Fear& Humiliation
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Ready? One, two, three. Think clap. Yes. Right. Okay. Welcome to I've had it. This is probably going to be one of the most humiliating episodes of our entire life. We have ever recorded simply because about six, eight months ago, my son calls me and he's like, mom, Hassan Piker's talking about you on his stream. And I'm like,

who is Hasan Piker and what is his dream? Right. What is all that? So we find out and then I watch it and I'm like, he loves us. Therefore I love him. Right. We love him. It was just, it was that transactional for us. And so then it's like, we're inviting the, I've had it ladies. Cause we're ladies to LA. They're going to be on our podcast. We love these people. And,

And then we were ghosted. Yes. We got broken up with, we got butt hurt and we instituted the white girl breakup. Yes. And we placed a ban on the fear and podcast. This is a temporary lift of the band, the band. It is a trial run to see how this goes. We'll have to have a meeting afterwards when we get back to Oklahoma city to see if the band will be lifted forever. But before we introduce our guests, um,

I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And we have with us Hassan, Will, and Austin. Yes. And these guys do this thing called Twitch for our listeners that don't know. I have been paying Twitch a lot of money for many years because my children play video games. Yeah, for Hassan. Literally paying me, which I did not know. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Basically, for our listeners that don't know, these fellows engage in major indoctrination activities

of young minds. And I appreciate it so much because there are so many kids that live in states like ours in Oklahoma City or rural America. And all they know is what their parents tell them and what their schools tell them. And they get this other world view. And I think it's incredibly, incredibly helpful what you all do. Yes. Well, thank you. We appreciate it. I don't want to be too positive, though, because that's not the premise of this podcast. So, Pabst, why don't you tell us what you've had it with?

Okay, what I've had it with, and it just happened when we landed in L.A. Okay. This woman gets on, you know, you have to leave the terminal, you get on a bus, and you ride to get your baggage claim or to your car. This fucking woman had her FaceTime out with her, like, two- and three-year-old kids, and she is baby talking, which I'm fine with the baby talk to a kid, and she starts missing the iPhone FaceTime. Oh. Oh. Oh.

- Stop it. - Yeah, stop it. - Wait 'til you get in your car.

car. Wait till you're by yourself. Go in the bathroom. Like nobody wants to see that. So I've had it with these people. I've had it with toddlers. I've had it with everything. I love that. You know, one thing we've noticed in LA is we really haven't seen children. We've been here for four days. Which is cool, right? It's fantastic. It's awesome. It makes it a much better place. We've aborted them all. Plant B for everyone. Plant B coffee. Okay, let me tell you guys what I've had it with. Okay. Okay.

Slow walkers are an especially egregious gripe of mine. But when you have slow walkers that are a pair and they're holding hands, they're

And they're blocking the sidewalk. This is fatal. This is a massive violation. If you're going to be a slow walking couple, you have to go single file. You cannot hold hands and snails pace it down the sidewalk. That is not part of the social contract. I've got things to do. I'm not a lollygagger. I don't want a pussy foot. I want to steamroll down the sidewalk as quickly as I can. We were behind these old people at the hotel. Yes.

And they decide to hold hands. That's interesting that they've been together that long and they want to hold hands, but whatever. That might be heartwarming to some. I was somewhat annoyed by it. I was irritated. What's going on? There's no way they like each other. They've been married too long. They're slow walking and you're trying to dart to get around them. And it was just like, I hate

and these people, not to be ageist, but in those moments, you know, you can just really hate. - Get the fuck out of the way. - Yes. - No old people, no toddlers. That is the California dream. - It is. - You guys would love it here. - We would absolutely love it here. Okay, I wanna go down roll call. Hassan, oh, you wanna go first? - I think I'm ready. - Okay, let's hear it. - And I'm gonna make them at ease by jumping in. I've had it with NFL fans.

Because recently they've been pretty fucking gatekeeping. Oh yeah. Taylor Swift has brought a lot of new fans. Amazing. To the NFL. And I remember being a new NFL fan. My uncle played in the NFL and it was very scary for me because if you've never watched football before, there are a lot of fucking stupid rules like a safety or offensive pass interference that take a while to adjust to.

And I like the new fans coming in. We got fresh blood, right? Right. And they've been very gatekeeping. And I've seen a lot of people on X or Twitter say like, oh, I can't even watch football games anymore because all these Swifties are enjoying football. Fuck you. They're watching the same dumb sport you're watching. Right. Let them have fun.

fun. Let them enjoy it. Yes. I think that's interesting. I'm going to dovetail off of that because I've had it with Twitter. Oh, absolutely. It is something that I have finally said, oh my God, I can't stand this anymore to this week where I

I think since Elon Musk took over, I mean, this is a bit of a cliche at this point, but like, since Elon Musk took over, the website has been forcibly like by far force turned into this like right wing forum. Agree. Yeah. And it's just not even good content overall. Like I am someone who's fascinated with right wing commentary. I love looking at hogs in the wild, you know,

And that's what I call it. Hog watch. Like I love dressing up like a right wing guy and, you know, LARPing live action role play, but it's, it's, it's just awful. If it's the dominant narrative all the time, everything on the timeline is just like CCTV footage of fight videos. And then like AI generated content from like,

the historian that is just basically like

like a video that they found and repurposed. They're just, you know, fake information. And then so much racism. I don't even use it. So much racism. It's unbelievable. And homophobia. It's awful. It's unusable. It used to be gay porn. Now it's just homophobia. I just found out the other day you can watch porn on Twitter. What? Yeah, I had no idea. You could always go to Ted Cruz's liked tweets. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Ted Cruz.

I realized something, and this is an amazing factoid. Men our age, right? Around, I would say around 35 is the cutoff now, 36. The percentage under that age that have Googled the word boobs at one time in their life is almost a solid 100. - Even I've Googled boobs and I'm gay. - Yeah. - One of my passwords is boobs. - Yeah, really? - Why did you reveal that? - See, we are just alike 'cause I got a password. - One of my passwords is boobs.

You have to figure it out, folks. The first time I told my money manager my passwords for stuff, it was a humiliating day. They're all disgusting sex acts. That's wild. I'm going to tell you guys what I've had it with. Okay, what is it? I travel a lot. Almost every week I'm on a plane. Mostly coming to this podcast. Perpetual vacation. I've had it with motherfuckers. Can I curse on this podcast? Absolutely. Cock suckers. Okay, don't celebrate. Okay, yeah.

that don't know how to exit an airplane in an orderly fashion. - Ooh. - I agree. - It is row by row. You wait patiently, people grab their bags, you exit like a normal human being, not like an animal. I was in the first row of a plane last night. I got up to grab my bag and was steamrolled by three people.

behind me that could not exit the plane. It is the most annoying thing I have. I'm so, I can't stand it. I have shoulder check people. Oh, really? I like that. Yeah, that old couple that you saw. Well, actually, speaking of old, this was an elderly woman who was struggling to get her bag down. You shoulder checked her? No, no, no. She was struggling to get her bag and people were trying to go past her. So I shoulder checked her.

The person that was trying to go past her and I helped her get her bag and then I was a body shield as she walked up the gate because that's how we should respect our elders. I've had it with people that don't know how to exit a plane in an orderly fashion. It's awful. It's awful. And it's a problem. It's a huge, we need to make an address. Where are you going? Exactly. You're in the back of the bus. Just wait. Where are you going? That is exactly the problem. I also think with air travel, there is a lot of

pre-boarding fraud going on where there's no oversight. Nobody is checking. It's like families with small children and then you see like teenagers boarding with their parents and people that need special assistance and you see some like roid guy, you know, who just snorted a bunch of creatine in the bathroom prior pre-boarding and I'm like,

Is there any oversight in this? He might be military. Yeah, he might be a veteran. That's right. We accidentally... Which also, I don't think they should get priority either. I'll say it. I think it's... I think they should. I think it's wheelchair...

And that's it. Same with parking. I think we're getting too many carve outs for people. If you are sincerely disabled, then you should have a preferred parking spot and preferred boarding to the plane beyond that. But here's something fascinating we found out in doing this podcast and y'all need to start checking this. Okay. So as you watch the pre borders, count the wheelchairs.

And then when you get off that jet bridge, count how many are waiting. It's always less. They call it the jet bridge Jesus phenomenon. People are faking being disabled to pre-board and getting pushed onto a plane. They get in their seat and then miraculously they walk away.

the jet bridge. Oh my God. And I, a lady told us that came to our live show that's a pilot. She told us this. So I've been doing it. The first flight after that. you're faking a disability? No. Nice. So I counted seven wheelchairs on our flight after this show. Seven disabled people go on. When I got off the jet bridge, three wheelchairs were waiting. Yeah.

Yeah. Four people were scamming the system. You need to confront one of these people with a hidden camera. It's a great idea. Where's your wheelchair, bitch? The problem is like, the problem is like you, you do run into the, to the issue that like, uh, you know, they could actually be disabled. Right. That would be my problem. I'd go do that to somebody that really like has an amputated leg or something. And that would be the biggest asshole. I mean, I, if they, but if they do them where they would probably need a wheelchair on the way out. Right.

Yeah, but how do you know? But you don't know. That's the thing. You don't know who's who. You don't know who's taking the wheelchairs. There's no oversight in this. We need to, there needs to be a regulation. This is where your and Pumps' flirtation with Karenism could come in handy. We can checkmark the people. Yes. I do that for Stolen Valor. I'm like, if you're a vet, I need to see your credentials. Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, you're a veteran? Okay, which wars did you fight in? And even then, I'm like, you shouldn't get pre-boarded. Can I pose something about the unloading and loading of a plane? Yeah. Why don't we fucking board from the back to the front?

I agree. Great idea. Because I paid more. Oh, my God. I'm just kidding. I'm joking. I'm sure there's actually a very real reason. No, the reason is they want to give first class more time to give them an extra incentive. Yes. They want to give people, number one, the incentive. Number two, they want to give people. There's limited bin space typically. They want to give those people. But I agree with you.

And in all seriousness, I agree with you. It makes a lot more sense. It's a lot more efficient. The airlines would probably save money too. I'm curious about the cost analysis of the efficiency that they would, the efficiencies that they would have boarding that way and how much they're gaining from the loyalty program. I'm sure they've thought it through. Like they probably, they cut corners on everything. I'm going to tell you why. They want the stowage.

To walk through first class and see that piece of life. Yeah. So that they're like, I want that for myself. Yeah. I'm going to do it next time. Yeah. Yes.

aspirational moments. They're pinching everything though. It's getting worse now. No warm nuts anymore. No warm nuts, no hot towels. No, I love the hot towel. No hot towels though. No hot towels. Plastic cups, what the fuck? Yeah, I hate it. I want some crystal. What is this, a barbecue? You know what I mean?

See, we're the same. Do your podcast viewers know that you're a Karen? Yes, they do. A white hat. I want to inform them that you're a white hat, Karen. I'm doing it for the good of humanity. Because you stand up for... We band together and we find those people that are... We make a change. Some people say Shea Guevara was a white hat, Karen.

Aaron. You're regulators. Yes, we're regulators. Exactly. When he went and fought alongside, you know, in Africa to liberate African nations, like, that's what he was doing. That's almost what we're doing with... I want you all to explain to us. I have no idea what this is. Okay. We'll have no idea what this is. Okay. What is a self-suck incident? Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. All right. So, I...

- Do you want to tackle this or do you want me to tackle that? - You're the one that dies in them all the time. - Yeah, you are the most self-suffering. - Did you guys say that I died in one of those when I left? - Yes, we said it about QT too. - This is a long running joke where we have many guests of the pod and part of the reason we do that is so that we have the flexibility to miss episodes.

A long time ago though, we, we were talking about sucking your own cock and, uh,

various members of the podcast admitted that they have tried or succeeded. All men have tried, by the way. Yes. Or succeeded to suck their own cock. If your husband has said no, ask him. He's lying. Ask him. Ask him when you get home. I will. I'm going to call him after this. Yeah, call him. But I was the first member of the pod to miss an episode. And the reason that they gave during the episode- I immediately started lying and said he died. Was that I had-

my own cock to death. And someone on the internet posted an in memorial to me that my 93-year-old father found. No! And he reached out to me and was like, Will, are you okay? I'm seeing this. And I was like, wait, someone's saying I'm dead? And he's like, yeah, and they're saying that you sucked your own cock to death. So this became our go-to excuse for whatever.

The pod, they've passed away in a tragic self-suck. Right. Yes. Which it started with Will, but evidently all of us, Hassan has never missed a podcast. I've never, cause I don't die when self-sucking. He's the only, I'm able to survive. Yes.

You know, I have to say, I don't know that that is a thing with women. Do you know anybody who's tried to eat their own self-match? No, I don't know any self-matchers. I'm going to look this up. Is there any, it's, I, it would have to be tough. You'd have to be a contortionist. Right. There's nothing coming back at you. Or Gene Simmons ask with the. Right. Yeah. I've never even thought about it. You'd,

You'd have to definitely take out a couple ribs like Marilyn Manson. Yeah. And it's a lot more sophisticated. I don't know what it's like to eat

He doesn't know anything about vagina. I don't really know much about it, but I imagine it's a lot more intricate and sophisticated. So it takes a little bit more. Not only is it hard to stretch that far, but the detail or the orientation, the detail. You know, I think this would make you like strange bedfellows with like Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, Ted Cruz. I don't think these men know anything about vaginas.

I realize how much in common I have with straight men is my lack of understanding of a vagina. That's exactly right. But you know, the difference between us is, between me and straight men, is if I were to have to be with a woman, I would put forth the effort. You would study. Put some effort in. You're a selfish top. He's a liar. He doesn't. He's a liar. You wouldn't. I would totally. I'm a real service top. You are. Oh, I like that. So for all the viewers here, this is my gay friend, Hassan Piker. Hassan Piker.

He loves men. I don't care. Sure, whatever. See? So confident in his sexuality. You said your dad was 93? Yeah. How old was he when you were born? 60. Oh, God. Math. I got a math. Were you an accident? No, I wasn't an accident. I called myself a half-court shot. Oh.

I had two older brothers from a different marriage. And then my mom was much younger than my dad. And they met on a plane and they had a 20 year whirlwind romance. And then you think that you were a Viagra baby?

No. My dad is, my dad up until, he broke his femur recently, but right up until then reports that he had a diamond cutter. Really? Yeah, he was just a real coxsman. Very virile man. So respectfully, how do you get that information? Mom and I are, we have a different relationship.

We're very open. My mom and I, my mom and I too. So I get it. I understand. I don't think my, I think my dad is one of those like Ivy Leaguers who would just have too much pride to take Viagra. So he'd be like,

He would just will it. Yeah. He'd watch eight hours of women's volleyball. What do they call that when you just limp it into the squeeze? Soft serve. Soft serve. Soft serve. I love that. Oh, it's the worst. Oh, so you've experienced this? Yes. Oh, her ex-husband was soft serve extraordinaire. Oh my gosh. So there's this great story when she's married. They've been divorced for a long time now, but she calls me and she says,

And he always wants to have like all my children days of our life sex. It's so ridiculous. We have to start by French kissing. What is all my children days of our life? Like where you start French kissing. French kissing and making out and it's long. Soap opera sex. Soap opera sex. You don't like the foreplay? I don't want to French kiss my ex-husband ever. Wait, but so he was your ex at this point? No. Current husband. Current husband. So she's telling. But I hated it.

She's telling me that she's having to French kiss him and they're having sex and he just can't really, he keeps soft serving after soft serving. And she's like, this is going to have to end. So she says, why don't we just do it from behind? So he flips her over.

Seals the deal. Liftoff, right? Yeah. So then for about 36 hours, we'll get to that. We get 36 hours later and he's like victory lapping, telling her for the next day and a half, boy, you really love it from behind, don't you? So this was like 20 years ago. So now all the time, anytime sex comes up, I'm always like, yeah, Pumps really likes it from behind. Which really, it was just an efficiency thing. She wanted to raw dog it.

She wanted to raw dog it to land the plane. She knew that that would probably make it take it over the top. So was it never enjoyable? Maybe in the beginning, I think. Thank God I got pregnant really fast. Really? Yeah. Before we got married. I think it's always better before you get married. Yeah.

Yeah. Marriage doesn't sound great. No. No. Is it? I'm not a fan. I love my husband. We've been through a lot because of his addiction. And there are times where I hated him like massively. Yeah. But I love him. He's great. He's pretty gay like you all are. Perfect. I mean like total metro. Awesome. Super progressive. He's awesome. And I enjoy him so much. We like to do the same shit. We're both really shallow. And so he...

My marriage to him right now is great, but marriage is one of those things like with anything where you go through like peaks and valleys. And here's the thing that is not advertised about marriage that really fucking pisses me off. If you're fortunate enough to grow up and you have your own bedroom, you have your own bedroom from like zero to 18 and you have your own bedroom. Maybe you have a Jack and Jill. You're only sharing it with one person or maybe you have your own in suite bathroom.

And then you go on and you have some college roommates and then you're independent again and you have to live by yourself. And then you're forced to share a bed, a bathroom, closet with somebody. And that really pushes what I think human beings are able to talk about.

tolerate. God, you are spitting facts. My girlfriend streams out of our bedroom. So there are so many times I have to get ready like a, like a fucking prison inmate in the back of her. Like she'll be on camera and I have like a towel and I have to put on underpants. Yeah. Yeah. Feel disgusting. Well, you just need to buy a new house though. Yeah. Fuck it. Yeah. It's you sharing so much. And then sometimes you go, I remember like how in love you are in the beginning. You're fucking like rabbits. It's great. Yeah.

And then like a couple years into marriage, you look over and you're like, I can't get this person.

don't want to share oxygen. But then a couple of weeks later, you're madly in love again. It's really like schizophrenic. And you have periods where you're not. It's the same thing with kids. Would you say the secret? We can avoid all of this. We're going to get heterosexually gay married. I love that. Do you think the secret is like maybe having like a sense of privacy, which is like virtually impossible after knowing someone for 10 years, but still like

you know, maybe not farting in front of your partner or something for as long as you hold it. It sounds silly. No, but it's just like, I keep those sorts of things private because I think, you know, as a heterosexual female that men, you always kind of have to keep an allure of what to keep that kind of spice. Like I don't want to just rip in front of Josh and ever in front of you.

Sometimes, but because I'm, but I was kind of, I mean, yes, sometimes he does, but I would say the secret is this, like for Josh and me, he is an atheist. I'm an atheist. He's incredibly progressive. I'm incredibly progressive. We both live in Oklahoma city.

So the pickings were very thin to find that type of person. And so we like kind of clung on to each other, but then we both, I mean, we like the same shit. We like to hate the same shit. We like to love the same shit. So those common things and the sex can kind of weave in and out of it, you know, where sometimes you're really attracted to each other and then sometimes you kind of go through a dry spell, but having things in common, you know,

Like where, when we go on a trip, I'm like, we like to do all of the exact same shit. Whereas pumps, if we gay married, she wants to watch MSNBC 24, seven, three 65. Oh my God. Switches to the Midas touch. And she thinks Ben, my say list is her boyfriend. She notices when he gets his haircut and like, we're in Vancouver on the hot shit tour. And I'm like, we're in Vancouver. Let's go walk around. Let's go shopping. And she's like, Oh no, I got to watch Ben. But if Josh were with me, like would be it.

Prada doing totally shallow shit together and would feel like good people you know

It's awesome. I love that. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. We play tennis together. Pickleball. So, yeah. Oh my gosh. Do y'all play pickleball? I. Yes. I'm a basketball guy. It's really becoming popular. So I'm a racket sportsman. I played squash in college. I was really good. My dad was actually a national champion at one point in his last year's career. He almost went to Cornell with a scholarship. Yeah. Wow. And then I played, I was also a tennis pro growing up. I played tennis. Are you like a 5.0?

Not anymore. But Pickleball, my friends were playing it, creators, and I was like, oh, this is fun. And I started beating ass. Yeah, he liked it. Okay, so this story, I don't think I've ever told you. I forget who you played Pickleball with, but

I remember someone telling me that they had no idea that you were like a racket Smith, I guess. And, and they were like, yeah, we were just like, we play pickleball pretty competitively. And then we asked Will Neff to come join us one time. And he apparently brought his little dog Farley with him. Yeah.

And he was like- I played a 1v2 set against these guys who thought they were good, and I held my dog the entire time, and I just- And he whacked. They were like, it's insane. He just held his dog-

Well, one of you two in both of us. That is abusive. Yeah. That is like, you like went to the pickleball court and chose violence. There wasn't a dry seat in the house. It was very, it's so funny that they, cause they had no idea. And I was like, yeah, he's like a bracket ball pro. None of this surprises me though. Will is one of the most incredible athletes. He's anything you could put Will Neff in.

he'll be the best at it. Like he would be like, if he was gay, I wouldn't, there would not be. I would suck you. He would suck me under the table. You say that about Will, but you still think that I couldn't out fuck you if I'm gay. No, of course not. You'd throw out a hip or something. That's insane. Seriously, you tap out after the first pussy. Are you kidding me? You tap out after the first pussy. This is false. This is false. You haven't experienced it. You've been fucking pussy for too long. You are afraid.

You are afraid. Will backs me up on this anyway. You're afraid of what I would do. Also, you exceed the weight limits of most twinks in West Hollywood. It does not matter. They are very fragile. You would snap multiple in two. We'd have a lot of twinks boarding airplanes and wheelchairs. The reason why he gets this defensive is because he's afraid.

He is afraid. This is not our pod. I know. We love it. We love it. You think they're afraid of your gayness? Your unlocked gayness? If I was one day, if I took the magic homicidal pill that we are trying to invent that turns you gay. Okay. That allows you to enjoy having sex with men and find men sexually attractive.

I would out fuck him. I would out fuck him under the table. And he is genuinely afraid. He's so worried that like, you're so worried that every time I post a photo, this is something that maybe you ladies don't know about gay men, but apparently they're fascinated with armpits. Yes. Do you like armpits? No. Really? He's a pit guy. I love armpits. We were recently in Salt Lake City. We did a live show there and there were all these ex Mormons that came to like our meet and greet.

And they said, you know, because Mormons are constantly trying to not have vaginal sex. So they're, you know, they're stocking, don't rock it. Well, this ER nurse said that this, they would get like STDs in their armpits and like behind their legs. That's where they were fucking. Jesus. Yeah. Tell them the story about the STD in the first place. Exactly. Yeah.

I was going to say that. How do you, we need to find this person. Somebody, but listen to this story. Here's the best part. So she tells us that one night an ambulance comes to the ER and it's a guy that had been docking, which is no movement. You're just like looking at each other. And the girl sneezed. So he had an orgasm. He called an ambulance and called the police accusing rape and demanded a rape kit.

The guy did? The guy did. Wait, she made a walk movement? He was talking, don't rock it. And she sneezed, and I guess it made her kind of do an involuntary kegel. He orgasms immediately, and he's so freaked out by it that he lost his virginity that he calls 911, goes to the ER in an ambulance, and demands a rape kit. How does that work? Can you imagine?

that ambulance ride? This guy just sitting there blankly in the EMS? I was raped. Do you want like a foil towel? Like, what court of law would that work in? Has she been in prison? Fuck.

She was immediately arrested. They threw her in Mormon jail. You would have to institute some Mormon Sharia law style situation where the only punishment can be dished out by God at that point. Can you imagine this guy for the rest, I mean, how big of a pussy he would feel like the remainder of your life. That guy is never going to enjoy an orgasm. Never. He's never going to enjoy sex. Anytime somebody sneezes, he's like, ah.

He just remembers the Kegel. That's his kink. He loves to be sneezed on. Yes. Yeah. That's cool. I think it would have created a...

Maybe a suction. Yeah. I think it was a kegel. I think she did an involuntary kegel. Interesting. Yeah. And it pinched his penis. What is a kegel? Is that where they squeeze your- We can do them together. Are you doing it right now? You can do anal kegels. So we're going to squeeze our pelvic. Everybody squeeze. Five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three. Am I releasing now?

- You just kind of keep, squeeze and release. - One, two, three, four. - I'm doing it. - You can do dick kegels too. - How do you do that? - Really? - I'm doing them right now. - It's the same. - Anal kegels are hard for me, dick kegels. - There's a muscle that you can go boing, boing, boing, boing. - Oh yeah, my husband. - It's the same thing that you use to like stop the flow of pee, I guess. It's like the same muscle and you can do that. - I have never heard of that. - I'm doing it right now. - I'm doing them too.

Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women?

If so, please go to I've had it podcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio and come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour. Right pumps. Tell them it's so fun. We hope to see you there.

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You know, Poms, when you get cornered by that awkward family member where you really can't tell them the exact truth about your life because they're so judgmental. Absolutely. Everyone has a few in their family.

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about Uber is it's the last test of where the customer is rated back. You know, like we all worry about like our Uber rating because that's really a window to like how you're performing and I'd like to see your and Pum's considering you're both Karens. Oh. In the gay sex world, is there any sort of like rating thing on Grindr?

You know, there's not. Where you can leave reviews? There's not. That'd be interesting, but to my knowledge, there's not. I feel like that would get catty. They're definitely, I think in small circles, people get reputations, certainly. What's yours? I think it's good. Selfish top. No.

No, like not to get too vulgar here, but I love to me, like in all seriousness, he jokes because he knows I'm not, I'm a service to I, it is so important to me that my partner is having pleasure to a point where if they're not, I'm out.

That's a gay mindset. That's how I know you're gay right there. That's how I immediately know you're gay because for men, her husband performed horribly, soft-served time after time again. She had to create a scenario to make him take it over the finish line because we know she likes it from behind. And then he took a victory lap for 36 hours. That's crazy. Because I know you and I are both service trades. I love that. Okay, we're going to play a game called Had It or Hit It.

I'll hit it or hit it. Okay. Oh my God. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. All right. Nicotine gum. Hit it. I hit it. Had it. Never had it. Never going to have it. Have you ever smoked? Never. Indifferent because I've never had nicotine. Really? Have you ever smoked?

Yeah. And you just cold turkey quit it? I'm just like, if I'll have a few beers, I'll go outside and smoke a dart. A delicious drink. Drinking and cigarettes have to go together. Yeah, they do. And those types of... Pumps and I were smokers. Right. Like two packs a day. We solved a lot of problems smoking rubber lights. And the people like you who could just...

I'm a serial killer. Like have a beer or two, have three or four cigarettes. That is insane. My girlfriend gets really mad at me because she vapes. And when the vape is gone or out, I live my life. I'm fine. And she's like, how are you not thinking about buying another vape? It's very frustrating. I have a totally anti-addictive person. You know what is, I don't want to be disrespectful, but,

But you guys, I feel like in order to like, you guys would be sexy smokers. Thank you. Thank you. I'm serious. We thought we were. We thought we were. Because we were like, we were cool. We crushed it. No, I'm serious. We crushed it. Marlboro needs to hire you guys for an ad campaign. No, it's hot. It's hot. Not all people look sexy when they smoke. We thought we did. I used to make fun of vapers. I was like, when I only smoked, I was just like, fucking vaping is not cool. Smoking is what the coolest people do. Vaping is still not cool.

Smoking, very cool. You're the reason why smoking was cool, I think. I'll never forget. I went to her house. Our kids were super young and she had the flu. And she's like, I need for you to come over and bring me something. So I brought her something. I meet her on the side of her house and she's got this huge fur coat on in the suburbs of Oklahoma City. And she has like 103 fever. She can barely talk. And she just whips out this sick. And I go, why are you smoking? And she goes,

Well, I can't get non-addicted. I didn't want to get, stop smoking while I was sick. Now, I was, first thing in the morning, coffee and a smoke. Yeah, see, coffee, that's it. That's the deal. Okay, all right. Had it or hit it? Stanley Cups. Had it. Hit it. Hit it.

You and Hubs are like the same person. We're the same person. Yes. Hit it. I don't mind. I love a Stanley Cup. I love a good, I like a good Yeti Cup, unless it's a controversial thing. You can't like both. I like a great Stanley, good Yeti. I think we're perpetually as a society dehydrated. I think it's hydration.

theater. You think so? It is the ultimate thirst trapping. I've had it. Nobody needs to carry around a goddamn receptacle like this piece of shit right here with your podcast logo on it. I think that's March's, right? That is a Stanley Cup. I know. I love it. Yeah, I've had it. They drive me fucking crazy. Everybody going bananas at Target, acting like goddamn vultures.

and then schlepping around these cups all the time. Look at how hydrated I am. But they are though. I've had it. They're hydrated. I think people are drinking too much water. We're peeing clear. We're peeing clear. Always. I think it's water theater. You're right. I don't think they're drinking all that. I would say hit it, but I would say it because Stanley Cup is just a receptacle for a new niche in the population, right? Hippies have now jeans.

Fucking bros have Yetis. Everybody now has their receptacle. And I'm on board with women having Hydro Flask and Stanley. This is their corner of the market. Wait, do I have a Stanley? Suck them up. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's... Am I with the women? No, the gays. I think Stanley Cup, and I saw this on Twitter, but I think Stanley Cup is a signifier that America has no walkable cities because no... Like, it is literally a product... What? Totally. It is literally a product designed for the suburbs. Like, because it's so massive that, like, there is no way... Like, think about when we go to Europe and we have to, like...

uh you know walk around a lot take public transit all the time when we're like doing stuff fuck oh i need it at my desk so i'm not constantly that's what i mean exactly it's a product uber to your sink our houses are huge the point i'm trying to make is that yes it is a indoor receptacle you cannot have a stanley cup if you are on the go if you live in new york

it's a very difficult thing to just like walk around. - That is true, 'cause I've tried. - You're also underestimating though the mouthfeel of the straw. I think that was the first thing that drew people to hydro flask is like the water taste. It's like a Mexican Coke. There's something about that glass bottle that just sets it off. There's something about Stanley water. - Well, Mexican Coke is because it's not high fructose corn syrup and real sugar.

The bottle helps as well. The bottle helps as well. The bottle does help, yeah. I agree with that. There's something about the mouthfeel of that Stanley straw. It is a great straw. It's a great size. It's a stress reliever. Were you the gay one or which one of you were? Listen, I learned about how to be gay. I took him to West Hollywood and he did all of it. He taught him everything he knows about being gay. He took me to West Hollywood. He took me to the Abbey. He went to the ATM, slapped down $100 and $1 bills and...

He guided me through tipping my first stripper. You also. I love that. That's a good friend. Yeah, it was great. Thank you. He hasn't been with me since, but. Bullshit. Bullshit. Once or twice. Hassan came for about five minutes. Will has been a better ally than Hassan. Thank you. Yes. No, I'm a better ally because I always try to tell you that like there are better upscale gay institutions that you could frequent and not like the entry level gay

That all the bachelorette parties are held at. Because it's like, you're going to like the Disneyland version of gay. Yeah, I love Disneyland. No, that's what I mean. It just sucks. Like, I don't like it. He won't go. I don't like it because it's like, it's grimy. He wouldn't go on my birthday. I did go on your last birthday. Sorry. Okay, back up. All right. Hat it or hit it. Hats. Hit it.

You are gay. Yes. Are you? Have you had it? I've had it with cats. Yeah, I've had it. I hate cats. You're breaking up. Shit. Right?

We're not going to break up. We're going to work through it. We can work through this. Yeah. We can work through this. Had it. 100%. Hit it. I'm a massive dog person. I think I talk about this quite a bit. Obviously, like, look, I am leftist and there's a thing with leftists and cats. I don't know my community. Everyone's a cat guy. Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, cat guy. Okay. So that's the thing. People love cats in the space that I frequent. I think that.

Cats are, they're too hot and cold. It's like, I don't want a shitty roommate. You know, I don't want to, I don't want a shitty roommate that I, that like, I can't pet all the time. Or like the shitty roommate comes over and is like, pet me. And then I start petting. And then it's like, okay, I've decided that this is no longer fun. And I'm going to go zero to a hundred and start clawing you. I'm like, what? It's an abusive relationship. Have an abusive relationship with their pets. Okay. Last one.

So I think we're all obviously left leaning. Yes, for sure. We all obviously know the pitfalls of capitalism. Yes. I think everybody in this room has been able to excel at capitalism. When you can excel at capitalism, you get to buy nice things. Yes. So had it or hit it, designer drip. Had it. Really? Had it. I don't care. I've never really cared about. See? I don't care either.

care either. I don't care. As long as it, I think designers, this is maybe controversial, especially amongst these two. I think I went to, every time I go shopping, I see designer drip. It looks ridiculous. People look ridiculous. And I look ridiculous when I wear designer things. There are certain pieces like, is Gucci designer? Yeah.

So I've got like a Gucci necklace. Sorry. I don't know. See, I don't know. But they, uh, I think certain pieces are nice, but like some people, they look ridiculous. I've had it. I don't care.

As long as it looks good, I don't care what brand it is. But you do like to fly first class. I do. Five Star Hotel. No, no. He's a bougie bitch. Turn down service. He's a bougie bitch. Love the turn down service. Fruit amenity bowl. Oh, essential. No, no. He 100% is a bougie bitch. How did you read that? We've only known each other for an hour. Hey, I mean, you spot it. You got it. Do you like that, though? I can't.

We're all going to get along. We're hotel snobs big time. Oh, we got to talk about it. But it's hard right now. Had it or hit it, designer drip. Oh, I hit it. When I was younger, when I was younger, I loved like all of the brands and fashion. And I would like even sometimes like design my own like jackets and stuff because I used to draw a lot when I was younger. And

And all of these brands, I would always want to acquire them. And my parents were like, "Of course not. "That's crazy. "You're not getting it." And I remember getting fake hand-me-down Nikes and everyone making fun of me, even though my family was very affluent growing up. Obviously, I went through a period of independence where I was financially very unstable. But in the beginning, my family was very affluent and they still would not spoil me.

So I've always been fascinated. I think like fashion is an important way of expressing yourself. You absolutely don't need designer drip at all.

However, I do like it. I like the the craftsmanship that goes into it. I like the effort that goes into it. The seams. Yeah, exactly. It's art. And there are definitely like a lot of fashion brands that, in my opinion, will have much like your favorite musician. Not all of the songs are going to be bangers in the album. Some of them you listen to. Some of them you're like, oh, this sucks.

A lot of fashion houses, especially if they're following trends or if they're rebranding, will go through a period where they have a lot of misses, right? But when you find that one piece that

that you've been looking for and it fits you perfectly and it makes you feel awesome and you can respect the craftsmanship that went into it and all of the materials that were sourced and you just envision it. I'm basically describing commodity fetishism, by the way. It literally is. And it makes me feel good. And I, I've, I hit it. Okay. Well for myself, I've had it, but,

But hear me out. For myself, I've had it just because I can emulate most of the trends that I want to more affordably. Almost everything I'm wearing right now is MXDVX. He was wearing MXDVX earlier, which is a relatively affordable brand. So a lot of the designer stuff on men, I don't love it right now. But hit it for women. I don't know what happened to me, but I love shopping for my girlfriend now. Because she's not big on designer, but I fuck.

love it. Like I recently got her an Alexander McQueen bag with brass knuckles on the top. Yes, I have that one. I saw it and I couldn't put it down in my mind. I was like, that's so fucking hot. And all I could think about was like me carrying it. But then I bought it for my girlfriend because it's next best.

Right. I love you. Cross-dressing by proxy. Yes. Do you get upset? Do you get upset that like men's even designer stuff is so entirely limited? Yes. And then you look at the women's section and you're like, there's so much cool stuff. Aloe, I'm talking to you. Fuck.

Fuck you. Women's shit is so awesome. And your guy shit looks like divorce dad trash. Yeah. Every time I go shopping with my girlfriend, I'm like, oh my God, that's not fucking cute. Oh my God, that's not fucking cute. And then I go to my stuff. It's like, it's all gray. It's all great. It's baggy. It sucks. Fuck you. It sucks. I hate it. We need more variety in menswear. It's so awful. I want to dress like a professional wrestler. This is the maximum variety. I want to dress like Frank Flair. That's it. I want feathers and sequins and just fucking.

I experienced this when I have two sons when they were little and I love to shop and I love like Hassan. I love the artistry behind it. I imagine it starting as a sketch and then they source the fabric and all other, you know, knockoffs are made from those big fashion houses. And then it comes down to different brands, H&M, whatever. Yeah, like Devils of Products. Zara. Yeah, exactly. But when my kids were really little, I'd go shopping for them and I'd walk into like the Baby Gap or something.

And that girls' clothes would be so cute. And they're all on one side. And then look over to the boys. And I was just like, trash. Total garbage. Yeah. I think that's it, guys. Wow. I can do one more. Had it or hit it. Let's do one more. All right. Last one. Had it or hit it. Taylor Swift. Controversial. Hit it. Will is a people pleaser. So he's going to give you the most people pleaser answer.

I will be the honest one. Okay. I've had it. Ooh. I've had it with Taylor Swift. Every time cutie's not here. I've had it with Taylor Swift as a person who doesn't even consume it. And I think a lot more people are going to have it with Taylor Swift eventually because there's overexposure.

There's too much overexposure right now. It happens with every trend. You know, Taylor Swift sneezes in the in the direction of something and it becomes a trend partially because she has the most powerful constituency on the planet. Yeah. White women.

especially white women and some gay men but definitely white women and women are i think responsible for 85 percent of everything that we consume they purchase 85 percent of the things purchased in the united states of america women i didn't know that yeah like an insane number right wait that's crazy very powerful constituency taylor swift has has it locked down

Um, I appreciate everything she's doing. It's great. I love it. However, I think the overexposure has gotten a bit much. I don't mind the NFL stuff. Like you said, she brings a new audience to the NFL. That's wonderful. But I do think that that overexposure is going to inevitably start, uh, tanking her brand even. I think he's right. I'd hit it. I'd hit it. I don't really have any strong opinions though. I'll give it to you. What's yours?

Hit it. Taylor Swift. Okay. Had it. Swifties. Excellent answer. Excellent nuance there. Taylor Swift in and of herself is,

Uh, she buys into this to a certain degree, but like at a certain point who doesn't want to be a billionaire. So, okay, there we go. Now that the second part of it is Swifties. And I think particularly young people right now that the fanatical nature of them is almost like the same level of buy-in that you give to a psychic, right? A lot of Taylor Swift's music has elements of a cold read.

Where they are life moments that are like non-specific to anyone. And so they are specific to everyone. And so many young women hear this music and they go, this is my story. The minutia of my life is important. That breakup is important. My sweater, I feel shitty about my first relationship too. And I would urge those women, it's okay to have those security blankets and to want to feel seen. But at the same time, write your own 1989.

Get out and don't live fanatically through someone else's life. Have interesting stories about yourself that make people want to gravitate to you in the same way. I think, yeah, they live vicariously through her. That was brilliant. That was brilliant. I mean, that's really insightful. The psychic cold read thing, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. He's the hot one. He's the gay one. I need to be the interesting one. You're the smart one. You can be the smart one. Hey, you know what? I've never been known for my brains, that's for sure. I have a college degree that may shock you.

It doesn't shock me at all. Well, because I'm not the brainiac. I don't know. It doesn't shock you? No, not at all. Really? I think all of y'all are very smart. Oh, really? Thank you. That's the first time I've heard that in a while. I'm going to hit Taylor Swift because she is energizing Gen Xers registered vote.

So I'm in. Oh, I like that. We need all the help we can get. I'm with you. I think our takeaway today is the budding lesbian relationship between pumps and Austin. I think we're going to phone bank together for Joe Biden. I think that's what we're going to do. We might lift the ban permanently.

If your aunt came to Oklahoma, we'll take you to a Thunder game. Yeah. We'll go look at these pothole covers. Okay. Make an IG story. I love that. There was a method to our madness, right? We knew what white women loved the most, being ignored completely. You're exactly right. That's true.

It works like a charm. You played us like a fucking fiddle. We wanted this bad. We had to be effortlessly cool and like not caring too much. That's how it works. Well, you pulled it off. We did. Okay, listener, what we're going to do is I think we started a cult on our Patreon. It's called the cult of the titty mamas. We're the titty mamas.

I think I'm already in. The members of the culture, the Titty Babies. So we'll talk to them about where this has just been a temporary lift. It's temporary. We'll report back and let you know what the results of the ban are. The pending ban right now. We've got to talk to the Titty Babies. We're the Titty Mamas. But thank you guys so much. Thank you. It was so fun. So fun. This is incredible. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you for hosting us here in your house. It's fabulous. Oh, this is your house. But anytime. Anytime.

All right. How can our how can our listeners that don't know about Twitch don't know about all this crazy shit that you'll do? How can they find you? I'm live every day, often from 11 a.m. Pacific at Twitch dot TV slash Hasanabi. It's like YouTube, but for live streaming.

I do a news broadcast for around eight to 10 hours every day. Psychotic. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. I have a YouTube. We never see him. Hasanabi is my username on most platforms, except for on Twitter, it's Hasan the Hun. And that's it. That's where you can find me. What about you guys? I host shows sometimes on Twitch. I'm coming out with a new show.

Coming out with a new show called In the Tub with Austin Show, where it's me in a bathtub. I haven't worked out the details yet, but then it's going to expand into a traveling show where I go to other people's bathtubs. You can find him on my stream. By the way, you're doing that show with me, and so are you, where we're in your bathtub, and we're doing a show in your bathtub. I like it. I like it. I think it's a great idea. I'm Will Neff. I'm a former comic, and now I do a film class and kind of a little stand-up on my mind.

which every night at 7 p.m. West Coast time. Fuck yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. And we're the Fear Anne podcast. We're three out of four of us. You can find us on YouTube, Fear Anne. That's where we're missing our lovely, beautiful, cutie Cinderella. Yeah. Cutie Cinderella. There wouldn't be too much female energy. Yeah. Three to three, it would have been too much. She didn't make the cut, unfortunately. We're misogynistic. Yeah, we are.

That's right. Our podcast is about misogyny. Yes, absolutely. And homophobia. That's right, which makes it uncomfortable for her and myself. Oh, yeah. He's so uncomfortable and homophobic. I like to be gay-bashed. It's my favorite. Okay, Pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. You guys are amazing. There are some football feelings you can only get with BetMGM Sportsbook. That's right. Not just the highs. The ohs.

Or the no, no, no's. No! It's the feeling that comes with being taken care of every down of the football season. The feeling that comes with getting MGM rewards benefits or earning bonus bets. So, whether you're drawing up a same-game parlay in your playbook or betting the over on your favorite team. True.

The BetMGM app is the best place to bet on football. You only get that feeling at BetMGM. The sportsbook born in Vegas, now live across the DMV. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for terms. 21 plus only, DC only, subject to eligibility requirements. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.