The Drunk Episode
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um...

Should I show the outfit today? Do you want to see the outfit today? No, that bit is old. All right, I'll show it. Ooh.

What's this? White pants this time. I'm not even engaging with you this time, man. It's not even a funny bit anymore. You come on this show every week with a new pair of pants and stupid shoes. You look like you're working at a freaking Fortune 500 company with those shoes. Maybe I am. Pull those shoes off your feet. What? Bro, what?

Chuckle Sandwich viewers, I got to level with you. You know, this whole thing, putting up with Ted's shtick about being fashionable now when I'm sitting here in my independent trading co hoodie blank and my Gildan 5000 blank. I got three things in my closet and this kid thinks he's better than me trying to get all holier than thou. I don't know. Have you read the prologue to Dreams of El Dorado? Because I have. It's given me a serious, serious feeling

drinking problem. Yeah? Yep. Well, maybe I've developed one as well. You can't open that bottle, can you? I can't. And riddle me this, Schlatt. Riddle me this. Okay. I feel like I'm at my best, highest capacity working order when I'm been drinking. Everybody knows that. Oh, yeah. Life just gets easier. The

The worries fade away. Yeah. The judgment goes out the window and it's just, you make the best, I've made the best decisions of my life while drunk. Me too. Such as getting in a car with keys. Putting the key into the ignition and twisting it. Twisting it. And then shifting into drive, which we will be doing for this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Shifting into drive.

to do a very special episode of chuckle sandwich i'm wasted tucker's gonna be giving us some riddles we're gonna be getting inebriated and we're gonna try to answer those riddles on this episode of chuckle sandwich this is the drunk episode of chuckle sandwich baby welcome to chuckle sandwich welcome to chuckle sandwich do the intro good mythical morning good mythical morning to everyone here

I'm Rhett. He's Link. No, I'm Rhett. Let's be real. I'm Rhett. I am Link. If you give me some gray hair here, I bought the same haircut going on. Did I tell you that... I told you about how at the streamies I sang It's My Belly Button.

to Link Neal. You did tell me that. To his chagrin. He probably didn't like that, but he is quite an old man, so he probably didn't remember. Yeah, no, he's going on Jimmy Kimmel. He's fine. He's fine. He's good. He's totally fine. I think that we should open... Well, welcome everyone to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We're so happy to have you here. Tucker is dressed to the nines. He is a little... Dressed to the nines, ties a little bit off kilter.

But that's the way he's off kilter. Top button, unbuttoned. This is breaking a lot of rules. He's looking like me in the Barbie video right now. We're three-fourths of the way there. Looks like he's on a shittier Mormon mission, like a Protestant mission to convert as many people to Episcopalian. Yeah, he's the Riddler tonight. This is Tucker's role. He is the Riddler. Did you specifically dress up for this, Tucker, because of the riddles? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah? For why? It seemed like a formal event.

This was Tucker's idea. I guess I, I guess I misread the room. This is actually Emma's idea. Yeah. I mean, to also give context of when we're shooting this, I just got off the plane from, from North Carolina to LA. We filmed the last episode two days ago. So it's, it's kind of like we've been hanging out for a couple of days now. So the vibes are gonna be flowing. And also I'm very excited for, uh,

this getting drunk because everybody gets a little bit snacky on it um so i got i brought out my favorite snacks i'm sure that you're aware of these um i've got my wrap snacks biggie i have no idea what that is yeah no is that a joke you've heard of is that a bad joke i've heard of doritos and ruffles notorious big honey jalapeno potato chips oh he made some chips

Postmortem? You've never had Notorious B.I.G. No, I've never had that. Is his estate being paid for those? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let me tell you what I'm doing, okay? We should all go down the list, see what we're drinking on tonight. Me, myself, and I are drinking some D.O.M. B&B, Benedictine and Brandy. That's what that is. It's a 40% alcohol.

alcohol. 80 proof for the folks watching out of Europe. And I'm just sipping it straight out of the bottle. I have been for quite a while tonight already. I've already made a big old dent on this bottle and I'm happy to do some more soon. Yeah, you're doing some serious damage on that bottle right now. I've got, isn't Benedictine, isn't that a liqueur?

It is, but it's this one. That's like drinking apple juice with liquor. Here's the thing. When I go to the liquor store and I look for my bottles of Benedictine, they always have like a...

heavy coating of dust on them because nobody's getting it exactly exactly there was one bottle of regular benedictine left and the others were these this b&b which isn't terrible but i like the the original benedictine more i've probably sold so many fucking bottles of this shit for them they need to give me a sponsorship yeah i'm telling you i walked up to the cash register at this podunk fucking liquor store and their dog was behind the counter just like sitting there like at

And the lady goes to me. Yeah. The dog, the lady sits, she, she's, she, she says to me, she's like, Oh,

Wow. We haven't sold one of these in a long time. Jeez. And I was like, these are delicious. And I brush off the dust. I swear, caked in dust every time, these bottles. Jeez. Well, it's got a good surface for dust to collect, too. It's got that little bound. I know. I know. This would be a fucking great butt plug flared at the end. I'm going to stick this up my butt. Dude. Anyways, yeah, it is a liqueur. This one is mixed with brandy, which...

Muttos it a little bit. Tastes more like alcohol. The other one tastes kind of like a herbal syrup. Oh, okay. Like Benadryl, you know? This is right up your alley, too, because you've drank on several episodes of Chuckle Sandwich. I don't think... Well, honestly, I think the only time that I've ever... Every episode's a drunk one for me. There's only a few episodes that I've drank, and I think those were the ones where, during the first Chuckle Week, we had that bottle of...

that floating bottle of fireball that we were just passing around we did we had liquor president two of the chuckle weeks yeah we should have them for the next one we should we should we should like a we should have like a little bar card thing oh what we should do we should get tucker dressed the nines again and make him a little a little bartender where he's got his sleeves rolled up and he's got his little towel over his shoulder and he's giving us advice

That would be fun. We totally should and we should get Webster on Store to stock the entire set. So that's the thing. They actually reached out actually. So I think maybe I should respond to them because I actually did get a DM from Webster on Store. We're just kind of bullshitting about the site being named Webster on Store. Yeah, I don't know how they found out. And the social media manager reached out to us and he's like, hey.

I love that clip. There must have been someone who watches the show that's like, I don't know, the fucking heir of the baron of Webster on store that was like, father, father. He walks through his mansion filled with restaurant furniture. Father, father. That's what I think, dude. It's probably, yeah, it's probably the son of like the CEO. I keep, I always think to myself, man, how many people

How many offspring of really rich, powerful people are huge fans of me? And how can I leverage that? Yeah. No, good question. Yeah. I would like to know that too. Does Jeff Bezos have any children? Is that a thing? No, I don't think he does. You don't think he does, Tucker? I think his wife ran away with all the money.

His rival's got plenty to go around. His rival? Who's his rival? Who are we talking about? The big EM. Elon Musk? Oh, yeah, no, he's got a bunch of alien kids, right? He does have plenty. He's got a good serving of those. Cool, okay. Well, let's continue going around and checking on the alcohol. So today, for me, I was for...

I've got tequila. I've got some Tequila Blanco. This is... Fair enough. This was sent to me by my agency very sweetly of them. I think they sent this to me for my birthday. And it's San Miguel de Allende. Tequila Blanco. 100% puro agave azul. Echo en tequila, Mexico.

This is where it's come from. Okay. So yeah, this is, this is 40% alcohol. This is tequila guys. Yeah. I don't know what to tell. Tucker's got a fucking chalice of, of he's got a, an elixir.

I don't know what the fuck Tucker's got. It looks like grog. Looks like he's drinking some fucking Lord of the Rings orc shit. It's a Captain and Coke. Dude, that's the shit that orcs from the Lord of the Rings are drinking in the bars and they're like, we're gonna go eat some fucking grog tonight, boys. This is like a potion you take in The Witcher and Geralt would be like, hmm, bitter. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he'd be like... And then he'd walk outside and go, hmm, wind's howling. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'd say that we open up this riddle episode. We got our riddle master with his grog. We got our ret with his...

apple juice and we've got ted with his fashion tequila and we're gonna all take a swig right now i've got my chaser because i don't think i'm gonna be able to handle this i haven't really eaten all right ted i'm sipping on 40 you can sip on 40 too come on this is very different things but don't make a face buddy all right i won't make a face all right take a sip of that tequila no chaser right cheers chocolate one cheers

I feel like we're on a Guga Foods episode. Yeah. Where his nephew is Leo and shit. What's the name of the other one? Damn. The other one. We're going to have to have a split count on this episode, too, by the way. Oh, dude. I'm like eight in already. Yeah. Which probably equates like four shots. Before we continue, though, I feel like since I've been eating so many or drinking so much, I should probably have another snack. Maybe I'll try out a ooey wavy boozy Louisiana heat.

Why? Where are you getting these? What is this? You haven't heard of these? I've never heard of these things. Oh, you got the Louisiana Heats? Yeah, dude. I don't know what this is. I've never seen these chips before.

Come on, man. You know these chips. I don't know these chips. Wrap snacks. Wrap snacks. Where did you go that serves wrap snacks? Do you order these on eBay? Are these like 20 years old? Or are these a thing that they're still making? You saw me leave for the store before we filmed the podcast. I just went and got them. They had those? They had wrap snacks. Of course they did. Everybody sells these. Everybody knows wrap snacks. Everybody sells wrap snacks. I know wrap snacks. Tucker knows wrap snacks. Sure. Yeah, no, I know wrap snacks. You can't really visit L.A. without getting a bag of wrap snacks.

Yeah, everybody knows what Ash does. Sure, yeah. No, you're right. I'm sure they have them in New York, too. No. Yeah, man. You don't think that Notorious B.I.G. Honey Jalapeno is being sold in New York City? Come on. We don't like to exploit his honor here. We revere him. Okay. Let's do the riddle. Come on. All right, first riddle. How many riddles do you have, by the way, Tucker? And do we take a shot per riddle? That seems like we die. No, no. We've got plenty. Okay.

We got plenty. We need a counter on the screen, by the way, of how many for our video watchers. You're all right. How many swigs we've taken. We need to collectively take swigs each time. Bro, Schlatt and I started before. We started way before. We've been pre-gaming. Emma was bringing me shots. What? We were having a lot of fun while you were getting those rap snacks. Oh, okay. We're deep, dude. We're deep.

Buckle up. Okay. Here we go. I'm getting jealous. So... What the... Are you ready for the first one? There we go. Yes, Professor Keens. Hey, take this seriously. Okay. I am. All right. Here's the riddle. When you take me out of a window, you leave a grieving wife. When you stick me in a door, you will save somebody's life. You...

When you take me... Can you paste some in the chat too so I could read them over too? Sure, sure. That's a great idea. When you take me out of a window, you leave a grieving wife. You take it... What do you put in a window? A screen? A sill? But then what's the second half? When you take me out of a window, you leave a grieving wife. When you stick me in the door... Stick me into a door. You will save someone's life. A window, a door. What goes in both? I don't know. What goes into a door?

- Oh man, is this supposed to be the low baller? Are we low balling at the beginning here? - No, this is just a good one, I thought. I didn't want to start with like a stupidly easy one or a common one. - Okay. - Right. - Yeah, you take me out of a window, and then stick me in that door, you'll save someone's life. Fuck, I'll be honest, my first thought, I'll just speak out loud or think out loud, my first thought was something, when you take me out of a window, you leave a grieving life. First thing I thought of was in the cartoons when they've got like a pie,

cooling off on a windowsill. Totally unrelated, but I feel like I can't get my brain to stop thinking that the answer is a pie. And the smoke wafts from the pie and it wraps around my head. And then you levitate. And then I start floating. I start floating with my legs trailing behind me. I get that comment strangely more frequently than I think most people do. Whereas people will say, Ted, you seem like the kind of man to float towards a...

cooling pie like to the smell of a pie like I'm a fucking like I'm Yogi Bear or something um

Oh, picnic baskets. Picnic baskets. When you take me out of a window, you leave a grieving wife. So what do we take out of a window? What things can be taken out of a window? I don't fucking know. I don't know. A grieving wife. Stick me in the door. A baby? You're thinking too literally. It's a riddle. I know. Sometimes riddles are literal, though. You know? I feel like...

Riddles usually have a little bit of a twist. A twist? Like sure, it's literal when you know it, but you know, you got to think critically. I don't know, a letter? Like... Oh! I got it! What is it? I've got it! I don't... I've got no fucking clue. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! When you take me out of a window, window is the word, and you take... You... You take a W out, or you take an N out. What do you get? You get a widow. Oh.

Oh, it's the letter N. I see what you're saying.

Easy. You take out the letter N. You get a widow. You put in the letter N into a door. You get a donor. Yeah, no, I would have never in a million years. One nothing, Shlatt, baby. Congratulations, Mr. Shlatt. You've earned a point. Thank you. Thank you, Tucker. Oh, we're competing? Ah, shit. One nothing, baby. One nothing, baby.

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Go to your happy price, Priceline. Well, I need another snack then. No, no, you don't need another snack. You need another swig, buddy. Okay. I am going to sweep this. Maybe I just don't have the brain for riddles. I sure as hell don't. I'll tell you. Let me put my hair into a ponytail. All right. Another swig for another riddle.

I think that I do need another snack though. So this time maybe I'll try out, this is, everybody knows this one by the way. And I'd be surprised if you don't know this one. - Ted, are you drunk already? - No, no, I'm just checking out and reading. - 'Cause I am. - Nicki Minaj's Barbie Quinn with my honey truffle. - Ooh. - You know what this reminds me of? This reminds me of when you went to therapy.

And the guy was like, are you playing a joke on me? And then he hung up on you. I'm not playing a joke on you, dude. Everybody likes these snacks. Barbie Quinn on my... That cashier was probably like, this dude is not being serious with me right now. He's doing this for a bit. Barbie Quinn with my honey truffle, Nicki Minaj's flavor. How'd they get the license for that? Nicki Minaj? She probably made them, dude. I don't know. Give me the next riddle. Here comes the next one. That's actually really good.

Halo of water, tongue of wood, skin of stone, long I've stood. My fingers, short, reach to the sky. Inside my heart, men live and die. That is a fucking novel. You better fucking paste that in the chat, dude. I got no fucking... Halo of water. Got you right off. Tongue of wood, skin of stone, long I've stood.

I have no fucking clue. No fucking clue. Where do you even begin with this? A halo of water. What is a... Skin of stone. So this is a thing that we're trying to guess. What has a tongue of wood? I fucking hate riddles, dude. This shit sucks.

This is difficult, man. We've only taken two shots worth of alcohol right now. No, I'm way farther than that. Halo of water. Okay. So maybe perhaps a moat. Perhaps a fountain of some sort. Tongue of wood. Don't know what that means, but fucking skin of stone? Halo of water, tongue of wood.

Skin of stone long I've stood, my fingers short reach to the sky. Inside my heart, men live and die. A forest? I don't like this. I don't get it. A forest? No, you're way off with that. The earth? I don't know. My fingers short reach to the sky makes me think that that's a forest kind of, and they're reaching to the skies and to the sun. I'm a humble man.

I'm smart enough to know when I should reach for help, and I'm reaching towards Tucker right now for a little hint. You want a hint? I'd love a hint. I liked when Ted said the word moat. Moat? Oh, a castle. Bingo. Point for Mr. Ted.

What the fuck do you mean, tongue of wood? Tongue of wood, the drawbridge. Drawbridge. Skin of stone. Oh, fuck. Okay. Fingers short, reach to the sky. Okay, okay. I'm curious about the fingers short, reach to the sky thing. That one was kind of throwing me off. That led me to forest, though. What is it called? The battlements or something? You know how the castles are like every other... In Minecraft, it's every other block or something? Yeah, it definitely felt like it was some sort of object, but man...

I was close. Fair enough. I'll give you the point. That's good. You get a point for that, man. Thanks, man. I should try another snack. How many of these do you have? Let's see what we got here. Oh, yeah. No. No. Sour cream truffle. Another Nicki Minaj flavor. Oh, okay. That's great. This is a classic from the wrap snacks. What? You clean them out, dude. They probably haven't sold a bag in months. I'll take the lot. I love wrap snacks. Everybody knows I love wrap snacks. That's an opinion you can have.

It's not opinion. It's a well-known thing. Everyone's like, oh, man, get Ted some wrap snacks. I've just been on a diet lately for the last three years. Yeah. I feel that one, brother. So what do we do? Do we do another... You want an easier one? I'll give you an easier one. Sure. But we got to do another hit. We got to do another hit. Oh, great. Okay. Surely. It seems like at the end of each one, it makes perfect sense to do...

You are using a chaser. You are being a little bitch right now. Okay, listen. You're not thirsty. You were holding that in your mouth. You were holding... Hey, I know what you did. You pre-gamed the lemonade and you were going to hold that in your mouth so that when the tequila went in, it made a little...

drinky a little girly drinky how man okay me of such an offense man swallow the lemonade and then swallow your fucking mixer your fucking drink god damn i'm drunk here we go it's like water to me man though that's the only thing i'm easy with tequila are you not a tequila guy schlatt are you the kind of guy who'll drink tequila and you go fucking you'll go like this he'll go like this right this is how schlatt would do tequila

I love that way. Yeah. When you get, when he gets loud, you just can't hear him at all. And that's funny to me. We should just mute him for that. Yeah. So that they can experience what we experience. Yeah. Your mic mutes itself when it gets too high. We're not going to do that. We're not going to do that. You know what? I'm changing things. I'm changing things. I'm changing things right now. It's going to, it's going to be like this now. And you go like this, you go.

Did not fix a single thing. It's just muted when he does that. Fuck you, man! For the record, I don't even take chances with tequila. I don't like the way it tastes at all, and I don't think any drink is made better with it. Give us an easy one, Tucker. Here we go.

I'm looking to get ahead in points from this schmuck who doesn't know about wrap snacks. It's like, if he doesn't know about wrap snacks, he's not going to know. Well, at the end of the day, I'm ahead of drinks. I think you will get this one, Ted. I think this one you'll get. I might come through your window, and I'm often at the bar. Sometimes I'm used to send your kids to die in lands afar. And I'll post it for you guys. I'm just thinking. This isn't even a... There's no banter to be had. I'm just thinking. My money's on the bed.

Or this one. Might come through your window. What might go through a window? What's often at a bar? Sometimes you're used to send kids to die in lands afar. Terrorism. No, that doesn't make any sense. It might come through your window. Oh, wow.

Iraq might come through a window. Iraq, Iraq, Iraq, the country. Never mind. The country of Iraq. That's the wrong train of thought. Saddam Hussein could theoretically at a certain point when he was alive come through my window. And he also, depending on, was he Islamic? Like did he practice the religion of Islam?

Irish Car Bomb, Irish Car Bomb, often at the bar, that's a drink that they have, but those don't typically come through a window, do they?

But if a car bomb happened, maybe in the United States, then that could be, you know, grounds for a Patriot Act or something to that extent. I don't know. Sometimes I'm used to sitting here. Ted, you know what I think this is? You know what I think this is? I think this. Oh! A draft! What? Thank you, Mr. Ted. You're at two.

What? A draft. A draft might come through your window, and a draft beer is often at the bar. Okay, okay. And the draft is what Vietnam. Yeah, I got you. No, that makes sense. Red, white, and blue. You know what? You're more of a beer guy, so that one was right up your alley. I get that. Yeah, looks like I'm the fortunate son.

I'm going to put a sound for that. Okay. So how are you feeling, Schlatt? You know, you're one behind me now. Seems like I'm the king of riddles. I think the winner should take a drink. I think if you won that one, you got to take a drink. Fine. Yeah, Ted, you do need to catch up on the drinks. Oh, my God. The pussy ass, that bottle didn't even raise above a 90 degree plane. Just had a full shot there with that. No, you didn't. That was a straight swing, dude. Take another one.

oh no that that'll that'll affect me in a negative way comments won't like that time i'll do it i'll do a better swing comments won't like that you know what i need another snack yeah here he goes again this is a classic wait hold on let me guess the little dicky uh tricky blicky what was that one more time can you just just tricky blicky what flavor is that that's um gunmetal

Gunmetal? You think that Lil Dicky's making a gunmetal flavor? Well, obviously it's Rick Ross sweet chili lemon pepper. It doesn't even rhyme. That's silly. Are they supposed to? I guess wrap snacks. Well, I mean, everybody loves this one. This is like a fan favorite generally. Rick Ross lemon pepper sweet chili. Nice. I have five open bags of different chips to my right now.

Alright, give me the next riddle. I'm really ready for this. Next riddle, alright. Let's see what we got here. Alright, this is gonna be a short one. I think this one's a little easier, so maybe Schlatt can catch up. I got a good one, but it's long, so I'm gonna wait till next time. But here we go. Lose me once, I'll come back stronger. Lose me twice, I'll leave forever. A war. Wrong. Damn. Lose me once, I'll come back stronger. Lose me twice, I'll leave forever.

What do you lose? What have you lost, Ted? You ever lost anything important to you? Lose me. Lose me once. I'll come back stronger. It's not coming. It's not sex. Come back stronger. Lose me twice. I'll leave forever. Forever.

Lose me twice, I'll leave forever. I don't know this one. Lose me once. None of us. I really don't know this one. We have to figure it out. I don't think Ted knows it either, honestly. I don't know this. It took me a little bit to get the draft one, but lose me once, I'm coming back stronger. Someone stronger? Leave forever. I'm not much of a wordsmith, you know? Stronger.

I'm surprised that you got the one that you knew I would get that last one, Tucker, by the way. I knew you'd get the last one. My money was on you. But for total score, I still think Schlatt's going to win. I'm just kind of happy that we got a drinking episode. Like, that's the only reason I said yes to it. I don't think I'm particularly good at riddles. Yeah, no, I'm like... A leap forever. Who leaps forever except a bitch wife, you know?

I feel like it's somewhere hidden within the concept of what it means to lose it. What are you losing? Yeah. What exactly is the loss? Always come back. Okay. That's all right. We all know that.

I'll leave for... I'm kind of stuck on this right now. I mean, the first thought that I had was boomerang, which is not correct. That doesn't make any sense. You throw those. It's not faith either. It would just be someone who is just not a consistent boomerang thrower is really what that would be the answer to. Why don't you both give me a nice smile? A tooth? Bingo. That was just too easy. I don't even want to take a point on that. That was just too easy. You know what? If it gets me tied, I'll take a point. Fine, I'll take a point.

I gave a hint on the last one. Yeah, yeah. That was... Yeah, no, he gets it. So we're tied up. Damn it. Teeth. I need a vaguer hint, though, because I feel like that was... You just lobbed that to me. What if we got the ears? This isn't a correct riddle. What if nears? Or dentures? What a silence. The next one's going to be harder. Okay. Just took a shot. At least I think it's hard, but I think it's a really good riddle. See this shot? Ready? It wasn't even fucking looking. Okay.

Fuck, man. You made a face. And you just took a chaser. I did. Schlatt, you're drinking sugar. It's the same alcohol content. Yeah, but you're still... There's no sugar in this. You're drinking like... This is like the difference between me doing shots of tequila and you're doing shots of Malibu, okay? What are you talking about? It's sweet, is it not? There's not just pure bitterness. It's a nectar. It's the nectar of the gods. Okay, I'm not drinking...

I'm not drinking this in a nectar. There's a couple monks out there in the Alps that fucking brew this shit alone, and they don't share the recipe with nobody. Okay, yeah, go to your fucking Notorious B.I.G. snacks, your fucking honey mushrooms. They're good. Audio listeners, I'll be with you. They're tasty, and they're good. All right, what do you got for us next, Tucker? All right, this is going to be a bit of a harder one, a bit of a longer one. Okay. Here we go. Oh, a longer one? We're getting a whole fucking paragraph for this one? Oh, yeah.

But I think it's a good riddle. I really do think this is a good one. God, you're such a fucking nerd right now. I know, dude. I love it. All right, here we go. We sound like Eden as a pair. Make us wait. We won't play fair. Sometimes consensus, most times schism. Usually locked away in prism. If by chance you seek, then throw. The serpent sees where we meet low.

We carry freight when we meet high, but separate us and we die. So I am going to take a page out of Eddie Burback's book and say, pass. I don't care. No, you can't. Pass. I don't care. Pass. I don't care. Pass. I don't care. Okay. Well, let's break this down. How about that? Let's break it down together. Maybe we do a little bit of a reading circle, maybe a little, little small group action. Let me tell you, when you know it, the wordplay is really going to turn you on. It's good.

Yeah. It's like when you finish a good game or a book and you're like, I gotta Google this. Yeah, this one's a rhyming one. As soon as you figure it out, you're gonna go back and go, I gotta read every line. All of these are like rhyming ones. Well, every good riddle rhymes. That's true. Every good riddle rhymes. Spoken like a true fucking riddle dork. Well, every good riddle rhymes. We sound like Eden as a pear. Who sounds like Eden as a pear?

Maybe boys in sync. Make us wait? Is that a specific usage of... Yeah, okay, wait for the audio listeners. Wait is spelled W-E-I-G-H-T. Yeah, like mass, like a measurement of mass. Make us wait. Make us wait, we won't play fair. So we sound like Eden as a pair, E-D-N. So it's probably Ed and N as a pair. We sound like Eden as a pair, maybe. No, that doesn't make any sense.

Oh, that's so good. Make us wait. We won't play fair. Sometimes consensus. Most times schism. Usually locked away in a prism. Prism with an M. What's the other option? Prison.

Which is what you usually get locked away in. Yeah, that's why it totally pulled me towards the concept of light being locked in a prison. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking something about light, but that doesn't make any sense. If by chance you seek, then throw. Doesn't make any sense either. When you know it, you're going to go back through every line and you're going to go, oh, that's good. Yeah, I know. Where do serpents go? Serpents. The serpent will see when we mean love. Well,

But then you carry freight when you're high? I was going through these and I was like, damn, some of these are way too easy. This was one of them? You said this was one of them? No, no, this wasn't one, but I feel like every single one's been a bit of a stumper, you know? Yeah, dude. I'm reading them with the answer. I'm like, oh, that's easy. Yeah, sometimes consensus, most times schism. It's like poetry.

It really is. Yeah, yeah, no, it is. It's rhyming and it's fucking weirdly worded. What do you weigh? Whoever concedes defeat loses a point. What?!

Sorry, dude. It's the rules. I'm actually going to sit here and try to get this riddle. That's like, this one is like, Tucker's been talking up the fact that it's such a good riddle and that if I figure it out, I'm going to be like a joyous little boy. So I need to figure this out. This is the best riddle I think I have. And I feel like my ability to think about the riddle is reducing every time I take a shot. So it's like. Yes. Yeah, that's the point. If by chance you seek. What?

I feel like the line that matters the most is usually locked away in prism. I would say that is not your most important line. Really? I would say that might be your least important. What the fuck do you put in a prism? Forget that one. Forget that one? Yeah, toss that one out.

I like... All right, I'm going to start giving you guys a little bit of hints. I'll tell you which lines I like, okay? Okay. Which ones do you like? Make Us Wait, We Won't Play Fair. Uh-huh. The Serpent Sees Where We Meet Low. Those two are really good. Make Us Wait.

Fuck, dude. I don't want to lose a point, but I'm very close to saying I have no idea what the fuck this is. Well, you're just impatient. You just got to think for a second. I'm a very impatient person. I know. I can tell. I don't care. I don't care. I want to take another drink. Can I do that, Tucker? Yeah. Why don't you take a couple while we wait on Ted to give up? Maybe I'll find the answer. The answer usually lies within the bottle. It does. I'm taking another swig then. Here I go.

I'm about to give it to you, Ted. I don't know, a rhyme? Not even close. Are you guys ready to give up? No, give me a hint. One hint. One hint? Oh, dude, I want to give a hint that's not too obvious. Give me a low-key hint. Game. Think about games. Unlimited games.

Without these, there'd be no games. Dude, this is the worst idea ever to get ourselves drunk and then try to make us do riddles. This is like the fucking worst idea we've ever had. All right, are you ready? Yes. No, what is it? Fucking riddles? Tucker, say the fucking answer. The answer is a pair of dice. Dude, I was thinking about that earlier. What do you mean we sound like Eden as a pair? That's crazy. Dude.

- Fuck you, fuck you. - It's good. - Fuck you. - Dude, dude, dude. - The serpent sees a loathe, snake eyes. - That's so annoying because I was looking at the line, if by chance you seek then throw and I was like, is that dice? - Oh, fuck you.

That's a good one, right? No, no. The Serpent Sea Snake Eyes, I get it. Why did you pick this one and be like, they'd be able to solve this. It was poetry, dude. It was just poetry. Sometimes consensus, most times schism. Yeah, that makes sense. I need some Barbie Quinn with my truffle honey right now. Hold on. Hold on. Make us wait. We won't play fair. Okay. All right. I get that because it won't be fair anymore if you wait to die. Waited dice. Usually locked away in prison.

You don't even understand that one. That's why I said don't listen to that one. Shalott was real focused on that one. Shalott said, I think this is the most important one of the entire thing. I was like, wrong. Get it out of there. Yeah. We carry freight when we meet high. 12 boxcars. I think the biggest one was if by chance you seek them throw. That was the one that got me thinking it was actually dice.

But you didn't say it. I know. I didn't say it out loud. I should have just fucking said my thoughts out loud. Keep munching on those wrap snacks, dude. Separate us and we die? That doesn't make any sense. We are die on their own. They're not dice. We carry freight when we make high. Can you explain that one? Boxcars, double sixes. I've never heard anyone say that in my entire life. Dude, you explained it and I still don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Well, it's Snake Eyes for 1 and 1, and it's Boxcars for 6 and 6. Look at him biting the tail end of his glasses trying to act smart. He doesn't wear glasses. He doesn't know how that works. No, these are fucked, dude.

This and the drinks. I'm going to have a headache of a lifetime tonight. Yeah, we're going to have to play Helldivers after this podcast. Yes! You got to understand, and this leads into my sidebar here, is that when we were sitting all around the table in North Carolina, me, Moses, Tucker, I'm sitting in the middle, Tucker's on the right end of the table, Moses on the left end of the table. When we start dropping in and it starts going, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bu

And then I replicate the feeling of what it's like to be in a fucking drop pod. So I just didn't like shaking them. And we're both listening. We're all listening to music. And we're, it's very hype. It's very hype. Very hype. Secondary sidebar. Oh, okay. What's on my wrist right now? A bracelet. It is.

Little girly bracelet. I took mine off, by the way. I don't even do those girly things anymore. This whole time that I've been in my fashion era. Got a women's bracelet on. Would you agree that Tucker's been on your side? And Tucker, you'd agree with me. He's mixing gold and silver, which is something you don't do. It's a thing now. It's actually a thing now. You don't do it. I actually have a little bit of a...

an observation about Ted's fashion era. I'm not done with my sidebar here. He's drunk. He doesn't, he's not even going to remember this. Go ahead with your observation. I noticed today on a thumbnail I saw that Hasan had rings on all hands similar to Ted.

- Who I thought, oh! - I think he's just copying Hasan. - Ted's copying Hasan. - No, I don't fucking care about Hasan, okay? - That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense now that you think about it because every time we turn off the podcast, he starts spewing that left wing stupid bullshit.

Okay. And, you know, me and Tucker have to educate him every time we say, Ted, you know, I really think you don't. You're not going to be happy about what I'm about to say then, Shlatt. I really think. If you think that you're on the same time as Tucker. You were supposed to save this. Okay. Tucker. When I had something to rep. Okay. Well, I don't care because I think I need to bring it up now because Shlatt's doing this whole thing where he's like, Tucker and I are on the same side. Okay. Okay.

Wasn't the case in North Carolina because I placed this very bracelet onto Tucker's wrist and we will start showing on the, I'm sending you the photos. I'm going to show them on screen right now. Tucker modeling absolutely.

The wrist thing. Tucker wanted to keep this. Did he? He wanted to keep this. He wanted to keep that. And my best friend said no. Because I was like, Tucker, okay, here's what I'll do. How good would that look right now? How good would that look? I am going to go to the store. First of all, I'm going to measure this because obviously...

this fits you as well. It'd fit me so good if it'd be better than you. Yeah, no. We still kind of owe each other birthday presents. I mean, yours probably was sent out. I got mine right here. Yours was sent out or something, but I still need to order some stuff. And it's been since January, so this is bad. But I'll send you a bracelet. But I just want to point out, Shlad, that Tucker put that on his wrist and he started acting like he was the fucking...

fashion king of of north carolina he starts going around he starts he's like dude take me a picture of this i'm like take a photo he's like let me look at that he's like okay wait no no he's like adjusting he's adjusting he's trying to make sure he gets it right yeah he was out of control dude he was like a fucking sex symbol that well i'll tell you i'll tell you something dad he probably was acting that way because it was a golden bracelet and he's got a golden wedding band

How about that? That's exactly the same. Yeah, no, because he likes to match it. He thinks that he thought it was like increasing the power of his earned ring. Yeah. I think that bracelet's taking you down a couple notches with your silver, everything else. I just think it doesn't match. Oh, he's got a golden necklace, too. Wait, that's a silver necklace. That's silver. You don't even know what color anything is, by the way. But yeah, no, I honestly don't really...

You're not a gold guy. Give me the gold, baby. Come on, give me the gold. When are you going to admit that gold doesn't work for you? I like the gold. You're too slim. You're too hip. You think that gold is... Gold's a big part of the old country. I guess gold is reserved for the B.I.G. East Coast. Alright, what's the next riddle, Tucker? We gotta get another riddle out. I'm feeling it. Alright. Alright.

Glass is going back on. So you're 1-1, I think, right? Mm-hmm. We're 2-2. You both lost it. Because we didn't get the riddle. We didn't get the riddle. What? Sorry, Ted, I don't make the rules. Don't. You literally do. What starts with E, ends with E, and has one letter in it? E. Wrong. Fuck. Okay. The great silence continues. What the fuck is this, dude? This one's fucked up. Dude, this one's easy. It's everywhere online. It's everywhere. Is it really? Yeah.

Damn, I was worried. I was worried you guys were going to be nailing these. I was like, oh, I hope I have enough. No, we don't know what the fuck we're doing, dude. Absolutely not. Oh, okay. Even if we were sober, this would still be a tough one. I'm taking another sip. Is this verbatim or did you write this? What starts with E, ends with E, and have one letter in it? Has. Has, sorry. Okay.

The semantics is important. That was a mistake right there. Let me do the embarrassing edited. It starts with E, ends with E, and has one letter in it. Well, that's interesting. It's not E. It's not the letter E. Schlatt, you better get this. I got a lot of money on this right now. No, man. Don't put any money on me. Please don't bet on me. I'm so useless these days, man. I feel like...

I just, you know, I just sit all day. You know, I got a... Bro, I wish I could sit. I had a nice car with a garage with many cars in it. And I just am resting on my laurels and just kind of wasting away. You know, and I drink a lot. I drink a lot. Half of that was just kind of bragging. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was. I don't know. A mailbox? No, that's not right. That doesn't make any fucking sense. A letter. Boom. There you go.

Who won? Mr. Schlatt. Okay, can I get like half a point for getting him there? There's no way I didn't get him there. You got me there, but you don't get any points for that. But I got you there. Admit it. There's no points for that. There's honor in that. Admit it. I was a stepping stool to your success. Admit that I was a stepping stool to your success. Honor but no points. Honor but no points. He's leaving. Wow. He's giving us a great opportunity. Look at those stupid ass shoes he's got. Oh, great. The baseball bat. He's pulling out the baseball bat. Those pants would be stained before I ever even put them on. Oh, shit.

He just broke a wooden baseball. It was already broken, you dumbass. Fuck you. Ted, you had an opportunity there to play that straight and you would have gained a lot of points in my book, but you admitted to the fact that it was already broken. I thought that was really cool. I thought you just did a really cool thing. But then I made fun of you. And that made me feel good. Okay. So what's the next riddle?

Hold on. Can we, why does, what starts with the letter E? E? Letter? Oh, I guess. Wait, so you answered it and you didn't even know what you were saying? I just threw out a word. You motherfucker. You motherfucker. Wait, Tucker, what was the answer? Wait, no, it wasn't actually letters. What? It's envelope. What? Envelope. It's envelope. Envelope. Envelope.

Why does he get a point then? Because I'm fucked up, dude. This was half liquor. Oh, shit. No. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. You got to give me a point. You do give me a point. That doesn't make a shred of sense. Hey, when the host screws up, the player wins. Yeah. It's the honor system. I'm a player. I feel like I'm losing right now. Unless it's the Oscars.

I'm moonlight right now, dude. You're fucking La La Land, Schlatt. Fuck yeah, I love that. I love that. Dude, that's hilarious. That's hilarious. Moses. Schlatt said letter and Tucker was like, yes. And it was like, wasn't even close to the word. It wasn't even close to the word. Yeah, sorry. I'm starting to feel it.

Jesus. Wait, wait, wait. Why is Tucker drinking? Why did we include Tucker in the drinking process? I feel like I'm the furthest in right now. I heard we were drinking. I was like, fuck yeah. All right. Yeah. No, that is number one mistake of hiring a Marine. It's like once the alcohol gets involved, he's like, Oh dude, wait, we're drinking in the barracks right now, dude. Usually I have to hide it. Oh, geez. Oh,

All right. So it's 2-1. It's 2-1 me. I'm in first. He's in first. Yeah. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. By a fluke of Tucker's inebriation. Thank you. Not my problem. Yeah. Okay. Okay. What? Don't act like you've got it together, first of all. Don't act like you... Listen up.

A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid. All right. I said it in there so I can... But I did like the delivery there. That was good. That was good. A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.

So there's a box, but it doesn't have a lid or any way to open it. This actually comes from The Hobbit, the original from the 70s, the animated, which is about the scariest animated kids show you can watch. Is it akin to the Zelda one that they animated? Yes, it's just uncanny, hand-drawn shit. Yeah, where it's just American stuff where they're like...

Is it similar? It's like the cell animated version of what the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer clay animated stuff looked like. Yeah, exactly. This has the scariest depiction of Smeagol. That's the name. It's pretty fucking creepy. Nothing like the movies. Give it a watch. Emma and I got fucked up. We watched that. Lord of the Rings.

Not a ring. Surely not a ring. No, it's not a ring. It's not a ring. Is it a lord? No, you're getting further away. So it's closer to a ring. It's closer to a ring than a lord. You're equally far. You're not even close. A box without hinges, key, or lid. Yet golden treasure inside his head.

This is like as pure of a riddle as possible. Yeah, it feels like a pretty pure riddle. Yeah. I don't like this one. I'm going to be honest. I feel like this is whenever something is brought up, that's how your response usually goes. Yeah, because I'm a close-minded person.

in general tucker i know i read all chance all chance of me focusing on this riddle has gone out the window now that tucker has unbuttoned two more buttons of that little button up shirt tucker's looking slutty as hell i'm getting over here looking like a fucking he looks like fucking channing tatum right now i mean let's be honest i'm fucking right and he's looking like i don't

I don't even know what a chastity item looks like. It's something that you need to bust open. You need to get into it by force. You know what Emma and I were talking about today? What were you talking about? Would you cheat on your significant other to get with Jack Black? No, dude. We were both like 100%. Fuck yeah, dude. That's going to be fun, dude. We were listening to Tribute. I know you like Tribute. I do like Tribute. I would not cheat on my significant other to get with Jack Black.

Oh, well, we've both got a Jack Black pass over here at the Keen Household. That's what you guys both chose? What about him in Kung Fu Panda? What about, like, Kung Fu Panda Jack Black? Think of School of Rock Jack Black. School of Rock Jack Black. Okay. I wouldn't do that. Also, I have no idea what this riddle could be. It's not anything I know. Give me a second. Give me a second.

Give me a second. I haven't been paying attention to it. Ted, you're not going to get this. You're not going to get the riddle. Let's be real. You're not going to get the riddle. He's not going to understand the riddle. We're an hour in and probably 20 minutes into the podcast. An hour in and probably 20 minutes into the podcast. A secret. Don't like it. A secret.

Is that wrong? That's not right. You want a hint? Yeah, give me one hint. Golden treasure is your focus right there. What's a golden treasure? Think about something that you have to open. The piss in my balls? He is stored in the balls. That doesn't help me. But think about something. See, I wasn't right? It wasn't my balls? No. Okay, it's not a ball sack. Okay. Think about something that you have to open that has something gold in it. Is it closer? No.

- To my ball sack or a treasure chest? - Ball sack. - Egg! - Wow, three one. Dude, I knew I put my money in the right spot. - How the fuck is this three one? - Golden treasure inside. - I knew I put my money in the right spot. - It's fucking two one. It's two one. - It's three one. - It's three one. - Well, didn't Schlaett lose a point? - Okay, also-- - You both are at two two. You both lost a point. Schlaett's gotten the last two. Three one. - Right, right.

Barely one of them, by the way. One of them because Tucker said he was right when he just wasn't, by the way. That's not my problem. Sorry. My fault he wins, dude. I'm not going to call him for my fault. That's not my problem. This is insane. Okay. 3-1. 3-1. I'll be one of my honey truffle. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You can do one. I'm locking in right now. You got it. Winners take the shot. Oh, fine. Empty, buddy. Empty.

Nothing left. Then get another alcohol. I've taken probably eight shots. I want you to be viciously inebriated. If time comes for me to take another shot, I'll get something else. The time is now. I just took one. I just killed the bottle. Fine. But I'm pissed. Okay, here it comes. Where can you finish a book without finishing a sentence? Audible.com. Wrong. Appreciate your honesty.

Where can't you finish a sentence? Maybe with the bitch wife? You've been hitting that note a lot. Maybe at the mother-in-law's house? A publisher? I love my mother-in-law. A printing press? You can't finish a sentence when you're... A leather bounding machine. Well, I mean, the mind immediately goes to library because you're not allowed to talk in there. Slat's closer than you right now, Ted.

That doesn't mean he's close. So it is a place, perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps a place. Jail. Perhaps a place. Oh, shit. That's right. That's totally right.

Totally right. Oh, Mr. Mr. Nevis. I'm proud of you. Nice. Nice. That's a good one. I had a feeling Ted was going to get that one. Why? Why? Yeah. Why do you feel which ones we're going to get? Are you just saying this after we get them to make you feel better? No, no. I have a good idea of what you're going to get. I think it's because I know your head pretty well, Ted. That's cool.

I appreciate that. He knows where you're going. And I know where you've been. You know how little I think about fucking eggs? Like that last one. Fucking stupid riddle. That's a good... I just eat eggs. No, he eats avocado toast. That's a good riddle. I eat eggs. That's a good riddle. Yeah, but you mainly eat avocado toast. No, I give you avocado toast because I'm really good at making avocado toast for you. I'm allergic to fucking avocados. I've told you a hundred times. No, you didn't. That you keep serving it to me. Because I made that avocado toast for you and you didn't...

Fucking tell me during me making you that avocado toast that you were allergic to avocados. I found out in North Carolina that you were allergic to avocados. I've been friends with you for fucking eight years and I didn't know you were allergic to avocados. You never brought it up. I would have known that shit. This is a self-diagnosis. You made it up? No, I didn't make it up. I just am using... Okay, here we go. You leave home...

Take three left turns and return home. Who are the two masked men waiting for you? What? You leave home. You take three left turns. So now you're 270 degrees to the left, which means you're 90 degrees to the right. You've basically made one right turn. Who are the two masked men waiting for you? Um...

Maybe the CIA or the FBI because you've learned how to warp space and time around you. I think Schlatt's going to get this one. The two masked men waiting for you. Robbers. Robbers at your house. You're being robbed. No, that doesn't make any sense. Why would you be being robbed? That doesn't make any sense. Is it okay? Is it like east and south? Or is it a cardinal direction? No. I have a good hint.

Might be too obvious for whenever you guys are ready. Home and right? What? I don't know the words home and right. No, no, no. It's far wittier than that. Yeah, it's not at that surface level nonsense that you just put out there, Ted. You take three left. Are you traveling? When you are in this riddle, are you actually going somewhere? In a way, no. In a way, no. In a way, no. There is movement.

There's movement. But you might end up right where you started. What the fuck? I hate it. I hate it. Do you want a hint? Do you want the hint? Yeah, yeah, I'd like a hint. What hat does Schlatt normally wear? What? What hat do you normally wear? A Yankee. Oh, the umpire and the fucking catcher? Heads up. Fuck that.

Fuck that. I don't fucking like. No, he's tied. He's tied. It's 3-3. Wait, what do you mean? It's 3-2. Didn't he get. No, it's 3-3. It's 3-3. It's 3-3. He got prison. He got prison. Yeah, it's 3-3. Despite the fact that Schlatt is artificially up a point. No, he earned that. Don't. He did earn that. He earned it. Okay, fine. I did earn that.

You know what I need? Ted, you're just over there drinking lemonade. I'm literally with a... Fuck you. I feel like most people do the chaser after the shot. No, but he was trying to conceal the fact that he was doing the chaser. No, no. I was just drinking lemonade because I love the lemonade. Okay. This wasn't about me. Hmm. Okay. I'm getting those roses. Who's going to make me feel better? Rick Ross? Yeah. Take some Rick Ross. Take some Rick Ross. That's fine. How many more do we want? Give me another one. What's the next one? The next one is...

Two partners share letters. They agree that next time they meet, she may sit on his face. What?! But he may not get inside her. Who are they? He and she. Who are the two characters? Fucking send it in there. Send it in there. This is a very sexual riddle. This is very sexual. This is a horny... A sexual riddle, but maybe not a sexual answer. Two partners share letters.

They agree that next time they meet, she may sit on his face, but he may not get inside her. Is this the guy from Rupert Holmes' song? Is this some weird porn thing you listen to? No. Rupert Holmes? I don't know who that is. Really? Is this something I should get on Spotify? Yeah, of course. It's a great song. What is it? I don't even remember. I'm so wasted. What's the song? It's such an easy... Escape? Yeah, Escape. That's the plot of the song.

This feels like two words. I'll just say this. I'll just say this, Shly, if we could get it at least together. This feels like two words. Two partners share letters. So what is the answer? Is it two names? Is it two? It's two things. Who are the partners? There's a he and a she, and you have to figure out who they are. Okay. Maybe not people. You're personifying them. Well, because it says he and the she in the riddle. Oh.

But don't personify it. So what is sitting on my face? That's up to you to decide. I'm thinking with two partners sharing letters, like we can say that they're writing each other something, but I feel like it's going to be

I think it's two. It's the notions of things. I think it's two concepts. Because the next time they meet, she may sit on his face and the hemi-neck inside her. I think that there's like two partners share letters. I think the letters, I think this is about typography again. Yes, the start of the word. Yes, the start of the word. Like Dusk and Dawn, you know? Or something like that. But obviously Dawn is not sitting on Dusk's face. I like where Slot's head is at though. I do. She may sit on his face.

What's going on there? Except pussy on mouth action. Yeah. What's going on? Is he saying... Why do they have to make this riddle on something non-sexual but imply cunnilingus? Put all your weight on me. That's what I asked for, but she just won't do it. It distracts you. She may sit on his face. I don't understand that. That seems inherently sexual. Yeah, I mean, there's another aspect where I'm like, she may sit on his face. Is this about a clock? Is this about...

No, this isn't about a clock. It's about pussy on mouth. It's about pussy on mouth. No, I don't... I almost guarantee you this isn't about pussy on mouth. This is not about pussy on mouth. Something far more nefarious. This is like pussy on eyeballs. Dude! Let's see. Dude, you guys suck at riddles. She may sit on his face, but he may not get...

Inside her. You want the answer? Wait. Yeah. Wait. I want the answer. Yeah, I don't know. All right, so now it's going to be 2-2. The answer is the ocean and the canoe. Never in my life would I have figured that out. Fuck you. Next one. What the fuck? Next one never in my life. Who has the last time I thought about canoe? No one. Canoe hasn't been a part of my life for a very long time. Ocean and canoe? I'm in a canoe every year. Who's Paul?

What do you mean two partners share letters? Ocean and canoe? Have you ever ridden a canoe in the ocean? 100% yes. Oh, because it's a palindrome. Are you sure about that? Are you sure about that? Yeah, catch some striper schoolies. No, you're riding a kayak. You're not riding a canoe, dude. No, canoe.

Here's where I was led astray. I thought they'd be sharing the first letters of the words. Instead, it was a palindrome. It was literally all of the same letters. Ocean, canoe. So I was never going to get that in a million years. Terrible riddle master. You're full of lies. You're full of lies and you smell like beef and cheese, you fucking bitch. Dude, we had shrimp tacos tonight. Good for you.

asshole I don't want to hear about it fuck you and you're a slut every time I'm like oh here's an easy one you guys don't get it alright here we go tread on the living they make not a mumble tread on the dead they mutter and grumble what's even the what are we trying to get the living and dead of these things what are they what is it

It's a riddle. You tell me the answer. I'm starting to get pissed off. Yeah, me too. I'm starting to get pissed off with this. This is actually starting to upset me. I'd rather do anything else while I'm drunk. Yeah, no, I'm getting at the point of my drunk where I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know, fucking dude. I'm just having a good time. I'm just fucking chilling, man. Yeah, like this is trying to get some fucking... You're trying to get us to be serious right now and it's not real. It's kind of fucking me, my mood up. I'm at the point at the party where some dude is like unloading his emotional baggage onto me and I'm like, damn dude, that sucks. And like, I don't go any deeper than that.

Tread on the living, they make not a mumble. Tread on the dead, they mutter and grumble. Well, the dead don't do that because they can't move. So it's probably talking about someone else. So who mutters and grumbles when you tread on the dead and tread on the living? Get rid of the humans in your mind. Bacon. No.

Bacon is the answer. If you stepped on a pig, dude, it would definitely make a lot of... It would make a rumble. No, it wouldn't mumble. It would snort. It would oink, is what it would do. Tread on the living. They make not a mumble. Tucker's killed that entire thing. You just...

That was a lot. That was a lot. That was in a huge mason jar. Yeah, that was 50% liquor. So 20% probably. And I took a shot. Are we talking about a dry pile of leaves right now? Yes. No. Yes. The answer is leaves. No fucking way. That's stupid. No fucking way are we talking about leaves. I need you to be 100% serious with me. I'm serious. Dry leaves make a crunch.

Living leaves will not make a sound when you step on them. That's crazy that I got that. Man, Ted is really cool. What even led you to think about that? Because I would rake leaves when I was a kid. Wow, dude, Ted, you've never been cooler. Oh, I'm sorry, Schlatt. Were you too privileged to rake leaves? Was it done by an external company? No.

Is that why you don't have a... Oh, okay. I just wasn't thinking about fucking leaves. Yeah, I was coming for you there. Sorry, I don't know. I feel bad about that now. Listen, I'm rich because I'm self-made, okay? Let me put it that way, okay? I'm a self-made millionaire. Let me just say, Tucker did offer me some... He pulled me away from the humanity of it. I did. So I started thinking outside the humanity of it. He was like, they're not people.

That was a decent hint. Like, that was a good hint, though. It was a pretty good hint. Well, I could have figured it. Just because of the fact that it was a riddle, I kind of figured that it wasn't about humans. Three, two, Ted. Should we do one more? I guess. I guess. I'm probably not going to get it. Are you either Ties or I fucking take all the bacon? Well, I can't end on a Tie.

Well, what do you want us to do? Give us another. Give us another. No, it won't end on a time. I didn't even believe that I got it right. I was like, Tucker's just fucking with me right now. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. That was incredible. Okay. Dude, Tucker's probably the most fucked up out of all of us. He's wasted. Why do we make the riddle master the fucking drunk? Dude, you give an employee an opportunity to drink and they just... Yeah, no, this is like a... They lose their mind. Here we go.

With pointed fangs and in plain sight, my bloodless victims are bound by my bite. What am I? So we're trying to guess the victims or. No, you're trying to guess the thing with pointed fangs. Exactly. What a vampire bat, dude. Like wrong. Okay. I knew that was going to be wrong. Thank you for clarifying that with such intensity with pointed and in plain sight.

Bloodless victim. A Venus flytrap. No, but dude, I'd love to own one. Am I right or what? They've got one at the plant store that we went to in LA. Well, dude, I ain't bringing one to my carrier. And I remember when you saw that, you were like, that can't be legal. Well, yeah, there's a serious plant poaching problem in the world. With pointed fangs and in plain sight, my bloodless victims are bound by my blood.

We talking about like heavy machinery. We're talking about heavy machinery like a crane or a tractor. I think smaller, but I like the machinery. I do. Okay. Slot's on the right track. He's got to scale way down. Way down? A stapler.

Fuck this. Fuck this. Wow. I don't like this anymore. Damn, dude. You want to dive back into the arena once more? I'm a Riddler, baby. I'm a Riddler. Wow. Dude, Tucker's treating this like it's a fucking sporting event. Uncle, dude, you got me. Dude, that was bigger than the fucking bowl.

That's incredible. It's empty, Schlatt. It's empty. There's nothing in there, man. There's no solace for you. One drop of this shit is all you need to make that mouth start. You know what's funny? Before you guys started talking about the bobcat or whatever, I was thinking of those

You know those little things you had in school that you didn't really know what they were for? I think they were for removing staples. Staple remover, yeah. I was thinking of that because I remember thinking I was like, that looks like a vampire when I was a kid. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. No, that was good. That was good. And let's go over what we learned today, too. I mean, Barbie Quinn with my truffle honey. That's the first one. And then we also learned about another Nicki Minaj special, the sour cream truffle. She's a big fan of truffle. You got to understand that. And then we also have boozy Louisiana heat. The boozy Louisiana heat. And then, of course, the sweet chili lemon pepper from Rick Ross. And finally, the original Notorious B.I.G. Honey jalapeno.

Are we done here? Is that, was that the last riddle? You seem like you're tapping out right now. More than happy to end on this. Um, you know, I've always been the, the comic relief and you've always been the intelligent one. So that's an interesting thing. This is a comedy, but you're also calling me intelligent, which is interesting. So I don't know how I feel about it. I think you've always just been the smart one of the comedy podcast. I think you've always, I think that I've always been the moral, the moral compass of,

The center moral compass of the podcast. That's a funny way to look at things. I've been the central neutral moral compass. When we lost Charlie, we lost the good side of the podcast. I'm the neutral side. So I'm the bad side is what you're saying. So like that's not, we can't even like put him on any sort of compass. So he's inherently bad. You're the chaotic evil side of the podcast. Yeah. So we've gone into a whole different zone. I'm a nice guy once you get to know me.

Well, thank you everybody for watching this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. This was our first, very first intoxicated episode where we got safely and within legal bounds inebriated.

Please don't do this at home. Please make sure that if you're drinking alcohol, you're over 21 and that you are within whatever country you're in. You're within legal drinking age. We don't recommend doing this. Yada, yada. I could drive a vehicle right now. That's how sober I am. I could drive my 360 Modena. He's lying. It's a lie. Getting that gated manual. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the sound it makes when I switch gears in my 360 mode. That's so awesome. Yeah. Hey, Chucklers, let us know what you want us to do for the next episode of the Drunk

inebriated episodes. That makes it sound more, what is it? More intellectual, inebriated episodes. I think next time we do an episode where we're drinking, we don't do some stupid pansy-ass intellectual problems. You know, I think we really, we really get, we talk about like something that actually matters. How about we do life advice for the next episode? Should we do a drunk, like a drunk speak pipe episode? Maybe like a speak pipe, yeah. Maybe like a speak pipe. A inebriated speak pipe episode where we give people advice for just like,

Yeah, man, dude, I don't know. Like, you just gotta, like, go in there and fucking shoot that. Fuck her, dude. Dude, that guy fucking sucks.

That honestly would be kind of sick. Women are all the same. It's like we're just basically transporting our viewers into a room in which we're drunk and they're like giving us a problem they have. Yeah, honestly, that would be funny. Yeah, no, guys, go on speakpipe.com slash chucklesandwich. We probably already have another SpeakPipe thing lined up for the last one, but for this one, for the following drunk episode, and make sure that you label it on SpeakPipe. Label it

or something so we know and just give us what give us some sort of problem or some sort of life advice thing that you want and we will give you life advice while we are drinking and it will increase in its quality and its fidelity if that even makes sense in that sentence but I'm going to drink a lot of water now

Me too, dude. Me too. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Thanks so much to Tucker for getting us these riddles and subscribe. Like it. I don't know. Rate it five stars on Spotify. Cheer on guys. Peace. I'm fucked up.