We Gave Life Advice While Tipsy
01:43:05 Share

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, um...

With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. We're finally back where we all belong. Yeah, that was awkward having to do a podcast with both of you kissing each other the whole time. It was two kisses. I don't know. It was awkward because he kept doing it and then we had to cut it out. We weren't going to talk about

He did it like six times. I'm sorry. You got me. I'm loose right now. We're doing another drunk episode. And so, you know, I become a little bit of a gossip girl when the alcohol starts flowing. You know, you're the gossip girl. I got I love gossip. I love good gossip. Yeah, I'm on twisted tea. Number three already.

because we were late to record because of you-know-who with his jacket and his pearl necklace and his chain-link bracelet. What are you, a Minecraft character? What, did you go raiding in a roguelike dungeon earlier? You got some chain-link bracelets on?

All enchanted, baby. Protection three on these motherfuckers. Actually, no, it's God armor. It's protection five. God armor, yeah. You got thorns on that? Oh, yeah. I got thorns too. Maybe even thorns three. Who knows? I don't even know if that's a... God damn it. I wish this can of twee had mending on it. You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying.

I'll tell you one thing, though, about gossip, Tucker. We sent you out on a little bit of a task to find some drama, looking for some life advice that we can have a couple of drinkies, get a little tipsy, and give our viewers and our listeners a little bit of drunk life advice. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Ted, we were pre-gaming again. It feels like a theme at this point. Me and Tucker are already working on it, and you have come completely sober to this recording, so we need you to take at least one more. We haven't really established this as a rule. Are we supposed to come already because

Because that feels a little depressing, if I'm going to be honest. For me to, before I get in a call with you guys, to sit there drinking alcohol, like doing shots of alcohol so I can be at the right level when I show up.

I don't want to take shots of him. It doesn't make it any less sad. We're three white dudes filming a drunk podcast, dude. That's fair. It's sad in and of itself. I don't want to be a white guy alone by myself with no one to talk to in my office taking shots of tequila by myself. Okay.

rude because that's me every night well no it's not because it's benedictine it's not tequila you're not touching tequila i know you you're right i don't touch tequila i hate tequila just similarly to how i hate carrots that's new information actually that's a little lore drop lore drop that's not that's not new i've talked about this many times i don't i don't eat carrots i don't remember you ever i don't think i could even tell you what a carrot tastes like

I don't think I've ever had a carrot. Is it because there are so many horrors in the world and you don't want to be able to see them too clearly? No, it's because I don't like them. Ever since I was a kid, I just didn't like eating carrots and so I never ate one. I couldn't tell you what a carrot tastes like. I feel like carrots are the most...

non-offensive vegetable that you could have. What form were you eating carrots in? I wasn't. I don't think I've ever eaten a carrot. Baby carrot. Hate when people have a bag that they're just munching on. That's caveman shit.

If you're eating it in a soup, I avoid the carrots in the soup. I don't eat chicken pie. I pick around the carrots in the chicken pot pie. I don't eat carrots. I don't like carrots. I don't like them. You're on baby mode, dude. No, I'm not. Babies eat carrots. Babies do eat carrots. Why do you think they have a whole genre of baby? That's a good point. Okay.

They have a whole genre of carrots. I'm convinced. I'm convinced. You don't be convinced so easily, Tucker. I'm convinced. That was good. Yeah, no. He's right. Okay, but those aren't... That implies that the carrots, those baby carrots are meant for babies when they're just smaller carrots. No, it's a description of the carrot. They call them baby carrots. That's not because they're for babies. He's right, Ted. I think he's right. You know those cans? Those cans, like Gerber, they call that baby food. It's for babies. It's food for babies.

Baby carrots. Well, carrots are notably harder than baby food. I will make that point. Notably harder. I'm hard right now. I believe it, dude. You're at least half masked 90% of the time from what I've been hearing.

But welcome everyone to another episode of Choco Sandwich. We're doing a SpeakPipe episode today. We asked you guys to send in your, on the last drunk episode, you guys seemed to think that I was a blast. We did some riddles last time and on this episode we're going to be taking your life advice. People sent in SpeakPipes on SpeakPipe.com slash Choco Sandwich and Tucker went through there, our little cherub, searched through them.

And we're going to be, I guess, just trying to give our best. How many do you got here, Tucker? How many did you grab? It's like 20 or something.

What's the general, how was it going through all of them? Well, there's a lot of slop. The Chuckle fans, there's always a lot of slop in there. A lot of people who are really trying to be a comedian. The funnier you try to be, the less likely it is we pick you. I think that's kind of how it goes. The genuine ones are the ones that, you know, leave the joke making to the self-appointed comedians, also known as YouTubers, okay? Exactly.

You know, we're semi-professionals, so. And if you like, if you wind up getting through the end of this episode and you like what we did here, I have a whole channel dedicated to giving life advice while wasted. It's called The Weekly Slap. You get wasted for those? Yeah.

oh yeah locked in you seem you seem locked in on those ted i can look man look man i'm 250 pounds it takes a lot to get me drunk and even when i am drunk i can hide it real well i can i can go to a suit and tie formal event and while completely completely plastered and still fit dude you and i you and i remember you and i both got pretty inebriated at sneak snag's wedding

Which was an awesome wedding, by the way. I consistently think about that. Awesome wedding, but also that doesn't support my point. I was hammered. I was not well put together that night. I remember having that pocket knife that I think I waved it in people's faces the whole night. The skeletal? It wasn't the skeletal. It was before the skeletal. I lost that. How'd you even get that on a plane?

How did I get that on a plane? How? Wait, time out. How did I get that on a plane? You brought that with you. I did. Did you check a bag? No, it was a two day trip. I didn't check a bag. Yeah, I would have. I would have thought so as well. So you somehow got a pocket knife on a plane.

And you're just in 2021 and you're reflecting on it now. And I got it back too because I remember being in New York. Yeah, I remember being in New York and they confiscated it at an event I went to. But not at the airport? No, not at the airport. You should have been like, well, in St. Louis, they actually let me take this. So maybe you should call them up in St. Louis. I had to try that recently. It does not work.

Yeah, no. They confiscate my titty milk at the airport. They're like, what the fuck is this? Oh, they try to do it with my creatine once. Yeah, exactly. They wiped it down with some drug rug thing and then they were like, oh, it's fine. Here you go. Yeah, they did that with my cocaine too. See, that's surprising. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, what are we drinking today, guys? What's our setup for each of us? Tucker's got his...

His mysterious iced liquid, as usual. I'm going soft today. I'm not drinking hard. I'm hitting the tweeze. I love a good twee outing. Oh, yeah. Half and half tweeze. Not even. I got a 12 pack, mister, of all the different flavors. So you're going to see me with a bunch of different. Tweezer. Great. Different. Love me a raspberry twee. Love me the regular twee. I did a thing in when I was working as a camp counselor. You know, though, at 7-Eleven, we can get a big gulp.

Yeah, we would do these things. I forget if I've mentioned this before. I probably have, but we would get these periods of breaks. I think we get them twice a session, a two week session. We get something called the 24 where from 5 p.m. on one day to 5 p.m. the next day we have off.

Like it's just a full break. So usually what the counselors will do, if you're on that 24, we'll go off to like somebody's, you know, some of these guys, some of these guys' parents have like a house or something in Maine or like a cabin or something that we could go to and we would just all get fucking wasted. And I went driving up to one of them. We stopped at a 7-Eleven. I saw one of those big gulps.

giant fucking thing. Did you fill it with tea? I filled it entirely with twisted tea and I finished it in one night. And it was like, it was just like my, it was easy too. Cause you can just carry that around. You got your big gulp. You're sipping on that. It's a blast, dude. Yeah. Still. I think it's still at my parents' house in, in Massachusetts. The big gulp cup. Yeah. Cup. The chalice, the chalice of truth. Yeah.

I was riding that thing into battle, baby. Dude, I'm already feeling it. Okay, man. Oh, I did. I haven't eaten. I actually haven't eaten anything today. So I took one shot and I'm already feeling it. You haven't eaten anything today? No, no. Notable side effect of ADHD medicine. Forget to eat.

I should get some ADHD in me. Yeah, I mean, but then also, wears down your heart. It's like kind of taking a stimulant every day is kind of like putting a grindstone on your heart. Dude, my blood pressure is...

is already through the roof. Like, like, well, this will seal the deal. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe we should, we should try it. I don't know. You're gonna be like the Grinch. You're gonna be like the Grinch at the end of the movie. Long history. Yeah. Long history of heart problems in my family. Dude, same.

And what better way to celebrate that by doing a little bit of drinking today. Today, I'm rocking the bottle of tequila. I haven't actually touched this since we did the last drunk episode. Fake drunk. You're not a real drinker. I've got my chasers.

This is my first one. Blue Raspberry Faygo. Yeah. You're going to get through that whole bottle to get to the second chaser? Well, the second chaser is just some Minute Man lemonade, which I have a tendency to water down, but I'm going full strength this time around. Minute Man. Minute Man. Yeah. And then also in terms of snacks, if I get a little snacky. Don't pull out more fucking wrap snacks. Don't do it.

You got the little babies, dude. This isn't a real thing, dude. You guys are clever. So today, I've got a ooey wavy master pea honey barbecue. That's not real. That's not a real chip. And then I don't know if I brought this one out last time, but this is OG barbecue cheddar Snoop Dogg flavored potato chips.

So I got the Snoop Dogg ones. If you look at Lil Baby's, it's salt and vinegar, barbecue, onion, garlic, and more. It's just like he was like, I want all the flavors. Every single one in one bag. I love that because it's literally like wrap snacks are always just tossing flavors in. It's like they put it into an online generator for flavors. This is not real. I'm guessing we're going to get an offer to be sponsored or something because they have a pretty strong social media presence.

Oh, yeah. All their socials linked on the back. Well, Rap Snacks, if you want to sponsor us, hit us up. James Lindsay, hit us up. Have that social media intern. Have them reach out to us on Instagram or something. Leave some comments on the TikTok, on the Insta. Oh, yeah. The cover art for this one with Snoop Dogg on it, I'm particularly a fan of it. It looks like it has just been...

airbrushed his shit barely even looks like a Mr. Beast thumbnail it does it does he looks like oh man he looks incredible though wow his skin is so smooth he looks like almost like an eagle ready to pounce

Fly down. That's not the words I'd use to describe that, but okay. I mean, I feel like you guys were just printing them out. I can't believe Rapsnax is a real thing. They're real. They're real. Yeah. All right. Shall we? So let's just get into it. Should we do an opening?

Here's Jamie. So if I do a shot, what, do you need to drink a whole twee? I've been consistently drinking. I'm almost on number three. Okay. Four. So mine's more of an event whenever I drink. That's more of an event. Yes. Okay. Well, I'll get the Faygo out. I've never had a Faygo before. I actually don't even know if this flavor is going to be good, but here we go. Where are you going? Tucker, you have to. Where's he going? Where is he going? Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh my god, delicious is what it says. This is fucking crazy. This is fucking stupid. I don't like that. That's like almost pure syrup. Yeah. Ooh, ooh, don't like that. Don't like that. That's one of the things about getting older that you start to notice. When things are too sweet, you start to feel it. When I was a kid, I'm sucking on a fucking Push Pop.

I'm sucking on a push pop. What are you speaking out of the side of your mouth for? I'm doing, what's that shit where it's like fucking powder with the sugar stick? Fun dip, dude. Dude, fun dip is great. Who would not have you slander that shit? I'm not slandering. I'm just saying that that's an incredibly large amount of sugar. You know what I need? I could do a fun dip without even the dip. Just give me the fun.

Give me the fun stick. You know what I'm saying? That stick, I could just lick on that like a little lollipop. Oh, yeah. No, I agree. You know what I think I'm going to bring back next year when I have a birthday party? What are you doing? I'm going to bring back goodie bags. We've been doing goodie bags at my parents' house for fucking years.

a decade, dude. I had to put together. Yeah. Can you believe that? My mom would make, would like give me chores. She's like, you got to prep some goodie bags for Halloween. I'm like, mom, just put out a fucking bowl of Hershey's. You'd be the talk of the town. No one cares about goodie bags. Wait, your mom gave out goodie bags during Halloween? Not, not just like candy?

No, she put candy in the goodie bags. Like I had to assemble like hundreds of arts and crafts projects worth of shit where we separated three different tiers of candy and we put them one of each into a goodie bag. And then I had to staple them together.

Oh, that's crazy. Because you know those kids are going to go home and they're just tearing that shit apart and not even looking at it. Yeah, of course. And then they go, oh, it's fucking... She put a fucking fun pack of Skittles in here. What did your mom think was going to happen? You think they were going to admire the craftsmanship? Like these fucking ravenous trick-or-treaters are going to be like, man...

Somebody really spent some time on this. No, they're tearing that apart. They're tearing that apart and putting it into piles and seeing what their haul is. Exactly. I should have hit some spikes in them. You know when you get some spikes, you hit the spikes in the candy? No? No.

little razor blades and shit spikes spikes yeah no i was like i was like what's going on like i was thinking of like like you're putting caltrops and like little tiny caltrops and candy and stuff that's crazy that's what the spike tower in balloons tower defense six does though yeah yeah to be honest that's probably how i know the word it's either that guy or the ninja monkey that

I think it's the Ninja monkey might be the, I think it is the Ninja monkey. It's definitely the Ninja monkey. Or is it perhaps it's perhaps no, it's not. No, because I know this because I only use spike tower, Ninja glue tower. Really? No wizard tower. No wizard. Fire breath wizard is good, but I think honestly, Ninja tower, once you get, once you get balloon Jitsu, I mean the, the, the,

It just doesn't make any sense to do anything else. You might as well just pack it up and head on out. You might as well. You might as well. Balloon Jitsu is the best upgrade. We should probably start. Dude, shut the fuck up, Tucker. We're talking about Balloon Tower. Oh, wait. Shredded inside with me. We should begin. We should begin. Oh, sorry, Ted. I was ready to tear into him. Tucker, you look like you're high at this point. You don't even look like you're... It's the fucking wrap snacks, dude.

No, it's not. It's not. You're getting wasted too early. He had a big old stain on his sweater already. Dude, if you're not dripping on yourself on a drinking night, what are you doing? You weren't even getting this drunk when we were going out and having drinks. I'm pissed. You guys say, oh, let's do a drunk episode. I say, sure.

Sure, and I'm going to show up. Yeah, I guess that's what we should have expected from the Marine. Anyways, Tucker. I could do an entire episode talking about old Ninja Kiwi games, but we should probably do what we set out to do. All right, Tucker, let's get the first one. Here's Jamie. Hey, fucker, fat and fat. Fuck you.

Life advice. How do I not look like a stoner all the time? And like cozy clothes. How do I find a section of cozy clothes that I can wear and not look like I have weed on me 24-7? Mainly asking because I fuck with Schlatz fits. Fuck yeah, dude. Gildan 5000 black t-shirt. $27, 47 brand New York Yankees hat. Jesus.

$3 Gildan hat. I can't hear the rest of it. Shut up, dude. The question's over. The question's over. No, they were saying something else, dude. I don't care. What? Look, you're probably wearing too baggy of clothes, okay? Look, there's a certain level of bagginess you can wear, especially on the top. But on the bottom, if you're doing more than like a classic fit pant,

like slim slim i get it it's out of fashion skinny way out of fashion classic fit classic fit is what you should be doing anything more than that and you look like a fucking bum bum that's true that's totally true you can't be wearing anything more than a classic fit okay you go baggy on the top you keep it regular on the bottom

I, any, anybody I see wearing those baggy ass, like fucking stupid ass fuck boy pants that are in style right now. I just look at them and want to spit on them and then kiss them. He's talking to you, Ted. You want to spit on me and kiss me? What pants are you talking about? Are we talking about my pants right now? Let me see. Stand up.

Oh, I think those are a little too baggy. I think they are. I think I think these are a little. They're OK. They're OK. Ted doesn't have enough ass for those pants. Look, I think they're OK. I don't think they're the best thing in the world. And I think if you're wearing a baggy top, you can't pair that with a more than regular bagginess bottom. I just don't know. I think the way it usually works is you either do baggy baggy or you do baggy

often something that works is you do baggy bottom you do a real skinny top like you like you wear like a tightly fitted t-shirt and then you throw a jacket on top of it or i don't know i don't know i'm still figuring it out too you're taking it they're not asking for advice from you mr pearl necklace okay they're asking for advice from me i imagine they might be the guy who

is where's the best they said something about me but you were screaming the whole time so i couldn't even hear what the fuck they were saying i bought 20 of these black gildan g5000s on blankshirts.com there's three dollars a pop three dollars a pop you're like ben 10 you're like the one scene from ben 10 when he opens up his drawer and there's just a hundred fuck your life fuck your life fuck your life

Wow. I got no problem with wearing these. I can't really argue with that. I can't really argue with that. Coney Island. What would you tell Joe Byron right now? Yeah, that's my answer. Where's Garfunkel? Hello, Tucker. Hello, Schlatt. My question for the both of you, the only important members of the Chuckle Sandwich podcast is,

What the fuck? Okay. Yeah, that's a funny one. No, that's a good one. I'm glad you sprinkled that one in there.

Should I support my ex or my best friend? Support your best friend, dude. Best friend, fuck that bitch. Dude, fuck the ex, dude. What kind of question is that? Dude, read it and weave. Fuck the ex, dude. Kill the ex. Honestly, fuck this guy. In fact, the fact that you even had to...

you're pining over this is a little bit of a red flag. I mean, even if, yeah, even if it was your girlfriend, did she break up with you and you're like trying to get back with her or something like that? I don't know what's going on. I don't know. I think he's still got feelings for this, for this,

Pussy is what I think. I'll tell you. Yeah. That's a good one. I'll tell you one thing. If my best friend, if Tucker was running for class president, me and Tucker would be in the fucking war room figuring out a way to make her accidentally break her fucking ankle. You know what I mean? So, you know, because if she broke her ankle, she wouldn't be able to run, you know?

Because you need ankles. We had the same class president from 7th grade to 12th grade. And everyone in class was like, yeah, that's the guy. We are never changing. Oh, Tong Liu. Tong Liu. Tong Liu was... He was like...

he had a formal energy to him even when we were 11. Oh, like he, like the dude walked into the room and it was like, this guy's gonna, this guy's gonna be going places. He's going, no, yeah, I am. If I see on the ballot in like 10 years from now, and it's like Tong Leon, we were like,

Son of a bitch. Well, he's got my vote. Yeah, he could be running any position. I'm like, he's got my vote. I don't remember us going into a recession when I was... Our class never went through a recession. No, honestly, from seventh grade on, we were actually pulling out of it. Incredible years of prosperity. Did you get hit with a tech deck ban or anything like that? Nothing like that. No, it was a prosperous time. Okay, my man. I heard as soon as we left, downhill.

Downhill. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what. And you know what's crazy about being a class leader is that, and I found this out semi-recently, they're responsible for organizing all the class reunions. Oh, Tong, you've been messing up though. You've been messing up. And they like canceled our most recent class reunion. Wow. Shalada, at your school growing up, did you have like class leaders? No. Oh, okay.

at least from Tucker and I's perspective, it kind of felt like they got, they got, they got elected. And then like, it almost felt like conspiracy. Like it was, but I think that's just because there's like maybe a total of like a class of like 500 people. There's like a total of like 10 people that actually want to, that actually give a shit about that stuff. Yeah.

But no, to answer the question at the end of the day, dude, fucking support your best friend. What are you talking about, motherfucker? What do you mean? He still likes her. He still likes her. That's what I'm thinking, too. You know, still got a crush. Best friends are forever. The women will come and go unless you marry him. We're not getting married. I'm talking about the women, dude. Oh, friends locked in.

Send it. All right. Who's next, Tucker? Shot. Oh, yeah, shot. I was about to say, shot. Suck it down, Ted. Who's next? Here's Bimbo. Okay, Bimbo. Hi, Tucker boys. Charlie's calling in. My advice pertains to my mother. So my mother joined a church after she met someone who had prophetic dreams that she should join this church. I don't think my mother realizes the church she joined is, in fact, a doomsday cult.

So I was wondering what you guys think I should do. Should I confront her? Should I just leave her be? Because, I mean, she is 50. She should probably just make her own mistakes at this point. Let me know what you guys think. Interesting. Doomsday cult. I wish I knew what the doomsday cult was so we could look it up and figure out what was wrong with it. But, I mean, hmm. There's only one religion anyone should be joining. That's the thing. That really is the thing. There's only one real one.

And it sucks, but it's true. I mean, only one. Yeah. Isn't it crazy how every religion has a thing where it's like this religion is the one true God and following another one, they go to hell. Yeah. But Jesus did say that he was he was God. And so that's, you know, I mean, you know, that that's awkward. I don't know. I don't know. Here's what I'll say.

My answer is I don't know. As the parents get older, there's a certain point

when you reach a certain age where all of a sudden all the relatives and your parents and your family are suddenly just people. They're just a bunch of guys and they all of a sudden just get humanized where all of a sudden you just start hearing all this drama throughout your family and you're like, holy shit, I thought everything was sunshine and roses. Turns out nothing's going right in this family. And I think that that's the case for every family.

And something that you cannot control as a child of someone is that your parents are some parents. This is what I've heard. I've heard and stuff. They're going to go through phases like every person does, but they're also like on Facebook.

And that's, I think, the biggest problem is that they're just getting fed AI bullshit every day and ads and a buttload fucking shit ton of nonsense. I go on Facebook maybe once every two months just to see some of the peers that I grew up with that were left behind to Facebook that got married or something. Have you seen the hummingbird with balls recently? No.

no hummingbird with balls shared to hell and back from on facebook hummingbird with balls ai it's an ai image yeah they don't actually have those they have cloaca hummingbird yeah no it's none of these i don't i know would you coming bird with testicles ai yeah no no this is showing up dude

I believe that it's something. What was the... Well, no, I guess I want to know. What was the conversation that was existing around this image slide? It was just an image. I just saw the image. How did we get here? I just saw the image. That's all. So, like, was it just like...

Was the caption like, can't believe they would do this? Or like, what's... I don't know what the point of the post was. Maybe it was just like a, wow, look at this, guys. Just dropped. Just released. Yeah, Tucker, I don't think you're going to find this. You're getting a lot of wonderful... Wait, how did we get here?

Schlepp brought it up. That's how we got here. But why? Because he saw it at some point along the way, along his journey of life. He saw that. The testicle hummingbird. I think Tucker's really locked in on this because he's a big fan of hummingbirds and I think that he really wants to see a hummingbird with it. No, you're on TikTok now, man. You're on TikTok.

We'll just skip it. We'll move on. Tucker's literally just... Imagine in your head an image of a drunk man just stumbling down a sidewalk in a college town or something. That is how Tucker is currently operating through the tabs of Google right now. Dude, I haven't been drinking lately. This is fun. It's pretty funny tonight. Thanks, man. All right. What's the next one, Tucker? What's the next one we got going on? Okay. Here's Liliana. Liliana.

Hey, Tucker. Hey, other two. I'm a longtime listener of the Talkable Sandwich podcast. Unfortunately, this question is for Theodore. What techniques have you found are actually useful for dealing with your ADHD and having to get things done? Because I'm in college right now, and even with the Adderall, I am very much struggling to stay on task and get done what I need to get done. So yeah, that's about it. I have some water here, so here's a bit of an ASMR segment.

So the question was like what techniques do you have to deal with ADHD? Yeah, I'm gonna take this opportunity. Oh, you're gonna answer the question. Excuse myself. No, no, no, no, no, I'm not. I don't care. I thought you were like, so I'm gonna answer this question. I know what's going on here.

You're going to excuse yourself? No. I'm going to excuse myself and get two more tweets. Okay, do it. Ted, you go ahead. Do your thing. Try not to lose track of what you're saying. Wait, can I respond to this? After I do my thing, I'm going to let you lose it. Yeah, of course I'm going to lose it, dude. Okay, then say it. Fine. If you're going to lose it, then say it. I'm very not ADHD, I feel like. I feel like Ted can attest to that. I'm very not.

And dude, I'm in school and I don't know what the fuck's going on. I can't focus on anything. I can't. Can't do it. Yeah. Because school sucks. It just doesn't apply at all. Like literally, it doesn't apply at all. Unless you're doing more school, then it doesn't apply. Yeah. No, you're down and you're at probably the least positive for school. But to answer the question... Hit her with some positivity. I would say that probably...

The strategy that I use most of the time, at least when I'm getting a video done, I've started using Microsoft to do. And usually when I have a project that I need to do, I start splitting it up into a bunch of different parts. So like if I'm, I'll put it in the context of me working on a video, for instance. Tucker, left or right?

What's the difference? Peach, raspberry. Oh, raspberry, dude. Peach sucks, dude. I don't know why Georgia people are all about the peaches. Let me finish this before I lose it, Tucker.

So the way that I work on a video usually is I'll give myself a to-do list and you could apply this perhaps to like a project you're doing or like a paper or whatever. Shut the fuck up, Tucker. And it's like, I will literally put in every single step of anything, like everything.

let's say let's say it's like i'm i need to write like 10 pages for a script for a video i will put in right page one right page two right page three right page four so throughout it i can give myself just like a little hit of dopamine every time i check off one of those boxes because it'll play a little sound on the computer and stuff um and it's i don't know it a lot of it is just like

I found that it's helpful to at least just assign portions that establish the

how far along I am because I think a lot of the time with ADHD, you see a huge project and then it's like so daunting that you kind of shut down. So if I give myself a way to piece it out into little pieces, then it's easier to do. But at the same time, I played Fallout for like fucking six hours yesterday when I should have been working. 76 though. 76 too. I played Fallout 76. That's embarrassing. Why are you telling people that?

Yeah, you shouldn't be giving advice, man. You shouldn't be giving advice. Yeah. Well, this is kind of a failure. Your parents text me. They're like, Ted's really down on the dumps. I'll tell you what my mom texted me today because my mom's very anti my fashion era, at least in terms of the... My mom texted me and she says, do you have pearls on in Chuckle Sandwich Podcast? I said, I absolutely do. And you're going to deal with it.

I don't understand what is happening. Are you? I don't either. I don't either, guys. Are you turning into Harry Styles?

And then I said, it's literally just a necklace. And then she sent this and then she sent this and she said, is this the look you're going for? Dear mom's hilarious. Liliana, listen, if I could give some advice, it'd be to fucking pay attention, bitch. Come on, get with it. Focus.

Focus. I actually saw a really funny tweet the other day. I'm going to pull it up right now. It's a person that says, I just found out people with ADHD are stupid. That's why they seem flaky or distracted. They're just not as smart as normal people. I saw a great clip from someone on Twitter, Dan Henschel, who has got to be the funniest Twitter account I've ever seen.

He made a tweet. I think I've seen this. This is the therapist guy, right? Yeah, he pretends to be a therapist and he makes videos and he's like, do you want your friend with ADHD to remember something? Try this hack. Just say, well, I'd like you to remember this, but you're just going to forget it like you always do. Then they'll get anxiety about forgetting it and they won't forget. You know what's crazy? That would work.

Exactly. That would absolutely work because there would be the part of me that would be like, fuck you. I'm bigger than my fucking mental fucking illness, bitch. I'm going to fucking remember this shit.

At the beach, where the hoes at? Cocky one, boing, boing. Dude. Yeah, dude, this audio listeners love your death. Look up Dan Scholl on Twitter and just scroll through and then you'll see what we're looking at.

- It's great. - Yeah, no, I'll tell you what, I mean, you already know about this, Shalad, I imagine, but my favorite thing to do is, and it actually might be coming up on the anniversary, so it might be time to load up that tweet again. I tweet out pretty much every year,

Bro, ADHD people are so stupid. Just try to focus a little harder or something along the lines of that. And it's so fun because there's like a section of Twitter that will latch onto it that are very like pro ADHD, like, I don't know, fucking like.

awareness of ADHD, even though everyone's fucking aware of ADHD at this point. And I'll see like a couple like replies will be like, this is like really misunderstanding how ADHD works. And I think that maybe I could, you know, link you to some resources and then like some people in my audience will be like, okay, no, you got to understand though. He has ADHD. He's just, he's doing this. We got to deal with this every year. You know, it's, we're, we're in rapture season right now, you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Does ADD still exist? I don't know. I feel like ADHD is just all of it at this point. It used to be a thing. There are some people who I'm like, you're not hyper, but you're still pretty dumb. Well, I mean, I think that distinction, and those in the comments can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that distinction is more something that applies when you're a kid. Because a lot of times, ADHD and ADD are diagnosed in youth because...

I'm not particularly as hyperactive as I used to be as a kid. But you were. Well, I think I talked about the story when I was in elementary school when I did the thing where I turned on the light and I yelled out to the class and I was like, let there be light.

And the teacher had to pull me aside at one point and be like, listen, okay, I'm asking you. You're annoying as fuck. I just can't take it anymore. You don't even make a fucking meal out of this, dude. This isn't a fucking performance. And I was like, I still remember that to this day because, I mean, it was in sixth grade, so it wasn't that long ago, but I still remember that of being like,

Shit. It's probably the earliest embarrassment I can remember. It's like an embarrassing core memory. Oh, that was cringy shit, dude. Can you imagine thinking that as a sixth grader? Oh, fuck, that was cringe. Dude, that's awesome. Ted's funny tonight.

Thank you, Tucker. He's good. Hey, every now and then you'll just get, you'll get a good version of Ted on the podcast. You know, that's what I like about him. Summer Ted. All right, Chad, are you talking about summer Ted right now? Summer Ted. Yeah, I might be thinking about summer. I'll give you, I'll give you an understanding of what that means. Um, after a shot, please. Okay.

Yeah, I'm way too far gone for you to be this. Okay. No, not enough went in. I saw that. That was even the viewers. Hey, the viewers can attest to that. That was a quick. That was not a full shot. I'm not doing an additional shot to make up for the lack of like two milliliters of fucking shot. Do a half of one because that was obviously half a shot. Got a drop of it in there. Thank you. That's an acceptable amount. I'm just, you know, I'm trying to have you keep up.

I think that Schlatt's understanding of how much liquid I'm taking in is directly correlated with how much I tip the bottle. Because I could go like... You did it really quick, man. Because I could go like... Well, I could go like this, Shratt. And I didn't get any liquid in my mouth. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. Just saying. I just want to see effort. Okay. What was I just about to say? Don't know. We should go the next one. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was good, though. We should go the next one. I'll tell you what. It's about Summer Ted.

So where that comes from, Schlapp, is we've got our friend Moses. You've talked to Moses on Discord before. Moses most of the time is a very business-minded person. He's focusing in on his world. Some could consider him to be a serious guy, but sometimes Moses will enter this state of jubilee, of magic, of wonder, where he is just slinging jokes. He's doing things.

physical bits where he is doing malarkey and

And Tucker and I very fondly refer to that as Summer Moses. It's an elusive creature. Hasn't been spotted in the wild, truly, documented since 2016. Oh, I think we got a moment of Summer Moses within the last two years. There were reports. People said, oh, I think I saw him. I think I saw one out there in Broome County. I think I saw one. Like it's Bigfoot? What do you mean? Yeah, there was reports, but a true sighting, conjecture.

Confirmed on camera. Oh, yeah. Been years. A performance? No. But, you know, Shalit, you could use that in your own life. Whenever someone is in high spirits, we could consider that to be...

Summer and then the person's name or something. Okay. All right. Yeah. And I'm hoping for the next Chuckle Week we'll get a Summer Slat. Maybe if you're lucky. Maybe if you're lucky. Yeah, trust me. You just got to get just the right amount of Wagyu. Just the right amount of Wagyu. You can just pull them right out. Listen, we might have to do Boa every night. We need the most perfect hotel possible. That's a heavy week. It needs to be a Maybach with a chauffeur.

No Lamborghini. He needs to be getting in the back. No Urus, please. No Urus. The first thing you need to know about Jay Schlatt is he enjoys driving it. I like it. I like it. The amount of joy I could feel radiating off Schlatt when he was Ubering me around as my Uber driver, it was like I've never felt that much happiness before.

oozing out of a person. In another world, I could be an Uber driver or a trucker or anything like that. Schlatt's retirement will be an Uber black driver somewhere off in the country. Can I offer up a counterpoint though? I think that perhaps that would be the case in Austin, in New York or wherever. But I think in specifically LA, if Schlatt

has to drive. There are too many opportunities for someone to do something that would pull him out of the summer.

That would change the season's weather. I've been in a car. I've been in a Maybach alone with him. But he was excited to show you all the features at that point. Parking the thing was annoying as fuck. It was long. That thing's like a boat. Oh, it's a big car. It's a big car. It's like parking a boat. It wasn't really that. It was feeling safe leaving it. Yeah.

I was just like, I don't want to leave this car on a street. We should have filmed an episode inside it. Yeah. That would have been nice. Yeah, we got the guests in the back. I'm going to start drooling if I keep thinking about that Maybach. I think we got to go to the next one. Here's small man Vincent. Wait, VicNet. Yeah, we're doing life advice. I forgot about that. Hey, Tucker. Hey, Ted. And hey, Slat. Hope y'all don't drink a shit right now. If not, please take another shot for me.

So my question for life advice is one I've been struggling with for a long time now. And that is, how do I find a fake god mommy girlfriend that's going to peg me? And how do I stop my IQ from dropping to negative values when I see one? It's like every time I see one, I get so scared and nervous. I can't speak without stuttering every single word out of my mouth. So usually I just end up running away like the small man that I am. So yeah. You sound like a small man.

You sound like a small man. Dude, my advice, be fucking normal, dude. Lock it in, dude. Stop saying one of them like you're looking at him from a zoo exhibit, dude. Women are people, too. As annoying as they might be sometimes. Seriously. Yeah. No, this isn't like a fucking legendary class card that you can.

fucking get from a magic card pack like this isn't you know this isn't a fucking case that you're opening right now it's a person with feelings and they're more than just their huge rack exactly you're allowed to have a type you're allowed to have a type that's perfectly fine but

Maybe work on yourself. Maybe be in therapy. Maybe start working on having a...

a high paying stable job maybe work on you know getting some getting some property or some fucking investment property is good acreage acreage helps acreage that's a great word maybe start working on getting some acreage my guy get some fucking farmland dude get some yes sir and at the very least get some cattle get some cattle

Some steer even. Some steer. And then the goth girls will come. The goth girls will call. They will flock to your acreage. They hear the sound of the mooing and they say, that's a strong herd I hear in this one. Exactly. And they'll come trotting too. And they'll come trotting.

If you want to get pegged so bad, just stick a hairbrush up your ass. That's, you know, you can do that. The handle is long. A hairbrush, dude? Yeah, well, I'm just thinking about what's something if you don't have a, I'm sorry, Don, everyone has a bad dragon like you do. You know, if you want to get pegged so bad, why don't you just stick a rusty wrench up your ass? How about it? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm thinking about, okay, it's flared at the base because it's got the bristles. So it's not going to get stuck up there or maybe a lint roller.

A lint roller? Maybe a lint roller. It would clean you out. Maybe a lint roller. But you're not going to use the lint roller in the end, Ted. You'd use the handle, and then the lint roller would be sticking out of your ass. I've never used a lint roller in his life. I actually literally used it today. Really? Yeah, on these pants. Oh, dude. Those baggy-ass pants. Anyways...

Oh, we should hit another. Yeah, we're not making it. How many have we done? This is going to be a long episode. I'll be honest. I think that we're drunker on this episode than we were on the last one. One more shot from you, buddy. Just one more. Okay.

Let's go hit the play button. Hey, Chucklers. Hey, Ted. Hey, hey, Schlatt. So this is for the drunk episode. I'm losing my voice right now, however. This is for the drunk episode. Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, my first girlfriend of like eight months.

And she was really toxic. And I just needed to get away from that. But I'm in this weird stage where I'm like missing her even though I shouldn't. So do you have any advice for me on that situation? Yeah, pump one out. Did he say that? Rock out with your cock out, dude. Rock out with your cock out.

No heartbreak can be solved by a solid gooning session, my friend. That's what Slatt's saying. Goon for 30 minutes. I prescribe you 45 minutes of gooning right now. I prescribe you 30 minutes or more of gooning. Did he say it was his first relationship?

I don't think he said that. He just said eight months. He played it again, so I can hear him. No, no, I don't want to hear him. Play it again, Tucker. I order you. Hey, Chucklers. Hey, Ted. Hey, Shlatt. So this is for the drunk episode. I'm losing my voice right now, however. This is for the drunk episode. Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, my first real girlfriend. First real. Yeah, first one. Shlatt, you tried to gaslight me, but I...

prevailed okay um it's because you're not drunk enough take another shot no dude i just took one i just took one tucker need i repeat it again i just took one anyways

I think that if it was your first real girlfriend, eight months, solid amount. A lot of the times, and I've been talking about this with friends who have been going through some stuff as well, you know, take it as a learning lesson, you know, learn what specifically the signs were of that person and why that didn't work for you. What made them toxic at the beginning, try to figure out how to

that would manifest at the beginning of talk in the talking phase of someone and then take that as a piece of ammunition of when to disengage from any new people like in case they are similar to that person in the future you know just you know and i get it that you're sad and you're in your throes and whatever and you're kind of in the moment where you're like oh man i wonder if i'll ever be with someone like that again don't fucking worry dude because the person

You will find eventually there are fucking 8 billion people on the planet. You couldn't even count to 8 billion. Well, he might not be by. Yeah. And a lot of those are kids and a lot of those are elderly. That's fucked up for you to even suggest. There are at least 4 billion of your preferred gender. If you are a monogendered lover, uh,

Just say straight. I forgot it, dude. You got to listen. You forgot it? Of course you did, you fancy boy. Listen, if marry your first girlfriend, it works out. It's a good time. Okay, so Tucker's advice is to get back together and marry her. Tucker put his whole fucking life savings on black, and then it hit. And now he's trying to give advice to people. Yeah.

my advice is to jerk off and you'll forget about it i'll tell you one thing i got a problem and ted's is some wishy-washy that doesn't really have an actual answer i'm on my fifth twisted tea now i'm actually not drunk enough i will i was trying to give an actual answer but i'll tell you a gripe that i have oh i'm in the world i haven't

married someone yet. My best friend is Tucker and I literally cannot go to him for advice because he doesn't have a fucking shred of experience in the dating world. He married the first person that he started dating. Sure, he's got advice on how to work things out when you're in a marriage. I'm not there yet though. We can give long distance advice. We were long distance for three years.

That's enough. That's not really the premise of the question. Let's move on. Yeah, let's move on. Mary Berry. Hi, Tucklers. I'm Mary Berry, and I'm going to... Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. Pause, pause. Pause.

It's like a YouTube intro. I'm sorry. It was like, yeah, yeah, you guessed right. It's me, Mary Berry. Back again with another episode of the Mary Berry Show.

It's like one of those things where you send in a question to one of those fucking ladies in the newspaper. Ask Nancy or whatever. Oh, Mary Berry. I think that Schlatt is... I'll be honest. I think that Schlatt is particularly weak towards the name Berry. I think that he just finds the name... Yeah, because Schlatt says it like Berry. He says Berry. Because he'll say it back and he'll go, Berry? Berry?

I was doing something the other day, some editing, and Slack keeps saying Barry really weird. He says it really New York. He takes like the scenic route with the pronunciation. Yeah, he does. Fuck off. Fuck off. I can say Barry all I want. There you go. There you do it again. Barry. Barry.

You're putting like a guttural, you're going to put a guttural twang on the word. You're making it three syllables, dude. Say the word, like what would you do if you were to engage in a... Marry. You marry someone. Okay, so that stuff. There's a thing, there's an actual studied thing with a Wikipedia page where the smallest percent of Americans say the three words to...

Join each other eternally. The woman's name and also what you are during Christmas. Those three words, you know them? The smallest. Mary? Yep. There's a group of people that say those three words entirely different. Different pronunciation for all of them. How do you say it? Okay, so there's Mary and then there's Mary. And then what's the- As in Christmas? As in, okay. And now marriage. What's, yeah, no, no. Now the woman's name.

Mary. He already hit the woman's name. He was waiting on marriage. No, no. I already said, I already said like, so I'm going to marry, I'm going to marry a woman named Mary. Same thing. Same thing for you. I'm feeling very Mary because I'm about to marry a woman named Mary. Okay. There you go. There you go. So you say, so I got, I got two in one. You have two in one. So I am, I am feeling Mary because I'm going to marry a woman named Mary.

So I say all three differently. I feel like you're chumming up a little bit. I feel like you're trying a little hard. Ted, this is a studied thing. Can we listen to this? This is a studied thing that people specifically from my region have a weird...

fucking stun locked us here we go here we go no no wait wait no i want to hear what schlattis is say shut don't don't you don't try i'm done talking remember you're at the lowest tier of the hierarchy here okay you don't have the choices up i know but i gotta reel you in like you're a little fucking cow oh my god okay um how many cows

Shalaya, what were you going to say? I'm done. Okay, fine. Let's play the thing. I said all I wanted to say. I say all three words differently. Hi, Tucklers. I'm Mary Berry, and I wanted advice on whether I should go to my financially stable safety school or my dream school because I've been wanting to go to my dream school for like five years, but I also got into a safety school. I got into both of them.

And now I think the safety school is a little bit more financially smart, but I think the dream school would give me a better experience. So let me know what to do. Hey, just take out a shitload of debt and elect a liberal in the office and they'll fucking forgive all of it. Jesus Christ. Who cares? Make the worst decisions you can because the left wing is...

now baby. Just like Bernie in 95 years old. He'll fucking forgive everything you ever did. He never did Vermont dirty. Except he didn't add more highways that went laterally. We got a good eclipse this year. We got a good eclipse. He should have added more highways that went through the mountains though dude. We need some fucking secret tunnel shit. It's a skeleton tool.

You have a skeleton tool? I've had a skeleton tool since before you were born. Oh, my God. He's got a skeleton tool. I could almost guarantee you that Tucker's been rocking a skeleton tool before you even knew about what a skeleton tool was. Okay, fuck off. Fuck off. I've been rocking a skeleton tool for five years, too. Okay, well, Tucker was wearing it on his hip in high school, so bingo. Not even allowed in school when I was bringing it. All right, here's how I feel about this. Yeah, yeah. When I made my shit work...

I went to my safety school. I went to the cheapest school I could. I went to the school that was closest to my house. I didn't incur a shitload of debt. I worked my way through a degree on a good scholarship. I made the financially sound decision and I worked on whatever my dream profession was, which it happened to be YouTube, on the side. That was all I did in my free time. I think it is...

A smart thing to do, because this is just the way I was raised, to go into the field that will guarantee you the most comfortable financially secured life as opposed to spending a shit ton of money oftentimes on a degree that is infinitely less worth it.

I don't know if Mary Barry would be going into the same degree on both of these schools, but oftentimes the question I get is, should I go to this safe school for business or computer science or something, or should I go to this really expensive school for art?

or something like that and my answer a hundred times out of a hundred is always do the safe thing and and focus on the dream on the side because i mean there's a reason why it's a dream job because not everyone gets there we're incredibly lucky to be on this podcast right now so yeah that's my advice yeah i think that

Something that I sort of realized as I was getting out of college and spent a significant amount of time away from it is that I don't know if there's a huge difference between like a medium level college and a high level college. I think the only difference is that you have a significant number of very wealthy alumni that are able to contribute to a...

What's that thing that's like that fund that it's the word, Tucker, look up the name of the fund. Please help me. Please help me, Tucker. Please. It's like alumni fund. I know what it's called. I know what it's called. I know what it's called. It's the fucking endowment. Yes. Yes. I knew it. I knew it had something to do with big fat cock. And so like, you know, I went to like, for instance, let me give you an example.

So I wasn't going to be able to go to like USC or Chapman or something like that for film school. These are good schools. They were very high level stuff. I personally didn't have the grades for it because I'm a fucking idiot. But at the end of the day, I think that and granted, I can only speak from this perspective as being someone who was in the sort of an art focused film category.

So I don't know how this would apply to something like science or something like that. But I do know that when I was at school at Ithaca, the way that I operated was like, I just ended up being connected with people that were similar to me and that they were really passionate about what they were doing. And those people ended up also being very, very talented people. And I think that, you know, a good 60% of college students

And that can give or take depending on what the field that you're trying to get into is, is about like the people that you meet while you're there. - Of course, absolutely. - And I think that the quality and the success of a person is never really determined by their actual testing and their grades and stuff. Like you can have fucking millionaires in every, you know, in the F to A, like, you know, grades and stuff like that.

Um, so I think that, you know, me having gone to Ithaca and that not being like a fucking top five film score or whatever, as opposed to like, if I went to like USC, I don't know if I would have preferred to go to USC at the end of the day. And looking back on it, I feel like I ended up.

you know, I think I, I, I had a lot of really good experiences and I met a lot of really good people that were, um, trying to make their way despite, you know, not necessarily being in the fucking richest school and whatnot. And I think that also when it comes to those richer schools, they tend to kind of lean on that and maybe they don't actually have as much accreditation in a legitimate way as they would in, um,

I don't know. Like a conversation I had with Tucker recently is that he went to this, uh, community college before he ended up at the school he's at now. And he was telling me in the car when we were driving to the eclipse that he, or I think actually later that week, uh,

You can finish what I'm about to say, Tiger. So I did a year at a New York community college. And then I've done two years at a New York state school. And I feel that the community college, I learned way more. I was far more inspired at the community college because I think the quality of education was way higher than the state school. The community college class average size is probably 15 to 20 people.

like state college is or university is probably like 100 200 300 people for class those giant and that's it's almost like corporate like it's just like get them in pass the class get them out you know like it's not they don't know your name they don't care but at community college they're gonna know your name they're gonna like see that you know it so i just think that

Just because it's a name brand school doesn't mean it's a name brand education. Yeah. Save your money. Save your money and go to office hours for your professors. Join the Marine Corps. Rip a machine gun for four years. Fucking...

And then get free school. Fuck up your knees on rucks. Yeah, and then get free college. That's what I did. Yeah, and come out with fucking athlete's foot. At the end of the day, you go to community college for two years, get all your bullshit out of the way, then go to whatever school. That school winds up on your fucking resume. On your degree. That's what the degree's in. Community college is super underrated.

I thought it was incredible. For environmental science, it was awesome. I remember that was definitely an option back in the day if you wanted to go to a different school. But I feel like these days... But coming out of our high school...

It was like, if you were like, oh yeah, I'm going to a community college, people would be like, oh, yikes. Yeah. Yeah. No, we went to a really, there was always, for context, the school we went to, there was always at least one kid that was going to Harvard. There was pretty much every Ivy League had at least one person from our school going to. And it was a public school too, which was weird. I was the first kid to join the Marine Corps out of my school in seven years, which is pretty rare. Yeah.

That's crazy. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's what the recruiters told me. What? They're like, we don't even go to your school to put up a booth because it's not worth it. Yeah, the Army comes, but I guess the Marines don't. Yeah. And I knew more Army kids than Marines. Marines is the smallest branch, so it makes sense. They're like, we don't even put up a booth at your school because usually they go to the career fair and stuff. Wow. Um...

Well, there you have it, Mary Berry. Was that Mary Berry that we just answered? That was Mary Berry. Yeah, dude, that took like 20 minutes. Yeah, we got to slam through some of these more. Geez, I need another shot. You do. That's right. Shalaya, you need to finish your drink. Do you know what's something I just realized?

And I think I realized this last episode, but I'm realizing it again. Spit it, buddy. Why do you get drunk during this, Tucker? I don't know, dude. I thought it was cool. You're running the podcast, though. It works out. It does. I mean, at least in our one other experience, it's worked out, but it still makes the. I think it's fine.

Oh, yeah. No, at the end of the day, it's fun. It's just funny that the guy that's organizing everything is also getting drunk. Well, I'd say I'm getting... Generally, I'm running it and I'm also getting the drunkest.

You are. You are getting the drunkest. Yeah, I'm over here fucking flying laps with the F4, dude. I'm fucking... Yeah, but not as drunk as Schlatt got at Sneak's next wedding. Oh, my God. Open bar, dude. I got very drunk. I got very drunk. That's what happens when you invite me to a wedding with an open bar. Open bar. And that...

That was so awesome. It was a beautiful venue too. Yeah, it just sucks what city it was. And then we went after to the Narwhal in St. Louis, which is a place. Oh, dude, we were there before too. We started there and we ended there. And that, I swear to God, that last mudslide I got at the Narwhal in St. Louis. And anyone in St. Louis who was in college probably knows what I'm talking about.

It did me, and I was throwing, I think I threw up that the night I got back to the hotel, and in the morning after, it was, and I had a flight that morning. It was miserable, but it was fun that night. I remember it fondly. All right, Tucker, get us a good one here. Let's go with drunk brand cereal parenting advice. Hi, turd. Hi, shit. Hi, fucker. Hi. First time laying pipe here. What? Life advice. Oh.

Well, at the time of recording this, we're expecting our first child. And by the time you guys make the episode, I think we'll have our first child. So I know you guys are our proud parents. So of Tucker, of course, he's your little cherub baby boy. So I want to know if you have any parenting advice. I guess that's a life problem. Does that count? I don't know. Yes. Anyway.

I guess in terms of like parenting advice, the only thing that I could really imagine would be a good piece of advice is because I feel like this is the case a lot for people is don't go fully the opposite direction.

of what your parents did if you didn't like what your parents did. I feel like a lot of times people will try to go fully the opposite of what their parents did if they viewed that in a negative way, and then it ends up having eventually some sort of unperceived consequence in terms of their perception of raising a child. Do you know what I'm talking about, Shalat? You seem really confused based on your face.

No. Let's say a parent was really, really strict. Then the child of that parent, when they have kids, are incredibly lax. Yeah, bad idea. Exactly. Bad idea. So we agree. So we agree. I guess. I don't know. I wasn't listening to a word you were saying. But I'll say this.

Don't give a kid an iPad. Don't give a kid an iPhone until they're in high school. I'm sorry. My kid is not, not going to have a fucking touchscreen device in elementary school. Fuck that. Absolutely fucking not. What age do you think they're going to get a phone? If you have a kid, what age? Uh,

Well, I'd love to... Dude, I'd love to be able to say they won't have a smartphone until ninth grade like me. But at the same time, that's very unrealistic and they'll be left out of a lot of shit. So like middle school, middle school is the time probably. Yeah. I mean, I had an iPod. I had an iPod. I didn't have a phone until I was like 12 or 13 and it was a flip phone. But I don't know if I had an iPhone until maybe...

I don't know. 10th grade probably? Yeah. About when everybody started getting in on it. Yeah, no, I think I got an iPhone like, I think most of my high school experience I spent with an iPhone, but there was a period of time where I was double fist in the iPod Touch and the flip phone combo. Of course, yeah, the iPod Touch, Samsung Intensity, you know. But it's just, I don't know, it's just so different now and I feel like, I do feel really grateful, at least personally,

for our generation that I feel like Gen Z, at least the older part of Gen Z, which we all encapsulate kind of grew up in a generation where it was like, we, we started our lives where it's like, we remember watching shit on VHS and then, and then we kind of grew up with the beginning of the internet. Like, you know, at least for Tucker and I, uh, YouTube came out when we were eight and

I wasn't allowed to watch it when it first came out. I wasn't either. My mom said, you're not allowed to go on YouTube. I don't know what she thought was on there. I genuinely feel this. The difference between the oldest and youngest...

of Gen Z is so wide. There's so much difference. I don't even think they should be considered the same generation. Tucker, can you actually figure out what the age range of Gen Z, like the years? Well, here, I'll tell you this. I'm a 98 baby, so are you, Ted. And I get recommended R slash Gen Z all the time on Reddit. I get recommended

And there's people with their flair. It's just 2009. That's fucked up. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here. I'm like, dude, that's the year Modern Warfare 2 came out. Tucker, could you real quick just look up what the actual year spread is? 97 to 2012. Yeah, I'm sorry. That is just not true. Dude, they don't remember a time before the PS4. That's not true. I posted my first YouTube video actually trying to be a YouTuber in 2011.

Dude, like 2006 should be the cutoff and that's even being generous. Yeah. Well, what defines it? I guess that's the real question is what defines a generation? Like, I guess I would have initially thought that it was, it would have been like a spread of 18 years because then that's like, yeah, I don't know, up to adulthood of a generation, but like,

I kind of always get confused on how we identify what a generation is. Too much has gone on. Too much has happened. We've evolved too quickly as humans to be able to call 1997 to 2012 a generation. These kids are born the same way the Wii U came out.

That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. If you were born in an HD Nintendo generation... We are not... Okay, if you are part of the later half of Gen Z, we're not the same. We are not the same, brother. Let me tell you something. This is the strongest opinion I hold about, if I have a kid, how I will raise it. Yeah, raise it. Most of the...

The most important memories I film of my child, I will do on a medium that is not

Dot MP4 like able to look up on Google photos and shit. Oh, let me look up the day I was born. You just type in fucking pussy baby crowning pussy on Google photos. And then all of a sudden there you are in 4K. I think that would have brought it up in 4K coming out of your mom's pussy. Fuck that, dude. Here's what I have. Here's what I have. And here's what I plan on filming. Most of my child's memories on. It's on a Sony Handycam.

With high-eight film on it. And you know what? Sometimes, sometimes, Ted, I know you're digging for something, so you probably have a similar vision as me. Sometimes it's hard to see with the Handycam, so you got to put on one of these little wide-angle lenses, you know, and then you get the whole experience. But let me tell you, man. I have one just like that. I'm trying to find it.

Bummer I got two man. I got two. You know what? You know what I did man I started with one that had a viewfinder that you could pop out and it's a screen and then I was like no no This takes you out of the moment. So this one doesn't even have you have to look through this and that's just like too much So like whenever I'm filming with this I'm just kind of like completely immersed in the moment and I'm able to just point because it's got the wide angle So I know I'm getting it anyways

And that has been the most fulfilling way to capture memories for me. There's nothing quite like, and let me tell you, I have already started a collection of Hi8 tapes. There you go, dude. There you fucking go. This is the Video 8 Handycam as well. This is actually... I've got a collection already. Five. That's five hours worth.

Depending on whether you shoot Hi8 or Digital 8, this is 5 to 10 hours of memories already on a format that is so old and so nostalgic and so meaningful and real as opposed to just iPhone footage where you take 100 photos and forget about them all the next day. I filmed my very first videos on this when I... I don't even know if this like...

I think my, I would use this more. I think one of the issues that I have is that these batteries I think are fuck. Yeah, they probably are. They probably are. You can buy new ones. They still make them. They do? I was having a really, can you send me a link to those? Like would they work with the Video 8 Handycam? Look what the battery says and just look it up on Amazon. I guarantee you.

You guys have spoken about this a lot in the podcast. This is my... Like I said at the beginning, this is the strongest opinion I have about raising a child. This is the camera that all of

My family's home videos were filmed on. These are these. This is the camera that my parents filmed me as a baby. Yes. Yes. And that yours is the same one as well. No, it's it's it's I was telling Tucker I got I got a new not a new one, but I got a different one that didn't have this flip out screen so that you couldn't even see what you were capturing and you just had to be in the moment.

But yeah, the same, I mean, it's the same thing. It's the same principle of just, you know, there's something so much more meaningful about those memories because it costs like actual money to record them. Film is expensive these days.

And you have to be very purposeful with what you shoot. And that means the things that go on that tape mean way more than just, oh, I have an iPhone with unlimited storage and I got the fucking iCloud plan that I pay $10 a month for, which means unlimited video. Like there's just something so much cooler about that. And the last thing I would want is to be able to

look up any moment of my life on google photos and be able to scroll back that far and uh and and see something because it wouldn't mean anything it literally wouldn't mean anything so what age do we actually think that we should get like this is this is the main crux of the issue what age do we think is appropriate to give a child a phone i don't think that they should be looking at coco mallon i don't think they should be looking at the baby sensory videos no no definitely not what they should be watching they should be watching bluey

Have you seen Bluey? No, I don't know what Bluey is. It's an Australian children's TV show that's incredibly well-written. Oh. Why do you know what this is? B-L-U-E-Y. B-L-U-E-Y. Do you watch children's shows? No, I've seen clips of it. I've seen clips of it. I've seen this guy. I'll tell you what's a good one. It's this. It's Irish.

Puffin Rock. Let me tell you what another good one is. Camp Lazlo. Oh, dude. Oh. That's a Cartoon Network show. It's time for Camp Lazlo. Camp Lazlo, they're doing salacious shit to each other in Camp Lazlo, I'm pretty sure. Oh, I know. I got to say, I can't remember a single word from Camp Lazlo, though.

But I do know that he's a monkey, despite not looking anything like one. Yeah, and the elephant is Raj. I remember the elephant more than I remember the... You know what? I do, too. Oh, were they... Was it made by the same people that made Ren and Stimpy? This is the same animation studio? Sure looks similar, or at least inspired by it. Dude, yeah, I don't know. I think middle school is like the time when the kid should...

have access to apps maybe you know yeah apps maybe not like a full-blown iphone i don't know but elementary school at least like that's just that seems crazy i guess i just don't even really know when kids are getting it because it's not like it's one of those things where it's tough because it's like it's not like the parents really can control that because it's either you choose you you you're really strict about it and you choose when you release that information to them

But it's more like the general populace of parents are the ones that are deciding this because... The lowest common denominator, however lazy they are. If every other kid has a fucking iPhone, then it's like now your kid is the one who's left out and he can't organize with his friends to go to hangouts. He can't, you know... And you don't want to isolate your kid like that. I don't know. I think it's just...

One of those things where at the end of the day, to answer the question, the original question is just like, be as flexible as you can, because I think we live in an age where things are going to just keep changing really quickly. I mean, even in the last couple of years, things are getting really weird with, with at least school and AI, like,

I think in high school and elementary school, that whole AI thing is not something that we ever needed to even consider or deal with. And like, I don't know. I've been running into that myself. I don't even think about using it. I'm just like, and then I'll talk to people in my class who are like 20. I'm 26. And they're like, oh, I just use AI. And I'm always like, oh, I didn't even think about using that. Like, it's not even like I'm not thinking about it.

As an option. But they're like, oh yeah, that's my primary go-to if I need to write like a line of code. I just ask the AI what the line of code is. Yeah, that's actually, you know, I, in high school, I befriended a bunch of computer scientists and

They post often the problems that they're solving and their conversations with ChatGPT and all that. And it is honestly surprising how good the application of using AI to write code for you is. And I look at these, I scroll through some of these logs that they have, and I'm like, fuck, man. Like, it's getting, like, that is the way to do it, 100%. 100%.

But at the same time, there's shit going on with that that makes me feel like the world is getting much worse. Worse in most ways. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that's my drunk Doomer thoughts. Doomer. Doomer. Next one. Next one. Let's do another one because I'm getting depressed. One more shot from you, Ted. One more. All right.

This is going to be a two-hour long podcast. Here, we've got dream job versus dream relationship. We've got going to college after sheltered childhood, grad school, boyfriend joining the military. I want something funny, dude. Bro, you think I remember which ones are which? Here's Rachel.

Hey, Ted, Schlatt, and Tucker. I have an urgent life crisis. My boyfriend is joining the military, leaving me because he hates me. True. To go join the infantry. Badass. I mean, that's an issue in itself. Now I know why Tucker chose this. We'll move past that. But kind of wondering how...

Okay. Context. There's not a base where I live, so he'll be about, best case scenario, two hours away, and worst case scenario, provinces away. How...

Do I get through this? Provinces? Provinces? Your boyfriend's joining the Canadian military? If your boyfriend's going to join a military, you might as well join the United States military because there we actually project some power. That's got to be bullshit. That's got to be bullshit. I'm joining the Canadian military. Let me tell you something, Rachel, that you need to understand, okay?

Do you understand how many aircraft carriers the United States has? We have 11. Do you know what the largest amount that any other country would have? Three. You want to answer that? Three. Not even. Two. Two. Two. No other country even has three aircraft carriers. We have fucking 11 of them. That's enough. That's more than enough, I'd say. I don't know where our tax... That's why we don't have free health care. Yeah.

Yeah. When I went to see Tommy and its show, I got a little bit tipsy and I was talking about that at a group dinner for about 30 minutes about how crazy it is. And then I found out very soon after that, that, that Tom, one of the security guards that works for Tommy and it on his tour was a guy that was in Fallujah. It was in Fallujah. And then we started talking about the F-22 wrap.

okay so let's yeah no i was talking about it spins me there the dude was like dude same fucking jet ever made no one will top it that's some battlefield four shit

I don't know why your boyfriend, Rachel, is deciding to join the fucking Canadian Mounties or whatever the fuck they are. I don't know why he's deciding to don red. And I also don't understand why we're assuming that he's Canadian. But what I will say is that it sounds like you're in of high school age and it's not going to work out.

It's just not. It's just not. It's just not going to work out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That guy who said, I got Rachel in one hand and I got ripping on a machine gun in the other. He's going to be slutting it up in the E-Club and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. That's crazy to say that. I don't know what else to say, but that's a crazy thing to say. Am I wrong, though? I don't know. I don't know. It very...

Very rarely does the long distance work post-primary school. But look, Tucker did long distance while in the military. Yeah, okay. Tucker did that. Three years. But it wasn't someone he was in high school with.

Okay, but it was still a relationship while he was in the military and while it was long distance. So there's hope. There's hope. Okay, sure, there's hope. But I think that there's a difference. But most likely he's a scumbag. Perhaps. I think that there is a factor change when it is someone that you like...

from your hometown and you're leaving out into the world because there's a moment where you're going out into the universe for the first time and you're exposed to everything beyond what your bubble was. And I just think that like, like Tucker's wife, he met outside of his bubble, you know, that was his exposure outside of the bubble, you know, but not really. Whatever, man. Fuck you, dude. Let me say something. Let me say something.

You and your boyfriend have free health care because we do not. Us three on this podcast. We're just locked in on them being Canadian. I'm telling you this. Look, I mean, there's not even a reason I see in my mind to join the Canadian military. He's not going to die. We got you covered.

We're your fucking daddy. The United States is protecting the entire Western world from all those fucks out there. And listen, I mean, there's just, that's all there is to say. That really is all there is to say. Yeah, he's not going to die. Canada's not getting in a war anytime soon. No, the fuck cares. The fuck cares.

Last time they had to do anything was like, I think they were fighting us in the War of 1812. There's got to be some question. Nah, nah. They were on D-Day, dude. Remember the Canadians. Yeah, they were there. They were there. Why? Here's Marie. Oh. To kill Nazis, bitch. Here's Marie. No, no. Why remember the Canadians? Who wouldn't want to kill Nazis? Hello, Ted, Schlatt, and of course, Tucker. I'm Marie, and I was wondering if you had any advice for kids going to college next year, specifically heavily sheltered kids such as myself.

A little background on me. I grew up with very hardcore Catholic parents, went to Catholic school from kindergarten through 12th grade, and I was super limited to what I could do outside of school, which is a little bit low-key my fault, but you know, it is what it is. And I'll be thrown into the diverse and polluted, incredibly polluted jaws of California next year. So any advice would be fantastic. Thank you so much.

Have sex and do LSD. No, don't do that. What? Don't do that. Don't do LSD. Have sex and do LSD. Do a quarter tab. Do a quarter tab. You can get pregnant from that. From doing LSD? Yeah, from having sex. You can get pregnant from having sex. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, dude. Just take every opportunity that comes up, except for the ones that might get you killed, you know?

Use your best judgment. No, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. No, college is for getting a degree. College is for prepping you for the work world. Okay? So don't do this bullshit. Get good grades. Get a degree. Get some connections. And be ahead of your peers coming out of that school. Then that's all there is to it. Lock the fuck in for four years. What's four years out of the entire life you're going to live? Stop being a fucking pussy.

Oh, college life experience. I'm going to live all I can. We'll get into the fullest. Fuck you. Fuck you. Should we do like one more? Let's do one more. Let's do one more. Tucker, give us one more. Give us the best one in there. The best one. Give us the best one that you can remember.

What to do with teeth by Loren. Hello, gentlemen. I come seeking advice. I recently got my wisdom teeth taken out. I got to keep all four. They all came out whole right from my jaw. So I now have a bag full of giant teeth. As opposed to what other way? I was wondering what you guys think I should do with them. Should I turn them into a statement necklace? Should I eat them? Should I bury them in my backyard? I don't know. You decide.

No, you sound like a weird person. I'd probably throw them out. Thank you. Emma Langevin collects teeth of her friends who have gotten their wisdom teeth taken out. She's very pro-teeth. I don't think that's true.

I don't think that makes her weird. They didn't even give me mine when they took them out. They gave me mine. I remember, I got to figure out where those are. Did you throw them out like a normal person? No, honestly, this was a genuine conversation at a party with Emma where I was like, dude, I got to talk to my parents and see if they still got my wisdom teeth lying around so I can hook you up. Was she asking for them? She was talking about how she had just recently gotten a shipment in. So I was like, damn, I got to. Of teeth? Of teeth?

I mean, shipment as in like one of her friends gave her a team. Uh,

I don't know. She likes teeth, dude. I think. No, I stand by this and I think she would stand by this too. That's weird. Weird behavior. Hey, man. Yes. Say whatever you want. But she's pro teeth. You're anti teeth. She's pro teeth. Throw them out. Throw those teeth out. You don't want to do nothing with them. People, anyone sees that you're doing something with those teeth. Anyone in your life, in your circle, sees you doing something with those teeth, having them out in public.

You are being written down in their book as weird. Can I raise you something weird? Weird. Can I raise you something weirder that I think will make the teeth collecting seem a little bit tame? Okay. People who watch pimple popping videos. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Because. No. Yeah. Get them the fuck out.

Those are people. Filter them out. Filter them out. Those are people. One of those people is my sister. And I'm like, why? Why do you do that? That's grotesque. Like, I get it. Satisfying in a private space. There's nothing satisfying about that. No, satisfying to do it to yourself in a private space, not taking a video of it and putting it out in the world.

Like once you, if you have a pimple that's been bothering you for a while and you managed to pop it, then you're like, fuck. Yeah, that's a personal experience. But for someone to like the person, Dr. Pimple Popper, for them to be taking videos of this and being like,

Check out this fucking hall I just rocked right now. Look at this fucking puss hall I just rocked through here, buddy boys. Yeah, that's fucked. That's fucked. Don't like that. I'm almost 90% sure that there's at least one pimple popper stand, Dr. Pimple Popper Stand, and that makes me deeply uncomfortable. But you know what?

Teeth is weirder. Collecting teeth is weirder. No, dude. The pimple popping thing is way weirder. I'm sorry. Yes, it is. If you're asking your friends for shit mints, that's on the same level at least. There's a metal aspect to the teeth thing. That shit's bone. So that's right. Ted's wrong. What?

You're wrong. You think the teeth collecting is... Teeth are forever, dude. From your friends? Yes. From your friends? Yes. Why do they still have their teeth? The only appropriate teeth collecting is your mom keeping your baby teeth. That's the only appropriate teeth collecting. Throw those shit out. Throw those shit out.

I got a $2 bill under my pillow one day, and after I ate breakfast, I threw the napkin away, and there it was in the fucking trash. Excuse me? What about collecting shark teeth? What's the difference? Shark. Edgy seven-year-old. Yeah. The chauvin. I want to do another one of these. I honestly do. This is cut and dry, open and close. Crystal. Yeah.

You're fucking weird. Don't do anything with teeth, you fucking weirdo. Emma, I think that the tooth thing is pretty sick. I think it's weird. I think it's cool. Hi, Ted. Hi, Shlong. So I went to college in my hometown and I'm starting grad school this year.

While in college, I think I actually met my soulmate. He's perfect for me and he's done so many great things for me, even though we've only been together for two years. I think that he'd be really great for my future. But I also started working here and have been given the opportunity to work my dream job if I stay here.

The issue is that my boyfriend is a pilot and he plans on moving out of state and does not want to stay here. So I feel like if I stay with him, I'm sacrificing my dream job. But if I stay here, I'm sacrificing my dream relationship. What advice do you have? Thank you. No good relationship should make you choose between...

like that. You guys should be working together to figure out your future together. Like, if he wants to be a pilot, he should also equally, and you want him to be a pilot, he should equally want you to be able to do your dream job.

Although I know that this was like maybe a semi-conversation that Tucker was having at one point about becoming a pilot. So I actually am interested to hear what Tucker's opinion is on this. Tell your boyfriend to get a job with the local air guard as a reserve pilot. That way he can fly but stay in your area. The hours won't be perfect, but they'll be better than being a commercial pilot.

Bad advice is he's a pilot that's badass. Give up all your hopes and dreams and follow him. He's going to be doing fucking barrel rolls up there in the great blue beyond. So you better fucking lock it up shorty because he's doing some badass shit. Air guard's a good option. And there's usually a local base in every state, if not more, especially if you're in Western states, there's a lot of bases. And Schlatt? No comment.

You're the one who wanted the additional one. I do another, do another. I got to get another. Give me one more. No comment. Give me one more. It's like you're gambling right now. It's like you're gambling. Motivation by Gennar. Oh, Gennar. Hello, Tucker, Schlatt, and Ted. My life advice that I need is that, well, I need to stay motivated when I'm on my projects.

So how do you guys stay motivated when you're stuck on a YouTube video or making the S and DP server or any sort of creative endeavor that you stick on? What keeps you motivated? Thanks. Also, fuck you, Tucker haters. Oh, fuck you. It's called gamer subs. Okay. This is a caffeinated. Titty milk. Yeah, it's called, it's, it's a, it's a caffeine. Yeah.

power and and makes me happy and get work done uh-huh nice what do i do to motivate myself i mean i guess just focus you just focus yeah just focus a little harder really just kind of lock in son um no i i don't know like motivation is is tough because it's

Motivation is something that kind of ebbs and flows and you can never really keep a consistent amount of motivation. I think it really comes down to your why and if you establish your why on

why you were doing the thing that you're doing and to what end you were doing it, then that might be a better foundation than motivation. Because you can feel motivated one day and then just be feeling like you want to fuck and play Helldivers all day the other day. And like, you know, it's... That was me yesterday, dude. I slept most of the day. Slept my Sunday away. Yeah. Wait, that was Monday. Never mind. Yeah. Yeah.

We're on the come down from this drunk thing because we've stopped inhaling the alcohol. Were we done? I think it's just Ted is done. I've done like six shots.

Or seven. Chucklers. Chucklers. This is the end of the drunk episode. However, it is not the end of our sage advice. I don't know if we'll be drunk for this next one. But if you do want to send in a prompt for the next episode, go ahead, click that link in the description. Speakbike.com slash chucklesandwich.

And, you know, write in, talk in, say to us what's going on in your relationship. What's the problems looking like? What kind of tension have you been having? What has been a, you know, a rough patch that you guys are having trouble dealing with and we'll do our best to solve it. I just get so sad thinking about people not having perfect relationships and I just want to help. I want to... He gets emotional when he's trying. I don't like...

I don't like relationship problems, and I want to help. I want to be a force for good. We're going to heal the world. We're going to heal the world. We're going to be like that Black Eyed Peas song. People killing, people dying. Children hurt and hear them crying. When you practice what you preach, can something turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father. Chemical gases fill in the lungs of little ones. That's my favorite line. Send us in. That's my favorite line, dude. All right. Send us in, guys. Send it in. We'll fix your relationships. We're going to fix it. It's going to be good. Hey, guys. Can we do drunk content?

Administerial managerial question coming in that maybe the audience should not be privy to. Okay. Don't listen, guys. Can we please be drunk for every episode? I feel like the words just flow so much easier. I feel like we just are on the same page for once.

Yeah, you think so? And Tucker's having a great time too. I don't know if I should be drunk for every episode. Can I be drunk for every episode? I'll allow it. Honestly, I was under the impression that most of the time you were.

Well, you know, I guess I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought, you know? Half the time I thought you were sipping, slipping, and dipping in that Benedictine. You know what I mean? I took my headphones off. I can't even hear what you're saying. You look so good without them. Piece of carrots, piece of carrots, piece of carrots. We'll never eat a carrot in my life. Damn it, you can't hear what I'm saying. That thought just came back to me. I'm just thinking about carrots. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're just thinking about it?

Hey guys, thanks for coming by. Check out the SpeakPipe. Thanks for sending some in. Appreciate you. Love you to death. And we'll see you in the next episode. Bye. Bye.