Hashtag Pinch Me with Watch What Crappens
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Okay, one, two, three. First rattle out of the box after a little break. I saw a little troll on YouTube.

that said they were sick of the clapping. Oh, they don't like my clap? Blasphemy. That is so hateful. It's so mean. They don't realize how hard I work on that clap. That's the stuff that hurts. Like calling us bitter old cows and old hags could give two shits. Over Botox. Don't care. Bring it. But criticizing the clap.

Pumps is clap. I mean, it's really the best part of the show sometimes. It's totally, it's totally the best part of this heaping pile of garbage that we produce twice a week. That's right. It is. I was furious with that comment. You have time to go delete and or comment on your comment and take it back. Amend it somehow. Amend it. Take it back. Amend the record. Amend the record. Pumps, what have you had it with this week? Okay. What I've had it with.

is when you go to a doctor's appointment and your doctor's appointment's at 2.30. Yes. And right when you sign in, they make you put the time that you arrived. Right. And they say it's plain as day. It's like posted. If you're more than 15 minutes late, we're going to have to reschedule you.

But you sit your fat ass in the chair for an hour or an hour and a half. Right. And they act like... Because I'm like, if it's 15 minutes for you, it's 15 minutes for me. So every 16th minute, I'm like, hi, I had a 2.30 appointment. It's, you know, are we close? Oh, well, she's just really backed up. Okay, number one, tell me that when I sign in. Right. Or B...

Like give me an update sometime when I'm sitting there for an hour and a half. It just grinds my gears. I know doctors go to school for a hundred years. I get all that. I respect the profession, but they're the only profession on the planet that gets to be an hour and a half late with zero apologies, zero updates, and just act like it's fine. And it's not fine because if you're 15 minutes late, you don't get your appointment.

So I've had it with doctor's office etiquette. I completely agree with you. Totally. I think in the technological age, the doctors need to send a text. Correct. We are running 30 minutes behind. Yes. Because when you have careers like you and I do, plus children, those 30 minutes can be an errand that you can run. Right. And instead, you're sitting on your phone. Yes. Look at a bunch of bullshit on Instagram. Right. Getting mad because your time's getting wasted. Right.

And the doctor, I get that they're busy, but everybody's busy. Everybody's busy. I had a client that was a doctor once and he wanted me to go to his office and look at decorating. So I go, this is for an interior design appointment, right? And it's like at 2 p.m. I wait two hours.

Two thirty to forty five. Finally, I text him and I'm like, I have to leave. I can't be here this long. Like this is I'm not going through this. Finally, he texts back. And I'm not kidding you. Sorry, I was saving someone's life. Oh, fuck off. It's like that God complex. Right. If you're you'd be in a hospital. If you're saving somebody's life, you're in your office dicking around that doctors have. And it's like, look, I respect the profession.

But quit acting like, you know, you're saving everybody's life. Yes, some doctors do. But most of these things are routine checkups. And we're getting dicked over. And the customer service is shit. I'm just, this is going all through me. I'm saving someone's life. Yeah. What a dick. I wish you would have texted it back.

Well, the next time you're not saving someone's life, we'll make another appointment because you're sitting in your office or seeing patients for one. Here's the deal. There's staff, scrub techs, nurses around him. You were in the hospital that can get a message relayed. Tell Jennifer Welch, I'm running 45 minutes behind schedule. I'm saving someone's life. Okay, great. But it's just there. I like doctors, but they're not all doctors, but a lot of them can have this God complex and this anxiety.

out of check ego that I think definitely needs to be checked. I mean, that just goes all through me. We're kind of lucky because our doctors are really pretty good. They run on time. Yes. Our normal doctors. But those specialist doctors, oh my gosh, it's just like, come on. I know. Okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. What have you had it with? So I was looking on Instagram and there was this gal that was like on my For You page. And she's like,

full face of makeup, hair completely done in like a total like Brazilian style bikini with mountains and ocean behind her. And the comment says, I'm obsessed with nature. Yeah.

And I'm like, bitch, you saying you're obsessed with nature is like me saying I'm obsessed with Bible study. Right. It just comes on. You're obsessed with your ass being on Instagram because it looks hot. Bitch, you're obsessed with yourself and with Instagram. Yes. I mean, that's where I wanted to follow up and comment if I were petty, which I am, but I didn't want to waste my energy on this. Like what specific parts of nature are you obsessed with? Right.

I mean, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with nature. It's such bullshit. It's kind of like your Africa hashtag. Exactly. Life's changed. Exactly. Exactly. Still can't believe you did that. Still cannot believe you did that. Well, I mean, you know what? Number one, it's still on there. I haven't scrubbed it to try to pretend like I'm a different person. You haven't tried to like go back. So many people manicure and...

curate their Instagram and go back and delete something that could be embarrassing. My shit, if it's up there, it's up there. It's up. Right. Unedited. I'm going to own it. Accountability. I told on myself on the podcast for being a fucking moron and I've evolved. Right. And I'm more enlightened and I used to be a part of the problem. Now I'm a part of the solution. Okay. So this made me have another thought.

What is the rule? Because I am seeing a lot of those Brazilian song bathing suits. Right. At the lakes this summer in Oklahoma. Okay. And I think if you have a great ass and you're young and cute and have a great ass, I'm all for it. I want to see your ass too. Right. But I'm talking, that's your ass. That's not my ass. That's not people that have big asses. I saw some on

On 4th of July weekend, I saw some asses that did not need to be in a thong. Shouldn't there be a rule that like, if you're not, if you don't have the perfect ass, you should just wear a regular swimsuit. So you're talking about thong abuse?

thong abuse. That's what it is. I mean, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. If they don't give a fuck and they just have on their thong and they just don't give a shit and they're confident, good for them. I just think maybe I'm just that thong thing still is kind of shocking to me a little bit. I don't. It's a little bit shocking to me. I don't. I mean, I think that's a very American Puritan standpoint. In Europe, they have nude beaches. Nobody gives a fuck. No, I know. I guess. In South America, they all wear thongs everywhere. No, I know, but it's not.

I think it's your Bible-thumping background. I think the culprit of this. All roads lead to the Bible-thumping background. Yes, I think you sound like a Puritan. I think this is an American prude problem. And I think...

I mean, if you go to Europe, Europeans, all different body styles, they just wear their swimsuits without shame. And there's not this like we're so in this capitalist society that everything has to look perfect. Some people have good asses. Some people have cellulite asses. But everybody in this country should be able to have the freedom to wear thong pumps. Wear their ass out. Where's your fucking patriotism? It's not at the thong situation. Maybe I'll get a thong and hang it on my car like a flag.

a song flag. Okay. I just, I think I have to say, I think good for them. Okay. I think, I think that you still need some deprogramming from your Puritan upbringing. That's probably not wrong. Okay. I would like to welcome everybody.

I've had it, especially those wearing thongs with a less than perfect derriere. I want you to know I do not judge you and I love you. And I would like to welcome the star of our show, the judgmental pumps. I asked. I didn't say I was just like, am I wrong? Apparently I'm wrong.

That everybody should wear a thong. Kylie, you don't hate them, do you? I don't hate them, no. I didn't say I hated her. I just said, wow. I thought you served up some haterade in the pre-show is all I'm saying. No, I just said I'm surprised that she was wearing a thong. Okay. Kylie, what's going on on social media? I know what's going to be going on next week on social media. So I'm all locked and loaded for that one. But what's going on this week on social media? You brought up your Instagram captions. Yes. Yes.

We've gotten DMs. People have done their due diligence. Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited. Tina DMed us and said she sent a post. And it's. Is it my post from my Instagram? It's a Ms. Welch Instagram. So they went back nine years. Yes. Oh, I love this person. Who is this person? This is Tina. Tina, thank you. That's love, Tina. Thank you. Thank you for the work.

She said, please surprise Jen with this on the podcast and ask her to explain this out of control caption. Thank you for your service. And it's a post in Italy of scenery. And you captioned it, every day is a winding road. Hashtag Capri. Hashtag Italia. Hashtag Italy. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why that one. It's a little more clever than what Tina thought. There is a road in Italy called Via Croup.

And it goes up a mountain and it winds. It goes back and forth, showing a zigzag road. It is. Okay. It's a winding road, Tina. I know, but you're the only person that knows that, so you just look like an asshole. People that have been to fucking Italy know that. Okay, but I'm just saying you look like an asshole. Puritan. For the other people that didn't. Fucking Bible thumper.

Fucking Bible thumper. All right. And the three hashtags. No, it's bad. Three hashtags. I'm going to give that one a C because I know that there are some Fs. I've got an F for you. Oh, I can't wait. I'm going to give the winding road a C. I can't defend it, although the road is winding. This one needs explanation. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, Drew DM'd us a Ms. Welch post that says, Anguilla for the win. Okay. Okay.

hashtag spring break hashtag blessed no well I'm doing that tongue-in-cheek I've been using do you believe that I swear to god I do have no no no I was that you guys cannot I'm an atheist on the record my entire life as an atheist I use the hashtag blessed to make fun of the blessed community

I would. No, I don't even. I hate the word blessed. I used it as a joke. There are others that I deserve to be made fun of, but I'm doing that one as a joke. Permanent record. I'm an atheist. I've always been an atheist. My parents are atheists. I fucking hate the blessed community. I cannot stand Bible thumping. But you are. People use the word blessed. It irritates the fuck out of me. That's what I'm doing there. What else you got? Drew sent one more. OK. OK. True. We left Drew.

It's a photo. Looks like it's taken from an airplane. Okay. It says, hello, Johans, Johansburg, Johannesburg. It is. Okay. It's don't edit that out. No, you do not edit that out. Kylie listener. I want you to hear how uncultured this staff is. They have to work with. I am so sorry to South Africa that she did not have to say Johannesburg and you better fucking leave that in for the permanent record. I didn't even know that was in South Africa. Oh,

Oh my God. I'm so sorry to our South African listeners. All right. No, this is where it's going to get bad. This is where I was at my peak worst. This one says, hello, Johannesburg. Next stop Cape town. Hashtag pinch me. Yeah, that's an F. Can't defend that one. Cannot defend that one. I was psychologically gearing up to do a lot of hashtag abuse. Yeah. Yeah. That's bad. What do we think the hashtag limit is?

I will say these are all like nine, 10 years old. People use more hashtags. And also I'm a Gen Xer. When I first got on Instagram, somebody was like, you're supposed to hashtag. I'm like, okay, I'll do that. So I just started hashtagging, you know, like an idiot.

And the hashtag pinch me, I cannot defend. Hashtag blessed, I'm doing to make fun of the hashtag blesters. Whatever you say, Kylie. I mean, whatever she says, right? Right. If you go look through my Instagram, you'll see more hashtag blessed. I want it for the permanent record. I'm not a Bible thumper. You were trolling. I'm trolling the Bible thumpers. Do not confuse me with a Bible thumper listener. Hashtag blessed.

Pinch me. I can't defend that. Here's what I have to say to everybody is this. And actually, this needs to be directed at me for the pinch me, honestly. I wrote.

I mean, I deserve that. I'm going to make that a hashtag. I roll. Oh, that's a great. No, I was bad. Like when somebody my age gets on Instagram for the first time and like you're figuring out how to do it, it's like you use hashtags. So I fucking used hashtags. I'm like, OK. I mean, I just I just. Well, you told me that I had to say hashtag before everything on Instagram. And I did that for six months. I was just fucking with you. No, I know.

I didn't know. I told Pumps listeners, like, you have to spell out hashtag. You can't just use it. And I was like, hashtag, I've got it podcast. I would say, make sure you spell out H-A-S-H. You can't use the pound. She was like, okay, see, that was me. So anyway, no, that hashtag pinched me is really bad. But I am flattered that people went back that far. A for effort. A plus plus on that. It's really good. Okay. Listeners, I mean, this has been

Kind of a shit show of an entry. I think it's been really good, though. And I deserve all the shit. I get it. But I will, I mean, I will put it on my tombstone. She opposed the blessed community. Okay. We'll put that on your tombstone. Okay. We will. I'm going to put on yours Reformed Bible Thumper. Okay.

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So now we have a guest. We have guests. Two guests. Two guests that are like basically antiques in the podcasting world. What are they, 20? No, I mean, their podcast has been around for well over a decade. They have a long running podcast called Watch What Crappens.

which is like a takeoff on watch what happens. And so they review all things Bravo. Before you tune out, we're not going to talk about Bravo with them because this is not a Bravo podcast. We're going to talk about what they've had it with, but they are fantastic. So let's welcome to I've Had It, Ben and Ronnie. Okay, Ben and Ronnie, welcome to I've Had It, a place of cupcakes, rainbows, and positivity for this globe of ours. How are you guys?

Good. I love a good, positive gay rainbow. I'm in. Let's eat it. How are you guys doing? Great. Love a gay rainbow as well. Okay. So let's just, I mean, let's just start shit talking immediately. What have y'all had it with? Ronnie, you go first. Cause I feel like you have something really good lined up.

You know, I don't. I mean, I've had it with most everything. I'm old enough to just be sick of everything. One thing I'm sick of is good people. I think like real world people.

Real world good people are okay who are actually out there doing like good for the world. But internet good people can suck it. Like I'm seriously sick of them. I have this new lady in my neighborhood who is constantly going on our tiny little Facebook community thing. You know, that's where you're like, oh my God, I lost my peacock. Yeah.

They said that really? That's true. There was a lost pea. I was out there looking for a peacock. You're a good person because you were looking for a peacock.

It did have the word cock in it, which doesn't take much to bait a gay man out the door. Am I right or am I right? I've never heard the word pee before. But the cock did raise an eyebrow. Anyway, we have this new lady in the neighborhood, and this is just a tiny little Facebook, but she, I guess, needs attention or she needs us to be like, oh my God, welcome to the neighborhood. You're such a good person. And she just keeps... Okay, one of her thing is, guys...

To help our pollinators fill a bowl with marbles and add water. Marbles give the bees a safe place to land so they can drink without drowning. So she shows a picture of marbles and bowls and happy bees. If the bee can't drink without drowning, the bee deserves to die. Right. It's Darwinianism. Yes. Yes. Darwinism. You know what this is? Too much. It's faux do-gooder.

It's this is all this is all performative. This is all performative do-gooder because I tell you what, that neighbor probably has some shit going on behind that door and she's trying to mask it with saving the pollinators, which I think is a total ruse. If I were you, I'd keep an extra eye on that house because I bet there's a lot of fuckery going on in there.

- She's probably sending hate letters to celebrities and thinks she's allowed to do it because she saved a B. - Exactly. - Like she literally saved a B and that like literally gets you no awards ever.

Like she's overcompensating. I think she's just saying like, love me, you know, don't save the bees. I'm drowning over here, guys. Does anybody like want to make a bowl of marbles for me? I'm literally and figuratively drowning. Someone come. Another one is saving one animal won't change the world. But for that one animal, the world will change forever.

now listen am i for saving you know what i mean like am i for saving animals of course she put the ugliest dog up there i mean in dog ears has got to be an 80 year old wet dirty mangy dog she put up there and i was like this lady's obviously not advertising to save this dog

She's just, or she would put a Frenchie. You know, there are Frenchies who need homes too. There are Jack Russells that cute, adorable little dogs that need home too. But this lady is like, look at me. I would save an ugly one. Well, congratulations.

You're like, I wouldn't. Yeah, I think you've got to keep the neighborhood watch sign. You remember those with the guy with the cape on and the eyes? I think you have to keep an extra eye on this situation. I don't support being a nosy neighbor unless it's super juicy. Right. Unless it's really something I want to know. Otherwise, I don't care who's using the pool after nine, anything like that. I feel like it's all...

like it's all the old people too like that don't have anything to do and so they're just making sitting there making comments about what's going on in the neighborhood and it's like bitch we don't care we don't care as long as everything's fine and nobody's getting you know burgled we're good

I don't support nosy neighboring, but what I do support is rear windowing. Because I tell you, I love creating a narrative about everything going on outside my window. Like I will, if there's something weird going on, I'm like, I'm the lady with the bee, but she has like a pitchfork out in the backyard. I'm like, she killed someone.

Totally. She killed someone. She's a serial killer. The B is like the first clue and no one's picking up on it. Like I love doing that. I'm all down with that. I'm totally down with that. We had a neighbor at my old house and he was this older man that lived across the street from us. And one day the police come to my door and they're like, we have to talk to you about something. I'm like, what is it? And they're like, well, your neighbor across the street, Rich has accused Josh. Josh is my husband.

Rich has accused Josh of breaking into his house and rearranging the furniture. We don't, we don't think this has happened, but Rich has mentioned to us that he has a gun. We live in Oklahoma. So everybody's fucking got guns. And so we just wanted to make sure, like, have y'all had an altercation with him? And I'm like, no,

But he accused one of my friends once of stealing his gnome. He had a gnome out in his front yard. Oh, I remember that. Remember? Yes. Nobody wants your gnome. Yes. And so like he totally had this whole kind of fantasy world going on. And here's the deal. Josh is totally metrosexual. I could even make a strong argument that Josh could possibly be homosexual. Right.

He just is not that gay that would break in to rearrange somebody's furniture. I feel like you would do it. I know. I mean, I've seen, I only know you from the TV, but...

That sounds reasonable to me. I don't know. My God. Sounds just like you, actually. And you're also stealing them because it's bringing down the property values in the neighborhood. Someone needs to tell Rick nobody wants his gnome. Right. It sounds like you just cracked the case. Maybe I was the culprit all along. It was you all along. Throwing Josh under the bus. Poor baby. Yeah. No, but I mean, it was, I mean, it was totally nuts. That street was, it was kind of crazy. I got the hell out of there. Neighbors are just,

They're like almost always terrible. Yeah. No, they're bad. Okay. One of you put down in our correspondence prior to having you on this whole concept that I immediately fell in love with and did a lot of research on, which is the name of men's deodorant scents. Yes, that was me. Okay. I have, I feel like I'm on a game show. I feel like I literally just ran. I have taken the liberty of Googling some of the best scents. And what we're going to do is I'm going to name these.

And I want everybody to go around and we're going to describe what type of man we think uses this. Okay. So I'm going to start off and then let's just free ball it and go through it. Let's have some fun here. Okay. Okay. The first scent is man of steel. Hmm. Fat. Fat.

That is definitely a chubby man. Nobody muscular needs to have steel under their arms. And I think little penis because they probably are overcompensating. I'm going teeny weeny as well. Teeny weeny. Teeny weeny. Bipolar because Superman definitely has that. Like he's evil Superman too, you know? Right. Right. Bipolar. Bipolar. Small dick.

Comic-Con. Obviously, someone going to Comic-Con would wear it. Not to be too much of a literalist, but let's be honest. Yeah, in a costume, for sure. Here's our next scent, fellas. It's Speed Stick. I'm going to say right out of the gates, I think this is a quick shot. That's what I was going to say. What we call... Great minds, pups. Great minds. What we call a quick shot here at I've Had It, guys, is a man...

That shoots his wad a little too fast. A quick shot. Oh, God, I wish I could be that. That's like my dream. I'm like the slowest. I'm like, can we just wait a minute, please? How do we make this happen more quickly, guys? Speed stick. I'm going to say speed stick doesn't have small dick energy. He doesn't have large dick energy. I'm going to say this is like a sport dick.

You know, a Goldilocks-sized dick. Like a shower, not a grower. Literal just energy. Yeah. Like not big dick or little dick, just energy. A sport dick, you know? Yeah. And I think it's a sport dick. I think that he does shoot pretty quickly. I think we got a quick shot on our hands. And I think this is a guy that spends a lot of time in the gym doing cardio. Not like a, you know, like muscle, like...

beefy bodybuilder but i think this is a cardio freak a runner does he do triathlons yes i think there's like that triathlon energy speed stick is a triathlete which what's that bicyclist name um lance armstrong yeah oh my god you know the thing is with triathletes they're always talking about going off to do a triathlon have you ever noticed that like hey you want to have dinner sorry i've got a triathlon on right how many triathlons are there

You know what? I have to train all the time. I feel like they're the worst in the gay pride parade because it's not good enough being gay. It's not good enough being bi. They have to have a try. It's like, what? You guys are the gayest athletes ever.

I'll tell you this, this idea, you know, my kids are starting to age out of me using them for excuses to get out of going to stuff. I think I'm going to take up triathlons and I can just tell people they can ask me, do you want to go to dinner? Do you want to go to a movie? And I guess, oh, I'm sorry, I'm training for a triathlon. Right.

But then there'd be that one person at a party that was in the triathlon that would try to like pigeonhole you and want to talk about it nonstop. You'd easily be discovered, I bet. Because runners... They're worse than vegans. Right. They want to talk about it all the time. Right. All the time. Always want to tell you about it. Yeah. Okay. The next scent, which is one of my favorites, is smell like a man. Ugh. The worst. I'm going to say right out of the gates, Fox News.

Male anchors smell like a man for sure. Like Sean Hannity. It's like where Greg got filled. What about the guy? Really all of them. There's a Twitter person that's called like man, alpha male. Oh, that's a scent. It's alpha male. Alpha male is a scent. Oh, perfect. What are they named?

Because they're marketing to people like Ted Cruz. And what's that guy's name from Missouri? Josh Hawley. Oh, the worst. He was such a pussy. Remember when like... He's like... Out of the Capitol. Yeah, right. He gave like the white power fist pump and then he starts like hiding and then the committee just humiliated him with all those videos of him running. I think he has no shame. Is there a deodorant stand for insurrection? I'm just wondering. Right. Maybe we should start that. Okay, here's one. It's called...

Sweatless strength. Sweatless strength. There is no such thing. Listen, you can try and Botox the sweat out of you. It'll start coming out of different places. That's right. Yes. You're just going to be crazily sweating strength. You know what I realized when researching this is what a minefield it is to market to men and particularly like probably like middle American men because they have to address like something that is socially feminine, not sweating.

But so men are not wanting sweat, but they also have to like bow down to their masculine egos. So you get alpha male and you get manly musk and you get manly freshness and then you get that smell like a man. You know, it's really a precarious naming struggle to try to suggest to men to buy a product that really isn't that manly.

I know. And it's also like embarrassing that they have to be so on the nose with us. Right. You know, they have to be so much like, you're a strong man. And you're like, I am a strong man. Like that we actually fall for it. But what drives me nuts is,

you know, when I'm going to the store and I want to get deodorant, this is fine. Everything's named like cool rush or extreme blast or Arctic freeze. But like, what does that smell like? I don't know what this smells like. Exactly. Under my arms. Okay. Right. What does that smell like? Okay. Here's one. Big Mac. Here's one. Yeah.

Here's one that I think this would be very marketable to the gay community. Total freshness. That's it. We need a simple and explanatory. Jazz hands. Total freshness.

Total freshness. 11 o'clock number. I would do that one too. 11 o'clock number. I mean, I think a gay man would be like, you know, looking and then be like, mainly Musk, you know, alpha man, total freshness. That's it. I'm out. It's true. I think that there are some that are named for single guys who are out shopping for themselves at the target that need the like white power fist or whatever you were saying before the Josh Hawley sense. Yes. Yes.

And then there are kinds that are marketed to wives whose husbands no longer buy their own deodorant. Right. Which I know, like, to me seems backwards, but I know that that's still like a thing in the world. I see it at Target. Right. So I think that there are those scents too, and they're all like candle scents. It's like sandalwood and leather. It's like the wife is like, oh my God, fresh parchment paper. Right.

My wife came up with this. Pumps, can you please share with our listeners how you were battling all of the body odor that happens to you each and every summer? I wasn't battling body odor, but I did get really stinky after workout, especially if I had to go somewhere afterwards until I got Lume. It is the best. I love the wipes. I love the body wash. I love the deodorant. I love everything about it.

Listener, Pumps is so fresh. Thanks to Lume. I'm telling you guys, their whole body deodorant wipes off.

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You know, Pumps, I know that one thing that you crave doing all day long

is taking your bra off. I do. With Honeylove, I've noticed you're leaving that bra on a lot longer because it is not uncomfortable. No, I love my Honeylove bras. They're so comfortable. I hardly know I have them on and I love the shapewear too. It is so nice and comfortable. Honeylove's bestseller crossover bra is so comfortable. It's sure to be your new go-to because this is Pump's go-to people. And let me tell you, she is very particular about her brassieres.

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snatched and lifted. It's hot girl season thanks to Honey Love. Pumps, you know I'm really concerned about your health and I have recently come across some alarming information from the World Health Organization that states consuming diet sweeteners can increase blood clot formations which in turn can increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes.

And so, you know, that iced tea that you drink with all that artificial sweetener is no longer allowed in the recording studio because I've replaced it with Hint water. I hate to tell you you're right because I really do like the Hint water. It's kind of the perfect little solution to my tea addiction. I know. And you're drinking a lot less tea with sweetener now, correct? Correct. Because the Hint water really does the trick. Don't say I never did anything nice for you.

Listener, you can find Hint Water at retail stores like Walmart, Target, and Kroger or have it delivered to your front door from HintWater.com. New customers can get Hint for just a dollar a bottle with free shipping when they order three cases. That's 36 bottles for $36 and free shipping. Just use the code HADIT at checkout. Okay, guys, it's time to play our just fantastic game called HADIT or HIT IT.

Okay, so I'm going to list some things you tell us if you've had it with it or if you like it so much you'd hit it. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. All right. Had It or Hit It, Brad Pitt.

Hit it. Hit it. You know, it's Brad Pitt. Yeah. Even though he's got all that controversy about building like affordable housing that was like built with like glue guns and cardboard and like crashed in on everyone's head. I'm still doing. Yeah, I'm still hitting it. I'm still hitting it. And by the way, he probably doesn't even wear deodorant, which I'm morally opposed to, but it's Brad Pitt. So hit it. Right. Even if he smells bad. Yeah. And I'm he has aged incredibly.

He's 59 years old, you guys. Oh my God, he's almost 60? Wow. Yes. He's gorgeous. It's not like he's someone who is ugly that's aging well. Right. He was gorgeous. He's still gorgeous. He is so hot. And you know, talking to him, he's probably incredibly insufferable. It's probably going to be one of the most insufferable conversations that you have. And he still can be hot, which is a level of hotness that is unremarkable.

It's like a higher elite level of hotness. It's generational hotness. And you know where he was born, fellas? Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Oh, well, there we go. There we go. Okay. That's hot. I'd hit it. I'd hit Oklahoma. Okay. Had it or hit it. Birthday months.

Oh, had it. Had it. Had it. I've had it with birthday weeks. I've had it. I've almost had it with birthdays. Yeah. I've kind of over it too. Yeah. Yeah. Had it. Big time had it on that one. People over celebrate and it's like, bitch, everybody has a birthday.

Like you're not so special just because today's yours. So is half the world. Exactly. My birthday is coming up. Birthday month. And I'm trying to plan a birthday trip. And let me tell you, the people whose birthday has been the biggest pain in the ass about their birthdays over the year, we have to go take a trip every single year for their birth. None of them are going to come to my thing.

I'm sorry. Screw you guys. Screw your birthday months. Screw your birthdays. That's shitty. They're not reciprocating after they've had you go on all these trips for theirs. Yeah, that's bullshit. I oppose birthday months, birthdays, all of those things. But next year, I will turn the big 5-0. And I definitely want to have a very small trip there.

even though I totally oppose birthday trips, I'm going to be totally hypocritical, but only very small. Me and my kids pumps her kids. If they're all behaving, the kids could get axed off the list with a prodder immediately. Prodder for our kids. Now make sure you're like, you better do some practice runs for the airport. You better be like, okay, everyone. My,

My shit is so tight at the airport. I am a fucking stealth fighter. I go in. I fucking do that shit effortlessly. My license is out. I get fucking five gold stars. Take it to the bank. I am fucking excellent at traveling.

Girl, I saw you. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I have to say I saw something that you posted traveling where you were mad that somebody had their suitcase next to them on the escalator thing going down. Oh, yeah. You were mad that they didn't put the suitcase in front of you. I'm not surprised that you want a social rate. I saw that and I was like, she would hate it.

This lady is going to hate my guts. It's chaos on the escalators. I'm so glad you brought this up because I haven't brought it up in about 20 episodes. And now it's time to fucking drag out that dead horse and beat it. Let me tell you what's going on on the escalators in the United States of America. Everybody's just laid out on the escalators. They're standing there. They have their bag next to them. They've got their Stanley Cup. They're on their phone thumbing through fucking just radios.

horrible Instagram posts of somebody's fucking kid that nobody gives a fuck about. And I've got places to go. I've got a heart rate to keep up. And then I hit this goddamn brick wall. And I'm like, you have to move over to one side so that people can pass. So the United States of America, we do a lot of things, right? But the escalator situation is out of control. Do you follow the Ben Mandelker patented method of escalator badgery, which is that I...

when I see this happening, I do the big clomp clomp with my feet like bump, bump, bump, bump, which is like you've got five seconds now to get out of the way because I'm clomping. And then if they still don't move, sometimes I just let out a good old excuse me. And then

Works like a charm. Let me tell you what I've started to do. This is what they do in the UK. They don't fuck around with this. Passing on your left. And I just start saying it. Passing on your left. Passing on your left. You know the flat escalators? You know, that is completely unacceptable.

Well, that's different. Those flat escalators. Okay. The regular escalators, as a bigger person, as someone who struggles with their weight, when you're walking through an airport, it's difficult sometimes. Okay? So I see that escalator and I immediately see lean machine. I go onto it and I lean onto it. I sweat onto it. I breathe onto everybody. I'm like, ah! Okay.

but the walking escalators you don't just stand there on a walking escalator move your ass you gotta go and if you're a slow walker walk on the right so that the psychotic fast walker such as myself can pass you on the left we can all live peacefully in an airport together if you're on that escalator you got to move over put your suitcase in front of you be ready to be passed on the left it's

out of control. They've started to paint lanes. They've started to paint lanes on some of them. I've noticed. Have they? Yes. Some say standing, some say walking, which means that the infraction is even worse because now they're literally told where they can stand and not stand. And let me tell you something, the clomp-clomp method on a moving walkway is fabulous because you have all that space to clomp. I'm going to adopt that. Yeah, that's a good one. It's great. You sound like you're just a

bolt like an indiana jones boulder right it's kevin i'm taking you under if you don't move i'm gonna start doing that i actually can't wait to fly again okay had it or hit it toddlers oh had it had it no well i'm not gonna say it hit a toddler i feel like that's a trick question honestly uh i i was just in so i went to barnes and noble yesterday

And I was in the cookbook section. And for some reason, there were like 15 children running around in the cookbook section. And I was like, why are there children running around in the cookbook section? And my friend who's with me says, oh, because the children's section is like the next one over. But I was like, but still, why are they just all over? And my friend looked at me and said, Ben, you really think children are raccoons, don't you? Yes, I do. Oh, that's so good. Okay. Had it or hid it, word or

Art. Oh, God. You know what? They've gotten so creative with it that I'm almost about to hit it. Really? I've loved it for so long. You know, we came out with a thing that's in the Gather font, but it says isolate because we've been over this for years. You know, it's like the home goods thing. I'm getting more into it now. I'm just starting to see it as being hilarious that people are so stupid they don't know where their kitchen is.

You literally have to have a sign that says kitchen or like a bathroom that says you're in there, you're holding your wiener and you're peeing into their toilet and it says bathroom. Right. Or there's no place like home or home is where the heart is. I've seen a lot of it. Just like Paris. There's a lot that just declare Paris. Like Paris. Which is terrible. That's Parisian abuse, you know, because you know the apartment that has that in it is neither Parisian nor chic.

And so, I mean, I think that's a disgrace to Paris. I want honest word art, though. Agree. Agree. My husband's a lazy fuck. You know, like a cooking apron that says that. Or like, you know, the don't do coke in my bathroom has been a funny one. Oh, that's a great, that's fantastic. That's fantastic. Or like my children are too ugly to be on the back of this car. You know, people for the little stick figures. Yeah.

Okay, hat it or hit it, citizen scientists.

Oh, I had it. Citizen scientist. That's like an oxymoron right there. Right. No, I'm not. I don't want my citizen science. Okay. Not whatsoever. That's the lady with the marbles in the bowl and the water. Exactly. Shut up already. No one asked you, you know. We're like, everybody be careful. The UV is six today. I'm like, I don't care. Oh, my gosh. Congrats on getting polio again. So.

I had a, like, back when Facebook was still kind of cool, but not really. I was on Facebook, and, like, a friend that I, I don't even know if I remember the guy from high school, but somebody I graduated from high school with makes a Facebook post to an article. Like, some scientist was like, we found, you know, some bones in the earth that are 300 million years old. So this guy refacebooks or, like, posts the article, and then he puts...

As far as I'm concerned, the earth is 6,000 years old. Science has its theories and I got mine.

Oh, well, that was good. Yes. Everyone gets a theory. And I was immediately just like, what a false equivalency. Right. For you to think that your fucking theory holds up to these people that are really fucking smart, like nerdy, geeky, total smart people that have gone to school forever and like read about carbon dating for fun.

And you think that your fucking Facebook post is somehow on the same playing field as this Harvard graduate. Obviously I unfriended him, which now I kind of regret because it could be fun to go back and look.

and have material for the pod. You have to. So I literally last week just discovered that one of my friends is now a flat earther. Really? And yes. She put up a post that said literally like, you guys, the earth is flat. She was a very blatant flat earther.

And she has this whole thing about the firmament that everything we see, like the firmament, I guess, is this thing that is on top of the flat earth or a disc or whatever. And I'm fascinated because I never thought I would know a real life flat earther. Yeah. I didn't think there were that many. Yeah. And I think that I should, like my instinct said, oh, you should unfriend this person on principle. But I was like, no, the comedy is just what you do. You have to stay. And I made a gracious error. Like questions like, so what? Tell me about the disc.

I know, but sometimes you can't engage with crazy. You just have to watch it from a distance. I mean, if you poke that bear. Yeah. Okay. And final, how did her hit it? Housewives. Oh, hit it. Real ones are like real housewives or Bravo. Bravo housewives.

Oh, we love them. Yeah, that will never get old. Listen, crazy people will never cease being hilarious. I don't care. This could be in the biblical times. We could be 2,000 years in the future. That show will always be funny. I don't care. Yes. Timeless. Yes. Okay, who's your favorite housewife or can you say?

Like of all time, of all the seasons. My all-time favorite is Countess Luanne de Lesseps because- Love her. She has been on a journey from being like a hoity-toity countess who literally wrote a book about manners and etiquette to then getting arrested in Florida. And actually, she managed to get out of handcuffs. She Houdinied her handcuffs, which-

for that alone is kind of like put you top tier. And then she started a cabaret career. And then the middle of it, she had sex with a pirate. I mean, she's really fucking done it all. I love that.

I would say I have a tie between Lisa Vanderpump and NeNe Leakes. NeNe Leakes has the most like gif-able, most hilarious moments, but she kind of crashed and burned towards the end, but loved her forever. And then Lisa Vanderpump for just normalizing, like holding swans in your testimony. She has these swans that would bite Kyle Richards ankles, you know, things like that, that are just like her pet magic.

Yeah, that's magic. I love it. I absolutely love it. Well, you guys, it has been so much fun. We absolutely love you guys. We definitely want to have you guys back on in the future. And Kylie will put how to follow these guys and go listen to their podcast. Watch what crappens down in the notes of our episode. We love you guys so much for having us. It was so fun. So fun. I can go on and on and on. Wait for your birthday trip. That is going to be so much fun. For sure. Please love it.

Okay. Bye guys. Thank you both so much. Bye bye. Podcasting for 20 years, man. I told you their podcast was an antique. That is crazy. And we're like, we're the new shiny little penny. Yeah. And they're just the old guard. They're just laughing. I don't know if we'd ever have that kind of longevity. We'd probably die between 20 years. I mean, I'm 80s. Oh, you would for sure die.

I'm maybe dead in 20. Gotta soak it all up now. Uh-huh. Well, listener, we cannot thank you enough for joining us, joining our fantastic guests. Kylie will put how to find them down in the show notes. And...

I mean, I think that's all we got. Everybody, please send us a voice memo to the I've Had It podcast Instagram to be featured on one of our bonus episodes, or it could be played on one of our live shows at the Hot Shit Tour. Please go to our link tree and any of our social media bios and buy tickets to a city near you. We are going to do a global tour, right, Pumps? That's right. Global. Bye. Canada, we're coming for you. See you next Tuesday or Thursday. Bye.

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