All Hat No Cattle
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This episode is sponsored by Simply Safe. I've had it listeners can get a special 20% off any Simply Safe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. There's no safe like Simply Safe. So are we supposed to start the podcast? One, two, three.

I mean, Crush Nation, Pumps. How are you today? I'm great. How are you? Excellent. You look like you're going to a tennis lesson or a pickleball lesson with your little white skirt, your little navy shirt.

muscle T. Yeah, I'm going to teach a tennis lesson later because you know how good I am at hand coordination. Right. Maybe after that you could save somebody's life that's drowning in the local pool nearby. By putting a spoon up their ass and saving them. Yes. With all of your incredible swimming abilities that I just found out about recently. Yes. Which despite having swam with you for 20 years. Well, in the ocean, it's different. I've

I've swam with you in swimming pools as well. I know, but I haven't like tried to save your life in a swimming pool. Now I'm not sure I would.

What have you had it with? Okay, this is petty, but that's why we're here. Yeah. It drives me crazy when people leave like one sheet of toilet paper on the toilet paper world. Oh, that is the worst. It is the rudest. So I'm constantly and not just at my house. Right. But when I go into public places, like I went to my Botox lady's office.

There's a, you know, a powder bath for everybody to use. The last person in there had left zero toilet paper on. So I had to get around, find where the toilet paper was and put it on the roll. I just think it's so rude. Okay. Here's what we need to discuss. We need to unpackage this because this is a hot take and this is something that is going on around the globe. Okay. So first let's talk about the toilets in your home. Right. Okay.

Sometimes we have lazy children that don't take things over the finish line. Correct. Which can only be met with

Listen up, MF-er. I know that you were just in there and there is one sheet of toilet paper left. One square. One square. Undo it. Throw it away. Replace it. Take it over the finish line. I agree. But see, I never know there's only one little piece of paper until I'm already sitting. You're in it. I'm fucked. You're in it. That's the problem. Yes. So then let's take it to a public place. Okay.

I can't even believe it. I often now if it's a big like airport bathroom, who do you tell? Right. You can't. But if it's a doctor's office, a restaurant, a place where you can use the restroom and then you realize there's no toilet paper.

Listener, you got to go report it. I always do. You got to say, hey, stall number two, there's no toilet paper. Yes, I do. Because I believe that the people that work there want to have toilet paper in the toilet. Right. Everybody does. And they don't know because they're never in there. That's correct. But yeah, I just think it's so rude. And the place I was at where it was a business, I mean, it's a little boutique thing. It's not like a restaurant or something. The person knew they had left zero toilet paper.

Oh, they knew. Why didn't they tell anybody? They knew. I would even say if you get down to three or four squares. Yes, you always tell. Take it over the finish line. Absolutely. I could not agree more. Take it over the finish line. You cannot. People are leaving the restrooms in a manner that they don't want to receive them. I know. It's just unbelievable. It is restroom-based.

etiquette dick over that is going on all around the globe. Nobody's addressing it. There's no oversight. There's no reporting system. There's no Yelp reviews. Nobody's even fucking talking about this. The media. Have you read one article about this? About horrible bathroom guests? About, you know, people not replacing or reporting no toilet paper installs. Kylie, have you read anything in the news about this? I haven't.

Yeah. See, it's underreported. It's underreported. Yeah. It's not monitored. No. There's no regulations. There's no oversight. It is chaos with the toilet paper in the restrooms. I agree. There's so much bad restroom etiquette.

that I can't even, I mean, since we've started this podcast, it just strikes me every time. You want to know what's so fucked up about this whole thing? What? Is Kylie could clip everything that we just said and put it on the worldwide web and we will get people that defend the one square. Yeah.

I don't see how you could. It happens. I know. But I mean, it's just like those people are bozos. The environment. I could see them taking the green route. Yeah. You got to use every square. Yeah. No, it's that one square is not sufficient for anything. Okay. Let me give you another one. Okay. I got called into the bathroom yesterday by Anna in our home and she just pointed, looked at me and pointed at a whole toilet paper roll that I had gotten out a new one and I put it on the counter instead of on the roll. Yeah.

You're not finishing. You're not taking it over the finish line. It's not taking it over the finish line. You know what Josh Welch does? Drives me fucking insane. He, if we're in a hotel room that only has one bathroom, he likes to take the toilet paper off of the holder. Sorry.

So that when he's getting the toilet paper for a wipe, he's like, you know, he, it's like a, he's got the finger and he's wrapping it around the hand. And then he just sets it on the floor. So rude. So then I go in to pee and I look at the toilet paper holder. There's none. Much to my surprise, it's gone. So then I look around the floor and dipshit Welch has it sitting on the floor. And then I have to, I'm just like, okay, so then there's like some germs on the downside of that. And I'm not a huge germaphobe, but...

Come on. Put it back where you found it. And what about the people that do the toilet paper? I think the toilet paper always has to go over, not under. I was just going to ask you, are you an over or under? Over. I'm an over. And anywhere I am. Strictly over. Strictly over. Like even if I'm in a public place using it and it comes from down, I will flip it over. Same. I correct. That's fucked up. We correct the error.

Kylie, over or under? I didn't know there was a difference. I had never cared. Until just now? I was told in my adult age that it's over. Yeah, it's over. So I don't care either way. It's over. You got to go over. You need to care. I know better now.

And put the fucking toilet paper on the roll. Don't leave it next to the kitchen, the bathroom. That's like when my kids leave their dishes in the sink. It's like the dishwasher is less than five inches. I'm team Anna on that. I am too. You deserve the call out. Yeah. It was not taking things over the finish line. It was a bad girlfriend, a bad roommate, bad person. Yes.

I don't know if we'll go that far. And Kylie, you're a really good person. So you can't have some little like, you know, whenever you reach the pearly gates, the fictional pearly gates, I don't want everybody to go, oh, you did a really good job here. You're a good girlfriend. What the fuck's going on with the toilet paper? That's my downfall. Yeah. Jennifer, what have you had it with? I'll tell you what I've had it with. Okay. I've had it with a fellow named Hassan Piker. Oh, no. We love Hassan. No, we don't. Not anymore? No.

So Hassan Piker posts us on his YouTube. Right. And says he's going to have us on his podcast. Yes. And we say we're going to have him on our podcast. Yes. And all these people are excited about it. And we email with him. Yes. And there's some movement. And then it's just a flat out ghost. Crickets. Crickets.

Then I still like I get on Twitter, like maybe three or four times a week because I forget about it or another social media app. And it's like, when is Hassan going to be on your show? When are you going to be on Hassan show? And so then I tweeted like they ghost us. We've tried. We give up.

So then a guy that works with Hassan named Will is like on Twitter and like in the tweet, I mean, his people are rabid. Like when is this going to happen? Blah, blah, blah. So then Will tweets me, hey, listen, I'm the brains behind this.

Here's my DM me and we'll get this going, whatever on your schedule. So I get his email address to give it to Kylie. Kylie, how many emails have you sent to Will? I think we're at two ghosted. Two ghosted. So Hassan Piker is a prick tease. He's a prick tease. Hassan Piker is all hat, no cattle, not even a fucking cow hair. Oh.

My kids thought I was so cool. For the first time ever. Yes. Yes. My kids, my kids, friends thought I was so cool. Right. So we just, you know, he like dangles the carrot. Look at how cool you old white women can be. And we're going to get together and we're going to bitch about stuff together. And this is going to be so great. Total prick tease. Dentist. Had it. It's a ghoster. And he's in the permanent record band. Yeah.

Shut up. Yes. The only way he can get out of the ban is to get his ass on an airplane to Oklahoma City to come sit in the hot seat. It's the only way. Desperate times require desperate measures. This has been a stiff arm, prick tease.

He gave us the Heisman. We can't stand for it, pumps. The rejection is hard. It is. It's a breakout. It is. Like you thought you were going to go out with a really cool boyfriend at school. Totally. Like a hot jock frat boy that you were like, oh my gosh, there's no way he'd like me. Yeah. And then he likes you. Yeah. And then he doesn't like you. And then he dumps you. He dumps you at the prom. And pretends like you don't even exist. And we were dumped by, how old is he? Like 38?

Yeah. Much younger than you guys. Much younger. Much more popular. Yes. Way more popular. Much cooler. I mean, dropped us and I've had it. Maybe that's why he dropped us. Well. He's way cooler. I mean, maybe, but I'll tell you what. I mean, there was a moment where he was just, you know, we had a moment. We did have a moment. There's no denying it. It was his idea to have us on his pod. And then we were like, okay, we'll have you on our pod. Yeah.

And then it's just crickets. I mean, it is cricket city. It's a heartbreak. With Hassan. And I believe in redemption, Hassan. I'm sure you do. I believe in redemption. I believe that you can right this wrong.

But it's going to require you getting your ass to Oklahoma City and come sit in the hot seat. You got to come to abortion ban America. You bring your breed of democratic socialism to the front lines and we'll fight it with you. It's easy to spout all these things that you spout in Los Angeles. That's as easy as breathing air. You get your ass over here to enemy territory.

And bring your brand of democratic socialism. And we're allies of all of that. But you get your ass here. Otherwise, it's a ban. The only way we lift the band is you have to come to OKC. Right, Kylie? Yeah. So we've got blue balls over here. Oh, we do have blue balls. The biggest blue ball. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll see you in Oklahoma City. It's just it was time for the call out. I'm tired of getting on. When's Hassan going to be on? When are you going to be on Hassan's? And I'm like, we have done our part. We send emails. We return emails. It's not my fault that Hassan Piker is irresponsible. Prick tease. I'll have no cattle. That's his problem. And I don't know why they keep asking us about it.

Because we've done everything we can do. Yeah, go bother Hassan. Yeah, go light his asset. Do you think maybe we sound like jilted lovers a little bit? Oh, 100% we're jilted lovers. There's no question. No, there's no question about it. I'm not trying to feign that we're not bothered by this. We are all hot.

all bothered, all butthurt snowflake city over here about the rejection. I mean, let's not even get that twisted for a millisecond. Okay, good. Just so we're all owning our part. Oh, 100%. This is you liked us, you broke up with us, and now we're getting mean. Yeah.

That's exactly what this is. We're back to junior high school here with this grievance. I don't want to try to trot it up that we're the elder statesmen here that are taking the high road. Because he went low and we're going lower. That's right. Welcome to I've Had It. Everybody except for Hassan Piker. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And she's the star of the show. Such a star. And a tennis pro. And a tennis pro. And a world champion lifeguard. Yes.

So many accomplishments. It's so many. And you're only at midlife. Only at midlife. I mean, can you imagine the next 50? I mean, God, I mean, just crushing it. Totally. Totally. Kylie, how are you? I'm good. I want to read you guys an article that our listeners will not stop sending us. Okay. You have to show this to Jen and Pumps. Please show this to Jen and Pumps. So I'm doing it. So Forbes reported an article that a

A Turkish-Dutch airline is launching an adults-only section on their flights. Yes. And I'll read this to you. Okay. So they're going to strategically position at the front of the aircraft a new oasis of calm, and it will have 93 seats reserved exclusively for anyone aged 16 plus. Okay. Walls and curtains will help maintain its exclusive silence. Okay.

I love it. Yeah. Okay. This is a Dutch Turkish fusion airline. It's called Corindan Airlines. Okay. It's Turkish Dutch. Turkish Dutch. I love it. Yeah. So smart. I love everything about it. I just am. I'm trying. Is it an airline that services between Turkey and the Netherlands? Is that? I don't know.

I didn't know you would focus on the airline. I didn't know the airline would be the focus. I just, I just, you know, I know geographically where the Netherlands is and I know geographically where Turkey is and Turkey. It doesn't matter. It's one of those countries. I know. I was just curious about the fusion of those two countries. Be curious. I digress. Okay. Quit being. All right. Listen, it's brilliant.

It's fucking brilliant. I'm sorry I had a brain like I couldn't wrap my head around the merger of those two countries. It's fucking brilliant. If I lived in Turkey or the Netherlands, I would fly them exclusively. Yes. And I hope that all other airlines adopt. Do the same.

This same program, because this is what the world needs. I absolutely agree. This is what adults deserve. Absolutely. We deserve this. We deserve it because we're paying for it. We deserve it because we're paying for it. And we deserve it because we don't like children and we don't have to. We don't have to be cooped up with adults.

crying babies for five hours on a plane in the air. Put all the babies together. Put them all together. Yeah. Get them their own plane. That would be great if there were banned, like children under 16. Well, let's say 12, 11, 10-ish. Okay. You had to take your own plane with all the babies and the two-year-olds and all that. Like a flying nursery. A flying nursery. Oh my gosh, that's so smart. A flying mother's day out. Yeah.

That's so great. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, listeners, thank you so much for bringing that to my attention. And I hate to belabor this point, but if somebody could please explain to me the link between the Dutch and the Turkish, I just want to know. I want to know what's going on there. And I know nobody else cares. I know everybody else thinks I'm a nut for it. But there's going to be one motherfucker out there that gets my curiosity. And you're the person I need to tweet me.

I can't believe you're asking me. I'm like the worst person to ask. I have a question. What do you call a tweet now that it's changed to X? I think people still call it a tweet. But like I X'd you? I'm going to X you? Or I kissed you because isn't the XO of XO, isn't it a kiss? Yeah. Kisses and hugs. Yeah. That's what that is. I kissed you.

I haven't heard it called anything else. I also don't think people are calling it that. It's just an e-mail thing. It was just in the popular culture already. I tweet. I retweeted. They tweeted me back. And I just, I don't, I don't, there was no oversight on that. I just think Elon Musk has to go down as probably the biggest little dick energy of anybody on the planet besides Donald Trump. I mean, he is clearly trying to make up for his shortcomings on every level.

I like that theory and it would be fun, a really fun episode on I've Had It to get somebody who's fucked Elon Musk here in the hot seat and just review- His dick size. The dick size and girth and length of performance and just go ahead and get that submitted into the permanent record here on I've Had It. I guarantee you he's a quick shot and doesn't care if the female- And a gyrator. Oh, gyrate sexist.

city. He's a quick shot gyrator. Oh, yeah. Awful. Yep. All right. Well, that was hot. Damn. Okay. Kylie, what else do you have in store for us today? I've got some voicemails. Oh, let's go. This episode is sponsored by simply safe. I'm telling you, pops, the security level at your house is

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it. All right. Up first, we have Bev, who's the drag queen that opened up for us in Philly. She's amazing. She submitted a voice memo. Oh, I love it. I love that. Hi.

Hello, my gorgeous Jennifer and the fabulous pumps. It's Bev coming to you from Philadelphia, where I was your designated cross-dresser at your live show. And now I'm here to tell you what I've had it with. Before I became a full-time drag queen, my day job was the office manager of a dental practice. And I have had it with grown-ass adults who do not have any idea of their own insurance or their personal information, for that matter. You call

a doctor's office they say oh great yeah do you have any idea what your insurance is oh no i don't have a card can you look it up where how do you think there's some magical database in the sky that has all of your fucking personal information do you want me to just reach my hand up my asshole and pull out your personal information no you're an adult no you're shit i've had it love you ladies

I love Bev. Love Bev. I love Bev. And I think that there is a huge problem with adult preparedness out in the natural world. You can see it from the airport to the dental office. That's right. That's right. And I do think that when, where is he supposed to get it? I mean, do you have my insurance? Do you have your insurance card? No. Can you get it? Where the fuck? I loved it when he said he'd have to stick his hand up his ass and get it out of his mouth.

The burden falls on the insured. Yes. But I would be remiss if I didn't say.

The health care dental situation in the United States of America is so fucked up. Yeah, it's awful. It enrages me that people that maybe work minimum wage might have a root canal and then can't afford to have dental work done or can't get pap smears or, you know, can't get it. Just it's disgusting in a country that is one of the richest countries.

countries in the world that so many people suffer and don't have access to proper health care and dental care. And it just, if we had, you know, if we all paid in and had a system where everybody could access it, then it wouldn't fucking matter. Right. Then there would be a database. Yeah. But instead it's a racket. The whole thing is a racket. These insurance companies racket. It's all a

A racket. Total racket. Had it. Bev, we love you. You were amazing on the Hot Shit Tour. You crushed it. Philly was such a fun city we had never been. It was so fun. Bev just started us off right. Bev started us off and then we came in and just fucking drove that thing home. The best part of the Philly show.

There's no question, Michelle. Showed up in the flesh. That's right. I Roll Goddamn City was front row. Lover. Front row. All right, Kylie, who's next? All right, up next, we've got Amy. I've had it with my ding dong of a husband wearing his Apple Watch during sex. I'm sorry. I look over and I see this light shining in my face. Like, what?

You don't need that. This is an invasion of privacy. I don't need Apple in the bedroom when we're doing that. Like that is no. I've had enough. Amy, I'm going to defend the ding-dong husband. And here's why. The calories. The calories. The calories.

There could have been a ring that needed to be closed. He could have gone back and looked at his heart rate. I mean, there's a lot of data in that sexual performance, unless he's just a one pump chump. He's got to keep that watch on because there's just once you're connected to it. And I know it's fucked up. I know I can't defend it. But once you're in

And it gets its claws in you, the Apple Watch. It makes you a nut. And then it starts bossing you around and then giving you rewards and then also telling you how lazy you were. Right. You get this really fucked up codependent relationship with the Apple Watch.

And I too wear my Apple watch during sex because those are critical calories and potentially stand, you know, credits that I don't want subtracted from my permanent record in my Apple watch. I I'm defending the ding dong. Yeah.

I'm defending the ding dong. I hear you and I want to be on your side. I understand the logic of it, but my heart is with the watch. Intellectually, I get it. I get it. My heart is, I'm in love with the watch. Yeah. That's the thing about the watch. It's, it becomes kind of an obsession. It's a marriage. It's a dysfunctional relationship. It's a total dysfunctional relationship. I was at dinner the other night and I stood up.

And they're like, what are you doing? It's like, oh, my watch told me to stand and I got to get this ring closed. They're like, what happens if you don't?

Your watch is disappointed in you. That's what happens. Like fucking nothing happens. But by God, I'm going to stand here for one minute. But everybody just piped down. Remember a few episodes ago where I was browbeaten on people that Twitch like do the nervous bouncing? Yeah. Here's what I do. If I'm on an airplane and it says, it says, stand. I just start doing my hand like this, which looks like I'm jacking somebody off.

And I'm just going, and I get the stand credit. So I do exactly what the nervous bouncing is. I do it with my watch to keep my watch happy. So it doesn't tell me what a loser I am at the end of the day, because I've got to close all the rings. I'm with the ding dong husband. Yeah, no, it's, it's bad. What these watches do to you is bad stuff. It's horrible, but I'm in. I'm in. I can't help it. I'm in. I'm not breaking up with it. I am doubling down, tripling down. If it said I had to start doing other things, I would break.

blindly do it with pleasure. It said, jump off a cliff. You'll, you'll meet your calorie count for the whole day. Here I go. If I was standing in line at Whole Foods to check out and it said, you need to pop out 10 pushups right now. I would drop and I would do them right there in the middle of Whole Foods and get up and people would look at me. I'd go, Oh, you know, the watch, I don't want to disappoint it. But it's funny because people that don't have the watch, they don't get it. They think you're a nut. We are nuts. No, a hundred percent. But seeing it

because these people I were with didn't have Apple Watch. Yeah. So I stuck out like a sore thumb as the crazy person, even more than I normally would. Right. But yeah, if you don't have the watch, you think the Apple Watch people are nuts. Listen, we wear the Apple Watch on stage, on tour. Yeah.

Because we have, I mean, there's like, you know, we were about to shit our pants. Right. Our heart rate. Our first night. And I needed to record that adrenaline, the heart rate. We needed that in the permanent record of our watch. Yeah. Yeah. Amy, I hear you intellectually. She's 100% right. You're 100% right. But I stand with the ding dong husband because I know exactly what he's thinking is I'm going to get laid and I'm going to close a ring. Yeah.

I like two birds, one stone. The efficiency of the ding dong, I commend. Yeah. Kudos to you. Mid-sex, watch tells you to stand up. What are you doing? I don't know that you would know. It's like a little like, it kind of pops up. And I mean, unless you were just completely like,

Prone. Like not moving at all during sex. You wouldn't know that it told you to stand up if you were participating in the activity. So it could be good if there are some people that are like pillow princesses. It could get them moving. Exactly. It could give them a little jolt. A little jolt. Like, hey, you need to do your part here. Yeah. You need to burn some calories. Yeah. Yeah. This is a one-sided sexual experience. You need to nut up, sis. Yeah.

Get your ass up there. Get that ass moving. Yep. All right. Up next, we've got Angela. Jennifer, Poms, Kylie and Richard. Good morning. Okay. Here's what I've had it with. I've been an esthetician for 15 years and I've seen every peen and vagine you can see, but what I've had it with.

are those of people who come in after the gym or just showered the night before and they don't use the restroom to make sure I have a clean and tidy neat, clean and tidy neat, can I say it again? Workspace. Because let me tell you, I clean up things that I'd rather not see. I'm not a gyno. I'm not a pino.

Whatever that is. Anyway, please just give yourself a wipe. Take that moment to go in and make sure there's nothing extra there but hair because that's all we want to remove is your hair front to back everywhere in between. Please, please, please keep it clean.

So glad she brought this to everybody's attention. This had gone under the radar in my life until just this very moment. Now I fucking had it with this. I've had it. But also, what's her name? Angela. Angela needs to respond about the asshole bleaching. Yeah. We need to get Angela on who bleaches the asshole. Right. Does it turn white? Angela, we want to hear from you. Back to...

I mean, when I've ever gone sugared, I am like Wipe City USA. I mean, like in toilet paper, toilet paper, baby wipe, baby wipe, baby wipe. I mean, it is fresh as a newborn baby down there. I want to circle back to Wipe City USA. Kind of sounds like a Miley Cyrus song.

Oh, that party in the U.S.? Yeah, Wipe City, U.S. You should market that shit. You could have little wipes and they could have the Star Spangled Banner on it. And you could just, you know, do a little...

Titty bath hooker scrub with American flag wipes. And you could say, fuck you. I am a patriot. You fucking right wingers. And then you could scrub your vagina with it. Right. They might stay for the vagina scrub, but that'd be it. Yeah. And you could get under your, the dragons and everything. But I did not know that people were not cleaning their vise. It's never occurred to me that you would not go in there. Spit shine. Perfect. Prior to a wax. I mean, you've got to scrub. You've got to put your legs open a mile wide.

That's disturbing. This poor woman, Angela. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Again, I think maybe we could implement some oversight and you could have a little questionnaire. Right. Have you cleaned your regime today? Right. If the answer is no, please go into the bathroom to the left of the reception desk and you will find what was it called? White Clean USA website.

Wipe Clean USA. Wipe City USA. Wipe City USA. Buy pumps to scrub your vagine. Yes. I think it ought to be mandatory. Yes. Like, okay, your appointment. We're coming to get you next. Go in the bathroom. Do a big wipe down. Titty bath hooker scrub. Do the whole thing. Vagine hooker scrub. Vagine, like get in there. Yeah. Get in the creases. Get in the creases and that butthole, you get right up in there. You make sure it's locked and loaded before you go in there. Yeah. That's fucking gross. Yeah.

It's disgusting. I'm glad we know about it so that we can start implementing and doing our part to help estheticians globally. Yes. Have cleaner work spaces to work in.

The asshole is her workspace. You would not want to walk in to your desk with a little dingleberry on it. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want it. No. No, Angela, we're going to do our part. Yes. Joe Estrada, permanent record. Get your vagine clean and your asshole clean before you go to the esthetician. Yes, that's got to be a rule. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Up next, we've got Kara. Hi, Jen and Pumps. Big fan. First want to say thank you for the civic duty that you perform every Tuesday and Thursday. It has brought so much joy to my life.

With that being said, I have absolutely had it with people who treat social media as their personal search engine. Just this morning, saw someone post, looking for recommendations on where to buy postage stamps in a large quantity. Any suggestions? How about the post office?

Hey, mamas, Jameson has a rash. Any recommendations? Call your pede, Sarah. That is my recommendation. Stop crowdsourcing medical advice via Facebook status. Agree. If you're really unsure, Google it first. In the age of information, people have never, ever been dumber. It's 100% true.

It is 100% true. It's true. And this is what mystifies me and where I can't relate with a lot of people because I want less interactions. So Google is great for me because I don't have to interact with anybody except for my computer. Right.

But to open my life up and say, hey, I'm looking for an esthetician because I have a really hairy vagine. I've already exfoliated it because I listened to I've Had It podcast and got that note. Right. Can anybody help me? Who does a great Brazilian? Right. Or maybe I like a little landing strip and you're putting all these details and then everybody starts chiming in before you know it's got 250 comments. And I'm like...

These people like this interaction. Right. And I, and here's the deal.

I'm really open to the fact that I'm the problem with this. I don't like that idle chit chat. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to be a part of it. I don't want to see it. But she says crowdsourcing on Facebook, that's 100% what they're doing. That's exactly what they're doing. And that's the perfect way to put it, which I hadn't thought about that. That's crowdsourcing. Full stop. Yeah. And I do not understand why someone would, hey, my baby has a rash.

Who wants to help me out with it? Fucking call your pediatrician. It's not that big of a deal. It's not that hard. Google pictures of, of the rat of rashes on the internet. I mean, this is just mindless stupidity. So my child, Roman, my youngest child, he has eczema. Right. And so he, and it comes and goes, it'll, he'll have it. And then like three years, nothing. And then it kind of pops back up. So when he's 17 now, but when he was around 15, he,

He comes downstairs and he says, mom, I have something dermatitis. And he, and I go, how do you know that? He goes, oh, I took a picture of my rash, sent it into Google images and it came back. And this is what I have. A 15 year old fucking figure out what he had, what he needed, what kind of cream he needed to have. So then I called the dermatologist. It's all fucking done. Nobody was posting on the internet images of the rash. And the last thing I want

is advice from somebody who is not trained in such a thing. Exactly. That's what I'm wondering. Right. It's like stupid questions and the responses are stupid answers. Right. Had it. Had it. That's a great had it. Yeah, it is. It's excellent. Listen up, London. Pumps is coming home. Diana, rotisserie chickens, London, October 11th,

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All right, up next, we've got Silas. Hi, Jenny. Hi, Pumps. I'm just going to go ahead and get into what I've had it with today. So I go to college. I'm a student.

And at my university, there are a lot of people who do this thing and it drives me absolutely fucking crazy. And it is whenever I'm just having this conversation with them and all of a sudden they talk about how busy they are, how hard their life is, how they are one of the most troubled people on the planet. And it just drives me crazy.

Because they're not. You know, they're going to Psych 100 and going home and taking a nap. And they're acting like that was an act of God that it even happened. And it's just there's a lot of fake importance that happens in these people's minds. And they act like they can't, you know, come to coffee or meet up with me because they're too busy, you know, with all that they have. Yeah.

I'm telling you, Silas, these are the faux busy braggers. The faux busy braggers are the most obnoxious of all the faux bragging. Yes. And it's almost like when you bump into them, before you even ask what's going on, they're playing offense. Right. I'm so busy. Like, I've got all this shit going on. And it's always the people who have absolutely nothing going on. That tell you how busy they are. Yes. Always. Always.

The people that have the least amount to do get the absolute least done. I have found in my life that people who tell me how busy they are all the time, if you were to break it down, they don't have jack shit going on. Agreed. Yeah. Agreed. And maybe that's just like, particularly in college, because you don't really know what a full-time job is, like nine to five, working weekends, working late. Well, I think some of them do. I mean, some of them do. But I mean...

A lot of college campus is, I mean, you have 15 hours a week, unless you have a job, you've got a lot of downtime. Right. But this is, for me, I know more adults than college age kids that do this. Agreed. I mean, truly. I mean, I know people that like women whose husbands are the primary breadwinner and they don't have to have a job. And

Like I remember one friend of mine, I was like, so you don't have to work. Oh, no, I work. And I'm like, okay, well, then I work three jobs. Right. You know, if we're going to throw that in, like sometimes women want to say, and it is being a mother is a job, but it's also like just living your life. You bred and, you know, we can't create.

criticize men for saying, hey, I babysat my kid. And then as women go, being a mother is a hard job. Well, that's true. But a lot of mothers, the majority of mothers around the globe have a job and they have to raise their kids like a real job. Right. So the ones that only do the mothering that say that's their full time job, they're not

That is privilege. That is a gift. That is a absolute luxury that you can do that and do nothing but, you know, make gourmet lunches and gluten free cookies and pick your outfit of the day for drop off. I mean, that is true privilege. So I sometimes take offense when people having I had to work, you know, all through my children's childhood when they're like, oh, no, but I know it's a job. It's a full time job. And I'm like, fuck off. Yeah.

I mean, it is a full-time job. It's hard work. There's no question. But it's not, I mean, it's full-time work, but it's not a job under the employment contract. Right. But it doesn't, it's a false equivalency to compare that with somebody who works 40 hours a week and does same. Oh, no, I'm not, I'm absolutely in agreement with you. But I mean, it's hard to do it because I've done full-time and it's hard. No, it is. It is very, very hard, but it is not, it is a luxury. It is a privilege.

Totally. It is because the majority of women in our circles, we know a lot of stay at home moms. But when you get to working class families, which is the majority of the population, it's privileged city shit. Right. It really is to be able to say, oh, my full time job is staying at home and taking care of my children for people that are working a couple of jobs trying to get gas in their car and don't have health insurance because our country is so whack and the minimum wage is so low. They're looking at that woman going,

bitch, you don't know what having a full-time job is. And so I just want to put some, there's a lens in which you look at that, but those are the ones back to his grievance. Those are the ones that I have found in my life that act like they're the busiest. Oh, I agree with that. And it's like, when you get down to the deep, dark bottom of it, it's like, I'm going up to school. I'm going to go get a new outfit. I've got three lessons. You know, I mean, it's just like bullshit stuff. Right. It's not like,

really necessary life or death type stuff. It's fake busy shit. Fake busy shit. Faux busy. Yeah. All right. The last one. This is one just for me. This is from Talon.

Jennifer, palms to your majesty. I am tired of the slander, okay? I'm tired of it. Kylie, I'm gonna stand up for you. The other day, I went to dinner with my husband of almost three years and we sat next to each other in the booth. And Kylie, I wanna thank you for standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. You're so brave.

I read this article the other day where it was talking about when you sit beside somebody, primarily in a car, but in any situation, and you're looking one direction but not looking right at each other, you're automatically more vulnerable with one another because you're not making eye contact. So I just want to put that on the table. We will no longer take this slander. And it's sweet, okay? Let it happen. Okay, bye. Love you. Gay for life.

Talyn, I love you. I really do. I love it. But that article is nothing short of a jet stream of bullshit that you are more vulnerable because you're not making eye contact. I want the source. Right. I want to know. She's going to fact check it, Talyn. Don't worry. 100%. The minute this episode is over, I'm Googling that stuff.

For the record, I do think it's very sweet that you and your husband enjoy sitting on the same side of the booth. And I know that being gay in America right now is hard. And so I would never, I'm going to say this, I'm going to, I'm going to revise the permanent record. Okay, here we go. Joe, are you listening? Gays can sit on the same side of the booth, not the straights. Agree. I think that's a good rule. I'm revising the record. Yes. I'm revising the record. If you're gay,

You've dealt with enough bullshit. If you're heterosexual, I'm out on that. Right. Only the gays can sit on the same side of the booth. I think that's a good rule. Yeah. I support it. Yeah. We can make up our own rules in our own record book however we please. That's right. As long as Joe Estrada stays with us. Joe Estrada's got it down. He's got it down. I mean, that's the new rule. Yeah. So I hear you. I hear him. I do too. We're going to rectify. We're going to do better. We're going to amend the record. Yeah.

Still think you could personally do better, but I'm not going to trot that out because the gays are under enough pressure right now from the right wing and I'm an ally here.

Even if you sit on the same side of the booth. Yeah, that's a tough one. And it was a tough, that was really hard for me to say, Talyn. It was really hard. But I think that's a good exception. I do too. I do too. I feel good about it. I feel really, really good about that. Are we going to discuss how brave I am for speaking my truth? Yes. You're so brave, Kylie. And for standing up. Someone finally said it. You are brave. So brave.

Someone finally said it besides your mother. You know what? I will say it is a profile and courage to come in here and work with two bonafide fucking lunatics each and every day. It really is. I think it takes three. I mean, we just have to. Kylie is amazing.

She's our 28 year old mom. Right. She is. She's our mom. She mothers us. Like when we're, she's like, no, no, we can't do that. She is our 28 year old mom. And we love Kylie. We do.

And she's so brave. And she is so brave. I mean, we probably need to get like a medal of braveness for it. Yeah, she's just got to get that toilet paper shit under control. Yes. I mean, that shit's unacceptable. We'll let her go on a lot of things, but not that. Ana, I have your back on that. I want that known, Ana, that she has been called out and drugged.

on the podcast for that egregious oversight, not putting the toilet paper on the holder. And Ana, I'm going to have you come over to my house and start doing that march and then point down to Josh. That baby spitfire comes out. Yeah. We call Kylie's girlfriend Ana little baby spitfire because she's this little teeny tiny smoking hot little

Latina, like larger than life personality, but like one of those people that like, she's like fiercely loyal. Like she'll fucking go psycho for you. If she loves you, she will fucking cut bitches on your behalf. Even though she's so tiny. She could beat all of us up in one sitting. In one sitting, including Josh. If we all tried to attack her, even though, how much does she weigh? A hundred? Yeah. 105 tops. She'd want me to say about 95. Yeah.

You're going to be in trouble. Yeah, she weighs 90. Anyway, she would beat all of our asses up. All of us. Yep. Yep. All right. Special shout out today. Our new Patreon manager, Madison, is running the sound for us today. Madison, can you say hi to the listener? Hello. Hi.

So all of you need to go over to Patreon. We have our documentary club. Madison is going to be bossing us around, filming us doing stuff in the wild. I think we're going to do a Walmart visit. Yep. I don't want to go, but this has been requested. And so I'm going to go. I'm going to go watch pumps, open up lines. Madison's going to film all of it. All of this is on Patreon.

And go to the hot shit tour, buy the fucking tickets for that five-star review, like us, do all the stuff that you're supposed to do, listener, because we get on the World Wide Web two times a week and publicly embarrass ourselves. And the least you could do for us is give us the five-star review and join Patreon. God damn it. We have no pride left anymore. Yep. That's all we can do is ask for the five-star reviews. Yep. And your money on Patreon. Yep.

Pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday or both or Thursday or both. It doesn't matter. You're the star. You can say whatever the fuck you want. Fucking royalty. Is this thing on?

I'm Caitlin Bristow, host of Off The Vine Podcast, where I get real, maybe a little too real sometimes, with my friends and celeb guests from Bachelor franchise and beyond. I'm talking guests like Jonathan Van Ness, Nikki Glaser, Wells Adams, Elise Myers, and

in this like business jacket like I would love some tacos. Heidi D'Amelio, Big Brothers, Taylor Hale. I have to bring it up because it happened and we're going to get through it. What I do. And so many more. So come hang out with us, hear ridiculous confessions and get a little vulnerable because you know what? We're all just floating on this weird little planet together. Follow, rate and review Off The Vine Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts.