Are Gender Reveals Attempted Murder?
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So are we supposed to start the podcast? Okay, are we ready? One, two, three. Pretty good. Pretty good. I mean, it's hit or miss, truly. What we need to remind you of, listener, right now, is we have a lot of hot takes, behind the scene, juice central stuff going on on Patreon.

So hit us up and subscribe there. And if we get 1 million subscribers, Pumps will go topless and balance a wire hanger on her nipple. I'm going to leave that here and I'm going to get right onto it. Pumps, what have you had it with this week? What I've had it with Jennifer, and I know this isn't going to be popular because everybody likes to say it.

But I've had it with the overuse of the word trigger. Like, not everything all day long can be a trigger. Sometimes it just has to be something you don't like and you move on. I completely agree. But, I mean, there's trigger warnings all the time. And you hear people say, like, the younger generation. Right. Well, that was a trigger for me. I'm like, is it a trigger? A trigger for what? Is it a trigger or are you just a pussy? Are you a pussy or are you just...

such a candy ass that nothing you have to have like everything perfect another thing that people are doing is we talked about the ass in nose out parking the other day yes and I saw one of the comments on social was I do this but it's a trauma response

Okay. A trauma response. Listen, I don't want to dismiss anybody who's experienced trauma. What I think is like an anxiety-free life is not a destination that we're achieving. We're just trying to get through the many anxieties we have every single day. This is such growth, listener, because I just want to tell you about 15 years ago, pumps pulled up to my house and we sat on my front porch and we each lit up a cig.

And she was bawling, crying. I mean, snot slinging. And neither one of us ever cry. And her marriage is just, I mean, it is fucking tanked beyond. And she says, this just can't.

happening to me. My kids' lives are supposed to be perfect. Why do you always have to bring that up? Because it was jaw-dropping. And I'm still as equally shocked today about it as I was that bright and sunny Oklahoma City day 15 years ago.

Yeah. Well, I can still, we, neither one of us have smoked in a really long time, but I can still smell that Marlboro light. And the pack. I can hear the, it packing on my hand. Packing that pack. Yeah. Yeah. So I, this is growth. It's so, it's such growth. That you just acknowledged in a public, for the permanent record. For the permanent record. For the permanent record.

Kids' lives are wrought with anxiety, happiness, sadness, the whole nine. As is everyone's. Right. This is huge growth. I'm really proud of you, Pops. Thank you. Thank you. I think that there is just this movement where people have to identify their feelings nonstop. And tell people.

Yes. And it's like, sometimes I wake up and I'm in a pretty good mood. Dopamine and serotonin are really hitting. Other days I wake up and I'm like, I didn't get that great of sleep. And it's just going to be on like, on a, on a 10 scale. I'm looking at probably a five, but here's my, here's my little life hack listener.

Every single day. I'm not looking to have a 10 out of 10 day. I'm shooting for an average of around five to six. Right. Average days.

and collect a lot of average days. And some days are going to be 10 out of 10, but some days are going to be one out of 10. So I'm shooting for about a five to six, get up, get to work, record this podcast with you, beat some dead horses, do some interior design work, go bang on a pickleball, go home in bed asleep and just repeat. And I get a lot of joy out of just the monotony of that. I do too. I always say predictability is an ability.

Well, look at you. I mean, I'm full. Where'd you learn that? Well, they always say in sports. Who's they? Like sports talkers. Okay. That availability is an ability. And I was like, predictability is an ability. So you made that up. I made it up.

predictability is an ability. I mean, call the lawyer. Kylie, get that copy. I mean, we need copyright shit going on. Self-help books will need to be published. Predictability is an ability. That's right. Well, okay. I've had it too with the triggers, with

you know, trauma responses. And here's the thing. I think those things are real. One million percent. But I think the people that are triggered or have trauma responses, genuine ones, don't talk about it all the time. It's like a vegan. Shut the fuck up. Quit talking about being vegan. I saw this guy on Twitter the other day in his Twitter profile. Vegan. I'm a nut about pickleball, but I don't have it in my bios.

I wouldn't put it past you. I just torture you, Kylie, Richard, and the listener. Every opportunity I get. You don't have to put it on your bio. It's understood. It's in the permanent record. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. So you go to a restaurant.

And I'd say it's maybe 20% full. Okay. Okay. And you go to the hostess stand and you say four. And then she looks down at the seating chart and then she looks over her shoulder, one side of the restaurant, looks over the shoulder to the other side, looks back down at the seating chart where you can see some tables that are full have an X in them.

Then says, I'll be right back. Go somewhere and consult with somebody about something. And it's completely overwhelmed. And I'm talking, there's 20 free tables, right? Comes back. And then it's kind of like, okay, I'll take you now. And you can tell us she's walking or, or he, it's kind of like, should we go here or there? And then finally it's like, is this table? Okay.

And what I don't understand about this is I used to be a hostess when I was 16 years old. My first job was at the Olive Garden and I was a hostess.

I looked down at the chart. I saw a free table. I grabbed the menus. I grabbed the silverware. I set them. It was a very simple thing. You make sure you didn't double seat waiters. Right. Sometimes there was a rush. You had to tell the waiter, like, I'm sorry I dicked you over on this. We got a huge rush. Right. It amazes me at how complicated such a simple job is to so many young, budding hosts and hostesses. Yeah.

Here's another one. You go up to the restaurant and you say four restaurants, half empty. And they look at you dead serious and say, that's going to be a 25 to 30 minute wait. That makes me homicidal when that happens, because I'm like, you have half these tables are empty. And if I ever start like bitching about it again, my kids think I'm an asshole. So they're like, mom, it's fine. It's fine. I'm like, it's not fine. They have a million tables available. Is

Isn't it interesting? The same generation that's triggered about everything. Then they can't solve a problem. Like you have a right to say there are 20 free tables here. What is the wait for? Right. What are we waiting for? Are you short staffed? Explain it to me. I'll accept it. But there's got to be a reason. No, it's maddening. And it's not just it's every city this happens in. Right. This is a nationwide problem.

So you can't blame it on COVID anymore. I'm so tired of that too. It goes widely ignored what's going on in these restaurants with the seating situation. Yes. Nobody's talking about it. Nobody's doing anything about it. And it seems like I'm one of the only people that bitches about it.

Well, I think after this airs, a lot of people will be liberated. Yes, because we need to address this. And if there's like a restaurant manager or host hostess, you know, convention of some sort, we would like to be invited.

And just simply say, if there's a free table, seat it. Seat it. And then you can tell the people, listen, your waiter just got double sat. Right. So it might be about five to 10 minutes before they get to you. That's a reasonable thing to do. Right. But to have a restaurant with all those available tables...

And then you've got some, you know, hero of the restaurant that tells you it's going to be a 25 to 30 minute wait with this mall cop mentality is fucking bullshit. And nobody is doing a goddamn thing about it. Congress is too preoccupied with drag queens. Maybe they could address this problem. Yeah.

Because this is the shit that's affecting all of us in our day to day life. As we all know, I don't cook. So I eat out quite frequently. And I eat with the old ladies. I mean, I go at 530 6pm. Those restaurants are empty. Nobody's fucking there except for me and the people that are your age, right? Yeah.

Just got to dig in there. Before I welcome everybody to our podcast, I would just want to do a little reading of a comment that we received on social media from, this was on TikTok, from Feb.7.2000. Okay. Jennifer is so hot. Welcome to I've Had It Podcast. My name is Jennifer. I'm Angie. We call her Pumps.

Not as hot as Jennifer, apparently. I mean, a couple of episodes ago, you were the hot one. But according to Feb.7.2000, I'm so hot. Okay. You just got hot. Okay. Mine had an adjective in front of it. Okay. Jennifer is so hot. So hot. Right. Not just hot.

So hot. All right. Was it all caps? That's the question. Everything's lowercase. Okay. Even the profile. But listener Kylie is here with us today. Richard's here. Richard, say hello. Hello.

Oh my God, Pumps. I have had it with inaccuracy of my takeout orders. Oh my gosh, you've got to start using HelloFresh. It completely takes the hassle out of mealtimes. Oh, you are so right. HelloFresh is the best. As you know, I am not a pro in the kitchen and HelloFresh's foolproof recipes arrive pre-portioned and easy to prepare in just a few steps. I mean, the kids and Josh think I am a new woman.

The best thing about HelloFresh is there are no trips to the grocery store. You don't have to Google recipes. It's just excellent food delivered straight to your door. I have had it with grocery stores and takeout food. And if you have to go to HelloFresh.com slash had it.

HelloFresh really does make your life easier. We are going to talk about a problem that is plaguing this globe. It is a massive problem that came out of nowhere.

that now all of a sudden is a big, big thing. And everybody's got to do it. And everybody's got to trot it out. And it is a nothing burger to end all nothing burgers that everybody continues to relentlessly celebrate. And I have had it.

Right.

I mean, it feels like I was, I mean, it feels like my pregnancy, my youngest is 16. It doesn't feel like it was that long ago. This gender reveal thing did not exist then. No, but we didn't have social media either. Didn't Facebook come after that? I mean, I think it was just the birth of it, but it was not a thing.

I just think it's ridiculous. I mean, it's not, you're not curing cancer. You're having a boy or a girl. That's it. That's the list. Right. That's it. I mean, there's nothing that novel about it. I think that there is a direct link from over celebrating kids and making everything, and I'm guilty of it, and making everything a big fucking deal and making them feel like every little moment is the most special moment.

sacred. You are the best go-getter, my little shining star. 24-7, 365. And now it's starting in utero. Before they're even born. Right. They're celebrating. So it's no surprise by the time they get to be teenagers, they are just wrought with anxiety and emotion. Do you remember that birthday party you had for Emily when she turned three? Oh my gosh, it was horrible. That was so bad. Listener.

So Pumps trots out this birthday party. I mean, she's spent an obscene amount of money. Yes. First she books a petting zoo. Right. Then she booked this creepy fucking clown named Chester. You remember that fucker? Yeah. You had come to that party? Yeah. Who was just, I mean, Chester. I know. I mean, that's weird. You had the clown. Then the pony rides. And everybody's dressed like a princess. Magic. Or a prince. Oh, magic show. Magic show. You had a magician. Yeah.

For a three-year-old. Well, here's the deal. I had had Luke like two weeks before her birthday and I felt guilty. Every time I had another kid, I felt guilty that I wouldn't have as much attention to give to the child before. Right. Right.

So, I mean, it was 100% a guilt. And she doesn't even remember it. Exactly. That was going to be my next question. She doesn't remember this, which goes to, number one, we know that this baby that's in utero is not going to remember this fucking gender reveal party. Well, no. Okay. But they're going to document it for social media for years.

eons to come. I'm curious to see what this first generation of people that were gender revealed in utero, what they look like in adulthood, because I don't think it's going to be good. Well, I mean, it's just like, they're going to think that everything they do is worthy of being captured on the internet and a party. And really, I would say in your whole life, if you live to be 80, maybe 2% of what you've done should be on the internet. That's about it.

Certainly shouldn't start. That's a hot take. 2%? I mean, 2%? Like, actually newsworthy. Like, where people are genuinely interested. I mean, everybody puts their Christmas card and their, you know, happy birthday spouse, happy birthday child, all that. But everybody does that. I think you're breaking the 2% with the launch of this podcast. Oh, yeah. But we just determined that we're part of the problem, yak mouths. Yeah. To weigh in on this movement of revealing the gender...

of a human being in utero. I would like to welcome our guest. She is a comedian and a TikTok star who is going to be on tour this spring. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Robin Shawl.

Hi, Robin. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me. We are so happy to have you. I'm Jennifer. This is Pumps. Hello, Robin. Can you guys hear me okay? You sound great. You sound like a million bucks. Oh, thank you. Which is, we really want you to sound great because what we're going to do right now is take a turn and we want to hear what you've had it with. Well, everything. But...

Could we start with my mother? Oh, let's do it. 100%. Is that too heavy? No, let's go right into it. Two older brothers. And they cannot do wrong. So, like, they're angels. And then I'll bend over backwards for my parents. But if I, like, am a little late, I messed up everything. So you're held to a higher standard than your two twat older brothers. Yeah.

Yes. Now let's take it back to Passover. Okay. Who hosted? I did. Why? I mean, my parents didn't want to do it. My one brother lives on a five-story walk-up. The other brother is an accountant and is very busy this time of year because April 15th, you know, for Passover was right before. Okay. So it falls on me. All right.

I don't have enough room for 12 people. I also am a very busy woman. I don't do anything, but we have so much time. But, okay. So one brother shows up an hour late. The other brother shows up 15 minutes before the evening's over. You know what my mom says? Robin, the chicken was very dry. Right?

Oh my gosh. I say, okay, mom. Yeah, that's how I do with my mom. I'm just like, okay, whatever you say. It's just easier not to argue. It's not worth fighting because then we just fight. And then my dad gets mad and my dad only takes her aside. Smart man, probably. I mean, he has to live with her, you know? Well, there's a subject that we're real wound up about. I mean, wound up.

And we've been saving this episode for quite some time because we had to get to a place that we could discuss it without sounding completely like homicidal maniacs. And the subject of this is the gender reveal parties and movement on social media. Burn it all down. Totally agree, Robin. I mean, I have had it.

I've had it with the gender reveal enough. No, this is the worst part of it for me is being invited to it. I don't do you. I don't even care. Cut the cake, blow something up pink or blue. I don't care. But why do I have to give up a Saturday afternoon?

To find out what I'm going to find out anyway in two months. Right. I think that's a great point. Exactly. It's an inevitability. I mean, Pumps and I have always said it's not like somebody's cranking out a koala bear. Right. That would be interesting. What species are you? That I will go to. 100%. We're having an elephant. We're having a kangaroo. That's a lot more interesting than just a boy or a girl. Yeah. It's not interesting. People have been breeding for.

obviously forever. And it's not some new hot take and you're going to have one or the other. And maybe that one or the other at a later date might decide it was wrong at birth switch. And so it's just this insanity, but you are onto something, the selfishness of inviting others to

to celebrate such a mediocre accomplishment. Right. Yeah. Is it already? I don't, I don't want to go to your bridal shower. I don't want to go to your baby shower. And now I really don't. It's like, you're giving me more and more pointless parties to come to. There's only two parties. I want to go three parties. I want to go to, I like weddings. If it's an open bar, then I want to go to your wedding. I love a good bat mitzvah. Love the music, love the dancing, love the open bar.

And I also, I like a birthday party. Again, if there's alcohol and music and fun. Right. If it's fun. I've never gone to a gender reveal party or a bridal shower or baby shower and been like, that was so crazy. Yeah.

That was thinking you ever been to one, one of those parties that you left and you're like, I can't wait to tell the stories that went on at this point. Never. No, never. It is. You never leave those things thinking that was a total rager blast. Right. Cannot wait till this person has more moments in their life that we can get together to celebrate because they're just so mundane and routine. But I want to talk to you both.

about the dangers of the gender reveal. So not only are they dumb and selfish and painfully unoriginal and not new to our species that you're going to reproduce, the fact that you're celebrating it is weird, but there have been more than six deaths. There is one missing person. There have been plus 20 injuries.

Hundreds of thousands of acres have been destroyed in wildfires, plane crashes, car fires, damages to property. And then I just want to start reading to you all some of these that have gone really astray. Here's some headlines. A family's gender reveal has caused a large wildfire in California.

I think I heard about that on the news. I mean, that is horrible. Yes. Another gender reveal caused a minor earthquake when the blast was felt over two miles away. What did they do? Yeah. Yeah. What did they do that caused it? They blew up some pipe bomb or something. And here's the deal. How big of an asshole?

Do you think that kid's going to be when he hits about 15, 16? Oh, for sure. The biggest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't even think that long. I think by five. He'll bite everybody in preschool. Okay. Here's one. An Australian gender reveal party goes wrong as car bursts into flames. I would be so pissed. Oh, my God. Arrested.

in Australia over this as they deserve to be. No shit. I mean, this is something that I agree. If you're that dumb, you need to be arrested. You shouldn't have a baby if you're that dumb. Too bad it's too late. This one had to have ended up in divorce. And if it hasn't yet, I'm sure it will.

Dad accidentally smashes pregnant mom in the face with a bat during a gender reveal gone wrong. Are you kidding me? I'm afraid not. That really happened. Oh my gosh. I want to say that's the baby shower. That's the gender reveal I want to go to. I changed my mind. If someone's getting hit in the face with a bat, sign me up. Right.

Here's one. Plane crashes after unloading 350 gallons of pink water in gender reveal stunt. That is bananas. These people are going to be breeding a generation after

Of grandstanding, showboating assholes. Well, the parents are assholes to start. Imagine how empowered that kid's going to feel. Yeah, I know. It's going to be the entitlement child to end all entitlement children. Okay, here's one. The gender reveal that turned out to be a pipe bomb that literally killed a grandma. Oh. What? Guide me up. I want to go to that one. Yeah.

Yeah. And they have a good band and an open bar. Kill Granny. Kill Granny. I mean, can you believe this shit? Okay, here's one. I guess there was a huge fight at a gender reveal party at Applebee's. And I would kind of want to be there. I mean, just to see the other patrons go down. But a big brouhaha at Applebee's gender reveal party. The biggest red flag here is that people gathered inside of an Applebee's at all.

That reminds me, my dad, who's deceased, used to always want to go to Applebee's. And he would tell my kids and I,

Well, let's just go to Applebee's because, you know, you never have to wait there. And we were always like, because the food's terrible. Nobody wants to eat it. The only way this would be entertaining is if we scratch the whole baby gender reveal, but use these stunts with like Maury's. Are you the father? You are the father. You aren't the father. Take that premise.

Get a walrus or whatever animal they use. Put a watermelon in the mouth. And if it's like, you know, black smoke, that means you are the father. And if it's white smoke, you aren't the father. Like, I just think it's...

It's not these stunts that are ridiculous. It's what these stunts are for that are so normal. Yeah, I can get behind that. A paternity was so much juicier. Right. Yes. Exactly. Having a human having a human is just not that interesting or novel. It's just not interesting at all. Maybe that's why there was a fist fight at Applebee's. We were fighting over who the dad was. I think you're giving Applebee's patrons way too much.

Way too much credit? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Last one. And Kylie just showed me this one before we came on.

A mom on Instagram laying on her ass naked. I mean, laying on her belly naked. So her ass is in the air and her friends are pregnant. Yeah. Pregnant. And she kind of has her feet up and she's up on her elbows. She farts and blue powder comes out of her ass. Oh my gosh. Every, all of her friends cheer up and down. And I want to remind you and you, this was recorded and posted on the worldwide website.

What the fuck? How did they get it up there? It would be a lot more interesting. Yeah, I have questions. Like, how did she fart on cue? Right. Exactly. These gender reveal parties are completely out of control. Yeah. Horribly uninteresting. And quite frankly, they're incredibly dangerous. They are dangerous. I want to say when I...

read about the gender reveal that started the fire, that they were pursuing criminal charges and reimbursement for all the firefighters and all that. For the first responders and stuff, which they should. They absolutely should. They absolutely should. And then, I mean, I want to know what happened to this woman whose husband hit her with a baseball bat. Yeah, there's a story there. That's just a little fishy. But you know something else I've kind of had it with? These people that say...

I'll be like, oh, you're pregnant. That's great. When are you due? I'm due in August. Are you having a boy or a girl? We're not telling anyone. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. You know why? Like, I understand you don't want to tell the name because like, that's actually, I don't even get that, but let's say people don't tell the name. Well, why does it matter to tell people if you're having a boy or girl? I think people think that everybody is so in anticipation of their child that they'll just be on pins and needles. Like everybody's just chomping at the bit. Cause when somebody says that to me, I just think that's dumb. Right.

And I really don't care. I'm trying to be nice. Everybody's going to know. And everybody's going to know for many, many, many years what the gender of this child is. So you keeping it a secret for these five hot months.

absolutely accomplishes nothing except for you being an asshole. Right. Yeah. And thinking we actually care. Like you just said, we were just being polite, like just trying to have a conversation. Oh, you have a four-year-old girl. You say you don't want to share. Literally, I don't care. So I'm not going to ask again in five months. Just tell me. Okay, Robin, we're going to play a new game with you that we started for the podcast and it's called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It.

I would hit it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Okay. Gender reveals. Had it. I think we know that. I had it with children in general. Stop. I want all my friends to stop having kids. I'm with you on kids. Like I have one friend and she is a preschool teacher and she is so nice. I mean, she's a million times nicer than the three of us on this podcast right now combined. And

She smiles all the time. She's positive. I absolutely love her and she loves these kids and she talks so effusively about them. And when I see groups of kids, I always think, Oh, get those kids out of here. I'm just, I like kids on a case to case basis, much like I do adults. I, I think it's insane to just lump kids together and be like, Oh, I love children. Yeah. Like they are assholes. Right? No, they're too honest to look. I remember this one kid was like, right.

Robin's fat, fat. I put up my hands. I was like, I don't care that you're four. I'm like about to date you. Beat your ass. But I think it's on a case to case basis. Some are really sweet and some are calling you fat. Right. Okay. Parking and parking lots.

People that park ass in, nose out. I don't drive often living in the city, so I couldn't even do that. So I said pure jealousy. No, if you could do it fast, I actually say it's great, especially for the leaving purpose. Then you just go right out at the end. Right. But as long as you could do it fast. But I don't think they do it as fast as they think they do when they're getting their work done.

When they're going in backwards. I think everybody's waiting on them. Yeah. I don't know why this sounds so filthy. I know we're talking about cars, but this whole essence, whatever.

You have a dirty mind. See, we took this out of context. I would say this is a filthy conversation. No wonder you're not your mother's favorite. Your brain immediately went to the gutter, but it does sound kind of naughty. Yeah. Last one.

Mercury and retrograde. Okay. I had it with mercury and retrograde, but I have it or I hit it with believing that's why my life is terrible at times.

I don't want to blame myself when things are bad. So I rather like I hit it with Mercury retrograde. I love blaming it. Right. But I had it with like, oh my God, my life sucks for 90% of the year because of Mercury retrograde. Right. I've had it with Mercury and retrograde. I would make a strong argument that the majority, and I think the overwhelming majority of people who post

some sort of you know spiral that they're in on the world wide web and it's like oh my god i love my car keys um i forgot to water my dog because mercury's in retrograde i'm like no you're really just a dumbass and you have history that was my post did you did you post it okay

I'm just like you really what you have is histrionic personality disorder. That's what's going on here. Go see a psychiatrist. Get off the Internet. Get off the Internet. ASAP. You don't even fucking know what mercury and retrograde is. And everybody knows it.

So I was looking at your reels on Instagram and TikTok. Hilarious. Yeah, I mean, absolutely hilarious, where you'll see somebody doing some sort of kind of like superhuman trick. The one that cracked me up was a guy that like fit through a tennis racket.

And then it cuts to you. And then you're like stepping in. They take the strings out of the tennis racket. She's like in her friend, they're dying laughing. But I think it's so hysterical. The shtick of there's so much ridiculous content on the internet that is not relatable at all. But what is relatable is that when it cuts to you trying to execute this, because that's what I think everybody can identify with is that's exactly what a normal person would look like doing this stupid thing.

Like the other day, well, I did one where there were these two like half naked men taking an exercise ball and they were like bouncing it back and forth between their crotch. And then it cuts to me and I'm dressed as an exercise ball.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Pumps, do you remember that time I made a big laundry list of everything that was wrong with my husband, Josh, and marched into my therapist's office and made a presentation? I sure do, very vividly. And then the therapist flipped the script on me and was like, well, then why on earth did you pick him? Yeah.

It was at that moment I realized I needed to stop focusing on others and focus on the one thing that I could truly change myself. I'm a big believer in therapy. Currently, I'm working on how to draw boundaries with my kids. Good God, you probably need to schedule another session or two. The

The best thing about BetterHelp is that it's all online and suited to your schedule. It's flexible and convenient. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. Don't like your therapist? No problem. You can switch at any time for no additional charge. Discover your potential at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash had it.

I, when it comes to the internet, thank goodness. Cause dating, uh, and especially I'm on the dating sites. I don't need the guy's last name to find all of their social media. So like,

Like all I need is their first name. And then I'm like, oh, so what do you, your profile says you work for importing, you know, shoe company. What's shoe company? And then they tell me. And then like from their name and that info and where they live, I could find their LinkedIn. From their LinkedIn, I get their last name. From their last name, I get their Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. From there, I could see how long ago they broke up with their ex-girlfriend and if she cheated or he cheated. So,

So I know everything for that first date. So I know if he's a murderer or not is what I'm saying. Nice. See, that is great.

I really want pumps to date and she's wrestling with right now if she's going to date men or women. No, I'm not wrestling. She's wrestling with it a little bit. They keep telling me I'm a non-practicing lesbian because I like, I don't like any girl stuff, but I like the stuff boys like to do. So it's like stereotyping, but she's leaving out one huge detail. Robin, you love going down on women. And it is.

Almost. She's leaving out a huge detail, and that is she's only had one wet dream her entire life, and it was a full-blown lessee dream. Well, are you on any of the dating sites? No, I have not done that. Which ones do you do? Oh, I do so many. Have you found good guys to date? On Saturday, I almost got murdered. What? What happened? Yes.

I went on a date with this guy and he was from Switzerland. So he spoke, he had a very strong accent. It was like French, German, Italian, spoke everything. So we went on a date and he's very touchy and he was going to come back to my place. Let's go back to my place.

I have a hard rule. I don't go back to anyone's place. Like even if we're dating for a year, even in a year, you can kill me. I just know. So he said, no, let's go back to my place. I'm like, no, no, no, no. And then I like after like a couple of drinks, I was like, you could come back to my place. And he's like, OK, let's go back to your place. And he goes, do you have a stairwell? And I was like, no.

I was like, no, I live in an elevator building. And I was like, why? He goes, oh, because I want to make out with you in a stairwell. And then I was like, I was like, no, but we could kiss in the elevator. But there's cameras and my doormen know me really well. They're going to give you a hard time. He's like, you have doormen? And I was like, yes. So then we step outside. It's pouring.

So I said, oh, let me get me an Uber instead of walking. And as I'm getting the Uber, he goes, I should go home. And he runs off. No buy, nothing. Just runs.

That is crazy. He runs. So he wanted to kill you in the stairwell. Right. Or the elevator. But then when he found out it was monitored, he was out. And while I was pressing an Uber, which Ali also has like, you know, tracing or he was gone. So in like, he was all over me. He wanted to go home, me to go to his place. And then in like a three minute span, he found out I didn't have a stairwell. I had cameras, a doorman, I'm getting an Uber and he goes, I should go home. And he runs.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. You dodged a bullet there. Something creepy was going to happen. Something like Kink City. Angie would have taken him home and had about three or four kids with him. And then said they revealed my name for all of them. For each and every one of them. That's absolutely right. He was so sexy, this guy. I should have known right away. He was way too good looking. Like I should have known he was going to murder me. But.

Here's what's crazy. Back to what we were just saying. Before our first date, I knew his first last name, his family, his job. Like I know everything about him because I did my research online. Right. Smart girl.

So, I mean, not that that would have been useful. And the background, you never saw any sort of homicidal leanings in any of your... No dead bodies anywhere on his Facebook page. No assaults, no stairwells, staircase. Remember that staircase? Yes. Pushing a girlfriend down the stairs or anything like that? I mean, nothing that I saw. So, look...

I shared this story in my Insta stories the other day, and some people said we were at a wine bar and he could have had like diarrhea from all the wine. And maybe that's why he ran, you know, like that wine hits you fast. So maybe it was diarrhea and not not murder, but something was weird with the something was off. Yeah. So everything was all good. And then your first red flag went up when he mentioned the stairwell.

which was in the last two minutes. Like, like I was like, you could come back to my place. He goes, okay, let me get the check. And so he's getting the check. And then as he's paying, he's like, so do you have a stairwell? I think he was going to staircase you for sure. So yeah, but then, so he runs and I'm like, what just happened? Like, where'd he go? I get into the Uber and I texted him. Well, that's an unexpected ending. And I don't, don't hear from him.

Five days later, five days later, he just puts an exclamation point on that text. Weirdo. Weirdo. And that's the last...

Yeah, because the next day I unmatched him on the dating app because I was like, something was weird. I don't want to, you know, he never responded to that text. So I just said, okay, we're done. We can just go our separate ways. You go, do you, I'll do me. Five days later, I just get a ding. I look and he puts an exclamation point on that text. Can you leave like a review? Like everything went great. Then he tried to murder me in the stairwell.

Um, so, you know, advise with caution. Do you get to leave like a note to future daters? You can't, I mean, you could report someone like this, this, you know, but like, honestly, he didn't do anything. Right. No. Oh, the stair. It was, it was weird. The stairwell. And it's weird that he ran away. That was weird. But like, I,

He didn't actually do something concrete for me to like report him. Right. I wouldn't have reported that either. Well, you didn't report a man that was exposing himself to you in his car beating off. I mean... Oh, is he single? Sounds like my type. I don't think he was beating off. I just saw the turtle head. Anyway, that's a whole different story. It's a whole other thing. It's a whole other thing. I mean, it's just... There could be... I mean...

There could be it. We always say with pumps, there could be an island with one man standing on it with red flags everywhere. No trees, but just like thousands of red flags, sharks circling the island and pumps would get in the water and swim to the end.

To that man. They went out with this guy. He showed up an hour late because he was digging up his crypto passwords in the park. What? So he like, like he came with like a shovel. Like he was like ready. Like I was like, what? This is the weirdest thing ever. Like I never saw him again, but that was such a fun first date because when are you going to meet a guy who shows up with a shovel to a date? Well,

Wow. I have a lot of scary days. I think it's a miracle that you're alive. Right. I mean, the shovel would have been like, oh my God, he's digging my grave. Yes. That to me would have been a shovel.

Pleasure calling me Finn and thank you. Robin, we cannot thank you enough for spending your time with us. Listener, you can find Robin on TikTok, on Instagram, and she is going to be touring with all of these fantastic stories. Her content is hilarious. She'll be touring this spring. Robin, thank you so much for joining us on I've Had It.

Thank you. And I actually have a podcast that launches in April, a brand new one called call waiting with Robin Shaw, where people can call in with advice questions and they actually get to talk to me live. So not voicemail. You get to call in. You can tell them about your mother problems. You guys have to call it. Oh, we will. Problems you have. I promise you we will. Especially like when pumps goes on her first lesbian date. Yeah.

We will call in to report that. And maybe you can promise me you guys will call in. So we can talk about the lesbian day. We don't have a lesbian day, but we will call in. It's developed. It's in development, Robin. We're developing it. Thanks, Robin. Thank you so much. Bye. She's hilarious. I love her accent. I love everything about her. I love that. She has embraced these crazy first dates.

So much for the sake of comedy. No, I mean, I think it's a brilliant idea because she's touring. Because you have a friend that's single and goes on all these crazy first dates. They are the best stories. They really are. I mean, the best content comes out of these crazy ass first dates. I just would not be brave enough to continue doing it after the first couple like she had. You won't go out with anybody, male or female. So I don't know what you're talking about, this bravery thing.

Right. It doesn't exist at all. And I think, you know, I mean, we have a few listeners now and maybe to elevate the listenership, Kylie, Richard, we need to start putting pumps on these dating sites. Oh yes. That's exactly what I want to do. You need to go on dates. I think it would be fun. For you? Yes. And the listener. You forget about the listener. You always forget about the listener and you're their favorite. Right.

And this is how you treat them. You always want what you can't have. That's right. Listener, please send Pops a message encouraging her to date, male or female. You know, hear it. I've had it. We support all the letters. All the letters. All the sexualities. All the drag queens. We support them all. And please subscribe on Patreon. Listen to us where you listen to your podcasts. Give us a five-star review.

and rating and pops send dms of what you've had it with to our i've had a podcast page by voice memo and we will see you next tuesday thanks listener and action

What's up, everybody? I'm Sarah Gretzky. And I'm Natalie Buck. And we've definitely been known to cause a scene. So whether you've binged a show this weekend or you don't even know what a streaming service is, don't worry because on Causing a Scene, we've got you covered from Netflix to Hulu and everything in between. Grab your popcorn or your martini and get ready to cause a scene with your new best friends every Thursday.