BJ’s for PJ’s with Ashley Longshore
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Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps and

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you. Well, I promise. What have you had it with this week? What I've had it with.

is the inefficiency of people in the self-checkout line. Oh, yeah. It's not that hard to do it. So this is what happened the other day. I need like three things. So I run in. I don't even get a cart. I just am holding them in my hand. I go to the self-checkout, 25 or less. So I'm thinking this will just be a one-minute deal.

There are two guys, one girl and one old man. They were at least 100 years old. They were so old. They weren't the problem. There was this girl that I would say was probably 30-ish. She had her cart. She was getting like one item from the cart, walking over to the scanner, scanning it. The two old people finished before her.

I finished before her. But while I was waiting on her, I envisioned that I was taking my items and like chunking them as hard as I could at her. And they were hitting her on the head. And it was knocking her down because I was just homicidal of how inefficient she was. Yeah. I mean, why the fuck does it take so long?

Why don't you have all your stuff ready to bar scan? Don't go back to your cart every time. Pull your cart up there. So there's some serious self-checkout at it that needs to be instituted across the board. I agree. And I think what I find most remarkable about this is that you...

Or good at self-checkout. I'm not the best. Now, I've gotten better. In the beginning, I was really hard. But now I can probably, I know where the labels are and all that. But I'm efficient. I have it all lined up and ready. Right. I am not going to go back and forth to my cart for every item like a fucking bozo. Right. I mean, I'm like two senior citizens, one foot in the grave.

They've taken to the technology. Right. You're a millennial and you can't check any faster? Yeah. No, that's disturbing. It's horrible. And I relate to the homicidal rage that you felt. Homicidal. I feel that often out in the public. General public. With people. You know, when you go to a store or a retailer and

And, you know, like somebody bumps into me or, you know, just you're kind of walking down an aisle somewhere and somebody just stops and then you're about to bump into them. Yeah. It just I feel I feel that often. It's bad grocery store etiquette. It really, really is bad grocery store etiquette.

And what do you do when somebody's like yahu-ing the yogurt? They're trying to make an informed decision about the yogurt. They're reading the labels. They're basically hogging up the entire thing. Do you wait? An aisle hogger. Or do you just move in? I move in. I move in too. I'm just like, excuse me, slow poke. I give about five to seven seconds to see if they're going to go in and get their item. But if they're just...

you know, I fucking all the yogurts. Right. You just, you have to go in. You have no choice. Right. But to go in and get your stuff. And I think if you are this, if you're struggling this hard. Right. On which yogurt to buy. Right. Like the bigger mountains you have to climb in life, it's tough on them. No, an aisle hogger at a grocery store really irritates me. And then sometimes I find this very irrational rage.

Like, I go to turn my cart to make a U-turn around from one aisle to another, and there's a cart right there. They really haven't done anything wrong. But in my mind, I think, God damn it, get out of my fucking way. Like, the super entitled, like, I'm turning here and your cart's not. It's really irrational. So I experience a lot of irrational homicidal rage at the grocery store, which is why most of the time I do the grocery delivery. Yeah. Yeah.

Because then I just, I don't have to deal with that experience. Right. No, that's a nice feature. Let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay.

Pharmaceutical commercials. Side effects may be diarrhea. Oh, and they list everything. Yes. Diarrhea. Vomiting. Suicidal thoughts. Homicidal rage. Constipation. Cancer. I mean, it's just like by the end of it, I'm like, I don't fucking want this. No, I don't want to take that. I don't want this at all. And it starts off very innocent. Like here you are at the park pushing your kid on a swing and you have sinus problems. Yeah.

right? And then it shows like, you know, kind of like dust swirling or something. It's like, but your eyes get runny. We have this new drug for you and it's going to be so great, except for it's probably going to make you shit yourself and want to kill yourself. Right. And I'm like, how on earth is this such a great A, marketing plan? And B, I do think it's kind of weird that like

Our medical system is so geared for profit. That's what I think. It's weird that medicine, because I can't just go in and say, hey, I want Viagra. You have to have a prescription. And I say Viagra because I just, the only medical commercial that I remember is the erection for lasting more than four hours. I'm just like, are you kidding me? Exactly. I mean, it's leaveable. Right. Oh, that's like the worst side effect ever. I'd rather just

throw up for days. And we've touched on that on episodes in the past where men are juicing, you know, and skirting the system. But I agree. I mean, that is just, that is too long of a time to have an erection. I mean, even if Brad Pitt came at me with that, I would say no. It's too long. Every time I see these commercials, every time I see them on the

I get so irritated by it, by the whole process of it, that it causes all these side effects, that these pharmaceutical companies are making gajillions of dollars to where they're advertising, that they're hustling doctors, you know, taking them on trips. It's like a whole racket, the whole thing. And it's like other countries, you just have medical care. It's not perfect. Your doctor just tells you. But ours isn't either. You know, it's like this massive for-profit thing.

Like I think, you know, those little cups, pill cups. Yeah. That if you're in the hospital, they're just these little tiny paper cups. Time magazine or somebody did some expose on the medical. Those the insurance companies bill like $15. For those little cups? Yes. Yes.

Oh my gosh, Emily had a New Year's Eve party at my house. With jello shots? I've got a thousand of those cups. You could be making a shit ton of money. A millionaires. Yes. With my little hospital cups. Totally. See, that's such a racket. It's a total racket.

And I think all of these side effects, I don't need to hear when I'm watching television. I want to hear about people having diarrhea. It's not conducive. Right. Then it makes me not want to ever take it. Right. But do you ever remember the names? I never remember the names. It's always like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. No, it's like, you know, like...

Futurista. You know, it's always some weird, you know, kind of new agey kind of medical. Just a whole bunch of consonants with a vowel thrown in. Just like words you could never roll off the top. Yeah, totally. Yeah, no, I completely agree. We're going to talk about today. Well, you know what we have to do? Welcome to our podcast. Oh my gosh. Welcome to our podcast. It's called I've Had It.

where we air the pettiest of grievances, but we're also a podcast about positivity and homicidal rage. Make sense of it what you will. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. AKA Pumps, Angelina Pumpkintina. We have Kylie, Jen, Nellie, and Richard with us today. Today, we are going to talk about something that is so important.

And it is the issue of fake food allergies. It's taking over the world. Yes, because there are real food allergies and those are real. And those people hardly ever talk about them. Right. But it's the fake food allergy people that are the worst, that are causing a lot of problems for all of us.

I've never been asked so many times in my life when I order food if I have food allergies. That is so weird that they do that now at restaurants for the most part. Which I think the burden falls on the person. Right. You're the afflicted. Then it falls on you to make sure they know that. Yes. And our guest today is spectacular. In every way. In every single way imaginable. She is a boss bitch. Yes.

Big titty energy, big pussy energy, big dick energy, big bad boss bitch energy. She is amazing. Her name is Ashley Longshore. She's an artist from Mississippi, but now has her studio in New Orleans. Fabulous artist. Incredible artist. And you can always spot what's hers. Immediately. Immediately. It's so unique. Happy art. Happy art. Colorful. Yes. No, she is.

This shit. She is the shit. So let's get Ashley on here. Listener, for this episode of I've Had It, we've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Pops, what's going on out there on the dating apps? It's unbelievable how many people try to be something they're not on dating apps.

And what I love about eHarmony is it's real people for real relationships. You heard her, listener. That's why we've partnered with eHarmony because dating on eHarmony is different. eHarmony knows that to find something real, eHarmony is designed to help you bring out your personality on your profile with their unique personality test. They

They even highlight similarities with your potential matches. And that's when the magic happens. When you form genuine connections and authenticity leads to intimacy. Listener, give eHarmony a shot and get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. eHarmony, get who gets you.

You've probably heard that Prime One Day delivery is fast, but exactly how fast are we talking? We're talking electronics to your door tomorrow fast. Headphones, speakers, tablets delivered fast. Game consoles, controllers, and cables delivered fast. Am I talking too fast? Fast one day delivery on 20 million items. It's on Prime. Ashley motherfucking Longshore. Woo! I'm so happy to see you guys. We are so happy to see you. We are so happy to see you. And what we want to do is be happy with you bitching about shit.

That's what we want to do. We want to just... Oh, let's go on rants. I love rants. Let's fucking go off. Let's go off. I genetically am blessed. I come from a long line of ranters. So it's really just in my blood. Well, okay, Ashley, why don't you... First of all, this is Pumps. You know me. I'm Jennifer. Hey. Hey. And so...

What we want to talk to you about today is just tell me the top two things right off the top of the bat that you've had it with. Right now, I don't have on any underwear. Actually, I threw away all of my underwear. I think underwear is a scam. You know what I mean? But also, I don't like thong. Thong underwear hurts my asshole, and I don't know how people do it. It's like what it does to your taint. It taint right. You know what I mean?

I also don't like being forced by like, you know, media into thinking that I have to eat foods to be thin that are just going to make me shit in my pants. Right. Right. Or sneeze or like, you know, laugh really hard. It's like,

It's like, you know, if I'm not eating foods that give me diarrhea, then I'm not, you know, eating correctly. So off the top of my head, I'm kind of mad at those things. Well, I can tell you I've I've totally had it with any sort of diet trend, any it. I think they're all rackets and.

And they trot one out every, you know, 30 to 60 days. It's like, here's the new diet racket. It's this. And then you'll run into somebody and they're like, oh no, I'm doing this diet. And it's some like crash diet, 30 days, they lose 10 pounds. Then you see them three months after that and they put back on 20. So I'm like, these things don't fucking work. You know, if you're, if you. And also like, you know what I mean? Like I wear a necklace most days. I don't have it on today that says I would fuck me. Right.

I wake up in the morning and I do naked jumping jacks in front of the mirror because nothing else the rest of the day can be that horrific, first of all. Second of all, it's like, you know what? I love me some motherfucking me. God damn, I love me. And I don't want anybody telling me why I can't just like, boom, this is what it is. I've also never had a hard time getting a man. I've been with my man for 17 years. He ain't never turned it down. Right.

All they want is a fucking titty and a hank of hair anyway. Right. I got it. Right. I got that for you. Right. Right. And so let's talk about the faking fakers that say they're allergic to gluten until it's 2 a.m. and they're drunker.

than Kater Brown. I mean, absolutely schnockered out of their minds. And all of a sudden somebody orders a cheese pizza and Julie, you know, the Tridel is scarfing down the whole fucking pizza, not even sharing any. So what are your thoughts on that? Well, first of all, I have to say, I'm not friends with anyone that's gluten free. Okay.

Are they just removed? No, I just, no, I've had it with that. I've just had it with that. I have too. I've just had it with that, you know? No, it's exhausting because there is a small percentage of the population, like 0.01% that have celiac disease, which is real and it is fatal and they can't eat gluten. They don't fucking talk about it. But these, these, the other 99.9% of these people are lying liars.

I don't think, I think that they're self-diagnosed a lot of times. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. You're not allergic to gluten. You're just a cunt. You don't feel good because you are a cunt. Gluten ain't got nothing to do with your issues, baby. Yeah.

No, it's so true. I mean, we were just talking about earlier, when I go to order food at a restaurant, they're always like, is there any food allergies we need to be made aware of? And I'm like, enough, enough with the food allergies. People who have food allergies, genuine food allergies, because I have a couple of friends that do.

They handle that shit on their own with the waiter. I'm tired of constantly being asked about the food allergies. They have to ask that because of the lawyers. That's true. Yeah. It's because of the lawyers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're exactly right. Whenever they ask me if I have any allergies, I say, well, I'm allergic to bad service and shit. That's really basic. Oh, that's.

That's sassy. I like that. I know. I know. And that's probably, I probably had like a personality drink before I got to dinner, which is why I would say something like that. But when I, but I mean it, you know. Okay. Here's another one I have. I've just built up about this one. Okay. Fucking almond milk. Hey,

You cannot milk an almond. It's ridiculous. I hate it. How do you milk a fucking nut? That's exactly. It tastes like fucking cardboard. And look, look, I,

I drank it. I drank gallons of it. Okay. Like I drank it because, because I hated fucking soy milk. Okay. And I don't have like a lactose allergy or any kind of shit like that. I'm just like, it's got less calories than fucking milk and maybe it'll give me diarrhea and I'll feel skinny all day. I hate almond milk. I hate it from the bowels of my soul. That's how much I hate it.

I do love oat milk. And let me tell you, I do have this really amazing friend. God bless her. She's so fucking gorgeous. She's got the longest legs I've ever seen on a human being. She's all into like health food, but she's not annoying about it. She doesn't talk about that. You know, she just, she's healthy on her own. She doesn't push it in by his face. She used to make homemade cashew milk. Have you ever had that? Never. That is worth talking about.

Cashew milk is the like, it's sweet and rich and decadent and unbelievable. It is everything any other nut would want to be. I'm like, give me that nut, baby. Give me that nut. Give me that cashew nut.

But I hate almond milk. I hate it. Yeah, it's stupid. What do you think? Actually, actually, I'm about to start an Instagram page that's just about how much I fucking hate almond milk. Almonds are dead to me dot com.

So let me ask you about going commando all the time. So you go, you go commando downstairs all the time. What about free the nip, free the tip bras? What's going on there? I don't have a bra on right now. Oh my gosh. Fuck that shit. I've got to go to Palm beach for a show in a couple of weeks. You know, you can't go to Palm beach without fucking underwear. Right. There's certain, there's certain etiquette you have to follow. You can't go to Palm beach with your pussy hanging out.

Everybody knows that. I'm in a relationship. Now, if I was trolling for an 80-year-old billionaire, honey, you best believe I'd be flapping these pussy lips all around.

No. And I actually, one of the things I have to wear is a white dress. I have a fucking thong. And so my asshole is just going to have to take a beating for the sake of capitalism. Well, I mean, sacrifices have to be made at times. Sacrifice. Yes. Honestly, I mean, look, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm running a company. I don't have time for all of this. Yeah.

I don't. I think you can start. I'm supposed to have diarrhea and be conscious of my... You're not supposed to think about your butthole. Right. Right. Like, why?

why am I wearing something that I'm like, I'm painfully aware of my asshole all day long, you know, and I'm all trying to be a lady at all these art shows and stuff. And then I'm like, oh my God, do I have a hair on my chin? Did I wax my nose? Is my gray hair showing? Are my eyelashes long enough? Is my, am I going to have to put on a bathing suit? Have I waxed my fucking muskrat? What's up?

So many hairs that come in different places as you age. I mean, it's unbelievable. But I think you're kind of talking to, because we both work, Pumps is a lawyer. I'm an interior designer, as you know, because I buy Ashley's art for my projects. But as a woman, you have to do so many more things. And there's so many more things you have to be aware of when you're running a business. And

And I think it's just a lot. And you paint a lot of amazing women. And she has this Diane von Furstenberg. I was walking around New York and I just happened upon that fabulous show by accident. I didn't know it was going to be there. Josh and I go in. It is like this whole gallery full of all these powerful boss bitches that Ashley has painted. And I think that is amazing.

That is my favorite vibe of all of your artwork are the powerful boss bitch paintings. They're amazing. Mine too. They make me brave. They make me very brave. Those are just, you know, and Diane, I've worked with her and she curated those and God, she's so amazing. And yeah, I'm so glad you got to see that. It's actually in a museum now and it's going to be traveling around. So I'm amazing. And I'm, and I'm adding to it actively adding to that, to that collection. But yeah,

You know, you see all those women and the things that they accomplished and the things that they didn't and how they handled their failures. Right. And then, you know, they were women at a different time, a lot of them, than where we are right now. And, you know, they're going through the same shit that we're going through. And, you know, we just got to do the fucking best we can, right? That's right. But I do feel like, you know, I'm 47. And I do. And I was saying this to my man the other night. I said, you know...

you get to be this age and you're running a company and if you're fighting the hair battle and you're painfully aware of your asshole, you're drinking, they may or may not give you diarrhea if you're lucky. And people are trying to give you a fucking almond milk latte. And you know, you're, you're battling people with gluten disorders. I mean, it's a fucking jungle out there. You get to this point and it's like, you realize why nobody says no.

I really want to go out there and find me like a 48 or 49 year old woman. That is the God's truth. Because you know what? I've just had it. I've just, I've just had it. Yes. And I know what I don't like and I know what I love. Right. And you know, I can take care of myself, but you know, shit.

Shit, man. Ashley, I relate to that because I think when, because I built a business as well. And so when you're doing it, you're in this just grind mode. You're doing it. You're like, okay, I'm going to make it. I'm going to do it. And everything's happening so quickly. And then all of a sudden you reach a level of success and you can exhale and you can look back and go, okay, I have financial security. I have built something here. And then all of a sudden I noticed a little bit of homicidal rage and

set in, not actively throughout the day, but like, I just, my tolerance level for bullshit is completely diminished. I mean, completely diminished. I'm much happier with me. I like the 48 year old version of myself much better than I did the 28 year old version or the 38 year old version. A hundred percent I did. But I just, when people are

You know, selling some form of bullshit, whether it's their gluten, fake gluten allergy or fake busy people. Fake busy people really fucking irritate me. And we all know fake busy people.

And I just feel this like, oh, God, put a sock in it. But I can't tell you how many people I know that literally have fucking nothing to do. I'm talking they don't have jack shit to do. I mean, you got to get away from those people. Those are the scariest people. Yeah, they are. And they tell you how busy they are. And I'm like, this is a complete mess.

fake busy person. You don't have a job. What are they doing? I don't know. They don't have a job. Kids are in school all day. I know what they do. I know exactly what they do. They're chronic masturbators. Laughter

They are absolutely that busy. They are absolutely that busy. It has to be. It's the only thing that makes sense. They're charging all those devices. Yes. You know how many double D batteries these people go through? Yes. Like Amazon boxes piling up on the curb. Yes. I mean, they're chronic masturbators. I mean, they have got to be chronic masturbators. Absolutely.

Pumps was talking about how before you came on, how she was at the checkout counter at the grocery store and there was somebody that was an inefficient self checker outer. She's just like taking no tolerance. None. I don't even go to that lane. I don't even go to that lane because I also have the rage and I'm like, I can't watch you try to do this. Right.

I can't... No, I'm so with you on that. I haven't really thought about how much that irritates me. But when I even see the self-checkout, I roll my eyes back in my head so far. Like, I roll my eyes so far back, I can feel it in my gut. Right. Yeah, I can't stomach it. I don't know why... I mean...

They have to have a self-checkout helper because everybody always fucks it up. And so I'm like, what is the logic behind this? You already have the helper there anyway. Just make another lane. Yes, because it is really the self-check. I mean, I'm like, can we just continue just a little bit of services that we had? Like remember back in the day when you could pull up and somebody would pump your gas and you'd pay more for full service? I want that back. I did.

I want that back. In some states they have that. I believe in Oregon for environmental issues, you can only get full service. Yeah. But yeah, I do remember that because when I was 16, my father had an account at a gas station like that, which and I was not supposed to be using it. And I did. And I got in big trouble. I got in real big trouble. Those were the days when you could go and get gas, buy beer, all on your parents gas card.

We didn't know how sweet it was. We had no idea. Ashley, what do you think about a person that goes on to like, let's say they watch this podcast or listen to a clip of us. And instead of not liking what we're saying, they just scroll on. They go ahead and go into the comments and tell you specifically why they don't like you. And then also announce their departure that they're going to unfollow you.

And we're talking about this long of a sentence. What do you think about those types of trolls? Well, chronic masturbators get on the Internet. You know, a lot of times they're dehydrated. Right.

I don't know. I would like to invite them over to my home for an almond milk latte. We could talk about it. I'd like to offer them a selection of thongs from Skims. You know, I guess they're just some people that are just fucking assholes. Instead, I take my energy and I make art about it and then I get paid. Then I go get fucking naked on a yacht.

I brought sprinkles and some cashew milk. You know, let's talk about how empowering it is as a woman to have your own money in your own career and be beholden to no penises. I ain't sucking a dick unless I want to. Preach. Now, there are a couple of things I would suck dick for. OK, let's hear them.

I mean, a fucking Gulfstream. 100%. Yes. With a maintenance package and three pilots. 100%. Like, bitch, I'll give you a pinky up to the second knuckle. There is no doubt. No doubt. That is the best luxury on the planet. And sometimes as an entrepreneur, because this shit is motherfucking hard. On some days I think, I just wish, I wish I could just suck Uncle Sam's dick. Instead of pay taxes.

Yes. Oh, I would give Uncle Sam the meanest fucking blowjob. I would cut the balls. I mean, I would give it, you know, like a thumb if he wanted the thumb. You know, seriously. Oh, my God. That is so good.

We know dating isn't easy, and that's why we partnered with eHarmony. Because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find somebody who gets you, someone you can be fully comfortable with. Their compatibility quiz helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and way more fun to read.

So give eHarmony a shot. Get started with their compatibility quiz so you can find someone you can be yourself with. That's what true connection and compatibility are all about. Being seen, heard, understood. And that's why more people are turning to eHarmony. Finding someone who gets you is hard, right? Well, that's because we're human and there's a lot of different humans out there. That's why eHarmony helps you bring out your personality on your dating profile so you can meet someone you can be fully yourself with.

And when you match based on personality, you're already one step ahead when it comes to meeting someone who gets you. So if you're searching for someone you can be yourself with, try eHarmony. Take their compatibility quiz to get started today. eHarmony. Get who gets you.

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compromise isn't so bad when you're holding a mai tai by a pool with an ocean view agreeing that yeah this is better than finding sand in awkward places for three days book now in the hotels.com app and find your perfect somewhere ashley i love it so what tell us what you're working on now

Oh, well, I've got that show coming up in Palm Beach. So, you know, I'm I've finished the collection for that. And now I've started on a new collection that I'm releasing right before Valentine's Day. And I've got a little champagne collaboration that I did. So, you know, there will be bubbles there.

Down there in Palm Beach, we're launching that there. And, you know, I've just got my overall madness that I'm working on. I've got some secret projects and something wild that I'm doing soon. Oh, I love it. I saw your drunk royals. Loved them. That is so good. And people message us a lot and are like, what's your opinion on Harry and Meghan? And I'm like, okay, everybody has a fucking opinion on it, but I want to tell you guys mine. So,

Here's the person I'm most pissed off at about the whole thing is King Charles.

King Charles needs to fucking step up to the plate and say, I'm not taking the title away from my son. I'm not doing that. He is my son. He will come to my coronation. He will be next to me. I'm so sorry you're hurting. I'm so sorry that you feel hurt by your family, but I am your father and I'm here to love you and be with you and be close to your children, my grandchildren. And he's just completely excluded from that because if it were my cubs, I have two sons and

And one of my sons was pissed off at me and felt aggrieved by something that happened in their childhood, which everybody has some fucked up components to their childhood. So I'm sure there's a lot of shit I'm going to be hearing about in the future. And I know that, you know, my husband, their dad is a recovering drug addict. He's in recovery now. And so we have some some issues there.

But if Dylan or Roman, one of my sons, felt aggrieved and felt hurt by our family of origin, so much so to move out of the country,

I, as the adult, even though he's 30, I would still be the mom and say, listen, that is my son. I am so sorry he is hurting. I'm not taking his title away. He will always be my son. This is his birthright. He will be front and center at my coronation, period, end of story. Fuck you, British press. Leave them alone. And I just, that has not happened. It has not happened at all. That is the antithesis of being a royal. Right.

Charles, I don't think he's ever been loved and nurtured. Right.

you know, he, he would never even cry about it to school, you know, by himself and was kind of just thrown to the wolves to deal with it without therapy or counseling. I mean, I think as little girls where we grow up and think, Oh wow, to be a princess or a queen. Right. Now we're really learning what that shit really means on lots of different levels. And I think it would just suck.

Oh, it would suck so bad. I think individually, we all do what we want to do to be happy in the very short amount of time that we're here. Kudos to Harry and fucking Meghan. That's what I think too. Also, Harry's mother is...

was, was killed by the paparazzi in the British media and all that. I don't blame the child for fucking me and having PTSD and not wanting his woman. And if you, if you notice in my drunk Royals collection, Harry and Megan are not in that collection. I noticed that I did notice that. That's why I brought it up too. Cause I figured that was why, you know, the human existence is certainly a fascinating one. That is the truth. And you, you like to go to bed really early and wake up super early, right? Yeah.

I do do that a lot of times when I'm not just on a full blown, you know, wildness bender. I'm being productive, man. I'm stacking up my fucking paper. I got shit I want to do. You got to, you got to, you got a Gulfstream. You got to buy. That's right.

Or, or putting it out here right now. And I'm pretty sure I can convince my man that it won't be an issue. More than happy. I know he wouldn't mind if he got to fly on it. I'm more than happy to give someone an unbelievable fucking Hummer or a Gulfstream. I need it new and I need to pick out the interior pilots and a full maintenance package. Yeah.

I would lick a butthole for that. How many, how many, how many blowjobs in a row consecutively would you give to get that Gulfstream? Oh God. I mean, to get, to get a Gulfstream. Yeah.

Oh, bitch, let's go. Let's go. Bring them on. Bring them on. I mean, for a Gulfstream, I don't need a yacht. Right. I don't even need a big ass mansion. But to me, to be able to fly around on a PJ and for God's sake, let me preface this. I would also appreciate and I'll give somebody a pinky up to the second knuckle to make this happen.

Please, can we have the earth friendly fuel? I'm not trying to take down the planet with this Gulfstream. Okay. I'm just trying to see my friends. And not have to go through security line. Right. It's a miserable experience. Miserable. I need a Gulfstream. I need a soul douche. That's what it would do for me. Soul douche.

Well, Ashley, I cannot tell you. This has been the highlight of our day. We love you. We love your art. We love the girl power shit. We love the haddits with the fucking thongs, the butt floss, almond milk. Ashley has the best I've haddits. Yeah, your I've haddits are, I mean, they're going to go down in our I've haddit hall of fame. I've only just gotten started. There's a lot more. We might have a reoccurring segment.

Ashley's had it. I've had it. You're going to have to be a regular because this is the kind of, I'm here. I'm here for this. I live for this right here. Okay. This is the kind, this is the kind of shit that we need. This is the kind of shit that our listeners need. Yes. Because when you get to be our age, we have earned the right to say we have had it and we're not going to sit around and pump unicorns up your ass all the time. We're all about positivity, but we're also, we find it therapeutic to get shit off our chest. Right.

Yeah. Like we didn't even get to talk about how we've had it with sneezing and pissing on our pants. Exactly. And that's going to, that is what we're going to have you on for the next episode. Ashley, go crush it in your white thong, in your white dress, in Palm Beach. Please tell our listeners where they can find you.

Well, they can find me at Ashley Longshore Art. They can find me if you need a PG version, which if God help you, Ashley Longshore World. Just fucking Google me. My God. Ashley, we love you. You're the best. If anybody can find me somebody that can get me a fucking Gulfstream, bitch, I'll get you a painting. You'd be my best friend forever. Yeah. Love you, bitches. Love you, Ashley.

Ashley almost killed me. She's so funny. She is so funny. Oh my gosh. I want to go to New Orleans and be her best friend too. It's so refreshing just to be around somebody who's so...

uninhibited because we're that way. And I just, I find it so refreshing to not worry about tiptoeing and walking on eggshells and just saying, this is how I feel. If you don't like it, fuck off, fuck off, just fuck right on off. And her art's amazing. Ashley's art is incredible. And it's, she has, I mean, she's basically a celebrity artist and I am so grateful that we had her on our show.

And perhaps maybe she could do a painting of you. Absolutely. I think for sure. Powerful woman.

No bra. With your fucking Stanley cup. I'd have to bring my Stanley with me. And Ashley, if you listen to this episode, the next time we have you on, I forgot to talk to you about these fucking Stanley cups. I wonder if she has one. If she does, I'm going to be so happy. I know. You make me so happy. I know. I know. Well, thank you all for listening. Please like us, follow us, subscribe to us. Send us a voice memo via DM on Instagram at I've had it podcast pumps. What do we tell them?

See you next Tuesday. Oh, but we just discovered something new. Since we're releasing these bonus contents, see you next Thursday also spells cunt. Yeah. So see you next Thursday or see you next Tuesday.