Death is a Total Racket with Trixie Mattel
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three. Again. One, two, three. It's better. One more time. Okay. Third time's the charm. One, two, three. Better. It's better. But I'm just going to say you will compensate for those lackluster clap-ons.

with that darling little orange sherbet number you have on with your gorgeous skin. YouTube viewers, look at the skin on Pops. And look at this little scoop of orange sherbet sitting right next to me, just as pretty as a peach. I'm just a dreamsicle. You are just a vision of summer.

Well, thank you so much. Okay, let's not get too sweet. What have you had it with? Okay, I mean, this just makes me insane, grinds my gears to the nth degree. When you're talking to young adults, college graduates, and you say, well, what are you going to do? I mean, do you have a job? Well, I'm trying to find a job, but what I'm really looking for is my purpose in life. And I'm just like, shut the fuck

Nobody has a purpose in life. Everybody matches their aptitude to what they're good at. Right. I mean, it is not like my purpose is world peace. How am I going to support myself and my children? Right.

world peace as a purpose. Like, I just, like, yeah, if you're LeBron James, you do have a purpose. You're an incredible athlete. Or, like, the little Greta girl that

The little climate activist. The climate activist. That's a purpose. Right. Not getting a job because it doesn't fulfill your purpose in life. Just means you're a lazy motherfucker. It just means bullshit, titty baby, wanting mommy and daddy to continue to support you. I mean, that's just, I've had it with that. So what you're saying is people...

instead of starting to hustle, use this excuse that I'm trying to find my purpose. Right. They're trying to find their purpose. As a reason to be a lazy, unemployed, titty baby sucking off mommy and daddy. Correct. Yeah. I know what you're saying. I think that probably, I mean, with the exception of you and your purpose of podcasting to the globe, very few people have like

A purpose. Some people think they have a purpose, like maybe that Joel Osteen. Right. And he thinks his purpose is, you know, spreading the gospel or whatever. But smart people like you and me know that his purpose is to rake in billions of dollars tax free. Racket, racket, racket. There's a lot of purpose fraud going on as well. I agree 100%. And there's just a lot of bullshit going

that you have to have a purpose to be able to perform up to your potential. If you're so dying for a purpose, go volunteer at a homeless shelter or whatever you think your purpose is. Do it on a volunteer basis outside of your job. Yeah, sometimes life is just literally about

Getting together enough shit and money to go from one day to the next. Right. And keeping everybody afloat. Right. So then to jump on that, you're going to have this life changing purpose. It's just ridiculous. As an excuse to not get employed is total bullshit. It's just ridiculous on every level. And here's the deal. The people that I've heard say this do it with an absolute straight face.

I mean, there is no embarrassment or like he, he, he, it is straight up like, I just need to find my purpose. And I'm like, okay, well until then, get your ass up and get a job. Right. And then when you find it, swing for the fences. It's that main character energy where it's like,

I have to find my purpose. And their purpose, even though they might be helping other people, the purpose of that is to be able to brag and say, look at all the help I've done. Right. All my purpose. Instead of just doing it and shutting the fuck up about it. Right. No, 100%. If you want to help people in life, yet you brag about it all the time, that's kind of fraud.

Of course. It's total fraud. Or people that give a lot of money to different philanthropies and then have to have their names on buildings and, you know, foundations in their names. Like it's, they're doing that for some sense of look at all the great shit we do, where I think maybe a lot of these people just need to be anonymous. Right. And they also get a tax write off. I mean, it's not completely altruistic. Altruistic. Right. Right.

Well, I think you're onto something, Pumps. But I will note for the permanent record, I do believe your purpose in life is podcasting. And I do think that our listener will 1000% agree with me on this. And I'm not the one that named you Princess Diana, but I'm sure saying it sticks. Okay. Okay. So let me tell you what I've had it with. What have you had it with? I've had it.

Up to my fucking eyeballs with people that post something on Instagram, like a picture of an ocean or better yet, a profile shot of them looking at the ocean or looking at the mountain. Okay. And then below it, they pretend and or feign to be a poet and or a philosopher. Like as I'm standing here looking at the vast ocean, um,

I'm filled with gratitude to my surroundings and the universe and mother earth. And I'm like, shut the fuck up. So that's number one. Number two, I've noticed that a lot of people that do this jet stream of bullshit in the comment section of their Instagram post, take it a step further and then put their initials to sign their comment, which is a,

I've had it from long ago. Why do you, we know it's your account. Like if you're pumps, pumps, pumps on Instagram and you're standing in front of the ocean and you take this, you know, thoughtful, utterly stage fraudulent photograph, right? That you're having this fucking moment of Zen and serenity, but oops, I'm going to post it on my Instagram page.

And that's the ring. And then I'm also going to attach all of this depth to it about this moment that I'm having yet. I'm putting it on the fucking internet, right? On something as vapid as Instagram. And you're, it's just like this total fraud. Look at how deep and outdoorsy I am. And then you put signed PPP. Yeah.

Pumps, pumps, pumps. Triple P. I'd be like, bitch, first of all, we know it's you. It's your account. Right. Secondly, shut the fuck up about acting like you're some fucking guru out there having this Zen moment. Because if you're really having those moments,

incredible moments, like you're probably not going to post it on the internet. Like, well, you're probably not going to be able to take a picture that you've posted that you've posed for and looked at your camera and repost 50 times. I mean, how serene is that? I've had these incredible moments with my children or with my dogs or with Josh Welch for that matter, or with you.

I don't in the middle of feeling this connection or something that's really intense go pump the brakes a second. Yeah. Let me get my phone out and let's do a little click. Yeah.

And then say, I'm sitting here with Pumps filming this podcast and I feel immense gratitude that our two souls have connected on this earth and that we are able to produce this utter jet stream of bullshit to our listener. Signed, JW. If I ever do that,

Go ahead. Yeah. Go ahead and drive on over to fucking Walmart because you can get a gun. I mean, a three-year-old could get a gun. Just go ahead and put me out of my misery. Put me down. Right. If you're feigning depth next to your serene picture, I'll know it's time. I've had it. Had it with that. I mean, stop it. Stop acting like somebody you're not on the internet. Right. That'd be like if I posted myself online.

you know, just loved up next to a Gucci bag. Right. It's like, that is not me. Right. It's never going to be me. Right. I'm the shallow one that would do something like that. Yeah, but with you, it'd be who you are. That's on brand. Right. Right. But if I start spouting philosophical moments on Instagram, take me to the emergency room. Here I am on my $15,000 to $20,000 vacation, glancing at the ocean, feeling so much gratitude for

fucking shut up. Take the picture, smile and put having a great time by the ocean. How about

I am in so much gratitude that after 47 tries to get the perfect picture of myself, I finally did. And I look hot. That I could get behind. Totally. Totally. People need to be a little bit more clever. It's summer season. So it's vacation season. And everybody is a goddamn poet slash philosopher slash deep thinker.

on vacation and I have had it. Shut the fuck up. We all want to see the vacation photos. I actually enjoy those. I can do without the mindless rhetoric of this person acting like they have all this goddamn depth. And can you

Imagine how long it took one to take the photo. Right. And number two, to write the comment and the edits on the comment. I mean, we're talking, this could be a three to four hour situation. So your vacation has been taken over by your Instagram post. So this moment of Zen you're having with the outdoors is total fucking bullshit. We're calling it right here on. I've had it permanent record. We'll state we've had it with your bullshit comments about your vacations. Perfect. I think put it down. I did this once. Okay.

In 2014, Josh and I went to South Africa. Okay. We went on a safari and it was great. And like, I guess maybe I'd been on Instagram for two or three years and was not very good at it, but thought I was. Right. And this is when people hashtagged a lot, right? Oh no. So I would hashtag because it's amazing to be in Africa. It's amazing. It's amazing to be on safari. And I actually would put

like hashtag changed forever oh please Kylie we have to find that hashtag changed forever did you just do one hashtag I think I think I think I could have done two to three and our friend Betsy called me out on it good and I I have to thank her because it was a ridiculous right and

Be bullshit, right? It was an incredible experience. It was a spiritual kind of moment with the earth and the beings on it. I was 1000% a fucking moron to use that hashtag. And thank God I have friends who

that called me out on it. You weren't on Instagram at the time, but thank God she did because that's embarrassing. Right. Oh my God. That's so embarrassing. Hashtag changed forever. Yeah. Yeah. So I was an offender, but I am evolved. Right. Enlightened. Everybody has to evolve. And reformed. Reformed. Welcome to I've Had It, where we are

An exercise in growth, development, and evolution. And public service. Public service. It's our purpose. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. The purpose of this podcast is for pumps to have a purpose. That's right. And the purpose of her today is to be the hottest little scoop of orange sherbet this summer has ever seen. Well, thank you.

Kylie and Richard, what is going on with you two? Kylie, what's going on with social media? I've got a couple reviews I want to read you today. Oh, good, good. Okay. This one is by Foxy15. I like the name. Titled, Best Podcast Ever. Oh. That's true. She wrote, I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays every week. These girlies make me laugh out loud.

One star. Why one star? Do you think it was a mistake? That has to be an error. Yeah. Foxy, come on now. Go back. Foxy 15, you got to go update that. We need five stars or get the fuck out. And if you do a one star, I want my ass chewed. Right. I want complete vitriol. Yeah. I want just total haterade. If you're going to go one star, fucking rip it. Yeah. All right. Who's next? Okay. This person is named Weejo. Weejo.

And it's titled Potty Mouth. Don't talk about Oklahoma with your dirty mouth. I know you're trying to be cool and with it, but surely your vocabulary allows you to speak in such a way that we who live in Oklahoma can respect and be proud that you represent us. First of all, we don't represent all of Oklahoma. Thank you very much. So by her logic, anybody from the state of Oklahoma is not allowed to cuss.

And we all must be homogenous and behave the same way. And by her logic, podcasters are elected representatives. I mean, what an

Yeah, I just that's our Oklahoma. And here's the thing. I mean, people that sit around and get butthurt about cussing. I don't believe it. Get over it. It's just such bullshit by the Bible thumpers that act like, oh, they use the word fuck or they use the word shit. But all of these egregious human rights violations, they don't give a shit about.

So they can all fuck off. At first I thought it was going to, my mother had written, I thought my mother might be her with the cussing because no one hates the cussing more than me. It's just a such a, well, and also the studies have shown, and this, you can Google this listener. This is true. Studies have shown that cussing is a sign of intelligence.

Google it, put it in the permanent record, take it to the bank. Richard, what's going on? I think you guys represent Oklahoma very well. Thank you, Richard. Richard, you're so sweet. So keep rocking, ladies. Wee Jo, I bet she is just, I mean, I bet missionary sex two to three times in her life. You know, I mean, this is a person that has just wound up.

Like a cheap clock. I don't know. You know, they say the more wound up you are, the naughtier you are in the bedroom. Who says that? I don't know. I've always heard that. I think that's bullshit. Well, I don't know how many personal knowledge. I mean, maybe. But I mean, I think that whoever wrote that, I doubt she's doing all sorts of tricks and maneuvers in the bedroom. I'm just going to take a wild stab and say she's not some wonderful lay. Okay.

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So visit simply safe.com slash had it. That's simply safe.com slash had it. There's no safe like simply safe. Support for today's episode comes from Jenny Kane. Pumps, I am freezing when I go over to your house because you keep it at like Arctic temperatures. Morgue. It's a total morgue, but I am so grateful to have found Jenny Kane and their darling

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on our show, and today is the day that the worlds collide. So let's welcome to I've Had It, Trixie Mattel. Trixie, how are you? I'm so happy. I'm so happy to be here. You know, this show, you guys have gotten so big, and everyone's always tagging Kati and I because they say that you guys are the, like,

The parallel version of us. Oh my gosh, what a compliment. Huge compliment. Okay, good, because not every woman would take being compared to a man in a wig as a compliment, so I'm glad y'all are on board. No, I totally am on board. I love you guys together. Trixie, what we like to do here is we like to talk about what we've had it with, and we have had it with so many things. We're never going to run out of subjects, and so we want to tap into you and find out what you've had it with. Honey, can I just go? Go. Go.

TSA is the biggest drag show going on right now. They're not police. They're not really, I mean, they're not international security. They're just that girl that you saw yesterday at Applebee's. She now has a cop uniform on. She now has a cop uniform on. She's taking your water bottle. Like, it's all so fake. I don't know how much drugs they're finding, how many guns they pull off people a day. It just, I never was...

I never flew before 9-11, so I don't have like a really understanding of what that was like. But it's a fucking racket. I mean, I have pre-check and clear and like everything. And it's still a racket. TSA is a racket. It is a racket. And what I hate is like you come out of the thing where you hold your hands up and they do the swipe and they're like, oh, well, we need to test your fingers. And then they do it like a pat down. Oh. And I'm just like, if I...

were going to make a bomb, don't you think I'd wash my fucking hands? Do I look that stupid? No kidding. They're always like, oh, we're just checking for like, what is that? Explosive. Right. Yeah. I would just make a bomb before. This Lucy's bomb. So what are you going to do about it? What about when they check for explosives on like a five-year-old? Right. You know, I see these kids and they're like holding their hands out and the mom's like, it's okay. It's okay. And I'm like, okay, here's the deal.

We have all this technology. I mean, literally, we live in the technological era. Can't we just walk through something and scan the brain intentions, everything that we want to do and sniff out if something nefarious is going on? Or do we have to go through all of these steps? And recently, I was full-blown frisked, and it was a very lesbian-style frisk. I mean, titties were grabbed, crotch was grabbed.

In her thighs. I mean, it was a super frisky kind of a set frisk. She poured you a glass of red wine. Yeah. She turned on the lights. Totally. It was a total, it's like a fluffer. I mean, she was, and I was just like, oh my God. I mean, she's totally fluffing me. You know, and then I guess you can't, you know, pick certain people to do it. It's all randomized. But like, I'm like you, I have TSA pre, I have global entry, I have clear, I have all the stuff.

I've never been arrested. I pay my taxes. My shit is fucking on the straight and narrow. I mean, I'm a complete lunatic, but I'm a rule follower. So why am I getting my titties grabbed by the TSA? Maybe they like the titties. That's what I'm saying. It's all a big pageant. It's so make-believe. These literally Hollywood Boulevard Halloween Express cop outfits they have on.

They look like extras in like, I don't know, some like mall security movie. Right. And they just – and I mean have you seen the face of the person who's watching the x-ray machine? Do you think that that person is our gateway to security? No, I do not. This is how that person watches that machine.

Right. Right. I mean, it would have to like be flashing neon sign, weapon, weapon, weapon for them to even catch it. So tell us about your whole drag career. And I think you have some habits about, you know, drag in general. Yeah. So I guess I started drag about 15 years ago.

Which is so crazy now. I remember being a young drag queen and being like, "30-year-olds in drag? Yikes. Give it up. They're now 33." But I'm in that mystical middle age where everybody in drag is either 21 and 90 pounds and drunk or they're like a 50-year-old lifer who hosts the drag shows. Everybody my age in drag has had the good sense to become a realtor or go missing or something.

I'm in a weird middle zone, but I've been doing drag 15 years. I started in Milwaukee and, you know, I had local shows around like Chicago, Madison, kind of running around doing Trixie. And when I kind of unlocked the concept of like this kind of doll character, it all kind of just clicked for me. And then, and then of course, skip ahead to, I auditioned, I got fired from my job at the mall and I had all this extra time. So I auditioned for RuPaul's Drag Race and that's when I luckily kind of got a big break there and

It all just snowballed. And then I started working with Katya doing our YouTube series and our podcast and our show on Netflix. And I have the job you guys have. You just sit and talk crazy to your friend. I know. It's so fun. You know, back in the early 90s and let me say mid 90s when I really went to drag shows frequently, the host was Ginger Lamar at Angles in Oklahoma City. I believe she's dead now. R.I.P. Ginger Lamar.

But it was on Sunday nights and the whole club was full of

i would say half gay people and the other half straight people men and women right and so i'm wondering with all of this like hysteria over the killer drag queens or whatever that the right wing is just going fox news is hyper ventilating about has the um attendance of heterosexuals decreased at all increased i haven't been to a drag show in a while pumps and i are going to go to a drag brunch soon but

Have you seen a change in that? Because back in the day, nobody gave a shit about drag queens and everybody, straight men included, loved it. Well, everybody that goes to a drag show fucking loves it. Yes. We're all just there to have fun. And you know what's heartbreaking about all this is this art form that I've dedicated my life to.

is being used as like a scapegoat, right? It's the same thing with like women's bodies or abortion. It's not that these people care. It's that they look at a big rubric of topics and they go, which one will actually get these people to vote? Which one is the scariest? Which one can be inflated and distorted the most extreme way? And

There's nothing underhanded about drag. All the drag queens don't get together over a map and talk about how we're going to abduct children. It's all so made up. In fact, I'm just going to say it. I got into drag not because I wanted to fraternize with fucking children. Oh, right. Right.

So for somebody like me and like, you know, when you Google drag queen, guess whose picture comes up and they use my picture, put on like Fox news and stuff. It's really crazy. And the only place where men put on dresses and fuck children is church. You're exactly right. Trixie. I love drag. I'm going to say it. Y'all can record it forever and tell everyone drag's not that cool. Yeah.

I love it. Drag is not worth the airtime of the news, of politicians, of taxpayer money because drag is not as thought out. I work with drag queens. These are unintelligent whores. They're not masterminds. There's nothing behind the curtain. It's just some guy or whoever, women, whoever.

In an outfit, sing a little song so that you have something to drink wine and watch. It's that elevated and that is it. It's so fun. It's like you said, everything about it is fun. It's not political at all. I think the attacking of drag queens is the biggest low-hanging fruit that they could grab onto. And it's also like right now the number one killer of people.

in the United States are guns. The number one molester of children are these religious institutions. And so, but by all means, let's talk about men that really probably the majority are not huge lovers of children. Pumps and I both fucking hate kids. And we have five between us. So, I mean, it's not like, you know,

Shout out to the kids listening. Shout out to the kids. Shout out to the kids. Shout out to the kids. Okay. Trixie, we want to play a game with you called Had It or Hit It. And so you can tell us if you've had it with this item or if you would hit it if you love it. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay. Great. Had It or Hit It, suburbia. Oh.

I hit it actually. I think it's sweet. I like the idea of roads and streets that are all like symmetrical and every five houses is the same. I like that type of shit. See, I like suburbia too, but she hates that I live in suburbia. Hate it. I grew up in the deep, deep, deep country and to me, very developed areas like that felt rich. So, you know, I mean, I lived in a trailer on a dirt road. So to me, like, wow, everything's so manicured. The lawns are all the same. To me, that was like,

So cool. See, I think a lot of bad ideas get a lot of white people with a lot of bad ideas, drum up a lot of shit. And I think it's all going down in the suburbs. This is my personal theory. A hundred percent. And it's never the podcasters. We're all geniuses. Oh, obviously. Totally. Okay. Had it or hit it. Children.

Had it. Girl, please. Bye. It has nothing to do with me. I have no interest. You know, my niece and I, I have one child in my life. We have a very adversarial relationship. Because I'm bald, she cries every time I see her. But am I putting together a big fat lump of money for her when I die? Yes. So like, I'll give you money to leave me alone. I'll pay her to leave me alone. That's what we say all the time. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Had it or hid it. Spray tans.

Oh, you know what? You got to hit it. I agree. It's healthier than real sun. Let's be honest. Especially since I'm bald and like there's only so many things I can really do to change my appearance, you know? Right. Right. So can't exactly get bangs. Pops is going to get bangs when she turns 60, she told me. I thought that was kind of a rule. Like old ladies shouldn't go around with like one length hair. And then I just got roasted. So I'm going to keep it till they lay me in the ground, I guess. You can always do a clip in for the open casket.

Are y'all doing open casket cremation? No. Cremation. Cremation all day long. Open casket traumatized. Traumatized. Totally traumatized. Open caskets are so traumatizing. I remember when my grandmother died, I was 16 years old and I went to the funeral and there she is like dead in the casket. Legs open.

We're all looking at her and I touched her because I felt really close to her and I touched her hand. And it's like, you know, our body temperature is 98 degrees, which is really hot. And I touched her and she was so cold. I'll just never forget it. And I don't understand the whole open casket thing. We got to burn it.

you know, spread the ashes. Everybody has to move on down the road, but dressing up a dead person like a doll and putting them in a box and opening it is fucking weird. And I'm so glad you brought this to our attention because I fucking had it with that. I've had it with the open casket funerals. It's traumatizing. It actually, I think is,

If you want to respect the memory of someone and you want to preserve the memories you have of someone, avoid that casket. Do not go up there. Do not look at it. Yeah. If I go to funerals and they start doing the whole line to the casket, I just get in my line and go the other way. I think I'm out. I think it's corpse abuse. Why aren't the Republicans onto that? They leave the fucking drag queens alone and get onto these people that are dressing up dead people and putting them in boxes. Fucking weird. No. So weird. Inexpensive. Total racket. Fuck.

Death is a total racket. It is. Girl, it's the impulse aisle at like Trader Joe's. You know, they have the take five and the gum. And they're like, you're about to leave the store. Well, how about these last few items? Yes. Exactly. You're about to leave the store of life. How about this? Right. Exactly. Don't you want mother in the best? Yeah. And I don't know. Even the makeup. Like someone makeup. I don't. It's weird. When a dead person has makeup on, my mind goes to someone.

Yes, exactly. I don't think that my mother-in-law woke up, put a little foundation on and went back to sleep. Like that didn't happen. My mother-in-law is not dead. I don't know why I said that.

Okay. Had it or hit it. Mega churches. Oh girl. Had it. Come on. He's basically big box, like super stores masquerading as nonprofits. Like, give me a break. The level of tax break, et cetera. Like, give me a break.

I mean, Jan Crouch used to fly her dogs private. She wasn't even on the plane. She'd fly the dogs private. Lots of private jets in the megachurches. Lots. And they love it. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hid it, lip injections.

In Salt Lake City, there's a place called Beauty Lab and Laser that's like a clinic. And they have a billboard there that says, life is short, get the lips. I always thought that was kind of a funny billboard. I think it's fine. I think I'll hit it. I would never get in. I have never changed my body in any way permanently. So I wouldn't probably. Oh, wait, I have veneers. I'm a liar. That doesn't count.

Yeah. I wouldn't do it, but I'm happy for those who do. But it is a slippery slope. I don't know a single person who's gotten one – like every time you go back, it's bigger and bigger and bigger. And pretty soon you have that friend who enters the room like lip gloss first. They just have those big wet – and people with lips, they want you to know that they bought lips. Yes. It's a little bit like they walk in with like a big brand name on a bag. It's a little bit that. Right. It's this life raft on their face and they're usually wearing like Vaseline, big wet lips. And they're like –

See, I don't think mine looked that bad. No, yours looked good. Right after you had yours done, you were total daffy. You were total daffy duck. Yeah, but it kind of calmed down. But I was a lifetime smoker. So I have to, I mean, I have horrible smoker lines. You know how I become nose blind to your own BO? Yes. I think you become like eye blind to how big your lips get.

I agree. And so you are the last one to realize when you've actually thrown your face out of proportion. At first, I think you're trying to bring proportion. Right. And then suddenly you have this completely out of proportion thing. But you know, all my favorite people have lip injections, so we love them. I have to know, like, how long does it take you full Trixie doll? I mean, if I'm getting ready off camera and I'm just like here in my studio, like getting ready, you guys are gonna laugh. I can get from shower to

to stage ready in 90 minutes tops. That's impressive. Okay, let me ask you this. Had it or hid it, a straight woman at 6 a.m. with not a drop of makeup on her face at a coffee shop with a full permanent drag queen eyelash. I am so happy you brought this up. I have conflicted feelings about lashes like that because...

My God, does it make your face look naked? Right. Naked. It makes your, it makes, it's like, it's like having a bow tie on and nothing else. Exactly. That's exactly. It's alarming. It alarms me when I see it. And Pumps' daughter, whom I adore, she's like a stepdaughter to me.

I saw her and she had on no makeup and I go, wow, Emily, those are some lashes. And she goes, oh, that's why I love my fake eyelashes because I can like not wear any makeup and I still have eyelashes. And I'm like, no, actually it looks like you went home, you washed your face and you did everything except for one final step. And that's removing the false eyelashes. That's what it looks like.

Yes. It's, you know, TikTok, the lash hole on TikTok is so deep. Oh, I need to get on that. The permanent lash application, you know, I love like demi-permanent lashes. I especially love, there's so many great at-home like options for people to do. If you're clever and give yourself a little patience, you can give yourself really beautiful permanent like lashes.

A few bundles placed correctly look so beautiful in or out of makeup. They look so nice, but it's a slippery slope. Again, pretty soon. You have two toothbrushes on your eyelids and you're like, what's going on? It's like tarantula eyes or I can, I mean, it's like a full like Saturday night drag queen lash.

minus the queen. So it's just drag lashes on a straight woman at 6 a.m. at a Starbucks. And it's alarming. I mean, this shit is alarming to see. I just have to tell you, I was getting my pedicure the other day and this woman came up to me and goes, where do you get your lashes? I had no makeup on. She's like, I just was looking how great your lashes look. But she asked, where do you get them done? Right. Because she wanted to go there. She knew they weren't natural. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That was a read.

It just flew right over her. No, I'm ignoring her because she's a lash hater and I love my lashes. It just flew right over her. You have amazing eyelashes. It was

Who puts those fake eyelashes on your eyelids? Because they're so fabulous. Followed up by so, so fabulous. Yours are not bad. Yours are not. But some people, it is alarming and jarring to see it. And you know what I'm talking about. I know. And your girl has toned yours down a little bit since we addressed it on that episode. That's not true. She's been doing the same thing forever. Jennifer wants to take credit. Oh, well, I told her to tone them down. I'm like, that makes me want to go in there and say fucking fuck.

full out. I want the longest. Do you hear the rebel and pumps? I'm just listening to the rebel and pumps. She's not taking anymore. It's a little fuck you fest. It's a little bit like Spider-Man, like with great power comes great responsibility. It's the same as if you get extensions. If you're getting hair extensions, you're now going, all right, I'm going to have to make sure the back of my head looks okay when I leave the house. I'm going to have to go get them taken out when they start to grow out. And with lashes, I find that people want to commit to getting them installed and

They don't want to commit to making sure they continue to look good. Trixie, you would be so proud of me. I'm every two weeks on the dot. Okay, Trixie. Final one. Had it or hid it. Middle-aged, smoking hot, blonde women. I mean, hid it, obviously, right? Duh.

Yeah, I mean, I've never been with a girl, but if I'm going to start, it's going to be middle-aged. I mean, do we give off MILF energy or what? Yeah, I mean, what do I want? Some girl who doesn't know her way around the hen house here, I want, you know. That's right. I want an old, haggard, experienced, you know, walking the beat in Vegas, like, you know, a gal who knows how to do it in her sleep. That's what I want. That's right. That's right. It sounds like you just described Pops.

Oh my God. No, I actually – I do like older men. So I think if I was into women, I would also like older women. But when I worked on The Trixie and Kachi Show on Viceland, we did a segment where we looked at the most common porn searches by state but also generally. The two most common porn searches across the states, teen and MILF, which means like difference in age

really comes into play in a lot of people's like sexual attraction. People want younger women or much older women. And MILF, honestly, I, if I remember correctly, I think MILF was definitely number one over teen. Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't stumble upon pumps in those searches. Well, I did. I saw her kind of in her college sweater. Right. Yes. Yes. My brief porn career. Yeah. Yeah.

But it was before she got her breast done. So they were kind of straight out to the side, pointing, you know. And before the stroke. Yeah, totally. When you guys were like, do you find that you're attracted to men around the same age or has that changed through your life? I think around the same age. Like my husband's six years older. But also I think when I was probably like in 20s, like...

you know, there's something about a handsome, like 45, 50 year old man, like a George Clooney style with the whole, you know, daddy vibes with. So, yeah, I mean, I mean, I think if

I think if a man's hot – now, the one thing I'm probably not attracted to for sure would be somebody way younger than me. Right. Way younger would be good. And I think it's because I have sons and so that feels weird. Especially since men develop slower like mentally. Yes. That's true. I mean when I was 20, like I was barely into 20-year-olds. But I've always been into around my age.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's probably about right. Well, we're trying to, and I won't belabor this, but, you know, we believe here at I've Had It and our listener at I've Had It, we all believe that there is going to be a sudden onset lesbian attack for pumps. Yeah.

She's not really dating men. She's only had one wet dream her entire life. 20 years ago on Ambien. Which was with a female basketball coach. Player. A female basketball player. The only time she's ever been aroused in a dream. Right. We talk about this often on the podcast. I think there's no reason why your subconscious is out. I think you should go ahead and come out.

I like that. You know, I'm with you. I think strong women are very attractive, like athletes, bodybuilders. Like, I think this country is obsessed with women being thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. And I love women who look like they could fucking lift a car. I'll tell you what, Pumps does too. I'll tell you what. I do. I do.

Sleeping with one woman doesn't make you a lesbian. If you're a vegetarian and you eat one cheeseburger, it doesn't mean you're not a vegetarian. You know what I mean? Exactly. Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu. That's right. And eat the put... I'm just kidding.

Well, Trixie Mattel, this has been a long time coming and I have loved every moment. Every second. And I want you to know that we, even though we live in a red state, we are not, and we are huge allies of your community. And we totally support your agenda of spreading love, peace, and happiness to adult only shows across the United States. And we cannot thank you enough for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me. I really feel like you guys are me and Katya's like parallel, like, I don't know, our tethers. Biggest compliment ever. Totally. The biggest compliment. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. You're a blast. I'll see y'all in Oklahoma. See ya. Bye.

Oh, my gosh. That was the biggest treat ever. I mean, Trixie. The best. I love Trixie. Love. I love drag queens. Everything about them. I know. I wish we could have drag queens on like once a month. Every day. I know. They're so fun. It really is. Like, even if you, if I came in and I was kind of like, uh, I don't know.

tired. It's rainy outside. You just, I feel energized. I'm ready to go. It's drag queen energy. It is. Drag queen energy is the best energy ever. It is the best energy ever. And I love Trixie. Love. And I mean, fabulous in every way. Mic drop. I mean, it's kind of like we're getting to be hotter shit. How about in comparing us to Hinkaya? Yeah.

Again, hot shit. I mean, that is like, I cannot wait for this podcast to end so I can go call my daughter and rub it in her face. Oh, that'll be great. Can't wait. Well, listen up, listener. You need to go onto our socials and click the link tree because the Hot Shit Tour is coming to a city near you. Get your tickets. Follow us on all the shit. Most importantly, go to Apple and give us a five-star review and tell us how...

how fantastic we are or give us a one-star review and just rip the shit out of it. Make it vapid. Yeah. I mean, one of the two. So anyway, Pumps really likes the five stars, but listen up. Bye.

I'm Delta Work, legendary Emmy award-winning drag queen from RuPaul's Drag Race and the host of Very Delta, the world's premier luxury public access podcast and YouTube talk show where I look gorgeous, speak extemporaneously, and invite fascinating guests to sit on the couch and get Very Delta. New episodes of Very Delta come out every Monday and you can find them by searching Very Delta wherever you get your podcasts or watch it on the Mom Podcast YouTube channel.