The Funniest Livestream Stories ft. Ludwig Ahgren
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So you've got the Delta strand, Ludwig. We're working through it. Yeah, tell us how that happened. Well, it started with a government agent who reached out to me and then he said just pass it to as many influencer friends as possible. So glad to be here, Chuckle Sandwich. Yes, hello. Welcome back to Chuckle Sandwich, everybody. We've got Ludwig on.

What a joy. He doesn't seem to be doing too well. I'm doing good. No, I mean, we can all hear you. Well, does it sound bad? Yes. You sound bad. Does it sound bad? It's it. Borf, does it sound bad? He sounds good, Borf said. We hire Borf to lie. That's what he does here. All he does is lie. I went to the 100 Thieves event, and I caught something. I was a little under the weather. But it's about 10 days ago. It was 10 days ago. And you're still coughing?

Occasionally. Occasionally a little. Almost right after the sort of incubation period. Right. This can't be real. There's no way that that's. It's mostly, it's mostly like once every other day. He's a wonderful actor. Well, you guys know each other really well. It's a light call. You're going to know each other better. Hey, but happy to be here. Seriously, gentlemen, if we could just.

- Wow. - Okay. - Wow, that's going for a handshake. - Thumbs up for everyone there. - All right, yeah. - That's good. - Okay. - So Ludwig, yeah, what we typically ask to guests when they come on is we've got a little bit of a sandwich here, as you know. - This is the chuckle sandwich. - Don't breathe on it too much. And we're all sort of parts, different parts of the sandwich. So for instance, Ted is the butt loaf. - Hello. - I'm the meat, schlatt. - Mayo. - Mayo. - Right.

- If you had to pick, if you had to be a part of the sandwich, which you are. - Okay, you guys are getting slowly further away from me, it feels like. - No, no, we just wanna know, we just wanna know.

Project. If I had to be a part of the sandwich, with all of you guys tightly close together, I think I would be the melty cheese. No. That kind of gets everywhere. I would get on everything. Maybe we keep it cold. That's the thing about me. I like getting...

I like getting on everything here. You could be the side of fries, maybe? Oh, that's good, yeah. And stay away. In a different bag, sort of. No, no, no. You could maybe be a second order. Then we're putting this on the sandwiches after, right? No, no. You could potentially be- Call it a California burrito. Maybe a spear pickle that we gingerly pick up and toss away. If I'm a pick, I'm a spirit all of you is what I'm saying. Maybe you could be the receipt.

Well, maybe you could be maybe they put in a little plastic tin that you forget about and stays in the car for a couple of days and wilts. You've hurt me, gentlemen. You've hurt me. Do you do this thing, Ludwig, where if you have multiple things on your plate, you will eat one at a time?

So I know what you're getting at right now. Okay, like if I have a bento box? Burger and fries. Something not already segmented. Do you eat the burger first and then the fries later? Because that's what I do. I do like half main food half. Like I'll start with the fries and then I'll eat the burger and then I like to pick at the fries at the end. So if I had zero fries, I'd be disappointed. But as soon as you start the burger, you commit to finish the burger? I would commit to finish a burger. Okay.

I think we had some moment earlier this week when you were eating something and I really wanted you to try a piece of the other meal and you were like, no, no, no, I need to finish this before I can move on. Yeah. You got to commit. Shlott is very particular. Oh, he's absolutely particular. He's complaining about the Airbnb that we got. Wow. They had to mess up with the hotels somehow. I'm sorry. You got us a hotel at a nightclub.

I didn't, I didn't personally book the hotel. You got us a hotel at a fucking nightclub. We rolled up there and there was a line out the fucking door. And we called them and then they were like, oh no, the hotel closed at 630. It was a self-checking hotel. Am I supposed to go, what am I supposed to walk in the nightclub and go up the stairs and listen to And they didn't read the email. I'm actually pretty responsible for checking the hotel. I like hearing you talk about it. It sounds lit.

- Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that you would love a shady place like that, you fucking bastard. - Look, I'm... Not saying one way or the other there. - Wow. - No, I know Schlatt's particular 'cause of his food preferences too. 'Cause I can't tell if he likes something for a while. Have you guys gained that talent? - So Schlatt's a very interesting character because he even sleeps looking like he's angry. - Yeah. - He was sleeping on the couch upstairs in the Game Grump office

And we were trying to like get his attention. This is actually the context of when the hotel was booked. Actually, it was. And I was too scared to wake him up. Well, yeah, because when he sleeps, he's like this. He's like. Yeah. Like cute. And then like you talk to him. But so angry. Yeah. And you talk to him. Then he's like. It's terrifying. It's like trying to wake up a sleeping giant. It's waking up Sandy Cheeks.

When she's hibernating. When she's hibernating. She's built. She's bulky, too. Yeah. She's built. Just so thick and jacked. You are thick. Big size. Great pics. Great form. Yeah. But I wouldn't wish to be crushed between the thick thighs of Sandy Cheeks post-hibernation wake-up mode. Tell me more about that shit. I'd get her pissed the fuck off. I'd skin her.

I'd f- Whoa. Is this still between you two? Like, is she enjoying this? It feels like she got out of it. I'd flay that fucking rabbit. And stuff her? I bet. And I'd let her get real pissed, and then I'd just...

Stick my head between those thighs. And let her crush you. You know how in Smash, you know that character Kazuya? Yeah. How he does this thing where he turns into a demon every couple seconds? I think in the new Nickelodeon game that's coming out with the Nickelodeon characters, they should do Sandy Cheeks. Oh, Sandy's got to get mad. She gets like big and angry. I forgot she got mad. I just remembered she was a squirrel. She got angry. Yeah. Yeah. She got woken up. Oh, there was that episode. Yeah. Yeah.

You're a pretty big Smash guy, though. How do you feel about the new Nickelodeon situation coming out? Are you going to get into that? This game, I don't know if you gentlemen know, this game is going to be amazing. He's talking about your Slap Mane. Is it? Yeah. Because this game is made by the developers of a game called Slap City.

Which was, uh... I think I saw Connor tweeting about this. Yeah, Slap City was like a, like a... Look. Isn't that a wall ball game? No. You throw balls, like... You slap it back? Side... Yeah. You could probably do that. You could call it, that'd be an apt name. It'd be more like Slap Wall, or Slap Ball. No, Slap City was like a 2D platform fighter. And it was like the only good one, gameplay-wise. Because a bunch of companies have made them and failed. They succeeded, though. What about Rivals of Aether? Yeah.

No? No, that, no, no. It's good, it's good. Rivals is great. He just scoffed at you. No, no. Rivals is great. Unironically, Rivals is great. Slap City was just a much smaller dev team, quicker, you know. Rivals is great.

And the guy follows me and he might hear this and I like the guy. It sounds like you have to believe what you're saying. I like rivals is what I've always said. I've said this in several podcasts before. You can track it. It's trackable. So anyway. There's breadcrumbs. There's proof. I'll say Icon sucked. Do you hear about that game? No. They got like 10 mil or something to make a video game. Something insane.

Spent it all, made the video game, went down within a month and a half. Damn. Just a terrible- Oh, I do remember, it was targeted at the Melee crowd, I believe. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Exactly. These are all Brawl-esque kind of games. Yeah. Wow. I didn't know that there was that many. Interesting word choice, Brawl. Well, the idea is that- Well, they're calling all these like Brawl. It's more like Melee-esque, Brawl-esque, PM-esque, all those. It's all owned by Nintendo, and Nintendo sucks. So everyone wants to make one that's like as good. It's coming.

Oh jeez, get back here, Schlatt. Get back. Oh lord, man. Jesus Christ. So anyway, they make these games and- How could you in good faith even have come here? It's just a light cough. It's a light cough. I know, but it's terrifying the way you're doing it. We were talking yesterday about the guy that hides the bite and how Schlatt was gonna make a nudist colony there. Yeah. To prevent that from happening. Yeah. Wait, what? Do you want to change topics real quick? Yeah, I would love to talk about this. We were talking about the zombie apocalypse. Wow. And-

We were thinking like, oh, well, what if we had to get like a TSA machine? But that's just like bullshit because what is that going to do? It feels like you're hiding in the fight is what I'm saying. It feels like you're hiding in the fight right now. You're saying you'd use a TSA machine to detect if they had zombie stuff. But also if they had a weapon. We need to break it down into core elements here of like where that came from. It also doesn't functionally do that. Because I said, because basically the whole thing is like,

The whole argument at the beginning was like, oh, I hear about that there's zombies in town. I don't go to town. And then I said, well, then it brings up the whole problem with it's like, oh, somebody got bit at your loved one. Then there starts to be some issues there. So then Schlatt posited that he wanted to start a nudist campaign.

colony of zombie survivalist people. And then I said, do we really need to do the nudist colony? What if we just go and steal a TSA thing from some broken down airport? That's bullshit. And then Ted was like, oh yeah, and get four people on fucking little hamster wheels generating the power to run that shit. I think you only really need one person on a hamster wheel. Well, how do you know? How do you know? What are you, Einstein? Yeah, I don't know the hamster wheel to energy ratio. Yeah, it's a tough ratio to get going. Also, do you really want them to have to take their shoes off? They have to stand in the yellow thing for like three seconds. That's true. Arms above the head. How many bits?

Not many baths happening. You have to hire a person to just, all their job is, is screaming. I think a nudist colony is a great idea. Of course you do. Well, I'm going to say this. I will say it is bad to be sick even now because the first thing people go is, uh-oh. Can't go to the airport. Look at Delta Boy walking in the room. Exactly. Little Delta Boy. With just a mild cough, just a...

Yeah, uh-oh. A mild cough is all I have. I sucked in a small piece of lint yesterday at the Game Grumps office, and I was suffering all day. I was very, very scared. I felt like I was hiding the bite, you know what I mean? Exactly. Like walking around. And so the problem with your nudist colony would be people like my roommate Aiden, who has shingles.

Which looks bad. Yeah. If you were in a zombie apocalypse and you saw a guy who had shingles, you would be- Probably. He's not part of my colony. I'd turn him away at the gate. But what if he got it? Because shingles, you can get it from just sleep deprivation. Well, that's his problem. You cut them? Yeah. Wow.

Unless he was like, here's the thing. Are there shingles tests? Can you get tested for shingles? Not in a zombie apocalypse, Shlatnok. Am I going to positively be able to say this guy has shingles? He's not just bitten? Well, no. Obviously, in a zombie apocalypse, I don't think you can go through those steps. I don't know. I feel like a zombie bite...

in most of the popular media where they show zombie bites, it's like pretty rough. I mean, like it doesn't heal necessarily. It like starts to spread out. You're starting to see shit go in the veins. But I think at some point,

Early stages there's you're not exactly sure what it looks like maybe it takes different forms. You would be you'd be nervous Yeah, no, I would be nervous I'm just saying this nude colony now sounds like just a way to monitor it already makes me nervous and I didn't even know you Is that not it? It sounds like a way to monitor I want to look at naked people and take so it's just it's just a monitor them and take action if they have any yeah It's for surely purely logistical. It's for sure logistical. Yeah, look I mean people can wear clothes in the community, but at the gate there's gonna be checks and

I'm going to be doing them. Yeah, you're going to be doing them. Why are you going to be doing them? Why did you clarify that? Because he's the only one who would do the job. I'm the only one who'd want to do that. And every time he goes, I really don't want to do this.

I really hate this. You should hear the way that he talks. Like, so one of the things I was saying was that one of the best places to hold out in a zombie apocalypse is to find one of those old 50s prisons. Have you ever seen a prison with, like, the big concrete walls with the watchtowers? Are you talking about season four of Walking Dead? Yeah, yes. I haven't seen season four of Walking Dead. This is what they did in season four of Walking Dead. How did it all go wrong again? Because it all went wrong. The prison? Mm-hmm.

It's almost every single time that's like, we found this great place. We're going to be safe. And then human on human action causes... Because the people are the real... Because they're not naked. The people are the real movers. And they're not naked. A lot of the time it'll be like, hey, I'm new. And then they'll be like...

Can't trust this motherfucker danger is gonna come and the danger comes from I'm sure that I'm sure that in any all the options would have already been taken by whatever season The Walking Dead is on you continue the 1950s prison. They did try this but maybe you had a difference well Well, my whole idea was like I mean you've got the open areas for for you know recreation and stuff and

But that's not really the point of why I was introducing this because Schlatt then took that idea and he was so excited and he said, "Oh, this will be great because we have so many places that we can hold people. We're gonna put the zombies in there and I get to play with them."

Wow. You have cells. Okay. No, we're going to back up. There are cells for the zombies. I'm not confused about the layout of a prison. Did you think that's what bothered me? Did you think I got confused with the layout of a prison? No, no. I know it functions with cells in three areas. You can put them in cells, trap them, and then play with them. No, I know how prison works. Why do you keep saying that? I watched the piece video. My question is, how are you playing with them? That's the weird thing. You put them in the playpen. You put on some gloves, and then you just play with them.

play with the gloves? I don't fucking know. What do you mean gloves? Why am I the bad guy here? You've never played You're not the bad guy you're the stupid guy. You can do experiments on the zombies to figure out what's wrong with them and also get a little playtime. Is that like morally bad? No! What's wrong? It's just playtime is just such a

nebulous thing. If there was ever- Playtime is morally bad? You are sick, man. You are sick. If YouTube fails for Shaladi, he's going to become an animal tester. For fun. He's going to be putting makeup on guinea pigs. Hey, try these finger nail polished raccoons. I don't think there's a problem with that.

Because you just- don't cough on me. Don't laugh cough on me. I don't want your phlegm. Please don't laugh on me. You're going in the shell. We're just sandwiched. You're going in the shell and then I'm going to play with you. We call it the play- excuse me. Do you want me to play with you? It's going to be a- well, I wouldn't mind playtime. Do you want daddy to play with you? Are you wearing gloves with our playtime? No. Then I would enjoy our playtime. Skin to skin. Cough to cough. Cough to cough. Boraf's nodding.

You're sniffing a bit. I heard you sniff. I've been sniffing his mustache all day. That's impressive.

Yeah. If you have a mustache, you can just sniff it. I can't grow out mustache. Oh, I thought you were saying you just couldn't do that. No. Have you tried to- Just push my lip up. Yeah. Smell your upper lip? That's impressive. Well, if you don't have hair, it's not going to smell like anything. You need a hair there. I'm going to take a stab here. This is good audio. You can't grow jack shit, Charles. I've never tried. I've never tried. Charles. Oh, I was going to ask you as well. Have you tried? I have. How hard?

for six weeks and I had just like longer darkish hair here. It didn't get too thick. Nothing on the cheeks. I'm pointing to the, what do you call this? The goatee. But also, then I had a goatee and I didn't want that. That's ugly as... Why wouldn't you want a goatee? Really? I think goatees are

You could be like Lin-Manuel Miranda. And who wouldn't want to be him? And then you could bite your lower lip. Yeah, that would be hot. That would be hot when Lin did it. Yeah, Lin, I mean. That was a generation changer. That's the face I make before I play with my zombies. While you put the gloves on while you stare at Falconer's gloves. Speaking of growing hair, though, I mean, I could definitely expose Schlatt right now. Oh, yeah. My cock doesn't work.

Nope. That's, I mean you just offered that up, but that wasn't what I was getting at. You think that was a transition from hair? So if you look at all the places that Shlatt doesn't have hair right now, the reason why he has it like that is because he can't grow hair there. Well okay, surely right like here, like right next to the chin. Yeah, you can see. I'm talking about all the places he doesn't have hair. Right here where the chops cut off. I can see that. Where the chops cut off, I can't grow that. It's almost comedic how they stop.

- Yeah. - It's like just straight up like this just peach fuzz there and nothing else. - I was just made, no there's actually nothing. - Really? - Where I can't grow hair, nothing grows. - Really? - I was made for the chops I think. - You were made for the chops. - And so once I realized this I-- - You were made for the chops and to be played with. - I embraced it. - To play with. - I was made to be submissive and breedable. - Wow, that's beautiful.

Well, I hope you breed. Looking at production over here. Someone. He just found out his penis doesn't work, so they're still reeling on that one. You want to deep dive? Okay, all right. No deep dives. No, he can't. So, Ludwig, let's dive into you. When were you ever feeling the most submissive and breedable? Right, okay. So, look, I thought we were going to hit some basic questions, but I'm glad we're opening up here a bit. Let's open up the floor here.

To your submission and credibility. Can we do a round table age, starting with you? How old you are? Just say how old you are. I'm 23. I'm 26. Dude, that's embarrassing. I almost said 25. You're halfway. You sounded like you lied about it. Well, it's because I just turned 26, and now I'm doing the thing where I'm forgetting my age. You're halfway to not being relatable anymore. Sorry, Borough. 52? What? Is that where it cuts off? Halfway through your 20s. Oh, that's not how...

- I'm 21. - No. - Yeah, and he's young. He's young. - Are you still? You've been doing it for a while. - I've been on 21 for a bit. - He's 21 and that's why he acts like a brat all the time. - I feel like you kind of ran that bit into the ground. I would try 22 or something. - 21? - It just feels like, yeah, you've been doing it for too long. - Maybe. I mean, it's about that time. Fun fact, you know Famous Birthdays, right? - Yeah. - I told Famous Birthdays, they reached out to me, they were like, "Hey, when were you born so we could have you on our site?"

I told them I was born the day before 9-11. 9-10. Yeah, 9-10, 2001. And then I put, like... And they believed you. I did a little return. So another line, I said, the day before the tragedy. Right. It didn't need to be said, but you said it. And then they...

updated the site with the info and my page got to like, I was like the most, I was like the 3000 or 2000th most popular person on the site. Cause it goes by page clicks. And then they wiped it. Yeah. Cause they realized, well, is your birthday not public?

Well, yeah, you seem to keep getting into the situation like you get on famous birthdays And then they take it away you get verified on Twitter, and then they take it away because you I told everyone I was I was verified for sure time remember we all remember this or most before most yeah foremost I had to check before my early

And then your hubris got the best of you. You were a martyr. In the next 48 hours after being verified, I told everyone I had won the election. Yeah. And I also threatened the Queen of England's life. And they took that. Who's in danger? They took that away from me. Yeah. And how dare they? Well, I mean, you can kind of read between the lines of what I said. You could read the lines. Yeah.

No, all I did to the queen was I added her and I set a date. That's threatening. No, it's not. There's no threat to just naming a date. Didn't you also correctly predict the month in which the queen

Yeah. That Prince Philip died? I said that July would be an interesting month. Like two months before he died. For Prince Philip. Did you say for Prince Philip? Yeah. No. Did you? Yeah, because we saw the photo. You remember the photo of him in the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just looking like- Comedically cool-ish. Looking like he just walked out of a toaster. He looked like he was a white spike that had just been injected with the toxin.

I know. Yeah, he looked fucked up. So you tweeted that out? I tweeted under- Oh my god! Yeah, under a response- You don't know when to stop! I said July would be an interesting month. Were you like, "Alright, baby, 31 days, fill up 31 days." I don't think this man is rude. I don't think Schlatt's ever experienced a consequence in his life. I think this sounds like a con- This is a consequence. They took my checkmark away. That fucked with me, man. That is like getting your gold star removed in third grade. I'm never getting that shit back!

You'll get it back. No, I won't. You don't think? No. You're on like a blocked list? I think I'm on a blocked list. I feel like you'd get it by now. You know how it works, right? So there's an account called Twitter Verification. Oh, yeah. And if it follows you, you get verified. That's how it works. It didn't block me. It just unfollowed me. That's like such an easy way to do that, too. It's like so... It's an actual genius engineer who came up with that idea like eight years ago, and they just haven't changed it. Yeah. I mean, you know, here's the thing, though. If somebody gets into that account...

Someone is, right? There is like a guy you could grease and then just have him do it. I was going to say, so if I just tweet something really relatable to that guy specifically. I mean, let's be honest here. The Twitter verified guy who's got the login is not an unbribable person. No. No one is. God, literally. Everybody's got a number. Everyone's got a wife. Now, the Silk... Everyone's got someone they care about deeply. Everybody's got...

July date that's coming for them. Everyone's got someone close to them that they wouldn't want to see go swimming with the fishes. Exactly. Let me just say, there's always an opportunity for someone to live an interesting life. By the way, Twitter, this is all in a video game.

Can they take away your checkmark? I don't know. I just got it. You just got it? I just applied. They turned me down. They turned you down? This morning I got an email and it said as well like explicitly like It's probably because I'm a human being and you're a piece of slime. It said come back when you're a little more notable. It said really? We like to verify people that are a little more notable. I heard that they're being very rude. They denied Eddie Burback again too. They've denied Eddie like five times. It's just shameful. They denied Chris Broad, a broad in Japan.

As well. Well, he's not notable. Well, he has like articles in actual. I was on the Dream SMP. I got articles. That's well. Articles, articles, articles. Well, I didn't even submit. Did you submit articles? What is that one? It's just no. You said you just did Google Translate. I don't have any articles written about me. So I just I just said. But I assume that people were like searching up my height at least. So.

I put in my Google Trend data and then Twitter was like, all right. I put in articles because usually they say you need three articles. You got probably some beefy articles. I got some beefy articles from when I mashed. Like random ones. When I was mashing. The big mash. Is that smash? I was the fastest button masher.

Really? It started with a Mario Party minigame. I didn't know about this. Yeah, I saw this. I've only very recently become aware. I wasn't aware of your earlier self. You weren't a Ludwig enjoyer ever. So now you're just finding out about some of the lore. The first time I ever heard about you was when I think Cooper Seascoop had gotten canes with you. And this was like a year ago. That was a big moment for me was getting canes. Was that the first time? No, that's when I met a lot of, I think you were there. No.

Yeah, so I met a lot of people, great time. Anyway, yeah, I was the fastest button masher in the world for a brief period. World record holder. That's pretty cool. Was that something that you worked on or something you just discovered one day? I worked on it furiously. I was the worst masher in my friend group. So I worked furiously to be the best. What was the game that pissed you off enough to make that your goal? Was it Mario Party? Yeah.

Yeah, it was Mario Party. We would play Mario Party and I was the worst player and I was tired of being the worst so I practiced a lot. What was the secret to your success, do you believe?

Two thumbs. That's the, I'm telling you, two fingers is the way to fucking do it. So a rhythm of two thumbs on one button? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Two thumbs, and you kind of rotate it. I'll show you sometime. I didn't know you were a two-thumber. You use the back of your hand to rotate the button into them. Yeah, to rotate. Your thumbs are almost still, but you rotate the button into your thumb. And I was able to hit, like, 160 consistently in 10 seconds. Wow. And then I got about 208.

And that was the record for a bit. And now it's like $234. That is substantially higher. When I used to play Cookie Clicker, I would do this thing on my mouse where I would go like that on the mouse. Right. Take a little bit. That's probably helped you in other ventures. Yeah, I would think. I was going to ask that to you. Yeah. Has that carried on into other ventures? Interests? Hobbies? I want you to imagine grabbing a GameCube controller for a moment.

And you can imagine that, right? Yeah. Everybody at home can imagine this. Claw. Two claws. And now imagine using the same hand position for anything

Anything else? Does it work in your mind? Maybe choking a squirrel to death? Yeah, you could choke a small animal. Two squirrels. Or you could just pummel their lungs. Hit them together? Oh yeah, that's actually a lung grab right there. I could do very fast CPR. Chest compressions, yeah. I could do insane. I could be a hero. Or Mortal Kombat, if you're fighting someone Mortal Kombat style, in the chest. Great.

Grab their lungs, squeeze, squeeze, they're dead. So you are now in his boot camp of playing with zombies. This is what you're... you're joining that side right now. No, I'm talking about real living people. This is one of their games they like to play. Murdering them. Oh. Yes. So then you should have no problem playing with little zombies with gloves on. Falcon Ear Gloves, specifically. No, because that's fucked up, because they're already dead. That's just necrophilia, basically. That's not fucked up. Zombies have secrets. What?

I don't know what that is. I don't know what. Like what? You're going to play them. You're going to get a war tomorrow. You're going to get a war tomorrow. You got to. You got to. Yeah, remember when they played with them? You remember when they played? The Tomorrow War. No, you didn't watch it. We all watched it last night. We watched it last night. Was it a treat? It was such a badass. It was really good when they played with them for two hours. Was it? It was such a badass movie. I'm not going to lie. Have you seen Fast 9? Yeah. Did you see that? I like that. I like that too. It's one of those things where you can let your brain shit off. It's like. . .

When I used to go to movies like this when my dad was growing up, my dad would say, I'm not looking for a good movie. I just want to see stuff blow up. And that applies here. What a simple man. What did your dad do for work? Did you call my dad a simple man? Yeah.

If you show up to the theater and you say, I just want to watch stuff blow up, my first thought is, wow, the complicated thoughts of this man. Well, because he knows what he's expecting. Like, if you're going to see Transformers, you're not looking for, like, art house. I think Simple Man isn't a negative thing. Is it a negative thing? No, it's not a negative thing. I don't think it's a negative thing. My dad took me to Transformers, uh,

after I'd broken my thumb at a baseball game. - Yeah. - You actually, I've heard this story from you. - Yeah, I told it before. - Ted still hasn't apologized. - You just broke your thumb? - Ted hasn't apologized from when he ran onto the field as I was in the outfield and broke my thumb with a baseball bat. - Wait, wait, who? - Ted. - Me. This is fiction. - And so my dad will, the broken thumb is non-fiction. - Yeah, real.

After the game, we didn't go to an urgent care or anything. We went to the bow tie cinema. Do you think you were just going to transform your thumb better? Why do we? No. Why are you telling us about the bow tie cinema right now? No, my dad, because bow tie cinemas are complete dog shit. What? Did he say anything? Like, surely he didn't silently drive you here. No, I wanted to watch it, too. And the idea was Megan Fox is there. That'll be a good time. You can look at her big toe all you want.

What? This is the big... He's talking about her thumb. And the thumb. No, she's got a crazy big toe, too. Really? You should look that shit up. Yeah. But we went there and my dad was like... How do you learn about this stuff? We went there and my dad... Thank God we don't have Ian in the studio today. My dad was like, can we have a cup of ice? My son's thumb is broken. Yeah. And so I just...

I had to hold it. So the thing with broken bones, you want to elevate them. So I was watching a movie like this with a cup of ice and my thumb in it. Is your thumb good now? Have you lost mobility? No, my thumb works. I don't even remember which one it was, to be honest. Well, he never took you to the hospital after that, though, so your thumb's a little bit fucked up.

No, we went. Like my fingers fucked up. I think you told me that you didn't. I broke my finger and I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. Oh, well, what did Ted do to you? Normally, so let me tell you about this menace. Hey, boys. Today's episode of Chuckle Sandwich is sponsored by Manscaped.

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graduate with a degree in clean balls with Manscaped. Now let's get back to the episode. Normally you could like close your finger all the way so you can touch your top part to the back. And I can't.

Because Ted, when we were playing backyard football, punted the ball, and I went to receive it. I fumbled it like an idiot, and he slid in. Like he knew you would. He slid in with his body hitting the ball that my finger was touching. Oh, Ted. And it bent backwards. But I forgive you now. Oh.

Oh my god! Holy fuck! Completely. There was a waft that hit me from that cough that time. Is it a waft? It's a waft. It's a waft. I'm an English major. I know this one. I'm gonna brought this up.

Are you really? Yeah, I got a degree for that. What are some other words? Should we give you like words? Charcutamont. What does that mean? I don't know. I was hoping you wouldn't go that far. Should we give you words and see if you know what they are? This is a test of my $80,000 degree. Just hit me. Okay. Gregarious.

Big. Keep it going, keep it going. Gregarious is talkative. Large. Trepidatious. Ooh, nervous. I'm so trepidatious. That's correct. Perforate. Perforate. Perforate. I'm going to spread. I'm a gossip queen. I'm going to spread this around. It's like putting holes in something. Okay, right. Onomatopoeia. Oh, what does that sound like?

Bang! Bazinga! So that's about four for four right there. And that shows you that it's not a waste, kids. All right? You stay in school. Stay in school, kids. Learn those words. Yeah, that's not, by the way, how it goes. They don't just...

They're not like, "Hey, kids..." That's how you get he got his degree. They sit you down for four years and they say words at you? You need to learn all of these words by the time you graduate. They shoot a gun next to you, "What's that? An onomatopoeia?" The test is just 50 words. Well, if you shot a gun at someone and said, "What was the action of that gun?" That wouldn't have been an onomatopoeia, though. Yeah, but they say "bang" at the same time. Oh, okay. They're tricky. Yeah. So...

Here's a question. Yeah. Absolutely. No, you've thought about this one too. I've thought about this one a lot. I mean, God. I can't believe you're bringing it up now, but please do. I am. Don't stall any longer. I'm ready for it. I didn't really watch a lot of your sub-a-thon. So how did you sleep? And were you afraid that you were going to talk in your sleep? I came in my pants that night. I cummed myself.

Why are you nodding? Why are you nodding Boruf? Boruf gave us a thumbs up. I slept and then I woke up and I went, oh I cummed myself. You said that like the first thing you said? Yeah, I was like, oh I cummed myself.

And then I got up and it was like walking through a movie theater aisle. Oh, God. Made my way to the bathroom, cleaned up.

And then streamed. Is this real? Yeah. This is very real. You were sleeping on stream and you said you had cummed yourself. Well, I didn't say it to the chat. I thought you said it to the chat and I was like, there's got to be a clip somewhere of Ludwig saying, oh, I cum myself. Like on Twitch. That's a great clip. I would get banned for sure. No, so I...

I muted my computer, I muted my microphone when I was asleep. - Oh, that's smart. - So there was no way for me to be heard or to communicate or be communicated to when I was sleeping. - I was under the impression for a while that sleeping streams were against TOS. Was that just never true or is that-- - It's never true what's against TOS is being in a category in sleeping and cumming yourself and then saying I cummed myself.

Yeah, yeah, no I could imagine. But there's no way to avoid that. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. Yeah, I think the idea is like, it just happens, you deal with it, it's fine. Like you can shit yourself, but you can't then go, oh I shit myself and show your shit stain. And then be like, Chad, check out this shit stain. Because then they'd be like, okay guys, a little far here. Things happen.

You come in bodies do things damn that's just must be so weird though like going to sleep and then waking up and everyone like there's a certain amount of people that see you wake up Have you never had a wet dream? What have you ever had a wet dream you ever come down with 30,000 people? I honestly can't remember a time that I've come myself. I haven't come to themself You have you I don't think I've come to myself 30 times

You've come to myself 30 times. You keep a little tally next to your bed. You put the knife in its ass. And I dab it into my wall. And it's not something you've grown out of either. I'm not proud of this fact. I hope you guys found this. I know, but you seem to be very excitedly offering it up to us. Well, yeah, I'm telling you just for your information. Okay. This is who I am.

And so this is real. This is me. Ludwig, big masher. Yeah, those are the big two for me. Those are the big two. So it wasn't a shock to me, as I guess what I'm saying. Because if you would, for the first time ever, come to yourself in front of 30,000 people, that would be jarring. That'd be terrifying. That'd be sticky. But if you've been through the motion of the ocean on a Saturday night...

All right. You just took up the gumption of the gumption. The highs and lows of high school football. The gumption of the gumption. The highs and lows of high school football. Yeah, you just take care of business. Okay. Wow. What day was that? You sound like an expert. It was a month-long stream, right? This was a couple weeks. The days blend. I couldn't tell you any individual day what I did, but it was halfway through. How the hell did you stay on that entire time?

Stay on like you know performing doing a lot. I don't think I was like us three after a day of doing podcasts Especially this one. We can't even come ourselves. Yeah, we can't even come ourselves. I can't even your dick doesn't work We're like a bunch of where we're like if you're gonna say what's a little jellyfish walking? Okay, I I don't think you watched a lot of the sub-a-thon so I can I can say this freely yeah, I mean I would say it's bad I mean

It was bad content! I mean, I was impressed by how long you were doing it. I would go in and check every now and then, and like see, oh he's still doing it good for him, but I- I mean, what are you gonna do for a month, like when you don't have time to like sit down and like plan it and stuff? You know when like David Blaine does like a challenge like, "I'm gonna sit on a roof for 76 days." Yeah, I fucking love that guy. No minute of that is interesting. I love the 76 day roof challenge, that was my favorite. It's the concept- conceptually. Yeah, no single minute of that you're like,

Yeah. But if you're at the end, you're like, my fucking God, that was 76 days on a roof. What a legend. Is there anyone, is there any way to tell if there was, like, who watched that subathon the longest? Like, viewer-wise? Like, a single viewer. Like, because, like, I don't know. It's tough. At the end of the year, yeah, because Twitch does, like, a Spotify wrap-up type thing where they show you how many hours. So they'll have to keep watching to maybe...

see the full hours, but if they stop watching, they'll know as well. Right. But that would be the best way to tell. Was it a circulation or did you have a lot of regulars that you just saw consistently the entire month? I had a bunch of people who spent a long time, like just kept it up. Wow. Like that's what a lot of people do is they would just, you know, three monitor Andes, they just have it on their third permanently. Wow.

Wow. Just in case it ends. Like, I'm just going to have this up. And they go to school or work or whatever and I'm just going to keep it up. Right. And that was still in a time that there was a little bit of online school happening for the pandemic, right? Yeah, it was. Yeah, so that's probably the, yeah, that was probably a pretty easy time to do it. Yeah, 100%. I'm going to ask you as a Twitch guy, what the hell does Andy mean? I always hear that. It's just like, just like,

Take it away. I would like for you to do this because then I can fact check. Yeah, that's what I was hoping. So my understanding is that is a regular from a certain platform. So like a Twitch Andy is like someone who's always on Twitch and they know the lingo. Or is that frogs? Smoking weed over here. Let it happen. Let them play it out. Oh, you know what? Okay. No, I don't.

You're thinking of Frog. I am thinking of Frog, but I think when, I've only heard it in the context used of like, oh, I got this many viewers, oh, I was 100K Andy. It's because identity was removed for the ease of talking about people. So everyone's Andy. It started with Andy Milonakis, and then there was another person named Andy.

And they just called him, I think, Mexican Andy, just to clarify between him and Andy Milonakis. And then, as a joke, more people came through, and instead of being like, hey, my name's Jared, and being like, hi, Jared, they were like, oh, no, you're Italian? You're Italian Andy now. And basically using a very obvious...

characterization of the person and then Andy to describe them. Sounds like the comedians we were listening to on the Tesla favorites playlist. Yeah. Yeah. So I rented Tesla whenever I'm in LA. You do do that. I do. Before you get into that,

One question. Okay. How was my definite, if you apply the Andy thing to my definition of frogs, was that right? Maybe. Okay. Sorry. Maybe. Yeah. It was close. It was close. Go for it. I rented a Tesla whenever I'm in LA and there's this station called Tesla favorites. He's a Tesla Andy. And it's just like,

It's like Olivia Rodrigo and a bunch of old stuff and then a bunch of comedy. And the comedy is just not fun. Use that term liberally as well. The Tesla radio station. Tesla hits. So like the favorite songs of all Tesla. Of people that drive Teslas. Oh, they pull Tesla drivers. I think they do. That's kind of funny. They must, right? It's like every comedian that comes on, it's like this like, their sets are just,

obscenely racist. It is only like racist racial comedy. Give me a characterized joke. Well, he was basically... Well, I'll just summarize it. There was this one that we were listening to and he was like talking about... He was like, oh, I love all these cultures. This is how Jews act. This is how Chinese people act. This is how Korean people act. And it was just all caricatures of those people. And it was just... We were just listening. We were like, this isn't even funny at all. This is just terrible. Yeah, I could see how people would enjoy this going...

zero to 90 in two seconds you did rent a tesla so they so they let the car drive for them they listen so so you gotta you got a christian a jewish and a an arabic guy walking to a bar and then you hit a fucking light post that's the last thing you ever yeah that's great it was uh it was rough that's so i went to vegas and i went to a show called absinthe and and like you know you it's a comedy show absinthe yeah and uh and you go to a show and this is like what

entertains people, right? That's the idea of it. Right. And we walk in and it's like a small circus that holds like a few hundred people. And the guy walks out and I don't know if he's doing a Rick voice from Rick and Morty. He's like 55 with slicked back hair. He looks like Danny DeVito and Matilda. If you ever watched that movie. Sounds like a great set. And he goes out and he's just the most, it's just crass.

He's just saying crass stuff for, for low W's with like boomer people like Rick from Rick and Morty. So yeah. So he walks in, he's like, what if like a grizzly bear came in here and we had to eat our way out of the cum to escape the tent?

And that's unironically what the whole set would be. And then he had like an assistant woman who'd be like, and I would just be like finger banging myself the whole. And it was just like this. There was a guy that was like that on the Tesla radio. But it would make the people who are like 40 plus so uncomfortable that they would just laugh, I think. So that was the goal. Yeah. And so they would point out, they'd be like, look at these two people up front. You guys are definitely gay. You'd be sucking each other off.

Raise your hand if you're coming right now in the audience. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. It was that the whole time. And I was like, you know, because I think I forget because I listened to –

To shows and YouTubers and stuff, all within kind of my bubble. Right. That this is a huge legion of comedy for a lot of people. Yeah. And I'm like, damn, what are you... What do you see in him? Yeah. What do you see in him? Ted tells me I can do stand-up. Yeah. I think you could do stand-up, but now when you were talking about that, I'm realizing... Playing the zombies? I'm realizing that... I think you could do stand-up. I could do a good set about what I do in the zombie apocalypse, I think. You know what? I don't...

here's the thing about standup. I've done, I did it for a while. you've done standup? Yeah. How long? I did it for like two, three years in college. Oh, wow. I wish I had done a little bit in college. How was that? It,

It was good. It was good. It was fun. It was it was I mean the way it works in college is you do with like a group like everybody shows up to the stand-up night Right and so like that's your main so you did at the college. Yeah Yeah, and and but like you're usually at like a fucking like a you know the hot vegan like yeah, I'm vegan Yeah, you're just like annoying the fuck out of all the other people there who are there to get like the delicious food And you like stand up and everyone's like hey guys. Here's my here's my meat joke like hey guys

Got a great bit about zombies, so stick around until the end. Hey guys, where's the beef? It's not exactly like it's the Laugh Factory and they're buying your tickets, so it's a little bit different. It's open mics, which is, I think, harder in a way. How scary was it doing your first ever stand-up open mic? What was that like? It wasn't bad. I'm pretty...

comfortable public speaking. So I think even if I fail to have good written jokes, I feel like I can entertain a crowd with some stories. - Okay. - So actually a lot of YouTube videos I do, like stories and stuff, I started doing stories in standup. That would be like, most of my standup would be like one pretty elongated story. - Yeah.

Which can be a good amount of stand-up, you know? Like a Dane Cook back in the day. He would be like a story guy. Do we all, like, I don't know if this is sort of a bit of a tangent, but did everyone as a kid sort of have a mutual experience thinking Dane Cook was like the best comedian in the world? He was funny for a while. He was really funny. When I was really, really young, like young, like first discovering, oh, stand-up comedy's a thing, I remember hearing Dane Cook stuff off of YouTube in 2008.

And being like, this is the funniest shit I've ever seen in my entire life. Right now, he's more plastic than man, and he has not made any good- Is he really? Yeah, he has gotten plastic surgery out the ass. Oh, Lord. And he hasn't made anything funny in a decade, but I think he had a good stretch where he had some funny jokes and good stories, and he was captivating. Right. He was a very captivating storyteller. I like Jeff Dunham.

No you don't, you skipped over him on the Tesla favor His puppet Ahmed the dead terrorist That is the ultimate like boomer comedy Is getting a dead terrorist puppet To just say silence I kill you over and over

I kill you! You do it actually. He does it well enough that I think he is a fan. He remembers that shit. He's shaking his head. He's shaking his head and he doesn't want to be involved. He's shaking his head because he was actually on set for that. He gave him the idea. Look, I love what you're doing out there. I just feel like he needs a catchphrase, something zingy. Something quick, something fast. So yeah, I've done stand-up and it is a bit nerve-wracking. I've never bombed.

Really? Never bombed? Yeah. Do you keep track of which jokes maybe hit less than you expected them to and stuff like that? Because I've heard that that's a thing you do when you go and do stand-up. Yeah, 100%. I think that's something you do. I'm not saying I've never bombed, by the way, to say I was amazing. It's more so that I think I never...

like fell totally flat that people were like, "Get the fuck out of here." - Yeah, and also I think exited, 'cause I think a lot of bombing is like exiting your comfort zone enough, you know, that like you're switching up your style. Like I kinda stuck to a style that I knew would work, so I couldn't maybe bomb, 'cause I knew it would do at least okay.

Ludwig. Which I think was a bad thing. I think bombing would have been a good thing to do. Because at least then you learn. Yeah. Try something really out there. Just try to write a bunch of zingers and see if it works. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I mean, how important, because this is one thing that's very big for me on Twitch and YouTube.

How important is kind of playing the crowd for you? Because I know from experience it's very, very difficult when you're kind of just doing it to a screen. Yeah. I used to have a, I printed off, when I started doing YouTube, I printed off a crowd of people that looked very happy and hung it above my monitor. So it felt like I was getting positive reinforcement. That is so sweet. It's like. Charlie's one of the sweetest people you'll ever, like literally ever going to waste. This sounds like halfway through your recording, your mom knocked on the door at the

fresh set of cookies and said, she actually, she's a baker. She works at a bakery. Yeah. Really? Oh my God. Of course. Of course. Oh, I don't know. Like she comes back from the bakery. Oh, oh, you're doing, oh honey, sorry. I'm so sorry for interrupting. No, I had to write a, yeah, I had to, I had to write an essay quite a few times on why YouTube was a legible career choice. Um, but, uh, is that how that works? Is that how that, well,

I was very young when I saw it. Is that how that worked with your family? Like you would write an essay? Oh, you mean how it worked with my family? Yeah. Yeah, with my mom. Because that's not a normal thing to do. I don't know if you know that. When I was a kid. Let me just break it down for you. I think most people don't write essays when they want to do something. Just slow down there, son. Yeah, when I was a kid and Skyrim first came out, I wrote an essay because it was an M-rated game. And in 2011, I was fucking 10 years younger, so...

11 or 12 or something. Yeah. But I really wanted it because it looked cool. So I wrote like a five page essay. What? Yeah, I tried really hard. Double space at least I imagine. No. No. No double space. A five page single space essay? I didn't know double space was real until I was in high school. I don't think I've ever even, in my entire college experience, even wrote a five page essay.

Single speed if I was your parent, I would say go fuck yourself. I'm not reading this Charles. Well, yeah, well she read it Then said go fuck yourself a little bit page son get to the point, right? So she said no, so I asked my dad and he got it for me instead. Oh, did you show him the essay? No, okay Wow, okay. I see how it's too busy used to be laughing at Alchemy the Dead Terrorist Why didn't you just go to dead first I

- I had a whole, there was like a handoff kind of situation. - There's always, yeah, there's always like a-- - Ask your mother. - Yeah. - Yeah, ask your father. - Ask your mom, ask your dad. - Yeah, that sort of thing. - I'm busy baking here. I got a bakery to run.

i'm making muffins well no she she recently started the bakery though this is a recent couple years ago yeah time is fully just compressed for me at this point right especially in this job no but what i asked originally i didn't give you a chance to answer was like is it ever weird feeling like you're kind of just playing to a crowd you can't see or gauge a reaction off of how do you deal with it i think uh it's not too dissimilar i mean like obviously you're just reading lol w's or something but i mean the chat

When there's that many people in it is pretty much like accurate to how you're doing. You can get a vibe with like, you can get like, and I think the faces...

Yeah. The faces. No, I mean, you're not wrong. Like objectively, it's emotes, but they're objectively faces and it tells you how they are feeling as a group about what you are doing. And if they are not typing, then they are not interested. And if the numbers are dropping because, you know, they're not typing because they're not interested because they're leaving, then that also is like a tell. That's why it was probably, it's so hard.

to deal with a Twitch frog audience. Boom, got it. Because it's like there's just full sentences going through the chat the whole time. And it's like you can't really keep track of that. That's all I had to say about that. You mean a non-Twitch frog audience.

- Did I say Twitch frog? - Yeah. - I meant YouTube frog. - Twitch frogs just do Gootecks. - I meant a YouTube frog audience. - Yeah, 'cause I'm posting an entire essay in the chat about why my mom should let me watch the stream. - You sound like my mother telling me about streaming right now. - Yeah. - We're getting there. - So here's a question I have. - Yeah. - Do you ever think that, so you have experience doing standup, do you ever think that

Now that you have this huge audience with Twitch and stuff, did you ever tour and then do stand-up and try to convert that? Would that ever be an interest of yours? I'd like even a live show. Yeah. I've considered something like that, like a live event. I think touring is something that every person who's done it in the YouTube space always...

Maybe not regrets, but doesn't recognize how much fucking time and effort you have to put into it, and how much your channel slips, and how much it's not usually worth. You are a one video a day Andy. Yeah. So...

for my YouTube frogs. For my YouTube frogs out there. Also, do you feel like this? I feel like if I did that, I know right now if I was like, hey guys, I'm going to do a set in, you know, whatever, somewhere in, you know, Hollywood, 200 place. I would probably get a lot of people to show up, but I wouldn't have deserved it through stand-up. I would have deserved it through funny YouTube video, which is so different. Which I don't know if that

I don't think I feel good about that. Oh, okay. So you're saying that if you did stand-up and you got laughs and you got appreciation for it, it would be because of the merit that you had from your actual influencer status. Just them showing up would be because of that, right? Yeah. Which I feel a bit bad about. I think, though, that there is...

A bit to recognize there that if you already have experience doing stand-up and you can, like, because you do the stories on your streams and you kind of convert those two things together, maybe not make it like a strictly here's a set, here's what I do. I've got the water on the little fucking bench thing there and I sip it in between. Like, you could mix the two and, like, make it something new. Well, I'll give you a scoop.

Alright, I'll give a chuckle scoop today. We've got a chuckle scoop. Scott, can you put a chuckle scoop on the screen right now? Hey, we got a chuckle scoop. A little bit of a choop coming in. I am planning on, this is something I'm going to do, a convention type thing.

- What does that mean? - Like a little Ludcon? - Like a Ludwig convention. - Like a Tanacon. - Yeah, but it's gonna be a hybrid convention and Smash tournament. - That's very cool. - That's fun. - Yeah, so I want it to be the biggest Smash tournament of all time, but I also want it to be like, you know, hey-- - You gonna wear a suit? - You like Ludwig?

Fucking come on down. Yeah, you've made a very good name for yourself in the Smash community. Yeah. A lot of the stuff you've done. Yeah. I mean, has that been something you've kind of been tapped into from the start? Yeah, that's what started me. Yeah. Oh, straight up. Straight up. Yeah, I'm from that community. Like, I started with commentary. So, like, I did the same time I was doing, like, comedy in college, I was also playing Smash. And then I moved to L.A. and I was like, I'm going to do comedy.

But in the meantime, I'll just play Smash. And then I found a guy in the scene who was doing like a podcast. That was like a comedy podcast. Oh, wow. And I went on his podcast a couple times. Slime. He's my roommate now. The man I've tattooed on my leg. Yeah. And then that's where like the whole streaming stuff started. Because I never planned on streaming on YouTube. I thought I would just do like a comedy thing in LA and work at a...

editing job for a magazine and use my English degree and journalism degree for good. Use your degree. And you probably would have gotten verified even sooner if you had gotten that route. You know what's funny? When I submitted for verification, I put in a story I wrote. In conjunction with the story written about me,

to think, like, can this count? Like, I wrote a story about watersheds in Arizona and how they help with, like, rainfall. Sounds like I should have put my fucking thesis film on my fucking movie thing. Well, it turns out you can't mix.

And you got denied that time. Yeah. They denied me. They're like, well, okay, you can't talk about fucking trees and watersheds and then be like, I'm an influencer. They don't care about trees and watersheds. They don't care about trees and watersheds on Twitter. You're a watershed influencer. I'm a watershed influencer. I'm trying to bring awareness to watersheds. They're scared for the truth to get out, huh? They are...

Bitches. Hey, a flood is coming. Yeah. You should have talked about P-erishness. P-erisys? P-erisys. P-shiness. P-shiness. I wrote a great story on that.

P shyness? Yeah. Pierisus. Yeah, it's the condition. A lot just happened that I don't think I followed. Pierisus is a condition of P shyness. I wrote my final essay, my final essay for college on that. Your final hurrah. Yeah, you just have to do a journalism story. And so I interviewed the head of the Pierisus Association. There's an association? They have meetings to talk about how they can't pee pee.

Or poo-poo. Where do they meet? They can't poo-poo either? So they start in a regular building and then they'll meet and then slowly migrate towards the bathroom while talking. No way. No way. What? And then slowly get in there and then do group poops. No, that's fucking a lie. This is the problem slot. You lie. You lie.

Yeah, the group is, everyone's so shy to talk about it. The guy I talked to literally asked to be undercover. Yeah, anonymous. Wow. Not on the books. Off the record. It's like alone though, they can do it, right? No. No? They can't do it in a public restroom at all. Oh, in a public restroom. Yeah, in their own bathroom, they're fine. Yeah, sure. Okay. Somewhere they feel sick. I can kind of get that. That's fine. I can sort of understand that. Do you think maybe if they had some sort of great toilet upgrade, like a heated seat and a wonderful bidet? Hmm.

that they would be able to... Probably, it'd make it easier. Like a nice music going. I used to swim a lot, and for some reason, it got me in the mindset of like, I can't make myself pee underwater. So at one point, I was like sailing. I used to like sail, and I really had to go to the bathroom, so I hopped in the water, right? Yeah. And just...

Could not. You couldn't do it? I just couldn't do it. Have you never done it? Being underwater? Yeah. It just doesn't happen. It feels so good. I'm so scared. It's freeing. I don't know why. There's a great bit. I forget who. I think it was the guy who was in the league, John LeJoy or Jean LeJoy, about shitting next to a toilet.

Like not in the toilet, but shitting right next to your toilet on the ground. And how difficult that is to do to force your body to shit next to a toilet. I guess it's like sleeping next to your bed. I mean, when you sit on the toilet, like your body like activates. Yeah. But if you try shitting next to it, you can touch the toilet with your hands. You still can't make yourself shit. And I tried and I couldn't shit.

Chuckle sandwich listeners at home. I dare you. The Ludwig shit shower. Scott, can we get a chuckle scoop on the screen once again? This is another chuckle scoop. Try to shit next to your toilet and come back to us with a recense. You call yourself a shitter out there? Let's fucking put that to the test. Let's see if you actually have control of your mind. Or does your mind control you? Because this is the real test. Who controls you? The poop or the shitter?

Go ahead and shit on the floor! Prove your strength! Everyone, go home! Shit on your floor! I dare you three to try it as well. No. Let's go! I have Pierisus. You have Pierisus? I walked in, I had Pierisus once. I was at a hackathon. It sounds like a traumatic the way you're bringing it up. I was at a hackathon, we were doing it.

He's a big nerd. That is a nerdy thing. Is that where you hack in a marathon? This is before I was at all relevant. I was still trying to make a computer science degree work. And we were at a hackathon, like a 12-hour long hackathon where you got to just make something with a team of people. And I walked into the bathroom and there was someone in the middle stall, which, fuck you. Yeah. I walk into the stall on the left, nearest the wall. Yeah.

And I just, I pull my pants down and I stand. Shit on the floor. I didn't shit on the floor. I tried to just pee into the toilet and I just couldn't do it. You just couldn't do it? No. Yeah. I'm a slow, so I have like a, I'm like a hairline pierces. Like if a guy's right next to me, I will have to usually sometimes even wait for him to leave for the pee to come out. And I'm trying to, I'm like, come on. What if somebody was like, just decided you guys were friends and just like waited for you?

Like as they were leaving. Oh, fuck. Like they went to the exit of the bathroom, they turned and they just kind of looked at you and they're like, you okay? I'll give you a concrete example. I went to a Mizkif's. And Mizkif, you might know this, has this thing where he likes peeing from his balcony.

What? You don't know this? No. He has a balcony and he likes peeing onto the grass below. He has luscious green grass. This grass is fried from the piss in this one spot. You can see exactly where the pee lands. And he's like, yeah, I do this all the time with Simply. And I'm like, okay. And...

And so I'm up there with him and he's like, "Yeah, it's fun to piss from here. You want to piss from here?" And I'm like, "Sure." And you couldn't. And so we both go and it's like the moment his- before his dick even comes out, there's already pee. They turned on the fire hose and he hasn't unraveled it yet. And he's like unwieldy with it and I'm like, "Oh my god." It's like he can't even control it himself. And it's like blasting- He's just so excited. It's like- I'm like, "What is this man's penis?"

And I take mine out, you know, doing my thing delicately, fine, refined, you know, holding it with both hands firmly. And I'm waiting. Textbook. I'm waiting, and I'm like, there's this pressure to pee in this moment because he was saying, like, this is this great thing. You need to pee here. This is the one time. Come on, Ludwig, pee. The problem is I'm looking down at little man. I'm looking down at Rob, and I'm saying to him, that's my penis's name. I'm saying to Rob, I'm saying, come on, brother. Like, this is going to be cringe.

If we don't go pee-pee- Come on you little piss-anty! You never really think about any situation in which you're actually gonna be socially required to pee. I know! And so, then you get in your own head, 'cause you're like, "Now you're not peeing, now he's thinking about how you're not peeing." I finally- I finally get it out. I finally get it out. Oh you did? I do get it out. And it's all red.

And then it went bad from there. It was a weird conversation. It started going in a rainbow. Have you ever tried to fake it? Fake pee? How do you fake pee? If you're next to someone and you're uncomfortable enough, you're like a...

I think I might have done that in the past. For sure. Not in a long time. Yeah, you spit in the urinal. No, that's ridiculous. Charlie just went like this. He went, just pretending to go. Well, that was it hitting the water. You would look over at the guy. You'd see his mouth. You'd be like, what are you doing? Yeah, that's the only response I could possibly give. I pee really loud. I'm covering it up. I will say, I'm a tough guy to pee next to because I run this great bit. You know how there's dividers between urinals? Yeah. I'll do this. I'll do this.

No you won't do that. That's absolutely wrong. I'll sneak a shot. Listeners, I look over. I don't think he's telling the truth at this point. The divider, literally, you cannot see anything below the shoulder. If you look over at a guy in the urinal, what do you imagine? It's their whole body. So if you do this, nothing changes. If you just lower your eyes, but it makes it look like you're looking at their penis.

Why would you do that? Well, it's just a friend, you know? Oh. Oh. I thought you were doing this to strangers. Oh my God. Yeah, no, you said it like, this is a great bit I do to strangers. You gave us no indication that this was to anyone but at a public restroom to strangers at like a football game. No, I was at like a smash event yesterday, right? And I was sitting down at the urinal next to her, standing there. What?

- That's a different story if we have time. - Taking a quick shit at the urinal. - I was standing at the urinal, there was even a gap between us, so I went on my tippy toes and I did it. You can't see anything from there obviously, but it's just, you know. - You ever pull your pants down entirely at the urinal? - Yeah. - Those kids used to be the weird ones. - Yeah. - But if you do that, I think as an adult, I think you're the alpha in this situation. - There is a picture of me doing that on Twitter.

of peeing with my pants down all the way. Is it real? Say it again. Is it real? Yeah, it's real. It's me. I did it. He did it. Pissed with your pants down. He did it. I pissed with my pants down and it was through, it was in the yard. It was actually for, they posted it on the yard Twitter. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that recently. So I partook. It's nice. Yeah. Especially if you're outside. You feel the wind. You're pretty lucky that your nuts weren't having like a,

Like a day where they're hanging extra low. Well, no, here's the thing, Ted. I have thunder thighs, just absolute tree trunks. A couple of cannons attached to my body right now. Wait, can I feel it? There's no way to see anything through. Those are strong. This is Wall of Maria, if you know what I mean. Yeah.

Which did get breached, so I guess that's not a great example. Uh-oh. What are you showing me? I think that I'm tanner than you. I think you are. If you aren't, that's a problem, I would say. Well, it's just weird because I don't think I've ever met someone that I'm tanner than. I'm normally able to get tan. I just haven't left the house much. Mm-hmm.

So I just haven't gotten to him. What does a typical day look like for... Oh, sorry. Shit, I'm just so sorry. No, let's do this like men. Let's RPS best of one, and then you get to move forward. I'm literally just going to hand it to Charlie, though, because I do this to him all the time.

Come on. All right. No, just one. Do the RPS. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, chocolate sandwiches first. I'm also going to do scissors. This is a weird way to play. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. They have... Oh! Go ahead. Dad, you lied and did rock? Yeah, and you're going to have to listen to him. Oh my gosh. The liar. Go ahead. Lie about your question. I just thought that this would be a fun thing to bring up since Ludwig is on the podcast, but recently... You're lying addiction? Recently...

You have a very manipulative personality. You and I, you've talked about this on your stream, but recently you and I had a game of...

beer pong that happened. Charlie, I'm so mad. For me? You should have won. I'm so upset because not only did he lie and deceive to win, he is now bringing up how his girlfriend Shay stopped me in beer pong. Yes. He brought this up to flex. Are you sad? I'm bringing this up to flex right now. Do you want to cry? Do you want to cry? No, don't. Stop! Oh my god, what the fuck? Are you doing it?

You'd feel it if- That's like glycerin. Why are you putting glycerin in it? What do you mean it's glycerin? It's boy tears. It's literal- It's boy tears. It's like- No. This is not water? It's not water. Oh god, it's dropping everywhere. And I don't want it to get on a sweatshirt because I think that'll stain his sweatshirt. Will it stain? Is it a stainer? It seems like something it might stain. It's gl- What the fuck is glycerin? Glycerin is actually what's in vape, uh, juice. Oh. You put glycerin in this?!

The boys put it in there. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, glycerin is a... I actually don't know what the hell it is, but they put it in vape juice. Vegetable glycerin. Yeah, that's what it is. Why isn't it just water? Because water evaporates. Because our boys cry different. You can't smell glycerin. You didn't hear everything that Borf was saying? Did you not listen to Borf ever? No.

They put it on the Brady Bunch story. He said the kids in the Brady Bunch couldn't act for shit. Boruff, could you tell the story? Could you regale us? Let's let Boruff tell the listeners, because this is actually interesting. Why was there a spray bottle of boy tears? For context, there's a spray bottle of something labeled as boy tears. It kind of looks like from Space Jam, like that bottle. I brought it on beforehand. I thought it could be good. Yeah, it's basically when you got kids that don't know how to cry on camera. Bad actors. Yeah, bad actors. Yeah.

Oh, it's sticky. And the Brady Bunch kids, specifically, Brady Bunch kids couldn't cry, so they would put a little bit of that on their face, and it would be- Glycerin? Glycerin. And it would be like that. Like, they'd be, you know, crying about their dog. I don't have that problem as a kid. It's not poison shot. You're going to be okay. Because you can't put water. Water is too viscous. It'll fall down, or it'll just evaporate, because shoots are a long time. Is viscous getting thicker or getting thinner? Thicker.

Right? Thicker. Thicker. I think it's viscosity. If something is viscous, it's thick. Yeah. If something's not viscous, it's thin. Low viscosity is thin. I'm the English major. I'm going to say you guys are wrong. No, you're not. I mean, he's the English major, man. $80,000 degree. I'm perforating. This is my English major card. I get this one. You guys won't know until you Google it later, and I'll be gone by then. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, bring it up. So basically, a bunch of YouTuber influencer folk were at Mr. Alpha Rad's beautiful, beautiful home. Beautiful home. Yes. Oh my God. Very nice place. Jeez. Brian, you want some? And-

Essentially, there was a bunch of red cups available, and Mr. Ludwig over here started setting up a game of beer pong on this long table. With a bunch of theater kid nerds who I didn't realize had never touched the game before. So his partner that he had chose was the beautiful, wonderful Daniel Thrasher, and he had never played a game of beer pong before. And Ludwig, who...

went to ASU, which is a very, very big party school for those of you out there that don't know. He was literally teaching them all the ropes. And Shea and I, we decided to be their opponents. What I didn't tell Ludwig, though, was that Shea went to, I'm going to forget how it goes again. UCSB? UCSB. Yeah. I forgot.

I forget the order of those. University of California, Santa Barbara. Yeah. University of California. It's one of the biggest party schools in the United States. And that she was also in a sorority. So she has a lot of experience with that. So here's how it works. Arizona State University has the highest population of any school in the world. It has 80,000 people, which makes it a big party school. The California state schools are also party schools. They're just harder to get into. So if you go to UCSB instead of ASU or UCLA or any of those,

You are kind of having the same vibes. You are just cooler because you got into something that's harder to get into. Right. But continue. So she was a partier and she's smart. Yeah. Well, also a California resident, so it's a little easier. Yeah. Okay.

But, I mean, you sort of have a better understanding of all the rules of like... Oh, you just throw the ball into the cup. Okay, here's the fucking problem, Schlein. You just throw the ball in the cup. I boot up into a game, alright? And I'm good at beer pong. I went to ASU, okay? Schlein was there, by the way, and he was on his phone the whole

I did a great... I was not interested. I did a great job. I was nailing cups left and right. This is Daniel Thrasher's first time. He was doing great, too. We were going up against a Bloodborne boss. We were going up against General Grievous. She was throwing balls faster than I could even comprehend. And let's not...

Mixed words Ted was terrible He was so bad I got I got several cups But I was really struggling He got one cup total So There's ten That's ten percent of the work And she got thirteen Because there's so many redemptions So he didn't even do A tenth of the work He did less than that He was I'm sorry Pitiful And

And that's just to say how impressive she was. Now, if you know anything about beer pong, if it goes last cup, you can, and someone hits it, you get one chance of redemption. Right? And it's just one cup left.

Dude, she hit the last cup four times in a row. Dude, I'm not even mad about him saying that I was terrible because I'm so proud of how well she was doing in this situation. Like she was, it was like. It was disgusting. It was funny too because Ludwig was explaining all of these rules to Daniel Thrasher and Shay was hitting cups in a certain manner that like every rule came up.

You have to explain to this theater kid, like, yeah, she's heating up now. Oh, yeah, no, so now she's on fire. Okay, yeah, so now it's balls back? And I have to, like, go through these rules, and he's like, what do you mean she's on fire?

We did get Ballsback at one point, so that did require me to hit one. I know. So I had to explain all this to Daniel Thrasher while he's there. I'm like, okay, there's Island. She's going to hit an ISO here. She's going for a three cup. Oh, so, okay. So this is electric fence. Okay. She's going for a bounce cup here because she's just going off and off and off and off. I did get a bounce cup too. Those are my two shots. It genuinely felt like I was in Space Jam.

going up against Michael Jordan. I was the monster. You were the monster. You were like Bill Murray. Yeah, I was Bill Murray in Zombieland. Yeah. Where I just was like dead most of the series. Yeah, that's pretty much your role. But what you didn't mention though is Daniel Thrasher's big shot. Yeah, he was impressive. He had a great first. I thought we were going to win it because he did hit a redemption. I thought we were going to seal the deal, but

It wasn't in the cards. I thought you guys were going to win it too. I will say Alpharad has teased a beer pong tournament. You're not allowed to come. Well, okay, sorry. You are. Shay isn't. You're not going to let me bring my girlfriend? No. Really? Even a watch. She can come watch. She's on my team. She can hit a celeb shot for me.

That would be kind of funny if I brought Shay and I let her be on your team. That would be hilarious. Yeah, that would be great. Look, I'm just saying you can't bring Usain Bolt to the fifth graders track meet. Okay? It doesn't make sense. She did say that that was probably the best beer pong game she's ever played. So I don't think, it's not like, you know. No, she's hit me with the, I didn't even study for this test, and she gets an A. It happens every time. She got like a 4.2. I'm not even trying to fuck with Shay right now. All right. We're on bad terms right now, Shay, if you're listening to this. Oh, okay.

That's so funny. That makes me happy. It makes me happy to see. I don't fucking remember, man. I lost it almost instantly. Your question? The second he pulled out rock, it was crushed. I got you. It was day in the life. Yeah, it was. That was it. Day in the life. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is how it ends. This is how it ends. We're never going to know. We're never going to know. You sound like the air bubbles coming out of the sludge in a swamp.

Dude, it feels like a pendulum of phlegm that I cough up and that I swallow down and it's like just going back and forth. What a terrible combination of fucking words you just said. A pendulum of phlegm. Swinging back and forth inside me. Wow, that's the English major right there. This sucks. My hands are like... So use the condensation of this as water to get some of it off. Oh. You can use a napkin too. A little chemistry. Just wipe it on this.

On the back side of this. Oh. All right. I'll give you a quick rundown day in the life. Hit me with it. I wake up, air do say 11, maybe noon. Pants cummed. Pants cummed. I wash those. 50% shot that you wake up cumming. Yeah. Bill, not wrong. I do business stuff. Right now I'm working on making my own bidet.

I've been working on that. How mad does that make you, Schlatt? Not mad. Really? Because Ludwig brought me a nice bidet. I brought him a great bidet. Have you not heard about this? A custom bidet? I brought him like a $600 bidet. Wow. So I'm making two bidets. I'm making like a fancy one and like an everyday man one. Oh. And I brought him the fanciest one I got.

And we set it up, and it's better than mine. Oh, it's nice. Wow. It's a nice bidet. I've heard big things about your bidet, too. I thought you were anti-bidet. I'm using the bidet. I was supposed to make a video on Ludwig Freeman. Are you not going to? I'm going to. So should we not release too much? Should we not reveal? No, no. We can talk about it. Okay. We can talk about it. Let's talk about it. I mean, this is like the...

eighth podcast. This is so many weeks down the line. I mean, surely I would have made the video by then. This could literally be maybe like two months in the future that this releases. Yeah. All right. So his, this is how, you already know his butthole's clean. Very clean. You can change the temperature of the water. You can change the temperature of the seat. Yeah. The spray width, whether or not you want a short

Cold beam right in there or just a mist or a warm mist you actually can you can miss you can you can increase the the Wideness of the spray I wouldn't really want to miss my ass. It's like adding a choke to a shotgun

Yeah. Or like a duck bill. Or like a cut barrel. So now you got a big wet ass. What do you do after? Oh, you simply hit the dry button on the bidet. Oh, did you not know about the dry button? I just thought you'd be walking around with a big wet ass. So you thought we didn't dry? You thought we had wet ass? You thought we had wet ass? Spending $500 for wet ass? What is the point of that? Maybe you're $500. Maybe you're toilet paper and your ass wet. Toilet paper and wet ass.

Why would I do that? Why would I do that? It's a dry button. It's a dry button. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast. I love this podcast

Now, riddle me this. A little stripe comes out of the bidet. You're a really, really big fan of one of the sponsor's products on this podcast, Manscaped.

Ball toner. Ball toner? Ball toner. I thought it was the ball deodorant. No, the ball deodorant's the lotion. Oh, ball toner. Do you think that you could somehow get that deodorized mist replaced with the ball toner? I wish I could. Probably. It's just a side pack. Now, riddle me this. If you're creating a bidet, do you think that you can have maybe different types of scents that you could spray onto the ass? So the deodorizer's less of a scent. I think it's more of like a removal with like a light. It's not like you don't want it. It's not like a candle.

Bleach. Do you know, I don't know if you guys know this, they have invented, oh no, the Delta's coming. Jesus Christ. You're disgusting. So in the early 60s or 50s, they actually invented a way to remove odor that exists. It's known as Febreze today.

And it literally removes, like technologically, it latches onto odor and neutralizes it. I know the commercials seem fake, but it's a real technology. I don't know if they told you we were sponsored. We're not. By Febreze? By Febreze. Oh, fuck. It's okay. You can drop it. You can drop it. What I'm trying to say is that the technology exists to actually deodorize instead of just making a bigger scent to mask over it.

So you can't just remove poop smell instead of being like, here's a shit ton of lavender so you don't smell poop anymore. You just make it go away. Yeah. You can just make it go away. The tech exists.

So that's what your bidet does? It makes your ass go away? So let's say, if I successfully manage to poop on the floor like you've challenged me to do, and I just spray a bunch of Furbidies on it, that poop will not smell like poop? Does the poop go away? I think it keeps emanating smell. I think the way it works is it turns from physical matter to smell over time and

Is smell... You have to remove the poop. Smell is like the particle, right? I'm sorry. I guess I'm not being clear. If you poop on the floor, you should remove it. Yeah.

Does that make sense? But I feel like this whole time, this whole podcast, you've been implying that we should just be leaving poops everywhere. Well, I said to shit next to your toilet. You've challenged us to shit on the floor. I don't leave the shit there. To everybody who's doing the shit challenge right now, because I hope you guys went right to it, make sure you remove the shit from the floor. Go back in where you previously shit on the floor earlier in the episode. I feel like there's a little bit of manipulation going on here. One, you've challenged all the people at home to shit on the floor. And then two, you said that odors can be removed and they don't need to exist anymore. Ted telling us about manipulation.

I know. Hey, you want to play Rock, Paper, Scissors? How sick is that? Yeah, I'm going to go scissors. I'm going to go scissors. Listen to this guy. Jesus. You lost. I won. Take the L, champarino. He's gaslighting me right now. The finale is, yeah, we got, well, it started with Day in the Life. Screw that. That's the end goal for me. I want to become the number one bidet salesman in America. Cumb pants, wet ass. I want to be the bidet guy when I retire.

That's right. You could be like you could be like the my pillow. You could leave. I want to be like the my pillow guy I'm gonna go so radical. I haven't picked just show up at like a Trump. Yeah With my toilet seat that's spraying out Instead of like throwing the shoe I just lift up the seat and water sprays at Joe Biden. I'm like come on Joe You could legally change your name to Bobby bidet Bobby bidet like Bobby Boucher

No, Bobby Bidet. Yeah, okay, sorry. Unlike any other. It's so stupid. Unlike any other. That's so dumb. It was stupid. I accept your apology. It's a work in progress is what it is. Yeah. Ludwig, would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more video games? Right. Or would you rather have video games? Right. Unlimited video games, but no games. What? Take it from the tub again, Schlatt.

Would I rather have unlimited bacon? Well, hold on. Shut your fucking mouth. Give it one more go. Ludwig, would you rather have unlimited bacon? And listen, listen to what he's saying here. Unlimited bacon, but no more games. Or games. Unlimited games.

But no more games. Are you getting this, Ludwig? Are you getting this through your thick fucking skull right now? Does he need to break it down Barney style for you? Because he can absolutely do that. Do I need to... It looks like you're in a little bit of a fog. Are these words reaching whatever's in there? Do I need to go medieval on your ass?

Do I need to hit the deodorize button? But how do you have unlimited games if there's no games? Listen very closely. Do you need some boy tears? You want to cry about it maybe? I'm going to say it one more time before I start spraying glycerin on your face. Okay, one more, one more, one more. Would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more games? Are you hearing him, Ludwig? Yeah, no more games. Or games. Unlimited games. Unlimited games but no more games.

I would go with the ladder. You are the worst fucking guest we've ever had. You'd go with the ladder? Son of a bitch. So you'd take the unlimited games, but no games? You make me sick. But there's no games. Bacon? Is this the Delta strain talking? What's wrong with you? Oh, it's COVID. I can't think straight anymore. I swear. It's the zombie bite is all. He's hiding it. He's hiding it. Can't even taste the unlimited bacon. Take the clothes off. We're going to start playing. You want to start playing? I'll go with bacon.

Put the gloves on first. It's time to get in the playpen. Borf, you got the gloves on? He's your glove holder? Yeah, he's got my gloves. He's looking. Do you do that to all your guests? Yes. I am never coming back here. No, you don't have to. That's fine, don't. We won't be here if you come back next week. No. We're going to be gone. This will be an empty studio. Ted will still be in LA, but we will both be gone. Yeah. Somewhere right. Somewhere better. Somewhere where things are okay. Somewhere on the right side of the...

political spectrum. The United States. Yeah. Texas. Do people know where you're from? Yeah, I'm from Vermont. He's the biggest YouTuber in Vermont. Wait, I thought it was... Did you lie to me? What did someone say? He said New Hampshire. I said I thought New Hampshire, but I wasn't sure. I lived in New Hampshire for a little bit. You were going back and forth between New Hampshire. Because I'm from New Hampshire. You are? My family's in New Hampshire. I told you, I said, I think Charlie might be from New Hampshire, but he's going back and forth between Vermont very frequently. Sure. I only agreed to this because I thought you were in New Hampshire, right?

Oh, cuts me deep. I was. I was. I went to college in Vermont. How about that? I went to college. In Vermont? Yep. Okay. My sister went to college in New Hampshire. She went to UNH. Nice. You're such a rat just trying to find your way in the little holes. I'm trying to make him feel better about being on the podcast right now. Feel a bit better about that. I got denied from that college, so now I feel worse. New Hampshire is right next to New York, so we're good.

Yeah, that's true. I did used to do the drive almost biweekly. To New York? I had a girlfriend in Jersey, so I had to drive through New York. Oh, wow. Sorry I had to go there. Like a five-hour drive. Why did you have one in New Jersey? Five-hour drive? Yeah, from New Hampshire to Jersey. You found one in New Jersey? Well, we went to college together. It was like summer break, you know. And she went back to New Jersey? Yeah, she went back to Jersey. I went back to Hampshire.

You never go back to New Jersey. Yeah. Jersey's a weird place. Yeah. You know, they don't pump their own gas. No, they don't. They don't. And they don't in Oregon either. Yeah. But they made an exception recently in Oregon. And people don't know how to pump their gas. No.

They don't know. If the attendants left, they would panic. They would lose their mind. And it's funny, too, because they don't make the gas stations any different than they normally do. They take your card and they just do the self-service thing for you. And then they pump your gas and it's like you could roll up and do it, but they stop you. How have they not figured out automatic gas pumping yet?

Like you drive up like a car wash. I don't know. I feel like people already drive away with the gas thing still in. I feel like if it was automated like that, then it's getting a lot of broken machines because of all the stupid people. There are some stupid people. Do you guys think you are smarter than the average human? Yeah. Yes?

Yeah, no, I think I am. I think I am. No, I got that. I was clear about that one. What did you get on the ACT? I took the SAT and I got 12. I think I got a 29 on the ACT. 29 on the ACT. Oh, wow, I'm in my 20s. I got 1290 out of 16. I was on the cusp. I was on the cusp. I got a very average score. I took the SAT and I bombed. ACT is like a...

The first time I took it I bombed the science one, the others I had like 29, 30 and then- What did you get? I got 33 on the ACT. That's pretty good. You know who asked me this question? You know who asked me this? The motherfuckers had offline TV. Oh, of course they did. I went to do a shoot with them and Scarra casually brought it up.

Who casually brings up what you asked to set up? I thought I had done pretty well. I had got like a 660 on math and a 630 on reading. Come into my trap. And I was like, oh yeah,

And I'm like, yeah. So I got like a 1290 at a 16. Like average, you know? Yeah. Maybe even a little bit above. Sure. Yeah, 1290 is above, I'd say. It's not too bad. And Scarra was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got like a 1560. Oh, God. And then I was like- Is the highest you can get like a 1600? 1600. Yeah. And so then I'm like, wait. And so then I start asking around. I'm like, Lily, what'd you get? She's like, oh.

I think like 2340, 'cause she did it out of the 2400, and I'm like, "Oh, oh, toast!" "What's going on here?" It's like the one scene where it's like really close, fisheye lens on the face going around like... It's like a drug scene! Yeah, they slowly turn around in their chair. They drugged me! Yeah.

They actually screwed me in the car and manipulated me. They ted me into that question. Well, they're gaslighting and gatekeeping it. Yeah. So I felt like a big idiot. Well, you can never join them. The only thing that made me feel better is that I asked Pokey.

What'd you get? She's Canadian. Oh! Oh, yeah. So she didn't do it. You thought it was just because she's dumb as fuck? I thought that was your setup. I thought that was your setup. The setup was like, I asked Pokey, she's like, I didn't shit. I'm like, ah! Pokey's dumb! No, she's Canadian. Thank God. I didn't even take the SAT because I didn't... I don't know. People... Like, there was all that shit on it where it was like, some questions...

you don't or you don't need to answer but if you do answer them and you get them wrong we'll fucking shoot you yeah so you lose you lose a point if you get something wrong but you just you just don't get any points there's like a whole thing of like are you feeling confident are you sure it's like

- That's like a fucking game I don't wanna play. - Yeah, why is this test doing this to me? - And all the questions are there to trick you too. Like they're specifically worded so that you don't even get to the point and the ACT just asks you straight up. - The whole college admissions process is just a fucked rat race that

We know now also rich people like to cheat at. Machinima employees. Machinima employees. Wait, what? Specifically, yeah. Explain. Riddle me this tale. All right. So Borf's coming back in. Borf on the mic. Is this like the Full House woman? Yes, this is the Lori Lough.

Lori Loughlin. Hey, we're going to do this. Yeah. Yeah, Lori Loughlin. Basically, Stephen C.M. Prevo was one of the big wigs over at Machinima behind a lot of the layoffs, and he also did so much on the college admissions scandal. Wow. That when the Netflix documentary came out, they had an actor reenact him. Wow. Did he get in trouble? Oh, he went to jail. Really? Hey, Stephen. He went to jail. Hey!

Oh my god. Get boofed. Holy fuck. Get boofed. That's what we said. I like that. That's a classic boof treatment that we can do. If you cross him, he'll take you down. He will. Wow. I can't imagine loving a thing enough to cheat it into a better program. Like, if that thing is dumb that I make, like the kid I make, it's like, fuck you. That thing. That beast that comes out of me. And all the shit where they had like, they had like, the kid's like,

model for like fake sports photos and stuff like that. - Yeah. - That's crazy. - I don't think they should be able to do anything. - Did you really get into ASU? - Did I really get in?

They have an 86% acceptance rate. I'm making an implication. What aren't you telling us? ASU. ASU? Imagine that. That's so funny. Admission scandal. Lori Loughlin gets her daughter into ASU. Yeah. Like, you could have just applied probably here. It would have been fine. No, ASU is so free that based off of my academics, my 1290, they gave me a scholarship. Yeah.

So Lord knows what a 33 gets you in those parks. - My high school GPA was like absolutely terrible.

You know what's funny? I got above a 3.0 and I felt gas about that. Oh, I would have felt gas too. I had like a 2.8 when I was in high school. Because 2 would have made me feel bad because it's a cutoff. I apply to ASU. They get back to me and they're like, yeah, you had about a 2.9. So you don't qualify for a program, the journalism program, which is 3.0. And I'm like, what? I had a 3.0. And they're like, oh, sorry. Yeah, we don't include honors choir here.

It looks like you did that for two years and you had a 5.0 GPA, so we just removed that. And I was like, well, come on, you know, it's pretty difficult out there to teach. We had a lot of vocal warm-ups. So you were a little choir boy. I was a choir boy, yeah.

What'd you do? I sang. I have a solo of Somebody to Love on YouTube from high school. Really? Wow. You ever been to a Catholic mass? I have only gone to church on Easter and Christmas. And when I slept over at a friend's house. Not even Christmas. Seasonal. If I slept over at a friend's house and then I woke up and they're like, we have a cool church though. You've got to come. Oh yeah, then you go. Then you go.

and it's just off rhythm clapping. - Just some guy like on fucking wires. - Yeah. - Just like, what's up? - Like just trying to keep your attention. - Yeah, yeah. - And that's pretty much it. I was never a choir boy. Were you? Was anyone here? - No, no. - I did band for a while. I was in percussion for 15 years. - I did choir in high school. - I'll do you this, gentlemen. I'll play you the first note of "Somebody to Love" that I sang. - Oh! - It's good. - You gonna be able to pick this up? - Yeah, I'll just play through the mic. - Is this you?

That's your sub sound That's your fucking sub sound That's for like a raid or a host It's bad

Wow, that's on YouTube. Yeah, that is on YouTube. That's the first note? That has like 200,000 views. That's the first note. You say you aren't a choir boy. What happened when that came out? Well, when that got found out, it was embarrassing. No, no, no, when the note. Oh, so what happened? Inside your body. I got the solo, and I was so nervous. I practiced so much that by the time the performance came, my voice was shot.

I literally practice falsetto so much that I couldn't sing falsetto. And so for the entire performance, my vibrato is fine. But anytime I go falsetto, it's just shot. Like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun. This is not, this is choir. This is like a documentary. Yeah, like Icarus is what I was thinking. I have a similar thing that happened to me with the YouTube thing, though, since I was in acapella in college.

So a lot of those recordings are online, so people will find those. Ooh.

and comment and shit. - Yeah, did I tell you guys that I got the, this was the closest I've ever come to something like this. I mean, I was like in the pit at band and shit, but there was one time in my middle school play when they let me be like Napoleon, right, and we sang Waterloo, and I came out and I thought it would be really funny to improvise as a kid, and so what I did is I got down really low and I put the costume over my knees and I waddled out and I did a funny dance, sang the whole part, and I thought it was great, then I found out afterwards that because I was so short and I was crouched down, no one actually saw me.

Oh, what a great bit though. Yeah, I was just out there. I was like having an awesome time. I was like, wow, this is my place and everyone was loving it. That's tough. Because they didn't see you. That's tough. It's a great that you should try that again maybe. You're a little bit taller now. I'm a little bit taller. I got a couple inches. Yeah. A couple extra inches. I wish you were taller. Yeah. Ludwig, I appreciate your height, man. Six flat. Is it six flat? Six two on the ID.

Nice. What? How? I'm bad. I lied. You can put whatever you want on your ID. You can put whatever you want. I'll show you right now my California ID. Every time I renew it, I add an inch. How long did you spend before you actually got your California driver's license? I got it within like...

Take a look at that. A few months of moving? Really? Yeah. I still haven't done that yet. No, because I got a car in California. Yeah, I guess getting a car would be a... It looks like a lot of people that I've found. Yeah. For a couple months. Do this. Didn't have your shit together when you took that picture. They're all looking through my ID. It does say six foot two inches. You wouldn't get into a bar. All right, I'll make sure to blur out my driver's license number. Yeah. Well, I don't think that'll show up on it. Did that get in the camera thing?

Borif sees everything Borif sees everything Borif gets it all Borif sees fucking everything Borif's got an unlock Yeah shout out to Scott For blurring out the driver's License number thing Did you ever have a fake In college? No No? No cause you didn't need one At Arizona there was a Drive through liquor store That you could just buy from Oh beverage barn

They just willingly sold to minors. Is that what it's called? Beverage Barn? Oh, no. No, it wasn't called. I wouldn't dare rat them out. You just said probably the one you go to. No, no, no. We got Beverage Barns. There's drive-thru liquor stores. It's funny because I brought it up on stream. I've never said the place. People will be like, oh, this place? Because they know because they also bought there. And I went through without a fake because I heard that they sell to people who are underage.

And I'm going through and I'm like barely in college, like 19. And I'm like, hey, can I get like a fifth of like maybe coconut rum or something? Or like, you know, cake vodka? Just some gross shit. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. ID? ID?

And I was like, that's not what I heard about what goes on around here. And he says, just give me your ID. So I give him my shitty 18-year-old ID that I still have. I give him this exact New Hampshire ID. Oh.

Oh my goodness. I look like a boy in this ID. And it very clearly shows my birthday. I'm like two years underage. You look like a completely different person. He eyes it up and down. First of all, it's vertical. They do that in New Hampshire. Whoa! Whoa! Already in Arizona law, you're not allowed to accept vertical IDs, even if they're 21. But he looks it up and down. He hands it back to me, and he goes, yeah, there's a cop across the street. I just have to actually take the ID.

Gives me the alcohol. I'm like hell yeah. I put it in my shotgun seat and he's like don't put it there idiot You put it in the back seat, and I was like yeah, so true. So right so right put in the back seat He's like cover it. I'm like yeah, right so right cover it Yeah, of course, and then I Drive home, and I and that was that's where I got my alcohol all college

Wow, really? Yeah, it was lit. Holy crap. In Ithaca, it was like, there was this one, this place called Northside Liquor, and if you go there and you give them the ID, if it's an out-of-state ID, they literally go onto the speaker and they say, out-of-state ID, and then you got a guy who comes in. You have to fill out a little composition notebook saying what your name, you got to sign for it and stuff. It's a pain. You went to Ithaca? I did. My gosh.

No wonder you took a 400 milligram edible. Because they're just all stoners there? Is that what you heard? Ithaca's in the middle of nowhere in New York. It is. Literally. Honestly, you're totally right. I visited Ithaca because my sister was thinking about going there because they have a decent acting program. What year? Way before. She graduated 2013, I think, or 14. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know that.

From college. So I went to visit it. And it was such a long drive. And you just felt society leaving you. You're right. It's literally like you drive for maybe the last hour. You drive through absolute bumfuck. If you've never been to Ithaca, but you've watched the opening scene of Spirited Away, it's like that. They just keep driving until nothing is there anymore. You walk through a portal. Instead of being like, you know, a bunch of dragons, it's just a bunch of people smoking weed. Yeah.

There's like weed shops lining the streets. It's literally just like one small, incredibly liberal sanctuary. Like it's a sanctuary city. It's like a pocket of liberal. And then all around it is just like conservative. Like you'll be leaving Ithaca and it'll be like Trump size. But in there, it's just like Bernie Biden.

that yeah yeah man UVM is just like a fog cloud yeah yeah I'd imagine yeah you walk through your just eyes start sticking Birkenstocks everywhere oh they love them they love Birkenstocks up there you hustle Birkenstocks there you make a mint oh easily yeah easily no yeah yeah what time are we at right now 95 minutes

Well. What do you normally do? We're done. We're done. Are you a 90 pod, a 60 pod? 60. We're whatever pod we want to be. We're a 60 pod, but we've been doing stuff. We've been just going over way. What's the goal? So I'm a new pod owner. Oh, shit. We don't know what we're doing. We just do it. We just do it. Generally, people just...

Watch. I was a little nervous about 90 because I was like, if I see a 90 pod, personally, I'm like, I'm 1.5 in that. I'm 1.5x in that. Really? I'm not going to 1x listen to a 90-minute pod. Do you listen to podcasts frequently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mostly listen to nerdier shit. I listen to the daily podcast. So are you trying to get through and get all the information? New York Times. All 1x acts is 23rd of that, too. And this? This? The Daily. Do you like The Daily? No. Why? I listen to The Journal.

Who's that? It's the Wall Street Journal. Really? Yeah. I listen to Martha's Vineyard Radio. What do they just do? Just read out stock signs? Yeah, that's it. Just money signs? No, it's like the Daily. It's pretty much the same thing, but I can actually stand the voice of the person.

Wow. Here's the thing. Michael Dirty. Here's the thing. We were originally going to end the podcast when Schlatt asked you. I mean, Schlatt was aiming to end the podcast when he asked you to cut. No, I just ask when I feel a lull, you know? Oh, I thought you asked it when you feel like you're at the end. Is that your ending note? Sometimes we'll end on a little bit. Yeah, but we've been going for like a half an hour more after that. But I mean, this has been a very wonderful podcast. I feel great. I feel fantastic, too.

That didn't feel reassuring. No, it didn't. It felt very fake. It didn't feel reassuring. It's like another manipulation. You sound better than you did at the start. Well, I had just woken up. I sound better as the day moves on. We're so glad to have healed you. I feel like maybe you've grown through this experience. I think I'm... Sorry, no. Oh, God.

Uh-oh. Jesus Christ. What are you bouncing when you do that? Anyway, thank you guys so much for having me on. Chuckle sandwich. Been an absolute pleasure. Ludwig, it's time to roll out the red carpet. This camera, that camera, that camera. We've just started stealing that. Tell everyone what you got going on in your life. Hey, guys. Honestly, the only thing I got to shout out is my podcast, The Yard, that I started with my roommates. My goal is for them to be...

just so rich that they all quit their jobs and work for me. So I hope it does well. That's my only goal with the podcast.

So even if you don't listen, just download it so I can scam advertisers into giving money. It's climbing the Spotify charts. You're almost ahead of us. We're trying. I mean, when you think about it, it doesn't have to do with listener count. It just has to do with the rapid rise because we're only on two episodes. Exactly. We really don't have as many listeners as we did. Well, I'm not worried about beating you guys. I would want to rise together. You're an ass. You're just an ass. Look, here's the skinny. Mark.

My only goal is for them to be rich. And so if I can do that being one under Chuckle Sandwich, that's great for me. Are you guys rich? Yes. Then being one under you would make them rich.

That's true. So everybody who's listening. Let's get them rich. Everybody who's listening, download this podcast and then download The Yard, except for one person. Don't download The Yard. And then you'll be above me. Right. Mathematically. And they know who they are as well. If you're listening to this and your name's Jackson, do not. Do not watch The Yard. Jackson, don't. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Get the fuck out of here, Jackson. Fuck you, Jackson. All right? Well, you guys want them still. Oh, Jackson. Come on in. Jackson, you're welcome here. Hey, you don't need the yard. You don't need the yard. Just the yard is the one you want. We love you to death, Jackson. You should stay here. I'm sorry they were a little... Don't worry about the yard, Jackson. It doesn't matter what happens. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure. Handshakes all around. No. No. No. No. Thanks, guys. What's wrong? Okay. Bye. Bye. What's wrong with the hands? Just a quick... A brief? Let's get him out of here.