is not going to let that car scoot their way in. Flat tires. Doesn't matter. No QBR codes. None. And no forced philanthropy. And we're looking at you, Walgreen. You get your checkbook out. That's right. And you write the Cancer Society the big fucking fat check. Right. Quit fleecing us.

And putting us on the spot. The putting on the spot and the shaping is the worst part. It's awful. Yeah. They need to do it. And then if they come back, if their response is, oh, we match it. I'm like, well, no, no, no. You just do it. Do it for the sake of doing it. Right. Don't drag other people into it. Because if I'm doing something, I don't have to drag other people into it, whether that's a good choice or a bad choice. I can stand on my own and do it.

And there's just a lot of forced philanthropy out there. Agree. Agree. Listener, thank you so much. You can follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. I think they know all this by now. Just leave us a review. Join us on Patreon and we will see you next Tuesday. Thursday. Tuesday. Today's Thursday. Both. Oh, all right. Bye. Bye. Let's hear it.

Pick up that glass of Pinot Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time. We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast, Mom. I know, I know. Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'm Ramona Singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. And you probably know us best from The Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time.

Follow, rate, and review now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. There are some football feelings you can only get with BetMGM Sportsbook. That's right. Not just the highs, the ohs, or the no, no, no's. It's the feeling that comes with being taken care of every down of the football season. The feeling that comes with getting MGM Rewards benefits or earning bonus bets.

So whether you're drawing up a same game parlay in your playbook or betting the over on your favorite team, the BetMGM app is the best place to bet on football. You only get that feeling at BetMGM, the sports book born in Vegas, now live across the DMV. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms. 21 plus only, DC only, subject to eligibility requirements. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.