We Took an Astrology Test
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Man, it's so good to see you again this week, Schlatt. You're looking bright and feeling like you're... You look like a bright star in the night sky. You look like a beautiful bird flying around. Schlatt, you know what you've got the same energy as? I'll tell you. You've got the same energy as a California condor, you know? Big wingspan. Tucker wants to understand you. And you are...

close to extinction at any point. What the... What is that supposed to mean? I'm going extinct? In your own way, yeah. In your own way, you're wasting away in your own way. That's a funny way to talk about humans. Anyone extinct. Yeah.

You've seen Jerry. It's been a couple. Nah, man. He went extinct, dude. You know? You didn't see it on the newspaper. He went fucking extinct. That's a great way to refer to dead people. He's extinct now. Yeah. He's never coming back. I mean, he never will. He never will. Because they don't come back. What sort of bird do you think I'm like, Schlatt? Blue-footed booby. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

You don't like blue-footed boobies? No, I do, I do. I've heard that they, rumor has it they have blue feet. Rumor has it that's what they're- They do have blue feet. Rumor has it they got someone else too, Crazy Rack. Crazy Rack. So wait, why, Tucker, you're gonna, so you're the bird guy. Everybody knows you're the bird guy at this point. You won't shut the fuck up about it. I mean, but he's got a, he's been learning about his shorebirds. Oh.

Okay. Shorebirds. And Tucker's actually got a very good Google search, actually. Why is the bird booby called booby actually is the worst way that he could have searched that? Why is the bird booby called booby? It literally gives me exactly what I'm looking for. I know, but why is the bird booby called booby? Well, because I didn't want them to be talking about breasts in the response. Oh.

Uh-huh. That would have been really bad. No, that would have been bad. We would have... We would have... I know, that would have... We would have hated to see that in the Google images. Yeah. Hate breasts and tits. Let me read this real quick. The name boobie...

for the blue-footed booby and other booby species is thought to come from the Spanish word bobo, which means stupid, foolish, or clown. - Wow, so Schlatt really roasted you. - Early European colonists may have given the birds this name because they are clumsy on land but agile in the air and water. The birds may have also been considered foolish for their apparent fearlessness of humans, as they would sometimes land on ships, making them easy to catch and eat. So they're stupid, they've got weird feet,

And their name just kind of sounds funny, you know? Ted Division. Come on, man. What are you doing? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You asked. You want the honest truth sometimes, and that's what I do. That's what I'm here to do. There's nothing honest about pronouncing my name that way, because when you know how it's pronounced. Well, I'm saying, well, I'm saying, Ted, that people often, they often poke fun at it, just like the boobie. They do. Just like the blue-footed boobie. They do. They do.

Yeah. Someone said that I sound like Trump sometimes recently, and I haven't been able to shake it. Really? Well, I think it's sometimes where you do the growl, where you're like, well, I don't know. You know? Well, we'll see. We'll see. That was very Trumpy of you. We'll see. We'll see. Beautiful birds. Beautiful birds.

Blue-footed booby. Booby. That's what they call him. Many people say the blue-footed booby is foolish. I think he's a patriot. Well, you know what? The blue-footed booby is a little foolish. A lot of people are saying things about the blue-footed booby that are frankly, frankly, not so nice. Not so nice.

All right, Chuckle Sandwich listeners, this episode of Chuckle Sandwich is brought to you once again by our friends at ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Go to ZocDoc.com slash chuckle and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash chuckle.

ZocDoc.com slash chuckle. Thanks for listening to the sponsor folks and let's get back to the episode.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim forever.

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With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Let's talk about another stupid fucking thing. Okay. Astrology. Welcome everyone to Trouble Sandwich. Yeah, we're doing astrology episode. Yes!

That was nice. Tucker said, Tucker said, guys, I think that this next episode of the podcast, you know how we did the intellectual episode two weeks ago where we were discussing, seemed to have really affected some people in the, in the subreddit and stuff. I've been seeing people who were like that, whatever that, uh,

whatever that psychological question, Baldur's Gate or whatever you were asking us about. Yeah, Roko's Basilisk. Yeah. Baldur's Gate. What's the difference? Am I right? What's the difference? There was like one person who was in our subreddit and he was like, you know, r slash chocolate sandwich, join it if you want to, who was like, I'm really bent out of shape over this. Like he was getting upset over it. And I remember you saying it to me and I was like,

Why did this get banned? Like people were like having to crack down on this. And I think really what that means is that there's far more stupid people than I was actually anticipating before that episode. You know, a lot of people were getting here in that and they were like, my head, it hurts. I can't wrap my head around this. My little peanut brain. You know, the smarter you are, the more it scares you.

That's I think the I think that's the moral of the story with the basilisk you know they're smarter like I mean we're talking about a philosophy forum Ted philosophy forum ban the question that's a bunch of smart people. Yeah but smart people shouldn't be afraid of of hard questions. But they are but they are. But they are really. I would have expected this people who like to think would be not afraid of the truth but they are.

Yes. Not saying that this is necessarily the truth. Very afraid of certain questions like do you stand and wipe or do you sit and wipe? I'm just still kind of confused by it. I think maybe I need to read because my understanding of Roko's basilisk. Of the babalisk? Roko's boobilisk. Boobilisk. Is pretty much limited to how Schlatt explained it. Which was admittedly...

terrible i did a terrible job so i think i need to because the way that he explained it i was like okay maybe this isn't that big of a deal but maybe now i need to like go and read that and just see my morocco's basilisk is the thought experiment which states that an otherwise benevolent artificial super intelligence ai in the future would be incentivized to create a virtual reality simulation i literally read this last episode why are we doing the same episode as last well i just need to just get over with a refresher yeah to torture anyone who knew of its

Potential existence, but did not directly contribute to its advancement or development. Literally read that out word for word in the other episode. I think he did. If you didn't get it that time, it's not going to change right now. I know, but how would he... Because those are the exact words that I read you. How would he put you in there? With magic? I don't know. I don't fucking know. Wait, so Roko can use magic?

Or code. Some people say computers are magic. You know, maybe Roku City is Roku's basilisk. Maybe that's where people are getting tortured. Oh, wow.

Maybe. Maybe that's what's going on in all the buildings, you know? Yeah, yeah. They look pretty on the outside, but on the inside, they're a real piece of work. There's definitely a hint of something's wrong going on in that city because no one's walking the streets, really. Everyone's inside. Maybe they're all... Maybe Roku City. Not Roko City, but who the fuck is that guy? 99.999% conviction rate in Roku City. Man, that's...

They always, they always, they always found guilty. Oh, no, I've stared at this thing a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I've definitely stared at this thing. Wait, is this deeper than I know?

No, I mean, it's just this. I didn't know if there was a deeper meaning to this. No, I'm just saying that I think that maybe when people get tortured in Roko's Basilisk, they get sent here. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, look at it. It's like an AI world they got. There's Roko back there, right there. You see Roko in the back. There he is. That's Roko City. It's a bit on the nose for a robot, but I suppose, yeah. Yeah.

But this isn't what we're talking about. I mean, but welcome everyone to Chocolate Sandwich Podcast with the pain. I love saying welcome in like 15 minutes into the recording. Welcome, everybody. I'm sorry. I'm getting on your case. I'm getting on your case. I'm just upset today. Yeah, it's been like maybe 11. Well, okay. Tell me when something's new. Come to me when you got a new personality trait. Okay, okay. Can I be angry for just one second? I'll give you five, actually. I'll give you even more.

Give you five seconds to be angry. Because astrology is stupid fucking bullshit, and my time is up. Oh, okay. Well, okay. I understand. You're keeping us on track. Yeah, we were sent out, Schlatt and I, to collect a series of information. We basically doxed ourselves to Tucker. We gave him where we were born, the hospital, our first and last name,

It's not the time that we were born because apparently that matters, which is crazy. To the minute. To the minute. And now we have gotten our, we're getting our star charts. What? What hour? What minute did you pop out of your mommy's pussy? That's, yeah, that's another way. I need it. That's another way of putting it. I need to know that.

Yeah, it's like once you, the moment you pop out of your mom, it just sends out a laser into the sky and the stars are like, he's here. That's when the stars know. Yeah. And then the stars put you down on their little list. Oh, yeah. Oh, they got plenty of lists. Plenty of them. Do you guys remember being born? No. No. Me neither. Yeah. Wish someone did. That'd be crazy. There's got to be some sort of, you know, disease. Someone's got, you know, some sort of.

Some sort of disorder, right? Remember everything disorder? Birth remembering disorder? I don't know. Look it up, Tucker. Does anyone remember their birth? Does anyone remember their... Don't send that guy to war. Most people... Because of a phenomenon called childhood amnesia... See, AI thinks most people can't, but a human article says no one can. That's kind of interesting. Most people generally do not remember anything before the age of three. Okay, that sucks that like...

I remember the poopy corner. The poopy corner. Okay. Well, what's that? That's my first human memory. Do you have any other species? Do you have any other memories? Oh, well, I was in the corner. I used to shit in the corner. That's when I used to shit. I didn't wear it. The poopy corner, I'd crawl in there and shit in my pants. Prior to that, he was just a chimpanzee that turned into a boy. Oh, okay.

I think my earliest one was like when I was, I think it was like a Disney or something when I was three, which is like, why bring a kid to Disney when they're three? No, that fucker is not remembering any of that. I remembered one thing and it was, we had just seen the Lion King show in Orlando and we were walking on a little pathway and I remember hearing the music for the show starting back up and I remember thinking, oh man,

I'm going to go check it out. Round two? Yes, please. So I start walking down the path, and then my grandma pulls me back, and I remember her being incredibly strong at that moment. Wow.

A couple of years passed, I could have totally kicked their ass. I was feeling pretty bad about that. The tables turned real quick on that. They meant you went extinct. Yeah, no, she went extinct. My whole grandparent lineage is extinct. It's been extinct for years, too. There was an extinction recently in my family. Right, yeah. Andrew Cuomo caused that extinction. He did, and sometimes I... That's a crazy way to refer to Andrew Cuomo. Mass extinction causer of Andrew Cuomo.

I mean, it's the most recent. Never mind. Never. I don't want to get into it. I don't want to get into it. He's just. I mean, you don't want to get into it. No. Has told children about it.

They're not going to know, Ted. It's like, dude, when you're at Disneyland, for example, or when I'm telling you about how Andrew Cuomo murdered my grandmother and you're three years old or you're four or God forbid five, you're not going to fucking remember. How old were those kids that you were talking to? Three or four or five. And you're not going to remember that. You know, like they're not going to fucking remember any of that shit. They don't even remember what they had for breakfast. Well, what's great. Do you remember what you had for breakfast? No, I didn't have any breakfast today.

Yeah, I didn't have any breakfast today. What are we doing today? Man, I'm astrology wasted right now. Yeah, see how excited we all are for this, dear listener. Well, because it's space racism. I know, it is. It's really racist. It's really racist. What do you mean I have to be analytical and intelligent based on when I popped out? Like, what if I don't want to be that?

You can't tell me what I am. I feel like this is less... I feel like this is even less accurate because people say that there are...

That personality test that we did, that there's problems with that one is what I was seeing in the comments last time. But with this one, we didn't even answer a quiz. The quiz was just where we were at a certain point. Like, where were you on that day? And then it was like, all right, here's your old fucking personality, dumbass. Let me look on famous birthday. Like, how different is it really going to be if you're three minutes away?

One way or the other. It could mean everything. Ted and I are only 10 days apart. Wildly different signs. We're both Capricorn, aren't we? No. January 20th it changes. Wouldn't you like to know? That's a crock of shit. Same hospital though. That's a crock of shit. Same hospital though. Yeah, true that. What are you then, Tucker? I think I'm an Aquarius. Oh, dude, you're like a water boy? Yeah.

I think it told me I was an airbender. Nah, man. Nah. Ted, would you rather go to the doctor or the DMV? Probably rather go to the DMV and wait in line all day. Ted, I'd rather kick rocks than go to the doctor and make an appointment. And first of all, finding a doctor is, it feels like a mountain.

You know, it feels like when Tucker invited me to go hike that mountain. And I said, no, because honestly, not interested at all. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Tucker. That is until I discovered Zoc Doc. Oh, I,

I know ZocDoc, Schlatt. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Is that what you're talking about? That is, baby. That's what I'm talking about. We're talking booking appointments with tens of thousands of top-rated, patient-reviewed, credible doctors and specialists from mental health to dental health.

eye care to skin care, and much more. Once you find the doc that you want, you can book them immediately. And Schlatt, the typical wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocTalk is between just 24 to 72 hours. That's it. You can even score same-day appointments, baby. Dad, when I was moving to Texas, I needed a doctor.

My body was failing me, quite frankly, and it was pretty important. And what I did is I actually legitimately went on to ZocDoc, ZocDoc.com, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com. And I found a provider in my area. It was very simple. With ZocDoc, you've got more options than you know. Go to ZocDoc.com slash chuckle and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash chuckle.

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Go to your happy price, Priceline. Well, there's different, you're not, what, okay. We're talking about the sun right now. We should do a rundown, a sun? Okay, for, okay, from what I've gathered, you know, there's the sun, there's the moon, and then there's the rising sign. When people ask you what your sign is, they're generally referring to the sun. That's a primary. Sun sign. Sun sign. Exactly. Sun sign. That's your primary. That's what we were just discussing earlier.

And that's like how you outwardly present. And then there's the moon, which I think is like what your inner monologue is like. And then there's rising, which I think is the weakest of all of them, which is that I think it's a time-based one. So why the fuck does it matter? What do you mean? Why would anyone be like, what's your rising? How does your rising affect my compatibility with you?

Oh, you're a 757 baby? Oh, sorry. I only date people who popped out at an even number. Yeah, I only date people who are born in the AM. I only date morning people. Okay, so I guess we go down the sun signs first. Okay. Here's our sun signs. And we've got a brief description of here. Thank you to Sid.

Yes, our wonderful research person working in tandem with Tucker. Should we read out the description? Of just generally the sun? So these are our sun signs. And so the sun is the basic sign that everyone is always discussing in like general conversation. And it's the most influential one. And it's the one based on the big date spread. So like, you know, late December to early to January, like January.

Do you want me to read them for you or how do you want to approach this? I'm just wondering before we get into this, do you think that there's like a club, you know? What does that mean? Do you want to expand on that?

Like, you think that there's like a club for like, like, like if you want to meet like-minded people. Yeah. Yeah. It's called the fucking loser club after school meeting at 6 p.m. Holy fuck. Wait, but you can't tell me that all nerd clubs go to the loser club. Surely that's just for Virgos. Excuse me? As a supposed Virgo. Supposed Virgo.

Well, that's my, that's my sun sign. Is it not? It's your sun sign. And it was almost like the moment you got offended about it. Well, I, well, maybe look, if this description. Maybe there's some truth to this. I'm going to read this out. I'm going to read my description, my Virgo description. And if, if it, if there's even one thing in here, Ted, that slightly embodies me, then I am going to be offended that you said that.

Just reading the keywords of this, I'm a little nervous. Okay, here we go. It starts screaming soon.

Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity. See, that's dubious. Makes, excuse you, makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance. Okay. And although they are often tender, their heart might be closed to the outer world.

This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express, but because they won't accept their feelings as valid, true, or even relevant when opposed to reason. What does that mean? That means that you choose feelings over reason. You are thinking over feeling. That's not true at all. I took the opposite from that, Ted.

Well, look at it. I think they'll reject their feelings. No, no. Not because they lack the ability to express, but they won't accept their feelings as valid, true, or even relevant when opposed to reason. So they value reason more. They're prioritizing reason over those things, those feelings, because they don't view them as relevant. So it is a thinker. Yeah. An analytical person. So how was I wrong exactly?

You said they value the feeling. Well, you said you, yeah, you totally, you totally flip-flopped right there. What? No, I didn't. Totally flip-flopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it was, I said you were thinking over feeling. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You said the exact opposite thing. You're going to look like a real loser. And then you just flip-flopped. And now you look like a loser. Maybe you joined the loser club with a bunch of these fucking people after this.

I'm going to kill you someday. Ted, listen, listen. We should be reading the Bible if I had it my way. Look, there's symbolism behind the name, a.k.a. Virgin, which I don't like. Yeah, speaks well of their nature. He's a virgin born with a feeling. They are experiencing everything for the first time. Not true. I don't like new experiences and I often do the same thing every day. Do you still have that olive wagyu in your fridge?

That's actually in Texas. So if someone breaks in, I just assume maybe you would just get another one to just keep in your freezer because it seemed like part of what kept your equilibrium of your mind was just knowing that at any given point you had an olive Wagyu in your fridge that could just save you from all this pain. I should get one. I should get another one. Tucker really liked that one. That's a sitcom bit. Listen, I thought that this was a scam at first.

But, you know, most of that description is, I think, fairly applicable to me. So I do feel like, and I'm reading my keywords here, I do feel a bit analytical and intelligent and reserved and critical and helpful and conscientious sometimes. Oh, I'm glad you feel intelligent. Actually, all of those seem to fit me quite well. Okay. You know? I guess I might as well read Capricorn. Okay.

Earth sign. Did you know that Capricorn is like a fucking... Earthbender. Yeah, it's like an earthbender, but it's also kind of like a waterbender too. I'm kind of like a half avatar. You know why? Why? Because the sign of the Capricorn is like the symbol. It's a little creature. They all get a creature, and my creature is like a goat mermaid. Look it up. Look up Capricorn. Capricorn.

Capricorn goat mermaid. Hey, Mr. Frosty, can I please have a Capricorn? Look at that shit, dude. I'm like a fucking beast. It looks stupid as hell. That's AI shit right there. What's Virgo's creature? You're a girl, dude. You're a girl. Dude, she's hot. She's hot. What the fuck? I'm fucking that horse.

Wait, there's a, it doesn't seem to be a clear zombie. What? You're a fucking zombie, dude. I was fucking her. The maiden. I think it's the maiden. Dude, you're like a, the maiden. You're a girl. Yeah, you're a girl. You're a virgin woman. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Wow. Yeah, no, I'm like a seagoat. I'm a seagoat. So I got. Yeah, that's lame, dude. No, dude, it's not. It's not lame because it also makes me. I'm, I'm.

I kind of like this shit. Because you know what I'll be? Because now that I've got goat powers and I've got the sea powers. You don't have powers. I got powers, dude. And I can be a mud bender.

No, no, you can't. I'll be the first mud bender that's ever lived. You don't have powers. That's just the banner you fly under, dude. You don't inherit the powers of the horse thing. But think of a torrential downpour day and there's a bunch of ground there and it's muddy ground. Someone tries to fight me. I'm like making mud move around and trapping them. I'm the mud bender.

I'm the mud guy. Read your thing. Yeah. Call me. Just call me the mud bender, though. Please, Schlatt. Just once. Okay, mud bender. Yeah. Read your thing. Read your thing. Yeah. Mud benders are a feet on the ground, eye on the prize sign. Those with sun in mud bender have a realistic, grounded approach to life that is apparent no matter how dreamy the rest of the birth chart suggests they can be.

These people know how to do things and get things done. Some mudbenders naturally turn their back on what they seem too frivolous. They're very much concerned with what's worthwhile. Mudbenders want to do and be something worthwhile. Okay. Like being a mudbender. Like their earth sign relatives, Taurus and what? Virgo, you're my relative. Oh, you're a relative.

I don't even... Dude, I was hearing you read this shit and I was like, that sounds like me right now. No. Nar-mite. Yes, yes. Yes, keep going, keep going. Taurus and Virgo, they need to feel useful and effective in the real world to be satisfied with their lives. But the Mudbender spin on the Earth signs is that Mudbender possesses a stronger need for recognition in a worldly sense. They have a strong sense of society and its framework...

And they feel most secure when they feel they're doing their part within that frame of your work. This is so vague. It's like keywords honest, reserved. Reserved doesn't seem like me really. Circumspent. Don't even know what that word means. Honorable, strong-willed. I consider myself to be honorable. I got like two honor-based words there. Honest and honorable. What do you think, Tucker? You're kind of like the honor fetish guy. Yeah, you're pretty honorable most of the time. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

What's interesting about Tucker sign about here is that Tucker's want is the fun that only on this dog has Weakness is the only one that has weaknesses listed at the bottom. I think because mine was added After the fact okay, this was done. This was done later than yours, so maybe it was done with a different format and

But I guess, I don't know. Mine just seems so vague, though. It's like, these people know how to do things and get things done. What does that mean? That thing about the framework and wanting to follow, like doing their part, that just means you want a purpose, does it not? Yeah. Doesn't everyone want to feel like they have a purpose? Yeah, you tell me an Aquarius is like, yeah, no, I feel like I could do nothing in my life and be okay. I'm going to look up Capricorn or Mudbender.

Thank you for respecting that. Bad traits. Oh, okay. Negative traits of a Capricorn. Pessimistic. That's not how to add in the list. To a false. To a false. Condescending. Not at all. Never satisfied. Frequently satisfied. What?

Yeah, you love everybody, dude. You love everybody. What are we saying in terms of never satisfied? I'm never satisfied with having enough snacks. They're never satisfied with their work. A disciplined Capricorn sets very high standards for themselves. Yeah, Ted's videos get better and better. Yeah, it'd take a while to make a video. How about this one? Stubborn. Stubborn. The goat is quite stubborn and holds others to very high standards. Because I'm the goat, dude. It hurts.

For Capricorns, it's either their way or the highway. Hmm. Is that true? I feel like I'm a pretty good compromiser, to be honest. Yeah, I agree. Fear of failure. That's another one of yours. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely, dude. Oh, this is awkward. Every month, after it's been too long since I've had a successful video, I'm like, but wait, this could all come crashing down. Wait, no. That's true. Yeah. Bossy. Hmm.

Bossy. They can be bossy. Capricorn's ruling planet makes them strong but rigid leaders. Dude, I'm hard all the time. Which planet rules you, Ted? I don't know, dude. Mercury? Mercury? I don't know. I do like tuna. You like Mercury? I would like to be ruled by Jupiter. Jupiter?

Yeah? Because that's where boys go to get more stupider. Saturn, Ted.

Saturn. Wait, who's my ruler? Arguably one of the coolest planets. Mercury. Ooh, little planet. Ah, Mercury. You're the tuna boy. I love some tuna. Dude, you know what? That makes sense. That lines up for me. Tuna is like my favorite thing to eat ever. Really? Don't eat too much of it. You will literally get some Mercury. Oh my God. You're at the fucking, the walk-in, empty ass conveyor belt sushi place anywhere in Tokyo. You walk in.

And he goes, hi, hi, hi. And then he goes back and he fucking makes the little thing and he did so good. Have you ever had a tuna steak? A tuna steak? Yeah. Like tuna. What's that? Like a cut of steak. It'd be like you're getting a ribeye, but it's tuna. It's incredible. It's probably really expensive. Oh, yeah. There's a slab. It's got to be like a couple hundred dollars.

Well, it depends. You do the same with swordfish too. You should try them. Have you ever gotten mercury poisoning before, Tucker? I think that's like once you have that, that's it. I think that's it. You have it. You go extinct. Yeah, that's a heavy metal right there. I mean, we all have some level of mercury. What kind of response was that? You can get mercury poisoning and then you can just straight up die. I've been wondering about this because we were eating a lot of tuna salad recently.

We actually were like, we should probably stop. Help is available. Oh, they think you're going to try to kill yourself, dude. Elemental mercury. Oh, organic mercury is what you'd be getting from tuna. Yeah. How do you get it? What's the poisoning effect? I think it affects everything. I mean, it's like a heavy metal, like lead. Trouble breathing, metallic taste in your mouth, nausea or vomiting, bleeding or swollen gums. Okay.

You're in color changes. Well, I hope it turns fucking rainbows green. Well, not not like not like it's a fucking disco ball. Like it's not it's not doing it as you're as it's coming. That's what I mean. It's going to be one color. This this is what you'd be feeling from fish tremors. Memory loss. Maybe they fed me fish when I was born. Maybe your mom ate too much tuna while she was pregnant with you.

damn that would explain it that would explain it the hell you're definitely not supposed to eat sushi when you're you're not supposed to eat fish when you're no fun allowed if you're pregnant no fun honestly this is probably why can't smoke can't eat tuna can't drink the fuck you what the fuck do you expect someone to do that's like i mean all the things nine months

It's really not that long. Nine months is a fuck ton of time, dude. Yeah, but like how many times are you going to do that? Like a couple? Like it's like if anything, putting off doing those things is there's advantages to all of them. Like, oh, OK, I got to stop drinking alcohol. The one thing that makes me fat. You know what's the fun part about being a guy in that, though?

It's like as a guy, as a husband, you're like, yeah, I'll take off the alcohol with you. I won't be smoking or whatever. But you're secretly doing it on the side. So it kind of becomes like a game where you get to be like, oh, fuck you. I'm sneaking a beer at work. Don't tell my wife. That's where the phrase don't tell my wife starts. It's the pregnancy. Really? I think a lot of the time it starts with cheating. All right. Yeah, I would never consider that.

I'm not honored, please. That's because you're a good man. Honorable man. Can I give you some negative traits of a Virgo, a.k.a. me? Yeah. Tell us what's wrong with you, dude. Yeah. Okay. So, first of all, I'm hyper-observant. Okay? Really? Yeah. And while my memory serves as an excellent tool for me, it also is the reason for my anxiety. Because, sadly...

I may think of an accident or incident that happened to me years ago. Oh, everyone does that. Dude, this is... Let me have this, Ted! Okay, okay. This is only for me! So I'm the only one that cringes at an embarrassing thing. I don't. Dude, I think back on that communion thing recently and I'm like, I don't have that issue.

Maybe nothing. You don't ever look, but you haven't done that once in your life. I've done it more as a kid, but I can't even remember the last time I did that. Yeah. What's the last time you got embarrassed? I don't know. I feel like I've been, I've been weaning out the, the, that emotion in general. You've been weaning out the emotion of embarrassment. Yeah. Because like, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta send Tucker out.

streaking in the streets of LA or something. We gotta really bring this back. We gotta do an impractical Joker's ass fucking thing for him. I feel like the Marine Corps helps you kind of quell that. Joker's tonight's biggest loser. Should we do a practical Joker's chuckle special or something like that? Isn't that where they go into public and do shit? But they have to act the part?

I would totally do that with you guys. Really? Yeah. There's like no consequence. I don't know if you... I'm probably the one who has the most experience with doing it. Yeah. I've never tried to do that, but I think I could do it.

Do you think you could get onto a New York City subway dressed as a milkman and say, hello, people of New York? I am the milkman and I need you guys to start drinking more milk and then start talking directly to people. Like I went to this guy and I was like, this guy knows what I'm talking about. I did that. I did that shit right before COVID hit. I gave the city of New York COVID with my milk bottles.

I spread COVID to Schlatt's grandma. Nope. I know who did that. Listen, you don't have to take responsibility for that. I'll take it. I have someone in my sights. Give me the mantle. Really? No. No. No. You're like, really? I'm about to start hating you for the rest of your life. How about this? How about this, Ted? Stubborn. I'm stubborn.

Oh, well, yeah. Once I have a vision of what I want, no one can tell me otherwise. Yeah, I think you can be convinced, though, generally. I think that I wish there was one where it was like, one that was like, whatever has happened to him recently...

affects all of his choices for the immediate future. The next six months, anything that he's thinking about for the next six months, if he's bummed about pizza, he's like, I'm never ordering pizza again for the next six months. I just think this is so...

Broad, you know, well, that's that's how they get you. You know, this is the problem. This is the problem I think that they what they did was that they there's gotta be a council somewhere there's gotta be a group of Astrologers or whatever. Maybe they were astronomers that just didn't know how to do it and they were like well What if we just start making shit up for the like they can't say no and

You know, we're just, we're talking about this is, these are the feelers of the astronomer group, the ones that didn't cut it. The astronomers out there that are making the big bucks and finding, you know, exoplanets. Those are the thinkers. These are the feelers. And they got together and in their little cabal, uh,

And they were like, okay, well, let's get a list of all the things that people could be. What are people generally? Oh, people get embarrassed in social situations? That seems like a Virgo trait. Oh, someone really likes the idea of doing good.

Hmm. Let's give it to Aquarius for that one. Gets nervous in front of a crowd. Oh, throw it. It's like they're all things that people feel at some point. Like I'll get... I'll seem out, you know. I will seem... What's it called? Fucking...

or gregarious or I'm thinking of a different word, but that one was like an SAT word, like outgoing. But I'll still get nervous when I go on like a stage or something like that. That shit never goes away. You just get calluses for you just turn into an idiot really and just keep doing it. Like Tommy in it.

Yeah. Up on that stage on that big tour he did. No, I mean, he's a legend for how much he did that. I mean... Yeah, it's a lot of tours. Did you ever see his tour? Did he ever come near you? No, I never went. Oh, I saw his show. Did you see me? I did, dude. It was great. Yeah, I was in it. Yeah, no, I remember that. I was like, you played a great character in that. Did I really? Yeah, no, it turned out really good. You were like the villain of that, where it was like...

where it was like slack came up and he was like this what were you playing again you were like the evil the dark internet you really yeah the dark internet you were like the feelings that come from no it was good it was good i enjoyed that and the animation for it was have you seen that no i haven't seen any of this no oh well it was good it was good you did a good job i was proud of you i saw that and i was like man he could be you didn't tell me you're proud of me

Um, I just did. Well, don't you think it would have been nice if it came unprompted from you? I just did. You had to wait till you had to wait till I brought it up. Wow. You couldn't just send me that message when you saw the show. So, uh, this isn't, you're not operating under your sign right now, dude. You're supposed to be cold and unfeeling. No, dude, you are the one that observes society and frameworks and you're the one who wants to fit in.

I'm the trailblazer, bitch! You're not operating within my framework. Please, please acknowledge the framework and- Listen, my methodical approach to life ensures that I leave nothing up to chance. Okay? Why don't you guys dive a little deeper with your moon signs? Well, I want to hear what Tucker's is. Tucker, you better read yours or I'm gonna be pissed. Okay, my sign is Aquarius, which is an airbender.

Join the Marines.

Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians are nonetheless... Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias are offensive to typical Aquarians. Wow, so this is the only sign that doesn't like racism. That's crazy. Congrats, dude. Yeah, this is funny because this is like all about just being fucking stubborn. And you know what's crazy?

That's for all of us. Yeah. It said stubborn for all. What? It said stubborn for all of us, bro. Yeah. We're all a little bit stubborn, huh? Mm-hmm. What do you think of this, Tucker? I kind of vibe with this. Oh, wait. You forgot to read your weaknesses. Well, mine was the only one that had weaknesses posted. I had no keywords. Overly attached and impersonal. Overly detached. Mm. So...

I don't know. I could see that. I think I could be overly detached with strangers or people that I don't foresee a future with. But I think I'm pretty attached to those that I have brought into my inner circle. I see. It's a small group, though. Tucker, do you find yourself to be aloof? Define aloof. Detached, complacent...

I don't think so. Okay. We'll have to cut that out because that doesn't apply and that would make this whole thing crumble. Look how his office has progressed. He's making progress, dude. He's a bonafide boy now. It looks nice in here. He's got his whole setup. Yeah, he's got the little, what is that, the Phillips Hue in the background there? Phillips Hue? What's that fucking light thing you got going on? I mean, I don't know what it's called.

Phillips that sounds expensive. It's just a light bulb. Oh, no, I don't know It's it's just a standing light that that's hidden behind the the shelves. Oh, I think it looks pretty nice It does so that's shots is the one that looks like just absurdly like the amount of times that shalott has moved He's had to do this so many times. It's like just reached a point where he's like created this How'd you get that fake window? What do you mean?

Where'd you get it? What'd you do? I'm not telling you where I got the fake window. Who's to say it's fake? I mean, you several times. You seem to be kind of going back and forth on it, though. This is just what New York looks like, bro. Is that a new cat? What? Is that a different cat? Different? Oh, no, that's Kubo back there. Fuck is Kubo? Kubo! Who's Kubo? He's just he's just a little guy. Don't worry about it. Oh, let's move on from this, please. What is it?

It's Kubo. What the fuck is Kubo? It's Kubo. Dude, what the fuck is that? You're not gonna find him. You're not gonna find him online. What is Kubo? Is that what the... Kubo! This is some, like, animatronic shit he's got. Yeah, he's got, like, an animatronic behind him. A little robot. What happened to the real pets?

I've been looking at that for a while now. To be honest, I thought it was a cat that like had its head like... Oh God, I'm crying. Yeah, dude. That's Kubo, bro. What is Kubo? That's Kubo. Shut up, man. You're going to scare him. I don't think he's got a soul, dude. That's the problem. I got to go fucking comfort him now because you got him all pissed off.

Yeah, I know. I know what you like. Dude, Tucker, I don't know what the fuck that thing is. Is that like a headless loaf with a fucking tail? That's nasty.

Whatever that is, it's gross. Whatever you've done here, Shlad, Tucker and I think it's fucking gross. And you... What do you mean? Tucker, just give him a lay down. Do you have a problem with Kubo? Yeah, I got like a few. Why? Because he's like... What's wrong with him? It looks like you took the body and soul of a cat. You dismembered it. No. You shortened its tail. No. And you filled it with electronics. No.

And now all he can do is just stand at attention every now and then. Oh, no. No, there's no. Just to show that he's still there. I think he's being tortured. I'm not torturing Kubo. Kubo, he'd tell you himself, but he doesn't say much anymore. Yeah, because he doesn't have a mouth or a face. Yeah. But he once did speak.

Yeah, I think that this is like some fucking, I don't even know, full-mill alchemist nonsense that you've done to this creature. Something fucked up, some magic shit. I think you're being, you know, this is a classic Aquarius and Capricorn move right here. You're just being stubborn and refusing to be open about things that I have a little Kubo behind me now, and that's what's going to be behind me now.

Nothing wrong with that. It's just you're stubborn about it, and you know you're not you're not really you're being a little all work And no play right now. She'll add all work and no play. What do you mean? Yeah? You're not playing with us. Yeah, you know I want you to play with a flat play with us I'm not listen the only person I play with in this call right now is freaking Kubo back there who really loves when I play with them is that right Kubo I

I don't like that. He's getting so excited back there. Here's the thing. Schlatt always just finds some sort of fucking... I'll play with you in a minute, big guy. I'll play with you in a minute. Dude, whatever that is, it 100% came from Japan. Oh, yeah. Whatever that is, that came from an island. That was 100% on my mind the whole time. What are you talking about? You brought something from Japan. No, you'd have to declare it.

Yeah, you declared it. Yeah, they let you take an extra bag. You can't take robots from Japan. They let you take a second bag on economy flights to Japan because they know that you're coming back with shit. Wait, wait, I wouldn't even be able to put them in a bag. What's this? Kubo, a therapeutic cat robot.

Wow! What the fuck? Schlatt is this? That is Kubo? What do you mean?

Um, it doesn't have a body, it doesn't have a head, it's for old people. This is for the elderly. Yeah. You got something for- And? This is for dementia patients. He's so happy! Look at him! You bought a dementia patient. You're telling me- What problem do you have with him? The problem is that this is definitely for people with dementia. So?

Do you have dementia? So? The tailed cushion that heals your heart? We need to learn more about this. No, we need to move on from this because now I'm uncomfortable. Let's talk about Kubo. Now I'm uncomfortable, Ted. Can I sit on Kubo? Yeah, let's figure out some frequently asked questions because we definitely have some questions. What age is Kubo? He's all ages. Wait, what age is Kubo?

What for what? What age is his Kubo design? Yeah, I was like, he's a robot, dude. There he is. Kubo is not a robot. OK, Kubo is a living, breathing being. Husky Gray. How do I feed charge Kubo?

Kubo operates on a rechargeable battery. No, he doesn't, man. At the base of his tail? Wait, it's at the base of his tail, dude? That's disgusting. I was fucking seeing him earlier, bro. Wait, Schlatt, are you telling me that the charging opening for this Kubo is located where its asshole would be? Bro, it doesn't charge. It's a fucking living beast, dude. This is a living beast? Yes, dude, and I'm tired of you fucking...

I'm fucking passing this shit off like it's a robot, man. Kubo's real and he's my friend. This is the problem. Schlattwolf just finds some sort of deep web, something just like right on the cusp of being on the dark web, and then he'll buy it. There's nothing illegal about it, but there's something awfully offsetting about it. What is going on with his tail, dude? He likes it!

Dude, I don't... I don't like this shit. Well, fuck you, man! Kubo's not for everybody! What's that dog one that's nibbling on that woman's finger? I think that's just a generic Japanese product plug right there. I don't know, it seems like a Kubo thing. No, I think these are the Kubos. Slat got the most popular one. Jeez.

Yeah, Uki Engineering Incorporated. Ted, you're making us feel quite uncomfortable. I don't care what Kubo thinks. Kubo, we don't even know when Kubo was born. Excuse you! Excuse you! Hey, man. Apologize right now. I'm not going to apologize to Kubo. Kubo doesn't have a fucking soul. Put Kubo in the eyes and apologize to him. Kubo doesn't even have a face, dude. It's just a zipper. Yes, he does. It's just a zipper. Yes, he does.

His eyes are closed right now. You think it's me? It's eyes are the zippers. What? You think it's eyes are the zippers? Don't even listen to him. Kubo. He doesn't know what the fuck is. He's stubborn. He's a Capricorn. I know it happens. It happens every now and then, you know, you fuck up and you go into business with a Capricorn. Dude, I can't believe that. I thought that there was a cat sitting on Schlatt's windowsill for the whole episode. I'm glad I pushed that. Yeah.

Yeah, has this just been like a plan for so long so Shlack could just like eventually just retire all his cats non-suspiciously at all? Dude, it's wagging its tail. And then just have Kubos? I wonder if this will be an option in the future for when a cat goes extinct, you know? Turn your extinct cat into a Kubo. Yeah.

Just pulling the skin off, stuffing some electronics in Jambo. That'd be horrifying. Dude, what the fuck is that? What, dude? You're making us uncomfortable.

Dude, it is. I've had enough of this. This is Kubo slander. I know, but it's like. This is fucked up, dude. Okay. You want to tell me about. I'm not going to. I'm not. We're going to move right on after I put him down. But this, I want you to know this is fucked up and I'm not okay with it. This is like the worst device that I've ever seen you acquire. This is like, this is demonic. It's not a fucking device. You asshole.

It doesn't have a soul, Schlatt. Yes, it does. What's his soul's name? Jesus. What the fuck is that, Tucker? That's the dog thing that you were asking about. Get playbitten?

Aganami? Oh, geez. What the fuck is that, dude? Okay, so this is to simulate when pets and babies gently nibble your finger, which you have to correct them, but this allows you to experience that all the time as an adult.

That's lonely. Yeah. That's lonely. There's a lot of options, though. Man, you got a calico cat, you got a Shiba Inu, you got a panda, an otter, and a bear. They could just start having children. Yeah, but then it's like you only get that for like, you think about how crazy, you ever think about the older you get, how quick a baby growth is there? Oh, you got a year of a baby. Yeah, just a year. How fast this year's going by? It was like we were just in January to January.

June already. I feel like the only time that time really goes slow. Like once time starts going faster the moment you get out of school. You know? Once you get out of a structured environment like a university or a Marine Corps. I feel like after that. Because Tucker was kind of doing semesters in between leaves. Yeah this year from January to June has not felt fast. It has been a slog.

Because of school. Because you're still in school. Yeah. Yeah. This has felt like two seconds for me. Two seconds. Two. I'm getting more life than you. Well, maybe I'll start putting myself in classes. Cool classes. Like pottery. Like what was philosophy? Philosophy.

Well, maybe you look up the star sign and the sun sign and maybe you're rising and you find the perfect combination. Surely there's like career paths for us. Can we look into like what the Virgo stuff that would explain something about this Kubo too? Okay, we're back on fucking Kubo. All right. You see how stressed out you make him? It's okay, bud.

So now we're moving on to the, we've got a moon thing here. We're almost out of time for the podcast anyways. Because you just keep fucking pushing, dude. Dude, yeah. The Kubo's crazy. It's not. It's really not. It's crazy. It's crazy and I'm worried about you. If only you knew what he means to me. I wish I did. I mean, this is the first time I'm hearing about him and we do a podcast every week.

So the moon rules your inner self. It represents the emotional responses, unconscious predestination, and the self image. The moon represents the emotions. And the moon sign shows how a person expresses themselves when at home, at ease, and comfortable. So what's the difference between sun and moon sign? I just explained it. Okay, but let's do it in contrast. Let's do it right next...

Your sun is the astrological sign that the sun is in at the moment of your birth. So sun is your most pronounced personality traits. Yeah, sun is your outer, moon's your inner. But what's the difference? One's out, one's in. So you're stubborn on the outside, but on the inside, you're actually not? The moon is Mr. Schlapp. The sun is Jay Schlapp. Okay. I'm going to pretend like I understand this.

So I'm a Libra. Yeah, you're a Libra. That's my air sign. What beast is a Libra? I want to see what beast that is, Tucker. Please show me the beast. I want to see the Libra beast. Dude, that's crazy. That's scary. It looks like it's judgment or something. It's fucking scary. Oh, what the hell? It's kind of awesome, though. It's kind of awesome. Yeah, I think it's the fact that Tucker put in beast.

Yeah. Because they kept saying beast. Yeah, I thought that's what you wanted. How about Libra creature? Let me read out my summary for being a Libra moon sign. Okay. People with the moon in Libra are friendly, warm, tasteful, tactful, and balanced. What do you think about that sentence? I think that.

You are a warm boy. So tasty. So tactful. Tasteful. So full of balance. You say I'm balanced. Well, balance isn't like, I think more in the sense of like you're teetering on the edge, you know? About to fall off, you know? You're balanced, but like in the sense of you're on a tightrope, you know? You're about to, and you're over a chasm. That's where the balance is coming in.

Here's another funny one. They seem to always want someone to tag along with them wherever they go. Even if it is to the corner store. Well, I mean, this is explaining it. Look right behind you, buddy. Look right behind you and you'll see the answer to that equation. Okay. All right. Fine. I'll give it to you. But just because Kubo. Just because Kubo. They find strength and reinforcement in and through others.

Do you feel that? You feel that? I don't often feel that. Yeah. I mean, I like...

I like feeling that people are around. Like, I don't feel the need to interact with everybody or, like, be friendly to everybody. But just knowing that people are in the area is somewhat comforting, I suppose. Yeah, down the hall. Yeah, down the hall. You know, available if I want them to be. On call for you. There you go.

Maybe I should just get like an assistant, like a, like a personal assistant person to just be there and just be like you being like, Hey, you still there? Yes, Mr. Scott. Good. Yeah. I'd get a, I'd get like a sexy, a sexy receptionist, you know? Yeah. Just someone to like, in case someone comes into your office, but like you don't even take walk-ins. Potential issues though. Hmm.

instability in loving relationships, wavering, may give too much weight to the views of others in public opinion. I don't think that you care about public opinion. I feel like that would be a load of bullshit. No, I don't think that fucking matters at all to me. Yeah, I think that that is, for anyone, this was the biggest fail on the...

on the part of the stars i think so this is this is now i'm back on the the this is bullshit wave you had me for a second were you ever oh yeah dude i was convinced i was convinced when it said i i remember memories from my past that were embarrassing and cringe i loved that that was so me yeah

So for me, I get Virgo. I get Schlatt. Oh, welcome. Welcome, dude. So I'm double Earth. I'm like a double...

Mud bender I'd say at this point. This is making me like a like a magma bender a lava bender or something like that something really cool Lunar Virgos find security in the little things in life They feel most content when they're straightened out all the details or anything like many enjoy running errands paying bills and balancing the books

Yeah, so that's a crock of shit. Mr. ADHD. Yeah, so that's a crock of bullshit. I don't have health insurance right now. No, me either. I still have enough. I need to get it mine. Yeah, no. Dude, same thing. I'll be okay. Yeah. It's funny because I'm not. I have so many problems with my health. They take care of these things happily, although some won't let on.

Do you enjoy paying people and balancing checkbooks and doing taxes? They're all on fucking, they're all on auto pay. Like none of this is like my bills, like my, my water and power and stuff. Yeah. It's all auto pay. I've never had a bill on auto pay my entire life. Why? I like to be in control of it. I like doing it. I like doing it. But you're going to, what if you forget? Oh, I never do.

That's on my mind every day. When you get to pay the water bill? Yeah, because that is the same day I get to save money. Because I get to move money to my savings. It's a big deal in this house. Oh, okay. Many enjoy running errands, paying bills, and balancing the books. They take care of these things happily, although some won't let on. In fact, many Lunovergos are quite practiced at nagging.

What? As long as they are appreciated, however, these people will help you take care of your life too. They are at their best when they feel useful and needed. If someone needs help, they're generally the first to jump in and take on the task. Yeah, I mean, I like helping people, but like... And taxes. But not taxes. I'm not going to do someone's taxes. That's a lot of... That's bullshit, man. These are all wrong. Potential issues. Servile nature. Frequent changes of occupation. Quick to become annoyed, upset, and worried.

The other one is very direct. He is too quick to brush off opportunities. Did Sig offer you something and you were like, nah? I don't think so. I don't think so. Jeez. Yeah, that's just not right for you, I don't think. I think that's a crock of shit. Yeah, crock of shit. Crock of shit. Tucker, you're an Capricorn. Capricorn, dude.

Air and Earth, those are opposites. Lunar Capricorn. You want me to read yours, Tucker? Would you like to read it? I'll read it because I know you the best. Okay. Yeah, of course. Well, you would have had we climbed that mountain. Well, you know, my legs don't work. All right. Let's hear it. Being useful and productive are basic needs for lunar Capricorns because they generally keep their emotions under check. Those with moon in Capricorn come across as competent.

However turbulent their emotions may be under the surface, lunar Capricorns stay cool-headed and they present as steady and reliable. Ridiculous. Ted, you don't think so? Ted's response is he's upset that it might be accurate.

I feel like Tucker generally has his head on straight or appears that way to me. Oh, wow. Potential issues here. Material worries directly goes off of what Tucker was just saying earlier. Saving far more than enjoying. He was like, yeah, I love when I pay my bill. That's why I get to put money in a bank account and sit there forever. Restrictions.

Doesn't usually get carried away by love. So you're basically just like worried about your money, saving your money, restricting your money, and you don't love your wife. I do love my wife. That's cool. I find some accuracy in this. Yeah, no, that's great, Tucker. No, I'm glad that that's me.

No, I mean, I do get it, though. Like, Tucker does like to save. He does like to save. He usually talks about how broke he is, and he's just, like, counting his quarters. Tucker's grabbing. Tucker will see a penny on the ground. Still do. When we were growing up. Always will. His little grubby fingers would just dart for it. It was a period where I maybe collected 10 pennies just because I knew Tucker wanted the penny, so I was like, I'm going to pick up that penny. Yeah. Why wouldn't you?

Keeps you humble. Well, I just knew that you'd be going for it. So I was like, I want to see if I can beat him to it. You know? I'm kind of frugal. I don't really spend money except unless we're talking about luxury sedans. Yeah.

When you think about it. It's like the most worthless thing you could buy. Loses 80% of value the second you drive it off the lot. Hey, man, that just means I got no guilt about keeping it. I am frugal, but like only in the sense that I control. I know I want to be frugal, so I control my access to my own money. Yeah, you do a good job at that.

Like I only pay myself a certain amount every month. I could pay myself more. Okay. Well, don't pretend like that's not for tax reasons. No, it's genuinely so I don't have a certain amount of money in my mouth. Like if I'm paying myself more, I will spend that money somehow.

Oh. Yeah, I'll just be like, oh, I got this amount of money. I might as well just do something fun with it. I'm not buying cars and shit. I thought you were talking about paying yourself a salary so that you can take the rest of your income through distribution and save on Medicare. No, this is more like just so I...

I only have a certain amount per month and I, and I like enough to live, but not so much that I'm like wasting my money away. So I, it goes. Yeah, I got you. Yeah. So there is like a, it's like a frugal thing where it's like, I'm making, I'm planning against myself. I'm like strategizing against who I am. There's definitely been moments where we've been in calls and you're like, like you, you have this shit world's shittiest car.

and it's on its last legs and it probably has been for the past decade. And still there are moments where you, who has millions of subscribers and views and probably dollars, says, "Oh no, I don't think, man, that would be my biggest purchase ever. I don't think, you know, I don't think that's time for that. Like, I don't think I should get a new car."

It was like a year ago, and I bought my car, a Subaru Outback. It only had 10,000 miles on it. I was in the Marine Corps on basically minimum wage, all right? And I bought it. I paid it off myself, did the whole thing. Last year, Ted was talking to me about cars. He's like, I just don't know if I could afford a car. I was like, dude, how do you think I got a car? Well, it's more like one of those things where I just didn't want to have to get the loan. Right.

You don't need to get a loan. Yeah, you don't. You can fucking walk in there and buy anything on the lot. I don't. Anything. I don't know, man. Anything. I don't know if I can afford it. Just pick one. But I don't want to do that because I want to drive my Tacoma. They also will do all the loan work for you. They want you to have the loan. They will do it all. It is good for your credit score, though. I think.

I think you're at a point in life where credit score is becoming a lot less relevant. Yeah. No, I'm trying to get it up there. I'm still in the, I'm still in like, I'm not in the eight hundreds yet. I'm working it up there. I want to go. I want a perfect one. I want to, is it kind of fucked up that the way to have perfect credit is to like use it as little as possible? No, but you're supposed to use it. That's how you build it. No, but you're not supposed to use it too much.

If you get close to that credit limit, your credit score goes down. It's all about balance. You do it under your credit limit, but then you, it's like, I just, I'll do it and I'll pay it off immediately. It's just a back and forth, you know? Yeah. I'm like a, it's like just a different, it's like a different debit card for me because I'll just like at the end of every week or every couple of days, I'll just look in there and say, did I use this card? And I'll just be like, oh, I did. That's the one thing I don't have on auto pay that I, stresses me out, stresses me out. Credit card.

Yeah, I just do it raw. I log into the bank and fucking make the transfer. I didn't have a credit card until I got out of college, until after college. Damn. My parents were, you know, I was like, when I was a kid, I was like, maybe I should get a credit card, guys, so I could start building credit. My parents were like, no.

no no not you not you ted because they because they grew up through the whole i don't know they just seen their whole lives credit card debt and all that and they knew me of course yeah and they knew me they knew you wouldn't be able to they knew i'd be i'd be like this is free money basically so i'm gonna be getting pizza for everybody

Yeah, there's good cards for people who are just starting out in college or even high school. Discover has one that basically functions as a debit card. You can only pay for things that are within the limit that you've already given to Discover. So it's basically a debit card anyways. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Wait, should we go over the rising before we end this pod? Because we got rising now. Sure. Yeah.

rising schlatt is basically what wait what no this is bullshit this is bullshit i'm sorry just do rising or rising basically what you put out into the world and how others see you yeah there's so many more too which we're not going into the other planets maybe we'll do rise everyone talks about their rising though you know

Oh, I'm a, I'm a Gemini rising that I think the Gemini's are the, if, if you were born a Gemini, I think the only one thing that's accurate about astrology is that someone who's a Gemini will be made aware that they are a Gemini and they will also make everyone else aware that they are that thing. Um,

But other than that, and that and Scorpios. Scorpios love talking about this. I feel like Leos do, too. What's the creature for Gemini and Scorpios? Scorpio is a scorpion. Yeah, but I want to see what the creature is that Google says it is. This looks like an Eevee or something. What the fuck is that? That's a very soft animal. Oh, it's a fairy. Oh, what? Here's the... So there's the Scorpio. Scorpio.

They got a lobster too. So who's the lobster? Is that Aquarius? Let's look. Gemini is two dudes high-fiving. Cancer is the lobster. Dude, look at Virgo. Virgo's a chick, dude. Scorpio's just a scorpion. So rising is basically what you put out into the world and how others see you. So is the...

Rising sign, also known as your ascendant, is your social personality. It's how you dawn on people as it relates to the zodiac sign that was on the eastern horizon when you were born. Jesus. Your rising sign represents your physical body and outward style. The people, dude. There's definitely some chucklers who are infected. But this is... Wait, I thought sun sign was external. This is different, dude. You don't get it. This is different?

I guess. We got to go through it, though. This is some nonsense, but you got to read it, dude. You're a fire sign. You're a firebender now. I'm in Aries. I'm in Aries rising. People with Aries ascendance are direct and quick. Their first instinct is to do rather than think. Planning ahead? Forget it.

Aries rising simply charges far without much ado. Aries rising loves action and is often trying to stir up some activity. Their strengths lie in enterprising ways. Bullshit. Bullshit. Fully bullshit. Yeah. Fully bullshit. This is fully not true.

damn dude see kubo even fucking agrees you got kubo to wag his tail a little bit listen you got kubo knows when i came to japan i had a whole fucking itinerary of shit i wanted to do i like planning a vacation just as much as i like going on one so that's bullshit kubo bullshit get that fucking tail moving boy

So I'm a water sign. I got some water, but this is where the mud comes in. These people come across as gentle creatures. That's crazy. No, you're very intimidating. First meeting you. I'm crazy, dude. I'll kill someone. There's something familiar about them.

They're the guy or gal next door. When they're in their room, they don't walk in with a splash. Instead, they move to the sides and weave their way inwards. I don't know about that. Yeah, no. I walk in and I'm like, what's up, guys? You guys had a really good chip the other day. These people have a familiar feel to them because they are sensitive to their environment. They can get flustered easily, especially in public.

That's so wrong. Yeah, no. So wrong. Maybe the gentle creature thing, because I'm just a big dude and I don't beat people. But other than that, you know, I do walk in with a splash. I'm usually saying some nonsense to someone, whoever I can get the laugh out of, usually. Usually saying something crazy. Yeah.

Tucker, take it away with your... You're just an air boy these days, huh? Libra, airbender. Let me read for Tucker. Why do you want to get too much time on the microphone? I like it. Because then it's always like, oh, yeah, let's put Tucker in the fucking intro. I just can't stand that.

Libra rising are generally appear to be smoothing everything over. They have charming smiles, a gentle approach with others, and an easygoing image. He does have a charming smile. It's true. He does. That's true. Even if they were not endowed with good looks. Excuse me. They are attractive.

I don't know. That was like a dunk. Even if they're fucking ugly, they're still attractive. Most pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance, the colors they wear, their hair, the way they walk. Oh, that's so Tucker. No, it's not at all. No, no. Growing up, Tucker was like, Ted, am I walking right? Ted, watch my walk. I needed some help on my walk. Dude, I couldn't color match my outfits in my life depending on it.

Dude, finish this. This is funny. A tendency to pass the buck and keep up that nice guy slash gal image are their worst qualities. However, they can make excellent mediators and generally will be the first to accommodate you. Tucker's probably the worst mediator I've ever met. That's just for our little trio. That's just for Moses, though. That's just for Moses. Moses will be coming after me about something. Tucker will be like, I have to stay neutral. I'm like, he's screaming at me.

I think Schlatt just took a selfie. Did you just take a selfie? No. There was a flash. I'm not that self-absorbed. There's another. What are you talking about? There it is. There it is. It's right there.

Bullshit. Bullshit. It's bullshit, man. It's fucking bullshit. Yeah. Thanks, Choklers, for coming in. We... I don't know. Somebody tell us what these are. Some... I know for a fact that some sort of... Put the Kubo away. Put him away.

him away why because he's a problem he's a problem you know he's a problem right he's not a problem he is he is he's a devious little creature that you stuffed in there you you went to the you went to a cattery and you took a cat and you brought him to a like you went to like a laboratory with that cat and you

Turned him into a beast. You turn him into this fucking monster. He's got a heartbeat, you know? I can hear him if I put my... If I go like this. That's disgusting that they give it a heartbeat. Because they also gave it a zipper. So? Don't give something that has a heartbeat a zipper. Those are two things that don't work. You got a zipper on right now, dude. What are you talking about? Near that cock. Nah, man. You think I'm wearing pants? You're not wearing pants? Prove it. Nah, dude.

No, because then you're going to see my big show. Oh, bother. Oh, vodka. You can't win it all these days. Vodka at all. Nani? All right. Well, thanks, everyone, for listening to this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We enjoy. We enjoy. We enjoy this. Oh, cool. All right.

Thanks for listening to us talk about our astrology signs. I think we maybe learned a thing or two here. Tell us what your astrology is. Tell us what you learned. Tell us where astrology saved your life. When did astrology save your life? And say that in the comments, huh? Come on. Shall I sign us off? Bye, everybody.