Beautiful, Systemic and Seamless Trolling
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Full of it today. Why do you look up at the ceiling? Well, because I'm looking at my hands. Oh. To unite them? Unite them. Make sure I'm seeing it correctly. Yes. Eye-hand coordination. Which you crush. I'm horrible at eye-hand coordination. Well, I mean, you just can't be...

So talented that it would overwhelm the world. That's right. It has to have some flaws. Well, I mean, here's the deal. I'm just going to go ahead and welcome everybody to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She is the star of our show. Shut up.

We recently were on the Today Show. I know. I still can't believe it. Listener, and I would argue that Pumps was the star of the Today Show. Oh, please, bitch. I think a lot of our listeners will agree with me. I don't. Everybody should know right off the bat that there's a reason that Hoda and Jenna are the Today Show hosts. I think you gave them a big run for their money. Shut up.

You're ridiculous. I do. I appreciate your humility. No, I appreciate it. You're driving me crazy with that. I'm serious. I am too. Whatever. No, I mean, they were just immediately felt comfortable.

So chatty, so sweet, as darling as you would want them to be. You know how some people you meet and you think, oh, what assholes. Not them. No, they were awesome. They were 10 out of 10. Incredible experience. So surreal. So fun. Pumps and I couldn't believe it. Could not believe it. Shout out to Sean, our sweet...

Sweet helper, the producer there. He was amazing. He was amazing. We had so much fun. It really was so fun. It was so fun. So a lot of stuff, fun stuff happened. So we fly to New York, Pumps and Me.

And then the very next morning we get up and we have our hair and makeup done. Right. Our publicist comes to our hotel room, Mara. Yeah. And we have a car that's going to drive us to the Today Show. Right. You know, because we need a car because we can't schlep in 100 degree heat. Right. Get our makeup ruined, etc. So there is this Instagram account called Yolanda Pfister. Okay. Okay.

And Yolanda Pfister is like a parody satire account. And Yolanda Pfister tweeted a picture of us that Mara, our publicist, took of us when we were in the car on the way. And she tweeted it like taking my girls to the Today Show or whatever. Well, Yolanda finds this image and then she pops up a tweet and it says...

I'm an Uber driver and I was telling my passengers about how much I can't afford to feed my five children. These women then tipped me $2,500 each for their journey, which will buy my family groceries for an entire week. I'm so grateful to these kind souls.

Then he responds, she responds to her own tweet and says, people are saying they have a podcast called I've had it. So I have left a five star review on the podcast with my thank you note. Thank you fellow tweet bees for helping me find them. So I see this, I instantly know it's satire and I screenshot it listener and I send it to Kylie and pumps, which pumps immediately responds. That's not true. Yeah.

But I was like, did I have a stroke? I mean, what happened? Pumps wasn't the only person that fell prey to this. I want to read to you all some of the responses that Yolanda Pfister got from

this tweet because they are absolute gold. So somebody responds to this, you know, generous photo of us tipping $5,000, which didn't happen, listener, in case you haven't caught on yet. So somebody tweets Yolanda and says, where do you live where a week's worth of groceries cost $5,000? I think it's a good question. I live in one of the most expensive countries in Europe and that math makes no sense. Yeah.

Yolanda responds, I live in the U.S. and my children get a rotisserie chicken each for dinner because I am a loving parent. I'm sorry you can't relate. That's funny. So she's just trolling him back, right? Then somebody else, where do you shop? Yolanda responds, I shop at Whole Foods because I am anti-GMO. My kids are picky eaters, so I have to throw away 60% of what I buy. I keep a variety in stock.

because I love them. I mean, she's doubling down. And then somebody's like, that's Jennifer Welch and pumps. And she's like, do you know them? I would love to give them a thank you for their kind gesture. A lot of her followers know, but some people don't. And then somebody's like, this is not adding up. That's a thousand dollars a week for each. No one should be eating that much food. It can't be healthy. She says, wow, my family's eating habits are none of your concern. We are big boned by genetics and we can't help that.

So it's just this fucking beautiful, systemic, seamless troll that this Yolanda Pfister account is just completely. Somebody says $2,500 a week for groceries. What are you feeding your children? Caviar? She says, not all the time. I only use caviar in their school lunches.

For dinner, they like to have a rotisserie chicken each. Okay, so if this isn't beautiful enough, it goes viral on gay Twitter. It gets like a million views. A lot of people know and can immediately size up Yolanda Pfister. Yeah. And they did the math immediately that $5,000 a week was insane. And they instantly cracked the case that this was satire.

Well, listener, there's this little blogger in Oklahoma City, and I would probably call him a hobby blogger. So he decides that he's going to write a hit piece on Pumps and Me on the foothills of our Today Show appearance, right? And apparently he doesn't listen to the podcast because if he did, he would know we would welcome such a piece. But his piece was so bad. So he...

Hookline Sinker buys into the Yolanda Pfister tweet, thinks that we and Mara, our publicist, have colluded with this account to post it.

To promote our pod for Yolanda Pfister. Yes. I appreciate that he thinks that we're that diabolical. Right. And talented. Yeah, really. That's impressive. To network the internet in those ways. But anyway, so I tweeting back and I'm like, Yolanda Pfister is a satire account.

So then Yolanda Pfister is like, I hit the fucking gold mine because this person fucking bought into it. So then she screenshots and she's like having the time of her life. So she saw the because I tagged her in. Oh, OK. So here's what he writes.

After the tweet that Yolanda Pfister did, the satirical tweet about us tipping an Uber driver $5,000 to feed her kids caviar and rotisserie chicken. Right. This motherfucker is so lazy. If you just would have clicked the tweet within reading the very first comment, you see that she's like talking about caviar and rotisserie chickens, right? Didn't even wrote this essay, but didn't even bother to like click the tweet. So he writes, he does the tweet and he's like, yep. What a coincidence, huh?

The same week they're doing a big national publicity tour, some single mom Uber driver named Yolanda Pfister gives them a lift. They tip her $5,000 and then tweet about it and it goes viral. Either I'm a cynical asshole or that seems totally staged. And here's what I have to say to the little hobby blogger in Oklahoma City. You're neither. You're a fucking lazy idiot is what you are.

I mean, Yolanda Pfister. Right. I mean, I didn't read the name. I just read the comment and I was like, that's not true. But I didn't have to type Yolanda Pfister. I think he typed it out. Right. Like once you type it, you know, Pfister typed it out, accuses us of like colluding with Yolanda Pfister, this parody account to stage Yolanda.

This bogus story, which we had nothing to do with. And here's the deal. Like when I saw it on Twitter, I was like, that's fucking hilarious. I know that there's going to be a lot of dumb asses that walk into this. And then now he's taught a master class on how to be a dumb fuck on the Internet because Yolanda Pfister then screenshots a story and then puts in quotes above it. Some single mom Uber driver named Yolanda Pfister.

So then I follow Yolanda Pfister on Instagram. And I'm like, hey, listen, I want to cover your tweet. It's fucking hilarious. Can you give me the demo on you? He responds, I'm a 26-year-old gay man that lives in Scotland. Ha ha ha!

trolling the fuck out of the internet yolanda fister is fucking undefeated stars undefeated on the world wide web i mean it is so funny i can't even take it so anyway i absolutely love yolanda fister who we now know is a 26 year old gay man that lives in scotland

Excellent work. So anyway, Kylie, did you see all that? I want Yolanda to know that I love them and I have for a long time. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. So you've been following Yolanda for a while? So were you behind this collusion? Yeah, I'm Yolanda. Oh.

I mean, it was so good. But so many people fell for that. But I think it's so hilarious that he puts that up. And there were people that are like, Oh, my God, I'm so glad to know pumps and Jen are this nice out in nature. And he's like, he's like, That's great. Can you help connect me with them? Yeah.

Anyway, Yolanda Pfister, a.k.a. the 26-year-old Scottish gay man, we love you. Absolutely. Pumps, now that you have your Simply Safe hooked up in your home, do you feel safer? I actually do, and I didn't think I felt unsafe before, but I really do feel safer. Do you feel more secure? I do feel more secure, absolutely.

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And you know that while flowers are nice, what is really nice is someone who will run out and buy you tampons. Now that's a keeper. Am I right, Pumps? So right. A mature person is what you're talking about. Okay, here's how you'll know that you're dating an adult. They remember to bring you your coffee every morning.

Maybe they're cool if you're out on a date and you can say, hey, could we swing by the dry cleaners and they don't get all butt hurt? Wouldn't that be nice, Pumps? Nice change. I think it's just nice to date an adult that's got their shit figured out. I didn't know there were any out there. Well, I'll tell you what they all are. They are on Match. If you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, guys, Match is the place for you. Adults wanted. Download the Match app today.

Okay, moving along. This is just going to kind of be a free-balling episode. There's a little comment that I believe I screenshot on YouTube that I thought was so good, and I'm going to read this. This is Kevin McDougal, and he says...

And this is regarding our episode with Trixie Mattel, the drag queen. Okay. This was an incredible episode. Two worlds colliding. Jennifer and Pumps, I want you to know that even though you live in a red state, your continued vocal support for drag artists, trans people, and queer people, and your effective dismissal of stupendously ignorant and downright tomfoolery right-wing talking points against our communities will positively impact so many youth in red states across your country. Okay.

Youth who have abusive and unsupportive parents and guardians can look to you and find validation, hope, and confidence in themselves to know that they're worth being alive. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm kind of tearing up. That's really sad.

It's incredibly sweet. And, you know, we take a lot of shit sometimes for taking such a firm stance on progressive issues. And I want to clarify again for the permanent record. For the permanent record. This is a moral issue for us. Right. For a lot of you, this might be political and this might be low hanging fruit. But for us, it is a moral issue to support all people, particularly those who are marginalized by racism.

you know, these cruel and hypocritical Bible thumping right wingers. I've had it. Had it. So speaking of the right wingers, I want to point out to them that we have had two drag Queens on our show, right? Delta work, love and Trixie Mattel love both of their appearances on. I've had it can only be compared to a Colombian cocaine bump. Yeah.

Pablo Escobar style. Pablo Escobar cocaine bump when you have a drag queen on your show. These people are fucking, they make it rain. I mean, our numbers when we have a drag queen on skyrocket. Right. So I will argue for those of you that are like, well, I'm fiscally conservative, but socially liberal. Right.

Your fiscal conservatism and supporting and not supporting drag queens is actually anti-capitalist because these bitches make it rain. They do. They do. Don't they, Kyle? They sure do. Yeah. So anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there because any opportunity I have to browbeat religious hypocrisy, I like to jump on it and ride it all the way over the finish line. Okay. Could I tell one story of when you were talking about the car, I didn't know what you were going to say. So we get in the car. Kylie will appreciate this.

We get in the car. On the way to the Today Show. From the hotel to the Today Show. Okay. Mara, the publicist, is in the front with the driver. And Jennifer starts telling the driver how to get to the Today Show. I'm like, he's got it. And she's like, well, I don't know.

we're going the wrong way. He's like, we're going in the back way. And I was just like, the sheriff has arrived in NYC. It's true. She's trying to boss him. I did. I'm so bossy. It is a character defect, man. I mean, it, I, I did. Yeah.

And then he pulled us up right there. Right there. And I should have felt like a miserable, humiliated idiot, but I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I just sociopathically got out of the car, thanked him, pretended like it never happened, walked right into... Tipped the Uber driver $5,000 and then walked right into the Today Show. Yes. Just got out your credit card and went big. Yeah. Go big or go home. Yeah. So obviously...

I came back from Italy and then the very next morning we went to the Today Show. Right. And I have purposely not shared details about my Italian trip. Okay. With you. Okay. Because I wanted to save it to share with you and our team and our one listener. One listener. You know who you are, Yolanda. Together. Okay, good. Let's hear it. I have some good updates. Okay. First and foremost, I have to have some good news for America. What? What?

The Italians love American tourists. Oh, they do? Yep. Not like the French that hate them. I think American tourists in general are spending money. They're tipping. The Americans that go abroad that are brave enough to go to a quote unquote socialist country that doesn't wave an American flag seem to be a little bit more open-minded and they like America. Oh, good. That's good to hear. So...

So secondly, so first we go to Sicily, right? And then from Sicily, we're going to fly to Naples to then get on a boat to go to Capri, which is my favorite. So after spending like five days in Sicily, we do cool shit. Like I'm in a helicopter looking at a volcano. I saw that. Fucking outdoorsy. I mean, fucking loving nature. All the fuck over it, right? Yeah.

I ride an ATV, boy, mom, out the wazoo, fucking mother of the year, whipping through on an ATV. Right. Crushed it, loved Sicily. It was awesome. So we go to this airport in this town called Catania and we're supposed to fly from there to Naples. It's like a 30, 45 minute flight, right? So they're like, plane's delayed an hour. It's delayed two hours. It was late four hours and it's delayed like eight hours. Finally, the flight just gets flat out canceled. Right.

So I'm like, fuck. So I go to the front desk of this hotel because we thought we might stay the night in Catania. And I tell the guy, I'm like, hey, can you help me? I need to get to Villa San Giovanni and then like take a train. And the guy's like, no, no, no. I'm like, what is this? No. Villa San Giovanni. And he's like, correct me. I'm like, okay, can you help me get to Villa San Giovanni? And so ultimately we get in an Uber. Okay. Yeah.

And we're trying to get off this island. So I asked the Uber driver, I'm like, so how do we get like to the mainland of Italy? And he's like, we take a ferry. I thought that we would get out of the Uber and like hop on a boat. Right. We get on this ferry that is like fucking gigantic in the car. The car drives onto the ferry and there's like semi trucks, like

There's buses, all sorts of people. And everybody just drives onto this ferry, immediately steps out. Everybody lights up a cig. Those were the days. So we get out and then you go up this escalator. And I mean, we're talking 10 hours of travel misery, right?

get on this escalator. We go to the top and we order a hot dog. So we're on the top of this fucking ferry eating a glizzy, right? We're up there eating this awful glizzy. Finally make it. Nonetheless, the whole family was just, I mean, Josh Welch was just beside himself. I saw that. I mean, poor little thing. He just doesn't have any capacity not to be pampered. So we finally make it. Everything's great. So Wimbledon comes on, right? So, um,

We decide we go eat lunch and we decide we're going to watch Wimbledon because we're huge tennis fans. One of the worst thing that's probably going to happen to me this entire calendar year is Brad Pitt showed up to Wimbledon. Josh Welch has now screenshotted his hair. Every photo of Brad Pitt. It's been added to the hair file. Oh, God.

He immediately Googled the outfit, which he found out the shirt was sold out in all colors globally. Of course. He noticed that Brad was wearing some chains. Don't say he did that. He didn't buy any chains, but he was thinking about it when we were there. Right. And I would look over at him multiple times and he had the photo of Brad Pitt out. And here's what's fascinating about Josh. When he sees Brad Pitt, he thinks they're contemporaries.

completely. He doesn't think like that'll never be me. It doesn't even hit him that it's a false equivalency for him to compare himself to you. That is the amazing part. The delusions of grandeur should be put in a Petri dish and studied. I mean, they really should. Like I've even asked him like, so when you pull out a 22 year old haircut and they're hot and you look in the mirror and you think,

I've got that. Does it ever occur to you that maybe it's too young for you? That maybe that's a haircut for younger people? No. The answer was unequivocally, unabashed, N-O. Doesn't even take a breath. Never. I mean, that'd be like if I said, oh, look what Giselle's wearing. I should probably buy that too. Like, what? Yeah. I mean, never thinking that you can't even compare the two. No. So he, I mean, he just, every time I looked over, and then of course there were all these Brad Pitt memes and,

And then it was kind of like, you know, Brad and he started styling his hair a little different. Like they have a similar haircut, but Brad's was a little bit more over to the side. And Josh literally one day got the photo out and put it on the vanity. Yeah.

Oh, that's just sad. I mean, it's a happy, it should be a happy thing that Brad Pitt went to Wimbledon, right? Brad didn't think about how this impacts women like me who live with complete delusions of grandeur, narcissistic maniacs.

Josh might be the only one. I mean, he's got it bad. Yeah. I've never known anyone with it worse than him. No, it's really bad. As he would say, when I say this stuff to him, he just looks at me and goes, I had early childhood trauma, Jennifer. Yeah. Well, it's time to get over it. Because you're not Brad Pitt and you're never going to be. I like to think that somewhere Brad Pitt has a screenshot of Josh Welch in a folder in his phone somewhere. You're making it worse. Kylie. Shut up. You have to edit that out because he will listen to this and be like...

I mean, he, he, that's what he thinks. No, he does. Yeah. It's bad. No, he does. He thinks they're contemporaries. Okay. And finally, before we move on to our voice memos, something rather alarming happened. I, if it's what I think it is, it was nothing short of alarming. So Josh gets this idea because in Italy, people wear whatever they want. Nobody gives a fuck. It's,

So he decides that he and my nephew, Joey, who's very attractive. Joey's the hottest person I've ever seen in real life. Like guy wise. Right. And it was breathtaking for him. I mean, Josh was way worse. He decides that they need to buy Speedos. See, I was surprised. I wouldn't at all surprise Joey would do it. I mean, that Josh would do it. I was surprised Joey would do it. Well, I mean, this is what you talk about. Just a domino effect of bad decisions. Yeah.

And peer pressure, you know, so Josh is like, hey, let's go buy Speedos. So we're on our way down to this beach club called Fontalina and there's a swimsuit shop. We go in, they try them on. I'm like, oh, they're, they're doing this. So they get their Speedos on. We get on a boat the next day and they decide that's going to be the Speedo day. We're going to this island called Ischia. So they have on their little Speedos. Of course, the boat driver thinks nothing of it. He's Italian. It's not weird to him. Right. So we do a photo shoot, right? Yeah.

Well, Joey's wife, Madison, is an expert in like iPhone photoshopping. Right. So she has to photoshop the photo. And what she does is she can go to like the package and she put a circle on it. Like their turtle head. And enlarge the beef area there. And I watched her do it.

so I of course have all these pictures I've taken of them dancing in their speedos posing in their speedos and then Joey decides he goes hey before anything's posted you need to talk to me and I'm like I don't have enough I don't have an approval process my for my phone for my iPhone for my social media you're fucked like you're totally fucked so I put up a couple

They're both so butthurt with the whimpering and whining. I did take, I never delete, but they're on my story, but I did take them down. But these two morons. They wanted you to enlarge the package before you posted it? They wanted Madison too. They knew not to ask me such a thing. But I'm just saying they were requesting a package enlargement. Yes. See, see, the ocean was quite cold.

Record heat in Italy, but it was freezing. Ocean was a little chilly. Yeah, I was just like, the very first thought I had after I was able to recoup a little bit, I was like, my first thought was, does Joey know that she put this on the internet? I knew Josh would think it probably, he'd probably look like fucking...

Michael Phelps. You know, he just thinks he Brad Pitt, you know, Brad Pitt. So, but I was just like, Oh my God, I wonder if Joey knows she posted this. And I will thought, well, of course he knows. I mean, I was, I'm very rarely just fucking mind blown, but I, when that story opened up, I didn't even know what to say. Let me tell you something. I think I have really matured emotionally and psychologically because I wasn't shocked at all.

Five years ago, I would have been so shocked. But I have grown so much on my mental health journey that I have manifested such great rock solid sharpness attacks. Or your expectations are so low. That too. Yeah.

That too. But no, I wasn't shocked. It looked like a great trip. It was a great trip. And here's the deal. Like I, when you're in Italy and everybody just kind of wears what they want and is how they are. Nobody cares. I was just like, why do I care? They want to wear Speedos if I can wear Speedos. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. I'd forgot the Speedo is pretty great. It's good stuff. I didn't see pumps maybe more than one time while you were on your trip.

maybe one word, one phone call. Yeah. She comes in the office. She trots upstairs. She sits down, lays back in a chair and she goes, did you see that photo? It was like she had just gone to war. But I was just like, I mean, it really did kind of, I was, it took my breath away a little bit. I was just like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Do they know? Do they know it's on the internet? Is what my first thought was. They did. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, there's the deal. You're not going to see me running around topless for a reason. It would not look pretty in a picture. Okay. I have to interject.

I have to interject because that's 1000% false. Listener, one time we were in Mexico on a girl's trip and we were at dinner and we may or may not have been a little stoned on marijuana. We were also outside. We were outside at a restaurant, possibly stoned on marijuana. I can neither confirm nor deny that.

And they come around with a cool, refreshing towelette. It was refreshing. So they hand everybody at the table a cool, refreshing towelette. Pops proceeds to, she wipes her face down. She wipes her neck. She does one pit. She does the other pit. Then she just pulls down the top of her dress, plops the sagging dragons right out on the table and just does an inner tit scrub, under tit, under tit, under tit.

Right there, the waiter's waiting for her to pass the towel back. So this moral high ground of hers. No, no, no. I'm saying like I would not put a picture of my boobs topless on the internet because it doesn't look good.

I'm not scared to like flop them out. We're not scared to flop a tit out. I mean, no. Half the people on the planet in Oklahoma City have seen my hanger trick. I mean, it's like a party's getting boring. I'm like, oh, well, I got a trick. I'm not defending Josh. Okay. It was alarming. It's indefensible. But it was equally, I'm just saying in both fronts. But mine was not captured for the United States. Josh wearing a Speedo, which Europeans do.

very popular in the gay community right and now apparently popular in the metrosexual community and you going full-blown hooker bath titty scrub at a table the hooker bath titty scrub was more alarming to me it was alarming but i stand committed to the titty hooker bath scrubbing but that was five people in our private villa this was five people on our boat but

It's on the internet. Everyone on planet Earth. It's for the permanent record ever. What if I would have screenshot it? I would have it forever. I hate when mom and dad fight. I think it's enough about my trip. We need to hear...

from our listener. That's right. Let's hear it. All right, up first, we've got Reese and Sebastian. Hey, Jen, or as we like to call you, the pickleball princess, pumps, our favorite big titty honorary lesbian, and Kylie. Oh! It's Reese. And Sebastian. And oh boy, have we fucking had it. We have fucking had it with this goddamn Florida heat. You know, it's bad enough we have to deal with this Ronda Santas don't say gay bullshit. Yeah.

We have been forced to buy handhelds fans and walk around in public looking like fucking idiots who look like an old 1960s Chevy engine overheating. Every time I step outside, I feel like I'm a menopausal woman with these fucking hot flashes. Literally feels like Satan is blowing my back out from the depths of hell. Anyway, welcome to Florida. By the way, we love you guys so much. Your guys' podcast is better than therapy, and God knows we both fucking need that.

I mean, they're about the cutest thing ever. Ever. Reese and Sebastian, how cute are they? Reese and Sebastian were so enthusiastic. So enthusiastic. Despite, I mean, living in Florida is similar to living in Oklahoma. It's trench warfare. It is. I mean, all of you liberals that live in places like Massachusetts or New York. Right. Or California. Or Toronto. It's just easy. Toronto's not in the United States. No, I know, but it's liberal. It's a liberal city. I think the country is. Well, I'm just saying. But nonetheless. I'm just saying.

You liberals that live in these places, it's like it's so quick to like judge a state and just go, oh, people from Florida are crazy or oh, people from Oklahoma are crazy. And there are. The large majority of the people in our state are. The large majority in Florida are. But those of us that aren't, it's like fucking trench warfare. We're in the trenches fucking taking grenades daily. Right.

I mean, we have to fight. You have to work hard. I mean, around all the stupidity and fuckery. The fuckery in Florida. I mean, I'm not saying...

Long haul like it's always been worse than oklahoma, but right now It's worse than oklahoma. I think oh, I think that desantis is such a fascist Totally and it's like what is what does he offer? He's like anti-economy because he's like picking a fight with their biggest employer disney Who the fuck picks a fight with disney? What a dumbass idiot and then anti-gay that's anti-anti-everything anti-books That's anti-economy

It's just a fucking gross Bible time. You know what's gross about him? What thing? Just one? Well, his wife. Have you seen her little club called Mamas for DeSantis? Yes, the worst. She's like, Mamas for DeSantis. And it's like, they act like they're such advocates for children. But you don't advocate for fucking gay kids. No, you don't. You don't advocate for trans kids. Black and brown?

No. Kids black, brown, they're not advocating for you. It's just, it's so performative and it's such a fucking grift to the Bible thumpers have had it. I heard she's worse than him on this podcast that I listen to, but I don't know if that's right. You know what? I hope I never know. Yeah, they're awful. But I will say I've thoroughly enjoyed his face plant of a presidential campaign. No, it has been fun. It really has. Pumps, you know what I've had it with? What? Giant peonies.

pill vitamins. The worst. They always make you to have the weird taste in your mouth afterwards. And it's like so uncomfortable as it like goes down your throat and your upper chest. It's like you can feel it. It's like you can feel it moving down there and it's so unnatural. I find myself having to take 10 different pills to get everything I want and it's like taking these giant horse pills and I'm choking on them. It's

miserable. The experience is not enjoyable at all. But thankfully, I found a better way with Healthy Cell and they make these gel vitamins, not pills, they're gels. They actually taste good and make me want to take them every day. Specifically, I use the Joint Health and Mobility Gel, which as we know as an athlete is

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So Pumps, I finally caved and tried Skims and it totally lives up to the hype. They're incredible products. The products are amazing. The underwear is game changing. I'm never going back. Well, and the bras are so comfortable. The t-shirt bras and the regular bras, there's no spillage. And if you're big busted, that's a big deal.

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And with instant alerts, you'll know the moment your perfect pet-friendly place becomes available. So when you need a place that's pet-friendly and human-tolerant, check out Apartments.com, the place to find your pet-friendly place. All right, Kylie, who's next? Up next, we've got Trey. Trey. What I've had it with today...

is Jennifer making me feel stupid. I am just a little, bougie, prissy gay boy from Monroe, Georgia, and based on the demographic of people I grew up around, I felt pretty fucking smart.

And then I tap into the I've had it podcast and I've got Jennifer in her fucking Gucci shoes. Fabulous, by the way, using some huge vocabulary in such an articulate way that I'm over here going, what the fuck have I done with my life? I feel like if I have eliminated some of the y'all in my vocabulary that I'm a superior human being out here. I've had it. I've had it with the fact that I love you.

He's so sweet. Oh!

Humility is not. It's not my strong suit. It's not your strong suit. No, he was so sweet. Really sweet and darling. I do. There was a time in my life that I tried to cut y'all out because I thought y'all made me sound dumb. But now I just it's part of who I am. So maybe I do sound dumb. Probably. I don't think you're dumb. But I know. But y'all, I just used to try not to say it. But now I don't care. Yeah, I don't care about that. It's it's you plus all y'all. It makes sense. I

I know, but it's pretty country, I think. He's precious. How about my gay welcome packet, Kylie? I didn't know there was a welcome packet. Yeah, I've had it ready. It's in a drawer. The welcome packet. The welcome packet. Yeah, I love that. That's so cute. That's so cute. He was fresh. Totally. All right, who's next, Kylie? Up next, we've got Allison. I'm from London, England, the UK, Great Britain, whatever. It doesn't make a difference to you Americans. I...

I'm a bartender and I have had it with Americans who don't say please. What is it in your Kool-Aid, in your water, in your watered down alcohol that you don't know how to say please? You go, well, I'll have this. No, you won't. May I have this, please? I don't understand it. I've had it. I've had it.

Also, I really love your podcast. And although I love my mom, I want you to adopt me. Thanks. No, I mean, I didn't realize I really had not noticed that Americans don't say please. We're big please and thank you people.

Yeah, I do. I know what she's talking about. It's like Americans will say when they come to the table, I'll have a vodka soda. And that's just it. And they might say it in a smiling, friendly way. The British are a little bit more buttoned up where it's like, may I please have? Yeah, I don't do that. I would do that at the bartend. Like if I was seated at the bar, I would always say please.

But you're right. Like if I were ordering... It's just like... And she's right. Like I think that we probably could be a little bit more mindful of that. And sometimes when I'm in short temper mode, I don't say please. Sometimes to Kylie, I'm like, fix my hair. And I don't say please. So I need to get better. I'm glad she brought that to my attention. I'm glad you brought that to my attention because there's something I kind of want to talk about with you and get Kylie involved in this. I think you flirt with Karenism. I don't think that's ever been disputed. I don't think that's...

I kind of am a little bit. I've been meaning to talk to you about, I just kind of let it go in the episode, but you were just like, you know, when I'm at Walmart, I get the manager to open up a new line. Yeah. It's kind of stuck with me a little bit. Yeah. No, I'll double down on that. Carly, how do you feel about that? Do you think it's Karen's?

I've already said I can be a Karen. Kylie, how do you feel about that? You are a full-on Karen. Yeah. Which was kind of a shock. It was a slow reveal through the podcast and just different context clues. It all added up. It's alarming. We were on a flight to New York. My drive jet lag and our plane gets delayed and this woman comes on the plane to say, Hey,

You know, they have to do a repair on the plane. Everybody's been there. Everybody knows the airlines know how to handle everything. All I'm wanting this woman to do is to shut the fuck up and leave the plane so that I could go back to listening to my podcast. I didn't want anybody to belabor this announcement. I wanted it to end. Much to my surprise, the person sitting in the seat right next to me also sits right next to me on this podcast studio. Yeah.

This woman is mid-sentence, the airplane worker. Pumps hand, goes up in the air as though she's in a fucking junior high school class. She raises her...

And the woman has to look at her and say, go just a minute because she's mid sentence. Because she said to you, if you have questions, I was like, I do have a question. So then the lady comes over and she pumps is like, well, what if they end up canceling the flight? Are you going to make sure you rebook us? I didn't say that. I said, are you going to put us on another plane? Because I knew if we didn't get on another plane, we'd have to go through different airports and we were supposed to be direct.

That's what I want to know. Are we going to be there direct? I might mind you. You're sitting in the chair going, what if we don't make it to New York city? And I wasn't asking that. You weren't asking that, but you were saying that to me, but no, I thought that was a good question. Are you just going to put us on a different plane? Are we going to have to be rebooked? I stand by it. I would double down. I just, all I'm saying is I think that there could be, we need to start some Karen prevention training that I've had. I think it's probably too late. No, there's time.

No, I just think that's who I am. This is a slippery fucking slope, man. Calling managers at Walmart, raising your hand on airplanes, getting managers in restaurants. I mean, this is a slippery fucking slope. People love you. You're the star of the show. I'm trying to help you. This is a fucking intervention.

Yeah, I just don't. I think that's just it. I've always been that way. I do have to say, I've traveled with you before. And it's kind of nice to have a Karen on your team. Like she gets us places. Yeah. Well, thank you, Kylie, for trying to be nice. No, you know, I don't care. I kind of am a Karen. I'll own it. Is it permanent record? Pumps as a Karen? Pumps as a Karen? I don't know if I can. That would mean that I host a podcast with a Karen. With a Karen.

I'm not ready for that. I think I'm ready for pumps is flirting with, with Karen ism. I'm ready for that. That can go into the permanent record. Pumps is flirting with Karen ism. Kind of like a warning. It is. It's a, it's a warning. It's a warning. And then we can note in the permanent record about the situation with the hand on the airplane. I just, I, I just, I'm just trying to help.

You're just such a helper. I am. I'm a helper. How about you bossing around the driver on the way to the Today Show when he's the driver to the Today Show? You're trying to tell him where to go. I tipped him $5,000 so that he could pay. And called him Yolanda. And called him Yolanda so that he could put caviar in his kids' school lunches. Can you imagine a lunchbox with caviar in it? Ugh, gag. Okay, who's next? Okay, next we've got Maddie and Sarah.

Yeah.

It's literally ruining friendships. Like, sorry if I don't want you to know that I'm sitting on the Taco Bell drive-thru at midnight on a Tuesday. We fucking had it. Great point. That's a good point. The tracking generation has just gone overboard. Here's... I have that Life 360. Right, with my kids. With my kids. So I always get on Life 360 and I like to know where they are. But...

Other than them, there's nobody I really want to track ever. That's hurtful because Jennifer, you and I share location. We do, but I never get on that app. Do you look at her location every day? I get on Find My Friends and I just kind of look at all my friends like they're Sims and just see what they're up to. If you were on Life 360, I'd be all over your ass, but I don't get on the Find My Friend deal. My life is...

Right. You're at one of three places. Pickleball. Yeah. It's very unexciting. My house or the office. In the beginning, you used to track me. But again, I was only going to the drive-thru cigarette place, the kids' school, or my house. Yeah. Wasn't a whole lot of mystery. I think if you're younger, like if you're Kylie's age or younger, it could be a minefield because you might not want it. No. I think it's horrible. Like if you and I tracked each other, it's boring. Kylie tracking me, she just confessed it's boring. Yeah.

I could track Kylie, but I don't get on that particular app. I use the other one. But if you're younger and you're trying to, because there's a lot of white lying in your social circles about what you're doing and not wanting to hurt feelings. Right. Like, oh, no, we're staying in tonight because maybe that person's a yak mouth and you don't want to go out with them. And then you hurt their feelings because they find you. Yeah, I think it's too much. Like, I don't think everybody has to track everybody all the time.

And she's right. They're both right. Like if Emily and her friends, that age group, they'll get mad if somebody turns off their tracking. Yeah. And it's just like, it's none of your fucking business where I'm going. Tracking culture. It's nosy shit. It's nosy shit. Makes people nosy. Internet's made everybody a lot nosier. I'll tell you when tracking would have been great.

When I was married. Oh, fuck. We spent hours and hours and hours in the car. We were, we would have, we would have never had to like borrow babysitters cars. Do you imagine if we would have had GPS trackers back then? I think they had them. We just weren't smart enough or technologically advanced to have them, but they weren't like part of the phone that everybody had. Okay. Kylie, who's next? The last one is from Fatma.

Kylie, I am not lesbian or anything, but I think you have the sexiest voice ever. You should have your own podcast where you just talk about anything and I will listen to whatever you say.

That is so nice. That is so sweet. You should read an Audible. I should. Like you could read books on Audible. Yes. You could do books on tape. Although I don't think it's tape anymore. Yeah. I think it's Audible, right? Yeah. Or it could be on a podcast. Or you could be on a podcast. Don't get any ideas and go. Right. I was going to say that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't go start the Kylie show. I'm going to do a solo. The grass isn't greener, Kylie. No.

How sweet that she's like took the time to do that and then made the point that she's not a lesbian. She is now. I mean, I love that. So sweet. So sweet. Well, listener,

It's been a great little catch-up episode. It has been. I'm excited. We have to say that Richard's out vacationing, but we have the best pinch hitter, Morgan. Morgan is filling in for Richard. So nice. We've missed Richard. Appreciate her. Pumps, I've missed you. I've missed you too. I was so glad we got to go to New York right when you got back. It was so fun. It was so fun. It was a surreal experience. Totally surreal. In all honesty, listener, we still can't believe. Pumps drove me back from the airport, dropped me at my house, and I looked over and I squeezed her. And I was like...

We were on the Today Show. We still couldn't believe it. We couldn't believe it. It was awesome. It was awesome. Awesome. Awesome. And we didn't kiss. I was so nervous. Were you nervous? I watched that on the edge of my seat. Pins and needles sweating. We are professionals. You are. We can say that now. We are goddamn fucking professionals, Kylie. I did see we had a run star review for the kissing. Love the show, but I can't take the kissing. What a pussy. Again, I wonder if it's my mother. Big announcement.

What is it? About your great idea that you had. Oh, my God. Okay, so listen up, listener. This is going to be so fun. So, you know how everybody has a book club, and I've had it with book clubs? I love book club, but we have a new club now. There's a new club in town, and it's going to be...

With us here at I've Had It. Right. And you the listener. And it's going to be a documentary club. I thought that was a brilliant idea when you said it. I'm fucking chock full of brilliant ideas. Chock full of brilliant ideas. It's just a fucking jet stream of great ideas over here. Nothing but. Trey the caller even pointed that out on the permanent record. But anyway, Pumps and I recently watched our favorite one of the year. It's called Shiny Happy People. Shiny Happy People.

And it's about the Duggars. So your assignment, listener, is to go to Amazon or Prime Video and watch Shiny Happy People. And then it's like colon the Duggars. And the Duggars are those crazy-ass people that had like 19 kids, which is total red flag. Yeah. But the red flags are just so intense. So what we're going to do is we're going to have documentary reviews. We're going to have some quotes from these documentaries. Yeah.

And we really like fucked up documentaries that make us feel normal and functioning. Right. Adults. That don't spotlight our dysfunction. That's right. That's right. So, and also recommendations of great documentaries that they've liked. And we have another announcement. We have unleashed three new cities. That's right. For the Hot Shit Tour. We are coming to New York, Toronto, and...

Chicago. In Chicago. Yep. In September. That makes the hot shit tour because you know what we're doing? We're crossing. Right. So now we're global. Yeah, it's an international tour. International. We're on the international. International tour. Kylie, add that. The international hot shit tour. Global sensation. International hot shit tour. That's right. We're coming for you, Toronto, and you better fucking...

Come for us. Go on. Empty Canada. Okay. So listen up. Send us a voice memo. Go to our link tree. Buy tickets for the international hot shit tour. Please go to Apple. Give us a five-star review. Additionally, I need some tips on...

bringing pumps back from Karenism. I think it's too late. It's a slippery slope. That's not that, you know what pumps, that's not that, that's not the attitude. I'm just saying you can't change who you are, even if you want to. Very much. Yes, you can. I kind of am a Karen. I'd hate it for you. Thank you so much for tuning in listener and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday. Without the fans, there is none of this. Wednesday, August 9th. I'm so honored to be here.

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