The Danny Gonzalez Exclusive
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We actually had a third member who died. Yeah, he died tragically. Oh, okay. That we, to clarify, had absolutely nothing to do with.

Just in case that was something you were wondering about, Danny, at all. I am now. I wasn't before you said that. I'm going to come clean. It wasn't me. It was Ted. Fuck you. Ted did the whole thing. It was Ted's whole idea. Son of a bitch. It was your whole idea, man. I had nothing to do with it. And now I'm living with the repercussions. And you get off scot-free. You have no bodily... You have nothing wrong with you. Except that fucked up mustache above your lip.

It's November. I'm trying something out. And also, we've got a guest on. I'm trying to make him feel welcome. Okay? He's here. He's trying something new with his hair. I thought, you know, maybe he's coming on. I'm going to try something new with my hair. We're all fucked up today. Honestly, the mustache just feels patronizing. It feels like you were like, oh, Danny did something goofy with his appearance. Let me do something goofy with mine. We've got Danny Gonzalez on the podcast today. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Hey, are you okay, man? You, uh... No. No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay. Yeah, I was gonna say, you seem a little off. Yeah, you seem like... You've got this face on that's like you're just smelling a bad fart right now. No, no. I did something bad? Walking around somehow...

Like, 24 hours ago, I pulled something in my neck and shoulder. And for the past 24 hours, I've been in pure agony. Like, basically unable to move around. Like, if I need to turn, I need to, like, swivel my entire body. You're like an old man now. Yeah, Ted and I are trying to have a conversation the entire time. And Vlad's just like, oh. Oh.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you, guys. I'm glad I... It seems like I came at a great time. You guys are pissed off at each other. Yeah. That's an immense pain.

I'm ready to have some fun. Actually immense pain. Actual immense pain. Like this is the biggest pain I've felt in months, maybe years. Yeah. And it hasn't gotten any better. It's been the same amount of pain constantly for 24 hours straight. You know what, Shalette? I hope you keep doing this. I hope that you talk about that pain for the whole podcast and that's all you need to do. I intend on it. It is all I can think about right now.

Do you need to lay down or something? I wonder if you could just point your microphone at the floor and lay on your back or something like that. Is this you trying to move right now? This is the best I can do and it's not helping. I thought he was just going to slink all the way down to the floor like that. Just slowly like... So the most you can do is just sort of sit up and look like an old man and then maybe stargaze in a chair, I guess, is one of your options. Jesus Christ.

Well, Danny, we should intro the pod. Danny Gonzalez is here. He's our biggest guest we've had in a while. He made the road work ahead. What was going through your mind when you made the, yeah, I sure hope it does TikTok.

Or was that Vine back in the day? Did he make that? Yeah, it was Vine. And thank you for bringing that up, actually. I've been wanting to talk about this. When I made that Vine, I was thinking, what if I make the stupidest, worst Vine ever? Is that

So that was sort of my inspiration. I just drove around for a couple hours just trying to figure out what that might be. And, you know, eventually I found it. You just found it on the road and destiny clicked right then and there. That's right. Wow. It's so nice to see that you came from such humble beginnings to where you are now. Yeah.

It's crazy when I found that sign. It's like the words came out of me, you know, but it's like it wasn't even like I was saying them. It's like it came from somewhere else. It's almost like it sounds kind of crazy, but it's like I wasn't even there at all. It's like it was some other guy saying it and and it came out of his mouth and it came out of his brain. And I was just sort of, you know, like a freaky Friday kind of thing. Yeah, I think. Yeah, but it was a Tuesday.

Well, sort of I don't know what you call it sort of a fucked up Tuesday or something like that maybe. Well imposter syndrome is a very common thing in this industry So if you need it if you need like a shoulder to cry on or you want some like advice with dealing with that You know, I I can I can help

I would not, personally, I don't think it'd be a good idea to cry on your shoulder right now, man. I think that might kill you. That would fucking hurt. Please do not. He's going to collapse like a fucking Lincoln Log building when you kick it over as a kid. I'm like the Skittles commercial. I'm like, you know the guy in the Skittles commercial that touches things and then they turn into Skittles? I might do that.

Yeah, except you would just turn into like a pile of bones or something. Yeah, just a skeleton and then extra bones, just add more bones into the equation. Like tiny bones, Skittle-sized bones. Why was he made out of Skittle-sized bones? What the hell? He's just made, like he's, why does he have like five times as many bones? They're just lined up and the structure is the same. It's just a bunch of smaller bones. Yeah.

How do you so speaking seriously, do you and Drew, is there a level of regret for that leaning into that bit? We are not the same person thing. Or is it is it have you felt like it's waned over the years or have you just never been able to escape that you guys did? You know.

So that joke, like we didn't come up with that joke that like we're the same person or we make the same types of videos and look similar. It was like a thing before we because we went on tour and that like the whole point of the tour was like, we're not the same person.

So we want to like go from city to city and be in the same room at the same time so people can see we're not the same person. Yeah. And we thought that that would sort of put an end to the joke. It would be like, okay, we're like, we did the joke, you know? Yeah, going on a national tour and promoting the joke would surely make the joke disappear once and for all. Exactly. That was our thought. It has not done that. It's kind of crazy, you know? I...

I don't really know why it's lasted as long as it has, but I definitely, I do think we made it worse. Yeah, for sure. Well, I mean, at least it doesn't seem like it's like, I mean, it's such a, it's such a harmless joke too, that it's just kind of like, right. Yeah. Um, well, I mean, thanks again so much, Danny, for coming on. You know, we were really, we needed a guest. Things were getting bad when it was just Shlad and I, I'll be honest with you.

Okay, well, yeah, thank you for having me, man. I'm really excited to be here. I'm glad you guys reached out. Is there something going on between you guys? I mean, it's... Jesus. God, you know, I mean, I'm going to... I guess I'll just intro with this. If there were a zombie apocalypse going on, Danny, do you believe that ramps would be a helpful tool to have?

Ramps? Yes, ramps. This is so fucking stupid. This is sort of a conversation we've had before. All he's been talking about recently, and the reason why there's a little bit of tension in the air right now, is because last time we met up and had a little discussion, he was like, oh yeah, I'm going to make it big on selling ramps and shit in the zombie apocalypse. And I was like, dude, no you're not. It's fucking stupid. Can I ask, is it...

There's a few different types of ramps, so I'm confused. Are we talking about like wheelchair accessible ramps? Or are we talking about like skateboard ramps? Or are we somewhere in the middle? So is it like concrete versus wooden ramps? Is that what we're thinking right now? Well, I mean like so an accessible accessibility ramp would be, you know, to get from point A to point B. It's nice and straight. It's flat. And it's not too inclined. A skateboard ramp...

goes like whoop, like you know, it's like curved. - Oh, it's probably a lot taller. - There's a U shape, like a J shape, yeah. - It's designed for fun, whereas an accessibility ramp is designed for transport. - I have to say, when an entire podcast was slated and he didn't ask me such an astute question. - It doesn't fucking matter. - What do you mean it doesn't matter?

It doesn't matter. There's nothing. You didn't even. Well, this is why we need people like Danny on the podcast because he's going to come in. He's got some experience. So there's a lot. It sounds like there's a lot going on here, Shlatt. It does sound like maybe you could have been a little more attentive and at least asked Ted. Ted, I will say. And he's emotionally intelligent, too. This is why we have Danny on the podcast. He's Gish Gallop. He's not even letting me get a word in.

You did kind of, Ted, you did kind of deflect the question and it almost kind of seems like you don't know the answer either, though. It kind of seems like maybe you dug your heels in to a situation that you haven't thought all the way through. Can you answer for us right now what kind of ramps you're trying to sell? I see how it is, Danny. You butter me up with some emotional intelligence, you make me feel heard and seen, and then all of a sudden you go for the jugular. It's not the jugular. Ha ha ha!

It's not the jugular. The type of ramp should not be the jugular. In terms of my plan, it very much so is. But I'll keep it short for you since we spent a whole podcast last episode talking about this. But I'm thinking like the skateboard wooden ramps because you're only going to have like, you know, scrap wood and stuff like that. So they're not going to be totally wheelchair accessible. What?

- What the fuck are you talking about this skateboard ramps? You only talked about cars going over them. - Well, yeah, I want some scrap metal ones that cars can go over, don't get me wrong, but you need recreational ramps. I've talked about recreational. - You did not bring up skateboards once or any type of small fun vehicle.

Okay, wait, so your pitch for the apocalypse is that we need to be able to have ramps for fun? We need, like, fun ramps? Well, yeah, that is one part of it, but also another part is, like, all those bridges and overpasses, they're going to collapse, so you need ramps to get over them, like in the Mad Max cars. Yeah, okay. So it's a...

A problem with the crumbling infrastructure. Yeah. So you're going to need to work around a gigantic ramp to leap over rivers and valleys and whatnot. Yeah. I didn't even think about rivers. That's like a perfect application for them. There's not many of those. Well, the only one in LA. Seems like the only application I could think of. What else do bridges go over? Yeah.

Ravines? Ravines, I guess. You're right. Yeah. It's the main thing. It is the main thing. No, it is really the main thing. I guess I wasn't thinking about it because in LA, the river is about the size of like a little tiny creek. And yet bridges go over it. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. Well, I said in this whole situation...

Danny, that I'm not going to I'm not going to even engage with such bullshit. I'm not even going to worry about building ramps. If the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm taking myself out the second the fucking news drops. The second I get that text. OK, yeah. Yeah. So it's not even that like you don't think it'll be useful or unuseful to survivors. It's like I don't have a horse in this game. I'm gone the second this. Yeah. Second, this goes down. OK. Yeah. No, I'm with you. Shoot myself. I'm with you.

Ted, sorry, you have zero customers as of right now. We're both dead. So everyone's just gonna kill themselves when the apocalypse comes along? If I even see a guy that looks like he might be a zombie- If I saw one today, I'd be dead before I even got a chance to see a headline about him. You'd just see a guy walking weird and you are already cocking the P90 or whatever.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Laura's had to pull me off the ledge a few times, so to speak, because I saw a guy limping once. Yeah. Yeah. Do you find yourself thinking of these scenarios where you have to be in survival mode and you have to be really pushed to your limits? Or are you like me where you would prefer that never happen and just not engage and take yourself out of the situation immediately? No. I mean, like...

In actuality, I think I'd probably try to ride it out for a little while. I think I would see how it goes. I'd be like, okay, this is, you know, how can I make this kind of like a challenge for myself? You know, I'm outside my comfort zone. Moment for personal growth. Exactly.

Exactly, yeah. Maybe this whole zombie apocalypse is just the universe trying to teach me specifically a lesson. And so maybe I can grow from this. This is really interesting because the way you're describing the zombie apocalypse sounds more akin to the character arc in a Hallmark movie than an actual zombie apocalypse. Well, I'm glad that's good. And hopefully you'll find yourself and you'll start a bakery or something in the zombie apocalypse.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe I'll find that city life isn't really for me or something like that, however your Hallmark movie ends. Yeah, that is true. They always move out of the city

That's why I like watching them. Which is something you would do in a zombie apocalypse also, right? You would. Exactly. Exactly. You wouldn't be anywhere near a fucking bridge. You wouldn't even need a fucking ramp, dude. You'd be out of there. That's what I'm saying. That was the other half of this argument. I'm sorry we keep going back to the ramps already. Bridges don't exist outside of cities, though. That is a strong claim. I'm saying you drive 30 minutes from where I'm at and you're in the desert. There's nothing there anymore. No humans, no nothing. And you're safe.

There are no rivers in the desert. No. No? None? No. Nothing. There's nothing going on. Danny, do you live in L.A.? No, I live in Chicago. Really? Mm-hmm. Whoa. Holy crap. You had no clue where I was. That's crazy. I could have said anything just now. What if we were next-door neighbors and you didn't know?

I wouldn't even be able to go outside right now. It was a struggle getting up the stairs to this guest room that I've been recording in. Well, you could have told them a random location, but then you would have seen my visible confusion because I know where you live. And I would just be like, why did Danny just lie on the podcast randomly to Schlatt? That would be pretty crazy. You've been doing a lot of traveling lately, though.

I know you were just recently on another podcast, so I don't know how much you wanted to have, if you feel sick of talking about this stuff, but you've been traveling all over lately. You were in the Rado. The Rado? Don't call it the Rado like you know anyone from there. Colorado. You mean Colorado. Yeah, I do. Okay. So the craziest thing, I forgot that I went to Colorado until you just said that.

Was like I was like maybe he means Colorado, but when the fuck did I go to Colorado? But yes, I did yeah, but that was that was like a while ago I was I was editing that video for a few months so that I was that was like August when I went to Colorado So yeah for context for those who don't know Danny did this really freaking awesome video where it's he went ghost hunting to see if like it's

Like, you know, you've got your ghost hunting, ghost adventures of Zach Bagum, and then you get the Shane Dawson videos. And he did this. It was just such a great concept. Thank you. And now to hear you talk about the fact that you did it way in advance in preparation for Spooky Month, that is also...

Very good planning ahead that I feel like most youtubers do not even have the mental capacity for that's nice of you to assume that that's why it took so long to come out but I was honestly I thought I was when I was um when I was there one of the Tour guides because I told him I was filming a video He was like when do you think this will come out and I was like, oh probably by the end of August It just depends on how long it takes to edit it. Oh, so it just I

It just took so long to edit. And there was one part in particular that probably didn't even stand out to most people. It was like... There was a part where I'm explaining how Stephen King got the inspiration for The Shining. And while I'm going through this explanation, there's a little 3D animation. It's like a 15-second long scene, but I made that animation because I was like...

I've been kind of experimenting with it for a while and trying to think of how I can make my videos have cooler B-roll kind of. I was like, what if I just make my own B-roll? What did you... Did you do it in Blender or something? Yeah. So I...

I was using Blender and then I also bought I've had this for a while, but it's like the first time I actually broke it out. I bought a motion capture suit. So all of the motion in the animation is like me like walking around in this suit.

and uh and like applying it to this 3d model crazy dude well that's that's fun too like that it's always fun to add like a like to when you're in the editing process of a video to go and like force yourself to learn a new thing because you kind of have this like little inkling of an idea and you want to make it um a thing wow are you yeah i love it yeah is that i imagine this is the because i

I don't know about you, but I feel like I have this for some videos that I post that are like... When you go into it, I imagine that you were less worried about... Because you probably knew the concept itself was a good video concept, truly. So I imagine... Were you in the position where you're like, okay, I'm just going to make this just the best it could possibly be and not worry about the timeline of when it came out? Yeah. Yeah, it was like...

It was just something that I was really passionate about. The commentary videos, I love making commentary videos. But when you get an idea that's a little bit bigger and you get to really get creative with it, I feel like... Well, one, I feel like your audience knows it. And they can feel your passion through the editing and all the creative choices and stuff. So I really wanted to just fully...

invest myself in this so yeah it was kind of like anything like creative i can try out um

I'll take as long as I need to to edit it. And then I also was like, I had like sponsors that I had to do that month and I just like would divert them to other videos because I was like, I don't even want to sponsor on this video. I want it to be like one video that's just this story and that's it. Yeah. You don't want to interrupt it with like a stinky sponsor. I totally relate to that. Yeah. Not that any of my sponsors are stinky, but right watching this. But yeah, I could totally understand what you would mean by that. Oh, yeah.

So you know what it feels like to be left out alone in the ocean? Okay, so... No, I was just going to say, I have never once felt like I should leave an ad space unfilled. Sorry? You'll never pass up an opportunity to put an ad in a video. Sorry?

He's saying he sees that rate and he says there is nothing stopping me from fitting this. Give me Raid Shadow Legends. I will put a Raid ad in my Magnum Opus. I work on something in the woods for five years and I'm still slapping an ad on it.

But I respect the caring that much for the craft. I do. I mean, in general... I'm really grumpy right now. In general, I agree with you. No, I mean, like, I...

Yeah, it's hard to pass up opportunities like that. And if they had offered me twice my usual rate or something, I probably would have been like, okay, yeah, I'll throw it in there. But yeah, I just kind of wanted to... Well, it was also kind of an experiment because I wanted to see what would happen. You always hear that retention is super important in a video. And if there's a part of the video that people are skipping past...

um does that you know hurt the video's performance or whatever even if it's just like a one one minute chunk in the video but yeah it's kind of like i just want this video to do as well as it can so was that sort of what uh sort of guided how you did the intro of the video because it it felt it felt similar to it like it was interesting because it felt like there was a hint of like

Of like, hey, here's the concept of the video. More straight to the point. But also, it very much still felt like a Danny Gonzalez video. So was that something you were thinking about for that intro portion? Right. Yes. Yeah, definitely. I wanted the intro to be a little bit more like...

I don't know about cinematic, but just like more interesting than a regular like me sitting at a desk type of video. And I also wanted to like challenge myself to try to explain the concept of the video as like quickly and concisely as possible. Yeah. Because I feel like when I start at my desk, oftentimes I kind of like just, you know, rant for a little bit before I actually get into the video. I feel like a lot of people do that, too. Yeah. And I was like, I want. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, I want people to understand what this video is right away. You know? Yeah. I think my, one of my favorite parts of that video, and I think a lot of people are also talking about it being funny is this one moment where you discover a wet

on the floor of the hallways of this hotel, and you've got this camera that's like, I assume it's like a GoPro or something, and you've got it facing down towards your face so it's like this Megamind sort of distortion thing going on. And you go down and you're like putting your nose into it and you're smelling it and stuff and figuring it out. And it was piss. Yeah, it was probably pee, yeah. Yeah.

It was most likely piss. What was like when did you realize like what was your reaction like outside of the video when you realized oh shit I may have just put my nose in piss?

I don't think I realized right away at all. My brain was so in like ghost hunting mode that that's just sort of like went, you know, right past me. I was like, OK, it's wet. Oh, wait, no, because my initial reaction was like, whoa, there's a cold spot right in front of me. That's crazy. My brain's in ghost mode. So I'm like the second I realized that it was just wet and it wasn't a ghost, I was kind of like, OK, whatever. Moving on. Like there wasn't a part of me that was like, wait, but what is that? What was that?

Dude, that is so that's so funny because it just like you have to be like, yeah, I know it was probably pissed It was yeah, it's just so tunnel vision then defining ghosts Right imagine. Yeah, I imagine Zack Bagans has probably done that hundreds of times because he's so invested in ghosts He's probably stuck his hand in like some pretty nasty shit. Oh, yeah. He's probably like what are these? What are these pieces of ghosts?

those are rad droppings sir oh fuck you know just like picking up poop what is this ghost ass that i'm eating right now and then he realizes watching the video back later he's like wait that was just some guy who is that that was the cameraman's dick what why did i suck that somehow the ghost uh the ghost transported me to to the strip club against my wife's wishes i don't know how i got here

Yeah, I blew all my ones on this really hot stripper. Ghost has some kind of crazy control over my wallet, man. The ghost is... But, I mean, yeah, no, that fucking video was dope. I don't know. I just wanted to mention that, but it was... Thank you. Is it a one-er? Well...

um i don't know i feel like uh i was not really planning on doing any more like ghost i was just kind of like this oh i mean like i want to make out of 10 oh oh i thought you were asking if it was like a if i'll you know if it was a one-off um honestly i could yes now that i now that you're you're talking about that i suppose i suppose is would you do something of that now that you've

I don't know. It's tough because it probably took so long that you were at the end of the editing process You were probably like fuck this. I want to die and jump off a bridge and maybe hopefully a zombie shows up and Um, it's a ghost too Yeah well Part of the reason it took so long is that like I didn't really even know how I wanted the video to flow it like when I First started editing it. I was like, maybe this will be more like a vlog um

Where it'll just be the clips that I shot and I'll string it all together and it'll work out. But I ended up like putting voiceover in most of it and having me at my desk explaining what's going on. So like I, on top of filming everything, I had to like write commentary for it basically. Like I'm doing a commentary video on myself.

And so that's kind of that's what took the longest is just like figuring out how it's going to flow. I feel like if I did it again, I would already kind of have an idea of how it would go. Yeah, because it's like a new video like style. So you kind of have to figure out, oh, hey, what's the actual structure here? Because like with stuff like, I don't know, movies or something like that, it's like so easy to just be like, hey, here's the script. Here's a example. And then and those are like so easy. But then when it's like those big projects, you're like, I got to fucking do math here.

Yeah, I have to like craft a story. I have to like create a narrative. Then you have to go somewhere more spooky. You got to do you got to raise the bar constantly if you're doing part two, you know, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, you should do your next one. You should do. I went and found the Titanic to see if it was real.

And is that like a ghost hunting video or is that just like I want to like a Titanic denial? Well, because no, because there's a lot of questions out there on whether or not, you know, you could you could go and figure that out. Is that real? Are there people that are like the Titanic wasn't didn't happen? They found the ship, Ted. They found it. You know, they did find it. The boat. What? At the bottom of the ocean.

Like, it sank, man. There's lots of pictures, too, I think, of them rescuing people. I feel like it was more like an Amelia Earhart thing where it's like, oh, she disappeared...

Maybe something... No. Like nobody knows where the boat went? Yeah. No, the Titanic sunk in the Atlantic and they found it. And Amelia Earhart was eaten by coconut crabs. Crazy how Atlantic and Atlantis are so similar in their wording. And Atlanta. And Atlanta.

Titanic could be in a lot of places. And I think that Danny, with his investigative journalism, he could go there. He could figure it out. What do you mean they found the boat? They found the boat at the bottom of the ocean. Did they not, Danny? Am I missing something? There's museums where they've actually pulled parts of the boat out. And I went to a museum where they had part of the hull there. Well, how did they know? Did they talk to someone who was on the boat? Boats have the words on them. Ted, people survived that.

No people lived, right? Not everyone died. Who was the guy that lived? There was no guy. Leonardo DiCaprio. No, he died. He died in that one? The girl lived, right? The most significant, specific death in that movie. I never saw the movie.

No, but yeah. I don't think I've ever actually seen the whole Titanic, honestly. I saw the Titanic movie with my sister one time on a road trip, and when she started crying at the end, I said, I made fun of her, and she punched me in the face in a van. Dude, speaking of sad movies, you guys ever watch The Sixth Sense?

I haven't, but I've always heard the like the reference of the phrase I see dead people, but not ever like like my parents have referenced it or so. I've heard it from somewhere, but I've never actually seen it. You just have you seen it recently for the first time? Yeah. So I watched it like a long time ago with my dad, I think in high school or something. But then me and Laura watched it a couple of nights ago because Laura had never seen it.

And I knew how the movie ends. I don't know if you know. There's kind of like a twist at the end. I don't want to spoil it for you. But it's like it's pitched as a scary movie, right? It's like a horror movie. It's about a kid who can see ghosts. And it's just like it's actually really sad at the end. It's like it's a really sad movie. We were both like crying at the end of it. More so than the movie.

So it was, oh, it was like a surprising thing. So you were like, well, what the fuck? I wasn't, I wasn't looking to be crying right now. Oh yeah. But even I, I know, I knew what happens at the end cause I've seen it before, but I was like a teenager, I guess, you know, in my adult years I was like, how old is that movie? Uh, 1999 I think it came out. Oh really? What the fuck?

Tucker's nodding his head like he was like, I looked that up just now. Did you have the sixth sense up ready to answer any questions? Oh, yeah. I'm watching the trailer of it right now.

Oh, hell yeah. He's like watching the whole movie. Yeah, I'm almost at the end. I'm watching it on 30 times speed. Tucker's basically our in-podcast supercomputer. He's got like quantum processing speed. Like he'll just, when he's looking something up, his eyes will just be moving all around like he's a fucking cyberpunk. Yeah.

That's awesome. I need someone like that in my life at all times. I know, right? It's crazy that we just kind of found him on the street just running around. Notice how he's deflecting again, Danny. Because he has not accepted the fact that the Titanic is a real ship and was found at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah, Tucker, can you pull that up? I feel like that would be helpful, maybe. No, I'm confused, though, because it's one of those things where it's like, I thought that, like...

I thought that the Titanic movie with Leonardo DiCaprio was more akin to like close encounters of a third kind rather than like, no. Oh, hey, this is a this is like a biopic or something. I don't know of the boat. Like, why are you saying that you thought the whole thing was fictional? Like you there was never a Titanic at all. No. Well, no, it's more like, oh, there might have been a boat.

What do you mean there might have been a boat? Well, like people talk about that boat. Like, I don't know. Did anyone know Hercules? Did anyone know the guy? This is the strangest thing to deny. Like there's concrete proof that this thing was real and sunk. Okay. Like I feel like I'm being gaslit right now a little bit.

I feel like you're trying to cast like us. Well, no, Danny, we get brought in on the podcast because we like you. And you're coming on here and you're saying, oh, Ted, you're... No, I get it. You got a one out of ten on YouTube. You feel like you're on top of the world. You can just say, tell everyone everything. What the hell's going on here? Why did one of the podcast members...

out himself as a titanic denier i'm okay yeah i didn't even know that was a thing this is insane have you did you see this on a website or did you just decide this on your own you were like that didn't happen i did my own research it's like yeah some some dude with a verified check mark on twitter was telling me about it yeah

He had 10 followers and his name was Pussy Licker123. He knows a lot. He was the official Pussy Licker123. But he is the real Pussy Licker. Exactly. Because he does have a verified checkmark. Exactly. Dude. You can't... Let's be clear here. I mean, you know, there are a lot of people that claim to be Pussy Licker123, but the real deal, the guy that gets in there, in the field, on the front lines, that's the guy. That's the guy. No, but yeah. There's no way that...

That is a real boat. Okay. It's like a myth. What about it seems unlikely to you? That a boat sank? That's happened a couple times. I think of a couple boats that sunk. The SS Lusitania. Remember that one?

They talk about like, I don't know. Here's what I think. Like I chew on ice. Like I like to chew on ice. I'm an ice chewer. That's also fucked up that you just said that. No, I'm an ice chewer. Okay. And like, it's really easy for me to chew through ice. So like a boat getting fucked up by a piece of ice, that just seems. The boat's not made out of teeth. Yeah. The boat's not made out of teeth. It's made out of other stuff. So why would that matter?

I really wish that the Titanic was the legendary boat made of teeth. Just all bones. Just one giant tooth. All little tiny bones like the one Shled has in his body. Boats these days, though, I will say, I'll give you this one, Ted. Boats these days can totally go through icebergs.

You think so? They totally just cut right... Yeah, I know so! Because I've seen video proof! I've seen video proof of boats running into huge icebergs and cutting them apart. They do that shit on purpose now. It's like part of the Royal Caribbean experience. They go right through like the ice caps. Yeah, it's like iceberg day. Everyone's got like flags with icebergs on them and they're like, "Break the fucking iceberg!"

They plow through like the last standing habitats that polar bears live in. They just fucking cruise right through them. It's like how it's like when you're driving with with someone that you're close with and you see like an old lady and you're like, how many points? Except it's for endangered animals on the ocean. That silence was pregnant. Does no one else do that when you're driving on the road and you see a and you see a person and you just say to them, you're like, how many points if I ran them over? Yeah. Like like Grand Theft Auto.

If I ran over this person, I'd get points? You're revealing a lot about the type of person you are today. People just do that. What? You're revealing a lot about the type of man you are. Okay, you're trying to tell me you've never said that before. Danny? No, like as a joke in the car, I've said it, for sure. Wait, why are we going into this assuming that I'm not joking?

To be fair, though, I do when I'm driving on the highway. Because you just said the Titanic wasn't real, dude. The pretenses of this whole conversation are kind of awkward and strange. Unlike the type of person I thought you were. But I'll give you this, Ted. I do sometimes on the highway when I'm driving at like 80 miles per hour because Texas speed limits are non-existent. Question whether the Titanic is real. Yeah.

No, no, I'll sometimes close my eyes on the highway and see how far I can go with nothing bad happening.

while they're closed and then I'll open them and I'll be like, ooh, that was a new record. Out of any of the controversial things said, Titanic, whether or not that boat's real or how many points, that has to be the most irresponsible thing I have ever heard you say. I wouldn't do it if I knew I was going to hit something. I only do it on straightaways and stuff so I could get the best time. As if that makes it better.

Have you ever heard that fact about like if you're going at highway speeds and you sneeze, like even just having your eyes closed for that brief amount of time, you've traveled like 200 feet or something like that? Yeah. Really? It's almost like a thrill, you know? Because if you're going 90 and you close your eyes for like five seconds, you're like, oh, fuck. I'm going to wind up in a completely different place when I open my eyes. Yeah. Heaven or hell. Probably hell. I'm going to wind up. I'm going to close my eyes and wake up in the hospital. Yeah.

But it's fun when you open them and nothing bad happens and you're like, all right, let's do it again and go for a better time. Danny, if you were to close your eyes and do this experiment that Shled did and you were to wake up in the afterlife, what would your personal hell be? My personal hell, huh? You said that like it was a question that, like an old friend, you're like, my personal hell. This old age old question. Yeah.

I haven't thought about this in a long time. It's been many years since a man asked me that question, and he ended up dead. What would be most torturous to me? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I feel like loud and irritating sounds really get me. Like, yeah, if you were just doing that, but over and over. Ah, ah, ah! Like, you know...

I think that, like, right in both my ears. That would be a good start. That would be a good start. The sensation of having dry hands. Oh, interesting. Dry hands? What do you mean, dry hands? Okay. So, what is that? What kind of question even is that? What do you mean? What does it mean? Well, no. Okay, have your hands never been wet before, Schlatt? Or dry? Like, what?

Dry is the normal state for hands to be in. Is it not? You're about to learn something. Am I fucking weird for having this thought? Okay.

Not, okay, there's the difference between them being like dry to the touch and being like feeling dry. Like you need to like moisturize them. Like they feel like, you know, if you wash your hands with soap, it's like all of the natural oils being gone off your hands. Oh, that sounds awful. It's like chapped lips, but it's your hands. Does that not happen to people as much as me? I don't know if that's...

really ever happen to me. I mean, you do live in Chicago where it gets really fucking dry and cold there. I imagine it might be. Does that happen in like the winter for you or is it like just like one day in the summer all of a sudden you're bone dry? You know, for me personally, it'll happen whenever. Even

Even just washing my hands with soap. Maybe it's maybe I just like I'm not equipped to to deal with a very normal sensation that people deal with. But when I wash my hands with soap, it like, you know, because it's soap, it strips your hands of all like the, you know, oils that are naturally on it. And my hands just feel really dry. And then so I put on lotion and then they feel normal again.

It's like shampooing and conditioning your hair. It's like the shampoo takes all the... Do you put on lotion every time you watch it? Like, almost. Don't give him shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no. It's...

It is rude for me to be laughing. Why are you doing that? I apologize. Well, no, I agree it's a curse. This is why I said it's in my personal hell. Okay, he's talking about his personal hell, all right? He sometimes gets dry hands. I get chapped lips, Schlatt, okay? I get chapped lips, too. That's like saying to someone, your lips get dry? They're right by your mouth. Just lick them. That's what you sound like.

I've got to defend Danny here. To an extent, I'm right. You could just lick him. So Danny's personal hell, you're standing there, your hands are crumbling. Bone dry. Bone dry. And then what are the sounds? Ah! But shlat yelling, that's the specific sound or...

It could be. I mean, it could be a variety of sounds. First off, it could be like nails on a chalkboard or like the sound of when you're like cutting something and your like fork accidentally like scrapes on the plate. Oh, I don't like that. No, I don't like that one. Or like dogs barking in my ears when my dogs are barking like.

I try to practice not immediately getting angry about things that annoy me. I try to practice having a level head. But my dog's barking is the one thing, for some reason, that sets my body off. It makes me angry immediately. So probably that. Do your dogs bark a lot or is it like...

We, um, yeah, we, we just adopted a dog a few months ago and he is still a puppy. So he does bark a lot. Oh, okay. And his bark is like piercing. I should say it's like, it's very loud and like, it's a little bit of a yip. Yeah. Oh, anyway, what would, what would your guys' personal health be? Um, like how dry would your guys' hands be?

um they're they definitely i mean i don't know honestly that would be interesting if i also got the dry hands because i don't totally relate to the experience of having dry hands so maybe that would just really suck because i mean like i don't know what's going on here um definitely a one where it's like just newspapers all around me depicting the

factual sinking of the Titanic. You have to accept the fact that it did sink. Strapped with terror. No! No! It didn't happen. I wonder if that's like what a flat earther's hell would be. They're like on the International Space Station and all they can do is look at the curvature of the Earth. Yeah, this is...

It probably would be. I mean, or just that's so like there's the concept of like even when presented directly with evidence, they have to look at it and there's nothing they can do to change it. They just can't handle it. Like it's fucking kryptonite. I don't I mean, what would my personality be, though? I mean, it would probably be.

Shalette, do you have an idea in mind? Because I need a second. Soreness. Soreness? Okay. Yours would be soreness. I think he's in his personal hell right now. Yeah, he seems like he is. Soreness everywhere. And the fucking fire alarm, the smoke detector's low on battery. And it's doing that. Oh. And you can't find it. It's doing that fucking thing every 30 seconds. Yeah, and you need a ladder to get up in. And you don't even have the right type of fucking batteries for it. You know what I think my personal hell would be?

Trying to fall asleep, but you can't fall asleep. And there's like, you can hear neighbors yelling through the wall and also someone outside that's just, it's like a mom that's yelling for their son. Like,

Yeah, and it's like and that's the whole thing and I just can't fall asleep could be worse though You could have like some guy also and I'm getting stabbed I guess to you with a pitchfork or something, you know Yeah, it could always be worse cuz like in the afterlife you're already immortal So it's like nothing can kill you so it's like you could be getting like shot in the chest every second or something Or you know your head cut off and put back on and cut back off and put back on something like that Yeah

And then take them back off. Yeah, and then put back on. Right, of course. You're always going to put it back. Just shut it back up. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like with that, hell is such a fucking thing, you know, where it's just like you'd get used to it, you know? We had this conversation a while ago, Shalette and I, where we were talking about would you like something. It was basically the concept of it was a would you rather question, but one of the options was would you rather –

have to fight a gorilla every week and it shows up, like it just materializes whenever. I love this question. And like you're immortal, so like it doesn't kill you. And my answer was like, eventually, I'd get really, really, really good at fighting a gorilla and like I'd become a celebrity. I'd make millions of dollars of this –

sitting in a ring and waiting a week for the gorilla to show up and then i'd fight him people just stick around to be like a live stream i mean make thousands of dollars well hold on you didn't mention what the other side of this would you rather is i forget what it was so the full question the full would you rather is uh would you rather have to fight a gorilla who randomly appears one time a week and uh you it's just mano y mano and he he will never kill you but he will

fuck you up every time unless you do something about it or everything you think happens. Right. Everything you think becomes real. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I'd have to fight the gorilla, man. I've got too many intrusive thoughts for that.

Yeah. So in that sense, from that mind experiment, I'm thinking when it comes to just hell, I feel like you get used to it, right? People get used to most things. Calluses. Yeah, I've gotten in hot tubs. You get used to it. If you get in a cold pool, usually you can swim around for a little while. Eventually you get used to it. Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah. Except for having dry hands, man. I never get used to that shit. You don't think you ever would? You don't think it would ever...

It would ever... You know what it should be? Okay, if I lived in the desert for like 10 years with no lotion, maybe I would. Maybe I'll accept it. It's very unpleasant. It would be you with dry hands and then just...

Just a reach away is some lotion, some nice dove lotion right there. And like, you just can't get to it. And you're like, you're in the, you're seatbelted, you're strapped in and the seatbelt like immediately stops you. And you're like, maybe if I just lean right, I can get the seatbelt and it just never goes.

oh that is oh god that is something that makes me weirdly angry is like when i'm oh my god when i'm trying to like turn and i like maybe like lean forward or like i'm trying to like merge or something i just need to move an inch and it doesn't yeah no that makes me mad well it'd be great uh if i could have that experience in your car but unfortunately there's no seat belt in the passenger side

Is that right? In your truck? Okay, I need to squash something right now because it's happening before night. Did you notice, Danny? No. His car is like a safety hazard to anybody who rides in it. I've never been in his car. Well, you probably saw it because of that whole Rainforest Cafe thing, right? Yes. You drove that across the country with no seatbelt? No seatbelt. And get this. There's a football bench.

basketball-sized hole in the floor of the passenger side. You can see down to the street. You... I...

You can feel the wind. It just feels... A football basketball-sized hole? A football basketball-sized hole in the floor. Holy cow. A football basketball-sized hole. I'm in so much pain, man. Don't laugh at me. It's like if you took a football and a basketball and got a 2D vision of them both, it's like this. Yeah, it's like a circle and then a little lemon shape under it. Yeah.

There's this thing that Shalette's been doing where he is just... This is actually the first time he's doing it. He's been on the whole thing for a while. He's now...

Adding problems to my car that don't exist and don't get me wrong. My car is not in the best shape There are legitimate issues with it that he could call out but he chooses to make up new issues with the car like it doesn't have a seatbelt in the passenger side. There's no seatbelt. You didn't let me there's I was looking for it. I was looking for it and you're like no.

The last time he rode in that car was in 2021. It's almost 2023. And the fact that there's still no seatbelt and still that football basketball sized hole in the floor is fucking crazy. I'm a big fan of the football basketball sized hole. You're saying there is a seatbelt. You're going to go on record saying that every seat in this car has a seatbelt? Yes. Okay. And you're going to go on record saying that there's no hole, football, basketball, or otherwise?

Why are you saying this like a lawyer? You sound like you're getting ready for your lawyer-style slam dunk on me in front of the entire jury and judge. I just want to make sure that we have all the facts straight. Let's be... Yeah, there is no... You did just deny the Titanic existing a couple minutes ago. I'm not denying it exists. I'm just saying that we don't have all the information yet. Yet? What more information do we need? What?

Maybe a cuff link, maybe somebody, a piece of metal, a bed from...

The Jewel? You gotta just read a book about it, man. I think they probably already have all that stuff. You just don't know. They probably do. And notice, Danny, how he's deflecting yet again from the question on hand. Ted, would you rather fight a gorilla once a week or read a book about the Titanic? You know, that gorilla's looking real good right now. So, just to clarify on the podcast, I also do not have a basketball...

football sized hole football basketball yeah there's a hyphen in between basketball football sized hole in my in my truck um and it's a safe vehicle that's crazy i do remember you had to get it towed at one point in that rainforest cafe video it broke down remember i did i took it to the shop twice in that video it's a pretty serious problem too wasn't it

Yeah, it was the suspension on the front left side of the truck just fucking shot. It was maybe eight years too late getting it replaced. Those things were overdue by a lot. But yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that'll happen. That'll happen. Here's something I thought that we could talk about a little bit on this podcast because there was a thing I did recently that was inspired by some of your journeys in the past. That's right. On TikTok.

where I did the viral, I tried to make a viral TikTok sound. And you had in the past done the viral TikTok song video. And I don't know, I was, I, did you end up seeing the, I mean, I saw your comment, but

What did you think of my process for that one? Because I think I made it a little bit easier for myself than you did. You made it very, very hard for yourself in that original video. There's a lot I would change if I went back and made that video, dude. But first off, let me just say...

fuck you who do you think you are doing doing a better job at it than me because now all i hear now all i see is people being like oh danny gonzalez is punching the air right now i i've seen that specific comment too yeah i was like i when i was seeing those comments i was like i was like guys please please calm down i don't want danny to get i don't want danny to actually start like him just busting my door and you're like and you just start swinging your fists

I will say, I was like, and I saw some comments talking about this, the way you went about it in your original TikTok song thing was like way harder. Like you disguised yourself and made an entirely new account.

But it's I think I should have hired somebody else to like sing the song or something to like I. Yeah, there's a lot that I could have done to make it so I wasn't so recognizable and stuff. Also, yeah, just like a sound a song in general, I feel like.

Is a lot different than just like recording your voice or whatever. I think yours, I mean, obviously yours did really well. What, how many did the, um, the biggest one get? How many videos? I can tell you what it's at right now. Cause it, you know, it's just great. You know, it's updating every day, Danny. It's just, uh, it's, it's growing so much. I'm sorry. I'm so happy for you, man. That must be so cool. That must be the best feeling in the world. Well, you did have a sound that, you had a sound that of yours that went,

viral though like your voice at one point i've actually had a couple now um i think one of the one of them that was more recent might be like the biggest one that i've had but it's always just clips from my videos that i don't intend to blow up which makes it even worse it kind of stings a little more that it's like it's it's one that i had no intention of the one time i actually tried to get a song to blow up right did not work it's like just full-on just pure irony um

Yeah, the sound at this point is at 60... It's about to hit 60,000 videos. Whoa! Yeah, which is... I don't know. It's weird because, like...

I tried to do that, make a sound for a week. And like, it was like the fact that it was just the first try. And then the more, like, it was like the more I thought about it, the less it worked, which is just, I don't know. I feel like.

And if I didn't, if it didn't work out on that first try, I would have had to make some up some excuse of like, hey, at least I tried. But it was just like 100%. It had to be 100% lock. Yeah. I mean, I guess you could have just like scrapped the video and just been like, I'm just going to pretend this didn't happen. If anyone asks. Yeah. I didn't make those sounds. Yeah, exactly. Do you do you ever think for like the disguise myself stuff? I feel like that's such a big part of your brand.

I remember in one of the more recent ones, you were like, I don't know if I'll try this again. Who knows? Do you think you would? I mean, at this point? I don't know, because it's been some time. Yeah. I like that you...

said that it's such a big part of my brand because in my head I've actually only ever made two videos where I try to disguise myself and they were like the last one was like over two years ago but still people do I mean people say that it's like in the zeitgeist or whatever is that the right word? it's one of those concepts that has just stuck with people so much so I was kind of thinking like

I do think that I want to do one again, but when I said that, when I said I was like, I don't know if I'll do one again, whatever, I was kind of thinking, like, if I just wait a couple years, or even, like, a year, people will forget that, like, I did those videos, and they won't be as, like, hyper-aware of it. But even, like, when I shaved my head...

I got so many comments that were like, I know what you're doing. I know this is just a prank. Dude, and that's the thing with YouTube commenters too. They love to be the first to call you out on stuff like that. I was really surprised at...

Because I'd never done anything like that before. So I was like, they're not going to know what I'm trying to do here. It just looks like a normal TikTok. And like the second day, they were already on me like hounds. It's crazy how much people sleuth on the Internet. But you were saying. Yeah, I feel like it's pretty. It's pretty impossible to disguise yourself and not have anybody know. Right. You know.

Yeah, I've had I've posted completely normal pictures of myself. I posted just like a picture on my Instagram story and I'll get DMs being like something's off. You look different here. Like they think I'm like, it's actually kind of like fucked with my head before. I'm like, do I look weird in this picture? Why am I getting so many comments about this? Just like a roundabout way. Like if someone's saying you don't look like yourself today. Yeah, but I get that every day. I'm like, do I ever look like me? Yeah.

It's awesome. Wow. Well, I feel like I don't know. I feel like it's it's such a it. I feel like the reason why it's stuck around so much is because it's such like a it's just such a concept to and it's so like visually compelling to like put on a full on fucking disguise and then try to like do this like espionage thing while also being a public figure. But.

Is there like in terms of where you're after after this this Halloween video and I've noticed you were you've been doing a lot of like the trying to find the worst iPhone game you I think you that's your most recent video right now but I think you had done the first one pretty recently as well.

yeah like do you this is more like just a youtubey question but do you have like a vibe of like where you want your stuff to go compared to like what you did in the past or yeah i don't know um i think the biggest thing for me is just to try to keep like um doing whatever i am passionate about i feel like um i get i get stuck in this thing of like

I have like a, you know, a calendar of sponsorships that I have to, you know, meet. Maybe I have like two a month or, you know, whatever. And so I get caught in this trap of like,

Well, I only have two weeks until the sponsor deadline. I can't go making like this big video. Um, so I'll, you know, if I do have like bigger video ideas, I just have to like hold off on them, spend two weeks making a regular commentary video and then like, you know, see if maybe next month I can do it. But for the past like year, it like has never worked out. And I've just been making like regular commentary video movie after movie after whatever. Um,

So, but I've been like making an exerted effort to just be like, I have two weeks. Let me just see what I can do in that amount of time. Like I, I want to, um, I feel like I've been on YouTube long enough where, um, the, what's more important to me now than like growing or doing as many brand deals as possible is like, just, I want to do, I want this to be a career. So I want to, I want to be able to do it for a long time. So just doing whatever I'm like passionate about at the time is more important than, um,

Yeah, posting the same thing or whatever. So that's really what I'm trying to do. I think that's a good way to go about it is to like, because I think that'll keep in the like, that'll that'll keep people, you know, around for the longest in terms of like career stuff, because they're if they see you making this stuff that like you're really feeling juiced about, then yeah, I mean, that's I think that's a great way to go about it.

You do kind of need the crowd pleasers, you know? I mean, for sure you do the stuff that'll, that you know will get the views, but at the end of the day, if you're not giving, giving the old audience a little treat every now and then, that's just, you know, for, for, uh, for Halloween's sake, um,

we put out a little short film on one of my channels that like, it was like two minutes long. Like we didn't know, like we knew we're like, all right, this will probably fizzle out because it's two minutes. It's not going to get promoted at all. But it had like an insane amount of likes on it. And like all the comments were like, this is awesome. But like, hey, you know, it's not, it's not helping grow the sub count or anything. You were talking about that Halloween VH. It was like a found footage VHS. Yeah. Like,

um you killing people who tried to like surprise you on halloween yeah there yeah there was it was it was a little skit where my buddies like came to my office before before i was there and then they're like we're gonna scare the shit out of them and then i come in and i'm like fucking pissed about something and i'm just like i'm gonna fucking kill the next person i see and then they just like all try and leave and i'd fucking kill them one by one

They love that, but it's not something that... They love seeing Sledge's murder. Yeah, and then it gets demonetized, and it doesn't really get views because it's you killing people, but it's really fun to make, and it's just one of those things. Yeah, I definitely think that you do also have to make stuff that appeals to your very core audience. It's like, yes, this is just something that's for...

people that really fuck with my content you know i feel like that's what that is right yeah um what is your like if you can talk about it as the as a concept like what would your fucking like dream video be

And that could be in terms of like scale doesn't even have to be like hey I'm gonna want to do this video because I wouldn't actually honestly you can speak about it more generally because I don't want people to steal it if you have this really awesome video idea. I have a few and I'll talk about them because if anyone steals it You know honestly this is kind of like you putting the save button on the concepts and then people will have the whole chuckle sandwich community go and like if someone else does it before we'll be like Danny saved that one. Saved it dibs. You can't take it now. Yeah.

Okay, I have one that's like a crazy... I would have to get like a... There's a lot that would have to happen for me to do this. But okay, you know how like space tourism is becoming a thing? Like there's like Virgin, whatever, space program. Yeah. And like Jeff Bezos has his space thing. Okay, so eventually they're going to be like selling tickets and you can go to space, all right? Picture this as a YouTube title. I sent a flat earther to space.

So I think that'd be, I think that'd be a sick video to just like buy a ticket for a flat earth or to go in a rocket ship and just be like, see, just be like, there you go. You just put a camera at him the whole time. Just watch it. Watch his whole world. Yeah.

Yeah, just like watching someone's worldview literally collapse. The mental unraveling of a man. You should do a, just raise a shit, shit ton of money and just buy out the whole, because you know how like it was the, I don't know, the British guy, the one with the, I don't know,

The Virgin guy? The Richard Branson? Yeah, the Virgin guy. Yeah, Richard Branson Virgin, yeah. You buy out the whole plane, just have him sitting right in the middle, and just all like seven different angles of him just being like... What? Like, just so confused.

Yeah. Okay. You could do that in a couple different genres, too. Like, you take Tad and you send him to the bottom of the fucking ocean and you show him that the ship actually sunk. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, there's lots of different... I mean, like, the moon landing. I could try to take someone to the moon and show them, like, there's the American flag that they put there. See?

It'd be crazy that you made it there for the first time, too. Not Ted. I'm joking. The moon? I'm joking. The moon? Ted doesn't think anything has ever happened. Yeah. The Titanic, no. Moon landing, no. Anything. Well, we don't know. But I'm not joking about that. We don't know about the Titanic, though.

We know about the Titanic. You don't know about the Titanic. Everyone else does. Stop saying we. Well, you know, Chet and I are sort of a unit in the Chuggle Sandwich. And you being here, you are sort of, for today, a part of Chuggle Sandwich. We. We're not sure. We're not sure. Don't loop us into this. No, no. You can't even loop me into this. This is not. I'm not being guilty by association here, man. Danny, what don't you believe in?

Um, hmm. What if I just said something super fucked up? I don't know. Man, I don't believe in, uh, frickin', I don't know. That's such a broad question. I know, I know. I don't know why I put you on the spot like that. I was like, going back and forth in my head, I'm like, should I give a serious answer or a goofy answer? And I was like, I can't even think of something funny to not believe in. Yeah, yeah, like the sun.

Yeah. That's a lie. That's got to be a lie. It's a myth. You ever seen a baby pigeon? Oh, I mean, everyone talks about that. I know. I'm just posing questions here. But have you ever seen a real pigeon? Yes, I have seen a real one. Wait, you're saying it's suspicious that nobody's ever seen a baby pigeon? That's exactly what I'm saying. Don't they live in nests?

Like up in a tree? So when would you ever see one? Dude. Why do you have to be wise with me right now, man? You're getting wise with me. I feel like I would have seen one at some point. It's either of your critical thinking skills. That's what I don't believe in. That's a good point, Danny. Shalat, are you hanging out in trees where birds have their nests? You don't think that one of them would have fallen from one of the buildings where the nest is or some shit and I wouldn't have seen it?

Like, I feel like I've lived in New York City. I feel like I should have seen a pigeon that's small, you know, and not full size. Maybe they come out of the egg like that. That would be fucked up. Dude, just pigeons lay ostrich-sized eggs that contain also equally-sized pigeons.

Or it's like one of those tents in Harry Potter where it's bigger on the inside. It's like a normal-sized egg, but just like a full-ass bird comes out of it. Dude, that would be fucking crazy. You know what I think, though? Could be a possibility. Okay, let's hear it. I just want... Sean, are you okay with hearing this, too? I guess. Tucker, are you okay with me saying this? Yep. I don't know what you're going to say, but... I think that there is a mother pigeon.

I think that there is one big fucking pigeon that maybe lives at the top of some building in New York and it is like the mothership of the pigeons and it poops them out and it's like a hive. Yeah, it lives in the torch of the Statue of Liberty. You've never heard of this? It's like a well-known thing. Well, because, yeah, I've talked about this in the past and we've investigated and we've found droppings. You've talked about mother pigeon? Yeah. Yes, yes.

Have you heard about this? It's kind of like how there's like a queen bee in a beehive. It's sort of that. It's a queen pigeon who's like bigger than all the other pigeons and all the pigeons feed the queen pigeon. Yeah, except they call it the mother pigeon. They call it that?

Who the fuck is they, man? Who the fuck is they? Ted, you said too much. Oh, that really stumped him. Yeah, no, that really threw me for a loop there. That shorted my brain a little bit. That look that you just had, that's what I want in that flat ear. From a flat ear, yeah. He goes there and he's like...

Oh, man. Guys, does anyone see what's out that window? You know what they probably say when they land?

They probably say, man, that was crazy. The quality of those fucking LED screens you put on the windows there. Yeah, I would. I'd just kill him, I think. Yeah. Just blows out on YouTube. Oh, and then that's the end. And then that's like the end point of like this. The career you're talking about is like it ends with killing a flat earther. Oh, yeah, that's my end game.

How long do you think it's going to take until that sort of commercially... Like how far out do we think that is? I don't know. I googled it a few weeks ago when I had the idea because I was like, how much would that cost? I think it said one of the companies, it might have been Virgin, is already selling them for like $250,000 or something tickets. Honestly? That's like...

Not if you found the right sponsor and you could guarantee it would get like I don't know how many views it would have to get but like you know that video is gonna get a lot of views that's not like it's it's crazy how that's an astronomical amount of money but like that is within like it's very easy to do that yeah it's like within beast capability is what is yeah exactly that's exactly what I was thinking yeah that's that's cheap

That's actually... I'd have to get two of them, though, because I would want to come with and film it, you know? Oh, okay. So half a million. And then you got to get, like, you got to send Carl up there and then, like, Nolan, too. Yeah, Nolan. Chris, the meme guy. Danny and all of the Mr. Beast gang. It's set for Jimmy. Yeah.

I brought the stupidest planet into space! That's how you intro him? Like he's just standing there like... While I was in Europe with Curtis, we had this joke that... Oh my god, yeah, we didn't ask you about... I'm sorry, I also want to hear about Europe, by the way, I'm sorry. But continue. Yeah.

No, it's all good. Mr. Beast released that video that was like a $1 hotel versus $1 million hotel. And in the video, he like brings some of his subscribers to the million dollar hotel. You know, he always does that. He's like, you could do this too if you subscribe to my channel. And Curtis said something like...

What if they got out of the car to go to the million-dollar hotel and Mr. Beast just says, like, I brought my ugliest subscribers to the hotel. And they step out of the car and they're like, what the hell? I thought we were picked at random. I was like, that would be a crazy video. Imagine, like...

Like making a video being like, I flew my ugliest subscriber out to meet me. But you don't say that in the entire video. You just title it that. So they find out for the first time when you post the video. The voiceover is like, oh my God, look at how ugly this person is.

Oh, God. And they could do videos in the future where it's just like they fly. It's like we're doing like beast philanthropy where it's like we're helping people in need get organ transplants. And they're like, I flew out subscribers that I knew had a suitable organs. They're like, wait, what? Go to sleep.

Yeah. I harvested 20 of my subscribers' organs and put them in my own body. I sold them on the black market so I could afford to go to space with a flat ear for the prove it's real. Then I took his organs.

uh saying saying like really unhinged mr beast concepts in that like mr beast intro voice is like one of the funniest jokes you can do it's so funny and when i'm telling you right now when we get it on the podcast we're gonna have them say shit like that we're gonna have them say shit because we a while ago we had uh we had michael reeves on and we were chatting with him about um the like that similar thing where it's like

you know, if there were no, like, what are, what would Mr. Beast do if there were no laws? Like how many, or like how many, I don't know how many orphans can you hang in a week or like, um, or like, I don't even think we mentioned that. That was just off the cuff. Um, or like, you know what it was? It was how many whales can you get? Like whale hunting challenge.

Yeah. How many endangered species can you make extinct? The Instincter. Get the Instincter class. Oh. That would be a crazy MrBeast video, just picking one species, like bald eagles. I killed the last remaining bald eagle! Oh my god. You know, we almost did it too. We almost fucking did it with, what, DMT? You heard about that? What? DMT.

This is sort of a non sequitur, I suppose. Is that what it is? Dynabethyl cryptamine? Tucker's ready. He's in Firemouth. It's DDT. DDT? Oh, what's DMT? That's the drug that Joe Rogan... Joe Rogan's always talking about. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, Joe Rogan isn't giving drugs to bald eagles and killing them off. They made their eggs, like, weak or something.

Tucker, help. Yeah, it would make their eggshells really weak. It happened to a lot of birds of prey, but bald eagles especially. So their eggs would break when they were... Yeah, it was pretty fucked up. Yeah, that's so sad. So Mr. Beast did that? And that's the world you want, Danny? I'd like to see it.

I'd like to see it. Just because you don't know until you see it. It was for a YouTube video. Well, yeah. You don't really know what's going to happen until you actually get into it. Ted is gone. Ted is gone. But he looks so happy. Ted is frozen. I got to take a picture of this. Am I frozen? He does look really happy at least. At least he died doing what he loved. That's actually fucking funny. Wait. Can you guys not hear me?

So, I mean, I'm sorry. We didn't get much time just as a one-on-one, Danny. I apologize. I mean, I had this other guy in the call the whole time. How are you doing? Yeah, that guy was kind of weird. Yeah, I'm good, man. Yeah. It's good talking to you, finally. Fuck yeah.

Sorry, I didn't even know where you were from. That was just rude of me. Shut up, Ted. I should have done my due diligence. It's an insult sometimes. I didn't know where you lived either. I assumed that you lived in LA, but then you said something about driving in Texas. And so now I think that maybe you live in Texas. I'm in Texas. I live in Texas. I see what's going on here. I used to live in New York, but the reason I asked about LA is because I hate

Los Angeles and most of the people there. So it would have affected my thinking of you and how I consider you. You were trying to say you could trust me. Yeah, man, and I can because you're not from Los Angeles. Let's go. What part of Texas do you live in? I'm in Austin right now. Oh, nice. My brother lives in Austin, too. Oh, nice.

It's a very nice place. It's a very nice place. You know, some people don't like it. They come here, they're like, oh, no, it's so hot. You know, who wants 110 degree summers every day for five months straight? And it's me, it turns out. I do. Yeah. I will say that the Illinois winters do get old. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Oh, he's back. Oh, what's up, Ted? Hey.

I feel like I've been back for a while. That's all I'm going to say. Hey, man. What happened? Yeah, you were gone for like 15 minutes or something. Really bonding over. Yeah. I had a little internet trouble, but now I'm back. I just got back. The LA internet. Yeah. The LA internet. What were we talking about? What we don't believe in? You know what I don't believe in?

happiness at this point and being in a healthy state. Because your shoulder hurts? Yeah. Danny, would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more video games or would you rather have video games, unlimited video games but no video games? That's a good question. What? No, it's a good question. Use the second option you said unlimited video games but no video games.

I feel like... Did I stutter over my words? No, I feel like you're being pretty crystal, Schlatt. You want me to say it again? Yeah, can you say it again? Danny, would you rather have unlimited bacon but no more video games? Or would you rather have games and Ted, back me up here, unlimited video games? An absolute limitless amount. But no games. That's a tough one, man. What's so funny? Well, I...

You said, you said, uh, no video. You said unlimited video games, but no games was the second option. Yeah. Yeah. None of them. So did you mean unlimited video games, but no bacon? Or is that, no, you, okay. Are you gaslighting me? No, I, no. I can't tell which part you're even confused about. Well, I feel like, I don't know. I mean, you know, we, I feel like Shalette's being pretty crystal, right?

We say a bunch of funny stuff on the pod. You said that twice now. I get it. You said that he's being crystal. Well, yeah, because the statement itself is pretty cut and dry. That's right. And again, did I stumble over my words? I don't think so. I think you're being crystal. I was being crystal. No, you didn't stumble over your words. It's just I assume that you misspoke because your question didn't make any sense. But I mean, I'll answer it. I'll answer it. Do you want to hear it one more time just for posterity? I can repeat it again if you want me to.

Okay, let's, okay. I want you to think really hard about what each option is and what each word means as it's coming out of your mouth, okay? Words are important. I already know the first option. The first option is unlimited bacon. Would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more games? And no video games. Okay. Yeah.

Now just say the second option and really think about how much bacon I might get and how many video games I might get. Bacon isn't even part of the second option, Danny. Oh, what the fuck? What are you talking about? Did I mention bacon once in the second half of the question, Tucker? Did I mention it, Ted?

Okay, can you give me the second question? I'll give you the whole thing again, Danny. I got all day. Would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more games, or games, unlimited games, but no video games? Why is this so hard for everybody? Wait, he's taking the games? So you're taking the games? I'm taking the games. Why? This...

There's no games. I thought if I picked an option, I would get to move on. Both options are no games. Both options have no games. Yeah. You said unlimited bacon and no games. Exactly. Why would you pick the one that has nothing? At least you get bacon out of it. I'm just in awe. Am I not allowed to have bacon? Everybody answers this fucking question, Ted.

My camera is at 4% right now. Should I stop recording? We're not done here. We're not done here. We're not done here. I'm not just saying that because I don't like the question. Are you taking the video games but no video games?

He's got moments. He's got moments. So in your heads, this is the most important question that you've asked me the whole time. Yeah. Is whether I would pick unlimited bacon, but no games or unlimited video games, but no video games. Well, just to clear, is it all right if I clarify real quick for that second part of that? Or would you? Yeah, no, go ahead. Go ahead.

I feel like I was being pretty crystal. It sounded cut and dry the way you were praising. It was the semantic. Or games, unlimited games, but no games. Oh, okay. So you have to clarify. Or games, unlimited games, but no games. That sounds cut and dry to me. Yeah. That sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm picking it. I'm picking the second answer. Wow. You are an insane man.

You're insane. I just want to find out what it means. He can be fucking around and finding out is what he's doing right now. It means nothing. I mean, you don't get the games. I respect the fucking around and finding out because to understand what unlimited games but no games is, that is to reach nirvana in some ways.

Yes, I feel like I'm going to become enlightened through this experience. I'm really excited. Hell yeah. And also, because we stopped asking this question for a while, but if you had to place yourself in the sandwich, in the chuckle sandwich, what ingredient would that be? Could you, is there like a concrete list of ingredients that are in the sandwich? I assume it's like bread, chuckle, bread. Is there any like...

Do we know if there's a tomato or is there a... Honestly, I mean, it's one of those things where each guest adds their own one. And I... Honestly, I think it's even better when you just...

Don't give context to what the previous ingredients were. So eventually over time, we just get the most monstrosity of a sandwich. You could, anything really that's come to your mind, you could add a nut. Like people have done condiments. People have done, I think one time somebody did like the fucking spike that goes to the sandwich with the olive on top. Joe Bartolosi was sand.

Yeah, Jill Bartolozzi was sand. That was... Yeah. Like you're eating it at a beach. I'm the mayo. Okay. Yeah, I'm the butt pieces of bread at each end of the sandwich. Okay. You know, like, have you ever seen videos of how they used to mow grass before they had lawnmowers with, like, a scythe? Have you ever seen a guy, like, doing, like, sweeping the lawn grass with a scythe? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

You're a scythe? Are you the grass? In the sandwich? Are you the grass clipping? I'm that whole scene.

I'm a guy with a scythe. Dude, that has got to be the most unique answer to this question I have ever heard. You are the concept. It is an ingredient in a sandwich. You are the concept. The notion. The notion. The pure notion. The essence, if you will, of a man cutting grass with a scythe.

I guess I should. I didn't really think that there would be many consequences to me giving you free reign to an ingredient, but I guess that is, you know, that's a part of the sandwich now. What time is it? What time of day? What time of day is it right now? No, in the scene. Oh, in the, in the, oh. In the notion. He has to act it out in order to get it. Yeah.

I'm just picturing in my head, but he definitely woke up early to get this done. It's like sunrise. They don't have clocks yet, so it's sunrise. Sunrise in a clockless farm. It's the fucking feudal ages. Well, they don't have lawnmowers yet. It's not like the moment they invented clocks, it just went from feudal to non-feudal, Schlatt. I guess so. I guess so. Wow, that is a fantastic answer, Danny.

Thank you. And a tasty sandwich, might I add. That's going to be delicious. Yes. And we're going to chow down. And I hope that people... Hey! I hope that people listening right now are tasting that sandwich and they're having a... They're tasting it well. And they tasted our words. That's right. And our concepts. And maybe...

We learned something today. Maybe we learned something about Danny. Maybe we learned something about the Titanic. Who knows? We learned a lot of... I think we learned the most about you today, Ted. Yeah. That's a problem. I hope that you learned something about the Titanic. Can you confirm whether you've learned anything about the Titanic? I could, you know, I can go and hit the books. And by that, I mean... Okay. And by that, I mean Newsmax.

They've got a whole section on the Titanic. I'm joking, okay? I'm not going to make a joke about me reading news, Max. But yeah, thanks for coming on, Danny. Appreciate you. Hell yeah. Thanks for having me, you guys. Yeah, of course. It's been fun. All right. Let me know if I can ever come back. I would love to do it again. Yes. Let me know if you have it in your hearts to have me back. We'll have our... Yeah, no, we'll... We'll talk about it. We'll talk, maybe. We will...

Okay. Do we have your email? Do you have your email? What's your email? Well, you have my... We were texting before. You have my phone number. So if you just want to use that. Well, I recently... My phone hit a... It fell out of the hole in the car. And goat yoga lost all my contacts. But I'm like an email guy now. So if you're...

Well, I'll text you my email address. Yeah. Get it sorted. Yeah. Okay. I might not. Oh, yeah. Thanks for watching.