The Ultimate Fast Food Chain Tier List
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Ted, ask me why I'm all bundled up today. Why are you all bundled up today? I'm freezing cold today. Why are you freezing cold? You want to know why, Ted? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. You pipsqueak-looking, elementary school-looking...

Motherfucker right now. Look at you. What the fuck? You look like I'd beat you up on a blacktop during recess right now. Jesus Christ. Well, you look like a Russian babushka right now, wrapped up like that. I'll tell you why I'm bundled up right now. It's because for the first day in the three-month span of weather in Austin, Texas, it's under 100 degrees. Oh, okay.

Okay. What? It's 99? Yeah. It's a cool 82 degrees in LA right now. I'm getting tired of Texas, man. Really? Where would you go? I don't know. You moving to Omaha? Maybe I'll build a desert oasis here. Like you're just going to make a big pond and like put like one single palm tree next to it and then you're like, I've done it. And then you just settle there. I'll put some palm trees in, man. I don't know. Get some fountains, some jets. You should make a, like a casino. Ooh. Schlatz Leisureland is what you can call it. Dude.

I can get all the old people in Texas to line up against that one wall with all the slot machines and they just sit there. Yeah, yeah, but you gotta make sure that they have like a drink too. There you go. Okay, there you go. Turn your wrist to the right a little bit. Now keep going. Nice. That's funny, man. You got me. You got me right there. It's funny. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Welcome everyone to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich. I'm Schlatt and I'm with Ted. Hey, it's me, Ted. And we're here with- I'm tall and stupid and I just keep yapping. Yap, yap, yap is all I do. I look like a fucking preschooler right now. You're on something else today. Also complaining about yapping on a podcast, that's- I'm one outfit decision away from a little fucking propeller on the top of my head. Dude, yeah. You need a little propeller hat. I'm-

Don't you have? Wait, I feel like you have one for some reason. No. No? I wish you did. No. That'd be awesome. That'd be excellent if you had one. I think that'd be really cute. I think you'd look really cute with one of those on. I could give it a little flick. Yeah. I start levitating a little bit, flying up a little bit. We need to get Schlatt. Do you still have that P.O. box?

Yeah, people start sending little twirly hats to his P.O. box. No, no, no, don't send me anything. Don't send me anything. It's a mistake. The P.O. box is not open anymore. Oh, okay. It's not open. It'll get sent back to you. Private P.O. box. It'll get sent back to you. It'll come right back. Before we go into this, I need to make something clear because people seem to be a little bit confused on what Tucker's role is on this podcast and I'm going to make, I need to make it clear to everyone now because I've only been calling him a cherub. Tucker is the producer of the podcast.

He's a part of the team and he's a part of the podcast, but he is not like a main host like Tucker or like Schlatt and I. He is...

a he's like the producer that's what like a jamie is on joe rogan or something like that or you've got you've got plenty of them on on like the h3 pocket most podcasts have like the the guys that sit in this the seats on the main set and then you'll occasionally see someone off to the side in like a chair or something then they've got a mic or something and it's it's a it's a common thing

And I understand that you guys, maybe some of you listeners are used to the YouTuber podcasts where they, it's just like a bunch of guys on discord. That's what this is. Well, but sometimes it's not.

But sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's not. And we just really want to drill it into you that Tucker is below us. We've got this new website service that we're going to be doing where you guys can send in your voice messages into Chuckle Mail. You can still submit to the normal Chuckle Mail form, Google form that we have, but we

there is this website called speakpipe.com if you go to speakpipe.com slash chuckle sandwich yeah submit us your voicemail message your questions your comments and we will be listening to them on the next episode and we'll love to see you there and we'll do and even if it's past that episode make sure to submit there because we'll be doing it a lot more in the future because it's going to be a great new thing we're going to do on chuckle sandwich either way today chucklers

We're doing something very special. Schlatt, take it away. Give him the rundown. Tear listing fast food. Boom. He's quick with his words. He makes a long story short. That first one, listen, this first one is a mystery to me. A&W.

I thought that was a soda, not a fast food. It is. It is a soda. But they do have brick and mortar locations. Okay, so why the heck? They have brick and mortar locations in Utah? Yeah, you can get an official A&W root beer float.

If you wanted to have a location. Yeah. There's one. It's pretty. When I was going to Ithaca, there's one nearby Ithaca and like some like rundown. I know that there's one in the general vicinity of Ithaca, but it's not in Ithaca and it's like in the greater area. Tucker, there's one here too. Oh, yeah. There's one. Yeah. And I'm close to Ithaca. Yeah. Tucker's close to Ithaca and there's one near him. I got a root beer float there.

like two months ago. It wasn't that good. It wasn't worth it. Really? Well, I've never seen one of these places in my entire fucking life, and I don't even know why it's on the list. Shall we give it an E? I'll follow your lead. E as in exist? So,

That's a pretty good one. I'm realizing now actually because Tucker and I did that fast food place, a lot of maybe our opinions from whether or not they would give us a fast food item, pull it to the low. I would perhaps... I've got two wolves inside of me when I'm looking at Burger King right now because...

On one side, there's the wolf of when Tucker and I pulled up to the Burger King, we tried to get a Burger King bacon and cheese. Like it was like supposed to be like a or a ham and cheese sandwich. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The special item. And they wouldn't give it to you. No, they wouldn't give it. And the dude was it seemed like almost like nervous that we were even asking for as long as we were. And then I was seeing in the comments later that I think people who work at drive throughs, they have like a certain amount of.

that someone can be at the window. Otherwise, they'll get docked for it or something. Oh, fuck. Wow, there...

No? You disagree based on what, Tucker? No, not true. Well, we got a McDonald's in town, dude. It's like 30 minute minimum. Okay, so it's purely anecdotal is your opinion, is what that's based on. Your 30 McDonald's. Well, but then the other part of my wolf, my other wolf, is the one time that I was going to China.

Remember that? Remember how I always bring this up? I went to China and at an airport in China, I got a whopper there and I didn't speak a lick of Mandarin. So I pointed at a little menu they had for the people that don't speak Mandarin. They have a little menu and you point at it like a little baby. And I'm like, I want that.

And I got a Whopper and it was like a good burger. It was like a fresh, delicious Whopper. And it was the first Whopper I ever had. So it totally threw a wrench in my perception of what a Whopper is. Are we ranking Burger King? Do we want to rank Burger King now? It'd be sort of strange after me saying all that if we didn't try to rank Burger King, wouldn't it? All right. Last time I had Burger King was in seventh grade. It was the day I got my braces off.

And it was supposed to be this really happy day, but it wasn't because we had Burger King instead of McDonald's. Why didn't you just go eat popcorn or something? I don't know. I just don't know. I just don't have an answer for you. This was so long ago in my life. Okay. I couldn't possibly justify my actions. Yeah, you couldn't.

No, I mean, the only thing I know about Burger King in recent news is they had a nice logo redesign. I mean, they brought it back to the retro style. So I get a point for that for me. But they lose a point because about a year or two ago, they had that fucking chicken ad campaign on Twitch. It was the only ad I saw for like a year straight. They got that song back to the BK.

I don't even know what you're talking about. Whopper, Whopper, Junior Whopper. Oh, God. Whopper, Whopper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. I don't even want to talk about this brand anymore. Shall we give it like a D or a C?

you choose flat d d sorry also burger king's a second mover company okay you'll notice that if a mcdonald's puts a this is this is a i learned this actually in college about when i was in a business class because if a mcdonald's puts a mcdonald's spends all this money on their market research and they'll they'll be like oh we need a mcdonald's in this town they'll put a mcdonald's in there and burger king their whole thing is based on where have a mcdonald where does a mcdonald's open

will bring a Burger King there too. So they're a second mover computer competition is what they do. Like a little leech. Yeah. Like a little clam on a whale or whatever those are. Whale clams I think is what it is. Whale clams. Don't make that face, Tucker. What was that? You made a little face there. Are you guys talking about barnacles? Nah, man. We're talking about whale clams. We're talking about whale clams. We're talking about clams.

Fucking ass whams as I call him. Yeah. No, that's the colloquial Tucker dick fucking cherub fucking asshole. Okay. Talk to you should call out the next internet. Yeah, do in and out in and out. There's in and out a surprisingly controversial place. There's an internet here.

Really? Do you know that? I didn't know that. Yeah. They're pushing east. They're not going to push that east. I feel like they're far. They've got one in Colorado now, too. They wouldn't go past Colorado. I don't know if they're pushing past the Rockies, though. They're in Central Texas. They're in Central Texas. To be fair.

Central Texas is now California-lite anyways, so you kind of have to make them feel at home. Dude, you're hitting all the points right now. But I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. The In-N-Out, it's open very late, so it gets points for that. Yeah. But it's not very good.

I don't know if this is just because they got to ship the meat to Central Texas, but it's not great. It's not great. There are better burgers in town. There's better burgers in town, Ted. And I had a really awkward experience with the mother of a fan of mine at the In-N-Out in which she just took a picture of me eating. Right. I think you told me about that.

That's a really strange thing because that must make you feel like you're a caged animal where you're like, you're mid bite in the double, double animal style and you look up and there's like this woman who's like, oh, and she's got like a phone out pointing at you. You should have smacked it out of her hand. That's a battery. Hitting the phone?

Yeah. But if it doesn't just be an accurate smack. It's like their property, though. Destruction of property. Yeah. Okay. Why all of us? Okay. I know I have a problem with this. Why is it that all of a sudden I suggest doing something a little drastic and then all of a sudden Schlatt's about laws and he's about like. That's violence, man. Oh, oh, I. This is. You have a problem with violence? I'm not a violent. Are you kidding me? I'm not a violent man. I'm not a violent man.

This is the Gaslight Ted podcast. Ted, I'll gaslight you a little more. In-N-Out's planning on expanding into Tennessee around Nashville. What? Why would they do that? Yeah, probably for a tax break. I think they're going to move an office there and then start opening locations. Oh, okay. Yeah, everyone's leaving California, Ted. No one likes it there, admit it. I like California.

I genuinely like living here. Don't give... Tucker's doing a double thumbs down, man. That fucking sucks. Okay. Well, let's talk about In-N-Out. Popular Tennessee location. Popular Tennessee fast food chain In-N-Out. Not crazy about it. Not crazy about it. This is C for me. Here's a point that I think I'll make that I think is an important point and a lot of

In-N-Out truthers will make this point when talking about it because I've heard a lot of dick, you know a lot of conversation around this topic and that is You don't compare in and out to something like a five guys or a restaurant burger Like you're not comparing you're not comparing it to your fucking truffle blue cheeseburgers like

you're comparing it to a McDonald's or a Burger King. And in that instance, I think with the customization and the various aspects of an In-N-Out, it would put it in a B for me. What do you mean the customization? They have one thing on the menu. Okay, so you've never gone and done all the little doohickeys to an In-N-Out burger? What do you mean the doohickeys? Most of the menu exists off of the menu.

Okay, well, that's fucking stupid. So that loses points in my book. So we're definitely, next time you're in LA, we're definitely going to go to In-N-Out and we're going to get you a proper In-N-Out burger. There's also something. What is this? Like, what do you go up to the register and do like a bubble bath sorter? You hide the pickles under your tongue. You fucking idiot. Basically, honestly, you would, you would go up, you would go, you would go up there and you'd say, I want to, I want a, I want a fucking three by three animal style protein. Yeah. Three by three.

yeah triple bossy deluxe yeah four by four animal style extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze light axle grease too and then they're like coming right up you have no idea why that was so i'll tell you right now that was funny but i'll tell you specifically why that was funny to tucker why because you said shimmy and a squeeze specifically that is what got tucker admitted tucker

It's more of the shingle. Really? That's such a funny one. I thought you would have liked the shimmy and the squeeze part. Well, I just loved the accuracy. Yeah. I was reading it off of Wikipedia. Don't break that. Sorry. You don't have to tell me that. Someone was going to call it out in the comments. It was a bright light shining on my face from the page. Here's what I'll say. I'm going to look up porn.

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Go to your happy price, Priceline. One thing that I will say that is a pretty fun thing to get at In-N-Out. Jesus, that cock is massive. And you'll probably have a, you know, you might have an issue with this when I say it, Shlatt. But the protein style is when you can replace the buns with pieces of lettuce. Okay? Yeah.

And what this does... Why would you... You got to listen to me. You got to listen to me. You got to listen to me. You got to listen to me. What this does is it removes the bun from the scenario. And you could get like a toasted bun, a buttered toasted bun at In-N-Out as well. And that's perfectly good. And there's nothing wrong with that. But something special about the protein style is that

When you remove the bun, all of a sudden, the meat, the cheese, all of the internal ingredients become far more apparent, and it becomes this cheesy, meaty goodness. And you also get the crunch of the lettuce. It's wonderful. It's like a refreshing burger almost. It's fantastic. That's, first of all, not a burger.

Second of all, you can get lettuce on a burger if you want a crunch. You take that lettuce, you put it on the top and the bottom. I know, I know. And it's messy. Trust me, it's a sloppy job. That's just not something I think anyone should be interested in. That's a mutation of a burger that shouldn't exist. That's...

It's like Burger Crisper and I don't fuck with that. That's Neuralink for burgers. I want it at a B. B? Well, because I would say an A. Fine, but I'm not happy. Fine, but I'm pissed. That's fair. Fine, but I'm pissed. We should do Whataburger next because it's kind of the comparable, you know, the regional chain. F. Never have it. I can't even say anything. Nope. Nope.

what is that everyone talks up what a burger everyone was i was excited to try a whataburger when i moved to texas and it was the most milk toast underwhelming food i've ever eaten and it's not the quality of it is not f tier but just the just the disappointment of how just utterly ordinary it was was uh that's a good roast there utterly ordinary

Man, if you really want to hurt someone's feelings, you could just be like, man, I hate how utterly ordinary you are. That would ruin someone's day. It's true. That would make someone spiral. It's true, man. It's like it's C-tier food, but...

There's no reason anyone needs to be talking this place up. The only plus it's got is it's open 24-7, a lot of them. Okay, that is pretty good. So it's good for the degeneracy in you. Like if you've got like a good buzz going post-bar and you're like, I'm going to eat some Whataburger. And you order it and you just inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. One of those wet, dry vacuum cleaners too. Nothing gets, everything gets picked up by it.

Everything. Gets everything. But the problem, dude, I got a gripe. I have a gripe. Okay. Say your gripe. I'm like fucking Colin and Samir right now. I have a gripe, okay? Yeah, do they say that a lot? And it's that the only reason that Whataburger gets points for the 24-7 thing is because no one else does it in Texas. For some fucking reason, Austin is like a very sleepy city. Nothing's open past 10. And you'll go to New York and 24-7 fast food is not even like a...

people don't even think twice yeah the bars are open until four in new york city right fucking everything's open in new york fucking everything forever that's one thing new york has over la is bars close at two in la and i think the bars close at like four in new york i could be wrong though anyways so whataburger's down there at f what's this last one that we added to the end of the tier list audio listeners love you to death we got a tier list if you should watch the video version of this if you want to see what we're looking at but anyways

What's it called, that last one? Back-axby? Zaxby's. That's Zaxby's. What is Zaxby's? I've never heard of this before. It's a chicken place. It's a chicken place. Well, I like chicken, but is it good? No. So F? No. I'd put it maybe E. I just have to trust you for that one, so. No, I don't. I'm not a fan of Zaxby's. It's one of those things where, like, you wish any other chicken place was there instead of a Zaxby's. Yeah. You know? Yeah. One time it was completely raw. Oh. Yeah.

See, that's something that you'd expect a chicken place to just never do is serve their chicken, their main thing on the logo of their establishment, raw. Yeah. Yeah. You'd think they'd have to get that right. Gross. To be in business. Okay. We should do another chicken place. Why don't you guys do like a Popeye's versus Chick-fil-A? Oh. I like Chick-fil-A. Okay. Chick-fil-A's good. I have a... This might be a hot take. Okay. I believe in my heart of hearts, I think Popeye's chicken is...

miles ahead of Chick-fil-A. But with the one caveat being every time I bite into Popeye's chicken, it's like a fucking timer in my gut that just explodes like an hour later and I'm on the toilet and I feel like absolute shit for hours. Hours.

I can't handle my Popeyes for whatever reason. So maybe that tells you that the chicken itself is maybe not as good. So are we comparing the spicy chicken sandwiches or what are we comparing here? When I go to a chicken place, I want a spicy chicken sandwich. So that's how I would judge the Chick-fil-A versus Popeyes. Both are good. Popeyes is better. It's crispier. The spice is better.

But it always lands me with a less than favorable visit to the toilet. Okay. So I'd probably put them pretty evenly matched. Tucker and I once went to a Popeye's when we were driving into Louisiana when we were on a road trip together. We went to a Popeye's and it was a really, really not good experience. Really? It was...

weird. It was just like it was like one of those like it's times where you go to like a fast food place in the middle of nowhere where you've never been before and you go in and it's just like the vibes are off. There's there's something going on like it's it was so and that's really the only experience that I have with with Popeyes.

I get it. It's like going into a Checkers. I've never even been into a Checkers. But I'm sure the next time I go into a Checkers, I'll look around and I'll say, I was warned about this. I'll hear your voice reverberating in my brain and you'll be like, watch out for Checkers. Don't go to Checkers, Ted. Go into the bathroom. Third stall from the right. Come see me. Oh, they got a moaning Myrtle in Checkers.

- So look, I'm a big fan of good chicken. I think it's one of my favorite things to get if we're talking fast food, I'd put both of them at A. I'd put both of them at A. - Yeah, I would too. I'll tell you one thing. Honestly, one of my favorite things to get at Chick-fil-A is not even Chick-fil-A. It is to get the cookies and cream milkshake and then get the fries. And this is something I learned from my father. So this is something I learned from my father.

And, you know, maybe people won't be into this, but I like taking those waffle fries and I like dip them in the cookies and cream shake and eat it. That's fair. Because it's just the salt on the waffle fries at Chick-fil-A, at least the local one that I live near, is really good. And Tucker's had the local Chick-fil-A that I ordered from and it's, you can attest, it's pretty good.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Chick-fil-A is just easy. The chicken is always good. You know what you're getting every time. But then they've got the sundae. They've got the religion. They're putting religion in the business. What are we doing? They got good ice cream, but the fries might just be my personal experience. Always soggy. At Chick-fil-A for you? Always soggy. Maybe it's just the Austin locations. It must be the Austin. But they're always fucking soggy. I'd be surprised, too. You'd expect that there would be crispy fries at Mega Church Central.

I guess not. That's weird. I guess not. That's fucking weird. I don't know how I feel about that. Yeah. Okay. Well. Yeah. That's how I feel. All right. That's how I feel. I feel like the Popeye's chicken is better, but always have fucking diarrhea and feel like shit after it. So. How about KFC? Okay. So KFC. This one I have no strong feelings about. So KFC is like. I really don't. Weird. It's like, that is the, I, KFC gave me like acid reflux when I was like 13. Okay.

Like I was, I was, I was like, it was when, you know how they, I think they brought this back recently, but they, they initially years ago, like a decade ago, they had this sandwich where it was two pieces of chicken and then shit in the middle. It was like the bun was pieces of chicken shit in the middle of the sandwich. Not like actual feces, but like they had like all cheese and sauces and stuff. And it was like this little sandwich. And it was like, it was, it was so good.

My mouth's watering even thinking about it right now. I mean, but it poisoned my body a little bit. But, I mean, KFC, they've got a good mascot, the Colonel. Ours is a little cursed looking. Yeah, our version is a little scary. We'd have to put it below Popeye Chick-fil-A, though. So surely we should put it at a C.

I don't feel strongly about this chain at all. I put it at a C. Yeah. I mean, if you want chicken in Texas, you're not going to KFC. I'll put it that way. I'll tell you one chain that I feel really strongly about. And this goes out to all my Midwesterners out there because I've driven through there a lot. And every time that Eddie and I have gone on the road trips, well, I discovered, I don't think I discovered it maybe for the first time on the rainforest trip, but then it was like a requirement to stop there on the Margaritaville trip.

And I will say without a doubt, this needs to go on the S category. It is Culver's. Never had it. They have fried cheese curds at Culver's. That sounds gross. Curds. I hate the word curds. Okay. Have you ever had a mozzarella stick?

Sounds like turds. That's great. I'm glad that you instantly think of mozzarella stick. It's just a long cheese curd. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Really? Yeah. Basically. Yeah. Wow. But then you've got the quality of Wisconsin cheese going on there and they're, they're, they're perfect. They're literally perfect. And they've also got like ice cream there that they can give you. And they've also got the ice cream there that they can give you.

They've got ice cream there. And you can purchase the ice cream, too. It's not just for display. Okay. And they've got, like, these fucking melts you can get. Like, I'm talking sourdough with a burger patty and then cheese. And it's not a soggy one, either. Because sometimes problems with fast food places is they'll be making them melt and then it becomes soggy. And then you're like, okay, well, now I'm just covered in wetness. No!

I mean, we've still... You seem very, very, very passionate about this. Well, because it's not... They're not in L.A. I've never had it. I've never had it. Well, because they're not in L.A. I'll give it to you. And the only time that I can get Culver's is like... I mean, there's like maybe one in Arizona, but like most... They're in the Midwest. And...

I can tell you one thing, I'm not really trying to go to the Midwest all the time. So like it's like a it's a joy when I when I go to a Culver's. Yeah, I don't think I've ever been to that part of the country, nor do I even have the desire to go. So maybe if I if I find myself there in some kind of awful situation, I'll maybe go. You'll crawl the Culver's. Ted, I got to make a deal with you, all right? I'll give you your ass on Culver's if you give me an ass.

Well, that wasn't the deal. You just let it go there. Well, hey. Well, hey. I'll let you have an S here if you give me my S. It depends on what it is because it really depends. It really does depend. Shake on it. No, I'm not shaking on it. You need to take it. All right. Then I hate Culver's. Fucking hate Culver's. No. Okay. Because it's from the Midwest. No, Tucker. Don't pull that down an F. Pull that shit away from there. Going down an F. No. It's at least C. It's got to be C. I hate the Midwest. Never want to visit there. Give me my S.

Give it. Shake. Hold on. I'm scanning them. I'm scanning them to see if I would have a significant issue with any of these. Oh, yeah. No, I can give it an S because Tucker's the only one who's going to have a problem with what you're about to do. Shake it. Shake it. Deal. Tucker, put that Culver's an S. All right. Do it, Sean. White Castle. Interesting choice. So White Castle is a...

White Castle is the bottom of the barrel. So why are you doing that? It's the bottom of the barrel. It is. I mean, they give you these little bite-sized burgers. Yeah. They're like little, they're little like, it's finger food. You just shove them in your mouth. I've never been to a White Castle before. I just know that they're a Midwestern brand though. That looks pretty good. That last one you just clicked, Tucker, the White Castle burger thing to the right. Yeah, there it is. That looks pretty good.

People are going to be pissed off. I think that's like a fan made. Have I told you that I worked at a, oh, it's fan made? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they're recreating it in a better way. Have I told you that I worked on a commercial in 2018 for White Castle? No, I have no idea. I was a genie swing. I was part of the grip and electric department. I was a swing. It was a job I was brought on by this guy named Nat.

And it was a Facebook live stream that White Castle was doing where they were promoting these chicken rings. You know those fried chicken rings that you would get in elementary school? Yeah. So White Castle started selling those as part of their business model. That's fucking cool. And the commercial was basically...

The commercial was basically them doing like the whatever those things that old people watch where they're trying to extract money from dementia ridden. What? Old people where it's like a QVC commercial.

Where it's like a channel where it's like, oh, we've got this wonderful ring and shit like that. Yeah, like paid programming. Yeah. They basically did a parody of one of those programs except that they were showing off the ring and then they were putting the ring on their finger and then they were like showing it off. So that's like the one instance and they had a bunch of the chicken rings out and they were bone chilling cold. But

But yeah, so that's my one interaction with White Castle is working on something for the market. I will fully admit, man. I'll fully admit to everyone listening. I don't think the food is that good. But there's something, you know when you're spiraling, you know? Oh, yeah. You know when shit is just really going downhill and you need something to match that energy, you go to White Castle.

Open 24/7. I don't know if there's many people out there that are actively spiraling and they're like I want to spin this baby up more and then go out of their way to choose something. Nobody's matching the energy of a crisis. You listen to me Teddy. You listen to me. You walk into White Castle at 2:00 a.m. you go I need a Crave case. It's a fucking suitcase full of burgers.

And then the guy looks at you funny because they're like, oh, that's just for you? And then you're like, all right, and two drinks. So it doesn't look like it's fucking just you eating the entire Crave case. Cool.

they definitely would if your response to them saying just for you you say alright and two drinks two drinks I need two drinks oh my god you eat it in the car just park that side to White Castle so no one can see you oh my god it sounds like White Castle kind of has the same energy as Jack in the Box which is actually not even on our list here but I would probably put you know Jack in the Box pretty low to the F tier category

But I've definitely ordered Jack in the Box several times while drunk because they never close.

And you can get a bunch of fucking garbage from them. But they're curly fries. They're always soggy. They've got these fucking jalapeno poppers that are just, you know, you'll eat them. You'll eat them. And you'll say, this is good in the moment. But you'll be like, why the fuck do I eat all 10 jalapeno poppers from Jack in the Box? You know what I compare White Castle to? Those fucking sugar cookies at the grocery store with the fucking frosting on them. And you bite into them. My sister loved those growing up.

Well, I love White Castle. No, you don't. You admitted that you don't like it. Yes, I do. No, I do. I love White Castle. I love the vibe. Your opinions are and have always been in flux. I'm a fucked up individual. White Castle, S. You're a messed up guy. We're leaving it there. Hey, look at me. You're a messed up guy. I got two guns behind me on the wall. I believe it because you've got a twisted mind.

We should shift to a breakfast scene and do a Starbucks versus Dunkin' Donuts. Okay, this is easy for me. I think I know your answer as well, Ted. Why? Because we're East Coast. Oh, I thought you were going to position yourself against me because I'm from Massachusetts and you're from New York. Okay. All right, all right. I would say that Dunkin' Donuts is probably a B right now. Where it stands...

It used to be an S. It used to be an A. Tucker, they're selling fucking avocado toast at Dunkin' Donuts right now. They're selling avocado toast and they're selling, they got rid of the mango culotta. They got rid of the coffee culotta. They got rid of the coffee culotta, Tucker. Listen to my words. Heed my words. You understand? Yeah, but they have the Charlie.

And they have donuts with the Charlie. A for me. Dunkin's like an E and Starbucks is like a D. Oh yeah, Starbucks is a fucking F for all I care. Actually, no, I'd probably put Starbucks towards a D or maybe even a C. I would put Dunkin at a B. It costs the same thing these days. I would do B, Dunkin,

Starbucks. I'm more biased. I'm more biased for donuts rather than coffee. So Dunkin' was always my choice. And East Coast Pride a little bit puts Dunkin' up top. Don't care for Starbucks one bit. Yeah, I think B&D is a good split. Yeah. I'll tell you one thing that would have pulled Starbucks up to a C for me is that they've really been working on their sandwich game over there on Starbucks. Yeah. Yeah. They got various different types. They've got like

12 sandwiches now that you could different sandwiches you could order and they're all pretty good really yeah yeah if you're ever in like a if you're ever in a hotel or something then they've got like a little starbucks there try one of their sandwiches for breakfast they're pretty good and they're small servings too like that's it's you're not like you can get like a 400 calorie sandwich or something like that and it's good you guys should uh attack all of the pizza places pizza place f no no no no no that's gonna end the episode way too quickly

F, F, F. What are you doing, man? What are you doing? Little Caesars. I've never had Little Caesars before. So I could put. It's nothing special. I could put that in there. $5 hot and ready. F. Domino's A. F. What are you fucking talking about? No, you don't understand the history that Tucker and I have. Domino's A? No, you don't understand the history that Tucker and I have with Domino's. That's the most New England shit I've ever heard, dude. What do you mean? New England? What do you mean?

No, it's not about... Because you want to be... You're so close to the good pizza, and yet you have to fucking rely on the stupid, shitty chains like Domino's. We have good pizza. So then why are you putting it out there? This proves you don't understand. This proves you don't understand a lick about what you're talking about. Ted, next time, maybe next episode's mid-episode, I'll show the receipt. Yeah? Yeah. Because I got it. Oh, the receipt was like...

Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about where it was like. You guys are going to get shit for this. No, we're not going to get shit because I'll tell you one thing that you need to understand about Domino's Pizza. Fine. Is that Domino's Pizza is not a pizza place and should not be placed in the same category as like a New York slice from Joe's or something like that, you fucking prick. It's a fast food place.

It's a fast food place. Domino's is a fast food place. You can order fucking loaded tots there. You can order their fucking Parmesan bread bites that will kill your body, but they're so goddamn good that it feels so good in the moment. You can get a pan. I can't tell you how many times Tucker and I have ordered...

pans for each other over our childhood where you're like, oh, you're going to get me a pan you buy in? Yeah. Yeah, I'm buying. I'm buying you a pan pizza, baby, with bacon and pepperoni. So it's fast. That's what it is. It's fast food. Let me tell you what else is fast. All right, you fucking asshole. Walk into any pizzeria. Say I want a slice of pizza. They fucking give it to you. You pay $1.25. You're at the door.

And it's way better than Domino's. This is bullshit. You're going to get shit for this. It's not better than Domino's. It's different. You're going to get in trouble for this. You're going to get in trouble for this opinion, Ted. Okay, okay. I get it. I get it. But listen to this. If I had the option of putting Serrano's brick oven pizza at a Ness, I would. I would.

And that's why I put, that's why I wasn't throwing dominoes in ass because it's not an ass. It's not a, it's not even anywhere close to a, what are you talking about? Fucking white castle at S dude. What? What? You're it's the vibes. It's the vibes. Okay. You're, you're entire. There's a time and a place for white castle and there's not for dominoes.

Anywhere in the Northeast, bro, pizza is right there at your fingertips. You can go to anywhere, say, give me a slice, and then they fucking give it to you. You listen to me, you cockamamie fuck, okay? Fucking cocksucker. The entire structural integrity of your opinion

Dissolve the moment you were like I'm gonna make a deal with you Ted and then you made me make a deal with you and they're like I'm gonna put white cancel it fucking ass. All right, the people don't trust you right now the listeners audio listeners love you to death. They don't trust you They don't maybe some of these people haven't even seen your face and they're like I bet he looks like a fucking rat And they'd be right But you know what? I'm right here

And everyone knows with the head on their shoulders that Domino's is not deserving of A. You're going to put Domino's? Ted, Ted. Tucker, back me up. Stop talking and think for a fucking second, Ted. You're putting Domino's at the same level as Chick-fil-A? Yeah, it's a fast food place. You're putting Domino's above In-N-Out?

Like, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous to me. Domino's has served us honorably for years. Without fail. Without fail. Thank you, Tucker, for that little tag in there. Okay? Because Domino's

Okay, you got to think about it this way. It's a Saturday night. You're on games with the boys, all right? You're doing a couple drops into the minis of PUBG, and you're thinking to yourself, man, oh, man, oh, man. I got no class tomorrow. I got no homework right now. It is like fucking...

Maybe I'd even say it's about to hit winter break right now. We're talking December, baby. And you think to yourself, I'm getting myself some fucking dominoes. You put it in the app exclusively for dominoes, okay? And you see fucking dominoes.

Dominic is preparing your order and he's putting it in the oven and then it's on its way and it shows up and it's there and it's hot. You add in maybe fucking five cups of the garlic dipping sauce because why the fuck not? It's good. You dip the pizza in it. You dip the fucking Parmesan bread bites. Domino's is fucking good, but it's not good for you. Let's move on. Are you done? Oh, I'm done. So what do you think about Wendy's, Schlatt?

It's much better in New York than it is in Texas. Much better. Something is up with all the Wendy's in Texas where they fuck up every order and the food is not as good. There's something to be said about that Frosty, though. Something to be said about that Frosty. Frosty, they got a good brand going on with the Frosty.

I'm putting Wendy's at B tier if we're in New York. I'll accept it because I lost a lot of energy to think right now after that Domino's Marine. I'll tell you one thing. Steak and Shake is pretty good the one time I had it.

I've never had it. Never. Tucker didn't seem to like that. Okay, fine. We'll put it at D. I don't know. I had it in Yucca Valley and it was not good. Well, you had it in Yucca Valley. The yuck is in the name, dude. All right. So we're putting that at D. We haven't finished the other pizza places. Oh, right. We have Pizza Hut and then Papa John's as well. Oh, for all I care, those guys could go at F if we wanted them there.

My god, you're fucking stupid. I'm not stupid. Don't call me stupid. I don't like it when you call me stupid It hurts my feelings The only okay in my perfect world all of them get affix of Papa John's which gets II okay fine Papa John's at II like I don't have any only reason only reason is Because they got that garlic sauce. Okay, I got that garlic sauce. It's very good and

It's like Domino's got the garlic. Domino's at A. Domino's at A, man. I can't. This is fucked up. It's fucked up, man. It's fucked up. I've never had Quiznos before. Have you had Quiznos? Quiznos is fucking good. Really? Yeah, I like Quiznos. I'll let you put it up there. I'll put Quiznos above Subway. You know, it's one of those you make your own things. And generally, I find myself exiting the Quiznos with a nice...

I'd be totally okay putting Subway as low as we want because Subway has a very, and Tucker can attest to this, Subway has a very, very shocking and deep sort of trauma response, the smell of that place for us. When Tucker and I both worked at Staples, we both worked at Staples,

The closest place, as in like you could drive there in 30 seconds, was Subway. So when you had your 15-minute lunch break, you go over to Subway to get a sandwich there. And then it takes like five minutes or something to get the food, and then you have to drive over. So it's like you got about eight minutes to eat. So Subway was the place that you always go to. And granted, I still did. Or you'd order from?

Domino's. Domino's. Right before it shows up. Because they would deliver. I never ordered Domino's while I was working. You didn't really work too much while you worked there. Yeah.

wait no i did i mean i was blocking there's there's a there's a very you're right there's a very unique scent in every subway ever and it's a it's a thick air to it i don't mind it i don't mind it i go into a subway every now and then and i'm like oh i remember that it's a little nostalgic to me but i don't i'm not gonna sit here and say i love the food it's definitely like tucker had a special sort of

meal that he it was like it was like something about it was there was definitely something where it was like pepper jack and pepperoni were involved in the sandwich you know i'm talking about talking yeah yeah i think i would do the um like rotisserie chicken it was like shredded chicken no you wouldn't put chicken on there man it was it was turkey well it was probably turkey i transitioned turkey pepperoni from jack like lettuce tomato

Bacon too, I think. That was a high school sandwich. It was a high meat sandwich. High meat, high fat sandwich. But walking in there, in many ways trauma, but also sort of like your sanctuary in many ways. Because there was that one guy that always worked there and he recognized you when you walked in. Anyways, Subway could be helpful. Because you'd be wearing a Staples uniform.

There's some pent up frustration there. I'll let you guys put it at F if that's what your heart really wants. Stop saying that you're letting us do these things. Like you're giving us a gift. Okay? Well, I didn't want to let you put fucking dominoes at A. But I let you put a lot of burger at F. I'm upset about that. But we made a deal. So that was contractual. And I let you put Dax Beans. I let you put Culver's at S. Okay. Can we all agree that Auntie Anne's is S tier? Yeah. Let's do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's S. That's good. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll tell you one thing. DQ on the, and this happened, there's actually, when we went to the thing, when we went to the thing, there's a DQ attached to the thing in, in. Really? And. Combination thing in DQ? Yeah. And after we went there, before we got back on the road, I ordered a sandwich there and it was like,

Oh man, it was good. It was a good sandwich. They have like good sandwiches at DQ, like good burgers and stuff. And they're like, and they're like, they're just like, I don't know. It's like one of those fast food places where they've got like the, the greasy, tasty, funky options and they're just good.

I don't know. I have a very, very strong opinion on Dairy Queen. Really? Okay. Is it in a positive or negative? Yeah. Well, hold on. Okay. It seems to me like you like Dairy Queen. I do. I like Dairy Queen. So here's the thing. Growing up, there was not a single Dairy Queen near me. Okay? Okay. But on road trips we'd do, you'd start seeing them. Okay? So Dairy Queen became a delicacy for these long road trips. It became something to look forward to.

Because the fucking blizzard they served you upside down upside down, bro. They do the flip. That's fucking cool. That's fucking cool. And it was only like an ice cream place for me. It was only an ice cream place for me growing up. Sorry.

But after moving to Texas and seeing how many there are, we fucking love Dairy Queen in this state. They're everywhere, man. They're everywhere. And the food is decent. Yeah. The food is decent. And let me tell you, there's actually lore to Texas Dairy Queens. Really? Yeah. Where is Dairy Queen from? Like, what was its original state? I don't know. I don't know. But there's some lore with Dairy Queens that I think you'll enjoy. So there's a couple of Dairy Queens around here that are fucking awful. Okay. In Illinois, by the way, for the answer there.

There's a couple that are awful. There's a couple that are really, really bad in the Austin area. And there's a couple that are really, really good. And the reason they're good, well, yes. There's a sub-chain of Dairy Queens in the Austin area called Mayfield Dairy Queens. What? Oh, it's like a franchise. It's an extremely rich family.

that got into the Dairy Queen business and does it better than any other non-Mayfield family Dairy Queens. It's like, it's, the difference is almost night and day with these things. Can we try that when we come out? You want Dairy Queen? You go to a Mayfield Dairy Queen. Yes. Tucker, you down for that? We're going to try the Mayfield Dairy Queen? Dude, this place, this place looks romantic. What the fuck?

And you know what? He's cutting the ribbon with the fucking cowboy hat. This is great. They pay fairly. And I think the employees always seem happy there.

which is not something you can say about the other ones. But I'll say Dairy Queen is, I put it at S tier. I really enjoy the food. I'll allow that, especially because there's nothing that I could, I would never want to take away the nostalgic aspect of a road trip Dairy Queen from you. There's no way. And I also like Dairy Queen, so I'd put it at an S.

Nice. What do you guys think the comparison between a Blizzard and a McFlurry is? You can get... You can assuredly get a Dairy Queen Blizzard

And you will not probably be able to get a McFlurry if you tried. They're never going to say so. Even if you ordered it. Even if you ordered it and it said that you ordered it, sometimes it just doesn't show up. DoorDash. Yeah. Remember? We DoorDashed something and Emma didn't get her McFlurry and it was... Yeah. That was bad. That was bad. It was disappointing. Emma started spinning her arms. Yeah, she does. She's like a Beyblade. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Yeah.

I haven't been to a Panera in a very long time, but I would put it... I mean, I just have some good times. Like, a lot of these places... Yeah, it's good. A lot of these places, I relate to my high school experience, specifically with Tucker, because Panera, we would go to a lot in...

in the town over. And it was pretty good. And it was kind of like our equivalent of going out to a restaurant, kind of. We'd go in and we'd sit down. Yeah. It's nice fast food. I quite enjoy the idea of soup and bread. And

And then you get to eat the bread afterwards. That's just fun. It feels like you're, you know, it's not, it doesn't feel like a regular fast food place. It's like, it's like, okay, we're having a feast. Yeah. Like it's like, it's like glamping. It's glamping. It's the glamping of fast food. Yeah. No. Okay. I put that up. I put it up in an A.

And they have a good Buffalo chicken sandwich that's new to the menu. So big vouch on that. Yeah, I think what was this? I would get some sort of sandwich. I would get like the pick two thing, but where it was like you get half a sandwich and you get a soup. So I get a tomato soup and then I would get like, yeah, I get like the Parmesan tomato soup and then I would get this sandwich that was like turkey avocado to tomato and stuff. And it was like, I don't know. It was fresh back then. It was good.

It's good. It's still good. Yeah, it's still good. Where did you want to put Quiznos, Flat? I put Quiznos at B. Okay. I like Quiznos. They also have a good buffalo chicken sandwich. I mean, I like spicy chicken sandwiches. I think that's the moral of today's story. I would put Five Guys pretty high just because I like Five Guys. I like Five Guys too. I'd put it in A.

I don't feel that strongly, but I will say the vibes in there, great vibes. Yeah, it kind of feels like you're walking into a deli, like a New York deli where it's like the people working there are kind of yelling at each other. They all got that metal bowl where he's fucking salting the fries and he's spinning it around. Yeah, of course. It's good. They also have always...

supported my YouTube dreams because whenever we've walked in there and had ordered Moses a 10 patty burger, they will still do it. Really? Well, yeah, they did it. We started with a five patty burger when we went to PAX one year. And then we did an eight patty burger. And then we did a 10 patty. We did a 10 patty challenge. I think. Was it? We did five. I thought we did a five first. Yeah.

And then maybe we did. We ate. Did we do an eight? I think we did. We go right to 10. I think maybe we did 10. Yeah. I mean, we were five and then we went 10. I thought, well, one never made it to video. Oh yeah. And I, there's, you might still, you might still have the video of it, but we have, we have got some good footage. We have footage.

Of when we were filming it, and I just filmed it wrong anyways. I tried to make it like a live stream thing. It was weird. But we have footage from when we tried to film the 15 patty challenge where Moses was just putting burgers. He was putting them down his gullet, and he just couldn't do it. And it was the dead of winter. And Moses, we have this footage of Moses hurling chunks of burgers

Of hamburger patties onto the street in a Petco parking lot. I didn't need to hear any of this. I should post that on my channel. And I remember going back into that area. I remember going back into that area weeks later because it was the dead of winter in Massachusetts and the barf was still frozen on that parking lot. I could still see it. I'm going to post that. I didn't need to hear any of that. It's hilarious. Moses was thrown up. It's terrible.

And I think I was doing this thing where I was like posing next to him as he's hurling. It was awesome. That is classic. That's a classic thing to do. People will find it. And Moses is like, he kind of screams when he throws up a little bit. You know? Where he's like, he's like. It's a terrifying vision. Yeah. So yeah. A lot of great things. Five guys A? Five guys A? Five guys A. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Do they have peanuts at all the Five Guys? Oh, you couldn't. I think that might be phasing out. What? They're phasing out the peanuts? Well, Texas Roadhouse got rid of them. Well, that's Texas Roadhouse. For peanut allergies people? I don't know. Okay, Five Guys is not going to be a thing. They do everything in peanut oil there. It's a peanut specific place. Remember when we went there with Thomas for one of the videos and Thomas couldn't even enter in the building because he...

He stood out. He was outside the building because he has a severe peanut allergy. Not for weak people. No, not at all. All right. So what's next? I'm happy with A. What's next? Carl's Jr. Tucker, take it away. I've got no opinion on Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. served me very well during my time at 29 Palms.

but they are really fucking slow, so we'll give them a C. They're Southern, right? They're California. No, Hardee's is Southern. Yeah, Hardee's is Southern. They're the same thing, though. Yeah, they are. Someone tried to argue with me that they were different restaurants at one point. They literally have the same logo. I know. I know. That's why it made me so mad. I showed them next to each other, and I was like, look, same restaurant. And he's like, different titles. And I'm like, what are you fucking talking about?

I'll tell you one thing. Hardee's has better breakfast sandwiches. Hardee's isn't even on this list. I know. I've had a lot of fast food because I've been on a lot of road trips. And I've been placed in a position where I've tried a lot of these places. Fair. I'm happy with C. I don't care either way. Panda Express, we had that during Chuckle Week.

I like Panda. I like Panda Express. Yeah, Panda's pretty good. It's good. It's always reliable. The orange chicken. I mean, they pump out billions of tons of it. Billions of tons of orange. That's a funny visual. I mean, they know what the fuck they're doing. I put it at B. B for billions of orange chicken. B's fair. B's fair. Taco Bell. I like Taco Bell, but I get Taco Bell more than I should. But it's a B in my head. Yeah, I agree.

And the food's good. The food's good, but I never like how I feel about myself after a Taco Bell outing. Really? I don't like how I feel about myself after a Domino's outing, that's for sure. Yeah. Maybe that should knock it down a few times. No, no, no, no. Okay, all right. Worth a shot, worth a shot.

I'm fine with Taco Bell at B2. I don't really mind. You seem sort of surprised with how parallelly passionate Tucker and I are on Domino's. You seem thrown off by it. I don't understand it. I don't understand it. I'm confused. I am confused. It's like a critical character in our childhood, almost. It's followed me, too. I've never been outside of a mile of a Domino's, ever. Thank you.

Hey, man, as I say, I'll let you have it. I'll allow it. What do you think of Chipotle? They got E. coli. They're never escaping that E. coli shit, dude. I like Chipotle food.

I got the Forever card from them from OTK. Oh, shit, that's true. Did you lose it? Yeah, the Burrito card. Did you lose it? No, I gave it to my dad. I can't be mad at that. I can't be mad at that at all. Yeah, and I gave my dad the card. And he says, he's like, dude, I get Chipotle all the time. And he's a bigger fan of Chipotle than I am. So he's like a fucking celebrity there. The one thing that was annoying about the Chipotle black card is that no one knows what the fuck it is.

So like you'll give it to them and you're like, yeah, this means one free burrito. And they're like, they look at it, they fucking flip it around. They got to call a manager every time. It's like, it's quicker to pay. That's the richest thing I've heard. Yeah. Usually it's not about the time. Oh, time is money. That's what they say. No, but money is also money. And that's a free, that's free.

Don't care. Rich. They only give it to rich people anyways. I mean, what the fuck? Dude, the amount of free shit that rich people get. They're not giving it to fucking Joe Schmoe listening to this anyways. Yeah, yeah. The rich get richer. It's literally true. That's so true. It's shockingly true how much the rich get richer.

But yeah, I would put Chipotle maybe at a, like it's like a C or a B really. The one thing I really, I almost always, whenever I order Chipotle, it's usually not because I want a burrito from Chipotle. It's because I want an excuse to get a large queso with chips from Chipotle. Yeah, the chips are good. Tucker, you seem confused by that.

Well, nobody gets burritos anymore. Burrito bowls are in. No. Yeah, I go there all the time. A burrito shows up one out of maybe every ten orders that go through. What are you fucking, like, you just stand at the aisle? He's the prince. You just stand there and look. Prince of Chipotle. I know what I'm talking about.

The chips are good, but burritos are out. Everyone gets burrito bowls. That's just not true. I usually get a burrito every time I order from there. But how often do you order? Not that often. Maybe once a month. That's not that often. At least 12 times a year. I feel like that's more times than most people would go to Chipotle. No, not if you live in a college town, dude. I guess some people become regulars. Well, I'm happy with B.

What the fuck is Long John Silver? Who fucking knows, man? Why do you make an ad for this, Tucker? Fuck that. I've never even been. What the fuck is that shit? Put that in an ad for Let's Geek. I'm so curious. They're attached to A&Ws.

They're attached to A and W's? Combination A and W and Long John Silver's? What I wouldn't give is a root beer and some Long John's. Who's saying that? Nobody. A root beer float and some fish and chips, baby. I don't even know if they sell fish and chips there. They probably just sell... I don't know what the fuck they do. I think they do. I bet they sell fish sticks, but they're shaped like those French toast sticks you get in elementary school. You know, like perfectly triangular, like square, rectangular. Yeah.

Well, either way, F. Fuck that. McDonald's is an A. I mean, it's McDonald's. Do we have... You got bomb with that? Yeah. No, I don't. I'll tell you one thing I like ordering at McDonald's that I've kind of got into lately. I like getting a quarter pounder with cheese and then adding... And having them add mayo to it because it adds a little bit of... Damn!

Whoa. Tucker liked that. You liked that? Yeah, that sounds pretty good. Mid-episode interruption? No, my mid-episode interruption was going to be this Bohrok call. What the hell is that? It's a fucking bionicle, man. It's a bionicle. Oh, my God, a bionicle. Well, I got to unfold it first if you want me to. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I can go like that. Oh, whoa. Yeah. Oh, my God, that's awesome. That's sweet, dude. I think this one's the new Vok call, I think. They got weird names.

I have Toa Nuju on my nightstand. Dude, my favorite thing about the Bionicles was how involved Linkin Park was in their music. That's so true. Bionicles saved Lego from bankruptcy. Really? Lego was in a really bad spot coming into the late 90s there and Bionicles exploded, helped pull them out because they were going down. I was so...

I was so invested in the lore of Bionicle. That was probably the first lore that captured me. Bionicles are so fucking cool. That was a good mid-episode interruption, too. You just had that ready. You had that ready to go, and you pulled it out. Yeah, he sits on my desk. That's good, man. I've got the other five of his siblings in the closet. Ha ha ha!

Because there are sets of six. Dude, all my Bionicles are just in a bin and they're not. You were clearly a much more organized child than me, Tiger, where you still have them in there. Oh, yes. Bro, the biggest Bionicle I ever built was Gdunka. Gdunka. Look at that. You know, one thing that was very impressive for me, and I think I mentioned this before, I had the Mask of Light.

No, no, not the matte one, Tucker. I'm talking like I had a version of the Mask of Light that had sparkles in it and stuff where it was the legit one where I could tell kids. Oh, it was like clear-y. It was like clear plastic, like epoxy. No, I had the matte gold. I had the matte gold and the fucking epoxy glittery one. And I would go to elementary school and I'd be like, I got the Mask of Light. And they'd be like, that's the fucking Mask of Light? And they'd be like, yeah.

Yeah, no, it was pretty impressive. It was pretty cool. Anyways, we're getting off track here. We got like four more restaurants to do and then we got to end the podcast. Yeah, we got to blaze through. We got to blaze through. Sonic, I think it's pretty cool because you get to pull in and they're...

You can't go in, but I think it's pretty cool you get to pull up and they give it to you in your car. It's sort of an epitome of American capitalism in many ways. Style points, I guess. They got rollerblades. The most entertainment I've ever gotten from a fucking Sonic. Yeah, I don't think I've ever eaten there. I mean, it's been at least a decade. The most entertainment I get from Sonic is seeing those videos that pop up every now and then of the fucking employees falling and then all the food...

just splatters over the pavement because they're on roller skates i'd probably be in the same position if i had seen that video as well um there's a bunch of them just look up look up sonic employee yeah i feel like d is where we put our guys whether it's like where we where we're like we uh whatever it's whatever yeah it's whatever you know what else is whatever fucking jersey mics it's whatever

It's whatever. Tucker didn't like that one. No, dude, that's such an S tier. You're the only person I know who doesn't immediately go, oh, dude, Jersey Mike's, that's the best. You're the only person. Who the fuck feels that strongly about Jersey Mike's, man? My opinion stays completely unchanged from the last time we brought this up. Jersey Mike's sandwiches are wet.

Bro, the bread comes out soggy. I don't know if this is just an Austin. My name is Jay Slatt and I like it dry. I don't know if this is just like a fucking Austin thing where like the fries at Chick-fil-A are always soggy in the Austin area. But my Jersey Mike sandwiches are always wet. The bread is soggy. The meat is worse. The bread is worse. Jamie John stays on top here. Jamie John stays on top here. I don't think that you pissed Tucker off as much as you pissed him off right now. Look at him. He's like...

He looks like he doesn't want to be here anymore. No. Jersey Mike's is like the best one out of anything on this menu. Okay. Enough from the peanut gallery, Ted. What do you have to say? Tucker, you can't be saying that when you're talking. You put Jersey Mike's over Domino's? Are you fucking kidding me?

stay in your lane all right speak when you're spoken to all right exactly get on with it no don't don't don't don't shoo me away with your hand he shooed you away bro he shooed you away don't shoo me away get on with it what are you a fucking lord royalty what is this shit yeah i am a lord actually fuck you ah okay lord of bad opinions fucking jersey mike's d got him tucker

Yeah, drink your water. Drink your water. Get some hydration. Yeah, can somebody get this fucking guy a water, please? Somebody get this guy a water. He's out. He's just eating ice now.

He's drinking fucking droplets from the bottom. He's drinking backwash. Fuck you. What do you think about Jersey Mike's, Ted? I think Jersey Mike's is pretty good. I've never really had a problem with Jersey Mike's, but also there wasn't a Jersey Mike's in Ithaca. There was a Jimmy John's in the downtown part of Ithaca. So I mostly had Jimmy John's and I would just get a BLT and it would be like six bucks for

And then it was like cheap and easy. And they would use a lot of mayo. And I was happy about that. The mayo's good? I mean, at the end of the day, you're never really going to get like a... Whenever I go to one of these sandwich places, I'm always getting a BLT. Like I am a big BLT guy. That's just like... I'm an Italian. You're an Italian.

Yeah, I do the Italian. Wow. I'm not Italian. No, no. I like an Italian sandwich. No, I understand. I understand. Yeah. Just want to clear that up. Yeah, no. I'm sure that... Interesting that you really needed to make sure that people knew that you weren't Italian. You got something to guess. Definitely not Italian. Okay. All right. Cool.

But yeah, I'd say that Jimmy John's is, you know, I would put it also a D just to keep like the sort of. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no. I'm just trying to keep. I'm trying to keep like the sort of interpersonal sort of energy at a safe level between the members. I'm not interested in this. I'm not interested in this. You're going to put it higher? I'm not interested in this. I think Jimmy John's is A. I'm going to pull it down to a. Okay, fine.

As long as Jersey Mike stays below sea where it belongs, Tucker. Goddamn. Well. You just made my list, Schlepp. Dude. Audio listeners love you to death. Tucker just pulled out a fucking notepad and paper with actually writing shit down. Anyways, Arby's is just like... Arby's is just so okay. Arby's is just like whatever. They've got the... I...

Don't give a fuck about Arby's. Me neither. Maybe anticlimactic anyway. We probably should have ended on anything else. I was going to choose Arby's before the conversation on Jimmy John's that I knew was going to happen. But yeah, Arby's can just be like a C. Just put it in the middle. Sure. Sure. All right.

That's it. There you go, ladies and gentlemen. That is our tier list of fast food places. Let us know what you think. If you disagree, I'm sure some of you do. I'm sure some of you do. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure people have got some strong opinions. I'm sure that they have strong opinions. Maybe some more strong than Tucker. Maybe...

Tucker's sitting there and he is just grouchy. That is Oscar the Grouch sitting there. Oh, well. Boo-hoo. I get paid to be on a fucking podcast. Boo-hoo. My life is so awful on Tucker. They didn't put Jersey Mike's where I thought it belonged. Look at my bionicle. Okay. Well, thank you for listening to this podcast. Audio listeners, love you to death. Video watchers, you're alright. And make sure to check out the

The little website we were talking about at the beginning of the pod, which is, and the URL for that for our next episode is speakpipe.com slash chucklesandwich. You go on there, you leave us a voice message, ask us your questions, maybe a scenario, something ridiculous that happened to you that you want to help us

You want to help us help you figure out for yourself. Or maybe even like if you, am I the asshole that came from your life? Maybe ask us if you're the asshole. Explain the scenario to us. Whatever it is, head over to that website. Check it out. Thanks so much. Call me. And hey, before we go, we're hard on Tucker this episode, but any Tucker haters out there, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, bitches. All right. Peace out, Tucker. See ya.