Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, s***. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. You were our 9-11 episode alumni.
You were an alumni from the 9-11 episode. Yeah. Ludwig did the 9-11 episode. That's... I just am worried if it gets cut off. And the shorthand of that would be Ludwig did 9-11. Yeah, that's what I was worried about is the shorthand. Well, no, I mean... Keep it long, I'd say. We got to keep it short and sweet for people to understand. How about just...
Tucker, Google Hasan 9-11. What are we Googling here? He's Googling Hasan 9-11. Have you met Tucker before? Tucker? Well, we met at dinner the other day. Briefly at dinner. But in the context of content. In the context of content, no. In the context of eating at Boa's Steakhouse. True that. Yeah. This is Tucker. This is our little cherub. Um.
Is there a little catamite? Do you find that offensive, Tucker? To be called a cherub and a catamite? The catamite, definitely. For sure? For sure. That means a boy kept for homosexual purposes. So, like, you're saying he's my little fuckboy? It's specifically a boy, so it's pedophilic in nature? Yeah. Why do you know a term for... Does he look like a boy? I'm just saying you're using the term for a boy. Well, I mean, I didn't learn about it until Schlatt brought it. WHOA!
1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war. 5, 6, 7, 8, open up the warrior gate. I actually don't know if it's ever been clarified what that end part is. It's definitely a warrior gate. Open up the warrior gate? Open up the warrior gate means you're going to start. Who do we appreciate? No, you wouldn't say that. You are bad and I am great? You see, something about entering into a thumb war...
It's like I always have this- Oh my god. She's like David vs Goliath. What's up with those yams? You got some melodies, bro. I'm looking at five separate bananas attached to a hand. Alright, let's do it. When I- when I- *mumble* Open up the warrior gate. Oh!
Oh this isn't good. Oh he's got a chugger on! Woah! Holy shit! He's playing dirty! He is playing dirty! I'm gonna call that a dub. See let me break this down. I won. No. I won. I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Let me give a demonstration of Schlatt here. I'll tell you what happened. Give me your hand. Are you my co-host or are you his co-host? Let me show ya.
He went like this and let go of his pinkies and then used it to come after me like that. That's fucked up. It is fucked up. It was legal. That's legal. Maybe during the purge where all crime is legal. In this analogy, somebody in the purge decides to fucking...
Cheating a thumb war? Get your timer out. Really? Get your timer out. Get my timer out? Get your timer out. Yeah, I'll get my timer out. Ludwig, we got a little challenge for you. I heard about this. If you're so good at little challenges. That's my gamer son, by the way. This started because you said... Holy shit. Do I do two or three? I don't know what I was timing, but it is going for a while. Is it 523 days? Yeah. Yeah.
Is it one scoop or two scoops, Shlet? Two. Two in that thing. One for every eight ounces. That is an insane timer. How long is that? 523 days, no? Is my timer going for 523 days? I don't know if that's... Do you want to end it? It kind of feels bad, no?
I'll do mine. I feel like you've put so much work. I feel like this is well, I could do a timer. Well, no, that's a stop. Yeah. I'll do a stop. This kind of feels like history. Yeah. Don't don't fuck with that. All right. Anyway, you don't. You told me this before. You want me to squeeze this as long as I can. Yeah. The logic is because I go rock climbing. I just updated you guys in my life. I don't do rock climbing anymore. I think it's a cult. I think it's cringe. We could talk about that. We could actually talk about that. Let's talk. Let me start. Let me start squeezing. This is my father's squeezer from the 80s.
Flexing that again. What? I never flexed that. Why would I? What does that even mean? Okay, ready? Together. Press together. Both handles together. Copy. On three. One, two, three. Do you have to end the time on that? Hold on. I'm getting comfortable. Okay, well, you need to start. Okay. Plus or minus three. So why do you hate rock climbing? Yeah. I think rock climbing is a cult. I think rock climbing oftentimes ends in injury.
because of the strain it has on your tendons, on your fingers, on your shoulders. And it's easier to overexert yourself because it's more exciting to finish a climb than if you were lifting where you wouldn't overexert yourself to be like, oh, I really need to finish this last lift. You know what I mean? Like you, I think you'd be more willing to stop as
As opposed to you would feel really bad if you didn't finish a climb. I don't know. I feel like I've seen a lot of videos of lifters online of them not being able to complete it and then the bar bounces off their chest and I scream inside. That does happen. And then you've also got the people who spot you, you know? Yeah. But I've never really experienced the community. There's less spotting and rock climbing, right? You have a rope. Well, that's lead climbing or top rope. Do people ever just fall onto the mat below? Dude.
Dude, this is hard. You have not been going for that long. Ow! It hurts. And show the camera. Show the camera. Make sure they can see the hand. Hey! Make sure they can see the hands. It hurts a lot. How long has this been going for? It's only a minute and 15 seconds. Okay, so just for context, I went... Wait, no. Take your hand off your thigh there. You're pushing it against your... Hand up! Up! Show the camera. So how is this possible? I thought you rock climbed. No, he might be hamming it up. What is this?
Oh, shit. Stop. I'm trying.
I'm gonna move this away from you. I need to like have control over this because I've been sprayed by this by both of you. Stop! Stop! One week! Stop it! He's done. Oh, fuck. Minute 50. Oh, that hurts so bad. I've been sprayed with fucking hand sanitizer twice on this podcast. How much did you do? I went for 4 minutes and 15 seconds. What?! Double that. What?! Yeah. No. Yeah. 150. What?!
Yeah, how long did you go for? I went for a little less because there was no... There was nothing to beat because I was the first guy. Yeah. I could have beat you guys if I knew your score. That's what he's quoting Schlapp from earlier. And then five minutes...
Can I try left hand? Yeah, you can. I don't know why you'd be any better. Okay. I can tell you. I can tell you why I'd be better. I gotta say, dude, you had the strongest reaction to being in that pain, though. It hurt. I know. Look, I'm bleeding. Are you? That's the gamer stuff. Yeah, but it was believable for a moment. Believable. It almost got me. So I would have worse grip strength because my finger, I don't know if you can see this. Does it look, you see that scar? It's small. What happened? No, no, it's larger than that. Oh.
It's larger. Do you see that scar? Yeah, there's a scar on it. See that scar? How do you listen to his love of your death? There's a scar. There's a scar on my finger that goes across the entirety of it because I was playing backyard football and they punted it and I fumbled the punt recovery and then somebody slide tackled into the ball which my finger was pointing at and then it hit my finger and it went like, it just hyperextended it.
Oh. And I thought it was just hyperextended, so I put a splint on it. I kept it for a month. After a month, I took the splint off, and I couldn't move it more than at its normal position like this. Oh, no. Like, totally flexed out. I couldn't bend it at all. Would your whole finger have fused together or something? Well, I'd go to the, yeah. It turns out it was a fracture. I had a hairline fracture, and it had healed the way the splint was. Oh, no.
So it healed so I couldn't bend it. So then I had to go to the hospital and then they had to put me under, break my fingers. They rebroke it? They had to rebreak the fracture. You fossilized. Yeah. And then they had to put a rod into the broken bone to connect it to the real bone. And now I can't bend it all the way down. Like I can mostly do it, but like most people can like easily crush their finger into a tiny little crimp. But I can't fully squeeze it. You also can't do little wizard fingers. What do you mean by that?
He's got it. I can still wizard figure. He's still a wizard. Why would you take that away from me? This is easier, I think, because of that. You need to hold it fully closed. They're not together. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. You're doing better. You are doing better. You are doing better, but it doesn't seem like... Oh, you're cheating. I'm not cheating. You're cheating. You're the first person who's done this who has done everything in their power to... I'm getting up. I'm getting up. Okay, well, how long are you going to adjust yourself for?
You've done everything in your power to try to cheat in every way possible. You're at two minutes. I think a lot of my ethos as a human is cheating. Yeah, it seems that a lot of your whole situation as a content creator is based around... Scamming, cheating. Deception. Deception. Yeah, deceiving others into... Deception is the only felony to fuck somebody without telling me. Okay. What am I at? 220. Yeah, I'm into scamming and deceiving. Are you not? Well, I mean... What is that?
It's like you didn't even care. It's like you didn't even care about actually deceiving me. It's like you were just like, well, I tried. I'm just going to try to cheat. True. So why don't you lift your hand up for me?
It's like, I just don't understand if any of this, if this experiment, I don't know why you're continuing because it's not even like it's accurate at all. This will count. When you say the time at the end, it will count. No one's going to put an asterisk on this. Okay. So he's been going for, no man. This is legal. This is legal. Look, look, this is legal.
We're all watching you do this. It's like everyone's watching. It's like, what are you trying to do here, man? I'm not trying to do anything. Hey, man, it seems like you're trying to do a lot because you're switching between a... Is this seat uncomfortable? Yeah. Yeah, I'm just uncomfortable as well. Okay. What was your exact time?
How about this? Can I just see your, I just want to look at your wrist for a second. Oh, he pulled it off. Oh, man. Ted. I pulled it off. He yanked my wrist in an inappropriate way that HR would have violations with and it made me let go of it. What was I at? You did three minutes and 30. Well, let's add a minute for that. Should I give it a go? I'll do it. All right.
Oh, it hurts. Oh, it's sweaty. I feel like I want to pass out. It's really sweaty. Really? Yeah, I feel like throwing up a little bit. That's all it took? I feel like throwing up a little in my mouth. I'll try it. I'm not what I used to be, though. Yeah, well, we both did it and went far to our limits, and then now we're slightly weaker than we were before. Not what I used to be. When's the last time... Are you ready? Mm-hmm. When's the last time, Ted, you cried? Last time I cried? Yeah.
Oh, I don't like this one bit already. Probably like last month or something. I'm not recovered from this. I had a cry last month. Was it based off the media? Was it based off personal life things? Was it based off helplessness? Helplessness. Something to cry about. Sometimes you feel helpless. I'm not sure. It was probably personal life stuff, but I'm not totally... You know what it was? It was...
when I was on that Ireland trip with my mom, we were just talking about like life and growing up and like moving away from home and stuff. It was just like kind of like it was like emotional but like not in like a negative way. It's more like a melancholy kind of like just talking about... Nostalgic? Yeah, nostalgia but also just you know, I don't know. Time passage? Yeah. Yeah. Mine is last night. Really? What'd you cry over? I was with you last night. We probably remembered you had to come on Chuckle Sandwich.
I was in bed thinking about how to get up for this. He was like, oh no, they're going to make me do the grip test and I hate that grip test so much. It does hurt. You were wailing like you had been shot. I got 330. Yeah, you got 330. This chair is uncomfortable.
Right? Yeah. No, I might have to start doing that. You should have seen Tucker when he was trying out this thing. The guy was going to fucking war. Like, he was walking around. He played the Modern Warfare 3 credit music. You know when you kill Makarov, hang him from a building, and then light up? He was playing that shit. I don't remember that. It was more the missile. Yeah, the missile. That was the primary context. Yeah.
I cried last night because I watched Suzume in theaters. What's that? New anime movie. It's made by the person who made Your Name. I actually haven't ever seen Your Name, but I've heard good things. But you know about it. Yeah, yeah, I know of it. That guy made a new movie. Wow. What was the part that made you cry? Like the sad part, mostly. That would make sense. Do you cry a lot from movies? Are you a movie crier? Yeah. I made a Switch.
You made a switch. Yeah, I was a non-movie crier, and then I chose to be a movie crier. You can choose that? You can choose that, yeah. What did you have to change to make that happen for yourself? Emotional vulnerability. Okay. That's a choice. You like turned on the empathy meter? Yeah. What's the process for that? How do you become empathetic? Because I haven't been able to do that. I think it starts with watching... Oh! Oh! The fuck?
I'm getting shooting pains up and down my forearm. See, this is already making me well up. Shooting pains. It's making me well up because I'm sad for you. I wish I would turn down the meter a little bit. I wish it would hurt less. Fuck!
Hey, it's Kaylee Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price? Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels. So whether it's Cousin Kevin's kazoo concert in Kansas City, go Kevin! Or Becky's bachelorette bash in Bermuda, you never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the Priceline app today. Your savings are waiting. ♪ Go to your happy place for a happy price ♪
Hold it hold it hold it hold it one more minute one more minute Watch out. I don't know if that's true. It's kind of cheating right there. You can't tell him that you can't you can't say that you're one to talk. Oh Okay, okay. Whoa. Whoa come on man. That was an undercut. Whoa I uh, I it was after I had um broken up with my ex in college and
And I was sad. Pull it together, please. But you know when you're sad and you want to feel sad? Like you want to wallow in your sadness. So I was at an emotionally vulnerable state. And then I decided to watch a bunch of sad things. Hey, hey. Whoa. That is unfucking called for. 30 more, 30 more. Don't spray Purell on me. Please. Just update audio listeners. I broke the last record. Schlatz at three minutes and 40 seconds. And he had Purell sprayed on him.
20 more seconds and he will be 10. And he's amped about this, ladies and gentlemen. He's sucking down some GamerSupp's flavor. His energy. Dragon fruit punch. Man, he's killing that shit right now. He is actually impressively finished all three. It is. Come on. He's throwing it around the warehouse. It's a shocking feeling, though, to get sprayed by it, though, right? Yeah. It is. It sucked.
Happened to me twice. Are you going for five minutes? Are you going for the record? The record's five on the day, right? Is it five flat? 502. 502. I'm going to have to start running around. If you get 503, you get the record. Take a lap. Take a lap. Audio listeners love you to death. Schlatt is currently running around the studio with a... It's like a literal toy store...
grip strength and he wants the record. So he's going to get there. But I'm going to finish the way to access. I'm a Tucker hater. Throwing through. Always be a Tucker hater. We'll just finish this. 30 more seconds. We're 20 seconds out from Schleck breaking the record. Still. He is actually not cheated at all as opposed to me who had a lot of different tools to help. 10 seconds. 9, 8, 7. On your way. How do you feel? I've reached nirvana. You could do this for an hour now.
- Whoa. - That was weird. He like calmed down instantly. He's crushed the record. He's at 506. - I've hit this point in a run before where it's like, you know, when you get to the point where the runs really, really hurt and then- - Runner's high? Is that what they call it? - No, no, Nirvana. - They call it a runner's high. - I mean, sure they can call it that, but in reality it's Nirvana. - It is equivalent, but it's a different term for runners. - I'm fine, I'm fine. Five minutes and 30 seconds.
Wait, you're back out of Nirvana. You slipped back out of Nirvana. As you hit your stride, your body releases hormones called endorphins. I'm done. I'm done. Look at that 536 new record on the day. That was impressive for a guy who is... Should I give it my shot now? They're not moving. Should I give it my shot? Can you extend them? Extend the finger. That's 536. I felt like I just unfurled them. I just unfurled your hand. Let's see what we got here.
53619. Ready? Anyway, Shalit, the way to access your emotional side is to, which will happen in your life, go through an emotionally traumatic experience. Yeah.
Pet dies. Family member is sick. Something goes down in your normal life. And then use that as like a launch board to like translate it to media. Like watch sad things and then cry during the sad things. While you're recalling? While you're sad in your normal life because your normal life is sad.
Okay. Do you think it's healthy to want to cry? To cry more? Yeah. Why? I think it's just cool to access a wider range of emotions because if you cry, you're very sad, which presumably means if you're happy, you're happier because you're no longer... You're looking for contrast. Yeah. You're no longer judging your happiness from your base state. You're judging your happiness from your sad state. So your happiness is, in fact, like a bigger difference. So even if you're not happier, you might feel happier. I see. Yeah.
Ted, you're feeling the burn already, aren't you? I mean, I can feel the pain from the bruising from the original, you know? Like, you already feel the bruising at the get-go. But let's get into a really interesting conversation so I forget this is happening. We need a flow state. We need to reach flow state. Yeah, I need to enter into ultra instinct or something like that. Ted, you can chop off a finger of yours. We've talked about this before. Damn.
If a giraffe? No, I asked him yesterday. Oh, really? Yeah, I really love that question. What's another one? That's all I have. Oh, like another classic. Yeah. Classic would you. Well, no, we're not. Would you rather walk in on your dad fucking a dog or a dog fucking your dad? I mean, wow. It's hard for me to answer. Why? This feels morbid. I just...
Think both are well. What about you hand up? No cheating? Well show the camera would you rather walk in on one what your dad fucking a dog or a dog fucking your dad? Would you rather dog or your dog fucking probably? Really yeah, why because I feel like I'd rather not see because I'm assuming that if my dad is getting a
Fucked by a dog he's being taken advantage of by the dog and that seems like a more uh well no I think it's actually better if the dog fucks the dad because of that exact reason because the dog is consenting it More more it's more consensual if the dog I mean obviously the animal can't consent no matter what but it's more consensual if the dog is the one who mounted as Opposed to you are mounting the dog. I mean we're arguing two evils here, but I think one evil is less evil. Oh
I'm slipping is what fucking sucks. Mussolini over Hitler type deal. I'm slipping. You're at 3. 3.10. Keep holding. Keep holding strong. I got 4.30, so you can get there. I've reached nirvana. Good. What's something you've made that you're the most proud of? No, this isn't going to work. Ted! I decided against it. Nirvana was fake. I had, but then I was like, do I want this? I was like, I don't really. That's fair.
What are you most proud of that you've made? What am I most proud of that I've made? Probably the music video I made in 2021 with James Marriott. I was very proud of that production. So, growing up, I always wanted to make an energy drink. What are you, fucking Nadeshot? You had a dream growing up in I suck New York? I slipped. Sipping these New York? I didn't grow up and I slipped, thank God. And then you made it come to life with GamerFuel? Yeah.
gamer subs. What's your actual dream? What was your, excuse me, what are you actually most proud of? I wanted to be a YouTuber. I'm most proud of the fact that I can call myself a YouTuber. Do you think it's cringe to be a YouTuber now? No. It's cool? Everybody wants to be one. Well, yeah, but like that was when he was young. Everybody wants to be a YouTuber. Well, no, he said that actively he's most proud of it. Yeah, that's true. And then you said, but don't you think that's cringe? There are cringe, there's cringe aspects of being a YouTuber. Sure. Oh, yeah. It's cringe YouTubers. Hmm.
Who's the cringiest YouTuber you know? Top five, whatever? No, not Mr. Top Five. He DM'd me. Really? Yeah, I made a video about how he's the biggest YouTuber from my school. For context, I went to a school in New Hampshire. It was two towns, graduating class of like 100-something people. Oh, really? And there was another YouTuber? This kid also graduated from the same school, but has a bigger YouTube channel than me. He's got like 4.4 million. Wow.
And I'm close to beating him. So I made a little short about it. I was just a little hee-hee like, hey, this guy's bigger than me. Let's beat him. Oh, yeah. And they DMed you and you said. He reached out. He's like. Stop your campaign or you'll feel a lot of pain soon, Ludwig. Well, he's like, you ever come back to New Hampshire? I was like, yeah, sometimes. He's like, good. I was like, oh, okay. I'll be waiting. Yeah. I think that's what the vibe felt like. Wow.
Yeah. Tommy's doing the same thing where he's like asking for, I think, three and a half million subscribers. To beat who? Just to get to 15. And it's working. You got to make a rival, though. It's working. I think the play is he wants to rank in Hypixel. There is a...
Like, a huge trend of that. In shorts, where it's like, let me find some arbitrary goal. Usually 10 mil. Let me find some arbitrary reason to hit 10 mil. And then let's go for it. Like, Arak was like, a 10 mil will do a pizza party. Wow, that is...
That's the lamest fucking thing I've ever heard. He did it. It was the world's largest pizza party. Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't sell it. I said it like he was an 8th grade teacher. I was like thinking, okay, he's going to get one full cheese pizza from New London and then slice it like this. There was the Isaiah photo. He was like at 10 mil all...
meet Dwayne the Rock Johnson or something. Did he? Yeah. Did Dwayne agree? It was kind of funny because he piggybacked off Mr. Beast meeting him. Like Mr. Beast met him and then he was like right behind, like they did rock, paper, scissors. And then Isaiah did the same thing like 10 seconds after. Like Mr. Beast. I saw that TikTok. Yeah. So he walks in right after that TikTok ends and he goes, run to. And then they do it. Really? I thought it was kind of funny. Ryan Trahan had the Dr. Phil one.
I know that. I know about that one. He was like, ah, let's beat Dr. Phil and subscribers. Do you know Ryan Tran? Yeah. His whole shtick for a while was like, let's pass Dr. Phil and subscribers. I think Gordon Ramsay is the current goal. For him? Yeah. No, he already has more than Gordon Ramsay. Does he? Gordon Ramsay has like, he has over 10 mil, right? I thought Gordon Ramsay had like 20 mil. Really? He might. I don't know. What should we do? How many subscribers does Gordon Ramsay have, Tucker? All of us.
Anyway, that's it's all a gimmick. Yeah, it's all a gimmick. Oh, it's a real challenge. They need to achieve I I've become disillusioned with YouTube really a little disillusioned. I'm disillusioned It's all cringe cesspool surely game of fine content for better views better subs. Yeah, you're right. What do you do about that? Love it. What do you do? You just keep doing your thing. Yeah. What about you?
disillusionment with youtube yeah like the uh can you clarify what you mean by that like right now it's very gamified oh yeah where people are like i need this click-through rate this watch retention this strategy works to get there i need this call out for subscribers i found to include a shorts game so i can get a larger subscriber base
I've found that recently with at least my own channel, when the thumbnail and the video just feel good and there's something magical about it,
I found that when that shit feels the best for some reason, it always does better than when I try to like... When I try to... Gamify it? Yeah, when I try to gamify or when I try to make things like... For instance, I released this video that was me talking about a Christmas movie. And I... It was like a quick...
faster made video than what my normal ones are and and then it did not do that well and so it kinda reinforces okay well I need actually for every video I need to try give a little like really hard in order to like make sure it's as quality in all these categories as possible because otherwise when I'm not putting as much
And it's not that I wasn't trying, but it was like I was trying like less and I was trying to like offset work to other parties in order to make it more efficient for myself. And then it just the video didn't do as well. And I just sort of went back to your old ways. Yeah. I kind of fell back into, OK, well, I need to kind of focus more on what I was. How about this? Next time you review a movie or make a video about a movie. Well, it wasn't the movie itself. Play the whole movie and you're in the corner. OK. Watching it. Go live.
It doesn't seem legal. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Go on kick.com. You can get away with anything. What do you think of kick? They got no TOS. I'm a little worried about kick long-term because they're fully funded by stake.com and they're just burning money.
I think in exchange for being able to... It's like the esports of a live streaming website. But I don't know if it's necessarily a bubble. I think the goal is to use Kik as a marketing tool to make Stake bigger. And so if Kik is bigger, presumably the marketing efforts for Stake are bigger. Presumably more people gamble money. And then this is just a marketing expense for gambling. Well, gambling makes a lot of money.
It does. So surely they have some means to track where that money via kick is coming from and whether or not they're, you know, it's actually growing. I imagine that if, as long as the gambling money that's coming in is working out for them on their balance sheet of running kick.com, I imagine that we keep running it. Yeah, I think so too. So I guess the question is, is that the case? And I think they're the only ones who will know the answer to that private company. Like we'll, we'll never have that info.
But if not, I imagine they just axe it after like a year, two years. But if it is, then I think it'll be pretty sustainable. And it seems like a little dark web version of Twitch, you know? Yeah. Well, it's interesting because I feel like Kik, they did an interesting thing where they just straight up took the UI of Twitch. And so for people that wanted to switch over, especially viewers...
- Day dot, it looks great. YouTube's been working on that shit for like three years, they haven't gotten close to cracking the code. Kick day one. Perfect. - So the transfer over for viewers is probably really smooth. - It's pretty low. Low friction. - Oh yeah, low friction transfer over.
And I don't, it doesn't feel like one of those situations where you've got like a, like when Sneaker's like, watch me on Rumble. And it's like, what the fuck is a Rumble? But then also like if you were to go over there and live stream there, you'd, you know, there's a part of you with the gambling as you feel dirty doing it, wouldn't you? I think most people who switch over to kick are like smaller midsize creators who want a better split. I mean, I can't knock that. Yeah. I wouldn't knock those people for it. You know, I mean. Couldn't knock them.
I mean, you know, at the end of the day, there's no ethical consumption of the capitalism, guys. Come on. It's true. Take that one to Hassan. I think he would agree. Yeah, take that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Hassan, yeah. Hassan. Got it. You two are done streaming.
I streamed for the first time. I saw that. You came back and then stopped. So then you stopped again. Well, then I went to Ireland for 10 days. All right. And? And then I came back and then I had Chuckle Week. Are you going to go back to streaming? I'd love to stream. I'm excited for all the games that are coming out. My idea is pretty much I'm going to just choose a game that I want to play that I would normally play by myself not working and then just stream it. And then it's like, okay, now I'm streaming again.
like i wasn't like i so is it a big part of the business plan or no i mean do you think it would detract from your ability to enjoy the games if that's like do you want to stream or do you feel like are you doing i do like streaming but i think that sorry we're gonna ask are you doing it are you doing it to justify gaming oh no i don't think so i think i think i'm doing it because like
I'll fall into a hole where I'm gaming so much and then I and I think I need something that kind of keeps me in the like reminder of that but also I did miss streaming and like I remember when I saw your Schlatt stream of when he I want to get one of those driving wheels and do a little stream where you know the trucker stream I was watching that and I was like that looks so fun and I and when I came back to streaming and I did it for you know the two hours that I did I was like I missed that that was uh
I enjoyed it. I think that I sometimes overwhelm myself with like, oh, it's got to be this grand plan or like there's got to be some sort of goal where in reality I could just freaking choose a game and then play that through and then that could just be it. Like it doesn't need to be that whole thing. I think I sometimes focus a little too much on like making sure everything is like, oh, this is the best, the cream of the crop. When in reality it doesn't always need to be like that. It's different strategies. Yeah.
Drunk driving streams are great. Great. Really fun. This has been coming up so much this week. It's fun. You brought up drunk driving a lot? Well, I mean, we just had this episode that I mean, you know, we don't even know. I don't. I don't. It's not. It's no one's ever going to see it. We're not sure if we're going to show it to them. Really? It's not going to see a lot of day. Tucker's shaking his head. Just you two. We had a debate about drunk driving. Who was on what side, Ted? What do you think?
Slut, were you talking about the drunk crashers? No. Fucking piece of shit. You're trying to tell me you weren't talking about the drunk crashers? I wasn't talking about the drunk crashers. I was talking about the drivers. You didn't say it's not the drunk drivers that are the problem. It's the drunk crashers. He didn't say that, right? I don't know if he said that specifically, but he definitely alluded to that. Because he does have a tendency to have that thought. His thesis is...
Was along the lines... Hey, no. You're right. No. It can never see the light of day. And no one can ever convince us. To talk about it? Well, you probably could. Nah, I'm alright. I'll keep it. We'll keep it. We'll keep it in the dustbin. Let's let it die. Let's just say that I entered that podcast feeling like an insane man. And I didn't know... Because you lost. You lost that debate? No. First of all, I've never lost a debate against Slatt. Okay. Imagine someone who...
Well, it seems that the way these debates work is that someone claims it louder that they won. No, no, no. I want a Twitter poll. Cool and calm and collectively. There was no Twitter poll, though. He's just been saying he won. You put it up on Twitter. Are you guys for or against drunk driving? Hey, Chucklers. And then I'm going to reply. I'm going to say, by the way, we can see your responses. Yeah. And what you believe in. Yeah. So what were you talking about?
Talking about streaming, talking about life, talking about crying, talking about strength. Crime, strength. What's the biggest crime you ever committed? I was a transnational thief. You were a transnational thief? Yeah.
Yeah, I've smuggled shit across borders. Well, that was also involved in it. What did you smuggle? Foods. Well, I stole a small little tiny magnet from a gift shop in Canada when I was 10, and then I took it across the border back into America. I'm a transnational thief smuggler. That's petty. No, you're giving yourself a grand title for petty thief. What'd you take? What'd you do? There's an exploit when you have five iPhones. What? Where you can link with enough...
finagling. You can link Apple cards to each other and create a recurring loop of payments to one another and rack up the cards. Creases the money. What? Money tree. Have you heard of the money tree theory? No. He's solved it.
Okay. Each of those Apple iPhones. I have five iPhones. Are leaves on the money tree. They're all connected to one credit card? No. No. Five different ones. Five different iPhones. Well, I don't want to get too into the... Can I learn a little bit though? Yeah. I have five iPhones. I have five Apple cards. It's a recursive formula that involves iMessage. Invented by him. That involves separate Apple card accounts and...
like the flip side to the same coin, the iMessage money requests. - Did you ever take calculus? - Yeah. - Sine, cosine, tangent? - Uh-huh. - You should kind of be getting at what he's going for here. - Oh, cosine. - No. - Tangent?
I don't know the third one. So he it's a recurrent. It's a recurrence. Ted, let's split. And a resurgence. That's enough. Okay. So this you. I don't want. Listen, I say too much. Then it gets cashed. I'll tell you one thing, though. This is your. You've done this? Yeah, I do this. I'll tell you one thing, though. You do this. I do this. For how much money? Well, how much are you starting with? It's like you. Well, I haven't tested it to its limit because I'm already rich, but.
Every month I kind of up the ante to see just how far I can get. You're scamming Apple out of like hundreds of dollars? Well, no, it depends on the towers. What? What the fuck am I listening to? Well, no, okay, so if you need, it depends on strength, it depends on the towers. Strength of who? The towers. Will? No. Oh. It depends on the towers. It does? Is he being real? The connection.
Yeah, it does depend on the towers sometimes. Some have to be... Okay, there has to be distance and like a different tower. So ideally one of them is in a location where you have to like send requests multiple times. Tucker, am I dumb for not understanding this yet? No, nothing they say makes sense. Mine is way simpler. I just ran an illegal online gambling ring allegedly. I made thousands. I had a rake. Really? It was like...
Morgan's game? Megan's game? Gerald's game. What's that, Tucker? Can you look it up? Megan's game? Megan's game? Mandy's game? Poker. Megan's game poker? I mean, imagine my surprise when I first learned about this. When I, you know, Shalette had just been over to my place and he had left and gone to the studio before me. Megan's game poker? And... You found the dead zone phone. Shay discovers a phone.
In our couch. This is real. A phone. It's not like a schlatt joke of like 99 I did this. No, a phone with full battery and a default wallpaper with a red sticker. Are you scamming? You're scamming for hundreds of dollars. Like a color coded phone. I have seen your net worth. It changes by a factor of tens of thousands on a day to day basis. This is true. Why are you looking at me like that? You're scamming for hundreds. Soon it will be more. Is it for the rush?
Is this Bernie Madoff shit? Is this gonna take you down? But think about how crazy this was though. Should you admit this? Lud, think about how crazy this was. Because I was communicating with him via text message. And then we find a new phone. The only person that had been there besides Shay and I was the cleaners. So I call them. I'm like, is this your phone? And I take a photo of it. I send them there. They're like, no. No, we have our phones. I'm texting you right now. I'm like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. So then I'm like...
Trying to figure out who's phone this is got full battery. So it's not like it's been there for like a long time a long time at all So I've got my phone she's got hers. Tucker's got his come to find out It's schlatt's burner come to find out it's one of many within this One of the many leaves on the money tree that schlatt is as great calls it money tree. Oh
He coined that phrase. I kind of like it. Do you like it? I like it. And so, and so on one of the early podcasts, I put this on the table. Oh, you confronted him. I confronted him with that on the podcast. How long goes this? This was, I mean, in the time of the viewers, it was probably about five weeks ago, but in the time of us, it was maybe three days ago. What the fuck is wrong with you?
I'm like a paramotor. You know, I don't get that. I have everything figured out. And so I every time I go up, I fly a little closer to the sun. You're risking it all for hundreds from a megacorp that could take you down without thinking. Why didn't you just say that you were like Icarus?
- Why did you have to use that paramotor route? - I don't know. - 'Cause rich people. 'Cause remember rich people? - Yeah, it's rich people, back to rich people. - They make it risky? - So in college, I joined an illegal gambling ring. It was run by these two tax guys. It was a poker group online. - So we're just like admitting stuff now? Is that what's going on? - This is a legend. - Okay. - It's a poker group. - A video game. - They play online. It's like filled with 50 golfers, dads, bankers. They would play like three nights a week and they would take rake on the games
And that's illegal to take a rake. That's what makes it illegal. What's a rake? Rake is like we're playing a game, the three of us poker $100, $300 are in. The person who ran the poker game would be like, I'm going to take $10 of that just for helping run this, setting it up. And this will help me do things in the future to help set up more games. That would be illegal. So how do casinos make money?
Casinos are different. They're sanctioned to gamble. But we couldn't do that. The same way we couldn't run a blackjack room in here today. Oh, okay. So Rake in and of itself is not illegal if you have a license. But if you don't have a license, it's illegal. Like anything else. Like selling liquor without a license. Right. So anyway, they took Rake. And these two guys ran it. They're two tax attorneys.
That's ironic. The start of the year comes around. Well, actually, that's not. The start of the year comes around. They're like, hey, we can't run any games. We're too busy. Meanwhile, I've lost $1,500 playing these games. I've chewed through all my savings that I got working at Apple. Like a little mouse. I'm chewing like a mouse. I'm getting fucked like a dog, and it's your dad involved. You're chewing like a mouse, getting fucked like a rat. That's right. And they hit me up, and they say, hey, would you mind running games? We'll give you a cut of the rake. And I'm like, sure, I'm down.
So I start running games and I figure out like, you know, best times to run games and I start running them more frequently and I start taking some of the pool that we've raked in to make big games on Sundays. But part of the deal they made is that I would be allowed to play in one game a week for free. And that was the real money.
So I would set up like $50 buying game, $30 buying game. But then when a week I'll do the big bonus pool. This is why you give rake is so we can do a big bonus pool. We'll do a hundred dollar game with a thousand dollar bonus on Sundays. I plan that one free. Right. You know, there's only like 20 guys in there. There's a good chance that I make some money on it. Occasionally I walk away if I just win one with over a thousand bucks. Yeah. So I just got to win one in every few weeks. Just got to win one. Just that big rake. I started winning. I started getting better.
I was top of the leaderboard for a little bit. The leaderboard of wins. Wow. And then I graduated college. Had to move. Stopped playing. Did you end positive or negative? Positive. Nice. Positive probably made like $2,500. Wow. Nice. I'm up about that much. With your money tree? Yeah. So you're doing it for $2,500? Yeah. It just doesn't seem like you understand how it works. Literally talk about gamer subs for five seconds. I don't think you understand how it compounds. It's money tree.
Why are you piping up? Well, it's almost laughable. Why are you piping up, mister? I went to fucking Canada and stole something from a grocery store. Because hearing about it from him is exciting. Your thievery isn't equivalent. Well, yeah, but I feel like I can live vicariously through him when I learn about it. What's the biggest crime you committed? The biggest crime I've committed? Don't fuck around. You drive high? DUI? That's a crime. He's thinking back to how many times he's done it, not which time.
Well, I mean, I've gotten a speeding ticket. Okay. Oh, that's the big. You sound like Margaret Thatcher. Do you? Dried up right now. That's because they asked this question. It wasn't Margaret Thatcher. Who's that one? Oh, so that was your answer of your biggest crime? Yeah. Oh, I see. I thought you were just telling a story. No, it was my biggest crime. It was related. Wow. Who's the former? After Margaret Thatcher, a woman ran UK. She was one of the prime ministers.
Teresa May. They asked her, they're like, I'll tell you, I'll tell you one thing. They asked her what the most trouble she got in was. And she said, Oh, as a kid, we used to get into some trouble by jumping and frolicking in the, in the flowers. That was like her answer. That's hilarious. Dead ass. That's what you sound like. I'll tell you one thing. One time when I did a semester in, I may have talked about this on the podcast, but one time I did a semester in college in LA and we were transporting three ounces of weed back to Ithaca, New York with us. Oh,
On a plane? No, in the truck. Driving? Yeah. And so we were like, we, but we were taking the southern route. So we were going to go through like, you know, Arizona, Texas. Oh, wow.
yada yada and we decided there's like a little area down below where you keep like tool kits or whatever in the truck and we decided to put that all in a plastic bag and then put it down there so it was like in the lowest part of the car and on top of it was a bunch of like suitcases and all that and we were like sweet like even if someone were to like look through a little bit it's like they would have to fucking like strip down the car yeah it would be a huge pain and it would like and you know I mean
So... Privileged.
Basically, what happened was we had little things to have on the road, you know, little pieces of wheat, little edibles or whatever, and a grinder and stuff, and that went in the glove box. And we're driving along, we're having a good time, and we're going through Texas, and there's this weird thing in Texas when you're going from the west to the east where a lot of the – there's no, like, major kind of interstates that –
that can majorly go through that area. So, but there are highways and the, but the way the highways work is it's like you're going on a 75 mile per hour road until you reach a small town. And then maybe in the span of a thousand,
Feet you will go from 75 miles per hour down to 45 same road same road Wow confusing so and these towns aren't necessarily very big but the change happens very fast So when they'll camp out yeah, so cops will basically I see that 75 go down to like a 35 or 45 or whatever and I'm slowing down but in the process of doing that slowing down I'm going past a cop and
you know, like 22 over the speed limit. - Right, and the speed change is not a gradient. When it's 35, it's 35. - Yeah, once you pass it, you've entered the speed zone, you know? So I'm getting pulled over now, and then I turn to my buddy who I'm road tripping with at the time, and I'm like, hey, can you hand me the license and registration from the glove box? And he does that, and he hands it to me. - Almost had a stank to it. - Well, basically, if I hadn't told him early,
to hand me the license and registration and instead did it when the cop had walked up to the car, then he would have opened up the glove box and in it would have been a grinder, some weed, shit all over right on top of the license and registration.
And this guy wasn't really playing around either, too, because when he pulled us over, he was like, neither of us were high or anything like that. But he was like, how are you guys doing? Where are you coming from? And we're like, oh, we're going from California to Massachusetts. Shouldn't have said California. Two legal states at the time, mind you. Mistake to say California. Yeah. You're coming from New Mexico next time. Yeah. So basically, he's like, hey, you're going 22 over speed. And I'm like, I'm sorry. It was like...
Sorry. And he like did the whole thing where he like asked me to get out of the car. Wow. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I got out of the car. And then like, it was funny, a fucking tire pressure gauge fell out and went on the ground. And he was like, what's that? And if you look at a tire pressure gauge, it kind of looks like a crack pipe a little bit. So I look at it, I'm like, that's, I mean, that's a tire pressure gauge. And he was like, okay.
And I get back in and then he like goes to the thing. I like turn to my buddy and he's like, I hadn't looked at him the whole time, but I look at him there and you know, he smoked a little bit more of weed than I did. And you know, he had maybe more or less gotten in trouble for it before. So he was there and he was like,
like sort of like almost a stone cold he was shivering like he was shivering in fear and it was and so I looked at him and I was like I shouldn't have looked over him because then I looked at him and I was like made you nervous oh okay so there's something legitimate to be worried about right now luckily I mean more or less luckily I ended up getting just a ticket and we were on our way but later on
We were driving down the road and we heard we could smell weed one part and we were like, who's the idiot who's like doing that? And we were maybe like a mile down the road. We see some guy with his fucking doors are open and they're like searching through his car. It was like I felt it was so weird because I've never felt like that driving through Texas since then. But during that time when we had that weed in there, it was like we were transporting like.
The most like high value sort of like we were like we were cartel or something moving it over state lines. And like there was like spotlights everywhere. Like we were on the run, but it ended up being fine. I mean, the ticket was I mean, it was really expensive. It was like a $200 ticket or something like that. How much is three ounces of weed in visual? Three ounces of weed is like golf ball, baseball.
Like it's a bag full. Bowling ball. No, like one of those thin bags. Like a thin bag like this. That's a good amount, dude. I mean, yeah. Okay, those ice pops. How many ice pops in a row? How many ice pops in a row? I mean, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. So...
Maybe five ice pops in a row. Five ice pops a week. But with like that thickness and three of those bags and they were down below. How many strips of bacon would you say they were? Would you rather have unlimited bacon? I've done this, gamers. But no more games. Don't tell me you're doing this to everybody still?
Or... Are you still doing this? Games. Unlimited games. You're still doing it. Are you scaring me? You're still doing it. Listen to the question, you asshole. But no games. I know the question. What's it gonna be? Okay, what's the question? Would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no games, or unlimited games, unlimited games, but no games? Okay, so clearly you didn't hear the question, so I'll let Shad repeat it another time. I thought he was being crystal clear. I thought he was being cut and dry, but he wasn't. Alright. My wig. Would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more games, or games, and that's where he fucked up. Just games.
Unlimited games. Right. But no games. Games. Unlimited games but no games. I would rather have unlimited games, no bacon. It's funny because that was just not a fucking option. Yeah, it seems like you. Not a fucking option. I would rather have games, unlimited games, but no games.
Now, here's my second question for you. Do you think that your answer was consistent with the last time you answered this question? No. Or are you going to appear as a hypocrite online and we can blast you all over the internet? I hate things being hypocritical, so I'm down with rolling down that road still. Fair enough. Fine. Fair enough. Creator of Mogul Mail. Do you want to add any more stuff to the sandwich, the chuckle sandwich? What does that mean?
Well, I don't actually even know if we asked him when he came on last time because we've missed some guests. We have. Usually when we have a guest on, we ask them what part of the chuckle sandwich are they? Like as if we were building a sandwich. I'm the two buff pieces of bread on each end. So that's the mayo. Charlie was the meat. And then we lost the meat. But then we've been trying to fill the void. You're vegetarian now.
You're vegetarian now. No, we're not. There's plenty of meat in the sandwich. I thought you just said there was no meat. Well, there was no meat. There's everyone who's ever answered it. It's a one big sandwich. It's going to be a gross sandwich. Oh, well. How are you going to make it better? Yeah. I would remove stuff. No, well, no. The issue is that the sandwich has too much shit on it. Okay. It's got too much shit. You know what part of the sandwich I'll be? I will be... Can I just say something before you do that? We've been asking you these questions, and these are...
that have stood the test of time. But you have been operating yourself like a kid playing pretend with another kid and then saying, uh-oh, actually, I have a force field. What, would we? Yeah, would we? Yeah. Continue. I would be...
I don't even want to answer now, by the way. Did that piss you off? That pissed me off. Yeah? Did that get on your skin? Yeah, it got on my skin a little bit. Yeah, it got on your skin now and you don't want to participate? I feel a little grindy, like my gears have all jumbled. Yeah, you're a little mad? Yeah, my gears got jumbled right there. Yeah, well, you're stuck in the middle between the two of us and we're not going to move until you answer the question. I would be a middle slice of bread. Interesting. Add a little bit of structure. Like a Big Mac middle supportive piece. But a toasted piece. Toasted. Interesting. Double interesting. What type of bread would that be?
Whatever they put in the Big Mac. Okay, so a hamburger bun? Yeah. Okay. But toasted. A McDonald's hamburger bun from the middle of a Big Mac. Toasted. Toasted. Okay. I'm cool with that. Sweet. Well, thank you so much, Ludwig, for coming on this episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast for the second time. You know the saying that we always say at the end of the podcast. Take it away, Ludwig. One, two, three, four. We are moguls. Hear us roar. Five, six, seven, eight. We are moist and we are great.
Thanks for watching. Woo!
