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So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three.
There we have it. Dynamite. Dynamite, the star of our show, the sensation of podcasting all across the globe. It is Pumps. Welcome to I've Had It. We're going to jump right into it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Everybody knows who she is. The star, the big time, big time, big tittied star. You're ridiculous. The big titty's fine, but I don't think you oversell it. I don't.
Have you looked at the comment section? No. Okay. Well, I am not on an island in this. Listener, listen up. Today, backed by popular demand, is my husband, my partner in a recent pickleball victory, first place champs.
which we did an emergency episode on YouTube. For those of you that listen and don't watch, there is a YouTube episode where Josh and I take a sore winner victory lap, which is totally worth your time because it is 12 minutes of pumps being tortured CIA style. Here's the deal on the whole thing.
You are a wonderful loser. You are gracious. Agree. You are self-deprecating. It's unbelievable what an incredible loser you are. What you are. You mean incredible winner? No, no, no, no, no. Incredible loser. You're not like you're a loser, but you're incredible when you lose something. You're so gracious. I know. It's really when I shine.
But when you win something, it is fucking insufferable. I mean, it's like swan dive off the Devon Tower. You're so obnoxious. It's unbelievable. And I'm going to say, Josh is not an insufferable winner. It would almost be better if she was a horrible loser. Right. I mean, that would be more appropriate. That would be the norm. Which is what I am. Josh is an insufferable loser. Awful partner and loser.
Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's mind boggling how big, I mean, it goes from high, high, high to just low, low, low. That's right. I just don't understand it. I will say in Jennifer's defense that it's the first time I have and us and we have collectively ever won first place in anything bar none.
In the past 20 years. 25. I think it should be noted that we have Josh's trophy collection at home where he's played tennis tournaments, pickleball tournaments. They're all second place, third place, which of course we all know I refer to as hashtag almost. Yeah.
And then Josh and I roll out a few days ago and bring home the gold. I did beat the boys in horse, I think about 17 years ago and took first place. Excellent. Was there a trophy? Nope. Nope. Beyond that, nothing. Well, I think everybody might remember the last time we had Josh in here, we discussed
his discovery of manscaping. And we've received a lot of comments and a lot of tips. And before we dive into that, I just want to say that one thing I've had it with is when Josh appears on I've Had It, he'll kind of swing by the office about three or four hours after Kylie posts everything. So we're talking about like noon on a Tuesday or Thursday when our episodes are released. And
He comes in and he plays super coy. He's like, so what are the comments like on YouTube? And we're like, I don't know. It seems positive. And he's like, oh, yeah. And he acts like he hasn't seen any of them. And when we don't throw out like effusive praise that the listeners and or watchers like him, then he's like, yeah, I saw where somebody said they thought I was hot. And I was like, I thought you weren't reading the comments. I thought you were asking us.
Is there a bullshit button over here I can push? Yes. We have I Roll Goddamn City. Okay. So am I allowed to respond to these allegations? Go ahead, but then I have to comment. Well, first of all, I don't say that there's a comment about Josh being hot. There are multiple, multiple comments.
comments about that. And I would have to like reference the Instagram post, the YouTube post. It would, it's not just, that's not a good example. But secondly, I will admit that I do find these novel little excuses to swing by the office on days that my podcast are aired. And I do ask Kylie occasionally, how many downloads do we have? And I do occasionally compare that
to other episodes in which you've had big name guests. And we have decided, and it's a fact, that my episodes bring the heat. They bring the number of downloads that are bigger than some of your big name guests. I don't know if it's manscaping. I don't know if it's hotness. I don't know if it's intellect. But whatever it is, keep doing it, girls, because it's working. Pops. Okay, so here's the deal. Can't disagree with that.
But exactly what you said the last time was, what are the comments like? I haven't looked. I mean, that was a quote. It was a quote. I haven't looked. And then within two seconds...
He immediately starts trolling, comparing, like throwing out comments, just like Jennifer said. And we're both like, you're a fucking liar. You did look. You came in here and wanted us to effusively praise the comment section of what you got. I don't disagree with any of that. Jennifer's example was that I said, boy, I saw in the comments that I was hot. And my point is, there's a fucking million comments of me being hot in the comments.
I didn't say that. That wasn't my example. I just want to remind the listener that we started off this episode with everybody browbeating me about what a sore winner I am. And it sounds to me like the worm has already turned and we're only like six minutes into this episode. But Josh, we did receive some merch from Gillette. Michelle with Gillette, the good people at Gillette.
sent Josh some merch because I believe he could possibly be a manscaping fluencer. I want to, I want to read, I want to read what Gillette wrote. Okay. Michelle with Gillette. She writes, I've worked for Gillette company for 36 years and we are known for quote, the best a man can get in saying that, please give Josh our manscaping equipment. Okay.
pubic shave cream and cleanser, pubic hair razor and pubic hair trimmer. Again, it's the best a man can get. Hey, and this is a non-paid ad, Gillette, so you better pony up. And I want to thank Michelle and Gillette both for that. I've unpackaged it. I have it. Here's the thing. Because I went bald eagle last time, there's not been a lot of shaving and manicuring going on recently.
But it is first up. I'm going to try it out over the manscape and I'm going to report back. Okay. Yes. I do want to say when I saw the manscaping, it's been a couple of weeks now, but I thought it was a nice little link. I didn't think it was too... I think so too. And this is for another episode, but at some point I want to delve into maybe...
grooming like objects you know how you can cut in the back of someone's head they have like a LeBron James or something like that I want to I want to think about that for the pubic area like like as a like a tattoo type thing so you like want to stencil exactly in your exactly yeah we can we can consider that if you do that can I be the stenciler
I mean, that would be so good. It can be your face, actually. It's down there. Not just a stenciler. What about if it was like the Sag and Dragon shape? Yeah. Oh, that'd be perfect. Okay. All right. So listen, before we just go completely into potty talk, because the three of us could do that literally for hours and giggle and knee slap. That is not the purpose of today's episode. Listener and viewer, you might notice that Josh is suited up
And we joke around a lot and take life with a grain of salt these days. But we haven't always been this rock solid, pulled together, beacons of mental health sitting before you as we are now. So I've been pretty candid about, and we joke about, Josh's five rehab stints. And yeah, five of those. And we...
I've been through a lot and that has been incredibly painful. If any of you have suffered from addiction, are suffering from addiction, or have loved somebody who suffers from addiction, you know that loving that person is painful, which is a real mindfuck because we're taught and we assume that love is supposed to feel good. And when you love somebody who is suffering from addiction, it's
It is excruciating love. And so...
Josh and my love for him has been peppered with a lot of pain and his love for me and his love for life. And there's been depression, addiction, the five rehab stints and whatnot. And so Josh has joined us today because something super positive has happened recently. He used to practice law and was a wildly successful lawyer. And through the struggles of his addiction,
resigned his bar license for around 11 years. And over the past several months, he started the process of reapplying for his bar license.
And he, which is a very extensive thing that you have to do. It involves a, you know, hearing and then it goes in front of the state Supreme Court and it causes you to feel very vulnerable. And Josh did that. And just in the last month, we found out that he was unanimously voted to get his bar license back. So I am sitting here.
here with two of our state and our country's greatest legal minds listener. One of them is Pumps, aka Princess Diana of podcasting, also the Judge Judy of podcasting. And now back in action is Josh Welch. Josh, will you share with our listener today
about, you know, what happened and how vulnerable and how difficult it was to face it to come back from that. Well, let me say one thing that I want to make sure is clear.
clarified for the listener. I resigned from the practice of law in 2012. As a result of that, it started kind of a spiraling effect of my mental health, my wellness, my addiction to alcohol, opiates, anything really. Prior to that, though, I did, as Jennifer's talked about, I've had
I guess my entire life I've had addiction issues and depression issues. And so it's something that when we come on here, we joke about, we laugh about. But I think that we've used that more as a mechanism of coping with the pain. And Jennifer has referenced the pain that stems from loving someone who's an addict. I can only imagine. And I started this journey myself.
with her in 2001. And I know for a fact that without her and without my two boys, that I wouldn't be sober. I know that, or probably be alive. And a lot of people don't have the benefit of such a strong support system. As the listener can tell, Jennifer is a very strong-willed, strong-minded woman. And I attest and owe to her all of my successes.
I can't tell her how grateful I am without being really, really sincere and getting somewhat emotional. But it's been, you know, one of the things I did. So she alluded to me being reinstated to the Bar Association and the Supreme Court has to make that decision. And they did so unanimously. And one of the things I did right after that was I thanked each member of my family for putting up with such an insufferable, angry attitude.
mean-spirited, awful person for many, many days. Now, I'm not that person right now, but for a long time I was. And I felt it was important that I sit down and tell Roman, tell Jennifer, and tell Dylan, hey, I'm sorry. You know, back in 2019, 2018, 2017, those were all really, really hard years for me, but more importantly for you all.
And I thought it was important to at least have the ability to reflect on that and share that with you. Now, that being said, I'm very, very excited to practice law. Very excited. I don't take it for granted. I come back with a certain level of humility. I think that's necessary to be good at it. I practice criminal defense law. I help other addicts. I help other people whose lives are basically thrust into chaos.
A lot of despair, but I want to provide a lot of hope. And it's important for me to carry that message when I help and represent other people is that there is hope. I'm an example. I'm a former addict or shouldn't say former. I'm an addict, former criminal, former criminal defense lawyer.
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Let's dive into that process. So you resigned your bar license in 2012 in the throes of just not your best mental state,
addiction had shrouded your entire life up to that point, you know, with bouts of, you know, recovery and then relapses. And definitely, I would say, and people who are familiar with addiction, were still, whether you were using or not using, you still carried a lot of the dysfunction that addicts struggle with their whole lives. And then,
We ultimately, listener, Josh, after he resigns his bar license, really spirals into a horrible relapse. And I was trying everything I could do to get him sober. And ultimately, I had to file for divorce. And Pumps was my divorce lawyer. And it was painful and horrible because...
I knew the guy that y'all know that's funny and, you know, charming and sweet and really soft hearted and sensitive. But when he was on drugs, it was just like any other addict. They're insufferable and cruel and mean and most importantly to themselves. But obviously, you know, the people who love them are the collateral damage. But so we divorced.
And then he's because I felt like I had to give him a boundary that would motivate him to get sober. And ultimately it did. And we reconciled. But Josh, what I want you to explain to the listener is how that that struggle from when we reconciled.
Everybody that supported you in the legal community to get your bar license back was shocked that it took you 11 years to do so because you're so smart and you're so capable and you help so many families that have crimes related to their addictions. So explain to the listener what that emotionally and psychologically was about that took you so
so much longer and how you needed that time to be this rock solid, great looking motherfuckers sitting in front of us right now. Thank you. So I was, I was eligible to reapply after five years. So I was eligible in 2017. I, uh, and someone else has used this word for me, but I was in somewhat of a self-imposed exile. Um, and a lot of that was based on my sobriety.
And I didn't feel comfortable enough to reapply and to come back and do this. I wasn't in a position to where I thought I could appreciate it and be good at it. And so it took me some time. I'll say this about the addiction spiral that you referenced. Addicts deep down feel this insurmountable amount of shame towards themselves, right?
that gets reflected upon the family member. And I say this just for the benefit of other people that are listening. If you're around someone who's using or is in addiction, try to know as much as you can that it's not about you, it's about what they're going through. But that's really hard to do. And Jennifer was really, really good at it as far as educating herself and knowing that this kind of behavior is not
Coming from the person that I fell in love with, this is a different person. This is a disease. It's a sickness. It's an illness. And you recognize that you never reflected any sort of negativity to our two sons about my mental health, about my addiction.
other than to tell them that this is not about you. Your dad had these problems well before you were born. He's going to have these problems after you're born. Don't make this about you. And that was very, very helpful because a lot of people in that situation are incapable of doing that. And I'm grateful, grateful for that. The journey back to law took years.
what it took because I didn't feel like I was ready to get back after five years. So I'm back now. Talk about the, how you had a fear of the process of facing that. I think this is, Pump said something really poignant when you found out that you got your bar license back. She said to me,
This is so amazing because very rarely when people fuck up, can they come back and fix it so well and fix it with an exclamation point. And Josh has done that. So it's not that you just fix this. It's that you're a much...
better person now. You're a better father. You're a better friend. You're a better husband. And I think for so many people that struggle with mental health, confronting our fuck-ups is very terrifying. And so if you'll kind of share your hesitation with starting that process and the vulnerabilities that you felt in doing that to help our listeners understand, because everybody's struggling with shit. Adulthood is hard. That when you're in the trenches, how...
scary it seems to face what you did, but what's on the other side of that if you go through that pain and that vulnerability? Well, I think you referenced it in the last sentence that you said when you talk about pain. And in addiction, we all know that you have to endure or go through a certain amount of pain to change your behavior, your conduct, your perspective.
And it's painful. And we all try to ignore pain or run from it and refuse to face it. But in my situation, I knew that if I was going to get over this, if I was going to quit feeling shame about my past conduct, quit feeling shame about my failures as a father or my failures as a lawyer, that I knew that in order to do that, I had to
humble myself. I had to reduce myself to listening to other people that had things to say about me that were critical and listen to all the things I've done that were wrong and sort of absorb that and
That's what this process was like going through reinstatement. You know, the form is 30 something pages and it's basically asking every time you've ever fucked up in your life, please put number one, attach the document number two. And so it literally like you spend two days just going back through and it's not just the last 10 years. It's like,
you know, I'm looking for DUI records from 1988. And this is a very humbling process. And so you do that, you send that to the Bar Association, they review it, they have an investigator who's very professional, did a very good job in my case. He checks it, makes sure there's nothing else out there. And then after that, assuming that all of that is complete,
You then have, in my case, a nine-hour hearing in which we get to talk a little bit more about those fuck-ups. The positive side of that was I had 10 very, very good witnesses. Pumps was one. Jennifer, obviously, was one. Some very talented lawyers, very well-known individuals that I was honored that came to my hearing and testified on my behalf.
And so during that process, you sort of, I came out of it a much, much better person, but I wouldn't have done that had I not sat through it, had I not felt it. And that's the hard part with addiction is that when people are feeling it, they want to use again or they want to drink again. You can't sit in it. And that right there is like the pinnacle of addiction is being able to sit in discomfort again.
set in pain. And I was incapable of doing that for years without wanting to take or use something that would alter my state of being.
I think it's important to inject here that you hear in the public narrative often when somebody, a public figure, fucks up and then they go to rehab. There's always this narrative that, oh, yeah, they're trying to blame their addiction for their problems. And maybe that does happen. But for my experience and our experience and addiction has permeated through all of our lives, the addict is really –
in so much pain. And if you love somebody, like I loved Josh through that period, it's such a painful thing to experience. And Josh spoke about me not saying anything bad about him to my kids. And that was one thing I never did because I knew that there was a person who hated that addict as much as I did. And that person was Josh because that's why he was so self-destructive.
Pumps and I, our bond and the chemistry that you see and how we giggle now is because we have literally cried each other to sleep on the phone, woken up at 4 a.m., both of us crying. Her husband suffered from addiction as well.
And so we're able to giggle and take life with a grain of salt in these little petty grievances about stupid shit that happens online. Or we read hate comments and we laugh about them because we've experienced real pain where you are willing to sacrifice yourself as the front person to take the bullet so your kids don't feel as much. And we've all been through a lot of suffering with all of this, but the story is that we
Right now, it's a really good time. And Josh and I are closer than we've ever been. And our marriage is stronger than it's ever been. And it's because we did the work. And it's really difficult. I get a lot of people that DM me and say, I'm going through this right now with my spouse. And what can I do? And so for those of you that are listening that have a Josh in your life,
I have done all the crazy shit. I've been a raging codependent. I would figure out where he hid his pills and I would go count them. And then four hours later, I would go count them again. I don't know what I was trying to accomplish other than I became equally as crazy. I
I was always trying to crack the case because addicts by nature genuinely gaslight people into thinking that they're crazy. So that's the way the addiction lives. And the one thing I learned about addiction is that motherfucker is Darwinian. It wants to survive. Fuck everything.
everything around it, that addiction, that person's desire to keep feeding those receptors in their brain, it wants to survive and will fuck everything around them. And so the best thing, and I went through a lot of crazy, fucking embarrassing, desperate, pitiful, painful behavior. But at some point, I just started working on myself and myself alone. And the healthier I got,
That becomes contagious as well. I was able to get him away from me, away from the kids. And there was a lot with addiction. It's a lot of start and stop. It doesn't just the very first time I sent Josh to rehab in 2002, I dropped him off in Arizona. So fucking dumb and naive.
drop him off at this rehab and I get back on the plane to go back home and I kind of like do my hands like this. I'm like, handled it. Fucking fix that shit. He comes home and like it was an amazing, I think you got beer on the cab ride from the rehab to the airport. Is that right? That's right. I was mad about that fucking beer for five years. I mean, I remember, do you remember me bringing that up? Yeah. I was so fucking pissed off about that.
But it's a long time for both the addict and the person who loves the addict. And this was the hard part. I had to figure out like what the fuck was wrong with me that I picked him. And that's when I really started growing. And so as I started this off, we haven't all the three of us been this rock solid. Let me just try to put it in context for you.
I first went to rehab in 1988 and I last went to rehab in 2015. So we've got from 88 to 15 that are just ball busters, just some real good shit kicking times. And they're squeezed right in that short period of, let's say two, what is that about 27 years or so? Yeah. Yeah. So it's, um,
It's really when you see our humor or listen to our humor, it's a mechanism for us to not be so serious and sometimes really to keep ourselves from crying about certain things. Well, I do think, you know, you said you provide hope to other addicts and help to other addicts. And from firsthand experience,
I had pain pills all the time, everywhere, fell into the opioid crisis, big time. Jennifer and my kids came to me and said, you're not the same person you were. So the very next day, because of all of Josh's infield research, I knew exactly where to go, knew exactly how to take that. And the constant support was,
seeing your evolution, knowing that it could be done was something that helped me tremendously and still does. And I practice law with you. I testified at your hearing. I hate giving you any compliments. It's hard on me. But you are a brilliant lawyer and you do help people. And I'm so proud of you. And I'm so happy for you. It's such a gift that you are now where you are now. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me. And I think that you know how much I love you. But if you don't,
And the listener doesn't. I will tell you this. Pumps has been one of my closest friends. Always a cheerleader. Always positive. In my darkest days, you're positive. And I'll never, ever forget it. And if I can ever help you, ever be an inspiration for you, that is more than I could ever ask for. And I'm sitting next to two of the people in my life that have always unconditionally
loved me through all of my awful, awful behaviors. And as you can imagine, in addiction, it gets pretty bad. I mean, let's not sugarcoat it. You're full of lies. You're full of, you know, the whole thing. And I'm grateful that both of you have stuck by my side and made me a better human being. And I'm a better person. I'm more compassionate.
I have a completely unique perspective on trying to help other people based on my experiences. You do. And I just want, you know, listeners and viewers out there to know that, you know, in this room, we have people who have fallen prey to addiction, both pumps and Josh. And Josh is at a space in his recovery where he wants to talk about it and help others. Um,
Pumps is sober and she is still getting to a place where we're going to share her experience with you all. It's newer for her. But the friendship, the three of us, this is our chosen family.
And we have all been through so much together. I mean, truly like the, you know, pumps can walk over to my house and just sit on a toilet and pee right in front of Josh and me. And that should be weird, but it's not, it's not weird at all because that's how much we love each other. And when you have experienced what she's gone through with me, what he's gone through on his own and with me, and then what pumps went through on her own, um,
And then you get to the other side of that and the sun starts shining again. You're able to have people rip you to shreds on the Internet and you just laugh and it doesn't hurt you because you've experienced gut-wrenching pain to where the phrase, you don't sweat the small stuff. We literally live by that because we have been, all three of us, in so much pain collectively and individually, collectively.
we've all heard each other and it's just, and I think that our stories and can pass and relate on to other listeners. And there are people sitting right now with the AirPods in who have struggled with addiction, love somebody that struggled from addiction, have parents that were alcoholics. They've fallen prey to the opioid epidemic and,
or the Xanax, you know, this is pervasive and it's insidious and it is everywhere. And I think it is so important to platform addiction as a disease and recovery as something to be proud of and something that we all embrace and support each other through. And I want everyone who loves an addict to know this.
The first time somebody tries to get sober, they often fail. And that's very devastating. And you feel like you have no hope. But typically those failures are something that they need to ultimately get to where these two rock solid individuals are sitting on these two great legal minds. By no means are we suggesting that you take up to five. Yeah.
Let's make that clear. It is possible to get it in one, maybe two. Okay. So five is not the bar for the listener. You're being held to a higher standard. And the only thing I want to add to this, and then I'll hush, is that we haven't talked about this very much, but addiction is dual with depression. And depression is equally pervasive and
emotionally and mentally challenging in and of itself. And so I don't want, you know, those things go hand in hand. The addiction is the actual outward act, the manifestation of how you deal with the depression or the trauma or whatever it is the person's going through because it changes your state of mind. But I suffer from depression and have for a long time. And it was important for me just to say that for the listener.
I think you're right. Like self-medicating for the depression. That's right. You change the way that you feel because you don't feel good about yourself. And that could be trauma related. It could be depression related. It could be all of these things. But addiction is the act. That's the way that you're changing the way that you feel. It's not what's causing it. It's not the actual cause. It's just the act of dealing with what you're dealing with. So I always encourage people to get
One of the ways that I've dealt with that is psychotherapy. And Jennifer knows that. Like she and I have spent hours with her. Thousands upon thousands. So, you know, listener, we all like this podcast. I love one thing that we all have enjoyed so much is because I think that our listeners are.
have been through some shit. I'm not saying that you've been to rehab five times because that, as we all know, is Josh's pride and joy. But I'm saying that I think that we all relate in this space because we all acknowledge being an adult is hard. Being fucking positive all the time is unrealistic and you're bound to fail. And so we use in this, you know, second part of our lives, humor is a way to get us through. It's a medication for us.
Laughing at yourself, laughing at your spouse, your spouse laughing back, your best friend making fun of you for being proud of yourself because you won a pickleball match. You know, I can laugh at that. I can totally laugh at that. That's right. At some point, we do need to recap. I want to see if you remember the five cities of the five treatment centers that I've been at. Okay. But that's for another episode. For another time. Okay. But I will say that your pickleball skills have really, really improved.
exceeded any expectation I would have ever had. Thank you. If I can be as accommodating to you and your pickleball as you were to me and my addiction, I will consider myself a success. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, Josh, for acknowledging that. So, listener, this might feel a bit disjointed, but we wanted to go there and we wanted this episode to
to give you all, because we're about a year into this podcast, some background as to why we can be so cynical and heartless. Yeah.
Cold with a black heart. Yes. And so now I want to, every episode, I want to give you all what you come here for, and that's laughs. So we just all experienced, you know, Josh and Pumps sharing with you all about their addiction and how that affected them, affected somebody like me who loves these people and how crazy and sick I got as well. And so we went there. We did it. Now it's time to laugh.
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It relieves hot flashes and night sweats, calms the mind, and powers the body with healthy energy. It helps women get better, more restful sleep at night, reduces occasional bloating and gas, and relieves mild mood swings and boosts energy. What do you think, Pumps? I absolutely love the Hormone Harmony. It makes such a difference, and I realize life doesn't have to be this hard. Just take care of your hormones.
Listener, you can get your first bottle of Hormone Harmony for 15% off if you use the code HATIT on the checkout page. Go to happymammoth.com and enter promo code HATIT on the checkout page. And this offer is valid until November 30th. First, we're going to hear from Jay Rodriguez, and he is an original cast member of the original Queer Eye. And
And Jay sent you a voice memo. Wow, Jay, thank you so much. I love that show. Thank you. Yeah, it's fantastic. Fantastic.
Hey ladies, J. Rodriguez here from the original Queer Eye. I left you an earlier message, but I realized I misunderstood the assignment for Josh and his Franken-beans grooming. So, being a part of the original Queer Eye, I think we definitely coined the term manscaping, at least popularized it. And I would say for 2023, you definitely want to start with a larger guard at first before you start getting creative. But I think it's a good idea to start with a larger guard
But if you don't trust yourself, here's a little hip tip. There are actually folks you can hire. Yes, professional groomers for one's kibbles and bits. They will handle the cannoli and the surrounding hills that accompany it to give you the best possible outcome. And, you know, listen, I think you should film it. I think we should bring Josh back in the studio, hire a professional manscaper.
And I think we should all witness the wonder that manscaping can be. Hope that helps. Love you, ladies. Bye. Wow. How do I even unpack that big fucking piece of luggage? I mean... I mean, guess who's getting a pubic hair stylist? Wow, Jay. Jay. Jay, thank you so much. Now...
Wow. Locally. Do we know? Like, I need to research this. I think the Oklahoma City beat on this might not be top notch. Right. I would assume that Jay probably lives in some fancy, you know, cosmopolitan area. And then do you go male or female on your technician? I think you got to go with a gay. Yeah.
You have to go with gay. You got to go with a gay. 100%. Yeah. A gay man has to be. I think it's got to be exclusively a gay man that does it. Great point. Because they're going to really know because they have it for starters. And I just, I think it's got to be a gay man. And gay men have better taste. I tend to agree. I mean, this is right up my alley for some other service or amenity that I could add to the list of bullshit that I do, you know,
For example, I got neck lifting cream the other day. I mean, there's just more of this stuff than I can handle. Your self-care IQ is off the charts. Off the chart. If you can envision your most best, well-kept woman that lives in Beverly Hills, this is the Oklahoma City version of the man. No.
I am the best well-kept man. He's my trophy husband. Yes, he is my trophy husband. Okay. Next up, we have a voice memo from Sam F. Hi, my name is Sam. I live in Houston. I love the fuck out of this podcast and I will be moving to asshole nation the moment the border opens up because I belong there my whole life.
I have had it with parents who brag about how smart their children are, specifically toddlers, because first of all, no, they're not. Second of all, if I ever one more time hear the phrase, my child's so smart, it's scary. I'm going to set myself on fire. I'm just going to walk into the sea because I can't take it anymore. I cannot pretend to be fascinated by your child's, to be honest, middling to average intelligence at best.
They're a toddler. They're not a mad scientist. They're not a megalomaniac. You don't have a problem on your hands here, Linda. You have a human child who banged out his tinker toy on the first try. He got the square peg in the square hole. Congratulations. That's great. That's cute. Doesn't make him a genius. Enough. I've had it. I completely agree with Sam. I've had it.
I have had it with people that think that their children are just so fucking smart when at the end of the day, if you're talking about a two to three year old, they're really not smart. As a collective group, toddlers are not only assholes, but they're stupid.
Well, and there's just normal milestones that every child has. Like at six months, you sit up. Around a year, you walk. I get so tired of people bragging about when their child sits up and walks. I mean, these are normal milestones. Every human does it. It's not that special. I want to say this to Sam, because when we're in that moment, I think we're all guilty. Now, we can look back and history can give us a new perspective, right?
But when you're in it, I'm sure I've talked about how great, you know, Roman is in basketball. He's going to be in the NBA. You never did that. No, I did to a lot of people. I just did. But did you do that behind my back? Yeah. And I talked about Roman being in the NBA. I don't know about that, but I just got over like the point of Sam's comment is, is that these parents aren't objective when it comes to their own kids.
And I admit during Dylan and Roman's childhood, I was not objective. They were smart. They were artistic. They were sport, you know, very athletic. And I just kind of lost my perspective when I was in it. I think you did too. I think that you bragged about them and,
Well, it's like to maybe pumps or to you, but I never would grandstand. I was always, even from a very young age, I knew that as darling as Dylan and Roman are, that that was in the eye of the beholder. I never for a moment thought that.
when we were out or at, you know, a soccer practice or a basketball practice that my kids or in their class were outperforming other students. Well, let me just say this. When they were both really young, this was before I was a beacon of sobriety. So I could have said or done some things that may not have been just super intelligent. But to Sam's point, I will say this, Sam, I 100% agree with you that I have had
had it with people celebrating their children's mediocrity. Right. And just as Pump says, just these minor milestones. It is not breaking news. It is not interesting. All humans do it. And collectively, toddlers just are not very smart. No. And they're not supposed to be. So saying they're smart is not helpful. They're not interesting either. No, they're not interesting at all. They add no value to the public at large. Of course, the parents, the grandparents, whatever. Right.
But in general, particularly people without kids, don't give a flying fuck about your child or how smart they are. And normally the parents are less interesting than the child. That's exactly right. That is so true. That's exactly right. Well, and I think that parents are so painfully uninteresting. That's why they're projecting that maybe their child is intriguing to compensate for their own. It's like, don't you have a story about your third rehab? You're fucking boring. Yeah.
Okay, next up, we have the drag queen, Ari Gatto, that has called in to leave. I've had it, a voice memo. Hello, Jessica, Diana, Kylie, and Richard. I hope you're all well. My name is Ari, and I have an extremely petty grievance to get off my chest. I know that it's wrong, and so I'm saving it for here, and now I'm dumping it on you. It is your problem now. But I have had it with Uber drivers who are on the phone when you're in the car with them.
I can't stand it. When you get in the car and they say, "Do you mind that I'm on the phone?"
Because obviously, yes, I do mind. Okay. I am trying to get from point A to point B in the most peaceful manner possible. And you forcing me, subjugating me to listen to your entire phone conversation out loud without inviting me to comment on or react to it is unsettling. It's rude. And I hate it.
I hate it. I'm not paying you to lollygag with your friend on the phone. I'm paying you to take me to fucking Applebee's. Okay, here's what I'm going to say, Ari. I'd rather them be on the phone than fucking talking to me. See, I disagree. I'm with Ari on this because number one,
you don't want to talk, period. But if they're talking to you, you can shut it down and say, oh, I'm trying to answer an email. I mean, there are ways to get them to shut up. But if they're just jack mouthing on their phone, I think it's a complete violation. And for them to ask you puts you in an untenable position. I mean, I wouldn't be in court and be like,
Oh, hey, judge, you mind if I talk to so and so on the phone? I think it's rude. Like, it's a good point. If we're sitting here, and Jennifer takes a phone call, let's say we're not doing a podcast, just Jennifer and I are sitting there like eating lunch.
She doesn't get on the phone and start talking to somebody else unless it's like, I've got to have this phone call. It's rude to do it when you're with a group of people or just one friend. To do it when you're at work is horrible. That's ridiculous. I think it's bullshit. I think it's a great hat. It 10 out of 10. I agree. And the problem with it is if you give him a one star, then he's going to zap you with a one star. I don't do they know?
I think they do. That's a good question. That's a good question. I don't know that they know which, I don't think that that would be fair if we got a one star and then they could do a tip for tat star. I don't think they know that. I think you're right. I think you're right. I just want to pop back to something I said at the beginning of the podcast and something that was just proven is,
that not only is she the Princess Diana of podcasting, she is the Judge Judy of podcasting because she just made a remarkable case that you can't... I can't say, hey, do y'all mind if I take this phone call real quick in the middle of filming this podcast? I can't. You don't do that. And these Uber drivers are doing that. So you know what? First, I said I'd rather be on the phone. But after your argument, Judge Judy, Judge Judy Diana, that's her new nickname, hashtag Judge Judy Diana. Judy Diana...
I completely picked up everything you put down. I'm team Ari, team pumps, and I'm always team Josh. Don't encourage pumps to leave. I've had it and go be a judge Judy on a legal podcast. That would be devastating to everybody.
So don't talk up the legal skills too much for pumps. We need her back down with me kind of in this humble stretch. Yeah. Otherwise, you'll go out and get a spinoff and it'll be, you know, the sagging dragons take on the legal world or something. I think we just the great thing is we have a new nickname.
Judge Judy Diana. I like it. Judge Judy Diana. I think I mean, that is it. That's always been the missing component. OK, next up, we have Ressa. Hi, this is Ressa here. Just volunteering to be Jennifer's new best friend since Pumps clearly needs to take a break. I just watched the pickleball thing and the support or lack of support that Pumps just showed. I'm here for you, Jennifer, if you need to be FF.
Ressa, I want to say thank you. Thank you so much for noticing that, for offering me support because...
I think that listeners have picked up throughout the course of all of these episodes that I put a lot of time into my training to be an athlete. And I take being an athlete incredibly serious. So to have somebody who's allegedly your best friend minimize and be dismissive of a lifelong goal of winning a gold medal is hurtful. And I felt...
vulnerable, insecure, ridiculed, all of those things. So Reza, yes, you can be my new best friend. But the problem is, like, even when Pumps is my best enemy, she's still my best friend. So it would be a threesome, as Josh can attest to. That's right. And I will say this. Pumps' disgust, her anger, her lack of
wanting to be here, all of that was genuine. Like there was no showboating. There was no like playing for the cameras on that. It was like, why in the fuck am I here listening to this garbage? She hated us. I just couldn't wrap my head around it, but I'm glad we did it. I'm just going to say, you know, listener, sometimes when people are working on themselves, jealousy and envy are the final steps that their therapist gets to. Right. And so, you know,
Pumps is still working on herself. She's working on ways to become a better person. And I think she hasn't gotten to the chapter in her psychotherapy yet where you deal with jealousy and envy. And those are things we work on our whole lives. And so, you know, we can revisit that.
this at a later date but I'm just going to tell you this much I am a sore fucking winner and I fucking earned it I fucking work hard I practiced I'm 49 years old I won first place in a pickleball championship with my husband and I'm so fucking proud of us and I don't care how you feel or how much you minimize me judge Judy Diana
And we will be discussing pickleball and our accolades in future episodes. Oh, I know. I mean, believe me, that is something I don't doubt in the least. And you will have a smile on that fucking face. I will. I'll just paste it up here like...
Well, listener, listen up. I want to thank you all so much for joining us in this episode, our rather, I don't know, probably window to our souls where the three of us can sit down and talk about something really serious and really thought-provoking and then segue straight into humor just like this episode. That's kind of what gets us through life. And I have a feeling that you all might get through life in a similar fashion. But if anybody at home is struggling with
with addiction or love somebody that's struggling with addiction, know that the majority of things that you're feeling are normal and have been felt sadly by millions and millions of people and that there is hope and you can get help for both the addict or yourself if you love an addict. And it's something that's near and dear to the three of us that has peppered who we are
And how we interact with other people and with each other and our really fucked up ability to laugh at really fucked up shit all stems from that. So please join us on Patreon. Most importantly, if you liked this episode and you like our podcast, go give us five stars.
on Apple and write a great review. Josh would appreciate it if you talked about how hot he was, but then Angie and I have to live around him. Go send us a voice memo so you can be featured on I've Had It, and that is through our Instagram and pumps tell them. See you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. Hugs, not drugs. Bye-bye. I'll tell you what I've had it with.
Two sisters, one a respected TV producer, Jill Blackstone, and the other, Wendy. She was disabled, nearly blind and deaf, and Jill had devoted herself to taking care of Wendy. Jill was her best friend, her sister, her everything. But the sister bond was shattered when Wendy...
And some of the sisters' rescue dogs were found dead in a garage next to a toppled over barbecue grill. Jill says accidental carbon monoxide poisoning killed everyone. Police do not believe her.
Police arrested Jill Blackstone for the murder of her sister. Investigators think it was staged to look like an accident. Who will you believe, especially now that a secret source has come forward with evidence never made public before? Jill was a good producer. There's no doubt about that. But would she produce murder is the question. Season two of Bad, Bad Thing, The Blackstone Sisters, available now wherever you get your podcasts. I always say, show me a perfect family. I'll show you a family with secrets.