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This is the most comfortable I've been in years. Yeah. Years, man. Like in any scenario? In any podcast scenario. Oh, okay. I was going to be like, this is the most pleasant that you've ever felt. I would be like, man, it's a little chilly in here. I'm rather pleasant right now. Yeah. I'm rather pleasant. And in terms of podcast recordings, I am extremely pleasant. Yeah, no, these chairs are...
I'm kind of sipping, sliding into this chair. I've got a katana next to me, which is definitely a little interesting. We're in Austin. We're in Austin, Texas. Finally, I get my way. And look how comfortable we are. Look how awesome this is. This podcast is going to be so great. It's going to be so good because we're not cramped in that fucking space of that diner set.
That all black room, God, just terrible. This is episode 98 and we're leading right up to the 100th episode of Chuckle Sandwich here in Austin, Texas. Yes, we are. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
Also, big shout out to Steak and Eggs, which is another podcast that they... This is their set. Yeah. Whose seat are you sitting in right now? Who usually sits there? I think Tectone. I believe I'm in Emeru's. No, you're in Asmongold's seat and Emeru sits there. Oh, I'm in Asmongold's seat? Yeah. Oh, God. That's probably... That's why you're sticking to it. This is where he wipes the blood? Yeah. This is the blood? Oh, is that why it's this color? Yeah. It's like the...
literal blood red. Dried blood. That's the blood sword. It explains kind of the just layer of, I shouldn't touch it, layer of dust that's on this katana. Wow. Don't touch it. I really hope we're not hurting his feelings. I don't think, I think Asmongold gets a lot worse things said about him every day. You think so? Yeah, I do too. What's the worst things that someone's ever said about you? Like something that actually was said about you online that you were like, oh,
Um, someone once told me that, uh, I don't know. Really? Yeah. I'm just so comfy. I just, I'm so cozy. I think the most offensive thing that someone said to me one time was like this like long winded, like a thing about just like how I try too hard to be funny. A lot of anything that's like in regards to like, just like a really pointed, like, uh,
Dissection of one's comedy I feel it can just hurt, you know? Yeah, because I mean with YouTube you tend to do the same jokes that work over and over again Yeah, yeah Upload the same things that work over and over again Kind of do the same kind of episodes over and over again Reddit episodes I'm just so darned comfortable right now though I couldn't be mad at all I couldn't be mad about anything Tucker, what the fuck are you doing? Are you kidding me right now? Sorry
Are you fucking kidding me? The first thing... Whoa! What are you doing? I was going to shoot at Schlatt. He's doing that fucking middle school bullshit where you twist up a water bottle. Well, all you listeners love you to death. Tucker was rolling up a fucking water bottle to try to create enough pressure that he could shoot like a gun at Schlatt. It didn't. Well, Tucker's here too, by the way. Tucker's here? We're all out here in Austin now. This is our first ever...
chuckle experience that happens in Austin. We've been doing them in LA the last three times, I think. So finally, I'm not the one that is constantly sleep deprived. Right. I'm feeling well rested. I'm feeling great right now. Yeah, I will say we did film some stuff that is going to remain a secret until it comes out yesterday where we had just gotten off a plane. I think I was running off of like three hours of sleep. Tucker and his wife Emma, they were running off of like
Yeah, same deal. For something similar. And we were just rolling around. Oh, man, I slept like a baby, too. So I'm feeling pretty rested as well. Nice.
But yeah, I mean, we're we're we're fucking here in Austin. We're here, man. Yeah, we're here. I finally got Ted out and he actually confided in me last night after I got a couple of coronas in him that he was thinking of moving out. That's not that's so fucking that's it's almost insane how untrue that is. What? Like it is almost like the like Tucker and I have in in have been confiding each other when we've been driving around Austin where we are talking about how
Man, why the fuck does Schlatt like living here? Why does he like living here? Why do you like living here? I don't. I don't. And that is it. See, that's actually another thing that Schlatt and I talked about recently where you said you were done defending Austin, I remember. Yeah, I'm done defending this place. Yeah, it is. Here's the thing, man. You hear all these stories about New Yorkers and Californians moving to Texas and then not being able to survive because of the...
The heat? Yeah. That's just true. Because it's so humid. It's just true. It's so humid. It's waterier here than in California. It's awful here, and we're not... It gets hotter here and colder here than in California, which is ridiculous. And you know what? The liberals just aren't built for it. Yeah. One of the things I was talking about recently was that, like, this... Driving around here, it is like every...
And talk, talk around some pretty funny bits with this too. It was like every little area in Austin is like a little suburb, like a little area. It's like we passed one that was like cat hollow, like,
a Brushy Creek mud community. What the fuck does that even... What is that even supposed to mean? Or it's like peachy lanes? It's all just developments. And that's what they call developments. Or like sweet, sweet corner. It sounds like a Mario Land. It sounds like a Mario Land, like...
Fucking area. Dolphin Shoals. Dolphin Shoals. That's one that would have underwater music right there. Cheap, cheap beach. He's naming courses. Koopa Cape. Koopa Cape's right down the road, man. He's literally naming courses. What was the one that you said the other day, Tucker? Like Butterball Falls. Butterball Falls.
Yeah, no, I mean, they're all named that, and it's like all of these cookie cutter or these ranch buildings, and half the grass here is dead. Yeah, because it's been 105 degrees for three months straight. Today is the first day in my entire memory of 2023 where I've stepped outside and been like-
It's pleasant. Oh, my God. It's nice. Yeah, no, it's nice out today. I was like... First day, and it's October. I remember when I was visiting you for your first stream back. Yeah. You know, the first stream. Yeah, it was December of two years ago. And then you've done seven streams since then, where...
Yeah, no, it was like it was December, I think. December 21st. I thought it was right before it was December 21st. Oh, yeah. No, I really was out there before Christmas, huh? Oh, that's that was where the fucking wheelchair guy situation happened, where I got through the airport. Yes. Yeah. You bribed him. Yeah. Well, I didn't even bribe him. He was just he was like, give me a nice tip and I'll take you through. And like I was I did not sit in the wheelchair. Let's get that clear right away. I did not.
sit in the wheelchair he said um no i didn't sit in the wheelchair pretended to be disabled maybe i wheeled him right up to the front he paid a hundred bucks for that pleasure i don't know what happened it was all a blur okay because we were moving in the wheelchair so fast so back then it was like it was like 80 or something in december it was like it was muggy it was humid it was yeah it's uh it's fucking miserable here the weather the weather depresses you
And then once it's actually pleasant, once you get the week, the week of the year when it's pleasant. Is it pleasant? Is it pleasant week right now? This is pleasant week. And then next week, we're actually having a deadly ice storm that knocks the entire power grid out.
Is that coming? Oh, yeah. You've got another ice storm coming? Yeah, a week after. I feel like you have like three a year. And they're just like each season has their own ice storm. How does that even make sense in terms of the weather of Austin? We schedule three out. We schedule three out in advance. It's like that thing they do with rolling. Instead of rolling blackouts, it's rolling ice storms. Yeah, but then they're usually accompanied by rolling blackouts. Right, right.
Because we're on our own grid. Dude, the development stuff is really depressing to me. Looking for a house here is really rough because everything is so new. And that's why you end up with fucking dolphin shoals, butterball falls. I think I would kill myself if I had to live in an HOA. Like an HOA controlled area. I think you are so deep into online discourse that
You're extremely biased. Here's the thing. I go on Reddit and I read a lot of like just fucking people get mad about stuff. Like, oh, my HOA came over and I had like the wrong shade of white on my white picket fence and they wanted me to change it. And like I'll read that and I'm like, I'm going to find this HOA officer and I'm going to burn it to the ground.
Emma's the, where the wedding was. That's an HOA. And we have an HOA there. Yeah. That, that whole community is kind of like a rural ish. It's like a, it's like a community. Like, yeah. For context, we went, uh, where Tucker got married. Like there's their family as like a, like a lake house. And, um,
the Northeast. But they've had some issues with the HOA. Really? Yeah. What type of issues? Oh, like, oh, your grass is too high. Oh, you need to grass too high. Yeah. Stuff like that. Like, and it's always like a, like a big email list that goes out and they might not call you out. And they thought there's a share, like we share it between a couple of families and they are accusing us of being an Airbnb location, which is against HOA rules. That's ridiculous. They didn't believe us.
They don't believe you that it's not. Yeah. Think of it this way. If you're a homeowner and you've got a 30 year mortgage on a place and you're there to stay and that's your forever home. Of course, you want the area around it to be nice and well kept. I mean, I guess you want someone next door who leaves his fucking rusted car outside and the weeds are fucking going onto your lawn and shit. No, most people don't.
I don't know. I guess my thought when it came to like buying a house potentially someday would be like, I really don't,
I guess that's probably why I probably have a problem with property taxes too. I just like the idea of being able to buy a house and then it's like you have a house and you don't need to like, like isn't the whole purpose of buying something and it's like, okay, now you have it. But then it's like, oh, you got a problem, but you got the fucking HOA fees. And it's like, what happens if you like, I don't know. I think I just think of like the worst. You'd be a really good libertarian, man, because this same argument can be used against taxes, against fucking anything.
Well, I get taxes because you need stuff like roads and you need a like... Yeah, because of the social contract. Public services and stuff. It's a social contract. What's the public contract or the social contract in you owning personally a home? You live next to people and you all want to live in peace and harmony. That's why I'd have sentry guns outside my house. That's why I'd have the fucking... That's why I'd get five killstreak and I'd have a sentry gun at my house.
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The thing with looking for houses in Austin is that everything is so new that you'll go into a community and it will be so mind-numbingly depressing because everything was built in the past two years. You look at this shit from space and it looks like a fucking shitty modern art building.
- Dude, there's no trees, there's no shade, that's the thing. - And there's no happiness. - The most depressing thing about these newer communities is that all the trees are new, and they're small, and they have no shade, and the sun just fucking beats down on you. - There's like a horror movie about housing development, or like kind of a thriller, sci-fi thing. I don't quite recall the name, but if, Tucker, if you could get on this while I'm describing it, it's basically,
Like it's like a suburbs thing. Yeah. Vibrarium. Vibrarium. Vibrarium. So it's it's with that guy who is in the social network. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what that's where they move in and they can't leave. Right.
Yeah, it's like they find this really cheap sort of housing location with this guy who lives in a thing, and then it's like... I mean, I'm just going to spoil it because the movie came out in 2004. That's not true, but... 2019. But...
It turns out it's some fucking freaky alien thing. Because a kid shows up, and then they have to care for the child or something. But the child starts screaming or watching fucking static on the TV. It's weird. But basically, the whole area looks like an Austin housing development. Honestly, probably a little bit more like a housing development in New Mexico or something like that, where there's just no trees at all. And it's just...
like the sun is just beating down on all the pavement. Can you imagine how hot the pavement must be in some of these housing developments in Austin? If you're a kid, like, you know, it's already hard enough in the summer in Massachusetts to walk on some pavement that's exposed to the sun. That must be fucking, like, and also, like, dogs must be getting fucking hurt by that too. Like their little paws, their little paws walking on it. Their little paws. Yeah. Yeah.
Dogs can get their little paws burnt by hot pavement. And that's wrong. And I think that's the main problem with Austin is that them dogs getting their paws. Little paws. Little paws. Yeah. I can't defend the weather here. I really can't. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Tucker, that was terrible that you just showed. What was that? He's showing little burnt paws. Awful. Awful, man. That's sad. That's really sad. Yeah, I can't defend the weather here. I don't know.
There's a lot you can't defend. All right. Well, I don't know. There's some things you can defend, though. Like I can defend Torchy's Tacos. That's what we should get. You haven't had Torchy's Tacos before, Tucker, have you? We'll order that tonight maybe or something or we'll go pick it up somewhere. It's good. Actually, no, we'll get it for breakfast. Tomorrow. We'll get it for breakfast tomorrow when we hit the road. Oh, yeah. Because you get these little breakfast little taco things and you get some queso. You dip it in queso. It's really good. It'll probably give you heartburn, but it's really good. What's in it?
- Tacos. - Tacos. They're just like these little tiny, they're that, maybe that diameter, and then they're about this long, so you get four or five of them. - I just don't always trust breakfast versions of food.
When I was in Austin that one time in December, we were talking about Torchy's Tacos. I hadn't had it in forever. First time. I think it was my first time. Really? Yeah. Ted has put me on to most of my favorite food. Honestly, yeah. Have you always particularly been like a picky eater growing up? Yeah. I'm just close-minded.
Yeah. Yeah. No, that is, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Tucker's Tucker's pulling up towards these tacos right now. Yeah. Look, I mean, look at that. They got half their fucking dishes photoed in a, in a, in a cast iron pan. Like, you know, you know, you're running and the website looks a little shitty too. So, you know, there's like, it's kind of got that same charm as like a New York city, Chinese food place. You know what I mean? Um,
But yeah, no. Oh, yeah, you like that green chili pork? Yeah. You find some interest in that? Yeah, I mean, they got the whole rundown. Oh, Republican. They got the Republican schlatt. And the Democrat right next to it. Jalapeno cheddar sausage, pico de gallo, cheddar jack. The Democrat's way better. Oh, the barbacoa avocado cookie. Once they got the cotija in there, it's, you know, I love cotija cheese. Have you had that before? No, I don't know what that is. It's a crumbly...
cheese. It's a Cumbrian Mexican cheese that's, it's like a white cheese. It's kind of like, has a similar texture to like, I mean. Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. It's like, you can't, you can't cut this kind of cheese. It's made to crumble. It's like crumbly, like Mexican cheese or something. It's always on, it's always on Mexican food. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, you put that on. It's like authentic. That, you put that with some, some, um,
Oh, what's that? What's that? It's a sausage. It's a type of sausage. And it's chorizo. Chorizo is really good. I'm freezing my fucking dick in Poland. Yeah, no, it's really cold in here. Why is it so cold? What do they have it set to? I think we've talked about this before. I introduced you to sushi. Yeah, you did. And then, like, because during our first Chuckle Week, I think I've talked about this before, but I took Charlie and Schlatt to Sugarfish in L.A.,
in Hollywood. Got the omakase. Yeah, we got the omakase. We got the try-me. We got the try-me. So Schlatt got to try sashimi. He got to try some cut rolls, some hand rolls. And I think we had some sake too. Probably. Yeah, and then now Schlatt's a big fan of the
It was very good. It was very good. Because it was one of those things because you were suspicious about it, but I was like, oh, I'm going to take you to Sugarfish because it's pretty good pricing, but then they also, the rice is warm. It's like, have you been to Sugarfish? I think we went. Yeah, I think I took you to Sugarfish. It's a small place, right? Yeah. Well, they've got a bunch around LA, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
But yeah, no, I'm glad that I've introduced you to a lot of different. I liked before before I met Ted. I liked hamburger and pizza. That was it. That was my hamburger pizza, hamburger and pizza. That's funny. It's pizza is still up there. Have you had you surely you've had you definitely had ramen, though. I don't like ramen. You don't like. No, I don't like going to Japan. I struggle with hot liquids.
an insane thing to say. No. I know. What's insane? It's not insane. It's just more like an insane thought. I struggle with hot liquids. Okay, that's fair. I don't like hot liquids. Any liquid...
That's hot? Really? In a dish? No, I'll pass. Oh, in a dish. So you'll have hot chocolate? Yeah. You'll have coffee? No. You're not a coffee guy. Hot chocolate might be the one liquid I enjoy. Wow. The one hot liquid. Tomato soup? Tomato soup. No. Really? No, I don't. Okay, Trader Joe's roasted red pepper soup. You think I shop at Trader Joe's? I wish I would. What do I let my wife cuckold me?
What? The fuck? What are you talking about? What is this bullshit? Trader Joe's? Well, I just didn't know that there was a clear Trader Joe's to cuckold pipeline. There's a pipeline? Yeah, and it exists in Los Angeles County. Can you look that up, Tucker, right now and see if there's Trader Joe's for cucks? Why is Trader Joe's considered to be bougie when it's unrelated? Totally, yeah. Do men shop at Trader Joe's? No.
40% of Trader Joe's are women and 50 almost 60% of Trader Joe's are men wait what wait reread that actually that's a yeah I mean there doesn't seem like there's anything online although there if you scroll down a little bit Tucker there actually is a if you scroll down a little bit Tucker just there's a which Trader Joe's snacks are the gayest part one this is a YouTube video and
Okay. All right. Interesting. That was interesting. So explain more about this cuck pipeline. What were we saying? You were talking about how there's this clear pipeline for Trader Joe's people. No, that was just an offhanded, backhanded comment. Well, I need to know...
There has to be some truth to it if your mind went so quick to it. So tell me about it. If you're shopping at Trader Joe's, there's probably something going on. You probably have a modern arrangement in your relationship. Okay, yeah, like either an open marriage or like a... Yeah. Yeah, okay. Is there a particular item that... Have you been into a Trader Joe's before? You haven't been into a Trader Joe's? I remember when I was a kid, my mom would go to Trader Joe's and I think I had like a...
I had a vendetta against Trader Joe's when I was a kid. I don't know what it was, but I think it was because I liked cookies. I liked Oreos, and I wanted Oreos. And I think I was just... Kids are so fucking susceptible to branding. That's why Cocoa Melon is so good. But Trader Joe's has their own Oreos, and they're called... Yeah, they do their own everything. Yeah, they're called... JoJo's? Yeah, they're called JoJo's. Oh, man.
and they've got a little toucan on them. And I just think that seeing those when I was a kid, they made me mad because they're described as chocolate/vanilla cream cookies. It's like, what are you-- - Well, you know the Oreos are better anyways. - Well, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that if I had those now, I'd be like, there's virtually no difference between this and an Oreo. - Probably not, probably not. - Especially when you dip it in milk. A lot of the flavor profile goes out the window once you dip in that shit and milk. And it's better anyways.
But yeah, no, that shit pissed me off. I mean, it was the same thing with like, I mean, like the Frosted Flakes they would get. It would be like, you know, Frosted Corn Flakes. Yeah, the fucking Malt-O-Meal shit. Yeah, well, not necessarily Malt-O-Meal, but... Malt-O-Meal. I think he just likes saying Malt... Oh, they just straight up call them Frosted Flakes. I guess they don't have a...
Yeah, because it's too general. Frosted Flakes is the one that they can't trademark because it's just a description of what they are. What an insane thing to do, a cereal review for Frosted Flakes from Trader Joe's. It's like one of the most basic cereals that you can get from Trader Joe's. But now, as I'm older, especially after I spent that three months of that summer I was doing an internship in New York, Trader Joe's is very inexpensive in comparison to...
Many other grocery stores. I think it's like maybe 20 plus percent less expensive than your average grocery store. Less expensive than other stores? Less expensive than your average grocery store. I guess it's all private label stuff. It's all theirs. Yeah. I guess. You're looking at most expensive grocery stores? I would not pick. No, Tucker, search up how much cheaper is Trader Joe's than other grocery stores. Because I looked this up the other day and I think, what were you saying though? I wouldn't think Trader Joe's would be...
Cheaper than it is stuff. You'd be surprised. What do we got here? It's looking generally cheaper Yeah, then stop and shop. This is compared to stop and shop Tuesday This is actually very very related to my childhood because we had a stop and shop down there It is like up this like a Massachusetts brand of grocery store right here I don't know surprised that that's the first thing that came up for you. Yeah interesting. Yeah, so
And I'm now in a spot where I'm like, there are things at Trader Joe's that I like. Like there's this, I don't know if you're a big, you're not really a big Spice guy, are you? What do you mean? Are you a big Spice guy at all? What does that mean? Are you a Spice guy? It's sort of the preliminary question I'm asking before I continue. Scary Spice? What? Scary Spice? Posh Spice? I've never been, I didn't know that these were the even kind of- No, I'm listing the Spice Girls. Oh, okay. Mel-
I don't know the names of the Spice Girls, unfortunately. Damn. I'm surprised that you know the names of the Spice Girls. Of course I know the names of the Spice Girls. What are you saying?
There's like this sweet and spicy jalapenos you can buy from Trader Joe's. You can just get a little fork and you just eat them out of the jar. And they're really good. If you're ever a Trader Joe's person, check them out, man. I mean, we're not sponsored, but they're good. They've got a lot of little items that are great. I'm still not going. They've got this really great cheese spread. It's like they're...
I don't know what it's called specifically. It was like a cheddar cheese spread. Mouthwatering thinking about it right now. It's good. But yeah, so, I mean, if me liking Trader Joe's makes me a cuck, so be it. But what's your favorite grocery store, asshole? H-E-B. Okay. H-E-B. Tucker, look up. What does H-E-B stand for? Hot Evil Broads. Nope, it's worse. Howard E. Butt? Yep. Howard E.
- E butt. - Not even beaut butt. They're on this campaign.
To shift public perception away from Howard E. Butt to here, everything's better. So they'll have that on their posters and stuff. But everybody knows it's Howard E. Butt. Really? The Butt family has been running H-E-B for years. Oh, man, look at this guy. Wait, wait, wait. Can you go back? Upper right photo, Tucker, right there. That is the face of a man whose name is Howard E. Butt or more so clearly and more so clarified, Howard E.
eats butt. No, Howard Edward. That's an ass-eating face right there. Are you kidding me? He's an Edward. Edward? Oh, that's Howard Edward Butt Sr. No, his name is Howard Edward Butt Sr. His middle name's Edward. Yeah. Yeah. Howard eats butt. Like, he looks like he eats ass. He's got an ass-eating face, man. Look up Stephen Butt. Stephen Butt's running the ship now. Stephen Butt and family. He's worth $2 billion! Ugh, two butts. Two.
Two billion bucks. That's crazy. Based in San Antonio, HEB has...
HEB has with, is that what it says? Has with whatever. It's got 423 stores in Texas and Mexico and does $39 billion in annual revenue. HEB is so good. Butts great-great, or it's gone now. Butts great-grandmother Florence Butt started the company in 1905. Geez. They're so patriotic to Texas. Really? That they'd rather open stores in Mexico than any other state.
That's interesting. It seems almost a little ironic that they would rather cross the border into Texas to open up stores than to go into other states. Yeah, they don't like other states. Not even Oklahoma, right? No, no. It's like covering the... Well, we went into an HEB. We did, yesterday. Yeah, we went into an HEB yesterday. Surprisingly wide carts.
I was delighted with that. Here, everything's bigger. And they had warm bread that we... The warm bread? The bakery? That we were eating yesterday with some Kerrygold garlic butter, of which we discovered the most horrifying thing when we were serving that butter. You saw this happen. What? The way that fucking Tucker was serving himself that butter...
I didn't see this. I can tell you what's currently sending a chill down my spine is the fucking air conditioning in here. You know how you got a normal thing of butter. Are you the kind of person that puts butter out and you let it get soft? No. No, I chisel it with a fucking ice pick most of the time. You should get a little butter tin thing and you should put it out. Just try it. I don't use foresight to do anything. I know, but you don't need to use foresight. You just do it once and then it's sitting out until you run out of butter. You let butter sit out?
It's butter, dude. Like, you just put it in a thing so it doesn't get dust on it. No, I don't like that. I don't like that. It doesn't feel right. I've got a little, like, butter thing with a little spreader knife thing. Trust me, dude. Okay. No, man. No, man. Okay. So have I... In terms of the stuff that I've introduced to you thus far, the sushi, the fucking Torchy's tacos, like, have I been wrong in those instances when it comes to food recommendations? I think...
that you should just get a little dish and you put some butter in that and have that sit on your counter because then it just gets soft. So whenever you want to spread butter on bread or something, it's literally so easy. I'm not doing that. No, no. I'm not leaving butter out. That's weird. For what reason? That's weird. I'm not leaving butter out in a dish. What do you think is going to happen? So if I go over to your apartment right now, Ted, you have a fucking...
Just a plate of butter sitting there? That's my butter for when I need my butter. For Christmas, my sister actually... The fuck? Keep it in the fridge. I introduced it to my family. My family started doing... My sister, for Christmas one year, she bought me this little thing that you... It's got like a little lid that you pull up and then the butter's in there. And so like you can protect it. Like it's not like you just have it out so like flies can start landing on the butter and stuff. Like you don't want that. But like...
Yeah, I'm a butter guy. I like spreading the butter. Now, Tucker, when we've got the bread out, you are getting cold. I go over to Ted's apartment and I'm like, gee, I sure wish someone could access butter in two and a half seconds in a quick manner. In a quick and easy spreadable way. It's less about the quickness of the access and more about the spreadability of it, you know?
Don't care. Okay. I'm not doing it. Tucker, when he went over to the butter, rather than slicing it like this, like vertically on the horizontal thing like that, like a normal human...
He starts going at the top and scraping it at the top. Off the top, Tucker? Yeah, off the top. And it was like softened butter, too. So it was like shaving it down and stuff. It was like squishing it. I was horrified. I had to this morning. He's tried doing it again this morning. He tried doing it again. I cooked at a full breakfast. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. You got a problem with the kitchen. You can get in it. You did make breakfast. Although you did agree to stop doing it, though. You did agree.
Because we called my mom. Yeah, because I did, actually. I, this morning, took out the phone and I called Tucker's mom. Really? Yeah. Why? I called her on the phone. She picks up the phone. She's like, hi, Tucker. And I'm like, it's me. And she's like, hi, Ted. And I'm like, listen...
there's something going on. There's something wrong. And she's like, oh my God, what's happening? And I'm like, it's, you know, nothing like dangerous, but like Tucker is behaving in a way that is shocking to me and I need you to involve yourself in this because, and I'm like, I described the whole situation and she says, normally he does, you would do that with a frozen butter scenario, but with a melted butter,
like, not necessarily melted, but sort of soft butter scenario, you never do that. It's disgusting. And she was ashamed of him. And she told him not to do that anymore. And now he's promised, actually, Tucker, and on his honor as a Marine, he's promised that to me and his wife, Emma, that he's not going to do that anymore. And if I hear down the grapevine from, like, Emma will text me. And I will dock your pay if you start doing that again. Because it was honestly freaking me out, Tucker. Yeah.
I've known you for years. That is something that I don't think I got the ick. I got the friend ick from that. I have not ever been bothered by something as much as I have been bothered by you doing that. And it's so inconsequential. But the muffins were good. Well, honestly, it infected me, though, too, because I have to deal with that butter as well. I think it was selfish of you. Jesus fucking Christ. Fucking 20-minute yap session.
No, it hasn't. It's been maybe five minutes. I'm just pissed about it. You're on a podcast. What are you complaining about? You want to go into this?
You were just lights fucking out for a second there, man. You're all bundled up like a little caterpillar, and you just looked at me, and it was just like. Dude, I'm so comfy right now. This is great. You looked like a cat before. You looked like an old cat before it got put down. Ted, I'm never going back to the old Chuckle Sandwich set. It's not happening. Well, we can. I mean, we rent everything, and we build it up. So in a realistic way, you will never be going back to the last set that we. Think about it this way.
I don't think that we'll ever deal with the first set that we had for Chuckle Sandwich. Are you with me? Hey, come on, dude. We're on a podcast right now. Let's go. You can't fall asleep on the set. We're only 35 minutes in.
Yeah, yeah. Pulled together. The first set that we had for Chuckle, it was like we had these sort of like microphones on a stand, but it was like they were in between our legs and they were like sprouting up in between our legs. It was miserable. The crotch mic. We also had that that table that was like made of like plywood. Yeah, no, that was bad. Yeah, that was bad. But I mean, things are going well now.
You have anything upcoming right now that you're excited to talk about for episode 98? Well, we've got a very special guest coming in in about an hour. He'll be arriving soon.
They'll be arriving. It'll be next week for you guys, though. Yeah, this is next week. This is next week. So we won't spoil it just yet. It's a big deal, though. This is probably one of the most biggest, coolest guests that we will have. I'm very happy for someone in this room because they were very excited about this guest. And also, I don't think that we've ever clarified what this period of time that we're in right now is. This is the fuckle weekend.
This is the fuckle weekend. Yeah. Yeah. This is that we've been calling this colloquially. We've been calling this chuckle weekend. Ted couldn't bear to spend an entire week out in Austin. So he only he's only like, yeah, I can only spend two days. You want to know what the real reason is? I can only spend here. Nobody fucking lives out here. Everyone's moving to L.A.
Who is what do you mean? Everyone's everyone. Everyone has moved to L.A. in the past year. All the content creators are moving to L.A. in droves. No one running to name five people that moved to L.A. in the past year. Moved to L.A. in the past year. OK, five people that moved to L.A. in the past year. Starting now, Nicky Jakey. That's one. OK, that's all you need. That's all you need. Honestly, that's a good one. Let's see more people. Nandre.
Who's that? It's someone who moved to L.A. Nandre, Sandwich, Barry. These are all streamers. You're just saying words. No, these are just words. These are real people. These are real people. They've moved here. They moved to L.A. So that's four. No, that's one in my book. What the fuck? I need to know who they are. Oh, fuck you. What about Connor Eats Pants? Connor, I thought he had been here for longer or in L.A. for longer. He moved last year. Okay, so five. No, two.
Okay, so Connor and and and Jakey. Mm-hmm So that wasn't you were you were I was talking about people moving LA in droves and now you're clarifying You need to know them personally not not in Sam count and Barry they count their who Barry Yeah, what the fuck do you mean Barry? Oh
Okay. At the very least. People are moving to L.A. in droves, dude. Barry. Barry's car. Okay, listen. At the very least. Sorry, Barry, man. At the very least, you should know Nandre. If you ever watched the Point Girl Party thing that I did. Didn't watch that. You didn't watch that? No. He was Bowser in that.
He was Bowser and he came up and he said, you would have loved the bit he was doing there. I think he would really get along with Non. Yeah, I genuinely think you would really like Non. Okay. Who else moved to Los Angeles? Steven? Steven? Who's Steven? What? Did you just throw out a name? Jet? Did Jet move? Jet? Did Cody move? What is up with these names? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
I mean... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Barry. I don't know who you are, but... He's a sweetheart. He kind of looks like the guy from The Lighthouse. The movie, The Lighthouse. He's got a big, beautiful red beard. It's just terrible branding to call yourself Barry. You need a username, man. My name is Ted Nibison. That's my first and last name. Yeah, but imagine if you just tried to make Ted work.
You could now, but starting right now? I could now. It would definitely... I would definitely be competing with the largest fucking PowerPoint presentation collection in the world, though. True. So that would be a bit of a problem. Is this technically a TED Talk right now? Yeah. People have been saying that for a while. I remember when...
People wanted me to start a new podcast before Chocolate Sandwich started, and they were like, Ted should do a solo podcast called Ted Talks. If you did a weekly slap type thing, that would be a Ted Talk. That's what I've been thinking, but I don't know. So many people did weekly slap copies, I didn't want to step on your toes or anything, but I've always thought it'd be fun to do something like that because it seems like it would be a good time. Yeah, it's fun. Do I have your permission to try to do a Ted Talks? Yeah.
Anyone has my blessing. It's the most fulfilling form of content you can make. Well, there we go then. Maybe I should do TED Talks. I would build myself a little like...
Little scenario where I could be visually there, you know something that's separate from my uh, that'd be fun That would be fun to do that. I take questions. I take so I could do speak pipes. I'll just do chuckle sandwich, too No, no, it would be like it'd be kind of like what Curtis's podcast is, you know, no Curtis it would be like they'd be like 20 minutes long I bet I would instead of like an hour. Yeah, I listened to I listen to stardust podcast
Oh my god, I'm forgetting the name of his podcast right now. I'm more of a Jake podcast guy. It's like three words. Very, really good. Yeah, his podcast is very, really good where it's usually just him. Like if you look at that No Way one, the set with the yellow background, I think that might be a good one. Yeah, so he's got like this little cozy little set that is like literally just like in an office building. So it's just like one room. And he just sits there by himself? Yeah, well sometimes he has guests on remotely. Like I came on his podcast once.
Yeah, and he'll talk about what's in the news. He'll do stuff like that. He just sits there by himself in that room? If you don't know Curtis, he's a friend of the show. We've had him on. He just sits there by himself in the room? There's plenty of podcasts that have people just by themselves. I think Curtis is funny enough that he can... I would be a little bit concerned for my own self to be like, I'm impressed that he's able to do that and sit and be able to just...
yeah it takes a talker yeah it takes a bit of a talker though you are a bit of a talker curtis also got a government job recently so congrats dude oh yeah the the the department of what was it that i don't know it was like the department of like welfare or energy or something i'm doing i'm blowing hot air into my hands right now because of how freezing it is i feel like i'm i feel like it's sunday morning and i'm at a travel baseball double header okay there it is if you
If you scroll down a little bit, yeah, this guy. The communication character for the Secretary of the Interior looks very similar to Curtis, where he's got the... I saw another quote retweet of that where someone was saying how this is very much so now considered to be the visual of the liberal man, like the liberal soy boy man or something like that is what people were saying. But back in the 80s, this guy would be fantastic.
fucking every lady. He'd be going to rock star shows. He'd be fucking doing coke. He'd be doing lines. He'd be inventing ketamine. It's funny how the ideas have shifted. The zeitgeist. Is that what that word is? The cultural zeitgeist. The cultural zeitgeist around those classes, that type of mustache. Curtis isn't a soy boy either. He's a meat man. He's a meat man? Yeah.
I feel like that's surely the antithesis of Soyboy Meat Man. Meat Man? Yeah. This is the Meat Man, dude. Oh, speaking of meat, bring him in. Oh, we got Trevor right here. Sweet little Trevor. He's bringing us our Chick-fil-A. Thanks, man. And Bao. Thank you.
Oh, okay. It's not blowing the cold air anymore. Nice. Whoa. Definitely, definitely silent in here now all of a sudden. Yeah, everyone heard that little slip of the tongue. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm embarrassed now. It's like now we started the recording. We've just been chatting this whole time. I got like a half iced tea, half lemonade scenario. Okay, he's getting in there right now. Audio listeners, love you to death. Shlatt is investigating inside the Chick-fil-A bags.
I got a red fries if there's a red fries in there. Any red fries in there? Oh, yeah. My favorite, I think we may have talked about this on the pod. My favorite thing a lot of the time to get from Chick-fil-A is to get these waffle fries. Is to get these waffle fries and dip them in the cookies and cream shake. If you haven't tried that, I think that Chick-fil-A has one of the best...
like salt ratio on their fries than a lot of other fast food places did we talk about they're always soggy they're always soggy i've always whenever i get ordered in la they're always coming crisp not here yeah this would spell some trouble for my ability to like do the dipping um did we talk about the the dairy queens in texas when we were on that on that one episode yeah
So Tucker, Emma, and I, we visited that. You went to the Mayfield DQ? Yeah, we went to the Mayfield DQ that was spoken about, which is just one family that since the 1950s, I think. Yeah, yeah. They hijacked the Dairy Queen brand and used it to kind of spin off a better version of Dairy Queens. Yeah, called Mayfield Dairy Queens. It even shows up differently when you're on Google Maps and you're going to it. So it was very easy to find.
And, you know, I guess I haven't been to the other Dairy Queens in Austin, Texas. But I personally maybe was like – had sort of a confirmation bias going on a little bit where I was like ready for this to be good. So I got a burger and I was like, man, this is like fresher. I was like, this is fresher than a normal burger. Tucker was sort of more –
negative about it, I think. - I think the Mayfield, I like to think that the Mayfield family was just so upset with the state of Dairy Queens in Austin. - Like they must have just been really big Dairy Queen fans back in the 50s. - Yeah, I think they were. And then they're just like, fuck it, we'll do it better. - Well, they're not. - What? - They're not doing it better. - They're not doing it better? - No. - Did you go to any other non-Mayfield DQ here? - Are you a big Dairy Queen person in general? Like how often do you go to Dairy Queens, Tucker? - Probably once every five, 10 years.
I'm going to Dairy Queen. Oh, five, ten years? What are you talking about? Well, also, you're 25. My first memory was when I was in five. My second memory was at ten. What are you talking about? You could have gone a maximum of five times and a minimum of, what, twice? Forget the regular Dairy Queen. The Mayfield one we went to was pretty trash. The fries were ass. Oh, fuck off. No.
No. Okay, you're a well-renowned picky eater. Okay? Terrible food preference. Well, I'll tell you one thing. You and I
Both ordered cheese curds, and we both finished them. The cheese curds were the best thing there. They were good. They were good cheese curds. And you brought up an interesting point about cheese curds. You've got to eat them first. Yeah, you can't let them cool off. Because they'll start to harden. Then you get that squeaky cheese. Same thing with mozzarella sticks, though. I mean, you really want that shit when it's cheesy and stringy and delicious. But, yeah, the cheese curds were good there. I really like, at Dairy Queen, how you can get a mini...
blizzard like a mini tiny little mini it's like this big right yeah mini blizzard yeah and it was perfect it was perfect maybe maybe it's amazing it was like the size of that gamer sups really yeah that's so cute yeah no it was fantastic because like i realized recently oh my god oh my god probably didn't even pick up in the microphones trevor just started falling over himself tripping falling screaming um
I realized recently, with just ice creams in general, I'm okay with just a taste. Just a taste. Just a dip in to the zone. I got myself a Butterfinger Blizzard. Good choice. That's what I was saying, too. Tucker had his own little fucking qualms with that choice. And he was like, oh, I like cookies and cream. I'm like, go to a fucking...
Go to any other store. Where are you getting Butterfinger? Yeah, you're not getting Butterfinger anywhere else. It's like a better McFlurry, basically. Yeah, and I totally agree with you that you only need a small size. Because what always happens with any place that offers ice cream with toppings on it is that the toppings are always at the best and the most dense at the top. Right. So, like, we got a McFlurry yesterday. You did. All the Oreo was at the top. Yeah.
The bottom 80% of a fucking McFlurry is just vanilla ice cream. Yeah. And you know what? It's terrible. Well, honestly, that might have just been a bad mixing job because the whole point of the McFlurry. They never mix it. No, they don't mix it. They didn't McFlur it. They designed spoons specifically to mix them, and they never fucking use it. They never mix the McFlurry. Yeah. Those spoons are weird.
Why are they so... There's so much plastic. I would... It's the mixer. They hook it to the machine. It's like a drill bit. They don't, though. They don't do it. Every McFoyer I've ever gotten, the Oreo's just fucking thrown on top. Really? That's how they put it on the machine? Oh. It's like a drill bit. Why? But I'm saying they don't do this. I'm confused on why they do that, though. That is so interesting.
Maybe less of a mess. It's less to clean. Yeah, I get... Well, it's honestly probably good for speed if they just, like, put everything in there, then they put the spoon in, then they don't need to, like, pull shit out or anything like that. But... They don't do it. They don't. I mean, I'm... McDonald's is known for having a broken McFlur machine most of the time. So... But, you know...
you walk into a Dairy Queen and it's like that's half their MO is making... They're the queen of dairy. It's half of the menu that, by the way, wrapped around the side too where it was like... It was tight in there. It was tight. We're talking 20% of that was food items and then the rest of it was like every flavor known to man of ice cream that you could get. But I think that in general, like it...
You said that the burger was kind of like a Whopper. I will say the fries were a little bit disappointing. Okay. But I'm not expecting Dairy Queen to have the best fries in the world. I mean, but maybe at Mayfield, I would have. I would have. If fries are on the menu, they should be good. That's fair. That's a fair point. Yeah. Yeah. I think that it's more about just adjusting your expectations for the place that you're at, you know? Yeah. Which was, they were high. And we were at a Mayfield Dairy Queen, and we were...
That was high. But I enjoyed myself. I thought it was fine. I think that we should go to a Terry Black's or something while we're out here, though. Yeah, we should. We should. For our video watchers, you're all right. We've taken over the set, so we've got the Chuckle Sandwich logo on the screen there. You know that we're in town. We're in town. So maybe if you ever watch the, what is it, Steak and Eggs podcast? Steak and Eggs. Steak and Eggs? Yeah. I thought it was like Noodle and Ramen or something. No. No.
Noodle shop? Noodle house? The noodle shop became Steak and Eggs. So this is Steak and Eggs now. But now it's Chuckle Sandwich. I mean, everyone's, in a way, you could consider that everyone's been kind of like doing their food-based stuff after us. You know what I mean? We're trailblazers in a lot of regards. A lot of regards. I guarantee you people are going to start doing the SpeakPipe, too, because that's just gold. I haven't seen it yet, but I think that...
You know who's going to do it? And I'm looking at you, Nick Vecchio. I bet the Yard's going to do it. I bet the Yard's going to do it. They love us. They love us. They do. And we love them. I love Nick Vecchio. Have you met him? You met him. You were on the pod. You were on the Yard. Nick and I are sort of twin flames in a way. You're both directors. Yeah, we're both directors. Did you see the recent one that he did for the Marvel Snap? No. It was this like, I'll show it to you, Tucker, too. I'll show it to you as well, Shlatt. I'll show it to both of you actually at the same time.
It's like Ludwig in a car and then he's like gets mad about something. And then it's like this whole thing about how he suddenly becomes like this hacker in like a 90s basement or something. And he's got like the fingerless gloves and he's like typing on the computer and he's like doing like all this like very sort of kitschy like like hacking stuff. And it's just shot really well. It's just it's it's very immersive. Like I just loved it. And I thought he thought he did a great job with that.
Yeah, I love Nick. I love him. He's good. He's a good guy. He took me to his favorite. He's just so effortlessly cool. He took me to his favorite steakhouse in Los Angeles, though. Not good. Did not compare to Boa. Really? Yeah, and I bought a bunch of different Wagyu's. What was the steakhouse? Hmm? What was the steakhouse? Was it Perry's? Was I there? Perry's, I think. I've never been to Perry's before. Wait, no. Perry's is in Austin. This is incorrect information. Oh, okay. I shouldn't have said that. That's just wrong. Oh.
Yeah, but I don't know. He took me to it, and I ordered the best of the best, and it was just not there. Really? The Kagoshima, the Iwate, and the Snowbee. I will say. Can't compare to that. I feel like you show up at a restaurant, and if Wagyu's on there, immediately your brain goes to it being as good as Bo-O, when it just never... There was that one time we went to...
In Silver Lake, we went to a vegetarian restaurant. Mostly vegetarian restaurant. You know what I'm talking about. They offered Wagyu strips or something. Did I get it? You got the Wagyu and then you had a couple bites and you didn't want it anymore. Oh yeah, I remember that. It was terrible. You were so mad. I thought it was funny that you even thought that that was going to be good in the first place. Am I going to get a vegan pizza instead?
I'd rather take a stab at the Wagyu, see if it's good. I think in general it probably wasn't the best restaurant. You know, the vegan pizza was also a little bit of a struggle. That place sucked. Yeah. Dude, it sucked so bad. It was terrible. I think a lot of people didn't like what they got there anyways. So, like, there was, like, a lot of leftovers. But, yeah, we've got some big plans. We actually, for Chuckle, for those of you who are usually strictly audio listeners, love you to death.
And have been putting off being a video watcher or for those of you who are video watchers, but you put us on in the background to do homework. Um,
We are going to be maybe releasing in the future some specials. Some Chuckle specials. Two of them. Yeah. Two Chuckle specials are upcoming in the next month or so that you guys should look out for. They will be our first sort of like actual specials on the Chuckle Sandwich channel. They're like videos that you can watch and you can give us views and you can watch the ads and give us money. True. True. And we're really excited about those. We already got one film that we thought went excellent.
And we're going on one tomorrow. And we're going on one tomorrow. Big old trip. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like we should maybe for that. One of them is a secret, but the other one I think maybe we should build hype for. Okay. What do you think? Sure. We're going to a gun range. It's more than that, Ted. Yeah. We're going to the gun range.
The Ox Ranch. The DriveTanks.com. Yeah, the Drive Tanks Ranch. And we're going to drive some fucking tanks, baby. We're going to drive some tanks. And shoot a flamethrower. And a Barrett .50 cal and an M2 Browning. That is true. There's a chance that if at this point when this episode comes out, I may have already updated the Chuckle Sandwich intro. Maybe. So there's probably evidence of what we shot on that day. Yeah.
in the intro now because we'll have made a point of, you know, there's probably a clip of Tucker in there somewhere. Have you been seeing this? People are freaking out about it. What? They want Tucker in the intro? They want Tucker in the intro. They want him upgraded from a cherub into something more dangerous. Something more? Something more. Do you think he deserves that? A 50 gunner?
That'd be pretty fitting. Wait, that's the timeline there? You go from a cherub to a .50 Cal gunner? Well, I was originally a .50 Cal gunner, and then I got demoted to cherub. I'd like to reattain that. When were you a .50 Cal gunner? I don't remember that. 29 Palms. Oh, okay. Well, what were you when you got out? You were a sergeant when you got out?
Let's say corporal. I got sergeant after I got out. I never wore it. I was just awarded after. But corporal, yeah. Technically, we could lose Tucker at any point. If war broke out... No, contract ends in three months, four months. On my birthday. Okay, in the next four months, if China invades Taiwan...
then, you know, we might lose Tucker because after you get out of the Marines, you know this? After you get out of the Marines, you do four years of reserves. Yeah, it's an eight-year bid. So we actually do have an active or not active duty, but we have a real current Marine on the podcast. Your current? It's called IRR.
Yeah, whatever that means. But they'll know. What's above a sergeant? Staff sergeant. Okay, so it's cherub in many ways in terms of like the world. It's more of a staff sergeant type position. Yeah, honestly, yeah, it is. Yeah, you're definitely making staff sergeant money in comparison. Yeah, yeah, and I'm trying to get you guys on time at the right place. Yeah, how much? I'm looking at the roster.
How much does a Marine get paid? Not much at all. Like $20,000 a year. Yeah, it's not a lot. It's like minimum wage. It feels like it's less than minimum wage. But you get free boarding, right? No, it just comes out of your paycheck before you see it. Oh. And so does your food and stuff. Interesting. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think they get paid federal minimum wage, which is $7.50. If you're there for the pay, you're there for the wrong reasons. Yeah. The benefits after, though, are good. People usually go there so they can save money in the long run so they can go to college. Like, Tucker's going to college right now off of the GI Bill. I'm getting paid to go. They pay me every month. I get a check. Nice. Yeah, so it's... For some people...
It is an incredibly reasonable thing to do. Yeah, a lot of veterans don't even know about the home loan option. Yeah, and he's got a whole great thing with Navy Fed. You get 0% down, up to $500,000 on a house. Wow.
Yeah, pretty good, right? This is such a boring adult shit we're talking about right now. But there's a lot of it, you know? And if any of you out there have seen that fucking Marine commercial, you know, he's got the fire sword, he's fighting the lava monster, the magma creature. That's so outdated now. They shouldn't be, though. We've got to upscale that. We've got to remaster that shit. What were we doing not buying houses ten years ago, you and me? We were probably, I don't know, fucking jerking off, learning how to jerk off, probably.
Yeah. I figured out a jerk off by then. I knew how to jerk off at 15. I knew how to jerk off at 15. I knew. I knew. We should have been putting 10% down FHA loan. Well, FHA loans like 3% down. God, I don't even know what that means. Look up FHA loan money down. Why? OK. Ted, this is a lesson for you.
3.5%. Yeah, FHA back loan. Yeah, that's good. But then you have to live there. That's not a rental property loan you're getting. What does that mean? First home buyer something. If you're buying your first house, you can get a loan for it that has better terms, basically. Oh, to incentivize people to buy that are maybe not normally eligible.
Or can't put more money down on it. It looks like only in Texas, though. What? Well, it says when obtaining a back loan in Texas. Well, you can get one anywhere. That's a government thing. Oh, okay. I think. I'm getting really, really freaking cold. It's been like an hour. Breaking here. Christ. But listen, Chucklers.
It's only going to get better. It's only going to get better from here. We're in person again pretty soon, honestly. This is probably the fastest turnaround from Chuckle Week to Chuckle Weekend turnaround. It's going to get better. The next three or four weeks of Chuckle Sandwich are going to be great. And then we'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming. Well, not necessarily. Not necessarily, Shad. We'll have a little bit of changes. We'll have a little bit of changes. We'll have a little bit of changes.
These are such interesting responses to me. But thanks for listening to this episode, Chucklers. Hope you're doing well. We're here in Austin. It's going to seem like we're here for weeks, but we're not. We're excited for you to see what we're working on. We're really, really excited. We got someone coming in very soon, and we're very excited about it. And we love you. Bye.